RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess WHEN HARRY MET HAIRY
AMY ALKON
My girlfriend of six months just stopped shaving her legs and armpits. I think she is so sexy — except for this. Recently, I asked her whether she’d shave again, and she snapped that shaving is time-consuming and the idea that women should remove their body hair comes from anti-feminist propaganda. I don’t know about that. I just like seeing female legs and armpits without a bunch of dark furry hair cover. Do I get to ask again? —In The Thick Of It
It’s great when your girlfriend reminds you of somebody exotic out of the movies — when that somebody is Mila Kunis or Eva Mendes, not Chewbacca. As for your girlfriend’s notion that the defurred look traces to “anti-feminist propaganda,” way back before there was Cosmo, there was Ovid, the Roman poet, advising women looking for love: “Let no rude goat find his way beneath your arms” (don’t let your underarms get stanky like a goat), “and let not your legs be rough with bristling hair.” Archeological evidence (including hair-scraping stones and an impressive set of Bronze Age tweezers) suggests that women — and often men — have been shaving, depilating, and yanking out body hair since at least 7,000 B.C. In the early 1500s, Michelangelo sculpted David (who would have been a hairy Middle Eastern dude, looking more Borat than baby’s bottom), making him look like he was too busy spending three weeks at the waxer to slay Goliath. And these days, male bodybuilders also remove their body hair, lest their admirers have to peer through the hair sweater to find the pecs and abs. You, likewise, would just like to see your girlfriend’s legs without having to send your eyeballs off on a search party through Furwood Forest. (You must look back fondly on the days when you could picture her naked without first giving her a mental bath in a vat of Nair.) Is there a double standard at play here? Sure there is — if you’d shave a Fidel Castro beard to be more attractive to her but she refuses to shave her Fidel Castro legs. Let her know that you aren’t looking to turn her into a razor slave of the patriarchy — you’re just trying to keep your sex life (and, in turn, your relationship) alive — and ask whether there’s anything you could do to be more manhunky for her. This is just what you’re supposed to do in a relationship — make that extra effort to please your partner, even if it takes, oh, five minutes every few days to run a razor over your legs and pits. She can still rebel against the patriarchy in other ways, like by going around in snarky T-shirts and blogging about how leg shaving is an obvious plot to keep women in the shower and out of the House of Representatives. The bottom line, for you and many other men, is that it’s really sexy to run your hand through a woman’s hair — just not the hair on her ankles.
DIAL ANOTHER DAY
Is it really that inappropriate to give a girl your number instead of asking for hers? I met a cool girl at the gym. We really seemed to hit it off, and I asked whether we could get a drink sometime. She said yes, and I said, “Here, I’ll give you my number.” She said, “Um, don’t you want my number?” Well, I just offered her mine because she had her phone with her and mine was in the locker room, but apparently she was offended. Really? Who cares? —Hung Up On An Issue Giving this woman your number and expecting her to call you is like the lion saying to the gazelle, “Would you mind coming over here and killing yourself, and then I’ll eat you?” For millions of years, there’s been a natural order of things and it involves men chasing women, and it hasn’t heard of Gloria Steinem and doesn’t care that your phone is in the locker room. Sure, women these days may sometimes pursue men, but when you want a woman, do you really want to walk away without her phone number and hope she’ll call — which most women won’t do? Also, chances are, expecting a woman to call you comes off a little insulting — telling her you’re interested in her, just not interested enough to lift a finger and touch it to phone buttons 10 times. In other words, the thing to do was to toddle off and get a writing implement and a scrap of paper so you could take down this woman’s number and call her, not try to rewrite male and female psychology and dating practices for your convenience: “Great meeting you! I’ll just be sitting home painting my toenails and waiting for the phone to ring.” n ©2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
60 INLANDER MARCH 6, 2014
EVENTS | CALENDAR WINEMAKER DINNER Hosted by Walla Walla-based Sleight of Hand winery’s Winemaker Trey Busch, featuring a sixcourse dinner paired with five wines. March 8, 6 pm. $100. Beverly’s, 115 S. Second, CdA. (800-688-4142) 73RD ANNUAL KOSHER DINNER Jewish cultural celebration, featuring authentic food, music, live entertainment, handmade items for sale and more. March 9, from 11 am-6 pm. $14-$16/ adults, $7-$9/children 11 and under. Temple Beth Shalom, 1322 E. 30th Ave. facebook.com/KosherDinner (747-3304) SPECIALTY DESSERTS Cooking class on European-inspired desserts, including German and Italian confections. March 9, 3-5 pm. $45/person. 315 Martinis and Tapas, 315 Wallace Ave. 315martinisandtapas.com (208-667-9660) COOKING WITH MEXICAN CHILES Chef Lynne Wiedemann leads a class on using dried chiles to make sauces, rubs and more. March 10, 6-8 pm. $45. 315 Martinis and Tapas, 315 Wallace Ave. cookwithus.com (208-667-9660) HEARTY STEWS Chef Joshua Martin leads a course on making several types of stew, and also covers the best methods for freezing and pairing other foods with slow-cooked stews. March 11, 6-8 pm. $49. Inland Northwest Culinary Academy (INCA), 1810 N. Greene St. incaafterdark.scc.spokane.edu (533-8141) CHEESE TASTING CLASS Taste eight cheeses while learning how cheese is made; the six different types of cheese and how to identify them; storing and cheese care and more. March 14, 7 pm. $20. Chocolate Apothecary, 621 W. Mallon Ave. (324-2424) OREGON WINE TRAIL Class sampling a wide range of wines from Oregon, including sparkling wines, Pinot Gris, Blanc, Noir and more. March 14, 7 pm. $20, reservations requested. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd Ave. (343-2253) VINO! WINE TASTING Friday (March 14) features Sonoris Wines ($10) from 3-6:30 pm, and Saturday (March 15) features Charles Smith, Ghost of 413 and Novelty Hill, from 2-4:30 pm ($10). Vino! A Wine Shop, 222 S. Washington St. vinowine.com (838-1229) GLUTEN-FREE BEER TASTING Sample several varieties of gluten-free brews. Reservations suggested. March 15, 3 pm. $10. Spice Traders Mercantile, 15614 E. Sprague. (315-4036) GRANDE RONDE GOURMET DINNER CLUB “The Roman Dinner” featuring four courses. By registration only. March 15. $25/person. Grande Ronde Cellars, 906 W. Second Ave. granderondecellars.com (455-8161)
MUSIC
NORTHWEST BACH FESTIVAL The 36th Annual classical music festival, led by new artistic director Zuill Bailey, features concerts in historic Spokane venues, renowned guest musicians, the new film classics series and other special events. Full schedule of events online, runs through March 9. $20+; some events free. nwbachfest.com (924-1132) RISE UP SINGING Kick off event for PJAL’s 5th Annual Action Conference feat. music by Jimmy Nuge, Lucas Brookbank Brown, Kaylee Cobb, Dom Felix and Bobby Kirl. Spokane word performances by Giovanni Aceves and Taylor Malone. Includes light refreshments. March 7, 6-8:30 pm. Free. Unitarian Universalist Church,
4340 W. Fort George Wright Dr. pjals. org/2014conference (838-7870) CELTIC NOTS Traditional Irish music concert featuring step dancing by the Turner Sisters, hosted by the Pend Oreille Players and Ethnic Heritage Council. March 8, 7 pm. $5. Pend Oreille Playhouse, 240 N. Union Ave., Newport. pendoreilleplayers.org (208-306-1181) LEON ATKINSON Concert by the internationally-acclaimed classical guitarist. March 8, 7 pm. $14-$15. The Pearl Theater, 7160 Ash St., Bonners Ferry, Idaho. thepearltheater.org (208-610-2846) PIRATES OF PENZANCE Dinner concert performance featuring a threecourse dinner and live and silent auctions, hosted by Lake City Playhouse. March 8, 7 pm. $35-$40. Faith Ministries Church, 5073 E. 16th Ave., Post Falls (208-667-1323) SPOKANE AREA YOUTH CHOIR Concert featuring music from around the world. All choirs are joined by musical guests the Franklin Elementary Marimba Ensemble. March 8, 1 pm. $5. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. SAYChoirs.org (627-7992) SPOKANE JAZZ ORCHESTRA FEAT. BRENT EDSTROM “The Piano Man” concert featuring Spokane’s Brent Edstrom, paying homage to legends of jazz piano. Also featuring Eugene Jablonsky on bass and Rick Westrick on drums, local youth musicians and the Spokane Jazz Orchestra. March 8, 8 pm. $24-$26.50. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague. spokanejazz.org (435-1007) SPOKANE SYMPHONY SuperPops No. 5: “Jerome Kern Tribute with Show Boat” conducted by Morihiko Nakahara and featuring stars from the Tony award-winning musical. March 8, 8-10 pm. $26+. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. spokanesymphony.org (624-1200) ST. PATRICK’S DAY CELEBRATION Fundraiser concert benefiting Holy Names Music Center, featuring live music by Free Whiskey and Broken Whistle. March 9, 4-9 pm. O’Doherty’s Irish Grille, 525 W. Spokane Falls Blvd. odohertyspub.com (326-9516) SFCC COMMUNITY CONCERT BAND Concert directed by music instructor Karl Mote. March 10, 7 pm. Shadle Park High School, 4327 N. Ash St. sfcc.edu CALADH NUA Traditional Irish music. March 12, 7:30 pm. $10-$20. Jones Theatre at Daggy Hall, WSU Pullman. wsu. edu/performingarts (335-8522) CDA SYMPHONY Concert by the Coeur d’Alene Symphony, featuring winners of the National Young Artist’s Contest. March 14 at 7:30 pm and March 15 at 2 pm. $8-$20. Kroc Center, 1765 W. Golf Course Rd. kroccda.org (208-765-3833) BRIDGES HOME Celtic music performed by Tami and Dave Gunther. March 15, 7 pm. $10. The Pearl Theater, 7160 Ash St., Bonners Ferry, Idaho. thepearltheater.org (208-610-5907) SPOKANE SYMPHONY Classics Series 8: Enchanted by Mozart, conducted by Morihiko Nakahara, and featuring guest violinist Sayaka, Shoji. March 15 at 8 pm and March 16 at 3 pm. $15-$54. Martin Woldson Theater at The Fox, 1001 W. Sprague. (624-1200)
SPORTS & OUTDOORS TRIATHLON BASICS Class on the ins and outs of triathlons, including dif-
ferent types/distances and how to get started with training. March 6, 7 pm. Free. REI, 1125 N. Monroe St. rei.com/ spokane (328-9900) WIAA HARDWOOD CLASSICS 1B & 2B State basketball competition for girls and boys 1B and 2B teams. March 6-8, game times vary. $12-$28. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon. spokanearena.com SCHWEITZER MT. VERTICAL EXPRESS 30th annual skiing benefit event for Can Do MS, a national nonprofit and provider of lifestyle empowerment programs to help families living with MS. March 7-8. $25. Schweitzer Resort, 10000 Schweitzer Mountain Rd. schweitzer. com (800-367-3101; ext. 1271) BEGINNING BIRD WATCHING Hosted by Friends of Turnbull and Spokane Audubon Society, classes held on Saturdays, March 8, April 5, May 3, June 7 and July 12, from 9-11 am. $5/person; $10/family, pre-registration required. Turnbull National Wildlife Refuge, 26010 S. Smith Rd., Cheney. fws.gov/ refuge/turnbull (448-0659) SPOKANE TABLE TENNIS Ping-pong club meets Mon and Wed from 7-9:30 pm; Sat from 1-4 pm. $2. North Park Racquet Club, 8121 N. Division St. spokanetabletennis.com (768-1780) SPOKANE BADMINTON CLUB Meets Sun from 4:30-7 pm and Wed from 7-10 pm. $6/visit. West Central Community Center, 1603 N. Belt St. wccc.myspokane.net (448-5694) SPOKANE TABLE TENNIS CLUB Pingpong club meets Wed from 6:30-9 pm and Sun from 1:30-4 pm. $2/visit. Southside Senior & Community Center, 3151 E. 27th Ave. sssac.org (456-3581) BACKPACK SCHOOL Registration now open for the Spokane Mountaineers’ 2014 Backpack School; deadline March 21. See website for more details. Class begins on March 28, and ends May 2426. $40. spokanemountaineers.org BACKPACKING BASICS Overview on planning, preparation and the gear needed for a backpacking trip. March 13, 7 pm. Free. REI, 1125 N. Monroe. (328-9900) BLOOMSDAY TRAINING CLINICS Weekly sessions progress in distance each week, starting with 1 mile and ending with a full 7-mile run. Each session begins with an expert presentation. Water stations and first aid stations provided. Saturdays at 8:30 am, March 15-April 26. Free. SFCC, 3410 W. Ft. George Wright Dr. phc.org (747-3081) JAM 4 CANS CHARITY RAIL JAM Ski and snowboard competition to collect food and raise money for local food banks. Event includes prize giveaways, raffle, food, sledding and more. March 15, 7 pm. 15 cans of food for riders, spectators free. At Summit Northwest Ministries, 1486 West Seltice Way, Post Falls. (208-7735950) SPOKANE SHOCK Arena football game vs. the Iowa Barnstormers. March 15, 7 pm. Spokane Arena, 720 W. Mallon Ave. spokanearena.com (242-7462)
THEATER
BARRYMORE Starring Patrick Treadway as John Barrymore in the Broadway production by William Luce. Through March 15, Wed-Sat at 7:30 pm, Sun at 2 pm, except March 7 at 6:30 pm; also Sat. March 8 and 15 at 2 pm. $12$28. Interplayers Theatre, 174 S. Howard St. interplayerstheatre.org (455-7529)