RELATIONSHIPS
Advice Goddess Dinner AnD A SeconD MortGAGe?
I know you’ve discussed how the guy should pay on the first few dates. I’ve been dating a pretty fabulous woman for a month, and I’m dipping into my savings to take her out to the sort of restaurants she’s used to. I earn a decent living in a creative field, but she is in finance and clearly makes far more money than I do. I may have complicated things when, on our third date, she wanted to pick up the check and I wouldn’t let her. AMY ALKON Is there a smooth way to let her know that I now need her to throw down some dough? —Can We Say Awkward? The organ that gets used on the third date isn’t supposed to be the kidney you sold on the black market to pay for dinner. It’s nice to take a woman out for a special meal from time to time, but the guy who can keep up the weekly wining and dining at restaurants where even the cockroaches speak passable French isn’t the guy you are — and probably isn’t the guy she expects you to be. Women do look for a man to be ambitious and show potential. But typically, a woman who wants a rich guy not only has calculated her date’s net worth (probably pretty successfully) long before the first date but has also trained herself to identify a fake Rolex at 50 paces and read even the subtlest signs about a man’s income like fiscal tea leaves. So, this woman is probably well aware that if you’re “managing a hedge fund,” it’s just a little money you’re putting aside to replace the dead plants on your balcony. Also, unless a man’s a spy, a woman doesn’t like him to pretend to be somebody he’s not. This isn’t to say you should have some awkward conversation with this woman about how you really do need her to pay for dinner — or hope she gets the idea when she sees you standing by the on-ramp with a cardboard sign, “Spare $264.50, plus tip?” Instead, just take her to places you can pay for painlessly and wait until you’re in a relationship to talk about money. Though women evolved to look for potential partners to show generosity, you can do that in a symbolic way, simply by treating her to something more affordable — maybe a ticket to a museum and fancy ice cream afterward — and by showing generosity of spirit: fairness, kindness, and willingness to do the right thing even when it’s hard. A woman who really likes you will really like you when you’re treating her to the shoe rental at a bowling alley. Plus, you’ll be more fun when you aren’t worrying about money, and she’ll be more relaxed when she isn’t worrying that you’ll have to file for bankruptcy if she adds shrimp to her Caesar salad.
SiGh tuneS
Am I the only one who doesn’t like to have music playing during sex? When I’m with a guy, I’m turned on by hearing his breathing and sounds he makes while aroused. If the music’s good, I’ll be listening to it rather than paying attention to him or my own arousal. If the music’s bad, I don’t want to hear it at all. I’m seeing a new guy, and I’m already worried that he’ll play some annoying pop music when we get intimate. Plus, if he needs music, I’ll think, “Well, am I boring you?” —Audibly Distracted Responding to this question on Reddit, “What is the absolute worst song to play during sex?” Redditor 5secsofpleasure posted, “Hi, I’m Sarah McLachlan, and I’m about to kill your erection.” Though for many people the right music can be a real sex enhancer, there can be tragic accidents, like when a guy doesn’t realize that he got sloppy in pulling together his HSP (Hot Sex Playlist) and the dogs barking “Jingle Bells” play at exactly the wrong moment. Regarding your suspicion that a guy would only put on a soundtrack because he finds sex with you a bore, you’re probably just falling prey to a common cognitive bias — the assumption that other people’s minds work just like our own. You simply need to make your preference known before any clothing goes flying. Maybe start talking about music and casually mention that you don’t understand why some people like to listen to music during sex — such a distraction. The guy will probably nod offhandedly, but in his brain, a tiny stenographer from the sex department will be feverishly taking notes. As for any worries you may have that this will turn a guy off, trust me; there probably isn’t a guy out there who won’t find the musical silence during sex preferable to the sound of you sitting with your arms folded on the couch. n ©2014, Amy Alkon, all rights reserved. • Got a problem? Write Amy Alkon, 171 Pier Ave, #280, Santa Monica, CA 90405 or email AdviceAmy@aol.com (www.advicegoddess.com)
48 INLANDER JANUARY 30, 2014
EVENTS | CALENDAR
COMEDY
STAND-UP COMEDY Local comedians, see weekly schedule online. Thursdays at 8 pm. Free. Uncle D’s Comedy Underground, 2721 N. Market St. uncledscomedy.com (483-7300) CHOOSE TO LOSE! Live improv comedy show performed in the style of a game show. Fridays at 8 pm through Jan. 31. $7-$9. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland Ave. (747-7045) OPEN MIC COMEDY Live stand-up comedy. Fridays at 8 pm. Free. Red Dragon Chinese, 1406 W. Third Ave. reddragondelivery.com (838-6688) SAFARI Short-form improv games based on audience suggestions. Saturdays at 9 pm. $7. Blue Door Theatre, 815 W. Garland. (747-7045) LIVE COMEDY Live stand-up comedy shows. Sundays at 9 pm. Goodtymes, 9214 E. Mission Ave. (928-1070) BOONE STREET HOOLIGANS Gonzaga’s sketch comedy show returns, introducing “Sweet Lou & The Grind.” Feb. 7 at 8 pm, Feb. 8 at 2 pm. Donations benefit Cup of Cool Water. Gonzaga University Magnuson Theatre, 502 E. Boone. (313-5718)
COMMUNITY
FREE MAMMOGRAM DAY Inland Imaging offers free screenings to women over 40 without health insurance and no current breast health issues. Stop by any Inland Imaging center prior to Jan. 31 to schedule an appt. For a complete list of locations, visit inlandimaging.com/locations. Jan. 31, 8 am. Free. Providence Holy Family, 5633 N. Lidgerwood. everywomancan.org (455-4455) 365 NEWBORNS PHOTO PROJECT Local photographer Sandy Konyu is attempting to photograph 365 newborns in their first 10 days of life, in one year. Participating families get a free photo session and digital image. Special event to photograph as many newborns in one day as possible on Feb. 1, from 10 am-6 pm. Free. Bella Cova, 905 N. Washington. divineportraitboutique.com (981-8501) CHINESE NEW YEAR CELEBRATION “Year of the Horse” celebration featuring a culture fair, local vendors, performances and more. Guests will be directed to eat a traditional Chinese New Year’s meal at a local restaurant following the event. Feb. 1, 1-5 pm. $6-$10. SCC, 1810 N. Greene St. spokanechinese. org (720-8825) COMMUNITY DANCE Open to singles, couples and families, offering a variety of dances including square, round and line dancing. Feb. 1, 8-10 pm. Free. Western Dance Center, 1901 N. Sullivan Rd. squaredancespokane.org (979-2607) PAC-CON PALOUSE First annual Palouse comic convention, featuring comic book artists, vendors, special guests, costume contests, games and more. Feb. 1. $15$20. Schweitzer Event Center (SEL), 1825 Schweitzer Dr. facebook.com/PACPalouse (208-329-4042) FINANCIAL WORKSHOP “Organize Your Finances” hosted by STCU, including bill-paying, records management and more. Registration required. Feb. 4, 6 pm. Free. South Hill Library, 3324 S. Perry. spokanelibrary.org (755-3980) LINK SPOKANE PUBLIC WORKSHOP Public workshop on integrating various city departments to handle street and public infrastructure improvements
after the 10-year street bond expires at the end of 2014. Feb. 4 from 4-6 pm at Northtown Mall, Division St. entrance. Also Feb. 5 from 12-6:30 pm, at Southside Christian Church, 2934 E. 27th; and Feb. 7 from 11:30 am-6:30 pm, at River Park Square. spokaneplanning.org/link. html (625-6300) V-MEN WORKSHOP The University Women’s Center hosts a men’s workshop to address the positive role men can have on stopping violence against women. Feb. 4, 5-7 pm. Free and open to the public. University of Idaho, 709 S Deakin St. uidaho.edu (208-885-6111) OPEN DANCE NIGHT Community dance night, open to singles, couples and families, offering a variety of dances including square, round and line dancing. Feb. 6, 7-9 pm. Western Dance Center, 1901 N. Sullivan Rd. squaredancespokane.org (979-2607) DOG PEOPLE BLOOD DRIVE Second annual event to screen potential canine blood donors to the Pet Emergency Clinic Blood Bank. Owners can also donate blood to the Inland Northwest Blood Center. Dogs must be over 60 lbs, between 1-6 years of age and in good health. Feb. 8, 1-5 pm. Lincoln Heights Veterinary Clinic, 2829 E. 27th Ave. (535-3551) “WE THE PEOPLE” PETITION RALLY Statewide petition (I-1329) campaign rally at the federal courthouse (noon) followed by lunch and volunteer training (1-3 pm) at the Downtown Library, first floor. Feb. 8. Thomas S. Foley U.S. Courthouse, 920 W. Riverside. s-m-a-c.org (844-1776) ONE BILLION RISING Annual community dance flash mob as a call to end violence toward women and girls in Spokane and around the world, hosted by Lutheran Community Services and the YWCA. Feb. 14, 3 pm. Free. River Park Square, 808 W. Main. onebillionrising.org (343-5057)
FILM
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS Drama based on true events. Jan. 30 and Feb. 1 at 7:30 pm. $6-$7. Panida Theater, 300 N. First Ave., Sandpoint. panida.org (208-263-9191) DIFFERENT DRUMMERS A locally produced movie about true events in Spokane in 1965. Starring Brayden Tucker (Spokane) and Ethan Reed McKay (Portland); written and directed by Don Caron and Lyle Hatcher. Through Jan. 30. $6.50-$10.50. AMC River Park Square 20, 808 W. Main. (216-2098) ABOUT MEN Feature-length documentary film following a North Idaho men’s group. Jan. 31, 7 pm. Panida Theater, 300 N. First, Sandpoint. (208-263-9191) WINTER WILDLANDS BACKCOUNTRY FILM FEST The 9th annual festival features 10 films highlighting efforts of the Winter Wildlands Alliance and other grassroots groups’ efforts to preserve and conserve winter landscapes for quiet users. Jan. 31, 7 pm. $10-$12. Spokane Community College, 1810 N. Greene St. scc.spokane.edu (533-7000) UNTIL THE VIOLENCE STOPS Documentary about the grassroots movement V-Day, spurred by the Vagina Monologues. Feb. 3, 7-9 pm. Free and open to the public. University of Idaho, 709 S. Deakin St. (208-885-6111) FLY FISHING FILM TOUR Screening of international films on the sport and outdoor hobby of fly fishing. Discount tickets available at local fly shops. Feb. 4, 7 pm. $13-$15. Bing Crosby Theater, 901
W. Sprague. flyfilmtour.com (227-7404) I WAS A TEENAGE FEMINIST Documentary on redefining modern views of feminism. 62 min. film. Feb. 4, noon. Free. EWU Monroe Hall, 526 Fifth, Cheney. (359-2898) ONE BILLION RISING Screening of the documentary short film, followed by an optional dance lesson, for those who plan to participate in the One Billion Rising Flash Mob on Feb. 14. Feb. 6, 3:30 pm. Free. Downtown Library, 906 W. Main. onebillionrising.org (343-5057) LEONOARD A. OAKLAND FILM FEST The 6th annual festival hosts a screening of “Mud.” This year’s features follow the festival’s traditional slate: an American independent film, a documentary, and an international film. Refreshments available. Feb. 8, 7 pm. Free. Whitworth University, 300 W. Hawthorne. whitworth.edu (777-4974)
FOOD
WINERY DINNER Five course dinner featuring J. Lohr Vineyards & Winery. Jan. 30, 6:30 pm. $65-$70. The Cellar, 317 E. Sherman, CdA. (208-664-9463) GIRLS PINT OUT Attendees receive one sample paddle to try a variety of Selkirk’s beer. Jan. 31, 6-8 pm. $15. Selkirk Abbey Brewing, 6180 E. Seltice Way, Post Falls. girlspintout.com (208-991-0040) GLOBAL BUBBLY Sparkling wine tasting, featuring wines from Italy, Spain and France. Jan. 31, 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd. rocketmarket.com (343-2253) NO-LI BREWHOUSE TOURS See what goes on behind the scenes and how NoLi’s beer is made. Fridays at 4:30 pm. Free. No-Li Brewhouse, 1003 E. Trent Ave. nolibrewhouse.com (242-2739) VINO! WINE TASTING Friday features Spokane’s Emvy Cellars, from 3-6:30 pm ($15) and Saturday features Owen Roe Wines, from 2-4:30 pm ($10). Vino! A Wine Shop, 222 S. Washington. vinowine.com (838-1229) PORT, SHERRY & DESSERT WINES Learn about and taste various types of dessert wines. Feb. 1, 7 pm. $20, reservations required. Rocket Market, 726 E. 43rd. rocketmarket.com (343-2253) SUPER BOWL POTLUCK PARTY Drink specials, community potluck and more during the Big Game. Ages 21+. Feb. 2, 3-8 pm. Free admission. Enoteca, 112 E. Seltice Way, Post Falls. tinyurl.com/nxutepj (208-457-9885) GREAT GRAINS OF FIRE Learn to cook with flavorful grains grown in our region, with Chef Duane Sunwold. Feb. 5, 6-8 pm. $49. Inland Northwest Culinary Academy (INCA), 1810 N. Greene. (533-8141)
MUSIC
THE CHIARA STRING QUARTET Concert as part of the Auditorium Chamber Music Series featuring the renowned quartet. Jan. 30, 7:30 pm. $10-$20. U of Idaho Admin. Bldg, 851 Campus Dr. auditoriumchambermusic.org (208-885-7557) SOPHOMORE VOCAL RECITAL Vocal students perform works by Hayden, Schumann, Handel, Besard and more. In the University Chapel, College Hall third floor. Feb. 1, 1 pm. Free. Gonzaga, 502 E. Boone. (926-3113) ANA POPOVIC Concert by the awardwinning blues guitarist. Feb. 3, 7:30 pm. $22. Bing Crosby Theater, 901 W. Sprague Ave. (227-7638)