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Help for families coping with Alzheimer's By Monica and Bill Dodds Although the term" Alzheimer's diesease" has become a part of society's vocabulary. it seems safe to say the general public has only a basic definition of the illness and a rudimentary understanding of what is involved for both the patient and the caregiver. "The 36-Hour Day." by Nancy L. Mace and Peter V. Rabine (J ohns Hopkins University Press: Baltimore. 329 pages. $11.95). is considered the classic guide on caring for someone with Alzheimer's. It's an excellent first step for an adult child who has received the news that M om or Dad has been diagnosed with some form of dementia. First published in 1981, the book has been recently revised to incorporate information provided by families who have a member with Alzheimer's. "Dedicated to everyone who gives a '36-hour day' to the care of a person with a dementing illness." this book clearly presents the nuts and bolts of the disease and the stages it typically travels. Of equal importance for family members. it is written for caregivers from a family perspective. not for professionals. This is not. a medical textbook but a family guide. And it includes helpful guidance on how caring for an impaired person affects you (emotional reactions. fatigue and illness. when the person dies).
This section of the book can be especially helpful, even comforting. Caring for an aging parent takes a heavy emotional as well as a physical toll. The authors explain how a wide range of feelings and overwhelming exhausting would strike anyone in that situation. You're not on this emotional roller coaster beca use you a re a bad son or daughter: you are going through what family caregivers typically experience. In fact. given the situation you and your parent are in. your fears. feelings and frustrations are probably normal. You may find yourself concerned about what impact the illness could make on your marriage, your job. your child reno Among topics the book addresses are: - Getting medical help. - Characteristic problems of dementia (memory problems. combativeness. loss of sense of time). - Problems in independent livingfgiving up one'sjob, managing money. driving. living alone). Problems in daily care (hazards in the home and in public. nutrition, personal hygiene. incontinence). - Problems of behavior (behavior management. wandering. sleep disturbance and night wandering, hoarding and hiding, rummaging through drawers and closets, inappropriate sexual behavior, stubbornness. the use of medication to manage behavior).
- Mood problems (depression, complaints about health, suicide. alcohol and drug abuse. apathy. anger. anxiety and nervousness, suspiciousness and paranoia. hallucinations, failure to recognize people or things). - Getting outside help (friends and neighbors, community services. in-home help and adult day care, day hospitals and shortstay residency care. determining quality of service). - Caring for yourself (taking time out, finding additional help, joining with other families). - Financial and legal issues. - Nursing home and other living arrangements. - Brain disorders and the causes dementia. The authors also have five appendixes featuring a bibliography, organizations, where to obtain supplies. locating the state office on aging and state nursing home ombudsman. and the rights of nursing home residents. That's a long list. but we've included it because it drives home the point that Alzheimer's is a complex and often baffling --disease. "The 36-Hour Day" can help not only primary caregivers and immediate family members. but is recommended reading for the extended family. for neighbors and friends who want to help but don't know what the patient and the caregiver arc experiencing or what their needs may be.
Fighting sandwich generation burnout By Monica and Bill Dodds Welcome to the "sandwich generation." The middle-aged woman wasn't sure what to expect next. She didn't know where to turn for help. She didn't realize there are others facing the same squeeze. Others who feel as inadequate. Others who feel as tired. Others who feel as guilty. as angry, as pushed and pulled between children who still need care and a parent whose health and independence are failing. Others who. like her. find themselves members of the "sandwich generation." That's the term being used to describe people caught in the middle this way. People taking care of an aging parent while continuing to take care of their own children and often holding down a fulltime job. There are a lot of books and experts and theories on raising children. but practical information for the sandwich generation is still evolving. There is no Dr. Spock to turn to. Sandwich generation members can find themselves suddenly thrust into that situation. A parent's health may have been relatively good. He or she may have been' active and independent. But the unexpected onset of a debilitating
disease. the worsening of a mediyou can and cannot do. Sometimes you have to say no. cal condition or a fall can mean an 2. Get as much practical inforad ult child must assume the role of' primary caregiver, the parent's mation as you can. This would advocate through the medical and include material about aging in social service maze. the one who . general and about your parent's provides comfort, support and enproblem in particular. couragement. 3. Take care of yourself. When For some, it's a matter of many so much has to be done and the trips across town to M om's or stress is so tremendous. a proper Dad's place. For others. it means diet. enough sleep and some exerdozens of phone calls and arrangcise are often the first casualties. ing time to fly or drive to where a You won't be able to help anyone parent lives. It's trying to get so if you don't take care of yourself. 4. Pray. For courage. for much done. trying to make so many arrangements. during those strength, for patience. For good doctors and nurses: for caring social visits. At the same time. it's hard to service providers: for family members. neighbors and parishioners watch a parent's health slip away. who want to help you and your It's hard to come to grips with the fact that Mom or Dad will not be ag;ng parent. Pray that you and your aging around forever. It's hard to begin to say goodbye. To hear that goodparent can grow closer during this difficult time. Pray that through bye. It's a time packed with emotions all the ups and downs. you can recognii'e and appreciate each and with fears. A time that can be other's love. physically draining. A time that a Monica Dodds is a social worker spouse and children may not underwith Catholic Community Sen'istand. Here arejust a few basic sugges- ces in Seattle. Her husband Bill is a writer whose latest book is "My tions for making that time a littk Sister Annie," a children's noyel. easier: I. Remember that you're not going to be able to do all that you want. Remember you are a human being, and you cannot be the perVATICAN CITY (CNS) - The fect adult child. the perfect spouse world finds common ground in its or the perfect parent. Decide what unbelief and its quest for material g~ods, but it needs a united witness of faith in Christ, said Bishop Basil Meeking. The ecumenist and bishop of Christchurch, New Zealand, said secularism, materialism and unbelief have become "a kind of caricature of ecumenism" by bringing a certain unity to the world, Bishop Meeking recently addressed a Vatican meeting of representatives of ecumenical commissions of national bishops' conferences and Eastern-rite bisops' synods.
Witness needed
DOES EACH of your children seem to be marching to the sound of a different drummer? Dan Morris knows why. (eNS photo)
Why each child is different By Dan Morris I get a kick out of the question. "How can children from the same parents raised in the same home environment end up so different?" We parents know. And we're not telling. But here's a hint. Your firstborn at age 8 says of her younger brother. "You always let Joey do what he wants and you never let me take gum to school or play diving board off the oven door." You feel guilty. Maybe you are inadvertently favoring the younger. You say, "Oh no, precious firstborn, we love you as much as Joseph. We'll take the gum from him. and please, take a leap off the oven door as a token of our love and affirmation." Joseph is no dummy. When he reaches age 8. he says of his new younger brother Michael and older sister Marie. "You always let them do what they want, and you never let me take gum to school or make kites out of Dad's work shirts." The mystery of the strange knots and grass stains is solved. You make a mental note to prosecute Marie and Michael to the full degree.
Yet you want to be sure Joseph knows you love him as much as M ich'ael - or his older sister (M iss Manipulation). for that matter. You say, "Be assured. Joseph, our affection for you equals that for Michael and Marie. Note, however. that if you touch Daddy's shirt, you're dead meat. A nd spit your gum in the garbage." Michael has reached 8. He plays the card. "You always let Baby Jon and Marie and Joey do what they want and you never let me take gum to school or use your socket set for Monopoly pieces." You are older, wiser. you tire more easily. You ha ve spare sockets hidden in your closet. You say, "That's because we only had you so we could have someone to take out the garbage, pull weeds and take care of us in our old age. As a token of appreciation. though, take all the gum you want to school. Starting tomorrow. we'll pack you a bag of gum instead of a bag lunch." Baby Jon turns 8. "How come I never get to do what they get to do and I always have to use their old stuff?" "Want a stick of gum, son. and we'll talk about it'?" you ask.
Couples with strong faith less likely to cohabit Making a lasting marriage commitment and avoiding the pitfalls of cohabitation is strongly associated with the degree of a person's religious commitment. a recent study by sociologists found. Since cohabiting couples have a greater tendency to divorce if they do eventually marry. researchers at the University of Michigan. the University of Chicago. and the University of Toledo investigated what factors help predict who is more likely to cohabit. They found the cohabitation rate is seven times higher among persons who seldom or never attend religious services compared to persons who frequently attend. Religious commitment reduces cohabitation among both young men and young women. but the effect was found to be stronger among young women. The level of religious commitment was also key. Women who attended religious services once a week were only
one-third as likely to cohabit as those who attended church services less than once a month. The religious commitment of parents was also found to be significant in determining whether an adult child will cohabit. If the mother frequently attended reli路gious services, both sons and daughters were only 50 percent as likely to cohabit as adult children whose mothers were not actively religious. The researchers noted that the tendency to cohabit increased in the early '70s, just at the time that religious commitment in young people began to decline. The higher divorce rate of the last 20 years is also' consistent' with the increased tendency of married couples who initially cohabited to divorce.
From the NationallnstitUle/or Health Care Research. WashinKIon. /J.e. and Austin. Texas