TNT Magazine / Issue 1537 by TNT Magazine

G E CO T LO A VE

S T O SH

NICE SHOES, W A N NA ROOT

E T I B ME

L I C K MY EA R , NO W

N SH ICE WA OE S RO NN , OT A ?

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SHOTS

BE MY BABY MAMA

NICE SHOES, W A N NA ROOT?

Try a weed-free S, E on the water Sweekend

A C A R U PL Y M

S, S A CE R U P LA MY

GET UR COAT, LOVE

We go cruising the bottom of the world

CHILLING IN AMDAM

, SS CE A R P LA U Y M

MY LICK NO W EAR,

S, E S A C A R ANTARCTIC U PL Y ADVENTURE M

GET CO LOV

Our pick of top afternoon teas

N SH ICE W A O E S, R O N NA OT ?

TS O H

CE , NI OES A N SH AN T? W OO R

H O T S ?

OR TWO?

A SIX-DAY TRIP TO OKTOBERFEST IN OUR TRAVEL BLOGGING COMP!

BE M BAB Y MA Y MA

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WIN!

ICE SH OE WANN S, A ROOT?

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MY LICK EAR

R TU E G AT, CO E LOV

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BIT E ME

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NIC February SHO E11-17 2013 Issue 1537 tntmagazine.com WA ES N R O NA OT?

GE TU CO R AT, LO VE ISSUE 1537 / £1.95

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06/02/2013 17:26:51

LAURA CHUBB EDITOR laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

EDITOR’S LETTER You’d think that with so many eligible hotties in London, it’d be easy to meet a special someone. But from the various horror stories I’m always hearing from my single friends, the dating game is more complicated these days than ever before. So, seeing as it’s Valentine’s Day this week, we’ve sent TNT’s solitary singleton out to learn how to cut the bullshit and just get talking to someone you like (P26). Read, learn, then go forth and pull.

THIS WEEK

LONDONDIARY 4 LONDONNEWS 6 DRINK & EATS

12+13

@TNT 14 SPOTTED

LONDON SOUND 18

CHATROOM TELEN RODWELL 23 LONDON SCENE

LONDON FOCUS 26

FEATURES

SPARE TIME

TITILLATING TEAS

LIFESTYLE 32-37 HEALTH & BEAUTY 32 MONEY 35

V-DAY CRASH COURSE

LIVING 36

TNT’s token singleton learns a lesson in love from the London School of Attraction

NEWS & SPORT

38-48

TRAVEL 51-71 DIARY 52 NEWS 53 LATE DEALS 56 Photos: Andy Westbrook/TNT; Getty; Tony Rusecki

Afternoon tea is as British as it comes, but you should try our twisted treats

COMPETITION

HOTSHOTS 59 TOP FIVE 60 TIPS & STUFF 62

GAY VOWS IN THE UK

Australia urged to ditch “embarrassing” gay marriage laws after landmark UK bill

STAR ON THE RISE

Oz batter Meg Lanning is taking the Women’s Cricket World Cup by storm

NOT THE ’DAM WEED

We do the Dutch capital on its famous canals, and highly recommend it

SHORT BREAK 64

WORLD’S END

CLASSIFIEDS 72-97

TNT meets penguins and risks freezing to death on a stunning Antarctic adventure

DESPERATELY SEEKING

8 TNTMAGAZINE.COM

EDITORIAL Group editor Carol Driver Editor Laura Chubb Content editors: Sub/ Sport Michael Gadd Travel Helen Elfer Entertainment Alasdair Morton Web Oliver Jones Social media Dan Thorne Contributors Daisy Carrington; Charlotte Maguire

LONDONDIARY

@tntmagazine

Trash talk: a London dustman circa 1851

DESIGN AND PRODUCTION Head of design and production Jon Cooke SALES Commercial director David Alstin Sales manager Jaqui Ward Sales executive Nichole Davis Sales administrator Abby Nightingale MARKETING & EVENTS Marketing and events executive Phoebe Cherrill ACCOUNTS Margaret Roberts | Suzanne Welsh TNT MULTIMEDIA LTD CEO Kevin Ellis Chairman Ken Hurst PUBLISHER TNT Multimedia Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP SAPA NZPA PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 16 Brune St, London, E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com General enquiries Phone 020 7953 8469 Fax 020 7953 7957 Email enquiries@tntmagazine.com

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COVER PRICE: £1.95 where sold SEE tntmagazine.com/findtnt for pick-up points or tntmagazine.com/emag to read TNT online SUBSCRIPTIONS AND DISTRIBUTION Caroline Penn 01603 559004 All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted.

This brand-new walking tour promises to show off a London you never thought you wanted to see, taking punters on a two-mile rummage of the city’s historic landfills and rubbish dumps. Yes, it literally is a rubbish tour. You’ll be escorted over the Isle of Dogs and under the river to Greenwich, stumbling across historic relics cast off to various trash heaps along the way. The one hour and 45 minutes-long tour will be full of surprises and incredible insights into London’s rubbish past. A scrap of junk food is included in the price. £8

Feb 17, 11am. Booking essential Meet by the entrance to Platform 2 at

00 4

TNTMAGAZINE.COM TNTMAGAZINE.COM

dotmakertours.co.uk

WHAT WOULD BEYONCÉ DO?

BRUCE NAUMAN: MINDFUCK

LONDON CABARET AWARDS

Luisa Omielan’s Edinburgh fest hit comes down south, in which the 30-year-old wonders how her life went so tits up – speed dating in a wedding dress, breaking up shit in the loo after her little brother blocked it, etc. Then a moment of clarity: “What would Beyoncé do?” Top night out for all the single ladies this Valentine’s Day.

The human body and mind, the link between the two, and our base instincts formed the cornerstone of Nauman’s Seventies and Eighties work. This collection of neon designs and installations shows his psychoanalytical investigations into mankind’s subconscious, and four upside down men sucking each other off. Yup.

The second annual celebration of London’s cabaret talent is set to unfold with shortlisted artists and groups competing in fields such as best alternative performer and best drag act. There’ll be performances from Sarah-Louise Young and Folly Mixtures, compered by the eyecatching Divine Miss Em.

Feb 12-16, 9.15pm Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE Tott Crt Rd sohotheatre.com

Until Mar 9, Tue-Sat, 10am-6pm W1S 2ET Oxford Circus hauserwirth.com

Feb 13, 7pm Royal Vauxhall Tavern, SE11 5HY Vauxhall rvt.org.uk

£15+

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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Business Design Centre Islington | N1 0QH Sat March 9 & Sun March 10 Beat it: ex-Bill cop Clive Wedderburn leads the last tours of Sun Hill station

THE BILL FAREWELL TOUR Vauxhall

After 27 years fans said farewell to British cop-drama The Bill in 2010, but its presence has remained at the Wimbledon Film & Television Studio where it was shot. But soon the studio will be gone, and with it this tour, a reminder of how awesome mean-as-fuck DI Burnside and Tosh were. Get your last look at Sun Hill Police Station and heaps more with these final chances to reminisce, guided by Clive Wedderburn, who played PC Gary McCann. Photos: Illustration from Henry Mayhew’s London Labour and the London Poor (1851); dotmakertours.co.uk

£35

Feb 17 & 24, Mar 3, 10 & 17, 12pm & 2pm Wimbledon Wimbledon Studios, SW19 3TL

wimbledonstudios.com

THE SPACE

TONGUE FU

This Paris concept store holes up in the capital at Austique to coincide with London Fashion Week. It’s best described as an ultra-hip fashion and creative space, where you can mingle with super-trendy types and grab yourself some styles (Parker, Camilla & Marc and more) that’ll rule S/S 2013.

The startling spoken word and improv magic, which combines live music, poetry and all kinds of experimentation, takes to the stage of the stunning Royal Albert Hall. Performers include jazz and hip-hop saxophonist Soweto Kinch, 2012 outstanding female storyteller award-winner Jan Blake and wordsmith Chris Redmond.

FREE

Feb 14-21, Mon-Fri, 10.30am-7pm; Sun, 12pm-5pm SW3 5UR South Kensington austique.co.uk

£15

Feb 19, 8pm SW7 2AP South Kensington tonguefu.co.uk

tnttravelshow.com

LONDONNEWS

@tntmagazine

MAN FALLS 80FT FROM BALCONY IN WESTFIELD Shoppers got a shock last week when a man plunged 80ft from a balcony at Westfield Stratford City, landing on and injuring a passer-by. Both men were taken to the Royal London Hospital with serious injuries. They were kept in overnight. Witnesses told how a man was dangling by his hands and shouting before falling, landing on a pedestrian. One Twitter user posted: “Just saw a dude jump to commit suicide.” A Met spokesman said there were not believed to be any suspicious circumstances.

It’s funny to be here, in this very nice zoo This quote isn’t the only ‘funny’ thing about pianist Richard Clayderman’s appearance at London Zoo last week, where he played for a pair of Galapagos tortoises in the hope it would encourage them to mate. It didn’t

HALF OF WOMEN FEEL UNSAFE ON THE TUBE Almost half of women in London would not feel safe travelling on a late-running Tube, a new poll by YouGov has found. Last week it was announced Transport for London is considering extending the Underground’s operating hours until 2am at weekends. However, 45 per cent of women surveyed said they would feel “unsafe” at this time of night on the Underground. Would you feel safe on the Tube at 2am? Tell us: letters@tntmagazine.com.

ON THE TUBE THIS WEEKEND’S CLOSURES/WORKS

CENTRAL: No service between Woodford and Loughton, and between Woodford and Hainault via Grange Hill, all weekend.

CIRCLE: No service all weekend. HAMMERSMITH & CITY: No service between King’s Cross St Pancras and Moorgate all weekend.

METROPOLITAN: No service between

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Londoners are most healthy People in the capital have the best diets of everyone in Britain Londoners have the best diets in Britain, but spend much more on housing, new official figures show. The capital is the only region in England where fewer than 100g of sweets and chocolates are consumed per person each week, according to the Office for National Statistics. In fact, Londoners come the closest in the country to hitting the five-a-day target for fruit and veg, with 1188g of vegetables and 1337g of fruit eaten weekly per person. So if anyone has a go at you for ordering a wanky organic veg box, you can tell them it’s because you’re an uberhealthy cosmopolitan. According to the ONS survey: “Regions that contained households with lower

incomes spent less on fresh produce ... and spent more on less healthy foods such as cakes, buns and biscuits, when compared with other English regions. “The opposite is true for regions with households that had higher incomes such as London, where households spent more on fresh fruit and vegetables.” However, perhaps unsurprisingly, Londoners spend more on going out to eat than any other region, and have to splash more cash on housing and public transport than other Brits. The study showed that housing costs suck up 15.9 per cent of household budgets in London, compared with a national average of 12.8 per cent. Say it with us: humph.

THIS WEEK IN LONDON... Strike a pose, you beauties: London Fashion Week kicks off this Friday, bringing the best new designs to the capital until February 19. Collections including the slut-tastic sounding ‘Rihanna for River Island’ will be launched at the five-day event, while an exhibition of London’s ready-to-wear and accessories brands sets up camp at Somerset House. But, really, who cares about the clothes? Far more exciting will be to see which supermodels and designers fall out of London’s clubs over the weekend. LFW is right up there with the other big three – New York, Milan and Paris Fashion Weeks – so our streets should be inundated with famous hotties. Keep ‘em peeled. More at londonfashionweek.co.uk

Rihanna unveils her new line at London Fash Week

Photos:Getty; Thinkstock

Wembley Park, Uxbridge and Northwood and between Baker Street and Aldgate all weekend. Rail replacement buses operate.

Roll up!: Stall holder Tony Vinter looks happy as London’s most famous food market re-opens after three years as a building site

ANGLO PACIFIC SHIPPING & TAX 30th Anniversary OVER 500,000 SATISFIED CUSTOMERS HAVE ALREADY TRUSTED THEIR POSSESSIONS TO ANGLO PACIFIC, LONDON’S LEADING SHIPPERS EXCESS BAGGAGE > Free supply of tea cartons and bubble > Free delivery/collection within M25 > By sea/air/road worldwide > Money Back Guarantee HOUSEHOLD REMOVALS > Free home survey, no obligation > Packed by skilled professionals > Shared or exclusive containers > Motor car/bike specialist shippers TAX REBATES > Average refund £963 secured last year > Online Tax Pack, only 10% commission MONEY TRANSFERS > Competitive exchange rates FINANCIAL PROTECTION > Bonded by the British Association of Removers > Bonded by the Association of Tax Agents > FIDI Accredited International Mover

www.anglopacific.co.uk SO BEFORE YOU CHECK OUT OF EUROPE CHECK OUT ANGLO PACIFIC

FREEPHONE 0800 151 3511 Anglo Pacific International Plc, 5/9 Willen Field Road, Park Royal, London, NW10 7BQ Email: baggage@anglopacific.co.uk Hours: Mon-Fri 8.30am - 6.00pm Sat 9am-1pm

TNT_1537_07 7

08/02/2013 15:30:04

Vintage vixens: take tea with these ladies

High time for tea The afternoon tea is one of London’s longest-held traditions. Here are our favourite spreads with a twist Words LAURA CHUBB & JADE BREMNER You’d be hard pushed to find anything more quintessentially English than the afternoon tea. Centuries-old tradition, a jolly spiffing slice of cake or two and a brew – no wonder it's never gone out of fashion. But that’s not to say London’s afternoon teas haven’t begun mixing it up a bit for the modern day. We’ve noticed a new wave of twists on the traditional tea sweeping the city, which is why we’ve put together TNT’s ultimate guide to London’s best. Afternoon tea is all about decadence and indulgence, and you don’t get much more sinful than Afternoon Tease!, which serves a side of burlesque with your sponge. Once a month, this saucy event at the Volupté Lounge near Chancery Lane invites you to enjoy a full spread (pardon the pun) while ladies sporting feathers, fans and stockings are on hand to entertain. Tempest Rose, one of Afternoon Tease!’s smoking hot performers, tells TNT: “We encourage our audiences to cheer and stamp their feet whenever they see something they like. The audiences laugh, whoop and get thoroughly entertained.” Each Tease party features a series 8

of naughty shows, during which a bevy of women dance, sing, act and ... um ... improvise. Joining them is seldom frowned upon. As well as burlesque performances to get involved in and finger sarnies and warm scones to stuff down, Afternoon Tease! provides Gateaux Vivants – static nudie ladies dotted about the place, covering their bits with cakes. This is art. Appreciate it. If Afternoon Tease! is London’s naughtiest afternoon tea, then the TeaTox at Brown’s hotel in Mayfair is the one to wash away your sins. Reposition your halo with this healthier take on an afternoon binge, where sandwiches are served on rye bread and flourless chocolate cake makes your scoffing that bit more excusable. “It’s not a lesser option from a deliciousness point of view,” insists Sophie Darley, communications manager at Brown’s. “Anyone eating this alongside a friend who’s tucking into the traditional version of our tea wouldn’t feel left out.” Dishes include smoked mackerel – which is high in health-boosting Omega-3 – served with soft-boiled quail’s egg; smoked chicken and

guacamole on spelt bread (“It’s great for digestion and has a lovely, nutty flavour,” reckons Darley); fruit skewers with yoghurt and honey; and sugarfree orange cake baked with low-fat crème fraîche and smothered with a yoghurt topping. And if you go for the champagne option, you’ll be served a low-calorie Dosnon and Lepage ExtraBrut. Bonus. Super-chef Mark Hix is director of food at Brown’s, and as such the TeaTox is very much focused on seasonality (in keeping with Hix’s food philosophy), giving you yet another reason to feel extra-good and smug. Neither of these tickle your fancy? There are plenty more to tempt you over the page, from a gents’ version with Jack Daniel’s to the Mad Hatter’s. BEST AFTERNOON TEAS ›› Afternoon Tease! Next show March 2, 2.30pm-5pm. £42. Volupté, 9 Norwich Street, EC4A 1EJ Chancery Lane timefortease.co.uk Tea-Tox. Mon-Thur, 3pm-6pm; Fri, 2pm-6pm; Sat-Sun, 12pm6.30pm. £39.50; add £10 for champagne. Brown’s Hotel, Albemarle Street, W1S 4BP Green Park brownshotel.com

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1537 FINAL LONDON Listings.indd 8

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GATHER UP YOUR FRIENDS FOR 2013! GROUP DEALS FREE SPOT FOR GROUP ORGANISER*

Naughty, but nice: indulge at Afternoon Tease!

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www.sail-croatia.com 1537 FINAL LONDON Listings.indd 9

08/02/2013 10:39:33

SKETCH AFTERNOON TEA MAYFAIR £34 At Sketch – a space for food, art and music spread over two sprawling floors in an 18th-century building – the tea is as much a feast for the eyes as the tastebuds. Never mind that you’re seated in what very much resembles a fairytale forest (below); beautifully presented macaroons, caviar and quail egg and diddy sandwiches look good enough to, well, eat. The venue is the brainchild of French mega-chefs Mourad Mazouz and Pierre Gagnaire, so expect it to be special. Daily, from 1pm 9 Conduit Street, W1S 2XG Oxford Circus sketch.uk.com

MAD HATTER’S TEA CENTRAL LONDON

Prêt-à-Portea KNIGHTSBRIDGE If you’re planning on taking tea during London Fashion Week (Feb 15-19), you couldn’t find a better spot than this, darling. The designer spread changes every six months to follow changing fashion trends, serving up, for example, cakes in the shape of Manolo Blahnik pumps or a Marc Jacobs double-breasted chocolate biscuit blazer. £39

For a homely option, these pretty tea rooms in Hackney (true, ‘pretty’ and ‘Hackney’ rarely go together, but the venue really does smack of countrycute) serve up pots of brew, sandwiches, cakes and scones for just £20 per person, or they’ll chuck in a glass of Prosecco for an extra £3. A deposit of £5 per person is required when booking. £20

Sat & Sun, 2pm-5pm 155 Stoke Newington Church Street, N16 0UH Stoke Newington thetearooms.org

Daily, 11am-5.30pm 50 Berners Street, W1T 3NG Goodge Street; Tottenham Court Road sandersonlondon.com

Daily, 1pm-5.30pm Berkeley Hotel, Wilton Place, Knightsbridge, SW1X 7RL Knightsbridge the-berkeley.co.uk

AFTERNOON TEA IN THE ORANGERY GREENWICH

THE LANESBOROUGH AFTERNOON TEA CENTRAL LONDON

Possibly London’s cheapest afternoon tea, this little stunner in The Fan Museum’s Orangery includes tea/ coffee, cakes and scones, but is so popular you’ll have to book early.

Along with all the usual trimmings, this tea has a USP in that it provides guests with the expertise of England’s first tea sommelier. Seriously. Heaven for tea geeks.

Tue & Sun, 2.30pm & 3.45pm 12 Crooms Hill, SE10 8ER Cutty Sark thefanmuseum.org.uk

Daily, 4pm-6pm Hyde Park Corner, SW1X 7TA Hyde Park Corner lanesborough.com

DEAN STREET TOWNHOUSE SOHO

THE GORING victoria

£6

THE TEA ROOMS stoke newington

Held within the Courtyard Garden of the uber-posh Sanderson hotel, you’re invited to “tumble down the rabbit hole” for an Alice In Wonderland-themed afternoon (below). Alas, this is strictly without fancy dress or even a host of barmy characters, plumping instead for an exercise in “culinary whimsy”. We think they mean cakes and stuff that they’ve shaped in tandem with the theme. £35

£38

£16.75 This is a supercheap deal considering the locale: a four-storey Georgian townhouse in the heart of Soho. You can add on extras at a price, such as buttered crumpets for £3, too. Go binge on a budget.

Overlooking some of London’s very prettiest manicured gardens, this genteel affair comes with the best view of anything listed here. In winter, enjoy tea by the fire as you gaze out at the lawns, or go al fresco in summer. And look out for the mulled wine jelly.

Daily, 3pm-6pm 69-71 Dean Street, W1D 3SE Tottenham Court Road deanstreettownhouse.com

Daily, 3pm-4pm Beeston Place, SW1W 0JW Victoria thegoring.com

£37.50

THE MODERN PANTRY clerkenwell Being a modern pantry, the spread here looks beyond classic Brit fare to international flavours for inspiration, incorporating the likes of wasabi into its sandwiches and green tea into its scones. We hear the cherry brownies are particularly moreish, too. You can also plump for trendy Caravan coffee over tea. £15

Mon-Sat, 3pm-5pm 47-48 St John’s Square, EC1V 4JJ Barbican themodernpantry.co.uk

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GRAND IMPERIAL victoria

CLARIDGE’S AFTERNOON TEA MAYFAIR £40 Continually winning awards from the prestigious Tea Guild, this is as good as tradition gets. Served on fine china in the hotel’s Foyer and Reading Room (below), you can expect the usual finger sandwiches and pastries, but done to absolute perfection. There are also 40 types of tea to choose from and freshly baked apple and raisin scones with clotted cream. Reserve well in advance. Daily at 1pm, 3pm, 3.30pm, 5pm or 5.30pm Brook Street, Mayfair, W1K 4HR Bond Street claridges.co.uk

This elegant Cantonese restaurant’s take on tea (below) is as refreshing a deviation from the norm as it is utterly delicious. The likes of prawn and spinach dumplings and deep-fried black cod rolls kick things off, with a light crispy duck salad and then an egg tart with mango and sago cream rounding the afternoon out. It’s £20 for two people, or a reasonable £28 with two glasses of champers. £20

GENTLEMEN’S AFTERNOON TEA CENTRAL LONDON Think afternoon tea is all about girls nibbling tiny sandwiches and quaffing bubbly? Man up at this gents’ version, a red meat feast of steak, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, mini-burger, lamb hotpot and rabbit, rounded off with chocolate fudge cake, a tankard of Jack Daniel’s and a cigar. Natch. £50

Daily, 12pm-5pm 101 Buckingham Palace Road, SW1W 0SJ Victoria grandimperiallondon.com

Daily, 3pm-5pm Sanctum Soho Hotel, 20 Warwick Street, W1B 5NF Piccadilly Circus sanctumsoho.com

Athenaeum AFTERNOON TEA mayfair £29.50 Winner of the Tea Guild's best tea in 2012, and with a 'living wall' of plants to look at. Obvs.

The gorgeous garden view makes this tea – be sure to ask for a seat on the Wood Deck if visiting in summer.

Daily, 12.30pm-7pm 16 Piccadilly, W1J 7BJ Piccadilly Circus athenaeumhotel.com

Daily, 12pm-6pm 15 Montague Street, WC1B 5BJ Russell Square montaguehotel.com

ROSE TEA CENTRAL LONDON

BOND & BROOK CENTRAL LONDON

Designed by fourtime winner of 'Britain's Best Chocolatier' William Curley and his Japanese wife Suzue, this special twist on tea includes cakes and desserts with notes of wasabi, jasmine, yuzu and green tea running through them. There's also a selection of Japanese teas and infusions to choose from. Must be booked 48 hours in advance.

Set in the archetypal British stately home environment – and overlooking Hyde Park, no less – the Park Room and Library at the Grosvenor House offers a rose-themed tea with rosé wine (for an extra tenner), rose-flavoured cream on your scones, rose-flavoured cakes and the rare Golden Rose Heart tea.

On the second floor of the Fenwick department store, this glam restaurant is girlie style heaven, with its huge silver cocktail bar, shelves of fashion books and oversized perfume bottles decorating the walls. You can enjoy modest tea and scones for £8.50 or, for a tenner more, go for the full sandwiches, scones and cakes spread.

Daily, 3pm-5pm Halkin Street, SW1X 7DJ Hyde Park Corner comohotels.com/thehalkin

Daily, 2pm-6pm Park Lane, W1K 7TN Marble Arch parkroom.co.uk

Daily, from 3pm 63 New Bond St, W1A 3BS Oxford Circus rhubarb.net/venues/bond-brook

JAPANESE RITUALS AFTERNOON TEA BELGRAVIA £37.50

Photos: Tony Rusecki

THE MONTAGUE bloomsbury

£34.50

£25

£18.50

vintage afternoon tea marylebone ’The best of British’ is offered at this stylish extravaganza at the Reform Social & Grill, itself modelled on classically dapper English gentlemen’s clubs. There’s a selection of six fancies and four sarnies to tuck into, with ingredients sourced from around the British Isles, and more loose-leaf teas than you can gently shake a dainty china cup at. £26.50

Mon-Fri, 3pm-5.30pm; Sat & Sun, 12pm-5.30pm Mandeville Place, W1U 2BE Bond Street reformsocialgrill.co.uk

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LONDONDRINKS

THE SHACKLEWELL ARMS

@tntmagazine

Rock chic: an old-school music pub

PUB

A grimy hipster hangout with a strong whiff of a musty charity shop, rusty fittings and a sticky carpet. However, in a city rammed to the gills with generic chain pubs offering an authentic ‘ye olde British pub’ experience with phony antique decor, it’s a happy contrast. Plus, it’s probably one of the only small pubs in London where you can see acts such as Skrillex playing a set in the back room – a cave-like enclave – as well as some of the best up-and-coming UK indie rock bands, promoted by the likes of Rough Trade records. Quite often these gigs are free, just make sure you get there early so you don’t get the view of the back of someone’s hairy neck, or a spot in a darkened corridor. It’s the definition of a student dive pub. If you’re looking for a pleasant place for a social beer, there are more appealing options, even in Dalston. But for musos and scenesters, it’s the place to be. THE GRUB Their pie and mash (£6.50) is a welcome return for winter, while the carvery with all the trimmings is a treat on Sundays (£8.50). Also try a Hank’s Chicago-style hot dog (£7.50 with a bottle of craft ale on Saturday and Sunday). THE SCENE

Amstel, Heineken, Belhaven Stout on tap; Sam Adams by the bottle. Beers from £4 a pint; wine from £4 a glass. VERDICT With the benefit of some of the best intimate indie gigs in London, The Shacklewell Arms is essential for live music fans. DAN THORNE BEHIND THE BAR BILL PLEASE

71 Shacklewell Lane, E8 2EB

PANCAKES

Dalston Kingsland

THE BOTANIST

MY OLD DUTCH

It’s Pancake Day on Tuesday, so forget breaking eggs in your own kitchen and try some of London’s best. The blueberry pancakes with streaky bacon (£9) here make a sublime brunch ‘til 11.30am every day of the week.

This brilliant pancake house in Holborn serves up platesized pancakes that are topped like pizzas. Our fave is the Amsterdammer, which comes with sauteed apple, smoked bacon and maple syrup for £7.95.

thebotanistonsloanesquare.com

myolddutch.com

KENSINGTON CREPERIE Try crepes of every calibre here, from the healthy chicken and veg option to sinful hazlenut and chocolate cream, or the quirkier chicken tandoori. All crepes are £3-£8.50. kensingtoncreperie.com

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BITE SIZE

Wood-warm charm: suburban simplicity found in East Putney

TRIM TIPPLES London Fashion Week (February 15-19) needn’t mean taking a break from fun to concentrate on your figure. Those thoroughly decent folks at Drake & Morgan have put together a collection of calorie-conscious cocktails for would-be supermodels keen on having a good time. You can bag all three of the special drinks (Negroni Campbell, Berry Hall and Heidi Plum) for £18.95 at either The Refinery on Bankside, The Parlour in Canary Wharf, The Anthologist and The Folly in the City and The Drift on Bishopsgate. Valid until the end of LFW. Cheers! drakeandmorgan.co.uk

the king’s head Try a Heidi Plum

FLIPPIN’ GOOD FUN Get silly for a good cause this week at Greenwich Market, which is holding a series of Pancake Day races to raise money for Macmillan Cancer Support. Try sprinting with frying pan in hand from 1pm on Tuesday, February 12 – teams of four can sign up for a £5 donation. Fancy dress is encouraged and you could win some kick-ass kitchenware. Plus there are pancakes on sale all day. Email annarakitina@ grenhosp.org.uk to register. shopgreenwich.co.uk

Photos: Getty

PANCAKE POETRY Talking of Pancake Day, one of our favourite crepe-centric menus this Tuesday comes courtesy of The Water Poet in Spitalfields. Try their stilton, broccoli and Meantime Pale Ale option (£7.50 with side salad) for something totally unique, or get sweet on the warm rhubarb and amaretto frangipane with, in their own words, “proper thick custard” (£6). Yum.

BRITISH

This smart-looking gastro pub, a newly renovated former coaching inn, sits on the cusp of Richmond Park in west London and is a stone’s throw from Putney High Street. In such a semi-secluded location, with its suburban charm and green spaces all around, it’s easy to forget you’re actually a 10-minute walk from a Tube station. Grand from the outside, it’s split into bar and dining areas within, with a wood-warm decor that is hearty but never imposing or overly fussy. The grub Gastro fare usually means pub grub with inflated prices, but The King’s Head manages to combine an element of flair in its menu while still being affordable. So no prawn cocktail to start here, but there is a Hampshire venison carpaccio with horseradish and chicken, and a ham hock and pistachio terrine. We opt for the scallops and black pudding fritter, which is a tad underwhelming – it’s beautifully presented but lacking that knockout flavour combination. The accompanying haddock smokey with poached hen’s egg and toasted soldiers (that’s toast to you and I) makes up for this – it’s a gluttonous, creamy treat my date and I end up going halves on so we can both enjoy it (a choice made by her rather than me). For mains we opt for the tried and tested fish and chips (or beer battered haddock and triple cooked chips, we’re told) and bangers and mash. Again, half of our choice is spot on: the fish is generous and flavourful and the chips are crispy and fluffy, but the simplicity of the ‘London bangers’ component of the other dish leaves us longing for a little bit more spark. The satisfying cheese board and chocolate truffle dessert sends us home on a belly-filled high, though. THE SCENE

We have a bottle of the Domaine Condamine l`Eveque cabernet merlot from the varied wine list, with spirits, beers and Young’s ales on offer, too. Bill please Starters from £4.50; mains from £9; desserts from £4. Wine from £4.30 (by the glass) and beers from £3.80 a pint. verdict An easygoing and unassuming night out that doesn’t break the bank. AM Behind the bar

thewaterpoet.co.uk 1 Roehampton High Street, SW15 4HL

kingsheadsw15.co.uk

East Putney

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Re: Plane rude (TNT 1536): Flying on an airline who are usually good from Australia to Hong Kong, and I asked for a second gin & tonic. There was a long delay and when I asked again the attendant admitted staff had been told “to be careful of those Australians for drinking too much”. It was my second, not my seventh! She made me feel like a dipsomaniac on my second G&T! Diana Carroll, via email

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Re: 23-year game of tag (tntmagazine.com): Some of us (that is most of us) never out-grow our 13-year-old selves. But how about those Americans who’d been playing a game of tag for 23 years? They’re absolute legends! Mick Mathieson, via Facebook WEIRD SPAS /32 ANTARCTIC ADVENTURE /68

Re: Plane rude flight crew (TNT 1536): I enjoyed Helen Elfer’s article, but two things bug me more. I have family in Canada and visit them several times a year. Most cheap flights there leave from Gatwick so early I have to take an expensive cab or spend the night before in an airport hotel. Also, I am a vegetarian – airline food is boring enough, but why do they always have to serve a tasteless chickpea curry? Alastair MacDonald, via email Alastair wins a three-day tour of Ireland with Shamrocker shamrockeradventures.com

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Soho London Take over an established kitchen that urgently needs to be revitalized. Bring a fresh approach to classic dishes and innovative all day menus to satisfy a fashionable, creative London clientele Have an in-depth understanding of great regional and seasonal ingredients. This is a position for a super competent chef who wants to make a name for themselves and become part of a seriously progressive enterprise in central London. We run an all day operation with restaurant, events and casual bar food. The candidate will take full control and responsibility over kitchen operations. We are looking for a dynamic, hard working and honest individual to take full control and responsibility over kitchen operations. They will have experience, great organizational ability, and a creative, proactive approach.

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Epic: Muse will rock the Bush for charity

ALASDAIR MORTON FOR THE RECORD The music industry changes rapidly, in case you hadn’t noticed, which made the news last week that Sony is to stop producing MiniDisc players a retrotinged surprise. Not in a ‘shame to see them go’ way, but because no one thought they were still making them at all. MD players arrived in 1992, at an unfortunate time in portable music players’ history. Their scaling down of the CD Walkman found fans among media pros but they never caught on with the public, despite their Reefsoundtracked TV ad. Then music consumption changed, with the arrival of the iPod (no disc space needed) and latterly streaming services. So RIP MD, you will live on in the memories of the precious few who ever bought one, but are unlikely to make a cassette-style comeback – you won’t be adorning cool T-shirts anytime soon. You weren’t here long enough in the first place and sadly, you will not be missed much either.

WAR CHILD BRIT AWARDS SHOW Shepherd’s Bush Empire, W12 8TT MON, FEB 18 | DOORS AT 7PM | £50

This annual benefit gig for the War Child charity, which helps children around the world affected by conflict, has landed one of its biggest headliners in recent years for this month’s event – none other than stadium-shredding megastars Muse are set to touch down in west London. The trio of Devon-born boys have, in the space of six albums, become the biggest band on the planet. And deservedly so. They’re in the middle of a global arena tour in support of their sixth release, the ambitious and bombastic The 2nd Law, with Matt Bellamy and co. slated to play Wembley Stadium this summer. Before then, though, fans will get the chance to see them in the far more intimate surrounds of the 2000-capacity Shepherd’s Bush Empire, a chance that doesn’t come along all that often, if ever. Never ones to shy away from grandstanding, epic future-rock, Muse have built on their impressive debut, Showbiz, with its subsequent follow-ups to amass a catalogue packed with global smash singles including Plug In Baby, New Born, Time Is Running Out and The 2nd Law lead Madness. Nothing is too big for the band, no idea too OTT, as evidenced by their current tour’s unveiling of a giant upside down pyramid that descends during the performance and rotates into different positions. Now that’s the sort of show even U2 in their giant cocktail glass heyday would have bowed down to. So expect a laser-filled, hit-laden show of monolithic proportions. And remember to dig deep! Shepherd’s Bush

o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

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NEW BAND

angus stone GIG wed, feb 13. 7.30pm £16.50

Half of Angus And Julie Stone goes it alone sans little sis as he takes his heartfelt acoustic tunes from the recent solo sojourn Broken Brights and 2007’s Smoking Gun out on the road. You’d be a fool to bet against him dipping into the duo’s much adored back catalogue of folk-blues, too.

Photos: Getty

Shepherd’s Bush Empire W12 8TT Shepherd’s Bush o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk

egg presents: suara records

mr scruff

CLUB

fri, feb 15. 10pm-8am £10+

sat, feb 16. 9.30pm-3am £18

Spanish DJ and producer Coyu’s Barcelona-based Suara Records take centre stage this week, with the label head bringing along Ramon Tapia and Zombie Disco Squad for the ride. The likes of Jay Deep, Jason Smythe, Long & Harris and Lukas Greenberg will be turning up the heat across the four rooms of electro-techno-house heaven.

The turntablist terror, known as Andy Carthy to others, plays his 16th consecutive show in his residency at Camden’s classy Koko with a five-hour DJ set. He’ll be delving into his vault of sounds to bring you hip-hop, disco, electro, indie, house, reggae, funk – basically a what’swhat of music. Unrelentingly eclectic.

Egg 200 York Way, London, N7 9AX King’s Cross egglondon.net

Koko 1a Camden High Street, NW1 7JE Mornington Crescent koko.uk.com

deftones

Fabriclive: Dub Police & Roska Presents

the datsuns

GIG

CLUB

GIG

wed, feb 20. 7pm £28.50

fri, feb 15. 10pm-6am £16+

fri, feb 15. 7pm £10

The Sacramento noisemongers quickly outgrew the nu-metal tag they were lumped with in the late-Nineties as they expanded their sound to take in gothic soundscapes and electronic flourishes, only with Chino Moreno’s piercing howl. They’re back in London with last year’s record Koi No Yokan in tow.

This Friday night party takes a tour through music in all its guises, genres and flavours. So you get everything from drum ‘n’ bass and dubstep to electro and hip-hop, with a whole host more. Residents spinning the tunes tonight are Roska (above), Riva Starr, Artwork, Preditah, Ossie, Shox and Jamie George.

The Kiwi garage rock kings return to the capital to play this low-key show. The scruffed-up foursome hit the charts with Harmonic Generator back in the early-Noughties and have been beavering away, cranking out the riffs – fifth and most recent album Death Rattle Boogie was out last October – and touring the world ever since.

Brixton Academy 211 Stockwell Road, SW9 9SL Brixton o2academybrixton.co.uk

Fabric 77a Charterhouse Street, EC1M 3HN Farringdon fabriclondon.com

Dingwalls Middle Yard, Camden Lock, NW1 8AB Camden Town dingwalls.com

the history of apple pie The buzz so far This up-andcoming five-piece mix Teenage Fanclub’s jingle and jangle, with the blissed-out atmosphere of My Bloody Valentine (before they started layering 25-guitar tracks on each song) and plenty of alt-rock weight behind Stephanie Min’s melodic vocals. Sure, it’s a dopey sounding name but, then again, so is Arctic Monkeys, and look how much harm it did them. The Critics say “One of the most exciting bands of the moment” ArtWednesday.com the plug Debut LP Out Of View is out now through Marshall Teller Records. They play Old Blue Last, Feb 19. FREE EC2A 3ES Old Street thehistoryofapplepie.com

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beauty & the geek valentine’s Party Join TNT and Topdeck Travel on Saturday, February 16 for our Valentine’s Beauty And The Geek Party – it will be one to remember!

TNT Travel Show 2013

BUSINESS DESIGN CENTRE, ISLINGTON London’s biggest FREE travel exhibition is bringing together a wealth of travel experts to inspire you with their shared passion for globetrotting and adventure. Expect exclusive deals and discounts on your next holiday, with many exhibitors offering a whopping 50 per cent off trips. The show is dedicated to finding you your ultimate getaway, with hundreds of ideas and expert advice; you’ll feel the urge to hit the road in no time. Plus there’ll be travel seminars and giveaways galore – including the return of the infamous lucky dip! There are only 7000 free tickets available, so don’t leave it too late – pre-register online now. FREE

February 16, 7.30pm til late. Tickets £5 Belushi’s London Bridge, 161-165 Borough London Bridge High Street, SE1 1HR tntmagazine.com/geek

SAVE THE DATE: TNT ST PATRICK’S DAY PARTY

Come down to the Elk Bar in Fulham this St Paddy’s Day and get involved in the fun with free punch on arrival when you pre-register, great drink and food deals and amazing prize giveaways from Shamrocker Adventures! Slainte! Photos: TNT

March 9, 10am-6pm; March 10, 10am-3.30pm Business Design Centre, 52 Upper Street, Islington, N1 0QH Angel tnttravelshow.com

Topdeck are giving away a cracking St Patrick’s Day in Dublin to the best dressed beauty or geek, plus if you are within the first 100 people to purchase a £5 ticket, you’ll go in the draw to win a weekend pass to the Bilbao BBK Live music festival in Spain this summer!

March 17. 587 Fulham Road, SW6 5UA tntmagazine.com/stpatricks

St Patrick’s Day

Party

Date: Sunday 17th March 2013 Venue: Elk Bar, Fulham Time: 12noon till 12 Midnight Tickets: Free Entry Pre register: to claim a free Elk Irish Punch before 2pm

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Telen Rodwell

The Tasmanian-born singer-songwriter on his debut album Shadowman, his humanitarian drive and meeting Johnny Cash in the afterlife

INTERVIEW ALASDAIR MORTON

You’ve described debut Shadowman as “15 years in the making” – how so? Most of the time when you come to record you put down a compilation of your songs, and it is a representation of who you are at that time in your life. But for me it’s about reaching into a catalogue of past experiences, and trying to piece together who I am in my life. What have your experiences been? The album is happening at the proper time when things are coming together – a lot of my work is to do with young people and communities, and at its heart it’s about identity and culture and what is going on in day-to-day life. Is it quite personal too? It’s got both, there is personal stuff, my experiences with love, but I co-wrote lead single Heart Of Gold with a young guy who worked with me on [2011] documentary film project Drive, about young men who were dying in single vehicle car crashes [the biggest cause of deaths among 10 to 24-year-old males worldwide]. This guy had seen me and my mates play and just started learning. We were jamming one day and I said, “I like that”, and we wrote the song. It’s about coming of age as a young guy. The song Shadowman is about dying, the afterlife, coming back to life and karma. There is a highwayman journey about meeting Johnny Cash in the afterlife and getting his advice – I call it cosmic country. It sounds a spiritual record – do you consider yourself a spiritual person? I have studied philosophy and have been through a lot of experiences with people I’ve met. There are so many different religions and philosophies and they all share commonalities. That is what songwriting is, the best songs are the ones where people go, “That’s me!” We all have things in common, more than we don’t have things in common. And you recorded it at the famous Abbey Road Studios ... Yeah, we just did a session there with a couple of young people from [disability school] Stepping Stones, who were interested in music performance and production. My view is you

Tel-ing it like it is: singersongwriter Telen Rodwell should give young people the opportunity to engage and learn. And what better place? Community building COINS Foundation co-founder Larry Sullivan has been a big supporter ... He’s very positive and supportive and pushed me. In the CD sleeve I say, “Thank you for giving me somewhere and nowhere to hide.” We met when I came to the UK – my brother married his daughter. We got talking and found shared interests. He was interested in me as a filmmaker helping generate material around his foundation work. He was going to Haiti – he works with housing charity Habitat For Humanity – and asked if I wanted to cover it. It was out there that you played in front of him for the first time ... Former US President Jimmy Carter was involved, and [country musicians] Garth Brooks and Trisha Yearwood were volunteering too. One night somebody fished out an old, clangy guitar. I got up and played and got a good response. I’d done the odd open mic here and there, but I’d never really got round to performing otherwise. His philosophy is, “If you have wealth and success, share it.” Is that yours too? We come from a different place but we definitely agree with the fact that whatever skills or

wealth you have, whatever it is you’re good at, then share that. If you don’t give your gift to the world you’re just robbing the world of it. What has fuelled your sense of social injustice, do you think? I wanted to become someone I wish I’d met when I was a teenager. My experiences have taken me through a lot of disability support work with every age of person and somewhere in the middle I crossed into film. I made my first short film, The Toy Tub, with a guy who was a quadriplegic. I was supporting him as a carer. He had an interest in multimedia – he used a computer with a mouth stick – and we made this short and it won the first festival I entered, The Other Film Festival in Melbourne, for films made by, with or about people with disability. Where do you want to be in 12 months? I really like the crossovers: music is great but it is important to practice what you preach. If I’m encouraging people to express themselves creatively I have to be doing that, too. If you can record at a mega-studio like Abbey Road and combine it with young people gaining skills and experience it doubles the value. It’s not just me and my music – it becomes much more. Heart Of Gold is out March 4, and Shadowman follows this spring

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Reel love: Paul Rudd and Leslie Mann are dysfunctional and piss funny in Judd Apatow’s newbie

this is 40 FILM review by Michael Gadd Starring: Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Maude and Iris Apatow | 15 | 133mins | Out Feb 14

a good day to die hard FILM Starring: Bruce Willis, Jai Courtney, Mary Elizabeth Winstead | TBC | 97mins

Bruce Willis is back doing what he does best – kicking ass as tough-guy everyman cop John McClane, who’s seemingly got ever more grumpy with each passing film. This time he teams up with estranged son Jack (Aussie rising star Courtney) to combat some Russian heavies and save the world. On general release February 14

Knocked Up may have grown up in age in this spin-off, but thankfully the gags haven’t. Writer, producer and director Judd Apatow doesn’t divert from his stock in trade with myriad flawed characters, a combo of the dry, absurd and crude (anyone who doesn’t like a fart joke is a liar), and centring it all on their relationships. It’s five years since Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl had a kid following an improbable drunken shag, but they’re nowhere to be seen. Support crew Pete (Rudd) and Debbie (Mann) are the focus now – Pete’s started a (failing) record label and Debbie’s opened a shop (a major failure if not for her sales hottie Megan Fox). They’re still trying to remember why they like each other in the presence of hilarious kids Sadie and Charlotte, Apatow and Mann’s real offspring Maude, 14, and Iris, 10, the older going through puberty and a Lost obsession while the younger’s almost as off-beat cute as Outnumbered’s Ramona Marquez. Their 40th birthdays scare Debbie into an attempt to make their lives better – out with gluten, ciggies, sugar and technology – with predictable yet side-splitting results. Mammograms and colonoscopies shouldn’t be this funny. Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) almost steals the show as a school mother, and cops one of the great i-Insults like a champ. Parenting issues also come with parental troubles (Debbie’s absent dad, a deadpan John Lithgow, and Pete’s too present mooching old man, Albert Brooks). But as always, gags come from everywhere and everyone, and don’t worry, just when you think it’s getting a bit real that’s the cue for a clanger. Good for: A proper laugh at yourself. Not just for the near-middle-aged or the V-Day crowd.

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GIVE US A

tony law: maximum nonsense

GIGGLE!

COMEDY

If you go and see a show with a title such as this, then you’ll be expecting absurd, unbridled silliness, and Canadian stand-up Law provides this, but he is also no fool. His comedy is laced with a biting wit, self-deprecation and awareness to make him a performer unlike any other. Definitely one not to miss. Soho Theatre W1D 3NE. Feb 18-Mar 2. £12.50+ Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

floriculture

lift

EXHIBITION

THEATRE

The history of cut flowers is the focus here, and opening on Valentine’s Day it couldn’t be more timely. Did you know Covent Garden was integral to the blooming of the flower trade? Spare a thought for that bunch of roses you grab hastily on the way back from the Tube this week – they’ve come a long way to your loved one.

Writer Ian Watson’s programme notes say it’s “a challenge trying to explain what Lift is about” and, though promising, this short new musical – about a love-struck busker who imagines the lives of his fellow passengers in a Covent Garden Tube station lift – is muddled, earnest and overblown. LK

Garden Museum SE1 7LB. Feb 14-Apr 28. £7.50 Lambeth North gardenmuseum.org.uk

Soho Theatre 41 Dean Street, W1D 3NE. Until Feb 24. £19.50 Tott Crt Rd sohotheatre.com

jamie kilstein What the show about? It’s for the outcasts and misfits. I love comedy that sticks up for the little guy instead of dudes who think they’re edgy so they make fun of girls who’ve been raped. No audience is thinking, “You know who’s had it too good for too long? Rape survivors!” It’s also about atheists, vegans, feminists, anti-war activists, Occupy Wall Street, anything that wouldn’t be in the Daily Mail, leftwing racism and guilt.

Photos: Noby Clark

Is comedy too mainstream? Yeah, not as much in the UK because being a comic is the final goal. In America everyone wants to be in commercials or be the next Charlie Sheen – a drug addict who beats women then gets a show and millions of dollars!

for ellen

QUARTERMAINE’S TERMS

FILM

THEATRE

Paul Dano is known for being the man who lost his milkshake to Daniel Day Lewis in There Will Be Blood and for conjuring himself a girlfriend out of fiction in the charming Ruby Sparks. Here he plays failing rock wannabe Joby Taylor, who embarks on a road trip to meet his little-seen toddler daughter in this glacially paced, but critically loved indie flick.

It’s all smiles and bonhomie in the staff room at a Cambridge school of English for foreigners in the late Simon Gray’s bleakly funny, socially observant play, until a new principal arrives. It unwraps the unhappiness beneath the superficial smiles with a sensibly toned down Rowan Atkinson as teacher St John Quartermaine. LK

On general release February 15

Wyndham’s Theatre WC2H 0DA. Until Apr 13. £25+ Leicester Square delfontmackintosh.co.uk

If you could change one thing in the world what would it be? Kill Charlie Sheen. Sorry. I wish people just had more empathy. When it comes to war, eating animals, treating women shit. All you have to do is put yourself in their shoes for a second before you realise you are being a total dick bag. Jamie Kilstein Soho Theatre, W1D 3NE Feb 18-23. £10+ Tottenham Court Road sohotheatre.com

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Hitch: consultant who tricks women “into getting out of their own way, so great guys like Albert Brennaman have a fighting chance!” Noble.

Neil Strauss: ‘infiltrated’ the PUA scene, wrote The Game and with playful insults (“negging”), peacocking (dressing to stand out) and more to get laid … a lot

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Good Luck Chuck: becomes known as the last guy a series of model-like women sleep with before they find “the one”. Ends up with Jessica Alba

TNT’s token single guy: sits in pubs, drinks beer, watches sport, talks for way too long with old blokes at the bar … bizarrely, this doesn’t work

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The ‘heart’ of conversation Team TNT’s only singleton caves into peer pressure and takes a course in pulling. Will his new skills hook him up this V-Day? WORDS MICHAEL GADD

Jumping out of a plane scares the shit out of me, but I’d sooner do that than randomly walk up to an attractive girl, in the street, in broad daylight. I tell this to Doug Haines, co-director of The London School of Attraction, a training initiative that claims to help both men and women find the confidence to, well, pull. I’m getting a crash course in not being such a bloody wimp – or, rather, having the confidence to approach interesting women on the offchance they’re the love of my life, to paraphrase the expert. “Daytime is the most alien time to approach someone, but it’s also the most effective,” Doug explains. He goes on to tell me how to go up to a total stranger – from head-on, not the side, with small but decisive hand gestures. “Girls want to be talked to and guys see someone they’d like to talk to all the time, but do nothing about it,” he says. “A daytime approach has an 80 per cent hit rate.” By ‘hit rate’, Doug means a woman stops, listens and engages, as opposed to throwing coffee in your face or kneeing you in the nuts – as long as you’ve followed the rules. The rules are thus: be friendly (“As if you’ve known them for months”), but not creepy (the tricky bit), acknowledge the weirdness (“I know this seems strange, but ...”), be interesting (“No facts and figures”) and lead the conversation (“Questions are fine but they’re thinking, ‘Why has this guy stopped me?’, so you can’t put pressure on them. Save them for the first date.”). There’s more to this, which Doug’s company structures into three stages – theory (no probs), role play (if we have to) and the field (holy shit!) – which could last days, weeks or months, depending on the client’s needs and bank balance. Before we go on, I should mention that I’m no big fan of PUAs (or ‘pick-up artists’ to themselves) – the kind whose Bible is Neil Strauss’s The Game and who act to get girls into the sack. But seeing as I’m the only singleton in the TNT office and my colleagues all seem to think I’m in desperate need of help (cheers, guys), I go along with it. All of these services say they’re not like the others, and maybe they aren’t, but LSA – which also runs courses for women and corporates – claims to be all about being honest and giving yourself a chance. Tick. And their point of difference is actually tangible, gorgeous and disarmingly friendly – an actress named Hayley Eagles. Big tick. After a theory run-through, I move on to role play with the bubbly Hayley, who can set her response level anywhere from ‘one’

(a married mother of seven on her way to pick up the kids from school) to ‘10’ (totally up for it). Not going too easy on me, Doug asks her to go for a ‘six’, before I have to stand and strike up a conversation as if she was alone at a bar. I’m to

“

If you like someone, just go talk to them

”

do most of the talking and “come in at just above her energy level”, for a minute. About 45 seconds of bumbling idiocy later I have a familiar feeling. It’s not that I’m petrified of rejection, it’s just that there are so many reasons to not talk to a girl – she looks busy, is talking to her friends, is too hot for me, has a sign saying “fuck off” on her forehead … OK, it probably is the rejection thing, but Doug reckons he can beat this out of me. His method – try, try and try again, with some new skills – is akin to a boxer getting used to being punched. Even though it’s a false situation, Hayley is still a pretty ››

Team LSA: Haley and Doug TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Confidence building: seriously, her fake laugh is so damn convincing! girl I don’t want to make a dick of myself in front of. Doug says I do fairly well, but he’s also told me many of his clients aren’t all that “socially calibrated”, so the bar isn’t high. We go again, and again, and the improvement is noticeable in what I dub my “gibber ability”. Doug tells me to be more over the top – “I know that’s hard ‘cos you’re so dry” – and stresses it’s just an exercise in taking a chat from small talk into a proper interaction. He reiterates that it doesn’t matter what I say, but thoughts, feelings and the bizarre is way better than facts and figures. This will “bring out my personality”. What follows is a rant about butterfly farms freaking me out (referring to artwork in the room, and true) and about how I once got bitten by a dingo (also true, but not as cool as it sounds). Apparently I nailed it. I even convince myself I made Hayley laugh properly a couple of times (which means they nailed it). This can go on for hours for a proper client, with Hayley getting him used to being shut down and Doug advising on how to keep a conversation going or turning it into a coffee date. I can see how this works and like that it’s not about lines, but building up the courage to fail and creating opportunities to meet women you otherwise wouldn’t without gimmicks.

At this point, Doug would take a client out in “the field” to make use of the confidence built with Hayley, and with his moral support. I promise to give it a go later. Hayley tells me to remember any rejection is more “about their situation than anything you’ve done. So you can’t take it personally”. Sure. I was lying when I said I’d try it, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder, why not go to the effort of talking to more strangers who aren’t the old dudes I tend to make friends with at the pub? So the next day, instead of earphones and the paper, I say a nervous “Hi” to two stunners on the Tube. Result? Awkward smiles and eyes back to the Kindle. No harm no foul, I guess. Then I compliment a quirky cutie on her fluffy boots and 20 minutes fly by. This is fun. The street is a bust. The one time I try the patented front-on approach, the ‘target’ takes a curved line around me before an old lady asks if I’m OK. “It’s difficult but, if you persist, the rewards will be huge,” comes the pep talk from Doug. “Be open and talkative to everyone you meet. Make an effort to engage them and it won’t be a big jump talking to new women.” Not as scary as plunging out of a plane anyway. More on London School of Attraction at lsattraction.com

LONDON’S WEIRDEST DATING EVENTS: GET INVOLVED!

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WINE TASTING DATING: Now, this sounds more like it. Grape Vine Social’s dating with wine tasting events are on regularly throughout London, and provide singletons with that all-important Dutch courage as a matter of course. You’ll taste six wines and meet 20 dates, with small groups spending 15 minutes together tasting a vino before moving onto the next group/ wine. As the organisers say, “it’s a matter of taste”. Next event on Feb 14 in Holborn, tickets £39. More at grapevinesocial.com.

WINK LONDON: This new initiative looks to take the one-on-one jitters out of dating by throwing parties for singles that you can go along to with your mates. Strength in numbers, right? There are party games to get you mingling but, perhaps most important of all, the sociable element is intended to take the pressure off. The next event, ‘Nautical But Nice’, is a yacht party at Temple Pier on March 13. Tickets cost from £13 and sexy sailor outfits are encouraged. What could go wrong? See winklondon.com.

SPEED HATING: The brains behind ace club night Feeling Gloomy – an extended wallowing session for miserable Morrissey fans – bring you speed hating on February 13. It’s just like speed dating, only you have to moan about things you dislike instead of spending a few minutes trying to sound interesting. Cathartic, and you might even meet a fellow grumpy soul to whinge with for the rest of your life. Tickets are £11, and the event is at The Phoenix on Cavendish Square. More info at feelinggloomy.com.

SPEED SKATING: As if speed dating weren’t daunting enough a premise, lovestruck.com is inviting would-be lovers to fall for each other – possibly quite literally – on ice. The event, at Broadgate Ice Rink on Valentine’s Eve, gives singles three 30-minute skating sessions to get to know each other. So, whether you’re confident on blades or are looking for someone to help you balance, this could work for you. Tickets cost £5 and the evening is on from 6.30pm to 9.30pm. See lovestruck.com.

s Ticket

£5

Beauty

Geek Party and the

n io it t e p m o c d e s s e r d t s Be Tour for Win a St Patricks Day

Two with Topdeck

* before 11pm

Sat Feb 16, 7.30 PM till late Free Shot on arrival* 2 4 1 on Sol vodka mixers all night Full Moon Party buckets £9.95 Book online: tntmagazine.com/geek Belushi’s in London Bridge: 161-165 Borough High Street, Southwark, London SE1 1HR

TNT_1537_029 29

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SPARETIME

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Fist Of The North Star: Ken’s Rage 2

Various Artists: The Trevor Nelson Collection

Game

Action-packed, manga-based adventure sequel. £39.99 play.com

Three decades of R’n’B distilled into three discs packed with classics. £13.00 amazon.co.uk

Crysis 3: Hunter Edition Game

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“Assess. Adapt. Attack. Get revenge” – that’s the goal in this action shooter. £39.99 play.com

The Canadian duo are back with a new electro-indie-pop sound to accompany their tales of heartbreak. £8.99 play.com

Ghostbusters App

It’s up to you to keep New York clear of spectral scum. FREE itunes.apple.com

The Hairy Bikers: Great Curries Book

Top Indian recipes from the long-haired biking chefs. £13.00 waterstones.com

The Magic Of Reality App

Creationist-baiter Richard Dawkins’ myth-busting book which explains the world through science goes interactive with an animation and game-aided update. £9.99 itunes.apple.com

Tracey Thorn: Bedsit Disco Queen Book

One half of Everything But The Girl on pop and fame. £16.99 amazon.co.uk

Top Hunks Gadget

Sinister

Top trumps with hunky men! £4.99

DVD

The makers of Insidious bring you this scary-as-hell horror staring Ethan Hawke as a crime writer who gets too close to his work. £13.00 play.com

iwantoneofthose.com

Pac-Man Heat Change Mug Gadget

Pac and the ghosts come alive with your warm tea. £4.99 deviltronics.co.uk

Ruby Sparks Blu-ray

Writer Paul Dano finds his fiction coming to life in this sweet and charming comedy from the directors of Little Miss Sunshine. £17.99 play.com

App of the Week Anycabs App

With more than 10,000 cab firms in its database, you can compare them and their prices for the best deal on your night out. FREE itunes.apple.com

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LONDON’S BIGGEST FREE TRAVEL SHOW Saturday March 9 & Sunday March 10

Show Bar

RS A IN M E S | S L A E D % 2 DAY SHOW | 50 E IN L N O E L B A IL A V A S 7000 FREE TICKET

Business Design Centre Islington | N1 0QH Sat: 10am-6pm Sun: 10am-3.30pm Pre-register for one of 3500 FREE tickets every day. £2 after that online. Limited places on the day so book now to avoid disappointment.

tnttravelshow.com TNT_1537_031 31

08/02/2013 15:30:09

LifestyleHEALTH CLASS OF THE WEEK

Iyengar yoga Winter got you feeling stiff and hunched? Bent spines can get some respite at Yoga Junction, where instructor Tessa teaches the ancient practice of Iyengar yoga, as first put forth by the eponymous yogi, BKS Iyengar. Tessa uses plenty of props, including fat bolster cushions, belts, blocks, blankets, chairs and dangling ropes. Though some poses are challenging (personally, our headstands have never been very strong), all these tools ensure your body is supported at every stage. Unlike at other studios, where teachers can sometimes leave students to flounder, Tessa is constantly correcting poor form. The class starts by laying on a bolster for several minutes to help open up the spine. While we held various positions for several minutes, the class never felt overly strenuous. Still, we were surprised the next day to find ourselves sore (in a good way). The class works, as we also noticed a discernible difference in our usually atrocious posture. Classes are Friday, 10am1.30pm and 12.05pm-1.20pm. £12. 93a Weston Park, N8 9PR yogajunction.co.uk Finsbury Park; Turnpike Lane Haringey; Hornsey

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Bizarre beauty Looking good has never been so ... strange. We check out some of the city’s odder spa treatments Words Daisy Carrington

The connection between oddity and beauty may seem fairly recent but it’s a fact divas have a long history of going to strange lengths to look good – do you think it was normal for Cleopatra to bathe in asses’ milk? Then again, it seems like some of London’s spas have taken things even more out there. The below treatments are not for squares.

Best for... Foot fetishists Chavutti Thirumal has its origins in Kerala, India (like all good holistic treatments it seems). The masseuse uses her feet to rub the back, legs and arms, meanwhile balancing from a rope to control pressure. The idea is that the practitioner can achieve longer strokes that go more deeply into the tissue. PRICE: £85-£95 for 90 minutes. WHERE: Natureworks, 16 Balderton Street, W1K 6TN. natureworks.net

Best for... Lewis Carroll fans Therapists begin the Soundbath treatment by proffering a “wonder box”, which belches out smoke and reveals a small vial that reads

Tuned in: Lush Spa’s Soundbath treatment 32

“drink me”, and a tiny chocolate mushroom. The actual therapy involves having tuning forks ringed near the ears and on the body, the idea being that certain tones and vibrations help us achieve balance. Clients also get wafted with feathers. At the end, in a move more evocative of witch doctors than high-end spas, the therapist shakes a bamboo filled with rice above their clients. PRICE: £65 for 60 minutes. WHERE: Lush Spa, 123 Kings Road, SW3 4PL. lush.co.uk

Best for... Tolstoy fans Russians, as we all know, are a tough bunch. It’s no wonder then that their version of a relaxing spa ritual is getting hit with tree branches. In reality, the practice is gentler than most deep-tissue massages, and helps to promote better circulation and release toxins. The K Spa’s Venik Massage gives a taste of Russian respite. The treatment includes a birch beating, plus a frolic in both the sauna and snow room (yes, said room is actually blanketed in powder). PRICE: £30 for 30 minutes.

Snow worries: K Spa’s ‘chill-out’ room

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WHAT’S NEW

Green People Skin Radiance Organic care for your face £22.95 greenpeople.co.uk

Chavutti Thirumal, available at Natureworks: “Foot rub? That’s not what I was expecting” WHERE: K West Hotel & Spa, Richmond Way, W14 0AX. k-west.co.uk

Best for... Anime-niacs

Photos: Thinkstock; Lush Spa; K Spa; Natureworks

You know anything called a geisha facial is sure to be exotic, and this treatment is doubly so. It starts with exfoliation using silkworm cocoons and is followed up with a mask made of nightingale droppings (don’t worry, the stuff is sterilised and mixed with a rice bran moisturising cream). The treatment has its origins in Japan and Posh Spice swears by it. The Beauty Bloom by Kinga is one of the few beauticians to offer the treatment in London. The best bit? She’ll come to you. PRICE: £90 for 80 minutes. thebeautybloom.com

Best for... Trekkies The Chuan Spa has a special mini-massage for anyone battling droopy lids. Clients are treated to a range of eye ointments meant to de-puff and smooth out the area before donning the specially designed Thalgo eye massage mask – a futuristic contraption that puts us in mind of Star Trek’s Geordi La Forge or Cyclops from X-Men. The mask uses air pressure to hit key acupressure points. Hey Scotty, beam up those crow’s feet. PRICE: £35 for 15 minutes. NEXT WEEK WHERE: Chuan Digital detox: Spa, 16 Portland TNT tries to lock up Place, W1B 1JA. the smartphone chuanspa.com

Pukka Ayurveda Night Cream Iron out your wrinkles £28 pukkaherbs.com

Heaven Vanilla Pod Hand and Nail Cream Smooths digits £6.95 heavenskincare.com

top treatment: CACI Facial In addition to all the usual facial accoutrements – moisturising, exfoliation and a “sounds from the rainforest” background track – Dove Spa’s CACI facial goes a step further. The beautician massages your face with two prongs that send electric currents to any trouble spots. The skin gets tighter, and fine lines and scars become less visible. You don’t actually feel the current, though we did taste it (just a wisp of nickel flavour). £57.50 for an hour.

Smooth out those wrinkles

Dove Spa, various locations

dovespa.co.uk

Pro Lashes By Gary Cockerill Give your lashes some oomph £14.95 amazon.co.uk tntMagazine.com

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08/02/2013 10:38:05

tntjobs.co.uk ORIGIN T: 020 7617 7894 www.origincare.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live-In Carers Location: London & South East Salary: £574 per week

Live-in roles typically of 2 weeks on and 1 week off. Free specialist training provided with Origin, a dedicated company established over 10 years.

Our clients are young adults with a spinal injury. We need positive people to help them live independently. Free accommodation, food and refunded travel expenses! Promotional prospects and higher rates of pay available.

66 HARLEY STREET INVESTIGATIONS

JOB OF THE WEEK: Cardiac Technician Location: 66 Harley Street Salary: £32.000-£34.000

T: 020 7436 4568 www.66harleyst.co.uk

Experience with Holter and BP fitting & analysis; exercise stress testing (supervised) and resting ECGs. You will have an excellent organizational, communication and good time management skills. BSc Cardiac Physiology or equivalent desirable but not essential. ILS accreditation preferable.

66 Harley Street Investigations is one of the most prestigious and well established private cardiovascular practices in central London.

PARKWOOD HEALTHCARE LTD T: 020 7242 6144 www.parkwoodnurses.co.uk Parkwood Healthcare place nurses of all specialities and healthcare assistants in the NHS and the private sector all over London.

INTER-COUNTY AMBULANCE SERVICE T: 01753 892999 www.intercountyambulance.com Long established, highly professional private ambulance service. Located just outside the M25, west of London.

John Hardy | 020 7617 7894 | johnhardy@origincare.com

Sueli Gomes | 020 7436 4568 | sueli@66harleyst.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Agency Nurses and Healthcare Assistants Location: All Areas of London Salary: £16.75 - £28 (nursing weekday rates) per hour depending on speciality Our vacancies include hospital and community work (general and mental health). We have full-time and part-time work in all specialities. You will gain fantastic experience working in London hospitals and its communities. Call 020 7242 6144 or email: londonenquiries@parkwoodhealthcare.co.uk

JOB OF THE WEEK: Paramedics (NDIP, CCA, HPC) / Emergency Technicians (AEA, IHCD EMT) Location: Buckinghamshire Salary: On Application Full time vacancies for QUALIFIED ambulance staff. All applicants must be living in the UK and have valid visas to work in the UK. We offer secure employment, good salaries, holiday & sick pay, etc. Please send your CV to info@intercountyambulance.com.

www.care24seven.com

JOB OF THE WEEK: Live In/Out Carers Location: London Salary: Above average rates depending on experience & qualifications

Recruiting carers within London that have experience and the right attitude towards delivering a high level of service.

You must have: Experience, flexibility. A clear record for CRB check. Responsibilities: Provide care to the elderly in their own home. Work within the guidelines of the company policies

CARE24SEVEN T: 020 8912 4642

Please forward a cv to: max@care24seven.com

THE PHEASANT INN T: 01768 776234

www.the-pheasant.co.uk 15 Bedroom Luxury Hotel in Cumbria (Lake District)

JOB OF THE WEEK: Bar Person / General Assistant, M/F Location: Cumbria, Lake District Salary: £14,000 + free live in accomm You must be able to speak fluent English and you should have some hotel/bar experience. Personality is of prime importance. Minimum 6 months. Matthew Wylie | 01768 776234 | wylie@the-pheasant.co.uk

Looking for your next job? NEW JOBS ONLINE EVERY DAY To advertise your job of the week contact Jaqui Ward | 020 3137 5950 | jaqui.ward@tntmultimedia.com

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JOBS 08/02/2013 17:38:12

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cash-SAVING TIPS

how you spend it!

Xxxxxxxxx

fresh face Want saintly skin? Well, xxxxxxxxx you can get it for a week. Xxxxxxxxxxx Yves Saint Laurent is giving away seven days’ xxxxxxxxx worth of samples of their Xxxxxxxxxxx Forever Youth Liberator Serum and Le Teint Touche xxxxxxxxx Éclat. All you have to do Xxxxxxxxxxx is ‘like’ their Facebook page and post a picture of xxxxxxxxx yourself. The offer is good Xxxxxxxxxxx until February 20, or while supplies last.

Photos: Getty

soft hands Pamper your hands with a free 10ml sample of L’Occitane hand cream. Sign in to Facebook, ‘like’ their page, and the decadent cream (valued at £8) will be yours. Choose from classic Shea, Cherry Blossom, Shea Honey and Lavender. The deal runs through to February 19 or until stocks run out. free bus tickets Want to get away for a weekend this winter? Now is the time. Log onto uk.megabus.com and book one of 10,000 free seats going in their winter sale (pay nothing but the 50p booking fee). The gratis seats are available on English and Welsh routes. Sale ends February 28.

and I only spend it on things I need. Do you have any tips for saving money in London? Find out where the cheap places are to go out, or have house parties and invite your friends over instead of going to expensive clubs. Your last big blow-out? A haircut, but it wasn’t too expensive.

Minty Kamali, 19 Job Sustainability and marketing From Isle of Dogs Lives Isle of Dogs

How do you budget? I spend most of my money on food, travel and partying, but I know my limits. I don’t spend money I don’t have

What non-essential items do you spend money on? I like buying presents for my little brother. He’s nine and I like giving him treats like toys and sweets.

how THEY spend it! They’ve gone to the dogs Britney Spears shelled out £1145 for her pet Yorkshire terrier, Hannah, back in November. Since then, the pup has been rushed to the vet three times.

❚ Apparently, you can buy love – puppy love, that is. Usher fell head over heels with a goldendoodle at an auction recently, and spent £7600 to make it his.

Oops! Britney’s Yorkie, Hannah, is a sick puppy

❚ What a saint! Pink paid a £318,000 vet bill for a dog she didn’t know after reading about its lifethreatening injuries in a newspaper – the pooch was tossed from an overpass.

❚ Robbie Williams really cares about his dogs, all eight of them. While he flew back to the UK via plane, his pups made the trip on the Queen Mary. The doggie cruise cost him £3500. ❚ Brad Cooper hardly shells out big dog biccies for his pooch Charlotte’s carer. He reportedly pays his dogsitter a measly – by Hollywood standards – £19-an-hour.

Need to send money between UK and home? r Cheapee than th banks*

*Source: 1st Contact survey of UK high street bank charges, April 2008.

0870-898 8996 tntforex.com tntMagazine.com

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08/02/2013 10:38:13

LIFESTYLEliving Home

Style 50

£9.

Eroticolor Sexual Activity Book Dirty colouring culturelabel.com

£4.

House-sitting lets you try before you ‘buy’ into an area of London Deciding where to live in London can make or break your experience of the city. Weighing up rents, transport links, and the speed with which you need to make the decision can produce mixed results – some of you may get lucky and end up in your perfect ‘hood; others will languish on the outskirts of London and never really know its heart. The solution? Why not try house-sitting, which lets you get to know an area without signing on a dotted line first.

Living the dream Tom Hill and his partner Linda have been professional house-sitters for a decade, and have ‘lived’ all over the UK and abroad. They’ve recently founded handy website

£4.

Heart Pasta Cutter Now that’s amore, with carbs carluccios.com

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Watch this space Words Daisy carrington

Salt And Pepper Lovers Season for your love prezzybox.com

Period property: “For free? Yes please!” housem8.com to help similar-minded folks. “We’ve had some incredibly romantic stays,” says Hill, who along with Linda has looked after more than 80 homes. He says this has afforded them some amazing adventures. “One of the best times we had was when we got snowed into a complex in the Pyrenees for three months,” he remembers. “It was a bit like The Shining, except I didn’t spend the day writing ‘All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’ Really, though, it was quite romantic.” Hill and his partner have also looked after a winery in Bergerac, a Spanish villa that doubled as a deer sanctuary and several celebrity homes (nondisclosure agreements means he can’t tell us which ones).

New best friend: pet minding can often be part of the package

.00

£55

Mad About The Boy Cushion A way to spell out your feelings grahamandgreen.co.uk

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Getting started Do your research As with any venture you undertake for the first time, research is the key. Peruse listings on websites such as mindmyhouse.com and trustedhousesitters.com, and read through various forums to get a sense of what to expect. For a step-by-step guide, Tom Hill sells a downloadable ebook on his site, housem8.com.

Mind a tipi: house-sits can come in all shapes The catch While house-sitting can allow you to get to know an area before settling on it and even see the world, it’s not without its drawbacks. “Make no mistake, house-sitting is a lot of responsibility,” Hill warns, “but the good definitely outweighs the bad.” It’s especially enjoyable for animal lovers, as 80 per cent of homes come with at least one pet. “It can be a lot of hard work, especially if the pets involved are problematic, and most often they are,” he says. “Think of it this way: most owners will put their dogs in a kennel when they leave town. It’s the troublesome dogs that don’t get put in kennels.” Hill notes that the properties involved are also often demanding, and if anything goes wrong – say a tree falls or the electricity stops working – it’s your responsibility as the house sitter to sort it out. “Some people think it’s desperately romantic but, in truth, you’re not doing nothing all day,” Hill explains. “You can’t just leave the place unattended for a night.”

Paid or unpaid? There are several websites dedicated to matching homeowners with house-sitters that have varying opinions on whether to charge for the service or if it should be free. One advantage to not charging is that should anything happen to the house while you’re looking after it, you won’t be held financially responsible, as long as you’re not at fault. If you do charge a fee, getting

liability insurance is an absolute must. “If, say, a house burns down in the middle of your stay, if you charged the homeowner, either they could sue you, or the insurance company could sue you for negligence,” Hill says. If and how much you charge also depends on the amount of animal care involved. Hill reckons that the more you’re required to do as a house-sitter, the more you should be compensated. He bases his own fees on what it would cost to kennel a dog. “If you have two dogs and a cat, it would cost £35 a day to put them in a kennel, so we’ll charge £40 a day and say, look, for an extra £5 you get security for your house.” Hill does warn that house-sitting isn’t a full-time solution, as assignments are too unpredictable and oddly spaced to provide any security. It can’t replace a full-time job, either: “Even if you get paid, you’re never going to make enough to pay the bills and feed yourself,” he says.

Start small Don’t go for the big, unruly properties the first time you housesit. Rather, look for a listing with a manageable number of pets to look after (like, say, one). This is a good way to figure out if house-sitting is for you, while also building your professional references. Meet up Hill very much advocated meeting the homeowner beforehand, preferably in person or, at the very least, over Skype to ensure you’re a good fit. “You’re doing business together,” he notes. “It’s important to make sure you like each other and can get along.” Get it in writing You’ve landed the assignment? Now make sure everything – from your rates, to the dog’s feeding schedule, to instructions for the remote control – is in writing. Hill insists that no detail is too small to be written out and agreed to by both parties.

Is it for you? As a one-off, just about anybody can housesit. But, Hill warns, not everyone’s cut out for it full-time. “Don’t think about it if you have kids, a regular job, or have a normal life with normal debts,” Hill says. “If you freelance, and NEXT WEEK can work from Boozy jobs: how to anywhere, it’s a lot make a living from easier to pull off.” liking a drink housem8.com tntMagazine.com

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WORLDVIEW

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Come here often?: Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall receives a traditional Maori welcome, a hongi, from New Zealand artist Rosanna Raymond, during a reception for finalists and past winners of ‘New Zealander and Australian of the Year’ at Clarence House in London

Life-saver: bouncy castle

bouncy castle saves paraglider australia

Not content with making a comeback at birthday parties, bouncy castles can add saving lives to their repertoire. This was demonstrated when a paraglider got trapped in a tree over the weekend. The 27-year-old woman became tangled in branches about 16 metres off the ground in Bright, Melbourne. The police search and rescue team inflated a bouncy castle under the tree while a crane was arranged to bring her down. She was then slowly lowered to safety four hours later. And it wasn’t even her birthday, lucky girl. tweets of the week @AngryBritain So now the gays have won the #EqualMarriage vote, what’s next – the right to take their spouses speeding points? @ChribHibble You know, Beyonce, I’m inclined to agree. I don’t think I *am* ready for your jelly. @Cain_Unable Chris Huhne – capitalise on having a career going downhill fast while avoiding penalty points by becoming a slalom skier.

look who’s wearing the trousers now... france

Parisian women have been flouting the law for two centuries! Last week, ministers in France scrapped a 200-year-old law banning women from wearing trousers. The law was put into place as an anti-revolutionary measure. French revolutionaries wore trousers, as opposed to the knee-length culottes, favoured by the bourgeoisie. The law was introduced 38

when women rebels started following suit. The law required women to ask the police special permission to “dress as men”. Najat Vallaud-Belkacem, minister for women’s rights, said: “This ordinance is incompatible with the principles of equality between women and men, which are listed in the Constitution, and in France’s European commitments.”

‘goht abe’ – staff go ape for danish australia

Brisbane’s Alma Park Zoo staff have been practising their Danish in anticipation of the arrival of their first emporer tamarin monkey. The little primate, named Gomez – in honour of his species’ Colombian heritage – is being transferred to the tropical heat from the snowy confines of Denmark’s

Aalborg Zoo, where the four-year-old has spent its life. To make him feel at home, staff have been putting together a few choice phrases. “‘Goht abe’ basically means good ape, or good monkey,” said zoo curator Heather Hesterman. “He would’ve heard that all the time in Denmark, so it’s just a bit of familiarity.” Dr Hesterman said the language lessons would extend to French within the next few weeks, as Gomez’s intended mate is in quarantine in Brisbane. “She’s from France, so we’ll have to put snails on the menu for her,” he joked.

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THIS WEEK

IN NUMBERS 140

Amount, in pounds, an amateur art lover paid for a painting found in a Paris junk shop only to discover it’s worth £35m

Record holder: Stewie and his owner

LONGEST CAT RUNS OUT OF LIVES

UNITED STATES

Stewie the cat, the longest domestic feline in the world at more than 1.2 metres long from nose to tail, has died. The moggy was surrounded by family when he succumbed to a year-long battle with cancer at his Reno home. Guinness World Records declared Stewie, aged eight, the record-holder in 2010 – he measured 1.23 metres from the tip of his nose to the tip of his tail. Last month, he attended the International Cat Show in Portland, Oregon. “He did really well at the show, even though he wasn’t feeling totally perfect,” said Valerie Horton, the show’s entry clerk. “He loved being there because he loved the public. He always did.”

BELGIAN CHOCOLATE STAMP HAS IT LICKED

Photos: Getty; AAP

BELGIUM

Belgium has launched a new stamp which is bound to delight chocoholics around the world. “We have added a chocolate taste to the glue of the stamps ... which you can taste when you lick it,” the Belgian postal service said. “The stamps are also imbued with the smell,” it said, while the design side carries pictures of chocolate. “It was not easy to get the scent and flavour of the dark chocolate right. In the end, people from Belgium, Germany, the Netherlands and Switzerland all worked on it,” it said. “It is not the first scented stamp

Fine, in pounds, slapped on Rebecca Gallanagh, from Staffordshire, for blinging her criminal tag with fake diamonds

Volts, in thousands, that surged through Tom Sharp’s hand when he hammered an electricity cable in County Durham

Fine, in pounds, given to fisherman Leon Bekker, of South Africa, after hooking and killing a great white shark

Choc stamps: finger-licking good ... but this time it has been combined with a flavour.” The series of five stamps, intended for overseas mail, will cost £5.35 when they go on sale March 25.

DON’T GO HOME, IT’S FAR TOO EXPENSIVE AUSTRALIA

If you’re an Aussie thinking of returning home, think again. Two of the country’s cities have been named among the most expensive in the world to live, with a new report ranking Sydney third behind Japan’s Tokyo and Osaka. The Economist Intelligence Unit worldwide cost of living index 2013 placed Melbourne fifth after Norway’s capital, Oslo. Only a decade ago there weren’t any Australian cities among the top 50. “Australian cities have been rising very quickly up the rankings as economic growth has supported inflation and currency swings to make them costly,” the report says. Best you stay here then.

1200

8000

QUOTE OF THE WEEK I understand nobody deserves to be persecuted or ridiculed because of something they can’t help. But I am allowed to ridicule someone who believes the Earth is 5000 years old or that a gay child will go to hell Comedian Ricky Gervais

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This week TNT online has been knee-deep in Aussie sporting news, from ODI results to SBW’s big fight and non-acronym sports news, too. Check out the best of Antipodean sports at tntmagazine.com

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Check out Sonny Bill’s 12th round wobble against Botha and Quade’s brutal round one debut victory

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OURVIEW

COMMENT: LAURA CHUBB laura.chubb@tntmagazine.com

Unimpressed: Jemima Khan is no longer giving Julian Assange the thumbs up

No one left to bail him out?

MORE AUSSIES DYING ABROAD

Photos: Getty

Jemima Khan’s attack on Julian Assange is justified, if poorly worded It was only a matter of time before one of the celebs who put up a lump sum to secure bail for Julian Assange – only for the slippery little bugger to jump it and land them with the bill – got pissed off and spoke out. That celeb is Jemima Khan, part-time journo, socialite and former cricket WAG, who last week said she’s gone from “admiration to demoralisation” over the WikiLeaks affair. No wonder: she got stung for a rumoured £20k thanks to Assange skipping bail and holing up in London’s Ecuadorian embassy for the past eight months. He’s there to dodge extradition to Sweden, where he’s wanted to answer sexual assault charges, which many believe have been trumped up as a ‘holding case’ while the US prepares to prosecute him under the Espionage Act for leaking diplomatic cables. If Khan’s comments didn’t make her look particularly likeable either – she went a bit off-message by branding Assange an “Australian L Ron Hubbard” who might eventually tolerate only “disciples and unwavering devotion” – they did point towards a turn in the tide. That a high-profile figure who stumped up money for Assange has publicly reversed their opinion shows just how sick we’re all getting of his increasingly nauseating ego trip. Here’s a man who likes to paint himself as a martyr for free speech, a selfless crusader who confines himself within the walls of an embassy to stand up for his beliefs. Only, Julian Assange has only proven that his top priority is Julian Assange, even when his inability to face the music risks sparking an international incident (things got a little heated between Ecuador and England when the former granted him diplomatic asylum). If Assange believed in his WikiLeaks cause above all else, he’d accept the consequences – that’s what you do when you fight for something. Instead, he’s hiding like a snivelling little kid who’s pushed things too far and is shitting the punishment. Forget even the naive idealism of Assange’s politics. He’s taken charity from the likes of Khan who backed his ‘beliefs’, only to show how hollow his own attachment is to them. What happened to courage of your convictions? Assange shows no conviction or courage at all. » Agree or disagree? Is Julian Assange actually a brave crusader? letters@tntmagazine.com

More than 900 Aussies died while travelling overseas last year, new official figures show, with illness the major cause of death, as it emerged less than 50 per cent of Australians bothered with vaccinations before going abroad. The Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade found there’d been a 13 per cent rise in the numbers of Aussies dying on holiday since 2011, with diseases such as malaria and dengue fever claiming lives in the likes of Thailand, Vietnam and the Philippines. It seems nothing short of nuts to me that so many lives should be lost so

“

Malaria and dengue fever claimed lives

”

unnecessarily. There’s a temptation to feel invincible when setting out on an adventure in the tropics – you wouldn’t do half the crazy shit you get up to when travelling otherwise – but a few simple, responsible precautions can go a long way. I’d rather drop a few quid on a needle in my arm than drop dead, that’s for sure. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Time for change Australia should ditch its ‘embarrassing’ views on gay marriage and follow the UK’s lead WORDS CAROL DRIVER

There were cheers from campaigners outside parliament in London on Tuesday night, as MPs inside backed the right of gay couples to get hitched. In what was considered by some to be a highly controversial vote that split David Cameron’s Conservative party, MPs voted 400 to 175 in favour of the Marriage (Same Sex Couples) bill. It put England and Wales firmly on course to join other parts of Europe, the US, Canada, South America and Africa in allowing gay marriage. And it sparked fresh calls for Australian prime minister Julia Gillard and opposition leader Tony Abbott to reconsider their “embarrassing” views against “marriage equality”. Before Tuesday’s free vote, prime minister Cameron said allowing same-sex marriage would “make our society stronger”. He added: “I am a strong believer in marriage. It helps people commit to each other and I think it is right that gay people should be able to get married too. “This is, yes, about equality. But it is also about making our society stronger. I know there are strong views on both sides of the argument – I accept that. But this is an important step forward for our country.” Not all his MPs agreed. More than half voted against the proposed law or abstained. And critics have said it was a humiliating blow for Cameron, who had to rely on the Liberal Democrats and Labour to push through the bill, which must now pass the House of Lords before becoming law. Tory MP Matthew Offord said he was concerned about “where the legislation may lead”. He told the Commons: “The evidence from around the world is that once marriage is redefined with a flexible definition pressure always grows for redefinition.” However, supporters of equal marriage are now calling on Australia’s leaders to follow the UK’s lead and allow same-sex couples to marry. Alex Greenwich, NSW independent MP and gay rights activist, said the outcome of the British vote was “great news”. He added: “It would be 42

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

great to see Tony Abbott showing the same leadership on this reform as a Conservative leader. It is embarrassing that Australia now continues to fall behind the rest of the Englishspeaking world when it comes to marriage equality. “I would also say that the vote in the UK proves that civil unions are a failed experiment and that you can’t give equality a different name.” A push for same-sex marriage in Australia was defeated in 2012 when Abbott, opposed to change, refused to allow coalition MPs a conscience vote. Gillard is against gay

“

Allowing same-sex marriage is ‘logical’

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marriage although her Labor party supports changing the Marriage Act. She allowed caucus a conscience vote. During the Australian debate last year, Liberal senator Cory Bernardi was forced to resign as Abbott’s parliamentary secretary after suggesting same-sex weddings could lead to the legalisation of polygamy and bestiality. New Zealand is currently considering gay marriage legislation and will report back to parliament on Februrary 28. If passed, it could be legalised by May 2014. Aussie Peter Tatchell, a leading human rights activist based in London, called on Tony Abbott to follow David Cameron’s direction. He said: “If the British Conservatives can support same-sex marriage why can’t Tony Abbott and the Liberals? “I’m hoping the legislation of gay marriage in Britain will embolden more Australian politicians to take a stand for marriage equality. Discrimination is not an Australian value.”

Clockwise from far left: campaigners outside parliament; Julia Gillard and Tony Abbott; equal marriage protest in the UK (and below); David Cameron

Photos: Getty

Tatchell called the ban on same-sex marriage the last major legal discrimination against gay people. “It’s profoundly offensive to deny same-sex couples who love each other the option of validating that love through the institution of marriage,” he added. As the vote took place on Tuesday night, many took to Twitter to voice their views. Wallabies flanker David Pocock tweeted his support for same-sex marriage. “I believe MPs voting for gay people being able to marry is a step forward for our country,” he posted. “Really disappointed in two major (Australian) parties. So important to make Australia more inclusive and move forward. “Not recognising LGBT relationships through legislation engenders homophobia/transphobia.” Sarah Hanson-Young, Greens Senator for South Australia, posted: “Fabulous news that the Brits will now have #marriageequality. Great leadership from @david_cameron. Long live the Queens of England!” While actor Stephen Fry said: “Whoop 400-175! Now that’s a majority!! A great day in the slow but glorious history of British progress and fairness.” Critics of the proposed law appeared to be in the minority on social media sites – at least in Australia. Although there were some in Britain. “It is a step backward, an open display of rebellion towards God,” British pastor Josh Williamson tweeted about the vote. TNT asked its Facebook followers whether they supported same-sex marriage. Beck Farquhar said: “Just wish Australia would catch up to the UK on its equality laws.” Anupam ‘forgottenglory’ Bansoodeb joked: “Gays should have the right to be unhappy like everyone else!” While Rebecca Clarke simply added: “About bloody time!” Should Australia and New Zealand follow the UK’s lead on gay marriage? Send us your views: letters@tntmultimedia.com

ARE YOU SARRIED? NZ MOOTS NAME CHANGE A New Zealand campaigner has come under fire for urging the country’s parliament to introduce new words to describe same-sex marriage. Russell Morrison said there are “already too many words in our language with multiple meanings”, explaining that “sarry” and “sarriage” should be used to describe same-sex couples. He said it would “make the situation clear for everybody”. Morrison put his proposal to the government administration committee during a hearing on marriage equality legislation. But Australian Marriage Equality’s national convener Rodney Croome said it would alienate gay couples. “What is the point of assigning same-sex couples a different word when ‘marriage’ describes exactly what many same-sex couples already have, a loving, committed, long-term relationship?” Croome said.

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AFL Indigenous All Stars player Dom Barry is king of the kids at Yuendumu School in Northern Territory ahead of the exhibition match against the Richmond Tigers last week

New Brumby: David Pocock

best is yet to come from act’s pocock super rugby

Look out world rugby, the David Pocock who is already among the best players in the world will undergo “massive improvements” this year, so said his new ACT Brumbies coach Jake White. The sometime Wallabies captain made a high-profile move from the struggling Western Force in the off-season and will line up this week against the Reds in their opening match of the Super 15 season. “The role we expect him to play is a different role to when he had to do everything at the Force,” White said. “He is very good at the breakdown ... but we are trying to add a new dimension to his game, and that’s running lines, supporting lines and sometimes carrying the ball. One of the things people often aren’t aware about him is how quick he really is.” Catch the Brumbies v Reds on Saturday at 8.30am on Sky Sports 3.

red bull racing put rivals to the test motorsport

Aussie F1 driver Mark Webber sounded a warning to rivals saying he’s happier than this stage last year with champion Red Bull’s car after two day’s testing. ”I think we are,” he replied when asked if the RB9 was better than 12 months ago. “Less changed on the car, the regulations are a bit more stable, we’re satisfied.”

kiwi legend backs oz rotation policy cricket

New Zealand cricket great Sir Richard Hadlee has given a neutral voice of support behind Australia’s rotation policy, saying it’s “imperative”. 44

He said playing all three forms of the game means players have to be rested. “It (rotating players) is imperative today,” he told News Limited. “When I look back at my day, I know we would not have liked it because we did not play enough games. Today, with the amount of cricket and the different forms of the game, players are in danger of playing too much, particularly when a lot of them want to play three forms of the game.” He said the decision can’t be left up to players, who just want to get out there. “They don’t want to lose part of their income, but if you are out of the game for six months injured, you can lose a lot of income as well,” he said. Critics of the policy have included Brett Lee, Shane Warne and Ian Chappell.

BIG WEEK FOR ... Giant killers are a dime a dozen this year, but Luton Town have come from lower than the lot, the Conference, the fifth tier of English football, to reach Saturday’s fifth round FA Cup clash with Millwall. Manager Paul Buckle’s lads earned their way there with a 1-0 win over Norwich City, the first time a non-league side has beaten a Premier League team in the FA Cup since Sutton beat Coventry in 1989. Catch the game on Saturday from 12.45pm on ESPN.

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QUOTES OF THE WEEK My dog Peanut said “Knock him out” – that’s what I must do

South African boxer Frans Botha quotes his chihuahua ahead of last week’s fight against Sonny Bill Williams

Old friend: Ronaldo turns foe against Man United

PREVIEW TEAM OF STARS AND A STAR TEAM REAL MADRID V MANCHESTER UNITED WEDNESDAY, 7.45PM, SKY SPORTS 1

Real Madrid are struggling by their lofty standards, lagging at third in La Liga behind Barcelona and Athletico, so Manchester United are ready to pounce when they meet in the first of two Champions League legs. The Red Devils are on fire at the moment, streaking ahead of their nearest rivals, neighbours City, and showing form no matter what 11 they put on the park.

Real will be under immense pressure to get something out of this season, while Manchester have more positive ambitions to win the treble, given they remain in the FA Cup too. An extra element to this giant final 16 clash, a shame of a match up really as teams like this should be meeting later on, is Cristiano Ronaldo taking on the club he spent six successful years at. He’s said Real have the “better team” – he has to say that doesn’t he? – but admitted “Manchester are a very united team”. Great team v great players. Classic.

THE CHAT | ‘Widespread’ drug use in Oz sport

Steven Gerrard led them, Jack Wilshere was superb, Theo Walcott ripped Brazil to pieces with his pace and Wayne Rooney is a world-class striker. One-man team? Harry Redknapp gets excited in The Sun after England beat Brazil, with a little dig to Neymar’s pre-match comments

I’m not that naive to think that things don’t happen in clubs. There is no way the coach doesn’t know Australia’s most winning league coach Wayne Bennett on where the buck stops when it comes to systematic drug use

TV HIGHLIGHTS

Photos: Getty

RUGBY LEAGUE What’s this shit-storm in Oz about drugs in Q sport, match fixing and organised crime? Australian Crime Commission (ACC) last week A The released its details of a year-long investigation which claims performance enhancing drugs are widespread in Aussie sport, plus links to match fixing and organised crime. The ACC’s Organised Crime and Drugs in Sport report says prohibited substances, including stimulants, hormones and illicit drugs, are being used widely. The report also pointed the finger at sports scientists, coaches and other staff, some of who were getting the drugs from organised criminal gangs. Specific people weren’t named for legal reasons. “It’s a very black day for sport,” said Aussie John Fahey, president of the World Anti-Doping Agency.

Warrington v Catalans Super League action from the north Fri, 7.30pm, Sky Sports 1

RUGBY UNION Rebels v Western Force Opening Super 15 match in Oz Fri, 8.40am, Sky Sports 4

FOOTBALL WADA boss John Fahey

Manchester City v Leeds FA Cup fifth round from Etihad Sunday, 2pm, ESPN TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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Rising Star As Australia cruised through the early stages of the World Cup in India, TNT meets a dynamic emerging force in world cricket WORDS MICHAEL GADD

When Meg Lanning is on song, the only thing to do is sit back and enjoy the show – or if you’re in the direct vicinity, duck for cover. The Aussie opening batter is probably the most destructive force in women’s cricket, a rare player who can take the game away from a side before they know it. New Zealand found this out last week when the Victorian smashed 114 runs – 74 of them from boundaries – to put her side in the box seat going into the final rounds. Lanning, a relative newcomer to the Southern Stars at age 21, has made an immediate impact. Much like her men’s team counterpart, the hard-hitting David Warner, there are more false starts than she’d like, but when it all comes together, it doesn’t get any better. She calls her exciting style of axe-wielding just being “positive”, just like her idol as a kid, the recently retired Ricky Ponting. “He was my hero growing up. He batted at number three, which is where I did,” she says. “It was his attacking nature that appealed to me and I carry that on today. I try to be aggressive from the outset and be positive.” It seems appropriate that the first record – of several so far and many to come – Lanning broke when she took the international stage was one of Ponting’s. In her second one-day international in January 2011, against closest rivals England, she scored her maiden century (103 not out) and with that, at 18 years and 288 days, became Australia’s youngest ever centurian (Ponting was 21 years and 21 days). Lanning’s early ascent to the national team means another Aussie sport lost a potential star – she’s represented Victoria in hockey and gave up the top level when named in the Stars line-up. “The decision was kind of made for me,” she says. Did a possible second Ellyse Perry-type career – she plays cricket and football for Australia – go begging? “No, I have no idea how she does it,” Lanning marvels. The faith selectors put in Lanning was impressive, considering she made that first international tonne even 46

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before she’d made one for Victoria. It was the end of last year that she really made her mark. In the Women’s National League she demolished the ACT Meteors with 174 from 142 balls (a record score in the competition) and eight days later blasted 241 not out off 136 balls for her club Box Hill. “That’s just the way I play,” says the modest swashbuckler. “Some days it all comes together and some days it doesn’t.

“

If things don’t keep moving, I get agitated

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It probably doesn’t happen as often as I’d like it to but over the last year or so I’ve worked on building an innings and not getting out. Consistency – I’m working on that.” With such ability to score quickly, which she credits to playing in male teams from her early teens – “I was always intent on justifying my spot in the team” – Lanning is an asset to the Aussie Twenty20 side. But when they won the recent T20 World Cup title in Sri Lanka, it was in fact consistency that was her hallmark – Lanning became the first woman to pass 30 runs five times in a row in an international innings. “T20’s slightly different, you’ve got nothing to lose,” she says. “As an opener you want to get your team off to a flying start and I was pretty happy to contribute to the team. If you can contribute when it really matters it’s really satisfying.” Some moments that really matter are around the corner for Lanning and her Stars mates as they look to capitalise on an impressive start to the World Cup in India, where they’ve enjoyed conditions similar to those in Colombo, in which most of them performed so well in the T20 version. “We’re quite used to the conditions,” Lanning says.

Smiling assassin: Aussie Meg Lanning is explosive in the field, but does the most damage with a bat

Photos: Getty

“The pitches obviously turn a little bit more but we’re fairly comfortable here. And it certainly gives us confidence that we’ve played and been successful here recently.” It helps that she enjoys the travel to exotic locations as well – “I don’t know that I’d have ever made it to Sri Lanka or India if it wasn’t for cricket, so I consider myself pretty lucky.” Australia was the only team to go through the group stage undefeated, with easy wins against Pakistan and South Africa. Then what could have been a tough chase of 227 was made look easy by Lanning’s century with 82 in support from Jess Cameron, the batter she finished second to in last week’s Belinda Clark Medal for Australia’s best player. They then opened the Super Sixes stage – in which the top three teams in each pool play the teams they haven’t yet faced in the tournament – with a typically tight two-run win over England defending a poor total of 147 runs. Yesterday they played Sri Lanka and on Wednesday they face the West Indies, who Lanning says “are extremely dangerous when they put it all together.” Australia is odds-on to finish in the top two and play in the final on Sunday at Mumbai’s Brabourne Stadium. When they go into that match, the Southern Stars will be looking for dynamite from their opener with the X-factor. But even though she’s fast becoming a poster girl for the revival of women’s cricket, which it’s fair to say has become a much more marketable product over the past few years, Lanning doesn’t feel too much pressure. “It’s just something that comes naturally to me,” she says of her attacking bent. “I like to keep the game moving all the time. I don’t like to keep things still for too long or I get agitated – I get a bit bored.” You’ve been warned world, don’t let Lanning get bored. The ICC Women’s World Cup final will air Sunday, 8.55am, on Sky Sports 1. Follow the World Cup results at wwc13.com

NZ captain Suzie Bates

WHITE FERNS EYE UPSET KIWI WOMEN IN THE HUNT The New Zealand women’s side were blown away by the explosive Australian pairing of Meg Lanning and Jess Cameron, but they’re well in the hunt for a rematch in the World Cup final. The White Ferns enjoyed an impressive eight-wicket victory over Sri Lanka on Friday, easily accounting for a miserly 103-run total. They play the West Indies on Monday at Brabourne Stadium, Mumbai, which will host the final. The Windies are also in the running for the top two play-off after winning their first Super Sixes game against South Africa. Then, on Wednesday, the White Ferns face England in a match that could decide who the form team of the tournament, Australia, plays on Sunday. With two losses in the tournament, one in the group stage and one to the Aussies, defending champions England have to win both of their remaining matches.

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COMMENT: MICHAEL GADD michael.gadd@tntmagazine.com

Damning report: the pages which are tearing Oz sport a new one

Crime Commission right to bring sport long-term pain

Drugs and Organised Crime investigations will be bigger than Lance

» Agree or disagree? Can sport overcome widespread drug use? letters@tntmagazine.com 48

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Ross Taylor was righteously screwed when dumped as the skipper of New Zealand last year, but it’s great to see him back on the park doing what he does best with a bat in his hand. Anyone who likes cricket loves a guy like Taylor. He’s quietly spoken but when he’s in the right zone it’s spectacular. He returned for the Black Caps in the first Twenty20 against England at the weekend, after stepping away from the national team following his poorly handled dumping as the team’s captain. The mantle was handed to experienced Brendan McCullum, who no one including

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Anyone who likes cricket loves a Ross

”

Taylor disputes is worthy of the post. But NZ’s a tiny country with a small pool of talent, and Taylor is world class. He didn’t deserve to be lied to, belittled and underminded in front of his teammates. Coach Mike Hesson, not a fan of Taylor as captain, is the bad guy in all this. So it’s terrific that Taylor’s had a change of heart.

Photo: Getty

So it appears Australian sport is full of druggies and organised criminals – we don’t know who for legal reasons, but the Australian Crime Commission tells us they spent 12 months scratching the wound in all codes and hit an artery. And it’s actually worse than it seems. Drugs are in sport, blind Freddy wouldn’t even deny that it happens even when he – and the rest of us – can’t see it. But this is an investigation, an exhaustive one, carried out by Australia’s highest criminal intelligence authority. It’s more serious than a few bad eggs; apparently, the whole battery farm is on a drip. They say there are hundreds of elite athletes in Oz rorting the system, albeit by milliseconds or grams-worth of strength, but cheating’s cheating – and goes deep into organisations. It’s scary as the Australian Sports Anti-Doping Authority is considered by experts to be among the world’s best, yet the ACC says their hit rate is bugger all. The smallest shock from the ACC report is that organised crooks are behind the supply of banned substances to athletes and their connections – of course they are, they’re drugs. The government sees this not just as systematic cheating in sport (a bad look for brand Oz highlighted by the glee with which the Brit media reported the story), but with criminals. It’s bigger than Lance Armstrong as I see it. This is the war on drugs and organised crime with a threat to a big element of the national identity. The people making these claims, the ACC and ASADA, don’t say things lightly. Sadly, they don’t do things quickly. This will drag on. But at least now the ACC’s report is out, the ASADA can do its job less hindered, ramp up its testing and work closer to suspected wrong-doers who could previously avoid them. They need the right weapons to fight the blight on sport and maybe they’ll get them now. Sport is human performance at its peak, the ultimate entertainment, but it’s totally undermined by test tubes. At least now the codes charged with policing their own affairs will be more accountable. But it’s gonna be a bumpy and ugly ride.

BLACK CAP TAYLOR DESERVES TO SHINE

St Patrick’s Day

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CROAT IA BOSNIA SLOVENIA GREECE M ONTENEGRO ALBANIA

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08/02/2013 15:30:10

UNDER MY UMBRELLA Thai dancers perform in front of a snow sculpture of Thailand’s Wat Benchamabophit at Japan’s annual Sapporo Snow Festival.

Photos: Getty; TNT

INSIDE

WET AND WILD /54

BE ’DAMMED /64

POLAR ADVENTURE /68

The Devon water’s icy and the wind bitterly cold. Wild swimming in February? We must be crazy, but sod it, time to go for a dip.

To really experience Amsterdam’s laid-back culture, swap toking for boating and take a cruise on the city’s canals.

Glittering icebergs, invigorating glacial waters, heart-stoppingly cute penguin chicks … this is life cruising the Antarctic. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVELDIARY Helen Elfer TRAVEL EDITOR

@tntmagazine

Blades of glory: this marathon’s called the toughest race on ice

HEY THERE, HOT STUFF Yes, that’s right, you. The one looking all sexy reading the travel pages of TNT. Yeah, just like that. Phwoar! Guess what? 80 per cent of people are going to be thinking just how utterly irresistible you look right about now.

Adventure tour operator Intrepid Travel have just released a poll showing that eight in 10 people find a potential partner more attractive if they have an “interest in travel”. In fact, the members of mysinglefriend.com surveyed seem to use the expression as a byword for a whole string of other extremely appealing characteristics. Nine in 10 of those polled said travellers are more adventurous, while very high percentages said they are also more “curious about the world”, “cultured” and “openminded” – and we all know what that last quality really means. (Of course there was a contingent that had to spoil things: 19 per cent said they find those who travel more attractive because it means they have spare cash to splash. But let’s forget about those golddigging scumbags.) I’m definitely among the 80 per cent that has a soft spot for anyone that has seen a bit of the world. If someone tells me tales of dangerous treks through remote mountain crossings, recognises obscure dishes on exotic menus or, best of all, can switch languages without even pausing for breath, well I’ve been known to get quite hot and bothered. Anyway, readers, it’s safe to say that just by dint of opening this section you’ve put yourself among London’s most eligible. No, really, there’s no need to thank us ... Turned on by travellers? Write in and tell us

Taking place every year on the frozen Lake Kallavesi in Kuopio, Finland’s Ice Marathon cuts through some of the finest of snowy 20-23 scenery. As well as the main 37.5km competitive skating event there are plenty of other activities even beginners can take part in, such as moonlight skating or watching a fast and fierce ice hockey game. FEB

WHY: This is the 30th anniversary of

DO IT BECAUSE: If your skills on the

the Finland Ice Marathon, an event that’s often referred to as the “world’s toughest ice race” and over 10,000 skaters are expected to be hitting the ice, ranging from skating endurance pros to wobbly enthusiasts.

blades aren’t up to much, there’s the chance to go on a snowmobile safari, which takes you along trails from the frozen-over Lake Syväri to the top of the Tahkovuori Hill. Magic.

CIGAR FEST Cuba

If you’re going to indulge in a vice, you might as well go 26 all out. Cuban tobacco is plentiful at this festival, where you can puff on Montecristos and more. Visitors can tour tobacco plantations in Vuelta Abajo, visit tobacco factories, taste samples and roll their own cigars. FEB

cubasun.net

PURIM Israel

This carnival in Tel Aviv celebrates the biblical story 26 of the Book of Esther, when Jews living in Persia were saved from extermination by Haman. Revellers dress up and parade in colourful costumes and masks. FEB

visit-tlv.com

pohjois-savonliikunta.fi

LUMIÈRE

Canada

Montréal en Lumière, Canada, is one of the largest 21-3 winter fêtes in the world, with more than 900,000 people enjoying music, circus, arts, song, theatre and dance acts. The fun ends with a free, all-night party called Nuit Blanche. FEB-MAR

montrealenlumiere.com

NATIONAL BEER DAY

Iceland

Celebrating the end of the prohibition that lasted from 1 1915 until 1989, Icelanders drink to make up for lost ale time. Many also celebrate the unofficial holiday that falls on March 2 – National Hangover Day. MAR

visitreykjavik.is

Photos: Getty

why at helen.elfer@tntmagazine.com

ICE MARATHON Finland

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HARRY POTTER CRUISE

Fan-tastic: under Harry P’s spell? Hit the mystical sea

Read the books, seen the films, been on the London tour, bought the glasses ... if you’re one of those Potter-heads that just can’t get enough wizardly entertainment, then the obvious next step is to book yourself a ticket on the inaugural four-night ‘Wizard Cruise’. That’s right, four solid days of Harry Potter-themed shenanigans. It’s organised by Whimsic Alley, a Los Angeles-based shop designed to resemble Diagon Alley, the fictional high street where the boy wizard likes to do all his magical shopping. The cruise will depart in November and costs a mere £413 per person. See whimsicalley.com if you’re mad enough to want to know more.

Photos: Getty

FLIPPING THE BIRD An Aeroflot air hostess has been fired and rehired after a picture, which showed her apparently giving a plane full of passengers the middle finger, went viral. Tatiana Kozlenko uploaded the snap to Vkontakte, the Russian equivalent of Facebook, and tagged herself in it. The picture was then reposted on Twitter where it went viral. Kozlenko was promptly sacked, despite her claims that it wasn’t actually her in the image, but following an online outpouring of support for her, Aeroflot has done a 180 and decided to give her her job back again. Bosses said she had proved her “sincerity”. Er, OK.

HANDLE WITH CARE No more smashed bottles of wine or shattered perfume bottles when you get home: a new gadget has been designed which can tell you if baggage handlers have been too rough with your bags. DropTag can be attached to any package and contains a motion sensor that goes off when luggage is dropped or handled without care. It then sends a signal to the owner’s mobile phone. Spokesman Tom Lawrie-Fussey said: “It’s very sensitive, and can even detect ambient noise, but has adjustable thresholds – the user can decide whether they want to track general movement, catastrophic drops, or something in between.”

VISIT ENGLAND APP How about this for a handy new travel app: VisitEngland has launched a new Facebook application, called 101 Things to Do Before You Go Abroad. The map-based app has a whole heap of recommendations for things to do across the country and divides activities into categories such as Arts and Culture or Food and Drink. There’s also a brilliant Because It’s Awesome category, which includes “watch a sunset on Brighton Beach” or “indulge at the Ramsbottom Chocolate Festival”. You can also upload your own recommendations to share with friends and swap top tips.

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08/02/2013 21:24:50

Alarmingly choppy: Thurlestone Arch

Eat, drink, SLEEP

Thurlestone

england wales

england

LONDON Thurlestone

GETTING THERE Take the train from London Paddington to Totnes from around £32 one-way with First Great Western, if booked in advance. A taxi from Totnes to Thurlestone costs approx £25. firstgreatwestern.co.uk

The chilly coastline Taking the plunge

No more sand in your egg sandwiches – The Galley Girls will make you a personalised hamper containing the best of local produce. Prices start from £9.50. thegalleygirls.co.uk Renowned among locals and visitors, The Winking Prawn is on North Sands beach, and serves a fabulous array of seafood from £14. winkingprawn.co.uk There are few nicer places to relax with a drink than dickandwills, a New England-style brasserie and bar on the waterside with views stretching out into the Salcombe Estuary. Pints from £2.60. dickandwills.co.uk Award-winning Victoria Inn offers a great selection of ales, which you can quaff while watching boats pootle up and down. Pints from £2.60. victoriainn-salcombe.co.uk Stunning sea views and superb service at the fabulous Thurlestone Hotel. Rooms from £190pn with breakfast. thurlestone.co.uk

Frozen, but ecstatic 54

Washed ashore

The YHA Hostel high on a hill overlooking the Salcombe Estuary has to be one of the best budget gaffs in the country. Dorm beds from £17pn. yha.org.uk

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UKTRIP

Wet and wild The water’s icy and the wind bitterly cold. Wild swimming in February? We must be crazy, but sod it, time to go for a dip

Photos: Samantha Hyde

WORDS LOUISE TICKLE

“Don’t bother with your bra,” says Kari. “Really, just don’t go there.” It’s good advice. Shaking with cold, my hands are rapidly turning into icy lumps. The stinging pain is shocking, and getting worse by the second. Staggering into my pants – my friend Samantha holds them out for me to clamber into just as you would for a small child – I’m well past caring what anyone else on the beach thinks of my flailing attempts to get dressed. Nor can I do much about my pathetic groans and yelps as the wind buffets any exposed flesh and my hands begin to throb in earnest. As I plunge into the waters off Thurlestone Beach in South Devon, I think this is really putting the ‘wild’ into wild swimming. Technically, any outdoor dip counts, be it a river, lake or the sea, but since the point is to really get out there and expose yourself to the elements, I’ve decided to try the most extreme version I can – and the English Channel in the depths of February is turning out to be pretty hardcore. Kari Furre, a veteran wild swimmer and my guide today grins when I tell her I’m worried it won’t be considered proper wild swimming if I wear a wetsuit. “The water’s at its very coldest in March, but it’s only about five to eight degrees now,” she reasons. “There are some people who love it like that, but you need to acclimatise.” Point taken, so I’ve done as advised and borrowed a triathlon-standard wetsuit from a friend. The sun is shining – “Our first beautiful day after weeks of rain,” smiles Kari – so all togged up and wearing the gloves and socks I’d bought that morning from the local surf shop, we march cheerfully out into the ragged waves. I’d reassured Kari that I was a confident swimmer. Not to show off, but this is true – it’s the only sport I’ve ever been good at. I hadn’t mentioned, however, that I’m also a very unfit one, and haven’t even swum a length of a pool for quite a few years. Too late now. Chilled seawater starts trickling into my suit as I kick hard for the Thurlestone Arch, a rock bridge about 500 metres out into the bay. Cold water on warm skin makes you gasp, and fast, shallow breathing doesn’t help your co-ordination or control. Added to this is the effort of swimming with your buoyancy all to cock because of the wetsuit – basically, your feet float up in the water and it means doing breast-stroke with any sort of style is quite impossible. Kari, however, a qualified

swimming coach, looks like a sleek seal in the water, sliding through the waves with seemingly no effort at all. “Never swim alone” is a mantra dedicated wild swimmers live by and for a complete novice an experienced guide who knows the local waters is essential. Kari insists we take short breathers and keeps checking I’m good to go on. With her support, and almost without noticing, we’re suddenly at the arch, where massive waves are breaking over the reef beneath our feet and bashing their way through the hole in the rock. “Fancy swimming through it?” Kari asks. You don’t swim out to an arch without going through it, I think, even if

“

The whip of wind on cold skin is biting

”

the waves are swooshing alarmingly up and down its rocky face. Luckily, the swell shunts us through the arch easily, and our reward is a fish’s eye view of two cormorants’ creamy tummies as they launch themselves off their ledge. Helped back to the beach by the tide, the swim into shore is a cinch – until I try to get out of the water. Bashed by the waves rushing in and then dragging me back to sea, I find my only option is to throw dignity to the bitter winds and crawl inelegantly up the beach. Despite the sunshine, the whip of wind on wet skin as we change bites deep into my body, but I can’t stop grinning. I’ve managed a half-hour swim at the beginning of February, in water nearly as cold as it ever gets in this country. My reward has been a close up encounter with a beautiful geological feature that most people will only ever see from shore – oh, and serious Scottish Highlands: bragging rights.

NEXT WEEK

Half-day swim clinic costs £90 for two swimclinic.squarespace.com; salcombeinformation.co.uk

ancient castles and vintage whiskies

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LATEDEALS

@tntmagazine

A 14-day Intrepid Travel African tour, including Tanzania, costs £420pp

DEAL OF THE WEEK Roman holiday

£151

A two-night break in Rome for £151 with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes flights and three-star, B&B accommodation at Hotel Tre Stelle. Departs London Stansted on February 27.

< £250

Africa A 14-day tour costs £420pp with Intrepid Travel (0844 4998487; intrepidtravel.com), quoting code 9503. Includes accommodation-only camping, game drives and visits to Tanzania and Zanzibar. Excludes international flights and £633 meal kitty. Valid for travel until April 14. Departs Nairobi. Tunisia A seven-night stay costs £291pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Hotel Riadh Palms. Departs London Gatwick on February 20. Anzac Day Eight days is £347pp (save 15 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes three- and four-star accommodation, some meals, Dawn Service, Australian and NZ national ceremonies. Excludes flights. Book by February 28. Departs Istanbul April 20.

> £500 Sicily A seven-night trip costs £775pp with Voyages Jules Verne (0845 1667035; vjv.com). Includes flights, four-star, B&B accommodation, some meals and visits to Sicily and Mount Etna. Departs Gatwick March 6. Croatia A 10-day sailing tour is £512pp (save 35 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 0998852). Includes three-star and ‘A category’ private boat accommodation, some meals and visits to Dubrovnik, Korcula and Hvar. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by February 28. Departs Split May 12. Sharm El Sheikh A sevennight Egypt holiday costs £502pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and five-star, all-inclusive accommodation at the Iberotel Il Mercato hotel. Based on two people sharing. Departs London Gatwick on March 12.

DAILY TRAVEL DEALS Go to tntmagazine.com/travel/latedeals where new travel deals are updated daily. There are more than 30 deals live at any time. Also sign up for TNT’s weekly travel newsletter, which will be emailed to you every Wednesday with the most up-to-date deals and guides to over 170 destinations. Sign up at tntmagazine.com/travelemail.

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Lisbon A two-night stay costs £169pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays). Includes direct return flights and fourstar, B&B accommodation at the Lisboa Hotel. Departs London Gatwick on February 26. prague A two-night stay costs £94pp with easyJet Holidays (0843 1041000; easyjet.com/holidays). Includes flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Aida Hotel. Departs London Stansted on March 13. Dublin A two-night stay costs £129pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, room-only accommodation at the Clarion Liffey Valley hotel. Departs London Stansted on February 27. Egypt A nine-day tour costs £175pp (save 45 per cent) with Travel Talk (traveltalktours.com; 0208 099 8852). Includes five- and four-star accommodation, some meals and visits to Cairo, Giza and more. Departs Cairo on February 23, March 2 and 9. Excludes flights and local payment. Book by February 28. Amsterdam Two nights costs £121pp with lowcostholidays.com (0800 1116271). Includes direct return flights and four-star, B&B accommodation at the Best Western Blue Square. Departs London Southend on February 27.

£250 – £500

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HOW TO ENTER

Go to blogs.tnttravelshow.com. See webpage for terms and conditions. The public will vote for a winner.

A SIX-DAY TRIP TO OKTOBERFEST Fancy yourself a budding travel writer? Then give the TNT Travel Show blog competition a go. The lucky winner will bag a six-day trip to the legendary Oktoberfest for two people, hitting up the mega-festival on its opening weekend. The Munich Beer Festival, also known as Oktoberfest, or Wies’n by the locals, is a celebration of beer held once a year in Munich, Germany. The festival lasts for 16 days and runs from the middle of September until the first Sunday in October. Every year around 6 million people attend, consuming 4 million litres of beer, half a million roast chickens and 200,000 pairs of pork sausages, making Oktoberfest one of the biggest parties in the world! Included in the prize: all transport from

London to Munich on executive charter coaches with toilets and DVD players; three nights’ accommodation at Thalkirchen campsite with preerected tents and breakfast each morning; regular transfers between Thalkirchen campsite and Oktoberfest; a Pillow Oktoberfest T-shirt; and a day excursion to Dachau concentration camp and Andechs beer monastery. All you need to do is write a 200-word blog about a festival you’ve been to at blogs.tnttravelshow.com. All blogs should be submitted by 6pm on Friday March 1. The winner will be announced at the TNT Travel Show, but you will be contacted beforehand if you have won.

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PREVIOUS WINNERS ONLINE COMP: PUSHCA CLUB NIGHT TICKETS: Casey Flint 58

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3-DAY TOUR OF SCOTLAND + PHOTOGRAPHY COURSE

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Upload your images to tntmagazine.com/hotshots First prize is a three-day tour of Scotland for two worth £218 from Haggis Adventures (haggisadventures.com). Must be taken within three months of receiving prize letter. The runner-up wins a £60 photography course voucher from Nigel Wilson Photography (photographycourses.org.uk).

RUNNER-UP

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RELAXING MONK, BURMA Sarad Tailor, England

TOOMPEA HILL, ESTONIA Gillian McDonald, England WHY IT WORKS Such a scenic landscape may be everyone’s idyllic image of a town in winter. It could potentially be one of many European cities; it’s actually a view of the old town from Toompea Hill in Tallinn, Estonia. The simple beauty of the picture is achieved in the soft tones and shadows created by the sunlight and rooftops. The suggestion of whispering winter branches helps to frame this picture-postcard landscape. It gives an immersive effect, as though the viewer is stood looking from the hill themselves at a winter wonderland.

WHY IT WORKS This image captures a moment of contemplation for a Buddhist monk in Burma, while sitting having time out with cigarette in hand. The surroundings of a rundown platform on the Yangon Circular Railway have a beautiful painterly quality all of their own, with reds and yellows complementing the darker red and rusty tones of the seated figure. The monk’s being just off centre adds to the appeal of the composition – the viewer feels instantly drawn in to the environment.

WHERE IN THE WORLD?

A TRIP FOR TWO TO BATH & STONEHENGE

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Been somewhere good lately? Send us a horizontal photo of yourself with a copy of TNT from anywhere around the world and, if we print it, you’ll win a trip for two to Bath and Stonehenge with Anderson Tours, valued at £104! » Email your pictures to ontheroad@ tntmagazine.com along with your name, where you’re from and where the photo was taken, or see tntmagazine.com/world. Files must be at least 500Kb.

NGAPALI BEACH, BURMA Ramila Tailor, from England

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TOP FIVE

ROMANTIC DESTINATIONS

CHECKING IN

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ARGENTINA

The Royal Mile

TRAVELODGE EDINBURGH OVERVIEW Well, it’s a Travelodge, so you already know what to expect from the rooms: no-frills. Bed, telly, kettle and bar of soap. Vending machine in the corridor if you want a bottle of water. A Bible on the bedside table if you’re lucky. Not much more to say. However, as long as you’re not after luxury, this branch, just off Edinburgh’s famed Royal Mile, is actually not a bad place to stay at all. The front desk staff are easy-going and eager to help out, and the cafe in the lobby is open late and draws quite a crowd of dishevelled travellers, giving it much more atmosphere than you’d expect from a largely sterile chain. WOW FACTOR The only thing special about this hotel is its location. You’re five minutes from Edinburgh Castle and just seconds away from a handful of buzzing bars and pubs, which means there is little chance of getting lost on the city’s cobbled streets after a night out. ROOMS Utterly (and self-consciously) featureless. But you can’t expect the last word in comfort when you’re paying such low prices. And the rooms afford more privacy than a packed-to-the-rafters dorm. BILL, PLEASE Double rooms start from around £29pn.

33 St Mary’s St, Edinburgh, EH1 1TA travelodge.co.uk

00 60

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It’s fair to say that Valentine’s Day often serves as little more than a reminder of how utterly tepid, flat and pulse-free the gestures which pass for romance are these days. So if this week has had you rolling your eyes at bland dinner-for-two deals and hideous £2.99 cards, forget all that low-key crap. Instead sweep your loved one off to one of these places where they play the love game properly. The three-minute love affair. The dance of love. It takes two to ... you get the picture. We’re talking about the tango. Once upon a time, before there was krumping and, um, daggering, the tango was considered the steamiest of dances – described as looking like a couple who are head over heels about each other and having a blazing row at the same time. Passionate, no? The tango originated in the lower class districts of Buenos Aires and is thought to have started life in the city’s brothels. It quickly became a more mainstream pursuit, popular for its drama, pace and the fact the dance is done with the dancers’ bodies held

very, very close together. In fact, there’s even a Spanish expression about tango which means: the embrace is more important than the step. A trip para dos to the sultry city of Buenos Aires – home of the sexiest dance on the planet – is up there with the world’s most romantic travel destinations. There are heaps of milongas (dance halls dedicated to tango) across Buenos Aires, where you can order a bottle of cheap and heady Malbec, take a seat and watch some sizzling couples do it properly. Try Rojo Tango (rojotango.com) or Piazolla Tango (piazzollatangoshow.com). But really, if your visit here is going to count as an unmatchable gesture of love, you’re going to need to grab your other half by the hand and get stuck in yourselves. Take lessons from one of the many tango schools in the city, such as DNI Tango (dni-tango.com), where beginners are welcome and group lessons cost £3.80 an hour. You’ll soon be setting the dancefloor on fire. turismo.gov.ar

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BELGIUM

In Belgium, chocolate isn’t just an indulgence, it’s a lifestyle. And given that cocoa is considered something of an aphrodisiac, you’re guaranteed an intensely pleasurable trip to the home of the world’s finest delicacies. Try a chocolate-making session in Brussels, where you can learn to shape, fill and decorate your very own Belgian truffles. Most tours also include free tastings too. Planete Chocolat run demos from £5.30pp. planetechocolat.be

Photos: Thinkstock; Getty

UNITED STATES

Finders, keepers. Especially when it comes to diamonds. Luckily, the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Arkansas lets you do just that. It’s the only public site in the world where visitors can search for diamonds on top of a gigantic ancient volcanic crater and keep any precious stones they uncover, regardless of the value. That’s a big deal, as the largest diamond found at the park was a whopping 3.03 carats, which can be worth thousands of pounds. Entrance is £4.50pp. craterofdiamondsstatepark.com

TOP TOP FIVE FIVE

ROMANTIC DESTINATIONS XXXXXX

GERMANY

A bouquet of roses? Nah. Think bigger. Much, much bigger. Head to the EuropaRosarium in Sangerhausen, which is the largest rose collection in the world. There are 75,000 rose bushes here, with an amazing 8300 species, including black, green and moss roses, from which to choose the perfect posy. Dinner at the on-site restaurant, The Black Rose, should also impress. Entrance costs from £2.25pp. europa-rosarium.de

JAPAN

Hot, wet, steamy, naked = romantic, right? At many of the thermal springs in Beppu couples are actually allowed to bathe – just bathe, OK? – together. Usually Japanese onsen, as they’re known, segregate men and women, but here you can hop in the tubs together. There are eight different springs in this town, along with a range of indoor and outdoor versions to suit your desires. Opt for sand baths, steam baths or mud baths if you fancy something different.

NEXT WEEK: Work it: the world’s most fashionable cities, dahling

japan-guide.com

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World-class: Cape Town

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If your tip is printed, you’ll win vouchers (worth up to £60) for entry for two into one of No.1 Traveller’s airport lounges at Heathrow, Gatwick or Stansted. With complimentary food and drinks, free wi-fi and newspapers and magazines, your trip will get off to a flying start. See No1Traveller.com Tweet your tip to @tntmagazine.com Email traveltips@tntmagazine.com Text TNT and your message to 81707* *Messages cost 25p each + standard network rate. 18+ billpayers only. Send STOP to end. Number may show on bill. A2B 08700460138

YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

loved the food in Madeira, especially Q Ithe pregos, the scabbard fish with banana and the tomato soup with poached egg, but I didn’t take to the food in the Algarve (everything seemed very salty). Can you tell me what the food in other areas of Portugal is like? Ruth Hunter, via email coast is best for seafood, such as A Portugal’s in the Algarve where cataplana (similar to

Town has world-class tourist A Cape destinations, such as Table Mountain, Robben Island, and nearby, the rugged coastline of the Cape of Good Hope. However, if you want to get more from your visit than these hotspots the city has a stellar calendar of events throughout February. One of the biggest parties is at the end of February, when Cape Town’s annual Pride festival takes place. It’s one of Africa’s premier LGBT celebrations and will be quite a party. Make sure you book your accommodation and tickets in advance as February is expected to be one of the busiest months for tourism in the city. The V&A waterfront is a regenerated area boasting an aquarium, two museums and a maritime centre as well as the working harbour itself. There are lots of reasonably priced bars and cafes around here too from where you can sit and watch the boats. The popular gourmet food Neighbourgoods Market, held at the Old Biscuit Mill car park on Saturdays, has given rise to a new trend in the city for artisan food markets. Other new foodie hubs to arrive in the city in the last couple of years include the Blue Bird Garage market in Muizenberg, which is housed in an old warehouse and offers live music on Friday nights. The recently opened V&A Market on the Wharf is open from Wednesday to Sunday and sells all manner of culinary delights.

ON YER BIKE Whatever you do, don’t get taxis around the city, they’re a total rip off. Everyone cycles, even when it’s raining or freezing cold, so rent a bike and do the same. There’s a good list of places to hire your bike from on the tourism website (iamsterdam.com) and it costs about six quid for a full day. It’s the best way to see the city in my opinion. Oliver Ashback, via email DON’T OVERDO IT I just want to warn everyone – the cannabis they sell in coffee shops is soooooo strong! Don’t smoke too much or you’ll miss out on actually getting to see the city and just end up off your face for days. Benny Thompson, via email

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Lonely Planet’s Laura Lindsay will give you the benefit of her infinite wisdom if you email a question to traveltips@tntmagazine.com. If your question is answered, you’ll win a Lonely Planet guide of your choice. This is a reader forum — TNT and Lonely Planet accepts no responsibility for any loss, injury or inconvenience sustained by anyone using the information provided.

Photos: Thinkstock

Spain’s seafood paella) is a delicacy. However, Portugal also has some tasty national specialities such as piri-piri chicken and hearty pork fare. A personal favourite is bacalhau, a fantastic salted cod tomato stew; although if you don’t like salty food, you will struggle with this! Portuguese cuisine is also notable for its portion sizes – they are enormous. Learn the phrase meia dose, which means half portion, as trying smaller amounts of lots of meals is a good way to sample the range of foods. Lisbon, which is home to pasteis de nata (sweet custard tarts) and grilled sardines, is often heralded as the country’s gastronomic star but there are other regions which are strong contenders, too. Alentejo is heaven for meat eaters, where pork figures heavily in most dishes, but in hunting season you will also find hare and partridge. In Beiras, try the region’s cheeses – Rabacal and Serra. For something different, you could also try some of the unusual vinho verde (green wine) produced in Minho, a north-west region bordering Spain.

is there to do in Cape Town in Q What February? Ellie Ross, via Twitter

READERS’ TIPS ON AMSTERDAM

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Canal cruise: a houseboat floats along the ‘Dam’s historic waters

Amsterdam

GETTING THERE Fly from London Heathrow to Amsterdam from £120 return with Royal Dutch Airlines. klm.com

amsterdam

The Netherlands

NETHERLANDS GERMANY BELGIUM

Chilled: canalside drinks and, left, a big pot fan

Wheely laid-back: cyclist-friendly city; (right) having a smoke at The Bulldog 64

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Be ’Dammed Forget the cannabis clichés – to embrace a genuinely laid-back Amsterdam experience, swap toking for boating the city’s canals Words Helen elfer

“Something to eat, then something to fuck!” roars an enthusiastic British tourist, to howls of approval from his cluster of buddies. Anywhere else, I’d think that kind of public oversharing to be, well ... crass at best. But I’m earwigging on this gang of good-timers on Amsterdam’s Warmoesstraat, an anything-goes haven where most of the street clearly has identical plans for the evening. To my right are clubs Fuxxx and Dirty Dicks, stalwarts of Amsterdam’s infamous leather scene. Over the road is a window display which I swear would make even Soho’s sex shop regulars turn pink – a row of plastic bottoms in black, brown and white, an assortment of dildos, plugs, hoods, chains and a contraption that I can honestly say I have no idea where it goes or why. (Oh and a rack of cheerfully snuggly ski hats that read: ‘AMSTERDAM’). Just a block away is the Red Light District, where girls wearing only lingerie are posing in brothel windows, their expressions as blank as mannequins. And to my left are a bunch of coffee shops with signs in the window saying: “You can drink and smoke here!” From the pungent wafts of weed I can smell drifting out in the street, I certainly believe them. If there’s anywhere else like central Amsterdam, I’m yet to hear about it. The atmosphere is charged with the breathless excitement of tourists nervously buying drugs and sex (and expecting a bolt from the sky to strike them down), but offset by nonchalant Amsterdammers who sit around puffing, chatting and scrounging Rizla papers from each other. From January 1 this year, only residents of the Netherlands were supposed to be allowed to buy cannabis, but unsurprisingly, Eberhard van der Laan, Amsterdam’s mayor, has refused to enforce the ban in his city. After all, a third of the seven million tourists that visit each year spend at least part of their holiday getting gleefully blitzed in the coffee shops. I’m not here for the pot, however, but for Amsterdam’s equally famous but far more wholesome feature: its beautiful, winding, tree-lined, bicycle-friendly, iconic canals, which celebrate their 400th anniversary this year. Over 100km of waterways were dug in the 17th century, and they loop around the city centre in concentric circles, all seven feeding out into the wide and placid Oranjesluizen lake. And on a serene bank of this lake, there’s a warm and cosy houseboat waiting for me. So I beat a hasty retreat from the ‘Dam’s dens of iniquity, hop on my bike and cycle back to it.

The houseboat I’m staying on is as elegantly sophisticated as the city centre is debauched. Spacious and beautifully furnished, it has soft, romantic lighting, polished wood floors, an espresso machine, framed arty posters on the walls and fluffy white rugs. It’s the kind of place I dream about owning, but it really belongs to Ton Van Beers, a tall, tortoiseshell glasses-wearing Dutchman, who lives on his other boat, next door. He’s a man who gives the impression of having completely nailed the art of living the good life.

“

People here are a little anarchistic

”

Three decades ago he bought a hull for about £1500, and over the next few years, transformed it into a family home. “The best thing about living on a boat is that it lets you ››

Smart: inside the houseboat tntMagazine.com

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have the illusion of being free – Amsterdam people are a little ... anarchistic,” he says, smiling. ”In the Eighties there was such a shortage of accommodation that people took to the water. But it only actually became legal to live on a houseboat about 10 years ago. By then we already had a whole community living here.” He says everyone just learned how to manage by trial and error. “It was a great way of connecting with people – once a week everyone from the boats around here would have dinner together, discuss any issues we were having with the boats and help each other out.” Even now, it seems as though the boat-owners are a very tight-knit group. Beers says everyone keeps an eye out for each other, and he never locks his doors. ”This community is full of people that are very unconventional,” he adds. As I clamber over the deck later, breathing in the cold, fresh air, and watching the ducks potter about in the water below, I think illusion or not, I’d choose this kind of Amsterdam anarchy any day. ❚ ‘Charming Houseboat’ costs £66pn through Wimdu wimdu.co.uk

Amsterdam Bed & Breakfast Internet - Cable TV - Perfect location

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eat

BUDGET

MIDRANGE

LUXURY

They keep things simple at Zomerijs. It’s waffles and ice cream or waffles and whipped cream, but they’re done to perfection. If you need a sugar hit, one of these bad boys will hit the spot. From £3.85 each.

If your vice is cheese, the cafe-cumshop at Cheese Factory (above) is going to be a dangerous place for you, as free samples are given out with abandon. The adjoining cafe serves cheesy dishes such as fondue, as well as soups, salads and pastas. Mains cost about £6.

Old-fashioned Dutch grub is given a gourmet makeover at the swanky Restaurant Greetje. A sample dish is a grilled sandwich of traditional Frysian sugar bread with home-style duck liver pâté and apple syrup. Mains start from around £20.

Nieuwendijk 6, 1012 MK Amsterdam

restaurantgreetje.nl

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drink

brouwerijhetij.nl

sleep

Enormously popular, The Bulldog Hotel (above) is on the quieter side of the Red Light District, meaning you’re minutes from all the bar and club action. It’s clean and friendly. Dorm beds from £23pppn. bulldoghotel.com

OK, so technically you’re more likely to come to Hill Street Blues to smoke rather than drink, but they serve alcohol here, too. There’s a grungy atmosphere and the staff are welcoming and chatty. Graffiti covers every inch of the walls.

bubblesandwines.com

Warmoesstraat 52 A, 1012 JG Amsterdam (tel. 0031 206387922)

Rooms are small but clean in Hotel Internationaal, which can be found on Warmoesstraat, one of Amsterdam’s most buzzing streets. There’s a cosy bar downstairs, perfect for a foamy pint on your way out. Doubles cost from £41pn. hotelinternationaal.com

The very upmarket Bubbles and Wines bar (above) does what it says on the tin – it’s a smart and sophisticated place known for serving great tapas with high-quality plonk.

The NH Grand Hotel Krasnapolsky (left) is housed in a beautiful historic building in central Dam Square that dates back to 1866. Rooms are airy and filled with light, and many of them look out over the canal. Doubles start from £111pn. nh-hotels.nl

Photos: Thinkstock; AFP/Getty; Ryan McVay; Netherlands Board of Tourism & Conventions

There can’t be many more iconically Dutch places to drink than Brouwerij ‘t IJ (left), an independent microbrewery housed next to one of Amsterdam’s few surviving windmills. A taster selection (five small glasses) of their brews costs £6.50.

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Polar cruise antarctica

Buenos Aires

argentina

GETTING THERE Flights from London to Ushuaia start at around ÂŁ915 return. Fly TAM Airlines to Buenos Aires, then take a connecting flight with LAN Airlines. tam.com.br; lan.com

Ushuaia

ANTARCTICA

Full access: Zodiac boats get visitors onto snowy shores

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BIGTRIP

Antarctic adventure Glittering icebergs, invigorating glacial waters, heart-stoppingly cute penguin chicks … this is life cruising the bottom of the world Words andrew westbrook

WHEN TO GO: Antarctic cruises only operate from The scene around me is a strange one. position staring at the horizon. And there November to May because Lumps of ice float on top of the water I wait. At one point I notice sick bags otherwise the ice is too thick and sub-zero winds are whipping viciously. have been Sellotaped to every inch of the for ships to sail through. From On shore, meanwhile, one very confused boat. But then, halfway through day two, November to December, iceberg the best news ever arrives. “Conditions penguin waddles between piles of heapedand icescape shapes are considered are excellent,” expedition leader Monika up clothes. Strangest of all are the humans. to be at their most dramatic and Schillat informs us. “We’re making great Near naked, they surround me. They’re the fares are lower. December to time,” she adds, before the final cherry trying to swim, but mostly they’re just February is high season and best on the cake: “So great in fact that we’ll swearing … very loudly. for seeing penguins and other make our first landing, ahead of schedule, The air, as well as our bodies, is turning wildlife, while February to March is tomorrow.” The grins start to appear. blue because we’re taking a dip in the the time to go for whale watching, Antarctic Ocean and unsurprisingly, it’s Against the elements and last-minute discounts are bloody cold. Indeed, you’d survive about easier to secure. four minutes in these waters, but we’ve Over the coming days, which now involve CURRENCY: £1 = ARS7.90 no desire to test that limit. Barely able to 24 hours of light, the landings come to (Argentine Peso) breathe and with the glacial waves lapping dominate our waking moments. The SEE: discoveringantarctica.org.uk anticipation is on another level and what like daggers against my flesh, I last less than 60 seconds before staggering back to to wear becomes a major part of the ritual. Deception Island’s black volcanic sands. With our Antarctic Should we squeeze into three pairs of socks, or four? bath accomplished, a million-and-one layers are frantically Most of us lump for basically everything we have. Think thrown back on and soon grins dominate every face. It’s a gumboots, multiple socks, thermals, trousers, waterproof look we’ve grown accustomed to on our 10-day expedition trousers, more thermals, T-shirts, ice-breaker, fleece, ski to the Great White South. jacket, scarf, hat and gloves. With a life jacket thrown in for good measure, it’s a miracle any of us can move, but move Crossing Drake Passage we do, like a hyperactive line of Michelin men, waddling ecstatically to the deck. Getting here, which involved crossing the infamous Drake With strict laws meaning no ship can land more than Passage, has been no small feat. I’m on board the MV 100 tourists on Antarctica at any one time, we smugly Ushuaia, with 83 other passengers, having left its namesake congratulate ourselves on picking a ship with less Argentinian port a week before our icy plunge. The 500passengers than that magic number and head towards the mile stretch of water is renowned for being among the inflatable Zodiac boats, which will transport us to shore, world’s roughest. Indeed, one travel agent had jovially informed me that getting sick on the Drake is “just the 10 at a time. price you pay” for getting to see Antarctica. That had not Minutes later, we’re pulling up at Yankee Harbour, on been what I wanted to hear. Greenwich Island in the South Shetlands. Lying 75 miles The passage is named after English sea captain Sir Francis north of the Antarctic Peninsula, the weather that meets us Drake, who passed south of Cape Horn in 1578, but sadly, is fierce. The 40-knot winds bluster while intermittent rain my sea legs aren’t a patch on his. And so, filled with dread and snow beats down. But none of us care. ahead of a potential two days of gut-wrenching seasickness Penguin party hell, I wave goodbye to south Patagonia and the beautifully sheltered Beagle Channel, before getting drugged up to Seconds after touching land, a couple of the island’s 8000 ›› the eyeballs and assuming the recommended anti-nausea gentoo penguins swim up to greet us. Barely 70cm tall, tntMagazine.com

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Clockwise: after a dip in the Antarctic; a colony of chinstraps with a gentoo in the back; meeting an elephant seal

Photos: Thinkstock, TNT

and with red beaks that make them look as though they’re wearing lipstick, the gentoos are immediate stars. Sleek and streamlined in the water, our new best friends are an entirely different story on land. Put simply, it’s like they’re members of the Muppet family. They slip and stagger, flap and falter, the whole time looking lost in the world and completely bemused by our appearance. They approach us fearlessly, staring for long periods, heads cocked, before jumping off again, invariably falling on their faces. Calling them adorable just doesn’t do them justice. For a few hours we wander happily among the gentoos, many of which have painfully cute week-old chicks. Bundles of thick grey fur, the chicks cower under their parents for warmth as we form our paparazzi lines just a few metres away. Nearby we also spot chinstrap penguins, similar in appearance to the gentoos, except with a perma-smile black line replacing the lippy, and some skuas, large seabirds that are the penguin chicks’ most dangerous predator. Despite the harsh conditions, we eventually head back to the Zodiacs, feeling totally exhilarated.

us. More than a few of us throw quite a bit back at it. We wake, however, to a whole new world. Pulling up by the Hydrurga Rocks, ahead of us lies several days spent among the sheltered bays and channels off the Antarctic Peninsula itself. Everywhere we look, epic icebergs jut jaggedly into the skyline, penguins jump, dolphin-like, through the waters and huge seabirds, such as the 3m-wing spanned wandering albatross, prowl the skies. Venturing off the ship twice a day, we land at sites across

The great white Yet our elation proves short-lived. Next on the agenda is a sail south through the Bransfield Strait, which I now discover to my dismay is known as the “mini Drake”. Some passengers had previously expressed regret at not experiencing a notorious Drake storm, to which our assistant expedition leader, Agustin Ullmann, had replied they might change their minds once they’re in one. “It’s fantastic for the first 10 minutes, but 48 hours later you want to kill yourself,” he said. Well, the storm chasers now get their wish, as the Bransfield starts to throw its worst at 70

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Carving up: a passenger ship cuts through the icy Antarctic waters

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the peninsula. At some, including Danco Island and Neko Harbour, we hike up the ice for panoramic views across the glistening continent. At others, such as Jougla Point, we get to admire the blubbery masses of Weddell, crab-eater and elephant seals. Everywhere we go, thousands of penguins and their chicks are there to meet us. A stop at an Antarctic military station, the Chilean Gonzalez Videla base, is an unexpected highlight. Having not had visitors for a couple of months, the 13 residents are over the moon to welcome us, plus our largely Chilean crew, who hit the shore waving their flags and singing the national anthem. Soon enough, they’re handing out the Pisco sours and showing us around. Still, best of all are our trips on the water, zooming between the icebergs aboard the Zodiacs. At Neko, we chance across a group of dozing humpback whales, bobbing sleepily

“

We gape in awe at the kaleidoscope of blues

”

on the surface, one using its giant pectoral fin to maintain its balance as it drifts so close we could practically touch it. At the Melchior Islands we head out with blue skies all around us, but this time it’s the ice that is the star. As the sun glistens through the bergs and onto the pure Antarctic waters, we gape in awe at the kaleidoscope of blues, hardpushed to think of a more beautiful sight. It’s often said that while the wildlife brings people to the Antarctic, it’s the ice that brings them back, and now I understand. Which is why later, pulling myself from my sub-zero Antarctic bath and preparing for the journey back to South America, I’m ready to pay whatever price the Drake demands. ❚ Beds on board the MV Ushuaia’s 10-day Classic Antarctica Expedition start at £3150. Book direct with the ship at antarpply.com For more information, see specialist tour operator Polar Cruises polarcruises.com

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plona, La Tom with FFT to Pam d lle ve tra ve ha “I al Rock! “ xt? - First Festiv ne re he W . st fe and Oktober

Egypt & Jordan

PYramIds & NILe saILINg!

Packages from

£259

Egyptian Express - 9 days

fr £259

Pyramids & Beaches -14 days

fr £359

Pyramids to Petra - 16 days

fr £879

ADVENTURE TOURS

GALLIPOLI 25th April The Dawn Service at ANZAC Cove is an amazing experience and will leave lasting memories. Also a great time to experience the diverse culture of Turkey fr £109 Tours from 2 - 14 days

TURKEY Best of Turkey - 10 days

fr £459

Coast to Cappadocia - 12 days

fr £509

Totally Turkey - 14 days

fr £599

Turkey & Egypt - 18 days

fr £699

Istanbul to the Red Sea - 23 days

fr £799

RUSSIA Vodka Shot - 6 days

fr £449

MOROCCO Marrakech & Beyond - 8 days

WESTERN FRONT

fr £549

Marrakech, Sahara & Surf - 11 days fr £749

COMING UP FOR 2013! CROATIA

PAMPLONA Running of the Bulls

fr £159

FFT- FEB2013 .indd TNT_1537_076 76 1

fr £369

ROYAL ASCOT

LA TOMATINA Tomato Fight

Sailing Split - 8 days

fr £399

Race days out

fr £79

The ANZAC’s suffered their biggest loss of lives in Belgium and France during WW1 and our visit is a poignant experience, including the Last Post at the Menin Gate and battlefield walks. fr £219 Tours 4 days

Full itineraries and tour information can be found on our website or by calling our office. First Festival Travel, 68 North End Rd, London W14 9EP Closest Tube: West Kensington

08/02/2013 20:37:01

ST PATRICK’s Day dubLIN LIN 15tH - 18tH marCH

£189

TRAVEL

Packages from

Watch Dublin turn in to a sea of Green as we join with the locals to celebrate Irish Style! And a trip to Dublin wouldnt be complete with out a trip to the Guinness Brewery! Choose our coach tour or meet us in Dublin

LAS FALLAS

VaLeNCIa 17tH - 20tH marCH

Packages from

£169

Spains biggest festival is a week of fireworks, street parties, parades and off course the gastronomic delights of Valencia. Join us for a four day experience like no other

QUEENS DAY

amsterdam 28tH aPrIL - 1st maY

Packages from

£159

Be prepared to be “oranged” as the Dutch go crazy celebrating their Queens Birthday. Street Parades and Parties, huge outdoor concerts, outdoor flea markets and much more. We have coach tours or accommodation only.

SAN FERMIN

PamPLONa 6tH - 14tH juLY

Packages from

£149

Running of the Bulls ! Join the locals for the opening day party which seems to go for days, then try you hand at being chased by bulls. You will be at Pamplona’s premier campsite for your stay with plenty of party nights and activities.

IBIZA - Pamps Crack On IbIza 8tH H - 12tH juLY

Packages from

£279

With over £150 of club entry, a booze cruise, and accommodation, this is too good to miss! Some say the island is a great place to recover from the madness of San Fermin, and some just want to kick start the summer.

n r 8 P n

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TRAVEL tntMagazine.com

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TRAVEL tntMagazine.com

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08/02/2013 20:37:07

europe

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* Valid on all 2013 departures. Book by 17 FEB. Pay in full by 31 MAR. Enter promocode ‘earlybird13’

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NEW FOR 2013 - ONE-WAY SAIL DEPARTING SPLIT OR ZADAR Includes the party haven of Zcre Beach - one of the most happening places in Dalmatia, attracting top DJs from around the world. Enjoy the mix of natural wonders, local food, wine and historic towns. With cheap flights in and out of Zadar this is a great option for those on a budget.

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www.busabout.com/earlybird

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info@busabout.com

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NEWS & VIEWS

/BUSABOUTeurope

@busabout 08/02/2013 20:37:19

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plus ENGLA N & WALE D S

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TRAVEL

UG per.

FAVOURITE SCOTLAND & IRELAND TOUR OPERATOR 2012

DEPARTS EDINBURGH 8.30AM, 29 & 30 MAR ISLE OF SKYE, LOCH NESS & GLENCOE INCLUDES: Your legendary local Guide / FREE Lonely Planet guidebook of Europe

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SAVE UP TO £49

CELTIC ROCKER 5 DAYS (Mondays) £225 NOW £191 * (STUDENTS NOW £183 *)

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CELTIC COMBO 9 DAYS £539

Departs Dublin 15 March

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08/02/2013 20:37:23

1973

2013

CEL

EBR

3 DAY ANZAC Western Front

4 DAY ANZAC Raid

£319

£240

23-25 Apr 2013

Visits Ypres, Lille, The Somme, Villers-Bretonneux & Amiens.

5 DAY ANZAC Patrol 22-26 Apr 2013

£285

Visits Istanbul & Gallipoli.

ANZAC

TOPDECK

AT I N G 4 0 Y E

23-26 Apr 2013

Visits Istanbul & Gallipoli.

8 DAY ANZAC Sortie 19-26 Apr 2013

£450

Visits Istanbul, Bursa, Kusadasi, Ephesus, Pergamon, Bergama, Troy and Gallipoli.

Festivals in Europe

14 DAY ANZAC Expedition 13-26 Apr 2013

£660

Visits Istanbul, Ankara, Cappadocia, Konya, Antalya, Saklikent Gorge, Fethiye, Pamukkale, Kusadasi, Ephesus, Pergamon, Bergama, Troy and Gallipoli.

4 DAY St Patrick’s Day Dublin, Ireland 15-18 Mar 2013

£189

No one throws a party like the Irish – and there is no better time to experience this than on St Patrick’s Day! The streets of Dublin are filled with music, street theatre, comedy and more, “Cead mile failte” (A thousand welcomes).

4 DAY Las Fallas Valencia, Spain 17-20 Mar 2013

£169

The people of Valencia celebrate their patron saint’s day and the passing of winter with a fiery party of ferocious proportions. Over 400 spectacular effigies are constructed for one reason – to be burnt to a cinder to welcome in the new Spring.

L8291 / Y2992

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*Terms and conditions apply. Prices quoted are for specific departures only. All trips subject to availability. Discounts are off the base trip price only, and do not apply to food funds and local payments. Flights not included. Egypt trip price includes local payment based on $1 = £0.618, which must be paid locally in USD. Exchange rates correct at time of printing, and subject to currency fluctuations, depending when payment is made. Offer subject to availability. This discount can be combined up to a maximum of 20% using one standard brochure discount with the exception of the ‘Early Payment Option’. Please contact our friendly team for further details. The discount does not apply to Food Fund or pre/post accommodation. Normal cancellation conditions apply. Topdeck reserves the right to withdraw this offer at any time. See online for full terms and conditions.

08/02/2013 20:37:39

UP TO

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TRAVEL

Europe in Winter

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Ski Trips Austria

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13 DAY Nile & Beyond Dep. 3 March 2013

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08/02/2013 20:37:44

amazing festivals 2013 pamplona & bilbao BBK live 6, 7, 8 day options From £389 pp

Bilbao BBK Live, Spain’s #1 music festival & the legendary Pamplona Running of the Bulls are all yours on THESE combined trips.

Hotel from £655 pp (7 or 8 day) Jul 8th -14th 2013

Your

• • • • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Experienced & professional Contiki Tour Manager City centre hotel accommodation, walking distance from the action Welcome party Walking tours of Pamplona & Bilbao Running of the Bulls t-shirt & pañuelo 3 breakfasts Private coach transfer from Pamplona to Bilbao 3 day festival ticket to BBK Live

Camping from £389 pp 8 days / Jul 8th -15th 2013 from £455 pp 6 days / Jul 9th - 14th 2013

Your

• • • • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Private coach transfer from Pamplona to Bilbao 3 day festival ticket to BBK Live Exclusive Contiki camping area (pre-set up) On-site Contiki Bilbao Team Hot breakfast daily Walking tour of Bilbao Welcome dinner & sangria party Contiki Running of the Bulls t-shirts & pañuelo

bilbao BBK live 5 days From £495 pp

July 10th - 14th 2013 With 360 views over Bilbao in sunny Spain, BBK attracts the big names, but has an intimate festival feeling you’ll love. See acts spread across the 3 main stages, With confirmed acts including Green Day, Kings of Leon, Fatboy Slim and tonnes more 2013 is going to epic. Keep updated on 2013 at contiki.com/bilbao.

Your

• • • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Central city hotel accommodation Welcome party in Bilbao 3 day festival ticket to BBK Live Regular free shuttles up to the festival grounds Experienced & professional Contiki Tour Manager 1 breakfast City walking tour

For our full range of festivals & short trips see TNT-DPS Contiki TNT_1537_086 86 Feb 4-4.indd 1-2

08/02/2013 20:37:48

TRAVEL

BACKSTAGE PASS TO EUROPE When you travel Europe, you want to do it right. You want special treatment and exclusive access that turns a regular trip into the trip of a lifetime. That’s why Contiki offers you a Backstage Pass to Europe. It’s a combination of many things, exclusive to us, that give you unrivalled value and sets the Contiki experience apart for the rest.

oktoberfest 4, 5, 6, 7 day options From £195 pp Sept 19th - Oct 7th 2013

pamplona

4, 5, 6, 7 day options From £195 pp

July 3rd - 16th 2013 Run! Play your part in Spain’s legendary San Fermín & the infamous bull run through Pamplona’s city streets. Feel the adrenaline rush as you don your red & white & literally run for cover - this festival is not to be missed. With our extra special inclusions like a welcome party, free transfers to & from the city, hot breakfasts daily, included funky festival t-shirts, great party nights & pre-set up tents, it’s too easy.

Your

• • • • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Campsite accommodation with access to the pool, bar, restaurant & shop facilities Large twin-share tents & comfy air mattresses - already set up for you Continental & hot breakfasts daily Welcome dinner & sangria party Morning coach transfers to the bull run, plus regular free transfers to Pamplona’s city centre throughout the day Walking tour of Pamplona - see Plaza de Castillo, the Baroque town hall, Estafeta Street & the famous bullring Experienced & professional Contiki Pamplona Team & Tour Drivers Contiki Running of the Bulls t-shirt & pañuelo

Girls grab your dirndl, guys don some lederhosen & head to Munich. The vibe will have you indulging in steins, whilst singing & dancing like only the Germans can. Try wurst, succulent half-chickens & pretzels & if you feel like taking a break from the beer halls, head to the amusement park or market stalls for some action. With free day trips, breakfast included daily, options on how you travel, plus our awesome team to complete the experience, Contiki is the only way to do Oktoberfest.

Camping from £195 pp Hostel from £305 pp Hotel from £415 pp Your

• • • • • •

backstage pass

includes:

Breakfast daily Regular free coach transfers from accommodation to festival site Visit to the moving Dachau concentration camp memorial Orientation tour of Munich Experienced & professional Contiki Oktoberfest Team & Tour Drivers Contiki Oktoberfest t-shirt

contiki.com/festivals l 0845 026 8900 TNT_1537_087 87

TNTMAGAZINE.COM

08/02/2013 10:47 08/02/2013 20:37:52

TRAVEL

Travelling to Europe on a Walkabout? Cover valid throughout EU and other countries* Cover available for Campers including Vans Cover for periods ranging from 15 days to 1 year No permanent address needed, documents can be emailed Overseas driving licence acceptable *for more detailed information visit

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tntMagazine.com

08/02/2013 20:37:53

TRAVEL

PADDY’S DAY THE PERFECT DUBLIN WEEKEND!

 4 Days Hostel 15-18 MAR £189  3 Days Hotel 16-18 MAR £189 ✔ Central Dublin Accom ✔ Paddy’s Day Parade

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ANZAC DAY

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GALLIPOLI TOURS

 3 Day Tour 24-26 APR £199  4 Day Tour 23-26 APR fr£239  5 Day Tour 22-26 APR fr£279  8 Day Tours 20-27 APR or 22-29 APR  15/16 Day Tours 11-26 APR or 22 APR-6 MAY

AS FEATURED ON CHANNEL NINE!

fr£389 fr£589

WESTERN FRONT TOUR

CIAO ITALIA CHECK OUT THE BEST ITALY HAS TO OFFER!

 7 Days JUN-AUG £299 ✔ Rome ✔ Florence ✔ Cinque Terre ✔ Pisa ✔ Venice ✔ Milan

GREEK

ISLANDS

LA TOMATINA £149 fr£179 fr£379

£149 £749 £349 £399 £229

GREEK ISLANDS

GREEK ISLAND PARTY HOPPER  9 Days JUL-AUG £399 Tours start in Athens every Saturday ✔ Mykonos ✔ Ios ✔ Santorini ✔ Athens ✔ High speed ferries ✔ Breakfasts ✔ Fanatics Tour Rep ✔ Parties

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PALIO SIENA ITALY’S CRAZY 350 YEAR OLD FESTIVAL  Hostel Package 14-17 AUG £149 ✔ Florence ✔ Pisa ✔ Siena ✔ Coach transfers  Palio + La Tomatina Odyssey 15-29 AUG

PAMPLONA THE INCREDIBLE RUNNING OF THE BULLS!  3 Days Pamps/San Seb Camping 4-15 JUL  Italy-Barcelona-Pamps 26 JUN-8 JUL  Barcelona + Pamplona Fiesta 2-8 JUL  Pamplona + Ibiza Combo 5-11 JUL  San Sebastian + Pamps 3-8 or 5-10 JUL  Coach Tours Depart 3 or 4 JUL fr£279  4 Day San Sebastian Hostel 5-8 JUL £269  4 Day Pamplona Hotel 5-8 JUL £339

WWI French & Belgian Battlefields + Anzac Day Services  Eurostar Tour 23-25 APR £299  Make Own Way 23-25 APR £279

THE WORLD’S BIGGEST FOOD FIGHT!  4 Days Beach Camping 26-29 AUG  4 Days Hostel/3 Days Hotel 26/27-29 AUG  Ibiza + La Tom Combos 24-29 AUG or 26 AUG-1 SEP  Barcelona & Italy Combo tours also available!

WE SAIL CROATIA’S BEST ISLANDS & ROUTE! ✔ Split ✔ Markaska ✔ Mljet ✔ Dubrovnik ✔ Korcula ✔ Vela Luca ✔ Hvar ✔ Bol ✔ Brac  CAT A+: JUN fr£389 JUL fr£469 AUG fr£449 SEP fr£399  CAT A: JUL fr£379 AUG fr£399 SEP fr£379

£989

BEERFEST IN MUNICH! 20 SEP-7 OCT  8 Days Prague & Buda Fest SAT-SAT  6 Days Coach Tours THU-TUE  4 Days Camping FRI-MON  4 Days Hostel FRI-MON  4 Days Hotel FRI-MON

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BOOK ONLINE NOW! www.thefanatics.com or call 0207 240 3223 COVENT GARDEN OFFICE 1st

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08/02/2013 20:37:54

TRAVEL

Next Stop? CHEAPEST VACCINATIONS ONLINE VACCINATION SEARCH NO CONSULTATION FEE!

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WEEKEND BREAKS EDINBURGH BY RAIL from £179 15th February. Return rail travel & transfers, 2 nights B&B hotel accom, guided city sightseeing tour, plenty of free time & Tour Manager.

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AMSTERDAM & BRUGGE from £179

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1st March. Return coach & ferry travel, sightseeing in Amsterdam & Brugge, 2 nights B&B hotel accommodation, visit to Cheese & Clog factory & Tour Manager.

41400

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PARIS BY EUROSTAR from £229 8th March. Return Eurostar & transfers, 2 nights B&B hotel accom, guided city sightseeing tour, plenty of free time & Tour Manager.

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Saturday March 9 & Sunday March 10

DAY TRIPS Sat 16th Feb - Oxford and Stratford from Sun 17th Feb - Brighton from

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LUXURY MINI COACH TOURS Want more of a personal experience? Try one of our small group tours with no more than 15 passengers. We will pick you up from anywhere within Zone 1. You choose the location for your convenience!

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08/02/2013 20:37:58

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07/02/2013 12:21:39

FREIGHT

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07/02/2013 12:21:51

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07/02/2013 12:22:18

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Calling all sports loving backpackers! LIVE-IN CARERS REQUIRED EARN UP TO £595.00 PER WEEK Nurses and experienced carers needed to join our friendly team to help make a difference in someone’s life - Self-employed. Experience not always essential - Flexible dates, fit travel plans around work - Client specific training - Great support from our experienced team

Please call: 020 7183 6686 www.trinityhomecare.co.uk Office located in Wimbledon

Trusted to care since 1996

chefs/bar/CATERING CHEF DE PARTIES - ONGOING TEMP / PERM Casual / Freelance Chef De Parties and above required for Fine Dining, Pop- Up Restaurants, 5 Star Hotels, VIP areas for Sporting Events, High End Event Caterers in and around London,

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Apply by CV sarah@heatlondon.com | malin@heatlondon.com

www.heatlondon.com | 0203 142 7117

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for Event Catering companies within Central London.

Come and make great money selling advertising and hospitality packages at major sporting events. Great work environment Basic + Commission + Regular Bonus. West London based, valid UK work visa required.

Phone Jo: 020 31371880

Exclusive night club in Piccadilly Circus is looking for new TABLE DANCERS No experience necessary Full time and part time positions available Our dancers earn a fantastic living Please call Suzanne on 0207 439 3558 17-19 Great Windmill St, Piccadilly, London, W1

www.windmillinternational.com

ADULT SERVICES

Top London Escorts 0208 577 7713 / 0207 439 2223 Full security service transport to and from work (and interview). First class facilities. Start immediately earn upto £1000 a day. Call us 24hrs 7days a week.

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£9.00-£12.50 p/h. Weekly pay, flexible hours, 7 days p/w. CV, Qual, Passport, Hyg Cert ess. Tel: 0208 946 6342 or 0208 944 1609 Email: claire@claireschefs.com (Agy)

30=, 05 16): Call Dee Cooper for immediate Bar/waiting live - in jobs across England & Scotland. Jobs in everyday for couples and singles plus great chef jobs too! Call 01764 670001 or email dee@livein-jobs.demon.co.uk

clearance sale

Furniture ClearanCe Sale 13th Feb - 28th Feb 2013 Postcode - Cr26BH (South Croydon) Contact details - Chrissy 07565 702189 Kleon 07725 265868

car hire

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DESPERATELYSEEKING

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Post your message at tntmagazine.com/seeking or email seeking@tntmagazine.com. Text TNT and your message to 81707* The power cuts out, the shower’s no better than being pissed on by a small horse and the flood through the kitchen and into the living room was the final straw. I already feel less stabby in my new digs. Gonna miss the Cricklewood crew though. Marky Mark PICK UP THE PHONE: Righto lads, I know it’s easier to take rejection if you chat via text, but a phone call will cut the chances of that happening. As long as it’s not

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THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

#516 Audition for a Beyoncé-trumping slot at next year’s Super Bowl half-time show

at 3am asking for a root, the chick will likely appreciate it. If you have her number, she’s OK with you calling it. Man up! Bea CLASSIC HITS: Only Holly and the Diva can get me cranking out The Gambler, Total Eclipse Of The Heart and Suspicious Minds at karaoke on a school night – next time we should invite some others. Any takers? Ang TEXTUAL HARASSMENT: To ‘Big Boy’ who keeps sending me filthy messages. I don’t know how you got my number or who you think I am, but please, please stop

again. Since you puked on the sofa, the smell has lingered and we’ve been finding flecks on the wall all week. It’s a hotel for you next time you’re in London, buddy. Clara BEAM UP THE SCOTTIES: They should make it Five Nations again and kick Scotland out – simply the worst, most infuriating bunch of almost rans if ever I saw them. Glad I am not Scottish, that is all I can say. Al IT WAS TASTY: You made the biggest pot of stew ever, but thought it looked more like soup, so you renamed it stewp. We

thought it looked more like sick, so named it spewk. Just saying. It did taste absolutely lovely though, please make more. Lots and lots! PET PEEVE: Who would think that the best way to clear up cat sick is with the Hoover? Clearly you did, Tomas, and that’s why the whole house, every bloody corner of it, smells like rotten, stale, feline vomit. You are a twat. End of. MUSE WANTED: My name is Keith, I write urban-fantasy/gothic steampunk novels. I’m looking for a muse. Someone who’ll inspire me to challenge the boundaries of my genre. You’ll obviously be into steampunk and fantasy fiction. I’m a pretty big name on the steampunk scene and attend lots of events, so I’m looking for someone who won’t get jealous. PANTS PARTY: I had an amazing time at TNT’s Waitangi Day party last Wednesday but I somehow ended up getting home without my lucky All Blacks boxers. They haven’t been handed in, so can whoever picked them up get in touch. They have huge sentimental value. Joba MISSING PERSON: Look Jenny, I don’t care that you’ve been in prison. I don’t care that you assaulted my mother on Christmas Day. I don’t care that you tried to sell my birth certificate to a Romanian cage fighter. I don’t care that you’re wanted in Japan for crimes against decency. You’re my Gran, and I love you, come home! SHORT & SWEET: Hey there, headwreck. Just wanted to say: YOU SUCK. Kate

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PM PROPOSAL : I love your soft, stubble-free face and gentle but firm right-wing ways, the way you refuse to bow to pressure from the millions who despise you and your lovely posh friends. I’ve waited for many years to ask this and now it’s nearly legal. David Cameron, will you marry me? Big Bear Barry LATINO LOVER : To the fruity little number I met at the Cuban bar in Waterloo. I can’t quite remember where you were from and by the time I’d got through all those mojitos I could no longer pronounce your name. But if you’re back there next Thursday, let’s have a Valentine’s snog. Pete BISCUIT BASH : I ordered loads of boxes of Tim Tams on the internet when I was drunk last week. Who’s up for a chocolate biccy party with the Goldhawk Road Crew? Tim Tam Tammy LITERARY LOVE : To the cutie with the dip-dyed hair who rides the Circle line from Holborn to Oxford Circus in the mornings: you look so sweet and smart. I love how you read books instead of crappy freebies (TNT excepted). James Joyce! You must have brains. I’m the ogler with a waxed moustache. Look for me checking you out. TOILET TERROR : Hey poo monster: the office toilet is a public space! I don’t know who you are, but please learn how to flush. I work hard … I don’t need to have my day interrupted by your sub-par diet habits! Ms Rabbit WASHED OUT: Good riddance to the shittest house on the block.

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Your essential list of contacts

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