WE WERE HERE FIRST, CALIFORNIA
APRIL FOOLS’ 2K15
VOL. HE WAS, NO. 1 • SINCE U BEEN GONE
The visor talks
Spurrier’s visor gabs about laundry, love and life with Steve | Page 10
USC gets state funding for once, under a few conditions HAPPY 21ST @HANNAHJEFFREY34
A fter years of t uit ion hikes to br idge t he g ap lef t by dw i nd l i ng st ate funding, USC received $30.7 m illion f rom t he state government this week to fund several projects. But with so many strings attached, some universit y officials have dubbed t he de a l a “ big ol’ knot.” T h e s t a t e government granted the universit y funds on the condition that t he y wou ld b e p ut
toward a number of pointed initiatives, b u t t h e y d i d n’t exactly line up with those USC President Harris Pastides asked for earlier this year. USC-Columbia was seek ing f unding for campus renovations, including the South Caroliniana Librar y and the old law school, project s t hat did receive a combi ned $23. 2 m i l l io n i n capital bonds. But per the state’s instruction, t he f ac i l it ie s mu s t be converted into an indoor waterpark and SEEFUNDING?!PAGE2
Five Points bars to exclusively accept fake IDs Who Do You Know Here? @KATIECOLE19
T he b a r s of Fi ve Points have made the decision ever yone has been waiting for: restricting admission to only those with fake IDs. The decision seems as though it has been a long t ime coming, w it h t he nu mber of u nderage st udent s vast ly h igher t ha n t hose of age. Those under 21 can rejoice: that paper thin ID with a picture of a girl from Ohio on it is now your t icket into not on ly Pavlov’s Bar, but Bar None as well. Freshmen have been
seen all throughout campus celebrat ing this new ruling with screa m i ng, poppi ng c h a mp a g ne out s ide C olu mbia H a l l a nd actually running towards Five Point s a nd t heir new fou nd permanent hang out spots. S a le s t h r ou g hout Five Points went up by an alleged 98 percent since the new rule has been instated. Those who are 21 or older however, have been outraged by the concept, complaining that they had to wait years to get into most bars in Five Points and SEETURNUPPAGE3
Pastides loses ticket, holds up traffic outside Bull Street garage Octodad @THEGAMECOCK
ticket was, my heart stopped. I knew I was in trouble.” Past ides said t hat he attempted to reason wit h veteran parking attendant and former Philadelphia pol ice of f icer M ike Ehrmantraut, but that Ehrmant raut would hear none of it. According to Pastides, that’s when the car horns began. “I heard a blaring horn and I spun around to see a pink F-350 with a lift and
Tensions were high in the Bull St. parking garage Tuesday, where earlier in the morning USC President Harris Pa st ides c au sed a three-story traffic jam due to a m isplaced ticket. “It was terrifying,” Past ides said. “One second, I’m jamming o u t t o Va n e s s a Ca rlton, a nd I pu l l up to the gate. When I r e ac he d o nt o m y d a shb oa rd a nd felt no t h i n g w he r e m y SEECLASSICPREZPAGE3
Very legitimate photo by Kanye Weast / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
Steve Spurrier will join the boy band and steal girls’ hearts around the world. You know, more than he already does.
Spurrier: L’Squirrelly @SURELYLAUREN
One Direction is going south … South Carolina, that is. T he il lust r ious boy ba nd announced at a press conference on Tuesday that Steve Spurrier (Head Ball Coach) will be filling the spot left empty by Zayn Malik. Malik’s departure on March 25 shocked fans, but the former pop star was anxious to start living life as a “normal 22-year-old.” Now, 69-year-old Spurrier joins the group, giving them a vintage
‘I’m the new Zayn’
flair that they hadn’t had before. T he i r me e t i n g w a s pu r el y coincidental — Spurrier and the boys were staying at the same hotel in Greensboro while the remaining members of the boy band took refuge after the departure of Malik. “Maybe it’s the way he walked — straight into our hearts and stole them,” Harr y St yles, the alleged front-man of the band, said. “Through the doors and past the guards just like he already owned it.” Admittedly, it was a little stalkerish and Spurrier was taken down
by 1D’s bodyguards as he stormed their room in a high-risk, highreward Gamecock-style blitz. After all the legalities were settled and Spurrier was released from handcuffs, they danced all night to the best song ever and unofficially offered Spurrier the quintessential spot left on their squad. It seemed like the natural thing to do as the boys have been closet South Carolina fans for years — more specifically Spurrier fans. “I have loved you since we were 18,” Liam Payne said, turning to SEESTEVE>ZAYNPAGE2
Great Gate-Gate Debate instigates SG debate debate Bubba Sparxxx @KLEINTHEGREYT
I n a n ef for t to el ic it more feedback from the general student population, several members of st udent government proposed a cont roversia l resolut ion on Monday’s senate hearing. Their goal is to shift the focus of meetings to topics on which those not involved in student government are not only willing to take a stance,
but even eager to do so. In explaining the resolution which he helped to construct, student body vice president Lee Goble called to attention the Great Greene St. Gate-Gate Debate that took place earlier this year. Reg a rd le s s of it s outcome, Goble asserted, the overall interest in student government’s decision on the matter was unprecedented and should be sought after in the
future. “I never would have guessed some discussion over a gate would instigate the conflation of the usual prate into a consolidated debate. Personally, I think it’s great.” Also sponsoring the resolution was Senator Jonathan Holt, who emphasized the importance of engaging in a dialogue on which all students have a strong opinion. SEEALLIG8RSPAGE3
USCPD extracts 2 women from bathroom after sit-off ~*~*~HBD 2 ME~*~*~ @HANNAHJEFFREY34
USCPD extracted two women from a restroom in Russell House Tuesday, after they sat in separate stalls for nearly two days without relieving themselves for fear the ot her would hear t heir bowel movement hit the water. The women have been identified as first-year journalism student Tina Bütschitz and third-year biology student Ivana Gopotti. Neither woman anticipated the other entering the restroom on the first floor of the university union but both said they really, really had to make a bowel movement, despite the fact they weren’t in the comfort of their own bathrooms. “I was going to ... you know ... go when I heard the door open and I
Mila Kunis / THE DAILY GAMECOCK
The two women finally emerged looking, after two long days, constipated. froze,” Bütschitz said. “I thought, ‘Maybe she’s just checking her hair. She’ll probably be gone soon.’” But Büt s c h it z w a s w r o n g. Gopotti was not there to check her hair. She was there to, in the words of international superstar Adele
Dazeem, “Let It Go.” “I woke up late and didn’t have time to go before my exam Monday, so I ran into Russell right after class. I thought the bathroom was empty,” Gopotti said. “I did that SEEPOOPINPAGE2