1581 by TNT Magazine

May 2014 Issue 1581 tntmagazine.com

! IN W K AR GO SH

CAGE DIVING IN SOUTH AFRICA!

LONDON’S BURNS-ING Brendon Burns unleashed inside

LISTEN TO YOUR ART First ever Oz and NZ arts & literature festival comes to town

E F I L R U O Y F O RIDE ferent way if d a in ld r o see the w Be inspired to

+ BEST BEACH PARTIES OKTOBERFEST SORTED LET’S ALL GO TO ICELAND CHECK OUT CHINA

ISSUE 1581/ 1578/ £1.95

9 772051 605008

48 51

THIS MONTH LONDON DIARY 6 YOUR LONDON

LONDON INSIDER

FOOD 14 DRINK 15 CHATROOM

TRAVEL REVIEW

DIARY 36 EXPERIENCE: MALTA

UK TRIP: S/W ENGLAND

GUIDE TO: WEST USA

WEEKENDER: LIVERPOOL

TRAVEL TIPS 70 HOTSHOTS 72

LATE DEALS 73

ON THE COVER

SPORT ROUND-UP 76 ANTHONY LAFFRANCHI 78 FOCUS: PREMIER LEAGUE

Brendon Burns unleashed inside

RIDE OF YOUR LIFE

Be inspired to see the world in a new way

LISTEN TO YOUR ART

LIFESTYLE STUFF

LONDON’S BURNS-ING

First ever Oz and NZ arts & lit fest in town

BEST BEACH PARTIES

SHOPPING 85

Where to dance all night under the stars

HEALTH: HAVE A QUICKIE 86

LET’S ALL GO TO ICELAND 48

CAREERS: HOSPITALITY

Discover the Land of Fire and Ice

MONEY

OKTOBERFEST SORTED

LIVING: TRAVEL INSURANCE 94

The lowdown on the ultimate beer fest

DESPERATELY SEEKING 98

CHECK OUT CHINA

CLASSIFIEDS 93 4

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Join us on this month’s big trip...

EDITORIAL Editor Caroline Garnar Online Editor Vicky Anscombe TNT Australia Editorial Ian Armitage Contributors Michael Gadd l Rachael Getzels Charlotte Lennon l Harriet Sinclair Katherine Weir l Tom Coote l Benedict Cooper Stephanie Palmer EDITORIAL ENQUIRIES 0203 011 1066 To contact the various editorial departments via email please use the following email addresses: entertainment@tntmagazine.com lifestyle@tntmagazine.com sport@tntmagazine.com travel@tntmagazine.com SALES/MARKETING/EVENTS Sales manager Jaqui Ward EMAIL jaqui.ward@tntmagazine.com Sales Executive Matt Syder PHONE 0207 989 0491 EMAIL matt.syder@tntmagazine.com DESIGN / PRODUCTION Head of design and production Lisa Ferron PHONE 01225 284107 EMAIL lisa.ferron@tntmagazine.com SUBSCRIPTIONS / DISTRIBUTION Manager Caroline Penn PHONE 01603 559 004 EMAIL caroline.penn@tntmagazine.com ACCOUNTS Emma Overton EMAIL emma.overton@tntmagazine.com Credit controller Abby Nightingale EMAIL abby.nightingale@tntmagazine.com STARTRACK MEDIA LTD Directors Kevin Ellis, Ken Hurst Stuart Bidgood PUBLISHER Startrack Media Limited DISTRIBUTION Emblem Direct Ltd PRINTED BY Wyndeham Peterborough Limited NEWS AAP PICTURES Getty Images, TNT Images, Thinkstock TNT Magazine , 114 Coppergate House, 16 Brune Street, London E1 7NJ tntmagazine.com

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FROM THE EDITOR I like to think of myself as an adventurous sort: I’ve travelled to far-flung places, lived abroad, jumped out of planes and worn pink and orange at the same time. Yep, crazy. But then I met six people who give new meaning to the word ‘intrepid’. From a cyclist setting off on a climb five times the height of Everest to a global nomad who jacked in his 9-5 to go wherever his sense of freedom fancies. Turn to page 20 to be seriously inspired. Even if you can only afford a mini-adventure, turn to our travel section where you can find out the best beach parties in the world (p38) and what to expect at Oktoberfest – alongside the gallons of beer, of course (p52). Plus you can choose from far-flung West Coast USA (p56) and China (p60) to closer-to-home Malta (p40) and Iceland (p48), or stick with the doorstep destinations of Liverpool (p68) and south-west England (p44). If it’s home you’re longing for, you’re in luck, as Australia and New Zealand are coming to London in the following forms: Brendon Burns, the inaugural Australia and New Zealand Festival of Literature and Arts, Sir Edmund Hillary (well, on film at least), and the haka dance. Aussie Burns, who certainly isn’t afraid of saying the ‘c’ word, or the ‘f’ word, or anything else for that matter, is appearing at the Udderbelly Festival this month and the Soho Theatre in July. Turn to page 16 for our fittingly unpredictable and funny interview with the man you love to hate, or probably haven’t heard of... Us Antipodeans can do high-brow too, and so for the first time ever there is set to be a whole London festival dedicated to the art and literature of Australia and New Zealand. See page 26 for what to expect at the event, plus mini interviews with some of the musicians, actors and historians appearing. Elsewhere, Kiwis should get themselves to the cinema to watch Leanne Pooley’s Beyond the Edge 3D (p30), which documents and re-creates Sir Hillary’s journey to the summit of Everest. Also, head for Greenwich Park where New Zealand dancer and choreographer Corey Baker will be performing a version of the haka, getting all around involved (p6). Everybody now: “Kikiki kakaka kauana!” Enjoy!

All thieves of TNT bins will be prosecuted. Editor’s image by photsolutions.me

caroline.garnar@tntmagazine.com

The Cat Empire

Barcelona, you beauty

World Cup guide

TNT Magazine is printed on paper from sustainable forests. There is no business connection between the proprietors of this magazine and TNT Ltd, the worldwide transportation group. Copyright here and abroad of all original materials is held by TNT Magazine. Reproduction in whole or part is forbidden, except with permission of the publishers. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

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THIS MONTH’S TOP PICKS STREETFEST 2014

THE GREAT ESCAPE

May 4

May 8-11

What better way to spend the early May bank holiday Sunday than at the UK’s premiere street festival, StreetFest? The Hackney Wick event brings the best in urban street culture and it has a ‘past, present and future’ theme this year. Ms Dynamite headlines.

May is something of a festival hotbed and if it’s new music you want, the Great Escape Festival is a must. Spread across 32 venues, it has loads of great emerging artists such as Aussie band Dune Rats. It’s in sunny Brighton, less than an hour on the train from London.

1pm-11pm Forman’s Fish Island, E3 2NT Stratford streetfest.net

12pm-2am Various venues Brighton Station greatescapefestival.com

£18

£49

MAY’S MUST DO SUB AUDIO FESTIVAL May 24 & 25 We love a silent disco, so we are very excited about this UK first on Clapham Common, not least because it is over the spring bank holiday. Organised by Gigalum Bar, more than 70 DJs will beam their tunes over three channels to the headsets of the 1,000 party-goers. Don’t forget to take off your earphones now and again for a good laugh at everyone. Tickets are going fast! £23

Listen up: Sub Audio Festival

IBIZA COMES TO LONDON

12pm-10.30pm

Clapham Common

subaudiofestival.co.uk

A HAKA DAY OUT

ANIME WEEKEND

May 12

May 16-18

Can’t make it to the Balearics this summer? No worries as for four days this month, premium rum brand Brugal is creating the ultimate Ibiza bazaar in the heart of Shoreditch, Brugal Emporio Eivissa. Expect market stalls, cooling cocktails and the best of the beats.

New Zealand dancer and choreographer Corey Baker is devising and presenting his new work, ‘A Haka Day Out’ at London’s Greenwich Park this month. His Kapa Haka Tale brings the myth and legend of the Maori to life in a brand new outdoor production designed to tour around rugby fields in 2015.

Whether you are a fan of anime or you’re just a big kid who can’t resist a cartoon, Anime Weekend will tick your boxes. It will showcase some of the best anime to come out of Japan in the past two years, including representations from popular franchises Ghost in the Shell and Evangelion.

Foodies Festival Marble Hill is for, erm, foodies, as the name suggests. And it’s big. More than 30,000 visitors are expected over the spring bank holiday event, which will celebrate fine food and drink in a beautiful outdoor setting (the parkland of Marble Hill House near Richmond).

Thu 4pm-late, then noon-late Rockwell House, EC2A 3NN Shoreditch High Street @emporioeivissa on Twitter

1.30pm Greenwich Park North Greenwich coreybakerdance.com

Various times BFI Southbank, W1T 1LN Waterloo bfi.org.uk

7pm-8.30pm Marble Hill Park, TW1 2NL St Margarets Railway Station foodiesfestival.com

May 8-11

May 24-26 FREE

FREE

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FOODIES FESTIVAL MARBLE HILL

£8+

£15

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NATWEST T20 BLAST: MIDDLESEX V ESSEX, MIDDLESEX V SUSSEX May 17 Lord’s will host the first ever domestic T20 group stage double-header when Sussex and Essex take on Middlesex at the Home of Cricket on Saturday, May 17. The adult ticket price of £25 for the entire day represents excellent value for two games of first-class T20 cricket. £25

Gates open at 10.30am Lord’s Cricket Ground, NW8 8QN St John’s Wood lords.org

A SIMPLE SPACE

THE BIG BURN

May 30-June 6

May 31

A Simple Space is a show from one of Australia’s hottest young circus ensembles. This is circus in its purest form so ‘roll up, roll up’ and prepare to be blown away by a new kind of spectacle – you’ll gasp in astonishment, sigh in relief and smile. Lots.

It’s not long now until your beach body will be on display, and this is probably the last chance you’ll get to tone things up before the summer. Join fitness legends including Darcey Bussell and Josie Gibson for mass participation fitness classes – up to 7,500 people are expected. Feel the burn!

Words: Ian Armitage. Photos: Getty, Facebook, supplied

£12+

Tue-Fri 7.30pm, Sat 2.30pm & 6pm, and Sunday 6pm Southbank Centre, SE1 8XX Waterloo udderbelly.co.uk

£28+

7pm-8.30pm Alexandra Palace, N22 7AY Wood Green bigburn.co.uk

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These pretty ladies might just Change Your Life. Or not

Imelda Staunton is superb in Good People

Envy: Get thinking at the 7 Deadly Sins exhibition

COMEDY NIGHTS

EXHIBITIONS

THEATRE

IRISH COMEDY FESTIVAL’S EDINBURGH PREVIEW SEASON MAY 3 & 10 / 7PM / £7.50 A season of Edinburgh preview gigs (funnily enough) from that ‘tirty-tree’ lot.

7 DEADLY SINS UNTIL MAY 15 / 6.30PM / £28.50 A reminder of what not to do comes in a creative form at new site, The Unit.

GOOD PEOPLE UNTIL JUNE 14 / 7.30PM / £10-52 David Lindsay-Abaire’s acerbically funny, touching look at the way that wealth divides.

Seven Dials

Noel Coward Theatre

London Irish Centre

Covent Garden

Camden Square, NW1 9XB Camden Town

Covent Garden

St. Martin’s Lane, WC2N 4AU theunitldn.com

DANIEL KITSON & SOME COLLEAGUES MAY 17 / 9.45PM / £15 Comedy benefit in aid of The Neuro Foundation also featuring Tony Law and Simon Munnery.

DYLAN & HENDRIX MAY 6-18 / 10.30AM-6.30PM / Free Rockarchive.com has teamed up with Olympus Cameras to dedicate an exhibition to rock gods until the end of the year. Who’s up next? Bob Dylan and Jimi Hendrix.

Leicester Square Theatre

Olympus Rockarchive Image Space Gallery

LDNIrishComedy

6 Leicester Pl, WC2H 7BX Leicester Sq

Leicester Sq

goodpeopletheplay.com

twitter.com/

leicestersquaretheatre.com

199 Bishopsgate, EC2M 3TY Street

Liverpool

rockarchive.com/galleries/london

1984 UNTIL JULY 19 / 7.30PM / £19.84-52.50 George Orwell’s chilling vision of a doomed, defiant love affair in a dystopian state is strikingly reimagined. Playhouse Theatre Northumberland Avenue, WC2N 5DE Embankment playhousetheatrelondon.com

AMUSED MOOSE LAUGH OFF MAY 17 / 7.30PM / £10 The semi-final of the comedy comp. Headlined by multi-award winning Phil Nichol and hosted by Mark Dolan. Who will amoose you?

LONDON MUSEUMS AT NIGHT MAY 15-16 / 6.30PM / FREE Thirteen museums are taking part in these twighlight viewings, including The British Museum and The British Library.

WOLF HALL & BRING UP THE BODIES UNTIL SEPT 6 / 6.30PM / £10-59 The Royal Shakespeare Company’s gripping six-hour, two-play adaptation of Hilary Mantel’s prize-winning history novels.

Moonlighting Nightclub

Various London venues

Aldwych Theatre

17 Greek Street, W1D 4DR

Malet Place, WC1E 6BT

Aldwych, WC2B 4DF

Covent Garden

Numerous

Covent Garden

amusedmoose.com

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culture24.org.uk

wolfhall.co.uk

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CLUB NIGHTS

GIGS

THE PROMISED LAND MAY 4 / 3PM-8AM / £10+ A journey through early Chicago House, ’80s and ’90s disco and a whole lot more, including a chance to see Ce Ce Rogers, named by the legend James Brown and considered one of the most popular male vocalists in house music. It’s an all-day and all-night party at London’s Egg club – what better way to spend a bank holiday Sunday? Answers on a Post-it...

NATALIE MERCHANT MAY 10 & 11 / 6.30PM / £30-35 To coincide with the release of her new selftitled album by Nonesuch Records, multiplatinum American singer Natalie Merchant will perform two concerts at the Milton Court Concert Hall on May 10 and 11. It’s a rare opportunity to see a fantastic singer in an intimate setting, as she returns with her first collection of entirely original songs in 13 years.

Egg London

Milton Court Concert Hall

200 York Way, Kings Cross, N7 9AX

Silk St, EC2Y 8DS

Caledonian Road

Barbican

egglondon.net

VISIT THIS

barbican.org.uk

Sings from the heart: Laurie Levine

RHS CHELSEA FLOWER SHOW

St Vincent: aka singer/songwriter Annie Clark

HYPERDUB’S 10TH BIRTHDAY TAKEOVER AT FABRICLIVE MAY 23 / 11PM-7AM / £20 To celebrate turning 10, the Hyperdub label will take over all three rooms of Fabric. What a party. Fabric 77A Charterhouse St, EC1M 6HJ Farringdon

fabriclondon.com

LAURIE LEVINE MAY 13 & 14 / 8PM & 7PM / £8 Award-winning South African singer/songwriter, Laurie Levine returns to tour the UK in May. Listen carefully to her lyrics as they always tell a story thanks to her love for folk and country. The Half Moon & Green Note 93 Lower Richmond Rd, SW15 1EU & 106 Parkway, NW1 7AN

VENETIAN SNARES MAY 24 / 10PM-6AM / £17 Soundcrash presents a rare and exclusive headline show with Aaron Funk, the sonic terrorist best known for his work as Venetian Snares for an all nighter at Scala. Scala 275 Pentonville Rd, N1 9NL King’s Cross

soundcrashmusic.com

East Putney & Camden Town laurielevine.co.za

TORI AMOS MAY 15 / 7.30PM / £56.05+ What a setting in which to see one of the most respected songwriters of the last 20 years. Royal Albert Hall Kensington Gore, SW7 2AP

Photos: Getty, Supplied

South Kensington

royalalberthall.com

WE ARE FSTVL AFTERPARTY MAY 24 / 11PM-11AM / £28.50 The epic We Are Fstvl Afterparty features Kerri Chandler, Martinez, Sascha Dive and No Artificial Colours at Egg London.

LITTLE MIX MAY 25 / 6.30PM / £28.50 You know you want to... An evening with the X Factor winners at The O2. It’s in your DNA.

Egg London

The O2

200 York Way, Kings Cross, N7 9AX

Peninsula Square, SE10 0DX

Caledonian Road

North Greenwich

egglondon.net

Every year the Chelsea Flower Show Gardens are simply awesome. Created especially for the event in the grounds of the Royal Hospital in Chelsea, you have to take the chance to see some of the extraordinary horticultural displays. It really is the world’s premier gardening spectacular and one of the bookends in the social calendar that heralds the arrival of summer. Indeed, most years about 150,000 people turn up. You don’t have to be obsessed with prize-winning orchids to enjoy a pleasant stroll past the various sweet-smelling stalls or the weird and wonderful creations. Last year a team of young Aussies won Best in Show with their recreation of an Australian billabong. The landscape-style garden complete with lush foliage, a waterfall and recorded bush frog sounds, was the first Australian entry to receive the top prize at the competition. This year’s show starts on May 20 and runs until May 24 but the first two days are reserved for members only. You can see the gardens by twilight on Friday May 23, while being treated to an evening of light opera, courtesy of Opera Holland Park. How sophisticated! Fingers crossed it doesn’t rain. rhs.org.uk

theo2.co.uk

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READER’S PIC OF THE MONTH

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ASK THE BOGANS

Got a problem? No worries, mate – the lads from Bogan Bingo are here...

We love this snap that Laura Burns sent to us. She was on the Southbank the other day with her mum and saw this bubblicious scene unfolding. We especially like how all the adults are standing very far back (are they scared of getting hurt by the bubbles?), but the jolly child at the front is enjoying the soapy spheres to the max. His favourite TV programme is a soap opera. Probably.

STATUS UPDATE What’s been happening on our social media accounts this month... When we wrote a scathing news story about a certain advert that suggested ladies were manly if they didn’t wax, we were delighted by your responses on Facebook. “Women, know thyself and remove that masculine hair – what a load of BS!” crowed Santini More, a lady clearly after our own heart. “Having a penis would make me more masculine,” mused Emma Tierney, while Annika Akerlund-Wheble, who may or may not have lost the thread of the conversation, suggested men should start wearing heels. However, all was not lost – some girls thought the ad was a bit of fun, nothing more. “This is the best ad ever!” wrote Melissa Flentjar. Well, you know what they say – different strokes for different levels of hairiness... Want to have your say or see your photo in print? Email the online editor at vicky.anscombe@tntmagazine.com

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Hi Geraldine, We’re not sure what the problem is here? Bath is an easy 90-minute journey from London Paddington via train which runs all day on Friday, or you can drive by car along the M4 or M5 motorways. You could also take the coach from Victoria station, which is cheaper but its takes a bit longer. Don’t forget to pack your sexy undies and don’t worry about the hot guy’s feelings – us blokes have this ability to just bounce back after being used for sex.

Got a problem? Need some advice? No fear. Submit your questions to info@boganbingo.co.uk and the boys will do everything they can to solve it. No worries! Don’t miss Bogan Bingo every Thursday night from 8pm at The Slug at Fulham. There’s more than £400 worth of prizes up for grabs each week from Travel Talk. boganbingo.co.uk

Photos: Supplied. Words: Vicky Anscombe

Want TNT delivered to your inbox five days a week? Of course you do! Visit tntmagazine.com to sign up and you can opt to receive any, or all, of the below: Monday: News & Sport – what’s happening in the world, plus all the big sports results and stories. Tuesday: Jobs – whether you’re jobless and on the hunt, or just hate the place you’re at now, check out these job vacancies and TNT’s career advice. Wednesday: Travel – We give you the chance to book your perfect break through TNT Tour Search as well as round-up the late deals and travel news. Thursday: London Living – This is our practical and not-so-practical guide to making the most of life in this great city. Friday: Entertainment – It’s the weekend! Woop! We tell you how to fill it, as well as the week ahead.

Dear Bogans, I’ve had an ongoing flirty relationship with a hot guy at work and I think it’s getting close to going to the next level. I’m fine with that, but I’m only in it for a good time and I really don’t want to confuse him into thinking it’s more. I’m supposed to be leaving for a training weekend in Bath on Friday and he’ll be staying in the same hotel as me – I don’t know what to do! Geraldine, Clapham

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TRYTHIS Break the Barrier powerboat trip I often find sightseeing boring. There, I said it. You walk along at a snail’s pace and stare up at buildings, straining to hear the tour guide – even when you can hear them you realise you’ve tuned out anyway and have no idea what they’re on about. Much (I repeat, much) more fun is a powerboat tour with RIB Voyages. Granted, the sightseeing is secondary – mainly because everything’s a bit of a blur as you speed past it at 35kmph on the 12m-long aero-dynamically designed fiberglass ‘Thames Rocket’ (read: a cool powerboat), but you do pause to take a look at the stunning Greenwich Maritime Institute, the giant marquee that is the O2, and the Thames Barrier. Aside from these iconic sights, it is the slightly less scenic end of the Thames, but the reason for heading in this direction is because it’s the ‘high speed zone’. So those slow Thames cruises can eat our spray. Even better is the ‘Best of British’ soundtrack with iconic British music (think The Beatles, Oasis et al) accompanied by the unmistakable voices of Winston Churchill, Peggy Mitchell, Del Boy and Mayor of London Boris Johnson. On our trip we also set sail to the Baywatch soundtrack and many other sea/ boat/speed-themed tunes (who knew there were so many?). Couple this with a driver who has a penchant for twists

and turns, plus the occasional shower of Thames water spray (not enough to give you some sort of weird disease, don’t worry) and you have a seriously fun tour on your hands. We tried it out on a Sunday and think it should be medically prescribed as a hangover cure as it sure as hell freshened us up – and gave us some pretty interesting hair dos. Definitely the preferred option of seeing the sites: no more snail’s pace for me, ta. By Caroline Garnar £39.95; couples: £75; under 14s: £31.50; family: £135 private charter (12): £425 londonribvoyages.com

OURLONDON When we want to chill out we... Jump into the Hampstead Heath Bathing Ponds in mid-winter. The men and women’s ponds are both open all year round and attract a hardy community of swimmers. Sometimes you even have to break the ice.

and brilliantly curated temporary exhibitions, it’s the best place in London to tread the margins between science and the arts.

The most interesting person we’ve met in London is... Nick Papadmitriou. A self-styled ‘deep topographer’, he’s spent years rambling around the North Middlesex Tertiary Escarpment. We got talking to him after he heckled us during a night hike across London. You can watch The London Perambulator, a film about Nick, on You Tube. Since we met him he’s published a brilliant book, Scarp, about his deep topographic adventures.

What we love most about London is... It’s bottomlessness. There is no end to the discoveries you can make here.

Our perfect weekend would be... Spending 24 hours sitting on a bench in Trafalgar Square watching the city shift about us. Then spending the second 24 hours walking 10 miles along the south bank of the Thames, and 10 miles back along the north bank.

Five words that sum up London are... Sprawling, seething, heaving, seductive and wild. Henry and Matt create Curiocity, an alternative A to Z of London in maps. You can buy issues through curiocity.org.uk and in selected bookshops across London.

For when you’re hungover in London you can’t beat... A goodly fry at the Phoenix Cafe in Brixton. Be sure to ask for the bubble and squeak. Our favourite spot in London is... The Wellcome Collection. With its insane permanent exhibition ‘Medicine Man’ (structured around great human themes: birth, death, sex and chairs to name but four)

HENRY & MATT CURIOCITY.ORG.UK TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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BITE SIZE

XXXXXX

OH WE DO LOVE TO BE BESIDE THE SEASIDE This XXXXX May hit the beach – in east

London! XxxxxxxxThe Hoxton Hotel is offering an old-fashioned seaside break with a twist [web]for those fed up with the sweaty city. Hoxton On Sea will be open to avid sunbathers, foodies XXXXX and anyone looking to turn back the Xxxxxxxx clock with some nostalgic fun. Lean back in your deck chair, grab a drink [web] from the Pimms bar and feast on knickerbockerglories, candyfloss, sticks XXXXX of rock and fish and chip cones. Xxxxxxxx hoxtonhotels.com [web]

FARSI FOOD Have a taste of the Middle East on the go at Dindin Kitchen. This new Holborn eatery mixes traditional Persian cuisine with modern tastes. Diners can eat in or grab some food to go and the menu consists of salads, flatbreads, soups and more. dindinkitchen.com

ROXIE Steakhouse

I usually find that steakhouses fall into one of two categories: 1. It goes down the hoedown route with cowboy paraphernalia and cheap steaks that tend to be as tough as the cowboy boots hanging from the wall. 2. It serves premium-quality steaks, but charges a fortune and serves them with four chips and a splodge of sauce. Roxie, though, is a different beast. This unassuming South African south-west London spot (we were at the new branch in Putney, but there’s also one in Fulham and Earlsfield) has a cosy and casual interior: the kind that doesn’t strike you as anything special, but seems to somehow emanate a warm glow, making you want to settle in for the night. And the steaks? The steaks are the holy grail of meat: top quality and yet very well priced. THE GRUB I had my doubts when I saw the 250g fillet for £13.95, thinking the meat would be poor quality. I was wrong. My knife sunk into the steak like it would into warm butter, and the superbly charred exterior added that delicious smokey taste to the rare softness inside. Granted, if you want it with sides (which of course you do), you’re looking at an added £2.95 for mash (creamy) or double-cooked chips (crispy on the outside, hot and fluffy on the inside) and from £1.95 for a sauce. But it’s so hard to deny them their extra coins when the manager admits they make a small margin on the meat, but it brings the punters in. And we can see why. BEHIND THE BAR My near-bucket of South African red Pinotage lasted me through the whole meal, so the near £10 price tag actually turned out to be good value. Oh, and don’t forget to end your evening with a Kalua-spiked milkshake. Delicious. BILL PLEASE Starters from £4.75, steak from £10.95, other mains from £8.95, burgers from £6.75. Beer from £3.75, wine from £4.85. VERDICT Just how a great steakhouse should be: no crazy theme, quality meat and respectable prices. These South Africans sure as hell ain’t cowboys. Caroline Garnar

A SLICE AND A PINT It seems crazy that, until now, London hasn’t had a grab, eat and go pizza bar, but Pizza Union says it is indeed bringing the first all-day pizza bar to London. The pizzas here are a nod to authentic Italian pizzerias – thin, crispy, affordable and ready in minutes. Order a super-fast pizza at the counter, grab your favourite Italian beer or wine to wash it down with and perch on a communal bar table to munch. Open from 11am to 11pm, this pizza parlour can double up as the place to start your night or to cure a hangover the following day – or both! pizzaunion.com

136 Upper Richmond Road, Putney, SW15 2SP

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East Putney

roxiesteak.co.uk

Photos: Supplied. Words: Charlotte Lennon

THE SCENE

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how You spEnd iT

cash saVers BUSABA EATHAI Restaurant & cocktail bar

Dreams come brew keiSha herBert, 24 We all know that JoB Market researcher Busaba Eathai has long enjoyed quiet popularity at its venues pounding headache from FroM Leeds throughout London, and the Hoxton branch has now raised the game with the Green too much cheap bubbly LiveS Bethnal unveiling of a brand new cocktail bar. The Far East meets east London at this the night before. Well trendy Thaiyour venue. The spicy colour scheme this year dream of aroma of Asian flavours, muted brown How do you budget? and cool, sunrise-esque yellow lighting are chic and atmospheric enough to have expenses and waking up hangover-free After monthly candaydreaming become a reality with while tattoos and vintage shoppingadding a bitas toamy savings, you of Thailand, bags serve 50% off a stellar bottlestill in Hoxton. I try to set myself a weekly firm reminder that you’re of champagne. UsuallyThai spices and flavours are prominent inspending amount. It can be BEHIND THE BAR Traditional the authentic, costing cocktail £29.75, menu. Heidsieck difficult when some weeks aromatic The Nam Thang Mo (rum blended with watermelon, Blue Top is £15 a pop at are busier than others, but kaffir lime, guava and chilli) was a real tropical treat, but if you’re in the mood Asda. Or you can opt for a I always try to go with the for something a bit stronger the Tamarind Negroni (gin, Martini, Campari and bottle of ‘I heart Prosecco’ cheapest options. tamarind really put some hairs on your chest. for £9.99syrup) fromwill Budgens, THE GRUB There’s a new & small plates menu, which is inspired by the Do Busaba Tesco.com, Rhythm you team’s have any tips for recent visit to Thailand. Por-pia jay and crispy rice cakes are perfect alongside the in London? Booze or Londis. saving money THE SCENE

glam Thai cocktails. Our favourites had to be the crispy taro chips and I try warm, to takechilli my own lunch a Fighting chance into work but I don’t always cashew nuts, which offer a seriously tasty twist on classic bar snacks. The origins of thefrom £7.50, small plates from £3.50. manage that. A Taste Card BILL PLEASE Cocktails term ‘Boxing Day’ are of the buzz surrounding it, this isn’t somewhere you’d VERDICT Definitely deserving undecided, but tipple we allbut do head here to try something different on special come for a casual know it’s due to the summer nights. Charlotte Lennon

snap it up Do some celeb stalking at super-star hangout Gilgamesh in Camden. The famous restaurant is offering 50% off its £55 set menu through December. Just try not to tussle with the professional outside, 3 OF THEpaps BEST waiting for a star spot. See lastminute.com ROOF TERRACES

Last big blow-out? I went to a second-hand clothes fair last month. Instead of leaving with a few cheap bargains, I ended up spending a lot more money than I imagined! I spent the last week of that month on a very small budget. What non-essential items do you spend money on? Each month I get something new to refresh my wardrobe. And if there’s a special occasion, that’s another excuse to hit the shops.

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❚ At least Beckham has earned his ridiculous fortune honestly – his old team, Manchester United, SOME LIKE IT HOXT are the most valuable sports The Queen Hoxton opens club in theofworld, clocking its glory this month, incrowning at £1.4 billion. the Rooftop Summer Club. It’s a vibrantcan venue ❚ Nothing get where in the way of business J-Lo and exyou can enjoyfor cocktails, BBQs, husband Marc Anthony. music and activities in the The divorced pair blisteringly hot still sun. co-own It’s free the Miami Dolphins. Looks entry and open noon-10pm. like a sports team is for life, queenofhoxton.com/rooftop not just for Christmas.

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punches that are thrown 319 Old Street EC1V 9LE Hoxton as eager shoppers try to get the best deals on the first day of major nationwide sales. Oxford Street will be prime territory with up to 70% off all high street brands. Get ready to rumble.

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‘I think I’m harmless’ Brendon Burns is the Marmite of the comic world. Although if you hate him, you simply don’t speak the language of funny mate INTERVIEW CAROLINE GARNAR

“Fucking Aussies man. Don’t get me fucking started.” It’s an interesting way to begin an interview with TNT. But, then, this is Brendon Burns, the Aussie expat comic who joked on stage, “I love Australia the same way I love my parents – they’re retarded and I have to.” I’m even more thrown off when mid-way into our call he says, “Hi, how you doing? Brendon.” I’m about to point out that we had already been introduced and talking for a number of minutes when he adds, “I just walked into my kitchen to see a strange young lady. It frightened me”, before continuing with his sentence – apparently no explanation needed. But it’s fitting that my interview with Burns is often surprising, somewhat controversial and bloody funny – as that’s what you get from Burns in his shows. The man is nothing if not himself. Burns is performing in the Udderbelly Festival on May 16 and taking last year’s Edinburgh Fringe show ‘Brendon Burns Hasn’t Heard of you Either’ to the Soho Theatre in July. Once he’d finished ranting about Aussies and was over the shock of the strange young lady, here’s what he had to say...

He’s not a horrible pig “– dammit! ” done anything like that and they should be condemned”, or, “This is political correctness gone mad and I’m going to use this as my excuse to carry on being a c*nt.” So I built a bunch of routines that argued for both points and then I created a situation where everyone in the audience fell into one of those two groups. I didn’t explain it, I made it as ambiguous as I could. I’m apprehensive to say I’m trying to make a point or to teach people a lesson or anything... So you’re actually just raising the issue of racism, rather than being racist yourself... Yes. People get very disappointed when they speak to me – “he’s not a horrible pig, dammit!”. I suppose I’m just pretty honest about my own shortcomings and I don’t censor myself ››

So, what can we expect from your Udderbelly show? With Udderbelly you tend to do your greatest hits and work in bits of the new show. Although I say that every year, but it always ends up being new. Is that because you bounce off your audience? And when I say bounce off I mean shout at... Ah you’re talking about when I shouted at that [Indian] female audience member? [In his Emmy-award-winning show, So I Suppose This is Offensive Now?] She’s a plant. That was to expose the audience’s racism and liberal pretensions in equal measure. She comes out later and does a dance number with me. Okay... why did you decide to do that? It was during the time of the racist scandal on Big Brother [when Jade Goody, Danielle Lloyd and Jo O’Meara were accused of making racist remarks towards Indian actress Shilpa Shetty] and everyone fell into one of two groups; either, “Wow, those girls are wrong and evil and I’ve never

[Caption] TNTMAGAZINE.COM

are generally funny people; funny is a language and not everyone speaks it. Laughter is the sound of comprehension. I’m never happier than when I’m playing to my own crowd. What do you mean by your own crowd? I’m about 5,000 people’s favourite comic (laughs). When people give you the ‘cult comic’ label they don’t realise what a back-handed compliment that is! I’m not on television or on panel shows regularly... you really have to have done your research to have found me in the first place. And it’s funny because you emerged around the same time as Sasha Baron Cohen and Ricky Gervais, and they’ve made some pretty controversial jokes in their time, yet they are allowed on telly, and you’re not. Why do you think that is? To be honest, I think class comes into it. There are certain rules for some people, not for others. I think in Britain if you went to the right school, you’re allowed to say whatever you want and people will call it irony.

Xxxxxx

very much. It gives people the wrong idea if you say “ooh, he’s confrontational” and “ooh, he’s controversial” – I think I’m genuinely harmless. And if people do take offence... I’m too old to have another, “Excuse me I didn’t get that joke and I was upset” discussion. I don’t want to have that discussion again; I’ve had it too many times. Invariably now I will say, “Explain the joke to me. If you can explain the subtext of what I said correctly and still commit to being upset then I’ll apologise. But if you can’t, then be kind enough to admit that you didn’t understand it.” Your sets have been described as “awkward and painful” – how do you feel about that? I think what they mean there is that I do like to play with the conventions of the art form – just to see what I can do with it. I don’t actually enjoy splitting an audience [where some laugh and others are offended] – certainly not anymore. I find that happens if I’m in a room where people aren’t there to see me; there has to be a trust and understanding between you and the crowd.

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You used to shout a lot in your sets... I got diagnosed last year as having partial hearing, so a lot of that shouting was born from not being able to hear properly. That’s what my West End run is about in July, ‘Brendon Burns Hasn’t Heard of you Either’, which I did at Edinburgh Fringe last year. It’s about disability, covering the fact I’ve discovered I’ve been disabled all these years, and five reasons you haven’t heard of me. That show’s a blast – it’s a real rollercoaster ride. Every couple of years you chance upon something and life writes the show for you. You don’t really have to do that much work, and it just ends up being a laser-beam from start to finish. You could turn up in any kind of mood, you could almost just be asleep and do it. I acknowledge in the show that’s it’s quite sad that my first reaction when I was told I had partial hearing was: “Awesome, I can use this.” We hear you’ve got a thing for WWE – what would your wrestling name be? Brendon Burns! That’s a good wrestling name. Or Mr Burn. I’d probably come out Outback Jack-style with a big, hot knife (laughs). I like the crowd manipulation of WWE. That part of my old show where I’m screaming at that woman in the audience and it’s all really awkward – that’s borrowed from wrestling crowd psychology. Those guys are really talented performers and they know how to manipulate a room of 25,000 people. That’s really difficult. If I could play to 200-400 people 300 nights a year who were all there to see me, I’d be a very happy guy. ❚ See Brendon Burns at the Udderbelly Festival, May 16, 9pm, from £14. udderbelly.co.uk ‘Brendon Burns Hasn’t Heard of you Either’ plays at the Soho Theatre July 8-13, 7.30pm, from £10. sohotheatre.com

Photos: Supplied

So what would you say to someone who’s coming to see your show for the first time? I think you need to have a bit of an understanding of comedy and the machinations of humour. For some things you kind of have to understand – I don’t know how to put this without coming across like the biggest dickhead – you have to understand the old rules in place that I’m breaking, otherwise it just doesn’t quite make sense. My audiences

You have been to The Priory for drink and drugs rehab – which must mean you’re at least a Z-list celebrity. Are you a different comedian now to before you were clean? I’m more reliable (laughs). What’s different between now and then? The shows start on time!

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Ordinary people, extraordinary adventures Ever thought about giving it all up to dedicate yourself to a life of travel? Or how about doing an extreme physical challenge for charity? These six intrepid sorts didn’t just think it, they’re doing it... COMPILED BY CAROLINE GARNAR

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TNTADVENTURE friends in Turkey and the Greek Islands, and eating my way through Mexico’s incredible street food for several months. THE WORST BIT There are always low points when you travel – terrible bus rides, dirty dorm rooms, getting sick on the road – but the hardest part for me is being away from friends and family. I don’t see them for more than a few weeks each year, and that’s hard – particularly when my little nephew keeps asking when I’m coming home. It’s not easy. whatsdavedoing.com toomanyadapters.com

THE CYCLIST

Photos: Summit Fever Media,Castleberg Outdoors and Ford Skipton, whatsdavedoing.com, Thinkstock and supplied.

THE GLOBAL NOMAD WHO I’m Dave Dean, originally from New Zealand. WHAT For the last two-and-a-half years I’ve been living and working from the road, but the travel addiction started long before that. If there’s one thing guaranteed to make you want to get out and see the world, growing up in a little town in a little country at the bottom of the world is it. After finishing university and somehow falling into a technology career, I started my wanderings in the same way that many Antipodeans do – packing a few things into a backpack and heading for London. Starting was easy, but stopping has been much harder – although Lord knows I’ve given it a go. Several times I’ve tried to settle down: buying houses, cars, pets and all of the trappings of a more traditional life. Try as I might, though, that never quite worked for me, and after a year or two I’d find myself back travelling once again. After 13 years of juggling a corporate career and a backpack, I eventually figured out what I probably should have known all along – this wasn’t something I could keep doing forever. One or other of those things was going to have to give. It ended up being the career. WHEN In late 2011 I decided to travel

full time and work from the road as a writer and tech guy. Since then I’ve spent most of my time in South-East Asia, Australia and New Zealand, Central and Eastern Europe and North America. I’m in Portland, Oregon right now for a month. I’m not entirely sure where the rest of the year will find me – most likely either Central and South America, or back to South East Asia for a while. I have no plans to stop any time soon. HOW I sold everything that wouldn’t fit in a backpack before I left, and had saved hard for several years to build up a buffer. I used to work in IT, but now fund my travels mainly as a writer and website owner. It’s an uncertain income that’s not particularly lucrative, but on average I roughly break even each year. WHY I could go on for hours about the benefits of this lifestyle for me, but it really all boils down to one word: freedom. I’ve realised that the freedom to choose where I base myself, who I spend my time with and how I earn a living is the most important thing in the world to me, and this is the best way for me to achieve it. Of course, beautiful beaches, exciting cultures, great food and never having to deal with winter aren’t exactly downsides either… THE BEST BIT It’s way too hard to pick out a single ‘best bit’, but a few of my favourite experiences from the last few years include week-long road trips on a scooter in northern Thailand and the Mekong Delta, chartering a yacht with

WHO Ollie Blackmore. I’m the owner of Selesti, a creative digital agency. WHAT I’ll be doing a world-first record attempt cycling around Vancouver Island, solo and unsupported, to raise money for cancer charities Big C in Norwich and BC Cancer Foundation in Canada. Some 80% of the 2.300 mile route is off road through trails, forests and in the wilderness. I’ll be carrying all my equipment, tools, food and spares on an extremely challenging route – which I’ve been advised not to take. I’ll camp alone in the wild each night, hopefully avoiding cougars, bears and other wildlife. The total climb elevation for the trip is 151,000ft – that’s five times the height of Everest. Many of the climbs are in excess of 30% gradients through dense alpine forest. WHEN The challenge starts on June 22 and

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It really all boils down to “ one word: freedom ” should end July 6. Fingers crossed... HOW The trip is funded entirely by me. I have been lucky to receive some equipment for free, at a discounted rate and loaned. All money raised through donations and sponsorship goes direct to the charities – special thanks to TNT, who donated £500 raised from their Travel Show Auction! I’ve had training advice from ex-World Champion cyclist Dr Auriel Forrester and sports nutritionist Dr Sarah Schenker who works with Premier League teams. Working out what equipment to take is a project in itself. My tent, one of the world’s lightest, can fit into a 1lt water bottle, albeit snugly. WHY I have many friends and family affected by cancer. Only last year one of my relatives passed away after a long fight. Doing a 900km ride in the UAE desert last year for charity motivated me to do more. Since then, I’ve met so many people with stories of loved ones who have had cancer, so I’m really motivated to carry on supporting such an important cause. I used to smoke 40 a day and know the cancer risk that poses. I never thought I’d be doing something like this four years ago when I quit, so I hope it can inspire people to do something similar. THE BEST BIT I am looking forward to being in the wild, having to think for myself and putting my body through its paces. THE WORST BIT I would love to see bears, cougars and wolves in the wild, 22

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towards the end of four years of studying. We saw two free weeks in the calendar as an opportunity to think big and attempt ‘the impossible’ – to get around the world in 14 days. It seemed there was nothing to lose and everything to gain. The response we had was phenomenal. Tens of thousands of people from across the world checked out the project. People from all corners of the globe invited us to stay with them and had a desire to show us the way they live their lives. In return for the hospitality, we brought music straight to the doorsteps of communities and cultures worldwide, putting the people of those places at the heart of the music that we make. You can see the results on YouTube (type in “Sing With Me” filmed on the Nokia Lumia 1020). THE BEST BIT Going up to the statue of Christ the Redeemer and looking over Rio as the sun set was unbelievable for me. THE WORST BIT We had to speak on Australian TV – it was live so the pressure was certainly on! I’d never had my makeup done before so that was probably the worst moment! But in all seriousness, this was a complete once-in-a-lifetime experience and we are humbled by the incredible support we received from tens of thousands of people across the planet.

but I am totally alone for the challenge. Vancouver Island has the highest aroundtheworldin14days.co.uk concentration of cougars in the world, THE RUNNER they stalk you and attack from above and behind. I’ve had a few nightmares about WHO Susie Stephen. I am encounters with wildlife but really hope a yoga teacher and coach. it’s from a distance! WHAT This year I’m celebrating the 100th cyclechallengecanada.com anniversary of an facebook.com/cyclechallengecanada expedition that was led THE ZERO-BUDGET JET SETTERS by a lady from my home town of Darlington, WHO Max De Lucia, England – Katherine Routledge. Katherine Sophie English and sailed to Easter Island in 1914 with her Elliot Lyte. We are husband and a small crew on board three friends who a custom-built wooden schooner. I’m met while studying retracing sections of their route from at the Trinity Laban Conservatoire of Music and Dance in Greenwich. WHAT We went around the world in 14 days (Lisbon-Rio de Janeiro-New YorkSydney) without a budget or any ﬁxed plans on where to stay or what to do on our travels. WHEN We left on February 9 and arrived back in the UK on February 23. HOW We set up the website aroundtheworldin14days.co.uk to see if the power of the web and human kindness could get us around the world! Our trip was also powered by STA Travel and Squarespace.com, and we had support from Knomo, Nokia, Black Eyewear and NOADSuncream. WHY The three of us are all coming

Southampton to Easter Island on foot and by bike – and by plane, custom-built boats are harder to find! I have broken the journey into three stages and each part consists of an endurance challenge: 1. Darlington to Southampton is a 13-day ultra run, 320+ miles across England. 2. For Buenos Aires to Santiago I am cycling 1,000 miles, including crossing over the Andes. 3. After my arrival on Easter Island I will finish with the Rapa Nui marathon on June 1. Hopefully my legs will hold up! WHEN I started stage one on February 14 from Hummersknott Academy in Darlington, and arrived in Southampton on February 26. Stage two begins on April 12 in Buenos Aires, and stage three begins at the end of May when I arrive on Rapa Nui to do the marathon on June 1. In total it will take four months to complete. HOW This project is part-funded by sponsorship from Emerald Biogas, and also by a grant from Creative Darlington, whom will both be assisting with an exhibition about this project to be held in September. We also ran a small crowd-sourcing campaign on Indiegogo and contributed funds towards the project personally. It was difficult to fit this project into my life, but I am lucky at the moment not to have a traditional ‘9-to-5’ job and a fairly flexible schedule. But finding time to fit in training, fundraising and things like blogging while doing everything else is no small task! My husband has been a great tower of strength and I couldn’t have done this without him. WHY The main reason is to recognise the work of Katherine. It was uncommon at that time for women to travel as far as Katherine did, and I think she set an example to others of what can be achieved through curiosity, persistence and hard work. I’m also fundraising for an environmental project for Easter Island, to assist with fresh water issues on the island. THE BEST BIT So far it’s been running up

to an Iron Age hill fort in the middle of the Leicestershire countryside. It was day seven of the ultra run, and I had just completed a very muddy and exhausting off-road section. But the landscape surrounding the hill fort, gorse bushes and ancient woodland with deer and rabbits, followed by the views from the top, were spectacular and really lifted my spirits. I felt re-energised and completed the rest of the day’s miles on a high! THE WORST BIT When my knees started to hurt I was worried that I might not finish the run. Days four and five were hard work both physically and mentally, but I kept reminding myself that I couldn’t let people down, and I was doing this to raise money for Rapa Nui. Thankfully my body adjusted to the mileage I was doing and I was able to finish. longrunergy.com

THE BIKERS WHO Lisa Morris and partner Jason Spafford, a pair of unwavering wanderlust seekers. WHAT Self-sufficient on two motorbikes, we rode onto a container ship and sailed with our bikes from Belgium across the Atlantic to Uruguay, just next door to Argentina. We have made our way south on Ruta 3 down to Tierra del Fuego via Buenos Aires, Bahia Blanca, Tornquist, San Antonio and Puerto Madryn. Now we have reached Ushuaia, there is a strong temptation to explore the countries up through South America and fly back down to Tierra del Fuego in order to take an expedition to the Antarctic when the season starts again in November. This would give us ample time to hone our Spanish and really sink into the place. And who knows? If body or budget doesn’t run out, we could turn left at Alaska and return home via Russia making it a roundthe-world epic journey.

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KATHMANDU TO ISTANBUL If you haven’t got six months to spare, try this three monther, starting in Kathmandu, Nepal and heading west through the Himalayas, Everest Base Camp, Tibet and China as well as Kyrgyzstan and Kazakhstan (yep, Borat country) before retracing the ancient Silk Road through Uzbekistan, Turkmenistan and Azerbaijan before finally heading through Georgia to Turkey, finishing in Istanbul. Wide open spaces, mountains, lakes and hospitable locals will join you on your way. Next trip is August 24-November 15, 2014 £2,640pp odysseyoverland.co.uk

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WHEN We set sail on the freighter ship in February and plan to travel on the bikes for 12-18 months. HOW We’ve sold our house and the majority of our possessions in order to fund this trip. However, we have retained our rental properties, which should provide a small income for food and fuel en route. While we’re without offspring, now homeless and free from the trappings of the everyday grind, what better time to embrace some lifechanging adventure? WHY We’re an ordinary couple holding down regular jobs and we’ve seen from other peoples’ experiences that it’s manageable to embark upon a trip of this magnitude without any support vehicles. Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman helped pave the way, although frankly, they can eat our dust! Our inspiration has to come down to the likes of adventure motorcyclist veterans Austin Vince and Sam Manicom. Austin Vince conquered the globe numerous times over on two wheels, long before Ewan and Charlie, with no back-up network and the absolute minimum of kit. As did his wife Lois Pryce, who completed her trip on her own. Sam Manicom made riding through Africa look like it should be on everyone’s bucket list – another living legend. THE BEST BIT If I had to single out a particular moment it was when we were rewarded on the last leg into Ushuaia by a sun-kissed sublimity. The growing normality of cold, wind and rain for this time of year vanished for us to savour the moment of riding over the high Martial mountain range and just marvel at this otherworldly sight. It felt as though we were in the scene on the Alpen breakfast box. THE WORST BIT Exhausted after socialising our socks off with newfound Argentine biking friends in Puerto Madryn and a long highway ride on top,

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I got my first taste of South America’s ‘ripio’, which is essentially loose gravel. Before the start of 2012 I’d never ridden anything in my life other than the Big Dipper at Blackpool Pleasure Beach, so needless to say I fell off my bike. But I managed to laugh – and my fall just brought my dogged determination back. twowheelednomad.com

THE TREKKERS WHO Rose and Mick Weber, an Aussie husband and wife team. WHAT We’re walking the whole of the Canning Stock Route, Australia’s longest and toughest 4WD track, unassisted, to raise money for Suicide Awareness Australia. We are carrying backpacks as well as towing hiking trolleys along the 2,100km track. We’ll be eating dehydrated foods and topping up our water at the various wells and water sources along the way. We are starting the trek at Wiluna and Completing at Halls Creek. WHEN We set off on July 1 and we expect to take between six to eight weeks.

HOW We are self-funding our expenses and we have had numerous items donated. Our film crew has had most of the equipment they need donated by sponsors. However they are paying for all their own fuel, and none of us will have financial income for the two months expected for the trek to be completed. WHY I lost my brother to suicide two years ago. He was a typical bloke who would not admit to anyone that he was depressed. We only found out after going through his belongings that he had numerous scripts for antidepressants and letters to get counselling. In my experience as a clinical nurse I have found that there is still so much stigma attached to mental illness, so people will not ask for help or admit they have a problem for fear of being judged by their peers. They go untreated, when there is a lot of help available out there. No matter how hard this 2,000km trek is going to be, it is still not as hard as what someone who is suicidal is facing every day. We want to show people that no matter how hard the road is in front of you, never give up putting one foot in front of the other. We want anyone who is in a dark place to yell out until someone will listen. We want them to get help, without feeling they are labelled or judged. We want to stop the stigma. THE BEST BIT I am looking forward to the silence and peace of such an isolated place; the sheer beauty of the Australian outback; to achieve the challenge will be amazing, and also to have my amazing partner by my side every step of the way. THE WORST BIT I am worried about snakes, bull camels and the dingoes. suicideawareness.simplesite.com makingadifference.gofundraise.com.au/ pages/Weber

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Calling Arty-podeans Attention homesick expats: the Australia & New Zealand Festival of Literature & Arts is filled with the very best talent from the southern hemisphere... the best bit? It’s all happening in London. WORDS HARRIET SINCLAIR

If you’re not vigorously pencilling dates in your diary to go to see your favourite Aussie and Kiwi writers, historians, singers and actors, you obviously aren’t aware of the upcoming Australia & New Zealand Festival of Literature & Arts, which is being held for the first time ever in London, from May 29-June 1 at King’s College. Produced by Amphora Arts, the four-day programme is packed with cultural treats and, according to festival director Jon Slack, should be a hit with Antipodeans and Londoners alike. “This is more than an occasion for expats; there will truly be something for everyone,” Slack explains. “Established names and rising talents in the fields of literature, history, music, dance, travel, art and film will explore what Australia and New Zealand mean both to people living here and to those back home, not to mention our very deep historical links with Britain. Indigenous writing and cultural issues will be featured from both countries as well, ranging from traditional storytelling through to the exciting work being produced by indigenous writers today.” Highlights from the festival include a solo performance from BAFTA award-winning Australian singer/songwriter Emily Barker, a series of theatre performances from Aussie and Kiwi writers, and historian Ross McMullin discussing the build up to WWI and the impact of the Great War on Australian and New Zealand national identity. TNT speaks to some of the festival’s participants about Antipodean culture, what inspires them, and their top picks for the event...

I struck a deal with the only other musicians in the school at the time: they played metal, and so it was agreed I would sing Metallica covers if they played Aretha Franklin songs. So it made for quite an, er, ‘interesting’ set! That was the beginning.” For Barker, the festival is a chance to talk about the meanings, inspiration and literature behind some of her songs. “For me, one of the primary challenges of songwriting is to try to convey a message, story, emotion or experience into such a condensed format,” she explains. “What you choose to leave out is as vital as what you include, and I guess the song is only successful if you manage to get your message across clearly. So to be able to go into more detail about where the songs have come from will be a gratifying thing for me to do and, hopefully, an interesting thing for people to hear about. I think it’s only really festivals like this that give writers and musicians the opportunity to ›› Be inspired by expert speakers at the festival

Emily Barker Singer/songwriter Emily Barker explains that Australia can provide a great deal of inspiration... “I’m from a small country town in the south-west of Australia called Bridgetown. I grew up on a farm by a river called The Blackwood with three siblings and no television. To entertain ourselves, we rode horses through the bush and our mum taught us how to harmonise and play a few chords on the family guitar. We’d sit around and play old folk songs and sing together,” Barker says. “I started to sing publicly when I was 14 years old and auditioned for the Year 9 band. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

present their work in such a different and interesting way. “Since leaving Australia 11 years ago with a backpack and a desire to see the world, I’ve been very preoccupied with the idea of ‘home’,” she continues. “My latest record, ‘Dear River’, explores this theme most fully and a lot of the songs are set in, or inspired by, Australia. ‘Dear River’ felt like a very important record for me to write in that it helped me define what home meant to me. It also felt important politically as there are quite a few songs on the album that talk about the history of colonisation and the continued oppression of Indigenous people in Australia. I think this subject is important for the rest of the world to know about.” And who is she looking forward to seeing at the event? “I’m a big fan of Tim Winton. In fact his book, Dirt Music, inspired one of my songs, ‘Disappear’, so I’m really looking forward to seeing him talk.” See Emily Barker: Books Beneath the River on Saturday May 31, 5.30pm-6.30pm

Zoe Caldwell

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that I think should be heard over here. People from back home will relate to them and want to hear those stories – and importantly, people who aren’t from Australia or New Zealand should hear these stories too, because it isn’t just parochial people writing about their back gardens, it is people who are writing stories about big stuff and important issues.” See IronBark presents Going Bush on May 23-24 at The Bush Theatre bushtheatre.co.uk

Ross McMullin Ross McMullin is a historian and biographer who will be giving a talk based around his book Farewell, Dear People. “The hackneyed notion that Australia has a limited culture still seems prevalent to some extent in Britain, and correcting this impression through events such as this festival is certainly worthwhile,” explains McMullin. “With such acclaimed writers as Anna Funder, Helen Garner and Tim Winton involved, it’s obvious that the festival has secured novelists of the highest renown. My session on WWI includes the remarkably prolific historian Paul Ham; having not previously met Paul, I’m looking forward to doing so at the festival.” At the event, McMullin is keen to catch the ‘Stories from the Past’ session featuring Anna Funder and ML Stedman, as well as the talk, ‘Antarctica: Truth and Legend’. “One of the biographies in Farewell, Dear People tells the story of Robert Bage, a talented engineer who distinguished himself during Mawson’s expedition to Antarctica shortly before WWI. As a result, I was asked to chair a session on Antarctica at last year’s Sydney Writers Festival, where one of the speakers was Jesse Blackadder, who has written an interesting novel about women venturing to Antarctica. Jesse is involved in the Aus/ NZ festival session on Antarctica, and it will be splendid to catch up with her.” See Farewell, Dear People: Forging of ANZ identity in the Great War with Ross McMullin along with Paul Ham and Lord David Owen on Friday May 30 and 11.30am-12.30pm The Australia & New Zealand Festival of Literature and Arts takes place May 29-June 1. Most events are being held at King’s College London, Strand Campus, WC2R 2LS. Tickets start from £10 per event, £45 for a day, or £110 for all three days. See the website for the full schedule ausnzfestival.com

Photos: Henry Knock and supplied

Zoe Caldwell is the co-founder of theatre company IronBark. For Caldwell, the upcoming festival is the perfect setting to promote Australian culture in the UK. “We set up IronBark over here to represent Australia in the UK, and we have come on board with the festival to curate the theatre side of things,” she explains. “Our programme will be at the Bush Theatre on the Friday and Saturday the week before the festival. We focus on Australian playwrights, so we have hooked up with another company called Shaky Isles, which is a New Zealand company, so they are going to help bring on board the New Zealand side as well.” Although IronBark isn’t announcing any of its items at this stage, Caldwell reveals that lots of different writers have been given the theme ‘Going Bush’ to interpret however they like, and that festivals-goers will have a mixture of Antipodean and UK talent to entertain them. “We’ve been working with Jon Slack for a while, and that is why he brought us on board. Although we do focus on Aussie writers, we also have a bit of a network of people who are based here and use local cast and crew, so we are merging Australia with London,” Caldwell explains. “We had this desire to get Australia’s work out over here because it isn’t produced as much as maybe it should be. English is a common language, so it should translate, but we feel that it is quite lacking and wanted to try to have conversations about why that is the case,” she adds. Caldwell explains that there is a unique feel to Australian writers, who tend to draw their inspiration from Australia itself – using the country’s stunning scenery to create a variety of stories. “I am being general here, but Aussie writing and stories are very much a part of the land, and to do with the land, and that is where they come from. Sometimes that knowledge of the land doesn’t always translate, so maybe that is hard to imagine [for people who aren’t from Australia],” she says. “There’s a huge number of people from Australia and New Zealand here, and in the theatre I work with a lot of people who have come to the UK from Australia to expand their horizons – there is a real thirst for it. There are some amazing stories that are being told and written by Australians

Emily Barker will get the chance to talk about the meanings behind her songs at the festival

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WIN TICKETS TO AN EXCLUSIVE BBQ COOKERY CLASS WITH TABASCO® When it comes to creating delicious BBQ dishes, the one condiment that you cannot be without is TABASCO® brand Pepper Sauce. This summer, the Cookery School London has teamed up with the iconic kitchen staple to demonstrate just how easy it is to create the perfect BBQ, every time. On May 22 from 6.30pm-9.30pm, TABASCO® Chef Gary Evans will host a one-off BBQ cookery class for 20 people. Meat enthusiasts will be given the opportunity to grill Gary for all his BBQ tips and learn the best way to cook a variety of dishes including Spatchcock chicken, salsa rossa and a homemade smokey BBQ sauce.

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Leanne Pooley The Kiwi director recreates one of the biggest adventures of all time and brings Sir Edmund Hillary back to life in Beyond the Edge 3D. Here, she tells us more... INTERVIEW CAROLINE GARNAR

What inspired you to do Beyond The Edge? I was approached to write and direct this film by producer Matthew Metcalfe. It is the 60th anniversary of the first summit of Everest so it seemed the perfect time to tell this story. Like many people I knew Sir Ed “knocked the bastard off” but I didn’t have any idea how he did it. The more I read the more excited I became about the project. This is a great old-fashioned adventure story – of course in New Zealand it is the story. I feel incredibly honoured to have been given the opportunity to tell it. What sort of things did you learn about the expedition that you didn’t know before? The enormous scale of it, the political pressure on them to succeed, the fact that Ed and Tenzing weren’t the first to have a go at the summit. The key thing I learnt about Sir Ed was that, despite the unassuming, humble nature he’s famous for, he was also very ambitious and driven.

Photo: supplied

He died only six years ago – did you ever get the chance to meet him? No sadly not, although I feel like I know him as I’ve read all of his books, watched or listened to all of his interviews and spent a good deal of time with his son. He was such an extraordinary man, especially given what he achieved in Nepal after 1953. The hospitals and schools he built are a real testament to the kind of person he was. He is a massive part of New Zealand’s sense of self, but he’s also loved and respected in Nepal in a way that is even more significant. Your documentaries are often more about the people than the event. Would you say that’s true of this film as well? I’m drawn to protagonists who are exceptional in some way and who are forced by circumstance to dig deep inside themselves to achieve their goal. This might apply to an adventure film like this, or a very different kind of film, like one I made years ago about a wonderful dancer living with Aids. These individuals have something in their soul that both inspires and tortures them. It is my hope that my films allow the audience to get close to these people, to go on a journey with them and experience a little of what it is they go through. So I guess that’s a yes! 30

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Pooley with director of photography, Richard Bluck You must have been filming in some pretty extreme conditions... There were two separate components to the filming process. It isn’t practical to take actors, costumes etc up Everest, so [for these scenes] we shot in the Mount Cook region of the Southern Alps of New Zealand. Then, because this is a movie about Mount Everest, we needed to film on the mountain itself. Both shoots were exciting and challenging. Simply getting the crew to location [on Mount Cook] everyday took hours and many chopper runs as there’s no road access. It was a dangerous place to work as we were shooting on sheer cliffs, among crevasses and seracs. This meant the crew had to be harnessed to safety lines so getting tangled with other crew members was a constant occurrence. Everest is probably the most extreme environment on the planet. Our camera would freeze up, altitude makes concentration difficult, and there are many other climbers to shoot around. And of course you just might die up there. I think what my mountain cameraman, Mark Whetu, achieved up there was truly astounding. This is Chad Moffitt’s first big role as an actor – and it’s such an important and

trying role. Why was he cast and how did he get on? Chad’s physical resemblance to Ed Hillary was of course a big factor in his casting. I knew I was going to be inter-cutting between the archive material and the footage we’d be shooting and I wanted this to be seamless. So when Chad walked into his first audition I was pretty interested in what he could do. Even more exciting than his physical appearance, however, was the fact that Chad had so many internal characteristics in common with the young Ed. Chad’s quite shy and a little uncomfortable in his skin at times, yet he’s smart and ambitious. This really made it easier for him to become Ed. Also, incredibly, his parents were beekeepers [Sir Ed was a beekeeper], so that just felt like karma! Has this film inspired you on a personal level to do anything? i.e. climb Everest... No, the opposite! Beyond the Edge has given me a better understanding and a greater appreciation of how difficult and dangerous climbing is. I have huge respect for the people who do it…but I’ll stick to lower altitudes from now on I think! Beyond the Edge 3D is in cinemas May 23

Fresh, young and versatile, Front Cover’s high standard guarantees every audience a night to remember. A huge hit on the UK circuit, this Sydneyborn, London-based duo has years of experience in putting on unforgettable shows.

“The best duo in the UK” (Not that I have seen every duo...I am just guessing there can’t be anyone better!!!)

Gifted lead guitarist and charismatic front man Andy Walton is joined by the fabulous Sam Hetherington on vocals and keys. These are musicians who truly love what they do, interpret every song with their own unique flavour, and know how to play an audience - resulting in a fun night for all involved! Check out the links below for upcoming dates: frontcovermusic.com twitter.com/frontcoveruk facebook.com/frontcovermusic

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INSIDE

MIXED-UP MALTA /40

BUMPKIN BEAUTY /44

GO WEST /56

This fascinating little country is a hotchpotch of cultures, with a chequered past but a very bright future.

The south-west of England is rich with gorgeous countryside, quaint fishing harbours and farmer accents. Awesome.

We wind our way down the West Coast of the US of A, taking in amazing sights along the way (yep, that’s poetry right there).

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Life’s bright in Nicaragua

BE IN THE DRIVING SEAT FOR YOUR NEXT BIG TRIP

NICARAGUA

If you hate the idea of being cooped up in a bus with 20 others, you can get behind the wheel for yourself on the Drive Nicaragua tour. Start in Costa Rica before renting a car and following the not-so-beaten track to Nicaragua, with food and accommodation along the way sorted out for you for £375 per person. Take advantage of the fact that vibrant Nicaragua has yet to be taken over by tourist fever by enjoying quiet beaches and cities bursting with Latin culture, and show off back home about the traditional Nicaraguan cuisine you tried in the cafes and restaurants hidden throughout the city (who cares if you lose friends for putting one too many pictures of your Gallo-pintos or churrascos on Instagram).

Local Living: Get out of the rat race and become a part of of the Masai people’s traditional dances, rituals and ceremonies as well as learning how to hunt, craft, camp and cook with them in a life-changing tribal experience. The Kenyan adventure starts at £399 per person and is part of the new Local Living tours from gadventures.co.uk

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GET BACK IN THE SADDLE ACROSS THE CHANNEL

UK & FRANCE

It’s not too late to renew your 2014 resolutions. If you vowed to get fit or to do more good deeds, this charitable cycling adventure from London to Paris is the perfect holiday. Discover Adventure has launched this challenging and charitable five-day cycling trip. Pick the cause of your choice and get on your bike, rolling through demanding terrain and long distances to test your metal. See picturesque villages and medieval market towns as the tour takes less-visited routes winding through rural 34

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France before arriving at the city of love. For £799 per person meals, transport and accommodation are all included. discoveradventure.com

HIT THE ROAD JACK USA Relive Jack Kerouac’s epic journey on this all-American adventure, and hit the open road to discover what The States has to offer. “These aren’t tours, they’re road-trips,” insist Brian and Lesley Triplett, founders of On the Road Bus Adventures. The idea started as a quest to discover the quintessential American experience, and their search for US spirit led to the couple buying a used bus on which they drove

around the country. The couple now operate 7,000-mile trips on 14-seater vehicles. The Redwood Forests, Grand Canyon, Hollywood and the Mississippi River are a few of the iconic landmarks you’ll be waving your Stars & Stripes flag at on this monumental Americana road trip. ontheroadbusadventures.com

TREE TOP FUN IN THE ISLE OF WIGHT UK

If you think tree climbing over the age of 12 is a faux-pas then think again, as a new three-day course offers a certificate in Essential Recreational Tree Climbing, officially making it a grownup pastime.

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MAD WORLD STOLEN ART FOUND IN PENSIONER’S KITCHEN

ITALY

A painting by Gauguin, stolen in Britain in 1970, has turned up in the kitchen of a retired factory worker in Sicily, according to Italian police. The two works of art by French postimpressionist Gauguin were stolen from a British art collector’s home in 1970. A retired factory worker paid the equivalent of £19 for the paintings and hung them in his home in Sicily for 40 years. Today the paintings are expected to sell for £8.5million. Oh my Gauguin.

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See the US with On the Road Tree climbing pioneers Goodleaf are offering the climbing course in June and September for £325, or smaller sessions all year round for £38. Goodleaf’s expert instructors will show you the ropes before letting you swing among the branches. Keen to stay environmentally friendly, Goodleaf provides a five percent discount if you don’t arrive by car. This canopy adventure is fun for all ages, and a chance to ‘branch out’ and try something unique. goodleaf.co.uk

SHOP AND THEN DROP

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SPAIN

If you sometimes feel like you need a treasure map when rummaging for the perfect vintage bargain, take a break and uncover some secondhand stunners in the treasure trove of Almunecar, Malaga. The sights in the coastal enclave of this Spanish spot are sublime, but the main attraction of this rustic town is the markets. In these goldmines you can find everything from vintage clothes and jewellery to homeware and antiques, and every retro knickknack inbetween. Nearby accommodation offer the chance to relax after a hard day’s shopping in the sun: £185pp buys a week’s stay at rustic villa, Casa Miranda. spain-holiday.com

DEAD RATS USED AS CURRENCY AT KIWI UNIVERSITY

NEW ZEALAND

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Forest fun on the Isle of Wight

TREK THE MIGHTY TORRES CHILE & ARGENTINA If you’ve vowed this season will be the summer of fun, why not live out your own epic escapade by trekking Latin America’s world-famous Torres del Paine National Park. Not for the faint of heart, this sixday adventure includes seven-hour days filled with hiking through snow-capped mountains, stunning waterfalls and gleaming glaciers. Organised by pioneers of off-the-beaten-track adventures, Rickshaw Travel, this holiday is guaranteed to give you a whirlwind adventure and memories for life – as well as enough adrenalin rushes to keep you buzzing for years to come. Prices start at £515, including accommodation at local guest houses and basic Refugio rooms, as well as food and transport. argentinatravelplan.co.uk/argentine-holiday

New Zealand students have launched an unusual campaign in a bid to rid themselves of the rat infestation plaguing their campus. Fed up of being overrun by rodents, the science society of Victoria University came up with the idea to provide a free drink to anyone presenting a dead rat at the university bar. Science society president, Jonathan Musther says that, although lots of people are in it for the free drinks, he hopes his fellow students will get involved for the sake of the environment and a passion for native flora and fauna. Good luck with that.

MISSING DOG FOUND 1,000 MILES FROM TEXAS HOME

USA

Corbin the Daschund dug a hole under his garden fence in Texas and ended up in Ohio. Owner Mike Saiz says the story “sounds almost too good to be true” and that he and his wife are baffled as to how Corbin made the thousand mile trek. Staff at an Ohio animal shelter located the owners by using a microchip providing them with Corbin’s doggy data. TNTMAGAZINE.COM

TRAVELDIARY

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See some of the biggest electronic acts at The Garden Festival

XXX Paul Melinis from Trafalgar’s Be My Guest guided holidays suggests the best xxx. dining experience tours: A fiesta: On the eight-day xx:Mexican xxx Treasures of Yucatan guided holiday you’ll be welcomed into the Chaya Maya Mansion kitchen by legendary local Chef Don Miguel, and greeted with a Margarita de Chaya cocktail before rolling up your sleeves and learning how to make traditional Mexican dishes. Take home a few tips to recreate these spicy and flavoursome dishes in your own kitchen. From £1,250pp excluding flights.

THE GARDEN FESTIVAL Croatia Making a return for its ninth season, the original Croatian electronica festival once again promises an eclectic soundtrack by some of the 2-10 world’s leading DJs and artists as well as stunning Adriatic coastal surroundings and sizzling weather. This festival is non-stop action; you’ll be torn on where to spend your time between discos, secret islands and boat parties. JUL

Bigger is better in the Deep South: The southern states of America offer many a foodie occasion. Join the 10-day Tastes & Sounds of the South At Leisure guided holiday to learn how America’s most famous whiskey, Jack Daniels, is created, and discover the secrets of Creole cooking inspired by French, Spanish and Native American influences during an interactive class in New Orleans. From £1,985pp excluding flights. Wasabi time: Let the flavours linger beyond the last bite at a traditional Japanese Ryokan where you’ll learn about local customs and be invited to join the land lady and her daughter for a kaiseki lunch of regional cuisine. Sample Japanese sake and witness the cultivation of wasabi at a local farm. The nine-day Splendours of Japan guided holiday costs from £2,950 per person excluding flights. trafalgar.com

WHERE: Tisno, Croatia WHY GO: Seven days celebrating the hottest electronic music around on sun-soaked beaches and boats. Why wouldn’t you go? Festival-goers, lovers of the sun and music fanatics unite at this dance music haven. WHAT ELSE? Tisno is steeped in history,

INNOVATION IN THE SUN Barcelona, Spain

The only rule at this festival is that there ‘are no rules’, 24-1 so expect wild times as this seven-day fiesta of drum & bass, jungle and dancehall hits Barcelona. JUN-JUL

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BBK BILBAO LIVE Bilbao, Spain

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bilbaobbklive.com

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KAPPA FUTUR Torino, Italy

Kappa Futur offers a chance to dance in the sun 5-6 to some huge names in techno and house music. Experience the vibrant city of Torino and huge names such as Richie Hawtin and Joy Orbison at this two-day festival. JUL

kappafuturfestival.com

SZIGET FESTIVAL Budapest, Hungary

Thousands of revellers will descend upon the 11-18 picturesque island of Obudai-Sziget in the Danube to join the week-long festivities with Macklemore, Skrillex and Deadmau5 to name a few. szigetfestival.com AUG

Photos: supplied. Words: Charlotte Lennon

BBK Festival takes place atop a mountain 10-12 overlooking the town of Bilbao. Performing in the stunning scenery this year are artists such as The Prodigy, MGMT, Jack Johnson and Bastille. It’s also a snip at £92 for a three-day ticket including camping. JUL

so soothe yourself after a night of partying by visiting some of the numerous historical sites: second-century basilicas and medieval churches, famed for their historic beauty. HOW MUCH: Seven-day tickets are currently priced at £120.

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TOPFIVE

BEACH PARTIES

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TOP FIVE

BEACH PARTIES If there are two things we know at TNT, it’s travel and how to party. And so a party on an exotic beach is right up our street. Pack your bags and prepare to say goodbye to a few brain cells as we run down the world’s best beach parties...

HAAD RIN, THAILAND The legendary Full Moon Party springs into life every third week of the month on Sunrise Beach in Haad Rin, Koh Phangan. It’s a backpacker’s rite of passage, guaranteed to be crammed with half-naked, neon-covered revellers partying hard in paradise. To get the juices flowing, literally, drinks are served in colourful buckets, the like of which you used to build sandcastles with as a kid. These buckets promise a far less wholesome form of entertainment, with a straw popped in and filled to the brim with Thai moonshine, plus Red Bull or juice. Aside from drinking yourself into beach-fringed oblivion, other popular activities include leaping over a rope lit on fire (at some point in the night 38 00

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you will start to think that fire rope skipping with a bunch of strangers is the best idea ever. It’s not), and dancing to the DJs scattered across the beach, who are playing everything from techno to reggae. We’re just going to get our oldies hat on for a minute as things can go wrong: don’t drink too much if you want to make it through to morning, wear good shoes (broken glass is not uncommon underfoot), and don’t bring out any valuables. Don’t be put off, though. With bars and restaurants at every step, it isn’t hard to find cheap food and drink to keep you going all night long, and it really does have a great atmosphere. Entrance is only about 100baht, or £2, and Full Moon is well worth attending at least once, if only just to say that you did it. Missing out on this experience would be like missing out on the pyramids or Machu Picchu, only less cultural. One final word of warning: there’s nothing quite like a Thai moonshine hangover. fullmoonparty-thailand.com

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SUPER PARADISE, MYKONOS

IBIZA, SPAIN

Super Paradise is Mykonos’s most fabulous beach and it has a reputation as the best party beach in the Cyclades, where you can dance until dawn if you have the stamina. Expect skimpy bikinis and stylish sun worshippers at every turn, and nobody bats an eyelid at nude sunbathing. In the past a mainly gay beach, now men, women and everything in between party (and get rather friendly) here.

It’s an obvious choice, but Ibiza is the kingpin of the beach party thanks to its world-famous wild club scene and balmy weather. Attracting clubbers and top DJs from around the world, the newest and loudest house music is pumped out over the beaches all day and night. Playa d’en Bossa is home to a long stretch of clubs (try Bora Bora) while you’ll also find parties at Las Salinas beach and Blue Marlin at Cala Jondal. ibiza.travel/en

superparadise.com.gr

TOPFIVE MY EXPERIENCE

JAMES BEARMAN @ SIROCCO BEACH, IBIZA WHERE DID YOU GO?

The tINI & the gang party at Sirocco Beach, Playa d’en Bossa, Ibiza. WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO TRY OUT THIS BEACH PARTY?

For me partying is at its best in the sun in the afternoon, surrounded by beautiful halfnaked people. Not sweating it out in a club at 5am. This promotion also attracts a more European, chilled-out, music-focused crowd, which is a welcome change from a lot of the super clubs and electronic DJs.

Words: Ian Armitage Photos: Getty, Facebook

WHAT WAS THE MUSIC LIKE?

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL

GORDON BEACH, TEL AVIV

Oi, down here! Stop looking at those bums... right, now we have your attention, Rio de Janeiro may be best known for its crazy carnival, but it hosts one of the biggest New Year’s Eve parties on the planet. The magical midnight on Copacabana beach is something else, with more than two million revellers descending on the sands to watch a spectacular 16-minute fireworks display. There is more booze than you could ever hope to drink, plus indoor bars and clubs. rio-carnival.net

When you think of parties, Israel might not immediately spring to mind. Tel Aviv, though, is one of the coolest cities on earth and the people sure know how to party. There are 16 beaches in the city, but Gordon Beach is undoubtedly beach party central and it proudly hosts a huge and pretty boisterous LGBT party during Gay Pride Week (yep, in the Middle East – go Israel!). You should also expect to see bronzed men playing the muchloved Israeli paddle and ball game of matkot. cityguide.co.il

This party stood out to me because of the DJ line-up. For such a small, unglamorous venue it had some big names in the world of underground house and techno, while is still felt intimate and traditionally ‘Ibizan’. WHAT WAS THE BEST BIT?

After a sudden thunderstorm at about 10pm things were moved inside and for the last two hours the rickety old beach bar was absolutely packed. It went off. siroccobeachibiza.com

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EXPERIENCETRAVEL

My holiday romance

This bite-size country is easy to devour in one fell swoop. And you’ll want to, it’s delicious. Malta does mean ‘honey’ after all WORDS CAROLINE GARNAR

I must be hungry. I can tell because every intro I am coming up with involves a food analogy: Malta is like tangy cheese/fresh fish/salty ham. It’s not, but that’s all I can think about. And it’s all Malta’s fault. Its food is amazing; but more of that later. I’ve had my lunch now, so I will focus on another focal point of this country: its history. This diminutive country has a history so jam-packed, so varied, that it’s a wonder it hasn’t sunk under the weight of it all. The red phone boxes and right-hand-drive cars remind us that Malta has only been independent of the British Empire since 1964; the guttural sounds of the Maltese language are due to the Arab rule; this was preceded by the Romans, who established the Roman Catholic Church still so prevalent; and this is yet to mention the influences from the Phoenicians before them, the stint of the Knights of Malta and even Napoleon, who hung out there for six days, capturing it on his way to Egypt, as you do.

Malta’s chequered history is down to its somewhat unfortunate position: the three small islands of which it consists (Malta, Gozo and Comino) are mere dots in the Mediterranean Sea between Italy, Tunisia and Libya. This caused it to, quite literally, get caught in the crossfire whenever there was some sort of battle going on, be it Napoleon’s mission, the Crimean War or World War II (in which Malta was near flattened). But the Maltese quite rightly wear their strong little country’s past as a badge of honour, and the historical hotchpotch that has formed its current culture is all part of its appeal, bringing in plane-loads of tourists every year. Lured by the premise of a ‘girly holiday’ I recently hopped on an Air Malta flight myself. I can report it is indeed a great girly getaway, but I also don’t know many men who would turn their nose up at the chance to eat awesome food, drink bucket-loads of booze, enjoy crazy nights out and stay in a mod-conned pad with a bunch of mates... you?

Upon landing in Malta, we take a short taxi ride to Cirkewwa (stopping to take snaps of the multi-coloured ramshackle houses that served as the set for Popeye in 1989 – random), and hop on the ferry over to Gozo, which is smaller, greener and quieter than the island of Malta. Staying in an authentic limestone-built house, which is part of a small complex called The Hamlet ( barongroupmalta. com), it has a private pool with views over rolling countryside, a huge lounge with arched beams and a beautiful fully equipped country kitchen. Expensive? Well, yes, but it can sleep eight, so you’ll pay a similar rate as you would for a hotel room anyway, and you get the whole place to yourself. Perfect for a group of mates for a big birthday, a hen do or just because, y’know, you only live once... Arriving at 6pm we have just enough time to freshen up (the showers here are amazing) before heading out to Patrick’s Tmun Restaurant ( patrickstmun.com) in Gozo’s capital, Victoria. And here is where I first meet my holiday romance: he’s Maltese, he’s incredibly tasty, and his name is ‘local produce’. Everything I put in my mouth on this trip (now now, behave) is impossibly delicious. At Tmun, I have my first taste of the local sheeps’ cheese, gbejna. Cured, crumbly and rolled in cracked black pepper, it is a punchy introduction, particularly when paired with rich Maltese sausage (again, behave). Every course from then on just gets better each time, and we pair our meal with a bottle of Ulysses Shenin Blanc, which effectively replaces water as our daily need for the rest of the trip. Even the next morning I’m not shaken from my delicious dream as I’m greeted in the kitchen by catering chef George Borg (great name), who feeds us with more local cheese, this time fresh and soft, paired with local ham, stuffed greedily into a croissant and drizzled with honey. Yep, it’s definitely love.

Gaga for Gozo It’s all a bit creepy, to be honest. Faded photographs of smiling faces peer out of frames with scrawled, yellowing letters joining them behind the glass; baby’s ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Dinner is at the less-formal and delightfully local Zafiro Restaurant on Xendi Bay ( hotelsanandrea.com/zafirorestaurant). The owner revels in freaking us out with the open-mouthed monster fish caught that day, while his dad potters about, chatting to customers and keeping their baskets of warm, fluffy bread topped up. Generously stuffed squid and a delicious date tart ensure I have no trouble sleeping again that night, despite my earlier disco nap.

Water life

clothes, neck braces, leg casts and some sort of gimp-looking mask hang from the walls. We’re in Ta’ Pinu, a Roman Catholic church where locals come to pray to the Virgin Mary when a loved one is sick or injured. When cured, they thank her by bringing an item of memorabilia to the church – a photo, a cast... or a weird gimp mask, apparently. It is a beautiful church, though – creepy stuff aside. Next we head back to Victoria, named in honour of Queen Victoria for her Jubilee Year. We climb up to the battlements of the Gran Castello Citadel, which offer stunning views across the island. Copper church domes reach above the jigsaw of houses, while green fields are criss-crossed with yellow stone walls and the undulating landscape rises and lowers to greet the sea. Soon after, we find ourselves nestled in the heart of the lush fields and hills, as we take a trip to Ta’ Mena Estate ( tamenagozo.com), a farm and vineyard with a vivacious owner who will happily tell you why he traded life as a banker for a life outdoors. Crunching our way through the gravel pathways, we are greeted by impossibly cute week-old kids (as in goats, not babies), honking geese, quacking ducks, grunting pigs and, er, rabbits (Old MacDonald failed me there). The rows of vines stretch out in the sunshine and we settle down for wine tasting and more of that delicious local cheese, this time coupled with locally made olive oil and tomato paste. All grown and made on site. The love affair continues. Feeling woozy in the sunshine, we sensibly attempt to combat this by moving on to have yet more wine and food at Il Kartell ( il-kartellrestaurant.com). Perched on the waterfront, we enjoy tapas-esque bites of local produce, followed by the fromsea-to-plate catch of the day, lightly seasoned to perfection. After lunch, if you have the energy, make your way to Dwejra Bay. Here, time and sea have worked together to produce some of the most remarkable scenery on the islands: the Azure Window and the Inland Sea – where the craggy rock has parted to create picture-perfect frames and coves – and Fungus Rock, which stands just off shore like a stepping stone for giants about to dive into the sea. For us, though, our afternoon consists of being pampered at the gorgeous spa at Kempinski San Lawrenz, which is lucky as I’m bordering on a deliciously sleepy food and wine coma. The seriously impressive Kempinski (rooms from €100 per night, kempinskigozo.com), is perched a few minutes away from the harbour and surrounded by countryside. The five-star spot has channelled the Arabic influence from Malta’s varied history, with dark carved woods, caramel-coloured marble and gilded gold finishings. A blissful back, neck and shoulder massage using ayurvedic oils is followed by a stint in the sauna and Jacuzzi, which is swiftly followed by a snooze on my huge hotel bed. 42

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It’s time to head back for the island of Malta, but it’s no industrial ferry for us this time. Pah to that! We’re crossing the waters in Beneteau Oceanis 523 ( maltasailingcharter. com), a gorgeous navy blue and white yacht with the superbly hospitable owner, Peter Ellul Vincenti, at the helm. Crossing first to Comino, Malta’s third island, we anchor up at the Blue Lagoon, a spot where, in the summer months, numerous party boats moor up and holidaymakers spend the day diving into the sea, sunning themselves on the rocks and snorkelling, or even scuba diving. In fact, we were surprised to learn that Malta is voted as the third best diving site in the world in an international poll organised by Diving Magazine, thanks to its clear visibility, unique wrecks and plentiful coves and reefs. There’s no diving for us, unfortunately, as the weather is unseasonably bad for March and we spend part of our boat trip cowering below deck as a crazy rain storm whips up around us. Nevertheless, we are troopers and still somehow manage to enjoy the hearty lunch, fresh strawberries and bottles of wine before setting sail for St Paul’s Bay on Malta. Here, we head for nearby Sliema, which is a buzzing tourist destination, purpose-built with restaurants, shopping and nightspots. We stop off at The Point Shopping Mall and indulge in the guilty pastime of buying things you wouldn’t in the UK because the Euros feel like ‘play money’. If the sun is shining, then instead you should take in Mdina, which was Malta’s first capital city during the time of the Knights of Malta but is now home to only three residents – three! – the pretty 17th-century Barrakka Gardens, and Palazzo Parisio ( palazzoparisio.com), an opulent palace with finely coiffed gardens and a restaurant, Cafe Luna, which feels like a little girl’s doll’s house come to life, yet serves food to satisfy the most discerning palette.

Party time We decide to say farewell in style, and so we start the night off at Tarragon ( tarragonmalta.com). Not only does this place serve the best food I’ve eaten on this trip, which is saying something, but it’s up there with some of the best food I’ve eaten, ever. The humble chef works utter magic in the kitchen, with soft pillows of crab ravioli, freshly smoked tuna carpaccio (done in a puff of smoke in front of you, literally) and a rich wild boar ragu particular highlights. As we are staying in The Hilton (rooms from €109 per night, hiltonmaltahotel.com), which is in Malta’s party heart, St Julian’s, it would be sinful not to head out on the town for our last night. The strip of bars and clubs on Paceville offer all kinds of music, from salsa, to house, to ’80s sing-along classics. The crowd is a little, er, hit and miss shall we say – the kind that dress to impress but infinitely fail (“meow” you say? Well, it is a girly holiday). Suffice to say I can’t write much else about this night as I don’t recall a lot of it... other than the fact it was a lot of fun. It’s lucky my memory serves me better in regards to the rest of the trip though, as there’s a lot about Malta that I will never want to forget. Air Malta flies from Heathrow and Gatwick to Malta from £74 one way, airmalta.com. For more on Malta see visitmalta.com

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The South West

ENGLAND

Caption

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UKTRIP

The wheel deal Grab a car and your mates and take a road trip to the South West of England, home to some of the most beautiful landscapes and beaches in the world WORDS IAN ARMITAGE

South West England is bursting with enchanting countryside, sparkling coasts, picturesque villages and some of the country’s most important heritage sites. While there are trains that run to the major towns and cities from London ( southwesttrains.co.uk), the best way to travel is by car so you can see as much as possible. Somerset levels to Bude

where the best waves are and you can get lessons from Blue Wings Surf School ( bluewingssurfschool.co.uk) from as little as £20. Tolcarne has six surf shacks you can stay in from £60-120 per night ( tolcarnebeach.com) but for something a bit more comfortable, nestle into Tolcarne Apartments where a twobedroom apartment costs from £100-200 per night (sleeps four). When you’re not surfing you can kayak with dolphins

We’re starting amid the Somerset Levels, heading south through Devon to Bude in Cornwall. The route is about two hours by car and heading west on the A39 is easy to follow – just stick to the road. You’ll witness some of Britain’s best coastline, the charming little-known villages of Brendon Hills and Selworthy, Lynmouth’s water-powered cliff funicular railway ( cliffrailwaylynton.co.uk), and you can take in Ilfracombe and Combe Martin’s rocky seashores. End in Bude, Victoriana: dunes and surfing mark the first seaside town in Cornwall. Surf Haven in Flexbury ( surfhaven.co.uk) is just £25 per night. For some grub with an amazing view, visit Life’s A Beach ( lifesabeach. info), but if it’s a pasty you want (we are in Cornwall after all), there are plenty of pasty shops around practically every corner in Bude. We recommend Tasty Pasties ( tastypasties.co.uk), which serves up delicious traditional pastry parcels. Newquay From Bude, stay on the A39 and head down to foodie Padstow, which boasts some of the UK’s best seafood in an idyllic harbourside location ( rickstein.com and number6inpadstow.co.uk) or go down to Newquay, the surfers’ party town. Tolcarne and neighbouring Fistral are

Tolcarne surf shacks - absolutely top spot

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Durdle Door on the Jussaic Coast in Dorset

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Surf or go kayaking with dolphins

”

with Coastal Rush ( coastalrush.co.uk) and you can do pretty much every extreme sport going with ElementalUK ( elementaluk.com). Between August 6-10 head to Boardmasters Festival ( boardmasters.co.uk) and see Snoop Dogg (or is it Snoop Lion?), Bastille and many more in action.

Along the route you’ll need food. La Trattoria ( latrattoria.co.uk) is a very friendly, cosy Italian restaurant close to Swanage’s seafront, while The Fish Plaice ( fishplaice.co.uk) is one of the busiest of Swanage’s many fish and chip shops. If you want to stay, Buddies B&B ( buddies-b-and-b. co.uk) has rooms from £50 per night and Tom’s Field ( tomsfieldcamping.co.uk) is a popular local campsite with pitches from £6 per person per night.

Newquay to St Ives Take a short trip along the A3075 and A30 in St Ives and you can visit the Tate Gallery (tate.org.uk/St-Ives) and take a boat to Seal Island ( stivesboats.co.uk) to see the local seal colony. You will be spoilt for choice for tea rooms as the village’s cobbled streets are lined with cafes ( teashop-stives.co.uk). You could also visit Trevaunance Cove, where there are a number of caves to explore at low tide. There’s also a pretty but less-crowded beach at the neighbouring Trevellas Porth ( st-agnes.com). St Ives to the Jurassic coast Here ends our journey. Head east on the A30 to Exmouth – or rather Orcombe Point – where you’ll encounter the Jurassic Coast ( jurassiccoast.org), a 95-mile stretch all the way to Old Harry’s Rocks, just outside Swanage in East Dorset. Stops along the way include Durlston Country Park (where there is a Jurassic Coast visitor centre), Tilly Whim Caves and the Anvil Point Lighthouse, Purbeck, the village of Corfe Castle – dominated by the ruins that give its name – the famous Lulworth Crumple rock formation in Stair Hole and the magnificent rock arch of Durdle Door. 46

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The idyllic harbour at St Ives

Beyond Anzac: Explore the pretty coastline of Gallipoli while youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re there

xxx Iceland XXXX EUROPE

The colourful houses of Reykjavik

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Photos: Ragnar Th. Sigurdsson and Thinkstock

See the Aurora Borealis in Iceland

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The Blue Lagoon, tours from Reykjavik

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That’s why we go to Iceland You might not get a frozen voulevant, but you will get glaciers, volcanoes and natural bubbling spas in the Land of Fire and Ice WORDS EMILY RAY

Iceland is a veritable mix of fascinating geological activity. Nicknamed the Land of Fire and Ice, the landscape is largely a plateau of lava fields, interspersed with the odd volcano, river or waterfall, all with the potent smell of sulfur lingering in the air. It’s also a country with two very disparate seasons. In the winter you’re lucky to get five hours of daylight, whereas in the summer there’s effectively 24 hours of sunshine, leading to the natural phenomenon of a midnight sun. With a strong Nordic identity, this unique country is largely explorable via its coastline. Although the mostly uninhabited interior can be penetrated by guided tours during the summer months when, like a giant causeway, the snow and ice recedes to allow access to this mountainous and otherworldly region.

Reykjavik Given that the only flights to Iceland from the UK land in Keflavik, which is close by to Reykjavik, it’s more than likely that the world’s northernmost capital city will be on every traveller’s list of places to see. Reykjavik also doubles up as a base for further exploration, with tours of the Golden Circle (a 300km loop into central Iceland and back) and to the Blue Lagoon Geothermal Spa running throughout the week. Things to do The Lutheran Hallgrímskirkja church resembles the basalt lava flows of Iceland’s landscape and is a focal point of the city. The Perlan is another landmark building, boasting a viewing deck where, on a clear day, you can see across the tops of Icelandic houses to the dramatic Mt Esja. Going out At times it may not seem like there’s much of a nighttime buzz, but don’t be fooled – Reykjavik-ians are known for turning up late to venues, with weekend nights out often not getting started until gone midnight. The vibrant Bakkus (Facebook: Bakkus Iceland) is a favourite among hipsters, while B5 (b5.is) boasts a great wine list. Where to stay Hip and trendy, and with a covetable location in downtown Reykjavik, the KEX hostel (kexhostel.is) has base rates of £15 for a single bed in a 10-person dorm.

Ísafjörður The main dwelling for those living in the north-west, Ísafjörður is home to a university as well as a bevy of sports and music festivals. The remote nature reserve of the

Hornstrandir peninsula is also accessible by boat during the summer months. Things to do People often make the trek up solely to explore the Westfjords region. Being on the tip of the Arctic wilderness, the fjords could seem rather isolating if not for the teeming wildlife, from arctic foxes to whales.

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There’s a kaleidoscope of natural wonders

”

Going out Edinborg (Facebook: EdinborgBistroCafeBar) dishes up a selection of hearty meals during the day, but it’s also the place to head to in the evenings for a drink. Where to stay GentleSpace Guest Apartments ( gentlespace. is) provides living space for up to five people, with balcony views across the mountains from £115 per night.

Akureyri Taking the title of Iceland’s second capital, Akureyri sits nestled in the roof of the country, accessible via internal flights from Keflavik. As well as an important fishing region, the city is also an excellent base from which to explore nearby Lake Mývatnand and Jökulsárgljúfur National Park. Things to do The natives know that the only real way to see the country is via Icelandic horse. A 15-minute drive away from the city is Polar Hesta ( polarhestar.is/e/index.php) where tours on horseback are available around the northern fjords. The colourful Arctic Botanical Gardens are also worth a meander round. Going out With a vibrant nightlife available, it’s unlikely you’ll get bored any time soon. Beer fanatics can head to the cosy Brugghúsbarinn brewery (Facebook: Brugghusbarinn). Sjallinn ( sjallinn.is) is also worth a look at weekends, although it can get packed. Where to stay The Icelandair Hotel ( icelandairhotels.com/ en/hotels/akureyri) offers bright and cosy rooms for around £80 a night. For the same central location but almost half the price (around £43) consider Hotel Edda ( hoteledda.is) which also operates as uni accommodation. ›› TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Molten lava flowing from Eyjafjallajökull, Vik

Husavik church, Akureyri

Fjardabyggd Iceland’s Western outpost is the 10th most populous municipality, with some 4,500 residents spread across six villages. Those who make the journey over will be rewarded with sweeping landscapes and well-hidden waterfalls. Things to do As the second largest base for Allied soldiers in WWII, the Wartime Museum in Reyðarfjördur displays an exhibition on the war from an Icelandic viewpoint. The ferry service at Seydisfjordur is close by for onward travel to the European continent. Going out During summer, locals can be found lapping up the midnight sun as bands from Iceland descend on the region to perform at festivals such as Eistnaflug (Facebook: Eistnaflug Festival) in Neskaupstaður. Winter is a bit more of a muted affair, but there’s a pub quiz at the local pub, Kaffihúsið ( kaffihusid.is), and DJ nights on Saturdays at Café Kósý in Reyðafjörður. Where to stay Eskifjordur offers some of the best accommodation options, with the waterfront corrugatediron Guesthouse Askja Iceland ( hotelaskja.is) providing rooms from £45 a night. If you’re really brave, put your sleeping bags to good use and get closer to nature at Eskifjörður Camping Ground ( fjardabyggd.is/Forsida).

Vik Only a few hundred people live in this coastal town, which is the most southernmost point of Iceland. The population faces dangers from the nearby Mýrdalsjökull glacier, as well as the active Katla volcano. If caught in an eruption, head for the town’s church, which is believed to be the only building able to withstand the explosion. 50

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Mýrdalsjökull volcano glacier, Vik Things to do The Eyjafjallajökull volcano caused disruptions to flights across Europe when it erupted in 2010. The nearby visitor centre ( icelanderupts.is) in Þorvaldseyri offers dramatic photos of the fallout. If vivid scenery is your thing, there’s a kaleidoscope of natural wonders, from the impressive Skogafoss waterfall to the rock formations on the Dyrholaey peninsula. Heavenly hotpot: relax at the Blue Lagoon Going out It’s fair to say that Vik isn’t the place for nighttime revelry – once you’ve drunk in the scenery, escape the drizzly weather with a drink back at the hotel. Where to stay Sitting between black beaches and the volcano glacier of Mýrdalsjökull, the aptly named Volcano ICELAND Hotel ( volcanohotel.is) has rooms available from £90 per night. The Grand Guesthouse Garðakot ( ggg.is) has recently been renovated to function as modern accommodation. Expect to pay around £71 a night. ❚

Reykjavik

GETTING THERE & AROUND EasyJet fares can start as low as £35 ( easyjet.com). There is no public train line, despite frequent calls for one to be built. However, ICELAND there are a plethora of Reykjavik good coach companies offering an ever-expanding list of tours. You can get a flyBus service to and from the airport, and taxis on your nightsGETTING out, although THEREthey are pricey so only take short trips. Iceland Express (icelandexpress.com) offers one-way flights from London to Reykjavik from £89pp

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WHEN? SEPT 20-OCT 5, 2014

FESTIVAL GUIDE

KING’S DAY OKTOBERFEST Imagine hundreds of blonde beauties dressed in lederhosen serving you the biggest jugs (of lager!) you have ever seen. Now picture sizzling bratwurst and crispy schnitzel. Yes, we’re talking about Oktoberfest. It’s 7.30am and people are congregating outside the Löwenbräu tent, ready for a day of solid drinking. They’re here early, keen to get inside because getting your bum on one of the sought-after wooden benches is the most essential step of procuring a stein (a massive beer glass) – and if you don’t get one of those, you won’t be served. Epic fail. Once a seat is found though, you’re sorted for the rest of the day and can focus on what’s important: downing, singing, eating and dancing. Beer is served from 9am on weekends and 10am on weekdays. It’s a tad earlier than you’d normally crack open the first drink of the day (for most), but pretty soon you’ll be caught up in the raucous atmosphere of the festival, best described as ‘Disneyland for drinkers’. All the lagers served are regional and adhere to the strict 1516 Bavarian 52 00

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Purity Requirements, which mean only water, hops and barley can be used to brew them. Names you’re likely to recognise include Augustiner, Paulaner, Spaten-Franziskaner, Löwenbräu and Hofbräu. Different beers are served at various tents, so pick your favourite and get right in among it, remembering the golden rule of drinking – buying a strange woman a drink is cool, buying them for her all day is dumb. But as good as the drink is, it’s not only the amber brew that’s tempting to visitors. The tents are surrounded by a large fairground with rides – rollercoasters, bumper cars, carousels and games – meaning there’s plenty to keep you entertained. Indeed, this will most likely be the biggest and best party you’ll ever attend. Just make sure you go on the rides before the drink is already making your head spin. So, TNTers, we urge you... go forth and enjoy this 16-day glug-a-thon, do-before-you-die piss-up that chugs on from September 20 until October 5 this year, continuing a 204-year-old tradition. Eins, zwei, drei, DRINK!

Words: Ian Armitage Photos: Getty, Facebook

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HOW DID IT ALL BEGIN?

WHAT TO EXPECT

Oktoberfest began innocently enough: when Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese of Bavaria on October 12,1810, the National Guard organised a large horse race by way of public celebration. A thoroughly good time was had by one and all, so they decided to throw a party the same time the following year, and so on. A festival has run annually ever since, morphing from a stint as an agricultural show to what is now a behemoth celebration of Bavarian beer. Today, the world’s biggest fair sees more than seven million litres of beer guzzled, 90,000 litres of wine consumed and nearly 120,000 pork sausages eaten. Come September, the poor piggies must be very dis-grunt-led (sorry).

The party officially kicks off at noon on the festival’s first day, when Munich’s lord mayor taps a keg of beer and cries: “O’ zapft is”, or, “It’s tapped”. Only then can visitors quench their thirst. Each tent has its own character, from the funky celebrity-packed Hippodrom and the youthful Löwenbräu, to the displays of yodelling in the Braeurosl and traditional roasting of oxen in the Ochsenbraterei. Yodelling performances, oompah bands and a fairground keep the crowds entertained. We recommend joining a tour group such as Stoke Travel, TopDeck, Busabout, Travel Talk or PP Travel, as they will sort your accommodation and travel, so you can do minimal thinking, maximum drinking. See right for more.

GET IN THE SPIRIT

WHAT ELSE?

Half the fun of Oktoberfest is getting kitted out in traditional German outfits for your drinking session. For fellas, this means a red checkered or white shirt with lederhosen (long leather shorts) and braces. Ladies, a full dirndl includes a bodice, blouse (the boobier the better), full skirt and apron. As for those felt alpine hats with a feather... sure, why not? These outfits are available all over Munich, but the more authentic ones can be quite pricey, upwards of £150. Lots of Oktoberfesters cut costs by going second-hand, or even making their own. Buying the overly skimpy outfits available online or from sex shops is tempting but is a big no-no, as Munichers don’t approve.

Most people might spend their time in Munich inside a beer hall, but there are plenty of sights to stumble around if you care for fresh air. One of the most popular is the Rathaus-Glockenspiel, essentially a giant cuckoo clock on the town hall that enacts stories from Munich’s 16thcentury history, with the help of 43 bells and 32 life-size figures. The Frauenkirche – or Cathedral of Our Dear Lady – is Munich’s spiritual masterpiece, an imposing church said to house the devil’s footprint. There are a few versions of the legend that attends it, one being it marks where the devil stood as he ridiculed the church. Take a peek at the footprint and make your own mind up.

TAKE A TOUR BUSABOUT

Busabout has several Oktoberfest package tours including four-day camping from £189. busabout.com FANATICS

A package to suit every budget from as little as £79. thefanatics.com/oktoberfest PP TRAVEL

PP offers the ‘complete’ Oktoberfest tour: a sevenday ultimate coach/camping weekend with five days at the festival followed by a weekend escape to the Alps. pptravel.com STOKE TRAVEL

The guys at Stoke are a little bit bonkers and you can take over Oktoberfest with them from £220 (and for €10 per day you get unlimited beer). stoketravel.com/oktoberfest TOP DECK

Probably the widest range of packages available with four nights from just £119. topdeck.travel TRAVEL TALK

A number of four-day tours on offer from £209. traveltalktours.com

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The Golden Gate Bridge, California

West is best, bitches We’re not about to get involved with the East Coast-West Coast gang wars, but when it comes to an epic USA coastal trip, West is our winner WORDS KATHERINE WEIR Best for: Jaw-dropping views GRAND CANYON, ARIZONA Carved out by the Colorado River, the Grand Canyon overwhelms the senses with its immense size and intense colour palette. Nothing can prepare you for the natural beauty of the canyon, and it is essential that you get to see both the breath-taking sunrise and sunset while in this world-renowned National Park. There are several trails to cover if you fancy taking on a hike – including the Bright Angel Trail that winds down towards the canyon base. This can be done in one day, but only for the fitness elite, so be sure to turn back up when you start to feel tired. Going down is the easy part; it’s the calf-crucifying trek back up under the baking heat of the Arizona sun that will really work off the American diet. Then, after you’ve seen all you can from the ground, it’s time to take to the air with a helicopter flight, getting a bird’s-eye view of all 277-rivermiles long and 18-miles wide of the canyon. Soaring over the lush green forest that surrounds it, get ready for the stomachchurning drop as the canyon dips to its base, allowing you to see the winding river and all the beautiful formations. 56

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What else? While in Arizona you can visit part of the iconic Route 66 and the town of Seligman, which was the inspiration for Radiator Springs in the Pixar-animated film, Cars. If you’re looking for a night under the stars, there’s no better place than Lake Havasu; with its stunning mountain views and clear waters for sunset dips. Best for: Architecture SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA A week in this city would be perfect, but if you only have a couple of days then get an itinerary together as there is so much to see and do. San Francisco is home to the largest Chinatown outside of Asia and it is packed full of quirky little shops such as the Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory, where you can see the magic happening. A short walk from Chinatown is the Beat Museum, celebrating the Beat generation of 1950s San Francisco – there’s even a street named after Jack Kerouac. A visit to the famous Lombard Street should also be on your list of things to see – with its steep one-block section that

A GUIDE TO WEST COAST USA

Images: Thinkstock, Getty and Positive/Negative and john-fisher via Flickr

The colourful houses of San Francisco

consists of eight tight turns. Featured in several films and TV shows, it is amusing to watch the cars struggle to negotiate each bend. We would advise travelling by tram instead, so hop aboard and watch the colourful houses – each unique in design and decoration – and give your legs a rest from the steep, unforgiving streets. Book well in advance if you want to see the eerie Alcatraz; but if you can’t there’s always a lovely sunset cruise on a catamaran to get a decent view of the island as well as the towering Golden Gate Bridge. You can also walk or ride a bike along the bridge for some amazing views and blustering winds. What else? Further down the West Coast you can experience Big Sur State Park and its 90 miles of stunning coastline. Make sure your camera is fully charged as there is little that you won’t want to capture – including the stunning panorama of McWay Falls from the viewing platform. While here, be sure to grab a burrito from the River Inn restaurant where you can sit on chairs in the river to cool your feet. Best for: Tree hugging

A sequoia tree in Yosemite, California

YOSEMITE, CALIFORNIA Whether you are looking for a hiking challenge or just somewhere to kick back and relax among amazing natural beauty, you can spend several days exploring what Yosemite has to offer. The biggest pull to this part of California is usually the impressive collection of giant sequoia trees. Scaling heights of up to 88 metres in the Mariposa Grove, it is almost impossible to capture the size of the trees in a picture. Because of some lightning damage, you can walk (and then crawl as the tree tapers) through the inside of a fallen tree. You can also stand inside one of the sequoias, looking up into the heart of the tree. While hiking, TNTMAGAZINE.COM

keep your eyes peeled for some amazing waterfalls such as Vernal Fall and the unusual Horsetail Fall, which appears to be on fire when it reflects the reds and oranges of the sunset. Lake Tuolumne is the perfect place to take a dip: with its crystal clear waters and a stunning mountain backdrop. Another great place to relax and enjoy a swim is Merced River, next to Housekeeping Camp. Littered with fallen trees and mossy underfoot, the river provides an ice-cool retreat even in high-summer heat. What else? Nearby to Yosemite National Park is Mono Lake. The ancient salt lake is home to a unique ecosystem of no fish but trillions of brine shrimp and alkali flies, as well as being a prime spot for millions of migratory birds each year. Along the lake shore, scenic limestone formations, known as tufa towers, rise from the water’s surface, providing distinctive scenery.

The Grand Canyon, Arizona

Best for: Debauchery LAS VEGAS, NEVADA There is so much more to do in Vegas than gamble, but if you do fancy a flutter there is nowhere better than The Strip. When you tire of slot machines and poker tables you can watch the dancing fountains at The Belagio just like the cast of Ocean’s Eleven. Take a gondola ride indoors at the decadent Venetian or take in a show at the behemoth that is The Mirage. At every turn along The Strip there is something new to see and a new novelty drink to enjoy, so come armed with cash and plenty of it. Party buses are available if you have a large group and provide a unique experience of drinking in a moving vehicle with a stripper pole. Be sure to get a picture at the iconic Las Vegas sign and try to catch the Freemont Street light show before the strawberry daiquiris kick in. During the day you are welcome to carry on drinking and gambling, but if you fancy something even more thrilling then why not try your hand at shooting? Several gun ranges are on hand (of course, it is America) so you can take on a machine gun or go old school with rifles and handguns. What else? Built to tame the mighty Colorado River, The Hoover Dam took five years to build during the Depression and its colossal size is hard to fathom until you stand on the bridge overlooking it. Also worth a visit is Gold Point in Nevada. With only a handful of permanent residents, an old post office, jail, general store and several cabins, it truly feels like a ghost town. If you ask for Herb (co-owner of the majority of the town), he will cook you something nice and serve you from his bar, all for a small contribution to the upkeep of Gold Point. The Hoover Dam, Nevada

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TAKE A TOUR If you’re short on time and want to pack as much of the West Coast in as possible, then Trek America is a great company for a guided tour. The Westerner 2 is a fantastic two-week trek including transport, camping equipment and hotel stays. Prices vary depending on when you wish to travel but generally start from about £1,000 for offpeak to £1,350 for popular dates in August. As well as this cost you will need to factor in flights, accommodation before and after your trek, food money, spends and additional activities such as your helicopter flight across the Grand Canyon. trekamerica.com Best for: Beaches SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA With a laid-back atmosphere and the promise of blazing sunshine, San Diego is the prime location for getting an impressive tan and enjoying some beautiful beaches. Mission Beach is a must and is surrounded by shops, bars, eateries and street performers to keep you entertained. You can also visit Belmont Park, which has rides and arcades as well as the chance to test your surfing prowess with the artificial wave at the Wave House. The sea can be very choppy, so get ready to jump high to get over the waves, or admit defeat and watch from the comfort of your sun lounger. San Diego is also home to Casa Beach, also known as Children’s Pool, where you will see a healthy population of seals and sea lions. Strangely mesmerising, you can spend an hour or two watching them sunbathing and barking. The beautiful city of Coronado is not far from San Diego and is home to the famous Hotel del Coronado, which was the setting for the 1959 Marilyn Monroe film, Some Like it Hot. What else? Salvation Mountain is situated in the lower desert of southern California and is a very strange but necessary part of your West Coast travels. Standing 50 feet high and 150 foot wide, the mountain is one man’s tribute to God in multi-colour. Among the assault of colour there are messages such as ‘God is Love’ and other religious writings peppered among the painted clay stripes, flowers, waterfalls and bluebirds. You can also visit the majestic sand dunes for a photo opportunity that will look more like ancient Egypt than California.

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TOUR SEARCH For the last 30 years TNT Magazine has brought travel advice and news to a growing audience of travellers. 18 to 35 year olds from Australia, New Zealand and South Africa have been using TNT as their guide to living and working in the UK. With a growing audience comes growing demand and over quarter of a million users are now demanding travel offers and information for tours across the globe from their base in the UK. Here at TNT we have listened to the demands of our readers and we’re excited to launch TNT Tours. Whether you’re looking for a weekend in Dublin, a group tour across North Africa, or a ten day epic adventure in South America, the TNT Tour Search facility is here to meet your travel wishes. With tours being added on a daily basis and reviews to give you peace of mind, TNT Tours will become your primary destination when looking to travel anywhere around the globe and you know the process will be as good as you can get anywhere else, if not better. Oh! and you don’t have to be Australian.

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China in your hand Travelling the ancient trade route of the Silk Road, Tom Coote takes you on a journey of scenic parks, Chinese tea houses and temples with a neighbouring teacup ride

When travelling the length of China along the ancient trade routes of the Silk Road, the only real way to do it is by train. Up until the 16th century, when new maritime routes opened up, the Silk Road had acted as the bridge between all the major civilisations – Egypt, China, India, Persia, Arabia, Byzantium and Rome – for more than a thousand years. Around 30% of the trade was made up of silk, but these routes would also carry fruit, plants, paper, art, compasses, jewels, gold, gunpowder – and the Black Death. More importantly, they carried ideas, skills and DNA. The best-known start and end points of the Silk Road are Chang’an (Xian), the old capital of China, and Byzantium 60

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(Constantinople/Istanbul), but many Silk Road trips bypass those cities all together. I began my journey along these ancient trade routes by travelling up from Luang Prebang in Laos by sleeper bus to Jinghong, before spending another night in a cramped bunk on a bumpy bus to arrive at Kunming. From then on, however, it is possible to travel all the way across China, to Kazakhstan and beyond through Central Asia, using the far more comfortable sleeper trains. They may cost a little more than the night buses but are reliable, far cleaner than they used to be, great value for money by European standards, provide you with a plentiful supply of hot water for instant noodles and tea, and will

BIGTRIP

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save you the cost of a night’s accommodation in a hostel or hotel. I’ve also always found that I sleep very well on trains, so unlike with the night buses – whose narrow bunk beds are often just a little too short for many Westerners – you don’t waste half the next day shuffling around like a sleepdeprived zombie. Kunming Kunming, the capital of Yunnan province, is home to more than five million people. It was once a gateway to the Silk Road and acted as a crossroads for trade between India, Myanmar and Tibet. According to the tourist brochures,

Kunming is also ‘the city of Eternal Spring’. On exiting the night bus from Jinghong on a chilly March morning, wearing only the shorts and T-shirts I’d been getting away with for months on South-East Asia, I was shivering so hard that I couldn’t even hold up my badly photocopied map of the sprawling metropolis. THINGS TO DO The large parks in all major Chinese cities are always popular with the locals who are often forced to live in large, grey tower blocks. As in many of these mega parks, Green Lake Park in Kunming features a large boating lake surrounded with pedal boats, scenic tea houses, giant TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Yuantong Temple, Kunming Cloudland International Hostel, Kunming

Teahouse, Chengdu

chess sets, brightly painted outdoor gym equipment, and several groups of enthusiastic line dancers. All over China you find groups of all ages and abilities doing their own kind of choreographed dance routines. It seems similar to US-style country dancing but, like most cultural imports, it has been transposed and modified into a uniquely Chinese form of expression. There is none of the inhibition that you find among amateur dancers in the West and neither the dancers themselves nor the crowds that gather to watch them seem particularly concerned about just how good or bad the dancing actually is. It’s just a bit of fun and exercise. Not far from Green Lake Park is Yuantong Si, a Chan (Zen) Buddhist temple that was first built in the late eighth or ninth century. Over the years it has been restored and rebuilt a number of times. More recently it was expanded with money from Thailand. Unusually, it lies in a natural depression and you go down steps to the temple, rather than ascending. It is very popular among the huge numbers of domestic Chinese tourists (as is almost anything scenic that you can take your picture in front of). As the only Western tourist in the temple complex, I edged between the incense-lighting worshippers and tried to avoid walking into too many holiday snaps. I tried not to make a nuisance of myself and nobody seemed to mind me wandering around their holy place. Not all Western visitors have been so well tolerated. At the beginning of the 20th century, one of the French engineers who was working on the Kunming to Vietnam railway project set up house in the temple’s main building. There weren’t many nice places for foreigners to stay in Kunming at the time, so he selected the Yuantong Treasury hall as his place of residence. This didn’t go down too well with the locals who still wanted to be able to get into the temple to pray and burn incense sticks. It took a few months but they eventually managed to chuck him out. It would be difficult to imagine a Chinese engineer coming over to England and setting up house in the nearest cathedral because he couldn’t find anywhere else that was up to his standards. GOING OUT The most popular hangout that I found in Kunming is a trendy-looking café called Just Fruit. It’s full of teenagers playing cards, drinking fruit shakes and smoking (something that to UK residents can now seem strangely exotic). Unlike nearly everywhere else in Kunming, they have some English on their menu (among these youngsters, speaking English was considered to be very ‘cool’). The ice cream sundaes on the menu are particularly appealingly named. I was extremely tempted by ‘The Heaven of Ice Snow’ and ‘Heart Deeply Drank in a Romantic Feeling’ but eventually opted for ‘Love to get Occulty with Black Forest’. WHERE TO STAY I had meant to stay at the popular Cloudland International Hostel but got lost and ended up at another YHA instead (it wasn’t one of those ‘posh’ Chinese hostels with doors on the toilet cubicles). Chengdu

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Pictures: Getty, Thinkstock

As the the state capital of Sichuan (known for its spicy cuisine), Chengdu now has more than 15 million residents. On arriving at the train station in the early morning, it appeared that most of them were in the queue for the taxis. Having given up on that particular mode of transport, I then spend more than 15 minutes attempting to cross the road, so as to get out of the station. Having failed to even make it across one lane of traffic I was eventually propositioned

by an old man on a moped. After a quick glance at the map he assured me that he knew where I wanted to go, before zooming out in between the oncoming cars, trucks and buses. Some 40 minutes later he gave up, abandoning me at the side of the road, without even a landmark in view to try and establish my whereabouts. Thankfully, although Chengdu as a whole is huge and sprawling, most of the main tourist attractions are actually located within quite a small area (and soon after getting lost I was offered a lift to my hostel by a friendly local family who had noticed me struggling with my map). Once oriented, it is possible to walk to most of the main sites, and most tourist hotels will offer affordable day trips to see the giant pandas. THINGS TO DO Not far from the Jinjiang River is a pedestrianised tourist complex revolving around the Wenshu Temple. Hordes of Chinese tourists gather around the souvenir shops and stalls selling the Chinese equivalent of sticks of rock and ‘kiss me quick’ hats. The Buddhist Temple – the biggest and best preserved in Chengdu – is more than 1,000 years old, attracting crowds from all around the country to burn incense and sacrificial paper money in return for blessings (around AD960 Chengdu became the first place to widely use paper money). Inside the Scriptures Hall is a white-jade statue of Buddha from Myanmar, incantations in Sanskrit from India, and gold-plated scripture from Japan. Chengdu is famous for its teahouses. The Chinese will sit around for hours while waiters wander around topping up their large white bowls of what appears to be a selection of twigs and garden clippings, with thermos flasks of boiling water. Tourists are usually directed to the ‘superior’ sections of the tea houses, which can cost up to 10 times more than the standard seating areas (although it will still cost you less than a cappuccino in any Western High Street). Undoubtedly, the biggest attraction for most foreign visitors is the Chengdu Panda Bear Breeding and Research Centre. It is usually visited on a day trip that includes minibus transportation, a video presentation, and a tour of the visitor centre, as well as the obligatory photo opportunities. Less well known, and also there to see, are the red pandas – they’re somewhere between a cat and a dog in size and look more like raccoons with a long bushy tail. Some scientists claim that they’re closely related to giant pandas, while others quite confidently state that they’re a completely different species. The fact that they look like totally different animals would seem to lend credence to the latter view.

Wenshu Temple, Chengdu

Giant panda, Chengdu

GOING OUT A popular night out is a visit to the Shefengyayun Sichuan Opera House. Most Sichuan Opera repertoires are adapted from the Chinese classical novels, mythologies, legends and folk tales. The performances are highly stylised and often acrobatic. WHERE TO STAY Highly recommended is Sim’s Cozy Garden Hostel. It offers a wide range of affordable accommodation including unusually attractive dorm rooms, good-value tours to the Panda Centre and Sichuan Opera, and will even book your onward train tickets for a small fee. Lanzhou Lanzhou, situated roughly in the centre of China, was once a major stop on the Silk Road. It used to be known as the Golden City but is now one of the most polluted cities in China. Unlike Chengdu, it is not a major tourist attraction and I didn’t see any other tourists when I was there.

Water wheel, Lanzhou TNTMAGAZINE.COM

THINGS TO DO If Lanzhou is famous for anything, then it is for its water wheels. Until the 1950s around 250 enormous water wheels were still being used for irrigation along the Yellow River that runs through Lanzhou (the invention of the irrigation water wheel had travelled up the Silk Road from Roman Syria). Not many have survived the Cultural Revolution but some working reproductions have been built for the Water Wheel Garden as a tourist attraction. The park extends for a kilometre or so along the Yellow River and, as well as a line of scenic water wheels, it also features an amphitheatre for public performances, a rock museum (yep, rock) and a set of bronze statues depicting Chinese workers. Sometimes in the summer tourists are allowed to float across the river on traditional rafts made from inflated sheepskins. You probably wouldn’t drown if you fell out as they make you wear life jackets, but I wouldn’t fancy your chances if you accidentally swallowed anything. Like many other hillside parks in China, Five Springs Park is a mixture of ancient temples, elegant gardens and gaudily painted amusement rides. A hike up steep rock-cut stairways will lead you to yet more temples, cut high up into the hillside, with views stretching out over the smog-ridden city, as far as the Yellow River. GOING OUT Although all large cities will have the usual selection of restaurants, nightclubs and karaoke bars, there is little in Lanzhou that is aimed specifically at tourists. If you get bored, you can always head over to one of the large internet cafés and be surrounded by dozens of Chinese teenagers, all blowing up mythical monsters and evil foreign invaders as loudly as possible. The speed of any internet connection is extremely variable and most social media and many news sites are blocked. There is also a strong likelihood that online email accounts will be infected with the many unblocked viruses. On no account should you use Chinese internet café’s to make any financial transactions! WHERE TO STAY There is apparently a hostel on the other side of town to the train station, but just two minutes right of the train station I managed to find a nice budget hotel with a decent bathroom and satellite TV for less than the price of a private room in a backpacker’s hostel. Dunhuang The Dunhuang train station is surprisingly grand and modern, but around 12km out of town. It looks like an alien spaceship that has been abandoned in the desert. Having caught a minibus into the central market area of Dunhuang, I was struck by just how untypically Chinese both the city and the people look: there seem to be more mosques than Buddhist temples, many of the residents look more Central Asian than Han Chinese, and the whole atmosphere is very different to the large cities further east. Dunhuang, in Gansu province, used to be one of the most important cities in ancient China. The city was founded by Emperor Wudi of the Han dynasty in 111BC at the crossroads of two trading routes of the Silk Road. Today, it is a highly popular holiday destination among China’s large numbers of camera-happy domestic tourists. THINGS TO DO Minibuses can easily be caught from the centre of town to the hugely popular Thousand Buddha Caves of Magao. According to local legend, the temple caves were first dug out in AD366 by a Buddhist monk called Le 64

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Temple at Crescent Lake, Dunhuang

Zen who had a vision of a thousand Buddhas. The number of the temples eventually rose to more than a thousand, many of which were painted with elaborate murals by pilgrims passing along the Silk Road. These murals were intended as aids to meditation and as mnemonic devices but, perhaps more importantly, they had acted as teaching tools to inform illiterate Chinese of the ideas and philosophy of the Buddhism that had spread into China along the Silk Road. The price of the admission ticket includes the services of an English-speaking guide. The other major attraction at Dunhuang is the Mingsha Shan National Park, situated in one of the most scenic regions of the vast Gobi Desert. Most visitors opt to ascend the Echoing Sand Mountains on the back of a Bactrian camel, stopping only at the peak to slide down the sand on a sled, before snaking back around the epically proportioned dunes to the Crescent Moon Lake – formed in the shape of a half moon by a natural spring in the desert. The story goes that these dunes got their name after an army that was resting at this oasis was taken by surprise by a massive sand storm that completely submerged them, and that the sound you can sometimes hear echoing from the dunes is the screams of the still-buried soldiers. Others think that the sound has something to do with the wind and the shifting sand dunes but I prefer the first explanation. GOING OUT As a major domestic tourist attraction, the city centre features the usual entertainments for Chinese holidaymakers but little is aimed at foreign visitors.

Urumqi The Uyghur people from around Urumqi in Xianjiang province are really more Central Asian, in both appearance and culture, than they are Han Chinese. Like Tibet, it is a highly contested region of China. The recent rise in Uyghur nationalism and the demand for an independent state of Uyghurstan, or East Turkistan, is considered a great threat to the Chinese state. Apart from anything else, Xinxiang is rich in natural resources such as oil and natural gas that have yet to be anything like fully exploited by the national government. Strangely, there isn’t yet a direct connecting train from Dunhuang’s ultra modern new station to Urumqi, so you have to get a bus or shared taxi to Liuyan, around an hour’s drive from Dunhuang City. If you wish to carry on further along the Silk Road from Urumqi, then you can either catch a 24-hour bus to Kashgar, in the direction of Pakistan, before crossing over into Kyrgyzstan, or take the night train or bus to Almaty in Kazakhstan. THINGS TO DO Most of Urumqi’s attractions are found on Red Hill. As with most of the scenic temple and pagoda sites in China, a selection of rickety-looking fairground rides have been planted into the hillside. If all the reverence and spirituality become a bit tiresome you can always cheer yourself up with a ride on a big wheel or get spun around in a revolving teacup. It’s difficult to imagine this happening in other parts of the world – perhaps a a ghost train should run through Canterbury Cathedral? Or a big dipper could be bolted onto the roof of the Blue Mosque? GOING OUT I recommend trying out one of the plentiful Uyghur restaurants, featuring a cuisine closer in style to Turkish than to traditional Chinese. There is also a good food court at the shopping mall just along from Peoples’ Park.

WHERE TO STAY Most independent travellers opt to stay at Charlie Jhong’s Guest House. It is situated a few kilometres out of town, right next to the sand dunes, but it is easy enough to catch a local minibus there or even to get a free lift from Charlie Jhong’s Café (run by the friendly owner’s wife) or Shirley’s Café (run by Charlie’s brother in law).

WHERE TO STAY I would recommend the White Birch YHA, just across the road from the Regional Museum, and backing on to another large park which is particularly popular with the enthusiastic fliers of large and colourful Chinese kites. You can read more in Tom’s book, Tearing up the Silk Road, tomcoote.net/tearing-up-the-silk-road.html

View from Red Hill, Urumqi TNTMAGAZINE.COM

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48HOURS

NAPLES LIVERPOOL

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YOUR WEEKEND IN LIVERPOOL, ENGLAND

You won’t walk far (and never alone) in Liverpool without hearing the echoes of Beatlemania. The story of the four likely lads who conquered the world will be told by locals for years to come. But these days a new generation is looking forward, not back, and the buzzing artistic, creative scene and quirky nightspots that have sprung up with it are worth the trip alone... The Cavern Club

The Metropolitan Cathedral

68 00

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DAY ONE MORNING Between two imposing cathedrals on the side of a hill lies one of Liverpool’s classiest streets. Hope Street is a catwalk of Liverpool’s creative talent and a great place to immerse yourself in its unique cultural scene. HOAX Liverpool hostel (hoaxliverpool.com) is the ideal place to base yourself right in the heart of the Cavern Quarter and it’s a short walk to the Metropolitan Cathedral at the top of Hope Street. Strolling down the street you pass the home of the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra, the Liverpool

College of Art, the Liverpool Institute for Performing Arts – founded by Paul McCartney – and the recently refurbished Everyman Theatre. There are also plenty of lovely pubs and restaurants dotted around – check out the Clove Hitch for some top British cuisine and craft beers. Hope Street will be the buzzing hub of the 2014 Liverpool Biennial, a major celebration of British contemporary art running from early July to the end of October. For four months Liverpool will be alive with shows and urban exhibits far too numerous to mention, and Hope Street will be the main nerve. AFTERNOON At the foot of Hope Street you’ll find the formidable neo-Gothic structure of Liverpool Cathedral. Even if that wouldn’t normally be your thing, it’s worth taking a look inside the world’s longest cathedral for the stunning view its 331ft tower offers. From there, head back into town via ‘The Black-E’, a striking old church

ig Easton, Getty

Words: Emily Ray. Photos: Thinkstock

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on Great George Street once coated in a grim layer of industrial grime, now a contemporary arts and community centre. Standing wonderfully contrasted next to it is the oriental arch over Nelson Street, the gateway to Liverpool’s Chinatown where the oldest Chinese community in Europe lives.

Albert Dock. The whole area has been saved from the perils of deprivation by smart investment and superb longterm planning. So now there’s plenty on offer, not least Tate Liverpool, the International Slavery Museum, The Beatles Story and a great selection of bars and restaurants for lunch.

EVENING For an utterly unique night out, you have to head to the Baltic Triangle (liverpoolbaltictriangle.co.uk). It is rapidly emerging as a buzzing edgy artistic quarter and a magnet for Liverpool’s hipster community. An echo of Liverpool’s industrial past, the whole area has been reclaimed as an arty district where you’ll find musicians, designers, filmmakers and entrepreneurs at work and play. The best thing to do is head down early evening, just wander around and take it all in. Once you’re done rambling, have a nice sharpener in the Baltic Fleet, erstwhile boozer of sailors and dockers, before heading round to Camp & Furnace (campandfurnace.com). A cluster of abandoned warehouses reborn as art and social space, Camp & Furnace is a rich jumble brimming with quirky features – ask about the retro caravans – that attracts creatives of all stripes. With fantastic food on offer in officially the second coolest restaurant in Britain (The Times said so), a buzzing bar where you can party until 4am at the weekend, and even the chance to sing karaoke with a live band, the whole thing makes for an achingly cool venue and a totally one-off night.

AFTERNOON Take a nice stroll back into the city and head straight for Wood Street, a characterful part of town where you’ll find yet another buzzing arty spot. The Foundation for Art and Creative Technology (FACT; fact.co.uk) is as cutting edge as arts organisations get, especially with the current exhibition, the beautifully curated Science Fiction: New Death, an ominous, trippy statement about a world being overrun by technology. There’s also a Picturehouse cinema in the building if you fancy a nice bit of downtime. Liverpool is a fashion-mad city, so if you like a bit of shopping you’re in the right place. Giant shopping centre Liverpool One is the city’s third cathedral, to a very different religion, and along with some smaller more boutique malls and a wonderful array of indie stores, you can happily spend the afternoon hunting down some new threads for the evening.

48HOURS Religious experience: Sacre Coeur

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A unique 55 minute amphibious sightseeing tour of Liverpool’s historic waterfront, ‘The Three Graces’, Pier Head city and docks

does have a certain charm to itQuote and it’s ‘TNT’ and certainly good to tick it off your list. get a But there are plenty of better FREE fleshpots in town. If you’re in the 4m2u mini mood for a bit of a knees up, Cava Bar rubber – where you can get a tequila duck* shot for a pound – Soho Bar in Concert Square and Alma de Cuba, set in an old church, are all worth the trip. One of the city’s quirkiest and most fun late-night spots, EVENING Aloha, is a must, especially if you like Book tickets at www.theyellowduckmarine.co.uk It might not be the original, but the your rum cocktails and table tennis. or 0151 708 7799 *One duck per booking subject to availability. For full t&cs visit www.theyellowduckmarine.co.uk Cavern Club is still worth a drink. It’s often packed with tourists though so you might want to get a couple DAY TWO of cocktails down MORNING you before you Yes, it’s a cliché, but you really can’t go. Hopskotch, visit the city that produced the most the bar attached successful band in history without at to HOAX, does a least giving a nod to the Fab Four, great selection, and if you’re staying at HOAX you’re as well as a nice already metres away from the place mixed menu for where it all began. The area’s become a dinner, and there’s little bit cheesy, but with the right kind often live music of eyes you can picture those streets in theprice bar (not in the ‘50s, buzzing with thebut sound of (it’s basically a vintage store, without a on weighty just playing Beatles four wild local lads a few years before tag). While you’re there, hit independent tea shop, Leaf Evendo though they went and changed music forever. (thisisleaf.co.uk) for a cuppa and a cheap covers). lunch (they it’s a recreation From there take a walk down a delicious Greek mezze that’s £10to and big enough for two).– the original was deephere wide Mersey, past theholds retro Ifthe you’re atRiver the right time, Leaf Sundays on knocked down striking Royal Liver Building towards the last Sunday of every month, with a vintage fair selling in 1973 – the Cavern the city’s iconicclothing, feature:accessories The men’s andmost women’s and homeware.

14:00 For some alternative modern art, head out of town to the coast. Get the number 53 bus, which leaves Queen Square in Liverpool city centre, to Crosby Beach, where you’ll find an in-water installation called Another Place by Antony Gormley. It’s made up of 100 cast-iron, life-sized

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YOU ASKED FOR IT... LAURA LINDSAY FROM LONELY PLANET

We are visiting Morocco for seven Q days. Where is a good place for mountain hiking without too many tourists around? Also would you recommend any nice places to try local food specialities in Marrakesh? Many thanks. Katarina and Sebastian

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DON’T GET IT TWISTED If you’re packing necklaces, headphones or other tricky things which end up getting tangled, then transport them inside a drinking straw. This stops them getting tangled on your travels. Sheila, via Facebook BUZZ OFF Eating garlic repels mosquitoes, have a clove handy on your holiday. Ross, via email WIN

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There are fabulous hiking options in Morocco as the country is home to a variety of mountain ranges and varied weather conditions, meaning there is something for everyone. Make sure you check the climate for the area you decide to visit before booking, as some areas will be too hot in summer or others covered in snow in winter. While the High Atlas Mountains offer some of the most spectacular terrain and are easily accessible from Marrakesh, it is incredibly popular with tourists. For somewhere free from the crowds, head to northern Morocco’s Rif Mountains. The range is rarely frequented by tourists despite its incredible scenery. The lush green terrain is dotted with volcanic peaks, impressive rock formations and a Barbary ape population. Trekking is possible year round, although in summer it will be incredibly

hot. The main downside is its an 11hour bus ride from Marrakesh so travel time will reduce the number of days you have hiking. Fortunately, the area has a number of hikes, so there should be something to suit your time here. Marrakesh can be an incredible foodie destination as long as you know where to go. Some travellers are often disappointed by overpriced food in tourist restaurants in the old town. However, delve a little deeper and you will find a host of fabulous foodie experiences. Eating in a riad is a great way to try authentic cuisine, where home-cooked food is prepared by a dada (cook). Cooking courses are a good way to learn a little more about Moroccan cuisine. The best courses often include a trip to market to learn about the ingredients and how to haggle for the best varieties. La Maison Arabe offers a great class starting at £44 (lamaisonarabe.com). Sample Marrakesh’s street food for cheap and tasty treats; try bsarra, a broad bean soup, or sfenj, which is a bit like a deepfried doughnut. Be sure to try a tajine too; courtyard restaurant Dar Mimoun and central Chegrouni both offer delicious versions of the classic dish.

A SMART IDEA Smartphone users, when out and about on holiday, take a screenshot of walking directions on your phone’s map before you go out, while you have Wi-Fi. This saves you using expensive internet data when you get lost on your travels, plus it’s always good to have a map at the ready as you can show it to locals and ask for directions even if there’s a language barrier. Tony, via email

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WINNER MARSALA, SICILY Alessandra Meli, Italy

TELL US MORE This picture was taken in Marsala, Sicily, at sunset on a beautiful summer’s day. What we like about it: There’s nothing like a picture that makes you want to step inside it. There’s even a spare swing waiting for us! We can almost feel the tickle of water on our feet... sigh. The subject’s relaxed posture is captured perfectly, the colours are warm and soft, and Alessandra has stuck to the rule of thirds, ensuring the subject is not boringly plonked in the centre. Thumbs up.

WINNER RUNNER-UP BRUGES, BELGIUM Dalia Ambr, Lithuania

TELL US MORE This picture was taken in Bruges, Belgium, on a sunny afternoon. I wanted to share calmness and the Medieval spirit I felt in Bruges.

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What we like about it: Dalia achieved what she set out to do here. The still water evokes calm, with the low light allowing for a beautiful reflection of the Gothic houses.

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Stay in Rhodes from £292pp

DEAL OF THE WEEK BOLOGNA, ITALY

Three nights’ B&B accommodation staying at the 4-star Sav Hotel from £169pp. Designed in a £169pp sleek, minimalist style, The Sav is an excellent base for exploring the city due to its proximity to public transport and historic attractions. Includes return flights from London Stansted, departing various dates from May 1 to May 20.

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SPLIT, CROATIA Seven nights B&B at the 3-star Hotel Lavender in Split from £177pp. The nearest beach is just 50 metres from the hotel, shops and restaurants are to be found within five minutes’ walk, and the bus station is around 800m away. Includes return flights from London Gatwick departing May 20. icelolly.com BUDAPEST, HUNGARY Three nights at the 4-star Soho Boutique Hotel on a B&B basis from £179pp. Located between the eastern and western railway stations, it is close to some of the city’s top attractions such as Vaci Street, the Grand Synagogue and Budapest Broadway. Includes return flights from London Stansted, departing various dates throughout May & June. travelinteraction.co.uk

LISBON, PORTUGAL Two nights staying at the 5-star Real Palacio from £147pp. The hotel is situated near historical attractions, restaurants & bars. Includes return flights from London Luton departing June 18. holidays.easyjet.com

£250-500 KOLYMBIA, RHODES Seven nights all-inclusive staying at the 4-star Hotel Golden Odyssey from £292pp. Situated in a beautiful area of Rhodes between Faliraki, the golf of Afandou and Lindos, it is surrounded by hills and the sea, just 950m from the beach. Includes return flights from London Gatwick departing May 21. teletextholidays.co.uk CANCUN, MEXICO Eleven nights at the 3-star Celuisma Dos Playas Hotel on a roomonly basis from £441pp. Set amidst tropical landscaped gardens bordering a lovely white sand private beach on the idyllic Cancun Hotel Zone. Includes return flights from London Gatwick departing May 22. icelolly.com

SKANES, TUNISIA Seven nights allinclusive at the 4-star Amir Palace from £255pp. Directly situated on the white sandy beach of Skanes, the centre of Sousse and Monastir are only 15 minutes away by taxi. Includes return flights from London Gatwick, departs May 31. icelolly.com

> £500 VIETNAM-LAOS-THAILAND Twelve nights travelling from Hanoi through Vietnam, Laos & Thailand, ending up in Bangkok from £599pp. While you’re free to choose your own adventure, your accommodation and transportation are included and the expert Group Leaders will help you make the most of your time. Does not include return flights. Departing Hanoi on various dates throughout May. edgeadventures.com

SAN FRANCISCO LOOP Twenty two days touring in a loop from San Francisco and back again with stops in LA, San Diego, Las Vegas along the way from £1,574pp. In between, you’ll have the chance to take a dip in the Pacific, raft the Colorado River, hike the Grand Canyon and stretch out under starfilled skies in the region’s top national parks. Does not include return flights, departs San Francisco June 21. statravel.co.uk LONDON TO ROME Eight days travelling from London to Rome via Paris, Interlaken and Milan from £807pp. Departs June 16. gadventures.com

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SPORT NEWS | FEATURES | GAMES TO WATCH | VIEWPOINT IMAGE OF THE MONTH

WELL DONE! All the talk on the London Marathon was about Mo Farah, who was paid lots to finish eighth in his first tilt at 42.195km, more than four minutes behind Wilson Kipsang. But more than 30,000 runners took part, many of them raising coin for charity. A big well done to you all from TNT.

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INSIDE

T20 BLAST OFF /76

THE HARD YARDS /78

PREMIER WHAT? /80

Some of the world’s top Twenty20 players line-up for the revamped limited overs comp starting in May. TNT gets the lowdown from former Test star and Kent Captain Robert Key.

On the eve of State of Origin and with his Super League side St Helens carving up, TNT thought it only sensible to catch up with former Blues superstar Anthony Laffranchi.

The English Premier League winds up this month so TNT’s had a look at the good, bad and unemployed of the 2013/14 season and explains how the last weeks will work.

SPORTROUND-UP

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FLASHBACK... 2005

HAVE A (BAT AND) BALL AT THE T20 BLAST CRICKET

England cricket’s revamped short-form competition, the T20 Blast, begins this month with most games on fan-friendly Friday nights. TNT got the lowdown from Kent Spitfires captain and former England Test batsman Robert Key. Friday nights and cricket – cracking combination, right? We played on a Friday night at the Oval last year and there were 20-odd thousand there... awesome. It’s a good opportunity for people to turn out in their droves and support a county. And it’s a great chance for domestic players to play in front of a big crowd. When I played for England at places like the MCG and Lord’s, I’d never seen so many people. And it’s a perfect start to the weekend? Ideal. Rather than sitting down the pub they can go to a T20 and get into a decent mood to kick on. As a former England player, did you see their World T20 going so horribly wrong? They were always going to struggle in the subcontinent... same with Australia and South Africa to some extent. The best teams were the ones with five or six spinners up their sleeve, which England didn’t have. Alex Hales’ awesome century against Sri Lanka was a highlight though? I like Hales as a player – I think he should play more forms of the game. That innings was a proper knock and you must have something about you to do that at that level. A T20 game can be turned by a moment of genius, a big over or one batsman at any time in the match, is that what makes it so exciting? That’s what makes it such a great sport to follow. The unknown makes sport great to watch – and this is 76

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Remember this? Us neither. Before Queensland began their monotonous domination of State of Origin, NSW were allowed to win occasionally. Here’s Andrew Johns and Braith Anasta with the shield last time it was taken south of the border. See our interview with former Blue Anthony Laffranchi on P78. He thinks they can turn it around.

XXX

as good as that gets and generally it goes down to the wire. Hants and Notts are favourites for the Blast, does that mean anything? Anyone can beat anyone in this format, everyone starts on a level playing field at the end of the day. Surrey have an X-factor in Kevin Pietersen, which is exciting for all fans... He’s an extraordinary player that bloke and it’ll be great for any bowler to get to test themselves out against him. Kent have their own international cult superstar in Aussie quick Doug Bollinger – tells us how good he is... Oh yeah, Dougie’s easily one of the most skillful bowlers I’ve captained. He’s got such incredible control and knows every trick in the book. NatWest T20 Blast begins Friday May 16. Get tickets and details from here: ecb.co.uk/natwestt20blast

BIG MONTH FOR... When the FA Cup final is played at Wembley on May 17 there will be two groups – staunch Arsenal fans and everyone else supporting Hull City. This is the ultimate underdog affair with the high-flying north Londoners against the hard-toiling northerners. It’s by far the biggest game in Hull’s 110-year history and if they win, they’ll land a place in the Europa League. This is a side happy to be safe from relegation! Hull had to come from behind to beat League 1 side Sheffield United, but Arsenal needed penalties to beat Wigan, so it’s anyone’s game.

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HIGHLIGHTS THIS MONTH

New era: The last Heineken Cup

Disaster: Stuart Broad shows his anguish at the World T20

PREVIEW CAN ENGLAND END HORROR STREAK? CHAMPIONS LEAGUE QUARTER FINALS CRICKET The upcoming limited overs series

Photos: Getty

between England and Sri Lanka could go one of two ways – some sort of reemergence of a team that was bossing it not long ago (nearly won Champions Trophy), or continued abject misery. Either way, it’ll be a rare occasion for England to be hosting an international series with very little to lose. Their embarrassment at the World T20 in Bangladesh will go down in cricket – sporting in fact – folklore,

with their last dismal appearance being a crushing 45-run loss to minnows the Netherlands. One positive they can take though is their only win of the tournament was against Sri Lanka, in their second group match, courtesy almost entirely of a sensational hundred from Alex Hales. Their first opponents of the summer happen to be Sri Lanka, with a T20 on May 20 and five 50-over games starting with The Oval on May 22 and including Lord’s on May 31. The other games are May 28 in Manchester and June 3 in Birmingham before the Tests begin.

LET’S GET TRIVIAL | Maroons with the Blues? When Laurie Daley’s NSW and Mal Meninga’s Queensland lineup for State of Origin game one on May 28 at Brisbane’s Suncorp Stadium, it’ll be the 32nd time the series has been played. It’s supposed to be state against state, mate against mate, but for the past eight years it’s been whipping boys (NSW) against bullies (QLD), with NSW winless since 2005. During that run the Canetoads overtook the Cockroaches in total series wins, which now stand at 18-12. Despite that dominance, Origin is the best representative sporting fixture in Australia – and among the world’s top gladiatorial contests. It’s also probably the highest quality rugby league there is, given Oz’s dominance of the game in the world. Appropriately, Maroons players have won the Wally Lewis medal for player of the series since 2006, with mercurial captain Cameron Smith (right) taking it an impressive three times.

5 PREM LGE: Crystal Palace v Liverpool 7 PREM LGE: Man City v Aston Villa 7 PREM LGE: Sunderland v West Brom 9 ODI CRICK: Scotland v Englnad 10 PREM RUG: Harlequins v Bath Rugby 10 PREM RUG: London Irish v Sale Sharks 10 SUPER LEAGUE: London Broncos v Giants 11 PREM LGE: Cardiff v Chelsea; Fulham v Crystal Palace; Man City v West Ham; Norwich v Arsenal; Sunderland v Swansea; Spurs v Aston Villa; West Brom v Stoke 11 F1 Spanish Grand Prix 11-14 CTY CRICK: Middlesex v Lanc. (Lord’s) 17 FA CUP FINAL: Arsenal v Hull City 17 T20 BLAST: Middlesex v Ess./Suss. (Lord’s) 17-18 SUPER LEAGUE MAGIC W’END 17 SUPER LEAGUE: Lon Broncos v Dragons 17&18 PREM RUGBY SEMI-FINALS 18-20 CTY CRICK: M’sex v Sussex (Lord’s) 22 ODI CRICK: England v Sri Lanka (Oval) 23 AMLIN CHALLENGE CUP FINAL 24 HEINEKEN CUP FINAL 24 CHAMPIONS LEAGUE FINAL 25 T20 BLAST: Middlesex v Hamp.(N’wood) 25 ODI CRICK: England v Sri Lanka 25 F1 Monaco Grand Prix 26-29 CTY CRICK: M’sex v Sussex (Nthwood) 28 ODI CRICK: England v Sri Lanka 30 T20 BLAST: Surrey v Middlesex (Oval) 31 ODI CRICK: England v Sri Lanka (Lord’s) 31 PREMIERSHIP RUGBY FINAL JUN 1-4 CTY CRICK: Surrey v Worces. (Oval) JUN 3 ODI CRICK: England v Sri Lanka JUN 6 T20 BLAST: Surrey v Essex (Oval)

Rivals: F1 aces Ricciardo and Hamilon TNTMAGAZINE.COM

Hard knock life Former NSW Blue, Kangaroo and NRL champion with the Tigers, Anthony Laffranchi’s happy to do the tough stuff for the Super League’s form side St Helens WORDS MICHAEL GADD If there’s a bloke who thrives among the clichés ‘grinding it out’ and ‘doing the hard yards’, it’s Anthony Laffranchi, the Australian backrower doing just that for St Helens. Laffranchi, who’s played at World Cups for Australia and Italy, was at the heart of the Saints’ stellar eight-game unbeaten start to the 2014 Super League season. Sitting pretty at top of the ladder though, they’ve had to win ugly at times – in three games Nathan Brown’s men have needed heroics at the death to claim victory. For Laffranchi, it’s a sign that fortune’s on their side but that there’s healthy room for improvement. “It’s been great, obviously, not dropping a game yet, but we’ve scrapped out a few wins that we probably shouldn’t have against teams that have played better,” the amiable workhorse nicknamed Boof says. “But it’s been a good start to the year and everyone’s contributing.” TNT caught up with Laffranchi after their last-gasp 30-28 win over Castleford Tigers, which saw them score three tries in the final 12 minutes. It’s said champion teams find a way to win when they don’t deserve it. Laffranchi hopes that cliché too rings true. “I mentioned that to the boys after that game, and the difference is we’re learning how to win, which is a sign of a champion team,” he says. “While we’re winning ugly a bit, it’s a good sign. Teams are gonna get us one day though so we’ve got to keep improving, and that’s good motivation.” A valuable injection into Aussie coach Nathan Brown’s line-up this season has been half-back Luke Walsh, signed from the NRL’s Penrith Panthers. “He’s been a breath of fresh air for our team,” Laffranchi says. “We probably lacked a true, genuine half-back, an organiser and general play kicker – he brings that vision and those attributes to our team.” Tailor-made for a player of Walsh’s versatility and vision, the Super League is a more open and free-flowing affair than the intensely disciplined NRL has become in Australia. 78

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Breaking free: Aussie Anthony Laffranchi offloads for St Helens “When I first started in the NRL it was a lot more active and freestyle rugby, with the (Wests) Tigers especially. Over time it’s become a bit more of a structured game. The difference here is the ball does get thrown around a lot more, the game is a bit more expansive.” More often in the NRL you’ll see the hard men with the big stats – hit-ups and tackles – get the man-of-the-match accolades, whereas in the higher-scoring Super League it’s the try scorers and playmakers who are the pin-ups.

“

I’ll leave the flashy stuff to the wingers

”

“Coming from the NRL the game is built on grinding oppositions down and the guys who do the harder work crunching out big numbers tend to get highlighted,” admits Laffranchi. “Here the entertaining style is what the crowds love so those guys get the accolades.” When ask how that sits with the bloke who’s renowned for consistently delivering the tough stuff, Laffranchi laughs: “Well, I guess as long as the coach and teammates know the work’s been done I’ll leave the flashy finishes to the wingers and those guys... as long as they give me a sip of the Champagne if we win the thing.” There’ll be no shortage of people lining up to buy Boof some bubbles or a pint should the Saints deliver their first premiership since 2006 (the year after Laffranchi won the NRL grand final with the Tigers). St Helens is in a rugby league heartland of a football (soccer) mad nation, with rivals Wigan, Warrington, Widnes, Salford and Championship leaders Leigh Centurions a stone’s throw away. “They definitely recognise us and love their rugby league

Pull -up: ‘Boof’ makes a tackle for St Helens

Sucking ‘em in: The Saints backrower is happy to do the grunt work for the good of the team up here,” says Laffranchi proudly. “If you’re going to come to England my word of advice is to definitely get up to the north and really soak it in. Having a good start to the year there’s a different mood – it’s great to be up here. There are a few big football clubs here of course – Liverpool are doing great and obviously Manchester City – but rugby league has its true fans and they’re as excited as we are about the start we’ve had and the sport in general.” An added carrot for Laffranchi is the UK silverware that has so far evaded him. He’s played for NSW Country, NSW Origin, Australia, Italy and the Super League’s non-English representative side the Exiles, plus the NRL ring. “I’ve been pretty fortunate to be honest with all of that in Australia, and then to come over here and play with the Exiles and be able to play in another World Cup for my father’s heritage nation,” he says. “This would be a nice year

The Azzurri: Laffranchi gave his all for Italy at the 2013 World Cup to cap it off with a Challenge Cup or a league title. I’ve been pretty blessed already, but that’s the aim for this year, to get some silverware for the Saints and hopefully put it to the tally for once it’s all over and I can reflect on it all.” While he’d love to still be pulling on a blue jersey for Laurie Daley’s NSW side – he did it four times while at the Gold Coast Titans – Laffranchi believes NSW can stem the flood of Queensland victories after winning the past eight. “I think the tide’s turning,” he said. “The last series and the one before that, I think NSW have shown they have quality and a reasonably young core group of players there. I think this year the Blues won’t be too far off. QLD are a bit of an ageing squad. They have some good young players too but I think NSW are building towards a win. I think after eight years they’re due. I’ll definitely take my blue shirt out of the closet and enjoy some of the glory if they do.”

Super League’s Magic Weekend

True Blue: Laffranchi scores for NSW in 2008

Out of action with a forearm injury, Anthony Laffranchi is aiming to be fit for May 17 and 18’s Super League Magic weekend, in which all 14 teams do battle at Etihad Stadium. The headline act at the home of Manchester City will be St Helens’ clash with Warrington Wolves on the Sunday in which Laffranchi says their rivals will be out for revenge after the Saints smashed them 38-8 in round one. “Our biggest rivalry is Wigan, but the Wolves aren’t far off. They’ll be keen to make amends for round one,” the Aussie backrower said. “But in the same game last year they gave us a bit of a lesson (48-22), so we won’t forget that.” The other matches are: Saturday May 17 - London Broncos v Catalan, Widnes v Salford, Hull KR v Hull FC, Wigan v Leeds. Sunday May 18 - Wakefield v Castleford, Huddersfield v Bradford, Warrington v St Helens More info at rugbyleaguetickets.co.uk/magic_weekend

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From the ashes The 2013-14 Premier League season has been all about comebacks

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The ultimate resurrection Those who wrote the Bible would’ve done well to include a resurrection tale as extreme as Luis Suarez, the peckish Liverpool striker who was banned for 10 matches at the end of last season and is set to end this one with every conceivable decoration. After missing the first six games of the campaign, he’s broken goal-scoring records and is hot favourite to claim the PFA Player of the Year Award. Not bad for a bloke who was not so long ago desperate to get out of Anfield and who Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard wasn’t sure would wear the team’s red again. If he ever wears another colour now it’ll be for a fee that makes Gareth Bale’s £85m move to Real Madrid look like chook feed.

Luis Suarez This was a guy who bit Branislav Ivanovic on the arm – a second such charge of his career. He’s also been suspended for eight games when found guilty by the FA of racially abusing Patrice Evra. But the same guy this season lifted his shirt after scoring a second goal against Sunderland to show a vest adorned with ‘Welcome Benja’ in honour of his new baby, and based his Hulk celebration on his daughter’s fave cartoon. Aw, sweet. In the absence of Gerrard he was even handed the captain’s armband. And whose name did Evra write on his voting slip for player of the year? Yep, remarkable.

Words: Michael Gadd. Photos: Getty

A sleeping giant raised from the ashes this Premier League season as Liverpool defied the apparent law that money rules the sport. With a few games to play in the 2013-14 season the Reds were hot favourites to claim the title for the first time since 1989-90, when John Barnes and Ian Rush were big-time. From the ‘70s to the ‘90s they won for fun – from 1972-73 to 1990-91 they won 11 division one titles and came second seven times. One year spare? Oh, that was 1980-81 when they won the Champions League. With their 3-2 win over Norwich last month, Rodgers’ side couldn’t finish worse than third with three games left meaning a Champions League return is assured. The days of such dynasties may be over, but this may be the year we are given a chance to throw cynicism aside and root for the underdog – and for there to be a chance of him winning.

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Tony Pulis at Crystal Palace

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Leicester celebrate qualifying

Who’s the boss? No seriously...

Ups and downs...

One club’s trash...

You don’t know what you’re doing!

Almost half of the EPL clubs gave a boss the flick this season starting with Paolo Di Canio in September. Gus Poyet, who took over from him at Sunderland, is the hot favourite to next see the axe. Fulham ditched Martin Jol in December and brought in Alex Ferguson’s offsider Rene Meulensteen, but only for 75 days – now Felix Magath is fighting to keep them in the top flight. Another former Fulham boss, Mark Hughes, has taken Stoke into to top half of the table while the man he replaced, Tony Pulis (pictured), performs magic at Crystal Palace – who axed Ian Holloway who is battling to keep Millwall in the Championship. At time of print David Moyes was about to get punted from United too. Following? Us either.

Club finances really do mean one manager’s trash is another’s treasure, and this year some players left to fester on the bench flourished when picked up from the dump. After struggling with the pre-season sales, David Moyes finally got a big one, or Juan. Mata that is, the Martinez and Lakaku Spanish maestro who came too late to save United or Moyes’ job, but he looks good in red. Spurs couldn’t fit Lewis Holtby into their system but will make a mint on his £1.5m pricetag should they sell after his impressive work at Fulham. Mathieu Flamini might be the buy of the season, the former Arsenal hard man let go to AC Milan and brought back, with every transaction a free transfer. They fell off the top of the pile when he was out injured. Roberto Martinez takes the cake though with Romelu Lukaku and Gareth Barry’s loan deals from Chelsea and Man City. Their class could get Everton to Europe. Nuff said.

The end of the Premier League, Championship and League One and Two seasons aren’t all about winners; the race for those being promoted, relegated and staying put is brilliant. The Premier League is simple – the bottom three are Championship-bound with Sunderland, Fulham, Cardiff and Norwich battling hardest for survival. At the other, sometimes less interesting end, the top three are in the Champions League group stage, fourth goes into the play-off round while fifth makes the second-tier’s Europa League play-off and sixth goes into the third qualifying round. Okay, not so simple. The Championship’s top two (Leicester already qualified) are in the Premier League, while the next four play-off for the one remaining spot in an exciting finals series. Leagues within leagues. Enjoy.

In honour of a fanfavourite chant, especially at Old Trafford and White Hart Lane where the bosses haven’t exactly proven their competence with the talent at their disposal, we pay tribute to those operating outside their brief. Tim Ricky van Wolfswinkel Sherwood’s defenders at Spurs don’t just concede goals, they give them away with more errors leading to goals than any team in Europe’s top five leagues. Fulham’s defenders too are shockers, conceding 77 goals in 35 matches, 12 more than second-worse Cardiff. Norwich’s big signing Ricky van Wolfswinkel (pictured) was bought to score goals, and for £8.5m has one to his name for the relegation-threatened side. That’s the same as Asmir Begovic, Stoke’s keeper who scored the quickest goal of the season after 13 seconds against Southampton. Cardiff owner Vincent Tan wins this one though, sacking his head of recruitment Iain Moody and replacing him with his son’s mate who’d been painting at the club. Moody’s done wonders at Palace since, thanks very much Vince.

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WIN A WONDERFUL MACDONALD SPA HOTELS WELLBEING BREAK FOR TWO One lucky winner will have the chance to enjoy a mid-week wellbeing spa break for two at a choice of charming Macdonald Spa Hotels nationwide. The prize includes an overnight stay in a Classic Room with breakfast and dinner, a 30-minute spa treatment each, full use of spa facilities such as the thermal suite, aroma steam room, sauna, salt infusion, experience shower and swimming pool before completing the day with a peaceful visit to the wellbeing suite. See our website for terms and conditions.

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LIFESTYLE CAREERS | MONEY | LIVING | HEALTH & BEAUTY IMAGE OF THE MONTH

HUNGRY STRIKE These awesome ladies made a stand against womenwhoeatontubes. tumblr.com, which is a blog that gets people to send their sneaky snaps of women eating when on the tube. We say tuck in, girls. See page 95 for our guide to train etiquette.

Photos: Getty and supplied

INSIDE

NEED FOR SPEED /86

SERVE THE PEOPLE /88

WHAT A CLAIM! /94

Tired of long sessions inside a gym? Well you can get fit with just 15 minutes a day. Plus, we give you quickie workouts to try at home.

Can you cook? Mix a mean cocktail? Carry 10 hot plates at once? Then you could work in the catering and hospitality industry.

We look at the most weird and wonderful travel insurance claims, showing it really is worth getting yourself covered.

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ALEX AS WELL

MINT CHOC-CHIP TEA

Keep your sarnies cool and your street cred hot. theoldbagcompany.co.uk

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Just how naughty is that mocha with marshmallows? nutracheck.co.uk

The little ’un powers a phone, the big one’s for the helicopter. hypershop.com/hyperjuice

Light, super absorbent and a little bit sexy. Beach = sorted. hammamas.com

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FIELD DAY FESTIVAL WARM-UP ALBUM

EMERGENCY CYCLE REPAIR KIT

PRETTY PARTY LIGHTS

SBTRKT, Ghostpoet and Pixies all in one pre-festival mash-up. roughtrade.com

Keepin’ it retro. Be prepped for all kinds of mounted mishaps. iwmshop.org.uk

Birdhouses and hearts to make you go ‘aww’, indoors or out. dotcomgiftshop.com

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NOTHING SAYS ‘SPRING’ LIKE A GIANT FLOWER

EXCESS BAGGAGE

FEEL A MILLION DOLLARS

This will joosh up your wardrobe for the season. izabel.com

Waxed and waterproofed for all your outdoorsy needs. weirdfish.co.uk

Well, maybe not a million...but enough to make a good jangle. tjc.co.uk

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EAST MEETS WEST

GATSBY WHO?

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A boho-esque deck shoe for the summer-ready gent. dune.co.uk/mensbrands

This party dress is worthy of a second look from Leo himself. bankfashion.co.uk

Hit the woods or the catwalk in classic check print. weirdfish.co.uk

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LOOKIN’ LACY

ON YER BIKE

YOUR DAYS OF FLIP FLOPPIN’ ARE OVER

Summer’s coming, so get a little breeze up your sleeves. fashionworld.co.uk

Get road-ready in cycle-themed clobber. Dingaling. tshirtstoreonline.com

Socks and sandals, here we come. simmishoes.com

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LIFESTYLEHEALTH TREAT OF THE MONTH

BODY POLISH

Back home, you probably had a perma-glow, and you worried as much about getting a tan as you did about getting your hair wet (i.e. you didn’t give a shit). And then you moved to England. Your skin is pastier than Casper the Friendly Ghost’s, and after a winter hiding away under layers of clothes, you’ve got a dried-out snakeskin look going on. Great. So now summer is beckoning you want to get that tan going on again right? Well you need to prepare your skin by getting all the dead cells sloughed off so you can have a fresh base for your golden glow. Ark Age Away Skincare in Putney offers quite possibly the best scrub down in town. A truly lovely little salon, the kind with incense burners, herbal tea, plinky music and low-lit treatment rooms, I felt relaxed as soon as I walked in the door. The body polish lasts 45 minutes and was gorgeously invigorating. Using Ark products, the dissolvable clay beads gently scrubbed my skin while the mint extract left me fresh and tingly. After each scrub I was wiped down with warm towels and moisturised with a sublime massage to leave my skin ultra-soft and ready for tanning. Not only this but my seriously skilled therapist cracked my back and deftly loosened any knots swiftly and ohso gently, leaving me loose, relaxed and ready for my holiday. £49

arkskincare.com

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Work out during the ad breaks

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A PT can help ensure you work at your maximum intensity

Have a quickie Find it hard to fit exercise into your life? Give us 15 minutes to convince you otherwise... When there are options including the pub and your sofa, why oh why would you ever choose to go to the gym instead? Your whole evening evaporated – which cannot be said for the sweat that big hairy bloke left all over the machine before you. But what if we told you that recent studies have found that long sessions at the gym are infinitely less effective than short, sharp blasts of exercise? We’re talking a maximum of 15 minutes a day here. According to Jagir Singh, owner of educogym City (educogymcity.com), the key is intensity. ”Working out at 80% of your maximum intensity for five minutes is much more beneficial than working out at 40% of your maximum intensity for 60 minutes,” he tells. “The increased level of intensity puts a much greater demand on the body and so it responds in a much more positive fashion. You will put on more muscle, lose more fat, plus your fitness and energy levels will dramatically improve.” Book in with educogym City’s personal trainers and they will ensure that you are training with the correct technique and intensity, as well as offering nutritional advice and follow-up assessments. Packages start from £347 per month. If that still sounds like too much effort (or money), try working these super-speedy

exercises into your routine, supplied by Liam Barret and Philip Brown of The Fit Scene (thefitscene.com). It’s easy – you can do them during the ad break or when you’re waiting for the kettle to boil. Every little helps...

The fat blaster: one minute If your idea of the perfect workout is running like a lunatic for the no.36 bus, then you are in luck as this exercise is very similar. In line with Singh’s earlier points, scientific research has shown that steady aerobic training is a far less productive way to burn off fat than quick sprints. “Sprints will create greater fat loss over a shorter period of time, which is perfect for our busy lifestyles,” says Barrett. How to do it: Find somewhere you can sprint for 15 seconds, then rest for five seconds. You’ll need to do this three times in total.

The leg leaner: two minutes Hot pants, short shorts, Bermudas or Speedos: one way or another you’ll be getting your pins out this summer. So you’ll need to tone your legs and bum now, quickly and efficiently. Squats are a great functional movement that, if performed correctly, will promote improved lower body and core strength. “By adding in isometric squat holds, you will be working the muscle while

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under contraction, even though you will not be moving the joints at that time. These squats are a great at helping to tone the legs and bum,” says Brown. How to do it: Perform 10 squats going through the full range of the movement, making sure your knee is at 90-degrees at the lowest point. After performing 10 of these, hold the lowest point in the squat for 30 seconds. Repeat three times.

Words: Caroline Garnar and Ollie Stallwood. Images: Thinkstock and supplied

The boxing blitz: three minutes Shadow boxing is not only an extremely effective way of working out, it also makes you look a bit like Rocky. Jab, cross and block in this three-minute workout, the whole time pretending you are knocking seven bells out of Ivan Drago right there on Clapham Common. The real aim here is to let the hands fly in a smooth, fluid and technical manner over the whole duration of the three minutes, explains Barrett. Raising your heart rate along the way, this is a great cardiovascular workout which also activates the muscles of the arms, shoulders and core. “Even when not punching, be sure to keep your arms up towards your face to act as a guard the whole time to allow for maximum exertion of the upper body and arms by the end,” adds Barrett. How to do it: Start by figuring out your guard position: both hands up, your right

hand sitting just under your eye line, just off your cheek. Then your left hand slightly in front of the face, again just under your eye line. Tuck your elbows in, left foot in front of right foot, trying to be slightly side on and therefore making yourself a smaller target. From there, throw the left hand out followed by the right, rotating through the shoulders when you do so. Repeat for three minutes trying to make the punches flow smoothly from one to the other.

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The crawl outs: one minute No this has nothing to do with getting home on a Friday night. This is a speedy and functional movement pattern that rolls from A to B to C. This movement is designed to use the entire body, but focuses specifically on the arms, shoulders and chest. “It’s good for building endurance through the upper body,” says Brown. Hitting a great volume of muscle and joints in an effective and smooth process allows for maximum resistance and cardiac output in a small amount of time. How to do it: Start in a standing start position. Walk out on your hands to a plank position. Walk back up to standing. Squat down and crawl out backwards into a crab position. Crawl back in and up to start position. Repeat until time elapses. Note: only your hands and feet should touch the floor during the one minute.

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If all else fails, just cover it up ...with Fresh Faced concealer. £2.99 minerscosmetics.co.uk TNTMAGAZINE.COM

LIFESTYLECAREERS

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Get cookin’ good lookin’ Catering at large parties or doing the rounds at restaurants can bring in the big bucks this summer

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Bartenders This is for anyone sociable and outgoing who enjoys their grog and knows what a daiquiri should taste like. Not that we condone drinking on the job... Catering: Bar jobs in this area usually revolve around big events such as weddings, award ceremonies and music festivals. The hours are flexible as a result so you can work as much or as little as you want each month – but actual shifts can be long. You don’t need years of experience but if you go through a catering recruiter you will need to do a day or so of training. Pay ranges from £7 to £12 an hour if you’re also helping with set-up and take-down at events. If you’ve gone for bartending at a festival, you’ll be paid in the form of a ticket, which is a bargain for music lovers. Hospitality: These are more specialised on-site positions in bars and pubs so hours will be regular. If it’s a cocktail bar you may need to have done a mixology course. Pint pulling at pubs

however won’t necessarily require experience, unless you’re after a manager position. Pay starts at £7 an hour but bar managers can make upwards of £18,000 for full-time work. Barzone.co.uk advertises jobs at watering holes all around the country.

Waiters From waiting tables at top-notch restaurants to silver service at big events, these jobs are accessible to most and can be good fun as well. Summer is also prime-time as celebrations abound, so get looking now. Catering: Weddings and summer parties will make up the bulk of your work here and if you get in with a fancy catering company, you may even get to hang with some celebs. Again, recruiters such as Admiral (admiralgroup.com) will train you up so you don’t need prior experience. If your shift lasts the whole hog of an event you may also have to help with set-up and take down. Pay starts at £12 an hour.

Photos: Thinkstock. Words: Rachael Getzels

If you’re looking to make some extra money this summer and you love fine wines and dining – or just a good party – then jobs in catering and hospitality may be just the ticket. Positions include bartending, waiter work and chef work and the good news is that hours are pretty flexible so they can fit around your holiday plans. The take-homes aren’t bad either. Ten trays of sausage rolls anyone? Leftover wine? At the end of a shift, it could all be yours. Admirable Group has an admirable (get it?) number of positions and they’ll give you all the training you need, admirablegroup.com. Another hospitality recruiter that is worth a gander is thechangegroup. com, which fills positions for large-scale events as well as finding staff for toprated restaurants. Berkeley-scott.co.uk focuses on openings in hospitality – so for working more regular hours in smaller food and drink establishments such as restaurants, pubs and bars.

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from these positions. Most of the job openings are in the form of chef’s assistants who help prep the food. An NVQ qualification in catering may be required. Pay starts at £8 an hour and hours can be long, as you’ll be needed before and throughout an event to keep cooking up the goods. On the upside however you can take jobs as and when you please if you go with a caterer. Check sites admiral.com and thechangegroup.com for jobs. Hospitality: Becoming a chef at a restaurant is hard and cooks spend years interning for the top people in the industry. However, if you have any experience as a trainee chef or you have an NVQ professional chef’s certificate, you’ll be well on your way. If you want to work in a restaurant kitchen you’ll have to look for a job in the more traditional way – by grazing openings on general sites such as reed. com or indeed.co.uk – rather than joining a catering company. If you’re up to scratch, Justchefs.co.uk is a leading recruiter for top London restaurants.

Hospitality: Waiter positions in restaurants or cafes require a bit more experience, but they’re more stable employment. Jobs can range from taking orders behind a bar to waiting tables and having advanced knowledge of the specials and the wine. And don’t forget, you have to be a class act at balancing. Pay starts low at around £6.50, but if you throw in tips, you can bring in a pretty good haul each week. Add in that Aussie accent and you’re golden. Leisurejobs.com has a good a range of jobs at restaurants in the UK.

Chefs If working as a chef has been something you’ve always dreamed of, catering may be a good way to gain experience; if you already have some skills in the kitchen then roll-up your sleeves and get stuck into a more permanent position at a restaurant. Catering: Caterers cook for large amounts of people at big events and parties so it’s much more of a factory operation, but there’s lots to be learned

ON THE JOB Kate Slee, 27, fitness trainer From: Bristol How did you get into your work? At 16 I was competing nationally in hockey and athletics and I knew I wanted to be in fitness. What do you do day-to-day? I teach fitness classes and I do consultations. What’s the most rewarding part? Seeing people gain self-confidence What’s the most challenging part? As well as teaching, I do my own training so I need time to recover. lesmills.com

FOR CASUAL SUMMER WORK AND TOP PERMANENT POSITIONS • £9-15 per hour depending on experience & role • Weekly Pay • Flexible Hours • Day & Hourly Rates • 1 to 3 Month contracts • Legality to work and Health & Hygiene certification essential

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KIRI BABBO, 25

Photos: Supplied and Getty. Words: Stephanie Palmer

a great motivator for this. For days out, I check online to see what free events are going on, so I can socialise on a budget.

How do you budget? I tend to split my leftover ‘play money’ into four weeks and keep a note of what I have spent my money on. I also have a banking app on my phone so I always know how much (or how little) money I have.

Last big blow-out? I went a bit crazy on Lovehoney buying new sex toys for myself and my new boyfriend. They’re being delivered to work, so I hope the packaging is discreet.

Do us a favour!

Kim and Kanye are reportedly spending US$75,000 on their wedding favours alone. Their party bags will apparently contain bottles of Bollinger Champagne, perfumes, spa vouchers and Swarovski trinkets. Yeesus.

❚ Back in 2002, Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale celebrated simply and sweetly, dishing out Krispy Kremes to all their guests.

Kim and Kanye: Never short on kash

❚ When Brad Pitt and Jeniffer Aniston tied the knot on that fateful day, they apparently served Champagne and lobsters to their guests, racking up a bill of £1million in total. Game on, Angie.

t 020 7240 2403 info@smartteachers.co.uk

smartteachers.co.uk Teach. Travel. Be Smart. Be a Smart Teacher.

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What non-essential items do you spend money on? Crazy colour hair dye and wine. But wine is pretty essential to keep up with London living.

HOW THEY SPEND IT

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JOB Writer FROM Kent LIVES Kensington

Any money-saving tips for living in London? I always bring a packed lunch to work – buying a snazzy vintage lunch box is

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BYO... BUBBLES? Swanky restaurant Mews of Mayfair is giving cash-strapped diners a bubbly break. Guests can bring in their own wine and Champers in for a £5 corkage charge. This is providing that they’re dining, of course. Oh, and only on Mondays. Cheers!

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HOW YOU SPEND IT

GUINEA PIG OUT If you’re not brave enough to let a student loose on your haircut, maybe you’ll let them make you a slapup meal. The Restaurant SW4 is run by gourmet chefs-in-training from Lambeth College. You can grab a three-course meal for less than £15, and the menu changes weekly to keep them on their toes. Remember, this lot could be the Hestons and Jamies of the future. SHWOPPING Mrs Bears Swap Shop lets you ditch stuff you haven’t worn since the noughties and browse other people’s lesser-loved garbs for a mere £1 per item. You can finally let go of that skirt that doesn’t quite fit or a questionable coat, knowing that it’s off to a loving home – and you get yourself a fresh new look. Win win.

❚ At Will and Kate’s shindig, each guest received a colourful Union Jack scarf, costing £300. The whole shebang rang in at £33m, but we got a day off, and that’s what really matters. ❚ Elton John and David Furnish have secondguessed everyone, opting for a tiny family-focused wedding with not a sprinkle of confetti in sight. Humph.

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Play it safe Lost cameras and delayed flights aside, travel insurance will also guard you against the strangest of holiday mishaps Ever heard the one about the couple whose clothes were stolen by monkeys as they toured the jungle? That’s right, every scrap of cotton they owned was urinated upon and then torn up, before a gaggle of mischievous little bush babies scurried off with their goods. And do you know what? They managed to claim their losses back on insurance. So for those of you who think travel insurance is an ‘unnecessary expense’ because you’ve never lost or broken anything before, think again, as it can cover the strangest of happenings. Just remember, it could happen to you....

Totally nuts A woman was peacefully enjoying her beach view from underneath a palm tree in Sri Lanka when a coconut fell on her head. She was immediately hospitalised but luckily her insurance covered the price. No insurance? Then wear a helmet at all times, we say.

Honesty’s the best (insurance) policy

World map mugs Quiz yourself over coffee.

While on holiday in Athens a young man walked straight into a bus shelter and broke his nose. Being an honest gent he explained in his claim exactly what had happened: he was distracted by a group of bikini-clad woman across the road – and he was duly compensated by his insurance company. There’s a moral in this story somewhere.

Death by fruiting: Avoid coconutrelated injuries by wearing a helmet at all times Snow joke A woman’s holiday was refunded because it didn’t snow enough. Said young lady had invested in a shiny new pair of skis and some bangin’ boots, but sadly for her, there wasn’t nearly enough powder to get full use of them. Her insurance company accepted her claim and she was given a full refund.

Holy cow We’re not kidding here: one family in Devon were covered for damage to their car because a cow licked it. That’s right, the cow had clean wiped off the red paint, and no questions were asked.

Snap decision It was a good idea at the time – bury the camera in the sand to keep it safe during a swim. Little did they know, it would be too safe and the family themselves couldn’t remember where it was buried. Never mind though, their insurers didn’t bat an eyelid and paid them back £600.

Once burnt... A lady visiting a bar in Greece was burnt multiple times by the counter that went up in flames. This was a feature of the bar and there were warning signs plus an alarm, but she hadn’t understood them. Luckily, her insurance company paid out for stupidity.

LIFESTYLELIVING LONDON TIPS TRAIN CARRIAGE ETIQUETTE

Trains are a fast, engaging and scenically pleasing way to travel, but they can also be a cramped and unpleasant irritation in your everyday routine. Here are our top tips on how you can make the journey more bearable for yourself and your fellow travellers.

Insure yourself: Don’t let your dream holiday turn into a nightmare THE THINGS WE REALLY WANT ON TRAVEL INSURANCE Delayed flights and lost luggage top the list for pay-outs from travel insurance companies – but what do we really wish they covered? According to a survey from gocompare.com the majority of travellers would like to see compensation for inedible food, rude hotel staff and bad weather. Here’s the low-down: – 34% of people surveyed want compensation for horrible food. – 31% of people want a return for unexpected bad weather. – 15% believe they should get a pay-out for rude hotel staff. – 12% believe travel insurance should cover dealing with annoying fellow guests. – 7% want compensation for badly planned entertainment. Tough crowd.

Photos: Thinkstock. Words: Rachael Getzels

TRAVEL INSURANCE HOW TOs So we think we’ve drummed it in to you by now that it’s worth getting travel insurance, but that doesn’t answer the question of just how to do it. The internet is awash with options – you just need to make sure they suit your trip. Here’s a run down of some of the different policies. Single-trip insurance: This policy is the most basic and will cover you for one holiday for a specified amount of time. It generally

includes lost luggage and property, and flight delays. Coverage can start at 50p a day but changes depending on destination. Policies can be compared on sites such as money.co.uk or confused.com Multi-trip insurance: This is similar to the above, but can be applied to a number of smaller holidays through the year, usually amounting to 90 days. If you go on minibreaks frequently this is a good option, with prices starting at about £30. Again, look at travel insurance comparison sites to get a range of quotes. Backpacker insurance: If you’re going on longer trips to more remote parts of the world you’ll definitely want a comprehensive policy. It’s best to discuss the details of your trip with an expert to get the right coverage. STA Travel has good packages for backpackers and they also have adventure sport add-ons and extra medical coverage (statravel.co.uk). Add-ons: If sky-diving, parachuting, snowboarding or any other extreme sport is part of your agenda, then it will be worth getting extra coverage. You may also want to have better cover for your belongings if you’re travelling to several different places or the country has a high crime rate. Likewise if you have a health condition, you may want extra medical coverage, and must be honest about this.

Stay still on the platform: As the train approaches, everyone moves forward. But trampling on toes won’t get you a space any quicker – it will just incur the wrath of others. So stand strong and wait your turn. We promise it will come. A page too far: It’s 7.30 in the morning, you’ve had your coffee, and now you really want to know what Justin Bieber’s done next, but fanning out your Metro so your neighbour gets a paper cut on her cheek will not start the day off well. Keep it contained, people. A case to answer to: Well done, you’ve decided to bring a fabulously big bag on your commute, but you don’t need to parade it down the aisle like you’re getting married. Leave it at the luggage rack. Riding it out: If you’re a cycletrain-cycle type of person and you’re travelling during peak hour, please, please, pleeeease buy a fold-up bike. Trying to get a full-size cycle on a busy commuter train results in scrapes, pokes and squished feet. And to get run over by a bike on a train is just taking the piss. Sitting pretty: It’s lovely that you’ve offered to warm my seat, but I’ve paid good money for this reservation and the numbering system is there for a reason.

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Are you desperately seeking someone or something? Email vicky.anscombe@tntmagazine.com with your message

SAY WHAT?! i found a note tied to the tree - he claimed to be edmund from the lion, the witch and the wardrobe.

whenever i hear my flatmate having sex, i leave the house until nightfall.

Beloved aunt: Jim, I thought your reference to Curb your Enthusiasm in that meeting was brilliant, even if the rest of the marketing department didn’t. Let’s go out and offend people accidentally somewhere. Sofa, so good: This is a message for my housemate. Saffron, your cousin is SO fit – can we move him from the sofa in the lounge to my room? Please?

The root cause: Dear Anuska and Paul, I have taken the very expensive orchid from your room and I will not return it until you stop copulating in the bathroom before work. You both sound like chickens dying of cholera. Fishface: You were on the Northern Line enjoying a fish finger sandwich. It smelled so good. You did, too. May I take you out for a fish and chip dinner? The Codfather

THINGS THE QUEEN SHOULD DO BEFORE SHE DIES

i’m scared about where the moon is. don’t try to pretend you’re not. i wrote something on my facebook that she didn’t like and now i can’t get out of going to her wedding. i will probably just get drunk then leave. it’s for the best.

apparently kurt cobain was killed by his twin brother. there are two of them. identical.

did you ever play ‘it’ at school? What? No, it’s definitely not based on a book by stephen king.

is it called billabong? the dried meat that looks like hard bacon? billatong?

i can’t stop fiddling with my fly. but it’s not my fault - the zip is broken. i’m not some kind of perv.

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Let’s be friends: Laura, I am so sorry I bailed and left you in that bar – I really like you, I just don’t fancy you. And I’m gay. So please can you forgive me, and still take me on that Mauritian cruise later on this year? Love George

Lager, lager, lager: I saw a man trying to get everyone on the 172 to sing along to Underworld’s ‘Born Slippy’ a few weeks ago – nobody joined in apart from me. Paul, if that is your name, please get in touch! You’re a fox!

Photo: Getty

Take a trip to Liverpool. Scouse brow, your maj? Oh, go on...

Motherload: Ciaran, I’ve told my dad about your outrageous flirting with my mum. He’s looking for you, and he’s quite cross. Tim Pun Lovin’ Criminal: I’m looking for someone who enjoys puns. I would have included one in this message but I couldn’t think of any. I work in finance and I read a lot. Gemma Brixton babe: I got off with you at around 2am last weekend at Fridge Bar. You were wearing a green leotard and some kind of mechanical helmet. Coffee? Pete Baby on board: To my wife Cass, I’m so pleased number 3 is on the way. I love you so much! Ben x Bow down to me: I see you at Bow Road station on Tuesday evenings when you come home from your karate class. You’ve got an afro and a briefcase. May I take you home and do unspeakable things to you? Andrew x Bikini thrill: If anyone is looking for a purple leopard-spotted bikini that was left on the DLR last week, I’ve got it. Happy to post it back but I’ve worn it a few times. Greg Waity Katy: Katy, I’ve heard of making a man wait for an answer, but this is ridiculous. I need to have a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer by the end of the week. Have you hidden the Sky remote, or not? Ted Salad days: You’re always in the office canteen with a salad and a book. I like your eyes. May I join you one of these days? Shy man Size matters: To the girls in the lift in the office just off Bishopsgate – your comments were laughable. Six inches is normal, we men do what we can with girth – and it’s highly unlikely we’d want to bang you lot, anyway! You were gross! H’andrew: Andy, you left your mittens at my house, along with your self-esteem and a crate of Bud. Love Julia x Ride on time: I don’t care that you love Black Box, Claire. If you play that song one more time at one of our parties I will see that you are evicted at once. I’m not kidding! Vicky x

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