Fridges
FASHION
PLACES
NEIGHBOURS
How to look stylish while cramming for finals. P. 5
Where to take a poop on the U of S campus. P. 6
Living on a budget: the growing community of the Murray Library. P. 7
thursday, april 5, 2012
a sheaf community newspaper
Mac Daddy
the
Looking back on Peter MacKinnon’s charmed life
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the fridge
thesheaf.com/fridges
inventory No one knows when the fridge was installed in the Sheaf office. Some say it was 2001, some say 1918. Others say it’s been there since the dawn of time. Judging by the state of the leftovers inside, we’re leaning toward some time between the Renaissance and the First World War.
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Mummified lasagna, stolen Louis’ ketchup bottles, and illicit alcohol containers are all standard fridge fare. Those brave enough to store fresh food in its chilly depths will later enjoy the taste of freon and mould infused into their meals. Quirky and/ or poisonous odors aside, it’s a staple of the office environment. Where else would we proudly display our Albertan stripper magnets and expired Domino’s pizza coupons?
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1. getting saucy: One-third full, oddly discol-
oured Louis’ ketchup bottle: $0
2. probably alcoholic: A fermented
banana: $0.60
3. double-dare you: “Dip,” or the condiment formerly known as dip: $2.70
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4. psychedelic: One-thousand-year-old baking soda: your soul
TRAVEL CUTS
5. kill it with fire: Lasagna with onecentimetre thick coating of mould: priceless
Cheap flights to Prince Albert!
Visit us for more details!
Now selling
Canadian Viagra! CAMPUS CENTRE
PHARMACY
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thursday, april 5, 2012
index #
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Featured neighbourhood
on the cover
The Murray library won’t be Saskatoon’s smallest community for long. fridges photo by raisa pezderic
# President MacKinnon’s handlers accidentally abandoned him at a Huskies game in 2009, leading to a frantic campus-wide search before he was found. fridges photo by robby davis
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table of contents inventory - 2 The windfalls and pitfalls of the Fridges office refrigerator.
places - 6 Where can a guy take a shit around here?
on the cover - 4 MacKinnon looks back on a confused career.
neighbours - 7 Local youths flock to growing area.
fashion - 5 How to look your sexiest in a pair of plain sweatpants.
between the lines - 8 Our weekly colouring contest returns. Yes, we do that.
we’re here, motherfuckers!
It may be the end of the semester, but it’s the beginning of something very #special. The Sheaf Publishing Society is #thrilled to bring you the first issue of our new community newspaper, Fridges! At @FridgesYXE, we’re going to keep things #fresh and #cool. Open up a copy and we’ll cast a new light on the University of Saskatchewan #community, redefining what people have to come to expect from student journalists. We set ourselves apart from the rigorous all-work and no-play attitude at the Sheaf by getting up close and personal with the #spaces, #neighbours, and good #eats that
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make this campus #unique. You probably noticed that we use a lot of #hashtags at @FridgesYXE. There’s a reason for that, and it’s #simple: we want to #engage our community on multiple #platforms through the #Internet and #socialmedia. It’s a whole new world of journalism and to keep things #crisp you have to stay in touch. Now more than ever #you, our readers, can get #involved. So follow us on #Twitter, #Tumblr, and all the other hip #social #networks. We’re #bridgingthegap between the #media and the #community. #LinkedIn!
Fridges is published by the Sheaf Publishing Society at room 108 Memorial Union Building, 93 Campus Drive, Saskatoon, Sask., S7N 5B2. For advertising inquiries, you’re out of luck, because this is a one-time only, satirical supplement to the Sheaf and all the ads are fake. The contents of this publication are protected by copyright and may be used only for personal, non-commercial purposes. All other rights are reserved and commercial use is prohibited. The content is satirical. Any similarity to any real people or events is an accident or an oversight by the editors of Fridges. But really, you’re not going to want to copy any of this junk anyway, unless you happen to be putting together a loving parody of one of Saskatoon’s coolest publications.
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on the cover #
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thursday, april 5, 2012
thesheaf.com/fridges
In those days, all you needed was a song in your heart and a working knowledge of caligraphy and the world could be yours. — Peter MacKinnon
the educator
Peter MacKinnon’s odd rise to the top By Mattael Darson
On a warm spring afternoon, Peter MacKinnon paces in his office at the College Building. He suns himself in the large windows of his office surrounded by years of personal trophies. The office speaks to the character of the man. As an avid hunter and lover of the chase, the walls are lined with the pelts of his many prairie safaris. In a corner far from his desk, a garbage can is topped with a small basketball hoop, the floor around it littered with crumpled and discarded office memos. In a few months, MacKinnon will be retired and likely forgotten by most people, but for now he is simply worried about getting through the last spring convocation as President of the University of Saskatchewan. And although few on campus are aware of him, this littleknown administrator looks back fondly on his career, which started at the most humble position. “I started as a dishwasher at Marquis Hall in ’68,” MacKinnon remembers fondly. “I just knew I wanted to be part of the university community, and that job was the proverbial foot in the door.” MacKinnon impressed his superiors and soon moved up the ranks. Before long, he had a long resumé that included groundskeeper, janitor, library assistant and waterboy to the Huskies football team for three weeks during the 1972-73 season. Mackinnon’s big break came in 1975, when the Dean of Law, D.A. Schmeiser, overheard him arguing with a group of Louis’ patrons. MacKinnon was a waiter at the time, and it being the Christmas season, his table chatter centred around the holidays. “I remember Peter’s words exactly,” Schmeiser would write in his memoirs. “He insistently and pointedly told those young people, ‘If I were the prosecution in Miracle on 34th Street, Santa would be rotting away in a mental
institution.’ ” Impressed, Schmeiser offered him a faculty position, assuring MacKinnon that his lack of education or experience in law was, if anything, an asset. “There was a legal revolution in Canada,”wrote Schmeiser, “and what the U of S needed wasn’t another vapid egghead. We needed someone with grit, passion and determination. And Peter proved very capable at forging the necessary documents.” MacKinnon still chuckles at the framed PhD he supposedly received from the World University of Earth. “Those were simpler times,” he says wistfully. “In those days all you needed was a song in your heart and a working understanding of calligraphy and the whole world could be yours.” Schmeiser’s intuition proved to be flawed, however, as it soon became clear that MacKinnon was gobsmackingly incompetent as a professor of law. “His first lecture was 15 recitations of the Webster’s Dictionary definition of the word ‘law,’ ” wrote Schmeiser. “The students all did well on the quiz, however, so we allowed him to stay as he was single-handedly raising our average GPA.” Despite his deficiencies as a professor, MacKinnon did display an uncanny knack for making friends. “One thing I do remember about MacKinnon, or Professor Pete as he asked us to call him, is that he was always so considerate,” says James Reilly, a member of the ’86 class of law. “He wasn’t like most professors. There was always an apple waiting on our desks at the start of class, and he never forgot a birthday. And sure, his loosey-goosey teaching style may be the reason I got disbarred and now work at RONA, but I don’t hold that against him.” In time, MacKinnon’s friendly demeanor and general popularity at the College of Law made him the natural candidate to become dean when the position opened up in
President MacKinnon’s personal philosophy is that being at work doesn’t have to mean you can’t have fun! fridges photo by raisa pezderic
1988. That was also the first and only time the dean was chosen by popular vote. After a decade at the College of Law, MacKinnon would find himself elevated to an even greater position of influence. In 1999, with then-President George Ivany stepping down, recruiters from the U of S turned their eyes toward MacKinnon. “George was one of my strongest supporters,” Mackinnon says, his hands behind his head, his feet up causing his running shoes to drip mud onto the fine oak finish of his desk. “The thing that really set me apart from the rest of the candidates, at least according to George, was my vision for the future. When I was Dean, the law college was the only one that was prepared for the Y2K disaster. We had the biggest stockpile of water and canned goods of any of the colleges.”
Ivany, being a man of both considerable political weight and unrestrained paranoia, insisted that the visionary MacKinnon be the one to succeed him in order to better allow the university to weather “the technological dystopia of planes falling from the sky and calendars reverting to the year 1900.” With Ivany’s support, MacKinnon ascended to the presidency, where, for the first time in his life, the former dishwasher was finally addressed as sir. Surprisingly enough to his critics, MacKinnon proved to be a very effective administrator. Board of Governors meetings, which had a longstanding reputation for being a raucous and disorderly affair, were tamed by the new President’s introduction of a Speaker’s Conch, of which he had sole possession. Public opinion of the new president was still favourable.
Never one to disappoint his friends, MacKinnon followed a policy of signing whatever came across his desk, leading to the unrestrained campus construction boom of the last decade. “Peter is an easy man to work with,” says Richard Florizone, the university VP of finance and resources. “You walk into his office with a piece of posterboard and say the words ‘good fiscal policy’ and you walk out with a multi-million dollar construction budget.” MacKinnon says he’s proud of the legacy he will leave at the university. “Looking back,” he says, “I’ve built a lot of buildings and handed out a lot of papers to students in fancy dresses.” He strokes his chin thoughtfully and adds, “I wonder who the new guy is going to be.”
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thursday, april 5, 2012
culture #
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study style
Sandra Peters makes the grade In the middle of finals, staying stylish can be a chore. Sandra Peters does her best to strike a balance between being comfortable and staying on-trend as she settles in to study for hours at a time.
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HAIR:
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SWEATER:
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“I like to put a little product in my hair so it holds volume when I grab it in frustration as I try to memorize biology facts.”
New Music Festival aims to reinvigorate Saskatoon scene
fridges photo by mattbraga/flickr
by Mattael Darson
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NAILS:
“Bubblegum Princess is my favourite shade! I think the pink really pops against an all-black outfit.”
SWEATPANTS:
“I had these boring old sweats, but they make my booty pop so I threw on the white drawstring because it adds a fun, flirty spring feel.”
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BOOTS:
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funderwear:
“It’s fun to have a secret when you’re out in public. Like neat underwear or a secretly-held racist ideal. Today I went with Magic School Bus boxers.”
new music festival
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“In the middle of school-time craziness, it’s nice to remind myself that there’s life beyond academics. That’s why I wear this sweater I won in Vegas. ‘You only live once’ is kind of my motto.”
“I love that these aren’t like all the other boots out there. They’ve got some great detail with the white fur sticking out and the buckle, and I think that makes all the difference. Some girls show up to school in plain Uggs, and it just looks so welfare.”
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A new musical age is about to dawn in Saskatoon. While the Saskatoon indie music scene has traditionally been dominated by a tight-knit cabal of musicians jointly making up a handful of bands, a new music festival — aptly dubbed the New Music Festival — aims to bring new Saskatoon talent to the fore. The festival charter mandates that all bands be composed of members who have not performed together in the past. The organizers stated that this was to prevent the festival from falling prey to the “disgustingly incestuous nature of Saskatoon’s music scene. Really, it’s gross. Cut it out, you guys.” Denver Sampson, who plays bass in about a dozen bands in town, says news of the festival hit the music community like a ton of bricks. “It’s just so unfair, you know,” says Sampson. “The same five guys and I bust our asses trying to put together the best six bands in Saskatoon and these goons, this musical Gestapo, comes in and tells us that we’re getting stale?” Luckily, the enterprising and spotlight-hungry artists that comprise Saskatoon’s music scene have found a loophole — or rather, they have found a makeup artist. “It’s genius,” says Marky Jack, another ubiquitous Saskatoon musician, his left eye cleverly disguised with an eyepatch, his right with a Ziggy Stardust lightning bolt. “These dumb idiots think they can stop us?
No one can stop the rawest dudes in town from playing the sweetest beats and dropping the freshest rhymes,” he continues, as his stylist sizes him for a prosthetic Bieber bob and bedazzled eyelashes. Festival organizers, so far, appear not to have caught wind of the devious scheme. “This is great. This is exactly what we wanted: a whole new crop of Saskatoon bands coming out and getting some exposure,” says Jason Schreuers at the New Music Festival office. “We have The Sheet Hogs, Shy Business, We Were Brothers, Chad Reynolds and the Czechs — I’ve never heard of any of these acts!” “These dudes look like rockstars too,” says Schreurs. “Did you see that one guy who was wearing a crocodile’s head on his arm and a tiger mask? I don’t know how he’s going to drum like that but it’s going to be wild.” However, the clever tactics of Saskatoon’s musical veterans have had consequences for actual new musicians wanting to take part in the event. “We tried to sign up last week,” says Greg Smith, the bassist for a new local group called The Ratfuckers. “But they said they’d already filled all the slots.” “If the young guys want to join in, we’re open to that,” says Sampson. “My band could always use a chick on the tambourine or a roadie with a strong back.”
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places #
thesheaf.com/fridges
Spaces celebrates beauty both indoors and out. If you have a living space we should highlight Email fridges@thesheaf.com. fridges photos by raisa pezderic
campus crappers
Shining stools amid the squalor of campus architecture The University of Saskatchewan’s finest washrooms, ranging from the Physics Building to a sequestered adjunct in Arts. By Aren Bergstrom
Who? Randolph Scheisse, Head Custodian of the University of Saskatchewan’s washrooms division. What? Campus washrooms at the U of S. When? “The washrooms division of the U of S custodial staff has been around since Hurricane Katrina, so 2005.” Why? “The washrooms have been an ignored sector of campus maintenance. While we could’ve gone the route of making everything spickand-span, we felt that a luminescent sheen says very little to the quality of the people on campus. What makes the people of the U of S special? Their down-to-earth quality. Their used clothes. Their ever-present scent of feces. We felt that nothing speaks of the lived-in feel of the campus more than sitting on a warm seat that has a shared history to it. This was why the washrooms division was started.” How? “After the washrooms division was started, we stripped the rooms down to their bare bones: toilet bowl, sink, drain in the middle of the floor. We then brought in conceptual artists to virtualize the used feeling of a washroom. What does a used washroom look like, smell like, feel like? How does your spirit move when you hear a splunk in the next stall? After we got the basic mood down, we had to decide how to implement it. We took out classified ads — in print. The custodial staff at the U of S doesn’t support Internet marketplaces like Kijiji — and four individuals were selected based on their aptitude for this particular skill-set. We divided up which washrooms each volunteer would be responsible for, and then installed them in their units for two-hour blocks where they would naturalize the areas. Finally, the custodial staff brought in some necessary toiletries — not too many, mind you, and nothing above two-ply, we don’t want every washroom to have an abundance of soap and sanitary napkins — and the process was complete. We had actualized used washrooms across the campus. And the beautiful thing is that we don’t have to do anything to keep them in their used state. The students on campus are more than willing to keep the toilet seats warm, so to speak.”
neighbours #
thursday, april 5, 2012
It’s definitely made for some exciting sexy time but also some nasty run-ins with the custodial staff. — Felix Larson
the murray library
No rent, just late fees
Neighbourhood Tour Guide: Felix Larson By Holly Culp Catering to students and life-long bachelors, the Murray Library is a littleknown neighbourhood that is rapidly growing. Felix Larson has lived in the Murray Library since December of 2010 and has witnessed first-hand how fast the area is growing. He cites the Place Riel renovation as a massive draw to the area and feels more and more people are becoming aware of this blossoming community. Q: Why did you move to the Murray Library? A: Out of necessity, mostly. I was hanging out here all the time anyway, and I asked myself, ‘Why not just live here?’ So I packed my backpack and I’ve been living here ever since. Q: Do you have everything you need out here? A: There are babes and washrooms and places to hide and really excellent IT support. What else do you need?
Larson feels as though he has access to everything he needs in the Murray Library. fridges photo by raisa pezderic
Q: What was the deciding factor in your decision to move here? A: The babes. Plus, I got in a fight with my mom. Q: In 2010? A: Yeah, I haven’t really been back since. This is my home now. So screw you, mom. Q: How has living here affected your love life? A: Just living here is like having a one-stop date shop. I’ll take her to the Cove for a slice and once I destroy her at air hockey, she’ll be demoralized enough to come back to my pad — which is subject to change at any moment. It’s definitely made for some exciting sexy time but also some nasty run-ins with the custodial staff. Q: How do you like your neighbours? A: Most of my neighbours are less like neighbours and more like comrades-in-arms. We keep each other posted on events where there’s free pizza and keep each other in mind whilst riffling through the Free Box. Things can get a little sticky if some noob hones in on your territory though.
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After over a year, Larson has become an expert at dodging library security. fridges photo by raisa pezderic
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coloUr me Kony
Outside the lines
thesheaf.com/fridges
Each week Brianna Whitmore creates an illustration meant to capture the small moments in life. Readers can colour the picture, have a photo taken with the finished product and email it to Fridges at fridges@thesheaf.com. One winner will be chosen each week and receive whatever we goddamn please.
Last week’s contest winner is Li’l Max Scweisser. This little dude doesn’t play by anyone’s rules but his own, so he said fuck off to the picture of a dumb kitty cat or whatever dumb shit the rest of you sheep sent in last week, and expressed himself like a god damn grown man. Max, you’re a man in the style of Burt Reynolds or Sean Connery. We’re sending you a two-six and a blow-up doll.
Coming soon to Place Riel:
Pete’s Build-A-Bear & Taxidermy The stuffing’s on us!