Metro Spirit 05.26.2011 by Metro Spirit

table of contents whine line

- tom tomorrow

- we recommend

- thumbs up, thumbs down

insider

metro

- news of the weird

- feature

are you not entertained

- calendar

- augusta tek

- the8

- art45

- sightings

- jenny is wright

- you like what?

- gourmet relay

- nytimes crossword

- free will astrology

slab

- eardrum

- after dark

- the download

- ball

-advice goddess

-austin rhodes

Want to advertise in the Metro Spirit? Call Joe White at 706-373-3636 or email joe@themetrospirit.com IT WORKS! Metro Spirit is a free newspaper published weekly on Thursday, 52 weeks a year. Editorial coverage includes local issues and news, arts, entertainment, people, places and events. In our Production Director paper appear views from across the Amy Christian political and social spectrum. The amy@themetrospirit.com views do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher. Visit us Lead Designer at metrospirit.com.ÂŠ 15 House, Gabriel Vega LLC. Owner/Publisher: Joe White. Legal: Phillip Scott Hibbard. gabe@themetrospirit.com Reproduction or use without c o v e r d e s i g n permission is prohibited. One copy per person, please.

Writer Eric Johnson eric@themetrospirit.com

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TURN of the

CENTURY This week we will begin a look back at the news the Metro Spirit was covering at the turn of the century.

seemed to work so far and I still wake up happy and know I am blessed to do what I do. No complaints here!” — Jennifer Nettles

May 25, 2000 Stacey Eidson interviews Commissioner Marion Williams as part of a SPLOST feature.

Jennifer Nettles returns to Augusta Thursday, June 23, with her band Sugarland. Maybe you’ve heard of them? If not, maybe these will jog your memory: 2005 Breakthrough Artist of the Year winner at the American Music Awards; 2006 Top New Duo or Vocal Group at the Academy of Country Music; 2007 Duo Video of the Year for “Want To” at the CMT Music Awards; 2007 Vocal Duo of the Year at the Country Music Association Awards; 2008 Single of the Year for “Stay” at the Academy of Country Music Awards, Country Music Association Awards and the Grammy Awards (for country); 2008 Song of the Year for “Stay” at the Academy of Country Music Awards and Country Music Association Awards; 2008 Duo Video of the Year for “Stay” at the CMT Music Awards; 2008 Vocal Duo of the Year at the Country Music Association Awards and the Grammy Awards; 2008 Song of the Year for “Stay” at the Country Music Association Awards; 2009 Duo Video of the Year for “All I Want to Do” at the CMT Music Awards; 2009 Vocal Duo of the Year at the Country Music Association Awards; 2010 Vocal Duo of the Year at the Country Music Association Awards; and 2011 Top Vocal Duo of the Year at the Academy of Country Music Awards.

But in order to prepare for the future, Commissioner Marion Williams believes that the judicial center needs to be funded during the next phase of sales tax. “We have got to have places for the judges and lawyers to handle those cases because the courtrooms are so small we can’t conduct business” Williams said. “And growth is coming. And with growth, crime is going to go up. So we have to be prepared.” — Marion Williams Donnie Fetter interviews Jennifer Nettles Jennifer Nettles knows about change and the growth that springs from it. In the past months she broke from the regionally successful, but artistically confining, Soul Miner’s Daughter band. Now, she’s fronting the Jennifer Nettles Band; released an astonishing new album, “Story of Your Bones,” that has met with critical and public praise; and is embarking on a national tour, which brings her to the Sour Bar May 27. The aura of talent and creativity that surrounds this young women is almost palpable. — Donnie Fetter “There are so many bottom-feeders out there (the snobbish, underground elite) who pride themselves on celebrating the avant garde and the unpredictable yet they don’t libertate their own minds enough to think outside their little pretentious boxes and truly give all types of music a fair and objective listen. Their constant attempt at welcoming only the unpredictable makes them the most cliché of all.” “I want them [the listener] to feel inspired and to turn off the player/leave the show feeling empowered. I would love to have the opportunity to do that with a national audience. Naturally, that means more people. However, I think if your goal is to make quality music, then the quantity can’t help but follow.” “However, as we [The Jennifer Nettles Band] continue to experiment and expand, it will be interesting to see how we gel with each other. Who knows what crazy wacked-out genre we’ll end up playing? Stay tuned...” “Who knows where it will go? I believe in letting the universe do her thing. That has

whineLINE Is your business like a leopard skin sand shark ninja clan with shark bone throwing star teeth and a fireman mustache? If so, it’s genuis. To all the parents oblivious to the rude child they are raising, this teacher wishes you an educational summer. So, Costco is coming to River Watch Parkway in Augusta with 150 - 200 jobs. That’s funny to me. Why? Because when both Home Depot and Lowes came to Evans, and, MTU-Detroit Diesel came to Graniteville,S.C., I applied at all three establishments and I’m still waiting for a letter, a phone call, or an e-mail in regards to one of those supposed jobs that was coming. Yea, tell me about it. I really hate to whine-BUT When are you going to get your website going again??? Why is everyone going crazy about gas going down 50 cents by Memorial Day? It will still be $3.00 a gallon. Whinetronics.

Palmer as a regular columnist because I know that myself and many others would pick up a Spirit every week to read his column, because he has really hit a nerve. I don’t get out a whole lot, but would like to read The Metro Spirit. When will you start archiving? You won’t lose circulation by posting editions from the past two or three weeks... What’s up with Oklahoma City Thunder forward/guard Kevin Durant and that Steve Erkell / Poindexter backpack he always wears to post-game press conferences? Just another athlete doing something that screams “look at me ‘cause I have an ego” - pathetic. Guitarists, why do you complain anytime you have to tune up or down to play a song? That’s why you have tuners. If it is such a big pain in the ass then bring your second guitar and have it tuned already. It’s not that big of a deal. You don’t hear me complaining everytime I have to lug these drums around town for shows.

How can we get recycling going for old athletic shoes, glass and plastics after #2?

In the pages called CALENDAR, please categorize by DATE, not topic or event!

I just want to congratulate ya’ll for the printing the editorial by Butch Palmer because it was right on the money! Some people may want to whine that what he said was politically incorrect, but I say, “who cares?” He is 100% right. We have to stand up and protect ourselves and stop being afraid and bring fear to the criminals instead. Ya’ll ought to have Mr

Nice letter to the editor from Butch Palmer. All copper thieves should be “exterminated on site”? Now I’ve just got to know where he stands on other crimes...panhandling? Remove hand. Damage to mailbox? Cane. I wonder what you’d have to do to get stoned to death?

whineline@themetrospirit.com

The leadership is maybe going to realize in about ten years that there is nothing left to save in Augusta. It is going down the tubes the same as Southeast Washington, DC, and it will be too far gone to do anything about. In Washington, they turned the city over to criminals and drug felons, literally. (i.e. Marion Berry) The Augusta leadership is not made up of criminals, but they are not doing anything actively to curb the crime direction of the city.

I thought those were ancient hillbilly burial mounds. Oh yes non believer. The end of times came and went. You just didn’t know anyone good enough to head to heaven. Now we have six months of hell before it’s all over. Notice how it was 100 degrees on Sunday? That is hell. The Austin Rhodes Show is to informed and informative talk radio as the WWF is to competitive sports.

How has the Take Our Money guy saved local businesses over $2 million? in eight months? Really? Did Austin really just make a column out of stuff he found on Goggle? Hope ya’ll are paying him enough coz that is some genius writing.

Ron Swanson NBC’s “Parks and Recreation” may be over for the season, but we’ll spend the summer months scouring the web for any mention of Leslie Knope’s boss Ron Swanson. A parks department director who doesn’t believe the department should be in the business of building parks, Swanson is also a government employee who doesn’t believe in government and a man’s man who also has a sax-playing alter-ego named Duke Silver. He’s been married three times to two horrible women named Tammy, also the name of his mother, one of whom can make Ron do anything... even get cornrows.

And cornrows are not on the list of appropriate male hairdos, according to the Swanson Pyramid of Greatness.

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METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 5

whineline@themetrospirit.com

whineLINE Metro Mashup Excerpts of whines we won’t be publishing this week Podunk Poindexters need to quit consuming that alcohol..…Jackasses like this need to be arrested….If you can’t do that, get a smaller car……The quality of your service and food has gone down so far that McDonald’s burgers are now better than yours and the service I have received the last 5 times I have been in there sucks….So now watermelons are exploding.

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Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings are performing at Westobou in Augusta on Friday night, Oct. 7. If you don’t already, get to know her. She grew up in Augusta idolizing James Brown. One day she’ll be mentioned in the same breath.

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It Means “A Common Spirit” Speak to anyone in the construction business — building, remodeling, etc. — and they will tell you how their lives have changed for the worse in the past couple of years, and many don’t expect it ever to bounce back. While certain business sectors in Augusta have come back and are seeing the benefits of a leaner, more focused workforce, the building industry is reeling. Small business owners whose companies were built to accommodate the booming demands of the local construction industry just a few years back have shrunken as much as they can. While their overheads remain, the income is severely diminished. These circumstances have helped bring to the fore the extreme frustration felt by many in Richmond County who must work with the city daily. The Insider spoke to a number of men and women in the industry and will begin reporting on Richmond and Columbia county government employees who either stand in the way, or help, our local taxpayers. “Everybody working together, all pulling that wagon together,” one person we spoke to said. “What you want in your business is cohesion. The city doesn’t work that way. The poor man working each week paying his taxes, he’s getting screwed just as much as the rich man is. It’s all relative. “I have had my ass wore out. Not enough to break me, but wore slap out. “It all comes down to something going on in that city courthouse, that makes people who have a wonderful retirement, is hard for them to get fired, and they still hate their jobs. Can you tell me why? Can you tell me? When I walk into that water company you would think I was a leper. They have the door locked; ‘Can I help you?’ as if my being there was a total imposition. If I was on that city council down there, I would be going to every department every day. “Bad attitudes are rampant. And every one of them [city workers] lets you know it. Anyone who deals with the city

everyday feels just like I do. This is my city. I was born and raised here. To me, y’all have a pretty good job. All I hear is you can’t get up here and help. As a city grows, taxes should grow. It’s not the problem in the collections, that’s not where the problem is. What the problem is is what happens to the money once it goes into the coffers. Why is it every department in this city, you can’t find anyone to do anything all the way down to sweeping streets? For example, all we need in Harrisburg is the force to enforce the laws the city has passed over the years. We don’t need anything from the city other than what we were told when we paid taxes. “That’s all we want. We don’t have enough people. “The city’s decisions, if you are not prepared to go to war, the best thing for you to do is pay for their mistakes and move on down the road. They will bleed you dry. You are fighting a battle when you open the door. I’m a taxpayer. So many different situations are created because of the city. A plumber can sit out there five hours waiting on an inspector before he can put dirt in that hole. The inspector has to come out and look at it. The plumber has paid $85 and the inspector says “I’m gonna get there when I can.” “No. That’s not what your job is. Your job is to help. Your job is for me to be on your side. If we had a problem here don’t you realize that we were on the same side? It’s sad is what it is. They sit down there talking about where they’re going to have a goddamn meeting? And you’ve got a city about to fall apart? What happened to the Esprit de Corps?”

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metro Eric Johnson

In the Field

Local serviceman discusses sacrifice

For U.S. military forces deployed in Iraq and Afghanistan and other hotspots around the world, the Memorial Day the rest of us ignore on the way to the beach is part of their everyday lives. “There’s nothing that can prepare an individual for some of the stuff they see over here,” said Master Sergeant Russell Bowdry, a surgical technologist for the U.S. Air Force stationed in Kirkuk, Iraq. “We have our Army brothers who go out in convoy with people they just ate breakfast with or just hung out with the night before and all of a sudden something goes wrong — a roadside bomb or an attack —

Air Base. “The first mission is to take care of our Army brothers and our Air Force and our contractors. Our second mission, which is also important, is to train and advise the Iraqi Army Air Force so they can maintain their aircraft and their medical capability and their pilot training so that when we do leave, they’ll have a fighting force they can sustain when we’re not here.” One of the biggest changes since that first deployment is communication. One 15-minute phone call per week and a 17day wait for mail has been replaced with Skype, email and Facebook. “Nothing can take you away from

Master Sergeant Russell Bowdry

“Between the chaplains and the mental health staff here, I think they do a pretty good job at helping the service members cope,” he said. “But family problems, marital problems, financial problems — that stuff is still here.” The duration of the conflict has taken its toll, too. “I think it has been a long fight,” he said. “I think that the locations of these deployments are getting to people. I think people are frustrated and I think our divorce rate throughout the military kind of shows that. But the morale is still good because we’re in for a good fight and a good cause, but do I think we’re stretched thin? Yes.” Many servicemen find it hard to reestablish themselves at home, only to be sent away again, but he says a soldier

commits whatever it takes to protect the best interests of the United States. “It’s also a voluntary thing,” he said. “Every time they sign their name on the dotted line, they know they could be going into harm’s way.” Oddly enough, he says it was his family that kept him signing on that dotted line. Once he became a father, he decided that staying in the military was the way he could best provide for his kids. “Yes, it’s tough to be away from my kids, but you’re sacrificing for two reasons,” he said. “Not only are you a military member trying to help the United States any way you can, but it’s also a great way of life, and it’s my sacrifices that allow my kids to live the life that they live.”

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and one of their friends and brothers is injured or killed. We see a lot of emotions. Lots of these guys are 19 and 20 years old, first time away from home, trying to serve their country and make this world a better place.” A 23-year veteran, Bowdry was deployed to the Middle East in 1992 as part of Desert Shield/Desert Storm, so he’s seen the United States’ presence in Iraq go from its initial attack to its present, gradual withdrawal. “We have two missions,” he said via satellite hookup from Kirkuk Regional

8 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

being away from your loved ones, but you can still interact with your kids, which is a huge morale builder,” he said. Bowdry’s own four kids, who range in age from 7 to 13, all live here in Augusta. Bowdry himself is a 1987 Laney graduate. Obviously, one of the biggest issues facing servicemen today is stress, and though he says there are a lot of mental health providers on site, there are a lot of different stressors in addition to combat that make mental health particularly difficult to handle.

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Sherman’s March Regency Mall owners making inspection difficult

Nearly a month ago, Commissioner Corey Johnson made a motion in the Engineering Services Committee to request License and Inspection Director Rob Sherman to initiate a walkthrough of derelict Regency Mall. If Sherman’s crew could find evidence of a significant change in condition, the hope was maybe the city could nudge the mall out of its protective mothball ordinance. So, has that tour finally happened? “Not yet,” Sherman sighs. “Hopefully this week.” While the mall’s owner, Cardinal Entities, had a crew over there a couple of weeks ago trimming the weeds and boarding up the broken glass around one of the entrances facing Gordon Highway, Sherman says they are dragging their heels when it comes to letting the inspectors inside. “We’ve been back and forth,” Sherman says. “They wanted copies of insurance coverage for the city employees before they could go in.” Is such a request for proof of insurance typical before a site inspection? “No,” he says. “We’ve never done that before.” Nevertheless, Sherman got with risk management and provided the owners with the material, after which, of course, there was more waiting. The chess match has been going on since the mall closed in 2001. For

every move the city comes up with to resolve the issue, the owners typically have a preventative move, and this time was no different. “It’s kind of funny, but about two days after I told the clerk to make Regency Mall an agenda item, for some reason or another we got a letter from New York saying he’s got somebody interested in buying it,” says Commissioner Bill Lockett, who put the mall on the agenda. “It’s the same song and dance that they’ve given for years.” But no matter how skeptical the city might be about the owner’s sincerity, it’s always tough to take a hard line when there’s a chance, however slight, of finding a buyer for the mall property. Sherman agrees that dealing with the “buyer card” can be difficult. Even while trying to negotiate access into the building, he’s being told the potential buyer could add years to the process. “What he tells us on that is that if there is interest in buying, he would have a period of time to go through the whole building and see what condition it’s in before the sale,” Sherman says. “That could be a year or two years out.” All of which is why Johnson and the commission initiated the inspection last month. Since the mall was grandfathered into the mothball ordinance, it could sit there more or

less indefinitely as long as it’s secured, its taxes are paid and it is being maintained. But if inspectors can find a new condition that didn’t exist prior to the building being mothballed, then they could move against the property owner. While Sherman is fighting to get inside, he doesn’t think he’s going to find anything that rises to the threshold of a “new condition,” including the mold that some insist is growing unchecked throughout the building. “I don’t think we’re going to find that,” he says. “It’s going to have a musty smell because it’s been locked up. But if we went in and mold was just growing on the walls, then yeah —

they’ve got to come in and have it all cleaned and treated.” Regardless of what Sherman anticipates, the city is showing signs of impatience with the inspection process. “It should be sometime this week, unless of course there’s another reason not to be here,” he says. “But we are prepared to get a court order and the judge has stated that he would sign it.” Sherman says their lawyer has given notice to the property owner of the need to have access, and a court order isn’t as easy to sidestep as a commission request.

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Real-Life Repos

Recovery agent says his business is not as seen on TV Amy Christian

Sam Egan often gets called repo man, but he would much prefer it if you referred to him as a recovery agent. “Because of Hollywood and TV shows, there’s a lot of negativity toward us and it’s made the industry very difficult to work in,” Egan, who owns Elite Towing and Recovery in Evans, explains. “People see us coming and think, “Oh, god. He’s fixin to come in here and knock me down.’” The reality, Egan says, is much different than the amped-up, as-seen-onTV portrayals. Egan, for instance, isn’t bald. He doesn’t wear overalls. He’s incredibly polite and has impeccable phone manners. Sure, he keeps a gun nearby when he goes out on jobs, just in case, but he won’t brandish it at a client. “I don’t carry a gun,” he admits. “I have one in close proximity just for my own protection, but I would never walk around with it. That’s intimidation and that can get you in a lot of trouble. I’ve done this for five years peacefully, knock on wood.” Instead, he likens his work to something much more mundane. “I’m no different that the guy driving the Georgia Power truck,” he says. “If you don’t pay your bill he’s gonna turn the power off. It’s nothing personal.” Egan’s start in the recovery business happened completely by accident. In his former career, he worked for the local outlet of a national grocery chain for 13 years. “They are kind of like the Army — they move you around to meet their needs and yours as well,” he says. “And that was sort or holding me back because I was divorced with four kids. I would have had to move around and I didn’t really want to move to Atlanta or anything. I wanted to stay in this area.” At the same time, he was helping his brother, who also owns a recovery company, on the side. “I started off as a joke,” he says. “I was talking to a friend of mine who used to work up at Express Cash and she asked me what I was doing that weekend and I told her I was going to Brunswick to help my brother repo some cars and she was like, ‘For real, what are you doing this weekend.’” When Egan explained that he really was going to help his brother, his friend mentioned that her business had recently lost one of their repo guys. So he talked to his brother.

“My brother said, ‘Dude, you need to do it,’” he says. “I figured I had some spare time and I could make some extra money a couple of hours on the weekend. Can’t go wrong working three or four hours on a Saturday night and make half a week’s salary. They were paying $150 a car; you go get two cars, that’s $300 cash. Can’t go wrong. I did it and I liked it.” So Egan did both for a while before finding his part-time job creeping more and more into full-time territory. “I said, well I’ll take a leap of faith, and I started putting some money back in my savings and turned my notice in,” he says. In the beginning, Egan’s was a lowkey operation.

he’s coming their way. The lender, he explains, is required to give them notice, but he is not. “Once it gets to me there are no negotiations or warnings. It’s basically like filing a warrant with the marshals office and the marshals going to pick someone up,” he says. “I’m basically a last resort to resolve the issue.” This element of surprise often leads to interesting experiences with clients but, as Egan mentioned earlier, it hasn’t yet resulted in violence. “If they were really that big and bad they would have done something, they wouldn’t tell you what they were going to do. I learned that a long time ago,” he laughs. “Somebody that tells you they are going to do something is just

trying to scare you. If I’m going to shoot you or I’m going to hurt you, I’m not going to warn you first. If I’m gonna kick your butt. I’m going to kick your butt. If someone threatens me, I do get cautious, though.” The fight often goes out of clients once Egan has the car on his tow truck, once again leading to interesting exchanges. “Sometimes they even apologize to me,” he said. Egan says he’ll sometimes stop and explain the clients’ rights to them, or even let them clear their stuff out of the car, but the rule of thumb is to get in and get out as quickly as possible. But even after he leaves, the fun sometimes doesn’t stop. “Yeah, it happened to me in

“You’re like Power 107 this morning… you’re gonna pay my power bill!” — Sam Egan, upon being paid $150 for an auto repossession “I started off with a Suburban with a tow dolly,” he remembers. “The company I worked for had keys to all the cars, so I’d just crank them up and drive off or, if they wouldn’t crank, just push them out and push them up on a dolly and take off. Most of the time I’d have someone with me if they wouldn’t start.” These days, Elite Towing & Recovery looks a lot different than its modest beginnings. Gone is the Suburban; in its place is newer, fancier equipment with the business’ name emblazoned on the side. And unlike in the beginning, Egan’s business has evened out. When he started, Elite’s business was mainly repossessions; now, he says, it’s about 60 percent recovery and about 40 percent towing and roadside assistance. Recovery, however, is by far the more exciting part of Egan’s job. “Taking a car from someone is an adrenaline rush,” he admits. “It’s like riding a roller coaster at Six Flags.” That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s easy. Egan says that he has to be well aware of Georgia laws. Recovery agents can’t, for example, “breach the peace.” That means they can’t break in to a closed garage to get a vehicle or come on to someone’s land if a “private property” sign is posted. Then there’s the fact that “cleints” (the people he’s repossessing the cars from) most of the time have no idea

Sam Egan

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 11

Columbia County,” he says, when asked if he’s ever been pulled over after someone reported their car stolen. “They had me surrounded. You’re supposed to call it in [to the sheriff’s department] within 20 to 30 minutes and sometimes I’ll call it in and they’ll say, ‘Hang on,’ and they’re [the client] calling it in stolen on the other line. It’s kind of humorous sometimes.” Scott Gay, a captain with the Richmond County Sheriff’s Department who oversees special operations, says those same kinds of situations happen in his county. For the most part, however, the two sheriff’s offices and the recovery agents stay out of each other’s way. “It’s a civil process, so it has nothing to do with law enforcement,” Gay explains. “What they will do is notify us when they are going to or they have repossessed a vehible, so if someone tries to report it stolen we can tell them that its repossessed and they need to call the lender.” Gay agrees with Egan that the theatrics involved in the repo business are reserved mostly for Hollywood, but if they don’t follow the law, Gays says “we charge them just like they were anybody else.” Most recovery agents, though, don’t want that. “Most of the time, what they want is to get the vehicle and get out,” Gay says. “They don’t want the hoopla and the disturbance and for all of that other stuff to happen. Of course, it’s just like any other profession. You’ll have a bad apple out there, but most lenders want to hire the best people to do the best job.” In his five years in the recovery business, Egan has stories that would make some doubt that basic human kindness still exists. Like those who

borrow money from title pawns — where Egan gets most of his recovery work — with no intention of either paying it back or giving up their cars. Those people, he says, will sometimes skip town only to be caught when the come back to visit family for the holidays. “I’ve got a good memory,” he says, adding that he’ll also pay for tips. “If I see something once, I don’t forget it. I found a car that we had been looking for for a year and a half, two years. I just happened to run up on it and I remembered it.” Then there was the time that a woman paid a mechanic $800 up front to tow and fix her car and didn’t see it again for a while. “That’s where she really messed up,” he says about the up-front payment. “She couldn’t reach the guy; he wouldn’t take her calls. The car got moved three times and ended up at someone’s house. He was driving the car around town. So, we basically ended up recovering a stolen vehicle. We spent three hours tracking it down but she finally got her car back, even though it won’t run at all. It was kind of fun, we did a good deed, helped her out. Just goes to show you need to know who your mechanic is.” You’d think that those instances would make Egan less likely to show people compassion, but you’d be wrong. “Some don’t care about the customers at all and that’s what makes it harder for the honest ones like me,” he says. “I still looks at the customers as someone who’s had a bad, hard time. Maybe someone with a family who just lost their job. I try to be responsible and respectable. They’re still human beings. “I know that sounds funny coming from a recovery agent, but I still have a heart.”

Waffle House Beat Not only were things pretty quiet at one of the CSRA’s favorite breakfast chains, Aiken police arrested a man suspected of robbing both a Waffle House in Clearwater and a Huddle House in Aiken. Way to keep it clean, people. Except you, Brittney James. She visited the Waffle House at 4 a.m. over the weekend. Read all about it on page 48.

photography: jWhite

12 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

n e w s

o f

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WEIRD they drink. “(T)hey are not going to hitchhike.” Sen. Windy Boy said such laws put the legislature on “the path of criminalizing everyone in Montana.”

Tonya McDowell, 33, an off-andon homeless person in Bridgeport, Conn., was arrested in April by police in nearby Norwalk and charged with felony theft — of $15,686 worth of “services” from the city. McDowell’s crime was enrolling her 6-year-old son in Norwalk’s Brookside Elementary School when she actually “resided” (as much as a sporadically “homeless” person can “reside”) in Bridgeport. McDowell has also “resided” at times in a Norwalk shelter, but was crashing at a friend’s apartment in Bridgeport when she registered her son. The Continuing Crisis In March, jurors in New Orleans convicted Isaiah Doyle of a 2005 murder and were listening to evidence in the penalty phase of the trial when Doyle decided to take the witness stand (as defendants sometimes do in a desperate attempt to avoid the death penalty). However, Doyle said to the jurors, “If I had an AK-47, I’d kill every last one of y’all with no remorse.” (The jury recommended the needle.) The Montana House of Representatives passed a tough drunkdriving bill in March to combat the state’s high DUI rate, but it came over the objection of Rep. Alan Hale and Sen. Jonathan Windy Boy. Hale, who owns a bar in Basin, Mont., complained that tough DUI laws “are destroying small businesses” and “destroying a way of life that has been in Montana for years and years.” (Until 2005, drinking while driving was common and legal outside of towns as long as the driver wasn’t drunk.) Furthermore, Hale said, people need to drive home after

Bright Ideas Louis “Shovelhead” Garrett is an artist, a mannequin collector and a quilter in the eastern Missouri town of Louisiana, with a specialty in sewing quilts from women’s panties, according to a report in the Hannibal Courier-Post. After showing his latest quilt at a women’s luncheon in Hannibal in March, he told the newspaper of his high standards: “No polyester. I don’t want those cheap, dollar-store, not-sexy, farm-girl panties. I want classy — silk or nylon.” Oops! Arifinito (he goes by one name), a member of the Indonesian parliament, resigned in April after a news photographer in the gallery zoomed in on the tablet computer he was watching to capture him surfing Internet pornography sites. Arifinito’s conservative Islamic Prosperous Justice Party campaigned for a tough antipornography bill in 2008 (which the photographer’s video shows Arifinito likely violating). Chutzpah! In April, Texas state Rep. John Davis of Houston proposed a tax break — aimed at buyers of yachts valued at more than a quarter-million dollars. Davis promised more yacht sales and, through a ripple effect, more jobs if Texas capped the sales tax on yachts at the amount due on a $250,000 vessel — a break of almost $16,000 on a $500,000 boat. Adam Yarbrough, 22, ticketed by a female police officer in Indianapolis in March after he was observed swerving in and out of traffic on an Interstate highway, allegedly compounded the problem first by offering the cop “five dollars” to “get rid of this ticket” and then by “(H)ow about I give you a kiss?” Felony bribery charges were filed. (Bonus fact: Yarbrough was riding a moped.)

Feature Headline

Art Sense

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 13

When it comes to public art, doesn’t Columbia County deserve more than Augusta’s hand-me-downs?

To hear the big guys talk, Columbia County’s got it all. It’s got the schools. It’s got the bond rating. And now it’s even got the population they think they need to attract the big-name retailers everyone’s been leaving to county to shop at. So, if it’s got all that, isn’t it about time it had some public art? After all, every time you turn around there’s a park or a county-owned building, either of which would provide the perfect setting for a statue. A sculpture. A mural. Something. And it’s not like they haven’t thought about it. According to Community and Leisure Services Director Barry Smith, the memorial gardens at the main library was designed to host more than a half a dozen pieces of public art. Besides that, they even have the Columbia County Monument and Public Art Committee, a group of people who evaluate proposals and make recommendations to the Board of Commissioners about the placement and display of public art.

They’ve got everything but the art itself, unless you count the butterfly sculpture tucked back in the trees beside the amphitheater, which the county only ended up with because the Augusta Mall didn’t want it anymore. Take away the Sons of the Confederate Veterans Civil War Memorial and a few commemorative benches, and the county’s an empty canvas. It’s pretty obvious, though, that an empty canvas is all the county is willing to contribute. Not every community is so stingy when it comes to making a financial commitment to public art, however. Fulton County, for example, has a Public Art Program that was initiated in 1993 after their Board of Commissioners adopted the Arts in Public Places resolution, which required that one percent of the cost of the acquisition, renovation or construction of any Fulton County building or facility must be set aside for the fabrication, installation and

ongoing maintenance of public artwork. Can you imagine what Columbia County would look like if that amount of money had been set aside throughout its recent growth? Since the resolution was adopted, nearly 50 artists have been awarded commissions to create artwork for county buildings and facilities. It’s not just Fulton County, either. Suwanee, Ga., has a Public Arts Commission that encourages developers to include public art in new projects. It also creates programs like the SculpTour, which this year features 15 original outdoor sculptures. Working along with Suwanee’s Public Arts Commission, the volunteer-based Suwanee Arts Partnership helps raise funds for public art. And some places, like Newport News, Va., aggressively promote public art to the point where they actively solicit artists and match them to specific project sites. The point is, it can be done — it’s

Now, think about Art on the Wall, Augusta’s popular mural at the water works on Highland. That began as nothing but a dream at a stoplight. “I’d been thinking about public art for a long time,” says the Art Factory’s Executive Director Cindy O’Brien. “But that specific project came into my perspective after I had been to Chicago and been to their art museum and seen Monet’s water lilies. At the time, our offices were located on Johns, and I used to sit at that light a lot going up to Daniel Village and I would just in my mind pretend those water lilies were up on the wall. Finally, I thought, ‘How can I get them up there?’” The rest, of course, is history, and with the exception of a few ruffled feathers in Summerville, the massive mural project has been seen as an overwhelming success. “It’s long overdue in our city,” O’Brien says of the prominently placed public art, “and as I’ve traveled and lived other

being done — even in these austere economic times. Around the state and across the country, communities aren’t just sitting back waiting for something to happen, they’re getting out there and making it happen. Like the murals in Philadelphia. Starting out as an anti-graffiti project in 1984, Philadelphia’s Mural Arts Program has produced 3,000 works that have transformed Philadelphia into the “City of Murals.” And if that kind of outreach seems a little too hippie for you, how about this — guided tours of the murals range from $17 to $35.

places, it’s always been a question for me — why isn’t it here?” Augusta has plenty of monuments, from the classic ones on Greene Street to the $40,000 James Brown statue the city dedicated in 2005. But take out the strictly historic (Oglethorpe at the Common) and the symbolically historic (Springfield Village Park at 12th and Reynolds) and, outside of the sculptures at the our colleges and universities, the Art Wall is pretty much it. Much of the Art Wall’s funding came indirectly from the Utilities Department, which diverted money earmarked for landscaping around the wall to be used to

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beautify the wall itself. It’s hard to imagine Columbia County with something as whimsical as an art wall, however, especially since the node structure that controls growth is pretty much designed to limit inventiveness while encouraging conformity.

While not exactly reaching the level of public art, the county’s Planning Department has been diligently enforcing architectural standards of both buildings and signs within the nodes. Recently, it showed resistance to the Mellow Mushroom’s Las Vegas-style

sign before finally approving it. It also denied the mural proposed for the wall of the Pizza Joint. What does it say about a community that the local pizza purveyors are the ones trying their hands at artistic expression?

“We told them they couldn’t [put up the Pizza Joint mural] because it was a sign that didn’t meet the Town Center ordinance,” says Development Services Director Richard Harmon. “It wouldn’t be a mural, it would be a sign because it had Pizza Joint on it.”

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A sign falls under the sign ordinance, which even outside the nodes has certain criteria, including size. A mural, even one on a private building, would need to receive approval if it was inside a node. Outside a node, Harmon says a person could do whatever he wanted. “Zebra stripes, whatever they want to do — it doesn’t matter,” he says. Art on public land needs to meet the county’s criteria, which Smith developed in part from the monument guidelines in Savannah, where, as director of parks, he was in charge of 24 historic squares and all the monument inventory. It requires a thematic review as well as proof of financial soundness. Not only must whoever’s proposing the piece adequately describe the significance of the theme or subject matter and how it relates to Columbia County, he has to demonstrate the capability to raise the necessary funds, including funds for repair. “They’d have to submit construction drawings that would also contain maintenance instructions about what level of maintenance it would require,” Smith says. Because whoever commissioned the work would end up donating it to the county, the county requires that a maintenance escrow of 15 percent

of the cost of the work is set aside for perpetual care. “If it’s a bronze piece, we would put that money in escrow and commission with a company that is familiar with the patination of bronze,” Smith says. “Once it’s put in, the county owns it.” Augusta’s Planning and Zoning Director George Patty says Augusta’s process is less cumbersome, requiring a review by representatives from the Administrator’s Office, Public Works and Engineering and the Augusta-Richmond County Planning Commission. He says the last to come before the committee was the Woodman of the World bench in 2009, though Summerville has just contacted them about updating their neighborhood entrance signs. While nothing, it seems, proceeds smoothly in Summerville, Columbia County Commissioner Bill Morris and his wife, Lillie, are putting out feelers about putting a piece of public art in the widely unpopular roundabout planned for Pumpkin Center. “I think we need to turn this into something as positive as we can,” he says. “Maybe something could be done there in the center of this thing that could make it more of a landmark than it is.” He admits his idea, which is still in its infancy, has its share of detractors, but he

says he wants to do what he can to turn something that’s perceived as a negative into a positive. “Of course, funding is a big issue,” he says. “I don’t know if I’d want to spend taxpayer money on that, but I just think it could be a popular feature and sort of highlight the talents in the Columbia County area.” Because the roundabout would be part of a Georgia Department of Transportation project, the state would have the final say about the art, though Construction and Maintenance Director Matt Schlachter told them he didn’t think they would have a problem. Strangely enough, while the memorial gardens was specifically designed with several spaces dedicated for public art, that sense of attention doesn’t seem to have pulled forward to the other side of Ronald Reagan Drive. “We don’t really have any locations reserved for public art in that park,” Smith says, “It wasn’t incorporated in the overall design of Evans Town Center Park.” It does seem sort of fitting, doesn’t it, that in the town center of Evans, that freshly-built heart where the county has included everything including water fountains for dogs, that the thing county leaders somehow overlooked is the art.

The Metro Spirit is beginning a campaign to raise funds to begin the process of creating public art in Columbia County. We ask your support, both financially and creatively. But first, we need the financial. Seed money, they call it. The first $500 — that was us. The next $1,000 came from Cathy Varnadore at AB Beverage and the next $250 came from Jeff Annis at Advance Services. That’s $1,750 to get the ball rolling. We’ll keep a running tab of donors and the amount in the paper each week. If you want to make it onto our pledge board, we’ve made it simple for you. Just email the amount you choose to support to publicart@themetrospirit.com. It’s that easy. At the same time, we’ll also be reaching out to the area’s art community, shaking the trees not for money, but for knowledge and expertise so that we can surround ourselves with the ones who live and breathe this stuff. If you’d like to be involved in that regard, shoot us a note at the same address.

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 17

Slowing down with Bill Lockett The commissioner sits down and talks about his perceived obstructionism

By the time you’ve retired from three different careers, you don’t really have a lot left to prove, which might explain why District 5 Commissioner Bill Lockett has become so vocal lately. “People used to like me,” he jokes, sitting in a conference room in the administrator’s office, which carries its own irony, given his combative relationship with Fred Russell. “I used to be a nice guy.” Since winning the seat previously held by Calvin Holland 17 months ago, Lockett has become a harsh critic of the way Augusta operates. And with the racial balance tipping away, he has become even more vocal, though he dismisses any talk of being a leader. “I’m not the mouthpiece of the other half,” he says. “It’s just that I try to do my job to the best of my ability. When I come to meetings, I come prepared, and the dialog has not been equal. The side you have put me on is much more outspoken because we are not getting any conversation hardly at all from the other side.” In spite of what he says, he has

18 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

emerged as a leader precisely because of the preparedness he spoke of. When the majority wanted to press ahead with the policies and procedures manual and restructuring, Lockett turned to the charter and started quoting it like scripture. “All I ask is let’s comply with the law,” he says. “They mayor said in a commission meeting, ‘This HB 805 is dated. It’s old. It’s obsolete.’ My response was — the United States Constitution is much older, and we comply.” His line-by-line readings of the charter and his constant questioning of City Administrator Fred Russell and General Council Andrew MacKenzie has the more impatient members of the majority obviously frustrated. “He never looks down our way,” Jerry Brigham says of the mayor’s constant recognition of Lockett. “It’s just hard to get him to look down here.” Lockett counters by saying his pestering is a direct result of Russell’s intentionally misleading way of administration. “There have been many times when I have called him out in a meeting

for — I wouldn’t say lying, but for misrepresenting the truth. It’s gotten to the point now where there just isn’t any trust, and that’s bad,” he says. His refusal to bow to legal council in matters of the law has given commission watchers plenty of entertaining exchanges, such as the recent debate over what constitutes “ordinary” business. It’s not President Clinton debating what the definition of is is, but it’s close. One thing is clear — those backslapping days following Deke’s frat boy lead seem long gone. The commission no longer talks its way to a consensus. “I feel that Deke could provide more leadership,” Lockett says while claiming that out of the six, “only 1.5” are causing the problem. “We are quick to talk about how religious we are and how many prayer meetings we have and so forth, but we forget part of what’s in the Bible about helping your sisters and your brothers.” He says the one-sidedness of the meetings is starting to gain his attention.

“When you come into a commission meeting, you haven’t said anything at all during the committee meeting and you haven’t said anything at all in the commission meeting, but you vote lockstep…” he lets his words and their implications lay there. “You tell me how you can do that if you haven’t had any conversations that weren’t an ‘open’ conversation.” With so many votes being split down racial lines, both sides are becoming sensitive and skeptical of voting patterns, all of which slows down the pace of the meetings and the sweep of political progress. “I’m retired military,” he says. “I’m a retired federal investigator and I’m a retired educator, and one thing I do believe in is compliance with the law. I believe that we should have open meetings and I believe in open records.” You also get the feeling that he believes in the power of slowing things down.

The Grass Roots Cross Country Race Series kicks off Saturday, May 28, at 8 a.m. at Blanchard Woods Park with a 3K race. That’s 1.86 miles, which doesn’t sound like a lot to those who’ve never run that park’s trails before. Those who have know that distance seems like three times a normal pavement run. Harder on your lungs but easier on your joints, this series continues throughout the summer with longer distances each time until the final 10K (6.21-mile) run on July 30 at 7:30 a.m. Registration is $12 per race or $50 for all five races in advance, and proceeds benefit the cross country program at Augusta State University. To register, call 706-731-7914 or email Adam Ward at award4@aug.edu.

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 19

calendar Arts

Call for Entries for A Sense of Place, a juried fine art competition at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art, is going on now for U.S. artists ages 18 and older. Entry deadline is June 3 and a prospectus can be found at the organization’s website. Call 706-7225495 or visit ghia.org. Day of Art, hosted by the North Augusta Artists Guild, is each Tuesday from 11 a.m.-3 p.m. at the Arts and Heritage Center and includes a group of artists painting in the center who will answer questions or allow visitors to join in. Call 803-441-4380 or visit artsandheritagecenter.com.

Exhibitions

Philip Juras Exhibition Opening Reception and Lecture at the Morris Museum of Art will be Thursday, June 2, at 6 p.m. Free. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Philip Juras: The Southern Frontier, landscapes inspired by Bartram’s travels, shows at the Morris Museum of Art. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. The Charleston Renaissance: Works on Paper, an exhibition of more than two dozen watercolors and etchings by Ellen Day Hale, Alfred Hutty, Alice Ravenel, Huger Smith, Anna Heyward Taylor and Elizabeth O’Neill Verner, shows at the Morris Museum of Art through June 26. Call 706-724-7501 or visit themorris.org. Art Greene Photography Exhibit is at Sacred Heart Cultural Center through June 30. Call 706-826-4700 or visit sacredheartaugusta.org. Painter,PhotographerandVideo Artist Christopher Kuhl will display his work in the second floor gallery at the Headquarters Branch Library throughout the month of May. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. Cynthia Cox Exhibition of landscapes in pastel and oil shows throughout the month of May at the

20 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

Aiken Center for the Arts. Call 803-2780709 or visit aikenartistguild.org. “Resonance,” works by Mexican artist Rocío Maldonado, shows through May 27 at the Gertrude Herbert Institute of Art and a fully illustrated catalogue of the artist’s work will accompany the exhibition and is available for $10. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org.

Music

Music in the Park Concert Series, featuring jazz quintet Pulsar to honor Augusta State alumnus Andrew Anderson, is Thursday, May 26, at 7 p.m. in the verandah at Maude Edenfield Park in North Augusta. Call 706-737-1444 or visit naartscouncil.org. Memorial Tribute Concert: A Tribute to the Men and Women of the Armed Services, an Augusta Choral Society production, is Saturday, May 28, at 7:30 p.m. at Sacred Heart Cultural Center. $20, adults; $15, seniors; and $10 for students and military. Call 706-8264713 or visit augustachoralsociety.org. Memorial Day Concert on the River at the Jessye Norman Amphitheatre is Monday, May 30, at 7 p.m. and features the Augusta Concert Band. Call 706-667-4100 or visit augustaga.gov. Appleby Concert Series presents Jason Maynard and Friends, a night of classical music, on Tuesday, May 31, at 8 p.m. at the Appleby Branch Library. Call 706-736-6244 or visit ecgrl.org. Hopelands Summer Concert Series is each Monday evening, MayAugust, at 7 p.m. at Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Call 803-642-7630 or visit aiken.net/hopelandsgarden.html.

Literary

NOOK Tutorials at Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall are each Saturday beginning at noon, followed by a NOOKcolor tutorial at 12:30 p.m. Free. Call 706-737-0012 or visit bn.com.

Theater

“Becky’s New Car,” a production

It’s a storytime for kids about Australia, so if it doesn’t include a discussion about kangaroos, ask for your money back. Oh, wait... it’s free. Stories from Down Under, for ages 5-11, is at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library on Tuesday, May 31, at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

of the Fort Gordon Dinner Theatre, shows May 26-28. Dinner is served at 7 p.m., and the rated PG-13 comedy about a middle-aged woman who gets a shot at a new life begins at 8 p.m. Tickets are $25-$38. Call 706-793-8552 or visit fortgordon.com.

Dance

Friday Dance is every Friday night from 8:30-11 p.m. at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans. $5. Call 706854-8888 or visit thebdc.us. Christian Singles Dance, for ages 18 and over, is every Saturday night at The Ballroom Dance Center in Evans from 7-11 p.m. $8-$10. Call 706-8548888 or visit thebdc.us.

Flix

“I Love You Phillip Morris” shows Tuesday, May 31, at 6:30 p.m. as part of the Movies @ Headquarters series at the Headquarters Branch Library. Call 706821-2600 or visit ecgrl.org. “James Brown: Soul Survivor” shows throughout May at the Augusta Museum of History as part of the

museum’s History Theater Film Series. Free with admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. “Vanishing Georgia” shows throughout June at the Augusta Museum of History as part of the museum’s History Theater Film Series. Free with admission. Call 706-722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org.

Special Events

The State of Advertising in the CSRA, a panel discussion offered by American Advertising Federation of Augusta, will be Thursday, May 26, from noon-1:30 p.m. Members, $20; nonmembers, $25. Pre-registration required. Visit aafaugusta.com. TheCottonBall,featuringdinner, dessert, drinks, live music and a raffle at the home of Dr. and Mrs. Greg Gay at 1316 Comfort Road, will be on Thursday, May 26, from 6:30-9:30 p.m. Admission to the Cotton Ball is by current, new or renewing membership in Historic Augusta, Inc. Memberships start at $50 for individuals and $75 for couples. Call 706-724-0436 or visit historicaugusta.org.

Papa Joe’s Banjo-B-Q Bluegrass Festival and Barbecue Cook-Off is Friday, May 27, at 4:30 p.m. and Saturday, May 28, at 11:30 a.m. at the North Augusta Hippodrome. Features live music from local acts, as well as nationally known musicians like John Popper and the Duskray Troubadours, Old Crow Medicine Show and Doc Watson; barbecue cookoff, family activities; special events; arts and crafts vendors; and more. Weekend pass, $30; Friday only, $15; Saturday only (advance), $20; Saturday only (gate), $25. Visit banjobque.com. Beach Blast 2011, to honor Memorial Day and kick off the start of summer, will be Saturday, May 28, from noon-5 p.m. at Fort Gordon. Included in the events will be horseshoe and volleyball tournaments, a watermelon seed spitting contest, an inflatable jumping castle, giveaways for children and more. Call 706-541-1057 or visit fortgordon.com. Aiken Memorial Day Parade is Saturday, May 28, at 1 p.m. in downtown Aiken. Sponsored by James L. Hammons Marine Corps League Detachment 939. Visit aikenmcl.org. Sake & Sushi Tasting at Vineyard Wine Market is Saturday, May 28, from 1-6 p.m. and will feature a variety of sakes, as well as wines that will go with sushi. Sushi rolling demos will also be offered throughout the afternoon. Call 706-922-9463 or visit vineyardwinemarket.com. Red, White & Blue Veterans Celebration at the Columbia County Amphitheatre is Saturday, May 28, from 7-9:30 p.m. and features music from the U.S. Army Signal Corps Band and fireworks at dusk. Call 706-312-7192 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Boat In Movie Night at Wildwood Park in Appling, featuring a showing of “Despicable Me” at dusk, is Saturday, May 28. $3 per car; free by boat. Call 706-5410586 or visit columbiacountyga.gov. Memorial Day Observance is Monday, May 30, at 11 a.m. at the All Wars Monument. Call 706-733-1496. Brick Yard Market is each Friday from 6-9 p.m. at Hammond’s Ferry in North Augusta and features fresh produce and goods, as well as live music in front of Manuel’s Bread Cafe. Call 803-380-1323 or visit hammondsferry.com. Saturday Market at the River, located at 8th Street Plaza, downtown Augusta, is each Saturday, April 16-

Oct. 29, from 8 a.m.-2 p.m. Visit theaugustamarket.com.

Health

Big Brother/Big Sister, a class that offers educational and interactive activities so children will be prepared to welcome a new baby into the family, meets Thursday, May 26, from 6-7:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Pre-registration required. Call 706-651-2229 or visit doctors-hospial.net. How Top Stop Chronic Heart Burn, a seminar with Dr. Robert Scheirer, is Thursday, May 26, from 6:30-7:30 p.m. at Doctors Hospital. Preregistration required. Call 706-651-4343 or visit doctors-hospital.net. Cribs for Kids, a program to teach caregivers how to provide safe sleep environment for babies, is Thursday, June 2, from 5:45-8 p.m. at MCGHealth Building 1010C. Those who can demonstrate a financial need will receive a portable crib, fitted sheet, sleep sac and pacifier for $10. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-7606 or visit mcghealth.org. Joint Efforts, a informational class about knee and hip pain causes and treatments sponsored by Trinity Hospital of Augusta, meets every Thursday at 11 a.m. at Augusta Orthopaedic Clinic. Call 706-481-7604 or visit trinityofaugusta.com.

Support

Insulin Pump Support Group meets Thursday, May 26, from 6-7 p.m. at University Hospital. Call 706-8683027 or visit universityhealth.org. A.W.A.K.E.,asleepapneasupport group at MCGHealth, meets Thursday, May 26, from 7-9 p.m. Call 706-7210793 or visit mcghealth.org. Kids In Need of a Cure (KINCS) Support Group meets Saturday, May 28, at 10 a.m. at Panera Bread on Robert C. Daniels Jr. Parkway. Contact Stephanie Fuller at 706-541-0146 or Gretchen Daly at 706-955-8232. MultipleSclerosisSupportGroup meets Monday, May 30, from 6-7:30 p.m. at MCGHealth. Call 706-721-7239 or visit mchealth.org.

If you have your own boat and want to take a guided canoe and kayak paddle along the canal to find spider lillies in bloom, then sign up for the Spider Lilly Paddle led by ASU biologist Charlotte Christie on either May 28 or 29. It begins at the Augusta Waterworks Raw Water Pumping Station. $2. Pre-registration and liability waiver required. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com.

MCGHealth’s Marks Building. Call 706721-4895 or visit mcghealth.org. Moms Connection meets every Tuesday from 1-2 p.m. at 1225 Walton Way (the old Fairway Ford dealership), room 1010C. Pre-registration required. Call 706-721-9351 or visit mcghealth.org. Weight Loss Surgery Support Group meets each Wednesday at 1:30 p.m. in Suite 110 of Medical Office Building 2, 3624 J. Dewey Gray Circle, on the Doctors Hospital campus. Call 706651-2229 or visit doctors-hospital.net.

Education

Survival of the Fittest: Nutrition Designed for your Workout is a nutrition seminar at Wilson Family Y hosted by Doctors Hospital on Thursday, May 26, at 6 p.m. Free to members; $10 to non-members. Call 706-922-9622 or visit thefamilyy.org.

TheLunchBunch,abereavement grief support group for adults, meets Wednesday, June 1, from noon-1 p.m. at Aiken Regional Medical Centers. Call 800-322-8322 or visit aikenregional.com.

Pride and Progress of Augusta, a group that seeks to improve south Richmond County, meets Tuesday, May 31, at 6:30 p.m. Call 706-833-0168 or visit southaugustabusiness.com/prideand progress.

HuntingtonDiseaseSupportGroup is Thursday, June 2, at 6:30 p.m. at

Caring for the CSRA’s Cultural Heritage, a Brown Bag History Series

lecture featuring Amanda Klaus, registrar at the Augusta Museum of History, is Wednesday, June 1, at the museum. Beverages to go along with participants’ brought lunches are served at 11:30 a.m., and the lecture begins at 12:30. Free for members; $3 for non-members. Call 706722-8454 or visit augustamuseum.org. Membership 101, a class provided by the Columbia County Chamber of Commerce that reviews the website, committee structure, programs, events and the advocacy role of the chamber, is Wednesday, June 1, at 1:30 p.m. Visit columbiacountychamber.com. Saturday Historic Trolley Tour, every Saturday, begins at the Museum of History and tours historic downtown Augusta from 1-3:15 p.m. Reservations required. All seats are $12. 706-724-4067.

Benefits

Pint for a Pint Blood Drive at Top Notch Express Car Wash branches at 512 N. Belair Road in Evans or 2841 Washington Road in Augusta is Friday, May 27, Noon5 p.m. rain or shine. Those who donate a pint of blood to Shepeard Community Blood Center will receive a free car wash, free pint of Brusters ice cream and a free METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 21

ticket to the GreenJackets June 17 game. Call 706-738-0753 (Augusta) or 706-868-1450 (Evans), or visit topnotchexpresscarwash.com.

the Savannah Sand Gnats May 2628 at 7:05 p.m. All games at Lake Olmstead Stadium. Tickets are $1$13. Call 706-922-WINS or visit greenjacketsbaseball.com.

Karma Yoga is offered at Just Breathe Studio, downtown Aiken, each Friday at 10 a.m. and is free if participants bring a donation of a personal item which will be given to the Cumbee Center to Assist Abused Persons. Call 803-648-8048 or visit justbreathestudio.com.

MoonlightMusicCruise,featuring entertainment by Keith Gregory, will be held Friday, May 27, at 7 p.m. $25 per seat. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com. Spider Lily Paddle, Discovering the Rare Flower of a Southern River, the first discovery paddle exploring the Savannah River searching for the

Sports-Outdoors

The Augusta GreenJackets play

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The Grass Roots Series, a cross-country series of races going on throughout the summer at Blanchard Woods Park in Evans, begins Saturday, May 28, at 8 a.m. The distance for the first race is 3K, with distances increasing as the series progresses. $12 per race, or $50 for all five races in advance. Call 706-731-7914 or email Adam Ward at award4@aug.edu.

Kids

Hockey Skills & Drills is every Thursday from 6-8 p.m. at Augusta Ice Sports Center. $10-$15. Call 706-8630061 or visit augustaicesports.com.

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10 a.m., 11:30 a.m., 1:30 p.m. and 3 p.m. Saturday Sunset Cruises, lasting three hours, are at 5 p.m. All tours include admission to the Augusta Canal Interpretive Center. Call 706-823-0440 or visit augustacanal.com.

Group Run begins each Tuesday at 5:30 p.m. at Nacho Mama’s. Threeand four-mile routes are available for all ages and abilities of runners. Call 706-414-4059 or email jim@ enduranceconcepts.com.

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rare Rocky Shoals Spider Lily, begins at the Augusta Waterworks Raw Water Pumping Station on either May 28 or 29. $2. Pre-registration and liability waiver required. Call 706-823-0440, ext. 2, or visit augustacanal.com.

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Thursday Night Chain Reaction Ride begins at 6 p.m. each Thursday at Patriots Park in Grovetown. For intermediate to fast-paced cyclists, who average 25-32 miles. Participants should bring their own water and helmet. Call 706-855-2024 or visit chainreactionbicycles.net. RiverviewDiscGolfLeaguemeets each Thursday at 6 p.m. at Riverview Park in North Augusta. $5 entry fee and $1 ace pool. Call 803-215-8181 or visit augustadiscgolf.com. Augusta Rugby Football Club is now in Sevens Rugby Seasons with practices each Wednesday from 6:30-8:30 p.m., with tournaments most weekends, at the Julian Smith Casino ballpark. New players are welcome. Email arj6402@yahoo.com.

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Road Bike Ride meets each Thursday at 6:30 p.m. at Andy Jordan’s Bicycle Warehouse downtown for an approximately 25-mile ride at a moderate to fast pace. Front and rear lights, as well as a helmet, are required. Call 706-7246777 or visit andyjordans.com. Wheelchair Tennis Clinic, presented by the Walton Foundation for Independence, meets each Monday at 6 p.m. (weather permitting) at The Club at Rae’s Creek. Free and open to the public. Call 706-826-5809 or email alsalley@ wrh.org. Augusta Canal Boat Tours lasting one hour are offered daily at

Nurturing Nature Walk at Reed Creek Nature Park, for ages 3-5, is Thursday, May 26, from 10-11 a.m. Free for members and $2 per child for nonmembers. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Camouflage in Nature, an animal program at the Reed Creek Nature Park, is Friday, May 27, from 4:30-5:30 p.m. For ages 5 and up. Free for members and $2 per child for non-members. Preregistration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Wilderness Survival, a camping and emergency survival skills program at the Reed Creek Nature Park, is Saturday, May 28, from 10-11 a.m. For ages 18 and up. Free, but pre-registration required. Call 706-210-4027 or visit reedcreekpark.com. Karate History and Exhibition will be held on Saturday, May 28, from 1-2 p.m. at the Headquarters Branch Library. Exhibition will be instructed by Johnny Hughes. For ages 6-12. Call 706621-2600 or visit ecrgl.org. Poetic Séance at the Friedman Branch Library will be Saturday, May 28, at 2 p.m. Share your own poetry or read the work of others. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org. More Than Meets The Eye shows at USC-Aiken’s Dupont Planetarium on May 28, at 8 p.m. Visitors will learn how they can identify objects in the sky using the naked eye, binoculars and telescopes. Tickets are $4.50 for adults, $3.50 for seniors, $2.50 for 4K-12th grade students and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3769 or visit usca. edu/rpsec/planetarium/. Digistar Laser Fantasy shows at USC-Aiken’s Dupont Planetarium on May 28, at 9 p.m. Tickets are $5.50 for adults, $4.50 for seniors, $3.50 for 4K-12th grade students and $1 for USC-A students, faculty and staff. Call 803-641-3769 or visit usca.edu/rpsec/ planetarium/. Stories from Down Under at the Diamond Lakes Branch Library will be Tuesday, May 31, at 10 a.m. Enjoy stories, songs, games and a craft from Australia. Best for ages 5-11. Preregistration required. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org.

ReadingPoemsandSingingSongs with Mr. Bill and His Guitar, George, at the Friedman Library, will be Tuesday, May 31, at 10 a.m. Call 706-736-6758 or visit ecgrl.org.

now. $125 per child. Call 706-724-3576 or visit lucycraftlaneymuseum.com. Family Y Day Camps, at all area branches, run weekly thoughout the summer beginning May 23. For ages 5-17, pre-registration is required for all camps, and a deposit of $15 per child per week is charged upon initial enrollment in a camp program. Register at any Family Y location or online at thefamilyy.org.

Toddler Time: Made with Shapes is on Thursday, June 2, from 10-11 a.m. or 11 a.m.-12:15 p.m. at the Morris Museum of Art. Participants will learn how artists design pictures using positive and negative shapes as they view the exhibition Will Barnet: Works on Paper. Museum family members, free; nonmembers, $4 per participant. Preregistration required. Call 706-724-7612 or visit themorris.org. Kids in College summer camp program will get started with a Tennis Camp that will run from 9 a.m.-noon June 6-10 at USC-Aiken’s tennis courts. The camp is for those ages 8-14 and will teach participants the rules and strategies of tennis, allowing them to master basic skills such as net play, serving, forehand and backhand strokes. A tennis racquet is required, and the fee to participate is $95. Pre-registration required. Call 803-6413563 or email lauraa@usca.edu. RegistrationforGertrudeHerbert Institute of Art Summer Camps, for kids ages 5-11, is going on now. The

It’s Memorial Day weekend and, contrary to what everyone may think, it’s not all about going to the beach or having a cookout. Honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice for freedom at events all over the CSRA, from a parade in Aiken to a concert and fireworks in Columbia County. For more information, visit the Special Events section of the calendar.

camps, held at either the GHIA location downtown or at The Quest Church on Washington Road in Martinez, are held in one-week sessions beginning June 6. Afternoon camps at the GHIA’s downtown location, are offered the weeks of June 27, July 11 and July 18. Camps

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are $60 per week for members and $75 for non-members. Call 706-722-5495 or visit ghia.org. Summer Camp at Lucy Craft Laney Museum of Black History, beginning Monday, May 23, is registering

Summer Art Camps at the Aiken Center for the Arts, for those ages 4 and up, will be conducted weekly June 20 through July 25 and feature a different theme each week. Half-day and full-day programs available. $117$193.50 for members and $130-$215 for non-members. Pre-registration is going on now. Call 803-641-9094 or visit aikencenterforthearts.org. Story Time at Diamond Lakes Branch Library, including books, stories, songs, games and more, is each Tuesday at 10 a.m. Pre-registration required for groups of six or more. Call 706-772-2432 or visit ecgrl.org. The Augusta Arsenal Soccer Club Junior Academy, for boys and girls ages 5-8, meets each Thursday at 5:30 p.m. at the Augusta Soccer Park. Call 706-854-

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0149 or visit augustasoccer.com. Storytime in the Gardens, a free program for children 8 and under, is held Tuesdays through May at 4 p.m. in Hopelands Gardens in Aiken. Free. Call 803-642-7630 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Toddler Time, free play for children ages 5 and under, is each Monday and Wednesday from 9:3011:30 a.m. at the H.O. Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Ceramics Class, for ages 14 and up, meets Mondays at 9 a.m. or 6 p.m., Tuesdays at 6 p.m. and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. in the Weeks Ceramics Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Wacky Wednesday Story Time is each Wednesday at 10 a.m. in the children’s department of Barnes and Noble in the Augusta Mall. Call 706-7370012 or visit bn.com.

Homeschool Playgroup meets each Thursday at 10:30 a.m. at Creighton Park in North Augusta. Call 803-613-0484.

Yogastretch is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 11:15 a.m. at the Weeks Center in Aiken. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Seniors

Ceramics Class if offered at 9 a.m. on Mondays or Wednesdays and 6 p.m. on Mondays or Tuesdays at the Weeks Center. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Games for Seniors at the Weeks Center in Aiken include Rummikub each Thursday from 9 a.m.-noon, Mahjong each Thursday from 1-4 p.m., Bridge each Friday from 11:30 a.m.-3 p.m., Bingo each Tuesday at 9 a.m., Pinochle each Tuesday from 10:30 a.m.-2:30 p.m.; and Canasta on Tuesdays and Fridays from 11:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m. Call 803-6427631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Line Dancing is each Tuesday at the Weeks Center in Aiken at 10 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Silversneakers I is offered Mondays and Wednesdays at 9 a.m. and Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays at 11:15 a.m., while Silversneakers

Fit 4 Ever is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Mondays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 10-11 a.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov. Yoga I and II is offered at the Weeks Center in Aiken on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays from 8:45-9:45 a.m. and on Mondays and Wednesdays from 5:30-6:30 p.m. Call 803-642-7631 or visit cityofaikensc.gov.

Hobbies

Augusta Genealogical Society meets every Monday, Wednesday and Saturday at 9 a.m. and Sundays from 2-5 p.m. at the society’s Adamson Library, 1109 Broad St. Free. Call 706-722-4073. Georgia-Carolina Toastmasters Meeting, for those who want to brush up on their public speaking skills, is every Wednesday at noon at the Cotton Patch downtown. Free. Call 803-593-6605. French Club meets each Thursday at 7 p.m. at Borders. Free. Call 706-737-6962. If you would like to see your organization’s events listed in our calendar, please email Amy Christian at amy@themetrospirit.com. The deadline for each Thursday’s issue is the previous Friday at noon.

Thriftingisisananoccasional occasional feature on art theofart of thrift-store deals Thrifting feature on the thrift-store surfingsurfing and the and dealsthe said saidproduces. art produces. If you own a thrift-store send usalong a picture, art If you own a thrift-store find, sendfind, us a picture, with itsalong story,with to its story, to spirit@themetrospirit.com. spirit@themetrospirit.com. Where Acquired: Catholic Social Services What It Started Life As: A pine box The Story: Bought for $4, this little box needed sanding, some silver paint, more sanding, polyurethane and a sprinkle of copper shavings while it was still wet to turn it into one funky sugar canister. Total Cost: $7

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Xcavior Stevens works at the Top Notch Express Car Wash on Washington Road next to Red Lobster. After drying down the car, he invited us to come back next week to donate blood with the Shepeard Community Blood Center. Do it, he says, and you’ll receive a free car wash, a free pint of Brusters ice cream and a ticket to the GreenJackets game on June 17. But what he’s really excited about is Chef Redd being there that day with his barbecue… and the guys that work at Top Notch always get free barbecue from the chef. What’s your favorite? “Hash and rice. Got to be the hash and rice. I can’t wait.”

Pint for a Pint Blood Drive Top Notch Express Car Wash, 512 N. Belair Road in Evans or 2841 Washington Road in Augusta Friday, May 27, noon-5 p.m., rain or shine 706-738-0753 (Augusta) 706-868-1450 (Evans) topnotchexpresscarwash.com

YOU LIKE WHAT?

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 25

26 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

AUGUSTA

TEK Augusta is judicious, not slow, about technology Greg Baker

On the surface, I’m not sure if anyone is going to rank Augusta terribly high on our quick adoption of technology trends. Not much is going on with GroupOn. Twitter is kind of slow. The more established sites like Facebook and LinkedIn seem to be working well here. Craig’s List is absolutely hot for the used furniture market (so I’m told). But, honestly, my best success in hiring engineers is to put an ad in the paper. For some reason, we seem to be a bit fickle about high tech. I find that interesting since the major components of Augusta’s economic engine depend on technology to accomplish their missions. Granted, no computer system in the CSRA appears on the list of top 500 supercomputers. And I have not heard of any Augusta companies making a fortune through developing iPhone apps. However, if anyone were to say Augusta is not tech savvy, they would be greatly mistaken. Let’s start with the fine soldiers out at Ft. Gordon, who do the IT training for the Army. They are a major component for managing all IT in the Army. By the way, don’t forget the National Security Agency (NSA). Even if you believe only half of what Jack Ryan does, some really cool devices are used to sniff out the bad guys. Now let’s jump back downtown and look at medical technology. On the clinical side, a quick review of our local hospital websites shows that robotic surgery is ubiquitous. MRIs are standard equipment in major medical practices. On the administrative side, all medical

administrators are aware of the $26 billion put in the stimulus package for healthcare information technology. Seems like there should be an impact in Augusta, yes? And indeed, many healthcare organizations are addressing implementation and upgrade of electronic health records systems. Augusta start-ups such as the one founded by former MCG Health CIO Hal Scott have been established to help healthcare organizations qualify for incentive payments. Of course, we can’t leave out the nuclear folks that form the third leg of Augusta’s economic engine. Now, nuclear engineering isn’t rocket science or brain surgery, but I’m guessing it probably takes a little more than a mouse and a big screen to run a nuclear plant. So with all this technology driving our local industries, why do we seem to be fickle? From my perspective, it boils down to oldschool customer service and relationships. Unfocused technology creates information overload and causes businesses to lose focus on providing service. Somehow we Augustans inherently get that. As a result, technology that works is adopted. Gadgets that waste time, no matter how cool the functionality, never get off the ground. So while we might continue to hear folks criticize Augusta for being slow with technology, rest assured that those folk would will never be able to slow down enough to understand why. Until next time…

Gregory A. Baker, Ph.D., was raised in Columbia County and is currently the vice president and chief rocket scientist for CMA, which provides information technology services to CSRA businesses and nonprofits. He has been married for 15 years and is the father to twin girls, so he supports 37 Barbies, eight American Girl dolls and innumerable stuffed animals.

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28 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

THE

BOX TOPS

Johnny Depp’s “Pirates” had the top-grossing weekend of the year, but still didn’t perform as well as his previous swashbucklers. RANK TITLE

WEEKEND GROSS TOTAL GROSS

WEEK #

LAST WEEK

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN $90,100,000

$90,100,000

BRIDESMAIDS

$21,058,000

$59,518,000

THOR

$15,500,000

$145,406,000

FAST FIVE

$10,631,000

$186,219,000

RIO

$4,650,000

$131,647,000

“Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides” Sam Eifling Fourth installment in franchise almost as much fun as the first

Part of the charm of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise, which seems determined to march on into eternity, is that its protagonist, Capt. Jack Sparrow, has always seemed not so much like a true buccaneer, but rather a little boy playing pirate with only what he can crib from his big sister’s closet (including the eyeshadow). He’s not particularly vicious, nor given to conquests of the flesh, and his skin and overall hygiene are metrosexually immaculate. He, like we viewers, seems to be in on the cosmic joke of the whole enterprise, and yet, like us, the vortex of the pirate life sucks him in, too. The fourth installment — this one with abundant Johnny Depp as Sparrow but sans Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightly, among some other jettisoned regulars — is more flouncy pirate antics interspersed with moments of intense action, mostly of the Mermaids Attack! variety. If you liked the first three of these movies, you’ll probably dig “Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides,” even with the cast rotation and with a new director (Brian Marshall, “Chicago”) in place of Gore

Verbinski. For better or worse, it’s mostly more of the same, savvy? This go-round we find the crowns of Spain and England launching simultaneous expeditions to find the Fountain of Youth. The English are determined to enlist Sparrow, who has in his possession a map like a rolled-up placemat that will lead to the famed bubbler of immortality. Sparrow, though, takes one look at the captain the Brits have lined up — a peglegged Geoffrey Rush, back as Barbossa — and decides he’ll have no part in it. He eludes the redcoats long enough to fall in with Angelica (Penélope Cruz), who shanghais him to guide her crew to the fountain in order to thwart a curse upon her father, the nefarious Blackbeard (Ian McShane, marvelously). Now Blackbeard! Here’s one ink-hearted bastard! Huddles in his quarters all hours until a mutiny boils up, then quells it with black magic and homicidal cruelty! While Sparrow flirts with Angelica and generally acts as though he’ll live forever, Blackbeard knows he’ll be dead within days unless he drinks from the fountain, and he’s willing to torch, shoot, murder,

manipulate and generally pirate his way there. The process requires a victim (in that the fountain may only transfer years of life from one person to another), two silver chalices and a fresh mermaid tear. And therein we find one of the only visceral delights of “On Stranger Tides,” namely that the mermaids are seductive, bloodthirsty and relentless — calendar models crossed with sharks attacking in formation. When your trick-or-treaters this fall show up shuffling in fish tails and baring fangs, you’ll know which Disney franchise to thank. The movie is fun enough in places that it may remind you fondly of that first “Pirates,” way back in 2003, when no one

knew this would be a $3 billion ticket factory and counting. The rapturous brass and galley-boom percussion of the score still conjure an ocean onrushing; Depp still delivers every line with a wink in his voice; the script burbles with bits of effervescent wordplay; and the makeup still makes everyone except Sparrow look as though they’ve been soaked in saltwater and hung on a mast to ripen miserably. The ingredients are all here for a rollicking picture show. If it seems like less than the sum of its parts, it’s probably only because you’ve tasted this recipe thrice before.

MOVIE REVIEW METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 29

THE8ERS

Opening Friday, May 27

Going to the movies this weekend? Here’s what’s playing.

Comedy “The Hangover Part II,” rated R, starring Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms. What’s skeezier than Vegas? How about Thailand? It couldn’t get much worse. Unless, of course, they added a monkey... which they did.

Family “Kung Fu Panda 2,” rated PG, starring Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Jackie Chan, Gary Oldman, Seth Rogan, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dustin Hoffman. Paunchy panda Po joins forces again with the Furious Five to what filmmakers hope is hilarious results.

The Big Mo thebigmo.com May 27-28 Main Field: Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) and Thor (PG-13); Screen 2: Fast Five (PG-13) and Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) Screen 3: The Hangover Part II (r) and Unknown (PG-13). Gates open at 7 p.m.; shows begin at 8:30 p.m. (approximately)

Masters 7 Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com May 27-28 Scream 4 (R) 1:10, 4:30, 7, 9:35; Hop (PG) 1, 3:15, 5:25, 7:40, 9:55; Souce Code (PG-13) 1:20, 4:45, 7:20, 9:45; Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (PG) 12:50, 3, 5:15, 7:30, 9:50; Limitless (PG-13) 1:30, 4, 6:40, 9:25; Rango (PG) 12:40, 1:40, 3:30, 4:15, 6:50, 9:30; The Company Men (R) 7:10, 9:40

E W “The Taking of Pelham One Two Three,” 1974 Directed by Joseph Sargent. Starring Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw (Quint from Jaws: “I’m not talkin’ ‘bout pleasure boatin’ or day sailin’. I’m talkin’ ‘bout workin’ for a livin’. I’m talkin’ ‘bout sharkin’!) I ordered the movie with Denzel Washington and John Travolta when it came available on Netfilx in 2010. What I received instead was the “Taking of Pelham One Two Three” starring Walter Matthau and Robert Shaw… and even Jerry Stiller! Very understated film. And you get to watch Walter Matthau, one of the greats. I went ahead and rented the new version and couldn’t sit through five minutes. — MS

D N ME

M O EC

Regal Augusta Exchange regmovies.com May 27 The Hangover Part II (R) 10:15, 10:45, 11:15, 11:45, 12:40, 1:15, 1:45, 2:15, 3:15, 3:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:30, 6:40, 7:10, 7:40, 8:10, 8:40, 9:10, 9:40, 10:20, 10:50, 11:20, 11:40, 12:10, 12:45; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12:15, 12:45, 1:20, 2, 2:40, 3, 3:30, 4:10, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 6:30, 7, 7:30, 8, 8:45, 9:15, 9:45, 10:15, 11, 11:30, midnight, 12:30; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) 9:45, 10:10, 10:25, 11, 11:30, 12:50, 1:15, 1:40, 2:05, 2:30, 3:55, 4:20, 5:10, 5:35, 7:25, 8:15, 8:40, 10:05, 10:25, 10:55, 11:45, 12:20, 1; Bridesmaids (R) 10:50, 1:45, 4:35, 7:35, 10:25; Priest (PG-13) 11:25, 2:10, 4:30, 7:30, 9:45, 12:05; Jumping the Broom (PG-13) 11:05, 1:55, 4:40, 7:45, 10:35; Something Borrowed (PG-13) 11:45, 2:35; Thor (PG-13) 11:20, 2, 5, 7:40, 10:20, 1; Fast Five (PG-13) 10:25, 1:25, 4:25, 7:20, 10:15; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) 5:25, 10:15; Rio The Movie (G) 10:05, 12:25, 3:05, 7:55 May 28 The Hangover Part II (R) 10:15, 10:45, 11:15, 11:45, 12:40, 1:15, 1:45, 2:15, 3:15, 3:45, 4:15, 4:45, 5:30, 6:40, 7:10, 7:40, 8:10, 8:40, 9:10, 9:40, 10:20,

30 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

10:50, 11:20, 11:40, 12:10, 12:45; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) 10, 10:30, 11, 11:30, 12:15, 12:45, 1:20, 2, 2:40, 3, 3:30, 4:10, 4:45, 5:15, 5:45, 6:30, 7, 7:30, 8, 8:45, 9:15, 9:45, 10:15, 11, 11:30, midnight, 12:30; Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides (PG-13) 9:45, 10:10, 10:25, 11, 11:30, 12:50, 1:15, 1:40, 2:05, 2:30, 3:55, 4:20, 5:10, 5:35, 7, 7:25, 8:10, 8:40, 10:05, 10:30, 10:55, 11:45, 12:20, 1; Bridesmaids (R) 10:50, 1:45, 4:35, 7:35, 10:25; Priest (PG-13) 11:25, 2:10, 4:30, 7:30, 9:45, 12:05; Jumping the Broom (PG-13) 11:05, 1:55, 4:40, 7:45, 10:35; Something Borrowed (PG-13) 11:45, 2:35; Thor (PG-13) 11:20, 2, 5, 7:40, 10:20, 1; Fast Five (PG-13) 10:25, 1:25, 4:25, 7:20, 10:15; Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Big Happy Family (PG-13) 5:25, 10:15; Rio The Movie (G) 10:05, 12:25, 3:05, 7:55

Evans Stadium Cinemas georgiatheatrecompany.com May 27-28 The Hangover Part II (R) 12:10, 1:30, 2:40, 4:10, 5:05, 6:40, 7:30, 9:20, 10; Kung Fu Panda 2 (PG) Noon, 12:45, 2:15, 3, 4:30, 5:15, 6:50, 7:40, 9:05, 9:55; Pirates oftheCaribbean:OnStrangerTides (PG-13) 11:30, 12:15, 1, 2:30, 3:15, 4, 5:30, 6:15, 7, 8:30, 9:15, 10; Bridesmaids (R) 12:35, 3:40, 6:30, 9:30; Priest (PG-13) 9:45; Jumping the Broom (PG-13) 1:40, 4:40, 7:25, 10; Something Borrowed (PG-13) 1:10, 4:35, 7:10, 9:50; Thor (PG-13) 12:30, 1:20, 3:30, 4:20, 6:35, 7:15, 9:10, 9:55; Fast Five (PG-13) 12:50, 3:50, 7:05, 10; Rio the Movie (G) Noon, 2:25, 4:50, 7:20

Join us for our Grand Opening Celebration and Ribbon Cutting Thursday, May 26 from 11:00 to 1:00 PM

Miller-Motte Technical College offers Associate Degrees and Certificates in various fields, including Healthcare, Management, Massage Therapy and Cosmetology. Our core mission is to provide students with an education delivering real-life career skills and dedicated placement assistance to successfully start their new career.

Miller-Motte Technical College | 621 NW Frontage Road | Augusta METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 31

Amy Christian

ART

Animals in Need

Local animal shelters rely on events like the Village Deli golf tourney to stay afloat Lorna Barrett

photography: pHibbard Animal advocates like Willene Colvin, the founder and president of STARS, have to think outside the box to keep neglected pets from being euthanized. “We have to be very creative,” she admits. “We do have several people who donate during the year and family members, instead of giving each other anniversary or birthday presents, they’ll give to STARS and that’s very very nice of them to do that. But we just barely get by.” STARS, which stands for Save the Animals Rescue Society, is a nonprofit corporation that exists entirely due to the kindness of strangers... and friends. They don’t receive any money except for donations to care for the between 70-100 abandoned dogs or puppies (and the occasional cat) in six foster homes.

32 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

“We go from donation to donation and we get some money from adoption fees,” Colvin, who explains that the organization takes their animals Petco in Evans most Saturdays, says. “I also spend quite a bit out of my pocket. This is my mission and purpose. You know, I’m retired and my husband passed away, so this is what I do.” The cost of caring for so many animals can be high, Colvin said. Spaying or neutering, vaccinations and food take a big chunk out of their budget, not to mention the monthly costs of transporting between 20-30 animals to their sister agency in New Jersey for adoption. That’s why Colvin and organizations like STARS are so grateful for events like the upcoming Village Deli and Friends

Annual Charity Golf Tournament. The day-long tournament on Sunday, June 5, at The Patch, gives 100 percent of its proceeds to animal-related charities. “We started doing golf tournaments for friends and customers who had medical issues but didn’t have any medical insurance,” said Lorna Barrett, who owns Village Deli with her husband Les. “Golf tournaments, rummage sales, you name it. We had just been on a roll, and the next year none of our friends needed anything like that so I decided that, from then on, the money would go to animal care.” Barrett, who says she has three indoor cats and three outdoor cats, formed That’s What Friends Are For, whose sole purpose is to raise money and give it to animal rescue organizations. In the

past, Barrett says they’ve donated money to STARS; Old Fella Animal Rescue in Burke County; Georgia Canines for Independence, an Atlanta organization that trains service dogs and gives them to people throughout the state at no cost; and Blue Ribbon Riders in Grovetown, which provides hippotherapy services to those with autism. “We look for the ones who really need the help and who don’t pay salaries,” Barrett explains. Barrett says she always looks to see if a potential charity organization has paid employees. “I’m not for that,” she explained. “If I can do it, anybody can. If I want to give to somebody I just give it to them. I’m just funny that way. If people do things

from their heart, it’s more important. It’s more valuable to me.” Barrett practices what she preaches. Like STARS, That’s What Friends Are For relies completely on volunteers and donations and, even in events like the upcoming tournament, she’ll pay out of pocket if she has to. “And we have a lot of people who work on this who donate their time. All day long from dark thirty in the morning to late in the evening working to make this a success,” she says. “I was making a list [of volunteers] just yesterday and there were 24 of them. The more the merrier.” The event is popular with golfers, too, and with good reason. The entry fee, $60, is low compared to others, and it includes lots of amenities. This year, the event has added a silent auction, which will join the canoe chipping contest and the standing offer of $10,000 to the golfer who gets a hole in one as popular reasons to attend. Not to mention the lunch, which consists of barbecue sandwiches, hamburgers, hot dogs and all the sides, and the beer carts, which roam the course. “Even the gals that drive the beer carts,

they entice people to tip more and they put all the tips into the charity,” she says. “Everybody does it from the heart.” The work is paying off. Barrett says last year’s tournament raised $23,000. “In a bad economy,” she laughs. “And the year before, we raised $16,000 and I was very happy with that. People just have a big heart. And I think they just trust me. They know that when I say that 100 percent goes to animal charities, it’s the truth.” Barrett said after the initial distribution of funds, That’s What Friends Are For keeps some of the money onhand for needs throughout the year and for their long-term goal of getting some land (hopefully through donation) so they can set up their own sanctuary. “I would love to eventually be able to buy or have donated a piece of property so we could create a sanctuary for dogs and cats who haven’t gotten adopted,” she says. “Because there is just not enough shelter space for animals who have been abandoned.” For now, however, they’ll continue donating to organizations like STARS, and Colvin says they desperately need it.

“We use that money for spay and neuters and for medicines and for vetting during the year. And, if you think about it, a visit to a vet for spaying-neutering and shots... that’s $150-$200 right there. We can spend that within a month or two, but it really does help.”

The Village Deli and Friends Annual Charity Golf Tournament The Patch (Augusta Municipal Golf Course) Sunday, June 5 Registration, 7:30 a.m.; tee time, 8:30 a.m. $60 thatswhatfriendsarefor.org

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Puppy Love Lorna Barrett, organizer of the yearly Village Deli and Friends golf tournament to benefit her That’s What Friends Are For animal care charity, gets a lot of calls during the year from people asking for help with unwanted animals. “I don’t know how many calls I get... and I’m only one person... from people who want to surrender their animals or who found stray animals, and it is just phenomenal to me,” Barrett says. “There are a lot of people who get the same calls every day and do everything they can to save them.” One of the people who gets calls like the ones Barrett receives is Willene Colvin, founder and president of local nonprofit Save the Animals Rescue Society (STARS). Colvin says that they are not animal control, so they can’t pick up or take in strays from people who’ve found them. But they do work with animal control agencies in Richmond County and others throughout Georgia, as well as owners who must give up companion animals. Both women can recount many stories of the deplorable state of companion animal care in the area, but say there are things local residents can do to help improve those conditions. “My main message would be spay and neuter animals to reduce the population and to decrease the number of animals that are needlessly abused, neglected and euthanized every day,” Barrett says. Colvin agrees, but says that many dog owners in the area don’t see the importance. “It doesn’t make any sense to me either, but there are a lot of people in Richmond County alone that refuse to have their dogs spayed and neutered,” she says. “Some people do not consider animals anything but property, and disposable property at that.” Barrett and Colvin both advocate shelter adoptions, but Barrett says that families should consider an alternative to puppies, who often get returned to agencies when families get frustrated with training them. “I often recommend that people adopt older animals, adult dogs and cats, because they are easier to bring into the home and they are so grateful,” she says. And, of course, donations of time or money — which go toward vet expenses, food and training — are always appreciated, both women say. It may cost a little, but they say what people receive in return in priceless. “When you rescue an animal you know it... you just know that they are so grateful to be rescued. Not like people,” Barrett says. “There are so many entitlement programs for people to get what they need but there are none for animals.”

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METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 33

sightings Michael Johnson

mejphoto.photoreflect.com

Brian Davis, Karmen Gilroy and “Survivor Nicaragua”’s Chase Rice at Coyote’s.

Cedric Florida Smith, Georgia Donna Lines’ Briscoe, Tyler Hubbard, Angela Jones Dorothy and Spires Randy and Hunter Brian at Kelley the Par at Coyote’s. 3 Party at the Augusta Common

Charlotte Watkins, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas and Ann Grider the Judicial Center dedication ceremony.

Dale Boyes, Andrea Jones, Nicole DeAngelo and Mark Rozof at Malibu Jack’s.

Sabrina Ward, Jennifer Sanders, artist Jason Jones and Melissa Hammett at The Country Club.

Kevin McPherson, Cheris Yost, Annie Nicklas and Robbie McKlinay at Wild Wing Cafe.

Celia Kressler, Joanna Lind and Aleshia Britt at Vue.

Cedric Smith, DonnaWangness Briscoe, David Eicher and Leslie Angelaand Jones and Wangness Randy with Patricia Tommy Hunter the Par 3 Party at atat Shannon’s. the Augusta Common

Billy Watson, Emmie Davis, Morgan Brooksher and Ray Fulcher at Surrey Tavern.

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JENNY g n o l is

s d n e WRIGHT w e e k rock! And You Smell Like One, Too! As I write, it’s my birthday (I was 34 on May 22). I love birthdays. If you tell me yours, I’ll put it on my calendar and probably send you a random email or text on your big day. The Man is quite the opposite. Important birthdays are on his calendar and his bookkeeper reminds him as they are approaching. The first year we were married, I was working at Fat Man’s. Everyone there knew it was my birthday and passed along their best wishes, treating me to lunch at The Pit. I didn’t hear from The Man all day. When I got home from work, it was obvious that he didn’t have a clue. And I reminded him. Interestingly enough, his mom showed up about an hour later with a chocolate cake and a locally famous green jewelry box. She saved the day. I love honoring a person on their birthday because it’s one of the few days of the year that is just yours. Well, I take that back. One of my dearest friends (Hey Liz! Happy birthday!) was born about half an hour before me. She loves to brag about this, but she’ll turn 50 first. If I love birthdays so much, why don’t I make a bigger deal of mine? I hate surprise parties. Well, I hate them for me. I love planning them for others and do it often. As a matter of fact, we’ve successfully surprised one friend three different times. The whole idea of walking in to a surprise situation makes me sweat. It’s almost embarrassing. I guess I enjoy embarrassing my friends. They would agree. I also don’t want to actually plan my own party. So many people are comfortable asking friends to join them for dinner or to attend their gettogether. These folks probably have much more exciting birthdays than I do. Another friend of mine celebrates her birthday for 12 days each year. I think this is brilliant, though I’m not sure she gets 12 times as many gifts.

Speaking of parties, have you been to a kid’s party lately? When I was little, birthday parties consisted of a sprinkler, some balloons, cake and a Polaroid camera. Now, a first birthday party will have 50 or more guests, coolers of beer and drink coozies emblazoned with the birthday child’s name. I’m sure the sticky little one year old will always remember their special day. Once, I took the kids to an Elmo birthday party at a Walton Way church playground. It really was a cute party, with a life-sized Elmo, cake and containers of goldfish snack crackers (on the show, Elmo has a pet goldfish named Dorothy). The party favors were goldfish. Live ones. What sounded like a great, relevant gift to the attendees led to expensive trips to the pet store and subsequent toilet funerals. I’m not sure that anyone expected to have the death talk with their toddlers that week. So this year, I spent my weekend eating great food with my important people. It couldn’t have been more pleasurable and exciting. I’m ready for another year. I’ll embrace 34. It’s just a number, right? Next year, though, I’m going wild. I’m planning my own, month-long birthday celebration. It’s going to be a Hello Kitty party. Don’t forget to stock up on kitty litter before you come and grab your party favor on the way out the door. Meow! Jenny Wright lives in Summerville with her husband, who she calls The Man, and two kids, who she affectionately calls The Boy and The Girl). She enjoys taking photos, cooking and playing tennis

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SATURDAY, JUNE 4TH 路 AUGUSTA COMMONS 36 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

Graduation Guide

Follow these tried and tested tips from the Metro Spirit

Happy graduation guys. You’re 18 now. No longer a kid and off to life as a young adult. Here are some tips that the Metro Spirit would like to impart on you to save you an awful lot of time, and also bring in the ladies (or guys, as the case may be). Try sushi. It’s not what you think, and all girls love it. Not on the sushi wagon? Try shrimp tempura sushi. It’s fried (tempura-which is flash fried and has a very crisp crust) wrapped in sticky rice and rolled up in a flavorless seaweed paper. Pick it up with your hands, dip it in soy sauce and you are about to experience one of the best tastes of your life. Fried, salty and with a the best texture you can imagine. It’s as foreign as a chicken leg. Where to go? For small and intimate in a very nonintimidating atmosphere go see Young at Kinja behind Applebee’s on Washington

Road. For a fancier setting maybe try Miyabi’s sushi bar. Really impress? Go to TakoSushi in Surrey or on Belair Road. Don’t worry about looking funny because you don’t know what you’re doing. Sushi chefs are extremely cool. Find an artistic passion and pursue it. It can be anything from welding to photography to carpentry. You’re going to do it regardless, but why wait until you’re 35? Find a creative outlet that suits you and begin. By the time you are married with kids you’ll be an artiste and have something better to do with your time other than play golf. Learn to cook. Start with one thing. Learn to brown an onion. All good meals begin with a carmelized onion. Extra-virgin olive oil (extra-virgin means the olive was pressed so that you have the very best oil) over medium heat. Chop an onion into what looks like onion rings, then cut those in half. Drop

them in and go about your business. Stir when you are in the kitchen and after about 45 minutes your apartment smells like the kitchen at a fancy restaurant. Once brown, turn up the heat briefly and stir continuously just until they look burnt. Get fancy and at the end of the process and pour a quarter cup of balsamic vinegar on them and stir until it disappears. Either way, there is nothing you can eat that isn’t complemented by these. When you are with a girl, do not pay attention to your phone. Idiot. Buy real estate as soon as you can. If you can pay rent on an apartment you can buy a crappy little house somewhere. Once you do, you’re financial status will rise exponentially. You’ll soon be under the review of the female approval board. You’ll find that, as they did in high school, only at another level altogether, all the girls you

come in contact with will sit in judgment of you. Your stock goes up and down based on the review board’s findings. Treat all your girlfriends well and never hit on their friends. Your current girlfriend is an audition for your future dates. You’ll be able to make your way through all of her friends as long as you are a gentleman and never ever cheat on your girl. Your stock rises as your caliber of dates rises. Play your cards right and by the time you graduate ASU or Georgia, you’re in high cotton, my friend. The older you get, looks get less important to the girls you’re after. Your successometer takes the place of looks. If girls believe you are going somewhere career-wise, can provide the most fun per weekend, you are on your way. Fake it till you make it.

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gourmet R

Gourmet Relay is a weekly column in which local cooks share a recipe with Metro Spirit readers, then pass the tongs off to another cook of their choosing, who will be featured the following week.

Malee Calloway, a CSRA resident for 25 years, is the subject of this week’s Gourmet Relay. She was picked by last week’s subject Joni Clay, and the two have very close ties. Joni’s sister-in-law is Marlee’s partner in her T-shirt design business, whatsyourista.com, and her nephew, Jacob, is the business’ artist. Marlee, shown wearing one of her shirts, designs Ts to reflect her buyers’ “passon, mission or hobby,” so, according to her own criteria, she is a cookista, gardenista, winista, peaceista and tigerista. In addition, of course, to being momista to a 14-year-old girl and a 10-year-old boy. Despite its name, Marlee says her recipe is a family favorite that local cooks don’t have to reserve for the holidays. Thanksgiving Pasta Titled as such because we are so tired of eating turkey and leftovers around the holidays. This is great for other large groups of eaters and other festive occasions. 2 Tbsp. olive oil 3 shallots 2 large garlic cloves 1 lb. sweet Italian sausage (remove sausage from casings if necessary) 1 cup whipping cream

2 14.5 oz. cans diced tomatoes in juice w/Italian seasoning 1 Tbsp. dried sage ½ tsp. dried crushed red pepper ¾ lb. rotini or fettuccine ½ cup grated parmesan cheese

Heat oil in large pot over medium heat. Add shallots and garlic and sauté until they begin to soften (about three minutes). Add sausage and sauté until cooked through. Break up sausage as it browns. Add cream. Simmer for about five minutes. Add tomatoes with juice, sage and red peppers. Simmer until sauce thickens, stirring occasionally (about 15 minutes). Cook pasta as directed, drain and reserve 1/2 cup of cooking liquid. Return pasta to same pot and add sauce. Toss over medium heat until sauce coats pasta, adding reserved pasta cooking liquid by small amounts if mixture is dry. Transfer to serving bowl and sprinkle with cheese.

38 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

INCLUDED HEREWIT By Cathy Allis / Edited by Will Shortz 1

6 18

54 59 64 69

100

101

106

102

92 98 104

108

115

117

118 121

N E L S O N

A T O N C E

G U N L A W

A L T A R

R I B L E T

S T A L E R

L O O T E R S

A L B A N I A

S L I P O N S

S I G S C L A O L S P E T L R S I F E B C A T I A D E D L A K Y E S

P S O H O A L D O N E B I E N N I A L

A R R O W

P E T R A

S O F S U R E L O T N O A D F R S K A S L I T I N R I V I I V E T I T E N T E G A

105

109

114

120

112

103

107

116

111

91 96

113

110

119

122

A S S R S I I C S A B I F I F A E S S T U R I A I R S E L I O B S A L S E G A S T S S H E E R D S

72 79

53 56

40 44

30 35

K E R R I

I S A O

123

R E Q U E I S U L T T E S A X T G O O E N O L E F A A T R G L E Y I M I T O P C T E H E S

T W I N K L Y D U D T R I P A B A S

J I F D F E S S S O E R R Y T S J R I O N A G R O I N S O T M

A R A L

P A R A G G O U N I D E E L D I O S G H A E C O G L E T O S L K E

A B E T T E D

N U R S E R S

N U D I T Y

L O E S S

N O R M A N

S O A S T O

answers

DOWN 1Word after string or rubber 2 Peter Fonda title role 3 Tattle 4 What Ernie may wish he had vis-à-vis his roommate? 5 Complete

6 Evaluates 7 It may be manicured 8 Frozen tater brand 9 Like quilts 10 Catch 11 Quartermaster’s group 12 Alternatives to Dos Equis 13 UV blockage nos. 14 Automaker Chevrolet 15 Surpass 16 Shetland, e.g. 18 Loudness unit 21 Taking way too many meds 25 X 26 Margin size, maybe 28 Calf product 34 Small drum 35 One of the Leeward Antilles 36 Scammed 38 Interjection of disinterest 39 “The Fountainhead” author 40 Home of Punchbowl Crater 42 See 51-Down: Abbr. 43 Teller 45 Darkens 46 Hip to 47 Soil: Prefix 49 Actress Anderson 51 First name alphabetically in 42-Down 52 Train part where sorting was once done 53 Gallic gal pal 56 One of Chekhov’s “three sisters” 57 Feel one’s ___ (be confident) 59 Cousin of a gull 60 Mayberry boy 61 Kellogg’s cereal 65 Villainous group in “Get Smart” 66 Minute bit 67 Asia’s ___ Sea 68 Non-choice for restaurant seating? 69 New Testament book 70 Donkey’s cry 71 Go bad 75 Film cousin whose accent this puzzle spoofs 76 Justice Kagan 77 Stairway post 79 Short cut 80 Fame 81 Tablet 82 Was supine 85 War stat 86 Setting for “The Office” 89 Property recipient, in law 90 They cut wood with the grain 92 Humane 95 Pipe holder 96 Restaurant lures 97 Most faithful 98 Actor Keanu 99 City on the Nile 100 Fleet Amtrak train 101 “Bedroom at ___” (classic painting) 103 Image on the back of a $1 bill 105 Feds 107 Other: Sp. 109 Architectural pier 110 Formerly 111 Soon, poetically 112 Big top, e.g. 114 G.M. debut of 1964

previous week’s

ACROSS 1 Jewish grandma 6 Crooked 10 “Laugh-In” airer 13 Barney Gumble of “The Simpsons,” e.g. 17 Woody and Steve 19 Attire for an Indian bride 20 Suffix with buck 22 Rain cats and dogs 23 Close by 24 Salt Lake City athlete’s dear hawk mascot? 27 Possible result of a costly Italian vacation? 29 Leave the outdoors 30 First Nations group 31 Place for Wii play, say 32 Frank writing in a diary 33 Turf 34 Sierra Nevada lake 37 Comparable to a March hare 39 Slowly, on scores 41 Elvis ___ Presley 42 Hit show with New Directions singers 43 Some whiskeys 44 Gymnastics great Comaneci 48 Flurry of activity 50 Tribal healer 53 In pain 54 Shakespearean fairy king 55 Jokes in a campy 1960s TV locale? 58 Hazardous household gas 59 Marisa who played 75-Down’s girlfriend 62 Kyrgyzstan range 63 ___-Caps 64 Akin to milking a cow? 69 Car safety feature, for short 72 Singer India.___ 73 Musical endings 74 Baseball : Oriole :: football : ___ 78 Bless butter with a gesture? 82 Apt to fluctuate 83 Bullying words 84 Former SoCal N.F.L. team 87 Never-before-seen 88 Damascene’s homeland 89 Saharan 91 Gross 93 Equivalent of -trix 94 Wordy 96 Video game pioneer 98 What we may be? 99 Like some baseball teams 102 Leak sound 103 Slip up 104 “A momentary madness,” per Horace 106 Misers 108 Vessel for just the two of us? 113 Role of a boxer’s physician? 115 Tennis’s Goolagong 116 Yank or Ray 117 Politico Gingrich 118 Concerning 119 Many a Bush military adviser 120 Org. in a big race of years past 121 That, in a bodega 122 Saxophonist Getz 123 Surgical tube

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 39

free will Rob Brezsny

a s t r o l o g y freewillastrology@freewillastrology.com

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Poet Gerard Manley Hopkins coined the verb “to selve,” which is what a person does in the process of creating his or her distinctive presence in the world. You have a sacred duty to selve with extra intensity and alacrity. Be ruthless in seeking out experiences that give you a chance to tap into, cultivate and express your most unique qualities. CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Here comes your ninth loss of innocence, and you manage to make every time feel like the first time. When the moment arrives and the sweet purity ebbs away, the twinge that shudders through you will have the same primal intensity you’ve experienced before. But this one will lead to a surprising blessing you couldn’t have gotten any other way. When your innocence is reborn, it will be wiser and wilder than ever before. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

There’s a small chance that you’ll be invited to become part of a situation that promises to give you special privileges or inside information, but after you join you’ll find out that your participation would require you to compromise your principles. But there’s a far greater chance — over 80 percent — that you’ll be invited to join your fortunes to a group, circle, tribe or situation that won’t ask you to dilute your integrity or betray your values at all. The moral of the story? Be very discerning. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Right now you have more power than you realize — to understand confusing situations, to influence people you’ve assumed are resistant to change, and to overcome your disadvantages. The only factor that could prevent you from accomplishing way more than what you thought possible is a lack of confidence. There are hidden forces at work you can call on to help you — wisdom that has been dormant, love that has been neglected and allies who have been mum. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the longest love letter in history was written by an Indian man named Harish Kondakkuli. The gushing 143-page message took him over three months to complete. Oddly, it was addressed to an

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imaginary woman. Consider the possibility of exceeding his achievement in the coming weeks. You’re at the peak of your ability to express wickedly delicious passions and profoundly tender intentions. There may even be a real person, not an imaginary one, who warrants your extravagant outflow. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Postsecret.com is where people can anonymously reveal their deep, dark feelings. I came across one entry that I think would be perfect for you. “I don’t want to cover up my scar,” it read. “It’s a good conversation starter and it makes me look bad-ass. But thank you anyway!” I also offer this spur from musician and author Henry Rollins: “Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”

with a toothbrush. Another uses a camelhair brush. I suspect you will have to try something similar: facilitating a fertilizing process that doesn’t quite seem to be happening naturally. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Your psyche may sometimes have an odd tingling sensation that resembles what happens when you hit your funny bone. Is it painful? Is it pleasurable? Maybe some of both, with the net effect being a command to wake up and play harder, love stronger and notice more beauty. If you respond to that mandate, you’ll get a surprising reward: At least one of the secret laws of your own nature will reveal itself to you, rising up clear and raw in a sweet waking vision. ARIES (March 21-April 19)

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In her platinum-selling song “Monster,” Sagittarian rapper Nicki Minaj offers this poetic sequence: “Pull up in the monster... with a bad b-tch that came from Sri Lanka / yeah I’m in that Tonka, color of Willy Wonka.” I hope that you will soon come up with an equally revolutionary innovation in your own chosen field. All the cosmic forces will be conspiring to help you to do the equivalent of rhyming “Tonka” and “Sri Lanka” with “Willy Wonka.” Please cooperate! CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Time is the enemy of romantic love, said Andrew Marvell in his 17th-century poem “To His Coy Mistress.” Medieval author Andreas Capellanus identified marriage as the enemy of romantic love. In Richard Wagner’s opera “Tristan and Isolde,” Tristan rails against the daylight, calling it the enemy of romantic love. And in their book “Immediacy and Reflection in Kierkegaard’s Thought,” the editors theorize that “capitalism, which makes a fetish out of sex... is the enemy of romantic love.” While all of those statements may be true, the most dangerous enemy of romantic love — or any other kind of love, for that matter — is this: not listening well. Overcome that enemy. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In an age when bee populations have dropped dramatically, some gardeners have found they need to pollinate their tomato plants manually. One woman I know tickles each swollen bulb of seeds

“Weaseling out of things is important to learn,” said cartoon anti-hero Homer Simpson. “It’s what separates us from the

animals — except the weasel.” I’m going to rebel against my custom this week and endorse Homer’s approach. You may be on the verge of getting sucked into a mess that you had virtually no role in creating. Either that, or you’ll be asked to carry out a mission that is irrelevant to your longterm goals. You have cosmic permission to weasel out. TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

I’m going to bring up a sore subject: A part of you got petrified way back when. A formerly fluid and flexible part of your psyche got turned into stone, losing much of its usefulness and creating distortions throughout the rest of you. Now, after all this time, you have circled back to a phase when you have the power to at least partially un-petrify this lost function. To get the process started, turn your attention to it in such a way that you feel like laughing and crying at the same time.

CHECK OUT SLAB FOR EVENING ENTERTAINMENT

SLaB

photography: jWhite illustration: Gabe Vega

METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 41

n ar

LOOKING FOR

SOMETHING

THE HILL 01 02 03 04

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Surrey Tavern - the original neighborhood bar

The Vue - upscale dance club w/ occasional bands Sheehan’s Irish Pub

Club Argos - LGBT

Crums on Central - live jazz on weekends Helga’s - Med Student heaven

Verandah Grill at the Partridge Inn - Augusta’s best balcony

The Hill

Vue Dancing Friday-Saturday

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The Highlander - real Bristish pub

Frog Hollow Tavern - upscale restaurant & bar / locally sourced Tropicabana - salsa. no chips. Pizza Joint - 40 beers on tap and slices Mellow Mushroom - plus full bar Sky City - large music venue Firehouse - proud downtown dive 1102 - block deep restaurant & bar

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09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16

Metro Coffee House - coffee, beer, liquor, people Soultry Sounds - jazz club Soul Bar - pure fink Playground - rock-n-roll

Stillwater Taproom - blugrass before bluegrass was cool Wheels - cool & on the corner The Loft - liquor with attitude Bar on Broad - contemporary South Beach vibe

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Joe’s Underground - live music underneath Broad St.

Club Rehab - upscale sportsbar

Cotton Patch - eat, drink, be happy Cafe 209 - soul food & lounge Tipsy McStumbles - confess later

Sector 7G laundromat turned landmark Blue Horse Bistro jazz tapas The Sportsman - old school pool hall and burgers Fox’s Lair - coolest bar in America

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The Joker Lounge girls dancing nightly Fantasy Showgirls girls dancing nightly Discoteque girls dancing nightly

Downtown Tropicabana Salsa Lessons Friday-Saturday

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The New Familiars Stillwater Tap Room Friday, May 27

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01 02

Road Runner Cafe - in front of Coyote’s

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Coyote’s - great live music & DJs

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Limelite Cafe - extensive beer selection

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Carolina Ale House - sports themed restuarant / feat. outdoor covered bar

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Sidetrack Bar & Grill - by the railroad tracks

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The Country Club Crossin Dixon Friday, May 27

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French Market Grille West - NOLA in the Garden City

Malibu Jacks - beach themed restaurant & bar Rack & Grill true pool hall Cadillacs cozy neighborhood spot

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05 06 07 08

Shannon’s old lounge / new look Allie Katz - good cheap drinks

Wild Wings - live music 7 nights a week Cue & Brew

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Hooters - hooters

Somewhere In Augusta - sports bar & grill Robbie’s Sports Bar - true pool hall Country Club dance hall and saloon

Thursday, May 26

Wheeler Tavern Karaoke Wooden Barrel ‘80s Night Karaoke

Live Music French Market Grill West Doc Easton Smooth Jazz Joe’s Underground Jeff Johnston Malibu Jack’s Ke-Ju One Hundred Laurens Kenny George Rose Hill Stables Preston & Weston Sky City Blurring the Line, Stillview, Nine Day Descent Wild Wing Brandi Thornton The Willcox Four Cats in the Doghouse

Events Cadillac’s Karaoke Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Candy Stripers Cabaret Club Sparx Playlist with Shannon Cocktails Lounge Karaoke Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Fox’s Lair Soup, Suds & Conversations Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia HD Lounge Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Evans) Karaoke Pizza Joint, Evans DJ Kris Fisher The Playground Open Mic with Brandy Shannon’s Karaoke Soul Bar Boom Box Villa Europa Karaoke with Just Ben

Friday, May 27 Live Music Augusta Canal Keith Gregory Cotton Patch Old Man Crazy Country Club Crossin Dixon Coyote’s Coaltrain Doubletree Hotel 3 Sides of Jazz French Market Grille West Doc Easton Joe’s Underground Jamie Jones Malibu Jack’s Tony Williams Blues Express One Hundred Laurens John Kolbeck Polo Tavern Pretty Petty Shannon’s Tony Howard Stillwater Tap Room New Familiars Surrey Tavern Shane and Kieth Dueling Piano Band Wild Wing Chick Flix The Willcox Kenny George

Events Cadillac’s DJ Doug Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparx DJ Rana and Music Explosion Cocktails Lounge Grown-Up Fridays with DJ

Cork and Bull Pub Karaoke with Libby D. and Palmetto Entertainment Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Iron Horse Bar & Grill Karaoke Islands Bar & Lounge Caribbean Night with DJ Spud Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Ryan Moseley Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Jeff Barnes Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Three J’s Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke Palmetto Tavern DJ Tim The Place on Broad Rock DJ Rebeck’s Hideaway Open Mic Roadrunner Cafe Karaoke with Steve Chappel Sky City DJ Jeremy Elijah Soul Bar Disco Hell Tropicabana Latin Friday Wooden Barrel Karaoke Contest

Saturday, May 28 Live Music The Acoustic Coffeehouse Open Acoustic Jam Session with Eryn Eubanks and the Family Fold Blue Horse Bistro Live Music The Cotton Patch Brant Quick Country Club Holman Autry Band

Coyote’s Jason Sturgeon Joe’s Underground The Endalls Malibu Jack’s South Atlantic P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music The Playground Them Bones (Alice in Chains Tribute Band) Polo Tavern Mood Swings Shannon’s Shag Attack Surrey Tavern Shane and Kieth Dueling Piano Band Wild Wing Butt Naked Band

Events Cadillac’s DJ Doug Club Argos Variety Show Club Rehab DJ C4 Club Sparx DJ Wreboot House Party Cocktails Lounge Latin Night Fishbowl Lounge Karaoke Helga’s Pub & Grille Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge Reggae Night with Island Vybez The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Rockin Rob Mi Rancho (Clearwater) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke Ms. Carolyn’s Karaoke One Hundred Laurens DJ Kenny Ray The Playground DJ Fugi Sky City ‘90s Night Tropicabana Salsa Saturday Wooden Barrel Kamikaze Karaoke METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 45

Sunday, May 29 Live Music Crums on Central Jim Perkins Jessye Norman Amphitheatre Candlelight Jazz Jazz4Kids featuring Kemba Cofield P.I. Bar and Grill Live Music Wild Wing Dave Firmin

Events Caribbean Soul Love Jones Sundays Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Peggy Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke, Salsa Dancing

Monday, May 30 Live Music Sky City Minus the Bear, Skysaw, The Constellations Soul Bar Metal Monday

Events Applebee’s (Evans) Trivia Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke HD Lounge Game Night Malibu Jack’s Team Trivia with Mike Thomas Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke with Danny Haywood Somewhere In Augusta Karaoke with Charles Wild Wing Trivia and ’80s Karaoke

Tuesday, May 31

Live Music Cocktails Lounge Live Music Joe’s Underground Jukebox Wild Wing Dave & Michael The Willcox Hal Shreck

Events Club Argos Karaoke Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparx Karaoke with Big Tony Fishbowl Lounge Dart League HD Lounge Trivia Islands Bar & Lounge DJ Fred Nice Malibu Jack’s Karaoke with Denny

Wednesday, June 1 Live Music 209 on the River Smooth Grooves Cadillac’s Live Band Joe’s Underground Sibling String Sector 7G Norma Jean, For the Fallen Dreams, After the Burial, Stray from the Path, Motionless in White Sky City Abused Romance Somewhere in Augusta D.S. and Bill Arrundale Wild Wing Jon Beret & The LaRoxes The Willcox Hal Shreck

Events Club Argos Santoni’s Satin Dolls Club Rehab Jenn’s Crazy Karaoke Club Sparx Trivia Cocktails Lounge Augusta’s Got Talent The Cotton Patch Trivia and Tunes with Cliff Bennett HD Lounge Open Mic Laura’s Backyard Tavern Karaoke The Loft Karaoke Mi Rancho (Downtown) Karaoke

Mi Rancho (Washington Road) Karaoke with Rockin’ Rob The Place on Broad Jazz DJ The Playground Krazy Karaoke with Big Troy Polo Tavern Karaoke with Tom Mitchell Wheeler Tavern Trivia

Upcoming Consider the Source, Sinister Mustache, Manray Sky City June 9 Shine for Scott Benefit w/ Wesley Cook, The Vellotones w/ George Croft, Eryn Eubanks & the Family Fold, Publik Fax w/ Richard Smith, Grady Nickel Welfare Liners Stillwater Tap Room June 10 Josh Roberts and the Hinges Stillwater Tap Room June 17 Loretta Lynn Bell Auditorium June 18 Papa String Band Stillwater Tap Room July 8 Blair Crimmons and the Hookers Stillwater Tap Room July 15 Temptations Review, Palmetto Groove USC-Aiken Convocation Center June 17 Dave Desmelik Band Stillwater Tap Room July 22 Sugarland James Brown Arena June 23 R Kelly, Keyshia Cole, Marsha Ambrosius James Brown Arean June 28 Merle Haggard Bell Auditorium August 6 Keith Urban James Brown Arena August 13 Casting Crowns USC-Aiken Convocation Center November 25

Elsewhere Panic at the Disco The Tabernacle, Atlanta May 27 James Taylor Chastain Park

Amphitheater, Atlanta May 27 Deftones The Tabernacle, Atlanta May 28 The Monkees Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 3 Miranda Lambert, Josh Kelley, Ashton Shepherd Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Alpharetta June 4 B.B. King, Buddy Guy Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta, June 5 Katy Perry Arena at Gwinnett Center, Duluth June 7 Josh Groban Arena at Gwinnett Center, Duluth June 8 Loretta Lynn Cobb Energy Performing Arts Centre, Atlanta June 10 Willie Nelson CoolRay Field, Lawrenceville June 12 Mumford & Sons The Fox Theatre, Atlanta June 12 Phish Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, Alpharetta June 14-15 Uriah Heep Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 14 Adele The Tabernacle, Atlanta June 17 Jo Dee Messina The Frederick Brown Amphitheater, Peachtree City June 18 Daryl Hall & John Oates Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 19 New Kids on the Bloxk, Philips Arena, Atlanta June 22 Chris Isaak Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 22 Steve Miller Band Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta June 24 Skid Row Wild Bill’s, Duluth June 25 R. Kelly Philips Arena, Atlanta June 25 Dinosaur Jr. Variety Playhouse, Atlanta June 26 Florence and the Machine The Fox Theatre, Atlanta July 1 Jennifer Hudson Chastain Park Amphitheater, Atlanta July 2

Seattle, Washington’s Minus the Bear, named after the 1970s TV show “BJ and the Bear,” comes to Augusta’s Sky City on Monday, May 31, with Skysaw and The Constellations. Doors open at 7 p.m., and the show starts at 8. Tickets are $15 in advance or $18 at the door. Visit skycityaugusta.com.

46 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

earDRUM Saturday Night’s Alright... for Music Brian Allen is a local music fan who hosts a weekly podcast, confederationofloudness.com. Everyone says that they love music, but only a select, blessed few are telling the truth. So occasionally when I get a hall pass from the missus, I wander into the streets and check the pulse of the Augusta music scene. And that’s exactly what I done did this past weekend. For the price of three beers I caught four live acts in the space of a block and a half. It occurs to me that Saturday night might be the best night of all to go out in downtown Augusta for the simple reason that the

amateurs, entourage wannabes and glitter-chested, Rolex-chasing gold diggers spent all their liquid assets on Friday night. Make no mistake, those types litter the landscape every chance they get, which means Friday. With those whackadoos out of the way, the discerning patron can get an almost listening-room-type experience out of most of the local venues. Most surreal moment of the evening? Esteemed music documentary filmmaker Matthew Buzzell standing on-stage, cradling a ukulele while having a lengthy, between-song discourse about a shopping trip to

Goody Two Shoes... Zing! The overhyped Rapture shenanigans were mentioned in the process. He bought the over-priced shoes because you never know. In all seriousness, I saw stellar performances from Sibling String, Matthew Buzzell, Eat Lightning and John Kolbeck. Not a bad way to spend an evening. Perhaps more like-minded and true music lovers could do the same. The Sibling String rendition of “Rocket Man” by Elton John should be motivation enough to those who eat their food with utensils instead of their hands.

706.860.3492

I would like to mention here that I’ve heard rough mixes for the latest Sibling String recording... you might want to pick the final product. It’s good. Also, check out the band as one of two local acts representing at Banjo-B-Que. I’m guessing you won’t be disappointed. See y’all at the rock show... Brian Allen

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3113 Washington Road • Augusta, GA 30907 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 47

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Brittney James

Brittney James is a local F&B All-Star. She contributes weekly. To protect the guilty, Brittney James is not her real name.

Hey! There Are Cabs in Augusta!

I’m John.

I’m drunk.

And you know how there are different kinds of drunks? They’re all there. The happy, gay drunk all the way to the obnoxious Army guy just waiting to take his aggression out on somebody. Second: wow. I am taking cabs from now on. We took a cab from our place to the club on Saturday night and back and it was like $15 for the whole thing! On the way home we had some crazy bitch who had to be on drugs or something. We had to watch what we said because she was on eggshells hoping to kick us out of her van. Usually we just let the least drunk drive. Stupid, I know. Or someone stops drinking earlier and they drive. Or we just jump in the car with someone else. Well, at these clubs there are actually taxis waiting to take you. Oh, and my friend made out with some random dude and threw up all night.

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1655 Brinson Street, Augusta 1BR / 1BA Fixer Upper Owner Financing or Cash Discount $400 Down $273 Month 1-803-403-9555 or 803-929-111

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My friends came to town this weekend, so, on Friday, we did pretty much the standard thing: go to the mall to get new outfits to wear. We started out Friday night at the little bar on Washington Road that keeps moving around. Which is a really good starting-out place… cheap drinks. Then we headed down the road and I got hit on by some 40-year-old fat, weird guy. But it was loud and fun. Two things that I came away with this weekend. First: the drunken aftermath that is the Waffle House. It’s a surreal place at four in the morning. It’s packed with all the people you had just seen in the club. All the girls have on short, tight club outfits, but you look like crap. You’ve been drinking and sweating all night and you reek of smoke… and you’re wearing six-inch heels.

“We did take it out when our friend owned it and when it started giving him trouble, he’s like a big fisherman and he doesn’t want to deal with boats that are giving him problems so he sold it to my dad,” said Michael Wilson about his boat. “I think it was actually his dad’s boat. We bought it from a friend for like $300 or something like that.”

“It was real cool when you got it out on the water.”

Michael Wilson | Warren Road | Augusta

Photography: jWhite METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11 49

UFC 130

Local experts Zack Day and Chris Elms break down the fights

the download Matt Stone

Matt Stone can be heard weekdays from 3-7 p.m. on 95ROCK.

Bald, mean... and sweet? Are you in the mood for a small angry Irishman? Well give it a shot anyway. Tune in each week to get a feel of Greg Fitzsimmons as he brings you Fitzdog Radio. Don’t let the name fool you. Funny thing about Greg is that he was called Fitzdog as a joke. Nothing about him reflects deserving a name with “dog” in it. Look at his picture; that should explain it for me. But sadly for Greg, it stuck and is now his trademark. Fitzdog Radio is a hilarious podcast, crude at times, at other times sweet, but definitely good. As the show begins, Greg may come off as being cocky, very confident, but the more you listen, you get a sense of vulnerability. Could be the fact that he’s short and bald, or it could be because he’s been a hard-working comedian for over 20 years, a big family man and puts his all in to everything that he has going on, which is a lot. Along with the podcast, he has a weekly show on Howard Stern’s Sirius XM channel, he just released his first book, he writes on a number of television shows and seems to fit in time for his comedy tour that travels the country. The podcast has some weekly segments. “Talk Your Way Out of It” is probably the best. This is where Greg gives his guest a certain situation and they have to, you guessed it, talk their way out of it. He films the bit as well, so you can check those out at his website. You also hear the segment “Overheard,” which is where the listeners get to chime in via email and reveal conversations that they’ve overheard in public, usually at least one dealing with fat people eating. If there’s one thing about Greg, it’s that he is honest, very cutthroat. He doesn’t hold back for a second. If he’s having trouble at home, he talks about it. If he was on Jimmy Kimmel the night before and bombed, he talks about it (and yes, that happened). A lot of the time he complains about being boring. A former alcoholic, sober for almost his whole career, Greg talks about going to big Hollywood parties, sipping on cranberry juice, and staring at his watch wondering when it’s safe for him to leave. Greg is definitely an angry guy, but he also is a good guy.

50 METRO SPIRIT 5.26.11

Main Event: Rampage Jackson vs. Matt Hamill Zack: I like Rampage’s power. I think he’s probably an odds favorite on this, but I think Hamill is going to come in. He’s hungry. He’s got a wrestling background, which makes him very strong. I don’t think he’s quite the level of fighter Rampage is — I think Rampage is in the top five and Hamill is in the top 10. I’ve got a feeling Hamill will come to fight on this and Rampage will not. Chris: Yeah, I think Rampage is showing up for the paycheck and Hamill is showing up for the win. I’ve got Hamill in this — I hope he’s recovered from John James’ elbow to the face. Rampage is a kind of one dimensional with his power strike and I think Hamill is a little more well versed and well rounded.

Frank Mir vs. Roy Nelson Zack: Frank Mir is obviously the best rounded high-level Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. He has power, but I don’t think he has the power to beat Nelson. I think Nelson is hungry again. He is a much tougher guy with really heavy hands, and he has beaten Mir, though it was seven years ago, so he’s got a little bit of a mental edge, but I think Mir’s Jiu-Jitsu has far surpassed Nelson’s. Chris: This one’s pretty even in the books. The only chance Mir has to win is if he comes in and shows up with his kickboxing ability. I think Roy Nelson is going to do it because he’s just got a head of stone and he’s not going to get knocked out. He’s got big fat belly takedowns and he’s going to pull it out, so I give it to beer belly mullet Roy Nelson and I think Frank Mir doesn’t have any motivation.

Stefan Struve vs. Travis Browne Zack: Everybody likes Struve. He’s a 6’11” guy. He mostly strikes from the outside. He’s long and lanky, good knees. A lot of heart. He comes to fight. However, Browne is dropping weight, getting in better shape. He’s got a really good ground game. So I have a feeling it’s going to go to Browne with a submission. Chris: Stefan Struve’s got wicked-long arms and strikes and knees and has that Dutch kickboxing style and he’s got wicked submissions on the ground, so he’s got a good way of finishing the fight. Travis Browne has got a pretty good record. He’s coming in a little more well-rounded. So I give it to Struve by a knockout or a submission.

Thiago Alves vs. Rick Story Greg’s first book is called “Dear Mrs. Fitzsimmons: Tales of Redemption From an Irish Mailbox.” “Most parents would hide or destroy any evidence so clearly demonstrating their child’s failures, but my family has preserved each mistake in its original envelope like a trophy in a case, lest I ever forget where I came from,” he writes. Greg explains that the book chronicles all the complaint letters from his past that his mom saved over the years. It comes highly recommended. You can catch Greg on the road; he was actually performing at the Punchline in Atlanta two weeks ago. And to hear one of the funniest podcasts I ever heard, download the episode where Greg is talking to Natalie Maines and Zach Galifianakis walks in on the podcast, by accident, because he needs to borrow Greg’s printer. It’s hilarious.

Zack: Everybody knows Alves. He’s got a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu background, but I like Rick Story as a fighter. He’s got an aggressive background. He’s explosive and a good scrambler. Chris: Everyone knows Alves. He just got out of brain surgery awhile back and is coming back. We’re going to see how he does, see if he’s scared to take a hit. He’s got wicked power. I think if Rick Story can stay away from the strikes and he’s just grappling, I think Rick Story is going to pull an upset.

Brian Stann vs. Jorge Santiago Zack: Stann, I like. He’s strong, athletic, a solid striker. He’s an All American. But Santiago is just the better-rounded fighter, I think. He’s got a Judo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. He will take it to the ground. Chris: I think this is going to be a battle of skill vs. will. Brian Stann definitely has the will and he’s a finisher, and he’s got a lot of power in his hands. Santiago is a little bit more well rounded. If he’s smart, he’ll try to stay away from the power hands and win either by submission or decision. I think Santiago might pull this out, but my heart goes out to Brain Stann. I’m hoping he wins.

Miguel Torres vs. Demetrious Johnson Zack: I think Torres is a much better fighter all the way around. Demetrious is a cool little fighter to watch, but I don’t think he’s up to the level of Torres. Torres has got a ton of experience, which we all know does matter in the ring Chris: Everybody’s going to be rooting for Torres, so am I. He’s got great striking, he’s got wicked strokes. Demetrious is going to be a great wrestler. His main chance of winning this fight is by taking Miguel down and fighting him. I think Miguel’s going to win, and I predict a choke.

Ball

Matt Lane is host of The Weekend Rundown which airs from 10 a.m.-noon Saturdays on News-Talk-Sports 1630 AM. He can be reached at mattlane28@gmail.com.

Matt Lane

Belcher Gets Back To It While his team was preparing to head to Hoover, Ala., for the SEC baseball tournament, this time as the defending national champions after emerging out of the losers bracket and posting a miraculous six-game win streak to take the title, South Carolina pitcher Nolan Belcher picked up a ball and glove and began a comeback story of his own. We had a chance to catch up with Belcher and see how his rehab is coming along after having Tommy John surgery on his torn UCL in his left elbow, ask which opposing pitchers in the SEC he likes to watch and, finally, revisit just how special last year was and how much momentum it has given the team this year heading into post-season play. Metro Spirit: What’s the injury process been like for you? You’ve never had to deal with a major injury like this before, right? Nolan Belcher: It’s been the toughest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’ve been playing baseball since I was five years old, so this being the first year that I’m not able to play has been pretty rough. MS: Has the injury taken its toll on you mentally as well? NB: I’ve heard lots of guys who’ve had the surgery talk about how it’s tougher mentally even more so than physically. Just having to go into the training room every day and do the same rehab stuff every single day really drains you. I’ve had to just stay focused and not look toward tomorrow. I really have to look to a year from now and see how it’s going to get me ready. MS: So what is your rehab schedule? You had surgery in January. Have you started throwing yet? NB: Two weeks ago, I started throwing a baseball against a wall about 15 feet away — just to try and get my arm going through the full range of motion. This week, I’ll start a throwing program that everyone who has Tommy John surgery goes through. It’s a progression program that starts at about 45 feet away and you do a certain amount of sets. I’ll probably start by doing about two sets of 20 throws to begin building the strength back up in my arm. MS: Have you been surprised at the success of the South Carolina pitchers this season, namely Michael Roth and his development as a starter this year? NB: Not at all. After last year, Roth was one of our best relievers coming out of the bullpen facing left-handed batters, and he also had those two big starts in Omaha last year where he threw a complete game against Clemson, and then started the National Championship clinching game against UCLA and threw well in that game, too. Sophomore Colby Holmes has emerged as a great starter for us and freshman Forrest Koumas is also pitching great as well. MS: There are only a select few spots on a team’s rotation, and your team has elite talent coming in every year. Do you worry about where your place is on this team once you come back? NB: As it looks right now, Roth has a good chance of getting drafted, but I think

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he might come back. Forrest is a freshman and Colby is a sophomore. So, hopefully, the rotation as a whole will be back next year. If I had to choose, of course, I’d want to be a starter, but obviously I’m going to do whatever I can to help the team win. MS: Talk about some of the other pitchers in the SEC that you have been impressed with this year. NB: Vanderbilt has some of the best pitching in the country. Starting with Sonny Gray, who’s a smaller guy but throws really hard for his size and has some electric stuff. I really like him because, like me, he’s not really a big guy, so he has to work for everything he gets. Florida’s Hudson Randall has stuff that isn’t overpowering, but he’s really good at locating his pitches and keeping the ball down. MS: Finishing up, what was it about last year’s team that put you guys over the top? NB: We had a bunch of tough guys. We didn’t have a single first-, second- or thirdround draft pick last year, but we had a bunch of good college baseball players who were tough and really wanted to win. Just like my time at Greenbrier, we had great team chemistry and that takes teams much farther than maybe they should go. The SEC baseball tournament is Wednesday-Sunday, with TV schedule, game times and results available on secsports.com.

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advice goddess Amy Alkon

Under the Cover of Nightclub I met an amazing guy — the kind I swore didn’t exist: thoughtful, caring and incredibly secure. He seemed to love me. We were together exactly nine months when he called and suggested we go dancing. Ten minutes after I arrived at the club, he broke up with me. He claimed he didn’t know what had happened, but he just couldn’t be with me anymore. I left, heartbroken — a complete wreck. Two weeks later, he called to see how I was and said, “Everything about you is what I want, but for some reason, I just don’t want you.” I’ve had a history of going for men who treated me like crap, but he treated me incredibly well. The lesson I’ve gleaned? Even if a guy’s really good to you, you can’t trust him. I don’t want to become some bitter, jaded old woman. — Devastated Sometimes, treating a woman like crap comes with a substantial grace period. Sure, breakups happen, but a truly “thoughtful, caring” guy prepares you for what’s to come with “We’ve gotta talk” — not “Hey, Babe, put on your strappiest dress and meet me

under the disco balls.” (Considerate guy that he is, surely he told you how beautiful you looked when the colored lights reflected off the mascara streaking down your cheeks.) What changed for him? Without drilling a hole into his brain and watching all the worker ants running around the factory, it’s hard to say. Maybe his feelings just fizzled, or maybe he was only up for romancing you into a relationship and not the relationship itself. Whatever his reason for leaving, he sure didn’t need to pop up again to reiterate that he doesn’t want you. Ask yourself whether it’s actually out of character for Mr. Wonderful to rather cruelly and abruptly transform into Mr. I’ll Be Wandering Off Now. Getting impatient in your search for a great guy can lead you to stick a bag over the head of a sorta-great guy and insist you’ve got your man. Your therapeutic professional would call this “confirmation bias” — favoring information that confirms some belief you hold and shoving away any information that doesn’t. So, maybe you tell yourself that a man’s

©2011, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405, or email adviceamy@aol.com. Also visit advicegoddess.com and read Amy Alkon’s book: “I See Rude People: One Woman’s Battle to Beat Some Manners Into Impolite Society” (McGraw-Hill, $16.95).

treated you really well when he just treated you to some romantic dinners and did some of those nice boyfriend things like bringing you flowers and repairing your garden hose. Any guy can learn to do that sort of stuff by reading “10 Ways to Make a Woman Cross-Eyed With Lust For You” in any number of men’s magazines. To figure out whether a man is more than the sum of his smooth moves, look at whether he’s compassionate, whether he shows empathy — for you and others — especially when he

doesn’t think anybody’s looking. Of course, getting to the truth takes being okay with the truth — even if it ends up setting you a lot freer than you wanted to be. Since it’s always possible the candles and moonlight are a prelude to the track shoes, it’s best to live with the hope that love will last but without the expectation that it will. That’s probably the single best way to avoid becoming that “bitter, jaded old woman.” Then again, somebody’s got to take care of all the neighborhood’s stray cats.

Bus Case Scenario My best friend is a man for whom my feelings continue to grow. He’s been stuck chasing his ex-girlfriend who lives four hours away. She sees him once a month for a booty call. He’s acknowledged that if his ex weren’t in the picture, he’d explore a relationship with me. — Longing “If his ex weren’t in the picture…!” You can always find your way to an “if.” If I had a TV show, I’d have a cook and a driver

and a monkey to massage my feet under my desk. This guy doesn’t want to explore a relationship with you or he’d be doing it instead of driving eight hours in hopes of servicing his ex back into a relationship. You can either live your life or sit around if-ing about what could be… his truck gets repossessed and no bus lines go to exgirlfriendville, so he says the words you’ve been waiting so long to hear: “Can I borrow your car for a coupla days?”

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austin R

Augusta Leaders, What Is Your Goal? Another week has gone by and no real progress has been made in the impasse between Augusta commissioners on the issue of where to hold their monthly meetings. Of course that ridiculous debate is merely symptomatic of much larger issues. No need to go over the history of the problem; only those in comas or who bask in the glow of their own willful ignorance don’t know the silly background. So I will dispense with the civics lecture and get to the heart of the matter: What the hell do you people in the Augusta city government hope to accomplish? There appear to be two mindsets that have been represented in recent discussions and votes: Those who want to streamline and economize local civil service and those who see the public payroll as a means to reward supporters, protect friends and wield power. The recent vote to privatize city bus service is a prime example. Under

the same general 6-4 vote totals (sadly breaking down white-black), the city’s colossally expensive public transit system has been put under the control of a private management company. Seeing as how the system has been complained about incessantly by its most regular customers, one would think a shakeup in management would not only be welcome, but it would be celebrated with a tickertape parade. But alas, no celebrations are forthcoming. None from the minority commissioners who did not want to give up the day-to-day control, and none from the majority of the white commissioners who for some hideous reason decided to require the management company to maintain current staff for at least two years. Seriously? The management company leadership says as they start cracking the whip and holding employees accountable for poor

performance that there will be voluntary resignations and perhaps even a few terminations for cause. That is all fine and good, but something is wrong when you can articulate that undesirable employees will “soon” be unhappy enough to leave. Why the heck have they ever been allowed to stay in the first place? The whole world is laying off and cutting back employees and yet there are elected officials in Augusta city government who apparently have a hard time believing that our 15-year-old consolidated municipal workforce is not ready for an adjustment. In the meantime, we have heated exchanges over whose name is going to be on the side of a courthouse, and the way it will be spelled out on the wall. State Court Judge David Watkins, a man whom I have praised many times on these pages and on the air, actually threw a fit when there was an issue over where and how Judge Jack Ruffin’s name was going to be displayed on the new facility. That display actually brought some results, so, as silly as it was that he said he wasn’t moving his office until it was settled, it is hard to ignore success. I share that anecdote just to make the point that while maintaining a public payroll and building municipal shrines is all well and good, what does it say that few of these fine elected officials have said

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word one about the crime and deadly behavior that goes on in the shadow of their magnificent meeting halls? I would love for Judge Watkins to throw such a fit over the fact that the owners of Augusta’s most dangerous and crime infested apartment complex, River Glen, refuse to do anything about the problems and, in fact, seems to be happy to let most everyone know that they are not going to be calling in police to “bust up the party.” Every dime that goes to the 100 percent Section 8 complex is funneled through the Augusta Housing Authority, so don’t tell me there is not something that can’t be done at the local level to clean up the problem down there. Hey Judge: Why not order the owners to appear in front of local leaders and explain why their business license shouldn’t be revoked for running a hazardous enterprise? Local bars have been shut down for far, far less. So as the politicians continue to “tilt at windmills” and exhibit more mass paranoia than you see from the crowd an hour after a Grateful Dead concert, why not ask them what they are doing about the real life and death safety issues that impact local residents? I mean really... what is their goal? The views expressed are the opinions of Austin Rhodes and do not necessarily represent the views of the publisher.

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