CONTENTS
To 404’s as you sit for your exams remember
What’s Sizzling This Month
Star Dust Cover Story
Funkie-licious TV (FTV) Funkie Board
M.O.G: No Lettin’ Go pg 32
The Acts Of The Apostles pg 36
Chronicles 254 Ever wonder pg 3
Sly
Maureen
Give it your all. Success!
Read before you answer, you’ve seen it/heard it all before. Success!
Pink Diary Street Style
T-9 Playa President
Coloured Adventure with Jeans pg 44
First date do’s and don’ts pg 10
ON THE COVER: M.O.G
Dressed by: Mr Price Mumina
Thome
All the best!
This is a beginning not an end, make it count.
The iMC’s Coolest October Moments Semenya’s Public Humiliation
Swine Flu Outbreak in schools
Very unfair
So not cool
Slum Upgrading Project
So not co ol
Millions of Kenyans Facing Starvation
It’s a start
Waaaaay pathetic
Total Request Live On Kiss TV
Ritual killings and insecurity l coo es Tr
Horrible
Gr8t
MAMA’s !!
The Bomb Baby
Making The Cover
Hi guys/galz! In this issue we take a closer look at the Gospel scene, on the cover we featured M.O.G and I got the opportunity to get all up-close and personal with Ken-T, Boss and Tony. Soak up the one on one interview as you catch up on your favourite columns. Check out an exclusive on the industryMain Feature playas take on the recent Gospel explosion. Cover Story
Tamima
M.O.G - The Best Of
Premiering for the first time is Photo Mania, a page dedicated to Both Worlds every one of you. If you and you’re friends want to feature in this page send in your photos via mail/email or on facebook. Also if you want to hang out with the Insyder Qru real time join our facebook group; The Insyder Magazine. Hope to hear/chat with you soonest! To all 404’s: As you make the last lap to the finish line, read smart and remember that picturing what you want is the first step to getting it. Success! Enjoy! iMC
On the cover: M.O.G Photography: Emmanuel Jambo
The Insyder Offices: Joseph Kangethe Road, Tel: 3861649/3861623, 0726 039 649, P. O. Box 51634 - 0200, email: yuaholla@theinsyder.com
Your local Inteenet Your local Inteenet
YUA HOLLA
Too Hot To Handle Hey Insyder, Mag yenu iko juu tu sana. Thanks for hitting our skool last term and giving our cultural day massive support. Peeps think we aint got no swag but we showed them we are too hot to handle by holding down one heck of a funkie. Endeleni hivyo hivyo. (404s) Montez (Mount laverna.)
If you want to feature in the magazin e, give us the scoop on your school; The ho ttest funky, coolest peeps and all the low down . On your mark get set spill...
Hey there Montez, You’re welcome. Just holla at us when there’s a funky going down and I promise tutawakilisha. iMC
tting down rna chics ge Mount Lave
I Got Skillz Hi, Niaje I-kru, Kudos to the good work you are doing keeping us teeniez entertained. I’m a teenie with extra ordinary skillz. I can chora a lot of stuff really well. From real life portraits,
awing Shirley’s dr of Rihanna
Mr.Lonely
Is vipi Insyder, Manze your mag iko juu tu sana. Kwanza in our skool Kibesco Bee you roga us like crazy. I have one request….pleeeeeeeez bring back the hook up column. I really need to get back to the darting game coz my life is reminiscent of Akon’s hit single Mr.lonely. I’ve been following T9’s advice and I think it’s about time I get into the darting scene. I believe if you bring it back, it will be a platform for many lonely teeniez like me to get their vybe on. What do you say? L.L (404) Kibesco
what I see on TV…to just about anything. The thing is, I haven’t really found a page in the Insyder that can highlight my prowess. Check out one of my drawings and let me know. Shirley Kerubo (404) Moi Gee Eld
Hi Shirley, It’s our pleasure to keep you guys entertained. Good news is, I’ve found the perfect page where you can highlight your prowesss.
We’ll see what we can do but meanwhile I’m sure all the single ladies have heard your call. Good Luck! iMC
iMC
KSSSA ROCKS!
Aje Insyder, Keep it blazing people coz teeniez are digging your work. I liked the feature you did on Purity Adhiambo from our skool Shimba Hills. She is such an inspiration to us and we are very thankful to KSSSA for supporting her. KSSSA simply rocks coz they have brought back the cool factor to high skool sports by nuturing young talent and making many teeniez dreams come true. Thumbs up to them. Miss Fabulous (304) Shimba hills. I second that because now Purity is not only an inspiration to guys form Shimba Hills but to teeniez massive. Chase your dream guys. iMC
slang’r corne
Mkanya
Origin: Lots of teeniez were using this during the holz. It’s code for a woman/mathe
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Holla @ Us! to Got a point to make, opinion and t ran na won ly simp or re sha t rave? You’ve come to the righ that form plat the is a Holl Yua spot; der the gives all readers of The Insy ess expr and re sha to nity opportu any topic their thoughts on just about under the sun. Hit us up on: yuaholla@theinsyder.com 678/ SMS: 0770 325926/0734 223 649 0726 039 Online: www.theinsyder.com
As used in a sentence
1. Siezi kam juu mkanya ako kwa keja 2. Nilipewa pano na mkanya wa Bio.
Your local Inteenet Log on for all the vybe, the teen reality, the school truths that no one else will ever tell you! Pg 11......Cool Insyder Pg 12......T-9 Playa Prezident Pg 14......Photomania
EVER WONDER 8
Darlington be blamed
12
16
for FBI dancers’ declining popularity?
15. Why is Str8Up more fun to watch when the skinny boring dude ain’t mixing music (DJ K-Trixx)?
21.
14. Doesn’t Smitta Smitten remind you of
Since Kenyan artists
of Omo?
they have the “latest
Katt Williams?
every time you hear
have caught on to
13. Shouldn’t Toxic
5. Who are the Royco
series” when we
Lin and Wahu on the
the remix craze for
guys trying to fool,
can all get the whole
be featured in The
‘Mteja’ track?
their videos will they
why would anyone eat
season for 50 bob at
Insyder’s Hustler’s
start to also release
9. Isn’t DNG (Don’t
a plate before finishing
your nearest pirator?
Ambition?
Need God) the perfect
trailers?
their yummy githeri?
2. And isn’t it about
20. After what Choku
12. Is Drake really
example of the Bibilical
4. Don’t you just hate
time Fashion House
worth the fuss?
“Prodigal Son”?
and Rat- a- Tat alleged
11. Doesn’t Nakaya
those poll questions
called it wraps?
about Clemo, did they
8. Are Baby G and
in most 9pm news
1. Hasn’t power radio
Sumari’s ‘Mr.Politician’
Abbas a bit too
“Return the favour”
bulletins?
made Gospel the
knock down ‘Mteja’
Hollywood; two
to get back to Calif?
3. Why do KTN and
dopest music genre
10-0?
19. Why do Jua Cali’s
weddings, a one
10. Don’t your ears
NTV always brag that
this year?
minute marriage and
Facebook updates
just want to go Mteja
now their separation?
always start with “Watu wangu”?
18. Has Halle Berry
7. Still on Calif,
11
whatever happened to “Mgenge wa Calif”
heard the Halle Berry
Mahatma?
Song by Hurricane
6. Isn’t it a coincidence
Chris?
that each house
17. Aren’t reality
“Mother In Law”
shows getting dumber
visits in the Omo
and dumber?
advert always has an
16. Shouldn’t
unopened 25g Packet
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20
18
Your local Inteenet
UNITY COLLEGE OF
PROFESSIONAL STUDIES “Learn Wit Professionals”
KCSE/GCSE Graduates.. This is an OPPORTUNITY for you to LAUNCH your CAREER by enroling for the following courses • Hotel and Catering Management • Air Hostess and Cabin Crew • Airline Flight Operations • Tours and Travel • Foreign Languages-German, • French, Japanese, Chinese, Spanish, Arabic, Italian & Lingala • Accounting KATC, CPA I, II,III • Accounting and Finance • Business Studies • Purchasing and Supplies • Sales and Marketing • Secretarial Studies • Human Resource Management
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400,000 REASONS TO ADVERTISE HERE
REACH MORE KCSE CANDIDATES
Fact: According to research, 68% of KCSE candidates have already made up their minds on which career to pursue by the time they sit for their final exams.
Fact: With a monthly readership of over 600,000, The Insyder reaches more KCSE candidates exclusively, than any other media in the country. Is your institution reaching them through Kenya’s biggest youth publication? Advertise in The Insyder’s University & College Notice Board
Tours & Travel
CALL OR VISIT US AT: BURURU CAMPUS Epren Centre, oop Police Station P.O. Box 875 - 00515, Nairobi Tel: 780473 / 787646 / 785603 Cell: 0721 - 225428 / 020 - 2074915 Email: info@unitycollegekenya.com
CITY CAMPUS Hamiliton House, Kaunda/Wabera St. P.O. Box 49279 - 00100, Nairobi Tel: 316629 / 343595 Cell: 0725 - 372822 / 020 - 2319563 Email: city@unitycollegekenya.com
Website: www.unitycollegekenya.com
Hair Dressing & Beauty Therapy
Will you be in their minds before their KCSE examinations? Advertise in The Insyder’s University College Notice Board
Tel: 020 219063 Cell: 0770 325926, 0734 223678, 0726 Fax: 020 318276 Email: carol@theinsyder.com
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Your local Inteenet word the Pic
A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Bob!
Wanna make easy cash to add to your pocket money? We can see you nodding your heads so we are gonna give you the opportunity to win IK for coming up with a witty caption for the pic beside. So get your creative swag on and send us a humorous caption and you could win yourself a ngwanye!!!! See the voice bubble beside the picture? In your own crazy words, tell us what you think the person in the picture might be saying.
“Unadai kunivunja? Surely nakaa kukusanyia manzi?”
Last Month’s Word the Pic winner Sent by: Gloria Maina, Monicah Michu From: Kagoe G. H. Sch Send your crazy words to: Word The Pic c/o The Insyder, P.O. Box 51634 – 00200, Nairobi Email: yuaholla@theinsyder.com
Pic of the month
Rumba Sakata On The Court Talk about multi-tasking these guys awed the crowd trying to pull dance moves and slam jam at the same time. One hand down, one leg up, wiggle wiggle and score!
Spot 5 DIFFERENCES
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Your local Inteenet
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Your local Inteenet
Riddim nation
Which Of The Two
G’s
Yuh Shouting? Rather than paintings of Haile Selassie on walls on the Island of Jamaica, you’re more likely to see tags reading Gaza or Gully. There seems to be a war brewing between Mavado (Gully) and Vybz Kartel (Gaza). This is no longer friendly rivalry, as it’s merged into deep insults with mothers and other family members being disrespected, people of both sides are taking it from lyrical to physical. Fans have taken it to heart and are acting out on the lyrics resulting in
DANCEHALL QUEENS
Female dancehall artists who can actually hold their own in the male dominated industry are very few and stiff competition be packing between them with the likes of Tami Chynn and Alaine heating up the riddim airwaves with hit after hit. Queens like Spice are cashing in on the Gully Gaza controversy thru collaboz with Vybz Kartel in Rompin’ Shop where she comes off like the new Lil Kim/Foxxy Brown with her raunchy nature. Tanya and Cecile have stayed in the game longer and they just seem to be getting better and better. The likes of
Oct
Mavado: Gully thug
Vybz Kartel: Gaza thug
backing of the “Warlord” himself Bounty Killer. The Warlord or Ground God as he goes by nowadays has brought out some of Jamaica’s biggest upcoming
violent clashes. Vybz Kartel and Mavado stripped Bounty Killer & Beenie Man of their rivalry titles when they clashed at Sting 2008. Mavado has the
Alison Hinds with her famous soca beats hit single “Roll it Gyal” came from being a near unknown to top the charts and at inadi the Gentleman same time brought party sexy back for the “plus size woman”. If the big guns don’t quit bickering at concerts and get back to dropping hits the queens might just takeover.
Alison Hinds with Shaggy
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artist including both Mavado & even Kartel. Some say things turned sour between Kartel & the Warlord when Kartel refused to pick sides
between Killer & Killer’s true rival Beenie Man. So eventually Kartel created his own crew “Gaza” & Mavado did the same “Gully”.
Alaine
Tami chynn
Tanya Stephens
Your local Inteenet
T9 -THE PLAYA PREZIDENT
First Date Do’s and Don’ts To follow First dates can be tough, that’s why a true playa always goes into the game prepared. They offer the ultimate opportunity to make a good first impression as a potential love interest to your date. Here’s how to get it right....more specifically, what to do on a first date.
The ultimate turn off.
1. Location There is no bigger turn off than the “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” line. Find out if your date has expressed any specific wishes for great dates. Chances are her friends will be able to clue you in on just the right first move to make. Make your plans and make your move.
2. Always be on time Arriving late is a good way to make a bad first impression. Knowing chics she’ll probably
wonder if you’ll be late to the wedding too and trust me you’ll strike out even before you get on the pitch.
3. Never overdress Dress appropriately but never overdo it. It gives off the impression that you’re trying too hard and that you’re not confident enough in your charm or your looks. Confidence is a selling point and it turns every woman on. Utilize the weapon wisely!
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4. Don’t compliment too much nor too little
6. Never say, “By the way, you look just like my ex…”
If you compliment too much, you’ll lose the male edge you have over her as a woman. The female species can be vicious and life sucking ticks. Displaying any cracks and crevices in your character will allow in the virus that is women and have you dancing to their tune. On the other hand, if you don’t at least say something like “nice dress” or “nice smile” once, twice or a max of three times during the date, you’re going down soldier!
You’d have to be very drunk or very insane to pull such a stunt. Chics don’t like to be compared at all! This applies to any comparison whatsoever. This will automatically shut down whatever operation you had going and thus render you a dead stick.
5. Your eyes should roam just a little Everything in life is linked to mathematics and this is one place mathematical application is critical. You have to gauge just how much she can take and deliver below that. This will leave her yearning to capture your full attention. Don’t be surprised if her cleavage becomes a bit more noticeable or her hands become a bit more touchy (Proven thesis). Try it.
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Chics live in so much denial that even when they know for a fact that the chick on the next table (the one you keep looking at) is way hotter than they are, they do not want to hear it. Especially from you!
7. Listen to her (even if it kills you) It has often been said that ‘twas the woman who introduced monologue into conversation.’ The trick is to be interested and interesting. Do most of the listening and keep the conversation light and fun.
8. Make it clear you don’t want any ‘friendships’ This is the playa’s ultimate obstacle. Men and women don’t think on the same dimension, you may think that you’ve made a connection and she’s certainly yours for the taking. You move in for the kill and she lets it rip. She’ll tell you how she feels so connected to you and that you should be best friends because dating will only ruin that. Subtly state your intentions from the get-go because she might not be worth the fuss and you certainly don’t want a groupie on your hands. Remember, be real, live within your means and Godspeed.
Having babe problems and need advice? Send your questions to the Playa Prezident himself, Mr. T9 on yuaholla@ theinsyder.com or simply call 0770 325 926
Your local Inteenet
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Your local Inteenet
STUDY SMART Plan Yourself The first thing you need is a game plan and picturing what you want is the first step to getting it. Planning is very essential therefore ask yourself: 1. What is my schedule like during the week of the exam? 2. Do I have other exams or practicals? 3. Will I have all week to prepare or will I have to study over the weekend? 4. How many chapters do I have to read? How many pages of notes are there? 5. What are my weak areas? 6. All of these questions will help you answer one basic one: How much time will I need? Literally plan out how many hours you will spend each day studying until the exam. Make a schedule and stick with it. Once you have a game plan that works for you it’s time to get to work.
Tips: 1. Memory Aids - Help to memorize facts NOT understanding (these should never be used in the exam room) 2. Groups - good to work through difficult material, quiz each other for understanding. However, only go to early ones as last minute reviews sometimes cause needless confusion 3. TA’s: Always ask for clarification from teachers as early as possible. Note to yourself: “I cannot pass exams without studying at the right time.”
Motivate Yourself Yes you want to pass your exams but it helps knowing where your hard work is taking you. You don’t have to decide what you want to be immediately but develop some options and work towards them. Think of your exams as a beginning not an end.
Taking The Exam The only thing that should be going through your mind the night before is a sense of confidence. It’s ok to be a little afraid or anxious but not panicky. Make sure you get enough rest. 1. 2. 3. 4.
Give a last review to all the topic summaries you have prepared the night before the exam. Check you have everything you need in terms of pencils, pens, rubbers, rulers and calculators that work. Read the instructions carefully and make sure you underline the key words. Make sure you understand the structure, requirements and marking scheme of the exam in advance i.e. How many questions to answer, which questions are compulsory, how long the exam lasts and which questions carry more points. 5. Don’t rush, take time to read and understand the questions well. Be sure what was asked. 6. Work out your times in line with question values and spend more time on questions with more points. 7. Answer all the questions: Remember a three line notes only essay gets more marks than no answer; so answer all questions. As soon as you’re done, start preparing for the next test.
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CLASS OF ‘09 Your local Inteenet
As you sit for your exams, Try, before you quit Think, before you write Trust yourselves and test your limits. We wish you all the best in your exams. Qru Oct
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Your local Inteenet
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