67.08

ISSUE 67.08 KEVIN O’BRIEN

kevinob.union@gmail.com

Editor-in-Chief

ANDY KNEIS

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Managing Editor

CLAY COOPER

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Managing Editor

CHELSEA STEVENS

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Opinions Editor

NOAH KELLY

KATY PARKER

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Literature Editor

MARCO BELTRAN

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SIMONE HARRISON

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Entertainment Editor & PR

CHRIS FABELA Comics Editor

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MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN merm.union@gmail.com Culture Editor

JEFF BRIDGES

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CLAY COOPER

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Actor, Grunion Editor Art Director/Cover

GABE FERREIRA

Assistant Art Director

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JEFF CHANG

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CONNOR O’BRIEN

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Head Illustrator Photo Editor

CHRIS FABELA

On-Campus Distribution

ANDY KNEIS Web Editor

MARCO BELTRAN

Advertising Executive

A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR KEVIN O’BRIEN

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Campus Director

Music Editor & PR

KEVIN-SENT

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Contributors:

MIKE PALLOTTA, VICTOR CAMBA, BRIAN NEWHARD, PARKER CHALMERS, LEO PORTUGAL, COLLEEN BROWN, MATTHEW TOWLES, JANTZEN PEAKE, BRYAN WALTON, LUKE PERINE, JAMIE KARSON, FOLASHADE ALFORD, ELISA TANAKA, JOHN HERRERA, LUCY NGUYEN, DEVIN O’NEIL, STEPHANIE HERNANDEZ, KEENAN MACINNES, JOE HAUSER, SOPHI MAISE, STEPHANIE PEREZ, JEFF BAER, DEREK KOSKO, MARCOS BARRON, COREY LEIS, LANDON DAVAULT, CHEYENNE DAY, STEVE BESSETTE, MARY FUHRMAN, DEVON GIEHL, DEBORAH ROWE, ALLISON O’DELL, JACKIE ROSAS, PATRICK MCNALLY, ADRIENNE SHULTZ, ALISON ERNST, LISA VAN WIJK, JANTZEN PEAKE, RICHARD LEVINSON, NICOLE STREET, JESSICA MEISELS, KELSEY WEHSELS, MAE RAMIREZ, JACKIE ROSAS, TANNER PARKER, KEVIN JORGE-CRUZ, CHRIS PAGE, MICHAEL IACOUCCI, JILLIAN WOLF, DANIEL PEREZ, VINCENT CHAVEZ, MONICA HOLMES

Disclaimer and Publication Information

The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff.

All letters to the editor will be considered for publication.

However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words.

The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.

Questions? Comments?

MAIL : 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 239, Long Beach, CA 90815 PHONE : 562.985.4867 FAX : 562.985.8161 E-MAIL : lbunion.info@gmail.com WEB : lbunion.com

EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

I

was raised to believe that allergies were just an excuse for weakness.

Of course, I am without allergies of any kind, and I would posit my genetic perfection if my gene pool wasn’t filled to the brim with cancer and dementia.

The lack of allergies means that when I started sneezing yesterday, there was no dust or pollen or dog to blame. I had to be sick, which is not something I was willing to admit. In my experience, the moment you admit you’re sick and start walking around the house draped in a Snuggie and spitting phlegm into a little pink bucket, you stay sick. But if you continue getting out of bed and being productive and hitting the gym, then your body doesn’t have a chance to realize your sick, and you may as well not be.

However, I have a moral dilemma to complicate the issue: is it wrong to go on a date if you’re mildly sick? Is it inconsiderate that you may infect the person you are attempting to spend time with?

Or is it endearing that you are willing to brave the elements and listen to her while you try to inconspicuously shiver and quietly suppress coughs and dab snot before it has the chance to run down the indent of your upper lip? Maybe the question isn’t whether going on a date sick is right or wrong but rather whether it is smart or stupid. You might come off as feeble and fragile as you stagger around a coffee shop or movie theater walkway. Or in contrast, you might have enough fortitude to make it through the evening without revealing the total collapse of your immune system.

Either way the answer might be evident to me tomorrow. But that’s the future. Let’s talk about the past, specifically last week, in which we featured CUSLB residents’ coming out stories.

The response to the feature was positive, however, one reader took issue with an opinions article written by Union Weekly Staffer Folashade Alford. The letter and my response can be found below.

Hello there, I’m an employee here at the University and I have to say that I was soo excited about NATIONAL COMING OUT WEEK. CSULB is known for its

openness and support of the Gay Community, I was also delighted to find out that “Union Weekly” was also being used as an open door. With all the suicides and negative events that have been happening, it’s nice to know there is a place where people can go and be themselves.

For those of you that hate gays/lesbians and take pride in bullying them, remember that someone you know and love might also be abused.

I hope everyone realizes that those who shared their stories and emotions took this opportunity to be open and honest. To some it may have been easy, to others it was the hardest thing they’ve ever had to do. I’m sure we can all agree that we’ve experienced trials and tribulations; gay or not we can somehow relate to what these people have gone thru.

Unfortunately, I have a clear understanding of all they’ve been thru, it took me a long time to acknowledge who I was and to accept myself. I’ve always known that I was different, growing up in Mexico and having those “unexplained” feelings was hard to deal with. I knew not to say anything to anyone, especially when you saw how the MARICONES were treated.

My family? Well. . they’re dealing with it whether they want to or not. I have a semi-big family and some of them have learned to accept who I am, while others have no idea know who I am.

I have a Sisters who’s disowned me because I am such a sinner and she wants me to stay away from my nieces and nephews so they’re not influenced by me.

My Mother doesn’t talk about it; she’s a strong Christian/Mexican Woman and doesn’t understand what’s going on. I do have to say that she may be coming around tho, after 7 years of being with my Wife; she’s finally asking about her (slowly but surely).

The reason I decided to write was because I have a problem with Folashade Alfords article . .

“All the Ladies Love Me”. I actually found it kind of stupid and close-minded.

Did she really believe that just because that young Lady smiled at her and made “small talk” that she was attracted to her?

Geeze, I wonder how many people Folashade has smiled at and they think SHE’S GAY? I smile at Women all the time, that

doesn’t mean that I’m attracted to them; I’m just being polite. I also doubt that the young lady was MIFFED that she never saw you again, trust me she probably doesn’t even remember you.

Folashade, you really give yourself too much credit, being a babe magnet may be a bit extreme. The fact that you compare yourself to a man and are oblivious to your surroundings is nothing to be proud of. Truth is, the “friendly conversation” is just that . .”conversation”. Announcing that you “like guys” is not necessary, it’s probably obvious . .your just oblivious to it.

Everyone agrees that Folashade Alford is oblivious: she writes to this point in the article in question. Her article began, “As much as I like to pride myself on being in touch with human emotions… there have been occasions where I fail miserably. This usually happens when I’m getting hit on.” The only point of contention between you and her is what she is oblivious about. While Folashade posits that she is only oblivious when women are hitting on her, you posit that she is oblivious all of the time.

In Folashade’s defense, I believe her intentions were pure. She was attempting to produce a cautionary tale to those who may be homosexually hit upon in the future. Her article lacked tact and made overreaching assumptions about the people involved, but the ultimate goal was to make her fellow students more considerate. She decided to make this point by using some vague reasoning and some cavalier language; however, that is her right. The point of the Union Weekly is to express student thought and opinion, and that expression is not always going to be insightful or written with perspective, but it will always be an honest and personal statement by the writer. This is the standard that I believe Folashade’s article met.

Ask Away!

Finished the paper but still have questions or comments, send them to the editor at kevinob.union@gmail.com!

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

OPINIONS

ENCOUNTER WITH A MODERN MONK DRUNK STEVE WILL NEVER BE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

STEVE BESSETTE UNION STAFFER

I

f it’s not jagged tooth geriatrics at Brotman Hall halting me from going someplace I don’t need to go in order to do something that doesn’t need immediate attention but I’d like to do it anyway since I need something to entertain me in my friendless life, IT’S THE MONKS! Listen, I have my beliefs, you have yours, you do what you want, I’ll do what I want. Once we’re both chillin’ about six feet under and maggots are eating away at our cerebral cortex, we’ll see what’s what (personally I think that all the “bad” people will go to a small brown room with red wool carpeting by themselves to watch Teen Wolf Too over and over again).

Where’s your robe? Why aren’t you bald? Why are you talking to me? Aren’t certain types of monks supposed to have some kind of vow of silence? And if you ARE going to talk, don’t introduce yourself with a terrible joke! I don’t think you’re very funny “monk.” The fountain outside of Brotman Hall is supposed to look like a water molecule or something, not “public showers.” Brotman was a physician, not a gym teacher, dumb dumb.

And your crazy book won’t get me to

Illustration

BRYAN WALTON UNION STAFFER

join you and your non-monkness either. He opened his book that he called “a refreshing read,” which was mainly comprised of LSD-infused nightmare images twisted with childhood fables. He asked me what my major was and I told him pre-film and he said, “Oh, far out, you’ll dig this, man.” He turned to a page supposedly about karma (I don’t understand how that explicitly relates to being a film major) and explained that it was about “what goes around comes around.” All I saw was a demonic axeman ready to chop off some worried bovine’s head. It looked like Paul Bunyan ready to sacrifice Babe for the sake of moral exploitation, and to exploit YOU, the “reader,” while you flip through during an acid trip.

Look, I’m not trying to down your religion; I just think you should change the style of your approach.

If you were to wear a big brown robe, have a cleanly shaven head, and speak to me solely in gesticulation, you may not turn me off so much. Also when I tell you I have a lot of reading and writing to do for my classes, don’t reinforce the “refreshing read” bit. When I say I don’t have cash for your “small” donation, don’t tell me you take cards. You’re not even supposed to be connected to the modern world, why are you toting a wheelie backpack that has a debit card slider? You guys should seriously consider the robe thing; it’d be cool, or be detectives who have really bad OCD. You’ll win some Emmy’s if you do. Whatever. See you around, “monk.”

SANDWICH PROFILING

COVERING UP MY RACISM WITH FOOD ANALOGIES ALISON ERNST CONTRIBUTOR

“I would like a....”

“Pastrami, sir?”

“Yes, how did you know?”

Lucky guess... not. Working behind the counter in the sandwich industry, I notice things. Your local sandwich-maker knows more about you than you would think.

Based on that two-second first impression as you walk in the door, we can roughly guess which sandwich you are about to order. But you probably don’t give a damn about the face behind the counter as you push old ladies out of the way to feed your hunger and eat your manly sandwich.

You, o reader of this fine publication, would probably order the Turkey-Avocado or in the case that you are a vegetarian (which is likely), you would order the

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UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

Avocado-Cucumber. Hipsters (although you don’t call yourself a “hipster” because that wouldn’t be hipster-esque) dig themselves some avocado. What you perceive as being unique or different is actually quite mainstream, at least in terms of sandwiches.

The elderly, the wise and old of the population, LOVE salt and pepper. Their senses just aren’t what they used to be and the peppering gives it “more flavor.” The women in this category particularly enjoy the smallest sandwich possible, because they have a “light appetite.” The older males order the Cranberry-Turkey like crazy, on the softest bread available for their teeth. These customers frequently ask me to slow down and repeat myself.

Their sandwiches come without peppers.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the youth, the future leaders of the world, are the most inexperienced sandwich consumers. They order the Ham & Cheese or Turkey & Cheese sans produce, sometimes even sans cheese. Being young and naive, they have not yet ventured far from what they know. The parental units of the youth prod their young to at least put lettuce and tomato on the sandwich, but resistance is futile.

Another prevalent pattern amongst customers is within the Asian population.

They enjoy their Pastrami, this trend spans all the way from the young’uns to the ancient. And I honestly don’t know why. The Pastrami isn’t that amazing

that it should span age gaps, it is the only sandwich that is particularly appealing to one single ethnic group.

The next time you step into your favorite sandwich shop, be wary of the sandwich-maker who knows more about yourself than even you. We know your preferences and try our best to make your sandwich to your personal satisfaction, whether you be a hipster, the elderly or even Asian. Be kind to your sandwichmaker, because we are kind to you. And we probably had to deal with a Botox-ed lady earlier that day who claims to have been given a cold Meatball sandwich, although you just wrapped it up and know it is hot, but she probably can’t feel anything after all that surgery.

OPINIONS

WE HATE OUR JOBS

EVEN THOUGH NOBODY HAS ONE MONICA HOLMES CONTRIBUTOR

We live in America. The land of the free. The land of plenty. The land where people just really fucking hate their jobs.

According to an article on MSN.com (trust at your discretion), only 45% of Americans are satisfied with their jobs. Remember, we’re in a recession. Think about how many of your friends, neighbors, classmates, and family members are unemployed. It’s just plain hard to find a job right now. And those of us lucky enough to have one are complaining about them!

My younger brother is looking for a job right now. He’s been looking since July, turning in dozens of applications and

going on countless interviews. He’s still jobless, and still finding plenty to complain about. With reason — the economy sucks.

Everything costs money, he doesn’t have any, and he’s not the only one. Potheads are going without for weeks on end in hopes that an interview will go so well they’ll need to get drug tested on the spot.

The hippies usually painting faces on campus are cutting their hair out of pure desperation. The usually intelligent men and women of CSULB are grabbing tabs off scam flyers like they’re searching for the golden ticket.

I’m lucky enough to have two jobs

(sorry!) and I truly need them both. But I’m also lucky enough to love both of them. Yeah, I talk to fools on the phone all day about car repairs and am expected to make their bills magically disappear with a wave of my plastic nametag. Sure, I get paper cuts, get caught up in office drama, and get hit on by (harmless) old men.

Whatever, I get paid. The paycheck at the end of two weeks of painful work makes all that time worth it. Is it what I want to do for the rest of my life? No thank you.

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life, actually. I’m graduating in May, the job market for English majors

isn’t looking too hot, and I’m totally clueless. Luckily, I ran into another bit of interesting information on MSN.com (while at work). You can take a test on CareerPath.com that will determine what career will make you happiest. I had no idea, but there’s a whole field of research dedicated to helping people like you and me find the perfect job. And all you have to do is pick out your favorite color from a lineup. Easy. Then, you can learn all about the top 50 jobs that are just right for you.

Actually, you can see numbers 25-50. The top 25 will cost you like ten bucks, but it’s an investment, right?

TODAY’S DATING

MEN CAN BE BIG ROMANTIC SOFTIES TOO MICHAEL IACOUCCI CONTRIBUTOR

The stereotype of the modern American date night is one that has pervaded both the media and the minds of the people, and I’m sure we’re all thinking of the same thing: dinner and a movie. What started as a way to spend a nice evening with a girl you’re interested in has become the symbol of lazy relationship planning. We live in a time where there are fifteen different restaurants within walking distance of both your house, dorm, etc. and the nearest multi-megaplex movie theater showing the same slew of mindless romantic comedies, but does that mean we have an excuse to stop being creative with our dates?

Now don’t get me wrong, a dinner/ movie date has its place in relationships of all sorts, but there’s no reason we as romantic beings should concede to having every date go the same way. Maybe I’ve been seduced by too many indie movies, but I would love to take a girl to a park overlooking the LA skyline and draw on her arm, play remedial guitar outside of her house in running clothes, or just rescue her from a few dozen ravenous zombies, (a Bill Murray cameo wouldn’t hurt either).

It’s hard to keep a relationship fresh as the months and years go on, but it’s not

impossible. Instead of another movie that you both probably won’t like, why not go hiking somewhere you’ve never been, or something as simple as climbing a tree and just talking? One of the best moments I’ve ever spent with a girl wasn’t in a dark movie theater. It wasn’t on my couch watching TV or her watching my friends and me play Smash Bros for four hours.

It wasn’t spent in the backseat of a car. It was just the two of us, eating Del Taco on the side of a hill in the sun. It wasn’t what we were doing that was so amazing, just that it was something different, and, even better, it was something that didn’t just allow us to tune out and stare at a screen, but a simple little situation in life where you can be together and actually talk to one another.

So this is a call-to-arms for all of you out there in your serious relationships, you who are so infatuated with someone that you need to spend every moment with them, and you all who want your first date to be something really special. Go and be creative with each other, go find a fountain, go away from the mediocre, go somewhere far from the same things you’ve seen and done for years, and go together.

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

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CAMPUS STATE OF THE BEACH

YOUR WEEKLY CAMPUS NEWS IN BRIEF KEENAN MACINNES UNION STAFFER

October is Disability Awareness Month, and Long Beach is doing its part with Disability Awareness Week starting Monday, October 18th through October 20th. There will be various events focusing on true mobility and ability, eliminating ignorant stereotypes about different disabilities, and understanding the various obstacles that are overcome by those with disabilities.

October 18th is the Wheelchair Basketball Game from 12 pm to 3 pm in the East Gym. For those of you who want to experience this for yourself, you can grab a set of wheels and join in.

There will be local wheelchair basketball teams there to help understand the fundamentals. Volunteer hours are from 10am to 3pm.

Tuesday October 19th is the annual “A Day In Our Shoes” event, which takes place campuswide from 11 am to 2 pm. Assorted student representatives will undergo realistic simulations of living with a disability, whether it be a physical, visual, hearing or learning impairment. This will be followed by a panel discussion of experts and the temporarily disabled students in USU 304 from 3 pm to 4:30 pm.

Finally, there is the Disability Resource Fair on Wednesday, October 20th. There will be up to 30 vendors from Los Angeles to Orange County offering their services to not only show what the disabled contribute to our society, but what you can do to help.

The fourth annual CSULB Distinguished Speakers Series on October 21 will feature nationally syndicated columnist and author, Arianna Huffington. At 7:30 pm in the Carpenter Center, Huffington will give her speech about “Politics and The New Media”, and you ought to listen because she’s the Editor-in-Chief of The Huffington Post, one of the best online news providers in the country, among the plethora of awards she has won and popular books she has authored. Tickets will be $20 for students, $45 for reserved tickets, $60 for preferred tickets, and $30 for seniors. That’s senior citizens, not senior students.

On October 24th, The Burns Miller Japanese Garden will be hosting their 2010 Chrysanthemum Show from 12 to 5pm. Try saying that five times fast. Various events include a presentation of Japanese arts, a formal tea ceremony, sumi-e ink painting classes, and wine tasting, all offered by professionals wearing vintage Japanese kimonos. You’ll probably forget you’re in America or something.

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

CAMPUS

BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY

CHELSEA STEVENS OPINIONS EDITOR

In a random show of support for our campus, Union photography editor Connor O’Brien and I headed into the depths of the CSULB Theatre Arts Building last Thursday for a Student Showcase performance of The Symphony. This play, which was entirely written, directed, and performed by students, took the audience on the journey of Beethoven’s life as he lost the ability to hear while writing his 9th Symphony (more commonly known as Ode to Joy).

This Student Showcase was particularly special because its subject matter attracted 16 students from every arts major and a few random majors on campus to participate in its production. This wide array of specialties brought an audience of over 100 people to see the play that night. As Connor and I sat amidst the excited and outgoing attendees,

Photos

CONNOR O’BRIEN PHOTO EDITOR

it became obvious how active and supportive this generation of the theatre department is toward their peers. The hosts of the play noted that this was one of the first productions filled with more than just graduate and familial audience members.

The show began with an act called “The Dance”, which gave an interpretive opening to Beethoven’s unique life and compositional style. The performance highlighted the often brooding and explosive nature of Beethoven’s work, setting up a good background to contrast against the rest of his difficult experiences. The actors spoke in German for the entirety of play, which felt a bit like “stupid German stuff you didn’t need” according to Connor. It was definitely more confusing than beneficial, though it did add an authentic touch. The accents of the cast

members were pretty impressive, too.

Once the scene was set, the audience began to understand that Beethoven was losing his hearing and how it was affecting his work. Chris Maldonado, the piano performance major portraying Beethoven, did an excellent job paying homage to the composer’s fiery personality and piano skills, though his flamboyant strut would have been more effective for Mozart in my opinion.

The most interesting part of the production was the way it explored Beethoven’s story through multiple senses.

The tragic loss of his hearing was translated with music, white noise, colored flashlights, and projection techniques.

Connor noted, “They did cool stuff with the lighting and screens and shit.” A lot of interesting facts of Beethoven’s life were

included in the play, like his famous “Immortal Beloved” letter and his battle with hearing loss through religion, though we found that a majority of the play would be quite hard to understand for someone who’d not had significant prior knowledge of “shit Beethoven did” (Connor). As a music major myself, however, much of the play’s attention to detail resonated with me in a positive way.

The overall experience with our first Student Showcase was a favorable one, and these performances are something the average bored college student should definitely attend at some point in their CSULB career. Information on future Showcase plays and times can be found in the Theatre Arts building, and will be featured in future editions of the Union Weekly.

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

CONQUERING THE UNKNOWN Photos Intro

ANDY KNEIS MANAGING EDITOR

W

hen I heard a couple of students were coming into my class to speak about a special education program, I didn’t know what to expect. I don’t mean that in the sense that I didn’t know what they were going to talk about or what they would look like or something like that, I literally had no idea what constituted a special education student. I had little-to-no interaction with any disabled kids in high school, and no interaction at all in my few years at CSULB. The students came into the class and I was blown away. I’ll just come right out and say it to avoid sounding sentimental; these students are way braver than me.

They spent a considerable amount of time speaking with us in the class, talking about their hopes and dreams, telling funny stories, answering questions, and most

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UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

Everything Else

CHELSEA STEVENS

CONNOR O’BRIEN PHOTO EDITOR

OPINIONS EDITOR

importantly teaching what can be gained from stepping outside of their comfort zone. They were so excited to be able to share with us that they were even interrupting one another to get a word in. I spent most of today having a panic attack and hiding from people that I respect and care about because I was too overwhelmed by the world. I was too embarrassed to ask for any kind of help. Honestly, today I feel like a coward compared to these individuals.

I hope this doesn’t come off as some kind of self-pity sort of thing, I think the point I’m trying to make is that my lack of interaction with anyone like these students made me unaware that doing so would be worthwhile. It’s like how you forget how much you enjoy candy corn because they only sell it one month a year (October). Okay, as the students

spoke in my class, and I later came in to interview them about this feature, the more I realized how sorely mistaken I was. I related to every single one of them more than I do the other people I meet going about my daily life. I was able to talk and joke with the students instantly. On the other hand, I was getting tongue-tied and self-conscious trying to interact with their teachers even though they were some of the most compassionate and open people I’ve met.

The big word in special education right now is inclusion. Educators are pushing the importance of disabled and special needs students to interact with the other, general education students. After all I’ve learned about special education students the past few days, inclusion is clearly a priority.

What I don’t think is really clear is how important it is for people to spend time with students like the ones in

the ACT program. Maybe some out there can get some perspective on special needs students like I did.

Perhaps people can even take a lesson from these disabled students and learn what can be gained by stepping outside of your comfort zone and giving something different an honest chance. Someone smarter out there could think of a joke that compares the word “inclusion” with the word “illusion.” Please give me money when you become famous with the inclusion/illusion joke.

The most important thing is, through this ACT program, I’ve met some fascinating people. People I’ve been able to relate to and have fun with. To deprive them of any kind of experience because they’re different and that scares people is a shame.

Not only for the students, but for the scared people whose minds they might have been able to open.

WHAT IS ADULT COMMUNITY TRANSITION? The ACT Program is a communitybased organization that essentially allows disabled students to make a smooth transition from high school’s overly protective environment to an independent life in the real world. Students ages 18 to 22 can join after participating in an academic and vocational program at their high school. In many ways, the program acts as more of a “life skills bootcamp” than a traditional classroom setting.

Once accepted into ACT, the students have access to an individualized transition plan, where they learn specific skills for daily living, decision making, and occupational independence. The organization stresses interdepartmental cooperation with other programs that help disabled students, like the Regional Occupation Program (ROP), Harbor Regional Center, and the Depart-

ment of Rehabilitation.

While in the program students have access to jobs in the community, where they can learn to hold a position on their own and complete daily tasks. Many of the students we met work at large facilities like Walgreens, Big Lots, and the Aquarium of the Pacific. Their hard-working mindset, specific training for productivity, and good attitudes make disabled workers a big commodity in the professional field.

Outside of occupational training, which is the sole focus of many disabled organizations, ACT puts a large focus on recreational activities and building the more creative talents of their students. As our new friend Alex said, “Hobbies help you build meaningful lives, more than just working; you gotta balance it, you know?”

THEIR OUTLOOK ON LIFE WITH A DISABILITY Despite many misconceptions, the students in ACT are very aware of their disability. The way they tackle their issues head on is really admirable and almost unbelievable. The students talked openly with us about their verbal ticks, lashing out, and how difficult it can be to keep up their good attitudes. Their daily tasks include keeping journals and lists of how to recognize their battles and the best ways to conquer them. “Many students don’t like to try new things because they don’t think they’ll be successful, and they don’t want to show anyone their disabilities, so we push our students outside of their comfort zone,” said ACT teacher Teresa Wargo.

The comfort zone of a disabled student often lies with their high school experiences

and their family life. Many of the students’ families set very low expectations for their children, and don’t attempt to help them reach their full potentials. ACT teacher Jeannie Battung added, “No one can attain these goals but them - they need to be able to advocate for their own lives.”

ACT participants visit places like the Shelter Workshop, where some disabled individuals go for daily work without ever receiving any training or real life experience, so they can see the difference between what their goals can achieve and what it means to take the “easy way”.

“We don’t focus on disabilities, we focus on capabilities,” said Teresa. “We look at strengths and what we can build.”

ADVICE TO COLLEGE STUDENTS The ACT students are learning the precise skills to exist and thrive in real life environments, which are exactly what many of us skip over in our busy college experience. While we write endless papers and struggle to fit in the occasional studying around beer pong, ACT students are getting first-hand experience in having successful interviews and working steady jobs while having fun and exercising their creativity in the process.

Because of this, their advice to us on how to lead better lives was really insightful and accurate. The students translated the tricks they use in ACT to college life, and gave us tips on how to be successful in this economy while juggling our hobbies,

jobs, and schoolwork. “Use what you’ve learned to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Work at basic jobs, save money, and use your resources,” Alex said. Eliza added, “People are afraid to make mistakes. Don’t give up, just keep trying until you get there.”

They also noted that being flexible, having a variety of skills, and being able to change your routine on the fly are some of the biggest issues they deal with on a daily basis. But the most important piece of advice they had for us was having a good attitude. The students agreed that “you have to feel confident in yourself and focus on your quality of life in order to have a productive life.”

HOW TO REACT AND INTERACT WITH THE DISABLED Unfortunately, the general non-disabled population has a lot of misconceptions about the lives, attitudes, and outlooks of disabled individuals. “In human opinion, difference is bad, and people fear what they don’t know,” Eliza mused. Her statement was really quite perceptive and true. Many of us have little-to-no interaction with the disabled on a regular basis, and our etiquette for communicating with them can be pretty atrocious, so we asked the students of ACT how they would like to be regarded by the rest of the students at CSULB. “We should be the treated same because it makes us feel like we can do stuff,” Dwayne said. They agreed that the more others are exposed to the disabled and their both positive and negative qualities, the easier it

would be to fit into society and give them a better understanding of how to assimilate and lead a normal life. Currently, the disabled students at our own university and other school-based locations in the Long Beach Unified School District are heavily isolated from the rest of the students, causing uncertainties and faulty impressions that don’t need to be there.

The few hours we spent with the students in ACT were some of the most insightful and eye-opening I’ve had in my college experience thus far. Though it’s virtually invisible on our campus, this program brightens the lives of its students and everyone who has the privilege of witnessing it.

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

9

MUSIC

SONS OF LIBERTY

HOW I LEARNED TO QUIT WORRYING AND DESTROY THE NEW WORLD ORDER ERIC BRYAN UNION STAFFER

T

he crowd screams. A unified, primal sound. Rage, unrest, and frustration are given voice and in one breath; catharsis is defined. I’d almost say it was just another show.

It’s only when I realize that no music is playing that something seems amiss. When I realize that the singer isn’t singing a note, but speaking to the audience. Not stage banter, mind you, but something more akin to a heavy metal, heavily bearded Glenn Beck encouraging revolution. Yeah, yeah, but here’s the kicker: this “revolution” was to be no fantasy, no cleverly placed introduction to some suburban war hymn, but an overthrowing of the government to bring justice to “the crooks in D.C.” who have so wronged the American people. And the crowd is buying it.

Long winded speeches on the government’s betrayal of the people, Wall Street’s free market fallacy and Building 7 (the 7th UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

Illustration

CHRIS FABELA COMICS EDITOR

building in the World Trade center, theorized by conspiracy enthusiasts to have been demolished by the US government) replace “how the fuck you guys feeling?” “get fucking louder” and “how the fuck do you guys feel about getting louder?”

Thomas Jefferson’s philosophies on revolution replace Nietzsche’s on God and Satan’s on everything. A wave of the Gadsden Flag elicits a cry of “We’ll follow you into war, Jon!” and suddenly, after having been to over 200 metal shows, I’m seeing something completely new. For the first time the crowd is not united for music, and certainly not in fun. As Sons of Liberty hammer into “False Flag,” it is clear that this crowd came for a revolution, for a leader, and found that in the leader of Sons Of Liberty, one Jon Schaffer.

Coming home from the concert (Sons of Liberty were actually the supporting act, but you’d never know it), two thoughts

were running through my head. Firstly, Denny’s is never a good choice, not ever, even if they’re the only thing open. But that

“The whole thing reeked of a Tea Party tea party in the Mad Hatter’s windowless basement.” doesn’t apply here.

Secondly (relevantly), where in the great blue fuck is this all coming from? Why, seemingly all of a sudden, is this wave of conservative patriotism so rampant in a crowd usually steeled in staunch individualism? Since when does a power metal crowd, usually more interested in cos play and Tolkien, raise their collective voices to take over Washington, to stop the tyrannical plan of the Bilderbergers (think the Free Masons, the Hellfire Club, really any shadow group in a Nicholas Cage movie)? The

whole thing reeked of a Tea Party tea party in the Mad Hatter’s windowless basement.

Patriotism, even in radical form, is uncommon in metal. Schaffer has delved into similar, albeit more traditionally patriotic, territory with 2004’s “The Glorious Burden,” and bands like Vile and Megadeth, the latter of whom once advocated anarchy regularly, have tried their hand at pro-US lyrical themes, to varying degrees of (read: very little) success. Sons of Liberty, however, is a different beast.

I began, almost obsessively, looking into the project. Full disclosure: I’m not casually into metal. I’ve been exploring this stuff for the better part of 12 years and have gotten so deep into it that it’s not so much a musical taste now as carnivorous need for deeper knowledge of all it’s niches. Think a snuff collector, but poorer social skills. So when something like SOL pops up, I can’t just let it lay.

MUSIC The official website (Sons-of-liberty.net) was a veritable treasure trove. Maintained and created by Schaffer himself, the site links to dozens of books and documentaries. Throughout the SOL concert, Schaffer encouraged the crowd to educate themselves regarding the state of the nation, the new world order and various other plots themselves to what was going on around them, which is admirable and uncommon in any type of music really. However, literally every link provided “evidence” that was well researched but far fetched at best, flimsy to the point of snapping at worst. “Education,” didn’t seem to fit the bill.

But I watched some of them. I even lis-

“He wants people to see the world he sees, because thats what he needs to see to reconcile with it.” tened to Alex Jones (an AM talk show host famous for his conspiracy theories) go on for two hours about the giant wooden statue of Moloch that Nixon worshipped. It became clear to me that I was going to have to talk to Schaffer himself if I was to try and understand what he was talking about.

That proved challenging, as Century Media, SOL’s record label, returned precisely zero calls or emails sent to them on the subject of an interview. I’d call, leave increasingly aggravated messages, and then wait by the phone, hoping the new world order would crash a plane into Century Media’s PR department. It wasn’t until I

discovered that the SOL Facebook page was run by Schaffer himself, and left a comment that was (apparently) confrontational enough to be deleted soon after, that I got a response from the man himself.

Completely the opposite of his record company, Schaffer was very quick in not only getting back to me, but also setting up an interview, despite him getting ready to go on vacation that very day. To say the least, this was not the paranoid militant I expected.

The interview, which ended up going for the better part of an hour, was almost a mirror of his live lectures. Schaffer is a charismatic speaker, intense, to the point, and more than anything, genuine. Which is simultaneously the most “off,” and sharpest part of the whole Sons of Liberty deal.

Talks of revolution, the true meaning of the constitution, and the spiraling nature of the American way came up over and over again. I was called, in seriousness and without malice, “ignorant” to what was going on in the world. Fair enough. I was told it would take a lot of research to really dig in and understand how bad off the country is. Sure. I was recommended several different books and documentaries, one of which was the Zeitgeist. Hold the fuck on.

Now, Zeitgeist set off all kinds of alarms for me. It’s interesting, and I’m sure there are lots of people reading this who had their minds blown by it that by the time the guy down the hall in Cerritos streamed it for you and your roommate, and you stayed up late and flunked that quiz the next day but it was totally worth it because the truth

shall set you free. However, that didn’t, doesn’t, and never will make that piece of internet “folklore” anything more than the script Micheal Bay turned down for his Armageddon prequel: Prequel to Armageddon. Needless to say I took the entire thing with a much greater grain of salt after that.

It was only in taking a step back from the whole thing, from the coming revolutions and wall street criminals, from Nixon’s worship of Moloch even, that I got a feel for what was going on with Jon Schaffer. Like anyone who yearns to lead, he’s scared.

In our interview, Schaffer went into the idea that he wanted to be the one who opened other people’s eyes, that helped them. He insisted that he was “the guy who stood up for the nerd and fought the bullies.” He wants people to see the world he sees, because thats what he needs to see to reconcile with it.

Schaffer described to me the moment he felt the pull to become more involved in the political world: “I saw this thing about the MIAC report, which was a document that was released by the government and released to law enforcement agencies all over the country and basically said that ex-military, gun owners, Christians, Libertarians, Ron Paul supporters, Chuck Baldwin supporters, constitutionalists are all considered potential terrorists. And it floored me. Most of the people I care about fit that description. I was appalled, I couldn’t believe it.”

I sat with that. It would be easy to say that, yeah, it makes sense in a way. Those

“Talks of revolution, the true meaning of the constitution, and the spiraling nature of the American way came up over and over again.” people would need to be monitored. But then I realized that those people, the people that Schaffer lists as his own, are generally the ones who most fervently identify as American. Sometimes its the “God Hates Fags” people, sure, but other times its just someone deciding that their country is what they fight for, in whatever way that may be.

And then the Sons of Liberty makes sense. Heavy metal has always been about forging a family out of those who have been, or feel they have been left behind or cast out by the majority. So when Jon Schaffer felt that his country was no longer the country he loved, he found a way to cope. It’s cock-eyed, and I still believe to the wrong years it could be legitimately detrimental, but it made sense.

And suddenly then it occurred to me that those fans, drunkenly declaring allegiance, weren’t even necessarily aligning themselves to the words, but to the man saying them. As if to say that what you’re saying matters to you, and that matters to us. To reward conviction, even in the wrong. That it was just another show, and the crowd was never crying for war, but screaming for peace.

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

ENTERTAINMENT

KEEP GOD OUT OF Review of the third JACKASS movie: Jackass COLLEEN BROWN UNION STAFFER

W

atching Jackass 3D really made me want to be “one of the boys.”

It was one of the most fun movies I’ve ever seen. As one of the only girls cracking up in the theater (amongst the other ladies whispering “like this is so stupid, and like so are boys”), I have come to the conclusion that 14-year-old boy humor really needs to be more widely appreciated.

This movie is essentially an extended version of the episodes of Jackass on television, with the added bonus of 3D effects. Personally, I don’t feel like the 3D added that much to the film, but the pranks, stunts, and other crap (literally) were all fantastic. The movie starts out with a lovely introduction from Beavis and Butthead that segues into a slow-motion montage of all the guys getting hit by various objects.

The super slow-mo camera, which is employed throughout the film, lets you see the tremendous ripple-effect the face has after being unexpectedly walloped, as well as the transition of the onlookers’ expressions from eager anticipation to hysterical cackling.

You yourself will be chortling as the

pranks start, which begins with a colossal hand “high-fiving” unsuspecting people walking through an office. In my world, there are few things funnier than people falling down, and watching them being launched towards the ground by a giant palm makes it even better. Jackass 3D then continues on with antics that involve running through a hall of tasers, super gluing people together (and naturally, ripping them apart), woodpeckers pecking away at one of the guy’s peckers, and various other ball-crushing shenanigans that made most audience members grab their manhood and go “ooooohhhhh!” But man, this stuff is so funny. There is something undeniably hilarious about people hurting themselves.

But in defense of my own girliness, some of the jokes were a little too repulsive for me.

Watching a person drinking someone else’s sweat made me want to hurl a little bit, as did watching Steve-O getting blanketed in the contents of a port-a-potty full of various types of excrement. The fart gags definitely exhausted themselves after a certain point, too. Some of the painful pranks were a little uncomfortable as well, like watching Chris

Pontius’ lips getting pinched and clawed at by scorpions. Actually, that was still kind of funny. I can’t help but laugh at how pissed he got, until someone asked him, “Well, what were you expecting?”

There is no central plot to this movie, so there is not really a theme either.

But because I’m cheesy and like to take messages away from movies, I appreciate Jackass 3D’s reminder that silliness and

immaturity are important things to keep a grip on (at least a little bit). Though this isn’t a movie for everyone (we know, your humor is just too sophisticated—can’t laugh too hard, your tie will choke you), it is definitely something worth cutting loose for. And for my fellow girls, at least give it a chance. Guys will infinitely appreciate your willingness to embrace a sense of humor.

And secretly, you’ll think it’s funny, too.

THE CATFISH QUESTION

Documentary or She-Catfish MerMonster Movie?

VINCENT CHAVEZ CONTRIBUTOR

“Not based on a true story, not inspired by true events, just true.” This is the unofficial tagline for Catfish, a Facebook romcom cum suspense thriller, and what the film’s creators and advertisers would have you believe. The buzz rippling around Catfish (it was a Sundance standout) is the Blair Witch-y way it blurs fact and fiction.

The difference between Catfish and a movie like The Blair Witch Project, or the more recent “is this real or fake?” chiller Paranormal Activity, is the packaging.

Where these films relied on clever gimmicks and embraced their microbudget look, Catfish has a strong (and oddly touching) narrative, slick editing, and a life-is-stranger-than-fiction vibe. Maybe a little too strong and strange, you say? The film’s editing and bizarre source material have many people questioning its veracity (are the guys behind Catfish documentarians or filmmakers?). Those who choose to focus on this aspect are missing the point.

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

So what if it’s made up when the story itself is so gripping and earnest?

A sunny xylophone beat bounces in the background as we are introduced to Yaniv “Nev” Shulman, a tall, dark, handsome, and goofy photographer who has just received a painting of one of his photos from Abby Pierce, an enthusiastic eight-year-old fan.

Nev (pronounced like sleeve), impressed and touched, contacts the artist’s mother and several phone calls and paintings later, he and the Pierce family are Facebook friends. Their correspondence is told through the Internet.

Throughout Catfish the camera scrolls across Youtube videos of Abby painting, Google Earth cutscenes (Nev lives in NY and the Pierce’s live in MI), and Facebook pics and updates. It is through Facebook that Nev meets and falls for Abby’s cool aunt, the fetching and overall awesome chick, Megan Faccio. Nev’s brother and close friend, both filmmakers, coax him

into filming this budding relationship, which lasts over eight months.

On the outside, Catfish looks like a standard, if endearing, long distance romcom for the Twitter/texting/Facebook generation, but when the boys decide it’s time they meet Megan things start to get fishy (and by fishy I mean atmospheric and weird). It is Nev’s best friend that captures the mounting suspense, a giddy, anxious mixture, when he says, “I feel like we’re waiting to get our SAT scores.” For those who don’t speak nerd, it is at this point that armrests will go up, allowing the maximum room for squirming. What Catfish’s directors understand well is that half the appeal of their movie is its tantalizing mystery.

When I first saw the trailer I thought, “oh my god, she’s gonna be a catfish mermaid mutant from the black lagoon.” Luckily, the directors had something more complex (read: less dumb) in mind. Much like its namesake, Catfish is a freakish hybrid of

a movie: a study on identity and relationships in the Facebook age and a heartbreaking portrait of duplicitous love. So I say to you, potential viewer, be wary of movie reviews (except mine of course), Youtube comments, and gossipy friends, because Catfish’s creepy-crawly suspense and oddly moving conclusion hinge on you having a shallow understanding of what’s going on underneath the surface.

BOOKS ON THE BIG SCREEN

LITERATURE

FOR THOSE WHO WOULD RATHER SPEND $20 AT THE MOVIES THAN GO TO THE TROUBLE OF READING A BOOK FOR FREE

PORTUGAL’S PICKS

Illustration

LEO PORTUGAL

KATY PARKER

LITERATURE EDITOR

UNION STAFFER

In 2002, at age 25, Jonathan Safran Foer released his debut novel. It was Everything is Illuminated, and it is brilliant.

The two main characters are equal parts charming and quirky. There’s the eponymously named Jonathan Safran Foer, a Jewish man journeying to Ukraine to find the woman he believes saved his grandfather during the Holocaust, and Alexander “Alex” Perchov, Jonathan’s translator. Jonathan is an awkward man struggling to write his first novel and searching for answers. He confides in his translator, Alex. The Ukrainian Alex speaks beautifully broken English which he learned in two years at university. “This was a very majestic thing I did,” Alex explains, “because my instructor was having shit between his brains.”

Three years after the book’s publication, it was adapted to film and directed by Liev Schreiber, best known for his role as Hugh Jackman’s brother, Sabretooth (2009). Cast into the role of Jonathan was Elijah Wood, best known as Frodo Baggins (2001-2003) and as a child business man in Paula Abdul’s “Forever Your Girl” music video (1988). Alex was cast perfectly as Eugene Hutz, front man of the gypsy-punk band Gogol Bordello.

Foer’s book is a beautiful, sprawling piece of work that tells the story of the novel within the novel that Jonathan is writing. The film shines a light on the Ukrainian adventure, exclusively. The novel and the film do plenty to differentiate themselves from each other and from other products in their respective media.

In both its forms, Everything is Illuminated is

thoroughly dazzling and radiant. Let its glow wash over you.

Most would argue that a successfully adapted novel such as this is a rare thing these days. We can only hope for the best for adaptations yet to be released.

H.P. Lovecraft is one of the most influential horror writers of the 20th century. His novel, At the Mountains of Madness, tells the tale of a scientific expedition to the Antarctic that uncovers Lovecraft’s signature horrors.

Just as monsters of unknown terror laid dormant in the Antarctic for millennia before they were awakened by man, over 80 years after the publication of the novel, At the Mountains of Madness will be coming to life as a film. Guillermo del Toro has come to

reawaken this creature, announcing that he will be working on the film adaptation. It is currently in pre-production, but if del Toro’s work with Pan’s Labyrinth and the Hellboy movies is any indication, H.P. Lovecraft’s novel is in good hands. Del Toro’s visually imaginative style is a perfect fit.

Ron Pearlman is expected to join del Toro in the project, and will probably be cast into the role of a wussy scientist that is really afraid of scary monsters. Just kidding.

Pearlman will surely be an ass-kicker extraordinaire, as per usual.

At the Mountains of Madness is a short novel, at just over a hundred pages, and is worth a read if you find Lovecraft’s style to your liking. Filming should begin sometime next year.

IN THE INTEREST OF SELF-EDIFICATION: THE CORRECTIONS COREY LEIS UNION STAFFER

The film industry is notorious for harvesting ideas from the fields of literature. I have to accept that every one of my favorite books has been or will be turned into a film, usually a mediocre job that dwarfs and distorts the qualities of the story that attracted me to it in the first place. As I was chewing on different ideas for this article, I picked up one of my favorite books and, not knowing if it is/will be a film, I did some IMDB-based sleuth work. Sure enough— it’s in development.

The book I’m referring to is Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections. Contemporary fiction par excellence. The novel centers

around the Lamberts, a family beyond its golden age quickly careening into the brambles of psychoses. Chip, Denise, and Gary are well into their thirties and forties, trying to manage their own shambolic lives, while back home Enid and Alfred are attempting to maintain their sanity as they deal with Alfred’s ever-developing Parkinson’s disease.

Hoping to keep things together, Enid is bent on bringing the family home for one last Christmas. The novel is an expeditionary peregrination into each character’s sticky life and how he or she reacts and deals with the looming possibility of being together again, if for only a few days.

Franzen is an incredibly smart writer whose nuanced work is unique and enjoyable to read. He’s right up there with David Foster Wallace (not surprising since the two were chums when DFW was still with us, may he rest in peace). Something that impressed me about The Corrections, a third-person narrative, is Franzen’s ability to subtlely capture the voices of his characters in the narrative itself. This adds to the humor of the novel.

And damn, does it have a good sense of humor. As I was re-reading selections of the book while at work last week—yes, readin’ on the job—I couldn’t help laugh-

ing out loud on several pages.

Regarding the film adaptation of the novel, Frazen has expressed his indifference toward it. I wasn’t able to glean much information about it other than it’s supposed to be released some time next year.

However, this is a book that someone’ll want to read before seeing any sort of film adaptation of it.

Though the novel isn’t exactly of Dostoevskian proportions, it is a meaty read. Not difficult, just meaty. It’s substantive and it has more to offer than the medium of film can support. Procure a copy of this novel and read it!

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

CULTURE

THE SPOKE UP MIXED MEDIA SHOW LOOKING AT LONGBEACHIZE WITH LONG BEACH EYES

BRYAN WALTON UNION STAFFER

H

ave you seen one of these tags on a bike on campus? Maybe you’ve seen one around town? If not, here’s one now! Congrats! You are one step closer to getting to know LONGBEACHIZE, a blog created by Long Beach State students who are passionately promoting bicycling in Long Beach and its neighboring cities.

For those of you discounting the blog, for shame! LONGBEACHIZE does so much more than the typical blog stagnating on the world wide web. They are dedicated to taking their love of refreshing, ecologically healthy transportation to the streets

of Long Beach. On October 9th, I had the pleasure of attending one of their mixed media art exhibitions entitled “Spoke Up.” I’ve been to a number of gallery shows around our fair city but this one was quite a unique experience.

The gallery space itself was an art piece.

Nestled along the Promenade in downtown LB is what remains of the Blue Café, a Mexican restaurant and show venue that recently went out of business. With support from the LB Redevelopment Agency and Phantom Galleries, an organization placing temporary art installations in LA’s storefront windows, LONGBEACHIZE

went to work on the empty lot and transformed it completely. Stephanie Libanati, one of the blog’s creators, worked tirelessly with a mob of dedicated volunteers to clear out the space, tear up carpet, sweep like mad, and finally build, sand and paint walls to get “Spoke Up” ready.

When I arrived at the show, I was pleasantly surprised to see videos of pedaling bicyclists projected on the windows upstairs.

At the entrance of the gallery was a free bike valet that gave anyone who rode their bike to the show a collection of coupons for some local pubs. The art inside the spacious gallery was amazing. CSULB students work-

ing in every artistic medium exhibited their unique expressions about their favorite twowheeled mode of transportation.

As with any art, the pieces cannot be summarized in words. You’ll just have to see what “Spoke Up” is all about. If you are interested in checking it out (which you should be, fool) I suggest rolling over to the gallery downtown. The show will be exhibited until November 12th, giving you enough time to bring a date to the Promenade, you sexy intellectual, you. But seriously, if you are at all interested in helping your community, consider getting your Long Beach eyes into gear.

THEY CALL ME MR. GLASS THE GROVE DOES FUCKING SUCK NOAH KELLY CAMPUS EDITOR

Situated at one of the worst venues in Southern California, The Grove, was one of the best performances I’ve ever seen.

But instead of shitty music and stupid kids was Ira Glass, giving what would suffice as a one-man show. The host of This American Life started off his half-lecture, halfperformance with a pitch black talk that he felt would acclimate his radio listeners to his in person appearance.

Ira Glass looks remarkably young for the 51 years old he is, and he carries himself with a youthful energy that broadcastUNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

ers just don’t seem to have. This persona also appears to be a part of the whole reason why he produces and operates This American Life. Glass remarks that news is boring, and that to really keep an audience is to combine entertainment with the facts.

This is one of his goals when creating a piece for his radio broadcast. He also notes that despite the George Costanza shrinkage of newspapers, radio broadcasting is always gathering new listeners, and part of it is in the presentation.

Glass’ show is also part lecture though,

as he explains how he and his staff not only create the stories, but present them.

One step at a time, the narrative structure is supposed to go. This happened, and then this happened, and this happened, with each event leading to the next with just enough suspense. What could be a mundane story of everyday life, but when told in such a manner will keep someone begging to hear what happened next, even through interruptions.

Glass believes this format is crucial to getting a story, or even news, across to the

audience. With an ever increasing plague of ADD affecting everyone, news needs all the help it can get. What Glass would love to see is a show like The Daily Show actually do real news, which he thinks might be able to save television broadcast shows.

What will become of print? Well, that’s another story. Not one that Glass even got into. But what writers could learn from This American Life is to present narratives in such a form that every paragraph is crucial to read, and that if you turn the page, you’ll be missing out entirely.

COMICS

SHITTY COMICS

MEDIUM

JOSE FELIX CRUZ CONTRIBUTOR

SKETCH COMEDY

JESSICA MATSON CONTRIBUTOR

HARD

HARD

ANSWERS

Help the Comics page! Send in your boredom sketches and doodles to cfab.union@gmail.com!

CHRIS PAGE CONTRIBUTOR

MEDIUM

OMNIBUS

UNION WEEKLY

18 OCTOBER 2010

Disclaimer:

HOLLYWOOD EDITION II

The sequel

This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Email any questions, concerns, celeboners to jeffbridges.grun@gmail.com, then go to hell.

Volume 67 Issue 8

Monday, October 18th, 2010

Paranormal Activity Given 3 Direct-to-DVD Sequels

Gene Siskel’s Ghost Gives You Some Hot Horror Movie Tips

BY GENE SISKEL, GHOST There’s some really spookily shocking movies at the drive in this weekend! The first one to scare the pants off me (but not my date), was Deadcible. In Deadcible, a deaf kid, Louie Piebald, while trying to learn how to speak, sets off a tone that makes people’s headsplode. Like the brown note, but instead of shitting your pants, you shit your brain. After the unfortunate death of his parents, speech therapist, dog, goldfish and his favorite animated television character, little Louie Piebald goes certifiably insane and just starts exploding anyone who can make noise. Until he meets a suicidal deaf girl, who desperately wants her brain-shitted. And of course Louie falls in love with her. But how can a deaf kid truly find love? Without being exploded? You’ll just have to watch and find out. This is one gem of a movie, take it from me, I’ve had a brain full of hot, cancerous shit for a while now. It’s fun.

The other ghoulishly grisly movie is Bouncy House of the Dead.

Pedro Gomez, played by Craig T. Nelson, is a mild mannered day laborer during the day, but at night, he has to harvest the skin of vagrants and transients to craft his nightmar-

LBUNION.COM

BY BRAD BLUEBERRY

A sneak preview of the horror that lies within the up and coming film Bouncy House of the Dead. Look out the Bouncy House is right behind you! Just kidding.

ish Bouncy House for his daughter’s weekend play-date (he can’t afford the normal rentable ones). Things go wickedly awry when the souls of all his harvested victims that fill the B-House come to crash the party.

Will they drink all the punch, that they have now turned into blood?

Will they ruin little Margarita’s first piñata experience that is now filled with spiders, scorpions and the oddly out of place mockingbird.

Boo knows?! Sorry, a little ghost humor for you corporeal types. Witty repartee was a lot easier when Ebert

could talk right. But hey, he’s still doing better-ish than me.

Anyway, crawl your way out of the grave this weekend for a nice midnight double feature of some truly terrifying cinematic masterpieces. Get yourself some maggot ridden pussy, and some fresh buttery popcorn because these movies are definitely worth making a terribly-painful, erotic, demonic compromise to get yourself out of the underworld for just one night.

I give these two movies two ghostly thumbs up, each!

In a move that delighted the fans of the independent smash horror hit Paranormal Activity, producer Barry Gordon has announced 3 Direct-to-DVD sequels. “We’re really jazzed to give the fans more of the same atmospheric and realistic horror they have grown to love,” said Barry Gordon. “Some fans may be worried about the ‘Direct-toDVD’ aspect of the films, but let me assure anyone listening, the Paranormal Activity franchise has not lost its edge.”

Gordon then gave a quick synopsis of each of the films. For the first spine tingling sequel, the film follows a different couple haunted by an evil, mischievous spirit with ill intent. The twist of the movie is as follows, rather than an unseen, evil spirit, the ghost will be played

by Garfield’s friend the animated cat Nermal. Nermal will play jokes on the couple and give that specific “Garfield’s friend” humor that so many fans felt the first film lacked.

Your criticisms have been heard.

Expect to see Paranermal Activity on shelves soon and in your nightmares soon after.

And then, just as soon as you thought you were safe to go

breathe some air, Paranormal Activity: Para-Normal Activity, will be released. The movie feature striking and realistic portrayals of life, including scenes of taxpaying, sandwich making, and bone chilling phone calls home to mom. The only thing is, don’t look now, everyone performing these actions are in parachutes!

Dozens of people each year die in real life from parachute-related mishaps. That’s real terror. Film critic Roger Ebert says it “does for parachutes what Jaws did for sharks and the ocean. A [fantastic thrill ride].”

For the final, and chilling chapter of the Paranormal Activity franchise, the characters from the first film return to close out the story line. Only this time, they are a bit older, wiser and maybe even spookier? No, they are not spookier. Instead they are dealing with the true horrors of reality, making a marriage work. Not many people are haunted by ghosts, since ghosts are on the brink of extinction, but many people can relate to the troubles of a happy and balanced marriage. Look out for MarriedNormal Activity and all these fabulous films coming to a dumpster or idiot’s house soon.

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Wall Street 3 Script FastTracked, About Fish The Hollywood Reporter published an interview with Oliver Stone in which he flaunted his completion of the script for Wall Street 3: Escape from Money Island. When asked if he could reveal a few spoilers after the second film ended with Michael Douglas getting cancer, Stone gobbled, “What I’ve done is break Wall Street 2 down to its core, the word fiscal. Repeat fiscal a gazillion times and what do you get? Fish skull! So any time someone says fiscal [in Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps], I replaced it with fish skull.

Social commentary at its finest. Shia Lebouf wears a fish skull throughout the majority of the film. Otherwise it’s pretty much the same. You’re welcome America.” page WS3

The Social Network Review Fifteen minutes into The Social Network, I leaned over to my girl and said, “I gonna walk out if he punches one more chinaman, for real.” It is 96 minutes of some guy shoving his penis into electrical sockets so that he can wake his heart up. Child, what you should have been doing is getting a good woman because everybody knows love is made of pure electricity.

It’s not a good movie, don’t see it and you will be rewarded with me not being pissed off at you.

Asalamalakum, fo sho. page CK2

Actor Profile: Antonio Scarface page AS