Inlander 12/26/2013 by The Inlander

DEC. 26, 2013-JAN. 1, 2014 | BUILDING BRIDGES SINCE 1993

INLANDER SHORT FICTION CONTEST

BRIDGES STORIES OF THIEVES, MEXICO AND A JOURNEY HOME PA G E 2 0

INSIDE

Q&A WITH NANCY McLAUGHLIN

| NEW YEAR’S EVE

| SANDPOINT’S HUNTRESS

| WOLF OF WALL STREET

WARMTH. CARING. GENEROSITY OF SPIRIT. That’s what the holidays bring into our busy lives. And it’s what you’ll find at our Providence ministries every day of the year.

www.phc.org

Hospitals: Providence Sacred Heart Medical Center & Children’s Hospital • Providence Holy Family Hospital Providence Mount Carmel (Colville) • Providence St. Joseph’s Hospital (Chewelah) Care Facilities: Providence Adult Day Health • Providence Medical Park (opening Spring 2014 in the Spokane Valley) Providence Emilie Court Assisted Living • Providence St. Joseph Care Center & Transitional Care Unit Home Services: Providence VNA Home Health • Providence DominiCare (Chewelah) Providence Infusion & Pharmacy Services Physician Services: Providence Medical Group

2 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

INSIDE

Your Downtown Full-Service Grocery Store & Deli

Local gifts, local food

Downtown’s full time Membership full service grocery store Required

DECEMBER 26, 2013-JANUARY 1, 2014 | VOL. 21, NO. 10

COMMENT NEWS FICTION CONTEST CULTURE FOOD FILM

5 13 20 29 33 36

MUSIC EVENTS BULLETIN BOARD WELLNESS I SAW YOU LAST WORD

41 46 50 51 52 54

• Locally made soap • Great gifts for foodies • Fair trade wool clothing • Sustainable wood earrings and goods Sustainable kitchenware Member Appreciation• Day • Local greenery • is December 28th Gluten free baking supplies • Poinsettias and bouquets • Local, vegetarian, and gluten free foods for your holiday meal • Locally made jewelry

10% Off Storewide

#1 Best Read Local Magazine

ON THE COVER | CHRIS BOVEY ILLUSTRATION

HOMELESSNESS

Mourning those who died this year without a home

PAGE 13

IeNaHltehalth

INaHlth HEALT

INHe HEA

Y L

NG IVI

LTH

V Y LI

INL HE

ING

O D N

for Women in the Inland Northwest

IN HY LIV

A INL THE

EST

R • F

LAN HE IN G IN T

NOR

ES THW

FRE T •

E • FRE

WEST

t Pe

r re fo h ca ds healt frien tyle gged -le an-s Hum our four

! G Fooid Cha n

get MANrowing

F esh Fr

HEALTH

IST

alth SU er PheS bet M Find CA M

ITT

l Alcoho

erall

and Add

U – J

PLE

LY,

MEN

THE T TO

INL

y Mak Are The

AND

pus

on Cam E 15 PAG

/13

5/22

1:23

/13

PAGE 24

3/26

5 PM

PAGE 15

12:4

7/24/13

4:02 PM

Reserve your space now for the Feb/March Edition

13 , 20 R M AY NLANDE O THE I IL A P RS U P P L E M E N T T PLEM

SUP

HE TO T ENT

NDE

For advertising information contact Sales@inlander.com | 509.325.0634 Ext 215

dd 1

CVR.in

13.in

_04_

CVR

INH_

.indd

INLA

*The 2013 Media Audit

PAGE 27

Grade? ing the PAGE 38

SUP

013 BER, 2

ING

SEPTEM

gardgeen27

ool s the way you eat sform Sch chetran DRUGS HowLregiuonalnfood can S ous UER forCOmediSTcal bills er ng CONQ E Da w NC VA e r INIs gluteG n-freADe wheat possible? Crowdfunding B AMAZ QU

A U G U S T-

in your

InHealth is read by more adult women than any other locally produced magazine.*

Get your copy at hospitals, medical offices & select Inlander rack locations.

e h-t

hig

TH D NOR

CHECKL

BASKETBALL

44 W. Main Ave 509-458-2667 www.MainMarket.coop Mon~Sat 8am – 8pm Sun 10am – 6pm Free Parking

CVR

Sizing up the Zags’ competition in the WCC

FREE Teeth Whitening

PAGE 32

$500 value with New Patient Exam, Xrays & Cleaning

& Botox Cosmetic Monday’s 20 units only $180

INLANDER THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

1227 WEST SUMMIT PARKWAY, SPOKANE, WA 99201 PHONE: 509-325-0634 | EMAIL: INFO@INLANDER.COM Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, RSS and at Inlander.com

THE INLANDER is a locally owned, independent newspaper founded on Oct. 20, 1993. Printed on newsprint that is at least 50 percent recycled; please recycle THE INLANDER after you’re done with it. One copy free per person per week; extra copies are $1 each (call x226). For ADVERTISING information, email advertising@inlander.com. To have a SUBSCRIPTION mailed to you, call x213 ($50 per year). To find one of our more than 1,000 NEWSRACKS where you can pick up a paper free every Thursday, call x226 or email trevorr@inlander.com. THE INLANDER is a member of the Association of Alternative Newsmedia. All contents of this newspaper are protected by United States copyright law. © 2013, Inland Publications, Inc.

SPOK ANE | EA S TERN WA SHINGTON | NORTH IDAHO

Collins Family Dentistry

Call for your appointment today!

(509) 487.9000 15 E. Central Ave, Spokane (509) 235.8451 1841 First St, Cheney

NEW Y EAR 25% OFF SPECIAL VASERShape ill Prices W e B R E NEV This Low Again!

OTHER SERVICES • Botox • Dermal Fillers • Cosmetic Skin Lesion Removal • Spider Vein Injections • Full Body Waxing

™

$170 Savings Per Treatment. Must call by 1/8/14 to schedule complimentary consultation. Mention ad to receive special.

VASERShape™ is an Ultrasound Heat Technology to decrease regions of stubborn fat, without surgery or down time!

As Seen on Dr. Oz. Best results are seen in 3 to 5 short treatments.

Now Accepting Care Credit

Melissa Sousley, MD | Spokane Enhanced Health | (509) 466-1188

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 3

4 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

COMMENT STAFF DIRECTORY PHONE: 509-325-0634 Ted S. McGregor Jr. (tedm@inlander.com) PUBLISHER

J. Jeremy McGregor (x224)

WHAT’S YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION?

GENERAL MANAGER

EDITORIAL Jacob H. Fries (x261) EDITOR

Mike Bookey (x279)

CULTURE EDITOR

Young Kwak

Amy Alkon, Andy Borowitz, Jim Hightower, Will Maupin, Sarah Munds, George Nethercutt, Jordan Satterfield, Leah Sottile, Seth Sommerfeld, Curtis Woloschuk

(call the office for details)

Professional Teeth Whitening $99

Gift Cards available!

MUSIC EDITOR

PHOTOGRAPHER

Tattoo Removal

Like us on facebook to see daily specials

WEB EDITOR

STAFF WRITERS

129 reg. $399

50% OFF

Laura Johnson (x250)

COPY EDITOR

Skin Tightening, Pigment Removal or Spider Vein Removal

That is such a hard question! ’Cause I already work out all the time. Um, probably to not eat so much sugar.

ART DIRECTOR

Heidi Groover (x249) Jacob Jones (x237), Deanna Pan (x282), Daniel Walters (x263)

Full Face $549 reg. $1,200 Bikini $199 reg. $600 Full or 1/2 Legs 50% OFF Back or Chest BOGO Free!

(for the face only)

Lisa Waananen (x239)

Michael Mahoney

Laser Hair Removal

JESSICA HUNTON

Chris Bovey (x248)

Chey Scott (x225) LISTINGS EDITOR

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

ISAIAH DAY

GIFT CARD

Let’s see. Complete my other New Year’s resolutions! What were your New Year’s resolutions last year? I don’t even remember. I’ll have to think about this.

CONTRIBUTORS

Emera L. Riley, Katelyn Smith, Sarah Wurtz INTERNS

ADVERTISING Kristi Gotzian (x215) ADVERTISING SALES MANAGER Bruce Deming (x217), Carolyn Padgham-Walker (x214) SENIOR ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Autumn Adrian (x251), Jamie Albertini (x247), Bonnie Amstutz (x212), Gail Golden (x236), Janet Pier (x235), Emily Walden (x260)

ARELI NATHANSON I’m totally changing my career direction! I quit my job a couple weeks ago and I’m going to start a baking business. Does it have a name yet? I’m thinking about calling it “Soul Cakes,” like “Soul Cakes Treat Bakery.”

ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES

Kristina Elverum (x223) DIRECTOR OF MARKETING Raevyn West (x222) EVENTS COORDINATOR Rebecca Rison (x216) ADVERTISING COORDINATOR Gilbert Sandoval (x242) ADVERTISING ASSITANT Aaron Willrich

SALES & MARKETING INTERN

ASH BOODEL I would say to get in better shape. I’m actually building a bike. To get in better shape to ride said bike? Well, that’s how I’m going to do it. I’m creeping up on 40 here, so I gotta get in better shape.

OPERATIONS Dee Ann Cook (x211) BUSINESS MANAGER Kristin Wagner (x210) ACCOUNTS RECEIVABLE Angela Rendall (x213)

OPERATIONS ASSISTANT

Trevor Rendall (x226)

DISTRIBUTION MANAGER

PRODUCTION

DAWN MCSWAIN Read more. Any particular books? All of the backlogs of books I have at home that I need to get through!

Wayne Hunt (x232) PRODUCTION MANAGER Alissia Blackwood Mead (x228), Derrick King (x238), Jessie Spaccia (x205), Tom Stover (x265) GRAPHIC DESIGNERS

INTERVIEWS BY DEANNA PAN BOOTS BAKERY & LOUNGE, 12/20/13

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 5

COMMENT | HOLIDAYS

Seeing More Clearly

FAMILY LAW • Divorce • Spousal Maintenance / Alimony • Child Support Modiﬁcations • Parenting Plans AUTO INJURY • CIVIL LITIGATION

This season, reflect on ways to carry the Christmas spirit over into 2014 BY GEORGE NETHERCUTT Craig Mason

W. 1707 BROADWAY, SPOKANE, WA | 509443-3681

CA$H REWARD TOP PRICE$

PAID!

E. 911 Marietta (East of Hamilton)

Mon-Fri 8-5 • Sat 8-4

Aluminum Stainless Steel Brass Copper Gold Silver

483-4094

www.actionrecycling.com

$5 each Come Out & Dance The Night Away

Satori

122 S. Monroe

Brooklyn Deli Building

360-550-5106 • satori.salsa-dance-spokane.com

6 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

any years ago, I played second base and was a knuckleball pitcher for North Central High School. It wasn’t until I got glasses my junior year that I realized I was nearsighted. With glasses, I could see pitches better to make contact with the baseball — and get hits. I could finally detect from the mound the catcher’s hand signs for pitch selections. Sometimes in politics — and in life — we don’t see things clearly until we get help with our vision. And we don’t always need glasses to do so. An analogy can be drawn to the state of American politics today. In public service, better vision comes not from an ophthalmologist, but from longevity and wisdom gleaned from having “seen” more of life and lived more history. Two dear friends from Eastern Washington remarked recently how disgusted they are that political money requests have replaced requests for advice, as elected officials build massive campaign war chests to protect their own political status. When serving as a House Appropriator, I was asked to make larger contributions to various political organizations, just to be sure I was “doing my part” for the party and could continue as a member of the House Appropriations Committee. As I matured in office, I saw more clearly how the leadership game was played — in both major parties. Most experienced donors now understand it.

the political pendulum will soon swing back the other way. And that’s the hope the history of America teaches us. Our nation has endured and been better enlightened by many critical developments — and survived. Here are a few: Finally recognizing

women’s rights. The pursuit of racial equality and sensitivity. The importance of fathers in traditional twoparent families. The necessity of a strong American foreign policy to act as a bulwark against aggressive nations that ignore the human condition.

“Better vision comes ... from longevity and wisdom gleaned from having ‘seen’ more of life.”

hat I love about Christmas is the clarity of vision it gives us. Christmas music has words we know and messages we easily understand. Christmas enchants children, and inspires fantasy in adult lives. After all, who doesn’t believe in Santa Claus at Christmastime? To this day, our family’s motto is, “If you don’t believe in Santa, he won’t remember you on Christmas morning.” A recent remake of Miracle on 34th Street has the sweetest message of Christmas. When Kris Kringle is dismissed as an unstable old man (and not Santa), at Kringle’s mental commitment hearing, the judge doesn’t dare rule that there is no Santa Claus. Instead, he cites the words, “In God We Trust” printed on American money as an example of the faith that abounds in America. Though there’s no dispute that Americans trust in God enough that we put it on our common currency, having trust to believe what we can’t see justifies believing in Kris Kringle as Santa Claus. The judge dismisses Kringle’s mental competency petition to the delight of all New Yorkers. Fantasy — yes, but it’s heartwarming fantasy. The same goes for being able to see through the fog of the current political scene. Many Americans now see that Obamacare was not all it was held out to be. “Hope and change” turned out to be a lot of change and a lot of hope — that

The many failures of America’s social welfare system. Responsible environmental sensitivity. The wisdom of free markets and capitalism.

he United States has the capacity to change our culture and see through the labyrinth of public policy. When we try to rewrite settled policies that have worked for most Americans, a backlash occurs, because most common-sense Americans with a working knowledge of history know not to be mesmerized by dramatic new public policies that sound too good to be true. No one needs glasses to see that Mr. Obama’s vivid “red lines” in foreign policy always manage to turn white, signaling that America is now walking softly, carrying not a big stick, but a twig. That’s why it’s important that young people know about American history, government, economics and foreign policy. They’re our next generation of leaders and we’re counting on them to be principled leaders, able to envision the importance of and perpetuate enduring Constitutional principles of justice, freedom, equality and individual liberty. So this Christmas season, as we have been gathering around Christmas trees, warmed by logs on the fire and enjoying turkey dinners, let’s remember to give thanks for things seen and unseen, and have faith that 2014 will open all eyes to the “Christmas Miracle” to help us see what lies ahead. 

COMMENT | PUBLISHER’S NOTE

“The Crescent, circa 1940s” by Ivan Munk, 1997

The Boy in the Picture

Somehow, “workout” doesn’t capture how much fun this is gonna be.

BY TED S. McGREGOR JR.

very year during the holidays, I haul that same painting up from the basement and hang it on the wall. Depicting the Crescent’s holiday window, circa mid-1940s, it reminds me of old Spokane and the warm glow of the holidays. It reminds me of the early days of the Inlander, too, as we published it on our cover in December of 1997. But it mostly reminds me of Ivan — the artist who painted it. How could I forget him? He actually painted himself right into the picture. Having worked for The New Press and Spokane magazine as an illustrator, Ivan Munk wandered into our offices one day in 1994, looking for a place to get his art published. Over the years, he did a lot of great work for us — another holiday painting of the Campbell House and a meticulous reconstruction, with Jack Nisbet’s help, of the Spokane House fur trapping outpost, to name just two. Local artist Keiko Von Holt asked me if she could sell a limited edition of reprints of Ivan’s Crescent watercolor this holiday season at her artists’ coop, the Avenue West Gallery. Of course I want people to continue to enjoy his work, but it also reminded me that Spokane didn’t appreciate Ivan enough while he was alive; he passed away in 2006 at the age of 69. There was no doubt Ivan was a cranky old curmudgeon — but he was also a gold mine of Spokane memories. At KHQ, he and Bob Briley staged and filmed a reenactment of the Battle of Steptoe Butte. He painted lost Kirtland Cutter homes, including the Chalet that Cutter himself lived in. He even illustrated a comic-book version of local history with Jay Kalez that you can still find at local bookstores. But when I see that little picture of him, existentially looking straight out of the painting, up at his own older self at work, I see his sense of wonder at all the amazing things Spokane has to offer. Ivan came back from art school in Chicago to paint because this was where his inspiration lived — old miners’ mansions, pioneer adventure stories and magical windows pouring light onto the streets of Spokane. It’s no surprise Ivan painted himself into that scene; it was his happy place. And it’s Spokane’s, too. n

OPEN JAN 9

Healthy Resolutions Start Here!

FREE Bag of Tea w/ purchase over $25 Now thru Dec 31st, 2013 Must present coupon. Some exclusions apply.

15614 E. Sprague, Spokane Valley • 509-315-4036 www.SpiceTradersMercantile.com

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 7

START A NEW TRADITION THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

COMMENT | DIGEST ON OUR FACEBOOK

Do you support the city’s expanded downtown sit-lie ban? JORDAN HILKER: Absolutely not. I see it as the further criminalization of the homeless.

Give HOME

for the

JEREMY MUDD: It’s a form of extortion of the poor. It’s our city anyways, they don’t have the right to do these types of things if we don’t let them. Stop being compliant. Take your streets back.

HOLIDAYS

Check out why we build & why you should too. Sign up at:

Habitat-Spokane.org

509.534.2552

JACK OHMAN CARTOON

REMEMBRANCE

A Shared Legacy Bethine Church will go down as a giant in Idaho history BY CHRIS CARLSON

You were naughty get your own

damn gift Boo�Radley’s Uncommon�Gifts

232�N.�Howard�.�456-7479 across�from�the�carousel

8 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

er pet name for the longest-serving Democratic U.S. Senator from Idaho was “Frosty.” Bethine Church, who passed away on Dec. 21 at the age of 90, was the daughter of an Idaho governor and a skilled politician in her own right. Along with Frank Church’s longtime administrative assistant, Verda Barnes, she was the Senator’s top advisor on most matters, especially those that pertained to the politics of the home state. Most folks in Idaho, and within the D.C. Beltway, recognized her as the third Senator from Idaho. She was a force to be dealt with, and other senators as well as staff accorded her the same respect they accorded her spouse. During appearances at receptions and fundraisers, especially if they were in Idaho or had mostly Idahoans present, Bethine would be the first in the room, with Frosty following. She had a phenomenal memory for names, and would smoothly say, “Frank, you remember Floyd Jensen, our good friend from Preston.” Senator Church would say, “Well of course I do, Floyd, how you doing?” The Senator often needed the reminder. A favorite photo taken by the Lewiston Tribune’s Barry Kough is that of the Senator speaking during a re-election campaign at a small-town North Idaho café in a place like Troy or Potlatch. If one looks carefully in the background, they’ll see Bethine sitting in a booth, listening for any fixable flaw the Senator gave in his answer. Idahoans owe Bethine a special thanks,

for it was she who undoubtedly introduced the Senator to the wonderful wilds of central Idaho, a significant portion of which is now named after the Senator due to his authorship of the precedent-setting 1964 Wilderness Act. She accomplished this by insisting they spend time early in the Senator’s career recharging the batteries at the family-owned Robinson Bar Ranch. (They sold the ranch in 1964 before the Wilderness Act was passed; the Senator did not want to have even the slim appearance of a possible conflict of interest.) While in many respects she led a charmed life, it was not without sadness. Among the great disappointments had to be the Senator’s failure to secure the Democratic presidential nomination in 1976, along with his narrow defeat at the hands of Steve Symms in 1980. Losing the Senator to the cancer that returned in 1984, followed by son Forrest’s death, also from cancer, left holes in her heart that time would never completely heal. She kept busy, though, staying active in Democratic Party affairs, working for causes like the Sawtooth Society, enjoying the company of her grandchildren, writing a fine book about her life, and doing what she could to help preserve the legacy of the good, great Senator. His legacy, whether it be preserving the wilderness of “the Frank,” putting restraints on the excesses of the CIA, securing Medicare funding for hospice care and much, much more, is as much hers as it is his. May her memory be cherished by Idahoans forever. 

JORDAN HASTE: If there is shelter available, why have them on the streets? Keep job searching. Better yourself and put down the signs. GEOFFREY PUDDLEDUCK WALLACE: This law is incredibly ableist. I suffer from bouts of nausea, vertigo and faintness. The best method of management is to sit down on any available space, and that often means a sidewalk or planter. Good to know that I’m now considered an “undesirable.” ROBBIN WOOD: That is a disgusting way of harassing the homeless. I am ashamed of my city. KAYLEEN CAMPBELL: And what did they vote to do to help the homeless? Extra funding for shelters? Programs for transitions? PAULA BARR: I myself have been harassed by people both young and old when I have been downtown and I think the ban will help clean up the downtown. Visitors to our city need to feel safe not just downtown but everywhere and not have people harass them bully them and have them passed out in our parks and in front of stores they are trying to visit. BLAINE MATTHEW: No. It won’t work, first and foremost. There’s absolutely no evidence it helps, coming from other cities that have done similar. Beyond that, though, I think it burdens an already overwhelmed police force that should be handling bigger issues than nuisance crimes, will likely result in profiling of at-risk populations and has the potential to very negatively impact minority populations (such as the LGBT community) that do not feel safe at the vast majority of shelters in the city given the religious nature of those places and prior history. 

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 9

Hurry in for the

NEW YEAR’S COUNTDOWN SALE. Get $100 off all tablets, plus get up to $150 or more when you trade in your old tablet.

All tablets require new 2-yr. activation. Trade in for a Verizon Wireless gift card. Old tablet must be in good working condition.

SAVE $200

9999

NOW $ JUST

WAS $299.99 OFFER ENDS 12/31 Tablet for Work and Play

Samsung Galaxy Tab® 2 (7.0)

Requires new 2-yr. activation.

FREE

SAVE $50 ON SELECT DROID DEVICES.

Requires new 2-yr. activation.

OFFER ENDS 12/31.

Compact Power

1874/MO.

Plus for a limited time get free activation & your 1st payment on us!*

DROID MINI by MOTOROLA

$18.74/month, for 24 months, O% APR, 1st payment due at sale. On Verizon Edge. Full Retail Price: $449.99.

Requires new 2-yr. activation.

Also available in white and red.

New phone every year.

Thinnest 4G LTE Smartphone

New phone every 2 years.

14999

DROID ULTRA by MOTOROLA

Requires new 2-yr. activation.

Also available in black and red.

Up to 48-Hour Battery

DROID MAXX by MOTOROLA

CALL: 1.800.256.4646

CLICK: vzw.com/holiday

VISIT: vzw.com/storelocator

*Up to $35 activation fee and 1st month’s Edge payment appears as a bill credit, may take up to 2 billing cycles, and doesn’t apply to taxes/other fees. Waived activation fee ends 3/31/14 and free month ends 1/15/14. Activation/upgrade fee/line: Up to $35. IMPORTANT CONSUMER INFORMATION: Subject to Cust. Agmt, Calling Plan & credit approval. Up to $350 early termination fee/line. Restocking fee may apply. Offers & coverage, varying by svc, not available everywhere; see vzw.com. Limited-time offers. While supplies last. 4G LTE is available in 500 markets in the U.S. Edge: Subject to Customer and Edge Agreements & credit approval. Edge Up available after 6 months and 50% of original device paid. DROID is a trademark of Lucasfilm Ltd. and its related companies. Used under license. 48-hr. claim based on avg. user profile. Battery performance will vary based on network signal, configuration and usage/standby patterns. © 2013 Samsung Telecommunications America, LLC (“Samsung”). Samsung and Galaxy Tab are both trademarks of Samsung Electronics America, Inc. and/or its related entities. © 2013 Electronic Arts Inc. EA, EA SPORTS, the EA SPORTS logo, Plants vs. Zombies and PopCap are trademarks of Electronic Arts Inc. All other trademarks are the property of their respective owners. © 2013 Verizon Wireless. H0447

10 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

CWST-H0447-PacificNWInlander-9.3x11-4C-12.26

COMMENT | SATIRE

Duck Dynasty in D.C. S BY ANDY BOROWITZ

upreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia lashed out at the cable network A&E this week, calling its decision to suspend Phil Robertson, the star of the TV series Duck Dynasty, unconstitutional, and demanding that it be overturned at once. Speaking at a press conference with fellow Justice Clarence Thomas, a visibly angry Scalia told reporters that Robertson was “exercising his First Amendment right to express an opinion — an opinion, I might add, that many other great Americans agree with.” He warned that the suspension of the Duck star would have a “chilling effect” on freedom of speech in America: “If Phil Robertson can be muzzled for expressing this perfectly legitimate view, what’s to prevent the same thing from happening to, say, a Justice of the Supreme Court?” He added that, while he was a huge Duck Dynasty fan who

never misses an episode, his objection to Robertson’s suspension was “purely on Constitutional grounds.” Declaring that A&E’s decision “will not stand,” Justice Scalia said he would ask the Supreme Court to meet in an emergency session to overturn it: “This offensive decision by A&E is a clear violation of the Constitution, and I’m not the only one on the Court who feels that way. Right, Clarence?” Justice Thomas had no comment. Elsewhere, in a statement, a spokesman for the fast-food industry lashed out at workers’ “outrageous and unacceptable demand to be considered human beings.” n For more fake news from Andy Borowitz, visit borowitzreport.com.

COMMENT | WALL STREET

Fox in the Henhouse T BY JIM HIGHTOWER

he scandalous saga of the Wall Street bailout continues, for bank regulators are now watering down Congress’ pathetically weak reforms. However, during the past four years, one fellow has shown some regulatory backbone, proposing rules to prevent a repeat of the whole sorry saga. He is Gary Gensler, head of the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, and he has dared to push the Treasury Secretary and other major bank overseers to join him in seriously limiting Wall Street’s cavalier proliferation of complex “derivatives.” Analysts describe these convoluted schemes as “poorly disclosed, poorly understood, and could lay waste to the economy.” Good for Gensler, right? Yes! But of all the agency heads who are involved in writing new banking rules, guess which one was not invited this year by President Obama to stay on the job? Yes, the tough one — the one actually trying to protect the people, and the one not afraid to offend Wall Street greedheads: Gary Gensler. He’s being replaced by Timothy Massad, who appears to be more

industry lapdog than watchdog. Massad, a career insider, has been a corporate lawyer for banks, a lieutenant for Treasury Secretary Timmy Geithner (an infamous Wall Street softie), and a blocker of tough provisions to stop big banks from unfairly squeezing hard-hit homeowners. Apparently Gensler wanted to keep doing his work at this onceobscure agency — staying on guard against financial connivers trying to twist the rules to legalize banker robbery. But Wall Streeters certainly didn’t want him there, and Obama bowed to them, displacing the one guy, the one regulatory chief, who had the guts and gumption to stand up to coddled bankers. Not only is Gensler gone, but Wall Street gets a regulator who’s being entrusted to return the agency to obscurity. What a disgrace. n For more from America’s populist, check out jimhightower.com.

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 11

12 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

Bruce Geer, right, places a bell representing one of the 39 local homeless people who died this year. YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

STREETS

Lives that Mattered Spokane remembers the homeless men and women who died this year BY DEANNA PAN

he word on the street is that Soda Pop fell into a mud puddle about four inches deep and drowned. They called him Soda Pop because he always had a can of beer in his hand. He was a “happy drunk,” a mentor to the younger men and “an icon for flying the sign,” as his friends put it. On Bloomsday, he stood on a corner with his sign for 25 minutes. He came back with $107. And he always shared what he had. “If he had food and you were hungry, he’d give you

something to eat. If you were thirsty, he’d give you a drink. He was just that kind of guy,” says “Little Doug” Siebold. Little Doug lived under the I-90 overpass with Soda Pop and 30 other men until they were kicked out by police a couple of years ago. “I don’t think the majority of people realize what it’s all about to be homeless,” he says. “It’s not fun, but it will teach you something about yourself. You learn to love yourself, and I know Soda Pop did.” Soda Pop’s real name, his friends on the street later

found out, was Charles Tye. He was from Detroit, and he was a veteran. During his last months, he knew he was dying. This made him gentler, says Little Doug, “more of a real person.” Soda Pop was one of at least 39 people who had experienced homelessness who died in the past year. Last Friday, they were honored at the CHAS Denny Murphy Clinic as snow fell steadily and cold in the courtyard, where 50 people gathered in remembrance. For these men — and they’re mostly men — there were no obituaries in the newspaper, often no graves to mark their burials or next of kin to call. Even on the streets, few people knew who they were before they became homeless and anonymous. As such, their stories remain unknown. “I can’t remember all of them. There have probably been 20 or 30 since I’ve been on the streets,” says Little Doug of his friends who’ve died since he became homeless in the ’90s. Each person who passes is a reminder of ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 13

NEWS | STREETS “LIVES THAT MATTERED,” CONTINUED...

Flexible payment options, when you need them most. Winter is definitely here, and with cold weather comes rising energy use. If you are concerned about keeping up with expenses, we can help. Avista offers a variety of payment options, including: • Flexible payment plans to help if you’re having difficulties paying your energy bill. • Comfort-level billing to smooth out seasonal highs and lows by dividing your bill into 12 equal payments. • Preferred due dates to let you specify payment dates for monthly bills. We also have online energy management tools, such as our Bill Analyzer or Home Energy Advisor, that can help you manage your energy use. The most important thing to remember is to contact us if you need help. To find out if you qualify for payment options, or to get more information, please call us at 1-800-227-9187 or visit avistautilities.com/assistance

Michelle specializes in customer service at Avista.

A weekly email for food lovers SIGN UP AT

INLANDER.COM/NEWSLETTER

To advertise, call 509.325.0624 x216 or email sales@inlander.com

14 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

his own mortality: “It could be me.” They die young — from alcoholism, drug and tobacco use, exposure and violence. But most of the time, chronic health conditions take their final toll. According to the Spokane Regional Health District, living downtown decreases one’s life expectancy by up to 18 years. “We do whatever we want to do,” says Little Doug. “It’s the most freest you can be.” For Aaron Weeks, it was diabetes, House of Charity workers say. For Phillip Waldron, it was heart failure. Darnell Perkins was on hospice at the end. Kace Perry and Nicholas Kittridge OD’ed. Cyrus Jones was shot in the chest. Ramona Childress was stabbed, her body found buried in the woods. For service providers, the list is far too long. The deaths don’t get any easier. “We’re in the business of attaching to people,” says Jerry Schwab from the House of Charity. “We want to be emotionally connected to our folks, because that’s real. They need that, and they prosper from that. That’s how they move forward. Then when they die, that’s painful.”

ops collapsed inside the Conoco on Third. He was leaning against a shelf when his heart gave out, say those who knew him. He died within minutes. In the South, where he grew up, he was Matthew Bolar. In Spokane, he was known for his music. He said he was a cousin of Sam Cooke, the legendary King of Soul, and he could play the piano like nobody’s business. “He had a heavenly voice, a lot of soul,” says Schwab. Pops lived in a RV that he moved all over downtown, until the pastor at All Saints Lutheran gave him permission to leave his vehicle in the parking lot in exchange for janitorial work at the church. An advocate for the homeless, he volunteered at service organizations all over the city. You didn’t want to mess with Pops. He spent 13 years in prison. He kept a knife on hand in case he needed to fight. But when Pops died last spring, his memorial service was packed. “Sometimes a street person passes and not much of a dent gets made in the social order. When Pops passed, a huge hole

MORE GIFT THAN GAME. CHAS clinic physicians assistant Bill Bomberger at last week’s memorial. YOUNG KWAK PHOTO was left for many, many people, street people and others,” says Rob Bryceson, pastor at First Covenant Church. “I miss him.”

ick “The Rocket” Rinehart died in August from liver failure. His body was found by the train tracks across the street from Grocery Outlet on Fourth. That was Rocket’s post, beneath the overpass. He’d lived on the streets almost his entire life, and his reputation was mean. Rocket was a loner and a hell-raiser, illiterate and an alcoholic, recall local volunteers. He’d walk into the City Gate for a meal, black and blue and wasted. He lost his sight in one eye after he was hit with a pipe. For Rocket, his homelessness was a source of pride, a badge On a single night in January 2013, of honor. 610,042 people in the United States, But inside the City Gate, including 1,030 people in Spokane, “he was a completely different were homeless. person.” The mortality rate among the “He’d give you the shirt chronically homeless is four to nine off his back, but he was smart times higher than in the general enough not to let people on population. the streets know that,” says The life expectancy for people Andra Phelps, PR coordinawho are homeless is approximately 45 tor at the City Gate. She met years, compared to almost 80 for the Rocket when she started U.S. population. volunteering at the City Gate 20 years ago. “He happened to be one of the very handful of people who I felt safe with.” He called Phelps “sweetheart” and asked her about her family. He walked Phelps to her car at night. When Rocket died this fall, the staff and patrons at the City Gate held a memorial for him at his post under the overpass, marked by a painted rock (“Where do souls go to soar?”) and a bottle of Bud. They all sang his favorite song: “I’ll Fly Away.” “Everybody has this desire to be known and to know, loved and to love,” says Catholic Charities counselor Sonja Devaney. “And I think here in the House of Charity and at other shelters, that’s what we’re touching on — that human spirit to try to reconnect in spite of.” n deannap@inlander.com

IT’S Q CASH AT NORTHERN QUEST. USE YOUR CAMAS REWARDS CARD WHEN PLAYING YOUR FAVORITE SLOTS AS USUAL. EVERY FEW MINUTES, WE’LL GIVE ONE LUCKY PLAYER $5 TO $500 ON THE HOUSE. YOU’RE WELCOME.

DEATH ON THE STREETS

N OR THER N Q UE ST.COM 8 7 7.8 7 1.67 7 2 S P OK A NE, WA A N EN T ER PR I S E O F T H E K A LI S PEL T R IB E

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 15

NEWS | DIGEST

NEED TO KNOW

PHOTO EYE DOWN HILL FROM HERE

The Big News of the Past Week

Spokane investigators continue to piece together last week’s killing of South Hill resident Douglas Carlile, 63, releasing footage of a suspicious white van and asking for help from the public to collect information about his various business dealings. Investigators suspect Carlile was “targeted.”

After leading for three quarters, the Washington State University football team fumbled its first bowl appearance since 2003, losing 45-48 to Colorado State in the New Mexico Bowl. The Eastern Washington University Eagles and Seattle Seahawks also lost their games, as did the Gonzaga men’s basketball team.

Two members of the Russian punk protest group Pussy Riot were freed this week under a new amnesty law, which critics called a publicity stunt to improve Russia’s image prior to the upcoming Winter Olympic Games in February.

YOUNG KWAK PHOTO

With just enough snow for sledding, 7-year-old Noah Wright and other local children took to the slopes Saturday at Underhill Park in East Spokane. Many broke out their plastic saucers and sleds for some downhill thrills, while others engaged in friendly snowball fights in the fresh powder.

DIGITS

Spokane County’s unemployment rate for November, which edged up slightly to now match the national jobless rate of 7 percent. The Washington state average for November was 6.5 percent.

High temperature measured in New York’s Central Park on Sunday, breaking the previous daily record of 63 degrees as a December heat wave hits the Northeast.

ALL HOLIDAY DECOR 70% OFF ALL FURNITURE

ON SALE

OFF

Just days before Christmas, Target announced credit card data for approximately 40 million customers had been compromised between Nov. 27 and Dec. 14.

ON INLANDER.com What’s Creating Buzz

PHOTOS: Check the blog for more photos, plus holiday recordings from service members, from Inlander photographer Young Kwak’s trip to Manas, Kyrgyzstan, with a crew from Fairchild Air Force Base.

1727 E Sprague Ave • 509-535-1111

ALL ACCESSORIES

ON SALE

60 75 SELECT PIECES UP TO

Snow flurries caused dozens of car crashes this past weekend with a fatal 10-car pile-up near Ritzville on Friday. Alleged street racing led to a three-car crash Thursday. Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich was also reportedly rear-ended in East Spokane.

401 W 1st Ave • 509-413-1185

SELECT PIECES UP TO

OFF

1702 E Riverside Ave • 509-209-3954

www.TheHanleyCollection.com

16 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013 48753-12 Dec 19-Home for the Holidays-5H.indd 1

12/20/13 3:36 PM

NEWS | BRIEFS

private health insurance ends on March 31, 2014. There is no open enrollment period for Medicaid recipients. Meanwhile, the Obama administration announced Monday that consumers shopping on the federal government’s Healthcare.gov had an extra day to complete their enrollements for Jan. 1 coverage. — DEANNA PAN

For What Ails You

STATE OF RECORDS

Obamacare deadlines, new medical pot rules and a look at Washington’s public records UNCERTAIN FUTURE

With the next state legislative session less than a month away and legal recreational marijuana on the horizon, a group of state agencies has passed along its recommendations for how lawmakers should reform the state’s MEDICAL MARIJUANA system. The state departments of health and revenue, along with the Liquor Control Board, which has been overseeing the creation of Washington’s new recreational marijuana market, released their final recommendations this month as part of a push to revamp the state’s largely unregulated medical market in hopes of preventing recreational users from buying medical pot instead of from the new recreational market. In a reversal from an earlier draft, the groups now say home grows should be kept legal for medical patients, though they propose allowing six plants, down from the current 15. Among their other recommendations, the groups suggest:  creating a patient and provider registry.  eliminating collective gardens in favor of using state-licensed stores to sell both recreational and medical marijuana.

Gold

num

Plati

2.A1P4R

 using the same tax structure applied to recreational marijuana, but exempting medical users from the state and local retail sales and use taxes recreational customers will pay. Read the full recommendations at Inlander.com. — HEIDI GROOVER

IT’S COMING

Washington residents who missed the Dec. 23 deadline to enroll in HEALTH CARE COVERAGE through the state insurance exchange can still receive health benefits on New Year’s Day — as long as they started the application process before midnight on the cut-off date. Due to technical issues plaguing the Washington Healthplanfinder website — the site was down Monday morning until nearly 9 am — health exchange officials announced last week that people who were unable to complete their applications before the 23rd could enroll retroactively and receive coverage on Jan. 1. Payments for these late enrollees are due Jan. 15. People who submit applications after Dec. 23 can receive coverage as early as Feb. 1. Open enrollment in

In a new assessment of Washington’s PUBLIC RECORDS LAW, policy analysts outlined several recommendations for improving the fairness and function of the state’s public disclosure process. Popular recommendations included establishing a third-party system to review disclosure disagreements, streamlining or clarifying exemptions and collecting comprehensive data on the amount of records being processed by local governments. The William D. Ruckelshaus Center, a joint research group with Washington State University and the University of Washington, recently interviewed 35 public officials, judges, journalists and citizens on their views of the current records system. Many agreed the Public Records Act serves a vital role, but argued local officials often failed to keep up with an increasing number of requests. Several public officials complained that large or unnecessary requests took time away from government work, while open records advocates argued providing records is government work. Many believed a thirdparty arbitration process should be created to resolve record disputes out of court. “This alternative should be independent, inexpensive and swift in its resolution of disputes,” the center’s Dec. 13 report states. In conclusion, researchers recommended additional data collection on the frequency and volume of records requests statewide as well as workshops between stakeholders to discuss potential amendments to state law. — JACOB JONES

“NEW”

It’s all about the at our downtown Spokane branch. New year. New branch. New rate on balance transfers.

Say hello to 2.14% APR* when you transfer your balance to a Numerica Visa® Platinum or Gold card. Only at our downtown Spokane branch (502 W. Riverside). *Here’s the legal stuff. Offer good December 10-31, 2013 and at the Numerica downtown Spokane branch (502 W. Riverside Avenue) only. Promotional 2.14% APR (Annual Percentage Rate) on balance transfers to a new or existing Numerica Platinum or Gold card through December 31, 2014 (promotional period). The special rate only applies to the amount transferred. After promotion period, or when the balance is paid off, your purchase APR will be the purchase rate as stated in the cardholder agreement. As of 12/9/13, the variable purchase rate for our Platinum card is 5.25% - 12.25% APR and for our Gold card, the non-variable purchase rate is 8.90% - 17.90% depending on credit worthiness. Cash advance rates are higher. Rates subject to change. Offer not available on Business Visa or to pay off existing Numerica loans or lines of credit. Account must be in good standing. $20 membership fee for new members. Federally Insured by NCUA.

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 17

NEWS | POLITICS

Nancy McLaughlin: “The council’s become so much more political in the last four years.”

Exit Interview

STEPHEN SCHLANGE PHOTO

After eight years on the Spokane City Council, Nancy McLaughlin reflects and looks forward BY HEIDI GROOVER

uring nearly a decade on the dais, Nancy McLaughlin made her name as a staunch conservative, pushing for fiscal responsibility, business interests and, recently, covering up nearly nude baristas. But as she prepared to leave office because of term limits, her district went in the opposite direction, electing a union-backed liberal to replace her. A few days after McLaughlin’s final city council meeting, she sat down with us over a nonfat mocha to talk about what she’s learned, her advice for her replacement and what comes next. On what she’s learned during her time in office: “Sometimes there’s just not easy answers, and that it’s not as plain-cut, black and white as you would hope it would be, and so you gather all the information around a particular issue as

18 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

you can and you try to throw in your common sense, and come out with as good of a decision as you can.” On her advice to newcomer Candace Mumm: “Listen a lot. Listen more than you thought you were ever going to listen. Listen and try to get as much information about whatever the topic is before you come to a conclusion. If people feel like they’re being listened to, even if you end up not agreeing with them, they will respect you. … Take those phone calls from people who are frustrated.” On Mayor David Condon: “He’s brilliant. … I really appreciate [his] initiatives, especially around making things easier for businesses and for trying to keep the costs down to families.”

On partisanship on the City Council: “The council’s become so much more political in the last four years. When I came on eight years ago, it didn’t feel very political; it really seemed nonpartisan. I wish I knew [why], but really, four years ago, it seemed like there was a switching of a light that suddenly, let’s make that political.” On the future of the city: “There will be challenges, no doubt about it. There are challenges in any great city that is trying to move forward. I think they are not insurmountable as long as you keep talking and communicating and finding solutions.” On the challenges of public office: “One of the hardest things is when one of your people that you represent comes to you over maybe a hard issue and they’re demanding you vote a certain way, saying, ‘You represent me and I elected you to represent me.’ Then somebody else also in your area with the completely opposite view demands the same thing. … I would love to make everyone happy all the time, but you just don’t, and it’s exciting that way.” On governing as a “woman of faith:” “It’s been important to me to really kind of prayerfully ask for the Lord’s guidance on issues [when] I have really thought, ‘Is there a right and wrong? God, how do you feel about this?’” On the toughest issues: “Environmental issues, for one. It seems like there are extremes on both sides of the issue and I like to say I’ve advocated for balanced and cost-effective environmental stewardship. … I think people thought that I was anti-environmental because of some of the stances I took, but I’m going, ‘No, I’m not. It’s just that the government just can’t pound the environment as the only issue for cities. It’s not. We have other needs where our dollars need to go to.’” On her accomplishments: “When I first came on to council, we didn’t have any kind of a rainy day fund. … We set aside $5 million. It’s very easy for councils, because of the many needs, to say, ‘Let’s just spend it.’ To actually set aside $5 million and put it in a rainy day fund was huge ... We desperately needed that during these last few years. “I believe I was one of the initial big pushes for the establishment of the police ombudsman. ... I’ve been very supportive of a civilian oversight model from the get-go. I’m just sorry that I wasn’t able to help bring it to fruition at the end of this year fully. “[The council’s] budget principles: I helped work with the finance department on those. Some are common-sense things, Send comments to like ‘Don’t spend one-time excess monies on editor@inlander.com. ongoing excess expenses.’ Don’t set ourselves up for that, because if you embed a new program and the next year that extra money isn’t there, then you have to look at the heartache of cutting it off.”

LETTERS

On her post-council plans “I have people who wanted us to move out into the 4th legislative district. … I’m still passionate about getting in there [to state government] and trying to make some of these changes to help improve our city life, but the handwriting is pretty obvious on the wall that I can’t get elected in the 3rd [legislative district] … But that’s a very serious change for us. … We kept saying, ‘Lord, if you want us to move, then we have to love something and it has to be affordable’ and that hasn’t happened yet. “Cathy McMorris Rodgers hasn’t filled her district director position. … [That] would be something I would be interested in because, No. 1, I am supportive of Cathy and, No. 2, I think it would be a good fit for me having local government experience that would be beneficial to her office. “I know that it really was kind of a God thing [to run for City Council] and … now that I’ve done it to best of my ability, I keep thinking, ‘What can I do now with this to continue to serve?’” n heidig@inlander.com

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 19

EDITORS’ NOTE: A river may divide Spokane, but it

SHORT FICTION CONTEST

also draws us in, calling us to its banks and challenging us to forge our own new connections. We chose the theme “Bridges” for this year’s fiction contest to tap into those connections and the sense of place conjured by the steel and concrete that unites this city. We received about 115 short stories, offering vivid tales of personal tragedy, relentless hope and audacious myth. Many reflected the unique voices and landscapes of the Inland Northwest. Our team of 10 Inlander staff judges nominated 13 finalists, which we all read before debating and bargaining down to our top three stories of 2013, plus three more on the web at Inlander.com. Enjoy. — JACOB JONES, Contest Editor

STEPHEN SCHLANGE PHOTO

“Shoulders” is a very Spokane story, and not just because it references Bloomsday, Joe Albi, and T.J. Meenach. It’s about the crisp Spokane mornings when you can see the puffs of steam from the diehard joggers panting past, see the headlight beams piercing the fog. It’s about that vintage Spokane mix of regret, nostalgia and desperation. And it’s about those pieces of our lives we leave unlocked. (DANIEL WALTERS)

SHOULDERS

BY ROS S CARP E R Standing in the shower, he shudders again, remembering the weight of his arms. They were wet sandbags, submerged and unmoving; at once paralyzed by the opportunity and filled with longing. Longing like the kind he’s heard his mother describe (recently/ repeatedly/pointedly): my arms just ache for that grandbaby. But Lydia’s mother has the only arms with such ache-relieving privilege. Tonight, and whenever he is so haunted, the simplicity of his former desire ridicules James. A ball. Then, under the lights, his arms had been hungry only to receive a piece of leather filled with air — quite literally a plaything. The worst mockery is that this one brief and meaningless failure only steeps itself hotter and stronger as the years pass. He shakes his head once, hard, and gargles the word pathetic into the rush of water. It’s the seventh autumn since his senior football season. James is twenty-five. In several minutes, he will splay himself face down and let his studio apartment’s space heaters dry him into sleep. He will arise long before light, for he knows it will be less than twenty degrees in the morning.

og soup, he thinks as he leaves the old Browne’s Addition Victorian. Good. The house is gawdy, a century past the glory of some elite Spokane family. It is chopped into apartments and appended with wrought iron staircases that usher tenants to odd entrances, precluding human interaction. James trots from the yard and locks into his seven-minute-mile pace, dropping down to Riverside and joining its downhill, westward flow toward the bridge. The road is empty and silent, though there will be more than fifty thousand who pass this stretch during Bloomsday in May. We do our sports as a city, in big injury-inducing bursts, he thinks as he parts ways with the race course. Across the footbridge north over a wide river of froth, his watch hasn’t yet hit five o’clock. Prime time. His spiral plastic cord of shaved Honda keys weigh down one wrist beneath his sweatshirt. He’s an opportunist, but the keys are mostly for late night drives, not early morning runs. Sub-twenty degrees means puffer patrol. Despite the news coverage of his work, it amazes him how many westsiders leave empty, unlocked cars to warm up before work. But it goes without saying: among the puffers he encounters, he shows restraint. This morning, he will glance down side streets to see multiple clouds of thick exhaust mixing with late-November fog. He will hear the hasty scrape of plastic against windshields, smell an abundance of fumes before catalytic converters become warm enough to function. But, his list: only under a combination of circumstances will he strike: a clear visual of the driver returning to the house (For coffee? To finish packing a lunch?), the house door fully closed behind the driver, an obstructed view from the house to the car, an old-enough model year to sug-

gest a lack of amenities (remote start, LoJack, Onstar) or a lack of planned precaution (extra key to warm-up-and-lock). Cherry picking. He climbs the newly paved switchbacks toward West Central. On his runs, he thinks of this steep rise as a hard-muscled shoulder of the city. The oldest, roughest neighborhood ends with Summit Boulevard cutting a contour, following the river far below. On this morning’s climb, he remembers a poet from junior year Language Arts. Carl Sandburg, talking tough about Chicago: City of the Big Shoulders. Moving his mind to a neighboring thought, he considers his idol, Ryne Sandberg. Legendary three-sport athlete — chose one of them almost on a whim, then journeyed from James’s own North Central High School to flex his big shoulders in none other than big Carl’s city. Cubbies. Hall of Fame. More homers than any second baseman. Stoic. Emotionless. Never looked back. James had read it online; someone recently asked Sandberg where he would have ended up if he had chosen one of his full-ride football offers. A rare grin washed over his face as he said, “The NFL.” Lost in his Sandburg/Sandberg musings, James mutters Chicago didn’t even crack the list, referring to Spokane’s consistent ranking in the top five cities for car theft per capita. Instantly, he is ashamed of his bravado. His thoughts turn to Lydia and Megan’s accusations that had started when she ended things with him two weeks before the girl was born. Her parents fueling the fire, hiring a good lawyer friend of her dad’s. Good friend, better lawyer. He fumes at the various classes he has to take to gain visitation rights, Lydia’s formative weeks and months that pass as pride or paralysis keep him from attending. He drives his legs up the last switchback and strides hard down Summit, six-twenty pace, glancing once mechanically down each side street he passes.

urther up the city’s shoulder, he’d been baiting the Skyline quarterback all night, waiting for his chance in the pouring rain. Joe Albi Stadium was far from sold out, but it was, as always, full to capacity of the perception that boys become men playing football under the lights. NC had at least cracked the top five in state rankings; the city had buzzed with talk leading up to their semi-final game. Four left standing, and an almost-home game at Joe Albi against the best team of all. This was his Sandberg moment. James was a stupid fast white boy, his position coach Chauncy had yelled in the style of the downtown-Oakland-transport that he was, lilting with laughter on the practice field. He had a weird acceleration that was well documented by local sportswriters, closing speed that was almost comical to see in person, a bizarre footnote in the lore of local sports talent. Crossing the field from his position at backside corner to run down a reverse from behind, jumping routes, effortlessly bearing down on would-be receivers to deflect passes. His senior season was a standout effort in every category but one; it did not include a single interception. The score was 35-35 with seconds remaining, and at the ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 21

JAN, THE TOY LADY, MAKES A NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION TO LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY:

New look for a new year?

River Park Square (509) 456-TOYS

relax

pamper

escape

COVER SECTION | SHORT FICTION “SHOULDERS,” CONTINUED... snap he recognized the route combination, reading Skyline’s offense and knowing exactly what would unfold from tendencies and instinct and luck. He turned his hips, showing his jersey numbers to fool the quarterback into thinking he was retreating to deep coverage. He had seen the film. Turning back to see the ball’s release, he had cherished it with his eyes. He accelerated to undercut the halfback’s delayed wheel route, sensed the expanse of openness ahead. His mind willed soft hands to rise and receive. To support the ball’s water-logged weight against his ribs as he hit the gas down the sideline, no chance of being touched. But then the key instant: the natural part for any player with his experience and ball skills — the subconscious decision, based on the height of the throw, to hold one’s hands up, thumbs and index fingers together forming a noose, or keep them down in a cradle that swallows the ball into the midsection. As if determined, rebelling against free will itself, his arms did neither. They were soldier-like, indecisive, at the decisive moment of his adolescence. The ball glanced off his left shoulder pad, taking a freakish tumble into the halfback’s arms, whose path was now unimpeded to the goal.

T January 18-19, 2014 Spokane Community College Lair A Buffet of Sample Treatments Saturday 12-6 * Sunday 12-5 Admission $10

Admission coupon online or text SPA to 22828

www.HealthBeautyShow.com

FRIENDLY SERVICE & C LA SS IC C O C K TA IL S

HAPPY HOUR

MON-SAT 5-8 | ALL DAY SUNDAY

926 W. GARLAND AVE

SUN-THURS 4pm-MI D NI G HT | FRI - SAT 4pm-2am 22 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

he way it works is a simple shed off Rifle Club Road. James had a small garage door opener on his keychain. It was called the Bat Cave, for the bats Rod would use to beat the hell out of anyone who snitched out the operation. Step one: don’t be a fool during the take. Then drop down to the Meenach Bridge with the still-frosted car, drive north on the seldom-used road that skirts the river far below Albi Stadium, and pull onto Rod’s land if not followed. Open the automatic door to a seemingly ramshackle garage. Drive in and text Rod. Play Xbox or watch ESPN in the “Bat Cave Man Cave” until Rod feels like coming to pay you and give you a ride home. In the four times his puffer run had actually been fruitful, James had not been followed. Rod liked James’s list of necessary conditions, the cautiousness of it. Only strike when it’s a sure score; only take from streets that can’t get eyeballs on the Meenach Bridge intersection to see the car’s direction. James told himself he was getting paid to stay in shape. Most days, all I do is run. He had also begun doing mental math, dividing the couple thousand bucks by the amount of hours he had spent running since his last car. The hourly rate is nothing to scoff at, and rent’s cheap.

his morning is odd. Snaking through the neighborhood at a fast clip, James figures it’s the fog that keeps him from seeing puffers. Dean, Gardner, Boone, nothing. He’d had another day like this. A long stretch of nothing,

then the perfect opportunity. That day, it was an old guy with a Camry, walking back to the house already wearing a green apron for some grocery store. The nametag in the ashtray said ‘Produce Manager’ — James calculated that he made enough to carry full coverage on his mediocre sedan. Victimless crime. Today, a textbook example is parked on Sherwood Avenue. Mid-nineties Civic, puffing away. Even if it happens to be locked, he probably has a key that will work. He had heard the engine start just before reaching the intersection, so he jogged in place on Lindeke Street, listening for a scraper and counting to seven, enough time for the vehicle owner to turn toward the house but not reach it. As the high school or college-aged girl slams the front door behind her, James assesses the car. Thing is still iglooed out hardcore. He hesitates only long enough to consider the blinds in the front window (closed, counts as an obstructed view). Exploding into a sprint toward the driver’s-side door, he muses to himself that he needs a ski mask, not to protect his identity but because it’s stupidly cold driving with one’s head hanging out the window, golden-retriever style. Nearly laughing in a crouch, he pops up to look into the vehicle before pulling the door handle. It’s still too dark, and today’s cars are covered in that weirdly thick layer of ice, the stuff that makes the windows look like that privacy glass his elementary school had used for bathrooms. Unlocked, he slides into the seat, pressing in the clutch and releasing the handbrake in a single motion. There is a quiet James has noticed during the next instant, the half second in which James holds his breath, glances to see if there is movement from the house, and prepares to step heavily on the gas. Today, the quiet is filled with something, an almost imperceptible, questioning whimper behind him. Glancing in the rearview, James locks eyes with a toddler, who is probably a girl, though the bundle-factor doesn’t allow much in the way of detail. Plus, it’s straight tunnel vision into the kid’s eyes. James is paralyzed again. The first second is spent realizing that mama bear will return very soon. The next second is spent in a wild and involuntary fantasy, the idea of kidnapping a child not for ransom, but for the simple privilege of raising her well. During second three, the child screams in place of the engine, which still only idles. At a dead sprint, James hits the west edge of Summit. He doesn’t care if mom saw enough to give a description. Nearing the steep hillside down to the Spokane River, he considers rolling down, floating north. 

about the author Ross Carper lives in Spokane with his wife Autumn and their two young children. He holds a master of fine arts from the Inland Northwest Center for Writers at Eastern Washington University and currently serves as director of middle school and college ministries at First Presbyterian Church. He has previously published fiction, poetry and journalism in various small publications and newspapers.

Middle-aged snowbirds, vacationing in Mexico during the frigid Minnesota winter, pass through the surreal fantasy world surrounding all-inclusive resort life. It’s a story of privilege and absurdity, gazing across the distance between expectations and reality. (JACOB JONES)

A CAGE MATCH

BY RICHARD HARLAN M I LLE R Bobby opened the red door and swept his arm forward as if we were royalty. He was damp. His polo shirt swelled with his beach-ball stomach. Snacks appeared — pu-pus, he said — and drinks were put in our hands. A dozen people were standing and talking. “No one told me it was gold jewelry night,” I said quietly. Karen’s smile said, “you’re not funny.” Bobby led us to a horseshoe-shaped couch. He lifted a velvet cushion to show the white concrete underneath. “We’re a modern stone-age family.” “You can hose it off,” I said. “Good for wild parties.” Karen smiled again. The same smile. “Pu-pu?” Bobby pushed the tray toward us and left to check something in the kitchen. Either the alcohol or the extra weight made him walk like he was pushing a wheelbarrow, like a quick turn could send him keeling. The kitchen was outside on a terrace that thrust like a tongue over the bay. Potted palms blocked the far end, apparently to keep curious visitors from peeking over, getting vertigo, and flailing down past 32 floors of startled vacationers before they splattered on the shiny white tiles next to the twin rectangular pools.

saw her feet first. Gold ankle bracelet, gold toe rings, gold toenail polish. “Excuse me, do either of you play cribbage?’’ We looked up from our small island of beach towel. Her face was a fingerprint whorl of fine wrinkles, and she wore a shiny gold swimsuit of notable elasticity. Her visor said Paradise in red sequins. “She plays,’’ I said. Karen gave me her “you’ll pay for this later” smile, but wrapped a big purple scarfy thing around her waist and left. When the incoming tide got too close, I sat down under their palapa. “People should be so lucky,” a woman with orange hair was saying. “We should have it so good.” After a while I understood she was comparing mink and fox. A fox coat, you see, is warmer, but both animals live on special ranches — more like spas, really — where they are fed and groomed and treated better than humans. “It’s a great life,” Carol said. Then she started on the free-range chicken scam. “Chicken are shy and they like to stay where it’s safe,” she said. “Just plain cruel to force them into the open.” The waiter brought six more Coronas sloshing in a bucket of ice. I took a another beer. I began to feel sorry for the chickens. Bobby and Toni were from Chicago. They wintered in Acapulco, waking at 10 with vodka and grapefruit, lounging in this same beach palapa all afternoon. Other snowbirds would stop by, duck their heads under the brown fronds, stay for a drink or two. There was a retired judge from Florida, whom everyone called Martha. There was Marty, who smoked cigars and invented the slogan, “You deserve a break today,” and his wife, Mary Beth, who carried a dog named Taco in her purse. There was Luis, who bought wholesale jewelry in Los Angeles and sold it to tourists in Mexico. I’ve forgotten most of it, but I remember that Martha was

named after Martha Stewart because of his aesthetic sensibilities and sexual preference. And that a bunch of ad writers were agonizing over a slogan when Marty said, as history will long remember, “You know what? We deserve a break.” Karen’s drink came in a green coconut shell decorated with pineapple and maraschino cherries. She had to bend the straw down to mouth level. “It’s not free-range at all,” Carol said. “The cages are in a warehouse. Even if a chicken wants to risk going out, it would find a concrete floor and fluorescent lights.” At best, a patch of hard dirt. No grassy meadows. No ladybugs to peck. No breeze ruffling their feathers. No wonder they like to stay home. Might as well kick back in your cage and have them bring you food. Karen made a little gasp of empathy. She was on her third coconut and had a dewy look. She’d need ibuprofen later. The waiter brought another bucket of beer and a plate of nachos.

aren and I were at La Tranquila, just across from Disco Beach. With Jake finally in college, we’d put Baxter in a kennel, and booked two weeks, all-inclusive. We had ideas about a second honeymoon. At least I did. Our first had been 20 years earlier. Nassau. TV taught us. For the first week, we were in a sit-com: More coffee, Honey? Just a touch, Dearest. Here you go, Darling. My pleasure. We were scared and improvising. But everyone, from the waiters to the taxi drivers to the hotel clerk, was on our side. And we succeeded. Maybe it wasn’t thrilling anymore, but it worked. I made coffee, she cut up fruit for breakfast. She put the dishes in the dishwasher, I took them out. But I’d been thinking that in Mexico we could break loose a little. I’d also imagined long days of Karen lounging by the pool in her new bathing suit. The humidity would thicken her hair and her skin would smell of coconut oil. She’d be slick with oil and sweat. She’d take my hand and lead me to our room with its slow turning ceiling fan, brisk air-conditioning and shower built for two. But instead of going back in time, we’d jumped ahead: Karen playing cribbage in a palapa, then easing herself into the tepid surf, her expansive backside crisscrossed by the pattern of the chaise lounge. When she kept groaning into her pillow, I knew she’d had too many coconut drinks. She usually sleeps quietly, another nice thing about her. I’d already got over the fun of watching ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 23

COVER SECTION | SHORT FICTION

A Premium Cigar Sports Lounge. The one and only in the Spokane/State Line Area

$1 OFF ANY GLASS OF WINE, PINT OF BEER, OR PREMIUM CIGAR Not valid with any other offer. Expires 1/31/14. Code 88

Happy Hour 5PM-7PM

Free WiFi!

FREE WINE & BEER TASTING • NFL TICKET ON 13 TV’S 350 FINE WINES • OVER 40 MICROBREWS • 6 BEERS ON TAP

MON - THUR 4 PM-9 PM • FRI-SAT 1PM-10 PM • SUN 10 AM-8 PM

LOW IDAHO PRICES

CARTONasS as Low

ON FUEL & TOBACCO! $27.99

HUGE INVENTORY OF PREMIUM CIGARS, CHEW, E CIGS AND CIGARETTES

MON- SAT 5:30AM-11PM • SUN 6:30AM-11PM

7200 W. Seltice Way (I-90 Exit 299, next to Cabela’s)

(208) 777-7778 • (877)390-5778 www.StateLinePlaza.com

Finally, a resolution you want to keep.

Donating plasma saves lives and is surprisingly easy and quick to do, plus you can receive up to $305 YOUR FIRST MONTH!

VISIT BIOLIFEPLASMA.COM NOW TO SCHEDULE AN APPOINTMENT! 8300 N Cornerstone Dr • Hayden, ID 83835 • 208.762.2486

$175

NEW DONORS OR DONORS TWO MONTHS OR MORE, WHO HAVEN’ T DONATED IN PRESENT THIS COUPON RECEIVE $175 IN JUST THR AND EE DONATIONS.

Must present this coupon total of $50 on your first prior to the initial donation to receive a total of $75 on your third, a total of $50 on your second and a successful donation. Initi must be completed by 1.31 al donation subsequent donations with .14 and Coupon redeemable only in 30 days. successful donations. Mayupon completing with any other offer. Onl not be combined y at participating locations.

24 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

“A CAGE MATCH,” CONTINUED... Homer Simpson speak Spanish, so went for a walk. The air was a warm washcloth. At Café de Luz, a man strummed a guitar while people played chess at a sidewalk table. At Baskin-Robbins, whitehaired Americans lined up for frozen yogurt. Down the block, a burro stood outside a bar. Inside, waiters weaved through the crowd. Two industrial-sized women stood on their barstools and swung their hips dangerously to the music. The walls were river rock, and lined with license plates, posters and cardboard egg containers. I sat just inside the front door, watched the dancers, listened to the music: Queen, Billy Ray Cyrus, Rolling Stones, Madonna. The TV showed two women fighting in a ring. Kickboxing, perhaps, but without rules. The black woman was wiry and had dreadlocks. I rooted for her. The big blonde looked indestructible, but the dreadlocked one kept circling, taking her shots even though it seemed to be futile. A whistle blew in my ear. Long black hair, black eyes. Her bandolier was filled with shot glasses. Her gun belt held a bottle and a bota bag. The neck of her T-shirt was ripped out to show her lacy pink bra. She circled, blowing the whistle in three bursts, stopped in front of a beefy man, poured a glass of pink liquid into his mouth, and patted him on the cheek. He beamed. A handler led the burro through the dancers. A woman in her 60s clutched the saddle horn with one hand, her purse with the other. The man next to me patted the burro’s head. About Jake’s age, overweight with fair skin and a bad sunburn. He wore a Raiders cap with mirrored sunglasses perched atop the black bill. The woman blew her whistle at him. He opened his mouth like a baby. She held the bota bag a foot from his lips and streamed the pink drink into his mouth. Then she held his face and gave it a little shake. He pulled her forward, burying his face in her cleavage, burrowing in deep. She blew the whistle, one long shrill cutting blast, and tried to get away, her butt pushing back against me. I was getting ready to stand up and pry his hands off her shoulders when three waiters pulled the man out the door and set him down at one of the outside tables. He sat there, looking at the ground. His sunglasses were gone. Someone took the man’s barstool. The crowd sang along with “Girls Just Want to Have Fun.” The blonde feinted with her right, slammed the dreadlocked woman with a left hook, sent her hard into the ropes. Dreadlocks sagged, looked beat, then kicked out hard: Both legs caught the blonde in the chest and sent her sprawling. She raised her red gloves over her head and did a little dance. It was leverage, you see. Leverage is the key when facing a bigger opponent, leverage and surprise. I went back to our room and took a shower.

he next day was someone’s last day. Or someone’s first day, always one or the other. So Bobby had invited us to the party at Brisas del Mar. Bobby kept bringing more beer. Plates of appetizers changed places. Karen’s margarita was refilled. “Just a slosh more?” Bobby said. “There’s scurvy going around. Or rickets.” Tom and Donna, retired from Omaha, had

braced Karen in a corner. Carol sat next to Tom. Fur haters wanted to ban silk next because it upset silkworms. “Silkworms would die without us to take care of them,” she said. “And why worry about them? They don’t give a good goddamn about us.” People nodded. Why disagree with an elderly orange-haired woman? Why not smile and drink and enjoy the view? Lights twinkled in the humid air. Way off to the left, a disco swept green and red lasers against the sky and Christmas bulbs glowed in the rigging of a passing boat. People on deck took photos of the shoreline. Flashes sparked against the black water. Back in St. Paul, Donna was saying, a snowstorm had dumped nine inches overnight. Schools were closed. Roads impassable. Weather back home is a huge topic here. Each city is worse than the rest, all reduced to Arctic tundra, all wandered by wolves in search of a frozen house cat. Maybe that heightens the joy of being a snowbird. Or maybe it comes with age. You’re still figuring out how to live and why, then, one day, you wake up, and you have an ache, you have a twinge — and it’s in part of your body you’d rather not acknowledge. So you consider the morning light filtering through the curtains, and you say, “I wonder what the weather’s like someplace else?” Bobby fluttered about with trays of food, and the conversation turned to grandchildren. I flipped through a white photo book on the concrete table. It was about half full of party pictures, each showing eight or ten tiny faces. The humidity had washed the color out of the older ones, leaving silver figures against a pale background.

n hour later I was drunk, watching the tourist boat float in a pool of its own colored lights. “You OK?” Karen asked. “I’m pissed about those silkworms. Little moochers.” “She’s nice. Her husband died last year.” I took her hand. She smelled of limes. “These people have known each other forever,” she said. I put my arm around her waist. Bobby came outside. “No kissing. Makes the rest of us horny,” he said. “Some of us have blood-pressure issues.” “Picture time,” he said. We sat on the crescent-shaped concrete couch, leaned our heads in, and smiled into the flash. I’m sure the photo is still there. Should be toward the middle, in a plastic sleeve on the top right, colors easing away. Maybe someone we know will see it. Jake, it could be, on his own honeymoon. He’ll leap up, book in hand, mouth open in excitement. 

about the author Richard Harlan Miller lives in Pullman, Wash., where he works in communications at Washington State University. Miller previously spent 20 years as an editor with The Spokesman-Review. His second novel, The Gas Hat, is scheduled to be published in January.

BRENT LARSON PHOTO

Of the stories we pored over for this year’s contest, none featured the sort of dialogue and detail found in John Whalen’s story. The back and forth of its two main characters bring to mind the absurdist theater of playwrights like Tom Stoppard or Samuel Beckett. With a familiar setting for Inland Northwesterners, this story features excellent storytelling while remaining delightfully ambiguous at times. It’s a crazy read, for sure. (MIKE BOOKEY)

THE GREAT LAWS AND HARMONIOUS COMBINATIONS AND THE FLUIDS OF THE AIR

B Y J O H N W H A L E N , F O R T O M I . D AV I S “The heck, Grandview,” the old man said. In front of his building on Jefferson. Tail end of my lunch break. A hundred degrees downtown. The sun giving all it had, then flaring the light even brighter. “A trip’ll get you out of this place.” The shine off the sidewalk had me squinting. “Break your routine.” Harry said, “What damn routine?” Now clenching his fists. A boxer in high school, district champion, if he got going, he’d smash his knuckles into your chest. “What — the Rocket, you and Sandy, mornings. Huckleberry’s for soup. The Swamp all afternoon? That’s not a routine?” “That’s just, uhm.” He leaned hard into me, flexing his shoulders. He was the bull moose. He was showing off. At eighty-two, the black-eyed pole star, the uncabled mooring. I owed Uncle Ray, that’s what it was. For the loss on our house, the house I sold after Janet the Giant moved her boys to Las Vegas. They were twin eight-year olds, basketball junkies and I was in the middle of teaching them to dribble behind the back. One bounce. Goodbye, she had said to me, waving her big floppy hand out the car window. To the end of the block waving and honking. Ray said get Harry out of town. The push was to get

Harry into a retirement place. Things would go easier without Harry’s supervision. I sold nurse call systems for a small local company who had just been acquired by a competitor, Chicago suits who craved our client list. The following day I had customer meetings at the hospitals in Yakima and Sunnyside and Prosser. My new boss was going to meet me over there. She wanted to meet all my customers. She said, “Jack, you’re redundant. Sorry, but there it is. We have enterprise reps for your patch.” Harry bumped me again. Harry had grown up near Yakima. He could see Grandview. His hometown. Janet the Giant was gone. Janet the Giant said Las Vegas would have a million jobs. A casino dealer, a redheaded six-foot-five former basketball player, Janet the Giant wasn’t going to put up with me anymore. Get off the Internet, she said. I should learn to talk. I told her I was a sales guy. Talked all day. She said to real people. Grown-ups. In a truck is how Janet the Giant left. A month later I was calling only once a day. She never answered. Harry stamped his feet. Leather smacked the pavement. Maybe he had a hangover today, but Harry had been grumpy since I was a teenager unloading pallets of paper at Uncle Ray’s print shop with him. “I’m going,” he told me. “Let’s talk nice, okay?” I needed to get things set for the next day. An early start, a three-hour drive. Uncle Ray said the earlier the better. Get him out of there. They’d start packing soon as we left. Harry was a guy that Uncle Ray always brought to Thanksgiving. The two of them sipping the Knob Creek that Ray drank once a year. Yakking it up like old college roommates. Forty years ago, Harry robbed grocery stores in the Midwest. Going in with a buddy at closing time and walking out with the day’s cash. All this from Uncle Ray, who met Harry in prison. Ray in for embezzlement, fifty-thousand dollars he’d lifted from a construction company’s books. Harry so combative that they put him in solitary

for six weeks with a Bible. Between push-ups and crunches, he memorized Genesis. Harry moved to my uncle’s cell. Ray relied on Harry’s fists. Now, a straight businessman, Ray’s always done for Harry. Brought him out west close to Harry’s old stomping grounds, gave him a bindery job. Taxied him home from the Swamp, or asked me to, whenever the bartender called. The next morning I filled a thermos with coffee. Put some boiled eggs in a plastic bag. When I pulled up at six, Harry was crouching at the curb. In his old fedora, a wool blazer and tan corduroy pants. Beside him a small black bag. He clambered in before I could get around the car to help him. “Harry, the seatbelt. That’s the beeping noise.” “What noise?” He clipped the belt. We caught the highway and shot up the hill past the incinerator stack and the airport tower. I called Janet the Giant from my hands-free. To voice mail. “Hey, baby,” her voice said, real syrup. “Leave that message. Goodbye, baby. Goodbye.” First time meeting her I made up her song. “Janet the Giant, Janet the Giant. No more bad times, only good times. Giant Janet. Giant Janet.” Harry and I got out into the desert. Across the hills and up the side of the bluffs was sagebrush — blue-greengray, half fluorescent, half dusty sage. We’d had a wet spring. The sparse grass was long and thick and brown. Dried out in the heat. “Grandview. I can’t believe it,” the old man said. “Dad had cottages out back of the house. Rented to Mexicans.” Harry had escaped to the state college on a boxing scholarship. “He was the school superintendent. Dad. I told you that. Taught me to box.” “What century are we talking?” I said. He clipped me with a blink-of-the-eye tap on the cheek. I bit my tongue. Tasted blood. I knew nothing about boxing, but figured I could find a two-by-four sooner or later. “Grandview was all white. Mexicans didn’t live in town. Nobody wanted them.” ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 25

R ighting WRongs • R ebuilding l ives

James R. Sweetser ATTORNEY AT L AW | since 1984 Former Elected Spokane Prosecutor

seRious PeRsonAl inJuRY Call:

509-328-0678

sweetserlawoffice.com

1020 N Washington, Spokane, WA 99201

901 W E S T S P R A G U E A V E , S P O K A N E | 509.227.7638

Comedy & Music Spectacular featuring

Tom McTigue & the Joey Williams Project Saturday Jan. 11th 8 PM | Tickets $20

Ana Popovic Mon. Feb. 3rd 7:30PM Tickets: $22

Feb. 7th | 8 PM | Tickets $28 & $34 An Evening with

Duncan Sheik

Grammy–Winning Composer of the Broadway hit “SPRING AWAKENING” Feb. 12 - 8 pm | Tickets $25-$28

BINGCROSBYTHEATER.COM 26 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

COVER SECTION | SHORT FICTION “THE GREAT LAWS AND HARMONIOUS COMBINATIONS AND THE FLUIDS OF THE AIR,” CONTINUED... “History is great,” I said, “if you can find somebody who cares.” We moved through the morning desert. Sharp hot light touched down everywhere. Harry had a photograph in his apartment. The frame propped up against the window overlooking the tracks. A young, black-and-white Harry, bare-chested, wearing boxing gloves and long shorts. All lean muscle and dark intensity, his arms hoisted high by a referee. The boxing ring was surrounded by more black-and-white people. All standing and cheering. Harry said, “Keep your hands in front of your face, elbows straight ahead.” “If this is going to be another history lesson,” I told him. “I’ll let you out right here.” Nothing but desert and light. A road shooting both directions into nowhere. “Bumping, Naches,” Harry started singing out the names of rivers he knew. “American, Skagit.” He’d surprise me sometimes. His interests. Had a bunch of poetry memorized. I bet he knew all the rivers in the state. Louder, his voice was a load of gravel downshifting across a ribbed, steel bridge. “Okanogan, Klickitat, Satus.” Keyed, wound up, Harry bleated. At the bottom of the hill on our left, Sprague Lake was an improbable spread of water in a dry land. Janet the Giant had ball handler hands. Soft and sure. She was gone. Twenty minutes later, we exited at Ritzville, a pop-in, pop-out collection of trees and gas stations surrounded by wide parking lots. I pulled in next to a pump at one of the stations. Harry disappeared inside the convenience store, while I filled the tank, subtracting the mounting digits from the hundred-and-sixty-six dollars in my checking account. On my other card, out of five-thousand in total credit, I had three-hundred-and-eightyone dollars remaining. When the pump handle clicked off, I squeezed the trigger while raising the hose. Slick as snake piss, more gas, gas I’d already paid for, slid into the tank. On my way to the restroom, I found Harry coming at me through the double glass doors. “Let’s get out of here,” he said. Harry was carrying a coffee in each hand. “I need to piss,” I told him. “Bad timing.” Head down, Harry hurried to the car and pulled the door shut. I hesitated, then followed. Ripping from park into second gear, I made a quick right. Harry grabbed my arm. “Easy,” he said, as a cop car came at us. I accelerated up the merge lane onto the freeway. The alarm was still going. “Harry,” I said. “Hell,” said Harry. He was still holding the coffees. His breathing shallow and harsh. “Put ’em down. Put ’em down.” I took a cup from him and set it in the drink holder between us. Harry put the other in and fussed with the belt. “Heck was going on?” Harry pushed a fistful of firecrackers toward me. “What’d you do?” “You know how much they want for coffee?” Harry stuck his head into the rush of air and shouted, “Suiattle, Sauk, Stillaguamish.”

More rivers. Janet the Giant was pulling down her swim suit. A purple one the boys had given her. The whale of her perfection stepped into the tub. “No more bad times, only good times. Giant Janet, Giant Janet.” I was getting loud as Harry. I banged the wheel and tumbled my fingers over themselves. Keep ’em coming. Spittle spraying the dashboard, Harry sang. We sliced through the landscape. Harry was still going but I had to stop singing. Janet the Giant was somebody who was always going to be gone. The boys were going to grow up without me. Harry shut up and the air got thin and quiet. The split-open sky went on and on. Like a dog pointing its snout into the scent kicked up by our heedless passage, he had his head out the window. Now he was inside again, chin on the dashboard, his fingers drumming. “The shadow. You see that?” he said. “There, going up the cliff, God, we’re alive! Huh?” The road ahead curved, climbing the hill. I kept my foot on the pedal. Isn’t that the way? Slamming squint-eyed through the landscape, intent on whatever over the sun-struck horizon is rising. The old man was carrying on again. “Nooksack, Cowlitz. Cascade.” Even with dry air shushing at us, I could smell those rivers. I could taste them. I held on to the wheel. Harry knew lots of rivers. “Duwamish, Nisqually.” In between his cauliflower ears, somewhere deep in the ancient pilings of his liver, he had a list. “Skykomish, Snohomish.” Harry was winding down. Ten minutes later, Harry was snoring. When I called Janet the Giant again, I imagined this tall bridge crossing the distance between us, desert, mountain, forest, river, sky. Just a fake bridge, a fake bridge for just a few fake seconds. She was going to answer this time. I knew it. “Hey, Baby,” she said. “I was gonna call you, Jack.” A honeyed, whispered, pretty say-so percolating the air. “Janet,” I said. “Hey, Baby.” I tried to say her name again. I stared at the sky in front me. Seventy miles of open country. She was gone. “Hey, Baby, I know you can’t talk. But I love you, Baby, I do,” she said. “Gene,” she said. “This guy.” Gene. Her name was right there on my lips. “Goodbye, Baby. Jack, I love you, Baby. Goodbye,” she said. 

about the author John Whalen lives in Spokane. He was born in Michigan and grew up in Tennessee before moving out west. He has published two books of poetry, Caliban and In Honor of the Spigot, with additional poetry appearing in Epoch, The Gettysburg Review, CutBank, VQR and other journals. This is his first fiction to be published.

SHORT FICTION

2013 HONORABLE MENTIONS

Our Inlander staff judges also selected three runner-up stories, all of which had adamant supporters during our selection debate. You can read these stories online at Inlander.com.

“BACK INTO THE STORM,” BY RICK BOAL

In just the right amount of words, Rick Boal’s Back into the Storm touches on the sadness and misunderstandings of relationships — between husband and wife, between sister and brother. But also, there’s forgiveness and the realization that things can get better. Going on this year’s fiction contest theme, the bridge in this story, which plays a pivotal role in the final scene, is a very real one, yet much more is “bridged” between characters in the metaphorical sense of the term. — LAURA JOHNSON

“CHA CHA,” BY MISCHA JAKUPCAK

There’s a confusing place between childhood and adulthood, and Mischa Jakupcak finds it in Peaceful Valley on a night when “everything in the air was a bit off-kilter.” In a convincingly artless voice, the story captures the memories of youthful nights that teeter between wild excitement and alarming recklessness, and of where we find refuge before things go too far. — LISA WAANANEN

“THE WET WORLD,” BY ELI FRANCOVICH

Life is but a long series of short moments, strung together into a lifetime, and “The Wet World” captures a single snapshot: Two people brought together briefly, under an overpass, to get out of the rain. Francovich’s prose is simple, uncluttered, bordering on poetry, and the story is simple yet touching. — JACOB H. FRIES

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 27

T H E B E ST DEALS O F T HE Y E A R !

4X4

NEW 2014 JEEP

Stock#2805N

Stock#2182N

NEW 2013 RAM

CHEROKEE LATITUDE

1500 QUAD CAB EXPRESS

WAS .......... $ 29,585 NOW .......... $ 28,331 REBATE ..........- $ 500

WAS .......... $ 36,345

NOW

4X4

• Spray Liner • Step Bar • FL FFLapS Lap apS S

SAVE

8,436

NEW 2014 RAM

Stock#2685N

PROMASTER VAN HIGH ROOF

WAS ............ $ 32,320 NOW ............ $ 29,499 s OJT ............... - $ 500

NOW

Stock#2070N

NEW 2013 RAM

NEW 2014 JEEP

1500 QUAD CAB SLT 4X4

WAS .......... $ 39,342

SAVE

3,321

NOW

Stock#2690N

GRAND CHEROKEE

WAS .......... $ 36,085

SAVE

8,343

4X4

NOW

NEW 2014 RAM

3500 CREW CAB & CHASSIS CUMMINS

WAS ............. $ 47,845 NOW ............. $ 42,499 REBATE ........... - $ 2000 s OJT ................- $ 500

NOW

39,999 27,831 27,999 28,999 30,999 32,999 7700 E. SpraguE • SpokanE VallEy • phonE: 924-3250 • 877-568-3363 • www.diShmandodgE.com

Stock#2822N

7700 E. SpraguE • SpokanE VallEy • phonE: 924-3250 • 877-568-3363 • www.diShmandodgE.com

SAVE

7,846

*Vehicle identification numbers posted at dealership. Tax, license and $150 negotiable dealer documentation fee may be added to the sale price or the capitalized cost of the vehicle. All financing on approved credit sMust own a business and have a valid business license to qualify. All vehicles subject to prior sale. Not responsible for typographical errors. File photos, not actual photos. Offer expires 12/31/13.

28 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

Fireworks are set to cap off a festive New Year’s Eve in downtown Spokane. JEFF FERGUSON PHOTO

Enough of You, 2013 New Year’s Eve, whichever way you want it

ou know what? 2013 was kind of lame. It wasn’t the worst year ever, but it was one we’re glad to be putting to bed this week, and we suggest you give this year a solid kick out the door on New Year’s Eve. Thankfully, Spokane has no shortage of happenings to bring in 2014, and hopefully all the good things that are going to come along with it. Take a look: there’s something for everyone.

SO YOU WANT TO STAY CLASSY...

There’s something refreshing about getting dressed up for New Year’s Eve. You’re getting gussied up to meet the new year like it’s a prom date. If you’re looking classy, we suggest you get down to the Fox, where the Spokane Symphony is playing what might be one of the greatest pieces of music ever written — Beethoven’s Ninth Sym-

phony, conducted here by the Symphony’s own Eckart Preu, with help from the symphony’s chorale. Even if you don’t fancy yourself a classical music fan, you know this one. It starts at 7:30 pm and tickets are between $16 and $28. After the one-hour performance, which in years past has been pretty damn epic, you can keep the classiness going by attending the Symphony’s Puttin’ on the Ritz party at the Davenport Hotel’s ultra-freaking-classy Grand Pennington Ballroom. Tickets are $75 apiece (includes champagne, food and music) and the event is “black tie preferred,” so this very well might the most refined party in all of the 509. (MIKE BOOKEY)

SO YOU WANT TO ROCK OUT...

Is the symphony just not your thing? You’d like beer

instead of champagne — or maybe beer and champagne? That’s fine. Rock and roll music has long had a great relationship with the last night of the year, and you’ll find no shortage of it in downtown Spokane. We suggest you check out the Myth Ship, Camaros and DJ Case show at Carr’s Corner. The neighborhood rock club is charging just $5 at the door, which includes some champagne (you can get that beer there, too, if you’d like) and unspecified party favors. We’re hoping they mean noisemakers of some sort, because this is the only night of the year you can use those without getting a punch in the face. That show starts at 9:30. If you want to take it in a funkier direction, we direct you to the Bartlett, a spankin’ new music joint which gets in on the NYE action with a three-band bill featuring the ...continued on next page

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 29

CULTURE | NEW YEAR’S “ENOUGH OF YOU, 2013,” CONTINUED... Latin-influenced sounds of Helado Negro. Also on the bill are Moon Talk and Water Monster. That show kicks off at 9 pm, tickets are $30 and you’d be advised to wear some dancing shoes. See more about this show, and all the other NYE rock and roll festivities going down, in the music section. (MB)

(obviously) in two days’ time. First Night organizers also are excited for the community to experience two new events this year: the Singing in the New Year karaoke competition (7 pm) at the IMAX Theatre, and at the Convention Center, the Steampunk Spectacular cabaret variety show (7 pm), featuring local singer Abbey Crawford, magician Matt Van Zee and plenty of other crowd-pleasing performers. (CHEY SCOTT)

SO YOU’RE STUCK WITH THE KIDS…

We’d be surprised if there’s another New Year’s Eve celebration geared toward families that would top the annual First Night Spokane arts and entertainment celebration, now in its 13th year. The all-ages event is packed so full with stuff to do, it’s impossible to see it all, so you really do have to plan ahead (and dress warmly). After scouring this year’s schedule, we’ve picked out some of our top recommendations for kids of all ages, from tots to teens. For the smallest celebrators, First Night offers Kids Night Out (3-6 pm), with all events held inside the warmth of the Spokane Convention Center. The lineup of magicians and silly performers are a delight for young audiences, including “The Noise Guy” Charlie Williams (at 4 and 5 pm), whose mouth-created sound effects have been recorded for videogames, cartoons and commercials. For groups with longer attention spans, don’t miss the 48 Hour Film Festival, which features screenings — held in the City Council Chambers — of the contest’s top eight short films, all made

Dec 26th - 29th 2013 & Jan 1st - 5th 2014 Bring your family to the MAC for a 1910 holiday experience! At this annual event, you can leisurely wander the Campbell House and Carriage House to visit, and play a game of charades, with Mrs. Campbell. Bake cookies with Hulda the cook, and learn about the Campbell’s electric car with the coachman, Joseph Rainsberry.

Get into the spirit! LARRY H. MILLER DOWNTOWN TOYOTA

LARRY H. MILLER DOWNTOWN TOYOTA WILL TRIPLE YOUR DOWN PAYMENT* up to $2000 on select 2013 Toyotas

LARRY H. MILLER DOWNTOWN TOYOTA WILL DOUBLE YOUR DOWN PAYMENT*

ONLY 6 DAYS REMAINING!

Year End Closeout! COMPLIMENTARY HOLIDAY GIFT from LHM- Downtown Toyota†

With any new vehicle purchase.

†

While supplies last.

SO YOU WANT TO GET SPARKLY…

There won’t be a better excuse for another year to get all dolled up and drink/dance the night away. If you’re planning to dress to the nines, get shopping now for that perfect sequined dress or swanky suit (after-Christmas sales rock). Leave the party planning aspect of it to us, with these celebration suggestions. Bling! in the New Year is the Lincoln Center’s annual affair (9 pm, $50), featuring live music by local group 6 Foot Swing, a live DJ and plenty of prizes, including lots of, well, bling. If you want to get even fancier, the event includes a five-course VIP wine dinner before the party (7 pm, $100). Fine attire in hues of black and gold is the theme of the Vault Social Club’s New Year’s 2014: Gold & Black Edition, offering free entry (otherwise $10) to attendees donning the classy color combo. Local DJs spin dance-floor hits all night, and bottle service is available with reservations. (CS) 

NEW 2013 CAMRY LE

MSRP ......................................................$24,155 LHM Discount...........................................$5,219 Cash Down .......$2,013 Plus 1st Payment, Doc, VTR, & License Stock#........................................................56200

Final LHM Make It Easy™

Price:

NEW 2013 RAV4 LE AWD

2013 HIGHLANDER

Payment 32” Flat Screen TV

Samsung Galaxy Tablet

WE WANT EVERY TOYOTA TO BE A DOWNTOWN TOYOTA

164

/mo Plus Tax

MSRP ......................................................$34,160 Sale Price ...............................................$31,160 Cash Down .......$2,013 Plus 1st Payment, Doc, VTR, & License Stock#........................................................56632

up to $1000 on select 2014 Toyotas

PLUS ALL FACTORY INCENTIVES!

18,936

MSRP ......................................................$25,800 Sale Price ...............................................$24,300 Cash Down .......$2,013 Plus 1st Payment, Doc, VTR, & License Stock#........................................................56608

Payment

NEW PLUS 4x4

299

/mo Plus Tax

www.larryhmillertoyotaspokane.com

800.380.8860 | 1208 West 3rd Ave.

All offers on contracts through Toyota Financial Services. Subject to credit approval on select models. Discounts on MSRP only. Triple your down payment up to $2000 limited to selected models. Excludes Scion. Only valid on Toyota Financial Services funded APR or Lease deals. This program is ONLY compatible with Toyota LEASE RCFs up to 36 months and APR rates up to 60 months. 2013 Camry Stock#56178, 2013 Rav4 Stock#56608 & 2013 Highlander Stock#56659 not eligible for Double & Triple Down incentives. Vehicles MSRP with $2,013.00 down plus 1st payment, Doc, VTR & license. Offer ends 12/31/13

30 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

CULTURE | DIGEST

GAME KERBAL SPACE PROGRAM R

emember , the game your fifth-grade teachers made you play in an attempt to actually make math fun? Well, Math Blaster didn’t make math fun. As a fifth-grader, I saw through the thinly veiled ploy to get me interested in multiplication tables. No facade of fun characters or funky music could smother the indelible misery of mathematics. Since those grade-school days, I’ve nurtured a paranoid suspicion of “learning games.” When I first encountered , an indie prerelease open sandbox, my conscience nagged me. Math and physics, dare I say academics, were lying in wait here. What I found was a darned cute race of aliens trying to get to space — no boring physics problems in sight. As you launch your innocent little Kerbals into the solar system, hurtling their bodies into the great unknown, you don’t realize you’re actually doing and like a regular NASA employee. You’re just hoping your rocket will maintain trajectory and not get consumed by the blazing inferno of the sun. It’s learning carefully disguised as a terrifyingly addictive space game that fooled even my own suspicious brain. Right now, Kerbal Space Program (kerbalspaceprogram.com) is still in alpha (meaning the game is released as a “tester” before it’s finished). Because there are no standing objectives and few game-regulated guidelines, players can explore the Kerbal universe in sandbox mode. Your ability to craft a sturdy spacecraft is the only limit, with a whole universe of planets to land on. This is amazing. There’s something endearing about playing a game

Kerbal Space Program: It’s like stay-at-home space camp. in its infancy, watching it grow, and sticking with it until adulthood. While players won’t be guided by a story line, the “choose your own adventure” feel of alpha testers has gained popularity in recent years, especially on the indie scene. Alphas boast a less expensive price tag, give players 100 percent freedom, and allow a communication channel between developers and the consumer. Tack on the added benefit of actual learning, and you have a game that should be picked up before its official release. — SARAH MUNDS

For Your Consideration BY DANIEL WALTERS

APP | When historians look back upon 2013, they won’t think of it as the year of Obamacare or Edward Snowden or Pope Francis. It will be dubbed the Age of Mobile Match-3 Games. While Candy Crush has so far nabbed all the sweet free-to-play glory, MARVEL PUZZLE QUEST is the superior specimen. It lets you pit comic book teams like Spider-Man, Thor and Magneto against Doctor Doom, Storm and Devil Dinosaur. Then, of course, they fight the only way superheroes and supervillains can: By matching similarly colored orbs. Just like in The Avengers.

TV | Matt Smith may be the best actor to ever don the bowtie/fez/ umbrella/comically long scarf of Doctor Who on the 50-year-old British show. But like the 10 Doctors before him, Smith’s tenure had to come to an end. Here in his final episode, the TIME OF THE DOCTOR, expect some convoluted space-time nonsense, some British-accented banter, and one last kick-ass monologue before he hands off his sonic screwdriver to the next Doctor, Peter Capaldi (the foul-mouthed bloke from In The Loop.) (Dec. 25 at 9 pm on BBC America)

WEBSITE|The UPWORTHY SPRINGFIELD Tumblr (upworthyspringfield.tumblr.com) filters the travails of the town of Springfield through the clickbaiting headlines (and omnipresent pop-up ads) of the tragically popular aggregation site Upworthy. You’ll get headlines like: “This Man Was Hit By A Rake. Then Another Rake. Then Another. You Won’t Believe What Happened Next,” and “When You Find Out Why This Family is Hugging Their Convenience Store Clerk, You’ll Want to Hug Him Too. Twice.” This journalist spent several minutes scrolling through a Simpsons-parody tumblr. What happened next will astonish you.

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 31

REVERSE MORTGAGE

ASK ABOUT NEW CHANGES!

CULTURE | ZAGS

The Left Coast

Gonzaga is facing a new-look West Coast Conference — let’s get you acquainted BY WILL MAUPIN Larry Waters 208-762-6887 NMLS ID 400451

157 W. Hayden Ave Ste 104 | Hayden, ID 83835

NMLS1079636

LOUNGE “ BAD MONKEY ” Performing

Bringing in 2014 Package $

214 99

or the Gonzaga Bulldogs, now at 10-2, it’s time to face the familiar foes of the West Coast Conference. Last season saw the Zags post a perfect 16-0 record in conference play, but don’t get your hopes up for a repeat performance. The WCC has slowly become a premier basketball conference, currently holding down ninth place in a ranking of 32 conferences. This season, the WCC was undefeated for longer than any other. All teams have at least one loss now, after St. Mary’s first loss over the weekend. Still, all 10 teams (that’s right, there are 10 teams now) in the conference are at .500 or better. Even with the Zags featuring perhaps their best offensive numbers — even better than last year’s topranked squad — they will have their hands full with the WCC.

SAINT MARY’S GAELS (9-1)

PACIFIC TIGERS (9-2)

Key Wins: Louisiana Tech, at Boise St. Key Losses: South Carolina Mouthguard maestro Matthew Dellavedova, now in the NBA, likely won’t be missed by Gonzaga fans. Oddly, it doesn’t seem like he’s missed at Saint Mary’s, either. Senior point guard Stephen Holt and the Gaels are off to their best ever start under head coach Randy Bennett. They’re posting efficiency numbers on par with those from 2011-12, the season they snapped Gonzaga’s streak of WCC titles. Play Gonzaga: 1/2; 3/1

Key Wins: at Nevada, at Utah St. Key Losses: at Oregon A founding WCC member, the Tigers are back after 42 years in the Big West Conference. Last year’s team made the NCAA Tournament, but none of the starters from that team remain. That said, first-year head coach Ron Verlin has the Tigers positioned to make noise yet again. All five starters this year are seniors. Most dynamic among them is forward Tony Gill, who is averaging 12.2 points and 5.6 rebounds per game. Play Gonzaga: 1/4; 2/27

PORTLAND PILOTS (8-4) Key Wins: Idaho, Columbia Key Losses: at Oregon St., at Michigan St. The Pilots are hard to figure out. They went to Michigan State in November and hung around with the top-ranked Spartans. On the other hand, they’ve lost at home to bad teams in Montana State and North Texas. A middle-of-the-pack finish seems likely. Now a senior, Gonzaga Prep product Ryan Nicholas is once again the Pilots’ best player. He’s averaging a double-double and leads the conference in rebounding. Play Gonzaga: 1/9; 2/5

PEPPERDINE WAVES (7-5) Key Wins: Denver, at UC Irvine Key Losses: Indiana St., at Washington St. His fellow WCC coaches picked Marty Wilson’s young Pepperdine team to finish in last place. The Waves received 10 points in the poll, compared to Gonzaga’s 80. It’s appropriate, then, that the Waves are currently in a three-way tie at the bottom of the standings. Power forward Stacy Davis, last season’s WCC Newcomer of the Year, has thus far avoided the so-called sophomore slump, scoring in double figures in all but three games this season. Play Gonzaga: 1/16; 2/13

Romance Package $

BRIGHAM YOUNG COUGARS (8-5)

SAN DIEGO TOREROS (9-4) Key Wins: South Dakota St., Southern Illinois Key Losses: at New Mexico, San Diego St. Aside from a four-point loss to Illinois-Chicago during the Gulf Coast Showcase, the Toreros’ season has generally gone as expected. But don’t be shocked if they give the Zags a scare again this season. Head coach Bill Grier was an assistant at Gonzaga before moving south, and the junior backcourt duo of Christopher Anderson and Johnny Dee is as good as any in the conference. Play Gonzaga: 1/23; 2/22

SAN FRANCISCO DONS (7-5) Key Wins: Cleveland St., at Montana Key Losses: at Oregon, at St. John’s The Dons were picked to finish fourth in the WCC preseason coaches poll. That was before a physical altercation during practice prompted senior point guard Cody Doolin to forgo the remainder of his eligibility. Cole Dickerson and Kruize Pinkins are strong, talented big men who have struggled without an elite point guard dishing out assists. Play Gonzaga: 12/30; 2/1

SANTA CLARA BRONCOS (6-6)

Key Wins: at Stanford, Texas Key Losses: at Oregon, Massachusetts If you like high-scoring basketball, you’ll love BYU. The Cougars have scored 100 or more points four times this season — but they don’t play defense. Both Stanford and Massachusetts have hit triple figures against them. BYU was picked to finish second in the WCC this season. Unless the defense improves, that seems unlikely. Junior shooting guard Tyler Haws scored 780 points last season. He dropped in 32 in a crushing overtime loss to Oregon last Saturday. Play Gonzaga: 1/25; 2/20

159 99

Dinner & Dancing Package $

79 99

Spokane Airport Call for Package details

509-838-5211

225 E. 3rd Ave., Spokane, WA

32 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

LOYOLA MARYMOUNT LIONS (8-4)

Key Wins: at Long Beach St., Cal Poly Key Losses: Vanderbilt, at Pittsburgh Last season was a disaster for the Lions, with nowsenior point guard Anthony Ireland forced to do nearly everything himself. That’s not the case this season. Ireland still leads the Lions with 19 points per game, but freshman forward Gabe Levin, forced into the starting lineup due to preseason injuries, is leading the team in rebounding. Another freshman, shooting guard Evan Payne, also is playing like a veteran. The Lions are by far the WCC’s most improved team. Play Gonzaga: 1/18; 2/15

Key Wins: San Jose St., Radford Key Losses: at Notre Dame, North Dakota St. Santa Clara went 26-12 last season. That team had five seniors who accounted for 61.6 percent of the Broncos’ points, and they’re all gone. Running the team is senior point guard Evan Roquemore, who recently moved into first place on the Broncos’ career assists list, ahead of some guy named Steve Nash. Play Gonzaga: 12/28; 1/29 n

Game Plan One Sandpoint woman’s commitment to hunting her own food might make her the top huntress nationwide BY LEAH SOTTILE

manda Lowrey bends at the waist, and takes her next steps carefully as she watches a herd of red sheep grazing lazily in the distance. Her face is calm but stern under the brim of her cap, earrings dancing as she moves, eyes focused on her prey. Slow and steady, she drops to her knee, raises her rifle and peers down the scope. “I’m gonna take the shot,” she whispers to two onlookers, who peer at the animals through binoculars. Lowrey pauses, pulls the trigger and braces herself for the gun to kick back into her shoulder. In the distance, the sheep drops in an instant. The echo of her gun sends the herd scattering. “Hell of a shot, young lady!” one of her companions, the host of Extreme Huntress, calls out as Lowrey jumps up and down, her hat flying off her head. Lowrey, a 25-year-old Sandpoint native, remembers tagging along behind her father on a hunt when she was 5, watching him kill a deer and knowing that one day she would take up the sport. She got her hunting license when she was just 12. Ever since, she’s been shooting mountain lions, black bears, elk, deer, wild turkeys — anything she can feed her family with. “We were raised that hunting was a way to put food on the table, and that’s why we started doing it,” she says, “Not just because we love it, but because it’s a necessity.” Today, as a mother of two, she’ll venture miles into the Idaho wilderness to hunt her own food — sometimes on horseback, sometimes with a bow and arrow. She says right now her freezer is packed with mule deer, whitetail and wild turkey, cut into steaks and made into sausages by her own hands. In the past year, Lowrey has discovered her perspective on hunting to feed her family — not to mention the fact that she’s a female hunter — is rare. She’s part of a slowly growing population of Americans who hunt, which increased nationwide by 9 percent from 2006 to 2011, according to a survey by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. ...continued on next page

Amanda Lowrey of Sandpoint has her sights set on engaging female hunters. MIKE McCALL PHOTO

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 33

$17.Salad9Entrée5 Dessert

FOOD | HUNTING

NEW 3-Course Dinner Menu 5-9 pm daily

SALADS Green salad or Caesar salad ENTRÉES Baby back ribs Safari Room gumbo Braised short ribs Creole chicken pot pie Herb grilled wild salmon MINI DESSERTS German Chocolate Cake • Chocolate Peanut Butter Pie Crème Brûlée • Chocolate Mousse • Key Lime Pie • Cheesecake

Baby Back Ribs

509 789 6800 • Davenport Tower 111 S. Post St., Downtown Spokane • davenporthotelcollection.com

34 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

Lowrey with a corsican ram she took down in Texas this summer.

“GAME PLAN,” CONTINUED... But it wasn’t just being a female hunter that recently propelled her to the top four of a nationwide competition and online series called Extreme Huntress. As a part of the competition, she was flown to Texas this past summer to test her skills. Lowrey knows her scores were toward the top of the ranks, but to win Extreme Huntress, she’ll have to rake in a hefty number of online votes and gain high marks from judges. Lowrey, who works from home for a camouflage design company, says part of her reason for wanting to be an Extreme Huntress was its mission: to engage females in hunting. She watched her mother hunt as a child and hopes her own daughters will follow in her footsteps. She says she thinks she might have had an edge on her Extreme Huntress competitors because she’s from Idaho and was raised hunting. “I think I have a lot better survival skills because of where I live. I do probably the most do-it-yourself hunting,” she says. “My dad, he just taught me how to do a lot of different things, take care of my own animals and pack my own stuff.” Lowrey likes to hunt by herself, which means if she makes a kill, she’ll have to heft it back home by herself. “I carry a pack with me with everything I’m going to need: knives, first aid, rope,” she says. That way, if she shoots something like a deer she can “dress it out, skin it, quarter it, debone it. And start packing it out on my back.” She laughs now as she tells a story of when she was out hunting with her husband at eight-and-a-half months pregnant, and she shot her first bear. “It was a really horrible idea, but now it’s a fun story and we had a good laugh,” she says, noting that they had to haul the black bear up a steep hillside afterward. “That particular one was only about 200 or 225 pounds, so it was on the smaller side.” She loves to hunt, obviously — and she says by doing it, she’s in control of what she’s feeding her family. “A lot of people who don’t hunt think we’re just a bunch of buck-toothed hillbillies. Personally, I like knowing where my food comes from. At the store these days, you don’t even know what’s in your food,” she says. “I like knowing that my food isn’t filled with a bunch of junk. When you go out and work really hard and you’re able to put food on the table for your family, it’s very rewarding.” n leahs@inlander.com Vote for Amanda Lowrey in the 2014 Extreme Huntress competition through Jan. 1 at extremehuntress.com.

FOOD | OPENING

BEST F’N BURGER IN TOWN

WINTER MENU

Come on out for some great food.

Starts New Year’s Eve

Live Music Saturday & Home of the Blues Jam Every Sunday

Bartender Amanda Pankratz serves up classic cocktails at Butcher Bar. MEGHAN KIRK PHOTO

Raising the Bar

509.535.9309 • 6412 E. Trent • Spokane Valley

21 West Main Ave 509-473-9455

SaranacPublicHouse.com

At the height of the craft cocktail trend, Santé’s new Butcher Bar stands out

Grand Opening Special

BY CHEY SCOTT

or more than half of this year, the activity behind the olive-green velvet curtains on Main Avenue in downtown Spokane remained a quiet mystery. Quiet because neither Santé nor its neighboring tenants wanted the banging and clanging of construction work to disturb customers during business hours. A mystery because the Frenchinspired, locally sourced restaurant and charcuterie didn’t put a strict deadline on a pending reveal, even though executive chef and owner Jeremy Hansen had announced the bar addition would open in August, in time for Santé’s fifth anniversary. But at the time, Hansen and his culinary team also were preparing for the memorable impression they made at the prestigious James Beard House in New York City. The invitation to prepare a meal there — Hansen’s highlighted Inland Northwest ingredients — is extended only to chefs who embody culinary education and appreciation. As with anything done well, taking one’s time usually pays off in the end. The extended effort Hansen and his wife Kate invested into the Butcher Bar is definitive proof. Tucked into a cozy back corner of Santé, the craft cocktail and small plates bar debuted at the beginning of December. It seamlessly melds the farm-to-table and no-waste culinary philosophy Hansen and the restaurant are known for, both in menu and décor. The Butcher Bar’s no-frills cocktail menu is peppered with local, housemade infusions, tinctures, jams, and infused honey. Glass Mason jars with handwritten labels noting these concoctions are lined up on a richly toned wooden shelf behind the utilitarian bar. Listed in the top two thirds of the bar’s one-page menu, its cocktails don’t have the sassy, snappy names that have become standard since the upswing of the handcrafted cocktail movement. Instead, drinks are listed by the featured liquor — brandy, bourbon, gin, mezcal, etc. “We like it that way because we want people to think about what they’re drinking, more than having a cocktail to have a cocktail,” Hansen says. “Names are neat and fun, but ultimately we like to accentuate what it is that we’re doing and eating, and celebrate those things.” Though cocktails are a new foray for Santé, Hansen is also using the Butcher Bar to highlight a new small bites menu featuring odd bits of the animals butchered for the restaurant. Rotating dishes he plans to feature include head cheese, pork and beef tongue, seafood mousseline and sweetbreads. n Butcher Bar • 404 W. Main • Open daily from 3 pm to close • 315-4613 • santespokane.com

FREE Breadsticks & Spicy Cheese Dip

With any purchase. Expires 4/30/14. Not valid with any other offers. No cash value.

Buy 3 or more Medium Pizzas for

5 each

Expires 4/30/14. Limit 3. Not valid with any other offers. No cash value.

Traditional or SuperThin®

Large Pizza $ 2 off

Expires 4/30/14. Limit 3. Not valid with any other offers. No cash value.

Deep Dish Sicilian $ 3 off

Expires 4/30/14. Limit 3. Not valid with any other offers. No cash value.

509-464-4TNB (4862) • 10220 North Newport Hwy. • Northpointe Plaza • 11am - 9pm Daily

Go To Italy with Vino's John Allen

experience food & wine on the

LOCAL Since 1995

222 s. washington st. • Spokane • 509.838.1229

trip of a lifetime April 4-14

• Call Vino for more information or email vino@vinowine.com

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 35

Daydream Nation

Greenland in hopes of tracking down acclaimed photographer Sean O’Connell (Sean Penn), who’s believed to be in possession of the missing negative for Life’s final cover. Could it be that hunting for the photo that’s purportedly “the quintessence of life” means an epiphany is only a montage away? Is there any chance that selfactualization will take the form of something other than a middle-aged man’s power fantasies? Unfortunately, the answer to the latter query becomes apparent as we witness the ridiculous sight of Walter fleeing an erupting volcano by speeding away on a skateboard. “It’s like Indiana Jones became the lead singer of The Strokes,” Walter’s eHarmony tech support reperable publication has been bought out and condemned turned-long distance sidekick (Patton Oswalt) marvels. to the most undignified of fates: going web-only. Adam The declaration is cringe-inducing not so much for Scott plays Ted, the delighted bearer of this bad news, its datedness, but more because it seems to reveal a having seemingly secured the role on the merits of his remarkable neediness on the part of Mitty’s director-star equally obnoxious turn in Step Brothers. Regrettably, he’s that can only be sated by overt affirmations of his virilgiven meager material to work with here, resulting in a ity and hipness. character who’s more bore than boor. “Beautiful things don’t ask for attention,” O’Connell To this point, Walter has made a regular habit counsels Walter when their paths eventually cross. Likeof breaking from reality in order wise, films that clearly pride themselves on to indulge in frenetically staged, THE SECRET LIFE OF imparting universal truths shouldn’t feel this CGI-heavy daydreams in which he WALTER MITTY self-serving. Nor should any film that wants rescues Cheryl’s dog from a burning Rated PG to be taken seriously indulge in the sort of building or duels Ted in the streets. Directed by Ben Stiller product placement that would leave 30 Rock’s In turn, these flights of fancy have Jack Donaghy giddy and sees Papa John’s not largely failed to impress, sapping the Starring Ben Stiller, Kristen Wiig, Adam Scott, Sean Penn only serve as a (remarkably unfunny) running narrative of momentum while sugjoke but also the root of great personal pain gesting that the outwardly buttonedand lasting regret for Walter. down protagonist’s supposedly rich inner world is little Alas, with its insipid adages, extreme wish-fulfillmore than a sizzle reel of garish, noisy deleted scenes ment and soundtrack, Walter Mitty frequently leaves from summer blockbusters. you with the uncomfortable feeling that you’re being Tired of being emasculated by Ted and eager to lectured to by a glorified cola commercial.  impress Cheryl, Walter impulsively boards a flight to

Ben Stiller turns a classic short story into a glorified commercial, albeit a visually stunning one BY CURTIS WOLOSCHUK

iven how prone its namesake is to zoning out, perhaps it’s not surprising that Ben Stiller’s adaptation of James Thurber’s beloved short story never manages to really connect. Then again, maybe this is just the price you pay when you try to force-feed viewers whimsy and rely on your soundtrack to do all of your heavy emotional lifting. (Why bother crafting scenes capable of inspiring elation courtesy of skillful writing when you can simply crank Arcade Fire’s “Wake Up”?) Granted, before it can begin its upward trajectory, the film must first familiarize us with the lonely existence of Walter Mitty (Stiller). In his compact, unadorned apartment, he diligently balances a checkbook before working up the nerve to message his coworker Cheryl (Kristen Wiig) via eHarmony (the opening salvo in what will soon become an all-out barrage of product placement). That these efforts meet with an error message is hardly surprising. Walter just wasn’t made for these times. Arriving at the offices of Life where he toils in “negative asset management,” Walter discovers that the ven-

36 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

FILM | SHORTS

OTHER OPENING FILMS 47 RONIN

We’re pretty sure that Keanu Reeves is actually a Japanese warrior trapped in the body of a contemporary American, which makes this role more than fitting. Here, we have Reeves as a one of the 47 Ronin, ancient Japanese warriors who, according to legend, went in search of the evil dudes who murdered their master. This martial arts film is full of dazzling visuals and otherworldly violence, giving Reeves a rare post-Matrix chance to shine. (MB) Rated PG-13

BELIEVE

With this tour documentary Justin Bieber invites all of us to become Beliebers. “Produced by Scooter Braun,” the trailer says, referring both to the movie and Bieber’s adolescent, teenage, and young adult years. Believe looks past all the vandalism, drugs, sagging pants and mop-bucket urination, and lets Bieber explain how he stays humble and levelheaded amid all the adulation. Then it’s back to the high-pitched cooing, from both fans and singer. This time in 3D. (DW) Rated PG.

GRUDGE MATCH

Sylvester Stallone, of course, was Rocky Balboa and Robert De Niro played Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull. So they both know the world of fictitious boxing fairly well. So why not make a movie that features both? That’s essentially the thinking beyond this bizarrely conceived film about two former boxing rivals who come together 30 years after their most recent fight to go at each other one more time. The conceit is ridiculous, but Stallone and De Niro might have the comedic chops to liven it up. They get help from Kevin Hart, Alan Arkin and Kim Basinger in a solid cast that might save this clumsy concept. (MB) Rated PG-13

MANDELA: LONG WALK TO FREEDOM

Set for release in the wake of Nelson Mandela’s death, it’s almost as if the creators of the film Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom, were able to predict the future

as people will be more interested in this film now more than ever. With Idris Elba (The Wire) playing the revolutionary figure who ended apartheid in South Africa, the film covers the life history of Mandela until his presidential inauguration. (LJ) Rated PG-13

We never learn the name of the grizzled yachtsman (Robert Redford) whose eight-day fight to survive on the open sea is chronicled in J.C. Chandor’s magnificently primal All Is Lost. After all, how in the world are we supposed to sympathize with our soggy protagonist if we don’t know details about a rift with his daughter, or a childhood trauma he needs to overcome, or even why he’s sailing alone in the middle of nowhere? At Magic Lantern (SR) Rated PG-13

AMERICAN HUSTLE

Coming off the splendid Silver Linings Playbook, director David O. Russell is back, bringing the stars of that film, Jennifer Lawrence and Bradley Cooper, along. This time, the subject matter is a little more intense: He takes us back to the glittery 1970s for a crime drama

Offer expires 01/15/14

FIBERGLASS AT IT’S BEST

SOUTHWEST TRIPLE PRE-HUNG

THE PUNK SINGER

This insightful documentary inspects the life of one of punk rock’s most influential players, Kathleen Hanna, who fronted the revolutionary act Bikini Kill. She was part of a wave of female-fronted punk bands in the early 1990s that gave birth to the “riot grrrl” (which also happened to be the name of the feminist magazine she helped publish) movement. If you’re a fan of 1990s indie rock, check this out and you’ll see plenty faces and names you grew up rocking out to. At Magic Lantern (MB) Not Rated

REG PRICE: $1695

SALE: $895

SALE: $1195

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET

Martin Scorsese’s satirical adaptation of a memoir by Jordan Belfort, who rose from Long Island penny stock swindler to shady Wall Street power player with his brokerage firm Stratton Oakmont, is so over the top that it risks becoming what it sets out to mock. But it’s a spectacle of opulence that demands to be seen. The film is all about Jordan Belfort’s (Leonardo DiCaprio) pursuit of more: more money, more stocks, more vulgarity, more power, more excess, more sex and more drugs. It’s the warping of the American dream into pure basal depravity. (SS) Rated R.

THE UGLY DUCK 1727 W. Sinto | Spokane LOCATED 5 BLKS. NORTH OF MAPLE ST BRIDGE

509-326-0199

THE ONLY DOOR SHOP IN TOWN!

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY

Arriving at the offices of Life where he toils in “negative asset management,” Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) discovers that the venerable publication has been bought out and condemned to the most undignified of fates: going web-only. A frequent day dreamer, Walter soon finds himself heading out to Greenland to track down one of his photographers (Sean Penn) who has all but disappeared — thus giving Walter some real-life adventures. (CW) Rated PG

NOW PLAYING ALL IS LOST

Bring in this ad for 10% Off your next purchase!

about a group of corrupt politicians living the high life in New Jersey. Soon most of the cast is tangled in the web of the mafia as some become FBI informants. (MB) Rated R

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES

In their 2004 masterpiece Anchorman, Adam McKay and Will Ferrell captivated audiences and critics with his uncompromising profile of legendary San Diego anchorman Ron Burgundy. He brought his lens to bear not just on the cutthroat atmosphere of internal and external news rivalries, but on the entire 1970s zeitgeist — gender equality, male ego, animal cruelty and even, through a simple but wise weathercaster, mental illness. Anchorman 2 leaps forward into ...continued on next page

The New

INLANDER MOBILE When is our movie playing? Who has karaoke tonight? What’s happening this weekend? Where is the nearest Chinese restaurant?

The answers to life’s great questions. m.inlander.com

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 37

FILM FILM||SHORTS SHORTS

NOW PLAYING the next decade, where an older, presumably wiser Burgundy must reckon with the dialectical tensions inherent to class, race, sexual ethics and death itself. Also, scotchy scotch scotch. (DW) PG-13

THE ARMSTRONG LIE

Few athletes have accomplished the sort of career faceplant performed by Lance Armstrong over the course of the past decade. The Texan went from winning seven consecutive Tour de Frances, convincing most of America to wear yellow rubber bracelets for a cause they didn’t necessarily understand, to essentially becoming Voldemort on a bicycle. Director Alex Gibney began following Armstrong in 2008 when he was mounting a comeback and got rare access. Armstrong tells lie after lie about his performance-enhancing drug use, fooling a public that — as Gibney points out — may have wanted to be fooled all along. (MB) R

THE BOOK THIEF

BRAND

FRICKIN’ NEW TAP

ROOM OPEN DAILY

Or scan with your Smartphone

Times For 8/6 - 8/12

121 SOUTH CEDAR

rivercityred. blogspot.com

! MORNING BRIEFING

Sunday, Dec 29th Pardon our Progress: Things are Finally Looking Up Rev. Dr. Todd Eklof, UUCS Minister

Unitarian Universalist Church of Spokane

4340 W. Ft. Wright Drive 509-325-6383 www.uuspokane.org

Sunday Services

Religious Ed & Childcare

9:15 & 11am 38 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

When the Markus Zusak bestseller The Book Thief came on the scene in 2005, it was only a matter of time before a movie studio gobbled it up. Told from the perspective of the young girl Liesel (Sophie Nélisse) who goes to live with a foster family during WWII (Emily Watson, Geoffrey Rush), the film depicts one family’s fight to stand up against the Nazis. (LJ) Rated PG-13

CAPTAIN PHILLIPS

The true story of the Vermont cargo ship captain who delivers food and water to Africa, and whose ship is hijacked by Somali pirates is both a nail-biter and a fascinating character study, mostly centering on the relationship between the cool, calm captain (Tom Hanks) and the determined but unsure pirate leader Muse (newcomer Barkhad Abdi). The adventure parts are thrilling, the attack and takeover is unnerving, the lifeboat sequences are claustrophobic. (ES) Rated PG-13

FROZEN

Frozen is a princess story; Disney is doubling down on the princesses — there’s two of ’em here. But Disney is also doubling down on the hints of nascent feminism Brave hinted at, the sort of barebones feminism which accepts that girls and women might possibly want more out of life than to get married. The princesses are sisters — the elder Elsa (the voice of Idina Menzel) and the younger Anna (the voice of Kristen Bell) — and this is mostly the story of their troubled relationship because Elsa is known to turn things into ice with her magical powers. (MJ) Rated PG

THE HOBBIT: THE DESOLATION OF SMOG

Fresh News, Every Morning. Only on Inlander.com

Splitting up a novel into three movies might seem like a bad idea, but most audience members will be still trying to keep track of all the names in this fantasy flick based on the Tolkien classic. (Smaug? Biblo? Erebor? Come on, now.) This second chunk features the majority of the action as Biblo Baggins (Martin Freeman) journeys with Wizard Gandalf (Ian McKellan) and 13 dwarves to save the dwarf kingdom of Erebor. (ER) PG-13

INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS

Joel and Ethan Coen, following their own footsteps of filling a film with music, as they did in O Brother, Where Art Thou?, this time take on the early ’60s Greenwich Village folk scene. The title character (Oscar Isaac) is a multi-talented folkie who has no people skills and is likely ahead of his time. The people around him seem to cause nothing but crises, but the determined Llewyn sings on, against all odds. Not always a good idea in a Coen Brothers film. (ES) Rated R

KILL YOUR DARLINGS

If you needed evidence that Daniel Radcliffe could survive a decade as Harry Potter you should really check out the actor as legendary poet Allen Ginsberg in this film about the early days of the beat movement. Here, we see Ginsberg, Jack Kerouac (Jack Huston) and William Burroughs brought together by the murder of David Kammerer by a mutual friend. At Magic Lantern (MB) Rated R

NEBRASKA

Finding a Publishers Clearing House envelope stating that he’s won a million bucks, Woody Grant, a reckless, lonely boozer played by 77-year-old Bruce Dern, heads out from Montana to Nebraska to claim his fortune. He takes along his skeptical son (Will Forte), who’s humoring him, as Woody tells everyone he knows that he’s become a millionaire, gathering clingy new money-hungry friends along the way. Payne (Sideways, The Descendants, Election) shot the film in black and white, adding its already present sense of despair. (MB) R

OUT OF THE FURNACE

Can two brothers be any more different? Good boy Russell (Christian Bale), resigned to working in a small-town mill, tries to keep a protective eye on his loose cannon younger brother Rodney (Casey Affleck) and Iraq war vet who would rather pummel opponents in bare-knuckle street fights to pay off his debts than get a job. Willem Dafoe plays a good-hearted bad guy, Woody Harrelson plays a purely evil one, everyone owes everyone else big money, brutal violence is an everyday thing, vengeance and/or revenge is on the minds of many. (ES) Rated R

PHILOMENA

Philomena Lee, an elderly British woman, confides in her daughter that she gave birth to a son in Ireland 50 years earlier. Unwed at the time, she was forced to give him up for adoption. Martin, a former government adviser and journalist out of a job, is looking for a story idea to bring to his editor. At a party, he hears of Philomena. Together, he and Philomena investigate the life of her lost son and find themselves exploring America looking for answers. (KS) Rated R

SAVING MR. BANKS

Walt Disney (Tom Hanks) has a 20-year promise hanging over his head. After his daughters ask for their beloved Mary Poppins to be turned into a movie, Disney begins a quest to gain the rights from stubborn P.L Travers (Emma Thompson). Refusing him time and time again for fear Walt has a two-week window where she will listen to his proposal, and hopefully let him make his movie. Telling the story of how once again Walt Disney made magic, as well as where the famous Poppins originated from, this film ironically Disney-ifies the truth of the story, giving it an unnecessary happy ending. (ER) PG-13

WADJDA

Directed and written by Haifaa Al-Mansour, the first ever Saudi Arabian female film-maker, this film gives us the life of rebellious Wadjda (Waad Mohammed) who discovers a bicycle in a store that she must have. Her mother, preoccupied with the fact that her husband may take on a second wife, dismisses the notion. Precocious Wadjda refuses to give up, though, and begins to earn money using her wits and entrepreneurship skills. At Magic Lantern. (ER) Rated PG

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS

More advanced than the animation in Land Before Time but just as heartwarming, Walking with Dinosaurs, set in the late Cretaceous period more than 70 million years ago, follows three dinos — Patchi, Scowler, and Juniper — as they transition out of childhood into adulthood and lead their herd in migrating. cularly produced. (KS) PG 

CRITICS’ SCORECARD THE NEW YORK INLANDER TIMES

VARIETY

(LOS ANGELES)

METACRITIC.COM (OUT OF 100)

Inside Llewyn Davis

American Hustle

All is Lost

Wolf of Wall Street

Hunger Games 2

The Hobbit 2

Walter Mitty

DON’T MISS IT

WORTH $10

WATCH IT AT HOME

SKIP IT

FILM | REVIEW

THE MAGIC LANTERN FRI DEC 27TH - THUR JAN 2ND

THE ARMSTRONG LIE (124 MIN - R)

Fri-Sat: 5:30, Sun: 4:30, Tues-Thurs: 5:00

KILL YOUR DARLINGS (104 MIN -R) Fri/Sat: 8:00, Sun: 6:30

WADJDA (96 MIN PG)

Fri/Sat: 3:30, Sun: 2:30

THE PUNK SINGER (80 MIN)

Fri/Sat: 8:30, Sun: 7:15, Tues-Thurs: 7:15

GREAT EXPECTATIONS (128 MIN PG 13)

Fri/Sat: 6:00, Sun: 4:45, Tues-Thurs: 6:30

ALL IS LOST (104 MIN PG 13)

Fri/Sat: 4:00, Sun: 2:45, Tues-Thurs: 4:30 25 W Main Ave • 509-209-2383 • All Shows $8 www.magiclanternspokane.com

WEEK OF DECEMBER 27th THRU JANUARY 2nd

WEDNESDAYS

$ 50 BEER & DINNER IN THEATER!

Leo, this time as a total slimeball.

Celluloid Opulence The Wolf of Wall Street is an outrageous satire of the new American dream

ALL SHOWS ALL TIMES

CLOUDY with a chance of meatballs 2 Fri - Thurs 12:00, 5:00

“C

Airway Heights 10117 W State Rt 2 • 509-232-0444 PG-13

47 RONIN

Daily (10:50) (4:20) 9:50 In 2D Daily (1:30) 7:10

GRUDGE MATCH

PG-13 Daily (11:15) (1:45) (4:15) 6:45 9:15

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY

Ender’s Game Fri-Thurs 2:40, 7:00

PG Daily (11:30) (2:00) (4:30) 7:00 9:30

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET R Daily (12:15) (4:15) 8:15

AMERICAN HUSTLE

R Daily (12:45) (3:40) 6:30 9:20

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES PG-13 Daily (11:15) (1:50) (4:25) 7:00 9:30

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS PG Daily (1:25) 7:15 In 2D Daily (10:50) (4:15) 9:40

BY SETH SOMMERFELD razy? This is obscene.” tion, Belfort breaks the fourth wall and attempts With those four short words, to sell the audience his perspective. Rob Reiner (as Max Belfort) delivThe role of Belfort seems tailor-made for ers the perfect summation of The Wolf of Wall DiCaprio, who struts into every scene with a Street. Martin Scorsese’s satirical adaptation of a sleek intensity that feels absolutely effortless. But memoir by Jordan Belfort, who rose from Long for as well as he plays the part, Belfort ultiIsland penny-stock swindler to shady Wall Street mately lacks any real depth. He seems less a real power player with his brokerage firm Stratton human being than a walking personification of Oakmont, is so over the top, it risks becoming an unquenchable appetite for excess. It’s actually what it sets out to mock. But it’s a spectacle of Jonah Hill who turns in The Wolf of Wall Street’s opulence that demands to be seen. best performance, as Belfort’s nebbish oddball The Wolf of Wall Street is all about Jordan sidekick Donnie Azoff. Belfort’s (Leonardo DiCaprio) pursuit of more: The main fault of The Wolf of Wall Street? It’s More money, more stocks, more vulgarity, more doomed to be misinterpreted by all the wrong power, more excess, more sex and more drugs. people. The satire doesn’t cut sharp; it’s broad It’s the warping of the American dream into and overarching. It’s three hours of mainlined pure basal depravity. The thrill testosterone fantasy, and at some of more becomes Belfort’s points it’s hard to tell if it’s mocking THE WOLF OF addiction, and damned if he’s the insanity of excess or is merely one WALL STREET going to slow down for the more of its byproducts. This being Rated R FBI, SEC or anyone else. “I the case, there’ll be a generation of Directed by Martin Scorsese want you to deal with your meatheads who see Belfort’s story Starring Leonardo DiCaprio, P.J. problems by becoming rich,” as the success of the new American Byrne, Rob Reiner, Jonah Hill proclaims Belfort during one dream, rather than a declaration of of his many monologues in how twisted and obscene it all really is front of Stratton Oakmont employees, who (similar to Wall Street in the ’80s). But while The eat up his every word with the fervor of cult Wolf of Wall Street could’ve used a little more bite, members. Even in the film’s voice-over narrait’s still a majestic beast to behold. 

HIGH FRAME RATE

THE HOBBIT: THE DESTOLATION OF SMAUG

bad grandpa Fri-Mon 9:20pm Wed-Thurs 9:20pm

PG-13 Daily (2:50) 9:25 In 2D Daily (11:40) 6:10

FROZEN

PG Daily (11:00) (1:30) (3:50) 6:15 8:35

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE PG-13 Daily (12:00) (3:00) 6:20 9:20

Wandermere

12622 N Division • 509-232-7727

924 W. GARLAND • 509.327.1050 WWW.GARLANDTHEATER.COM

PG-13

47 RONIN

Daily (10:50) (4:20) 9:50 In 2D Daily (1:30) 7:10

GRUDGE MATCH

PG-13 Daily (11:15) (1:45) (4:15) 6:45 9:15

THE SECRET LIFE OF WALTER MITTY PG Daily (11:30) (2:00) (4:30) 7:00 9:30

THE WOLF OF WALL STREET R Daily (12:15) (4:15) 8:15

AMERICAN HUSTLE

R Daily (12:45) (3:40) 6:30 9:20

ANCHORMAN 2: THE LEGEND CONTINUES PG-13 Daily (11:15) (1:50) (4:25) 7:00 9:30

SAVING MR. BANKS

PG-13 Daily (10:45) (1:20) (4:00) 6:40 9:20

WALKING WITH DINOSAURS

Wishing you Peace & Prosperity in the New Year Mon-Sat 10am-5:30pm 35 W. Main, Spokane 509-464-7677

PG Daily (5:15) 9:15 In 2D Daily (10:50) (1:00) (3:10) 7:15

THE HOBBIT: THE DESTOLATION OF SMAUG

PG-13 HIGH FRAME RATE Daily (2:15) 8:45 In 2D Daily (11:00) (11:40) (12:15) (2:50) (3:40) (5:30) 6:10 9:25

A MADEA CHRISTMAS PG-13 Daily 7:15 9:30

FROZEN

PG Daily (11:00) (11:45) (1:30) (2:10) (3:50) (4:30) 6:15 6:45 8:35 9:10

THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE PG-13 Daily (12:00) (3:00) 6:20 9:20

Showtimes in ( ) are at bargain price. Special Attraction — No Passes Showtimes Effective 12/25/13-1/2/14

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 39

Dec 26 - Jan 1 ON THE BLOCK

MON

SUN

SAT

FRI

THURS

412 W. Sprague Ave. 509.747.2302

SHOTS POWER HOURS 9P-11P

Any Drink $

THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL $1 PBR & $3 FIREBALL 9-CLOSE

FIREBALL FRIDAY $3 POWER HOUR

11PM-12AM

Any drink -

NEW YEAR’S EVE PRE-FUNK POWER HOUR

ALL NIGHT ANY DRINK $6

LIVE MUSIC 5-10

Cocktails & Food | NFL Football

HOSPITALITY NIGHT

Industry Specials All Night Long / DJ ONE

NFL FOOTBALL Draft Beer $ 00 Your Call

NEW YEAR’S EVE NEW YEAR’S EVE

MASQUERADE

Ball

DRESS TO IMPRESS & RING IN THE NEW YEAR

WITH US AT CLUB 412!

A N I G H T O F M Y S T E RY A N D G I V E AWAY S S H O T S A N D C H A M PA G N E F E AT U R I N G D J O N E

ONE COVER - FOUR BARS WED

CLUB 412 | SHOTS | IRV’S | CLUB RED

40 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

HANGOVER

HELPER

Happy Hour Prices All Night Long!

No Plan B

Lavoy moved from Alaska to Spokane to make music and haven’t looked back BY LAURA JOHNSON

CHAD RAMSEY PHOTO

xhausted from their 46-hour drive, the five members of Lavoy wheeled up to their new home in Spokane, only to be stopped at the driveway. The 24-foot U-Haul that had carried all of their belongings from Wasilla, Alaska, had bottomed out on the steep driveway. They left the truck at the bottom of the hill, hauling box after box up the slope in the sweltering July heat. They had made it. Together, in an evergreen-lined North Spokane neighborhood, they all live in a towering three-story rental. Five bandmates, five wives, two kids and two dogs. They are 12 people in one suburban house who share meals, drink coffee, make music, pray and go on outings to see The Hobbit sequel. “Do we sound like a cult?” asks bass and synth player Ryan Monson, on a particularly crisp December afternoon. “We promise, we’re not.” Together, Lavoy made the decision to leave their home state, where they were a well-established indie rock group, cash in their savings and start over in a city that isn’t known for producing top national acts. On this day, the last rays of sun show through the main window as the bandmates congregate in their living room. There’s a brightly lit Christmas tree in the corner. Next to the front door are row upon row of shoes. There’s a fluidity to how various housemates enter and exit the room, exchanging jokes and pleasantries. But this isn’t where they work. Below, in the dark, uninsulated garage, is where the music happens. The band is their full-time gig. Their workweek is structured like most of corporate America – 9 am to 5 pm, Monday through Friday. But they only have to pad over to the TV room to clock in. While their wives mostly work outside of the home, the guys practice their music, write new songs, make concert posters, plan schedules and send out emails daily to attract the notice of record labels and show promoters. After six months, they swear they’re not tired of this. “It varies each week, what we do, so we’re not bored,” says Monson. “This is hard work, but we’re a goal-setting band, always looking towards the future.” Music full-time had always been the dream for the band, whose ages range from 24 to 31. Originally started in 2007 by lead singer/lyricist Tyrell Tompkins, the current lineup has been together for the past four years with the exception of Russian-born keyboardist Ivan Brik, who joined this spring. After an opportunity to play in front of Tony Hoffer in early 2012 ended with an invitation to work with the producer (whose credits include Beck and M83), they holed up in their garage, practicing for six hours a night, writing more than 60 songs. The sound that Hoffer liked, electronic with a touch of soulful, anthemic rock, is what they played up. Demos were made of everything and tracks sent ...continued on next page to Hoffer.

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 41

E L A S E C N A R A E L C JANUARY

% 0 5 STOREWIDE 10

F F O S G N I SAV SE TS S • ALL MAT TRESS ER N LI C RE LL A • S • ALL SOFA INING ROOM SE TS D LL A • TS SE M • ALL BEDROO ANCES RING • ALL APPLI O O FL D N A ET RP • ALL CA

Why shop at Runge Furniture?

• Large selection of quality furniture, mattress sets, carpet & ﬂooring and appliances • Free local delivery • In store financing • Family owned since 1946 • Free Interior Design service

303 Spokane Ave, Cd’A 208 664 2131 rungefurniture.com

MUSIC | ROCK “NO PLAN B,” CONTINUED... “He told us we needed to leave Alaska,” says Tompkins, whose toothy grin, thick-rimmed glasses and soaring tenor add much to the group’s look and sound. “He said we’d never see our full potential until we played outside that scene.” Wasilla is a little less than an hour north of Anchorage, the state’s most populous city. Fairbanks is a six-hour drive away. They had watched other big Alaskan acts ride off valiantly to places like Los Angeles, Seattle and Austin only to be forced to get full-time jobs to pay rent, then not be able to book gigs. They wanted to do it differently. “We didn’t want to move to a place like Portland and drown in a sea of people trying to do the same thing,” says guitarist Sean Riley, whose older brother Kipp plays drums. “It’s easier to be in a scene like Spokane where you can actually book shows and be heard.” It wasn’t until September that they had enough funds to get down to Hoffer’s L.A. studio to record the three songs they’re most proud of from their 2012 sessions. This month, they signed with a PR firm. They hope to release their EP Foolproof Plan, featuring the three tracks, by late spring after a promotional blitz. A full-length release would be better, but this is a start. In the meantime, the group is playing as many local gigs as possible. Two months ago, they even ventured to Portland. “Yeah, two people showed up to that show and one of them was the bartender,” Sean says with a laugh. Even though things are evolving slowly, there is no backing out now. Not one member is having second thoughts. “This is it for us. There is no Plan B,” Tompkins says. “We are absolutely in the place we’re supposed to be right now.” n lauraj@inlander.com NYE party feat. Lavoy, My Pinky Has a Name, Mama Doll, Bandit Train • Tue, Dec. 31, at 9 pm • Mootsy’s • 406 W. Sprague • $10 • 838-1570

[ you’ll never be bored again]

0 1 2 NEW

1403 N DIVISION ST

For all the Games BBQ SAUSAGE & CHEESE TRIO 3 DELICIOUS SAUSAGES, WITH 3 CHEE AND OUR FAMOUS BBQ SAUCE

SPECIALTY

SES

PIPELINE POPPER

CHICKEN, BACON, JALA PENO, CREA M CHEESE AND RANCH SAUCE

PIZZAS

PIZZAPIPELINE.COM

42 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

B a r re - f i t , B a r re - D i o I n t e r va l s, a n d M o m my - B a by C l a s s e s G re a t M u s i c • C e r t i f i e d S t a f f • B e a u t i f u l B o u t i q u e S t u d i o

spokane barre [lengthen-tone-reshape-repeat]

www.spokanebarre.com

509.999.8896

MUSIC | ELECTRONIC

Thursday Dec 26th

Drinking & Revelry Friday Dec 27th

The B-Radicals Saturday Dec 28th

Sea Giant Sunday FUN DAY! Dec 29th

HAPPY TIME ALL NIGHT

Brooklyn-based electronic artist Helado Negro shows off his eclectic beats at the Bartlett Tuesday.

Two Scoops Necessary

Helado Negro livens up New Year’s Eve with a reverberating, experimental sound BY JORDAN SATTERFIELD

Monday Dec 30th TRIVIA! Starts at 7pm Tuesday Dec 31st

NEW YEAR’S EVE! DUELING DJ’s

Wednesday Jan 1st

CLOSED to recover!

roducer Roberto Carlos could not have chosen a better approaching a 50/50 division between Spanish and English, seem stage name for his musical endeavors. The Spanish “helado particularly concerned with the effects of isolation, but occasionally negro” translates to “black ice cream,” a phrase which gets wander into lighter, more dance-oriented territory. to the very core of Brooklyn-based Helado Negro’s sound faster Invisible Life isn’t just his best recording to date, it’s flat-out than any genre descriptors can. Technically, the artist’s work spans proof that Carlos has what it takes to rank among the best of his the excited, lush plucks of Latin folk to the darkly resounding bar contemporaries. Music with a mature sophistication like Helado chords of heavily R&B-influenced house. But it’s much easier just to Negro’s almost never gets as intriguing, as culturally diverse and, say “black ice cream.” frankly, as completely sexual as he is obviously capable of creating Carlos, a south Florida native, has been releasing his work as with apparent ease. Helado Negro on Sufjan Stevens’ Asthmatic Kitty label since 2009’s On New Year’s Eve, Helado Negro will bring all of that class fantastic LP Awe Owe. That record seemed to make a clear musical and confidence to a truly worthy venue, the newly opened Bartlett mission statement — deeply experimental Latin folk that in downtown Spokane. In a club as intimate as relied upon the locked groove of the great Buena Vista Carlos’ sound, he and his two-piece accompaniment Social Club as much as it did the sugar-rushed, arpegwill give anybody who’s interested a chance to Visit Inlander.com for complete come feel their music’s heavy reverberations. giated folk of Animal Collective. But as time has gone on, Helado Negro has become listings of local events. This is a kind of live music experience Spokane a much more ambitious project — one that is almost doesn’t get enough of. Quietly refined, self-assured unrecognizable when compared to the early releases. Carlos now and nuanced — a cultural movement that’s every bit as personal as seems much more interested in blending the vivid folk of his it is social. With a sound like this, seeing it performed is a chance to ancestral Ecuador with the sexy, delicate nuances of contemporary witness delicate, perfected creation. electronic music . Take your ice cream black. Two scoops. n His latest album, Invisible Life, is distinct proof of this shift in nearly every facet. Carlos lays his hooks deeper in his composiHelado Negro with Moon Talk, Water Monster • Tue, Dec. 31, tions than ever before, preferring the sensuality of a subtle shift of at 9 pm • The Bartlett • 228 W. Sprague • $30 • 21+ • thean envelope filter to the wild dance of classical guitars. His lyrics, bartlett.com

25 Craft Beers & Craft Cocktails 120 E. Sprague Ave.

Dec 26 - Jan 1

With FREE Backup Camera • Pandora control with iPhone • 6.1” touchscreen with variable color button illumination 7316 North Division Spokane (509)484-1516

aspensound.com 14009 E. Sprague Ave., Spokane Valley • (509)927-3787

350 Cherry Lane, CDA

(1 block South of Red Lobster on 1-95)

(208)667-6995

FRI & SAT

SUN

Dance your ASS off all weekend long KARAOKE W/ LIVE WIRE

KARAOKE W/ MATTY

at Irv’s 9pm-2am at Irv’s 8pm-2am 4 BARS 1 COVER

2014

NEW YEAR’S EVE 10 cover • 8pm-4am

DJ PROPHESY KEEPING THE DANCE FLOOR GOING TIL 4AM

annual WED

$247.00

KARAOKE W/ Live Wire

at Irv’s @ 9pm

NEW YEAR’S EVE

DVD

Whitey Tight Party w/ DJ Prophesy at Club Red @ 10pm

MON

ROCK YOUR SLEIGH

THUR

MORE EVENTS

PICK ME UP PARTY recover with IRV HIMSELF

11am-2pm 415 W. Sprague Ave.

509.624.4450 DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 43

MUSIC | SOUND ADVICE

ROCK MYTH SHIP

ack in June, the local rock act Myth Ship sailed through its final show — at least the group claimed it was done performing. But earlier this month, the band pulled a Jay-Z and came out of retirement, playing a show at the Baby Bar. Now, the four-piece, who played this year’s Volume, continues rolling with a New Year’s Eve party at Carr’s Corner. With song titles like “Retarded Rodeo” and “Dumb Bully,” this is rock that will get ahold of you and keep you listening throughout the whole wild set. What’s even better than seeing these guys out playing again? The show’s $5 cover includes a champagne toast and party favors. — LAURA JOHNSON NYE Extravaganza feat. Myth Ship, The Camaros, DJ Case • Tue, Dec. 31, at 9:30 pm • Carr’s Corner • 230 S. Washington • $5 • All-ages • 474-1731

J = THE INLANDER RECOMMENDS THIS SHOW J = ALL AGES SHOW

Thursday, 12/26

J BABY BAR, Only to Meet a Bear, Table Top Joe, Teen Blonde BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn BOOMERS CLASSIC ROCK BAR & GRILL, DJ Yasmine BUCKHORN INN, Texas Twister J CARR’S CORNER, Kwanzapalooza feat. Darren Eldridge, John Michel, Jonathan Nicholson, Timothy Best, Bill Rust and Michael de le Finns THE CELLAR, Robby French COEUR D’ALENE CASINO, PJ Destiny GIBLIANO BROTHERS, Dueling Pianos LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Nick Grow O’SHAY’S, Open mic J THE PHAT HOUSE, The Tone Collaborative RICO’S, Palouse Subterranean Blues Band RIPPLES (326-5577), Dru Heller Trio SPLASH, Steve Denny THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND EATERY, DJ Seli WESTERN PLEASURE GUEST RANCH (208-263-9066), Just Plain Darin ZOLA, Raggs & Bush Doktor

Friday, 12/27

315 MARTINIS AND TAPAS, Truck Mills BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn THE BLIND BUCK (290-6229), DJ Mayhem BOLO’S, Whack A Mole BUCKHORN INN, NativeSun CARR’S CORNER, The Almost New Year’s Party feat. Embodied Organics, Vante Hendrix, Kilo Savy, Manwithnoname, Wreckless Nomad, Raw B, Jhada, DJs J-June and Young Yeti THE CELLAR, Bakin’ Phat J CHAIRS COFFEE, Open Mic of Open-ness COEUR D’ALENE CASINO, Bill Bozly COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR, Slag

44 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

CELTIC FLOATING CROWBAR

aybe your eyes glaze over at the notion of Celtic music. Maybe you don’t like Irish whiskey, either. Know that you are the one missing out in either case. This New Year’s Eve, Spokane’s own Celtic quartet, Floating Crowbar, brings their Irish blend of folk music to the First Night celebration. This is a band that uses all the traditional instruments, fiddle, acoustic guitar, flute, uilleann pipes, banjo and mandolin, and still manages to make people want to dance along with the songs, often without even the use of vocals. For this family-friendly show you may not be able to raise a pint in gratitude while the group is jamming, but imagine doing so anyway. Check out Floating Crowbar’s August release, The Torn Jacket, in preparation. — LAURA JOHNSON Floating Crowbar accompanying Haran Irish Dancers at First Night Spokane • Tue, Dec. 31, from 7-10 pm • INB Performing Arts Center • 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. • $15 advance/$18 day of • firstnightspokane.org

Dog THE COUNTRY CLUB, Truck Stop Betty CURLEY’S, Shiner FIZZIE MULLIGANS, Protocol GIBLIANO BROTHERS, Dueling Pianos J THE HOP!, Hip Hop Pajama Party feat. Wei Entertainment IDAHO POUR AUTHORITY (208-2902280), Charley Packard IRON HORSE BAR, Phoenix IRV’S, DJ Prophesy JOHN’S ALLEY, Robbie Walden Band JONES RADIATOR, B Radicals LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Carey Brazil LUCKY’S IRISH PUB, Likes Girls J MEZZO PAZZO WINE BAR, Dennis Smith J MOOTSY’S, Only To Meet a Bear, Dead Serious Lovers, Gardening Angel NYNE, Hey! Is for Horses, Stone Tobey PEND D’OREILLE WINERY, Scott Reid J THE PHAT HOUSE, Left Over Soul

ROADHOUSE COUNTRY ROCK BAR, Luke Jaxon Band THE ROCK BAR AND LOUNGE (4433796), DJ JWC J TWELVE STRING BREWING COMPANY (241-3697), Maxie Ray Mills ZOLA, Island Soul

Saturday, 12/28

BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn THE BLIND BUCK (290-6229), DJ Daethstar BOLO’S, Whack A Mole J BUCER’S COFFEEHOUSE PUB, Stevenson Variety Show BUCKHORN INN, NativeSun CARR’S CORNER, Invasive, In Denial, Undercard, SJP THE CELLAR, Bakin’ Phat COEUR D’ALENE CASINO, Bill Bozly COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR, Emily Baker THE COUNTRY CLUB, Truck Stop Betty

CURLEY’S, Shiner J DOWNTOWN CROSSING, Mama Doll, Harolds IGA, Cedar & Boyer FIZZIE MULLIGANS, Protocol GEM STATE CLUB, The Jam Band GIBLIANO BROTHERS, Dueling Pianos J THE HOP!, The Final Nightmare feat. I Hate This City, Boneye, Lions Beside Us, Squassation, Vultra, Astro Cobra IRON HORSE BAR, Phoenix IRV’S, DJ Prophesy JOHN’S ALLEY, Robbie Walden Band J JONES RADIATOR, Sea Giant LA ROSA CLUB, Doug Bond THE LARIAT (466-9918), Down South LEFTBANK WINE BAR, Charles Tappa Trio LUCKY’S IRISH PUB, Likes Girls NYNE, DJ Hype PEND D’OREILLE WINERY, Robert Beadling Group J THE PHAT HOUSE, Bad Penman-

ship’s 10th Annual Hip Hop Showcase feat. BLVCK CEILING, K. Clifton, Jaeda, Freetime Synthetic, Equilibrium ink, Wurd One, Nobe, Rhaabai Root, Lilac Linguistics, MJ, Stone Tobey, Kain bridge1 and others RED LION HOTEL RIVER INN, Chris Rieser and the Nerve REPUBLIC BREWING CO., Six Foot Swing THE ROAD HOUSE (PRIEST RIVER) (208-448-1408), YESTERDAYSCAKE ROADHOUSE COUNTRY ROCK BAR, Luke Jaxon Band J THE SHOP, The Oracles Kitchen ZOLA, Hot Club of Spokane

Sunday, 12/29

THE CELLAR, Pat Coast DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS, Jam Night with VooDoo Church

MOOSE LOUNGE (208-664-7901), Michael’s Music Technology Circus J THE PHAT HOUSE, Spokane Drummers Collective ZOLA, Ron Greene & Bill Bozly

Monday, 12/30

BOWL’Z BITEZ AND SPIRITZ (3217480), Open mic J CALYPSOS (208-665-0591), Open Mic J THE HOP!, Firing Squad, Versatile, Legally Insane, King Scrub, Dirty Savage, Wrath, Slang, Maniak, Rez Loyal PJ’S BAR & GRILL, Acoustic Jam with One Man Train Wreck J RICO’S, Open mic THE VIKING BAR AND GRILL, Just JoeKen ZOLA, Nate Ostrander

Tuesday, 12/31

BABY BAR, Notorious NYE feat. Twin Towers J THE BARTLETT, New Year’s Eve with Helado Negro (See story on page 43), Moon Talk, Water Monster BEVERLY’S, Robert Vaughn BOLO’S, Whack A Mole BUCKHORN INN, NativeSun J CARR’S CORNER, NYE Extravaganza feat. Myth Ship (See story on facing page), The Camaros, DJ Case THE CELLAR, Laffin Bones CHECKERBOARD BAR, New Years Eve

Party feat. Wicked Obsession COEUR D’ALENE CASINO, YESTERDAYSCAKE, Bill Bozly, Smash Hit Carnival THE COUNTRY CLUB, Truck Stop Betty CRUISERS (624-1495), New Year’s Party feat. The Kristi Kelli Band CURLEY’S, Shiner DOWNTOWN CROSSING (208-6108820), NYE with Flying Mammals THE FALLS CLUB (208-457-1402), Nova FEDORA PUB, Tuesday Night Jam with Truck Mills FIZZIE MULLIGANS, Protocol HILLS’ RESTAURANT & LOUNGE (7473946), Gretchen & the Wolf J THE HOP!, New Year’s Eve Party feat. DJs Vinetti, Houndstooth, Foxtale IRON HORSE BAR, Phoenix JOHN’S ALLEY, Luau Cinder JONES RADIATOR, New Year’s Eve feat. Dueling DJs Lydell and Nathan KELLY’S IRISH PUB, The Powell Brothers J LAGUNA CAFÉ, Pamela Benton THE LARIAT (466-9918), The Ricks Brothers Band LION’S LAIR (456-5678), DJs Nobe and MJ J MEZZO PAZZO WINE BAR, Maxie Ray Mills J MOOTSY’S, NYE @ Mootsy’s feat. Lavoy (See story on page 41), My Pinky Has a Name, Mama Doll, Bandit Train NYNE, DJ C-Mad and The Divine

Jewels THE PEARL THEATER (208-6102846), New Year’s Eve Gala J THE PHAT HOUSE, New Year’s Eve All-Star Jam feat. The Tone Collaborative, Left Over Soul, Weary Traveler, Matt Loi, Bodhi Drip, T Mike Miller and more J RED ROOSTER COFFEE CO. (3217935), Open mic REPUBLIC BREWING CO., Open Mic ROADHOUSE COUNTRY ROCK BAR, Luke Jaxon Band THE ROCK BAR AND LOUNGE (4433796), Open mic with Frank Clark SPLASH, Bill Bozly SPOKANE AIRPORT RAMADA INN (838-5211), Bad Monkey

ST. MARIES, PJ Destiny and Jimi THE VAULT SOCIAL CLUB AND EATERY, DJ Q WAGON WHEEL BAR AND GRILL (299-9090), Armed & Dangerous ZOLA, The Rub

Coming Up ...

JONES RADIATOR, Go Man Gos, Cursive Wires, Ampersand, Jan. 3 JONES RADIATOR, Dead Man’s Pants, Jan. 4 KNITTING FACTORY, In This Moment, Devour the Day, Jan. 4 NYNE, The Dusty 45s, Jan. 7 CARR’S CORNER, Cold Blooded Tour Kickoff with Dislich, Bloody Gloves, Jan. 8

December 27th, 28th & New Years Eve

Truck Stop Betty January 3 & 4

DJ Bobby January 10 & 11

Last Chance Band Make sure to stop by and try our

amazing new menu

Open Friday & Saturday only at 4pm for winter

Offer ends 1/9/2014. While supplies last. Activ. Fee: $36/line. Sprint One Up SM: Smartphones only. Req. installment agmt, 24 monthly payments, 0% APR on approved credit & qualifying service plan. Sales taxes due at sale on full purchase price. If you cancel wireless service, remaining balance on device becomes due. Annual upgrade: Req. new device installment agmt, min. 12 consecutive installment payments, acct. in good standing, & give back of current eligible device in good & functional condition. After upgrade, remaining unbilled installment payments are waived. Details at sprint.com/oneup. $15 One Up Service Discount: Monthly discount available for devices financed under installment agmt & subscription to Unlimited, My Way. Discount will appear on invoice with the first installment payment (within 1-3 invoices) and will expire when installment agmt balance is paid in full. Unlimited Guarantee: Available while line of service is activated on the Unlimited, My Way SM plan or My All-in SM plan. Applies to unlimited features only. Price and phone selection subject to change. Account must remain in good standing and non-payment may void guarantee. Non-transferrable. Plan: No plan discounts apply for talk or messaging. Premium content/downloads are add’l charge. Text to 3rd parties to participate in promotions or other may result in add’l charges. Int’l svcs are not included. Includes select e-mail. Amount of data depends on option selected. Usage Limitations: Other plans may receive prioritized bandwidth availability. Streaming video speeds may be limited to 1 Mbps. Sprint may terminate service if off-network roaming usage in a month exceeds: (1) 800 min. or a majority of min.; or (2) 100 MB or a majority of KB. Prohibited network use rules apply. See sprint.com/termsandconditions. $45 Comparison: Unlimited, My Way vs. Verizon Share Everything with 4GB of data and AT&T Mobile Share with 4GB of data, each for $110/mo. as of 9/27/13. Additional data options available. Competitor plans include tethering/mobile hotspot and may include device insurance. Sprint offers 1GB Mobile Hotspot add-on for $10/mo. and insurance for an add’l charge. Other Terms: Offers and coverage not available everywhere or for all phones/networks. Available only in select channels/states. Nationwide Sprint Network reaches over 278 million people. Sprint 4G LTE network reaches over 225 markets, on select devices. Visit www.sprint.com/coverage. May not be combinable with other offers. Sprint reserves the right to modify, extend or cancel offers at any time. This is a limited time offer. Restrictions apply. See store for details. ©2013 Sprint. All rights reserved. Sprint and the logo are trademarks of Sprint. Other marks are the property of their respective owners.

MUSIC | VENUES 315 MARTINIS • 315 E. Wallace, CdA • 208667-9660 BABY BAR • 827 W. First Ave. • 847-1234 THE BARTLETT • 228 W. Sprague Ave. BEVERLY’S • 115 S. 2nd St., CdA • 208-765-4000 BIGFOOT PUB • 9115 N. Division St. • 467-9638 BING CROSBY THEATER • 901 W. Sprague Ave. • 227-7638 BOLO’S • 116 S. Best Rd. • 891-8995 BOOMERS • 18219 E. Appleway Ave. • 755-7486 BOOTS BAKERY & LOUNGE • 24 W. Main Ave. • 703-7223 BUCER’S • 201 S. Main, Moscow • 208-882-5216 BUCKHORN INN • 13311 Sunset Hwy.• 244-3991 CARR’S CORNER • 230 S. Washington St. • 474-1731 THE CELLAR • 317 E. Sherman, CdA • 208664-9463 CHAPS • 4237 Cheney-Spokane Rd. • 624-4182 CHECKERBOARD BAR • 1716 E. Sprague • 535-4007 COEUR D’ALENE CASINO • 37914 S. Nukwalqw Rd., Worley • 800-523-2467 COLDWATER CREEK WINE BAR • 311 N. 1st Ave., Sandpoint • 208-263-6971 THE COUNTRY CLUB • 216 E. Coeur d’Alene Ave. • 208-676-2582 CURLEY’S • 26433 W. Hwy. 53 • 208-773-5816 DALEY’S CHEAP SHOTS • 6412 E. Trent • 535-9309 EICHARDT’S • 212 Cedar St., Sandpoint • 208263-4005 FEDORA PUB • 1726 W. Kathleen, CdA • 208765-8888 FIRST STREET BAR • 122 E. First St., Deer Park • 276-2320 FIZZIE MULLIGANS • 331 W. Hastings Rd. • 466-5354 THE FLAME • 2401 E. Sprague Ave. • 534-9121 FOX THEATER • 1001 W. Sprague • 624-1200 GIBLIANO BROS. • 718 W. Riverside • 315-8765 THE GRAIL • 4720 E. Seltice Way, CdA • 208665-5882 GRANDE RONDE CELLARS • 906 W. 2nd • 455-8161 THE HOP! • 706 N. Monroe St. • 368-4077 IRON HORSE • 407 E. Sherman Ave., CdA • 208-667-7314 IRV’S BAR • 415 W. Sprague Ave. • 624-4450 JOHN’S ALLEY • 114 E. 6th, Moscow • 208883-7662 JONES RADIATOR • 120 E. Sprague • 747-6005 KELLY’S IRISH PUB • 726 N. Fourth St., CdA • 208-667-1717 KNITTING FACTORY • 911 W. Sprague Ave. • 244-3279 LAGUNA CAFÉ • 4302 S. Regal St. • 448-0887 LA ROSA CLUB • 105 S. First Ave., Sandpoint • 208-255-2100 LATAH BISTRO • 4241 Cheney-Spokane Rd. • 838-8338 LEFTBANK WINE BAR • 108 N. Washington • 315-8623 LUCKY’S IRISH PUB • 408 W. Sprague Ave. • 747-2605 LUXE COFFEEHOUSE • 1017 W. First Ave. • 642-5514 MAX AT MIRABEAU • 1100 N. Sullivan Rd. • 924-9000 MEZZO PAZZO WINE BAR • 2718 E. 57th • 863-9313 MOOTSY’S • 406 W. Sprague • 838-1570 MOSCOW FOOD CO-OP • 121 E. Fifth St. • 208882-8537 NORTHERN QUEST • 100 N. Hayford • 242-7000 NYNE • 232 W. Sprague Ave. • 474-1621 THE SHOP • 924 S. Perry St. • 534-1647 O’SHAY’S • 313 E. CdA Lake Dr. • 208-667-4666 PACIFIC AVENUE PIZZA • 2001 W. Paciﬁc Ave. • 624-0236 PEND D’OREILLE WINERY • 220 Cedar St., Sandpoint • 208-265-8545 THE PHAT HOUSE • 417 S. Browne • 443-4103 PJ’S BAR & GRILL • 1717 N. Monroe St. • 328-2153 RED LION RIVER INN • 700 N. Division St. • 326-5577 RED ROOM LOUNGE • 521 W. Sprague Ave. • 838-7613 REPUBLIC BREWING • 26 Clark Ave. • 775-2700 RICO’S PUB • 200 E. Main, Pullman • 332-6566 THE ROADHOUSE • 20 N. Raymond • 413-1894 SEASONS OF COEUR D’ALENE • 209 E. Lakeside Ave. • 208-664-8008 THE SHOP • 924 S. Perry St. • 534-1647 SOULFUL SOUPS & SPIRITS • 117 N. Howard St. • 459-1190 SPOKANE ARENA • 720 W. Mallon • 279-7000 SPLASH • 115 S. 2nd St., CdA • 208-765-4000 STUDIO K• 2810 E. 29th Ave. • 534-9317 THE SWAMP • 1904 W. Fifth Ave. • 458-2337 THE VAULT • 120 N. Wall St. • 863-9597 THE VIKING • 1221 N. Stevens St. • 315-4547 THE WAVE • 525 W. First Ave. • 747-2023 ZOLA • 22 W. Main Ave. • 624-2416

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 45

Catherine Earle “Balancing”

VISUAL ART TINY TREASURES

Here’s another of our suggestions to entertain your holiday guests this week — show them some fabulous local art. The Art Spirit Gallery revealed its Small Artworks Invitational earlier this month, but you can still see the more than 250 pieces on display for about another week. For the 15th annual show, the respected Coeur d’Alene gallery invited 39 Inland Northwest-based artists to create new works under onefoot in dimensions. A few of the recognizable names in the show include Harold Balazs, Mel McCuddin, Robert Grimes, Kay O’Rourke and Sister Paula Turnbull. Pieces range from sculptures, paintings, clay and glass art to prints and metal work. Gallery owner Steve Gibbs says much of the art is still available to buy. — CHEY SCOTT 15th Annual Small Artworks Invitational • Through Jan. 4; open Tue-Sat from 11 am-6 pm (except Dec. 25 and Jan. 1) • The Art Spirit Gallery • 415 Sherman Ave., CdA • theartspiritgallery.com • 208-765-6006

46 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

COMMUNITY FIGURE EIGHTS

OUTING START WITH ART

Ice Skating • Tue-Sun, 11 am-5 pm; Tues-Thu, 7-8:30 pm; Fri-Sat, 7-10 pm • $3.50-$4.50; skate rentals $3.50 • Riverfront Park Ice Palace • 507 N. Howard • spokaneriverfrontpark.com • 625-6601

First Day at the MAC • Wed, Jan. 1, from 10 am-4 pm • free with First Night button; regular admission $10 ($5 students, $7.50 seniors) • Northwest Museum of Arts and Culture • 2316 W. First • northwestmuseum.org • 456-3931

Don’t let those visiting relatives bore you or your wintervacationing kids annoy you to death in the weekend following Christmas — take them ice skating. It’s an affordable, all-ages kind of activity, and it’ll get everyone out of the house for some good old-fashioned family bonding. Worried you’ll be the only one in the family slowing scraping along with both hands clinging to the rink wall? Consider secretly signing up for some skating lessons — the rink offers all-ages and parent-toddler classes, and it’s easy to sign up online. — CHEY SCOTT

Sure, you could spend the first day of 2014 sleeping off the previous night’s festivities. Or you could get things off to a promising start at the Northwest Museum of Arts & Culture, where First Night activities continue as First Day — family-friendly live music, an illusionist and all the regular exhibits to explore. The historic Campbell House is decked out for an authentically 1910 Christmas (through Jan. 5) and it’s also one of your last chances to see the “SPOMa: Spokane Modern Architecture” exhibit before it ends Jan. 12. — LISA WAANANEN

COMMUNITY RESOLUTION HELP

The good people at Auntie’s Bookstore know you need assistance in keeping your New Year’s resolution; that’s why they put together a Resolution Saturday seminar. There are four classes, beginning with one from 11 am to noon that teaches how to make environmentally friendly cleaning products. From 12:30 to 1:30 pm, learn all about the Paleo diet. From 2 to 3 pm, learn how to make family more of a priority by offering family game night suggestions. Finally, from 3:30 to 5 pm, find out how to better serve and volunteer in your community. Now sticking to a New Year’s resolution doesn’t have to be so hard. — LAURA JOHNSON New Year’s Resolution Help • Sat, Dec. 28, from 11 am-5 pm • Free • Auntie’s Bookstore • 402 W. Main Ave. • auntiesbooks.com • 838-0206

HOCKEY POST-CHRISTMAS BODY CHECK

The Spokane Chiefs have already won 21 games this season, but because the U.S. Division of the Western Hockey League is so damn good this year, that only puts them in fourth place. Regardless, the Chiefs are playing some good hockey as of late, including a recent win streak. Spokane takes on the Kootenay Ice, hailing from Cranbrook, B.C., on Saturday night in what should be a solid matchup. If anything, use this as an excuse to get out of the house and see some live sports, rather than sit around watching the Who Cares Bowl on TV. — MIKE BOOKEY Spokane Chiefs vs. Kootenay Ice • Sat, Dec. 28 at 7:05 pm • $10-$20 • Spokane Arena • 720 W. Mallon Ave. • ticketswest.com • 535-PUCK

EVENTS | CALENDAR

COMEDY

GUFFAW YOURSELF! Open-mic comedy, including stand-up, sketch and improv. Five min. max per performer. Every other Thurs, 10 pm. Free. Neato Burrito, 827 W. First Ave. (847-1234) COMEDIAN MEG O’ROURKE: The up-and-coming New York comedian presents an evening of stand-up. Also includes music by Hey! is for Horses and Stone Tobey. Dec. 27, 8 pm. Free. nYne, 232 W. Sprague Ave. nynebar. com (474-1621) MICHAEL GLAtzMAIER “Unwanted Gifts” live comedy show and original music. Dec. 27 at 10 pm. $7-$10. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045)

GABE RUtLEDGE Live stand-up comedy. Dec. 27-28 at 8 pm. $12. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market . bluznews.com/comedians (483-7300) OPEN MIC COMEDY Live stand-up comedy. Fridays at 8 pm. Free. Red Dragon Chinese, 1406 W. Third Ave. reddragondelivery.com (838-6688) SEASONS GREEtINGS Live comedy improv show using holiday cards and messages for inspiration. Dec. 27 at 8 pm. $7-$9. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. bluedoortheatre.com (7477045) SAFARI Short-form improv games based on audience suggestions. Allages. Saturdays at 9 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045)

PARTY

Two rooms to party in. Live Music with 6 Foot Swing Dj Spinning Club Hits Champagne Toast at midnight included $

50 per person

Doors open at 9pm

25,000

OVER $

Everyone wins a prize!

IN PRIZES

Gems, pearls, gift certificates & other great Bling!

Prizing happens all night long! The Grand Prizwe is generously provided by Dodson’s Jewelers

VIP DINNER START THE NIGHT

with an incredible 5 course, wine paired dinner prepared by the talented culinary team at The Lincoln Center at 7pm. Reserved seating is required for the dinner. Early ticket purchase is suggested.

100 per person 21+ Event

509.327.8000 1316 N. Lincoln St. TheLincolnCenterSpokane.com

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 47

RELATIONSHIPS

Advice Goddess THE RAT OF THE LITTER

For two months, I’ve been dating an awesome guy. He does sweet things like leaving cute notes on my windshield, but I worry about how he looks up to his older brother, who isn’t the greatest person. What’s most worrisome is how his brother treats women like garbage, saying anything to get them into bed and then ditching them or cheating. I haven’t known my apparently awesome boyfriend long, so part of me worries about whether AMY ALKON any part of his brother has rubbed off on him or will. How much of a “family resemblance” is there between brothers? —Having Cautious Fun Younger brothers do tend to look up to older brothers, and frankly, this is hard to avoid if one’s older brother is always dangling out some married woman’s second-floor window. But behavioral science research finds that personality isn’t transferred from one person to another like cat hair from a couch to black pants. “Personality similarity between relatives seems to come mostly from their shared genes,” writes behavioral geneticist and twins researcher Nancy Segal in “Born Together—Reared Apart.” About your boyfriend and his brother, Segal told me, “If they were identical twins, I would worry!” Identical twins share 100 percent of their genes, she explained. But “siblings share 50 percent of their genes, on average” and “can be very different.” And even with those genes they share, biology isn’t destiny. The same gene that vaults into action in one brother (sending chemical signals to the brain that influence personality) might spend a lifetime napping in the other. Gene expression — whether certain genes get switched on — is triggered by environment (which includes diet, chemical exposure, and a person’s experiences). And although these brothers grew up in the same family, the same environment’s effect on different siblings can be different because they experience it at different ages, with a different combination of genes, and with different peer and other influences. So, for example, four brothers can have the same physically abusive grifter father but only one of them — executed murderer Gary Gilmore — ends up a cold-blooded killer. And then there’s Bill Clinton and his half brother Roger — one of whom was the leader of the free world and the other, a leader in finding the free beer. Chances are your boyfriend looks up to his brother for historical reasons — for building him forts out of couch cushions and making some bully wear girls underwear on his head — and he doesn’t want to mess up his misty view with new information, like how his brother collects girls’ tears in little labeled glass vials. You, however, are on the right track — “having cautious fun” instead of deciding your boyfriend’s the cheese and closing your eyes to any information contradicting that. But while your boyfriend’s brother is a user of people, which points to a lack of empathy, your boyfriend’s behavior (just per the notes he leaves on your car) suggests he takes pleasure in delighting you, which suggests he truly cares about you. If only his brother would show similar thoughtfulness and start leaving his own cute notes on girls’ cars — perhaps something along the lines of “Roses are red, violets are blue; I just got a shot at the free clinic, and so should you.”

EX AND THE CITY

My wife and I divorced just over a year ago, and I asked my friends to stop being friends with her, which I thought they had. I just learned that a friend is starting a new job — for which my ex-wife recommended him (knowing he was looking because they remained “friends” on LinkedIn). I’m glad he got a new gig, but I’m angry people are still in touch with her, since the marriage ending was pretty much her fault. —Hurt Good morning, General Pinochet. You apparently forgot to put the word out to local birds to boycott your ex-wife’s bird feeder and order squirrels in the park not to take nuts from her. You don’t get to tell grown adults who they can and can’t be friends with. Instead, you trust your friends to behave like friends. It’s a bit much, however, to expect everybody to stop being “friends” with your ex-wife — to remember they once connected on LinkedIn and go click the button for “Off With Her Head.” And frankly, in this economy, I wouldn’t hold it against somebody even if they got their job through a LinkedIn connection to Charles Manson. The ironic thing is, you’re the one who really needs to disconnect — to finally decide to move on instead of remaining married to your resentment long after divorcing your wife. Try to remember, time flies “when you’re having fun,” not “when you’re resenting your dog for not doing the noble thing when he’s at her place and going on a hunger strike.” n ©2013, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)

48 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

EVENTS | CALENDAR HARRY J. RILEY Live stand-up comedy show. Jan. 10-11 at 8 pm. $12. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market St. (483-7300) CHARLIE MURPHY Live stand-up comedy show featuring the Chappelle Show comedian and actor. Jan. 12, 7:30 pm. $32. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. (227-7404)

COMMUNITY

CAMPBELL HOUSE HOLIDAYS: See what the historic mansion would have been like during the holidays in 1910, with local actors portraying the home’s residents and visitors. Dec. 26-29 and Jan. 1-5 from 12-4 pm each day. $5$10, included in regular admission. The MAC, 2316 W. First. northwestmuseum. org (363-5355) JOURNEY TO THE NORTH POLE 40-minute family lake cruises with a visit to Santa. Cruises depart daily at 5:30 pm, 6:30 pm and 7:30 pm through Jan. 1. $5/children 6-12, kids under 5/free, adults/$20, seniors/$19. The Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd Ave. cdalakecruises.com (208-664-7268) CDA RESORT HOLIDAY LIGHT SHOW The 27th annual holiday lights display features more than 1.5 million lights, and is the largest on-water display of its kind in the U.S. Through Jan. 1. Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd. cdaresort. com (208-765-4000) MLK DAY VIDEO ESSAY CONTEST Film essay contest hosted by the Martin Luther King, Jr. Family Outreach Center, open to high school and college students. Deadline Jan. 3. Free. Martin Luther King Junior Outreach Center, 845 S. Sherman St. facebook.com/mlkspokane/events (455-8722, ext. 202) MOBIUS KIDS’ BOXING DAY Celebrate the Canadian holiday of Boxing Day by building a box city across the museum floor. Dec. 26, 10 am-1 pm. Free with museum admission. Mobius Kids, 808 W. Main. (624-5437) THURSDAY NIGHT DANCE Community dances featuring live music by local bands. Thurs, 7:30-9:45 pm. $5.50. Southside Senior & Community Center, 3151 E. 27th Ave. sssac.org (535-0803) WOMEN & CHILDREN’S FREE RESTAURANT VOLUNTEERS Volunteers are needed as prep cooks, servers, dishwashers, food platers and to work various other shifts during the week, MonFri. Positions are weekly or biweekly, and a food handlers card is required. Submit a volunteer application online. wcfrspokane.org (324-1995) BLING! IN THE NEW YEAR New Year’s Eve party featuring live music, DJs, drinks, prizes and a five-course preevent dinner ($100). Reservations for VIP or dinner tickets recommended. Dec. 31, 9 pm. $50-$100. Lincoln Center, 1316 N. Lincoln St. (327-8000) NEW YEAR’S EVE JOYA-E SERVICE “Bell of the Last Night,” the observance in the Buddhist New Year’s tradition. All are welcome to attend. Dec. 31, 7-8 pm. Free. Spokane Buddhist Temple, 927 S. Perry. SpokaneBuddhistTemple.org (270-5308) COOL CAMP Winter day camp for kids, ages 6-11, with activities, crafts, games and field trips. Dec. 30-Jan. 2 from 8 am-5 pm. Online registration available, space is limited. $30/day or $100 full camp. CenterPlace Regional Event Center, 2426 N. Discovery Place Dr. spokanevalley.org/recreation. (688-0300)

SOAP FOR HOPE DRIVE The 6th annual toiletry drive benefits local charities, including Hope House/StreetWise, Hearth Homes, Transitions for Women, I-CARE Children and Family Advocacy. Donations can be dropped off at any local AAA office through Dec. 31. AAA Downtown Spokane, 1717 W. Fourth Ave. aaa.com/soapforhope FIRST NIGHT SPOKANE Spokane’s annual family New Year’s celebration features more than 150 performers at 40 downtown locations including live music, art demonstrations, comedy shows and free ice skating. Dec. 31, 7 pm-midnight. $5-$18; kids under 10 free. Downtown Spokane. firstnightspokane.org (456-0580) NEW YEAR’S EVE GALA Masquerade Party counting down on East Coast time with emcee Chris “Ryan Seacrest” Rawlings. Dec. 31, 6 pm. $25. The Pearl Theater, 7160 Ash St., Bonners Ferry. (208-267-7327) FIRST DAY First Night attendees (button required) receive free admission to the museum to visit current exhibits and see live performances by local musicians and performers. Jan. 1, 10 am-4 pm. The MAC, 2316 W. First Ave. northwestmuseum.org (456-3931) SCHOOL’S OUT DAY CAMP Children’s programming including activities like swimming, rock climbing, cooking, crafts, games and more. Lunch and snack provided. Ages 6-13. Jan. 2-3. $45, discounts for members. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. kroccda.org (208-667-1865) INTERNATIONAL FOLK DANCE Hosted by the Spokane Folklore Society, no partner or experience necessary. Jan. 14, 7-9 pm. Suggested $3 donation. Unitarian Universalist Church, 4340 W. Fort George Wright Dr. spokanefolklore.org (747-2640)

FILM

RIVERFRONT PARK HOLIDAY FILM FESTIVAL Films to be screened daily include “Arthur Christmas” (11 am), “Disney’s A Christmas Carol” (1 pm), “Elf” (3 pm) and “Dr. Seuss’s How the Grinch Stole Christmas” (5 pm). Dec. 26-29. All seating is first come, first served. Movies not shown in IMAX format. Please bring a non-perishable food donation to benefit 2nd Harvest Food Bank. Free. Riverfront Park, 705 N. Howard St. (625-6600) DOWNTON ABBEY SEASON 4 PREVIEW Friends of Idaho Public Television host a preview screening of the first hour of Downton Abbey’s season 4 premiere, with hors d’oeuvres, no host bar and a costume contest. Jan. 4, 3 pm. $15. Hampton Inn & Suites, 1500 W. Riverstone Dr. (800-543-6868) DIRECTOR PELIN ESMER Screening of the Turkish independent filmmaker’s project “Watchtower,” and a post-screening talk back, presented by Caravanserai and the JACC. Jan. 8, 6 pm. $15-$20. Regal Cinemas Riverstone Stadium 14, 2416 Old Mill Loop. thejacklincenter.org. (208-457-8950) INTERNET CAT VIDEO FILM FESTIVAL Screening of the Walker Art Center’s second annual cat video film festival, with a special appearance by viral Internet sensation Lil’ BUB. Jan. 16, 9 pm. $20-$35. Knitting Factory, 919 W. Sprague. sp.knittingfactory.com (2443279)

FOOD

NO-LI BREWHOUSE TOURS See what goes on behind the scenes and how NoLi’s beer is made. Fridays at 4:30 pm. Free. No-Li Brewhouse, 1003 E. Trent Ave. nolibrewhouse.com (242-2739) VINO! WINE TASTING Friday’s tasting features Robert Karl Cellars and Saturday features staff favorites of 2013. Wine also available by-the-glass; tastings include cheese and crackers. Dec. 27, 3-6:30 pm and Dec. 28, 2-4:30 pm. $10/event. Vino! A Wine Shop, 222 S. Washington. vinowine.com (838-1229) WINE SPECTATOR’S TOP 100 Sample a line-up of wines that scored top marks in Wine Spectator magazine. Dec. 27 and 28 at 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. rocketmarket.com (343-2253) VINO! WINE TASTING Tastings of Vino’s Wine of the Month Club selections. Wine also available by-the-glass; tastings include cheese and crackers. Jan. 3, 3-6:30 pm. $10. Vino!, 222 S. Washington. vinowine.com (838-1229) THERE’S AN APP(ETIZER) FOR THAT Cooking class with Chef Laurie Faloon, on making appetizers for entertaining, including Superbowl parties. Jan. 10, 6-8 pm. $10. Inland Northwest Culinary Academy (INCA), 1810 N. Greene St. incaafterdark.scc.spokane.edu (279-6030)

MUSIC

SPOKANE SYMPHONY Annual New Year’s Eve performance of Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony featuring the Spokane Symphony Chorale. Dec. 31, 7:30 pm. $23-$28. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. spokanesymphony.org (624-1200) PUTTIN’ ON THE RITZ The Spokane Symphony’s formal New Year’s Eve party features live music with the Master Class Jazz Orchestra and a champagne toast at midnight. All proceeds benefit the Symphony. Dec. 31, 9 pm. $65-$75. Davenport, 10 S. Post St. spokanesymphonyassoc.org (624-1200) SPOKANE AREA YOUTH CHOIRS AUDITIONS Second semester rehearsals for new members ages 7-18. Interview/ audition schedule now open. Free. WestminsterChurch of Christ, 411 S. Washington. SAYChoirs.org (624-7992) AARON ST. CLAIR NICHOLSON Concert featuring Opera Coeur d’Alene’s Assistant Director. Jan. 4, 7:30 pm. $15$20. Jacklin Arts & Cultural Center, 405 N. William St., Post Falls. thejacklincenter.org (208-457-8950) THE ROCK & WORSHIP ROADSHOW Christian music concert featuring Skillet, Third Day, Jamie Grace, Andy Mineo, Royal Tailor, Vertical Church Band, The Never Claim, We as Human, Soul Fire Revolution. Jan. 11, 6 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000) ANDY MCKEE Concert featuring the master fingerstyle guitar player. Jan. 13, 8 pm. $27. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. (227-7404) FIVE MINUTES OF FAME Open-mic night for writers, musicians and performers of all kinds featuring all-original material. Third Wed (Jan. 15) of every month, 6:30 pm. Free. Cafe Bodega, 504 Oak St. (208-263-5911) COEUR D’ALENE SYMPHONY “Family Fun at the Symphony” concert featuring performances of classic orchestra

compositions. Jan. 17 at 7:30 pm, Jan. 18 at 2 pm. $8-$20. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. cdasymphony.org (208765-3833) SPOKANE SYMPHONY Symphony With a Splash 2: “A Midwinter’s Friday” featuring pre-concert happy hour from 5-6:45 pm. Concert at 7 pm. Jan. 17, 5 pm. $25. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. foxtheaterspokane.com (624-1200) YOUNG ARTIST’S COMPETITION Gonzaga music students compete in the categories of concerto and aria. Held in the Music Annex I building, corner of Boone and Pearl. Jan. 18, 10 am. Free. Gonzaga University, 502 E. Boone Ave. gonzaga. edu (313-6733) CHAMBER ORCHESTRA Fundraiser concert for the Gonzaga Symphony Orchestra. In the University Chapel, 3rd floor of College Hall. Jan. 19, 4 pm. Gonzaga University, 502 E. Boone Ave. gonzaga. edu (313-6733) SPOKANE STRING QUARTET “Baroque Duet” featuring guest soprano Dawn Wolski and Larry Jess on trumpet. Jan. 19, 3 pm. $12-$20. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague Ave. spokanestringquartet. org (509-227-7404) SPOKANE YOUTH SYMPHONY The four orchestras of the Spokane Youth Symphony will perform for a concert titled “Water.” Jan. 19, 4 pm. $12-$16. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. (448-4446)

SPORTS & OUTDOORS

FOURTH FRIDAY PUB PEDDLERS Meets the fourth Friday (Dec. 27) of the month at 7 pm, departs at 8 pm. The Swamp, 1904 W. Fifth Ave. facebook.com/pubpeddlers (922-3312) SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the Kootenay Ice. Dec. 28, 7:05 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon. spokanearena.com (279-7000) SPOKANE TABLE TENNIS Ping-pong club meets Mon and Wed from 7-9:30 pm; Sat from 1-4 pm. $2. North Park Racquet Club, 8121 N. Division. spokanetabletennis.com (768-1780) SPOKANE BADMINTON CLUB Meets Sun from 4:30-7 pm and Wed from 7-10 pm. $6/visit. West Central Comm. Center, 1603 N. Belt. wccc.myspokane.net (448-5694) SPOKANE TABLE TENNIS CLUB Pingpong club meets Wed from 6:30-9 pm and Sun from 1:30-4 pm. $2/visit. Southside Senior & Community Center, 3151 E. 27th Ave. sssac.org (456-3581) FIRST DAY HIKE The State Parks & Recreation Commission hosts guided hikes at select state parks. Snowshoeing offered at Mt. Spokane State Park, starting at 10 am. (Sno-Park and Groomed Trail permits also required). Bowl & Pitcher River Trail hike at RSP, starting at 1 pm. Free; Discovery Pass required. More info at parks.wa.gov/events. SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the Victoria Royals. Jan. 3, 7:05 pm. $10-$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000) MEDIEVAL & RENAISSANCE MARTIAL ARTS 12-week beginner’s course to facilitate awareness of these historical fighting forms, including fundamental concepts, movements and techniques. Ages 16+. Starts Jan. 4. $100. Deutsches Haus, 25 W. Third. ironcrown.us (385-8710) SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the

Everett Silvertips. Jan. 4, 7:05 pm. $10$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000) SPOKANE SIZZLER Indoor co-ed six-onsix volleyball tournament. Jan. 4-5. Ages 18+. $375+ per team. Spokane Convention Center, 334 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. spokanesizzler.com (456-5812) DETOX FLOW YOGA SERIES Four-week course, some yoga or fitness experience suggested. Must pre-register by email. Wed at 6 pm starting Jan. 8. $48. Mellow Monkey Yoga, 9017 E. Euclid Ave. mellowmonkeyyoga.com (270-0001) WSU MEN’S BASKETBALL PAC 12 conference regular season game vs. Colorado. Jan. 8, 6 pm. $10-$60. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena. com (279-7000) SPOKANE CHIEFS Hockey game vs. the Kamloops Blazers. Jan. 10, 7:05 pm. $10$20. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (279-7000)

THEATER

AWAY IN A BASEMENT A holidaythemed musical comedy starring the lovable Church Basement Ladies. Through Jan. 5, Wed-Fri at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Select Thurs (Dec. 26, Jan. 2) and Sat (Dec. 28, Jan. 4) matinees at 2 pm. $12$28. Interplayers Theatre, 174 S. Howard St. interplayerstheatre.org (455-7529) CRAZY FOR YOU Tap-dancing musical comedy. Jan. 17-Feb. 9, Thurs-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm. Benefit performance Jan. 22 in honor of Kyle Sipe, a Post Falls teen in need of a heart and double-lung transplant. $22-$30. Spokane Civic Theatre, 1020 N. Howard St. spokanecivictheatre.com (325-2507)

VISUAL ARTS

IDAHO WATERCOLOR SOCIETY The group’s traveling art show features juryselected paintings exhibited at Boise State, including selected works from the Northern Idaho and the Palouse. Show runs through Jan. 31, reception Jan. 16 from 5-7 pm. Gallery open Mon-Fri from 8 am-5 pm. Third Street Gallery, City Hall, 206 E. Third, Moscow. (208-883-7036) CABIN FEVER Paintings, fine crafts and photography by local and Northwest artists. Jan. 2-31. Free. Gallery Northwest, 217 E. Sherman Ave., CdA. thegallerynorthwest.com (208-667-5700) FIRST FRIDAY Local galleries and businesses display new artwork for the month of January. Friday, Jan. 3, most artist receptions from 5-8 pm. Free to attend. Locations throughout downtown Spokane and beyond. Map and event descriptions at Inlander.com/FirstFriday MANZANAR: THE WARTIME PHOTOS OF ANSEL ADAMS Exhibition featuring 50 photographs of the Japanese-American internment camp in Manzanar, Calif. during WWII. Exhibit runs Jan. 4-March 29. Hosted walk-through Jan. 17 at 10:30 am. Gallery hours Mon-Sat 10 am-4 pm. Free admission. Jundt Art Museum, 502 E. Boone. gonzaga.edu/jundt (313-6611) ROBIN HARVEY Acrylic, graphite, oil, pastel, watercolor and scratchboard art by the Asotin, Wash.-based artist. Jan 5-26, reception Jan. 5 from 1-4 pm. Gallery open Thurs-Sun 10 am-4 pm. Free to view. Dahmen Barn, 419 N. Park Way. artisanbarn.org (229-3414) SPOKANE ART SCHOOL ART CLASSES Winter classes begin the second week of

January and offer instruction in photography, sculpture, drawing, painting and more. Prices vary, pre-registration required. Spokane Art School, 809 W. Garland. spokaneartschool.net (325-3001)

WORDS

3 MINUTE MIC Monthly poetry open mic, featuring Mark Robbins, reading the works of Raymond Carver and William Carlos Williams. Hosted by Chris Cook. Jan. 3, 7 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main Ave. (838-0206) BOOTSLAM Competitive performance poetry night. Poets get 3 min to present original work, which is scored by 5 audience judges, chosen at random. Jan. 5, 7:30 pm. $5 to compete; $5 audience (suggested donation). Boots Bakery & Lounge, 24 W. Main. (703-7223) AUTHOR DEBY FREDERICKS The local fantasy author signs copies of her latest novel, “The Seven Exalted Orders.” Jan. 11. Hastings, 1704 W. Wellesley Ave. debyfredericks.com (482-5288) AUTHOR JANET RICHARDS Presentation and signing of the Moscow-based author’s book “Crossing the River Sorrow: One Nurse’s Story.” Jan. 11, 2 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. (838-0206) THE WORDWRIGHT’S WORKSHOP New workshop held on the second Saturday of the month, open to all-ages. Themed poetry-writing workshops focus on writing, performance quality, and more. Jan. 11 at 4:30 pm. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main. spokanepoetryslam.org (838-0206)

ETC.

ARGENTINE TANGO LESSONS Lessons for beginning to advanced dancers. Thurs from 7-8 pm, dancing from 8-9 pm. $5. Women’s Club, 1428 W. Ninth. (534-4617) EAGLE WATCH CRUISE View 100s of bald eagles that stop at Lake CdA for their annual migration. Dec. 26-Jan. 1, daily at 1 pm. $23/adults, $21/adults 55+, $15/kids 6-12, kids under 5 free. The Coeur d’Alene Resort, 115 S. 2nd Ave. cdacruises.com (208-664-7268) TANGO & SALSA DANCING Dance classes. Fri and Sat at 7 pm. $5. Satori, 122 S. Monroe. (360-550-5106) NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTION HELP Local experts to provide guidance and information on topics on people’s “resolution lists,” including the Paleo Diet, volunteering in the community and finding more time to be with family. Dec. 28 starting at 11 am. Free. Auntie’s, 402 W. Main Ave. auntiesbooks.com (838-0206) ARGENTINE TANGO LESSONS No experience or partner necessary. Mondays from 7-9 pm. $5-$10. Spokane Tango, 2117 E. 37th. spokanetango.com (688-4587) T.W.I.N.E.: Teen Writers of the Inland Empire meets monthly to write and share work. For grades 6+. First Thurs (Jan. 2) of every month, 4 pm. Free. Spokane Valley Library, 12004 E. Main. teenwritersoftheinlandempire.blogspot.com (8938400) SHARING THE DHARMA DAY The Buddhist monestary’s monthly event is themed “learning to cherish others,” and includes tea, guided meditation, vegetarian potluck and more (12 pm). Jan. 5, 9:45 am-3 pm. Free. Sravasti Abbey, 692 Country Lane Rd. sravasti.org (4475549) n

ONLINE

Visit Inlander.com for even more.

ATTENTION: Massage Therapists, Dentists, Yoga Studios, Holistic Healers, Spas, Midwives, Doctors, Gyms, Optometrists, Physical Therapists, Chiropractors, and all other Healthy Lifestyle businesses:

There are 200,000+ Inlander Readers Who strive to be healthy

YOUR Customers

Read the INLANDER!

Section Launches

January 16 th Reserve your space TODAY!

And we’ve made it easier than ever to reach your healthy lifestyle customers in this new INLANDER section!

INTRODUCING:

Health in the

*DATA: 2013 Media Audit

To advertise in this special health section, contact: (509) 325-0634 ext 216 or sales@inlander.com

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 49

Highlights Salon & Spa Gift Certificates 509-216-2288

Psychic Parties GRAND OPENING! Collectibles, Furniture, Bikes!

pm] am - 5:30 0 3 : 8 [ i. r Mon. - F (509) 444-7355 lander.com PHONE: BulletinBoard@In it Parkway E-MAIL: 1227 West Summ 1 : 20 IN PERSON Spokane, WA 99 NEW YEARS'S RESOLUTION to QUIT SMOKING?

The WSU Spokane Sleep Center needs smokers 22-40 willing to quit cold turkey. Earn up to $285. 509-358-7756 for more info. IRB#13177

LOCAL, T INDEPENDEEN AND FRE SINCE 1993!

Year Round Skinny Dipping (208) 686-8686

WEEKEND

with the help of The Inlander’s Award-Winning Editorial Staff

50 50 INLANDER INLANDER DECEMBER DECEMBER 26, 26, 2013 2013

Individual or group readings

703A N. Monroe | Spokane WA Parking in Back

509-475-0005

Your guests will be talking about your party for years

MIDDLE & HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS:

509.721.1109 talk2vicki@yahoo.com

AWARDS BUYING Estate conte nts / household goods. See abesdiscount.c om or 509-939-9996

To advertise, call 509.325.0624 x216 or email sales@inlander.com

ACROSS 1. Fake 5. Reacts to bad news, maybe 10. Dole and Dylan 14. ____ bread 15. Money-saving brand prefix 16. ____ above the rest 17. Not surprising 19. Tiny, in kidspeak 20. Mad as ____ hen 21. Lesley of “60 Minutes” 22. It’s deductible 28. Sets off 29. Take-charge sorts 30. Party bowlful 31. Belted out 32. Catchphrase from “The Newlywed Game” ... or what’s achieved by solving 17-, 22-, 49- and 54-Across 39. “Could It ____ Falling in Love (1972 Spinners hit)

GREAT FINDS AT GREAT PRICES!

SCHOLARSHIP

DELIVERED TO YOUR INBOX EVERY FRIDAY

PLAN YOUR

Looking for a different and unique theme for your next party?

SPOKANE COMMUNITY OBSERVANCE OF THE HOLOCAUST 8TH ANNUAL EVA LASSMAN MEMORIAL WRITING CONTEST

When you see this icon you’ll know you’re supporting a local business.

Quality Best Styles & Best pe Ye Olde Optical Shop 509-326-3459

“Saving Our Future: Rescuing Children from the Nazis”

To learn more about the Contest go to our Facebook page: Never Again Spokane or email neveragain-spokane@comcast.net

Meet Gay & Bi Locals

Send Messages FREE! 206-877-0877, Use Code 7973

THIS ANSW WEEK’S E PAGE RS ON 65 40. Part of a chain 42. Considering that 46. Pillsbury product 49. Means of getting to school for Harry Potter 51. “____ around, around, around” (lyric from Dion’s “The Wanderer”) 52. Dept. of Labor division 53. It can be chronic or shooting 54. Result of a hurricane warning, perhaps 60. Sch. in La Jolla 61. Maytag acquisition of 2001 62. Discombobulate 63. Anti-bullfighting org. 64. “Such a shame” 65. Govt. money insurer DOWN 1. Steamy place

2. Casual greetings 3. Worked on peanuts? 4. “Where the Wild Things Are” boy 5. Miniature 6. Outsiders may not get it 7. Former Mississippi senator Trent and others 8. 180 degrees from WSW 9. Landscaper’s buy 10. Like some hooks 11. 89 or 91, perhaps 12. What many called 41 after 43 was elected 13. They go in and out 18. Sudden ache 21. Wolfgang Puck’s flagship restaurant 22. Quarterback Roethlisberger 23. “One” on a penny 24. Guayaquil girl: Abbr. 25. “That’s all ____”

“WHOOPEE”

26. “In the Valley of ____” (2007 film) 27. Strange: Prefix 31. Certain bachelor, in personals shorthand 33. Letter-shaped construction piece

34. Close to 35. Essence 36. Seafood restaurant locale 37. Carlisle’s wife in “Twilight” 38. Yale Bowl rooters

41. George Strait’s “All My ____ Live in Texas” 42. Put together quickly 43. Poet who originated the term “carpe diem” 44. Self-promoter 45. Landlocked African country 46. Aircraft company since 1927 47. Neolithic dig find 48. 2001 Kevin Spacey film 50. Baseball’s Jorge and Sammy 54. More, to Miguel 55. Te ____ 56. Slightly askew 57. Stay-at-home ____ 58. Israeli gun designer ____ Gal 59. Jiff

GIVE BLOOD SAVE LIVES

BELIEVE IN A CURE FOR CANCER

INBCSAVES.ORG

Proceeds from the Believe Shirts support cancer research, treatment, & awareness.

visit: CVCTEE.COM

1(800)423-0151

“Our bodies are our gardens - our wills are our gardeners.” Shakespeare

Winter Clean Up-Snow Rem also Roofs,Leaf Raking,Hauoval ling 999-1545

LOOK FOR TH

Harmony Yoga OPEN HOUSE Saturday, January 4, 2014

Christian Science Healing

GET YOUR DE LANDER INSI

Theodora Sallee, Practitioner 509481-8585 or 509-723-4671

Psychic Readings Gift Certiﬁcates

509-468-9001

LOOKING FOR VOLUNTEERS WHO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF PINK! Available at more than 1,000 locations throughout the Inland Northwest.

PHONE: (509) 444-SELL EMAIL: sales@inlander.com IN PERSON OR BY MAIL: 1227 West Summit Parkway, Spokane WA 99201

Susan G. Komen Eastern Washington is in need of volunteers to help with jobs big and small! If you can help plan events, work on administrative tasks, fundraise, write letters, rally support or help work behind the scenes... we need you! We are the #1 source for free mammograms in Washington State and our work relies on volunteers to make it happen! If you can help by volunteering your time and talents contact info@komeneasternwashington.org

2-60 Min/$80 Specializing in: • Deep Tissue • Swedish • Sports • Trigger Point Therapy

Roger Vasquez LMP 1414 W. Garland #102 509.280.2161 Lic #602890076

Exp. 12/31/13

9:00am-6:30pm Includes Intro to 2014 Teacher Training, 2:30-4:30p

For complete schedule

harmonyoga.com•509.747.4430

BEST MEDICAL CONSULTATION OFFERING SERVICES FOR: • D.O.T. Physicals • Sports Physicals • Weight Loss • Alternative Herbal Medical Treatment Options CALL TODAy TO SeT uP yOur APPOinTMenT WiTH Our CLiniC.

509-467-1990 bmcmmj.com

624 W. Hastings #18 • Spokane, WA

Got Deep Tissue? Specializing in Ashiatsu Oriental Bar Therapy

3004 E FAIRVIEW

3 bdrm 1 & 1/2 bth townhome, water/ sewer/trash paid, dishwasher, w/d, Gar/Fenced backyard, smoking ok outside, but not in apt. No pets, $830, + $700 dep., application fee $35.

Call 509-534-4147

sales@inlander.com

Deep Tissue :: Hot Rock :: Sports :: Relaxation Online Scheduling :: Located Near Huckleberry’s

Roosevelt Apts

Spacious 2 BR $800-$835 1 BR $640$685 City Views or Park View

Call 747-1414

Landlords: to advertise:

Equal Housing Opportunity All real estate advertising in this newspaper is subject to the Federal Fair Housing Law which makes it illegal to advertise any preference to, limitation or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination. This newspaper will not knowingly accept any advertising for our real estate which is in violation of the law. Our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this newspaper are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain on discrimination call HUD free at 1-800-669-9777. The toll free telephone number for the hearing impaired is 1-800-927-9275.

We’re Here To Help. Not already a member? call (509) 535-1018 or visit our website.

“Serving Landlords for over 40 years” www.landlordassoc.org

444-SELL Lee Apartments

Browne's Addition 2 Blks from Cd'A Park/Art Museum, Quiet Ngbrhd, groomed front/back yrds,clean, well maint & managed 1940's bldg. Gar/parking/strg avail.,lndry rm onsite,cats ok! 1br $500,Studio $485 747-1414

Dezana Aman, LMP

509.998.0255 ArtOfMassage-Spokane.com MA 60016914

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 51

“Spokane’s Original Gourmet Cupcake Shop”

Stop in either location to preorder your New Years treats!

Like us for Daily Specials!

your next purchase*

50% Off Good for 4 days

IT’S FREE

1. Pick a category (I Saw You, You Saw Me, Cheers, Jeers). 2. Provide basic info about you: name, address, phone. 3. Email it to ISawYou@inlander.com by 3 pm Monday.

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

*Must present coupon. Limited availability. Not valid with other offers, special or pre-orders, promotions, discounts or punch cards. 713 W. Garland Ave. Spokane • 315 S. Sullivan, Spokane Valley 509-327-3471 • CelebrationsSweetBoutique.com

NEW OWNERS • NEW LOOK

99 99* *

LEVEL 1 BEDS

ONE MONTH UNLIMITED TANNING MUST PRESENT COUPON

20% OFF TROPICAL VALUE POINTS

509.483.7359

MUST PRESENT COUPON

1225 E. Francis, Spokane :: TropicalTanSpokane.com

I Saw You For an upcoming issue, we’re looking for personal stories of real-life experiences involving the I Saw You listings in the Inlander. True love, mishap, missed opportunity — whatever your story, send it to ChrisB@inlander.com with the best way to get in touch.

$10 MVP

$3 OFF

HAIRCUT

ANY HAIRCUT

First Time Clients Only • Valid ID Required Regular Adult and Child prices and ages may vary by location. Present coupon before haircut. Not valid with any other offer. Coupon may not be bartered, copied, traded, or sold. Valid only at Spokane area locations. EXPIRES 1/31/14 • CODE 2106/2107

Loyal Returning Clients • Valid ID Required Regular Adult and Child prices and ages may vary by location. Present coupon before haircut. Not valid with any other offer. Coupon may not be bartered, copied, traded, or sold. Valid only at Spokane area locations. EXPIRES 1/31/14 • CODE 2108

IT’S GOOD TO BE A GUY

sportclips.com

GARLAND tattoo and piercing

• LASER TATTOO REMOVAL • TATTOO & BODY PIERCING • BRANDING HOSPITAL GRADE STERILIZATION CALL 509-327-2333

602 w. garland • www.garlandtattoo.com

52 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

I Saw You

Cheers

Jeers

Starbucks Five Mile. We had serious eye contact and you smiled. You: blonde hair, Ugg boots. Me: blonde hair, red/grey stripped shirt, sitting at the table. I was studying for my last final for the quarter, not exactly looking my best, but you sure were. Coffee?

We’ve been together almost 6 years. I fall in love with you more and more each day. I wanted to thank you for being patient with me. I know I am no picnic to live with, but we always make things work somehow. I can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives making each other laugh and smile. I know I will never love anyone as much as I love you. I hope when our son leaves for college we don’t drive each other crazy, but it might be kinda fun anyway. Love you baby.

the path is obscured, there’s still a diamond in the end. I never knew there could be a better tomorrow.

Donations “Would you like to donate to...........?" asks the cashiers at many of the stores I have shopped at this Holiday season. How am I suppose to answer that question with a line of shoppers behind me. I would like to donate, but to a charity of my choice. Am I heartless if I say no.

SFCC You: amazing blue eyes brunette who sat right next to me in class. Me: the blonde guy who fell in love with the beauty of your eyes and lovely smile. You made that class very special for me. We talked a few times in the hallway after class and I wish I had asked you for your number because I’m still kicking myself in the pants for not doing so. I know you like Thomas Hammer. What about you let me buy the coffee and see if we remember anything from English class. Rite Aid Shadle Park, very late, December 16th. Me: black hair, blue eyes looking at Christmas cards. You were looking for Christmas gift tags. You asked me if I had my Christmas shopping done and I told you yes, I only had to mail out Christmas cards. You had just begun. If you need any help let me know. EWU The best thing about going to EWU 5 times a week is that I get chances to see you there. You’re the guy with the long dark brown hair and every time I see you, your light blue eyes shine and your amazing smile is so heart melting! We should chat more. STA I’ve seen you countless times throughout this school year taking the STA bus out to Eastern, but have never gotten the courage to say anything. You look a lot like Justin Timberlake. You should smile more. Its contagious.

Cheers 6 Months Married I can’t even believe that it has been 6 months since we committed our lives to each other! Marrying you was easily the best decision I’ve ever made and I’m so grateful that we were able to find each other. I look forward to many more blissful months of marriage with you and and I can’t wait to see how bright our future can be. I love you so much! jj Our Neighborhood Rocket Market neighborhood! We have loved living in your neighborhood for two years. The hardest part about moving is saying goodbye to our neighbors. It’s not goodbye, but see you soon, we will always remain friends. You are special and you know who you are! With love and appreciation

I Love You! 5 years ago you won me over with your persistence, many cat pictures, and wrapping me in blankets when I was cold. I love you even more today and hope you realize what we have is not conventional or ordinary but one in a million and extraordinary. Please

TO CONNECT

Put a non-identifying email address in your message, like “petals327@yahoo.com” — not “j.smith@comcast.net.” don’t take how much I love you for granted, because someone who loves you as much as I do will be few and far between.

My Sister I just wanted to say I’m so proud of you. I know how hard its been for you and how much you’ve sacrificed. We’ve been through a lot together - just as many fights as good times! But it looks like its all worked out in the end and bonus - you’ve met the man of your dreams. I just wanted to let you know that you don’t have to stress out, you have a huge family that loves you and we’re all here to help you. I will miss you incredibly when I move, so I’ll flood your voicemail with phone calls. Heres to an awesome year and an even better future. Happy Birthday Anika Once upon a time, I wished for a sweet baby girl with curly blonde hair and attitude to boot. 8 years ago my life changed forever and I got my wish. I was graced with the most amazing, spunky, talented, funny and gorgeous little soul in the whole wide world. As we celebrate your birthday, I want you to know how fiercely proud I am to be your Mommy, and look forward to watching you blossom into the beautiful, strong young woman you will become. Happy, Happy Birthday

At The Car Wash Jeers to the a-hole GM, and your establishment and its inability to wash a car are a direct reflection of you as a person... crap. I don’t care if it was 10 degrees or -40 degrees, freezing copious amounts of soap to someone’s still dirty vehicle should never be acceptable. Then again neither is crashing two customer’s vehicles into one another... but maybe that’s just me. If calling me a liar makes you feel like less of a moron, so be it. I feel sorry for anyone who has to work for someone so unprofessional and rude. Merry Christmas... I hope my car wash money you are clinging to so tightly buys you something really nice. How Rude! To the man in the makeshift motorized wheelchair, having a disability does not give you free reign to do as you wish. Thanks for running my foot over at the Fred Meyer deli on Thor, and thank you for not even apologizing. Really!? If you want to get by, you say excuse me- and if you hurt someone, you say sorry!

Mr. Amazing I love you and relish our time spent together, it is amazing. You are the most incredible man to walk into my world! I am a better woman because of you. Your smile lights up my life and when you hold me, my worries melt away! You have taught me more than I could have ever imagined! Your patience with me is incredible and the love we share is irreplaceable! I miss you every single second we are apart. The last few months have been the best of my life and I would not trade them for anything. You have all of my love always!

Good Samaritans In Brownes Addition. Cheers to the one and only guy who helped my two friends and I push and then rollstart my car in the Rosauers parking lot on Tuesday. Your help was greatly appreciated! I love my car and it saved me a towing bill

RE: Time Can’t Erase “The expression of love we have for one another could no longer be supressed. I think I shocked you. neither of us knew where to take it from there. we pushed each other away as hard as we could, I have regretted the way things turned out. I wish we could put the past away, either way, I wish you love and happiness. you know who I am and the door is always open.I love you !!!!”

A Big Thank You! to the man driving the little cream colored pick-up truck with a canopy out by Deer Park on Cedar St. last week on Thursday. My 84 year old mother insisted on Wait! The last I checked this was collecting aluminum cans by the Jeers. J-E-E-R-S. Yep! This is it roadside for some Christmas money alright. So, Why is “Car Valuables” and there was no talking her out of it! Then you drove by and asked if she was collecting cans and I said yes, so you handed me an aluminum can and 2 twenty dollar bills and said “Here this is for Lynn H. is this week’s winner her”. Your thoughtfulness and generosity made me of the “Say it Sweet” promotion! cry! (And I finally got her to Send in your CHEERS so get into the car and go home you too can be enthen.) She was so excited and tered to win 1 dozen happy when I explained what you did! May you and your family be “Cheers” cupcakes at blessed this Christmas Season and Celebrations Sweet throughout the New Year! Yes, I do Boutique. believe in Miracles!

The Love of My Life To the most handsome tattoo artist and piercer, to my partner in crime, and best friend forever, I love you. We have made it through thick and thin, and our beautiful daughter is almost a3 year olds now. Cheers to us, for making it this far through the roughest path ever. Even though

Beautiful Girl Today is neither an anniversary nor a birthday. There’s nothing exceptional about today at all - except for that you’re here with me in it. And that makes all the difference. I love you, me

Tipping My friend is a cab driver and was telling me about the pay and I couldn’t believe It. They have to pay for all the gas, split the earnings 50/50 with the company And that doesn’t leave them with much. But we were talking about the tipping issue. Even after speeding acrossed town to pick you up in a timely manor, and provide you with great service, taking the fastest route which costs you less and then you either just don’t tip at all or just round it to the nearest dollar. Come on, throw in a couple extra ones for good service. It all helps pay the bills.

WINNER!!

“I Saw You” is for adults 18 or older. The Inlander reserves the right to edit or reject any advertisement at any time at its sole discretion and assumes no responsibility for the content.

Feel the

L VE

of your donation

Jeers

jeering folks just because they “bitched” when some scumbag breaks out the back window of their Volvo all because that special set of “Red Green Video Bloopers” wasn’t quite as well hidden as they thought? Maybe I can help. You see “Car Valuables” Jeers isn’t just another column in a trendy free weekly. No. It’s an American tradition and right. And though technically it was the Inlander you initially jeered you leave me little alternative but to serve you a jeer tenfold. One jeer for each person you “bitched” about. Albeit, they are not massive jeers, but, they are jeers just the same. So please, no more of this anti American sentiment. We can all do better.

also another couple requested to be moved to tables farther away? But we could still hear you, you unrefined lummox. You ought not to dine in public until you learn some table manners, and learn to moderate your voice too.

Table Manners Jeers to the loudvoiced, boorish woman lunching on May 30, who droned at high volume and nearly non-stop the entire time we were there on the topic of disgusting and nauseating food experiences you’ve had in your lifetime. As we were trying to enjoy our own lunch you, being an unmannered yokel, described in detail the time you ate foods that disgust you so, that you once unknowingly ate dog meat in Mexico, and were surprised to find it tasty(!); but that you do consider two or three fried fruit pies to be a suitable bedtime snack followed by cold cake. Did you not see other diners rolling their eyes? Did you not notice that we and

Right Lane Drivers To all the people who insist on driving in the far right lane when they know damn well people are merging on to the hwy every few miles but insist on staying in that lane no matter what. Move your ass over to the next lane when and if you can, it’s called driving manners!

To donate: Visit us at www.arc-spokane.org or call 328-8100

Love Cats?

! it r o F d e k s A u Yo ON TU ESDAYS

69¢ W INGS*

Jeers to the Inlander for posting the same Jeers every week. Wahhhhh my car got broken into, wahhhh my purse, my wallet my cell phone, my iPod etc, was taken. Here’s a thought don’t leave valuables in your car where people might see them! Sure you may know it’s a brand new purse that hasn’t been used yet and has nothing in it or it’s really just a diaper bag or the cell phone is broken anyway but a thief doesn’t and chances are, he doesn’t care! He can probably still make a buck off your stuff. Just about everything is for sale including your college text books or your work uniform. So lock your cars, hide anything that might even remotely be of value to someone else and quit your bitchin’- yeah - a great New Year’s resolution.

South - 509.241.3843 2620 E 29th Ave.

*With any beverage

pur chase -

Ove r 35 Flavo rs

Valley - 509.922.5052 11618 E. Sprague Ave.

North - 509.465.5052 7015 N. Division St.

FlaminJoesWings.com

Follow Chey Scott’s

’S THIS WEEK! S R E W S AN

CATIONS AT A LL THREE LO Only Per Person - Dine-in

Cat Friday Blog for your weekly

feline fix!

Make this year’s resolution Sublime. Quit cigarettes for good! The largest selection of high-quality electronic cigarettes & personal vaporizers.

2014 5

INLANDER.COM/BLOGS

www.sublime-vapor.com 3rd & Washington (next to The Man Shop) | Spokane | (509) 838-1111

WHOPPEE

South Hill Cliff hanger.... I kept asking to take a step out onto your deck only to find an excuse to take a look at the view. 2Bd/2 Full Bth condo with over 1150 sq ft. including a formal dining room & assigned covered carport adds to the attraction. Your bright master bedroom with it’s large walk-in closet & dbl sinks is a keeper. Let’s meet on the deck July 4th, so we can watch Spokane’s fireworks. www.20WestSumnerAvenue406.com

Booey's Sauce puts a kick to every meal! Now Available at:

Kitchen Engine Main Market Sonnenberg’s

Pool World River Ridge Hardware

A great finishing sauce for beef, pork, poultry, and seafood.

Created in Spokane, Washington BooeysGourmet.com

1-800-720-6008 EXT 2439 509-868-9181

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 53

Not as Bad as We Think Those international educational rankings tell us something about education — but more about poverty BY DANIEL WALTERS

he monologue likely helped Jeff Daniels win an Emmy for his role in The Newsroom. A single question from a straw man of a sorority girl — “Can you say why America is the greatest country in the world?” — kicks off the rapid-fire rant that creator/writer Aaron Sorkin (The West Wing) seems contractually obligated to stick into every one of his pilot episodes. Bland cable newsman Will McAvoy is suddenly transformed into a fiery Keith Olbermann equivalent, spitting out stats he apparently memorized for just such an occasion. “We’re seventh in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, third in median household income, No. 4 in labor force and No. 4 in exports,” McAvoy says. “So when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the f--- you’re talking about. Yosemite?” Let’s set aside the fact McAvoy misunderstands infant mortality rankings (nobody wants to rank first in infant mortality). Rather, look at those first numbers — our supposedly dire educational rankings. Instead, examine the similar-sounding, nonfictional rankings that made headlines earlier this month. The results of the international Programme for International Student Assessment test showed the United States ranked 26th among 34 developed nations in mathematics, 21st in science and 17th in reading. Places like Shanghai and Hong Kong led the pack, even as U.S. scores remained flat. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan called the scores “a picture of educational stagnation.” Rankings like these have long been political fodder.

54 INLANDER DECEMBER 26, 2013

To one speaker or another, they’re an obvious reason that we need a radical change or a redoubled investment — that we need to add vouchers or create charters or stick our kids in homeschools or private schools or double teacher salaries. Yet upon closer examination, while those rankings can indicate true differences between countries, they don’t necessarily speak to the quality of the school systems. Talk to Lori Wyborney, principal of Rogers High School in Spokane, and she’ll tell you she’s seen these sorts of rankings before. “They frustrate me, because they’re not necessarily tit-for-tat,” Wyborney says. “This is a country that educates all kids, and not all nations do that, and they definitely track differently than we do.” She’s right. China does well on the PISA test; the PISA tests all of China, including wealthy cities like Shanghai and Hong Kong. That’s a problem, because China increasingly suffers from vast income inequality: Life and education in the towering high-rises of Shanghai is vastly different from the rural rice fields of the impoverished Guizhou province. Bloggers at Slate, Time and the Washington Post have explored accusations that China was “cheating” the PISA test. Not only was Shanghai just testing its wealthy areas — only 79 percent of Shanghai students were tested — it had made it almost impossible for migrants to enroll in schools. Comparing the whole of the U.S. to China’s wealthy cities is like pitting the best varsity football team against randomly selected schlubs from third-period gym class.

It’s not fair and doesn’t tell you much about either team. There also are valid questions over the value of scrutinizing the educational skill of 15-year-olds. These freshmen and sophomores are generally more concerned with how to tie a corsage than being ready for the competitive global marketplace. A better test would compare the skill of college graduates. When it comes to worldwide rankings, the top tier of American colleges, for all their flaws, remain at the top worldwide. “A lot of students, in China, South Korea, India, where do they study medicine?” Wyborney asks. “They do it in the United States.” The PISA rankings can tell us something, though: The U.S. has dramatically reformed education in the past 20 years: It’s seen an explosion in the charter school movement, a barrage of new accountability requirements, multiple waves of state testing and a renewed focus on science, math and technology. And yet its PISA test scores have remained stagnant. That indicates we either haven’t tried the right reform strategy, or that the problems for American student performance may go deeper than changing the curriculum or adding new tests. This year, PISA scores were broken out for a select few states: Massachusetts, one of the richest states, was competitive with the top-ranked countries, while Florida, a poorer state, dropped much further down. Poverty, not educational strategy, may be the difference. There’s the challenge for a place like Rogers High School. More than three-quarters of the students at Rogers are low-income enough to qualify for the free and reduced lunch program: It’s by far the poorest school in Spokane County. Rogers has made big strides improving graduation rates in the past five years, but Wyborney floats the idea that some elements of American education — with homework, summer breaks and the six-hour day — may be hurting low-income kids. The scary gap in achievement isn’t the gulf between American schools and foreign schools; it’s the gulf within American schools — between the privileged and the underprivileged. “Here’s my bottom line: Poor kids in this school are getting screwed,” Wyborney says. “The only schools that fail in this nation are schools in poverty. We’ve got to get at that. To save the whole society, really.” n

LARGEST SELECTION IN THE NORTHWEST • SAME DAY DELIVERY

Save 450!

SAVE HUNDREDS S OF DOLLAR ! W O N T H IG R

Samsung Steam Washer & Steam Dryer

749

each! Dishwasher: #KUDS35FXSS

Washer: #WF365BTGJWR al is e dryer pedest pedestal and th er sh wa e th y Bu

FREE!

ALL RS W DISH ASHE ! ON SALE

• 24” Wide 15 Place Settings Capacity Tall Tub Dishwasher, ProScrub Option, Whisper Quiet System, 4 Hour Delay Wash Option, Energy Star Rated: Stainless Steel.

• 3.6 cu ft capacity, 8 Wash Cycles, 6 Options, VRT Plus Technology, Deep Steam Cycle.

Dryer: #DV365TGJWR • 7.3 cu ft capacity, 9 Drying Cycles, NSF Sanitization System, Steam Dry, and Sensor Dry.

YOU COOK, WE CLEAN EVENT

Save 550!

$ Samsung French Door Refrigerator

Now through December 31, 2013

2599

Refrigerator: #RF31FMEDBSR

AT E S R E B

R E B AT E

AT E S

REB

300 ES

GE Steam Washer & Steam Dryer

E S R E B AT

UP TO $

• 31 cu. ft. stainless-steel French Door Refrigerator with 5 Spill Proof Glass Shelves, Twin Cooling Plus System, FlexZone Drawer, High Efﬁciency LED Lighting and External Ice/Water Dispenser.

Washer: GFWS8450DWS • 28” Top-Load Washer with 4.8 cu. ft. Capacity, 16 Wash Cycles, Speed Wash Cycle, Steam Assist, 6 Wash Temperatures, 1000 RPM Spin Speed and HydroHeater Internal Water Heater.

Dryer: GTDS820EDWS • 28” Electric Dryer with 7.8 cu. ft. Capacity, 124 Dry Cycles, 5 Heat Selections, HE SensorDry™, Steam Dewrinkle and Refresh, Stainless Steel Drum.

SAVE UP TO

6025

Buy any Professional range*, receive a FREE dishwasher. Add any Professional built-in refrigerator, receive a FREE hood. *Built-in oven plus rangetop/cooktop may be substituted for range.

ASK A SALES ASSOCIATE FOR DETAILS • VIKINGRANGE.COM/YOUCOOKWECLEAN

12 MONTH 0% FINANCING OAC *All prices shown are Manufacturer’s Suggested Retail Price. MSRP applies to the continental 48 United States and does not include such items as delivery, installation, installation accessories (i.e. range cords), or removal of old appliances. Actual dealer price may vary. ®/™ ©2013 Samsung. ®/™ ©2013 KitchenAid. ®/™ ©2013 GE. All rights reserved.

Spokane • Spokane Valley • Coeur d’Alene Kennewick • Missoula • Kalispell

fredsappliances.com

(509) 328-3824

The merchandise in this ad was selected far in advance of publication. Therefore, if an item is out of stock, and a replacement is unavailable, we will offer a comparable value to you. We appreciate your understanding and your business. Any typographic, photographic, or production errors are subject to correction in pricing and description. All models shown may not be on display in store but are available from our warehouse stock.

DECEMBER 26, 2013 INLANDER 55

December 27th

$27,000 Giveaway • 7 pm

Cel

December 28th

e b r a ti o n

2x Points • 8 am - midnight

December 29th

3x Points • 8 am - midnight

December 30th

4x Points 8 am - midnight

December 31st

5x Points 8 am - noon $15,000 Giveaway • noon $73,000 NYE Bingo • 6 pm Smash Hit Carnival • Band • 9 pm $30,000 Giveaway • 10 pm Starting Dec 1st receive one drawing ticket for every 500 points earned on machine play. Must be a Reward

s member. See Re

wards booth for de

tails.

1 8 0 0 5 2 3 - 2 4 6 4 | CDAC A S I N O . COM |

/ CDAC A S I N O R E S O RT

25 miles south of Coeur d’Alene at the junction of US-95 and Hwy-58