Metro Spirit 12.15.2011 by Metro Spirit

TABLE of CONTENTS

OPEN DAILY 6AM-2PM | CATERING 706.228.4883 North Augusta next to Big Lots | 404 E. Martintown Rd Martinez next to K-mart | 3830 Washington Rd

Red, White and YOU. Try our Red Velvet Pancakes!

GRILL

sunrise B R E A K F A S T

whine line - TOM TOMORROW - LETTER TO THE METRO SPIRIT - INSIDER - AUSTIN RHODES metro - NY TIMES CROSSWORD - RUFFIN’ IT - FEATURE - AUGUSTA TEK are you not entertained - CALENDAR - SIGHTINGS the8 - ART 45 slab - ASTROLOGY - IN MUSIC -CUISINE SCENE - BALL - AMY ALKON: ADVICE GODDESS - JENNY IS WRIGHT

04 04 05 06 08 09 11 12 16 20 23 24 39 41 43 45 50 51 53 56 57 58

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? 706.496.2535 or 706.373.3636 AmyChristian|production director amy@themetrospirit.com

JoeWhite|publisher-sales manager joe@themetrospirit.com

GabrielVega|lead designer gabe@themetrospirit.com

BrendaCarter|account executive brenda@themetrospirit.com

EricJohnson|writer eric@themetrospirit.com

LigéHaab|account executive lige@themetrospirit.com

RobertLong|writer robert@themetrospirit.com

LaurenRoman|account executive lauren@themetrospirit.com

JenniferPoole|publisher’s assisstant jennifer@themetrospirit.com

JohnnyBeckworth|circulation manager johnny@themetrospirit.com

AmyPerkins|editorial intern

MichaelJohnson|sightings

ErinGarrett|photography intern

JordanWhite|design intern

B U R G E R S

Inactivity Doesn’t Have to Slow You Down Rehab Plus Wellness Program*

Let our wellness experts help you get back up to speed. • • • • • •

Supportive assistance for people with physical limitations Accessible gym based wellness equiptment Heated pool with lift and wheelchair ramp Functional Electric Stimulation (FES) Cycle for spinal injured** Low monthly fee based on selected activities Curb-side parking!

* Provided by Walton Foundation ** Provided by the Knox Foundation * Available for previous outpatient clients of Walton.

Ability

Independence

Recovery

COVER DESIGN | KRUHU.COM

Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our paper appear views from across the political and social spectrum. The views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us at metrospirit.com.© 15 House, LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. Reproduction or use without permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

V. 22 | NO. 68

1355 Independence Drive • Augusta, Georgia 30901 (706) 823-8504 • Toll Free 1-866-4-WALTON • www.wrh.org

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

WHINELINE Tebow is the antichrist. That “soon to be” Magnolia Trace development has sure ignited a red-hot firestorm. Wait a minute - are some “well to do” Christians making pre-judgements on some “not so well to do” Christians that may be moving on to their turf? Isn’t that hypocrisy courtesy of Matthew 7:1-2 and Romans 2:1? That’s why I love Christians - they’re so blind to their actions that they can’t see their own hypocrisy. I’m already dreading Christmas. I will have to listen to my hypocrite brother preach about the environment, fracking, and politics while his stupid vizsla dog is constantly jumping up on the counter for food. I need more eggnog, stat! Zane Liden did not make us feel bad about filing for bankruptcy. He was great. WE had tried everything to keep this from happening. We felt embarrassed about having to go this route but Zane was great and made us feel better. I find it amusing how there is always an 800% increase in the homeless population during the holiday season. The other day I witnessed a “homeless” man gather money at a traffic light, walk into a convenient store to purchase alcohol, and then drive off in his car. Donating money is good, but best given to a reputable charity. Roadside memorials are acceptable after the loss of someone. But leaving these memorials there for more than a couple weeks are making our roads look like graveyards. How come I don’t never see none of them “sghiting”pitchers of real folks down here at the real bars on lower

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

Broad St. All I ever see is these here pretty/shiney folks up there in them late-da, fancy-prancy dancing and posing boutiques. Hey, we’d like to have our pitchure taken too. So what if we’re ugly. Grab that camera and come on down here. Put on the ugly filter lens. We’ll be waiting for you. Would it be posible to fill two basketball teams, one with people who believe Austin Rhodes’ tough guy stories, the other with adults who use movies to justify their middle school solutions to real problems? How about two ping pong teams? I am consistently catching the red lights when crossing over St. Delay Way, I mean St. Sebastian Way. I, along with many other cars, sit there for 2-3 minutes and not a single car will pass on St. Sebastian. Same thing goes for the turning lanes at the Riverwatch/ Alexander intersection. Can someone please tell me who is responsible for the engineering/monitoring of these traffic lights?? People in Columbia County need to remember what else their beloved commissioners did to them besides ramming Magnolia Trace down their throats. Anybody recall the methadone clinic on Washington Rd? Sounds like Ron Double Cross and his sidekick Trey Allen have done it to ya again! WOW! Harvard Review contributor Robert Long writing for the SPIRIT. I will pick it up more often. People! People! People! PLEASE! learn how to drive. LEARN how to use the left hand turn lane. LEARN how to take your turns at a four way stop. LEARN what to do if the trafic lights go out... ooopsy you have to treat it like a four

way stop. Above all, do not make up your own road rules! You are not being polite to break the established road rules on a whim -- those of you who do are placing drivers at risk. The most polite thing you can do it JUST FOLLOW THE ROAD RULES.

Everyday I witness people throwing their cigarette butts out their car window and trash flying out of the beds of pickup trucks. I would love to see the police officers start fining people for littering. Littering is against the law, isn’t it?? Oh wait, this is Dirty South, nevermind.

Hey, you folks in Columbia County sure are sweating over that “low class” neighborhood they’re building. For some reason everyone seems scared to use words like “ghetto” or “trash” or “welfare suckers”. But we all knew what you meant. Secondly, I feel for you. I live in South Augusta and you only know half of the problems you face. Schools will be crowded because of families that have 5 or 6 kids, and, yes test scores WILL drop. Soon you won’t feel safe walking around your neighborhood. And you won’t let your kids leave the house like you do now. But look on the bright side. You won ‘t have to go too far to get your crack or a $6 hooker.

Lamar Odom from the Los Angeles Lakers to the Dallas Mavericks, eh? Stick this to your refrigerator door for future reference - Kardashian divorce number two happens within one year. Don’t you think that Newt is scared to death wondering when Austin’s blackmail story reaches the national media. I, for one, cannot wait for Newt to show up on Austin’s show and have to explain it. I had the pleasure of seeing Cameras, Guns, and Radios play at a party this weekend. These guys are good. I can’t wait to see them somewhere downtown.

up THUMBS

Alec Baldwin: American treasure, indeed.

down THUMBS

To outrage over Mitt Romney’s challenging Rick Perry to a $10,000 bet. That’s what makes him out of touch with voters? C’mon.

V. 22 | NO. 68

WHINELINE@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

INJURED? 1-855-91-INJURED AugustaAutoAccidents.com – c a r e e r

e d u c a t i o n –

A BETTER JOB.

WERECOMMEND LETTER TO THE METRO SPIRIT Cab Companies Aren’t Supposed to Rip Off Soldiers I want to comment on behalf of cab drivers. I am a driver and want to say there are some who do charge soldiers an outrageous price (the company who has the contract with Fort Gordon). The rule is if a soldier is coming from or to base (if you are riding with the contract cab), if there is one person, it is $18; two people, it is $9 each; three or more it is $8 each (with non-contract cabs and even contract cabs going anywhere else beside to and from base). No matter how many people ride, the cab is to run the meter (usually $2.65 drop and $2.10 a mile plus tax) and everyone splits the price. If it is more than four people, there is a dollar per person extra. That’s how it is supposed to go. Benjamin Barrett Augusta

A better future. Change your future and your life with a rewarding career. Miller-Motte offers career training programs in: Cosmetology, Health Information Technology, Massage Therapy, Medical Assisting, Medical Laboratory Technician, Many More! CAREER TRAINING PROGRAMS MAY VARY BY CAMPUS. FINANCIAL AID AVAILABLE TO THOSE WHO QUALIFY. AUTHORIZED BY THE NONPUBLIC POSTSECONDARY EDUCATIONAL ACT OF 1990.

Classes are forming. Call toll-free today!

(866) 425-0032

We recommend you visit isitchristmas.com, or direct your pestering children to it. This snarky website features the word “NO” and nothing else — presumably, it changes on December 25. Also check out its cousins, ismycomputeron.com, isosamadead.com, isitfriday.org, isobamapresident.com, and abevigoda.com.

www.Miller-Motte.edu

Changing Futures. Changing Lives.® For more information about our graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed these programs, and other important information, please visit our website at: disclosure.miller-motte.edu

621 nw frontage road, augusta, ga 30907 V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

INSIDER

Insider is an anonymous, opinion-based examination of the hidden details of Augusta politics and personalities.

Strange Tales from Billy Morris’ Daily Paper in Athens Athens folks are fed up with the corporate newspeak and conservative crankiness of Augusta oligarchs Billy Morris and son. The Morris-owned Athens BannerHerald is downsizing by selling off the huge downtown building which Morris built in the early 1990s to house the paper. (Fun fact: Morris Publishing Group owns more than three dozen papers, and not just regional ones you’d expect like the Augusta Chronicle and the Savannah, Athens and Jacksonville dailies. Morris also publishes the Topeka Capital-Journal, the Brainerd Dispatch of Brainerd, Minnesota (pop. 14,000) and the Peninsula Clarion of Kenai, Alaska (pop: 8,000), to name a few.) On Thursday, December 8, a short, unattributed story showed up in Athens Banner-Herald. “Morris sells Athens newspaper building,” it announced, explaining that a Colorado company called Lulscal would be buying the building and keeping the Banner-Herald there under lease. According to the story, this was no downsizing but a bold, sexy move, “allowing the paper to utilize significantly less space as it transitions to a digital first model, which places a premium on rapid deployment of news and interactive

features while requiring significantly less physical space.” Hurray! The way that this austerity measure is spun — using sheer quantity of corporate buzzwords — is laughable. So is the fact that it was published in the paper like just another article, with no byline indicating that it was written by a PR flack at the paper’s parent company. (The same article ran with a “Morris News Service” byline on the Augusta Chronicle website, with no disclosure of the affiliation between the Chronicle and the Banner-Herald). It’s not the first time Morris Publishing has slipped a press release into a paper it holds without disclosure. Morris Publishing did the same thing to inform its Banner-Herald employees of acrossthe-board pay cuts in 2009. Since the news broke late in the evening, most newspaper employees found out about their pay cuts from a “news” story in their own morning paper. But the press release was the least weird thing about this sale, say sources in Athens close to the deal. The city is in the midst of a bitter dispute over a parcel of land right next to downtown Athens that a developer wants to turn into a gigantic Walmart. Morris’ Banner-Herald has consistently slanted coverage of the controversy

over Walmart, first by downplaying any rumors of Walmart coming, and now by systematically trying to discredit opposition to it, including an online petition with several signatures. Turns out that the building is right across the street from the Walmart. And that the broker for the deal was previously involved in a plan for the land across the street that was nixed just before the Walmart came in. “I’m not going to say that their coverage has been deliberately slanted to favor this Walmart in order to keep their negotiations for the sale of their own property from getting more complicated,” explains a source close to the deal. “But one would be forgiven for wondering about that.” In any case, Morris should never have built the building anyway, says a downtown resident. “It was just unfathomably stupid for them to build.” For many Athenians, he says, the building Morris built is an emblem of everything that is wrong with his management style. “You can’t find a more classic example of hubris,” he says. “They thought that they were going to continue expanding their empire and the damn thing has been three quarters empty since they moved. They’ve been throwing away

money in this giant building that has taken up an incredibly crucial piece of downtown real estate. It’s this monument to their own arrogance.” To add insult to injury, sources in Athens are pretty sure that when the article/ press release floats “options that could improve our print production capabilties,” it means moving the printing of the BannerHerald to Augusta. Billy Morris might be an oligarch, but at least he’s our oligarch. We can take a hometown sort of pride in having our daily newspaper, riverfront and kitchen sink owned by the Morrises. In Athens, on the other hand, some people are just plain mad. Jason Winders, a former executive editor of the Athens Banner-Herald who resigned in 2009, thundered against Billy Morris in 2010 in an article in the Athens weekly Flagpole. Winders lambasts Morris as “a man so removed from the truth that reality has become perverted to a point where he actually believes his own bullshit.” But his most heinous crime? Absence. “Might have been nice for Billy to have shown up,” Winders fumes, “when pay and jobs were being cut.” Morris preferred to be in lovely Augusta. We should be proud of that.

on using the taxpayers’ money.” Yeah, like that softens the blow. Like all echoes, this one was a little bit weaker than the original and kind of sad, not that the first time around was all that forceful. But watching reruns is seldom as interesting as watching the original, even if the show is pretty cheesy. Or pretentious. “I hope we can get through this agenda item without any ruffled feathers,” he told

the other commissioners, as if they really cared. “That’s not the intent, but it is something that’s necessary. I tried it once before and I didn’t get past first base.” This time, only Alvin Mason had anything to say, and even he didn’t seem that committed. Echoes rattle around more when no one else gives a crap.

Do You Hear What I Hear? do you hear what i hear?

There was an echo in the commission chambers this week when Bill Lockett once again put his request for a forensic audit on the Administrative Services Committee agenda. Rather than admit defeat on things like the TEE Center Parking Deck, the Patch, privatization of the transit system and just about everything else the commission has tackled over the last year, it seems Lockett would rather just have his

colleagues investigated. Not that he’d ever come out and say they did anything wrong, of course. “There are so many questions dealing with the TEE Center parking deck that cry out for an investigation,” he said. “I’m not suggesting that any illegal activity occurred, but I do know for a fact that lots of the residents of Richmond County and the surrounding area are concerned about what has gone

IF YOU’RE GONNA USE ME, AT LEAST USE ME RIGHT! Reservations appreciated (not required| free of charge)

AUGUSTA’S ONLY BIG GREEN EGG COOKING CLASS EVERY TUESDAY 5:30PM UNTIL HOLIDAY HAM!!! 1242 Broad St. | Across from Pizza Joint 6

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

IdRatherBeFireside.com V. 22 | NO. 68

INSIDER@THEMETROSPIRIT.COM

Does Harbin Matter?

Or has he become just another one of those people we send to Atlanta There was a time when Ben Harbin mattered. As the chairman of the House Appropriations Committee, he was one of the most powerful Republicans in the state, a good-looking, smarttalking politician who hobnobbed with the big boys. Hobnob too much and you forget to hit the brakes. Harbin, of course, made headlines in 2007 for his DUI arrest when he crashed his car on Memorial Drive in Atlanta in the wee small hours of a Sunday morning. Recently, however, Harbin pushed himself center stage by authoring and pre-filing House Bill 676, which will probably be called something like the Jerry Sandusky Bill after the Penn State assistant football coach whose alleged child molestations years ago managed to bring down most of the vaunted Penn State football program. The bill removes the statute of limitations on reporting incidents of child molestation. “The recent events at Penn State University and at Syracuse University have strengthened my resolve to move this bill quickly through the House and Senate as the current seven year statute of limitations on reporting acts of molestation makes Georgia a prime hunting ground for those

who would prey on our children,” he wrote in a press release. “I for one will not stand idly by and allow monsters to go unpunished by a technicality.” While getting sexual predators off the streets is obviously a laudable endeavor, it’s interesting that Harbin would make it a priority going into the new legislative season. For one thing, targeting these “monsters” right now is kind of like going up against Big Oil during the BP oil spill. It doesn’t necessarily make it unwise, but it does smell a bit of opportunism, and there was a time when Harbin didn’t need coattails to get things done. Plus, pushing such a thing through now — something he was unable to do once before — uses public outrage over a couple of gruesome, mediasaturated examples to tip scales which, if conventionally weighted, might remain untipped. Though obviously no one wants any child molesters to go unpunished, some experts are doubtful an open-ended statute of limitations would only ensnare the guilty. Either way, though, at this time, it seems like the kind of bill a lessaccomplished legislator should be handling… unless, perhaps, Harbin’s stock has fallen farther than we thought.

Gift! TO P N O T C H E X P R E S S C A RWA S H . C O M

The Perfect

SOUTH AUGUSTA

Windsor Spring Rd. • 706.793.3762

WASHINGTON ROAD

Next to Red Lobster • 706.738.0753

EVANS

Thru December 30th! Pine Mountain, Ga

Across from Evans Cinema • 706.868.1450

AUGUSTA MALL

Across from the mall • 706.738.1300

MARTINEZ

Across from K-MART • 706.868.1550 V. 22 | NO. 68

Pine Mountain, Ga Full Service Washes (We Vacuum) Express Washes (You Vacuum) Detail Services • Oil Changes

The most spectacular holiday light and sound show in the south! CALLAWAYGARDENS.COM METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

AUSTINRHODES

The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

Four More Years for Strength? Howard Strength was a 69-year-old career Richmond County law enforcement officer who always promised his family that he was going to retire and enjoy time with his loved ones “next year.” He was busy in his office at 401 Walton Way (the Law Enforcement Center) on a normal day when he took ill and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital. He died a few days later, suffering from a series of strokes that came out of the blue. As much as he may have loved his career and his public service, I can guarantee you that Howard Strength would not have wanted his last productive day on Earth spent in that godforsaken building, cleaning up society’s godforsaken messes. The thought of his father’s passing and his retirement procrastination must haunt Richmond County’s current chief, Sheriff Ronnie Strength. He was made well aware of his own mortality some 19 years ago, when he awoke from what was supposed to be a routine heart catheterization to find that the doctors were forced to perform emergency double bypass surgery to correct what has

been described as a 90 percent blockage. The sheriff turns 67 on January 15. Over the course of the last few months, Strength has been put under more pressure to run for one more term than he thought was possible. At this point, he says no. There are two men within his department who have told friends and family they are both ready to run. One has the sheriff’s blessing; the other apparently does not. Ironically, the one who likely will not have the blessing of the veteran chief lawman is his own brother-in-law. Robbie Silas is the brother of the sheriff’s wife, Patti. I am told by many in the department that he is one of the finest road patrol deputies in the state. They say if we had 25 Robbie Silases, we would have the cleanest streets this side of Singapore. It has been his life-long dream to one day be sheriff, and he has been waiting on his elder to retire. Well... there is one problem. The sheriff apparently does not agree with those plans. Everyone in area law enforcement knows that Strength’s hand-picked successor is Captain Scott Peebles, and a finer young

officer you can not find on the force. He has been sent through the best training, he has been given some of the toughest assignments and he has been put on the media’s center stage, where he has thrived as the bright lights burned at all hours of the night. Strength, at this point, will not declare Peebles his heir apparent, but only a fool would doubt that he is. In some political situations, that may be a liability, but when it comes to law enforcement, particularly in this day and age, only a complete dolt would reject the kind of experience and trial by fire that Peebles has been put through. Of course, the man who gets most attention in the conversation about the next sheriff is Richard Roundtree, but given his appalling behavior as a Richmond County investigator (leaving weapons laying around a vacated rental property, improperly checking out files and failing to return them, and his unconventional visits with female prisoners) and his less than stellar track record on the job during daylight hours, it

is amazing that he still has a badge, much less that he may be your next sheriff. Because of the political realities of Richmond County, and the fact that both Silas and Peebles are white and Roundtree is black, there is enormous pressure being brought to bear on Sheriff Strength to hold off retirement just a bit longer. To that, I say this: The voters of Richmond County rejected by a 2 to 1 margin black mayoral candidates in favor of Deke Copenhaver, not once, but twice. Scott Peebles comes to the table 10 times more qualified than Deke ever was, and he will be running against a far, far inferior black candidate than the mayor ever did. Don’t discount Peebles’ ability to win the general election against Roundtree in similar fashion, given the chance to do it. But I will say there is no way Peebles beats Roundtree in a Democratic primary next year. Not with the congressional races going the way they are. No how, no way. If I had to predict right now, I say Sheriff Strength is going to be around for a while.

Celebrating our our Sixth Sixth Anniversary Anniversary in in Martinez! Martinez! Celebrating Always made from scratch for discerning taste buds.

BUY ONE,

GET ONE FREE FOUR PIECECHICKEN STRIP MEAL MARTINEZ LOCATION ONLY | 3909 Washington Rd

ONE PER CUSTOMER | NO SUBSTITUTES MAY NOT BE COMBINED WITH ANY OTHER DISCOUNT OFFER expires 12.21.11

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRONEWS

ROBERTLONG

Jailhouse Rock

Officials hope fewer prisoners mean more savings

THE JAIL AT 401 WALTON WAY With Augusta’s budget woes affecting every city department, the last thing officials want to be overspending on is feeding and housing prisoners. According to the newly released 2012 fiscal year budget, the Sheriff’s Office anticipates saving taxpayers at least $1.5 million next year from reductions in the prison budget. The county will save money by keeping less people in jail, and by moving more prisoners from the jail at 401 Walton Way to the Charles B. Webster County Detention Center on Phinizy Road. In the past, those two facilities held 1,300 prisoners combined. Now the plan is to operate at around 1,000 prisoners. Of course, the number of prisoners fluctuates day-to-day. On Friday, December 9, Chief Jailer Gene Johnson reported that there were 845 inmates at the Phinizy facility, and about 80 in the 401 Walton one. But he noted, with a small chuckle, that that number would surely climb by about 100 over the weekend — even more if a narcotics raid was scheduled. At any give time, the jail system holds two types of prisoners: those V. 22 | NO. 68

awaiting trial and those serving sentences. Lowering the first category, says Sheriff Ronnie Strength, most easily reduces jail populations. “We ask the courts to bring them up to the court as soon as possible and to review the case and to make a decision,” he explains, “instead of them staying in the jail for two, three weeks before they get into the courts.” Moving prisoners from 401, which is old and inefficient, to the new facility at Phinizy Road, will also save money. Major Gene Johnson, who oversees all jail operations, says that by mid January he hopes to have trained enough guards to open up a new pod at Phinizy, so that they can transfer the last of the prisoners serving sentences from 401. “The only ones we’ll keep downtown are ones we arrest in the afternoon or night,” he says, “and we’ll transfer them out here next morning.” When the Phinizy facility gets a booking station, even that will be unnecessary and 401 will be completely empty of prisoners. Strength is adamant that no money will come out of the budget for

personnel — the number of officers patrolling and responding to calls. He says he often gets calls from people complaining that he is going to reduce the number of police officers. “They’re upset,” he says. “And I explain to them: I will not cut personnel.” Administrator Fred Russell agrees wholeheartedly. What’s less clear is what to call the changes (cuts? savings?) or why (as opposed to how) they’re being made. For one, who asked for them? Russell implies that the reduced budget is just the accounting catching up to reality. “We both recognized that when you budgeted in the past for 1,300 inmates at the cost of ‘x’ dollars,” he says, “and you reduce the number of inmates, there’s going be savings there.” But it’s hard to say that’s not a cut, since the saved money doesn’t stay in the Sheriff’s Office, and since the sheriff says he could use that saved money for other things in his own department — more personnel, for example. Strength calls levels of personnel “steady,” but notes that in 2000 there were 32 more police officers

than there are now. But the money being saved on jails won’t go to get more personnel, which he acknowledges he asks for every year. “Do we feel that we are understaffed?” he says. “We do.” Still, Strength affirms his appreciation for the support the commission shows him. And he thinks he can do even better than the $1.5 million number. “The money that we’ll save over the course of the year,” he says, “will definitely be more than the $1.5 million they asked me to reduce.” He predicts $2 to $2.5 million a year. Commissioners involved in the budget process praise Strength’s work and say that the cuts will not affect his ability to do his job. District 1 Commissioner Matt Aitken referred to 401 “a money pit” and looked forward to greater efficiency in the jail system as prisoners move out to Phinizy Road. When asked if he thought coverage of the cuts/savings had been fair so far, District 1 Commissioner Matt Aitken responded, “I don’t read the paper.”

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

ONE ONEHOPE Wines are created with Rob Mondavi Jr. in Napa

n O t i t e

G s ’ t e L

Valley, CA. With every glass or bottle purchased HALF of ONEHOPE’s profits are donated to partner charities.

SAUVIGNON BLANC

Supports the fight to save Our Planet. Stainless steel fermented, our Sauvignon Blanc is pale straw in color with flavors of pink grapefruit and slight undertones of grass. Its refreshing and bright acidity makes this a memorable wine.

CHARDONNAY Supports the fight against Breast Cancer. Our Chardonnay displays aromas of fresh apple blossom and honey suckle. Flavors of crisp pear and apple compliment its balance of oak and bright acidity.

MERLOT Supports the fight against AIDS. Our Merlot is a bright cherry color with subtle notes of toasty spice from aging in a combination of American and French oak. It’s rich tannins make it an easy match with any meal.

PINOT NOIR RESERVE

Supports Children’s Hospitals. Our Pinot Noir holds deep on the nose, aromas of raspberries, blackberries and roses. This delicate grape harnesses a lush velvety texture, balanced by structure and a long rich finish.

ZINFANDEL

Supports the families of fallen troops. Deep red in color this Zinfandel has plum, black cherry and dark fruit flavors in addition to the hints of pepper and spice on the finish.

CABERNET SAUVIGNON Supports the fight against Autism. Dark Ruby in color with aromas of black cherry and a hint of tabaco. It is aged in American and French oak to give it a layer of spice and soft tannins.

WWW.ONEHOPEWINE.COM FACEbOOk.COM/ONEHOPEWINE @ONEHOPEwiNE

December 22nd and 29th To list your restaurant or bar or for general advertising questions, email joe@themetrospirit.com

10 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

SWAPPING PARTNERS By Kelsey Blakley / Edited by Will Shortz

41 Antarctica’s ___ Ice Shelf 42 Votary 44 Became discouraged 47 NyQuil targets 48 “Hamlet” courtier 49 Downright 50 Nickname for Theresa 53 “Leather,” in baseball 55 Generous leeway 58 Onetime Procter & Gamble shampoo 59 Churl 60 Be contiguous to 61 Pages (through) 63 Kind of force 65 Corner joint 66 How some sandwiches are made 67 Wallowing sites 69 Cause of a breakdown 70 ___ of Venice DOWN 75 Movie genre 1 Many Little League coaches 77 Element used for shielding 2 “Popular Fallacies” writer nuclear reactors 3 One starting a stampede, maybe? 78 Rank below capt. 4 Much-read collection of verses 79 Möbius strip, e.g. 5 Suppose 6 Rub with ointment, as in a religious 80 Troops’ harvest? 81 Athletic supporters? ceremony 82 Title below marquis 7 Skewbald 85 Big name in faucets 8 Bread spread 88 Balcony window 9 Burrow, for some 90 “What’s it gonna be?” 10 Qualified 91 Whip 11 “___ and the Real Girl” (2007 93 Some “Men in Black” movie) characters, for short 12 Up 95 Card game akin to Authors 13 Criminal patterns, briefly 96 Time for the balcony scene in 14 Hostess ___ Balls “Romeo and Juliet” 15 Up in arms 98 Managed 16 “WarGames” grp. 17 “The George & ___ Show” (old talk 99 “The Faerie Queene” character 100 It may punctuate a court order series) 101 Fence straddler 18 Submarine 104 Annual advertising award 24 Dilemma 107 It may come in buckets 26 Sets to zero 108 First name at Woodstock 29 Name sung over and over in a 109 Barnes & Noble electronic Monty Python skit reader 32 The last Pope Julius 111 Stuck in ___ 33 Década divisions 112 Tag callers? 35 Decorative tip on a lace 114 “Get it?” 36 ___-thon (literary event) 115 Bunch 37 English channel, familiarly, with 116 Reproachful cluck “the” 117 Mess up 38 Mark’s replacement 40 Counterpart of advertising 98 Starts, as a big meal 102 Business partner, often 103 Reciprocal function in trig 105 Very sore 106 Island hopper? 108 No voter 110 Herr’s her 113 Storyteller for Satan? 116 Improvement of a Standardbred’s gait? 118 “The ___ lama, he’s a priest”: Nash 119 Biology lab stain 120 Dense 121 Rend 122 Moolah 123 Prefix with history 124 Gorilla skilled in sign language 125 Kicks back

19 23

77 84

107

108

110

114

116

117

120

121

122

123

124

125

F U M A N C H U S C O O T S

115

109

119

M A D A M

O S H I V A B N E H O T N A M E M E R B R I T A I L T H H A N I T M O R S G C O N S T H A T E A T R H Y T T A L E M O E S A R O N S A F S O N F O B N E H E R Y L S O A S T A L N T H E N O S S H A C A U H E M I N I U R E A S T

112

104

113

E L I H U

111

103

118

D O R K S

96 102

106

105

71 75

64 70

101

100

46 54

45 52

10 21

28 31

PREVIOUSPUZZLEANSWERS

ACROSS 1 Secretaries, e.g. 6 Modern record holder? 10 Bucks 15 Take ___ (doze) 19 Dow Jones industrial with the N.Y.S.E. symbol “AA” 20 Cataract site 21 “The Ten Commandments” role 22 ___ contendere (court plea) 23 Anaïs Nin, e.g.? 25 Seizure at Sing Sing? 27 Title girl in a 1979 Fleetwood Mac hit 28 Reverse 29 Cause for a kid’s grounding 30 Heavenly: Prefix 31 Tech marvel of the 1940s 33 “Adam-12” call, briefly 34 Pioneering 37 Rice may be served in it 39 Heavenly voice of conscience? 43 Figure in Raphael’s “School of Athens” 45 Going to hell 46 Verbally attack, with “at” 51 Old switch attachment? 52 Wrong 54 Due 56 House of ___ (European dynasty) 57 Sailors’ spars 59 Specialty of a couples therapist? 62 “___ see it my way” (Beatles lyric) 63 Razzed 64 Adams and Falco 65 Israel’s Dayan 68 Dear 71 Capital and largest city of Ghana 72 Gathering of spies 73 Fjord, e.g. 74 Very good, in slang 76 Courtroom jacket? 79 Work in a chamber, say 83 Scrutinizer 84 Prone to acne, say 85 Food item prized in French cuisine 86 De Matteo of “Desperate Housewives” 87 Put right 89 “Yeah, r-i-i-ight!” 92 Hypnotist Franz 94 Circus performer in makeup? 97 Fashion inits.

N E A L E R O U G H N I G H T E G G O

E H R E N D H I A E Z E E N I A S E L S A P M S P E E N U S I E D S O L D A R H T A O B N S

O N E S

M O A T

D A Y D R E A M E R

S H O O I N

M C C O O

A H O Y S

E L V E S

S U N Y A T A S N E I N N I L L A

R R A A O F Y U R G O S A U D S I N E E D S A O D U F N A T A L H T E E E N D S E A T T R A S K S H U W I N T E A W D M I E I R S S L

M I G U E L

A T E R R E

O R A L E X A M

S E T P I E C E

E R R O R

R Y A N S

GOT FUNERAL PLANS?

Elliott Sons Funeral Homes ELLIOTTFUNERALHOME.COM

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 11

JOSHRUFFIN

The Unthinkable Happens

For me, at least; not for all the gay couples who want to spend the rest of their lives together

RUFFIN’IT

Augusta, I’m getting married. I don’t want to spend too much time talking about the proposal or engagement itself because, frankly, that’s not what’s important here. Suffice to say, I’m thrilled and genuinely happy. I popped the question three days ago, at the arboretum in Madison, Wisconsin. My fiancée cried, I was down on one knee and the sun was shining so brightly in my eyes that I’m

12 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

pretty sure it looked like I was tweaking as I asked her to marry me. A logistics expert I am not. And until I met this woman, marriage is something I never actually thought about. I even harbored some mild contempt towards the institution. But I fell in love. What do you do? It would be easy to relate this to our economy’s current death-crawl and, believe me, the financial implications of marriage do not escape us. We’re both in debt, with little to no income, and are moving up north to start pretty much from scratch. I’m looking at bartending jobs again, so if any of you holdovers from my Soul Bar happy hour days are feeling nostalgic, get on up here and I’ll treat you to a Mongolian Motherf***er for old times’ sake. But, like I said, that’s easy. Too easy. What’s difficult for me is the disconnect between my own personal joy and the dismay I feel when I’m

reminded that, throughout the majority of our country, others are not afforded the same right that my fiancée and I are. Couples that are as in love as any heterosexual couple I’ve ever seen. Don’t make me spell this out for you. You know who I’m talking about. And it’s not just that attempts to quash the constitutional (let alone romantic) rights of a single demographic are underhanded at best, and hypocritical at worst. Regarding the former, antigay marriage groups have come to understand that their borderline hate speech isn’t working anymore, and have resorted to outright threatening state representatives’ jobs if they don’t vote the way these groups want. Regarding the latter, public figures like Newt Gingrich are crowing about “preserving the sanctity of marriage.” Forgetting for the moment that the above-50 percent divorce rate in this country might be a good place to start if you really meant that statement, Gingrich left his first wife while she was being treated for cancer, and has

had two extramarital affairs. That we know of. Newt Gingrich has as much business complaining about the sanctity of marriage as Tim Tebow does writing lyrics for Slayer. Most infuriatingly, I feel guilty. It’s the same sort of sensation I get when I pass a homeless man on the street just after I’ve dropped $40 for a meal at some restaurant where the hipster waiter is just going to spend it on comically oversized glasses anyway. I’ve spent nearly every waking moment since proposing trying my damndest to not take it for granted, to keep things in perspective, but to also not let it get in the way of my stupidly overwhelming joy. And then… then someone like Gingrich or Santorum opens his mouth, or I read some news item about anti-gay lobbies. And the guilt returns. So it comes down to this: The antigay marriage laws and those who support them are now infringing on my inalienable right to the pursuit of happiness. All I want is to enjoy being in love, to be secure in the knowledge that I am supported not just by family and friends, but by the courts and by my government. Thanks to insecure, bigoted and misguided trumpeters of “traditional marriage,” it makes life that much more difficult. And if a good percentage of married or engaged heterosexual couples in this country are half as bothered by this as I am, then these groups are, by proxy, quashing the rights of a nation. In his book “The Parallax View,” Slavoj Zizek dissects the disparity between what we see, what we expect to see and the gap that represents actuality, for example our inability to pinpoint the lynchpin that binds together the human soul (i.e., opening someone up, going beyond the surface to find little more than bones and mush). This is how America must look to outsiders: On the surface, a land of opportunity, where citizens and elected officials are more cognizant of human rights and equality than anywhere else on the planet. Peeling back our epidermis, however, reveals a bolus of hypocrisy and national self-contradiction that, through its continued acquiescence to repressing a target demographic, in fact represses all of its citizens, its convictions and itself. ASU and Metro Spirit alum Josh Ruffin is a published journalist and poet, who just received his MFA from Georgia College & State University. He was once the most un-intimidating bouncer at Soul Bar.

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 13

ERICJOHNSON

Little River, Big Trouble

Corps shuts down longstanding marina as it looks for something new Pam Bugg is the owner of Little River Marina, one of the oldest businesses on Thurmond Lake, and she’s being told she has to leave. Specifically, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers, the organization that controls every aspect of the lake, from lake levels to the real estate around it, has decided not to renew her lease. “The Corps of Engineers is exercising its ability to make the area available to other interested parties by advertising it with a notice of availability to lease,” says Joyce McDonald, corporate communications officer for the Corps. “Once we issue the notice of availability, we want to distribute that far and wide.” McDonald says the Corps anticipates selecting a lessee within 90 days of issuing the availability, an ambitious timetable considering the economy and the fact that two other marinas on the lake are already for sale. Bugg, who took over the marina and the remainder of a 25-year lease after her divorced husband brought the business to the brink of foreclosure, inherited a business well known at the time for its wild parties. Beyond that, however, she took on a host of compliance issues that kept her in constant conflict with the Corps, EPD and Columbia County.

Several lawsuits, including a long battle with the tenants of a trailer park on the property, further compromised her ability to make the business successful, and she openly volunteers that she didn’t always pass the annual Corps assessments with flying colors. According to Bugg, however, those things are secondary to the fact that she was not given the new 25-year lease she says she was promised when she took over the resort. In

fact, she had thought she had signed just such a lease, but learned later that instead of a lease extension, what she had signed was simply a document changing the way she reimbursed the Corps for her profits, something all concessioners operating on the lake signed. While Bugg says she feels the move was deceptive, she does concede that she should have paid better attention to what she was signing. Bugg says she’s put over $300,000 of her inheritance into the business and the Corps is not allowing her to recoup anything other than the pieces she can sell off, like the docks, which will only bring her pennies on the dollar because of the brutal way the Great Recession has affected the lake economy. And then there’s the lake itself. This year she’s had to move her docks several times to adjust to the falling water, which has left the lake full of hazards. In the time she’s been at the marina, she says she’s been through nine and a half years of drought, three years of flood and two years of tornados. With luck like that, some might wonder why she’s persevered as long as she has, but she says the customers and visitors have become like family

to her and she’s enjoyed transforming the once raucous marina into a family friendly destination without alcohol, the only place like it on the lake. “I have been told there is nothing I have done or have not done but that the Corps is not renewing my lease simply because they can,” she wrote in a letter to her customers. “I am not being allowed to sell the marina, as I was first told, but instead am being forced to walk away with nothing.” Signs warning of the upcoming closing surround the entrance and the boat ramp, but the exact fate of the 130-acre site remains unclear, though the Corps says it will open the deep ramp on a limited basis on January 2. From what the Corps is saying, though, it sounds like it’s confident of luring a big money operation, and soon. “We look at several factors,” McDonald says. “We look at the design quality and the nature of the development and we look at the experience and background of the bidder. Of course, we also look at their financial capabilities.” One thing the Corps doesn’t do, however, is pick an operation by what would be the most profitable for the government. “We look at the recreation quality,” McDonald says, “and at this time we’re going to open it up to other interests and make sure that we get the best facility and the best recreation experience for the public.”

Cremation is not as expensive as you think.

$995 Pre-pay for a complete Direct Cremation 14 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

706.798.8886 for details V. 22 | NO. 68

On the Road Again

ERICJOHNSON

Springlakes project passes milestone while still short of completion Though Springlakes doesn’t have its drainage ditch completed, it at least has an open road. On Monday, December 12, Sandalwood Drive reopened to thru traffic, though the area is far from cleared. Heavy equipment continues to occupy the right-of-way adjacent to the road. On Friday, November 25, the contractor, Jeffery Harris Trucking, was given a termination notice for failing to finish the controversial project on time.

By county estimates, he was only 55 percent complete on the date he was supposed to be finished. While officials were understandably eager to get the project finished, getting the road open was the top priority, and according to Water Utility Director Billy Clayton, getting it open took a little firm negotiating. “The county administrator basically gave him a 10-day window to get the road open,” Clayton says. “That was our only option to get that road open in some kind of reasonable amount of time.” Clayton says Harris made some good progress during that 10-day period, and now that the road is open, the pressure is off a little, though he says they’re still continuing to push for a meeting as soon as possible. “Now, we’re in a stop scenario again until we sit down with both the contractor and his bonding agent and see how we want to proceed from here,”

V. 22 | NO. 68

he says. In other words, they’re pretty much where they left off at the beginning of the month, except Sandalwood is open and the residents of Springlakes are moving through the subdivision a little easier. As for the quality of the work, Clayton hesitates. “It took some doings, but we made sure it was all done according to specifications,” he says. “Now, if we can just get to the rest of it…”

Terror Case Moving Forward Workers sign up for chance to haunt bosses Jack Long, attorney for the Terror Town workers, assures the Metro Spirit that he’s now poised to move forward with his suit against the haunted house that workers allege refused to pay them. “I’m going to have something filed this week,” he said. “I’ve dictated it, I just haven’t gotten it finalized.” Though Long is refusing to talk about the case until the filing, he does hint that the anger directed toward the management of Terror Town has not abated. “We have over 60 plaintiffs that have signed up,” he says. “There are another 15 or so that haven’t quite finished all the paperwork.”

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 15

ERICJOHNSON

Eye on Traffic

Area governments green light camera-based traffic management systems

COLUMBIA COUNTY TRAFFIC CONTROL CENTER Glen Bollinger wants to put traffic reporters out of business, and as Columbia County’s traffic engineer, he’s got the technology to do it. From his command center in Building A of the Evans Government Center, Bollinger can monitor just about anything going on at Columbia County’s major intersections via his Intelligent Traffic System, which doesn’t just look at traffic, but adjusts to the changes in flow and alters the other intersections up and down the line. The program was initially up and running around February or March. “We got 11 intersections around the Evans Town Center area,” he says. “We tried them out there and we were

16 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

building toward getting our Traffic Control Center, so we just kind of piggybacked on top of it.” The Traffic Control Center is equal parts Big Brother and Mission Control, with a full wall of screens showing dozens of views of different intersections and hundreds of your friends and neighbors negotiating their way down the roads of Columbia County. Officials were so impressed with those first cameras that they went ahead and did a second phase, adding 10 more intersections on Washington Road all the way to Richmond County. Now, it’s a continuous system from the Evans Walmart to Pleasant Home Road. “We got so convinced by it, we

RICHMOND COUNTY TRAFFIC CONTROL CENTER actually decided to purchase the Rhythm System for every intersection in Columbia County,” Bollinger says. “We’re looking at the whole county as a system in order to manage the traffic system-wide, because we have so many corridors that cross corridors.

According to Bollinger, Rhythm has cornered the market on adaptive signal systems in the U.S., with about 500 systems in use nationwide. While older traffic management systems utilize ground sensors, called loops, Rhythm’s InSync System like the V. 22 | NO. 68

one used by Columbia County combines the data from the already installed loops with the data from the video cameras to give an accurate depiction of traffic. Video detection alone isn’t always accurate, since it can sometimes mistake shadows or fog or rain for traffic. “Since we already had the loops in the road, Rhythm developed a system to take the loop data and the camera data and compare them to make sure it’s a real vehicle,” he says. Connecting the loop to the camera increases the accuracy by 10 percent. Steve Cassell, Bollinger’s counterpart in Richmond County, is using the same system, though his Traffic Control Center, located in one of the outbuildings near the Municipal Building, is far less showy, consisting of a couple of flat screens and a few computers that manage the InSync cameras he has along Washington Road and Wrightsboro Road. In fact, the two counties are very close to linking systems, which would allow Washington Road traffic to sync up from the Evans Walmart all the way to Berkmans Road. Though his Traffic Control Center might not be as elaborate as Columbia County’s, Cassell does have to deal with Masters traffic each year, which means that for a week at least he gets an array of field operatives Columbia County can only dream of, including a crew from Georgia DOT, units from Atlanta’s HERO program, as well as a helicopter sent by the Georgia State Highway Patrol. “When you’re dealing with that much traffic in that short of time, everything is hanging by a thread,” he says. “Minutes — even seconds — count.” The InSync System in Richmond County (Bollinger calls it the Rhythm System because that’s the company name) went into operation on Wrightsboro Road in May and on Washington Road November 15. The connectivity of the system is a definite step up in technology. “A typical traffic signal — you’ll go out and make adjustments in the field and that’s pretty much your time of day plan until you change it again,” he says. “The InSync System is continuously changing and trying to optimize traffic flow.” Although the system has only been in place along Washington Road for a month, Cassell says his own morning commute is already much better. “We’ve done our before studies, but you want the system to kind of shake down before you start doing any after studies,” he says. “We’ll probably start those early next year.” In Columbia County, Bollinger has already documented the improvement along the first stretch of Washington Road, and the numbers are impressive. V. 22 | NO. 68

CAMERAS AT WASHINGTON RD & BASTON RD Based on average daily traffic of 40,000 vehicles, the study finds a daily benefit of 405 hours in reduced vehicle hours of traffic, a decrease in 164 gallons of fuel consumed and 35,840 stops eliminated. That adds up to a total economic benefit of $10,067 per day. “It reduced emissions,” he says. “It’s a green product because it keeps people from having to stop so much and keeps your average speed higher to where people can just go through.” Besides the adaptive signal cameras, each county has a number of Pan Tilt Zoom (PTZ) cameras, which allow the operator to control the camera’s direction and field of vision. These cameras help the traffic manager see beyond the fixed gaze of the InSync cameras so they can have a better understanding of the traffic pattern. That way, they can request adjustments from the Rhythm System operators, who are in Lenexa, Kansas, but nevertheless still have the ability to pull up the same scenes operators can see here in Augusta.

These PTZ cameras are the ones Augusta allows you to see online at augustatraffic.com. There, you can click on one of 12 cameras for a real-time view of intersections, on- and off-ramps and stretches of I-20. In Columbia County, Bollinger wants to string these PTZ cameras down as many roads as possible so that no section of major roadway is out of the camera’s gaze. Currently, the county has eight, most around the Evans Town Center area, but he plans to increase the total to around for about 45 or 50 of them. Coverage and adaptability are reasons both sheriff’s offices are interested in these PTZ cameras. The PTZ cameras allow them to make active use of this most passive tool. “They wanted to be able to look at it,” Bollinger says of the Sheriff’s Office interest in the program. “We didn’t have any problem with it.” He says both the Sheriff’s Department and the Traffic Engineering Department share the cost of some of the cameras.

Captain Steve Morris of the Columbia County Sheriff’s Office says they have the ability to monitor Columbia County’s cameras from the 911 Center. They also have the ability to record the images. “The cameras were installed to monitor public locations where citizens do not have the expectation of privacy,” he says. “The camera technology allows us to capture clear images of pedestrians, a vehicle or a vehicle’s license plate — even a facial image of one of the occupants, all of which could be instrumental in solving crime.” Cassell says that as he’s negotiated with the RCSO about the use of the cameras, he made sure to make one thing perfectly clear: he has absolute sovereignty during Masters Week. Sheriff Ronnie Strength says he values the information the cameras can provide. “We are working with IT to have these cameras so that they will record,” he says. “That’s our goal.” Strength, who has long been an advocate of camera systems for law enforcement purposes, says he wouldn’t mind being able to use more. “I have talked to some commissioners about purchasing additional security cameras other than these,” he says. “Cameras that we could put in other areas that we are concerned about, especially downtown. Are we there yet? No. But I did not get any hesitation on support for that.” Like most things, he says, it comes down to the budget, but he insists cameras are an effective tool in apprehending a criminal. “There are many, many times were crimes are committed and then solved because of the camera equipment different cities have,” he says. “We’re not in the league with New York, Chicago, Houston or L.A. — absolutely we aren’t. But it’s very important to us in this community, and that’s why we’re headed the way we are.” Recently, Atlanta announced it was integrating public and private security cameras into one system, and other big cities, particularly European cities, have been adding such photographic coverage for years. While Strength may be anxious to add more cameras himself, particularly to the Augusta Common, he says one camera he’s not interested in adding is the socalled red light cameras that can issue a ticket for running a red light. “We looked at that many years ago, and there were some drawbacks,” he says. “We did not move forward with the ticketing program.” That may have been a good thing, since news reports are claiming Atlanta, which does have a red light ticketing program, has been illegally collecting the fines and potentially damaging the credit METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 17

scores of thousands of Atlantans. For Strength, who has had cameras in his patrol vehicles for years and knows how difficult maintenance and upgrades can be, the camera issue is also a question of choosing the right equipment. “Every piece of equipment we buy — in a short time it’s almost obsolete,” he says. “That’s why we don’t just jump into a system. We do our research.” Strength isn’t the only one who worries about the price of things. At a cost of $25,000 to $30,000 an intersection, these cameras aren’t cheap, but from a traffic engineering point of view, they’re worth the investment. “It pays for itself, considering what you get out of it,” Bollinger says. “If we didn’t do what we’re doing here, traffic would be much worse and you’d be stopping a whole lot more.” It’s more than stopping more, however. Inefficient traffic management often means building more lanes, which of course is incredibly costly, not to mention time consuming and difficult. “With the traffic cameras, you’re able to maximize what you have now and delay having to build more roads, because it’s just going to get higher and higher as it goes on,” Bollinger says. Columbia County is also utilizing a priority emergency system that uses GPS technology to get emergency vehicles through busy streets by automatically triggering the traffic signals to give them the right of way. And soon they will be the first in the state to use color dynamic message signs to help with traffic notifications and Amber Alerts. “There’s nobody else doing that,” Bollinger says, adding that they are so early in the project that the state doesn’t even have a standard operating procedure for the program. So where is traffic management headed? Bollinger says that the earlier joke about getting rid of the traffic reporter really is the goal. The first step in that direction will be taking the information he can see on his system and getting it into the hands of area drivers through Twitter or Facebook. Eventually, however, he anticipates a day when all cars will be equipped with traffic management receivers that will receive that information directly and then tell drivers what to expect along the route and how to avoid accidents or traffic delays. “The average person doesn’t realize what we’re doing,” he says. “And some people fuss no matter what. But you can’t give everyone a green light.”

GLEN BOLLINGER 18 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

ROBERTLONG

Bad Neighbors

The Vue and Surrey Tavern blame each other for Surrey Center incidents

Late on the night after Thanksgiving, Deputy Shane Van Dyke was working special duty at the Vue nightclub in Surrey Center. According to a police report, a fight broke out between two men as the bar was shutting down. As Dyke moved in to break it up, one of the fighters punched him in the face several times, after which Dyke restrained his attacker and put him in his patrol car. Another fight broke out in the parking lot. While Van Dyke was breaking up the second fight, someone opened the back door of his police car and the suspect fled. Van Dyke then chased down the fugitive and put him back in the car. It was a rowdy night at Surrey Center. Matt Widener, the owner of Surrey Tavern, the Vue’s next-door neighbor, is livid about such incidents, which he says have become the norm, not the exception, in Surrey Center. V. 22 | NO. 68

“I had to literally lock my front door and tell my people to just hang tight,” he says. “I’ve done it before, many times. It’s not out of the ordinary.” During the incident, he says, he went out into the parking lot and saw the Vue’s manager Robert Rampulla. “Robert’s out there in his big suit,” he says, “just watching it all like it’s no big deal.” He says that such incidents have become common, both before and after the Thanksgiving incident. He blames Rampulla and the Vue, citing all-you-can drink specials and a willingness to market to notoriously volatile crowds. Widener has a long list of grievances. “I’ve seen one girl walking out and right there in the parking lot popping a squat and [urinating] right there,” he says. “It’s embarrassing.” The behavior of Vue patrons is not just embarrassing, he says, but dangerous.

“For the longest time, if an ambulance didn’t show up any given Thursday or Friday, something’s not right, you think,” he says. “It’s not the cops’ fault at all. It Robert’s fault, if you’re expecting to have 800 kids come up to your club and you’ve only got two deputies.” Rampulla agrees that the rowdiness is not the cops’ fault. “I wouldn’t fault the officers with that at all,” he says. “I would fault Surrey Tavern with it for not having any security.” Widener accuses Rampulla of trying to attract the lowest common denominator with his drink specials,

creating the conditions for disorderly conduct. “If you do drink and drowns, what do you think is going to happen?” He sees the same thing happen every week. “So what happens every Thursday?” he says. “You’ve got a line of black people — and I’m not racist — all the way down to French Market and they’re way past capacity.” Rampulla estimates that on Thursday nights that the crowd is 90 percent black. METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 19

Widener takes pains not to paint it as a racial issue. He notes that using unlimited drinks to bring in sketchy characters is bound to cause problems, no matter their character. “The issue isn’t black/white,” he says. “It’s specifically the people.” But Rampulla downplays the effect of drink specials. “I can’t say that when we have these big drink specials the number of fights goes up,” he says. “There’s nothing to link any additional fights, crime, violence to the Vue. It’s mind-boggling why the Vue is coming under such scrutiny.” Any charge leveled against the Vue, he levels squarely back at Surrey.

The urination incident? “I’ve caught their customers peeing on the backside of this building countless times,” he says. “That just kind of ruffled my feathers.” The fights? Rampulla claims that most of them involve Surrey customers, and that police officers would say the same. He claims that if anything, Surrey Tavern is free-riding off of the Vue’s security — the Vue forks out money to provide security by hiring three or four police officers a night, while Surrey Tavern hires none. “We’re doing everything we can,” Rampulla says, “and we get blamed for their mess.”

Merry Zombie Xmas

20 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

“He knows I don’t care if he sinks or swims over there,” he says. “I’d like to think it doesn’t make a difference because it wouldn’t make any difference to me.” On a recent Friday night, at least, things stayed calm in the parking lot. When the lights came on at the Vue, Van Dyke slowly made his way from the back of the building to the front, eying drunk patrons who were not clearing out. No one gave him any trouble. It was a night without incident, if not without tension.

GREGBAKER

AUGUSTATEK

By this point in the shopping season, I’m sure that you’ve heard about, read about or seen every little tech gizmo and gadget for 2012. So this week, I want to take a different approach to Christmas gifting. Next Wednesday marks the beginning of the one-year countdown until the end of the world, December 21, 2012. Now we don’t know how the world is going to come to an end. Will it be an asteroid like the one that took out the dinosaurs? How about a nuclear winter resulting from the escalation of military action between Iran and Israel? It may start with a government takeover by the Obama administration or, alternatively, a Gingrich presidency. Of course, as avid Augusta Tek readers, I know you share my belief that ultimately Augusta is going to be overrun in a Zombie Apocalypse. (I’m sure many of you believe that it will originate from within, starting with the commission… but that’s Austin Rhodes’ schtick, not mine.) So for this week’s column, let’s run through the top gifts for those preparing for zombie world domination! The first gift is sure to get everyone in the Christmas Apocalypse spirit: “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies!: A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.” This collection of zombie melodies includes holiday classics such as “I Saw Mommy Chewing Santa Claus” and “Deck the Halls with Parts of Wally.” While nothing in here will actually prepare you for the end of the world, you will certainly be in better spirits when it happens. Better yet, on amazon.com you can get this book of zombie Christmas carols bundled with “The Zombie Night Before Christmas” and “Jack and Jill Went Up to Kill: A Book of Zombie Nursery Rhymes,” all for less than $35 and with free two-day shipping for Amazon prime members (assuming the logistics infrastructure holds out). Okay, now to the serious stuff. Preparation for a Zombie Apocalypse begins first and foremost with “The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead.” Published nearly a decade ago, this guide is still the go-to book on how to survive the hordes of undead that may be stalking you right now. The book starts with zombie physiology, then covers weapons, tactics, longterm strategy and finally presents an overview of historic zombie outbreaks. The reference guide is incredibly thorough, and every course of action is analyzed in depth to ensure the reader understands the risks and benefits. The guide is on amazon.com for $8.37, but can you really put a price on a book that will literally save your life? One of the toughest struggles in a post-apocalyptic society is simply finding

Why the unwelcome attention, then? “Because we’re a nightclub,” he says. “We’re the beast on the Hill.” Widener disagrees. He insists that the Vue is a blight on Surrey Center. “For the amount of hours we’ve put into that center, for some jackass to come in there and run a club like that — it makes me look bad,” he says. “I mean, my customers don’t want to come up here with that stuff going on.” Both Rampulla and Widener say that they are not on talking terms. Rampulla says that he and Widener had a falling out a long time ago, but he doesn’t think that their disagreements come down to personality difference.

something to eat. The food production infrastructure collapses just like everything else. Supermarket shelves are cleaned out by survivors, and what is not taken eventually rots. Hunting and farming present challenges due to the possibility of contamination. Fortunately, Harcos Laboratories has developed processing techniques to extract nutrients from zombie biology. Zombie Blood Energy Potion promises four hours of energy derived from the extra strong green zombie cells, and with Zombie Jerky, survivors can recycle the re-dead undead into tasty teriyaki. All 100 percent mutagen free! Find these products and more at livingwithbloodlust.com/ zombie. (Hey, zombies... how about them brains?) The post-zombie world will also suffer from a lack of electricity. A study shows that, within 24 hours of a zombie event, most portions of the United States and Canada, aside from a rare island of service in a rural area near a hydroelectric source, would be without power. Now, the serious planners have already constructed survival bunkers in the outlying areas of Lincoln and Burke counties, and those bunkers are stocked with at least a year’s supply of diesel. However, many of the living will be trapped in population centers without power. For these folk, devices like the American Red Cross AXIS TurboDyne Weather Alert Radio will be invaluable. The hand-crank Turbodyne is a powerful direct power transfer device that will charge a cell phone and the internal batteries for the radio, flashlight and emergency beacon. Even if the apocalypse doesn’t occur in your lifetime, this device would be very useful during more mundane events like hurricanes and ice storms. Found at 21st-centurygoods.com for $69.95. Well, of course, the list of items needed during the Zombie Apocalypse is almost endless, and all of them provide a unique and valuable Christmas experience to share with your family and friends. If you want to read more on zombie preparedness, both the Centers for Disease Control and the Red Cross have websites dedicated to the subject. Google “CDC Zombie” and “Red Cross Zombie” to read more. Until next time, I’ll see you on the internet. Tweet me @gregory_a_baker. L8R.

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., is vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. V. 22 | NO. 68

Is a little something missing from your Christmas tree this year?

Our annual fundraising drive is in the final stretch, but there’s still time to get your 2011 Easter Seals East Georgia “Ornament of Hope”, which commemorates the historic Ann Boardman Widows Home in Downtown Augusta. (One size fits all and it’s not gender-specific, so it’s also a great gift!) The cost is only $15.00 and the memories are priceless, so call Carol Allen at (706) 860-0000 today.

RIVERWATCH & I-20

GREUBEL Mixed Martial Arts GET IN SHAPE WITH A TWIST

ONE MONTH FREE | NO STRINGS WHAT-SO-EVER “...has helped me channel my stress in a healthy way. I feel younger...” -Paul Miranda “I never once felt lost or like I was wasting my time.” -Wally Cooke 1st 20 people to join Greubels MMA before the new year will receive 10% off of their membership cost and $150.00 in pro shop credit! Call 706-737-0911 NOW to set up your appointment and receive 10% off and 150.00 in proshop credit. Limited spots available. CALL NOW!

V. 22 | NO. 68

G R E U B E L M M A . C O M

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 21

Be safe (and warm) this winter! Sig Cox will check all of your heating system’s connections, the gas pressure, burner combustion and your heat exchanger (A dirty burner or cracked heat exchanger causes improper burner operation). Improperly operating gas (or oil) heating systems are a fire hazard and can contribute to health problems.

Call today to schedule your pre-season checkup. 706.722.5304 www.sigcox.com

  

  

  

 

 22 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 23

ENTERTAINMENT Arts

$100 Art Show continues through December 23 at Gaartdensity, 1155 Broad Street, and features original artwork by Jason Craig, Jay Jacobs, Leonard Zimmerman, Rich Menger, Staci Swider and more. Artwork is $100 or

Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org.

State University. $10-$20. Call 706-9514239 or visit aug.edu/pat.

Rochelle “Cissie” Levy’s show of mixed media work is on display through December 31 at the Aiken Thoroughbred Racing Hall of Fame and Museum. Free and open to the public. Call 803-6427758 or visit aikenracinghalloffame.com.

A Baroque Christmas, presented by Augusta Choral Society, is Saturday, December 17, at 7:30 p.m., at St. Paul’s Church, and features music by Bach, Vivaldi and Handel. $10-$25. Call 706-826-4713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org.

David Swanagin and Mike C. Berry Exhibit shows through December 31 at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. Call 706-8264700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org.

Tony Howard’s Motown Elvis Christmas Show is Saturday, December 17, at 7:30 p.m., at the Imperial Theatre, and features Motown music, as well as tributes to Elvis, James Brown, Michael Jackson, Gladys Knight and the Supremes, and more. $10-$30. Call 706-

Music

Augusta Chorale Christmas Performance is Thursday, December 15, at 11:30 a.m., at Elim Baptist Church. Call 706830-0991 or visit augustachorale.org.

spot blue jays at the audubon’s christmas bird count field trip saturday, december 17 less and available on a cash and carry basis. Call 706-466-5166.

Exhibitions

“Eclectic Visions: Art by Educators in the Savannah River Area” continues through December 31 at the Morris Museum of Art’s Education Gallery, and features work by art educators at public and private schools in Richmond, Columbia, Wilkes, Aiken and Edgefield counties. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. The Annual Doll Exhibition shows through December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. $2-$5. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.org. The Annual Quilt Exhibition shows until December 31 at the Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History. Call 706-7243576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. December exhibitions at the Aiken Center for the Arts include “T’is the Season Invitational” of pieces $300 and under, the Plein Air Painters, and Judy Adamick and Anne Rauton Smith. Call 803-6419094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. “Making Something Ancient of the New,” sculpture by Kath Girdler Engler, shows through January 8, 2012, at the Morris 24 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

722-8293 or visit imperialtheatre.com. Annual Candlelight Christmas Concert is Sunday, December 18, at 6 p.m., at Historic First Ebenezer Baptist Church. Free. Call 706-592-9207. 12 Bands of Christmas Annual Concert is Sunday, December 18, at 7 p.m., at the Imperial Theatre, and features performances by Jaycie Ward, Fried Goat, The Radar Cinema, The Unmentionables, Wombats and more. $5-$10. Call 706722-8293 or visit imperialtheatre.com. John Berry Joy to the World Christmas Show 2011 is Tuesday, December 20,

An Evening in December, presented by the United States Army Signal Corps Band, is Thursday, December 15, at 7 p.m., at First Baptist Church of Augusta. Free. Tickets are recommended, but not required, and are available at Georgia Band and Trust, Fort Gordon Federal Credit Union, Navy Federal Credit Union, Augusta Metro Chamber of Commerce and the Columbia County Chamber of Commerce. Call 706-791-4856 or visit fortgordon.com. Augusta Men’s Chorus performs Thursday, December 15, at 7:30 p.m., at Covenant Presbyterian Church and Sunday, December 18, at 3 p.m., at St. John United Methodist Church. Email Robert Gibson at rwilliamg@gmail.com. A Christmas at Grace, with Steve Green, is Friday, December 16, at 7 p.m., at United Methodist Church in North Augusta. Doors open at 6 p.m. $5-$10. Call 803-2797525 or visit gotgraceumc.com. An Evening of Culture is Friday, December 16, at 7 p.m., at Mount Canaan Baptist Church, and features pianist Christopher T. Leysather. Sponsored by Bettis Academy Heritage Preservation Team. $10-$20. Call 706-738-4930. Michael Cleveland and Flamekeeper, with Dale Ann Bradley, presented by Southern Soul & Song, is Friday, December 16, at 7:30 p.m., at the Imperial Theatre. $13-$37. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.org. “Behold the Star,” presented by Barefoot Productions, Inc. and Creative Impressions, is Saturday, December 17, at 3 p.m. and 7 p.m., at Maxwell Performing Arts Theatre at Augusta

dance to elvis, motown tunes and more at tony howard’s motown elvis christmas show saturday, december 17 V. 22 | NO. 68

at 7:30 p.m., at the Imperial Theatre. $20-$27. Call 706-722-8341 or visit imperialtheatre.org. “O Holy Night,” an Evening of Holiday Song, presented by Marco Pannucio, is Tuesday, December 20, at 8 p.m., at Covenant Presbyterian Church, and features a special holiday presentation by the internationally acclaimed Italian-American tenor. $10-$20. Call 706-733-0573. Annual Christmas Concert is Wednesday, December 21, at 7 p.m., at Young Macedonia Baptist Church, in North Augusta, and features a food, clothing and toy drive for families in need. Free. Call 803-386-1481.

Literary

Book Club meets Thursday, December

Saturday, December 17, at 2 p.m., at the Ty Cobb House, 2425 Williams Street, and features Don Rhodes, author of “Ty Cobb: Safe at Home,” who will be autographing copies of his book. Books available for $15. Reservations requested. Email jasperrusty@bellsouth.net. Author Reading and Signing with Bill Babb is Saturday, December 17, at 4 p.m., at Aiken Branch Library, and features a presentation of the author’s latest book, “Retail Dairies.” Call 803642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. Call for Authors! Headquarters Branch Library is hosting its inaugural Augusta Literary Festival March 3, 2012, and is looking for authors to read and sell their published work. Visit ecgrl.org.

Dance

“The Nutcracker,” presented by the Aiken Civic Ballet, is Friday, December 16-Saturday, December 17, at 7 p.m., and Sunday, December 18, at 2 p.m., at the USC-Aiken Etherredge Center. Call 803-641-3305 or visit usca.edu/ec. Holiday Cheer 2011, presented by Cutno Dance Center, is Saturday, December 17, from 5:30-7:30 p.m., at the Jabez Sanford Hardin Performing Arts Center, in Evans. Call 706-364-3442.

Theater

root for harry, hermione and ron at a deathly hallows double feature at diamond lakes tuesday, december 20

15, at 10 a.m., at Friedman Branch Library, and features discussion of “Isaac Newton, the Last Sorcerer.” Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. Brown Bag Book is Thursday, December 15, at 11:30 a.m., at the Columbia County Library, and features discussion and planning of 2012 reading selections. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Book Club meets Thursday, December 15, at 4 p.m., at Harlem Branch Library, and features discussion and planning of 2012 reading selections. Call 706-5569795 or visit ecgrl.org. Scholastic Book Fair continues at the Headquarters Branch Library until December 11. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Author Signing and Ty Cobb Home Tour is V. 22 | NO. 68

“The Misconception of Minstrel Krampus” is Thursday, December 15-Saturday, December 17, at 8 p.m., at Le Chat Noir, and features short plays by David Sedaris, Jeff Goode and more. $15-$30. Call 706-722-3322 or visit lcnaugusta.com.

BUY GET

ONE, ONE

CELEBRATING 6 YEARS AT THE MARTINEZ LOCATION.

see page 08 Put a little

CAJUN in your stocking Monday -Thursday nights One pound of shrimp (fried, grilled or boiled) $9.99

Tuesday night

Crab Legs served with redskin potatoes and mixed green salad $7.99 a pound

Wednesday night

Bone in fried catfish over blue cheese grits and salad $6.99

“Dashing through the Snow” is Friday, December 16-Saturday, December 17, at 8 p.m., at the Abbeville Opera House. $10-$20. Call 864-366-2157 or visit abbevilleoperahouse.com. “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” shows Friday, December 16, at 8 p.m., and Sunday, December 17, at 3 p.m. and 8 p.m., at the Aiken Community Playhouse. $20. Call 803-648-1438 or visit acp1011.com. Auditions for “Actors, Musicians and Writers of Future Projects,” presented by HBO’s Rege Lewis, are Thursday, December 22, from 10 a.m.-noon, at Hudson Memorial Christian Methodist Episcopal Church, in Augusta. Call 706724-6715.

Flix

“Mr. Popper’s Penguins” shows Saturday, December 17, at 2 p.m., at the Aiken Branch Library. Call 803-642-7575 or

*dine in only

French Market Grille West

375 Fury’s Ferry Rd. next to Earth Fare · 706.855.5111 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 25

Go Skiing/Snowboarding!

STORE WIDE

SALE! 706.737.7900

SUMMER IS COMING...

Learn to SCUBA Dive!

2305 Redwood Dr. | Augusta, GA 30904 706.737.7900 |neptunediveandski.com

Guaranteed Lowest Price & Best Selection

EVERY DAY! Augusta & Aiken’s ONLY Authorized Fender Dealer! Instrument & Sound System Sales ● Lessons ● Rentals ● Repairs ● Gifts ● Concert Promotions

SINCE 1998

We are Collecting Canned Food Donations for

Guitars, Mandolins, Banjos, Ukuleles & Violins On SALE P.A. Sound Systems & Microphones on SALE! Drum Sets from $299.99 Great Gifts under $9.99

758 Broad Street | Augusta, GA 30901 | 706.724.1172 • 202 Richland Ave W. (HWY-1 Down Town) | Aiken, SC 29801 | 803.649.1919

ifts &

Winter is here...

N EW L

Dow

ARG

nTow

(acro

ss fr

Metro’s Best since 2006

26 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

n Aik

om t

en L

he A

ocat

iken

Hote

ion!

ROCKBOTTOMMUSIC.COM

visit abbe-lib.org. Best of 2011 Movie Week is Monday, December 19-Thursday, December 22, at 10:30 a.m. and 4 p.m., at North Augusta Branch Library, and features some of the year’s best kids’ movies. Bring your own refreshments. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. School’s Out Movie Double Feature for Teens, featuring “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows” (parts I and II), is Tuesday, December 20, at 1 p.m. at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library. No registration required and participants are invited to bring their own snacks. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. Movies at Appleby, for ages 5 and up, are Tuesday, December 20, at 2 p.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-7366244 or visit ecgrl.org.

at 1 p.m., at the Kroc Center, and features special guest and host Dr. Kevin Bond, producer, musician, author, and industry veteran. Open to all individuals who play a role in spreading the gospel. $10-$50. Call 706-360-1197 or visit csragia. wordpress.com. Christmas in the Quarters is Saturday, December 17, from 1-4 p.m., at Redcliffe Plantation State Historic Site in Beech Island, and features a reenactment of holiday celebrations of the enslaved plantation residents in the early 19th century. $8-$10. Call 803-827-1473 or visit southcarolinaparks.com. Annual Christmas Extravaganza and All-Male Cook-Off is Saturday, December 17, at 5 p.m. at the Carey Hill Resource and Conference Center in North Augusta. Sponsored by Christians in Unity. Call 803663-8810.

Special Events

Jesus is the Reason for the Season is Saturday, December 17, from 6-8 p.m., at Belle Terrace Presbyterian Church, and features a live nativity, praise dancers, live music and refreshments. Call 706-793-6908.

In-Shop Tasting is Thursday, December 15, from 5-8 p.m., at Wine World in North Augusta, and features six special wines. $5, with $3 rebate on one bottle of featured wine. Call 803-279-9522 or visit wineworldsc.com.

‘Tis the Season, presented by DuPont Planetarium, is Saturday, December 17, and Monday, December 19, at 7 p.m. and 8 p.m., at USC-Aiken, and features a history of the world’s holiday customs. $1-$4.50. Call 803-641-3654 or visit rpsec.usca.edu/planetarium.

Couponing Class is Thursday, December 15, at 10:30 a.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Come learn about couponing and bring coupons to swap. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Downtown Aiken after Six is Thursday, December 15, and features late shopping hours. Call 803-649-2221 or visit downtownaiken.com. Holiday Bazaar and Spaghetti Dinner is Thursday, December 15, at 5:30 p.m., at Evans Middle School, and features handmade crafts and gifts. Free. Proceeds benefit the EMS PTO and Boosters. Visit evansmiddle.net. Drive-Thru Nativity Scene is Thursday, December 15, from 7-9 p.m., at First Baptist Church of Thomson. Free. Call 706-4954252 or visit fbcthomson.org. Live Nativity Scene is Friday, December 16-Sunday, December 18, from 6:308:30 p.m., at Bellevue Baptist Church, and features animals from Steed’s Dairy Farm. Free. Call 706-421-5027. The Magic of Santa Claus Trolley Tour is Friday, December 16 at either 7 or 9 p.m. and features a meet and greet with Santa, Mrs. Claus and elves, music, cooks and more. Pre-registration required. Call 706364-6608 or visit augustaghosttrolley.com. CSRA Gospel Industry Alliance’s First Annual Retreat is Saturday, December 17,

Tours of the Boyhood Home of President Woodrow Wilson are Tuesday-Saturday, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., on the hour, at 415 Seventh Street, and feature Civil War era holiday decorations by Charleston Street Fine Flowers and Events and a Christmas tree by students at C.T. Walker Traditional Magnet School. $3-$5; free for children under 5. Groups of 10 or more need a reservation. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org. Lights of the South continues daily through December 30 from 6-10 p.m. at 633 Louisville Road, and features light displays, hay rides, Santa and holiday treats. $7.50, adults; $4, children ages 4-17. Call 706-825-6441 or visit lightsofthesouth.com.

Health

Bariatrics Seminar is Thursday, December 15, at 6 p.m., at Doctors Hospital’s South Tower, Classroom 1. Free. Call 706-6514343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Childbirth 101 is Thursday, December 15, from 6-8:30 p.m., at Trinity Hospital of Augusta, and features an overview of the signs and symptoms of labor, as well as the labor and delivery process. V. 22 | NO. 68

monthly membership specials operation

MONDAY - FRIDAY ............... 5:00am - 10:00pm SATURDAY .............................. 7:00am - 6:00pm SUNDAY .................................. 1:00pm - 6:00pm

AQUATICS

MONDAY - FRIDAY ................. 5:00am - 3:00pm MONDAY - FRIDAY ................. 3:30pm - 8:00pm SATURDAY .............................. 7:00am - 5:30pm SUNDAY .................................. 1:00pm - 5:30pm

JANUARY - Ready, set, go! Get ready for a year of healthy living! Stop by the Fitness Desk to get a FREE personalized fitness and nutrition plan that will guarantee success in 2012! FEBRUARY - Fall in love with the Kroc Center! Sign up for a 3 Month Membership with a partner and you will each receive a 4th month free! MARCH - March into Healthy Living! In honor of National Nutrition Month, we will have free healthy cooking demonstrations, healthful snacks, and more! APRIL - Spring into the Kroc Center! Every Friday in April, members can bring 1 guest free of charge. MAY - May is for Mother Members! Free 10 minute massages for all members who are moms. Sign up at the Welcome Desk. Contact Information: 706.364.KROC (5762) | 1833 Broad Street | Augusta, Ga 30904 | KrocAugusta.org

GENERAL INFORMATION

MEMBERSHIP RATES

MEMBER REFERRAL PROGRAM

Have a group you want to share the Kroc Center with? Ask the Welcome Desk for a Group Tour Form or call the Sales Department at 706.364.KROC. Your personal tour guide will show you around and answer any questions. Don’t forget to stay for lunch after your tour!

Events

We would love to host your next conference, play, wedding or any type of special event! Call our events department at 706.922.1527 to set up an appointment. Rental rates and menus are available at the Welcome Desk and online.

Birthday Parties

Party like a Kroc Star! Plan your child’s next birthday party at the Kroc Center! Splash around in our indoor water park, play and tumble in our gym, try out your culinary skills with a cooking class, or create your own art project. We have something for everyone. Visit the Welcome Desk or online for a Birthday Party Application with pricing and further details.

Gold Member Perks

• 10% off most Classes, Programs, Merchandise & Food! • 10% off all Kroc Birthday Packages! • FREE Child Watch & Jr. Kroc Stars - up to two hours! • FREE Towel Service! • FREE Member Appreciation Events! • GOLD Kroc Center Card & Key Fobs! • Discounted Tickets to Global Spectrum, Performances at James Brown Arena and the Bell Auditorium!

Single Adult Monthly (18-61) Single Adult 3 Month (18-61) Single Adult Annually (18-61) Single Adult Registration Fee Family Monthly (Up to 6 People) Family 3 Month (Up to 6 People) Family Annually (Up to 6 People) Family Registration Fee

$15.00 $42.00 $57.00 $ --

GOLD

Group Tours

Youth Individual Monthly (3-17) Youth Individual 3 Month (3-17) Youth Annually (3-17) Youth Registration Fee

STANDARD

Someone wants to see YOU at the Kroc Center! Our NEW member referral program is designed to reward our members when you recommend a friend for membership! Every successful referral gets you one month of FREE membership. Terms apply. Inquire at the Welcome Desk.

TYPE

* Student & Military Discounts as low as $25.50 a month!

$20.00 $216.00 $162.00 $ --

$30.00 $85.00 $324.00 $60.00

$45.00 $128.00 $486.00 $60.00

$50.00 $142.00 $540.00 $60.00

$65.00 $185.00 $702.00 $60.00

Senior Individual Monthly (62+) Senior Individual 3 Month (62+) Senior Individual Annually (62+) Senior Individual Registration Fee

$25.00 $71.00 $270.00 $60.00

$31.00 $88.00 $334.00 $60.00

Senior Family Monthly (62+) Senior Family 3 Month (62+) Senior Family Annually (62+) Senior Family Registration Fee

$35.00 $99.00 $378.00 $60.00

$48.00 $136.00 $518.00 $60.00

For more information regarding financial aid or social services please visit www.krocaugusta.org or visit the Welcome Desk for a brochure.

* The schedule & prices are subject to change without notice. For more information, stop by the Welcome Desk or visit www.krocaugusta.org

9:00 - 10:00am 5:30 - 6:30pm

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

9:00 - 10:00am

SUNDAY

Craft Corner (age 3-10) Story Hour Junior Fitness (age7-12)

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

CLASS

MONDAY TUESDAY

KIDS NIGHT OUT

9:00 - 10:00am

MEMBER

NONMEMBER

$5.00 FREE FREE

$5.00 $1.00 $10.00 DAY PASS

DATES

THEME

6:30 - 9:30pm $10 per family of 4 $2 per additional family member

babysitting courses

special events DATES

THEME

TIME

January 13 March 10 April 1 May 11 May 12

Teen Night | Basketball Tournament Cowboy and Princess Party | Dress up and join us for Saturday brunch! $5.00 - child; $10.00 - adult Easter Eggstravaganza | Bring your family and celebrate Easter with games, crafts and easter egg hunt Teen Night | Everything 80s - Bring your friends and flash back to the 80s w/ dancing, games & lots of fun Mothers’ Day Brunch | Bring mom to a delicious brunch! $7.50 - person, Mothers - FREE

6:00 - 10:00pm 9:00 - 11:00am 10:00 - 1:00pm 6:00 - 10:00pm 9:00 - 11:00am

Children & youth camps COLUMBIA (ages 5 -12)

RICHMOND (ages 5 -12)

PRE-K (ages 4 -5)

January 2 January 13 January 16 February 20 March 2 March 23 April 2-6 May 28

January 2 January 16 February 20 April 2-6

January 2 January 3 January 16 February 20 February 21 March 16 April 2-6

When school is out your child will be able to enjoy a day off at the Kroc Center. Students will have the opportunity to play games, swim, do arts and crafts and make wonderful memories while giving parents the chance to go to work without having a break in their schedule. Make sure to register early as spots are filled on first-come first-served basis!

Nonmembers $20

TIME AND PRICING

Focus on Fitness | Water fitness will be offered so bring a bathing suit and towel! Flick n’ Float | Grab your floats, bathing suits and bring your family to enjoy a movie IN the pool! Family Scavenger Hunt | Bring a digital camera and hunt the Kroc Center with your family. Movie Night | Enjoy eating popcorn and watching a family friendly movie in our state-of-the-art theater. Camp Kroc | Enjoy the great outdoors while playing games, eating s’mores and having a great time!

AIKEN (ages 5 -12)

DESCRIPTION

Parents enjoy a night out by bringing your kids, ages 2-12, to the Kroc Center the first Friday of each month! Kid’s Night Out will last from 6:0010:00pm and dinner is included. Activities may include swimming, gym play, inflatables, and crafts.

Members $15

FAMILY NIGHTS January 27 February 24 March 30 April 27 May 25

DATES January 6 February 3 March 2 April 6 May 4

CAMP DETAILS TIME MEMBER PRICE NONMEMBER PRICE MEALS EARLY DROP OFF LATE DROP OFF

9:00 - 3:00pm $30.00 $40.00 Lunch & Snack 7:00am Nonmember: $5.00 5:30pm Nonmember: $5.00

TIME & DATES 9:00am - 4:00pm January 8 March 24 May 26

DESCRIPTION

A Red Cross course designed to provide youth with the knowledge and skills to safely and responsibly care for children and infants. For ages 11-15. Cost is $50 for members and $65 for nonmembers. Bring a sack lunch or bring $5 for lunch. Registration ends the Wednesday before each class.

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

SESSION 1: JANUARY 2nd - 25th | MARCH 5th - 29th (4 weeks, 8 lessons) Kroclets 1&2 (age 3-6)

9:00 - 9:45am

THURSDAY

MEMBER

NONMEMBER

SESSION 2: JANUARY 30th - FEBRUARY 22nd I APRIL 9th - MAY 5th (4 weeks, 8 lessons)

9:00 - 9:45am 5:30 - 6:15pm 6:15 - 7:00pm 5:30 - 6:15pm 6:15 - 7:00pm 11:00 - 11:45am

Kroclets 3 (age 3-6) Kroclets 1&2 (age 6-15) Kroclets 3&4 (age 6-15) Senior Learn to Swim

SATURDAY

5:30 - 6:15pm 6:15 - 7:00pm 5:30 - 6:15pm 6:15 - 7:00pm 11:00 - 11:45am

$48.00 $48.00 $48.00 $48.00 $48.00 $40.00

SUNDAY

MONDAY

FRIDAY

CLASS

cpr for the professional rescuer & oxygen admin SESSION

$88.00 $88.00 $88.00 $88.00 $88.00 $68.00

January 14 February 11 March 10 April 4 May 12

TIMES 9:00am - 12:00pm & 1:00 - 4:00pm

6:45 - 7:30pm

9:00 - 9:30am 9:30 - 10:15am 10:15 - 11:00am 9:30 - 10:15am 10:15 - 11:00am

SESSION $44.00 $48.00 $48.00 $48.00 $48.00 $48.00

SUNDAY

Parent/Child Hatchlings Kroclets 1&2 (age 3-6) Kroclets 3 (age 3-6) Kroclets 1&2 (age 6-15) Kroclets 3&4 (age 6-15) Still Krocin’ It (age 16+)

FRIDAY

SESSION 3: JANUARY 7th - FEBRUARY 25th | MARCH 10th - MAY 5th (4 weeks, 8 lessons)

April 25

$84.00 $88.00 $88.00 $88.00 $88.00 $88.00

TIME 4:00 - 8:00pm

MEMBERS/NONMEMBERS $45.00 / $50.00

Private (30 Minute) & Semi-Private (45 Minute) Lessons are Available at $15/half hour for Private and $10 per person, per lesson for Semi-Private. For more information please stop by the Lifeguard Station.

DATE

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

April 2 - 6 LG Revision April 23 - 27 May 7 - 17

9:00am - 4:00pm

11:00am - 4:00pm

9:00am - 4:00pm 4:00 - 8:00pm

11:00am - 4:00pm 4:00 - 8:00pm 4:30 - 8:30pm

9:00am - 4:00pm 4:00 - 8:00pm

4:30 - 8:30pm

SATURDAY 4:00 - 8:00pm 9:00 - 12:00pm 1:00 - 4:00pm

MEMBERS: FREE NONMEMBERS: $10.00 DAY PASS MONDAY 9:00am 10:00am

MEMBER

NONMEMBER

4:00 - 8:00pm

$150.00 $85.00 $150.00

$175.00 $95.00 $175.00

crash course swim lessons TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

9:00am 10:00am 10:00am

10:30am 5:30pm

9:00am 10:00am 10:00am

10:30am 5:30pm 9:00am & 5:30pm

FRIDAY

10:30am 9:00am 5:30pm

SATURDAY SUNDAY

CLASS Hydrofit & Trek Deep Water X Aqua Senior Yoga Afloat Aqua Zumba River Trek

SUNDAY

free water safety class

SESSION

DATE

May 7 - 10 May 14 - 17

January 21 February 18 March 17 April 21 May 19

DAY / TIME M/W or T/TH 5:30 - 6:15 & 6:15 - 7:30

MEMBERS/NONMEMBERS $20.00 / $35.00

TIME 10:30am - 12:30pm

CLASS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

*GED Class *What Women Want: 1st Wednesday *Crafters Night: 2nd Wednesday *Philosophy Club: 3rd Wednesday *Kroc Book Club: 4th Wednesday Business by the Book: 1st Thursday ($8)

9:30 - 1:30pm

9:30 - 1:30pm 6:30 - 8:00pm 6:30 - 8:00pm 7:00 - 8:00pm 6:30 - 8:00pm

9:30 - 1:30pm

11:30am

FRIDAY SATURDAY SUNDAY

*FREE

CLASS

MONDAY

Golden Agers Open Computer Time Computers for Seniors Computers For Seniors: Learning the Internet Social Hour Computer Lab GameTime Medicare & You Sit to be Fit Powerful Tools for Caregivers

9:00 - 12:00pm

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY 12:30 - 4:30pm ALL DAY

ALL DAY 2:00 - 4:00pm 2:00 - 4:00pm 1:00 - 2:00pm

1:00 - 2:00pm 11:00 - 12:00pm 10:00 - 11:30am 1:00 - 3:00pm

SATURDAY SUNDAY

FREE

9:00 - 12:00pm 12:30 - 1:30pm

2:00 - 5:00pm

Seniors special events DATES

CLASS

TIME

PRICING

1st Thursday of the Month Mondays: January 9th & 30th Saturdays: January 14 - February 18 Mondays: February 13 & 27 March 14

Alzheimer Support Group Living Well Living Well Living Well Mental Health Resources for Seniors

10:00 11:30am 9:00 - 12:00pm 9:00 - 12:00pm 9:00 - 12:00pm 9:00 - 12:00pm

FREE FREE - registration required FREE - registration required FREE - registration required FREE

GOLD MEMBERS: 50% OFF STANDARD MEMBERS: 25%OFF WEDNESDAY

The Art Factory, Area Agency on Aging & Enopion Theatre Company

Enopion Theatre Company’s “The Prince Is Giving a Ball” open auditions coming in February!

MUSIC SCHEDULE CLASS

TUESDAY

Beginner Guitar II Beginner Piano II Beginner Drums II Vocal Techniques II Beginner Brass II Intermediate Electric Bass Intermediate Piano Singing Seniors Intermediate Guitar Intermediate Study Piano Advanced Trumpet

5:00 - 5:50pm 5:00 - 5:50pm 5:00 - 5:50pm 5:00 - 5:50pm 6:00 - 6:50pm 6:00 - 6:50pm 6:00 - 6:50pm 6:00 - 6:50pm 7:00 - 7:50pm 7:00 - 7:50pm 7:00 - 7:50pm

$60.00 ART SESSIONS CLASS

DATES

Session I Session II Session III

January 9 - February 13 February 20 - March 26 April 9 - May 14

Sessions will break for Masters week.

5:45 - 6:45pm

5:30 - 6:30pm

SATURDAY

10:00 - 11:00am 2:30 - 3:30pm

5:15 - 6:00pm 5:15 - 6:00pm 11:00 - 12:00pm 11:00 - 12:00pm 12:00 - 1:00pm 2:30 - 3:30pm 6:00 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 8:30pm 6:30 - 8:00pm 11:00 - 12:00pm 6:30 - 7:30pm 5:30 - 6:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

*Additional fee will be required for discounted class for Kinder Kits

special thanks to our partners

THURSDAY

PRICE

SUNDAY

TUESDAY 11:00 - 12:00pm

FRIDAY

MONDAY

CLASS *Kindermusik (ages 2-4) Exploring Visual Art (ages 5-8) Intro to Ballroom (ages 6-8) West African Music & Dance (ages 6-12) Little Davincis (ages 7-12) Pottery Kids I (ages 7-12) Pottery Kids II (ages 7-12) Drawing & Painting (ages 7-12) Ballet for Kids (ages 7-12) Hip Hop II & III (ages 9-13) West African Dance (ages 13+) Intro to Drawing & Painting (ages 14+) Drama & Improv (ages 14+) Pottery Adults I (ages 14+) Pottery Adults II (14+) Intro to Ballroom (ages 16+) Line Dance (ages 16+) Fundamental Digital Photography III (ages 16+) Intro to Drumming (ages 16+)

$80.00 $60.00 $60.00 $75.00 $40.00 $60.00 $60.00 $60.00 $50.00 $50.00 $75.00 $60.00 $60.00 $60.00 $60.00 $60.00 $50.00 $60.00 $60.00

CLASS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

MEMBER

NONMEMBER

Open Gym Youth Leagues - Upward Sports Home School Champions Made From Adversity Volleyball League Basketball League Futsal League

5:00am - 5:00pm

5:00am - 5:00pm 5:00 - 6:00pm 9:00 - 11:00am

5:00am - 5:00pm

5:00am - 5:00pm 5:00 - 6:00pm 9:00 - 11:00am

5:00am - 5:00pm

7:00am - 6:00pm 9:00 - 11:00am

1:00pm - 6:00pm

FREE $70.00 FREE -$40.00 $50.00 $50.00

$10.00 DAY PASS $70.00 $10.00 DAY PASS -$40.00 $60.00 $60.00

9:00 - 11:00am 6:00 - 10:00pm

9:00 - 11:00am

6:00 - 10:00pm 6:00 - 10:00pm 6:00 - 10:00pm

MEMBERS: FREE NONMEMBERS: $10.00 DAY PASS CLASS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

Body Pump Body Step Body Flow Body Combat Body Vive RPM Zumba Renewal Yoga Introductory Tai Chi Sit to be Fit Junior Fitness Kroc Fit

5:30pm 8:30am & 4:30pm 9:30am & 6:30pm

6:00am & 8:30am

9:30am & 5:30pm 10:30am

6:00am, 8:30am, 4:30pm

9:30am

9:00am

3:00pm

10:30am 9:30am

5:30pm

9:30am & 5:30pm

8:30am

5:30pm

10:30am 12:00pm 1:00pm

5:00 - 5:30pm

Express 12:00pm 8:30am & 5:30pm 10:30am

4:30pm 9:30am 5:30pm 9:30am & 5:30pm

8:30am 6:00am & 4:30pm 6:30pm

10:30am 12:00pm

5:30 - 6:00am

5:00 - 5:30pm

5:30pm 5:30 - 6:00am

10:00am

8:00am 11:00am

9:00am

1:45pm

CLASS

MONDAY

TUESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

MEMBER

NONMEMBER

$45.00 $45.00 $60.00

SUNDAY

SATURDAY

6:00 - 7:00am

$15.00 $15.00 $20.00

SUNDAY

6:00 - 7:00am 6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

SATURDAY

6:00 - 7:00am

6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

$15.00 $15.00 $20.00

SUNDAY

6:00 - 7:00am

SATURDAY

January 9 - February 17 January 10 - February 18 January 9 - February 17

WEDNESDAY

SESSION 1 (6 weeks)

$15.00 $15.00 $20.00

SESSION 2 (6 weeks) 6:00 - 7:00am 6:00 - 7:00am

6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

6:00 - 7:00am

WEDNESDAY

March 5 - April 13 March 4 - April 12 March 5 - April 13

6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

6:00 - 7:00am

May 7 - June 15 May 8 - June 14 May 7 - June 15

6:00 - 7:00am 6:00 - 7:00am

6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

WEDNESDAY

SESSION 3 (6 weeks) 6:00 - 7:00am 6:30 - 7:30pm 6:30 - 7:30pm

6:00 - 7:00am

final fitness kroc-tacular DATES

THEME

January 28 February 25 March 31 April 28 May 26

Indoor Winter Biathlon Cycle de Kroc Indoor Triathlon 5K & 1Mile Family Fun Run Military PT

The last Saturday of each month the Fitness Center is offering a fun fitness event. Register at the fitness desk by the 15th of each month for training tips so that you’re ready to perform! Members only - no cost.

kroc center ultimate loser REGISTRATION ORIENTATION PROGRAM DATE AWARD NIGHT

January 1 - 15 January 16 - 22 January 23 - April 15 April 18

Each participant must attend a minimum of 3 provided weekly exercise classes & 2 monthly nutrition appointments which includes a weighin. Personal training will be available at a 25% discount. All participants must be a member. One time registration fee of $50.00

free nutritional education classes MONTH

DATE & TIME

January February March April May

Monday 16: 5:30 - 6:30pm | Thursday 19: 11:30 - 12:30pm Monday 13: 5:30 - 6:30pm | Thursday 16: 11:30 - 12:30pm Monday 12: 5:30 - 6:30pm | Thursday 15: 11:30 - 12:30pm Monday 16: 5:30 - 6:30pm | Thursday 19: 11:30 - 12:30pm Monday 14: 5:30 - 6:30pm | Thursday 17: 11:30 - 12:30pm

Smart start for teens DATE & TIME Monday 6:00 - 7:30pm | Saturdays 11:00 - 12:30pm For teens ages 13 - 15, this class must be completed to work out in the fitness center and to participate in group fitness classes without the chaperone of a parent.

HEALTH AND FITNESS EVENTS DATES

EVENT

TIMES

February 25 Coming in February May 19 April 2 - 6

Kroc Trotters | Come to the first orientation meeting of the Kroc Center’s running club. Watch for our health & fitness expo! Free health testing, exercise tips, dietary suggestions, food sampling, family fun & more. Armed Forces Day of Fitness | Free day at the Kroc Center for ALL Activ Duty & their families! Spring Break Sports Speed & Agility Camp | Ages 7 - 18, designed for youth involved in athletics & sports to maintain sports specific fitness during season down time & prepare for spring sports. Member: $10.00 | Nonmember: $40.00

7:00pm -ALL DAY 1:00 - 3:00pm

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

5:30pm

8:00am 9:00 - 12:00pm

10:00am 6:00pm 6:00pm 6:00pm 7:00pm 8:00pm

FRIDAY

8:00am

5:30pm 6:00pm 6:00pm 7:00pm 7:00pm 7:00pm 10:00am

The SALVATION ARMY CORPS - SPECIAL EVENTS DATES

EVENT

TIME

January 28 January 28 February 12 March 31 April 6 April 8

Crop-A-Latta Scrapbooking Event Gospel Extravaganza Valentines Spaghetti Dinner: $5 - adults | $3 - children Hip Hop Bunny Drop Good Friday Service Easter Sunrise Service & Worship Service

9:00 - 3:00pm 1:00 - 8:00pm 12:30pm 11:00 - 1:00pm 6:00pm 8:00 - 10:30am

SATURDAY

MONDAY

THURSDAY

CLASS Prayer Meeting Sunday School Worship Service Celebrate Recovery Devotions Golden Agers Men’s Ministries Women’s Ministries Women’s Coffee Club Songsters Band Practice Youth Programs Club 316 Youth Praise Band Music Makers Junior Band Teen Youth Group Community Care Ministries

SUNDAY 9:00am 9:45am 11:00am 6:00pm

Pre-registration required. Call 706-4817727 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Breastfeeding Class is Thursday, December 15, from 6:30-9:30 p.m., at Doctors Hospital’s Suite 310, Medical Office Building One. Free. Call 706-651BABY or visit doctors-hospital.net. Introduction to Infant CPR is Thursday, December 15, from 7-8:30 p.m., and meets in the University Hospital lobby. Pre-registration required. Call 706-7742825 or visit universityhealth.org. Heart Attack and Stroke Prevention Center Orientation is Monday, December 19, at 6 p.m., at the University Hospital Heart and Vascular Institute’s classroom 3. Sessions are also offered every Tuesday, at 2 p.m. Free, but preregistration required. Call 706-7745548 or visit universityhealth.org. Joint Efforts, presented by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday from 11-11:45 a.m., at Augusta Bone and Joint, and features a free seminar about knee and hip pain, treatments, medication, food and exercise. Call 706481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com. Child Safety Seat Inspections, offered by Safe Kids East Central, are available

by appointment at either MCGHealth Building 1010C or the Martinez Columbia Fire Rescue Engine Company 3. Call 706-721-7606 for an appointment at MCGHealth or 706-860-7763 in Martinez. Car seat classes are also available by appointment at these two locations, and those interested should call 706-721-7606 for an appointment. Visit georgiahealth.edu. Infant CPR Anytime Learning Program will be held Thursdays at 6:30 p.m. at the first floor information desk (west entrance) of MCGHealth. Visit georgiahealth.edu.

Support

Alzheimer’s Disease Support GroupWestwood meets Thursday, December 15, at 3 p.m., at Westwood Nursing Facility in Evans. Free. Call 706-863-7514. Blood Cancer and Stem Cell Support Group meets Thursday, December 15, from 5:30-7 p.m., at Georgia Health Sciences Cancer Center’s Community Room, first floor, and offers educational and emotional support for patients, families, friends and caregivers. Call 706721-9134 or visit georgiahealth.org. Weight Loss Support Group meets Thursday, December 15, at 7 p.m., in the Sister Mary Louise Conference Room of

Trinity Hospital of Augusta, and is open to anyone suffering from ailments due to obesity. Call 706-481-7298 or visit trinitybariatrics.com.

Surrey Center | 443 Highland Avenue | 706.738.8386

Young Women with Breast Cancer meets Friday, December 16, at 12:30 p.m., at the University Hospital Breast Health Center, and offers support for women in their 20s-30s who are dealing with breast cancer. Call 706-774-4141 or visit universityhealth.org. Moms Connection, a free support group for new mothers and their babies, meets Tuesdays from 1-2 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Call 706-721-9351 or visit georgiahealth.org. Alzheimer’s Support Group, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets the third Tuesday of every month at 6:30 p.m., at Brandon Wilde. Call 706-731-9060. Celiac Disease Support Group, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets the third Tuesday of every month, 7-8:30 p.m., in Summerville Professional Building’s room 120. Call Rose Cruickshank, RN, at 706-738-8253 or email roseforhealth@aol.com. AA meets every Sunday and Wednesday at 7:15 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical

elyn & Ev btree a r C erfect sizes. The p es in al l m o c gift

e g l u d n I

New Year’s with us! CELEBRATE

Soul Food Salad Sandwiches Wraps Catering & Delivery adjacent to Enterprise Mill

www.fatmans.com | 706.733.1740

EnterpriseMillEvents.com | info@EnterpriseMillEvents.com 706.306.6754

V. 22 | NO. 68

fresh seafood buﬀet and live band

Weddings Receptions Rehearsal Dinners Meetings Concerts Catering Bar Service

2651 Perimeter Parkay | Augusta | 706.855.8100 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 27

Center’s Aurora Pavilion, and features an open discussion. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com. Narcotics Anonymous, sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets Fridays and Sundays at 7:30 p.m. Call 706-8552419 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Education

Excel II Computer Class is Thursday, December 15, from 10 a.m.-1 p.m., at Headquarters Branch Library. Library

items. For wish list information, visit volunteeraugusta.com/wishlist.htm.

Sports-Outdoors

The Magic of Santa Historic Trolley Tours are Friday, December 16, at 5, 7 and 9 p.m., and depart from the Augusta Museum of History. $20-$30. Pre-registration required. Call 706-364-6608 or visit augustaghosttrolley.com. Augusta Riverhawks vs. Mississippi RiverKings hockey game is Friday, December 16, at 7:30 p.m., at the James Brown Arena. $9-$17. Call 877-4AUGTIX or visit georgialinatix.com. Christmas Bird Count Field Trip, sponsored by the Augusta-Aiken Audubon Society, is Saturday, December 17, at 7:30 a.m., and departs from Popeye’s at Gordon Highway and Walton Way. Teams will be assigned to count birds for this international count. Bird counting experience is not required. Everyone is welcome. Free. Visit augustaaikenaudubon.org/fieldtrips.html. Augusta State Jaguars vs. Emmanuel basketball game is Saturday, December 17, at 4 p.m., at Christenberry Fieldhouse. Call 706-731-7925 or visit aug.edu.

! s r e g r u Murder B TRY OUR

experience the nativity, going on this week at different locations throughout augusta

card required to register. Call 706-8212604 or visit ecgrl.org. Creating Greeting Cards Using Word is Thursday, December 15, at 6 p.m., at Wallace Branch Library. Call 706-7226275 or visit ecgrl.org. Credit Management Class is Thursday, December 15, at 6:30 p.m., at the Columbia County Library. Call 706-8631946 or visit ecgrl.org.

Benefits

These bad boys are killer!

$7.99

•Fried Green Tomato Burger •Caribbean Jerk Burger •Stuffed Shrooms & Swiss •Cowboy Burger •Stuffed Bacon Double Cheeseburger

EATDRINKBEHAPPY.COM

Fridays & Saturdays : Live Music, 8pm - until Wednesday: Trivia, 7pm w/ Red Headed Stepchild Cliff Bennett

28 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

706.724.4511

Holiday Pet Food Drive, going on through New Year’s weekend, has drop-off locations at Animal House, Boots, Bridles and Britches, Pet Safari, Grovetown Seed and Feed, Paw Perfect Grooming Salon, Martinez Animal Hospital, National Hills Animal Hospital, Dr. Utermark’s office, Transportation Solutions, Midtown Market and Vineyard Wine Market. Those wishing to donate can also call 706-8632067 for pickup. Holiday Donation Collection Project, sponsored by Jim Hudson Lexus, continues until Thursday, December 15, with two donation bins at the dealership. All donations must be of brand new

J.D. Paugh Memorial Night at the Augusta Riverhawks vs. Mississippi RiverKings hockey game is Saturday, December 17, at 7:35 p.m., at the James Brown Arena. $12. $2 from each ticket will benefit the Brandon Paugh College Fund. Call 706-993-2645 or visit augustariverhawks.com. Christmas in Hopelands continues Thursday, December 15-Friday, December 23, from 6-9:30 p.m., at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken, and features more than 100,000 holiday lights and refreshments. Free. Visitors should ride the shuttle from Fred’s parking lot on Whiskey Rd. All ages welcome. Children must be accompanied by an adult. Call 803-642-7630. Civil War 150th Anniversary Petersburg Boat Tours are Saturdays and Sundays, at 10 a.m. (Saturday) and at 1:30 and 4:30 p.m. (Sunday). This one-hour tour explores the role the canal played during the war. $12.50. Visit augustacanal.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tours are Saturdays from 1-4:15 p.m. at the Augusta Museum of History. Reservations required 24 hours in advance. $12. Call 706-724-4067. The Augusta Fencers Club is open five nights a week from 5:30-9 p.m. and most Saturday mornings from 10 a.m.-noon. Visitors always welcome. Call 706-722-8878. Nacho Mama’s Group Run is each Wednesday at 5:30 p.m., and features food and drinks afterwards. Three- and four-mile V. 22 | NO. 68

routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@enduranceconcepts.com. Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fastpaced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. Riverview Disc Golf League meets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-724-6777 or visit andyjordans.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at 10 a.m., 11:30 a.m.,

1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. Yoga Class at Euchee Creek Branch Library meets every Tuesday at 4 p.m. Call 706-5560594 or visit ecgrl.org. The Spirits of the Holidays Historic Trolley Tours continue Fridays and Saturdays through December 31, at either 7 or 9 p.m., and feature tours of downtown Augusta and North Augusta Christmas lights, and Merry Scary Christmas Karaoke and Holley-Trolley Dessert Tour. $12-22. Pre-registration required. Call 706-364-6608 or visit augustaghosttrolley.com.

Kids

Santa’s Workshop is Thursday, December 15, at 5 p.m., at the Columbia County Library, and features gift-making for mom and dad. All ages are welcome. Pre-registration required. Call 706-4477657 or visit ecgrl.org. Breakfast with Santa is Saturday, December 17, at 10 a.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

New Year’s Eve package

· 4 course Dinner for 2 · Music from “A Step Above” · Champagne Toast and Party favors · Complimentary Breakfast Buffet · Deluxe Guest Rooms Accommodations

$$199

plus tax

Washington Road at I-20 | 1069 Stevens Creek Road | Augusta | 706-396-1000

PLANNING A HOLIDAY PARTY...

WE HAVE AN APP FOR THAT!

Nominated Metro’s Best caterers! Proudly serving Augusta for over 15 years

ROUXSCATERING.COM

706.724.2218 - ON PREMISE CATERING AT THE MARBURY CENTER

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 29

Gingerbread House Craft Workshop for kids is Saturday, December 17, at the Headquarters Branch Library. Preregistration required. Call 706-8212600 or visit ecgrl.org.

registration required. Call 706-2610555 or visit augustaballet.org.

Parents’ Night Out is Saturday, December 17, from 6-9:30 p.m., at Marshall Family Y, Wilson Family Y, Family Y of South Augusta and Family Y of Aiken County, and features fun and entertainment for children ages 2-12. A special session is also available for children of deployed soldiers at the Marshall Family Y. $10 per child, for members; $15 per child, for nonmembers. Register at any Family Y location or visit thefamilyy.org. Holiday Day Camps begin Monday, December 19, from 7 a.m.-6 p.m., at area Family Y locations, and feature fun and entertainment for children ages 5-12. $25-$150. Registration fee: $10. Register at any Family Y location or visit thefamilyy.org. Anyone Can Dance Camp, hosted by the Augusta Ballet, is Monday, December 19-Wednesday, December 21, from 9 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Jessye Norman School of the Arts. Participants ages 6-12 will learn basic classical and contemporary ballet, hip-hop and Latin dance, as well as proper nutrition. $50, with pre-

Charlie Brown Christmas is Monday, December 19, at 10:30 a.m. and 5:30 p.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Free. Pre-registration required. Call 706556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Jazz for Kids is Tuesday, December 20, at 2 p.m., at Aiken Branch Library, and features jazz history and songs. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. Polar Express Pajama Party is Thursday, December 22, from 7-7:45 p.m., at North Augusta Branch Library, and features hot cocoa and a reading of Christmas stories, including “The Polar Express.” Children should wear their pajamas. Call 803-642-7575 or visit abbe-lib.org. Drop and Shop is Monday-Friday in December, from 9 a.m.-noon, at the Family Y of North Augusta, and features childcare for children 6 months-12 years of age. $9 per child per day for members; $15 per child per day for nonmembers. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Mother’s Morning Out is every Tuesday and Thursday from 9 a.m.-1 p.m. at

the Wilson Family Y, for children ages 3-4. The schedule follows the Richmond County school calendar. $90 a month for members; $110 a month for nonmembers. Register at any Family Y or visit thefamilyy.org. Tuesday’s lap-sit at the Columbia County Library is at 11 a.m. and is for children under 2. Story time for two-year-olds is every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 10:15 a.m. and for preschoolers at 11 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-863-1946 or visit ecgrl.org. Preschool Story Time is every Tuesday at Headquarters Branch Library at 10 a.m. Toddler Story Time is every Wednesday at 10 a.m. Group registration required. Call 706-821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-8540149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:30-11:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com. Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Seniors

Christmas Performance at Golden Agers Luncheon, presented by The Augusta Chorale, is Thursday, December 15, at 11:30 a.m., at Elim Baptist Church, 2359 Mount Auburn St. Call 706-738-1294 or visit augustachorale.org.

Hobbies

Couponing Class is Thursday, December 15, at 10:30 a.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Participants will learn about couponing and can bring coupons to swap. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org. Ultimate Christmas Recipe Swap is Thursday, December 15, at 10:30 a.m., at Euchee Creek Branch Library. Participants should bring samples and their favorite recipes to share and swap. Call 706-556-0594 or visit ecgrl.org.

Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each

AVIATION MAINTENANCE GIVE YOUR CAREER

LIFT!

New Program! Aviation Maintenance Technology

Admissions: Thomson/McDuf�ie Campus | 388 Tech Drive NW | Thomson, GA 30824 |706.595.0166

APPLY NOW!! CLASSES START MARCH 1, 2012

DECLASSIFIED

A unit of the Technical College System of Georgia

(actual size) 1.5” x 1.9” Tall $40 per week 30 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

Double Your Income!

Equal Opportunity Institution

“KEEP YOUR BODY FIT, IT’S THE ONLY PLACE YOU HAVE TO LIVE”

We'll show you how to double your income and keep your old job while you are doing it. No experience necessary. We'll train you.

HOLIDAY DETOX SPECIAL! Colonic - $49 1 Hour Massage - $49 HCG Diet - $55 Herbal Detox Body Wrap - $59 Infra Red Sauna - $15

Call today 706-771-9218 about a new career in real estate.

706.945.1403 HEALINGWATERSCT.COM

Give the Gift of Health. No contract or membership. Multiple locations. QUALITY OF LIFE Personal Training Wally Baskovich 706.726.2116

PHARMACISTS NEEDED in Augusta, GA & surrounding areas, FT variable shifts. Resume to: S.Greene (IJO#7746001), CVS, 1751 East Main St., Spartanburg, SC 29307.

Must include IJO# in response.

All declassified ads are Cash in Advance (credit card payment required) and are $40 per week. Visit metrospirit.com to place your ad in minutes. V. 22 | NO. 68

SIGHTINGS

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Joan and Stephen Steinberg with Laurel Landon at the James Torme Pops! at the Bell concert.

Amanda Davis, Sue Ellen Florance, Will Herndon and Jessica Thompson at Bar West.

Emily Harn, Travis Azar and Merritt Grumman at The Country Club.

SIGHTINGS

Jennifer Trotter, Heather Deal and Claiborne Porubsky at the James Torme Pops! at the Bell concert.

Multi-award winning recording artist James Torme with Grace and Woody Belangia at the Pops! at the Bell concert.

SIGHTINGS

J.B. Shaw, Mary Schorsch and Michael E. Johnson at Rhinehart’s.

Jamie Childers, Jerry Land, Lindsey Jones and Duane Yonce at The Cotton Patch.

Antonio Scales, Dana Cheshire and Mickey Lay at “Misconception: The Last Gospel of Christmas” at Le Chat Noir.

Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Jamie Young, Joanne Watson, Kacie Greene and Breanne Kokovich at Amy Grant and Vince Gill’s 12 Days of Christmas concert at Bell Auditorium.

Purchase $100 in Gift Certificates receive a bonus $10 Gift Certificate

Serving Augusta for 28 years

SURRY CENTER ON HIGHLAND AVE. - THE FRENCHMARKETGRILLE.COM - 706.737.4865 V. 22 | NO. 68

>HAPPY HOUR : MON-FRI 4:30 P.M. - 7:00 P.M. DRINK SPECIALS METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 31

SURREY TAVERN

471 HIGHLAND AVE | 706.736.1221 | SURREYTAVERNBAR.COM

ONE donation SAVEs THREE local lives Every two seconds someone needs blood and your blood donation with Shepeard is needed now to support patients here. Shepeard partners with you to support patients in 20 local hospitals within the CSRA.

This weekend

THE UNMENTIONABLES LADIES GET IN FREE

UTE

FREE

TRIB

NEXT WEEK

Tues-Funk U Wed-Merry Funkmas featuring The Mason Jars/Funk U/and JJ Maj Thurs-The Allman Brothers Tribute Band Fri-Stereo Reform from Athens Ga

KEN DAVIS

Home Improvement American Owned & Operated

FOR OVER 25 YEARS

TICKETS December 18-23 & 26-31 | Jan 2nd

Visit any Shepeard center or bloodmobile and receive a free movie ticket.

PAINTING & ROTTEN WOOD REPAIR

Cell: 704.617.3989 | Home: 706 840.1661

To find a place to donate, log on to shepeardblood.org and click on Blood Drive Calendar. Also, all December donors will receive a KISS THE DONOR apron and will be entered for a chance to win a $1,000 Visa Gift Card.

Call Today FREE ESTIMATES & LOW PRICES

Room Additions · Decks · Rotten Wood Hardwood Flooring · Vinyl Flooring Ceramic Tile · Painting Roofing Electrical & Plumbing

PRESSURE WASHING $100 average housewash

House Driveways · Roof Cleaning · Vinyl Siding · Brick & Stucco Gutter Cleaning · Window Washing

32 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

Shepeard partners with you to provide blood transfusions for critically ill patients in 18 local hospitals.

Shepeard Community Blood Center V. 22 | NO. 68

THEEIGHT BOX TOPS

Note to Hollywood: When a crap movie like “New Year’s Eve” wins the top spot, you should know you’re in trouble. RANK

TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS

TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

NEW YEAR’S EVE

$13,019,180

THE SITTER

$9,851,435

TWILIGHT: BREAKING DAWN PART I

$7,819,402

$259,402,669

THE MUPPETS

$6,978,870

$65,742,128

ARTHUR CHRISTMAS

$6,510,486

$33,400,598

“The Sitter”

Sam Eifling Surprisingly, this movie is not half bad, thanks in large part to Jonah Hill In “The Sitter,” a still-heavyset Jonah Hill plays a college student on suspension, a perpetual ball of screwups without aim or scruples. Then he volunteers to go babysitting for a night — an act of self-sacrifice, actually, to help his painfully single mother get to a mingle at a party — and his life turns partially around. Along the way, there are laughs. This is the sort of template that bad movies have relied on for eons, and indeed, “The Sitter” sets its stakes low enough that it’s only going to top out at “not half bad” in most estimations. Let us be generous and say, then, that it is not half bad. David Gordon Green, the Little Rockborn director, doesn’t reach the heights of his 2008 stoner-canon “Pineapple Express,” but he does manage something here better than the typical group-date movie for 16-year-olds, which is, truth be told, the ground “The Sitter” claims. Strongly in the defense of “The Sitter,” none of the three child actors is loathsome. The eldest, played by Max Records (of “Where the Wild Things Are” fame), is a dour neatnik partial to v-necked pullovers and the bonanza of pills he keeps in a fanny pack to control his anxiety attacks. His younger sister, played by Landry Bender, is going through a “celebutante” phase, which excuses her working-girl cosmetics schemes and her insistence on slinging Paris Hilton-grade hip-hop lingo. For someone whose life’s dream is to be famous and be invited to parties, she is surprisingly tolerable. Then there’s the adopted Central American firebug, played by Kevin Hernandez, who enjoys smashing things, introducing small explosives to plumbing

V. 22 | NO. 68

and disappearing at inopportune times. His penchant for petty theft also leads to his snatching of a critical MacGuffin that allows the film to sic an enjoyably unhinged Sam Rockwell and cronie J.B. Smoove after Noah. Thus our hero is set upon the sort of character-building course — saving his own hide, upholding his ever-higher standards of what a babysitter ought to do — that comedy is made of. Enjoying “The Sitter” requires that you forget anything you might think you know about New York City geography, and to accept that sometimes logic simply can’t be invited to the ends of movies. But outside of its mishmashed plot, the “Sitter” completes its emotional arcs

MOVIEREVIEW

convincingly, which in a movie about One Crazy Night is often the true feat, as “Adventures in Babysitting” could tell you. A word, then, about Hill, without whom “The Sitter” would be a dog’s breakfast. He’s maybe the most unlikely leading man working in films today — obese, slackfaced, moptopped — but he displays a surprising bit of range in “The Sitter,” working from the same vulnerable crassness that made his vulgarity-spewing secret bromance with Michael Cera in “Superbad” the most memorable aspect of that slacker-teen classic. Like fellow Judd Apatow disciple Seth Rogan, Hill can reach into a wellspring of honesty on multiple fronts. He appears to honestly not care. Then he appears to

honestly want to cause verbal harm to those around him. Then he appears to honestly ache when he’s wounded. Even while the film orbiting around him is this hostile to realism, you root for his character and you root for the actor. Maybe it’s that both he and Rogan are, to be charitable, nontraditional stars, but somehow they’re able to combine tenderness and crassness with uncommon success. With any luck, his turn earlier this year in “Moneyball” gave a glimpse of a future when Hill’s talents do more than merely prop up B babysitting comedies.

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 33

OPENING FRIDAY, DECEMBER 16

THE8ERS

ACTION

“Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows,” rated PG-13, starring Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law, Rachel McAdams, Noomi Rapace. Again directed by Madonna’s ex, Guy Ritchie, this installment in the franchise introduces Holmes’ brother Mycroft, as well as his arch-nemesis, Professor James Moriarty.

DRAMEDY

“Carnage,” rated R, starring Jodie Foster, John C. Reilly Kate Winslet, Christoph Waltz. Two boys get into a fight at school, so their parents decide to act like adults and meet to hash things out. This is probably not going to go as well as planned. Set in New York, this was filmed elsewhere to accommodate the fact that director Roman Polanski can’t return to this country without getting arrested.

FAMILY

“Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chip-Wrecked,” rated G, starring Justin Long, Jason Lee, Christina Applegate, Anna Faris, David Cross. Does anybody reading this really care about the plotline?

Movie times are subject to change.

Masters 7 Cinemas

Regal Exchange 20

December 16 In Time (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:30; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 5, 7:30, 10; The Three Musketeers (PG-13) 7:15; Footloose (PG-13) 4:15, 7, 9:30; Abduction (PG-13) 4, 6:45, 9:15; Dolphin Tale (PG) 4, 6:45, 9:15; The Help (PG-13) 4:45, 8:30; Midnight in Paris (PG-13) 4:30, 9:45

December 16-17 Mission: ImpossibleGhost Protocol: The IMAX Experience (PG-13) 9:30, 12:30, 3:45, 7, 10:15, 1:15; Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) 9:40, 10:10, 10:40, 11:10, 11:55, 12:40, 1:10, 1:40, 2:10, 2:55, 3:25, 3:55, 4:25, 5:10, 5:40, 7:10, 7:40, 8:10, 9:25, 9:55, 11:40, 12:20; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 9:50, 10:50, 12:50, 1:50, 4:05, 5:05, 6:50, 7:20, 7:50, 8:20, 8:50, 9:50, 10:25, 10:50, 11:25, 11:55, 12:45, 1:10; New Year’s Eve (PG-13) 10, 12:45, 4:30, 7:05, 7:35, 9:50, 10:20, 12:50, 1:05; The Sitter (R) 10:30, 1, 4:10, 7:15, 9:55, 10:25, 12:05, 12:35; Young Adult (R) 10:05, 12:25, 2:50, 5:20, 7:45, 10:05, 12:25; Arthur Christmas (PG) 9:35, 12:05, 2:35, 5:05; Hugo (PG) 11, 1:55, 4:50, 7:45, 10:40; The Muppets (PG) 9:55, 10:25, 12:35, 1:05, 3:30, 4:35, 7, 7:30, 9:40, 10:10, 12:20, 12:50; Happy Feet Two (PG) 10:20, 12:55, 7:25; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1 (PG-13) 11:15, 2, 4:45, 7:20, 10:15, 1; Immortals (R) 11:05, 1:35, 4:05, 7:10, 9:45, 12:15; Tower Heist (PG-13) 11:30, 2:05, 4:40, 7:15, 10:30, 1:05; A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas (R) 4:20, 10, 12:30; Puss in Boots (PG) 9:45, 10:15, 12:15, 12:45, 2:45, 3:15, 5:15

December 17 In Time (PG-13) 1:45, 4:15, 7, 9:30; Paranormal Activity 3 (R) 1, 3, 5, 7:30, 10; The Three Musketeers (PG-13) 1:15, 7:15; Footloose (PG-13) 1:15, 4:15, 7, 9:30; Abduction (PG-13) 1:30, 4, 6:45, 9:15; Dolphin Tale (PG) 1, 4, 6:45, 9:15; The Help (PG-13) 1:30, 4:45, 8:30; Midnight in Paris (PG13) 4:30, 9:45

Evans Cinemas

On Christmas Eve, 1914, German, French and Scottish soldiers called a truce, climbed up out the trenches of WWI, and met in no-mans-land for an impromptu Christmas celebration. We recommend you get your Christmas movie fix by Netflixing “Joyeux Noël,” a 2005 French film that tells this yuletide tale of peace on earth and goodwill towards men with unabashed sentimentality. Forget re-watching “A Christmas Story” or “It’s a Wonderful Life” on TV. Learn some history and contemplate the absurdity of wars waged by so-called civilized nations. That’s what Christmas is really about, right?

34 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

WERECOMMEND

“Joyeux Noël”

December 16-17 Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked (G) noon, 12:45, 2:15, 3, 4:30, 5:15, 6:45, 7:30, 9, 9:45; Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (PG-13) 12:15, 1, 3:15, 4, 6:15, 7, 9:05, 9:50; New Year’s Eve (PG-13) 1:10, 4, 6:55, 9:45; The Sitter (R) 1:20, 3:25, 5:30, 7:45, 10; Arthur Christmas (PG) 12:30, 2:50, 5:20, 7:40, 10; Hugo (PG) 1:30, 4:20, 7:05, 9:50; The Muppets (PG) noon, 2:30, 5, 7:30, 10; Happy Feet Two (PG) 12:10, 2:40, 5:05, 7:35, 10; The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn-Part 1 (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 6:50, 9:30; Jack and Jill (PG) 12:25, 2:45, 4:55, 7:15, 9:35; Tower Heist (PG-13) 1:20, 4:15, 7:20, 9:55; Puss in Boots (PG) 12:35, 2:55, 5:20, 7:40, 9:55

V. 22 | NO. 68

ART45

AMYCHRISTIAN

The Gift of Music

Opera tenor invites concertgoers to slow down and enjoy the season

Despite calling it “O Holy Night,” opera tenor Marco Panuccio would rather not label his upcoming concert a Christmas one. “I will do Schubert’s ‘Ave Maria,’ but then I will be doing a Thanksgiving song called ‘Thankful’ and I will also be singing a Hanukah piece, so that’s why I don’t like to label it a Christmas concert. I cover the whole spectrum,” Panuccio explained from his home in Cincinnati, Ohio. “And what’s beautiful about it is that it really does bring people into the holiday spirit.” Panuccio’s Tuesday night visit to Augusta isn’t his first time in the area. He visited in 2007, participating in the Augusta Opera’s annual holiday concert. “And then I met the organist at Covenant Presbyterian at an afterparty and we have remained friends,” he said. “We talked last year about how it would be great to bring ‘O Holy Night’ to Augusta, but then he left the church to go back to school. So I spoke to the church and they said, ‘Absolutely!’” This is the second year that Panuccio V. 22 | NO. 68

has produced and performed “O Holy Night.” And while Augusta is the fifth stop on the singer’s holiday tour this year, the production began much more modestly. “I started it in Cincinnati last year, in my hometown, and it was such a success that a lot of other organizations had contacted me about bringing it to their cities,” he said. “So I went from one ‘O Holy Night’ last year to five this year, all across the country from Portland to Orlando.” Panuccio, a tenor specializing in roles in Italian operas such as “Tosca,” “La Boheme,” “Rigoletto” and “La Traviata,” said he always knew he wanted to be an opera singer, ever since he “heard Pavoratti sing when I was a baby.” After nine years of schooling, four degrees and regular lessons, only one thing stood in his way, he said. “I started singing back in around 1998, doing professional roles, but I was singing secondary roles because I was morbidly obese and opera is completely Hollywood,” he said. “So

it was impossible for opera companies to realistically see 350-pound singers singing a romantic leading role. So six years ago, I took control of my life.” Through diet and exercise, he lost 150 pounds. And although it required three plastic surgeries to remove excess skin, Panuccio said his weight loss had a dramatic and almost immediate effect on his career. “When I lost the weight, my career did a complete 180,” he said, “because opera companies were seeing me physically and vocally as a romantic lead tenor now.” Since his career has taken off, Panuccio has garnered much critical acclaim, but he says that ‘O Holy Night’ is by far one of his favorite performances, in part because of the sing-along that will include “Deck the Halls,” “Joy to the World,” “Silent Night” “and then a couple of extra surprises.” “It’s just beautiful to look out and see the entire audience singing,” he said. “It brings me so much joy.” Another reason Panuccio said he

loves this concert is because of what it allows the audience to do. “Another thing that’s so beautiful about this concert is that, with all the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it’s a beautiful thing to allow the audience to let that go at the door,” he explained. “It allows them to experience a holiday season where cell phones aren’t ringing and they’re not bumping into other people while they’re shopping. They’re allowed to let go of all that and experience the music that we get for such a brief time throughout the year. And what ‘O Holy Night’ also does is it allows me to give the gift that I was given to the community.” “O Holy Night,” An Evening of Holiday Song Covenant Presbyterian Church Tuesday, December 20 8 p.m. $20, general admission; $10, students 706-733-0513 covenantaugusta.org

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 35

36 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 37

38 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 39

40 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

Thursday, December 15 Live Music Coyote’s - Jeremy Graham French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground - Ruskin Metro Pub & Coffeehouse - Jim Perkins One Hundred Laurens - Kenny George Rose Hill Stables - Preston, Weston, Sandra Surrey Tavern - Ten Toes Up Wild Wing - Lo Fidelity The Willcox - 4 Cats in the Dog House What’s Tonight? Casa Blanca - Thursday Tango Club Argos - Karaoke Cocktails Lounge - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia The Highlander - Butt Naked Trivia The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) - Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans - DJ Kris Fisher The Playground - Open Mic with Brandy Polo Tavern - DJ Nirvana Shannon’s - Karaoke Villa Europa - Karaoke Wooden Barrel - ’80s Night Karaoke Friday, December 16 Live Music Carolina Ale House - Jim Perkins Cotton Patch - Steven Bryant Country Club - John Karl Coyote’s - Joe Olds Band Fox’s Lair - Jared Gay French Market Grille West - Doc Easton Imperial Theatre - Michael Cleveland and Flamekeeper w/ Dale Ann Bradley Joe’s Underground - TX Clergy Sky City - Festivus of Bands w/ Dr. Bread, Old You, DJ Joycette, Tacky Sweaters StillWater Taproom - The Parkway Handle Band V. 22 | NO. 68

Somewhere In Augusta - Jar Surrey Tavern - The Unmentionables Wild Wing - Moby Dick What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Grown-Up Fridays Cork and Bull Pub - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Three J’s Karaoke

Saturday, December 17 Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse - Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Cotton Patch - Riley Williams Country Club - Chris Lane Band Coyote’s - Joe Olds Band Imperial Theatre - Tony Howard’s Motown Elvis Christmas Show Joe’s Underground - Cliff Bennett’s Benefit for Jason Scritchfield P.I. Bar and Grill - Not Gaddy Jazz Sky City - Festivus of Bands w/ Debt of Nature, More, Jesup Dolly, Shoo Fly Pie, Ernest T. Bastards Stillwater Taproom - Dirty Bourbon River

The Loft - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke One Hundred Laurens - DJ Kenny Ray Robbie’s - Saturday Night Dance Party Tropicabana - Salsa Saturday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Kamikaze Karaoke Sunday, December 18 Live Music 5 O’Clock Bistro - Buzz and Candice Imperial Theatre - 12 Bands of Christmas The Willcox - Mike Frost, Lauren Meccia What’s Tonight? Caribbean Soul - Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jacks - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing Monday, December 19 What’s Tonight? Applebee’s (Evans) - Trivia Club Argos - Karaoke Malibu Jack’s - Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke with Danny Haywood Playground - Kyng Wild Wing - ’80s Karoke

Ms. Carolyn’s - Karaoke Palmetto Tavern - DJ Tim Polo Tavern - Robbie Ducey Band Rebeck’s Hideaway - Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe - Karaoke with Steve Chappel Soul Bar - Pop Life Tropicabana - Latin Friday Wheels - Live DJ Wooden Barrel - Karaoke Contest

Surrey Tavern - The Unmentionables Wild Wing - The Endalls What’s Tonight? Club Argos - Variety Show Cocktails Lounge - Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge - Karaoke Fox’s Lair - Christmas Party/ Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille - Trivia

Tuesday, December 20 Live Music Cocktails Lounge - Live Music Fox’s Lair - John Fisher The Highlander - Open Mic Night Imperial Theatre - John Berry Christmas Show Joe’s Underground - Happy Bones Wild Wing - Patterson & Nate The Willcox - Piano Jazz What’s Tonight? METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 41

FREEWILLASTROLOGY

Club Argos - Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge - Dart League Malibu Jack’s - Karaoke with Denny

or the other. That’s why I reject the idea that I must SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Panic Manor, Narratives, Dead either sympathize with the goals of the Democratic The Amazon is the second longest river in the End Sons, Dreameater - Sector 7G world, and has such a voluminous flow that it Party or the Republican Party, I’m bored by the January 13 trumped-up squabble between the atheists and comprises 20 percent of all river water in the the fundamentalist Christians, and the predictable world. And yet there is not a single bridge that Jerry Seinfeld - Bell Auditorium arguments between dogmatic cynics and fanatical crosses it. Please consider keeping the wild part Wednesday, December 21 January 19 optimists. Find a third way between any two sides of you wild. It’s certainly not at all crucial for you Live Music She N She - Playground January 20 to civilize it. that tend to divide the world into Us against Them. 209 on the River - Smooth Grooves SidAerial - Playground January 27 CANCER (June 21-July 22) Joe’s Underground - Sibling String Those Darlins - Sky City February 1 CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) No one actually looks like the retouched images Emotion is the resource we treasure when we’re Sky City - Festivus of Bands w/ Winter Jam Tour - James Brown of the seemingly perfect people in sexy ads. Iconic young, says poet Naomi Shihab Nye, but eventually Mazes & Monsters, Ramblin’ Arena February 9 supermodel Cindy Crawford once said, “I wish what we thrive on even more is energy. “Energy is I looked like Cindy Crawford.” Our unconscious everything,” she says, “not emotion.” And where Fevers, Adam Sams inclination to compare ourselves to such does energy come from? Often, from juxtaposition, Surrey Tavern - Merry Funkmas w/ Elsewhere says Nye. “Rubbing happy and sad together creates unrealistic ideals is the source of a lot of mischief Funk You, Matt Acosta and Friends, Javier Colon - Variety Playhouse, in our lives. Divest yourself, as much as possible, energy; rubbing one image against another.” Drum of all standards of perfection that alienate you up the vigor and vitality that come from mixing and The Mason Jars Atlanta December 15 from yourself or cause you to feel shame about melding and merging, particularly in unexpected or Wild Wing - Brad & Jake Jennifer Daniels - The Crimson who you really are. uncommon ways. Moon Cafe, Dahlonega December LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) What’s Tonight? 16 AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Barney Oldfield (1878-1946) was a pioneer car Studies show that if you’re sharing a meal with Club Argos - Santoni’s Satin Dolls Carey Murdock with The Head racer who was the first ever to run a 100-mileone other person, you’re likely to eat up to 35 Cocktails Lounge - Augusta’s Got Five Spot, Atlanta December 16 per-hour lap at the Indianapolis 500. He was a percent more food than if you’re dining alone. If Talent much better driver while setting speed records Chatham County Line - Variety you sit down at the table with four companions, and beating other cars on racetracks than he was you’ll probably devour 75 percent extra, and if Cotton Patch - Trivia and Tunes Playhouse, Atlanta December 16 at moseying through regular street traffic, saying you’re with a party of eight, your consumption Coyote’s - Drink N Drown & DJ Jeff Blood on the Dance Floor - The he couldn’t think clearly if he was traveling at may double. You will benefit from socializing more Laura’s Backyard Tavern - Karaoke Masquerade, Atlanta December 19 intensely and prolifically, but it’ll be important to less than 100 miles per hour. I suspect you may temporarily have a similar quirk in the way you live, raise your commitment to your own physical health. The Loft - Karaoke Dryvin N Cryin - Tabernacle, Atlanta work and play. To achieve maximum lucidity, you Figure out a way to do both. Mi Rancho (Downtown) - Karaoke December 23 may have to be moving pretty fast. Mi Rancho (Washington Road) B. B. King - Fox Theatre, Atlanta PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob “Were it not for the leaping and twinkling of the December 30 Back in August 2010, there was an 11-day traffic soul,” said psychologist Carl Jung, “human beings The Place on Broad - Jazz DJ Jason and the Scorchers - Smith’s would rot away in their greatest passion, idleness.” snarl on a Chinese highway. At one point the stuck The Playground - Karaoke with Big Olde Bar, Atlanta December 30 vehicles stretched for 60 miles and inched along I would add this corollary: One of the greatest at the rate of a mile per day. In that light, your Troy Jim Perkins - Gnat’s Landing, and most secret forms of idleness comes from current jam isn’t so bad. It may be true that your being endlessly busy at unimportant tasks. Give Polo Tavern - Karaoke w/ Tom Athens December 30 progress has been glacial lately, but at least you’ve everything you have to stimulate the leaping and Mitchell Mother’s Finest - Melting Point, had a bed to sleep in and a bathroom to use, twinkling of your soul. Somewhere In Augusta - Comedy Athens December 30 which is more than can be said for the stranded Chinese motorists and truck drivers. w/ Mike Speenberg North Mississippi All Stars - Variety ARIES (March 21-April 19) Jim Moran (1908-1999) called himself a publicist, Playhouse, Atlanta December 30 LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) but I regard him as a pioneer performance artist. Upcoming Futurebirds, Washed Out Here’s a joke from Woody Allen’s movie “Annie Hall”: At various times in his colorful career, he led a bull “Two elderly women are in a Catskills Mountain through a china shop in New York City, changed Jeremy Graham - Coyote’s Buckhead Theatre, Atlanta resort and one of them says: ‘Boy, the food at this horses in midstream in Nevada’s Truckee River, December 22 December 30 place is really terrible.’ The other one says, ‘Yeah, I and looked for a needle in a haystack until he Jamie Jones - Joe’s Underground Perpetual Groove - Center Stage, found it. You will not only have a knack for mutating know — and such small portions.’” Are you being influenced to find fault with something that you December 22 Atlanta December 30-31 cliches and scrambling conventional wisdom. In actually kind of like? Are you ignoring your own doing so, you could also pull off feats that might Jim Perkins - Metro Pub & Zac Brown Band - Philips Arena, preferences simply because you think it might help seem improbable. Coffeehouse December 22 Atlanta December 31 you to be close to those whose preferences are Festivus of Bands w/ Sibling String, Cake - Fox Theatre, Atlanta different? It’s very important that you know how you TAURUS (April 20-May 20) feel and stay true to your feelings. One possible way to tap into the current cosmic Will McCraine 3, Allison Foster - Sky December 31 opportunities would be to seek out storegasms City December 22 Drive-By Truckers - 40 Watt Club, SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) — the ecstatic feelings released while exercising The Allman Brothers Tribute Band - Athens January 12-14 The Los Angeles school district dramatically one’s buyological urges in consumer temples downgraded the role that homework plays in crammed with an obscene abundance of colorful Surrey Tavern December 22 Widespread Panic - The the life of its students. Beginning this fall, the material goods. This wouldn’t be a very creative Mike Green - Cotton Patch Tabernacle, Atlanta January 26-29 assignments kids do after school account for only solution to the epic yearnings that are welling December 23 Blake Shelton - Convention Center up in your down-below-and-deep-inside parts. 10 percent of their final grade. Go in the opposite The Atom Blonde - Playground at Gwinnett Center, Duluth January Instead, routinely maneuver yourself into positions direction. Your homework will be more important where your primal self will be filled up with sublime than ever. In order to take full advantage of the December 31 27 rich educational opportunities that will be flowing wonder, mysterious beauty and smart love. Obraskai - Playground January 13 Marc Broussard - Center Stage, your way, you should do lots of research, think hard about what it all means, and in general be Galen Kipar Project - Stillwater Atlanta December 27 GEMINI (May 21-June 20) very well-prepared. I don’t think that there are just two sides of every Taproom January 13 Blackberry Smoke - Buckhead story and that you have to align yourself with one Xerxes, Code Orange Kinds, Theatre, Atlanta January 28 Rob Brezsny Barrow, Von Wolfe, Apart, Chondro, FREEWILLASTROLOGY@FREEWILLASTROLOGY.COM

42 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

Stocking Stuffers

A Great Year in Music, Only a Little Sarcasm Intended

You know they'll love!

INMUSIC

Are we really coming to the end of 2011? What a great year in music. That came off sarcastic in my head, maybe because it was, a little. There have been some good moments, lots of death and lots of bad music. Next week I’ll give a rundown of music for this year and will be taking your suggestions on what you loved most. To get in, email me at matt@themetrospirit.com. Tell me your favorite moments and I’ll post them. Any mentions of Bieber, Gaga or K-dollar sign-sha will be held back from the list and saved, later to be used as a form of blackmail and ridicule. The votes are in and all accounted for, and next year’s Rock ‘n’ Roll Hall of Fame class will include Guns N’ Roses, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Beastie Boys and some band called the Small Faces. The Faces included Rod Stewart, so this will be his second trip in the Hall of Fame. You know why they called him Rod right? The ceremony will be held April 14 and will be broadcast on HBO in early May. Now is when we all sit and wonder if Axl will stop being a d*** and actually join his former bandmates on stage. During an interview last month with That Metal Show, Axl didn’t completely rule out a reunion. “I don’t know what it means in terms of me with the old band and the old lineup,” he said. “If we were to be invited, I don’t know what they would ask of me. It’s up in the air.” I don’t see this ending well. Looks like a pretty good class this year. Let the drama begin. How is it that I can pay my taxes and I’m poor, but when you’re rich it completely slips your mind? It came out this week that Puddle of Mudd frontman Wesley Scantlin owes over $60,000 in back taxes. Documents show that the rocker failed to pay $44,726.23 in federal taxes in 2009, in addition to $17,323.51 in state taxes in California. This adds to a bad year for Wes. In addition to this tax issue, the singer filed for divorce from his wife and Puddle of Mudd parted ways with guitarist Paul Phillips. But despite everything, the band is currently at work on a new album, due out sometime in 2012. Hope the recording studio isn’t cashing his checks. Pull out your spandex, kids, because The Darkness is back! Yes, the newly reunited band, famous for making us all Believe in a Thing Called Love, is returning to the U.S. with a huge tour and a new album. I love it. In completely different touring news, Coldplay are set to hit the road in April of next year for the first time in three years. In support of their latest album, “Mylo Xyloto” (nice name), the band will be in Atlanta coming up on July 2. My holiday music calendar is getting full. There are definitely a couple shows that you should check out. It does help that Sky City is having their Festivus of Bands. Events for Festivus are going on now through Friday the 23. My pals in the Eskimojitos will be at the Loft, Friday, December 16. A great “low dough” show is at the Playground on Monday the 19. Realid recording artist Kyng will be here will special guest The Atom Blonde. Five bucks gets you in, a pretty sweet deal. What shows am I missing? Where should I be going? And what are you favorite musical moments of 2011? Email me at matt@themetrospirit.com. Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 2-6 p.m. on 95 Rock. V. 22 | NO. 68

It's time to add a little Wild Wing to your holiday gift giving needs.

Wild Wing

gift g card

on. the legend livethse lege

if t

card

nd lives

on.

Gift Cards Available In-Store and Online.

Thursday Lo Fidelity Friday Night Rocks with Moby Dick Saturday The Endalls Sunday Football! Football! NFL Action Washington Road just past I-20 • 706-364-WILD (9453) w w w. w i l d w i n g c a f e . c o m METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 43

Book your

Christmas PartyPrivate Now! Parties

TONIGHT!

Thursday Nights

College Night with DJ #Juan Show your valid college ID for drink specials all night

(Must be 21 years old to enter)

917 Broad Street | Thursday - Saturday 9pm to Close

Contact David at 706.288.7119

Friday & Saturday Night December 16th: DJ Kenny Ray December 17th: DJ #Juan

New Years 2012 Celebration JOIN US NEW YEARS EVE featured bands:

DIRTY BLUE DRESS ACID WASH CHAMPAGNE TOAST AT MIDNIGHT RAFFLE FOR 3 VIP PARTIES ($200 value each) $10 pp | $15 couples

LADIES NEVER PAY A COVER CHARGE PROPER ATTIRE REQUIRED Check the Bar on Broad Facebook page for more specials and events.

44 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

V. 22 | NO. 68

CUISINESCENE

AMYCHRISTIAN

Upscale Comfort Food

The Cotton Patch is more than just a hangout; it’s a great restaurant

The Cotton Patch is known as a great hangout. But alongside Wednesday trivia, weekend music on the patio and great drink specials, it has also gained a reputation for its fantastic food. Much of that reputation, says Cotton Patch owner Bryan Mitchell, is due to cook Delores Mays. That she’s a 15year veteran of the downtown spot, in an industry not known for being able to retain employees, is a feat in and of itself. But Mitchell says she’s also a wiz in the kitchen, likening her to Paula Deen. “She has got the touch,” he says, shaking his head in amazement. “And she’s a great influence in here, too. When she’s working in the kitchen, if it ain’t gospel music, it ain’t on. She keeps everybody in line, but she’s also as sweet as she can be.” It was Miss D, Mitchell says, who came up with The Cotton Patch’s Monday through Friday lunch specials, stick-toyour ribs blue plates that on a recent day included country fried chicken with taters and green beans. “The lunch specials really make you V. 22 | NO. 68

want to take a nap,” he laughs. “It’s like being at your mama’s house.” Miss D is also responsible for the much lighter but just as delicious chunky chicken salad, available on a bed of greens with broccoli, cauliflower and cucumbers or in a sandwich or wrap. “Delores developed the chicken salad and that’s a family recipe,” he says. “I could sell that by the truckload.” It may not be literally available by the truckload, but it is available by the pound, thanks to Gwen Fulcher Young who talked Mitchell into it. Now, he says, it’s in high demand during the holidays and to those who want to deliver something familiar and satisfying to local hospitals for families and patients. “We send more chicken salad to

University and MCG,” he says. “But when you’re not feeling good, you just want something comforting like that.” The Cotton Patch does a great lunch business, serving Miss D’s lunch specials, entrée salads, sandwiches and their famous Murder Burgers to downtown workers and residents looking for a great meal that won’t break the bank. Mitchell, however, says that dinner may be just as popular. It’s no wonder: everything on the menu (except for the lunch specials, of course) is available at dinner, including their surprisingly inventive entrées that Mitchell says Miss D also helps out with.

“I’m going for southern, Lowcountry comfort food done in an upscale way, so we talk about things that I’ve seen other places and that I liked,” he said. “I tell her how it was done and she puts her own twist on it. She has a gift with spices. If you’re familiar with the Gullah way of cooking, she has that same history and touch with food that comes from family and from years and years of cooking for family.” And contrary to what people might perceive of Lowcountry South Carolina’s Gullah cooking, it’s not spicy. “But it is extremely well-balanced food,” he explains. “There’s a difference between spicy and lots of flavor.” Miss D, however, isn’t the only one coming up with great recipes. Mitchell’s son Tate has gotten involved, coming up with his take on a chain restaurant’s METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 45

popular appetizer. The sweet and tangy spiciness of Tate’s Boom Boom Shrimp has become a hit with customers at lunch and dinner. At dinner, after customers have sampled the Boom Boom Shrimp, their favorite entrée seems to be the Charleston Chicken, a grilled chicken breast topped with grilled shrimp and buffalo cream sauce. And while the jerk chicken, available as an entrée or sandwich, and the 8-ounce sirloin are also popular, Mitchell says his favorite is the stuffed tilapia, a cilantro butter glazed filet stuffed with crab and shrimp

46 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

parmesan and served over smashed taters, Miss D’s redskin potatoes whipped with butter and sour cream. “It really is impressive,” he says. Many people are impressed with The Cotton Patch. Golf magazine named it one of the three restaurants in Augusta that visitors must try. Couples who met and began dating there years ago now bring their kids. Local residents bring out-of-town guests. Why? Because The Cotton Patch offers upscale food at great prices in an atmosphere diners don’t have to dress up for. The beauty of the courtyard,

modeled after Pat O’Briens in New Orleans, doesn’t hurt, and neither does the availability of the Club Room, a private dining area seating 30 that was formerly the kitchen for the Eli Whitney house. “It has the original fireplace that still works,” Mitchell says. TEE Center construction has changed business as usual at The Cotton Patch, but Mitchell and company will adapt by making their presence felt on Reynolds Street rather than the alley that now serves as the front of the restaurant. Plans are to knock out what is now

the back wall on the courtyard, add more architectural elements and make Reynolds the main entrance. They’ll also add sliding glass behind the bar to make an indoor-outdoor area. And Mitchell is confident that these changes will satisfy those who are very possessive about 21-year-old restaurant. “Over the last 21 years, a lot of people have history with The Cotton Patch — they met their wives here, they started dating here, and now they’re married and they bring their kids here,” he says. “People have a very strong attachment to The Cotton Patch. They feel like it’s their place, you know?” The Cotton Patch 816 Cotton Lane 706-724-4511 11 a.m.-9 p.m., Monday-Thursday; 11 a.m.-11 p.m., Friday-Saturday; 11-6 p.m., Sunday; bar open until… eatdrinkbehappy.com

V. 22 | NO. 68

Call us today at 706.667.9009

THINK. NOT A BIG BOX... NOT EVEN CLOSE

Are you so frustrated with your computer you’ve considered tossing it out the window? Is it so slow you can barely use it? Are you having trouble getting to your favorite web page... or facebood? Are you even tempted to teake it to one of those Big Box Stores for service? Think again!

NOTABIGBOX.COM

Do you really want the place that sells you envelopes or flat screen TVs working on your computer? Bring it to ComputerOne today... and our real computer guys will make it all better at a price you can afford. We’re the opposite of a Big Box Store. We’re the little store in Fairway Square and although we have our own of computer experts, we dont really call them geeks (at least to their faces). They’re just competent, skilled computer technicians with the know-how to clean up your computer at a reasonable price and get you back on the internet fast. And although we’re not keeping score, given the fact we’re celebrating our 25th anniversary this year, it is very likely we’ve sold and repaired more computers than any other company in Augusta... and we have thousands of satisfied customers to prove it.

Professional Virus & Spyware Removal Services $69.95 About Us | Services | Virus and Spyware Removal | Custom Built Computers | Point of Sale Systems | Driving Directions | Contact Us Copyright 2011 ComputerOne Technology, Inc., All Rights Reserved - Website developed, hosted and maintained by Southfire, Inc. 2825 Washington Rd., Fairway Square Shopping Center, Augusta, GA 30909 - 706.667.9009

V. 22 | NO. 68

METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 47

ONTHEBALL

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com or follow him on Twitter @Mattlane28.

Don’t Forget About Us!

One of state’s brightest gridiron gems returns to the round of four Not since the historic four-year stretch between 1998-2002 has Georgia Southern trotted out this sort of success to their fan base. And while they have enjoyed being showered with praise by Eagle Nation, as well as nationwide by their opponents this year — except that one game where Appalachian State gave them the middle finger — they’ve seemingly been forgotten about as one of the best overall programs in the state of Georgia. Now, to be fair, the Eagles certainly have had some forgettable years — although not forgettable enough if you ask some of the season ticket holders — after that impressive run in the late ’90s and early ’00s. Mike Sewak, 2002-05, led the Eagles to the semis (11-3) in his first year at the helm of a Paul Johnson-built team, but showed declining promise with each and every season from there forward. Sewak, not being the second coming of Paul Johnson, and the two first round exits in ’04 and ’05 sealed his fate. He will always be remembered as the guy who dropped the baton, along with Tim Stowers, and gave up the stranglehold the Eagles had on Division 1-AA. On a personal note: Mike Sewak ran the worst one-day recruiting session that I have ever attended. Believe it or not, sitting on the floor for two straight hours marveling at Adrian Peterson highlights, downing burgers and Coke is no way to lead into the 40-yard dash and vertical jump testing. Or maybe I’m the crazy one here. Sewak was replaced with a sure home run of a hire, Brian VanGorder, former Georgia defensive coordinator and Jacksonville Jaguars linebackers coach. VanGorder was head of the Dawgs defense when they were perennially ranked in the Top 5 in scoring defense not only in the SEC, but nationally. With his tough guy approach, in-state contacts and coaching resume, if there was anybody who could afford to not attach a cover letter to his application it would have been VanGorder. But after a disastrous 3-8 season, VanGorder resigned, no doubt in way over his head when it came to being anything past a coordinator. That’s no shot at him; Wade Phillips seems to have the same career trajectory on the pro level. That’s just the way it is. He’s known to his players as a tough, nononsense film maven, even if everyone at Paulson Stadium viewed him more as a shrinking violet. Innovation introduced itself to Statesboro, Georgia, in 2007 in the form of Chris Hatcher, former Valdosta State head coach. Hatcher ran the Air Raid Offense, which

was the same he ran in college when he was VSU quarterback under head coach Hal Mumme. This is a mix of the West Coast offense (short, quick passes; many lateral routes) and the Run and Shoot offense (lots of receiver motion; reading the defense at the line of scrimmage; heavy audible capability) that was popularized by coaches such as Hal Mumme, Mike Leach and Sonny Dykes. Well, much like an Amish man getting a skill saw, Eagle Nation was a combination of excited and scared out of their mind for what was to come. Thank God for Jayson Foster during Hatcher’s first year, because without him there’s no telling how they would have sold tickets. The all-everything QB for the Eagles was the only source of promise his senior year during the extent of Hatcher’s stay from ’07-’09. In fairness, when Southern hired Chris Hatcher, what they wanted to hire more than anything was a leader. Fresh off the death of Erk Russell, they needed somebody who struck fear into the hearts of everyone every time he walked out on the field. Hatcher didn’t. In how Erk got his teams to take on his personality, Hatcher could never replicate it. All the fans saw was a guy whose ego was bigger than the program. You coach the players you got, system or not, with the only thing translating into success being wins. Which brings us up-to-date. Jeff Monken wins football games. Even more than his triple-option offense, the only thing Jeff Monken cares about is winning football games. If you talked to him about his strategy, really tried to pick his brain about what his objective is, he would say, “to win football games.” Winning sells tickets. Sure, he has a system, but, more importantly, he coaches the players he’s got. The Eagles now travel to North Dakota State for a semifinal game that they look to win in order to erase the bad memory of losing at Delaware last year in the same game. This is a must win for them, because they don’t pride themselves on anything but being the best. Catch the game at 2:30 p.m. Saturday on ESPNU, and there will be a viewing party at Somewhere in Augusta. You can come earlier than that and watch South Carolina lose to Ohio State by 30 points at noon with me if you’d like. You’re buying the first round of shots, though.

Happy Holidays From Forest Hills Golf Club!

4 Players for only $120.00 *Valid Monday- Friday anytime. taxes excluded. Cannot be combined with any other offers or used towards group outings. 48 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

706.733.0001 | 1500 Comfort Road

THEFORESTHILLSGOLFCOURSE.COM V. 22 | NO. 68

ADVICEGODDESS

Blister Wonderful

I’m starting to have feelings for this guy friend I’ve been fooling around with, but I’m worried he isn’t feeling the same way. He’s stopped short of having full-blown intercourse with me, which I find odd, although I don’t want to have sex yet because I have genital herpes and I’m not ready to tell him. (I take an antiviral drug for this daily, and I’d have him wear protection during intercourse.) Do you think he knows I have herpes? Maybe he just isn’t interested in me romantically and doesn’t want me getting too attached. — Puzzled

When you start to care about somebody, it’s nice to give him little romantic gifts — flowers, a gourmet cupcake, a sweet card, weeping genital sores. Surely you’d tell the guy pronto if you had a cold: “Hey, don’t get too close, because you could catch this and have an unpleasant few days.” But colds go away. Herpes is forever. Yeah, I know, so are diamonds. But, unlike a mammoth rock on a girl’s finger, a big genital pustule isn’t anything you want to be showing off to the crew at the office: “Look at it gleam under the fluorescents!” Genital herpes hasn’t always been such a big stigmatized deal — to the point where it’s led to the tanking of countless potential relationships. Until the late ’70s, it was seen as “cold sores down there” and often not even worthy of a visit to the doctor. Except in rare cases, the physical symptoms are relatively minor. At the first outbreak, especially, it feels a bit like the flu, with fever, headache and muscle aches. There’s also tingling and itching, and there can be pain, burning during urination (and don’t forget the yucky sores!). So, what led to all the stigma? The sexual revolution, for starters. In the mid’70s, with lots of people having lots of sex, genital herpes spread (as probably did the common cold). In 1979, the CDC, seeing the herpes stats rising, got a little hysterical and announced an “epidemic” (of cold sores!), and the media ran with it. In 1980, Time magazine declared herpes “The New Sexual Leprosy” and, in 1982, The Miami Herald called it a “cruel disease.” “Cruel disease”? Multiple sclerosis is a cruel disease. But an infection that gives you the itchies and makes you walk funny for a few days? As herpes simplex expert Dr. Adrian Mindel told The Independent in 1987, “For the majority of people herpes is… nothing more than an occasional nuisance.” The thing is, if you’re having an outbreak of your “occasional nuisance” and your naked parts are rubbing against somebody else’s naked parts, you could infect him. The risk of transmission may be reduced by daily antiviral treatment and condom use — provided there are no contagious areas outside the condom zone. But you can be in a contagious stage and not know it. Of the approximately one in six U.S. adults ages 14 to 48 who have genital herpes, 80 percent don’t show visible symptoms, says herpes researcher Dr. Anna Wald. Research by Wald and her colleagues found that even when herpes carriers showed no symptoms, they were contagious 10 percent of the time. Of course, that’s on average. Wald explained to me that there’s a range: “Some people may be contagious 1 percent of the time, and others 30 percent, but we don’t have a good way to predict who is who.” Putting this guy at risk for herpes without giving him any choice in the matter was not only unfair but pretty dumb. For many people, the betrayal is the biggest problem. If you tell somebody before he fools around with you and maybe pull a fact sheet off the Internet to allay his fears, he’ll be less likely to ditch you, and he won’t have the rage he would at being unwittingly exposed. To launch the conversation, maybe say something like “Ever gotten a cold sore? I get them sometimes… but not on my lip!” And then, as datingwithherpes.org advises, don’t say “I have herpes,” which makes you sound like you’re having an outbreak right then. Instead, say “I carry the virus for herpes” and explain how often you have outbreaks… which should make it sound more like a manageable annoyance than the guy’s ticket to a lifetime of Crusty Pustules Anonymous meetings. NOTE: There are press reports, tracing back to the respected Herpes Viruses Association of the U.K., that drug company Burroughs Wellcome caused the initial stigmatization of people with herpes by marketing the stigma to sell its drug. The association could provide me no evidence supporting its accusation, nor could I find any in 51 years of newspaper and journal articles (from 1960 to 2011). I’m very much for going after drug companies for malfeasance, but not in the absence of evidence they’ve committed any.

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

V. 22 | NO. 68

Fresh, Healthy, M editer ranean Cuisine

WE DELIVER!

Mon-Sat 11:30-9

limited deliver range $15 minimum order

LAZIZAGRILL.COM | 706.504.4303 | Next to Publix in Evans behind Evans Cinema

meet real women tonight

most local singles

try for

free

706.434.0108 Local Numbers: 1.800.210.1010 18+

www.livelinks.com

Ahora en Español

BUY ONE, GET ONE CELEBRATING 6 YEARS AT THE MARTINEZ LOCATION.

see page 08

PLEASE SUPPORT OUR ADVERTISERS

(THEY PAY OUR BILLS!) METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11 49

Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl. She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis.

No Rest for the Sick

For moms, it’s take the meds and keep on going I write in a haze of codeine and steroids. I have a cough, and have had one long enough that I finally went to have it checked. A little concerned as he listened to my lungs, my doctor made me promise to take the meds. More importantly, I vowed to rest. Yeah. Easier said than done. I hate being sick. Honestly, I can’t imagine that anyone truly enjoys it. Well, maybe those people with Munchausen Syndrome do (Google it!), but only people on Lifetime even have that, right? When we’re under the weather, we have to miss activities, push things aside and sit still. I’m not good at that. It’s especially hard at this time of year, when the calendar is completely overbooked. I’d so much rather be at The Kids’ school helping out, playing tennis, Christmas shopping or anything but sitting here getting better. Life doesn’t stop when parents are sick, you know? The kids still need to be fed. Someone has to take them to school. I can’t just stick them in the yard with a bowl of water and hope for the best. Don’t get me wrong, The Man helps.

Unless he is sick. And today, he came home sick. He walked in the door, announced a bellyache and went straight to bed. At the time, I didn’t think of the ramifications, so I said, “okay!” As I thought about it, as clearly as I could while drugged, I realized that I needed to write my column and make dinner. Homework needed supervision. The Kids needed after-school attention and snacks. Regroup! I believe that he feels ill, I really do. I just wish I’d been the one to call dibs on bedtime first. Men fall easily when sick, don’t they? If The Kids get a cold, they may miss school, but they still play in the yard, eat dinner and otherwise act like they normally do. The coughs that emanate from men with colds seem to be horrible, deadly coughs, because of which a lung could collapse at any time. They are bedridden, and a cold somehow seems like the plague. They need to sleep it off, unable to complete any major (or minor!) tasks. Call the CDC! Face it, Man Colds are different. That’s what they’d like us to believe,

JENNYISWRIGHT anyway. I mean, if The Kids survived, and Mama survived, why is Daddy ailing so? Do we need to call the waaaaaaaaaambulance? Sheesh. I don’t think he’d suggest calling to prearrange his funeral. He just needs rest, and so do I. After my next dose of meds, we’re both going to bed. Besides,

there’s a big jar of pickles in the fridge, and a loaf of bread in the pantry. I think the milk is still good. The laundry is all clean and we have plenty of toothpaste. The Kids will be fine. They can’t drive, though. Does Summerville Ace (or any other package store) deliver?

re-gifting cupcakes? Ever hear of

US EITHER. WE HAVEN'T EITHER.

Henri Lou Trunk Show

starts Thursday at 7! 351 Highland Avenue | Augusta | 706.364.3421 | Holiday Hours Dec 1 Mon - Sat 10 - 7 Sun 1 - 5

4158 Washington Rd. (Across from Club Car) Evans, GA

706.364.1795

10 OFF

any purchase of $50 or more *May not be combined with any other offer. Prior sales excluded and may not be used for purchase of gift card. Valid only at Learning Express Toys of Evans, GA Expires 12/24/11

50 METRO SPIRIT 12.15.11

Augusta, GA | 106 Pleasant Home Road | 706.814.8959

Aiken, SC | 126 Laurens Street NW | 803.514.4240

V. 22 | NO. 68

A Gift Certificate Certificate ATherapeutic Therapeutic Massage Massage Gift 706.364.7347

706.651.0202

georgia therapeutic massage

WOMENSMASSAGECENTER.COM GATHERAPEUTICMASSAGE.COM

All Georgia Licensed Massage Therapists