FREE AUTO CLASSIFIEDS
* Automobiles for sale by an individual may be placed in our FREE Auto Classifieds. The same ad will run continuously for six weeks or until the vehicle sells, whichever comes first. After two weeks, if you want to keep running the same ad, you must call The Metropolitan Spirit by 5 p.m. on Friday or we will assume you sold the vehicle and will delete the ad. All vehicles must indicate price. FREE Auto Classified ads are offered to individuals only and are not offered to commercial companies or dealers.
M
y boyfriend can be very solicitous, sending loving e-mails, calling, and touching me tenderly. That’s why I’m so confused as to why he doesn’t give me gifts on special occasions, although he makes twice the money I do. Last Christmas, he mentioned wanting to get me a leather jacket, so I got him a couple nice gifts. But, then came that awk ward moment when I realized he had nothing for me. He thinks to send cute e-mails for Groundhog Day, but last Valentine’s Day, not even an electronic greeting card. Because of that, I told him it was important to me that he did something — anything — for my birthday. When he didn’t, I let him know I was so hurt I almost broke up with him. This Christmas, I curbed my generosity and didn’t get him anything. Is this shabby treatment I shouldn’t accept, or am I blowing this out of proportion? —Giftless
The mall is a theme park for women, with all the requisite at tractions. Roller coaster fans can hur tle from store to store on the American Express, inches from the jaws of bankruptcy and repossession. There’s even a jungle zone like “African Safari,” except wild animals don’t just peer into your car windows as you drive by. As you enter the depar tment store, predators leap at you, then chase you around the makeup counters trying to mark you as their sales territory by spraying you with expensive cologne. No need to buy a day pass, ladies. Your Visa will take you “everywhere you want to be”: trying on 38 pairs of black jeans, which look exactly like the 38 pairs you already have at home, except to the bionic eye. Men go to the mall for more dire reasons, such as being forced at gunpoint by someone who seems likely to pull the trigger. Or, because they’re slaves to rigid fashion demands, such as “no shir t, no shoes, no service.” Most men approach shopping as they would a sneak at tack on enemy territory: Parachute in when the coast is clear, make a beeline for the target, get the khakis, and get out. For men, whether they’re going for clothes or gif ts, like war, mall is hell. In other words, thoughts of shopping come about as naturally to most men as the urge to put Yanni CDs on endless repeat. This brings us to the big question: No, not “What is love, af ter rebate?” (Be still my calculating hear t!) But, can you let your man show his love for you his way,
not direct how he shows it like a Hollywood starlet micromanaging her omelet? (“Egg whites only; only from chickens you’re positive are Capricorns with Scorpio rising!”) Why, exactly, do you need presents anyway? Because other girls get them on bir thdays, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day? (Yeah, but do their boyfriends remember them on Groundhog Day?) At first glance, it’s troubling that the guy has a mind like a steel sieve about something of primo impor tance to you. Then again, since even furry, burrowing rodents inspire fond thoughts of you, chances are he simply needs remedial education about your gif t-receiving needs. Of course, you’d have your work cut out for you if malls were more male-friendly — if the outsides looked like stadiums, and the insides were big living rooms. Men could sit in easy chairs, eating corn dogs, watching underdressed girls mud-wrestling while they shop. If that were the mall environment, probably the first thing on a guy’s mind would be get ting there to get you a present. Okay, maybe not the first thing, but surely it would be right up there with visions of lingerie models’ muddy thighs.
I think I love my girlfriend too much. Fear of causing her pain tears me apart. If our relationship ever stops making me happy, how will I end it, since I just couldn’t do anything that might hurt her? —Bliss-Bombed Excess happiness get ting you down? Lend yourself out to suf fer for other people! Star t by having friends’ bunions transplanted to your feet and work your way up to psychological debilitation and total financial debacle. Digging into others’ dir t might be the per fect antidote to your approach to relationships, which appears to be pat terned on my grandma’s plastic-covered sofa. Supposedly, Grandma was preserving it for “company,” but never did she meet company fine enough to merit a seat on virgin couch. (Perhaps it was the Messiah she was waiting for?) Instead of acting like an 80-year-old lady, subtract 72 years, and make like an 8-year-old with an ice-cream cone. Trust me, if a kid has ice cream, he’s eating it, not let ting it melt while thinking existential thoughts about the meaning of being and freezer burn. In other words, stop creating issues where there are none. Want problems? Nex t time I’m up late, yanking words out of my pores with a crochet hook... — © 2002, Amy Alkon
Got A Problem? Write Amy Alkon
171 Pier Ave., Box 280 • Santa Monica, CA 90405 or e-mail AdviceAmy@aol.com
TO PLACE YOUR AD: Mail: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914-3809 Email: classified@metspirit.com Fax: 706-733-6663 Website: www.metspirit.com Visit Us At: 825 Russell Street, Augusta, GA MUST BE MAILED, FAXED OR EMAILED ON SPECIFIED FORM. ADS ARE NOT TAKEN BY PHONE.
GENERAL POLICIES: The Metropolitan Spirit reserves the right to reject, revise, alter, or reclassify any classified advertisement. Please check your ad for errors the first week the ad is published. The Metropolitan Spirit is not responsible for any errors which appear after the first week the ad is inserted.
AD PLACEMENT FORM:
DEADLINES: In person - Monday at 3PM By mail, fax or email - Friday at 4PM
Name_________________________________________________________________________ Daytime Phone_________________________________________________________________ Address______________________________________________________________________ City______________________________________________State________Zip_____________ Ad Copy 20 words or less________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________
GUARANTEED CLASSIFIEDS
* Items for sale by an individual may be placed in our Guaranteed Classifieds. The same ad will run continuously for ten weeks or until the item sells, whichever comes first. You must call by 5PM on Friday every two weeks to renew the ad or The Metropolitan Spirit will assume the item has been sold and will delete the ad. There is a $5 reinstatement fee if you forget to renew your ad. All items must indicate price. Guaranteed classified ads are offered to individuals only and are not offered to commercial companies. Guaranteed Classified ads do not include any automotive vehicles, real estate or pets. RATES: FREE ADS Merchandise Under $250 $8 ADS Merchandise $251 to $500 $15 ADS Merchandise $501 to $1000 $20 ADS Merchandise over $1000 20 Words or Less - No Exceptions. ADS MUST BE PREPAID DEADLINES: In person - Monday at 3PM By mail, fax or email - Friday at 4PM
TO PLACE YOUR AD: Mail: P.O. Box 3809, Augusta, GA 30914-3809 Email: classified@metspirit.com Fax: 706-733-6663 ADS ARE NOT TAKEN BY PHONE Website: www.metspirit.com Visit Us At: 825 Russell Street, Augusta, GA MUST BE MAILED, FAXED OR EMAILED ON SPECIFIED FORM. PAYMENT OPTIONS: (ADS MUST BE PREPAID) Cash-Money Order-Check
AD PLACEMENT FORM:
Name_______________________________________Daytime Phone_____________________ Address______________________________________________________________________ City______________________________________________State________Zip_____________ Payment ❑ Cash ❑ Check ❑ Money Order ❑ Visa ❑ MC Card No./Exp. Date_____________________________________________________________ Billing Address (if different from above)_____________________________________________ City______________________________________________State________Zip_____________ Ad Copy 20 words or less________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________________________ GENERAL POLICIES: The Metropolitan Spirit reserves the right to reject, revise, alter, or reclassify any classified advertisement. Please check your ad for errors the first week the ad is published. The Metropolitan Spirit is not responsible for any errors which appear after the first week the ad is inserted.
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