Perspective
9/19/08 |The Roanoke Star-Sentinel |Page 5
TheRoanokeStar.com
Some of us just don’t look our age It’s summer reading accountability time
T
he Summer Olympics are over. Michael Phelps is back on dry land and several “sixteen year-old” child gymnasts are proudly displaying their medals in a Beijing fifth grade show-and-tell session. The Chinese women’s gymnastics team was truly spectacular whatever age they claimed during the games. Why should gymnastics have an age limit anyway? The controversy sparked a rare competitive instance where participants were suspected to be too young. Normally such disputes involve a bearded Little Leaguer mowing down frightened batters who, unlike their opponent, did not drive themselves to the ballpark. I was born looking old. Nearly fifty, I can honestly say that I was asked for age verifying identification only once in my life. Annually the neighborhood known as “Little Italy” situated in the lower east side of Manhattan stages the San Genarro Festival, a fund raising street carnival which attracts thousands of people daily. In 1980 I attended the gala with Roni, a young lady who I had just started dating. We strolled along the carnival booths, snacking on Neapolitan delicacies until we reached an odd looking man standing on the corner of Mulberry and Grand Streets. The gentleman was guessing people’s weights, ages and birthdays with remarkable accuracy. Surrounded by an enormous crowd, the man amazed the group with his skills, never presenting a single customer with any of the trinkets meant for someone who could stump him. Not one teddy bear or slide-whistle left that booth, at least until I came along. Chided by my charming companion, I stepped before
this would be psyting in his booth chic, paid my dolsince the early sevlar and dared him enties. Bereft of any to guess my age. vanity, the intrepid Placing his hand on Roni accepted the his chin, the man challenge and the looked me up and crowd quickly reasdown for a little over sembled. a minute, scribbling It took just secsomething on his onds for the leaky pad only to cross clairvoyant to proJon Kaufman it out again. The nounce her twentycrowd was growyears old and three ing restless. Finally, the man months. The crowd grew siwas ready. His clasped hands lent as a broad smile lit Roni’s tossed high into the air, the face. “Mister, you are way off would-be prophet boldly an- she announced proudly, I’m nounced “this gentleman is 29 only sixteen!” years old and was born in late I couldn’t believe it. Honestly, April”! The crowd stood silent I had no idea! Instantly, sweat awaiting my authentification. covered my body like a tropical Everyone was starring at me storm passing over Cuba, as two including Roni. I approached hundred judging eyes burned the man and assured him that through my skull. Roni lifted I was but twenty-one years old her Holy Trinity High School and was born in mid-Decem- student ID from her pocketber. Roni looked relieved and book as proof of her tender a somewhat angry horde vehe- years, while I quickly pondered mently demanded my birth- my exit strategy. I had managed date credentials. Producing to go from world weary youth my wallet for the mob to clear- to pervert in 6.4 seconds. ly see, I handed my driver’s Showered with a hail of catlicense to the fallen prophet calls, I wrestled Scooby onto my who sought to substantiate shoulders and (ironically) made my claim. Upon studying my haste for the safety of Chinapermit briefly, the stunned town. Roni explained that she seer drew close to me and didn’t think her age would be whispered something under a problem and that she always his breath. “You need to lay off liked “older” men (at twenty whatever you’ve been smoking one, that one hurt). In response pal, you look awful.” The dis- I explained that there are spetraught diviner begrudgingly cific laws that clearly illuminate handed me my well earned the prison sentence range for prize, a small teddy bear. The offenders such as myself, (innomob dispersed with a sigh of cent or not) and that I couldn’t defeat as Roni and I began to get off from work for that long a leave the scene. time period. Unwilling to relinquish his Roni, Scooby and I ended the title as “Mystic of Mulberry evening with a platonic meal Street” just yet, my former of Chinese cuisine. When the opponent stopped Roni and check arrived, my complimenI and offered us a double- tary fortune cookie read “Conor-nothing proposition. He fucius says: The greatest danger would guess Roni’s age within could be your stupidity.” Great, two months of her birth date now he tells me. against a four foot high stuffed replica of “Scooby-Doo” Contact Jon at which had probably been sitJon.Kaufman@sprint.com
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Do you know where your kids are?
t’s nearly Fall. The blush is upon the crabapples; the leaves are drying. It may be barely safe to go ahead and discuss . . . Summer Reading. Is it just at my house? Does this render your body limp at the thought, kind of like the “P” word, as in, “I have a “Project”” due…. It should be noted that I am either related to or friends with LOTS of wonderful, professional, admirable teachers, all of whom are probably going to get mad at me. I’m ok with that I guess, because I suspect I’m not alone. Each year I actually debate which level English the kids should take, mostly hinging on whether I want to look forward to a real summer, with lazy days, bare feet, pool, the whole thing, OR, whether I am prepared to enter the Summer Reading War Zone. The battle begins. Before school lets out, I say things like “don’t forget to find out where the summer reading books are” and “be sure I see your summer reading list so I have time to find them online, please.” Both comments go largely ignored until well into June. I figure if we can dump some of the trash out of the back packs in mid-June, I’m still in the game. By the end of June, the speech goes something like this: “Ok, guys, I’m not asking for much. All it would take is about an hour a day to do EVERYTHING I would like you to do. That includes room cleaning, instrument practicing, and just a little bit of your summer reading. Why, you can even vary the routine! The other 23 hours are yours. Please just commit one focused hour a day to the things you are responsible for.” Nice, really lenient ground rules, no big deal. I’ve done the
math, counted the notes (that’s like pages of their books, Cliff notes to us oldthe days of summer, er folks) while the and figured an hour high-schoolers tell a day should be fine. me that “NO ONE” I’m feeling optimisthey know has tic once again. We started their books can do this!! either. Without further I ponder this fact. ado, we’re into July. I picture all the stuNary a page has dents at my kids’ Cheryl Hodges been read, predictschool graduating ably. I’m trying to continue to year after year and realize maysquelch the truth which I al- be they didn’t start their books ready know. I’m in a battle, and until August either. I wither. I’m losing it. My summer is not Then rally. my own. Never has been. August speech: I remind myself that reading “OK THIS IS IT!! No one is the fundamental skill which has listened to me all summer enables our youth to succeed! and now it’s August. You have It enables adults to succeed! succeeded in disrespecting I have spent years worrying your parent once again. I have about whether video games are called and gotten the admisdestroying this generation, by sion forms for Hargrave and the subsequent re-wiring (or I’m not kidding. In addition to non-wiring I fear) of young making you read whatever they brains that will nevermore be say, you also have to make your able to reach the potential they bed every single morning and might have had? When I men- that is where you will be going tion this to my kids they roll unless you read BOTH books their eyes wearily. in the next 48 hours!!!” So I continue to hang in Major, major, major eye rollthere. Only in July, the speech ing. has been modified: About a week before school, “Guys. We are already into one book is usually read and July!! Now you can’t get away I’m not sure if both are actually with just an hour a day. I want read by the time school starts. I 25 - no 30 pages read each day do not want to know. Somehow no matter how long it takes. they always manage to do fine What page are you on any- in class and in due time, sumway??? I am no longer going mer reading is once again a disto stand by and let you sleep tant, though somewhat painful, until noon. You can’t go to the memory. pool unless you have done your It is absolutely not fair that reading.” sometime in September they So for one day, I get about get to say “I told you so” when 20 pages. I am placated. I have they get decent grades on their things to do. I move on. summer reading projects / That’s right. It’s now August. quizzes / whatever. School starts in a couple weeks. This is where I give them the I am wishing I hadn’t said BIG Eye Roll that only mom anything until now because I has really perfected. could have saved myself a lot of frustration. I am wonderContact Cheryl at ing whether I should tell the cvhodges@aol.com middle-schooler about Sparks
Taxpayers sign pledge not to vote for tax-raising politicians
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everal times in my columns, I have written how we are overtaxed. I once shared that the average middle class family turns over 50 percent of its income in taxes and fees to local, state, and federal government. I showed you the IRS statistics that the top 10 percent of income earners pays 71 percent of all income taxes. I also wrote about elderly people being forced out of their homes because their property taxes are more than their original mortgage payments of 30 years ago. You may have wondered what you could do to help stop this legalized theft. First, you can call and remind all your elected officials on a regular basis that you are taxed too much already. It really does help when they hear that from lots of you. Now there is another way you can reinforce that message yearround. This past week in Richmond, the nation’s largest taxpayers organization launched its nationwide “I Don’t Vote for Tax Hikers!” campaign. Many politicians often pledge to not raise taxes while campaigning, and some even put it in writing. But after the election is over, those pledges are often broken when those same politicians don't have the courage to cut budgets, and instead confiscate more of our income to pay for their irresponsible spending. In response, the National Taxpayers Union has created a unique pledge that lets taxpayers openly warn politicians that they will lose our votes if they support tax increases. At the NTU web site www.
NoTaxHikers.org, citizens can pledge to not vote for polinable government waste, fraud, and abuse, and yet we ticians who raise taxes. In return, signers will receive a are expected to turn over even more of our income to free bumper sticker declaring, “I Don’t Vote for Tax Hikthe politicians who run this system? ers.” These big government lovers always see things in As tens of thousands of bumper stickers begin to terms of how much government “needs” to pay for its populate our roads, they are intended to remind politiever-growing programs, but they have no compassion cians that besides the lobbyists who are always asking for for those of us who have to fund it all. They never ask more government money, there is another lobby out here how much you and your family need to pay your mort– one made up of taxpayers who are sick of footing the gage, put food on your table, put gas in your car, and bill. This is one pledge the politicians can't break, because just meet the daily expenses of life. They just know govthey aren't making it – we taxpayers are. ernment “needs more.” Why are government “needs” I’ve already seen newspaper editorials arguing that the considered more important than your family’s? Brian Gottstein pledge is too dogmatic. They throw out the discredited With the cost of everything from gas to food going argument that if we don’t raise taxes, we won’t have enough money up, an economy in rough shape, and unprecedented mortgage defor police, roads, schools, etc. Scare tactics; not the truth. When faults, taxpayers cannot afford another elected official who will dig government already takes ONE THIRD of all income produced in deeper into our wallets to increase the size of government. the U.S., and still doesn’t have enough to fund these basic functions, Contrary to what you might think, some politicians actually like there is some serious misappropriation going on. Government has the idea of a taxpayer pledge. Virginia Attorney General candidate more than enough money. The problem is all the other things gov- and state Senator Ken Cuccinelli said, “I’m glad to see something is ernment funds with our money: sexual aids for seniors covered being done to reinforce that the taxpayers are the sovereigns who under Medicare, billions in foreign aid to countries that hate us, hold control over government, and not the other way around.” money to pay corporate farmers not to plant crops, and multi-bil- There’s someone who gets it. lion dollar bailouts of private companies that failed because of the Contact Brian at greed of their management. We see stories every day of unimagibgottstein1@yahoo.com
As you age, your eyes change and can become more prone to disease. Cataracts, glaucoma and macular degeneration are just a few of the conditions that may cause problems with your vision. Learn about these and other conditions as well as treatment options.
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