On Preaching and Ministry presented by The Jenkins Institute
We live this life and have accepted this role knowing that with it comes the baggage of pain. There will be situations where we are hurt. Sometimes those come from people who are often struggling with their own challenges and use us. Other times the pain brought into our life is a result of our own actions and even other times sometimes we are hurt by life itself. James was very clear on this that the “trying” of our faith develops patience. Many translations render ὑπομονή, endurance. Fellow ministers. That is what we are shooting for, endurance. We want to finish the race well. We also want to endure in our ministry, influencing as many people as we can. This month’s issue of ON Preaching & Ministry is written by men who have faced adversity and now have skills to help others. We hope this issue blesses your soul as some dear brothers have let us listen in on how they have navigated some of the very things you face or have faced. Our prayer is that this issue will bless your life as much as it has blessed ours. Further, we pray that these articles will cause all of us who proclaim the Word of God to understand why we need you, even in your pain, to stay in this mission. May God continue to bless you as you preach His Good Word. If this is your first encounter with TJI or ON and you’d like a free subscription send your email address to TJI@TheJenkinsInstitute.com - from The Editors, Jeff & Dale TheJenkinsInstitute@gmail.com


DEALING WITH A CHILD WITH LEARNING DISABILITIES by Keith Parker, kparkers5@bellsouth.net
One of the sadder days of my life was June 26, 1982. It was the day our first child came into the world. We were expecting a healthy baby, but our son Pete was born with brain-damage. He is 36 years old and he's never taken a step by himself in his life. He says a few words, but not many that others understand. He has been and will always be dependent upon someone. Call it what you want—braindamaged, handicapped, retarded, disabled—our son has learning disabilities. How do you deal with a child with learning disabilities? Let me offer a few suggestions. First, pray. Start with prayer. Talk to God about it. Jesus said, “Ask and it shall be given you” (Matthew 7:7). James said, “The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). Paul put it like this: “Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything” (Philippians 4:6). I don't know of anything that we cannot pray about. I have prayed about cars, churches, classes, conversions, conversations, countries, couples,
communities, complaints--surely I can pray about children. Children who are healthy or unhealthy, able or disabled, normal or abnormal. Pray for strength. Pray for wisdom. Want another C? Look at I Peter 5:7: “Casting all your CARES upon him, because he cares for you.” Second, prepare. Plan ahead. Think about the child's future. Will your child with learning disabilities be able to learn and obey the gospel? Prepare spiritually. Will your disabled child be able to go to college or learn a trade? Prepare financially. Will he be able to get a job, get married and have children? Prepare physically. Will he be able to live on his own or will he always be dependent on someone? Prepare emotionally. As God said to the children of Israel, we say to our children, “I have good plans for you. I don't plan to hurt you. I plan to give you hope and a good future” (Jeremiah 29:11). Third, praise. Praise the positives. Children, especially children who are limited, need to be bragged on. They need to grow up in a home where compliments abound. Your special child may not be the brightest student or the strongest athlete or the most talented or gifted in his class, but he or she is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). It's been estimated that it takes about seven compliments to offset one negative criticism. If four or five people walk out of a Bible class that you taught and give you a high praise, and then somebody walks out and says something like “waste of time,” more than likely you're going to leave thinking about what a big disappointment you were. We need more positives than negatives. It's biblical. Read Philippians 4:9: “Brothers and sisters, continue to think about what is good and worthy of praise. Think about what is true and honorable and right and pure and beautiful and respected.” Think of a few areas in which your disabled child excels. It may be his relationships with his friends, or his help with housework, or his love of animals, or his love for the Lord and his church. Highlight his strengths. Let him know how proud you are of him. Bless him or her with spoken words. Fourth, practice. Parents, practice what you preach. Walk the talk and talk the walk. It was said about Jesus, “he both did and taught” (Acts 1:1). The
sermon that you hear at church on Sunday should be practiced before your children throughout the week. Our children need to grow up in a home where dad loves mom and mom loves dad. In a home where the Bible is read and prayers are prayed. Where the golden rule (Matthew 7:12) is practiced and the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-24) is applied. In a home where Jesus is always first (Matthew 6:33), and every person is treasured, even those who are weak or different. Fifth, perceive. Be aware. Know a few facts. Understand that you are not alone. God promises to always be with you (Hebrews 13:5-6). Understand that God can use you to bring comfort to others who are in similar circumstances (II Corinthians 1:4). Know that all things, even bad things, work together for good to them that love the Lord (Romans 8:28). Know that to a certain degree, every child has some learning disabilities. I tell people that I have three handicapped kids, but two of them don't know it. Truth is: all of us are handicapped in some way. Dealing with children with learning disabilities is much like dealing with all children. There are going to be ups and downs, positives and negatives, good and bad, blessings and burdens. But don't ever forget,“children are a gift from the Lord, a reward from a mother's womb� (Psalm 127:3).
Dealing with Difficult Leaders and Difficult People
Jerrie Barber, jerrie@barberclippings.com https://www.newshepherdsorientation.com
I begin by saying I’ve had few people who aggravated me constantly. I’ll be discussing some people who brought pain for a time and how I dealt with each. As a young preacher, a man came by the church building each Saturday to talk. At that time, I worked seven days a week. It didn’t occur to me to be not to be there Saturday morning. He wouldn’t come up to my office on the second floor. He sat on the third step. His visit consisted of telling me about good preachers who I was not as good as. His speech was consistent: “Tom Holland and Alan Highers’ enunciation and pronunciation are clear. They arrange their thoughts in a logical manner.” What I heard him say was, “You don’t talk plain and you’re not well organized.” I did nothing but endure. Two ladies came at 1:00 on Friday afternoon to clean the building. They commented on the previous Sunday’s sermon loudly. One was in the front of the building, the other in the back. Following a Sunday sermon on giving, they repeated, “These young people think you can just give, and give, and give. You can’t just give, and give, and
give. Some day they’ll learn you can’t just give, and give, and give.” After a few weeks, I concluded no one told me I had to be in the building at 1:00 Friday afternoon. I started visiting the hospital Friday afternoon. That’s progress. The most painful experience in my preaching history occurred December 19, 1976. I’d taught my Bible class in the basement and walked upstairs for the morning service. One of the elders said, “Brother Jerrie, will you step into the office?” I cooperated. His next statement: “Brother Jerrie, I think it would be good if you would think about resigning this morning.” That had never entered my mind. The first song we sang was, “Anywhere Is Home.” I preached my sermon, went home, ate lunch, told Gail I’d been fired, went to a deacon’s house, cried a good part of the afternoon, preached that night, and started making calls to find a place to preach. I did learn a great lesson and it provided material for a blog post: “The Best Day to Fire Your Preacher: how not to distract a preacher immediately before worship begins”: https:// www.newshepherdsorientation.com/the-best-day-to-fire-a-preacher/ At another congregation, a man was appointed as an elder who thought I had too much power. He didn’t talk it out. He and the other elders acted it out. Soon after he was appointed, I was excluded from many elders’ meetings. My suggestions were rarely considered. The rules had changed. I wrote two epistles to the elders asking for an explanation. They said nothing had changed. After about a year and a half, thinking and praying for wisdom, and seeking wise counsel, I told the elders I was ready to leave. We set up a workshop with a counselor, talked about why I was leaving, when and how to announce it, and carried out the plan. There was no conflict in the congregation. I’ve been blessed. The congregation did well after I left. As I was preparing to begin one of my interims, a brother sent out an email with false information. He was irritated at the elders of the church where I was going. I called him. I said, “I received an email with your name on it. Did you write it?” He replied he did. I told him it was false information and asked his source. He said two deacons told him that was what the two elders said in an elder-deacon meeting.
I asked him, “Do you trust the elders?” He said he didn’t. I said, “Let me get this straight. You received hear-say information from two deacons who quoted two elders you don’t trust to tell the truth. And you sent that information in an email as fact. I don’t understand.” After about an hour, this brother who is impeccable in his soundness and faithfulness, apologized for sending false information. But he refused to send an email to correct the false information. About a year later, he send another email with false information. I called him and requested he select a brother he trusted and I would select a brother I trusted to let them help us resolve our differences. He refused. I encouraged him several times to select a person, place, and time for us to discuss this (Matthew 18:15, 16). He refused. My reply: “I’ll wait two weeks. I hope you change you mind. You’ve done much good and have many good qualities. I’d like to resolve this problem. If you refuse, I’ll not spread your name in the brotherhood. But, when I know someone will be interacting with you, I’ll warn them you’ve been deceitful with me and refused to correct it.” He hasn’t corrected. But he hasn’t written any more false accusations I’m aware of.
Principles to Deal with Difficult People
1. Why do people do what they do? People do what they do because they think it’s the best thing for them to do at the time. “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts (Proverbs 21:2, NKJV). “Why Would Anybody Do That?: they thought it was the right thing to do”: https://www.newshepherdsorientation.com/why-wouldanybody-do-that/ When I understand that, it changes my attitude toward the people involved. Most people aren’t trying to make your day and their day miserable. They think they’re being helpful. 2. Practice accepting, inviting, and enjoying criticism. I had many more difficult people in my life when I deflected and avoided criticism. When I started cultivating and encouraging criticism, I’ve had less difficult
people. “Criticism Rule: a leader is more like a lightning rod than a cute wall decoration”: https://www.jerriebarber.com/criticism-rule/ You may listen to my criticism workshop: “How to Accept, Invite, and Enjoy Criticism”: http://collegeside.podcastpeople.com/posts/38607 3. Be thankful for good qualities and actions of difficult people. While he was in prison, Paul had fellow preachers who were insincere and wanting to hurt him. What was Paul to do? He said, “Only that in every way, whether in pretense or in truth, Christ is preached; and in this I rejoice, yes, and will rejoice” (Philippians 1:12-18). Paul was able to look beyond bad attitudes, insincerity, and desire to harm to their good points and rejoice in those. 4. Reflect on what I did or didn’t do to enable the person to inflict pain. My observation: when people have hurt me, I gave them permission and have often helped them. “3 Ways I Helped Get Myself Fired: why would anyone want to release a good preacher like me?”: https:// www.newshepherdsorientation.com/3-ways-i-helped-get-myself-fired/ 5. Pray, aim, and work toward not being a difficult person. Am I on someone’s list of “Difficult People?” If so, what can I do to be removed from that list? 6. Don’t be a victim. If people are hurting you and there’s nothing you can do to prevent or rectify it, you’re at the mercy of the next person or group who wants to hurt you. Ask for help. Think. Reflect. How did I contribute to that? What can I do to prevent it the next time? I’ve had several people comment, “People are always running over me.” My question, “When did you lie down?” It’s hard to run over someone 5’ 9” tall unless he or she cooperates.
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Dealing With Bitterness
by Jeff & Dale Jenkins, jeffajenkins@gmail.com, dale@edge.net
I am and have always been a joyful person - I even deal with difficulty with humor. For years I thought I never held a grudge or was had even a hint of bitterness. But life and ministry has taught me that every one of us gets hurt. And it is in our hurt where satan can do his worst work on us. And, I believe, that he musters this from his arsenal of tricks to bomb God’s Men with. If he can make us bitter, angry, vindictive, jealous, envious, and/or little he destroys our impact, influence, and effectiveness.
In the last ten years I have had two vicious such attacks that I never saw coming. The first one so whammied me that before I knew it I had become someone I never wanted to be. It all came down hard on me when I got an email one Sunday afternoon from an anonymous person that said, “You should stop preaching. I don’t know what happened, but you are angry and sound like you are mad at us.” That was a sad and shocking day. I did not realize at all what I was becoming. Hebrews 12:15 warns against a “root of bitterness” that might spring up (ESV). I’ve learned that bitterness is a weed that takes root in our hearts and when it does it strangles out our joy, then our spirit, and eventually, if not dealt with, our soul. And, like most weeds, if not pulled out quickly and completely, they grow back, and quickly. So, how do I deal with this weed called bitterness? Here are nine steps that helped me. 1. Deal with its advisory: Bitterness has an enemy; joy. Seek it out. Find it. It is worth it. I’m not talking about a pollyanna positivity that says everything is good when nothing is, but a true joy that transcends the difficult issues of life. Combat pain with good. Live in Psalm 51 for a while. 2. Admit the struggle: As long as you are denying the difficulty you will find it hard to move forward through it. Own the fact that you can be something you did not intend to be. James 5:16 is much deeper than walking down an aisle in a church building. Try to search your own heart and see yourself. God is happy when we realize our frailties and strive to overcome them. 3. Realize what bitterness is doing: It is eating away at your ministry. it is destroying your influence. It is denying that Jesus is “Lord enough” to handle the messes of your life. Your bitterness does not beautify the Gospel of Christ (Titus 2:7-10). 4. Don’t make decisions quickly: “The plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, But everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5 ). “The simple believes every word, but the prudent man considers well his steps” (Proverbs 14:15).
5. Ask for help, advice, counsel from a trusted friend or friends. “Where there is no guidance the people fall, But in abundance of counselors there is victory (Proverbs 11:14). Talk about how you will handle disappointment when it comes your way. 6. Let it go as quickly as possible: I know all the justifications and that all your friends agree you were done wrong and have a right to be angry or do something about how you were treated, talked about, wronged. BUT, as a wise brother told me, “you aren’t going to change anything, move on.” I believe your longevity in ministry is directly parallel to the speed with which your recover from a hurt. Ephesians 4:31 says: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” Understand you cannot do anything about some things. 7. Practice the faith you preach: God will help you. We preach that. Now personalize it into your own pain. 8. MOVE forward: Learn the best lessons you can for greater spiritual health from this hurt and then start asking -what is next? What is next for my life? What will God use this pain for for His glory and the good of His Cause. Stop wallowing. Move forward.
9. Follow the example of Jesus. “For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in His steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in His mouth; and while being reviled, He did not revile in return; while suffering, He uttered no threats, but kept entrusting Himself to Him who judges righteously.” (1 Peter 2:21-23).
Dealing with
Depression
Tracy Moore, tracylmoore@msn.com In my fifth year of ministry, and six months into a new work, I am driving with my young family to Maywood Christian Camp. It was a reunion with a singing group I sang with in college. I had looked forward to since I got the call. It was my hometown, the camp I proposed to my wife, while singing with this group. It was a going to be an exciting trip… so I thought. Two hours into this five-hour journey the kids get restless. One is crying and the other complaining. Suddenly I snapped. I pull off the interstate and walked around. My nerves wouldn’t settle down. I could feel the tension all throughout my body. I got back in the van and told Missy we were turning around! She didn’t understand and neither did I. I just wanted to get home. When we arrived home, I headed to my boys’ room and laid in one of their beds. I still don’t know why I didn’t go to my own room. For three days I didn’t sleep and starred at the ceiling. The following day I got up and sat in a
chair outside. My mind was numb. I decided to go to the doctor. My physician said I had a breakdown. He suggested I leave immediately for at least a week of vacation. After explaining things with the elders, the family and I pack up and headed to a quiet place in just a few days. After a week I was feeling better. During this time, the church was having their Vacation Bible School. I had faked it through the first couple of days before leaving in the middle of it to get out of town. As soon as I got back, one of the elders blasted me for taking off during VBS. This was supposed to be a prime time to meet the community. Trust me, it wasn’t. I wanted to be there, but mentally and emotionally I couldn’t. This elder knew what happened before I left. He heard the report from my doctor. But VBS was more important. In fact, this elder was one of the reasons I had gotten to this point. It was a very difficult beginning for a new work. Where was this “honeymoon stage” everyone talks about? It didn’t happen… not here. There were unrealistic demands and expectations put on me that added to the stress. Some of you reading this have been through this you are there now. In the healing process, I was diagnosed with a chemical imbalance. This was not the first time I dealt with depression. In high school I became so depressed my mom sent me to spend time with the preacher. Just what every preacher wants. That preacher was Dale Jenkins. He helped me in a time I could not see straight. At one point I sat in my parent’s bathroom with my dad’s pistol in my hand. I thought about it for a long time. There were other times, as a child, I felt down. I struggled my whole life. Yet, there was nothing about my life that should have created this kind of anxiety. I came from loving family. We never struggled financially. My church family and youth group was pretty fantastic. My hometown was a great place to live. In that day and time, we never heard about chemical imbalances, bipolar, schizophrenia, etc. Honestly, I thought the things I felt and experience were normal. My breakdown was over 20 years ago. I have been in ministry for 26 years. Personal depression is not something I have dealt with on and off for years. I have experienced panic attacks; I understand the darkness; I know the feeling of being overwhelmed; I
sympathize with those who feel like quitting – not just ministry, but life. But I’m still here. Through the years you learn things that help you cope. I do not claim to have all the answers, but these are ways I have found peace. 1. Live in the Psalms. If you struggle with depression, get to know everything you can about this collection of hymns. I began 20 years ago and I have never stopped. I am still amazed by the things I learn. It is my therapist. I have learned it is ok to be depressed, that it isn’t because I don’t love God enough. I have learned about psalms of orientation, disorientation and new orientation (read Walter Brueggerman). You can call out to Yahweh with your deepest emotions, even if they seem irreverent, knowing it will eventually lead to worship. 2. Never quit on Monday. This is a phrase many of us preachers have heard. You know, if you have a rough Sunday, never quit on Monday because, by the end of the week, you will probably feel much better about the situation. My point is this, never make an important decision when you are depressed. And if you think about suicide when you are at your lowest. Things will get better, even if it doesn’t seem like it. Do whatever it takes to stay alive. Get a tattoo (http://www.semicolontattoo.com/); read the Psalms call a close friend; go to the hospital. Never quit! 3. Get help. If you struggle with depression often. You may need to be on medication. Go to your doctor. Find a Christian counselor or a local preacher in the area to talk. 4. Move. If your current ministry is creating intense anxiety move. It isn’t worth your health or your families. I have been at a couple of very difficult works. The best thing I ever did was move. I promise there are loving churches out there. 5. Pray without ceasing. Never stop talking to God. I prayed for inner peace and transformation. Almost three years after my breakdown, I prayed for the
congregation God was preparing for me, even thought I had no idea where it would be. I ended up a church that helped me heal. I believe in prayer. 6. Know you are loved. Ministry is difficult, but when you know you are loved it is all worth it, even times of depression and anxiety. It is worth those weeks you have two funerals, two sermons, two classes and too many people to counsel. You are in this because you know God loves you. He loved us enough to send His Son to die, and Jesus loved us enough to empty Himself and be crucified. He also invites us to cast our burdens on Him. The Holy Spirit loves you so much that He joins us in our times of weakness and carries our groaning before the throne of the Father.
 
Those of us who have been in ministry a long time, know people who would go to the moon and back for us. If you are as fortunate as I am, you have a spouse and children who love you. I want you to know I love you too. If you are in a darkness right now, I understand the pain. If you carry mental scars, I know what that feels like. God may have put me in your life, right now, because you needed someone to tell you today they love you. If that is you – I love you.
Dealing with the Loss of Your Job
by Andy Kizer, andykizer@9thavenuecofc.com I have no right to grumble. God is so good to me. I preach to a great congregation of God’s people led by three godly elders who support the preaching of God’s word and lead as examples. They have encouraged me to preach as long as I can. The church supports me well, so I don’t have to be concerned about retirement. I am happy. However, four years ago, I lost my job. I never thought it could happen to me. For nineteen years I preached thousands of sermons, buried the dead, conducted weddings, attended ballgames, school plays, and graduations, visited the sick, spoke on daily radio programs, worked with the local school and city government, counseled couples, planned evangelistic efforts, and worked with the elders through two building programs. The church was healthy. Attendance was good, and the contributions were very generous. My preaching did not change, not in message nor in methodology. But the eldership changed. Good men died. New men were ordained. It came out of the blue. The elders asked to meet with me. There was one item on the agenda. “We want someone different in the pulpit,” they said. Ouch! “As of now, no more teaching and preaching, and we want your things out of the office by the end of the month.” What hurt more than anything, I
suppose, was that they didn’t want me to continue to preach until I could relocate, even when I promised them that I would never hurt them in any way, and I would certainly never harm the body of Christ. “I will preach only faithbuilding sermons,” I promised. After nineteen years of working closely with them all, they suddenly didn’t trust me to preach. I know that elders can do this. As overseers, they can hire and fire preachers as they please. And I am not alone. Since that night, I have heard of the same thing happening in almost the same way to other sound, active, faithful, even dynamic gospel preachers. I was hurt (My self importance had kicked in). I began to think like Samuel: “They have rejected me” (1 Samuel 8:6, 7). Though I tried never to repeat sermons, they had heard me enough and just wanted a younger man with a different style. One of the elders said to me in the dismissal meeting, You’re turning 65 this year. We thought you would want to retire.” Again, ouch! I was discouraged, disappointed, hurt, and confused. I was asked to leave a congregation I dearly loved. Since it was a small town, I was effectively asked to get out of town. What’s the right response? The loss of a job means hurt ego, but we must remember that the preacher’s primary responsibility is to obey God’s will wherever he is. Godly, Christian qualities must be maintained, such as humility, harmony, consideration, grace, mercy, and forgiveness. We must be calm and humble and ask God for wisdom (cf. James 1:5, 6). I had to look at my preaching ministry through the eyes of Jesus. His hometown tried to kill Him when He started preaching (Luke 4:29). The Gadarenes asked Him to leave their region (Mark 5:17). I had to remind myself that “a servant is not greater than his master, or is a messenger greater than the one who sent him” (John 13:16). God’s priorities had to become my priorities: worshiping in spirit and truth, evangelism, disciple-making, and growing the church. When we seek His priorities, other things take care of themselves (cf. Matthew 6:33). Life is about adjusting to new circumstances and situations. Henry Bergson said, “To exist is to change; to change is to mature; to mature is to create oneself endlessly.” Even those with long tenures must adapt to new
challenges. When we lose a job, we decide how that will affect us. Will we be mature and recreate ourselves? Will we let the change defeat us? Or will we meet the challenges and excel? God uses restarts. Jesus and Paul went from one village to another. Congregations were established. Souls were saved. Just start over when you have to. Whether the change be by choice or by force, pray for vision. Never be childish or selfish. If you want to be distressed, look within, but if you want to be delivered, look up. You don’t have to be content with what is. Plan for what can be. Paul was in prison when he wrote, “But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13, 14). Then he added, “Let those of us who are mature think this way….” When you lose your job, there is help. The world has a lot of good people, and the best are in Christ. Almost as soon as it was announced that I was asked to leave, I started getting phone calls from preachers whom I love and respect. I mean, the next morning! The first was my oldest son, Drew, a faithful gospel preacher of eighteen years, and the second was Dale Jenkins. Preachers from Texas, Oklahoma, and Tennessee called saying, “I want to help.” I was asked to fill in and invited to preach gospel meetings. Before I even had time to interview for a new work, Dan Winkler called and said, “Andy, the Salem church is looking for a preacher. Here are the elders’ names and numbers. Call them. You will fit in well there.” That was interesting, for Glen Colley had just told me about these good brethren about one week earlier. That’s where I am, preaching the gospel, and, together, we are evangelizing the world.
When you lose your job, don’t be frustrated, don’t quit. It ain’t over. There are many great things ahead, and a lot of people love and appreciate you.
Just what is TJI all about?
Dealing with Personal Illness by Jeremiah Tatum, jeremiahtatum@bellsouth.net You might give up hope. It could be incredibly painful physically. You may feel guilt for all that your family has to go through. There is a possibility it could change you and your perspective forever. These are the answers my wife and three children gave me when I told them I was going to be writing an article on dealing with personal illness. I asked them what they thought would be the biggest issues to overcome for a person who became sick or disabled in some way. I figured they were the most informed. After all, they watched their husband and father deal with cancer at age thirty-one. I’m forty-five now and I can tell you that my family knows first-hand what they are talking about. I’m not the same man they once knew. There were moments of hopelessness and faithlessness and fear (And that’s ok – aren’t we all human here?). There were surgeries and radiation treatments that left my body marred and scarred for the rest of the time I’ll be using it. There was everything my family had to go through concerning a set of circumstances none of us had chosen but were instantly forced to deal with. These are all normal things that come with personal illness and this is not the issue that is really up for consideration. The question, the problem, the obstacle is how do you deal with it? How do you find a way to overcome a life-changing illness mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally? Yes, there is a path that leads to a place of cope. That’s right, cope. I didn’t say hope. Hope is in Jesus. It’s not in our bodies. The first thing I learned about cancer is what I forgot I already knew. God is my refuge, my ever present help in time of trouble. We learn in the weakness of our fleshly thorn the sufficiency of His grace. Crucial to dealing with personal illness is the immediate recognition of our mortality. That someone said we are all terminal and now we get it. This is step one. It is not
so much about keeping our body alive as it is about being transformed spiritually. It is knowing that this light affliction which is but for a moment is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. It is understanding that everything is headed somewhere and we are a part of the everything. The biggest struggle on the front end of a life altering personal illness is the slap in the face you receive that finally helps you get it through your thick skull that you are not in charge here. Humans live mostly with the false assumption that they are spinning the globe and can make plans. I recall James said something about that once. You know, that verse about a vapor that has been included in every public prayer we have heard in church on Sunday morning since we were born? Well guess what? You are the vapor. It’s not old brother Jones. It’s you. It’s always been you. You just never really thought so. The second big thing you figure out when you get sick is that one day is awesome. That’s right, ONE day! Because God gave us time in twenty-four hour periods for a reason and Jesus said in the heart of the greatest sermon ever preached that the trouble of a twenty-four hour period is more than enough for us to ever think about at one time. You learn that the scan results you are supposed to get back in a week can’t be the cause of ruining the reality you are experiencing today. You come to understand that the smile on the face of your children today is more beautiful than a thousand things that might happen in a thousand more possible tomorrows. You embrace today. You celebrate today. You consecrate TODAY! Oh, that everyone could have tomorrow snatched from them the way illness snatches it that they might for once in their life see the power of God in today! These are the two big things. Mark them down. 1. You are not in control. 2. One day at a time. For fourteen years now, every time I am asked what having cancer has taught me these are the two main things I mention. While I could mention hundreds more let me go ahead and tell you that these are the only two things that can be accepted and incorporated into our spiritual lives by both the healthy and the unhealthy. If you want the hundreds of other things you will have to get sick first before you learn them. I don’t recommend
it. But I guarantee you will get the rest of them eventually. Your date with the doctor is just a matter of time. This may all seem so dooms day to you but I want you to know that cancer is the best thing that ever happened to my soul. If people fast in order to grow stronger spiritually then personal illness is like being starved against your will that you might hunger and thirst for righteousness. It’s a beatitude for a bad attitude. It humbles you the way James the son of Zebedee was humbled by Herod’s sword. We all want to be spiritual giants at the right and left hand of Jesus, but we don’t understand the nature of the path. The cup and baptism of Christ that we must drink and be baptized with is a cup of suffering. It is the destiny of every Christian. It’s high time we reject the prosperity gospel and take up the cross. Assisi once offered a prayer declaring that our best sowing occurs in adversity. How true! To suffer the death of a loved one helps the preacher better understand the funeral home. To suffer the loss of health helps the preacher understand the hospital bed just the same. For a child of the King there is more good than evil that can ever come from personal illness. Our Savior even said of His sick friend Lazarus that his sickness was not unto death, but that the glory of God might be revealed through it. Friend, it is not so much what personal illness will do TO you as it is what it can do FOR you. It will remind you that there truly is a Great Physician. It will teach you to number your days that you might gain a heart of wisdom. It will help you recognize the ever and all sufficient power of His grace. The ultimate irony will finally be permanent in you, that the more you continue to die the more you will begin to live. It is then and only then that you will be empowered by the transcending nature of genuine discipleship. “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10.
Dealing With the Sickness of a Spouse by Jeff A. Jenkins, jeffajenkins@gmail.com We just left the Cancer Center, again. We spend a lot of time there. Recently, we were at the Cancer Center eight out of ten days for some kind of
treatment. We are going through our third battle with my sweet wife’s cancer. Do you mind if I tell you how I feel about it? I HATE cancer. I hate everything about it. I hate what it does to the person who is living with this terrible disease. I hate what it does to the family and loved ones of those who are suffering. Cancer has a way of consuming your life. It affects every part of your life. I’ve heard some people say, “Just live your life as you normally would while you are undergoing treatments.” That type of statement is typically thrown around by someone who has never had cancer. That is just the problem. Cancer will not allow you to live a normal life. It changes your schedule, your finances, your diet, your plans, your relationships, and nearly every other facet of your life.
Of course, it isn’t just cancer. There are many more diseases and health issues that we could say the same things we say about cancer. People all around us are suffering from heart disease, stomach problems, dementia, Alzheimer’s, and numerous other potentially debilitating problems. If you have ever asked where God is during a time of suffering, please don’t be too hard on yourself. You are not the first servant of the Lord to wonder. The man after God’s own heart often wondered if God was near him during times of trial. Listen to the concern in his writing: “Restore us, O God of our salvation, And cause Your indignation toward us to cease. Will You be angry with us forever? Will You prolong Your anger to all generations? Will You not Yourself revive us again, That Your people may rejoice in You? Show us Your lovingkindness, O LORD, And grant us Your salvation” (Psalm 85:4-7, NASB). "O LORD, the God of my salvation, I have cried out by day and in the night before You. Let my prayer come before You; Incline Your ear to my cry! For my soul has had enough troubles, And my life has drawn near to Shel. I am reckoned among those who go down to the pit; I have become like a man without strength, Forsaken among the dead, Like the slain who lie in the grave, Whom You remember no more, And they are cut off from Your hand. You have put me in the lowest pit, In dark places, in the depths. Your wrath has rested upon me, And You have afflicted me with all Your waves” (Psalm 88:1-7). On another occasion David cried out to God, “O Lord, how long will you look on?” (Psalm 35:17). One of God’s prophets, Habakkuk, lived during a time of great chaos in his country. There was injustice everywhere, wickedness seemed to be winning over righteousness, and the laws of God were being ignored. Here is Habakkuk’s plea to the Father.
“How long, O LORD, will I call for help, And You will not hear? I cry out to You, ‘Violence!’ Yet You do not save. Why do You make me see iniquity, And cause me to look on wickedness? Yes, destruction and violence are before me; Strife exists and contention arises. Therefore the law is ignored and justice is never upheld. For the wicked surround the righteous; Therefore justice comes out perverted” (Habakkuk 1:1-4). Perhaps, you feel like you are the only person who has ever had to endure something like you are going through at this very moment. Remember Elijah, another prophet of God? He felt the same way. “I have been very zealous for the LORD, the God of hosts; for the sons of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars and killed Your prophets with the sword. And I alone am left; and they seek my life, to take it away” (1 Kings 19:14). Therefore the question remains. Where is God while I am watching someone I love suffer? God can be found in His Word. The Word of God is overflowing with passages that can help bring comfort. If you are struggling, please take a few moments to soak in these passages of Scripture and let them sustain you during difficult days. “The LORD is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The LORD is the defense of my life; Whom shall I dread?” (Psalm 27:1). “The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8). “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me” (Psalm 23:4). “So that He sets on high those who are lowly, and those who mourn are lifted to safety” (Job 5:11). “The Lord’s loving kindnesses indeed never ceases; for His compassions never fail; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness” (Lamentations 3:22-23). “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble” (Psalm 46:1). “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3). “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to
separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39). God can be found in His World. Look at the world around us. Watch the sun set or watch it rise. Take some time to view the stars on a clear night. “The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands” (Psalm 19:1). “For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse” (Romans 1:20). God can be found in His People. One reason the Church exists is so that we can support, encourage, and bring comfort to one another during the storms of life. “Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2). “Therefore comfort one another with these words” (1 Thessalonians 4:18.) “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). God can be found in our Suffering. In the midst of our suffering we are reminded that God is good. Suffering seems to make every person either bitter or better. It is our choice. When we cry out to God in our suffering, we will be drawn close to Him. Our great God can use our suffering to help us grow in our faith. “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance” (James 1:2). “Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him” (James 1:12). “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:6-7). Finally, there is the question David asks in Psalm 11:3: “When the foundations are being destroyed, what can the righteous do?” When the world seems to be falling apart, when the foundations of your world are shaken,
when senseless violence and death shatter our sense of security and wellbeing, what can God’s people do? What does God want us to do? Let me suggest several answers to this question very briefly. First, we can pray. Many of us have been doing just that, individually and in concert with others. Keep on praying. There is a power in prayer. The power is God’s power, and His power is unleashed in remarkable ways when His people pray (James 5:16). Never underestimate the power of prayer, and never, ever stop praying. Second, we can and must hold fast to our faith and hope in God, even when the circumstances of our life don’t seem to make sense. In your own life, run to God and find in Him your security, your hope, your refuge and your strength. Third, we can reach out in love and compassion to those we know who may be hurting, confused, dealing with a debilitating health concern, or fear as a result of some tragic event in their lives. The Bible tells us to “bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2). We should make ourselves available. We should work diligently to be sensitive to the questions, as well as the hurts and needs of people who come into our lives. Fourth, those of us who are Christians can share the hope, peace, and freedom from sin we have found in Him with those who don’t know Him. It can be as simple as saying: “This is what Jesus has done in my life. He can do the same for you, if you will trust Him obey Him, and allow Him to take charge of your life.” This doesn’t mean that we will always be cured, but it does mean He will always be with us. When tragedy strikes, and in all of the circumstances of life, these are steps we can take as the people of God with an unwavering trust in the goodness, power, and sovereign purposes of God.
Eric Liddell, the Scottish Olympic champion and missionary to China, whose life was immortalized in the film Chariots of Fire, once wrote: “God is not helpless among the ruins.” He is not helpless. He is still sovereign. His love is still working. His grace still abounds, and it is sufficient for His people.
Dealing With The Death of Your Partner, Your Wife by Cecil May Jr., cmay@faulkner.edu On July 17, 2016, a Sunday morning, I woke up at 5:30 a. m. My wife said, sleepily, “I think I will sleep a while longer.” None of that was unusual. We said, “I love you” to each other, as was our custom, and I went in the den to read the newspaper. About an hour and a half later, realizing she had not yet joined me, I went to the bedroom. My beloved wife for over 62 years was dead. Her worn out heart had simply stopped beating. My children and I afterward observed, “This cataclysmic change in our lives has happened, and it seems strange that the sun still rises in the East each morning and the rest of the world goes on about their regular business as though nothing has happened, when our world has been turned topsy-turvy.” It is the case, however, that someone’s death profoundly affects those close to
him or her, but with others the affect ranges from sympathy to hardly noticed, and every step in between. I wrote an article on how to rejoice in every circumstance in that circumstance. This assignment is different. It deals with how the preacher’s wife’s death affects the church and the preacher’s work with the church. I need to acknowledge that, when I lost my Winnie, I had been working for some time in Christian Education rather than local church ministry, but I had been a local preacher earlier for more than twenty years, and my work in Christian Education has primarily involved educating preachers. Throughout my working life, I have been involved with congregational ministry. Although not universally true, in this article I will assume that the preacher and his wife truly loved one another and that his wife was very much involved in the work of the church, visiting with the preacher and sometimes for the preacher, teaching classes, etc. The preacher’s personal grief Everyone who loses a beloved spouse grieves deeply. Some show their emotions openly, sobbing and weeping; others are embarrassed by such displays and grieve more stoically, but no less deeply. Need will vary from preacher to preacher, but some will need more time than others to get back into the work. Let him set the time he needs, within reason, to be off from preaching. It is both my experience and my observation that the church will rally around the grieving preacher with food, sympathy and prayers. One of the strongest and most overwhelming feelings when a spouse is lost is loneliness. As the country song says, “You don’t know about lonely ‘til it’s chiseled in stone.” Invitations to meals are much appreciated. After whatever family that came to comfort him is gone, food brought in is appreciated, but even more appreciated would be to bring in food for a meal and then stay and eat it with him. The company of Christians and family visitors is great and enjoyed, but night time comes and they all go to their respective homes, and the surviving spouse is left, lonely.
Should he remarry? That is an individual choice. It ought not to happen too quickly lest he “marry on the rebound.” The old bromide, “Marry in haste; repent at leisure” is applicable. Overcoming loneliness is not sufficient reason by itself to remarry. Be sure you and she are in tune spiritually. As we often tell young people, marry someone who will help you go to heaven. Obviously, any courtship would need to be carefully circumspect. Resolutions and definite statements can be overturned by circumstances. I said quickly and publicly, I will never remarry, but then I met a godly, Christian widow with a witty, sprightly, personality. We have been very happily married now for over a year. She is a wonderful help-mate. If I were a local preacher, she would be a great asset to the work of the church. As it is, she is a wonderful elder’s wife. Effect on the congregation There are so many opinions now on divorce and remarriage and on who has the right to remarry, in some congregations there may be contentious questioning of the preacher’s choice of mate. If he has opponents throughout the congregation, his choice may be an excuse to oppose and replace him. Usually, though, the congregation will welcome the new preacher’s wife. Every wife, just like every preacher, is different. In a little while, everything will settle down and the new wife’s contributions to the work will be accepted. In the best scenario, the work will proceed with minimum interruption. Some preachers who lose their wives choose to move shortly after their wife’s death, feeling the congregation had hired a married preacher and now they are not that. That is an individual decision, by each preacher and by each church. Some churches, when they hire a preacher, think they have hired two people, though they only pay one salary, and want to dictate the role the wife will play. By and large, however, the preacher’s wife will determine her own role, based on her own gifts and preferences. Her death will impact the work
by its impact on the preacher. Otherwise it will differ according to each preacher, each preacher’s wife and each congregation. It is my observation that the work of most preachers’ wives is more extensive and impactful than is usually noticed. Consequently, the work of the preacher’s wife is often underappreciated, including by the preacher himself. May God bless the under-appreciated preacher’s wife! May her life and contribution to the work of the congregation be noticed and appreciated while she lives, before her death’s impact occurs!
Sage Solutions For
Servants by Randall Morris, morris.r72@gmail.com Jesus said, “In the world you have tribulation,” Job said, “man born of woman is short-lived and full of turmoil,” and James said, “Count it all joy when you encounter various trials” (Jn. 16:33; Job 14:1; Jas. 1:2). Paul had a thorn in the flesh, Trophimus was sick in Miletus, and Epaphroditus was sick to the point of death (2 Cor. 12:7; 2 Tim. 4:20; Phil. 2:27, 29). So why should the reality of human suffering surprise us or cause us to question our faith in God? In fact, referring specifically to the persecutions of the saints, Peter set the tone for the right attitude toward all human suffering on any level when he said, “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you;” (1 Pet. 4:12 NAS).Human suffering should not catch us off guard or put us on the defensive about either God’s existence or His love (Ps. 14:1; 1 Jn 4:8). The life of Jesus Christ was perfect and flawless, He “did not
sin, neither was deceit found in His mouth” (1 Pet. 1:22), and yet the prophet Isaiah foresaw the beatings before His crucifixion, and foretold their outcome, saying, “his appearance was so marred, beyond human semblance” (Isa. 52:14). The ERV translation interprets this to mean, “He was beaten so badly that he no longer looked like a man.” Usually, in times of misfortune our first question is “Why did this happen to me?”. Most of the time we are not satisfied by any answer supplied. That’s because we are asking the wrong question. Instead we should ask, “What does the Lord want me to do with this?”. • “Why” is the question of the victim; “What” is the quest of the victor. • “Why” sits around waiting for an answer; “What” goes out looking for a solution • “Why” is the whiner; “What” is the winner In 1965, at age 11 I was diagnosed with a neuromuscular disease that eventually landed me, over 50 years later, in a motorized wheelchair. For over 45 years one of the greatest joys of my life, has been the privilege of driving a car. In the last two years I was forced to give up driving. I have learned to adapt. I have learned to use public transportation, Beloved brethren go out of their way to get me to appointments, and when I am able I get myself wherever I need to go using my powerchair as an alternative vehicle. Following are some things that have helped me keep moving forward through adversities: The Day The Lord Has Made (Ps 118:24) – “This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it” – The Holy Bible teaches us to find a reason to be happy at the dawn of every day. Start off the day looking forward to its uniqueness. As a friend, a cancer survivor 3 times over, recently told me, “If the Lord wakes you up, that means there is something He has for you to do.” Content In Every Circumstance (Phil 4:11) - “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” – The Serenity Prayer of St. Francis
has always been important: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Jesus said it better, “And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life” (Mt. 6:27 NAS). The Man With No Feet: There is a saying, “I cried because I had no shoes until I met the man who had no feet.” Look around. No matter how bad things are, there is always someone whose life and challenges are worse. This refocuses us to count our many blessings. The Lord, Our Strength & Sufficiency, Is Good - The Psalmist, seeing those oppressed by adversaries, afflicted in hunger and thirst, suffering as prisoners in misery and chains (Ps. 107:1-10), says, “they cried out to the LORD in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses” (Ps.107:13). He sets the tone for the whole Psalm at its very beginning, saying, “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His lovingkindness is everlasting” (Ps. 107:1). When Paul prayed about the thorn in the flesh He was told, “for My strength is made perfect in weakness" (2 Cor. 12:9). To this Paul responded, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2Co 12:10). We are to remember to “be strong in the Lord and the strength of His might,” to “serve by the power which God supplies” so that our sufficiency is from Him and He receives the glory (Eph. 6:10; 2 Cor. 3:5; 2 Cor. 4:7; 1 Pet. 4:11). “Use It For The Good” - While at Oklahoma Christian College I visited the office of Dr. Bailey McBride. On his desk was a sign, saying, “Use it for the good.” I have never forgotten those sentiments or their Biblical basis. Jeremiah was told, “Extract the precious from the worthless” (Jer. 15:19), at first applied to the precious from the worthless among God’s people, a much broader application to all circumstances is possible: discover the good in everything and use it and discard the bad. Paul exhorted us, “Do not be overcome with evil, but over come evil with good” (Rom. 12:21). One last thought. Adverse circumstances can cause bitterness and anger; rage and violence. Unjust suffering by Christians from their heathen
tormentors led the Hebrew writer to exhort, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble…” (Heb 12:15). The best way to avoid a bitter spirit is to be saturated in the realities of the grace of God.
Dealing with Divorce by Barry Throneberry, bthroneberry@charter.net You come and sit down in your normal spot at church and the person who is normally beside you isn’t there. No one thinks much of it the first or second week. As the weeks go by and the excuses start to mount, everyone starts to assume something is wrong. They are right. There is so much to say about those who are coping, struggling, or battling through a divorce. There are questions people want answered, especially old church ladies and church leadership. There is more than enough blame to go around, depending on what you thought about the person there or not there. The entire time the person is sitting there, alone, maybe wrestling with kids, alone, and trying to find peace in the midst of chaos in the one place where it should be found. What can we do to help those who are dealing with a divorce as they continue to come to worship and reach out to a church family for support? How can we help those among us both short term and long term as they navigate this new reality? Though much more could be said on the topic, this article offers five simple suggestions that can help answer these questions The first thing we should do is listen. Are there two sides to every story? Yes. Was someone more to blame than another? Probably, maybe, or maybe not. We do not know, so we listen. We listen not to make a judgment, though the Bible tells us that some steps may need to be taken for the individual and his or her future (Just so you know, investigating that is not the mission of this article). We listen because it is what we should be doing. James 1:19 states, “19 Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger” (ESV, all texts will be from the ESV). The one dealing with the divorce knows you have an opinion or a judgment. However, let me encourage you to wait. Before you give those
judgments or opinions, listen to them. Expect anger, hurt, resentment, excuses, and know they are dealing with pain as you listen. First, we must listen. The second thing we can do is offer support. I do not believe the church should be in the “divorce mediating” business, but I know that we should be in the “supporting” business. Galatians 6:2 gives some incredible advice to those who surround others that are going through a divorce. Paul writes, “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Have you stopped to realize that Paul sees supporting one another as a summary of the entire teaching of Christ? The reason is because we are to be people who love first, then let proper judgment come later. Does the church have a responsibility to correct those who are in sin or living in sin? Absolutely, as Galatians 6:2 makes clear. However, since we do not know the whole story we should support the one who is reaching out to God by being present with God’s people. See 1 Thessalonians 5:14 and Ephesians 4:2 for further reminders of supporting one another. The third thing for us to do is to not forget that they have experienced this pain. One of the reminders that I have to tell myself as I preach on a hard topic like divorce is that there are many in my congregation who have been through this ordeal. We do our church a disservice when we share what God’s word has to say about this topic, or even preach a lesson on healthy family or marriages and forget that there are those who have been through divorce or do not have a family anymore that can be healthy. Acknowledge that pain in your sermon. Say a word at the beginning or find a spot to talk to those who may feel this sermon is not for them. Watch your wording that you are not being offensive or hurtful in how you share God’s word. We must preach on these topics, especially in a world with such distorted views of marriage. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16), but he loves every divorcee (John 3:16). We should as well. The next thing we need to remember is that one of the great acts of kindness we can do is to help that single parent out from time to time with their children. Offer to babysit or let them sit at your dinner table for fellowship and support. Sit with them at church and help with the children. If
there are others who have experienced divorce in your church you may offer a time or place for them to get together to support one another. I would recommend not making it weekly Bible class but maybe for one night a month have a place for them to get together. Some will want to and others won’t, which leads to the last point. The last point to remember is to be respectful. The one dealing with a divorce is no less a person after his or her divorce than before it occurred. Respect his or her wishes, especially when it comes to the questions many want to ask. Those answers may be none of their business. Paul tells us as much in 1 Thessalonians 4:11. I would hope the one still coming to church would open up to the church leadership and seek out the church for help, but this does not always happen because it is not what he or she wants (see Galatians 6:5). Everyone grieves differently and the grieving process definitely applies to those experiencing or living in the aftermath of divorce. Respect that and love them, even if it has to be from a distance. Providing an ear that will listen and being a community that will support, help, not forget, and be respectful are some of the things I would give any church seeking to help those dealing with divorce. It is hard to walk into a church for worship or sit down in a Bible class as one is dealing with divorce. Love him or her when he or she does.