RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess Is ThIs DeceIT TAken?
I’m a 54-year-old single man. I’ve discovered a troubling and apparently rampant trend among people around my age doing online dating — women not being honest about their age. I think the women doing this include the woman I started seeing, whom I otherwise like a lot. She listed her age as 55 but recently got flustered recalling the year she graduated from high school. I got suspicious and looked her up on people finder AMY ALKON sites, which list her age as 57. Should I tell her, “Hey, I’ve been doing a little detective work, and your numbers don’t add up”? —Just Trying To Find An Honest Woman After a certain point — the French tactfully call it “un certain age” — a woman’s birthday tends to come but once every two or three years. Sure, there are women who aren’t willing to compromise their ethics just to shave off a few years: my glamorous grandma, for example, who was 31 until the day she died — at 90. I’m always a little surprised when anybody’s surprised that somebody they met on the Internet lied about something. In fact, as I advise in my new book, “Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck,” everyone on the Internet should be assumed to be lying about everything until proven otherwise. In other words, consider yourself lucky that she’s female. And a mammal. I write often about our evolutionary imperatives, like how men evolved to lust after healthy, fertile women — all the better to help them pass on their genes. The features men consider beautiful — like youth, unwrinkled skin, and an hourglass figure — are actually indicators of a woman’s fertility. And the older and further away a woman gets from peak fertility the more these features fade and the less desirable she becomes to men. Sure, a woman may grow wiser with age, and she may be a perfectly wonderful and kind person, but as I note in my book, “The penis is not a philanthropic organization and will not get hard because a woman bought a homeless guy a sandwich.” You could tell this woman you’ve caught her in a lie — if your goal is embarrassing her into liking you more. But it isn’t like she said she was 30 and turned out to be bumping up against 60. By the way, it isn’t just women who engage in attractivenessimproving fibbery. In the male camp, the lies include flashy cars beyond one’s means, liberal interpretations of 6’1”, Rogaine and the poor man’s Rogaine, spray-on “hair.” And the reality is, whenever you think you could get serious with a person, you need to look at her character over time — comparing what she says with what she does — to figure out whether she’s trustworthy. As you’re doing that with this woman, consider taking a counterintuitive approach — calling up a little compassion for where she’s coming from. Chances are, she only lied because she figured out where all the honest women are: home alone being 57 instead of having a man like you spirit them off for a romantic weekend at Club Med Guantanamo to waterboard them about their real birthdate.
selfIsh AllerGy
I have a friend I see about once a week, and all she ever does is vent about her various dating problems. The 10 percent of the time we actually discuss my life or anything else, she seems bored. I want to tell her I feel like she’s monopolizing our friendship with her love life, but I’m not sure how. —Ignored You couldn’t be a better friend to her, unless, of course, you could have yourself reincarnated as a giant ear. This isn’t friendship; it’s therapy without the copay. The question is, has she always been this way? Even a true friend can go through periods of being needy, moody, selfish, or otherwise hard to be around. That friend probably just needs a heads-up, like, “I know you’ve been on edge about your whole dating situation, but I’ve been feeling kind of bad that you never seem interested in what’s going on with me.” “I’m feeling bad” appeals to their sympathy, which, economist Adam Smith noted, motivates us to try to ease others’ discomfort or suffering. Tagging the problem to the “dating situation” suggests that they’re a little wrapped up in their problem rather than that they, personally, are the problem. If, however, a person is narcissistic — truly self-absorbed — and if that’s always been their orientation, there’s probably no transforming them from a talker into a listener (not without duct-taping them to a chair and gagging them with a pair of old tube socks). n ©2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
58 INLANDER JULY 10, 2014
EVENTS | CALENDAR WAGS TO RICHES SpokAnimal’s first annual benefit auction and dinner, featuring a 4-course dinner, raffle, “wall of wine,” live music and silent and live auctions. July 18, 5-10 pm. $80/person, $150/couple. Mukogawa Institute, 4000 W. Randolph Rd. spokanimal.org (5348133 x 209)
COMEDY
STAND-UP COMEDY OPEN MIC Local comedians; see weekly schedule online. Thursdays at 8 pm. Free. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market St. bluznews.com (483-7300) EXPEDITION A fast-paced improvised comedy show, rated for all ages. Fridays all summer, through Aug. 29, at 8 pm (no show July 4). $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. (747-7045) OPEN MIC COMEDY Live stand-up comedy, open to newcomers and experienced comedians. Fridays at 8 pm. Ages 21+. Free. Red Dragon Chinese, 1406 W. Third Ave. (475-6209) SAFARI Fast-paced short-form improv games based on audience suggestions. (Not rated.) Saturdays at 9 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. bluedoortheatre.com (747-7045) LIVE COMEDY Live stand-up comedy shows. Sundays at 9 pm. Goodtymes, 9214 E. Mission Ave. (928-1070) TEEN IMPROV CLASSES Workshops on various aspects of improv comedy performing, including mime, storytelling, environment, character development and spontaneity. Meets Monday nights through Aug. 25, from 6:30-8 pm. Ages 11-18. $125. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. (747-7045) OPEN MIC COMEDY Wednesdays at 8 pm. Ages 21+. Free. Brooklyn Deli & Lounge, 122 S. Monroe St. brooklyndelispokane.com (835-4177)
COMMUNITY
SECOND HARVEST FOOD SORTING Join other volunteers to sort and pack produce and other bulk food items for delivery to local emergency food outlets. Ages 14+. Shift dates and times vary, sign up at inland.volunteerhub. com/events. 2nd Harvest Food Bank, 1234 E. Front. 2-harvest.org (252-6267) INLAND EMPIRE KENNEL ASSOC. DOG SHOW All-breed dog conformation and agility show. July 12–13, daily from 6 am-6 pm. Free admission. Kootenai County Fairgrounds, 4056 N. Government Way. ieka.org (208-765-4969) INLAND NORTHWEST BLOOD DRIVE The need for blood during the summer months tends to rise as there is an increase in recreational accidents and a decrease of donors due to vacations and other activities. All donors get a free t-shirt and Kroc Day Pass. July 11, 9:30 am-2 pm. Free. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. kroccda.org (208-667-1865) KID’S SAFETY DAY Hosted by PrimeSource Credit Union, with local police and fire personnel on site, kids activities and the Spokane Personal I.D. team. July 11, 11 am-2 pm. Free. Prime Source, 9709 N. Nevada. (232-8918) SANDPOINT CONTRA DANCE Featuring live music by Arvid Lundin & Deep Roots with Emily Faulkner calling. Also includes a community potluck dinner. July 11, 7-10 pm. $5. Sandpoint Community Hall, 204 S. First Ave. cityofsandpoint.com (208-263-6751)
SPOKANE HUMANE SOCIETY’S 117TH BIRTHDAY The animals and staff celebrate 117 years providing care and finding homes for more than 2,500 animals each year, with a barbecue picnic and activities. All pets adopted from SHS and past volunteers are invited as honored guests. July 12, 11 am. Free admission. Spokane Humane Society, 6607 N. Havana St. spokanehumanesociety.org (467-5235) SWAMP RIDE: SATURDAY SUMMER SOCIAL ROLL This month’s event includes two bike rides, one is day ride to Fish Lake for swimming and a barbecue. The regular evening ride takes place as usual, starting at 8 pm and departing the bar at 9 pm. July 12, 8 pm. Swamp Tavern, 1904 W. Fifth. tinyurl.com/nmst68u (458-2337) UNIQUE GOODS MARKET Featuring more than 20 vendors selling vintage items and furniture, jewelry, clothing, handmade goods, and food. July 12, 10 am-4 pm. $2/adults, free/ages 18 and under. Sandpoint Community Hall, 204 S. First. UniqueGoodsMarket.com (208304-0108) CHERRY PICKER’S TROT The Green Bluff summer tradition includes the Pit Spit competition, live music, a 4-mile race, and food and family-friendly events. July 17, 5 pm. $7-$20. Green Bluff Growers, Mead. tinyurl.com/p9g4xuu KIDS SUMMER SAFETY FAIR A health and safety event for kids and families including 25+ resource booths and safe summer activities, boating and water safety, bike safety, free food, games, face painting, sun safety, and interactive kid friendly booths. July 17, 9 am-noon. Free. Harmon-Shipley Park, 6000 N. Market. (789-0609) SUMMER PARKWAYS STREET PARTY The first annual event is a joint effort between Summer Parkways and the Emerson-Garfield Neighborhood Council, offering festivities, booths and outdoor activities centered around Corbin Park and the surrounding streets, which are closed to vehicular traffic allowing friends, families and neighbors to stroll, cycle and party in this historic neighborhood. Volunteers are also needed. July 18, 6-9 pm. Free. Corbin Park, 2914 N. West Oval St. summerparkways.com
FESTIVAL
RIVERSTONE STREET FAIR Coeur d’Alene’s Riverstone Village hosts a weekly outdoor market and street fair, hosting 200+ vendors of arts and crafts, food, live music, a farmers market and more. Thursdays from 4-9 pm, June 5-Aug. 28. Free. riverstonestreetfair. com (509-703-9345) CHEWELAH CHATAQUA The 41st annual community celebration draws more than 20,000 people to the small town, and features carnival rides, a parade, food and a beer garden, live music and entertainment, arts and craft vendors and more. July 11-13. In Chewelah City Park. Free. chewelahchataqua.com POST FALLS FESTIVAL Events include live music, a community parade, food and craft vendors, a beer/wine garden, kids’ activities, beach barbecue, lawnmower races and screening of “The Lego Movie” in Q’emiln Park. July 11-13. Vendor hours: Fri from 12-8 pm, Sat from 11 am-8 pm, Sun from 11 am-4 pm. Free. postfallsidaho.org (208-773-0539)
SANDPOINT CLASSIC BOAT FESTIVAL 11th annual event, featuring a boat run from Sand Creek to the Pend Oreille River, boat show, parade of boats, displays, demos, vendors and more. July 11-12. Free admission. sandpoint.org/ boatfestival SANDPOINT SUMMERFEST The 18th annual weekend community festival features live music, arts and cultural activities, yoga, movement and music classes, kids crafts and events and a group bike ride. July 11-13. Tickets offered for single day or full weekend passes. $12-$198. $. Eureka Mountain Center, 6162 Eureka Rd. eureka-institute.org (208-265-4000) CHENEY JUBILEE The annual community celebration includes a barbecue competition, live music, food vendors, a wine/ beer garden, kids pit, hay dig, arts and craft vendors and more. July 11-12. Free. cheneyjubilee.com GREEN BLUFF CHERRY FESTIVAL Cherries on the bluff are ripening and at the peak of harvest during mid-July, and festival weekends are July 12-13 and July 19-20. Green Bluff Growers, Mead. greenbluffgrowers.com NORTHWEST RENAISSANCE FESTIVAL The annual festival celebrate its 20th anniversary of its 1500s-era festival featuring stage shows, food and drink, music, sword fighting and a competitive jousting tournament twice daily. July 5-27, Sat-Sun from 11 am-7 pm. $10. Northwest Renaissance Festival, 6493 Hwy 291. nwrf.net (276-7728) PEND OREILLE VALLEY LAVENDER FESTIVAL The annual festival hosts local artisans, craft vendors and growers, live music, a garden party, food and a wine garden. Events and demos on using and crafting from lavender also scheduled. July 12-13, Sat from 9 am-6 pm and Sun from 10 am-4 pm. $5/bus tours; $6/ adults; $10/two-day pass. Newport City Park. povlavenderfestival.com (6710295)
FILM
CHEF Screening of the drama about an acclaimed chef who starts a food truck after ruining his own career. July 10-13, show times vary. $3-$6. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St. (208-882-4127) FINDING VIVIAN MAIER Documentary on the mysterious nanny who secretly took over 100,000 photographs that were hidden in storage lockers and discovered decades later. July 10-12 at 7:30 pm. $5-$7. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave. panida.org (208-263-9191) KIDS’ SUMMER MOVIES The Kenworthy hosts summer movie screenings every Wed/Thur (July 9-10) at 1 pm. $3/film; $20/summer pass. The Kenworthy, 508 S. Main St, Moscow. (208-882-4127) RIFFTRAX LIVE: SHARKNADO A hilarious take on Syfy’s instant cult classic riffed by MST3K’s Michael J. Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett. At Regal Cinemas Northtown and Riverstone, July 10 at 8 pm and July 15 at 7:30 pm. fathomevents.com THE LORAX Outdoor movie screening at dusk. July 11. Free. Pavillion Park, 727 N. Molter Rd, Liberty Lake. pavillionpark. org MOONLIGHT MOVIE SERIES: THE LEGO MOVIE Screenings start at dusk in the outfield of Martella Ball Field at Sunset Park. July 11. Free. Sunset Park, S. King St., Airway Heights. cawh.org FIGHT CLUB Screening of the classic (rated R) as part of the Garland’s