THE MOVEMENT IN WORDS | AN INTERNATIONALLY RECOGNIZED MAGAZINE
I AM ENOUGH
™
DECEMBER 2015
LIFESTYLE HOW TO BE
GRATEFUL
OF GRACIOUSNESS & THANKSGIVING
MONEY
MYTHS
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT REVISITED
A WOMAN AT THE LAKE
7
PRACTICES TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! YOU ARE ENOUGH
IAE | HOLIDAY 2015 | 1
I AM ENOUGH MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2015 ISSUE
CONTENTS
01 HAPPY HOLIDAYS Happy Holidays! Merry Christmas! Happy Kwanza! And Feliz Navidad | Dr. Anita Jackson
02 THE ART OF LIVING GRACIOUSLY
03
Five qualities I learned from princesses and first ladies Karen Jacobson
SHOULD I JUST STFU? Ariana Newcomer
04
05
06
HOW TO WRITE A THANK YOU
HOW TO FEEL GRATEFUL...
GRACE & GRATITUDE
For receiving a crazy monkey (and other terrible gifts) | Lisa D.
7 practices to strengthen your relationship | Becky and Corey center
Angela Mosley
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I AM ENOUGH MAGAZINE | HOLIDAY 2015 ISSUE
07 MY FINANCIAL SUCCESS PLAN MONEY MYTH #6 | Rebecca Hall Gruyter
08 A WOMAN AT THE LAKE Karl D. Bobo
09 THE BUTTERFLY
EFFECT REVISITED Blaze Lazarony
10 GRACIOUSNESS & THANKSGIVING
How a lifestyle of graciousness and Thanksgiving transforms you and improves the world | Andrea Silver
11 YOU ARE ENOUGH Portrait of a confident sales woman | Anne B. Johnson
I AM ENOUGH
REAL WOMEN. REAL CONVERSATIONS. REAL SUCCESS. In life, business, wealth and so much more...
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MEET THE EXECUTIVE TEAM
DR. ANITA JACKSON EdD, Publisher, I AM ENOUGH MAGAZINE Founder and CEO of The I Am Enough Institute Dr. Anita M. Jackson is on a mission to empower all women to know they are enough. With 25 years of experience in working with individuals, mostly women, as a Marriage & Family Therapist and Organizational Psychologist, Dr. Jackson is convinced that when a woman truly understands the powerful and spiritual truth of “I Am Enough” there will be a powerful shift in all areas of life. www.dranitamjackson.com
REAL WOMEN. REAL CONVERSATIONS. REAL SUCCESS. CINDY ADKINS Executive Editor I AM ENOUGH MAGAZINE Cindy Adkins is a freelance writer/ editor with 20+ years experience with both copy editing and content. Cindy believes in the power and magic of words and their ability to transform lives. She has an innate intuitive ability to understand her clients message, and help them articulate it in a way that leaves a greater impact on the reader. Cindy says “I can’t remember a time when books and magazines weren’t a part of my life. As a shy child, they were my refuge, and as an adult, they’ve been a learning tool, and both my livelihood, and in times of leisure, my escape.” cadkins@iamenoughinstitute.com
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In life, business, wealth and so much more....
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I AM ENOUGH™ THE MOVEMENT IN WORDS I AM ENOUGH is dedicated to igniting and transforming the heart, soul, and mind of women from a false, negative belief system of “I am not good enough” to a positive, empowering mindset of “I Am Enough.” Catering to women between the ages of 18 to 65, I AM ENOUGH will provide a platform for women to rediscover and reconnect to their authentic truth and purpose as well as reclaim their spiritual, feminine power and intuition for the intent of bringing back harmony and balance to herself, her relationships, her community and the world. We believe that when a woman is empowered she is more than enough in all her beauty, wisdom, glory, and her power.
EACH ISSUE WILL OFFER THE FOLLOWING: Letter from the Publisher Letter from the Editor Health and Wellness Mastery Living In Your Feminine Power Mastery Emotional & Mental Mastery Relationship Mastery Entrepreneurial & Wealth Mastery Lifestyle Mastery Upcoming Institute Events and Announcements
ABOUT
THE I AM ENOUGH INSTITUTE We are a multi-service based female personal development empowerment educational
PUBLICATION DATES January 6, 2015 March 3, 2015 May 5, 2015 July 7, 2015 September 1, 2015 December 7, 2015
agency. Our staff includes a multicultural team of dedicated and highly experienced women with varied personal and career backgrounds ready to provide their wealth of knowledge and expertise in empowering, teaching and helping women confidently know that they are enough while living whole and outrageously well.
OUR PASSION Our passion and ultimate intention is to ignite a spirit and knowing of “I Am Enough� within all women that will empower, inspire, and validate them on their journey to rediscovering their true authentic selves. Through a wealth of exciting services, programs, resources, and venues, women will have access to rich transformational information and passionate successful leaders that will assist them in remembering who they are and how to live fully and purposefully on their own terms. In addition, women who participate in our Institute will learn, grow, network, and connect to other like-minded women around the world creating a global sis-
I AM ENOUGH MAGAZINE C/O THE I AM ENOUGH INSTITUTE
terhood and female empowerment movement like never before.
P.O. Box 292 | Azusa, CA 91702 | Website: www.iamenoughmagazine.com | Email: draj@iamenoughinstitute.com Phone: (641) 715-3900 ext. 639452
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MEET THE EXPERTS
LIVING IN YOUR FEMININE POWER MASTERY Dr. Anita Jackson
AUTHENTIC VOICE MASTERY Angela Mosley
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AUTHENTIC VOICE MASTERY Ariana Newcomer
LIFESTYLE MASTERY Sharon Otness
LIFESTYLE MASTERY Andrea Silver
MEET THE EXPERTS
ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY Rebecca Hall Gruyter
EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY Karl Bobo
EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY Lisa D’ Alessio
ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY Blaze Lazarony
EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY Dr. Karen Jacobson
RELATIONSHIP MASTERY Becky & Corey Center
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A LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
A LETTER From the Executive Editor: Cindy Adkins Dear Reader, What a beautiful time of the year! Time to rejoice and be thankful for all the bountiful gifts we enjoy each and every day of our lives. With the winter holidays approaching, sometimes what is suppose to be one of the most joyous times of the year instead becomes one of the most stressful. To help with that, the theme of this issue of I Am Enough Magazine is: what does it look like when an I Am Enough woman (or man) lives graciously and thankfully; how does she practice this in her personal life, in her business, her personal relationships and health and lifestyle choices? Certainly at the top of that list should be to take time to relax and stay grounded during this hectic time of the year. What’s ironic is that we are often so busy shopping, cooking, planning fun activities and attending holiday parties that we end up exhausted and wishing the whole thing would soon end! Within the pages of this magazine, you’ll learn how your attitude and expectations can make all the difference in the world, not only in how much you enjoy the holidays, but your whole life. You’ll find tips on how to create your own personal financial success plan, which is especially important during the gift-giving holidays. Have you ever wondered how your manner of speaking comes across to others, whether at a business meeting or a cocktail party? One of our experts shows how to speak graciously and thankfully, full of confidence, without disempowering ourselves. And after the holidays, why not start a new tradition by sending out hand-written thank you notes? You’ll learn how to revive this dying art from yesteryear within the pages of our magazine. I wish all of our readers a blessed holiday season, filled with moments of love and joy. However you celebrate—remember it’s enough—you are enough!
Cindy Adkins cadkins@iamenoughinstitute.com
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I Am Enough
™
ThE MovEMEnT In Words
An InTErnATIonAlly rEcognIzEd MAgAzInE
WE hAvE A
nEW WEBsITE! WE ArE lIvE! www.iamenoughmagazine.com view All Past Issues of The I Am Enough Magazine on our new Website! For more information about advertising with us, please contact our advertising department at draj@iamenoughinstitute.com. VIEW ALL PAST ISSUES OF I AM ENOUGH MAGAZINE ON OUR NEW WEBSITE www.iamenoughmagazine.com For more information about advertising with us, please contact our advertising department at draj@iamenoughinstitute.com
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PUBLISHER’S LETTER
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY KWANZA! And Feliz Navidad from everyone here at The I Am Enough Institute and Magazine headquarters. This is probably our favorite time of year where we take a little more time connecting to loved ones, celebrating the season of a magical birth of Jesus Christ, experience more love, life and fulfillment as well as enjoy great food and have great fun. We send you our own good thoughts and wishes during this season. WRITEN BY. DR. ANITA M. JACKSONKEI
AT THE HEADQUARTERS So much is happening here at headquarters as we prepare for 2016 with the new style of our magazine (which we really hope you like), the launching of I Am Enough Community Chapters in five locations across the United States and Canada, and our planning to launch the I Am Enough Radio Show with yours truly later in 2016. All of these amazing things are taking place because we so desire to create an I Am Enough movement that supports you in developing the confidence and courage you need to live your life fully and outrageously well. 10 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
As 2016 is just around the corner, we welcome your input as to what you would like to read and see in future issues of our magazine. Feel free to offer suggestions, topics and more by sending me a direct email at draj@iamenoughinstitute.com and I will not only personally read your email but answer as well. Looking forward to hearing from you. You are Enough – Happy Holidays!
You are ENOUGH
EMPOWERING WOMEN To Know That They Are Enough! Evolving women to their higher feminine power!
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to receive a free consultation 641.715.3900
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EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY
THE ART OF LIVING GRACIOUSLY Five qualities I learned from Princesses and First Ladies WRITEN BY. DR. KAREN JACOBSON
THE 5 QUALITIES
ELEGANCE & POISE Elegance: the quality of being tasteful in dress, style or design. Poise: A graceful and elegant bearing; composure of dignity and manner. 12 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
THE FIVE QUALITIES THAT I FOCUSED ON, THAT FOR ME TRULY EMBODIED the art of living graciously.
2
DIGNITY & KINDNESS Dignity: conduct or speech indicative of self-respect or apprecation Kindness: humanity, generosity, charity
3
GRACE Elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion or action
Those words have been ingrained in my mind ever since I was a little girl and I watched Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady repeat them over and over again, until she got the proper pronunciation. I remember being amazed by her transformation from the simple woman to a lady of grace and elegance. I was mesmerized. She encompassed so much more than just beauty; there was some natural simplicity in the mix. I knew that growing up I wanted to be seen and treated like the lady she had
The five qualities that I focused on, that for me truly embodied the art of living graciously are: Elegance - the quality of being tasteful in dress, style, or design. Poise - A graceful and elegant bearing; composure of dignity and manner. Dignity - conduct or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation. Kindness - humanity, generosity, charity. Grace - elegance or beauty
living graciously Dr. Karen Jacobson Dr. Karen Jacobson, affectionately known as “Dr. J”, has been serving the community since 1992, sharing a message of Health and High
THE ART OF LIVING GRACIOUSLY become in the movie. There was grace and elegance to her.
of form, manner, motion, or action.
Have you ever wondered what it would take to live graciously? What qualities would you possess? How would you carry yourself? How would you speak to others?
In my research I had asked both men and women to match a well-known female figure to the qualities above. I had found that there were many similarities in the women that the audience had picked to the women that I had personally chosen. Furthermore, many had stated that the qualities above were a fit to all the women they had chosen and had found it challenging to pick one top quality.
Growing up, I always loved reading or watching women’s biographies. The more I followed women throughout history, the more I realized that those who were living graciously were embracing their true feminine power mixed with a good dose of confidence and self-awareness. They seem to have all been experts in the art of self-mastery. There were five qualities in those women that stood out for me and though there are many other women who I’ve seen as powerful and iconic, there was something different in the ladies that I chose. Wondering whether it was just my opinion and perception or whether others shared those same thoughts and feelings, I decided to conduct a little social research project of my own. I’ll be sharing the results of that research in this article.
In the survey, honorable mentions go to Katharine Hepburn, Coco Chanel, Maya Angelou, Condoleezza Rice, Princess Kate, Laura Bush, Mother Theresa, Barbara Bush, Lady Bird Johnson, Corrie ten Boom , First Lady Michelle Obama, Rosa Parks, Gloria Steinem, Coretta Scott King, Beyoncé, Tina Knowles, Queen Elizabeth 1, Margaret Thatcher, Sophia Loren, Eleanor Roosevelt and Diane Keaton. The four women that stood
Performance Living through a variety of media from print to radio and television. Dr. J is a co-author of several books including two international Bestsellers As a High Performance Strategist she works with entrepreneurs, executives and leaders who are at the top of their game. She helps you stay successful while regaining balance in your relationships, your health and your life; so you can tap into that limitless power within, unlock your ultimate potential and live an extraordinary life! For booking and programs email drj@drkarenjacobson.com or call 480.447.MIND
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THE ART OF LIVING GRACIOUSLY
Five qualities I learned from Princesses and First Ladies Continued...
WRITEN BY. DR. KAREN JACOBSON
out and were clearly crowd favorites are: Audrey Hepburn, Jaclyn Kennedy Onassis, Princess Diana and Princess Grace Kelly. Those happen to match my top four, as well. I added into the mix Maria Shriver and picked those specific ladies for the following reasons: Elegance—I attribute elegance to Audrey Hepburn. Whether it was in a movie or in an interview, she always carried herself with style and pizzazz. She was truly a classic beauty in both her appearance and her mannerisms. My research has shown that Audrey Hepburn was a crowd favorite. She’s actually considered to be the most elegant lady in the history of motion pictures. Poise—Poise goes to Jackie O. It was nearly 52 years ago this month that John F. Kennedy was assassinated. As I watched Jackie Kennedy and her conduct, both in the motorcade on that fatal November day in Dallas, as well as later on at the funeral, I was impressed by her composure. Though she was left to care for two small children, she never wavered. Kindness—Without a doubt, kindness was Lady Diana’s middle name. A sweet soul, who despite the challenges around her marriage, managed to remain kind and caring. Lady Diana was a humanitarian, a philanthropist whose areas of work included leprosy, HIV/ AIDS, landmines, homelessness, cancer, as well as mental illness and drug abuse. Humble, loving and nurturing, 14 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
she was a shining light that was gone too soon. Dignity—Regardless of the media and drama surrounding her husband’s affair and their divorce, Maria Shriver, First Lady of California, maintained her dignity the entire time. Her conduct showed a tremendous amount of restraint and self-respect, especially once the scandal was public. Grace—The true meaning of grace was embodied by Princess Grace Kelly. Though she may have left Hollywood behind her when she married Prince Rainier, the role of her lifetime was that of the leading lady of Monaco. More than 20,000 people gathered in the streets of Monaco to greet the future Princess. She was a philanthropist and an icon of beauty, talent and fashion, and had become the ceremonial leader of her adoptive country. A common denominator for all the women above is that despite any challenges in their lives, and the adversity they may have had to encounter, they were always composed and centered. The art of graciously living with qualities like elegance, poise, dignity, kindness and grace begins by the way you carry yourself, the way you dress, your mannerisms, your speech, and the way you conduct yourself among other people. Regardless of your past and how you have lived your life up until today, you can choose to live graciously. If a pompous phonetics professor was able to transform a working-class girl into a cultured aristocrat, well, why couldn’t you do the same?
Living graciously
“Everything has to be earned, through work, persistence and honesty.”. - Grace Kelly
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SUCCESS STORIES
SHOULD I JUST STFU? WRITEN BY: ARIANA NEWCOMER
SOAPBOX ALERT
In preparing to write this article about how the “I Am Enough Woman” speaks graciously and thankfully, a whole rant came up.
I’ve read a lot of articles on women’s speech. Many of them address ways women speak that are disempowering or self-sabotaging, and encourage women to speak more directly and powerfully (which is part of what I teach my clients). Two habits they call out most often are “uptalk” and “vocal fry.” (Read what those are and why they’re disempowering below.) Recently, there’s been a strident backlash against this criticism. Authors point out that women’s voices get criticized all the time (and even more now because of online comments), and men’s almost never. Two woman who started a podcast wrote about being criticized for the same kind of speech by different people in opposite ways. In other words, we can’t win. Fair point. One woman who got widely criticized for her “uptalk” habit fired back, saying ANY criticism of her speech was just misogynistic, because uptalk is “feminine speech.” (Uptalk makes every statement sound as if it were a question.) Another author agreed, and basically said women should speak however 16 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
they want and everyone should just STFU. It’s true that women’s voices are often criticized unjustly, and where men’s would not be. We DO have what I call a “cultural voice story” — that women’s voices are less important than men’s — which means we pay less attention to what women say. Changing that is a big part of my work, which means teaching women to speak powerfully. Not on your life. First: I’ve coached hundreds of women to change disempowering habits of speech, and watched their whole lives open up as a result (businesses taking off, relationships healed, creativity unblocked, money flowing, confidence soaring), which shows me it’s vital that you NOT accept this stupid idea. Second, dear ones: There is no such thing as “feminine speech.” Don’t try to tell me that your “uptalk” or “vocal fry” is feminine speech. It’s your habit of speech —that’s all. I don’t talk that way, nor do most of the women I know. Some
Should I just STFU? Women (and men) speak in all kinds of different ways. Some speak in a more direct and forceful style ‘masculine.’ Some use a more “feminine” style — softer and gentler.
men use these habits—and it’s just as disempowering for them. Women (and men) speak in all kinds of different ways. Some speak in a more direct and forceful style (“masculine”). Some use a more “feminine” style—softer and gentler. I’m using quotation marks around “masculine” and “feminine” because these speech styles are not truly gender specific. Think. You know plenty of people whose speech doesn’t fit a traditionally “masculine” or “feminine” pattern. We ALL need to get OUT of these pigeonholes, not burrow further into them. So, you don’t get to claim that we should all just STFU and let you use disempowering habits of speech that are holding you back. (And vocal fry can actually injure your voice, my darlings.) What are disempowering habits of speech? Why are they disempowering rather than just “feminine?”
SUCCESS STORIES SUCCESS STORIES
Hearing is the act of collecting sound. Hearing does not guarantee listening. Listening is what the brain does with what it hears, and that involves lots of complex brain functions called “auditory processing.” The point of speaking is to communicate, yes? Speaking to actually communicate is a skill we all need to get better at. If you want to be truly heard and understood, you have to give people’s brains the opportunity to do their auditory processing in a way that results in actual listening, not just hearing. Actual listening results in real communication. Second, you don’t hear your own voice accurately. You don’t realize how disempowered you sound when you use these habits of speech, because your brain knows what you want to communicate and how you
want to sound. You hear yourself as more expressive and confident than you sound to others. (I know this one well. Part of my healing from the voice injury that ended my singing career was retraining my brain’s ability to hear my own voice accurately.) Disempowering habits of speech actually IMPEDE communication by making it harder for our brains to understand you. Here’s how:
Your tone of voice doesn’t match your message: Our brains are great at picking up nuances of speech, and all the subtleties of tone of voice, body language and wording. Notice “wording” comes last. Especially when tone of voice or body language don’t match your words, our brains pay more attention to the former two, and the least attention to the words.
This means if your tone of voice sends a different message than your words, your tone of voice is ultimately doing the communicating. (This is a frequent cause of misunderstandings. Watch me give a fun demonstration in this video.) Vocal Fry: “Vocal fry” is a low, gravelly, growly sound. Some people only do it at the end of sentences. Some use it all the time. Vocal fry can injure your voice—it fatigues your voice fast, and can cause nodes on your poor vocal folds (not good). It makes your words unclear and robs your voice of expression and energy, all of which make you hard to understand. Uptalk: “Uptalk” is the habit of making your pitch rise at the end of statements, as if they were questions. This makes your listeners have to work to figure out if you are asking a
HEARING IS THE ACT OF COLLECTING SOUND “If you want to be truly heard and understood, you have to give people’s brains the opportunity to do their auditory processing in a way that results in actual listening, not just hearing.”
question or making a statement. While they’re doing that, they’re not paying attention to WHAT you’re saying. It also makes you sound like you’re unsure and lack confidence. People think you are placating them or asking for reassurance — “Is it all right that I’m saying this?” and they get exhausted and irritated. Run-On Sentences: When you talk fast and use run-on sentences, people’s brains can’t keep up. They miss a lot of what you’re saying, therefore, they don’t get your point. Our brains need pauses, lots of expression, and clear declarations to
understand what’s being said. One of my clients did this. She discovered the habit came out of childhood. She had to get words out fast before her mom interrupted and silenced her. I taught her better ways to avoid interruptions! Soft-spoken: You are hard to hear and understand, sound unsure and unconfident. You are reluctant to jump in and speak up in meetings and conversations. You wait to let others speak first, and sometimes never get your chance. You may offer an idea and no one pays any attention. Yet if someone else speaks the same idea later with IAE | HOLIDAY 2015 | 17
CAREER
YOU HAVE SO MANY OPTIONS FOR EXPRESSION.
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SUCCESS STORIES confidence, it is praised. You sound less credible. You have to repeat yourself a lot because people couldn’t hear you the first time. It can be a way of hiding out. ANY voice habit that holds you back from expressing all of you, and makes you hard to understand, is a disempowering one. These are just the most common. So, my loves, DO NOT buy into this voice story that disempowered speech = “feminine speech.” Don’t get stuck in speech habits that trivialize your message, undermine the effect you can have, disempower yourSELF, and hold you back in business AND life. You have so many more options for expression. I’m not asking you to put on a fake voice. I’m asking you to be willing to speak up and speak out in all kinds of ways —“feminine,” “masculine,” and everything in between—to speak from all of strong, beautiful, powerful you with a message that the world needs to hear. If you’d like to talk about how I could help you do that, click here to schedule a free consultation. So, what is it like when the “I Am Enough Woman” speaks graciously and thankfully? First, a caveat: We women are expected to speak that way most of the time—to be nice. Women who speak strongly and powerfully often suffer a backlash, and are called bitchy, too aggressive, or pushy. (You won’t find me criticizing that kind of feminine speech!) Yes, it’s vital for us to practice gratitude as spiritual beings. Giving appreciation and thanks is valuable in all our relationships, and with ourselves. Being gracious is a lovely quality unless it’s done at our own expense, to placate or please, or in a condescending way. So, how do we speak graciously and thankfully without disempowering ourselves? We speak consciously. We speak so others’ brains can actually listen. Our tone of voice is congruent with our words. We speak clearly with passion from our whole, authentic selves. As “I Am Enough Women,” we speak graciously and thankfully with full confidence in our value and the value of everything we have to offer. We do it from our hearts as a genuine expression of our powerful selves. It is a gift, freely given. That’s powerful feminine speech.
Should i just stfu? Ariana Newcomer Ariana Lise Newcomer specializes in healing the soul’s voice to joyfully express its divine purpose. She teaches women coaches, consultants and change agents to unlock the secrets of their voices, so they can speak with power and confidence from their fully aligned, authentic selves, be truly heard and understood, and create highly successful, deeply fulfilling businesses that change the world. Called “The Voice Coach’s Voice Coach” because of the depth and range of her knowledge and skills, Ariana is the creator of the Reclaim Your Authentic Voice™ and Voice Your Value™ programs. She is a Harvard graduate, former professional opera singer, and mom of 2. She has taught voice since 1995 and has been a Massage Therapist since 1984. She is a 2x graduate of the Estill Voice Training, has 2 coaching certifications, and is an internationally published best-selling author. A voice injury ended her singing career, and her journey back to a healthy voice and into entrepreneurship inspired her unique and powerful approach to voice and business coaching. Ariana’s lifelong personal growth journey informs her work, along with her rich performing, teaching and therapeutic background. Website: www.ariananewcomer.com
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AUTHENTIC VOICE MASTERY
How to write a thank you.
HOW TO WRITE A THANK YOU Tis the season for giving and receiving. We give thanks for the blessings in our lives. We give and receive gifts. We give thought to the victories and challenges of the closing year, and we plan to receive the coming year with expectant hope. WRITEN BY: ANGELA MOSLEY
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THE NUMBER ONE WAY TO KEEP a thank you note from sounding inauthentic is to remember that the thank you is not necessarily meant to convey what you feel about the gift.
Tis the season for giving and receiving. We give thanks for the blessings in our lives. We give and receive gifts. We give thought to the victories and challenges of the closing year, and we plan to receive the coming year with expectant hope. Many of us will enjoy lavish feasts with family and friends sharing our tables. Many of us will light up Christmas trees or menorahs. Holiday traditions anchor us to the timeless past and to each other; they comfort us and remind us of our humanity. One tradition that is increasingly absent from many of our holiday celebrations, though, is the art of saying “Thank You” in writing. When I was growing up, my mother insisted that we write thank you notes to the people who had given us gifts for the holidays. Engaging in this practice taught me to consider the feelings of others and how I might be able to acknowledge those feelings in writing. If you have ever received a hand-written thank you note, you know how powerful that acknowledgement can be. A thoughtfully written, stamped, and mailed thank you note can brighten the receiver’s whole week! Because writing thank you notes is a dying art, many people may not know how to do it in a way that is authentic and doesn’t sound forced or canned.
A thank you note is meant to acknowledge the giver of the gift and their intentions.
The number one way to keep a thank you note from sounding inauthentic is to remember that the thank you is not necessarily meant to convey what you feel about the gift. A thank you note is meant to acknowledge the giver of the gift and their intentions. Put yourself in their shoes. My grandmother used to send each of us kids a pair of socks with little candies tucked inside and (for the girls) a pair of earrings. We had to write thank you notes for those socks. Socks might not seem like something to write a thank you note for, but I can assure you that thousands of people all over the world would be tremendously grateful for a pair of socks. You could thank the giver for their compassion or concern for your comfort. You could thank the giver for simply remembering you with a little gift and comment that their remembrance warmed your heart. Or, if you really love the socks, you can let them know that you are proudly adding them to your collection of unicorn themed apparel. Another way to keep the authenticity in your thank you is to write it on stationery that reflects your unique personality. You can order personalized blank note cards or designated thank you cards online or at many office supply stores. If you are an artist, you can create your own personalized notes. If you have children, they will likely be more
ANGELA MOSLEY
Angela is a Writing Coach and Editor/ Ghostwriter for the thought leaders and spirit-led transformation coaches of today. Combining her intuitive understanding of the power and emotion of words along with the message of each client, she is able to help her clients articulate their message with greater clarity, emotion, and beauty. Website: www.angelamosley.com
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AUTHENTIC VOICE MASTERY
HOW TO WRITE A THANK YOU By: Angela Mosley: Continued
than happy to create note cards for you. (Just be sure to have them keep the inside blank!) But personalized stationery isn’t necessary. You can find a wide variety of boxed cards—both thank you and blank—at stores like Hallmark, Papyrus, or Target. Pick a design that reflects who you are and consider using it all year long to send thank you notes. A third way to keep the authenticity in your note is to put a stamp on it and actually mail it. Sure, you could personalize an ecard to say thank you or send a quick email, but can your recipient hold that ecard or email in their hands? Can they tack it to their bulletin board or refrigerator to remind them that someone thought enough of them and their effort to say “thank you”? Mailing something to someone tells them that you cared enough about them to find a stamp (how many of us have a stack of postage stamps waiting around to be used?), and then go out of your way to stop at the post office to drop the letter off. Writing thank you notes needn’t be a chore. It can be a fun and uplifting activity if you change your mindset about it. It can be easy to get stuck on the details instead of just reflecting on your heart and the heart of the giver and writing in a way that honors both. For example…. …what about the white elephant parties? Should I really send a thank you for the empty Target gift card that I got stuck with? Well, no... not if you can’t see the genius in giving an empty gift card. Think about it: At a white elephant exchange, usually everyone is fighting over who gets the best gift, and that gift may change hands many times through stealing and trickery. It’s all in good fun, and everyone gets a laugh. Then you get home and discover that awesome Target gift card you managed to hold on to has a balance of $0. The joke is on you! Here’s that thank you note: “Dear Friend, I’m so glad we were able to hang out at the Christmas party last week. I was super pumped to make it out the door with MY Target gift card...only to get in my car, dial the balance check number on the back, and discover that the card had $0 on it! You WIN!! Haha—BEST white elephant gift ever! Merry Christmas...and may Target have everything you need this holiday season (wink, wink!)”
THANK YOU NOTES
WHITE ELEPHANT PARTIES... seri in exerovi duntia vent. Ilitatque dolecto enet lam accae nobitincid eatur.
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...what about the person who just came to the party (or Thanksgiving dinner), but didn’t bring anything to contribute? There’s nothing to thank them for! Really? Why did you go through all the work of making a generous meal and opening your home in the first place? So that others could give something to you or so that you could give to others? Here’s the thank you for that scenario: “Dear Friend, Thank you for joining us on Thanksgiving Day. I was happy to see you and to know that you are doing well. I’m glad you enjoyed the feast, as it was my honor to prepare it. Family and friends mean so much to me, and my holiday is a little brighter because you were able to share it with us.” You just thanked someone for doing nothing... except letting you do something for them! Those are just a few examples of unlikely
times when you could still say “thank you.” Why would you even want to look for unlikely times? Because saying “thank you” has a way of raising your awareness of all that you have to be thankful for. You may have heard that said before, but I can assure you that it is absolutely true. When you say “thank you” you see more things to be thankful for. And when you take the time to physically write out your thank you, making a sort of ritual or habit of it, the practice itself communicates your heart and authenticity. This holiday season, don’t just call out a rushed “Thank You!” on your way out the door. Take a few minutes when you get home to write out a thank you and mail it to the giver. It will bless them, yes. But it will bless you even more. Trust me.
EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY
HOW TO FEEL GRATEFUL For receiving a crazy monkey (and other terrible gifts) | By: Lisa D.
“This time,” Tommy says, “tell the person what gift you are giving. And if you are receiving the gift, you have to be super excited about receiving this gift. Tell the giver why it is a perfect gift.”
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EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY
“I’M GIVING YOU A GIFT. IT’S A BUTTER CHURN!” We were in an improv class, and Kelsey was my teammate. We looked at each other and started to laugh, thinking of the “gifts” we would give each other. I leaned over, pretend-scooped my gift off the floor and handed the invisible gift to her. Kelsey grinned. “Thank you!” she said, full of enthusiasm. “I just got a pet cow, and this will be perfect to turn her milk into cheese!” We were both laughing at this point. “A pencil sharpener! That’s perfect,” I said, “I’m just starting to write a new book and I only like writing with super sharp pencils!” We gave invisible gifts back and forth, grinning and laughing at the creativity of gifts and perfection. Tommy called a halt to the exercise. “OK, new rule. Same idea, tell them what gift you are giving, only this time, it has to be the worst thing you can think of. And the receiver still has to react as if it’s the greatest gift in the world, and tell why it is perfect.” The whole room started to laugh. “Oh boy,” I heard someone mutter, “I have so many terrible gifts to give!” Kelsey looked at me, and I looked at her. I quickly pantomimed thrusting a gift at her. “I have a gift for you, a dirty diaper!”
DIRTY DIAPERS... Kelsey gingerly took it from me, looking from me to the dirty diaper. “Thanks!” she said. I could see the wheels churning in her mind, and then she smiled. “I have been looking for the perfect way to get my husband out of his man cave to do yard work. Hiding this in his room is just the trick!” Back and forth, we gave terrible gifts. It seemed like the more terrible the gift, the more enthusiastically we received it. Squashed worms, a bucket of tar, a dead bird, dirty underwear—no matter what was given, it was received with creativity, each terrible gift the perfect solution to a problem we had. Finally, Kelsey squatted down and motioned holding something that was out of control. “Here,” she gasped, “I’m giving you a crazy monkey!” 24 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
We both burst into laughter, seeing this invisible crazy monkey in her hands. I reached out and grabbed hold of it and quickly moved over to my pretend tree in my pretend yard. “It’s perfect! My fruit tree is full of birds, and now the crazy monkey will help keep them away from the fruit!” Tommy ended the exercise and asked a simple question: “What did you notice about receiving a terrible gift?” Several of us raised our hands. “I noticed that no matter what I was given, I could find a use for it.” “I noticed that I actually felt joy about receiving things that challenged my creativity.” “I noticed that instead of feeling like I was getting the bad end of a deal, I was feeling pretty abundant with all these perfect gifts.” “I noticed that my attitude going into this exercise completely changed how I experienced it. If I was expecting terrible gifts that were useless, I would have received terrible gifts that were useless. If I expected a gift that was perfect, somehow, it became perfect.” Tommy smiled. “So much of our lives are affected by our expectations. And if we go into experiences expecting to find things for which we are grateful, that is exactly what we find.” Gratitude. It’s not something reserved only for the privileged. Gratitude is something we have access to every single day. A new client recently shared, “I hear what you’re saying, but my life is hard. I have had really crappy things happen to me, and it’s not so easy to forget them. Every day feels like a challenge,
not a gift. How can I possibly feel grateful?” I get it, I do. You work really hard to achieve your goals, but one day to the next, it feels like one step forward, two steps back. Your body doesn’t feel great, you have hard times in your relationships, you’re in a job you hate, or you don’t have money to pay the bills. The holidays are upon us and stress levels are rising. And yet, gratitude is still open to you, like a beautiful and shining path, if only you will take it. The first and best way to this pathway? A gratitude journal. Go out, get yourself a notebook or journal, and set it by your bed. Then, every night before you sleep, review your day and find 3 things for which you feel grateful. Write them down. It almost sounds too easy, to begin changing your life by writing down 3 simple sentences. But study after study has shown that focus on gratitude actually changes your neural pathways—instead of looking for the negative, your brain begins patterning into positive pathways, and soon, you feel happier, more content....and more grateful....in all parts of your life. So go ahead, accept that crazy monkey—whether it be the wrong-sized sweater, an unexpected house guest or a dental bill—and let your creativity turn it into a beautiful gift of deep gratitude in your heart. Happy and Grateful Holidays to you and yours!
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Lisa D is a Transformational Intuitive Master Healer with 2 Master’s Degrees and 25 years of c ommitted leadership to her country and community. She works with women from all around the world who are on the path of self development and are seeking wholeness. Lisa D has two spirit guides and combines 10+ healing modalities to help you remember, embrace, and love the woman you were born to be. Contact her at lisa@lisadalessio.com for more inforomation and to schedule your complimentary information session. Website www.lisadalessio.com
RELATIONSHIP MASTERY
GRACE & GRATITUDE
7 PRACTICES TO STRENGTHEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP The holiday season is upon us once again; it’s that time of year where we’re expected to spend time with family, to break out the decorations and give gifts. Any one of these things is enough to induce a state of panic and bring on a stress headache; all of them together is enough to land any of us in therapy. Also, for most of us the holidays tend to bring up those age old beliefs that we are not good enough - there are many flavors to these beliefs and if they have ever plagued your thoughts, you know how they sound in your head. The frustration this season brings up in us is often taken out on our significant other, family and friends—not to mention ourselves. Would you like to skip the nightmare before Christmas this year and strengthen your relationships this season? We have 7 practices to help you emerge from this holiday season not only with your relationships intact, but thriving, stronger than they were before. WRITEN BY. BECKY & CORY CENTER
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GRACE Grace is characterized by kindness, warmth, generosity of spirit, compassion, etc. Start this holiday season off by giving yourself some grace. If you can’t, or are unwilling, to be kind and courteous with yourself, your relations will suffer. This doesn’t mean you shirk responsibility and run wild—just give yourself some room to breathe. Allow yourself to respond to situ-
ations as they present themselves instead of reacting out of emotion; this gives you the ability to gracefully and smoothly move through anything that might occur. Another quality of grace is allowing for Divine intervention—letting go and knowing that everything will happen the way it is meant to. Be kind to yourself and know that you are taken care of.
GRATITUDE Once you are in a space of being kind to yourself, you can begin a practice of gratitude and thankfulness. Gratitude is a practice, it is not something that happens a couple days a year. To practice gratitude, get in touch with the things you are truly grateful for in your life. These don’t have to
be colossal, just get present to what (and who) you are truly thankful for in your life. Once this becomes a daily practice, you will notice more energy throughout your day and much less stress. Make sure to start with yourself when you practice gratitude; what are you grateful for about yourself?
GOOD ENOUGH if you adopt no other practice, take this one away with you. No matter what happens with the food, with the events, or with the family, know that it is good enough. Everything will not be perfect, yet, it will be perfect in its imperfection. Let go of the need to make everything perfect or you will drive yourself crazy. Relax. Breathe. Repeat. However you choose to spend this holiday season, enjoy yourself and allow the space for satisfaction. It really is about love, so love yourself first. Then go out and love everyone else—it really does start with you. Of course, these practices will assist you in building amazing relationships no matter what time of the year it is. Make this your best year yet, and have a wonderful holiday season—whichever holidays you choose to celebrate.
GROUND To be genuine is to say what you mean, to be authentic. Now, you don’t have to be mean, you just need to be able to communicate your needs and desires in a way that allows you to be heard and received. This is something that gets tricky during the holidays because we don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings; however, if you don’t say what you truly mean, you will find yourself stressed out and frustrated which helps no one. If you are grounded, practicing grace and gratitude, you know what truly matters to you and you can do your best to act from that place. This will allow you to communicate from a caring place, get your needs met and be fully heard.
GATHER
Gather when it is right for you, don’t gather out of obligation. If you show up at every party, you will be exhausted by the time something comes up that you are excited to do. When you finally gather somewhere you want to be, you will not be able to fully connect the way you want to. If you choose to gather when it feels right, only attending the events that are meaningful, you will be able to connect on a much deeper level with the people with whom you have chosen to gather. This is a much more conscious way to come together, and the love you have will be much more fulfilling for all involved. The amount of love you feel has nothing to do with the amount of people at an event or the number of events you attend; what truly matters is the quality of the connection with those around you. 26 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
Becky and Cory Center are on a mission to help women be seen, heard, and felt for who they truly are so they can attract their ideal romantic partner. They are the creators of The Relationship Detox, a 21 day detox program that allows you to let go of past relationships while transforming your current ones. Becky and Cory have also created The Embodied Voice Program, where you are able to clear past pain and limiting beliefs out of the body, calibrate who or what you’re attracting, and call in your desires. Becky is currently working to finish her Ph.D, combining several aspects of her background including psychology and therapeutic vocalwork. With over 15 years of group facilitation, she has learned the secrets to effective and compassionate communication - a skill she gladly passes on to her clients. Cory is the creator of Attention Training, a unique meditative style designed to teach your mind to focus and reprogram your thought patterns. He is also a published poet and author; first published at 19, writing has remained a strong passion for him and is the way he has tapped into his authentic voice and expression. Website: www.mantramed.com
ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY
Money Myth #6
MY FINANCIAL SUCCESS PLAN I’ll just do what they did (or I think they did)... I will follow (fill in the blank)’s path to success and financial success. Powerful Truth: You need to discover your own definition of success and your own definition of financial success. WRITEN BY. REBECCA HALL GRUYTER
If we don’t have clarity on our own definition of success and financial success, we frequently will end up following someone else’s by default because we don’t have our own. Pursuing someone else’s definition of success instead of your own is often a big mistake because you, in a sense, are chasing down their dream and not your own...not the one that calls to you uniquely. This following of another’s dream can lead to disillusionment, burn out, and discouragement. When people ask me what they need to retire, I tell them, “It depends.” First, I need to know how they are defining retirement. We define the lifestyle they want to have. They’re not retiring from life, only from their current income stream. It’s the same thing when they ask me if I can help them be successful or financially
successful. I say the same thing “It depends.” How are you defining success for you and your financial success? Then I’m better able to give you valuable guidance and information to help you step towards your definition—not mine, not some general suggestion. I would rather give you personalized direction to support you in where you specifically want to go, be or do. It becomes a deeper conversation about where they are now, where they want to go and how to get there. Their plan needs to be just as unique as they are. It has to be as personalized as their wardrobe, their furniture, and what’s in their refrigerator. It’s easy to think about how “the grass is greener” or we want to have or be like someone else. We think we want what someone else has, wants, or is building.
And a lot of times we are looking at people’s shiny parts without really knowing what’s going on behind the scenes in their lives. The truth is, that in the area of money, we have discovered that someone with the millionaire mindset consistently spends less than they bring in. They have a million dollars in assets after all their debt and liability has been subtracted out. They are not necessarily buying the brand new car. If they do, they are driving it for seven to eight years. They don’t show up in the flashy things that we sometimes associate with wealth. Many of the things we “see” as an outsider looking in...things that we think signify wealth...actually can be indicators of dept. Frequently, you wouldn’t recognize them as a millionaire because they tend to be less flashy than those we
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ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY
Tips
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Success Tip:
Spend some time defining your definition of personal success and financial success. Consider how it looks, feels, what it brings to you, and how you would recognize it when you have achieved it.
Extra Bonus Tip: Be careful to not let your definition of success be dependent on others and their perceptions. It is your definition and I want you empowered to bring it to fruition, and not be dependent on others and their perceptions and ideas.
typically associate with wealth. The people that tend to show up in the flashier way typically have huge debt. They’re often struggling and they can’t make their monthly payments. In our society, many of the things we feel represent wealth, actually represent debt. If you want to step into a wealthier financial position, I invite you to think about how you personally really define financial success and success in a practical (number perspective) and profound perspective. Lean into the lessons we have learned from millionaire mindset to consciously spend less than you are bringing in; this will position you powerfully, and as it builds over time, you will have less financial pressure, 28 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
R
more financial freedom and flexibility. But keep in mind and watch the financial pressure to “exhibit and show your wealth” that can lead you down a path of debt. I want to equip and empower you to step into a leadership position in your relationship with money. A critical step is to decide what is important to you both now, and in the future, and have clarity on how you define success both personally and financially. Then, be willing to build towards your definition of success. It is important to understand what you want, both short and long term, and then set your finances up to support what’s really most important to you. These are the decisions only you can make.
Rebecca Hall Gruyter, founder/ Owner of Your Purpose Driven Practice, Creator of the Women’s Empowerment Series, Best Selling Author, and International VoiceAmerica Talk Radio Show Host. She has a Bachelor of Science in Business, Strategic Management Concentration, and a strong background in corporate and entrepreneurial circles as an in-demand Consultant, Motivational Speaker, Community Leader, and Coach. Rebecca is committed to helping people impact the world powerfully, helping them line up their business and life with their core values and unique gifts.
Rebecca is a frequent guest expert on success panels, live stages, radio, summits, and television. She is Creator of the Speaker Talent Search, Rebecca’s Money Summits™, Step Into Leadership™, Offers That Serve™, and Your Success Formula™. She has received the Circle of Champions, Circle of Excellence, Notable Networker, and Client Coach of the Year awards for her transformational work. Rebecca wants to help you be seen, heard, and shine! Website: www.yourpurposedrivenpractice.com
EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY
A WOMAN AT THE LAKE
“Getting what you want isn’t the problem; deciding what you want is the hard part.”
“Life has no pause buttons; dreams have no expiry date; time has no holiday, so don’t miss a single moment in your life.” — Rita Ghatourey WRITEN BY. KARL D. BOBO | CEO OF CHOOSE 2 EMBRACE LIFE
Years ago I remember speaking to a remarkable woman in her mid-fifties. She had gotten pregnant at age 15, didn’t finish her education, but yet she was extremely successful. When I met her, she was sitting on her boat at her lake house in peace. She had worked in financial services for years where she began making her wealth. She became an investor in real estate, an artist and a mentor for young ladies. I only talked to her one time, but her story stuck with me for a lifetime, and made me think. Most of us, if we admit it, are stuck. We
adopt beliefs that limit us and hold us back. The woman I spoke with was not stuck and knows nothing of limits. Abandoned at age 15 while pregnant, she was taken in by an elderly couple who never had the privilege of having children. They provided for her a loving and supportive home environment until she graduated from college. Her beliefs were always that she “could,” and never that she “couldn’t.” In 1974, she lived in a studio apartment when she started her mortgage business with only five hundred dollars of sav-
Photo by: Magdeleine | HEATHER WILSON SMITH
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EMOTIONAL & MENTAL MASTERY
ings. She had been a mortgage lender for three years, and figured why not start her own firm, hire brokers and make money off of them also. It is this overall, “I can do anything” attitude that caught my eye. I asked her where did she get her drive, which has launched her to so much success? She said simply, “I didn’t do it for the money, I did it to make a living. I’ve always tried to do the right thing—just like in the Bible. My foster parents actually insisted that I read it when I was very young.” Her explanation, though nice, did not satisfy me. She, like others who describe their success, blithered on about her values, how much she cared, and day to day details. More importantly, I wanted to know how she motivated herself to do such big things in the first place. We all think big thoughts but we rarely follow through, not because we don’t care or don’t have the knowledge, but rather, we simply never start. She had received no help from a famous name or bundles of cash. She started as nobody with nothing. I wanted to know the origin of her drive to tackle the really big stuff. Most of us spend our life in a rut. We fall into what we do and give it little thought. Granted, some ruts are more interesting than others, but none-the-less we are stuck. It’s not like we procrastinate, which occurs when we know what we want to do, but just don’t do it. No,
I mean stuck in the sense that we can’t decide what we want. Of course, we all want a good life, a decent income, a good job, a happy home life, and all those platitudinous things, but we can’t decide what we really want specifically. Our sought after goals are too general and not crystallized in our mind. Oh sure, we move forward, but only because the engine’s running, the thing is in gear, and the ruts keep us on the road. Beyond that, we don’t actually do what is necessary to get us out of the rut. It becomes a rut of sameness and mediocrity, and it’s how we live. The lady I am talking about is rut-free. She’s repeatedly been able to achieve the first miracle—decide what she wants—and then go straight ahead and achieve the second: execute successfully without fear or excuse. The simplicity of her explanation for always moving forward stunned me. “I never made excuses,” she said. “When other people said ‘too many people are doing it’, or, ‘if the idea had merit, someone would have already done it’, I just did it anyway.” It seemed too simplistic, but I believed her. Most of us dream, but never act; we squat, but never leap. She’d been able to do the hard part—make a decision and act on it. So, decide what you want, accept no limits, follow the advice of the woman at the lake and choose to embrace life.
Karl Bobo is a bestselling author, entrepreneur, life/professional coach and a dynamic motivational speaker from Northern California. He is the CEO & founder of Choose 2 Embrace Life, an organization designed to help people see the positives of life, recognize its splendor and get the maximum benefit from it. He has over 20 years of experience in working with business professionals, business owners, individuals, groups and organizations in the development of skills and mindset to maximize one’s efforts in life.
KARL D. BOBO
Mr. Bobo draws on his vast experience in corporate leadership, entrepreneurship, one-on-one coaching, sports, parenting and marriage to truly connect with his clients. He is a strong believer in control of the mind. Our attitude plays a larger role than what people actually believe in our overall success in life. Karl is extremely passionate about helping to guide people into experiencing life differently. To embrace the one chance we get at life. Website: www.choose2embracelife.com
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ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY
THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT REVISITED As the days get shorter and cooler, my eyes are ecstatic to behold the grace and majesty of orange and black Monarch butterflies in flight over Monterey Bay. WRITEN BY. BLAZE LAZARONY
“You have been created in order that you might make a difference. You have within you the power to change the world.” – Andy Andrews
Every year in early October, Monarch butterflies that live west of the Rocky Mountains begin their migratory flight to their wintering spots, including my current hometown, Pacific Grove, on California’s central coast.
You and I are just like the butterflies, pulling in for the wintry time of pause and reflection. This is ultimately your time to evaluate where you’ve been, and to begin to dream about your future life and business intentions.
For months the butterflies will cluster high in the eucalyptus trees in the local Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary. Here they will stay, literally tens of thousands of them clinging to branches. Around January or February, they begin mating and spreading out around the city, then finally leaving in March for their springtime feeding grounds.
Truth be told, this time of year is certainly not for the faint of heart, as it could, and sometimes does, feel emotionally darker, with shorter days and longer nights. Also, very often when you actually slow down long enough, your emotions that were once hidden begin to appear. This can feel unpleasant, unfamiliar, and even downright frustrating as it feels like you’re riding the down part of the
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ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY proverbial entrepreneur roller coaster. This time can feel so extreme because as a Conscious Woman Entrepreneur, on your passionate quest to change the world, and to take action with enthusiasm, you may be living with what I refer to as a “happiness pill mindset.”
And “all women” includes you! Stop right now and say each of these three phrases aloud: 1. I Am Enough? (Wait 10 seconds) What emotions and thoughts came up? How did you feel in your body?
What? Happiness is a good thing, right? Yes it is! What I’m referring to is Dr. Brené Brown’s groundbreaking research on vulnerability, and her insight of when you suppress one emotion, you suppress them all. Many times you may find yourself using happiness as if it’s a drug. Thus, in a quest to always be happy, you essentially shut out, disassociate, or isolate from your real feelings that include a full range of emotions including sadness, anger, fear, and disgust. Social media bombards all of us with inspirational quotes and affirmations—happiness boosters that are powerful and uplifting. But how do you learn to experience the full range of your emotions in today’s fast-paced culture? You actually embrace your own unique butterfly effect, by taking the time to honor every emotion, especially during this time of the year, and here’s three quick ways to get you started:
Three Brilliant Ways to Embrace Your Unique Butterfly Effect: 1. Rest & Relax Entrepreneurs are famous for their “Just Do It” outlook, but a life full of all push and no rest leaves you susceptible to illness and burnout. Invite yourself to create new habits during this time of the year that allow you to embrace self-care at whole new level. Many times getting more rest is as simple as incorporating new bedtime habits that include gratitude or prayer, cooler rooms, and more sleep in your daily routine. Other times more rest includes using a time management system like a monthly/weekly/daily intentional planner to help keep you more focused, so you can relax into what you really want and need to accomplish. One of the greatest benefits of keeping a planner is not only choosing what you will do, it’s also about deciding what you won’t do, which helps you create better boundaries that respect you and your business.
2. Recite “I Am Enough” The mission of this wonderful magazine, as stated by our Publisher, Dr. Anita Jackson, is to have “all women worldwide come to the spiritual and visceral truth that they are enough—not because of what they have done, or what they give, or where they have been in their lives, but purely and unapologetically because of who they are in their body, soul, and spirit.”
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2. I Am Enough. (Wait 10 more seconds) How did this statement feel as compared to the previous question? What thoughts entered your mind this time? 3. I Am Enough! (Wait another 10 seconds) What thoughts were rushing in this time? Did the room seem different when you finished speaking? Remember to cultivate a safe and nurturing space for everything to appear in your path: your thoughts, feelings, and reactions. It’s not a matter of judging the entire process; rather it’s about noticing what happens for you when you say each of these phrases aloud. Ready to try it again? This time it’s slightly different, now stand up and say each of these aloud: 1. My Business is Enough? (Wait 10 seconds) 2. My Business is Enough. (Wait 10 more seconds) 3. My Business is Enough! (Wait another 10 seconds) Did you notice something different this time? This is a fascinating experiment to come into the present moment and embrace all of the emotions, thoughts, and feeling states that appear within you. When you’re ready to integrate this into your daily practice, I’d invite you to practice saying “I Am Enough!” aloud six times in the morning. Feel free to stand up, project your voice, speak from your inner wisdom of knowing, and connect fully with your body, mind, and spirit.
3. Embrace this Opportunity for Growth Use this time of year to become more like the Monarch butterfly, to hibernate and begin to be grateful for all of your emotions. I invite you to consider not refilling your “happiness pill” prescription, and realize that happy numbness may no longer be serving you. Yes, growth is definitely a challenge! I also suggest making an investment in tissues and riding the roller coaster of emotions rather than pushing them away. By cultivating a full range of emotions, we evolve into wholeness and become more empathic and compassionate human beings. These growth opportunities will serve you well in the future. For example, when your business income is less than you expect one month, or when one of your clients has a concern that they need to address with you. All of this emotional growth is opening you up to be more resilient, so you can embrace the ups and downs of being in business and experience a richer and more profound version of true happiness.
ENTREPRENEURIAL & WEALTH MASTERY
3 BRILLIANT WAYS TO EMBRACE YOUR UNIQUE BUTTERFLY EFFECT
I’ll be thinking of you when I visit the Monarch Butterfly Sanctuary this winter season, noticing all of the butterflies clinging to the trees and experiencing their gratitude-filled hibernation time. Then again in the new year as they spread out and take flight. Just like you and I, they, too,
can change the world simply by flapping their wings. I’d love to hear your comments or questions about this article, so please feel free to reach out to me, and cheers to your soaring!
B
BLAZE LAZARONY
Blaze Lazarony is a Transformational Business Strategist, Founder of Blaze A Brilliant Path, Best-Selling Author & Speaker. For 20 years, Blaze held high-level positions in Fortune 500 companies, including Macy’s, Inc. Today her passion is leading the charge for conscious women entrepreneurs at the two-plus-year mark, to stand in their value by helping them design custom-fit businesses and live soul-based lives that light them up! Website: www.blazeabrilliantpath.com
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LIFESTYLE MASTERY
GRACIOUSNESS & THANKSGIVING How A Lifestyle of Graciousness and Thanksgiving Transforms You and Improves the World WRITEN BY. ANDREA SILVER
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LIFESTYLE MASTERY Graciousness and thanksgiving is a journey. As we approach the holidays it’s a perfect time to reflect on that for which we are grateful. It is easier, generally, to be thankful at this time. After all, it is the season of Thanksgiving! For some, the holidays can be a time of deep sorrow. At Thanksgiving in America we celebrate the history and the harvest (our blessings) with family celebrations. I love to carry an attitude of gratitude and thanksgiving (the verb) daily and year round. I try to be mindful that the attitude
The blessing is that I experience gratitude and thanksgiving even while facing difficult challenges. As you know, sorrow and thanksgiving, lack and gratitude are not mutually exclusive. They can and often do coexist. As we train our brains to seek out and notice things to be grateful for, we set ourselves up to experience happiness, graciousness, and thanksgiving, despite our circumstances. I met and fell in love with gratitude in 2007. This was thanks to a happiness and positive psychology research scientist named Shawn Achor. I heard Shawn speak and learned of his work at The Up Experience in Houston. That day, based upon his 20 minute talk, I was “sold.” I decided to give his proposition a test drive, and since that day I have never turned back. Mr. Achor’s proposition (based on a decade of Harvard research findings) was that we can increase our baseline for happiness by doing four things daily: exercise, meditation, intentional acts of kindness, and journaling gratitude and a happy memory. For the past 9 years these practices have been an integral and enjoyable part of my life,
in itself is a gift, and is not to be taken for granted. But I do CHOOSE it. I do my part to actively cultivate this attitude. I am not saying that suffering is not real or denying that there are emotional and mental disorders as well as traumatic life experiences that can make it harder at times for some folks to experience graciousness and thanksgiving. Those things are real. Nevertheless, I wouldn’t feel what I feel if I did not choose it first and then position myself to experience these attitudes. Graciousness and thanksgiving do not necessarily “come naturally.”
my business, and my message. It has indeed made a difference! Living graciously and thankfully is now part of who I am. I cannot observe nature, life, my body and how it works, my family, a newborn baby, human kindness, or receive the abundant blessings I have without being gracious and thankful. I do not believe there is such a thing as bad times. Yes, there are negative, challenging experiences, tragedies, and human suffering. There are moments when I feel angry, disappointed, sad, frustrated, and overwhelmed. But usually, I don’t hang out in the Land of Negativity and Fear very long. Here is what I have noticed about living graciously and thankfully:
Popular Destination Living with graciousness and thanksgiving is a choice. First we must choose gratitude and thankfulness. We must choose how we want to be, act, and feel. Then we can make decisions that support these desires. Think of it like weight lifting and metabolism. Lifting weights burns calories while you are doing it, and builds muscle which burns more calories than fat. When you lift weights you increase your metabolism during and after exercising. Building equanimity is like increasing your emotional metabolism. As you take excellent care of your mind, body, and spirit, you develop resilience and equanimity which enables you to emotionally “metabolize” stress, anger, fear, disappointment, and other downside feelings that you may feel, based upon experiences, thinking patterns, and things that are external.
There are things we can do to make it easier to exude graciousness and thanksgiving and the better we take care of ourselves, the more gracious and thankful we can feel. It is difficult to feel gratitude and thanksgiving when exhausted, depleted, experiencing illness, being sedentary, or constantly self-sacrificing and being a victim or martyr. You cannot be your best self from a place of exhaustion or depletion. I know this firsthand as I have four boys ages 8, 14, 16, and 18. When the older boys were 3, 2, and infant, my husband was traveling for work and changing jobs every 6-18 months. So in order to manage the babies, the moves, and our household, I sacrificed myself. I sacrificed things like sleep, exercise, good nutrition (skipping meals), and my identity as a woman. I gave everything I had to our family. It felt okay, and it was my own will to do this. But after about a decade, and with another son on the scene, we were still moving and I was still parenting primarily alone. I realized that while everything looked “perfect” on the outside, I was suffering. I knew I could not keep this pace up. It was time to set boundaries, ask for help, and take care of myself. First I had to become reacquainted with who I was. Going to Duke for Integrative Health Coach Professional Training and starting my business was the
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LIFESTYLE MASTERY
GRACIOUSNESS & THANKSGIVING CONTINUED..
perfect solution. It physically removed me from my natural environment and routines, and with me being hundreds of miles away from home, someone else had to step up to care for the boys. This changed my life. These days, a few of the things I do regularly to flex my gratitude and thanksgiving muscles are: Sleep 7-9 hours. Exercise most days – usually a brisk walk outside. Meditate before walking, at bedtime, and practice mindfulness throughout the day. Journal gratitude. Practice intentional acts of kindness. I plan kindness, journal forgiveness, set 36 | IAE | HOLIDAY 2015
an intention, and more when I fill out my morning agenda. (You can download the agenda FREE via The Ruby Slipper Consulting website). As we enter this season of Thanksgiving, I celebrate life, my blessings, and the ability to support others to cultivate graciousness and thanksgiving. I am living this lesson of taking excellent care of myself. The interesting thing is that when you begin to take excellent care of yourself, magic happens. Life begins to unfold beautifully and your dreams become real before your eyes. You enjoy a lifestyle of exquisite selfcare, nurturing the mind, body, and spirit as part of your routine. You manage energy and moods for higher productivity and equanimity. (It is much easier to be productive and even-keeled when well-rested and low-stress). You generate emotional
reserves and serve from overflowing. You begin to care for your family with grace, kindness, appreciation, and love. You serve clients with excellence, innovation, and enthusiasm. You become conscious of investing and spending time wisely, setting clear boundaries, and knowing when to say “yes,” “no,” or “let me get back with you.” You become a good steward of money. Your agenda includes activities that support happiness and success, and make life easy, not hard. Your lifestyle is empowering, pleasure-filled, fun, loving, and meaningful. You become gracious and thankful year round. This is the journey of woman who understands that she is enough, and who lives graciously and thankfully.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
Portrait of a Confident Sales Woman WRITEN BY. ANNE D. JOHNSON
I can remember the feeling like it was yesterday—an all over panicky sensation that spread through me as I got ready for my first sales opportunity. Heart racing, stomach churning, I wondered if I could really be successful when it came to sales. I kept going over the script in my head, but found myself preoccupied with fear. I kept thinking, “I’m going to forget what to say. I don’t like sales. I can’t do this.” With a dry mouth and sweaty palms, I greeted that first prospect and stumbled my way through the sales process. I had never felt so much doubt about being “enough” as I did my first day in sales. Whether you are a budding entrepreneur, a business owner, a sales professional, or a woman promoting a cause, I understand the apprehension about selling that everyone experiences when
launching a new project, growing a business or taking any venture to the next level. I know exactly how it feels to worry about being “enough” to get your message across, make sales and create success. Whatever “success” means for you personally, the signs that you have overcome fear and resistance toward selling are the same. Just as I remember the panicky sensation as I began a prosperous career, I can also pinpoint the milestones that lead me to knowing, “I am enough.” I had mastered sales and was able to truly focus on what I loved doing—helping people. Knowing “I am enough” in the sales arena can best be described as a peaceful feeling. It didn’t happen overnight, but rest assured you’ll get there— mostly because you are already “enough” and have what it takes to be successful. Below are a just few of the lessons I learned which will accelerate your transformation into being confident as a sales woman. For me, the understanding that sales was just a process, and I was simply guiding people through it so they could make an informed decision, took the pressure off.
Image Courtesy of: citirecruitment
I was genuine. I cared about the people—not the sale—and IAE | HOLIDAY 2015 | 37
it showed. With my focus on discovering the prospects’ needs and not the mechanics of the sales process, I stopped worrying about making mistakes. I stopped thinking about what I was going to say and concentrated on listening. I had learned to trust myself. I was passionate about helping people, but not everyone has the need, or is willing to take action. Once I understood sales is about finding the right prospects, and not trying to “sell” everyone, results increased. I quickly learned to qualify prospects by asking the right
question: “Is this important to you?” or “Is this an area of concern for you?” I was interested in everything about my prospects, from how they made their buying decisions, to what they were thinking but not saying out loud. By asking questions like, “what, if any, questions or concerns do you have?”, I discovered several pearls of wisdom about selling that eliminated emotions like rejection. I learned why objections should be embraced, what makes people decide to buy, and why prospects need you to ask for the sale.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK & FEEL LIKE WHEN YOU ARE ENOUGH? What does it look and feel like when you are enough? A confident sales woman is relaxed, actively listening, and able to identify opportunity. She is passionate, not emotional, and consistently evaluates her results, looking for ways to improve. She is at peace with the knowledge that sales is about helping prospects decide if they will take action—not getting people to buy something
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they don’t want! As for me, I listened to the experts, embraced the advice of sales coaches, and learned to trust myself. My confidence blossomed, as will yours. Trust me when I say, “sales is a process that anyone can master.” Then join me in knowing you can be, you will be, you are enough!
Anne Johnson Master Sales Consultant and Trainer Anne is the Bold and Classy Selling Expert, who shows people how to effectively sell without feeling pushy or aggressive. With 20 + years of experience working with Entrepreneurs, Not-for-Profit Organizations, Business Owners, and Fortune 500 companies including MetLife, AIG, and Citi Group; Anne teaches everyone from beginners to sales superstars, exactly how to harness their fear and overcome their resistance toward selling…so they can quickly accelerate their results and truly thrive in these changing business times. Website: www.boldandclassyselling.com
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