The Little Hawk
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Moments from the Caucuses
Hashtagging Hurt
The Parents Are All Right
Photos and quotes from caucus sites around Iowa City.
Discussion of mental health, once confined to therapists’ offices, has become a social media phenomenon.
Divorce rates, which peaked in the 1980s, hit a new low.
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“get a cat; it’ll love you.”
and other relationship advice from city high teachers page 18 • full video at thelittlehawk.com/advice
PREVIEW
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easy as pie
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moments from the i.c. caucuses
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hashtagging hurt
By Sadie Hobbs & Bella Pittman
Need to find a good, inexpensive gift in time for Valentine’s Day? Mini pies and Cupid floats are easy and fun to make for or with your significant other.
By Sofie Lie & Nova Meurice
Photos and conversations from the first-in-the-nation caucuses as they played out in Iowa City.
By Nova Meurice & Sarah Smith
Discussion of mental health, once confined to therapists’ offices and homes of close friends, has become a social media phenomenon. 6
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the parents are all right
By Caroline Brown & Molly Liu
Professional sources explain the logic behind falling divorce rates, and students share their personal stories and opinions on the matter.
2 Little Hawk Feature Magazine
COVER ART BY NOVA MEURICE
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phallusies
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the good & the bad of valentine’s day
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look at me, i’m sandra dee
By Addie Bass & Caroline Brown
Both boys and girls have sexual awakenings, and both girls and boys grow up to lead sexually active lives. So why is it that boys and girls are treated so differently for going through the exact same process?
Compiled by Lucy McGehee
Valentine’s Day can be defined as the day of love… or single-awareness day. We went to Twitter to find students’ best and worst Valentine’s Day experiences.
By Sarah Smith
Some favorite ‘50s outfits and looks, inspired by City’s spring production of the musical Grease.
By Caroline Brown
Hello, dear readers, This issue is all about love, relationships, valentine’s day, and everything else that comes with the month of February. I am sad to say that this is the second to last issue of the little hawk I will write, but I think we have a lot in store for you. One of my favorite, and definitely one of the funniest things we worked on this month was the Teacher Relationship Advice video. You
guys sent in all of your wildest dilemmas and we had some of City High’s most legendary teachers and staff respond to your problems. Be sure to check out that video on thelittlehawk.com. I am quite relieved to inform you that everything else in this issue is pretty impressive too! This was the most last minute feature magazine we have published all year. Between show choir,
dance marathon, the up and coming musical, and gray snowy weather, we have had a lot going on both in and out of room 2109. After many long hours, the February issue is finally complete. We hope you enjoy :)
easy as pie
By Sadie Hobbs & Bella Pittman
4 Little Hawk Feature Magazine
cupid floats
mini heart cherry pies
Ingredients • vanilla ice cream • strawberry soda • heavy cream and sugar (to make homemade whipped cream; you could use store-bought instead) • Maraschino cherries (optional)
Ingredients • 1 box refrigerated pie crust • 11 oz. cherry pie filling (or other flavor) • 1 egg • 1 Tbsp. milk • white sparkling sugar • large heart-shaped cookie cutter • baking sheet & parchment paper
Directions • Place two scoops of vanilla ice cream in a glass • slowly add strawberry soda (it will foam up quite a bit!) • Top with whipped cream and a cherry • Serve with a long spoon and a straw from momsneedtoknow.com
Directions • Preheat oven to 350°F • Roll out pie crust and cut out pieces with cookie cutter (you should get 8-10 pies from one box of pie crust) • Line baking sheet with parchment paper • Mix together egg and milk to make an egg wash • Separate the heart-shaped crust pieces into pairs • Place a small amount of filling in the center of one side of each pair • Make a small x-shaped cut in the center of the other heart half • Seal top half on with fork • Brush with egg wash and sprinkle with sparkling sugar • Bake for 14-16 minutes, until browned • Allow to cool before eating from Frugal Coupon Living on Pinterest
february 12, 2016 5
moments from the iowa city caucuses Photos by Sofie Lie Quotes collected by Sofie Lie & Nova Meurice
6 Little Hawk Feature Magazine
brook tewabe & edward piotrowski “we just met in line.”
Tewabe: I’m a Bernie Sanders supporter and I know that it’s going to take the millennials to get him elected. I’m from Iowa, and this is my first caucus ever. Piotrowski: This is also my first caucus. I’m leaning towards Bernie because he has different policies and a different way of thinking, just a different system of politics. T: I don’t trust Hillary Clinton. [Sanders] seems a lot more genuine and authentic. And I like him a lot better because she’s too much of an establishment candidate for me, and I have a worry that she’s going to support the big money interests if or when she gets elected, and Bernie, we already know, will not because he doesn’t have a super PAC. P: And he’s also stood for the same social issues pretty much since he’s been in politics, whereas someone like Hillary Clinton has changed her views depending on popular opinion. T: Many times, she’s changed her views, and that shows disingenuousness. P: It shows that he’ll have more resolve and be willing to stick it out a little longer to get his point across. T: And he definitely sticks to his values a lot more than Hillary Clinton, which is why I had to come out, like I ran here. I literally called my friend and told him to come get me now because I had to be here. I couldn’t be a hypocrite and support Bernie but not come out and caucus.
david himtze (& earl phillips) “I’m supporting Marco Rubio, and this is the first time I’ve ever caucused, and I can’t find where I’m supposed to go—if I don’t figure that out, it’s no good at all.”
josie martinez ‘15 “it’s important to caucus. it makes a difference.”
february 12, 2016 7
hashtagging hurt
by nova meurice & sarah smith
Discussion of mental health, once confined to therapists' offices and homes of close friends, has now become a social media phenomenon. Seventh grade was the first year Julieta Rangel Gómez ‘16 harmed herself. “It sounds weird and kind of gross, but it was like I was addicted to it. It was very frequent— I couldn’t just do it once and then not do it for a long period of time,” Rangel Gwómez said. “It wasn’t wanting to hurt myself directly, but actually [to] release feelings that I couldn’t verbally or emotionally show to other people. I did it because I was mad for allowing myself to get angry or nervous about things. It was a way of punishing myself, but at the same time I was releasing feelings that I couldn’t any other way.” At the time, Rangel Gomez found it difficult sharing her struggle. “I wouldn’t use social media to talk about it, I’d just tell a couple close friends. I wasn’t very comfortable talking about it at the time, only to those friends, but I still wouldn’t be comfortable if they brought it up to me. I guess I felt ashamed of myself that I would do something like that. It was embarrassing.” After almost half a year clean, Rangel Gómez began sharing her experience, using her Instagram account as her primary platform. “I post things if I’m happy for myself, like if I’m a year clean,” Rangel Gómez said. “A lot of people post things because they’re happy with themselves and they want to show people that it is possible to get out of depression or self-harm and that it gets better.” Recovery-focused forums, threads, and hashtags on numerous websites and social media platforms have gained popularity in recent years as people like Rangel Gomez have taken to the Internet to talk about their recovery and help others do the same. However, other parts of this community have received backlash from parents and health officials. A rising phenomenon of posting evidence of self-harm, including self-inflicted wounds, signs of under-eating, and suicidal thoughts has been criticized for glamorizing or promoting self-destructive behavior. Many
mental health professionals seek to end these self-harm social media updates. “If you’re posting anything, like on Facebook with words and pictures, you’re doing it for a reason,” Christina Girlando, licensed psychologist, said. “Whether it’s attention seeking or not, if someone is in a place where they are hurting or starving themselves, they need help. You can call it attention seeking, but it’s someone who needs help and they don’t know any way to go about it.” Before moving to Iowa City, Girlando worked for several years in the Los Angeles area with youth in the foster care system. Unsurprisingly, in the past decade, Girlando has seen a rise in social media use among her adolescent patients. “Teenagers have a lot of access to social media on their phones or computers now,” Girlando said. “Ten years ago there wasn’t as big of a thing with social media as there is now. It wouldn’t surprise me that self-harm on social media would be a thing that’s popularizing because it’s very available right now.” According to a Pew Research poll, 92% of teens aged 13-17 use the Internet daily, with 24% saying they’re online almost constantly. This increase concerns Girlando, who sees professional group therapy as a superior method than chatting online with other strugglers when handling mental health issues. “The reason why group therapy is effective is because you have a moderator with you that isn’t necessarily directing, but they’re overseeing the whole session,” Girlando said. “In online chat rooms, people have the ability to communicate back and forth and don’t have that mediator there who has the education and the skills to be able to help everyone in the group know what’s
"The biggest thing is that they're helping people realize is that they're not alone, and that there are millions of people who are dealing with the same things they are." miranda livingston '16
is appropriate and what’s not appropriate to talk about.” In addition to sending messages, Girlando believes that posting pictures of selfharm on social media has potentially damaging results. “If you’re posting a picture of you slicing into your arm, I wouldn’t see how that would be helpful to other people following you who are struggling with the same thing,” she said. “I think that in general, group therapy is a really effective way to talk things through and to see that you’re not the only person that struggles with it. That piece of it is fine, but when pictures are being displayed, I think it goes back to glorification of something that’s very harmful to someone’s mind and body.” While Mirando Livingston ‘16, leader of mental health support group If You Really Knew Me, acknowledges negative effects, she generally sees the discussion of mental illness online as beneficial. Livingston believes that, in addition to bringing people out of isolation, social media can make people feel less of the shame commonly associated with mental illness. “I think the Internet has been more positive on people’s mental health, especially with all of the Internet celebrities that have been popularized recently,” Livingston said. “The biggest thing is that they’re helping people realize is that they’re not alone and that there are millions of people who are dealing with the same things they are.” Although Girlando is concerned with the heightened presence of self-harm on Internet platforms, she agrees it has lessened the stigma. “From my perspective as a professional, I want people to be open about it, and I don’t want people to see therapy as a negative thing and something they should feel bad about,” Girlando said. “I know that
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social media is a way for people to connect in a lot of different ways.” Rangel Gómez shares a similar viewpoint, adding that social media can present a helpful community for people who are uncomfortable with visiting a therapist. “I, personally, never minded seeing a therapist, but a lot of people are afraid that if they see a therapist they’ll get judged or that they just won’t make any progress,” Rangel Gómez said. “A lot of people rely on social media and the people that they meet there, and it can make it easier for them to talk about what they’re going through without being afraid of being judged.” For many teenagers who have struggled or struggle with mental illness like Rangel Gómez, the Internet can be a common place to go to find guidance. Unfortunately, Livingston finds that this can sometimes lead to empty advice from unskilled commenters. “Sometimes the Internet can make it seem like all you need is a cup of tea, a nice fuzzy blanket, and a movie playing to be perfectly fine,” Livingston said. “It can make it seem like mental health is just this small problem and all you need are these cute little things to be fine, where in reality, for most people it’s not that easy. They’re trying to help but they’re just hitting the surface and not going deep enough.” Livingston believes this approach is doing more harm than good by diminishing the severity of self-harm. “It’s almost become not a negative thing; they’re glorifying it,” Livingston said. “It’s become a lot more widespread, so while there are people trying to block it out, there are people trying to fight for it.” Indeed, there are entire Tumblr blogs and Instagram pages dedicated to self-harm, depression and disordered eating. The owners of these accounts use them to post graphic pictures of self-harm or quotes that paint mental illness in a more romantic light. One such Tumblr user, whoisalyciarose, posted a graphic photo of an arm covered in bleeding cuts. The caption reads: “Death is easy, peaceful. Life is harder.” Girlando finds that social media posts that just include im-
10 Little Hawk Feature Magazine
"THE ISSUE ISN'T THAT THEY'RE ASKING FOR ATTENTION, IT'S THAT THEY'RE DOING THIS, PERIOD." upasna barath
ages of self-harm tend not to be recovery-focused, and that they instead often glamorize the practice. “If someone is posting something as a way to find help and they’re using it as a way to reach out then that’s different than someone who is just posting a picture,” Girlando said. “There’s a lot of glorifying of self-harm when it’s just displayed on social media,” Additionally, Girlando believes that posting photos of selfharm on social media isn’t conducive to recovery. “My sense is if there is someone who is really in trouble and really hurting, I wouldn’t think they would take all this time to go put stuff on social media if it’s an emergency for them and they’re really wanting help,” she said. 18-year-old Upasna Barath, currently residing in Illinois, is familiar with the “attention seeking” argument. Barath, who struggled for several years with self-harm, has published several of her experiences with mental health and self-harm. In 2015, Barath wrote an account of her struggle with self-harm, called On “Doing it For Attention”, for rookiemag.com. She believes that using self harm as a cry for help is different than glorifying it. “In glorifying it, you’re using it to identify with something you’re not struggling with. Some people see it as trendy, and I don’t even know how it could be seen that way,” Barath said. “People post things like, ‘I want to kill myself.’ or ‘I hope I sleep and never wake up.’ It demeans the people who actually struggle with illnesses that are very prevalent in our society like depression, eating disorders, or bipolar disorder, like someone who reposts a picture of self-harm scars for reblogs because it’s ‘beautiful’. It’s really not, it’s scary. There’s a difference between asking for attention and glorifying it.” While her article in Rookie Magazine addresses the range of emotions she encountered in her struggle, Barath mainly focuses on the concept of “attention seeking” and its negative connotations. Girlando, an instilled vision of what attention seeking behavior looks like. “I wouldn’t inherently call attention seeking a bad thing,
but I think that we need to reframe what that really means. In my mind when I hear attention seeking I think, ‘Oh, they’re fine, they’re just doing it to be popular or to have x amount of followers on Instagram,’” Girlando said. “That’s maybe a piece of it, but people are really looking for acceptance in a lot of it. In many cases, people are struggling, and they don’t necessarily know the best way to get the support that they need.” Rangel Gómez believes many teens use social media because of it’s easy access to attention from others. “There’s a fine line between attention seeking and wanting to share your experiences to help other people,” Rangel Gómez said. “There’s also people who do it for attention, but I don’t post things for attention. I genuinely want people to know how I’m feeling, because I have a lot of friends who wonder how I am. I wouldn’t want to accuse anyone of doing it for attention because it’s really hard to pick out who’s doing it for attention and who’s doing it for awareness.” Barath considers this line to be unimportant, and believes anyone displaying this type of behavior deserves attention and help. “The issue isn’t that they’re asking for attention, it’s that they’re doing this, period,” Barath said. “People shouldn’t be doing this to themselves. When other people say that they’re doing it for attention, that’s awful. They shouldn’t be questioning that; they should be questioning why are they doing it in the first place. Someone can help them and let them know that they’re not alone.” Seeking attention through her condition was effective for Barath, who saw it as a way to get help for herself. “Some people see ‘attention seeking’ as very different than a cry for help, but in some ways they are the same thing,” Barath said. “I know that I really wanted attention in the way that I wanted people to care about what I was going through.” However, Barath advises teens to be cautious in posting anything relating to self-harm. She hopes that social media users are sensitive to others who might react to the same post differently. “It is important to know that you could be triggering other people,” Barath said. “Even though it could be a picture of support for
one person, for another it could be counteractive to what they actually want.” While Barath isn’t personally provoked by images of cuts, she emphasizes that they act as “triggers” for some people and that they can cause them to relapse into self harm. “Seeing one post from someone about something that they did is not in itself going to trigger an eating disorder. But everything kind of builds up from different experiences, so a person who already has really low self esteem, hates their body, is being bullied at school because of the way they look, or doesn’t have any friends might be susceptible,” Girlando said. “Somebody like that who reads a bunch of posts from someone who has an eating disorder and is doing all of the same things to lose weight, I would say is a case where social media contributed towards eating disordered behaviors.” Some health officials see this self-destructive mindset being popularized at a more camouflaged level. Over the past few years, many websites such as Tumblr and Pinterest have created a large stream of “thinspiration” content. Thinspiration, a slang word for thin inspiration, has been growing in popularity as a way to share pictures of stereotypically ideal, predominantly female, body types. Some posts go so far as to promote disordered eating as a lifestyle. Both #pro-ana, promotion of anorexic behavior, and #pro-mia, promotion of bulimic behavior, have grown their internet presence immensely. Many online communities have formed from these hashtags with users using the group for a variety of things like support, crash dieting tips, and symptom pooling. While many psychologists who see websites catering to thinspiration posts don’t consider it directly harmful, over time they see the message causing detrimental effects. “I don’t think it’s promoting people to have an eating disorder, but I will say anything that’s causing someone to compare themself to anybody else or a certain body ideal, there’s no way for that to not be hurtful,” Girlando said. “People are always looking towards something that you don’t have or something that you feel like you can’t attain. The message I hope will be more prevalent in the near future is accepting who you are and what
you look like for you.” Because of “thinspiration” or triggering selfharm content, some websites, including Instagram, have chosen to censor tags such as #thinspo and #selfharm. However, users still find ways to skirt around the censors, using tags with slight variations such as #selfharmm. Some hashtags aren’t banned outright; instead, Instagram issues a content warning, which can connect the user to websites with information and hotlines. Other social media sites, like Tumblr, state in their privacy policy that they avoid banning tags because such tags can be helpful in creating a community for people who want to share their experiences and create a community of people recovering from similar problems. Although Girlando believes that social media sites don’t do enough to protect users from posting or viewing sensitive content, she believes that providing hotlines and websites is a step in the right direction. “Those websites are showing that those things are not appropriate to be displaying, first of all, and also if you are posting things like that, you are in a certain crisis and you need certain help,” Girlando said. “Websites providing hotlines is a really good way to address that. My thought would be if someone is looking to post something like that, it’s a way of communicating no matter what, so I think it’s good that websites are offering an alternative way for people to talk through what they’re struggling with.” Even if posts are not censored, Girlando advises users not to post anything graphic to avoid tarnishing their future reputation. “Anything you post anywhere online is not private ever,” Girlando said. “Mental illness is a really big deal, and it needs
"If you're really struggling with something you should have a professional of some capacity involved."
to be taken care of. People should not be discriminated against because they’re struggling with certain things, but I also think it’s important to think about the impact that posting something like that is going to have on your life. It can impact a lot of different things, personally and professionally. That goes for anything that you’re posting on social media ever. Think, ‘Who could see this and does this represent who I am and who I want others to see me as?’” Despite social media websites’ potential as a platform to unhealthy content, Girlando believes that users do have a certain amount of power in choosing what kind of content to view and post. “Coming at it from the perspective of wanting to get to a healthy place, wanting to get to a place where they feel good about themselves, and wanting to live to take care of themselves in a good way, that’s just a very different feel from people who are posting things trying to perpetuate mental illness or perpetuating an eating disorder. I see those very differently.” Girlando believes that communicating in person is a crucial step to recover from mental illness. “It can take this dark spin to it that can be very detrimental to people who are just talking to each other and that’s their only source of connection or support. If you’re really struggling with something you should have a professional of some capacity involved. If there’s even one person close to you that you have an actual physical face to face contact with, I think that’s one of the things that’s really important. I don’t think having support from social media replaces having a therapist.”
dr. christina girlando february 12, 2016 11
The fraction of marriages ending in divorce peaked in the 1980s
The divorce rate maxed out at nearly 50 percent
75 percent of marriages from the last decade are expected to last until death
By Caroline Brown & Molly Liu
divorce & the changing face of marriage 12 Little Hawk Feature Magazine
Fact: 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce...or do they? According to recent studies, this often-cited statistic is no longer true. Although divorce rates did peak near 50 percent in the 1980s, according to the CDC Monthly Vital Statistics Report, they have been on the decline ever since. “Divorce has been steadily increasing since the time it’s been documented (1900s) until about 1980. That was the peak of divorce. It’s been steadily decreasing since about 1980,” Melissa Curran, Professor of Family Studies and Human Development at the University of Arizona, said. A factor that has markedly contributed to the difference in divorce rates is the shifting culture of marriage—and the reasons for its change date back as early as the 1800s. Due to different societal pressures and longer lifespans, there is less of an urgency for people to tie the knot. Instead of marrying to acquire property, have children, or carry on the family name, people now are more commonly deciding to get married for love. “[The 1800s were] very much an institutional era, when we cared very much about property and agriculture [in our marriages],” Curran said. “Fast-forward a couple hundred years to the 1950s to 1970s, and the reasons for marriage shift a lot. It’s much more about love and wanting and affection.” The reasons may be traced back to the introduction of mass education. With fewer families working on farms and more children attending school, women began to enter the workforce. The increased independence for women encouraged people to think of marriage in more individualistic terms, signaling a change from the traditional standards of marriage and family structure. These standards continue to change to this day. “Women entering the workforce were really important, because before that time, women didn’t have a lot of opportunities to leave their marriages,” Curran said. “Whether it was a loveless marriage or an abusive marriage, there were a lot of barriers in terms of staying in that relationship. Giving women the option to work outside for pay greatly changed family formation.” On the other hand, certain couples have decided to avoid the subject of marriage; instead of deciding to wed, they partner together and cohabit, ultimately contributing to the decline in marriage and divorce rates. These changing trends, along
with shifting standards for women, have had profound effects on marriage and divorce; some even label the trends as characteristics of a “divorce revolution”. Kay Hymowitz, Senior Fellow at the Manhattan Institute and author of Marriage and Caste in America: Separate and Unequal Families in a PostMarital Age, has studied its effects. “The divorce revolution, as it’s sometimes been called, has encouraged women to take for granted that they will be workers as well as wives,” Hymowitz said. Although the divorce revolution has allowed for greater freedoms for women, there still remain numerous negative effects. According to Hymowitz, the divorce revolution has had damaging repercussions- especially for children. “Children of divorced couples don’t tend to do as well in life as those whose parents stay married, with the exceptions of violent or highly conflicted marriages,” Hymowitz said. “I would argue that the divorce revolution also lessened our understanding of its deep connection to childrearing. The fallout of divorce does not just hit the [couple]; it hurts the children, neighborhoods, and society at large.” The divorce trends may also be a result of generation differences; according to William Doherty, Professor of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota, lower divorce rates are more commonly seen among millennials and generations younger than the Baby Boomers. “Millennials in particular are starting out with relatively lower divorce rates,” Doherty said. “This generation may be less enamored of divorce because they experienced it as children.” On the other hand, couples between the ages of 49-55 are experiencing an increase in divorce. The rates at which these “older adults” are filing for divorce is at an all-time high. However, due to a lack of adequate data, the reasons for these conclusions are still relatively ambiguous. “There is such little data on those later in life divorces, they don’t really have great reasons for it,” Curran said. “Most of the data about that [age] group is very quantitative. We know a lot about the numbers of those people who’ve been divorcing, the number of times they’ve been married, and their ethnicity, education, or gender. But we don’t have many reasons as to why [they get divorced].” Though divorce in general is
“MY PARENTS NEVER WANTED TO GET DIVORCED, IT WAS JUST TOO MUCH ARGUING AND FIGHTING AT THE TIME TO STAY TOGETHER.” MAE MCDONOUGH ‘17
less common than in the past, people are still very much affected by the splitting of families. Sami Therme ‘17 experienced this firsthand when her parents got divorced. “I can remember feeling jealous when I would see people’s parents together. Since my parents split up when I was so young, I always wondered what it would be like for them to still be together. But it didn’t really affect me that much,” Therme said. “I used to think about how I had double of everything, wondering what it was like to have one hair brush at one house, or one toothbrush. If I had only one of something then I would have to take it back and forth.” As she grew up, Therme began to notice divorce in other people’s lives too. “Before my parents got divorced I never knew that divorce happened, but once my parents did I felt like I started seeing it all around me,” Therme said. “I didn’t know that people split up. I thought that once you married, [you were married for the] rest of your life! With friends, I kind of feel like I’m in the norm, or at least I have in the past. I have a good friend whose parents were some of the only parents that I knew who stayed together. I had a few others, but it also seemed like I had a ton of friends whose parents were divorced too.” Although divorce is sometimes the best option for a family, the event can still create stress for everyone involved. According to Time magazine, children in shared-custody scenarios may be exposed to more stress due to frequent moving and the social changes that result from it. Therme’s situation is a perfect example. “Sometimes [having to switch between my parents’ houses] gets really stressful. I just want to live somewhere. All the stuff I have to take back and forth puts a lot of stress on me, especially now that school is really hard,” Therme said. “It also puts strain on my siblings because they are still really young and they miss me a lot.” Despite her hardships, Therme remains positive about certain aspects of her parents’ split. “To this day it’s still kind of hard, but I definitely look
february 12, 2016 13
at it as a change for the better,” Therme said. “There was a lot going on, but I am so happy it worked out for the better for both [my parents].” Mae McDonough ‘17 shares a more positive outlook on living in one-parent households as well. “You can get to know your parents better as individuals,” McDonough said. “I have siblings, so I think I am also closer to them because of [my parents’ split].” Therme, However, has experienced something different. She was an only child when her parents got divorced, and since then each parent has started life with new family. The result for her has been entirely different. “One of the hardest things to deal with is that my two siblings stay at my mom’s house all the time, and my step sister stays at my dad’s house all the time. It makes me feel like an outsider,” she said. “I am so jealous that they get to stay at one house. It’s hard for me because I feel like they are even closer to my parents than I am now because they are with them all the time.” According to Curran, two of the most common reasons couples divorce are because they are too different (not having things in common) and financial stress. Therme believes that her parents split up because of differences in personality, and perhaps marrying prematurely. She believes that many couples make the same mistakes. “I think most commonly it’s just that people are different. With my parents there was never a big fight or anything, my parents were, and still are to this day, very very different. My mom wants to get out there and do things, she wants to travel, and my dad wants to stay at home, he’s more reserved. He’s really really organized and on top of things and my mom is kind of the opposite,” Therme said. “They were just different. It wasn’t anything bad. I’m thankful for that at least, and they are still close.” In our society, there is a stigma attached to getting married young. Doherty suggests that marrying younger correlates with higher rates of divorce. “The research is clear that marrying before age 20 leads to much higher divorce rates,” Doherty said. However, according to Curran, the problem may be less about age, and more about couples rushing to settle down together without thinking about why, or planning ahead.
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“I THINK IF MY PARENTS HAD TAKEN THAT TIME AND DATED FOR LONGER, THEY WOULD HAVE FOUND THAT THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE GOTTEN MARRIED. IF YOU CAN’T STAY WITH SOMEONE FOR TWO, THREE YEARS, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH THEM?” SAMI THERME ‘17
“Research suggests that the average age of marriage is 26.5 years old. These numbers are higher now than what they were even a couple decades ago, but there is no ‘perfect’ age to get married,” she said. “Getting married in your early twenties is not necessarily a bad thing; it’s just really important that you talk to your partner and your family if they’re going to be involved in your decision, in terms of ‘why marry now?’. If both people agree on those reasons, [marrying young] can actually be advantageous.” Therme believes that this may have also been a reason that her parents’ first marriage was not successful. Even though they were married and divorced at a young age, she is not convinced that age was the only problem. “I think it’s less of an issue with age and more of an issue with people not taking the time to get to know each other. If people are young and barely out of college, they aren’t really sure what they want yet. They often don’t take the time to get to know their partner as well as they should before they take that next step,” Therme said. “I think if my parents had taken that time and dated for longer, they would have found that they shouldn’t have gotten married. If you can’t stay with someone for two, three years, what makes you think that you can spend your life with them? I think it’s really important that you do stay with someone for a long time.” McDonough agrees. “Lots of people who are married young have very happy marriages, and there are also lots of people who don’t get married young that have very unhappy marriages,” she said. “So not marrying until you know for sure, I mean, you can never really know for sure, but until you are as sure as you can be that it’s the right thing to do.” For McDonough’s parents, age and duration of the relationship were not major factors. McDonough was in sixth grade when her parents separated, (compared to Therme who’s parents split up when she was four), and after finally adjusting to her new life over a two year span, they actually ended up getting back together. “It was almost worse in a way. I had finally gotten used to them being separate and it had started to feel normal. But then they got back together, and it was kind of awkward because they had
been separated for a long time,” McDonough said. “I don’t think they quite knew how to navigate their lives when they were back together again, so it was just kind of weird to watch that.” Through time, therapy, and communication, McDonough’s parents decided that divorce was not the best option for their family. They decided that making their marriage work was the right thing to do. “I think even when people’s parents get divorced and it’s the right decision, it’s still sad and it’s still complicated. In a perfect world, I don’t think anyone’s parents want to get divorced. My parents never wanted to get divorced, it was just too much arguing and fighting at the time to stay together,” McDonough said. “I think they partly did it [got back together] because of me and my siblings, they wanted us to be all together as a family. So, they learned to deal with each other.” According to Curran, kids who grow up in a household with parents who have a stable relationship leads to an increased likelihood of them having successful relationships in the future. Having a model stability, understanding about stability, and having the expectations of how to treat other people shape this mindset. However, McDonough believes that you may actually be able to learn more from parents who are unstable. “I think having divorced parents or parents who argue could make your future relationships stronger, because you know what not to do,” she said. “For me, I’m a little apprehensive because I think, if my parents can’t do it how am I going to be able to? I think you have more knowledge and wisdom about relationships if you grow up with parents who have had problems.” McDonough concludes that there is no way to predict the future, but couples can work together to increase their chances of a happily ever after. “People change, and the person you married isn’t necessarily the person you’re with down the road, so you have to fit this old person’s new personality into your new life. Talking to your spouse when something happens, not letting things fester, being open and honest from the beginning, I think those things can really help a relationship.”
p h a l l u s i e s
Fallacy: A mistaken belief, especially one based on unsound argument. Both boys and girls have sexual awakenings and both girls and boys grow up to lead sexually active lives. So why is it that boys and girls are treated so differently for going through the exact same process? By Addie Brown & Caroline Brown
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T
hroughout history, women have been denied personal liberties in love. Some cultures don’t allow women to choose their husbands, some allow husbands to have multiple wives, and some even measure a woman’s value based solely on her virginity. Though these practices are not as prevalent in America today, many people across the country, and even here at City High, feel the effects daily. “Virginity is seen as this very pure idea of ‘your life is completely different after you have sex,’ and that if you have sex, you’re giving something away, which is just absolutely not the case,” Emma Arp ‘17 said. “If you look at [virginity] in most societies, it’s used pretty negatively. We oftentimes think it’s okay for a guy to not be a virgin but not for a girl to be [not a virgin]. Personally, I don’t think that virginity is really real because if you’re judging it by whether or not a hymen is popped, I mean, it can be popped otherwise. Virginity is not real, it’s just a concept created as another thing that men can have power over a woman with.” Not only in the sense of sex, but even in the sense of romance, men have historically been held to a standard of power and heroism. Consider the last James Bond movie and notice how the leading ladies are frequently in need of rescuing and James Bond’s sultry caress. Men have been taught that it is their responsibility to make the first move and that it’s up to them to save the damsel in distress. “[Double standards] just came from tradition where the guy is ‘in power’ and the girl needs to be ‘the prize.’ There is just this idea that the girl should be more reserved for someone and the guy can do whatever,” Jim McMillan ‘17 said. “I feel like there is a different expectation for the way girls are ‘supposed’ to act as opposed to guys. There are different stereotypes that they have to deal with.” Arp challenges these stereotypes by asking two questions: How is it any different for a girl to engage in multiple physical relationships than a guy to? And why is she treated entirely different by doing so? “I think sometimes people think about a guy [having sex] and
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their reaction is, ‘Oh, he’s a player,’” Arp said. “If a girl has lots of sex or lots of boyfriends, it’s, ‘Oh she’s just such a whore,’ or, ‘She sleeps around,’ but if a guy does the same thing it’s obviously just not as scrutinized.” McMillan agrees that our culture holds men and women to a different standard for sex and relationships. “People just don’t look at [girls having sex] the same way as they would when a guy does it. A guy having a lot of sex is more deemed as ‘he’s gettin’ it,’ or it makes him seem powerful,” McMillan said. “It’s not the same, even though they are doing the exact same thing, just that it’s a girl, not a guy. I think that it’s very unfair to girls because they aren’t doing anything differently than a guy would.” Both Arp and McMillan believe that society brushes off a guy’s hormones as normal in books, TV, and magazines. However, a woman’s sexuality is rarely discussed, and because of this, sex seems like a much bigger deal when it actually occurs. “Everyone knows that when a guy is aroused, his penis gets erect. But I never knew that when a girl gets aroused, she gets wet,” Arp said. “In health class, a lot was more based on learning about the male body and male sexuality, more than female.” Women’s rights and equality are especially prevalent topics as we head towards the presidential election this fall. Presidential candidate
husband. However, she has also been extremely successful as a politician, especially as one of only eighteen female candidates to have ever run for the presidency of the United States. “I think this goes back to probably when America was founded by men,” Nysio Poulakos ‘17 said. “Men have always had power in society, which I would say is evening out, or starting to. Men are the top of the social pyramid; they control it.” H i s t o r i c a l l y, men have had more power than women in Western culture, whether it be over something as large as a country or something as small as a sports team, but this does not grant them immunity from scrutiny over their sexual exploits. With so much focus on the more widespread objectification of females, it’s easy to forget about the pressures placed on men and boys with regard to sex. In some cases, men are referred to as “players” in derogatory context. Arp, however, argues that these instances occur far less often than they do for women. “Obviously yes, there are cases of guys being pressured into sex, but I think oftentimes it’s pressure from the guy,” Arp said. “I think sometimes boys are taught that the end goal is so worth it, like sex is so worth it that they’re only focused on that one thing, and that to have a girl say no, or to have a girl not be as into it as they are, isn’t as thought of.”
“VIRGINITY IS NOT REAL, IT’S JUST A CONCEPT CREATED AS ANOTHER THING THAT MEN CAN HAVE POWER OVER A WOMAN WITH.” EMMA ARP ‘17
Hillary Clinton has at times faced criticism or has been treated differently based on her gender, with interviewers asking her about her hair stylist instead of her foreign policy, and, on a few occasions, blaming her for the adultery of her
While men tend to have looser guidelines for sexual relationships, McMillan feels that the thought of a man looking for a relationship that isn’t purely physical is often overlooked. “I do think that guys should take [sex] more seriously. I definitely think it’s something that should be valued by both girls and boys,” McMillan said. “There is a stereotype that guys disregard a girl’s feelings in [sexual] situations, but I actually think there are more guys out there who care more [about a relationship] than one might think. However, society does tend to display women as objects, which I think is a terrible thing.” Poulakos and McMillan agree that sex should be taken more seriously in all circumstances. “It seems like sex is a bigger deal for girls and it’s more casual for guys. Just based on an emotional perspective, but that’s not the way I think it should be,” Poulakos said. “People should be able to do whatever they want as long as both people are comfortable with doing it.” Arp doesn’t see a problem with how people tend to handle their own relationships; rather, she takes issue with the ways individuals might judge other people for their romantic and sexual activities. “I think girls shame girls for having a lot of sex, and I think boys shame girls for having a lot of sex. Boys are expected to be horny and teenagers and ‘they’re just being boys,’ but for girls, if you’re
pressured into sex, especially if it’s ‘getting your virginity taken,’ then it’s considered a much bigger deal,” Arp said. “It just isn’t the same for guys. People could be like ‘Oh, he’s such a player,’ but I’ve never really heard someone be like, ‘Oh my god he sleeps around. Slut!’ I’ve never heard that. And there’s not a derogatory name
“I DO THINK THAT GUYS SHOULD TAKE [SEX] MORE SERIOUSLY. I DEFINITELY THINK IT’S SOMETHING THAT SHOULD BE VALUED BY BOTH GIRLS AND BOYS” JIM MCMILLAN ‘17
for a man who has a lot of sex.” Times are changing. Especially in music and television. Seventy years ago, popular songs like “Baby It’s Cold Outside”, a song full of male domination with female verses like “Say, what’s in this drink?” dominated the airwaves. Now, major female music artists, like Beyoncé or Lily Allen, preach feminism, or equality of the sexes, through major media outlets. Even Disney is beginning to defy the trend of men in control. In 2013, Disney’s “Frozen” was released, with a plot that resolved through a story of familial love between two sisters, disregarding the traditional boysaves- girl trope. Women still have a long way to go to achieve equal representation in the media, though, Arp argues. “Girls are completely sexualized in the media. Girls are taught that their sole purpose is to be sexual objects. Breasts are treated as sexual objects, not a necessity for human life. Breasts should be allowed to be shown on TV, they should be normalized, and accepted,” Arp said. “Girls shouldn’t be taught that the only characters in in movies and books who are women are there for a romantic plot, or to seduce a bad guy. Girls need to be taught that they’re important, smart, and needed.”
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relationship advice from teachers You asked. They answered. By Caroline Brown & Sarah Smith
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My girlfriend wants me to meet her parents but I don’t want to. What should I do?
I really don’t think I’ll ever FInd the right person. How can I avoid being single for life?
Beth Fettweis: I would ask yourself why you don’t want to. Are you creepy? Are you only in it for perverted things and you’re ashamed of yourself? In that case, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Matthew Miller: You might get a glimpse into your future, and that’s an opportunity to run if you need to.
Kevin Koepnick: Try a rescue cat. A cat will love you—well, it won’t really love you. It just wants to possess you, but it will make you think that it loves you. Chip Hardesty: It wants you to die, and then it wants to eat you when you are abandoned and alone in your apartment. Kevin Koepnick: It’s a cat thing.
I’m a freshman who likes a senior. Would it be ok for me to ask him out? Cathy Wilson: Freshman girl, senior boy—that’s an even matchup, maturity wise. Senior boys, you can write me hate-mail.
My girlfriend is super clingy and always gives me gifts and it’s freaking me out. What do I do? Chip Hardesty: Count yourself luck! I’d hold on to clingy. Matthew Miller: Just get her a really bad gift
watch the video: thelittlehawk.com/advice
the
GOOD and the
I was with my boyfriend at his house on Valentine’s Day. I wasn’t expecting any gifts, but I got him some socks and a gift card. We were watching a movie and all of a sudden he pulled out a giant Teddy bear with a box of chocolates.
My perfect Valentine’s Day was last year; I slept in, made Valentine’s cards for all the people I love and delivered them and then spent the day visiting an art gallery. Finished off with dinner at a fancy restaurant and chocolate cake for dessert. It was the perfect Valentine’s Day with no romance.
Last year was definitely the best Valentine’s day I’ve ever had. My boyfriend and I went to listen to live jazz and were planning on going to dinner at our favorite restaurant afterwards. About half way through the show, we realized it was running late and that we wouldn’t be able to make it to dinner before they closed. Luckily, the restaurant is local, and the owners happened to be sitting right next to us! We started talking to them and they put in our orders with the chef, and they stayed open just for us. When we got there we had the whole place to ourselves. It was super sweet and romantic.
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bad
of valentine’s day Submitted via Twitter and compiled by Lucy McGehee & Sadie Hobbs
One of the most awkward Valentine’s Days I’ve ever had was freshman year (no surprise there). I had been dating this guy for literally 2 days so I don’t think he was really sure what to do for a present. I remember I saw him in Interact club, and he just handed me this little box of chocolate but didn’t say anything. It was really awkward. My ex-boyfriend texted me about 2 days before Valentine’s Day last year saying he wants me back and he misses me. We hung out at his house and watched Netflix. He took me home a few hours later and texted me later that night that he didn’t like me anymore. It was clearly an awesome day. In elementary school, we had little mailboxes for our Valentine’s Day cards that we gave to everyone during the little Valentine’s Day party. I made a special one for the guy I had a crush on that I spent extra time on; making it with the best handwriting and drawing fancy hearts on it. I saw it laying in the parking lot the next day. I got food poisoning right before a date. I went out for sushi for lunch on Valentine’s Day with my mom. I had a date with a guy I just started talking to. Once we got to the restaurant and ordered our meal, I felt queasy. I ran to the bathroom and threw up. No kiss for me! He drove me home that night right away, but the next day he brought me soup!
OOK AT ME, I’M SANDRA DEE In the heat of City High’s spring musical production, we’re featuring our favorite styles from Grease! Complete with layered collars, circle skirts, and saddle shoes, here is our modern take on ‘50s style. Photographed by Sarah Smith and modeled by Lucy Wagner.
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patterned circle skirt paired with colored cashmere sweater and neck tie
round collared dress with cardigan hung over shoulders
half up-half down hairstyle with sweater and leather circle skirt
saddle shoes were popular with both guys and girls
collared shirt layered on elbow-patched cardigan
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