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ISSUE 67.07 KEVIN O’BRIEN Editor-in-Chief
ANDY KNEIS
Managing Editor
CLAY COOPER
Managing Editor
CHELSEA STEVENS Opinions Editor
NOAH KELLY
Campus Director
KATY PARKER Literature Editor
kevinob.union@gmail.com andyk.union@gmail.com clay.union@gmail.com
simone.union@gmail.com
CHRIS FABELA
EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
katy.union@gmail.com
SIMONE HARRISON Comics Editor
KEVIN O’BRIEN
noah.union@gmail.com
marcob.union@gmail.com
Music Editor & PR
A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
chelsea.union@gmail.com
MARCO BELTRAN
Entertainment Editor & PR
KEVIN-SENT
cfab.union@gmail.com
MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN merm.union@gmail.com Culture Editor
JEFF BRIDGES
jeffbridges.grun@gmail.com
CLAY COOPER
clay.union@gmail.com
Actor, Grunion Editor Art Director/Cover
GABE FERREIRA
Assistant Art Director
gabe.union@gmail.com
JEFF CHANG
jeff.chang.art@gmail.com
CONNOR O’BRIEN
connor.union@gmail.com
Head Illustrator Photo Editor
CHRIS FABELA
On-Campus Distribution
ANDY KNEIS Web Editor
MARCO BELTRAN
Advertising Executive
cfab.union@gmail.com andyk.union@gmail.com marcob.union@gmail.com
Contributors:
MIKE PALLOTTA, SEAN BOULGER, VICTOR CAMBA, BRIAN NEWHARD, PARKER CHALMERS, LEO PORTUGAL, MATTHEW PALOZZI, COLLEEN BROWN, MATTHEW TOWLES, JANTZEN PEAKE, BRYAN WALTON, LUKE PERINE, JAMIE KARSON, FOLASHADE ALFORD, ELISA TANAKA, JOHN HERRERA, LUCY NGUYEN, DEVIN O’NEIL, STEPHANIE HERNANDEZ, KEENAN MACINNES, JOE HAUSER, SOPHI MAISE, AARON KOSAKA, STEPHANIE PEREZ, JEFF BAER, DEREK KOSKO, MARCOS BARRON, COREY LEIS, LANDON DAVAULT, P.J KNEISEL, CHEYENNE DAY, STEVE BESSETTE, MARY FUHRMAN, RACHELE FRIEDLAND, DEVON GIEHI, LEO PORTUGAL, DEBORAH ROWE, ALLISON O’DELL, JACKIE ROSAS, PATRICK MCNALLY, ADRIENNE SHULTZ, ALISON ERNST, LISA VAN WIJK, JANTZEN PEAKE, RICHARD LEVINSON, NICOLE STREET, JESSICA MEISELS, KELSEY WEHSELS, MAE RAMIREZ, JACKIE ROSAS, TANNER PARKER, KEVIN JORGE-CRUZ, CHRIS PAGE, MICHAEL IACOUSCCI, JILLIAN WOLF, DANNIEL PEREZ
Disclaimer and Publication Information
The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the writer, and are not necessarily the opinions of the Union Weekly, ASI, or of CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. All outside submissions are due by Thursday, 5 PM to be considered for publishing the following week and become property of the Union Weekly. Please include name, major, class standing, and phone number for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials and illustrations, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.
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L
ast Thursday night, a brief segment on the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Show called “Remix The Clips” prompted a short debate between my mom and me. “Remix The Clips” is a five-minute break in the hour that is Jimmy Fallon’s fumbling comedy show where Quest Love of the Roots Crew remixes television clips that were once culturally relevant. The segment, much like any other segment featuring the Roots normally acts as an IV drip feeding life into the desiccated husk of the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Show show. However the clip in question brought about debate instead of relief from the open sore that is the Late Night With Jimmy Fallon Show. The sound bite was taken from an election campaign commercial sponsored by Christine O’Donnell during her controversial bid for the U.S Senate in Delaware. In said commercial she states that, “I’m not a witch. I’m nothing you’ve heard. I’m you. None of us are perfect, but none of us can be happy with what we see all around us. Politicians who think spending, trading favors, and backroom deals are the way to stay in office. I’ll go to Washington and do what you’d do. I’m Christine O’Donnell, and I’m you.” The clip was pretty standard political posturing: “You’re unhappy, I’m unhappy, let’s do something about it, let’s vote for me, send me to Washington so I can totally disappoint the fuck out of you.” All of it was very standard except for the first line in which she is forced to remind the audience that she is not a witch. The biggest issue standing between her and the United States Senate, from what I can gather, is that people thought she was a witch. To somewhat
contextualize the issue, O’Donnell was quoted on the Bill Maher Show stating that, “I was dabbling in witchcraft.” This issue was compounded by the fact that O’Donnell was running as a Republican, which consistently relies on the votes of the Christian Right. My mom totally understood the need for O’Donnell’s occult clarification and the public outcry that demanded it. I was at a loss. As far as I know, which is not very far, being a witch does not exclude you from holding public office. Objectively I can see and understand how someone more puritanical then myself could ingest a piece of information like “Christine O’Donnell ‘dabbled’ in witchcraft” and interpret it to mean that she would be a poor politician. I’m sure she would be a poor politician, but not because she is a witch. She isn’t a witch, and probably wasn’t a witch but that’s beside the point. Even if she was a witch, it would in no way affect her ability to act as a competent senator for the state of Delaware. In my opinion, she could have been a real witch or practitioner of Wicca or whatever and still be viable for public service in the Senate. In effect she could have stayed in the closet about being a witch and continued about her political and patriotic business. It is from a similar position that I find myself confused and perplexed when I hear people inhale deeply when a political candidate or elected politician comes out of the closet as either gay, lesbian, bisexual, or queer. Now before you start a petition for my resignation or pull out the markers and poster board to picket me outside my office, let me say that I am in no way equating witchcraft with homosexuality. They are in no way connected. Although it’s sad that humanity is so
sensitive and yet humorless that I have to stipulate that. What I am saying is that a person’s personal life, their sexual or religious preference, should have no bearing on whether or not they are valid candidates for election. What a voter should look for in a political candidate is a consistent voting record, meaningfull public service, and perhaps valid experience in the private sector, but not predominantly self-effacing characteristics, like practicing Wicca or being a member of the L.G.B.T community. That sentence really sounded like I was calling homosexuals witches or vice versa but I promise you that I’m not. I, Kevin O’Brien, do not believe that homosexuals are witches. I am sure that the distribution of heterosexuals and homosexuals amongst the Wiccan religions is the same as it would be in any other religion or group. I can hear the petitions being stapled together and the dried-out Crayola markers vengefully writing my name. Anyway, I realize things should be one way but are often not, and while people’s personal lives should have little or no bearing on their political viability, it does because we, the voters, make it so. So next time a politician stands behind a lectern and blurts out that he or she is gay, I would suggest you set an example and just shrug.
Ask Away!
Finished the paper but still have questions or comments, send them to the editor at kevinob.union@gmail.com!
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
OPINIONS
HOMOPINIONS
CSULB SUPPORTS OUR LGBT COMMUNITY BFF TO GBFF JACKIE ROSAS
A
CONTRIBUTOR
couple months ago, Teen Vogue wrote an article about how a gay best friend is the “perfect accessory”, and for years I was definitely one of those girls who believed it. For the longest time, I hoped and wished for a gay best friend. You know, like the ones in the movies and on TV: someone fabulous who would go shopping with me and make sassy remarks about my life and my choices and maybe one day save my life. So at the beginning of the summer, when my best friend of eight years finally came out to me, I was ecstatic to say the least. I was the first person he had ever come out to, and throughout the whole process, I was the picture-perfect best
friend. I patiently listened to his story of how he doubted himself and struggled with coming out. I was always there for him at random times of the night when he needed me to listen to his internal struggles. I lifted him up when he was feeling down and all that clichéd stuff. Yes, I was a very good best friend, if I do say so myself. And although we had been friends for a long time in the past, I waited and wished that somehow he could be that sassy gay best friend that I always wanted, the one who dresses like an Express model and has that awesome lisp. But unfortunately, I learned that I was dead wrong on the matter. Just because I learned about this whole new part of him, doesn’t mean that he was
PRO-GAY CHRISTIANS EXIST KELSEY WEHSELS
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
comfortable version of the best friend I already had. Ever since he came out, I have noticed a huge difference in him. He’s happier and more comfortable around me. And the best part is that our friendship has gotten stronger since he doesn’t have to hide anything from me, or pretend like he was checking out Zooey Deschanel while he was actually checking out Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Now I have realized that the idea of a gay best friend as an “accessory” is ridiculously moronic, and although I do have a GBFF, I love him because he is an amazing friend, not because I want him to go shopping with me.
AND PRO-GAY LATINOS TOO JOSE FELIX CRUZ
CONTRIBUTOR
Prop. 8 has been one of the most controversial legal topics of our time. Churches have also brought it upon themselves to make it a religious one. Let me just begin by saying I am a God-fearing Christian. I believe in Jesus, the Holy Spirit, Hell, fire, and damnation (can I get an amen?!). However, at the same time, I believe in equality and justice, principles that this country was founded on. In case you haven’t caught on, I voted no on Prop 8. (For the politically handicapped, it means I’m for gay marriage). So Christians are trying to ban gay marriage because it is “wrong.” According to Religious Tolerance, “divorce rates among conservative Christians were significantly higher than that for other faith groups, and much higher than atheists and agnostics experience.” So we’re telling gays they can’t marry and yet we can’t stay married ourselves? I think they have a word for that. Oh yeah… hypocrisy! Christians are single-handedly destroying the purity of God’s gift of marriage. Homosexuals are not to blame.
going to miraculously change into the GBF of my dreams. He stayed the same person I knew for years, although he did become a tad more flamboyant since he didn’t have to hide that part of himself anymore. Basically nothing else changed. Well, except that we started arguing over guys, constantly debating whether they were gay or straight, since naturally we have the same taste in men. He also dragged me along to San Francisco Pride, where he got to flirt with all the hot guys and I got hit on by onetoo-many lesbians. Although this past year we did get to see the Backstreet Boys, so I can’t complain too much. In the end, I didn’t get the GBF I’ve always wanted, but I did get a happier, more
CONTRIBUTOR
The First Amendment of the constitution states Freedom of Religion, Press, and Expression. Christians preach about the blessing of freedom of religion, which allows them to believe and practice their beliefs without persecution. However, there is another amendment that they are overlooking. The Fourteenth Amendment, which states “no state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property without due process of law…” Isn’t it obvious that gays’ rights are being infringed upon? If heterosexuals are allowed to marry, then so are homosexuals. If that isn’t discrimination, I don’t know what is. For all the Sarah Palins out there calling this a “Christian nation,” it’s not. We have to recognize other religions as well as other sexual orientations. I once knew a girl that was openly bisexual. In effect, Christians had told her God hated her and that she was going to Hell. However, the Bible clearly states to leave all authority to God. What a bunch of fucking hypocrites.
I might not be gay or fully understand the difficulties or obstacles the LGBT community faces today, but one thing I somewhat know is how older Latino generations view the LGBT community. I have been raised in a family and in a Latino society that expects a young boy to grow up to be macho. Their definition of macho is that of a man who has no signs of feminine movements or characteristics. This means that if you are a man you are expected to act tough and be a jerk. As for females, they are expected to act “feminine.” They are expected to be weak, submissive, and sensitive. But if either sex does not play their expected roles, all shit breaks loose. If a man or woman decides to come out of the closet in a Latino family, for the most part, acceptance would be one of the last things he/she would get. Instead of being accepted he/she would most likely cause great shame to the parents and the family of that individual. It is sad to say, but the few gay friends that I know keep it a secret from their parents.
I remember when I was around 10 years-old, being gay was talked about as if it were a disease. I grew up with that idea in my head because it was implanted in my feeble 10 year-old brain. My views changed when I met people who happened to be gay. It wasn’t until then that I realized that they were no different. They were fun to hang out with and they definitely didn’t seem ill. If any one was ill, it was my parents who misinformed me. Even today, my parents are still pretty close-minded and they simply refuse to accept the LGBT community. Every time that I ask them why they are hard-headed assholes (hope they don’t read this), they can’t really expand on why they think that being gay is wrong. I am trying to slowly change their views and make them look beyond to realize that they are humans; that they deserve respect and rights. I know that through awareness and education things can change and I am pretty excited to know that CSULB is having National Coming Out Week. I just can’t wait.
OPINIONS
STRAIGHT ANSWERS FROM A GAY GUY PARKER CHALMERS CONTRIBUTOR
I was passed on an email sent to our editor-inchief Kevin O’Brien from a student looking for some girl advice. Kevin is definitely the man but thought maybe I could be a better man for the job. Hey there Kevin. I’m writing in to ask for clarification about one of your articles. You know, the infamous “How to Get Laid” article from a few weeks back, particularly the Holy Grail section. There is this girl I’ve liked for a long time. A really long time. But I’ve kept my emotions in check because she’s my best friend’s sister. After a lot of soul searching, I decided to forget about that and try to win her over. So far my plan is going according to plan, however in the article it suggests that we go grab some coffee, as its casual. The problem is that she hates coffee. Is Jamba Juice a good alternative? Additionally, one of my fears is that if I DID get with her, there would be a tug of war between her and her brother. How would I go about behaving in such a situation. Keep up the good work, sir. Mister Sister, Your interest’s dislike of coffee should not be a big concern. If she is in fact interested in you, any suggestion you make to hang out together should be convincing enough. You don’t want to move too fast, so dinner or a date should be ruled out but Jamba Juice sounds like a snooze fest. Try something like frozen yogurt or ice cream. You can tell a lot about a person by what they put on top of the Pinkberry. As for your concern for the tug of war between your best friend and his sister, don’t over think it. I am assuming he is not trying to date her and wants what is best for her. If you are the man for the job than he should be on your side. Beware that if you do end up with her you will be under more pressure than a relationship without connections. If you mess up or things don’t work out, your friendship is definitely at risk. Be sure to consider the longevity of the possible relationship and the importance of your friendship. Girls may come and go but best friends can last forever. I would also caution you to talk to your friend before moving too far forward. This is something he should know about from you, not her. Be confident and pay attention to the toppings. There is a big difference between fresh fruit and cookie dough. Here’s hoping your flavors match. Good luck. -Union Weekly’s go-to gay guy Write me at parker.union@gmail.com
FAULTY GAYDAR JESSICA MEISELS CONTRIBUTOR
Illustration
Week one: I meet a really cool guy in my film class. Sexy, cute, funny, smart, and best of all, he sounds like a superhero-Dan Danger. I mean REALLY. Week four: we sit together, do projects together, engage in some awkward flirtation (Me: So, how great are these cookies? Dan Danger: Yeah, they’re alright. Me: Yeah, they’re really goo-oh, said that already...) Week six: sure, his grammar is reminiscent of a pre-schooler, but he has great tattoos, and I suspect a cape, so que sera sera... Week eight: time to get a moveon. He says he needs to leave class early (maybe there was some sort of kryptonite explosion, I don’t know his life). I wait for him to ask me to join and be his Batgirl. He does not. Week ten: after weeks of flirtatious messaging, hanging out, and consistent sexual innuendo, I’m growing weary of The Game. I run into a mutual friend at a club. She tells me Dan Danger stayed at her house in January.
CHRIS FABELA PUZZLE MASTER
I ask if anything happened. She begins hyperventilating and exploding with laughter, eventually telling me, “NO, because he is GAY.” I stop. She asks me how I could not have known this the whole time, couldn’t I see the signs? I think about it, and decide that this comment really bothers me. It makes me think about what we as a society have decided ‘the signs’ to really mean. Does being straight equate to being overly muscular, good at sports, and drinking beer? (If so, Lord help the metrosexuals.) No. So why does being gay mean that Dan Danger was suddenly meant to have a vast interest in fashion, celebrities, and holding a teacup with his pinkie finger extended? He was nothing like that. To me, he was like any other guy. So he was interested in men. Devastating for me, obviously, but an interesting lesson in how we still tend to pigeonhole people into being ‘stereotypically’ gay or straight.
Having a particular sexual preference does not suddenly mean your interests, clothing, and demeanour change. For some men yes, they may have an inkling to be more in touch with their feminine side, but it is no different to straight men who don’t enjoy sports or women who can skull a beer. To each their own. She also ponders why he hasn’t told me. This annoys me also. I don’t have the urge to call the newspapers and tell them I LIKE MEN. Why is there such a frenzy every time a person doesn’t feel like announcing their sexual stance? Of course for some it can be a great relief to be open and honest, but in the year 2010, being gay should be as common as preferring apples to oranges. It shouldn’t matter. Gay, straight, bisexual, rainbow, no label, you are who you are; as Oscar Wilde said, life is too short to be taken seriously. On the plus side, going back to curly hair and sweatpants to class has never looked so good.
ALL THE LADIES LOVE ME FOLASHADE ALFORD UNION STAFFER
As much as I like to pride myself on being in touch with human emotions and body language, there have been occasions where I fail miserably. This usually happens when I’m getting hit on. A really good-looking person comes up to you and you’re getting all these positive, “You’re attractive, let’s go out” signals. We chat a little bit and then go our separate ways. Did I mention that all these signals are coming from a woman? Yes, you’re reading right. In the past few weeks I’ve turned into a total babe magnet. It seems that I’m handling it like a man: being completely oblivious. I have no idea I’m being chatted up by a lesbian until they walk away. To me it just seems like friendly conversation. It would be really awkward if I ever caught on early though.
What am I supposed to say? “Excuse me, I like guys.” That would be a total bitch move. I just take these encounters as a compliment. If I am attractive to both guys and girls I must be doing something right. On one occasion I was in the USU trying to decide what I wanted to eat. I finally chose Subway and waltzed into the line. What I failed to realize was that I totally jumped in front of a girl who was already there. I realized immediately and started to apologize. She just smiled and remarked about how she was starving too. The line was fairly long so we made small talk for a while. Of course I let her go ahead of me, and she lingered a little bit after she got her sandwich. She looked at me and said, “Hopefully I’ll see you around
campus.” I replied with a “You probably will,” and a cheesy-ass smile. See, I was so focused on satisfying my stomach, I didn’t really hear what she said. I totally treated her like a guy might, false hope and fake promises. It wasn’t until I was eating my sandwich that I thought about this encounter and realized she was into me and I totally lead her on! What a bitch. I hope that this lady wasn’t too miffed that I never saw her again and I wasn’t girlfriend material. Hopefully the dating scene goes better for all you lesbians out there. From what I can tell there are some beautiful available ladies on our campus waiting to get swept off their feet. After I’ve been letting some of them down you just might be the woman for the job. UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
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Intro
H
i, my name is Parker, and I am gay. There! I did it. I just came out to 30,000 people. Well, at least the portion of 30,000 who are smart enough to be Union Weekly readers. When I was asked to write the intro to this week’s “Coming Out Week” feature, I began to think of all the times I have had to come out as a homosexual. There were family, friends, coworkers, and ultimately myself. There was always something inside of me that felt different. I didn’t always know what it was, and furthermore, I didn’t always accept it. I spent more than half of my life hiding who I was to the masses; at times even going out of my way to make them think I was just like them. My first major breakthrough came during high school. On a camping trip with two of my best friends, I finally grew the balls to tell
6
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
PARKER CHALMERS UNION STAFFER
them, “I’m gay.” They were excited and curious and the experience was a positive one. I only had the courage to tell them because they didn’t go to my school, didn’t share mutual friends, and probably wouldn’t tell anyone. That weekend proved to be one of the most significant of my life. Upon returning home from that camping trip my mom called me in to her room and asked me for the umpteenth time if I was, in fact, gay. I am not sure what it was, but this time I had to tell her. Tell her the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Gay God. She didn’t freak out or cry. She listened and asked questions. Nothing too scary. The next day something completely unprecedented occured in my household. My mom made me breakfast. At first I was confused, but confusion eventually turned
into extreme joy and excitement. Finally! My mom knew, and she still loved me. I remember leaving the house that day and feeling like the world was a brighter place. It was only about two hours later that the brightness dimmed. My mom called and told me not to come home. I spent three days at my friends house with no phone calls, no change of clothes, nothing. When my mom finally called me and told me to come back home, I was terrified. I really didn’t understand what was going on. She sat me in the same chair and explained to me. She wasn’t mad, she didn’t disapprove. She was worried. She was worried my life would be infinitely more difficult because of my sexuality. She could no longer hold onto the vision she had of me my whole life. She had to accept that her little boy was, and always
would be, different. My mom is still my number one fan and she still worries about me, but not about me being gay. Her vision of my wife and I making her grandchildren has shifted to my partner and I adopting her one. She loves me just as much as she always has and will forever. This week’s feature is dedicated to others’ stories about coming out. The process and results are different for everyone; some happy, some sad, but all coming out experiences have one thing in common. Courage. Hopefully these stories will inspire others in similar situations and open the minds of those who aren’t. Courage isn’t limited to superheroes and cowboys. Love and acceptance shouldn’t be limited at all.
I’ve always felt a little different. Growing up, I wasn’t into talking about girls, and while the other boys were out playing sports, I was at my dance studio practicing ballet. Because I was a dancer, I had homosexuality around me all the time, and it felt completely ordinary. I hadn’t ever given my sexuality much thought, but I never really connected with the straight community. As a matter of fact, for a long time I didn’t identify with any sexual orientation at all. I was not overly attracted to either sex, but I felt like it would be normal to settle down with either a man or a woman. But I didn’t consider myself bisexual either; I wasn’t interested in men and women, I was interested in people as a whole, if that makes sense. Then along came Jared*. He was a man, and boy, was I sexually attracted to him. He was interested in me as well, and we started dating. I fell head over heels for him, and I thought he felt the same way…until he dropped the bomb on me that he “wasn’t gay anymore.” I was heartbroken. Just as I was starting to identify my sexuality, Jared abandoned me and took my self esteem with him. Suddenly I was thrown into a limbo between gay and straight. Was I really gay, or was Jared just a one-time thing? I was still attracted primarily to men, but I didn’t see the point of coming out or labeling myself if I wasn’t dating anyone. I certainly wasn’t going to go through it alone. I kept all of the pain Jared left me inside for over a year, until I met Rick*. Rick was the first person I could open up to about my confusion, and he discussed with me how he came to realize that he himself was gay. The more I talked to him, the more I connected the dots to my own sexuality. By the time I got romantically involved with Rick, I realized that I was a fully-fledged homo. And it felt great. I technically came out when Rick became my boyfriend; I never officially made a statement or anything, but we were very open about our relationship with our friends. No problems presented themselves until my parents walked in on Rick and me together. My parents didn’t exactly know how to take it at first, but I am lucky enough to have parents who accept me for who I am now. Rick, on the other hand, comes from a strong Mormon family who is not at all supportive of him. Though we stayed together for a while, we started to drift apart and eventually broke up. Though our relationship was perhaps
shorter-lived than I would have liked, I came out of it a strong man confident in his sexuality. I am very fortunate in that the people who know I’m gay accept me, but many people still struggle. My current boyfriend is dealing with resistance from his family right now, but the fight is worth it. Nothing compares to feeling comfortable in your own skin and sharing it with the world. I strongly believe that someday homosexuals will get equal rights, and that we can coexist peacefully with religion. Though some people may not understand our lifestyle, it’s becoming more accepted every day. Because really, it isn’t about whom you love, but that you love, period. *Names have been changed
-ANONYMOUS
It was about eleventh grade when I came out to my three best friends at the time. I got dumped for the very first time . I’m usually a very happy person, but when I came into class which happened to be first period Symphonic Winds, in other words band class, I couldn’t help but tear up. I went up to my friend Jennifer and told her that I was gay. I don’t really like the term “gay,” (I just feel so labeled), so instead I told her I like sausage rather than taco. She automatically understood and said “so?” as if she’d known all her life. I didn’t care too much because I was hurting over the break up, she cheered me up like all best friends do and she convinced me to come out to the other two friends we had and I did. They all said FINALLY you came out of the closet. However, this made me mad. I wanted a surprised look, not as if they knew all along and were just waiting for the truth. I wanted my coming out to be more like, “why do the good ones always have to be gay, like God did it intentionally?”
-ANONYMOUS
It is with mixed emotions that I write this article, during a national moment of silence for five students who have committed suicide in the United States since the fall semester began. It is in this moment that I reflect on the deaths of Raymond Chase, Tyler Clementi, Seth Walsh, Asher Brown, and Billy Lucas; that I put the words and thoughts together that I want to express regarding National Coming Out Week. How can I encourage an individual to come out
when there are headlines about suicides and harassment of gay or perceived-tobe-gay individuals? Today, I act with bravery and make a promise to you. I promise to live honestly, and in this moment of authenticity I want to step outside of the closet. I have acknowledged my sexual orientation only to a few friends and one family member. However, I am sure the lack of girlfriends (and interest in girls) has definitely made a few people curious. It is in this last year that I have begun to feel more comfortable with who I am. It only took me twenty-something years to get here, and I still have a long way to go. They say the truth will set you free, so here is my chance at giving it a shot. For each one of you, your time will come, and when the time feels right I ask that you make the same promise. It is through honesty and authenticity that we will not only benefit ourselves, but also the younger and future generations of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people. They too will experience feeling scared, confused, and vulnerable. However, just like many out individuals, they will experience feelings of connection, pride, and happiness. I am not alone; as I type this someone is feeling the same way I do, and as you read this, it is likely that someone else has read it and feels the same way you do. We are not alone, and with a little bit of hope, know that it gets better (http://www.youtube.com/user/ itgetsbetterproject). It would be silly of me to assume that everyone who reads this article identifies as anything that’s not a sexual or gender norm. In fact, a majority of you are straight and feel your gender matches your birth sex. So what can you do? First, be supportive of friends and family members who identify as LGBT or appear to be questioning their sexuality or gender. Second, if someone tells you about his or her sexual orientation or gender identity, out of respect, keep it between you and that person. You do not have the right to out someone against his or her will. Finally, help create a culture and climate on and off of campus where all individuals can express themselves for who they truly are. In the words of Touche Amore, these closets have been closed too long, there’s no more room for your skeletons.
-JEFF BAER
Meet my parents: Mary and Joseph. I should’ve been Jesus, but no... I’m Efren. I’ve lost count of how many angel statuettes or “Virgen de Guadalupe” images are scattered throughout my house, but I’ll leave the count at a fuck load. My parents assist at their church during mass; they’re members of the “Ministry of the Holy Eucharist,” and are active catechists. They believe in the “traditional” form of marriage, that only Catholics go to heaven, and that the Pope is infallible. I, on the other hand, am NOT Catholic in the least, and the first gay person born in generations on both sides of my family—you do the math. I can’t think of a time when the thought of coming out to my friends or family was an inviting idea. I remember when I was eight and lived in Santa Ana, my mom would refer to the many transgender residents as monsters, gays as “maricas” (the Spanish equivalent to faggot), and once even mentioned that I acted rather faggotly. I wasn’t ever comfortable with the idea of being gay until about the age of 13. I knew, or at least felt, that I was somehow different but I never wanted to actively acknowledge that it was due to my sexual orientation. I suppose at some point you begin further valorizing freedom of expression, liberty, and the ability to be yourself without judgment that it is hard not to want to tell your best friend, whom you’ve already managed to tell so much, that “hey, I’m gay.” The first person who I came out to we’ll refer to as Replaceable. Replaceable was a fairly open-minded and trustworthy friend who I sufficiently liked, but we weren’t so close that if things turned unfavorably, I couldn’t easily replace her with new friends. We were walking along the track in 9th grade PE, and very nonchalantly I told her, “Hey, by the way, I’m gay.” Kept on walking, no biggie, like I hadn’t told her the biggest secret of my life. Replaceable reacted well, said she had had suspicions, but things were always fine. It was probably the scariest and most awkward thing that I’ve managed to do in my entire life, yet it motivated me to tell more and more people. But it never got any easier. Every time I’d tell anyone— my best friends, the most liberal of teachers—I was still feverishly frightened by the thought that somehow it would get back to my parents. I’m still not out to my parents. I’ll take it at my own pace.
-EFREN ESPINOZA
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
7
I was outed. There are days when I wish I could have done the deed myself during high school, to face the bullies that had been tormenting me for years, to take the rumors about my sexuality and make them my truth, to empower myself with something that was being used to hurt me. I was outed at church by a member I had confided in, the first person I’d ever told that I had been keeping a secret for most of my life. They outed me to make a point: that homosexuals were always amongst the holy and that we should always be prepared to deal with sin, even from those we thought were family. I lost most of my friends, was kicked out of the house I was living in because the family thought I would molest their children, and I lost my job. I contemplated suicide a lot during those days because I didn’t feel like a whole person. I lost hope that I would ever get to experience a relationship or kiss another guy or live the life I felt everyone else got to have. Like most problems of my youth, I solved this by running far away. I accepted a scholarship at Cal State Long Beach, where I was a new person with an invisible history. The beauty of this situation is that, despite my painful past, I get to start over. In a sense, I got to (sort of) come out on my own terms. And when I finally came out to my new friends, Brian, Jeff, Anthony, and Jordan, it was by my rules and it was in a environment where I didn’t feel trapped. Some days, I’m still sad that I missed out on the quintessential teenage experience. But I don’t fault myself for not coming out; I did not live in an environment of diversity or acceptance. Going to college provided that world to me. I suppose this isn’t the most pictureperfect coming out story, but I’m hoping that anyone who reads this understands that the key to ending bullying and to bring about acceptance is to accept that all bodies matter. Mine mattered, and just because I don’t experience sexuality the same way as everyone else, or don’t fit my gender role perfectly, does not mean I am less of a person. Come out on your own terms. If you are heterosexual and cisgender, show people that you accept their bodies for what they are. That’s the key to ending this cycle of destruction.
-MARK OSHIRO
I think I must have been 12 or 13 when I first thought I was gay. I had these feelings for my classmates when we played tag and soccer in middle school, and I will never forget the moment when these feelings had a specific name. When I came out, harassment was an all-too-common existence. The “f-bomb” and the queer bomb were dropped so much during PE and ROTC that I dared not report it to anyone. Now, a student in Wisconsin sets a precedent when a court finds a school liable to stop anti-gay abuse and awards him close to a million dollars. When I came out, I cowered to watch Dawson’s Creek because it had a closeted gay character who was navigating his way through high school and feared that my parents would find what I was watching. Now, after Ellen and Elton, take your pick: Jack and Will, Willow, Mikey, Brian or Emmit Honeycut. When I came out, there was only one gay politician. There were no advertisements that featured queers, no LOGO, no gay TV stars, few gay actors and actresses, scant anti-discrimination legislation, one gay magazine in the newsstand, and few gay festivals. There was no gay chic, no gay Mastercard, and no “gay is the new black” mentality. There was not a single student in college dying to submit their story for a less than stellar college newspaper… Now, there is all this and more. When I came out… Wait, this is for the Union?! Wait the same Union that published about women being disposable human beings? What the hell do they want with my story??? FUCK THAT! My name is Cyrus Fernandez and I am journalist just like you, Kevin. I write for TheNewGay.net and we didn’t take too kindly to your article on sexual violence against women. Your kind and liberal gesture in posting stories about queer youth and their coming out experiences has gone unmet. Unfortunately for the Union, women’s struggle is also a queer struggle and your humor on the sexual violence against women and their lived experiences will not get my story. True journalists never take back their word and I hope you get my word when I say, FUCK YOU for trying to get my coming out story! [Editor’s Note: Cool bro. Namaste.]
-CYRUS FERNANDEZ History/Women’s Gender Sexuality Studies Major Columnist and LA Events Editor. cyrus@thenewgay.net
At The Beach, where I proudly graduated in 2007 and contributed semi-regularly to the Union Weekly, (though writing as a closeted student) is a story exemplifying a consequence of “the closet.” I grew up in Alaska as the sixth of eight kids in a traditional Mormon household. While my parents and seven other siblings all went to BYU, I knew that Provo, Utah was not a place to spend four years of my life. The result? I did not apply to any colleges. I dictated my entire life around trying to hide who I was. The last discussion I wanted to have was explaining (read: lie about) why I was applying to Random University. Following an ultimatum from my mother to become more active in attending church services or to get out of the house, I moved out and started school at the University of Alaska, Fairbanks (by finishing in the top 10% of my high school class, I would default into a full-ride scholarship within the Alaska University system). While liberating in some sense, being in the closet in a small town was frustrating. The gay community was essentially non-existent, and a discreet date would have been impossible anyway. Halfway through my freshman year, I knew I had to get down to the lower 48. I had built a few friendships online – my only safe outlet to talk with other gay people – in California, and just like that, I packed my belongings into my 1995 Geo Tracker and made the four day, 3,300 mile drive to Los Angeles County. I officially came out to my family after a direct question from my mother on a visit home for Thanksgiving in 2005. While I aptly dodged her indirect questions on previous occasions, I couldn’t avoid, “Have you ever been in a relationship with a guy?” Answering, “yes,” was one of the best decisions of my life. My mom insisted it was, and still is, a phase. She contends that I cannot be gay because I lack the flamboyant traits and because I was never molested. In her delusional mind, those are the only two ways you can be gay. The five years since coming out to my family have been a journey in true, personal acceptance of my sexuality. I’m at that point now – proud to be out at school, at work, or in publication – and it feels amazing.
-PETE OLSEN pete@WideRights.com WideRights.com
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It is 2:30 in the morning, in the kitchen I grew up in. An empty bottle of Sauvignon Blanc sits beside three women united by blood. My mother, some of her hair still brown and some grey. Her skin has become wrinkled and those eyes begin to fade. My little sister, her eyes red and swollen, stare into mine, pulling me inside, to realize, there is a battle that we need to fight. Black streaks of pain are stained on warm and puffy cheeks. Her voice is trembling, her chest is weak. Her eyes are begging me to change how things are. To change how our mother is now. Before my brother became a Jehovah’s Witness, before our worlds were turned upside down. He used his “truth” like gunfire. Hot bullets blasted through our flesh, searing holes that would be hard to heal; even harder to forget. Within days, my mother changed, desperately wanting to be loved by a son who never showed or expressed it enough. The only time within her life he ever gave her attention was to win her vote for Jehovah to be saved from damnation. How could she not cherish these moments, to be so close to her son? But as they grew closer, her daughters had to be shunned. My mother started to dissolve everything she had loved. Her favorite holiday traditions had been erased out of her mind, along with her films, art, books, and music that she had collected over time. My sister screams at her, emotions ripping through skin. All she wants is to be loved. To be accepted. My mother was always a strong, independent woman, picking up the shattered pieces that my father left behind. I knew she did not believe in Jehovah, but she believed in the love her son was showing for the first time. She was as confused as I was. As scared and hurting too. This is when I came out. I opened all doors, windows, and closets, allowed everything that I have ever let crawl inside dark crevices of my blood, bones, and sinews. Spilling the contents of my being on our kitchen table, at this moment she understood. Our individual pain was reflected within the other. All we ever wanted was the acceptance and love of another. She saw herself in her daughters. We saw ourselves in her. We held each other into the early morning, finally understanding each other with love. When the sun began to rise, a light shined in our minds. The warmth inspired a change within us all.
-JAMIE KARSON
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
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CAMPUS
BLURRED REALITIES CLEARLY AWESOME JILLIAN WOLF CONTRIBUTOR
W
hether you’re a prima-ballerina, or a hardcore hip hopper, a salsa sensation or a Moulin Rouge expert, or even if you can’t perform a dance step to save your life, let’s all face it, in one way or another, dancing is a phenomenon that makes us happy. This week, graduating MFA students of the Cal State Dance Department are showcasing their choreographic works, all of which represent to some extent Blurred Realities. The concert opens on Thursday, premiering six innovative performances by MFA students Renee Murray, Sara Pfeifle, Brian Moe, Summer Brown, Jenilyn Brown, and Jessica Kondrath. To give you a little sneak peek, “Your Next Move,” choreographed by Renee Murray, is an ensemble work that utilizes two-
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CONNOR O’BRIEN PHOTO EDITOR
dimensional film dancers and live dancers to create multiple worlds for the performing dancers to switch between while in the midst of playing games. The music, composed by Mark Jamerson, signifies an interesting and light hearted juxtaposition between the physical action of gameplay, with an electronic soundtrack, reminiscent of the old school Nintendo games. The recurring theme of competition is evident through the interaction between virtual and real-life dancers as they play well-known games including: red light/ green light, ghosts in the graveyard, colors, freeze tag, king of the mountain, and slaps. Choreography for Renee’s work was a combined effort by the dancers and Renee herself. Dancers were chosen based on the characteristics and qualities they demon-
strated during auditions. During the months of concept and choreography development, dancers would create choreography that represents the concept of two-worlds-in-one. Sara Pfeifle’s work, “Rain Still Drops,” conveys the disintegration of one’s mind due to dementia. A second medium of slide projections is also utilized, with which a female soloist interacts. This is to demonstrate the confusion, panic and withdrawal that accompanies mental deterioration. Summer Brown’s “When the Question Comes” explores unanswerable questions of life, death, and war, while Brian Moe’s “Transitioning Through Cyclic Existence” is an abstraction of the soul’s journey following death. In her dance film, “Boundary,” Jenilyn Brown captures the essence of blurred distinctions between realities. By physically
manipulating the medium of paint with their bodies, her dancers create a work of art that combines black and white to make grey. Choreographed by Jessica Kondrath, “As If Falling Up” is an investigation into the neutralization of the dancers’ gender. By positioning her dancers as the tools to create and execute dance, Kondrath does not view and categorize her dancers as man or woman specifically, instead they are bodies moving through space and time. So, whether you’re a dancer or not, come along to the MFA Blurred Realities concert and get inspired by these talented performers. Boys, if you like a girl who dances, bring her to this one, you’ll get bonus points, trust me! WHEN: 10/14-15 8PM; 10/16 2 & 8PM WHERE: KNOEBEL DANCE THEATER COST: $16 STUDENTS, $20 REGULAR
NATIONAL COMING OUT WEEK FOLLOW THE RAINBOW TO A PILE OF TEGAN AND SARA RECORDS JEFF BAER CONTRIBUTOR
This week the campus works on getting a little more colorful as we celebrate National Coming Out Week. Make your voice heard on Monday with KBeach (www.kbeach.org) who will be hosting Out, Loud, and Proud from 12pm-1pm in the USU second floor outdoor plaza. On Tuesday, there will be a resource fair in front of the bookstore from 11am-2pm. Following Glee on Tuesday night you can hear songs from queer hip hop artists on KBeach from 9pm-10pm. On Wednesday from 2pm-4pm in the USU Alamitos Bay Room, there will be a Transgender Symposium. Closing out the week will be live performances from JFP & Cnote, Mack Misstress, Prince Cateyez, Foxx Jazell, and Drew Mason at The Nugget from 6pm-9pm. I want to encourage everyone to participate in these events regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity. While you may be straight and feel your gender matches your birth sex you may have a queer friend, family member, classmate, or acquaintance. Or you UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
may often be in the presence of someone who is questioning his or her sexual orientation or gender identity and has yet to come out. These individuals will benefit most from understanding, compassion, and support. Additionally, I would like to stress that National Coming Out Week is not only about sexual orientation. This week also exists for people who may be questioning their gender identity, identity as trans themselves, or have a gender expression that is outside of the “norm.” Trans issues are the least understood and most often ignored issues in the queer community. (While this is my opinion) if there is one thing you attend this week, I want to encourage you to go to the Transgender Symposium. I attempted to find resources specifically for trans issues and was unable to find anything outside of advocacy groups for trans rights. Google was of little help, and even my trans friends struggled to point me in the direction of resources. In fact, the best we could collectively come up with was an
online support group called What is Gender (www.whatisgender.net) and several YouTube channels such as FTMtranstastic and ItsTTime2010, however, these channels have little, if any, information for trans women. For those who already identify as LGBTQIA, this week’s events present a great time to celebrate while informing others. For those who may be questioning, this week presents a great opportunity to obtain information and meet others who are or once were in your place. There are also many great resources available to you. On campus, we have the LGBT Student Resource Center located in Faculty Office building 4 (562-985-4966). Locally, we have The Center (www.centerlb.org) and LA Gay and Lesbian Center (www.laglc. org) and nationally, The Trevor Project (www.thetrevorproject.org). Additionally, two excellent resources online are: It Gets Better Project (www.itgetsbetterproject. com) and I’m From Driftwood – (www.imfromdriftwood.com).
MONDAY
OUT, LOUD, PROUD 12-1pm USU COURTYARD
TUESDAY
RESOURCE FAIR 11am-2pm FRONT OF THE BOOKSTORE KBEACH QUEER HIP HOP SHOW 9-10pm, WWW.KBEACH.ORG
WEDNESDAY
TRANSGENDER 101 2-4pm ALAMITOS BAY ROOM USU
THURSDAY
QUEER HIP HOP UNCENSORED 6-9pm NUGGET BAR AND GRILL
MUSIC
UNDER WESTERN STARS DON’T KNOCK COUNTRY UNTIL TAYLOR SWIFT IS ELIMINATED COREY LEIS UNION STAFFER
W
hen my brother and I were kids, our dad told us that we’d thank him someday for subjecting us to his music. We’d scoff and click our tongues at him with an incredulous, “Yeah, right, Dad!” Such responses only got more acute the deeper we stumbled into our teenage years. His music consisted largely of country, which he inherited from his parents. Now, when I say country music, I mean country an’ western, western swing, mama and pickup trucks, and noon-time whiskey bingers in smoke-filled roadhouses. Motherfuckin’ country music. Not the stuff of the last 10 or 15 years, which is more closely aligned with pop than country. He’d play the likes of Merle Haggard, Waylon Jennings, and Wil-
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RACHEL RUFRANO
UNION STAFFER
lie Nelson on the stereo at home as he barbecued dinner, can of Budweiser positioned comfortably in his grasp. Much to 15-year-old Corey’s dismay, I have since thanked my dad for instilling in me a sharp love and appreciation for country music. The point of my writing this, however, is not to relay a trite piece of nostalgia. I find it disconcerting and annoying when people say they listen to “everything but country music.” You know you jumped on the Johnny Cash tip after Walk the Line came out. And Crazy Heart’s soundtrack was bitchin’, wasn’t it!? I’d argue that people listen to more country music than they think they do. Rock ‘n’ roll stemmed from country music; its influ-
ences are apparent in the genre since its development, from Chuck Berry to the Beatles to Led Zeppelin to Judas Priest to Nirvana to motherfuckin’ Bad Religion. Even hip-hop hasn’t escaped the sway of country music. Listen to an OutKast record to see what I mean. And have you heard the stuff Rhymesayers Entertainment is putting out? In fact, country music influences are becoming ever more apparent in contemporary “non-country” music. Mumford & Sons is an obvious example, utilizing banjo and guit-jo in their songs (you may’ve heard their single, “Little Lion Man,” on KROQ recently). Old Crow Medicine Show, a contemporary “old-time” string band, consists only of classic bluegrass
and country instruments. And don’t forget Conor Oberst, brains behind indie rock’s darling Bright Eyes, and Rilo Kiley, who’ve been channeling the twang and heartbreaking honesty of country music since their days of recording on tape machines in their parents’ basements. Actually, I defy you to listen to any contemporary artist or group and not hear country’s influence in their music. Just as this is not merely an article dripping with nostalgia, it’s not a piece attempting to convince you to “like” country music. Really, if I inspire but a nod of agreement in at least a tenth of this article’s readers—that country music is indeed a rich, artistic, and vital constituent in our culture—I’ll feel satisfied.
THE STATE OF MUSIC A CONSTITUTIONAL DUTY AS OLD AS OUR REPUBLIC ITSELF KEENAN MACINNES UNION STAFFER
In our modern age of simple recording technology, the popularity of easy-to-use iPods, and the growing number of people who are able to figure out illegal downloading, music as a whole has arrived at a strange phase. It is both at it’s creatively diverse, but most vulnerable. For once, our decade is not entirely defined by a certain type of music. The ‘60s had the advent of rock, the ‘70s had lame disco, the ‘80s had whatever they call all those annoying synthesized noises, the ‘90s had grunge, and now in the 00s we have everything. True, the radio waves are dominated by mindless pop music for the masses, but beyond that there is an entirely new universe of genre-crossing, original musicians setting new standards of all kinds. Some of it really does get somewhere, but
a lot of it is easily overlooked, either by difficulty of comprehension or simply because it is shitty noise. As far as I have experienced, it seems that just when I think everything has been done, I’m proven wrong by some strange new multi-categorical band that managed to mesh a few definitive styles together into something new and invigorating. Everyone is on the warpath to make a new style of music that they think will catch on, and it’s no wonder considering that it’s now so easy to do. This is mostly attributed to the fact that there is an overbearing amount of people who are able to record and place their music on Myspace, Facebook, or their blog. There are almost too many ways. Not that it matters, but the big record company scouts now have to sift through thousands
of average or terrible quality music to find the really good stuff. To be fair to my previous argument about decade-defining music, there probably was a brave minority that went their own way and tried to establish their own styles back in the day, but recording was costly then, and if nobody paid to hear your music in the first place, nobody wanted your money to have you recorded either. Now, with programs like Garageband being so easily utilized by so many, stupid kids and their dumb friends can write another emo/scene acoustic song about summer nights and post it online for your dumb girlfriends to listen to and swoon over. Then again, sometimes that is how we find those diamonds that reignite our passion for music with the release of an album.
Conversely, music is at its weakest. It is obvious that album sales, which used to be the sole form of income for a band, now mean nothing. All money now comes from the revenue of live performing. The trend now is to push your body’s limits by touring for half a year nonstop in order to raise enough money to feed yourself in between each show. Illegal downloading has both helped and hurt as well, making good music easier to share, but again proving detrimental to the livelihood of actual musicians. So basically I have no idea what is going on. For me, personally, good music is hard to find, and then there’s those people you know who love a little bit of everything. There really is no way to know what direction music is headed in, but for now it still keeps me going on a daily basis. UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
ENTERTAINMENT
IT’S
KIND OF A
FAAABULOUS
MOVIE Z
ach Galifianakis is blowin’ up all over the movie scene right now. I mean, doesn’t it seem like he’s getting his beard into everything these days? Well, he is and some of his stray beard hairs have landed in some pretty good projects, including It’s Kind of a Funny Story (Spoiler Alert: you don’t see his penis in this one). This film was based on a 2006 novel of the same name inspired by the author’s brief stay in a mental institute as a young adult. The book, as Wikipedia tells me, seems a lot heavier than the big screen adaptation, which was a semi-serious romp through the wonders of mental illness. As I settled into the comfy stadium seats of the theater, popcorn in hand, I was overjoyed at the fact that there was a minimal number of annoying-as-hell junior high kids that had just discovered they could text their friends who were sitting right next to them (and, like, totally laugh about it ‘cause it’s the most hilarious epic win in the world). The movie opens with the protagonist and narrator, a no-name actor who looks eerily like Justin Long, battling thoughts of suicide due to more stress than his sixteen year old mind can handle. He’s plagued by the usual stuff: a father pushing too hard for academic perfection, lack of a girlfriend,
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
and swirling emotions and hormones that we’ve all had to fight with. Also his name is Craig, a name which always seems a little bit depressing. So he ends up in a mental hospital and soon finds out he’s having second thoughts about the whole I’m-suicidal-I-need-real-help-right-nowor-else-I’ll-totally-jump-off-this-bridge angle. Much to his dismay and our sadistic pleasure, he has to stay for the mandatory five day period before being released. Though he is supposed to be portrayed as a screwed up, angst-filled teen who has been bullied into all the wrong places by all the wrong people, his problems seem pretty normal to teenage life. Whether this was intentional or not seems to be left up to the viewer. I must say, I have been really looking forward to seeing this movie ever since I had seen the previews and got Ida Maria’s “Oh My God” stuck in my head for weeks. I was not disappointed by the end of my experience. The worst part of the whole thing was getting my fingers all buttery. The hospital is peppered with an interesting assortment of the mentally unstable, including the aforementioned Zach Galifianakis (hereafter referred to as Galifabulous) who plays a more mellow version of his typical character. The slew of
Michael iacoucci CONTRIBUTOR
patients keep the movie flowing, whether it be the Hasidic acid head, schizophrenic old timer, the weird looking aggressive one, or one of the many others. The comedy comes in low, slow, and a little bit dark, leaving the slapstick far behind. The director’s formula seemed to consist of giving everyone besides the main character a beard, throw in an odd girl, and spice the whole thing with a lot of staring. Quickly, our suicidal Justin Long doppelganger notices the other teen in the mental ward. Lucky for him, it’s the intolerably gorgeous Emma Roberts, whose three self-inflicted face wounds only seem to make her more beautiful in a weird kind of way. The romance, which usually takes center stage in the awkwardish shaky-cam teen movies of the day, is placed in good balance with our main character’s plot and inner dilemma. The majority of the film takes place within five days and does more with those five days than other movies can do with years. The style is innovative with dream sequences, artistically rendered scenes, an awesome musical number featuring Queen and David Bowie’s “Under Pressure,” and quirkiness abounding. It’s kind of like The Shining, but with slightly less elevators full of blood. Galifabulous played a truly
supportive character, never stealing the show, but always there for a laugh or two. For the first time in my experience, I got to see Zach G-man do a bit of dramatic acting, and he did not fail to deliver. At times, Craig’s lines seemed a bit forced and insincere, which took away from the environment that was so very well placed in this film, but I assure you it was rare. There was an honest streak running somewhere in this movie, something that showed a truer side of human nature than most get to see, and that’s something I know I’m thankful for in today’s movies. The patients on the inside of the hospital are still people, only they are forced to wear their problems on the outside. The story ties up with a powerful message that fits everything into its place, and reminds us a little about what’s special about this odd human existence. Now I’m getting a little too deep for a movie that made a vagina joke. I just hope there are people as interesting as these in the mental wing I eventually will end up in.
LITERATURE
WHEN LIFE HANDS YOU LEMON CAKE… YOU WRITE A BOOK ABOUT IT AND VISIT CSULB TO GIVE A READING DANIEL PEREZ
I
CONTRIBUTOR
walk into the University Theater expecting to see a man without lips and other characters from Aimee Bender’s stories and novels. Instead I find an enthusiastic crowd with all limbs attached, waiting to see an established writer. The crowd scatters around the theater, playing with comfort as they wait for Aimee Bender’s arrival. They chat among themselves until Professor Glatt takes the stage. Professor Glatt makes a quick but respectful introduction and turns the podium over to Ms. Bender. The audience puts those good limbs to use as they applaud her presence. Bender thanks the crowd for coming and jumps right into a chapter from her most recent published book, The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. She looks fragile standing behind the podium that seems to swallow her whole, but her voice reverberates throughout the theater. As she speaks, I imagine the events on the big white screen behind her. The imagery comes to life so vividly that I can even smell the chocolate chip cookie that Rose Edelstein, the protagonist, is talking about.
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NOAH KELLY CAMPUS EDITOR
However, I can’t help but think about the lemon cake—the reason that sent our protagonist on her journey. After eating a piece of lemon cake, Rose starts to feel people’s emotions through the foods that they make and prepare. From chicken meals to sandwiches, Rose can taste every single emotion, even in the foods that have been grown or manufactured by complete strangers. She says, in a jokingly-disgusted manner, “I’m a food psychic.” Her newfound power becomes more than a burden for the young protagonist. From the passage that Ms. Bender decides to read out of, one gets a little taste (no pun intended) of everything. The passage contains the supernatural elements, great prose, wittiness, humor, imagery, and even a touch of tension. The dialogue really delivers, and it is kept in realistic form to accompany the young characters in the chapter. However, I warn you that the dialogue is one of the few realistic elements found in the book. Aimee Bender is no stranger to the surrealism captured in The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake. She first published a book of surrealist fiction in the
late ‘90s called The Girl in the Flammable Skirt. Bender explains in her Q&A section that the supernatural quality found in The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake originated from one of her short stories where a young boy experiences a particular emotion after not being able to feel the warmth of his hot soup. Through Bender’s responses, the audience finds out how good and how truly
humble a writer she is. When asked about the difference between writing short fiction and a novel, she says that the most difficult part was trying to put “the magic element in a longer narrative.” As the night comes to an end, Bender’s last comment comes as advice to all writers: “Always trust your influences, even if they aren’t well know.” This is something that non-writers can also take to heart.
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
CULTURE
LONG BEACH STREET FOOD FEST A LIVE ACCOUNT FROM A DAMN TASTY AFTERNOON DEBORAH ROWE UNION STAFFER
3:30pm- As we pull up, trucks allign the perimeter of the park. Its open and organized, allowing for long lines and room for the sprouting of self-made eating areas on the ground. 3:38pm- Gourmet Genie: Steak Taco. Not a traditional Mexican taco, not extremely spicy. Somewhat underwhelming as my first tast of LB Food Festival. 3:47pm- Yatta Truck: Cream Cheese Explosion Roll, spicy, warm, crispy, cheesy, bomb. 3:49pm- Yatta Truck: American Roll, Hamburger on ricer, topped with mustard and kethup. Leaves you culturally confused, yet completely satisfied. 3:50pm- Nom Nom Truck: Runner-up on Food Network’s The Great Food Truck Race, Placed at the enterance of the fest. Nom Nom was extremely popular and ran out of food an hour before closing time.
4:00pm- Yeah, they’re drunk. 4:08- Komodo: Asian Marinated Chicken Tacos. Second attempt to find good tacos . Asian twist with Mandarin oranges and rice on top. Sweet and spicy, it’s delish. 4:28pm- Great Balls On Tires: Chow Bella, classic marinated meatball. Meat very tender, consistent. Simple tomato flavor lets the meatball shine. 4:39pm- Nom Nom: Chicken Taco. Great use of cilantro. Sweet, well-cooked chicken. 3:55pm-Memorable quote: “Free high fives all day, everyday. Let me know if you need a refill.” -Munchie Machine Employee 5:00pm- Slice Truck: Fresh New York style pizza. Great ingredients.
3:52pm- On Stage: random fifty-something woman singing in purple feathery hat. The crowd looking more perplexed than entertained.
5:12pm- The Shrimp Guys: Spicky Thai Shrimp. cooked perfectly, served alongside ice cold beer. Perfect Combo.
3:57pm-Aformentioned fifty-something woman making up her own lyrics… Crowd leaves.Two women who may or may not be intoxicated, stay and dance.
5:32pm- Check-in and ticket purchasing was fast and easy. The general consensus from most attendees was that the fest was fun and filling but some lines were too long. Especially Great Balls On Tires, Nom Nom Truck, and all the dessert trucks.
PUMPKIN ALE THE SEASON’S UNSUNG HERO MICHAEL MERMELSTEIN CULTURE EDITOR
October is a great month for beer drinkers the world over. Of course the big attraction is Oktoberfest. The world owes a great debt to Germany for their contribution to brewing, and drinking a Germanstyle Oktoberfest lager from say, Avery (The Kaiser Imperial Oktoberfest). However lagers are the tip of the iceberg as far as October-centric brews go. There are tons of seasonals on shelves now, from Sierra Nevada’s Tumbler brown ale to The Bruery’s Autumn Maple. When it comes to Fall brews I am partial to pumpkin ales. Just like any other style of beer, there are certainly some flavorless imitators, but pumpkin ale, when properly crafted and served on a chilly night, simply cannot be topped. A good place to start is at Trader Joe’s, they don’t have much of a selection, but they do have Kennebunkport Brewing Company’s variation. Not only is KBC Pumpkin Ale a total value, but it goes down smooth and has UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
enough cinnamon notes to keep things interesting. Moving up the ladder, Dogfish Head’s Punkin’ Ale is a more complex fullbodied beer, whereas Kennebunkport’s offering is crisp and drinkable, Dogfish Head’s Punkin is creamier and has a stronger spice presence. If there is one beer that puts the pumpkin in pumpkin spice, it’s Kern County Brewing Company’s version. This ale; when freshly bottled has pumpkin pulp visible in the bottle. It was a little jarring for my palate but if true pumpkin taste is what you desire look no further. Unquestionably, the ultimate pumpkin brew is undoubtedly Shipyard’s Smashed Pumpkin. This Imperial Pumpkin Ale is a hearty 9% ABV. Smashed Pumpkin cellar aging brings the cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice to the ideal balance. The trade off of course, is price. At around eight bucks for a 24-ounce, Smashed Pumpkin is on the expensive side. On the bright side, eight bucks is a small price for a single serving trip through every Thanksgiving dinner and Halloween night you have lived through. If a frosty pumpkin ale sounds like good times,just remember that Pumpkin Ales and regular brews don’t mix. Switching back and forth from an IPA or stout will only lead to heartbreak. Just stick with the pumpkin.
PUZZLES EASY
horse! 26- Talk 27- Comprehensive 28- Aquatic opossum 29- Dry stalks 30- Singer John 31- Invoice abbr. 33- Sun. talk 35- Computer key 37- Actress Hatcher 39- Vinegary 42- Agitated state 44- Dutch name of The Hague 47- Barbecue leftovers? 49- Son of the sovereign 52- Small blemish 53- Inter ___ 55- Chow 56- Egg-shaped 57- Tax 58- Carbonized fuel 59- Collective word for intellectual pursuits 60- After the bell 62- Jamaican popular music
ACROSS 1- Change for a five 5- Clock face 9- First name in country 13- Track event 14- Division of a long poem 15- Epic narrative poem 16- Novelist Waugh 17- Diciembre follower 18- Dynamic beginning 19- Closer 21- Microwave 22- Unhearing 23- Chow 25- Bristle 27- Three points scored by one player 31- Saw for cutting wood with the grain 35- French 101 verb 36- Disgusting 38- Hiding place 39- Battery size 40- Country bumpkin 42- Greek X 43- Dress with care 46- Salver 47- Minerals 48- Farm storage 50- Without sin
52- American space agency 54- Short tail 55- Heroic adventure tale 58- Pouch 60- Rubbed out 64- Came down to earth 65- Writer Jong 67- Strong wind 68- Bog 69- Out 70- Lubricates 71- “___ Rider” starred Clint Eastwood 72- “Orinoco Flow” singer 73- Minn. neighbor DOWN 1- Arabian sultanate 2- Egypt’s river 3- Zeno’s home 4- Give off 5- Rockers Steely ___ 6- Don Juan’s mother 7- Gillette razors 8- Inchworm 9- Adjust again 10- Blunted blade 11- Aboriginal rite site 12- Beginning 14- Confirm
20- Decoration at the top of a chair leg 24- Go swiftly 26- ___ the season... 27- Piles 28- Pong maker 29- Track 30- Large Nepalese knife 32- ___ bleu! 33- Gray 34- Card game 37- Inclines 41- Sharp-sighted 44- Plant-eating aquatic mammal 45- Links org. 47- Polygon having eight sides 49- Ancient Palestinian 51- Belonging to us 53- Brother of Moses 55- Coarsely ground corn 56- Inter ___ 57- Female child 59Large town 61- Aforementioned 62- First name in scat 63- Writing table 66- The Company
UNSOLVABLE
52- ___ Paulo, Brazil 54- Involved with theology 61- In addition to 63- Roof overhangs 64- Director Ephron 65- Hog sound 66- Fend (off) 67- Suffragist Carrie 68- I did it! 69- Artful 70- Additional DOWN 1- Apple product 2- Portnoy’s creator 3- ___ boy! 4- Nissan model 5- Ollie’s partner 6- Dynamic beginning 7- Defense grp. since 1949 8- Charge 9- Sportive 10- Exactly 11- ___ extra cost 13- Cleansing preparation 14- Juridical 20- Grave 21- A long time 25- I could ___
HARD-ISH?
UNSOLVABLE
ACROSS 1- Some nest eggs 5- Japanese honorific 8- Hammett hound 12- Small particle 13- Pilfer 15- Nae sayer? 16- Env. notation 17- Poker Flat chronicler 18- Asian prince 19- City in SE Tennessee 22- DDE’s command 23- CD-___ 24- Antiquing agent 26- Like the Everglades 29- Vulgarity 31- Spring mo. 32- Brag 34- Hackneyed 36- Crux 38- Musical drama 40- Formicary residents 41- Ribbons 43- Mountain spinach 45- ER VIP 46- Village in E Egypt 48- Instrument used in combat 50- Reformer Jacob 51- Paving material
EASY
HARD-ISH?
Crossword puzzles provided by BestCrosswords.com. Used with permission.
UNION WEEKLY
11 OCTOBER 2010
Disclaimer:
HETERO Volume 67 Issue 7
Monday, October 11th, 2010
MAN TIPS (Not About Dicks) BY TEEJAY DINKLE So I hear it’s Coming Out Week and I hear that it has something to do with homosexuals hiding somewhere. Perhaps a sneak attack on unsuspecting manly men? As such, I’d like to welcome you to Grunion Hetero, where our esteemed writers can give you the tips to be the manliest man or bustiest woman you can possibly be. Here is my segue into ways to be manly. Whatever! Fuck off, time to party. Tip 1: Like the heterosexual lion in the film Lion King sings, “I’m buffing up / I’m working out / I’m toning up my CORE!” This means to be buff as hell in order to be cool. Some might think there are downsides to being ridiculously buff, but there’s not unless you’re an idiot. Sometimes when you are too buff it can get hard to clean all your ripples and crevices and bugs and popcorn can get stuck in there. Just carve a special sponge to wash yourself asshole! Don’t wash your asshole though, that’s how you become gay. Be careful when
carving this sponge, sponges can be very sensitive, you fucker. I’m buff and it’s super easy to wash myself. Tip 2: Wear different flavors of deodorant in each armpit. Just trust me. Good things will happen. This is a cool thing to do and the ladies will go crazy with a weird emotion. You can even switch sides so a different armpit has a different smell when you get bored. Manly deodorant smells are as follows: anything with “sport” in the title. Homosexual deodorant smells: anything with “tropic” in the title. Tip 3: Please do not use emotions. Thank you. Tip 4: This isn’t really a tip but I would very much like to live in a dark and cold pit deep within the earth. [Real Editor’s Note: We at the Grunion do not support the views of Mr. Dinkle and we would like to publicly support the coming out of all Hornsexuals. PS I am still locked in Teejay’s “party dungeon” and would very much like to leave. Please call the police. God bless.]
This page is satire. We are not ASI, nor do we represent the CSULB campus. Email any questions, concerns, hornsexuals to jeffbridges.grun@gmail.com, then go to hell.
LBUNION.COM
Local Man Mashes Luna Bar and Cliff Bar Together, Becomes Ultimate Man BY BRAD BLUEBERRY In an act that shocked and turned on hundreds, local man Artie Franken mashed together two popular energy bars, the Luna Bar, which has been marketed towards the sexier sex, women, and the Cliff Bar geared more towards rock climbing silhouettes of men. To the surprise of no one, this concoction transformed normally nerdy and anemic Franken into the Ultimate Man. Scientists and policemen were called in to explain how a manly energy bar and a girly energy bar could be fused together to create such a powerful elixir. “It’s simple,” said scientist Dr. Jan Blerg pretty condescendingly, “by combining the sensitivity of a woman with the power and chunkiness of a man, Franken has been able to become a man that is irresistible to women. Tests are being conducted as we speak, there are some very powerful chemicals at work here. In my pants.” Franken’s newfound manliness was immediately apparent to the onlookers. A six-pack of abs suddenly puffed up under his shirt and his regular glasses transformed into sunglasses that seemed to glint in the eye of everyone present, no matter where they were standing. The
A reporter snaps a picture of the fabled Luna Bar and Cliff Bar concoction. Every man present runs in fear of their own insignificance. Most women were instantly vaporized.
crowd gasped and ran as Franken tilted his sunglasses down to reveal an eye already in winking formation (closed). This event has been declared an urgent natural disaster by the president of the country we are in. Both Cliff Bar and Luna Bar executives have declined to comment due to their preoccupation of being dead forever. After all the girl reporters went home to change their diapers, the male reporters discovered they could view Franken for short periods of time through smoked glass. He cleared his throat and then addressed
the crowd. “Keep the change,” he said. After everyone present was showered in brand new dimes, Franken continued to speak. “Being a man... is fucking cool. I’d like to thank these two fabulous products for giving me the chance to reach my true potential as a man. These breasts I grew are just a bonus. Have you ever played with a boob for a while? It’s fun as hell. My life is cool. Peace,” said Franken, his words echoing off the walls, only to be drowned out by the sound of him peeling out in a monster truck shaped like a football, breasts flapping in the wind.
INSIDE
Grunion Hetero’s Man Profile of The Week: Travis Barker Big-ass props to our main man Travis Barker for being our Hetero Man of the week. Travis has all the marks of a cool guy: horrible scarring, tattoos everywhere, and a hat. Along with looking cool, Travis Barker’s accomplishments include: best motoman in the X-Games, best drummer in the world on Youtube, and surviving a plane crash after losing both of his legs. We wish big TravBar a speedy recovery. Hope your legs grow back really soon, bro. His songs don’t sing about the Bible often enough for our liking here at Grunion Hetero, but if you take Blink 182 songs and replace “semen” with “THE BIBLE” it’s pretty much the same thing. page O1G
Man Tip: Freshmen Suck!! Listen up all you dormass fuckers. No one said that you could breathe my air, use my trash cans, or be in my Geology 100 class that I had to take again. You’re stinking up the joint with your dorm stink and your mama kisses. Here’s a tip for all men: read this article out loud before punching the freshmen. If you did it right, they should be dead. page FR3
Man Song of the Week: Grary Grittel, “Rock and Roll Party 2” page GG