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Fields of Grace © 2021 by Cara Whitney All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher. Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc. Published in association with the literary agency of WordServe Literary Group, Ltd., www.wordserveliterary.com Photos on pages 10, 12, 25, 28, 37, 40, 44, 48, 58, 63, 70, 78, 82, 95, 110, 118, 126, 152, 157, 160, 166, 174, 178, 188, and 200 are by Erik Johnson: www.erikjohnsonphotography.com. Photos on pages 18, 55, 88, 98, 103, 106, 123, 130, 136, 140, 147, 171, 184, 192, and 197 are used under license from Shutterstock.com. Thomas Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please email SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com. Unless otherwise noted, Scripture quotations are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version®, niv ®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.Zondervan.com. The “niv” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.® Scripture quotations marked cev are taken from the Contemporary English Version. Copyright © 1991, 1992, 1995 by American Bible Society. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked esv are taken from the esv ® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked nasb are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. (www.Lockman.org) Scripture quotations marked nirv are taken from the New International Reader’s Version “NIrV,” copyright © 1995, 1996, 1998, 2014 by Biblica, Inc.®. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIrV” and “New International Reader’s Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.® Scripture quotations marked nkjv are taken from the New King James Version®. © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked nrsv are taken from the New Revised Standard Version Bible. Copyright © 1989 National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Any Internet addresses, phone numbers, or company or product information printed in this book are offered as a resource and are not intended in any way to be or to imply an endorsement by Thomas Nelson, nor does Thomas Nelson vouch for the existence, content, or services of these sites, phone numbers, companies, or products beyond the life of this book. ISBN-13: 978-1-4002-2009-0 Printed in China 21 22 23 24 25 WAI 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
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CH A P T ER 19
THE CONE OF SHAME I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:18–19 nrsv
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t some point in the life of nearly every dog and cat, our furry friend will end up wearing a “cone of shame.” You know what I’m talking about: those awkward plastic cylinders that look like Elizabethan collars. I understand the need for them. A cone keeps your pet from scratching or licking a fresh wound, giving it time to heal. It’s often called the “cone of shame” because of the look you get from your pet when it has to wear one. Its weighty eyes stare at you with a look of sadness. Even though pets don’t wear these as a form of punishment, their seemingly guilty eyes stare up at you through the truncated cone—shame written all over their faces. Recently one of our dogs had to get a growth removed from her eyelid.
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She came home wearing the cone of shame, and I was instructed to leave it on her until the wound healed. It really was the best way to keep her from scratching at her eyelid, yet I’m not sure who it was harder for—the dog or me. I took it off as often as I could, until she started scratching her wound and I had to put it back on. I loathe the cone of shame because I feel like it makes my dog think she’s failed me in some way. I can’t stand the thought of that.
*** There is a difference between guilt and shame. Guilt is knowing you have done something wrong and feeling sorry for it. It’s a heavy emotion that points out a shortcoming or failure. It can also prompt you to own your mistakes and seek out ways to make amends. Shame takes things to the next level. It’s when you grab onto your guilt and believe that you are a bad person. Your shortcomings actually become part of your identity. Guilt and shame go together sometimes. But they can also exist separately in your life. Defining ourselves through shame keeps us from growing in Christ. It pulls us away from embracing our true identities as children of God. And when we are not growing in Christ, it’s really hard to share God’s love and forgiveness with others. The moment we ask for forgiveness, God forgives. Unfortunately, there are a lot of Christians who don’t really believe this is true. Some folks have a very fearful view of God. They believe they have to keep asking for forgiveness for the same sin over and over again. They have a hard time accepting God’s grace. Being caught up in emotions of guilt can be
I loathe the cone of shame because I feel like it makes my dog think she’s failed me in some way.
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very discouraging and make us feel distant from God. But God is right there with us all the time, looking at us with compassion and tenderness. Even in those moments when you least expect God to forgive, He will reach out with grace. You are forgiven, period. We live in a real world. Even when God forgives, sometimes other people don’t. We fear that if our past mistakes are revealed, it would change other people’s perceptions of us—especially when we make the decision to identify as a Christian. It feels like there are some people who are just waiting in the wings to point out all the bad things we have ever done in our lives. It’s like we are being vetted for political office or something. It took me about a year to get over the fear of my past being exposed
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if I spoke in boldness for Christ. Then I got some great advice from my friend Dr. Arnie Cole, who said, “Don’t worry about it.” It was that straightforward advice that helped me say, “I’m not going to worry about that.” So I decided to stop using that cone of shame to bury my head. Instead, I’m going to use it as a megaphone (since it’s already shaped like one) to witness about the saving power of Jesus. As my husband says, “There are things I look back on, and I wish I really wouldn’t have done. I know there are some people who won’t forgive me. But I know that Jesus does.” Can you relate? Do you sometimes struggle with guilt, maybe even shame, over past sins? The truth is, we all do. Yet a shame-f illed mind is the Devil’s playground. Embarrassment and regret can be a tiring distraction. They can pull me away from my true identity. I am honestly sorry for some of the things I have done. But I now live in the truth that I am forgiven. I am not going to let my regret of past mistakes slow me down from telling others about Christ’s love. I am encouraged when I read my Bible and discover so many people who have also dealt with guilt and shame whom God used in amazing ways. God is bigger than anything we have done or any thought we have had. Despite our sinfulness, despite our shortcomings, despite the high opinions that we hold of ourselves, we are still a part of God’s bigger mission for the world. The words that flow from our forgiven souls carry life to a dying world. So excuse me a minute while I straighten my cone!
Lord, help me know “the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge.” I want to be filled with all the fullness of God. Deliver me from fear and shame. Heal my identity. Amen.
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CHAPTER 33
SALT YOUR CONVERSATIONS “You are like salt for everyone on earth. But if salt no longer tastes like salt, how can it make food salty? All it is good for is to be thrown out and walked on.” Matthew 5:13 cev
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was amazed to learn that horses spend more than 14.5 hours per day grazing! Then I started laughing because I thought, Well, that’s just another way I can relate to my horses. Right now the fall leaves are changing, and the comfort foods are trying to seduce me. Since I’m from Wisconsin, the temptation of a cheddar-covered casserole is winning. I even stopped buying fall-scented candles because they made me want to end every meal with a slice of pumpkin pie. I really have to watch myself this time of year. I think this applies to most people, and that’s why by January we are all pondering the idea of purchasing gym equipment. As for my plump ponies, I have to help them watch their weight too. Chubby horses can have all kinds of health issues, and some of these
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conditions can even become life-threatening. So my remedy has been to use a slow-feeding hay net. It’s a net made of strong nylon that I toss over a round bale of hay. It is designed with small holes that my horses can eat through. A slow-feeding hay net slows the rate of forage intake and increases the amount of time it takes horses to eat a hay meal.1 It makes me wonder if they make hay nets for people! Recently I started attending a Pilates class in order to regain some of my core strength. It’s also a terrific way to get out of the house so I can witness for Christ. God doesn’t command the lost to go to church, but He does command us to go out to the lost. So . . . I go to Pilates. It’s a win-win. I haven’t found any lost souls there yet, though. As it turns out, most everyone I have met in class is already a believer. But this adventure has been very encouraging to my faith and to theirs. It’s an hour of iron sharpening iron, and as we get stronger physically, we grow spiritually as well.
*** Lots of people ask me how to share their faith because it’s such an awkward thing to bring up the topic of Jesus. But I can turn that question around on them and ask, “I never told you I was a follower of Jesus, so how did you know?” It is possible to have fruitful interactions with people so nonchalantly that people don’t even realize I am laying the groundwork for witnessing. I call it salting the conversation. It’s basically putting a few grains of spiritual “salt” into your conversations so people know you are a believer. For example, you can say something like this: “Last Sunday my pastor shared a story about the human side of Jesus that I never knew. Here’s what he said. . . .” Salting your words and sharing insights about Christ casually and naturally are great ways to share your faith.
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You will be amazed at how easy it is, and in the same way that salt enhances the flavor of the food it seasons, followers of Christ stand out as those who “enhance” the flavor of life in this world.2 Just as I set my horses up with slow-feeding hay nets, salting our conversations and offering others a slow and steady amount of Christ are better than dumping the overwhelming idea of a complete lifestyle change on their plates. More salt in conversations and less on French fries. It’s a win-win.
It is possible to have fruitful interactions with people so nonchalantly that people don’t even realize I am laying the groundwork for witnessing.
Lord, help me be salt and light. Please open opportunities to share my faith and give me the right words to share at the right moment—words seasoned with salt. Amen.
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