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HARVEST Teri Washington Publisher & Editor-in-Chief Executive Editor George Washington Assistant to the Editor-in-Chief Renee Buford Copy Editor Deneise Bradley Advertising Sales Kevin Counts George Washington Feature Contributors Keith Douglas, Debora Hooper, Dominique Robinson, Carol Sankur Hair Editor Deedra Smith Vanity Editor Francina Sapp Fashion Editor Tawni Haynes Health + Fitness Editor Pamela Turner
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contributors| Carol Sankur "You have to learn the rules of the game and then you have to play better than anyone else.� Carol's a mentor and coach of The Millionaire Mindset. http://carolsankur.com
Debora Hooper Pastor, Author and Conference Speaker for Leaders, Women & Singles. Her book Evangelist and Minister's Handbook is a must read for all in ministry. Visit her at www.DeboraHooper. com
Pastor Bryson G. Baylor I'm a visionary guy. I have a preoccupation with global business domination and excellence. I love my superhot wife. I'm a spiritual leader at The Kingdom Center, entrepreneur, author, and mentor. I'm committed to helping people ReDefine LIFE across the globe. http://tkc.org 4 HARVESTMagazine.net | FEBRUARY 2012
Dominque Ayesha Robinson Rev. Dominique A. Robinson (MDiv, ThM), an ordained elder of the AME Zion Church, is on staff at Columbia Theological Seminary (Decatur, GA). She is the author of Unspoken Praise: A Manual on Liturgical -Praise Dance and a much sought after proclaimer and instructor of the Gospel. You can reach Dominique at Revdominiquerobinson@ gmail.com
expect the HARVEST | editor's note
For Better or Worse Last year TIME magazine asked the question “Is Marriage Obsolete?” Every news channel and blog began to voice their opinion on why they think marriage is no longer necessary. These mediums all seemed to base their analysis on failed marriages, using high profile politicians and Hollywood stars as examples. One of the reasons why I started HARVEST is to be a voice in the earth to give a view that is not being addressed. Successful, Godly, covenant relationships can, and do, exist today. My husband, Pastor George and I just celebrated 21 years of marriage. I call him my life partner, because we have endured ‘life’ together. In life you will experience many things, some of them are better and some are worse. Life challenges are inevitable. It is your choice to go through them with someone or go through them alone. The key to our success has been to surround ourselves with people who have successful marriages. Those who have weathered storms and still love each other despite them. One of those couples that I admire the most are my spiritual Mom and Dad, Bishop George and Pastor Mary Searight. If you want the tools to ensure your marriage remains strong and vibrant, you must read their response to the question “Is Marriage Obsolete?” In honor of love and the celebration of Godly relationships, this issue is packed with information. If you are single, read why Debora Hooper says, single and still celebrate love. His, Hers and Ours, will explain the mistakes you may have been making with your finances. Or maybe you want to start a business and your mate doesn’t agree, Mars vs. Venus will give you the steps on how to make it work. We prove that you can be a power couple if you put the work in. If you are not married, take notes, if you are married share this issue with your spouse and pass it along to another couple. I believe we can lift our voices louder than the naysayers and declare, Marriage, God's way, will never be obsolete! I love hearing from you. Email me at info@harvestmagazine.net or join the discussion on Facebook and Twitter. Teri Washington President & Editor-in-Chief FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 5
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it's the thought that counts You don't have to break the bank to give a gift of love. Celebrate the one you love any day with these affordable 10 finds under $50.
Journals are a girls best friend. Here's your chance to get a bunch . ANNA GRIFFIN Spiral Bound Journal $5.25 (ebay.com)
Soak in the tub and light a candle. Xela Aroma Love Candle $16.50
Thank me later! Josie Natori for Target, bra, $19.99; and thong, $9.99; Target.com Don't keep your potions in ugly plastic bottles. Here's cute way to put them on display. Lady Primrose Tryst Moisturize​r Decanter $28.50 (lastcallNeimanMarcus.com)
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The sparkly centerpiece of your heiress-for-a-day outfit. Monet bracelet, $38; Macy's.
vanity |
Keep this pretty paperweight in sight as an artful eyepiece or a sweet reminder of what it represents. Gifting Grace Time For Love Glass Paperweight, $28; giftinggrace.com.
Our mouths made the same exact "Oh!" shape when we saw this big bauble. Ring, $48; marlynschiff.com.
Serve 'em up some loooove with breakfast this 14th. Heart-shaped stoneware bowl and mixer, $44.95; burkedecor.com.
Brush this poppy pink onto your cheeks and at least you'll look more awake. Physicians Formula Happy Booster Glow & Mood Boosting Blush, $11.95; drugstore.com.
A seriously glamorous knuckle-duster of a ring. Ring, $15; lulus.com
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hair | Health is one of the major parts of our lives we seek to improve each day. As cliché as it may sound, we are what we eat. Many times it takes a simple fine-tuning in our daily eating habits to make all the difference in our outward appearances. In the case of hair, you may have tried a million and one products that didn’t live up to your expectations. When all fails, start from the inside—have you evaluated your diet lately? Here are some healthy snacks that are loaded with nutrients to benefit your hair. Don’t worry they won’t require any culinary skills! Raisins Snack on some raisins to get that blood flowing! Raisins are rich in iron and a healthy blood flow will stimulate your hair follicles for growth. They also contain vitamin C, which aids in absorbing iron. Watermelons We all know how important water is to healthy hair and growth, but there are people who hate drinking water. Watermelons are about 92% water, so you’ll be getting some of your water and other nutrients like vitamin C and potassium. PS that’s no excuse to stop drinking water Almonds Almonds contain a substantial amount of magnesium which aides in hair growth (magnesium deficiency has been linked to hair loss). Eating a handful will boost your vitamin E levels as well, contributing to stronger and more vibrant hair.
Carrots Carrots are a great source of beta-carotene that the body eventually converts to vitamin A, preventing dry and brittle hair. Other nutrients that carrots contain to maintain healthy hair include: B vitamins, vitamin E and vitamin C. Sunflower seeds The protein levels in these nutritious seeds are comparable to levels seen in steak or chicken breast. As the building block of our hair, protein is essential to growth and strength. While protein deficiencies are rare, this is a healthy go-to snack to keep in mind. Oranges Your premier source of vitamin C will ensure optimal scalp circulation and help maintain the capillaries that are responsible for carrying blood to your hair follicles. This should speed up your growth if
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you’re experiencing a vitamin C deficiency! Broccoli Broccoli is loaded with vitamins A and C, which assist the body in producing sebum to moisturize hair and keep those roots strong. If you’re not a fan of Broccoli, you’re likely to find other green veggies that provide similar benefits.
OUR NEWS What we're talking, um praying about
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EMILY HARRIS, a longtime member of Bobby Jones and New Life Singers as well as the Nashville Super Choir, has passed away. We will miss her signature tenor voice and presence on stage.
He declared it for over six decades, “YOU DON’T HAVE ANY TROUBLE. . .ALL YOU NEED IS FAITH IN GOD,” 85 year old R.W. SCHAMBACH died of heart failure on Jan 17th.
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On a happier note VASHAWN MITCHELL walks away with 6 Stellar Awards, including Artist of the Year
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President barak obama and first lady michele celebrated their 19th wedding anniversary Jan 25th
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KIRK FRANKLIN dedicated his awards to his team, pulling them up on stage to share the moment during his acceptance for CD of the Year and later stunned the crowd when he shared his award for Song of the Year with fellow nominee Darius Polk who penned Vashawn Mitchell's "Nobody Greater." FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 11
STELLAR INSIDER
A
ll hands on deck for the biggest night in gospel music. The 27th Annual Stellar Awards held at the Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville, TN. was a night to remember. The show recognized the great accomplishments of some of Gospel's brightest stars. Dorthy Norwood, Vy Higgenson and John P. Kee, who received the James Cleveland Lifetime Achievement Award for his accomplishments over a career that spans three decades.
Le Andria Johnson performs her number single 'Jesus"
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Rising Gospel music superstar Vashawn Mitchell topped the list of winners during the 27th Annual Stellar Gospel Music Awards announced Saturday night during the show's taping at Nashville's iconic Grand Ole Opry House Theater. Mitchell took home six awards, including Artist of the Year, Male Vocalist of the Year, Contemporary Male of the Year and Praise and Worship CD of the Year for his 2011 album, "Triumphant." "I am grateful to stand here," a gracious Mitchell said, also acknowledging other artists in the category, his family, label and social media fans. "I've been coming to the Stellar Awards a
long time and I'm glad I waited my turn." Hosted by the legendary Dorinda Clark Cole and Marvin Sapp, from the start, the evening was catapulted to a heartpumping level of praise as Kirk Franklin took the stage. In a production-packed opening number, including "Smile," which was awarded Song of the Year. Franklin also took home three additional honors, including CD of the Year, Producer of the Year and Contemporary CD of the Year. Franklin dedicated his awards to his team, pulling them up on stage to share the moment during his acceptance for CD of the Year and later stunned the crowd when he shared his award
for Song of the Year with fellow nominee Darius Polk who penned Vashawn Mitchell's "Nobody Greater." Other top winners of the evening included Mary Mary, Kim Burrell, Smokie Norful and The Rance Allen Group who were honored with two trophies each. The New Artist of the Year award was presented to Y'anna Crawley who graciously thanked God for the opportunity to perform and use her gifts for his glory, as well as the fans for listening to her music. The 27th Annual Stellar Gospel Music Awards will premiere on GMC Saturday, February 11, 2012 at 8 p.m. EST.
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Hosts Dorinda Clark Cole and Marvin Sapp
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Donnie McClurkin and Tina Campbell present
Kim Burrell performs
Presenter - CeCe Winans
Dorothy Norwood accepts, The Ambassador Dr. Bobby Jones Legends Award
It wouldn't be the Stellars without a performance by Ricky Dillard and New G.
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Fred Hammond and William McDowell perfom. Vashawn Mitchell arrives on the Red Carpet
RELATIONSHIPS
And two shall become one.....
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relationship | single
SINGLE AND IN LOVE WITH ME!
I
Dr.. Debora Hooper
t’s February! And we all know quite well what that means! It’s the month of LOVE! That’s right, it’s that wonderful time of the year when stores stock up on mounds of chocolates, roses, colognes and pretty white diamonds for all those seeking to express how much they love that special someone. Yes, Valentine’s Day is rolling around again and if you’ve got a “boo”, the month of February is going to be an exciting one. However, what if you’re single and you don’t have a “boo”? Should you miss out on all the love and excitement? I don’t think so! Because whether you know it or not, before there was a “boo”; there was you! So get that idea out of your mind now about calling into work sick, lying in bed depressed or being grouchy all day because no one is coming over, you don’t have dinner plans or you didn’t get surprised with a present on Valentine’s Day. This is your time to celebrate being in love with YOU! And if it means doing it all alone, that’s even better; because no one can love you, like you can! So what should singles do on Valentine’s weekend? Relax and show yourself a little appreciation. It doesn’t have to cost money or be expensive, but find a way to reward yourself for paying off a bill, finishing school, or raising your kids alone. It takes a lot of determination, sacrifice and hard work to do these things and doing them, especially as a single person, is all the more commendable. So go ahead and love yourself for doing it! Remember, whatever you do, don’t let your Valentine’s Day be ruined because you don’t have a new “boo”, romance yourself, you’ll be glad you did. Debora C. Hooper is a Pastor, Author and Conference Speaker for Leaders, Women & Singles. Visit her at www.DeboraHooper.com FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 17
TO ADVERTISE YOUR BUSINESS, EVENT, CD OR PRODUCT HERE CONTACT US AT INFO@HARVESTMAGAZINE.NET
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Prepare for your mate Life Coach DaRhonda Williams
A
re you one of those picky people that will never be satisfied even if the person was dipped in gold and dusted in sweet confection? Finding the perfect person is hard; finding someone that is perfect for you is not. Tear up the list and be open to who God has perfectly designed for you. Any preconceive notions will only make you miss out on God’s best for you. When God brings someone to you it has an ease to it. They will possess the right opposition that will bring out maturity in you and take you to a place that is higher at every phase of life. They will also sharpen you like iron all while loving you in the process. Their love for you brings you back to life. This person would genuinely like you and when you are at your worst they will love you like you are at your best. The love you receive is the love that you exude. Love is the delivery of strength and power in knowing what you want, need, and deserve because you have given those things to yourself first. Being single is not a death sentence. It is an expression of becoming who you were meant to be without someone. Many of us grew up with the thought that we only had to bring half of ourselves to the relationship and that the other person would bring their half and make us whole. This old adage is ridiculous as our goal in the journey is constant development and growth. Begin to work on yourself and get your life ready to include someone else. Let this year be the year you warrant new life and hope in finding the love of your life! The time to find out how to have a healthy marriage is when your single. Here are a few books to help you prepare. Go to http://christianbook.com to purchase these and more.
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Become Indestructible 5 Relationship mistakes from Abraham and Sarah
Not Learning and Growing Together As a couple you must make sure both of you are being exposed to the same caliber and quality education (whether spiritual or natural). If not, this will place difficulties on your communication and development. It was only when Abraham and Sarah both heard from God that the promise was manifested. You and your spouse must strive to learn and grow together. Make sure you both are sharing with each other and seeking God together.
Not Speaking Life
Many couples have conflict because they have two separate agendas. Abraham and Sarah were not always on the same page. Let’s look at the errors they made in their relationship and learn from them.
Not waiting for the Promise Abraham and Sarah did not have a child for ten years after God’s promise of a child. They tried to accomplish God’s promise by their own methods and produced Ishmael. Don’t try to fulfill the promise on your own. Every promise that God has made has a process or strategy included. Abraham and Sarah didn’t realize that a delay was not a denial. While you are waiting, God is preparing both of you for future circumstances. Don’t quit; wait for God to release the blessing.
Abram’s named was changed to Abraham. Sarai’s name was changed to Sarah. God recognized that their vocabulary was insufficient to create an environment for their promise to be manifested. Similarly, you’ve got to get rid of any inaccurate vocabulary between you and your spouse. If “death and life are in the power of the tongue”, then you must recognize that you can give life to something in your spouse by the words you speak. The way you communicate to them plays a heavy factor into what they are able to produce.
Not Trusting the Promise Abraham and Sarah laughed at the thought of God giving them a child in their old age. The root of their dispositions was based on their natural limitations. They were expecting God to produce a promise based on their strength and capabilities. It’s not hard work that gets results; it is faith in God’s promises. Faith that believes God is more than able to perform what He has promised. If you are going to be a Kingdom success, then you must realize that increase will not come solely as a result of your hard work, but as a result of how hard your faith works. Send your comments to Pastor Bryson G. Baylor at pastorb@tkcenter.org FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 21
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wealth | finance
His, Hers, or OURS? sides. Each must be willing to yield 100 percent of their rights to their spouse. If they are not willing to do that, it will not work. No viable marriage can survive a “his or her” relationship for long, because it is totally contrary to God’s plan. Couples should avoid having separate financial anything, including checking accounts, because when they develop a his money/her money philosophy, it usually leads to a him-versus-her mentality. Unwillingness to join all assets and bank accounts after marriage is perhaps a danger signal that unresolved trust issues could still be lingering or developing in the relationship. Budgeting
When God said in Genesis 2:24, “They shall become one flesh,” He was not just talking about the physical sense. God created marriage as the highest, most honored, most intimate of all human relationships. As such, the husband-wife relationship takes precedence over all blood ties. In contrast, Satan wants to drive a wedge between a husband and wife. Why? In hopes that the resultant turmoil will drive them away from God. In fact, the way people handle money very well could be the best outside reflection of their true inner values. “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21). Ours, not mine In a marriage, there is no “my money” and “your money” or “my debts” and “your debts.” There is only our money and our debts. A couple cannot be one if they separate their lives by separating their finances. God will bring a couple closer if, from the very beginning, they establish God’s Word as their financial guide and then follow those principles. A marriage is not a 50/50 relationship, as many people think. It is a 100/100 relationship on both
Budgeting can be difficult, if not impossible, when spouses do not agree on basic money management principles. Therefore, they should make all budgeting decisions together. They also need to agree to hold each other accountable for meeting their financial goals, and devise a plan for regular evaluation of how well they are succeeding. The couple should come to an agreement on the amount of money that can be spent without first checking with each other. The specific amount will depend on the budget category and the couple’s particular circumstances.
“Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10) Bookkeeping Even though one person primarily handles balancing the checkbook, both should be fully trained and able to do it. There is nothing wrong with the wife handling the finances in the family, if she is the FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 23
better administrator, but God still holds the husband accountable for the ultimate decisions. When there is an impasse, the wife must yield to her husband and allow the Lord to work it out. As they work together, encouraging one another, God will show them His favor and grace. Nevertheless, being responsible as the leader does not mean the husband is a dictator; the couple should discuss and agree on financial management. Both spouses should be involved in paying the monthly bills; doing so will keep both fully aware of their financial status.
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Within a marriage, the husband and wife are partners who are dedicated to one another. A bond of uncompromising devotion creates a healthy atmosphere for togetherness: studying God’s Word, praying, and even managing money. Just as it takes two to make a marriage successful, it takes two to establish a clear line of communication in financial planning. For more Kingdom Financial Information visit Crown Financial Ministries
wealth | no money required
Discover the
Wealth
that’s Inside of You Keith Says... In today’s society of materialism, people are gravely blinded when it comes down to material things. The average person has the wrong understanding of what true wealth is and how to possess and obtain wealth. I guess you may be asking yourself by now what is true wealth. It is very simple. True wealth means all NEEDS met. For example, you may live in a one bedroom apartment or live on the streets. No matter what your condition may be at the present time, if you know who you really are and have faith, dreams, goals and ambitions you are wealthy. God doesn’t always give us what we want, but he gives us what we need. And once we get excited about God supplying our needs, God will get excited about supplying our wants. Don’t forget the bible tells us that God will give us the desires of our heart, not the desires of our head. It is not about you, it’s about him. So the more you decrease and humble yourself, the more God will show increase in your life. Everyone has a recipe inside of them and once you discover your recipe
and bring it to the forefront, people will feast off of it eternally. No one has a better recipe than you. Remember the word says that you are the head and not the tail; you shall lend and not borrow. If you take these simple principles that I have just given to you and apply them to yourself, you will discover the wealth that’s inside of you. Say to yourself today, “I am happy, I am hold, I am well, I am Wealthy.”
Keith Douglas, is the Chairman of RKD Music and Talent Management, the Speakers Bureau Institute and the new Fragrance ’US’ by his wife Actress Tasha Smith. Purchase the book The Power to get Wealth: No Money Requried at http:// KeithDouglas.org
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Can we ______? Anal sex? Masturbation? Menstrual sex? The Driscoll's vivid Q & A on such controversial topics is sparking quite a debate! Mark Driscoll, founding pastor of the Seattle-area megachurch Mars Hill Church, is sparking conroversy with the content and direction of his newest book, “Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship and Life Together.” The book, written by Driscoll and his wife, Grace, seeks to “compel married couples to have important conversations about important things.” The couple discusses their own sexual issues in the first section of the book, sharing lessons on how to reignite a marriage. The second half of the book discusses sex in detail, including a section about what is Biblically permissible, titled “Can We ____?” The concept and approach has been polarizing in several Christian circles– there are those who embrace such a candid and transparent discussion, while others feel that it leads to confusion and discord. CNN and other mediums have reported on this controversial book. Join the discussion at harvestmagazine.net
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Mars vs. Venus When the Debate over Following Your Dreams Hits Home
E
By Carol Sankar
ntrepreneurship has always been a key staple of the American dream. Owning a business, by all standards, has always been regarded as an accomplishment. I know from my own experience, the proud feeling of opening my first business in 2004. It brought tears to my eyes when I received my first client; it was such a gratifying feeling.
But what if only one of you has the entrepreneurial gift? The choice to ‘leap out on faith’ is one which can attach itself to serious complications in relationships, if both husband and wife are not on the same page about entrepreneurship. Couples who do not see eye to eye about the benefit(s) of owning a business can experience stress in their relationships. It is a common fact that the majority of divorces in America area caused by finances. So, how do you handle the entrepreneurial visionary versus the 9 to 5 believer? Here are some suggestions you can introduce to your spouse to help with the transition: Come up with a clear & realistic plan before you approach your spouse. Write the vision. You will never be able to convince your spouse about your vision unless you can produce a great plan. Get your spouse involved in the transition. Make sure to share how having your own business will benefit both of you. Discuss and celebrate each milestone in the process. Keep finances open. Like most startup businesses, it will take some time before you see a return. It is probably beneficial that one of you can support the family in the interim. Make sure you keep your mate in the loop about expenses and, especially, when your business begins to show a profit. Support each other. Most often the entrepreneur of the relationship will spend more time trying to convince the other about the benefit of entrepreneurship, rather than continuing to support the daily stress at the other spouse’s job. Do not lose sight of mutual support. It is perfectly normal to have reservations about the unknown world of entrepreneurship. However, the need to live in the abundance that God intended for us also requires strategic planning, patience and communication, when connected by the covenant. Visit Carol Sankar: Millionaire Mindset Business & Real Estate Coach and Mentor at http://carolsankur.com FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 27
e g a i r r a m x e s e m sa l u f aw l t o n t u b l a g le
Rev. Dominique Ayesha Robinson
”
HOW SHOULD MARRIAGE BE DEFINED? IS MARRIAGE ONLY BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN? IS MARRIAGE STILL CULTURALLY RELEVANT? A simple Google search of the term “marriage” yields definitions that are similar to the following:
”
The legal union of a man and woman as husband and wife, and in some jurisdictions, between two persons of the same sex, usually entailing legal obligations of each person to the other.
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On Friday, June 24, 2011, New York became the sixth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Same sex marriages are not recognized by the United States’ federal government as supported by the Defense of Marriage Act (1996), although one would begin to believe otherwise based upon the increase in individual states’ legal actions to recognize and license same sex marriages. Massachusetts was the first state to grant licenses for same sex marriages in 2004; Connecticut, Iowa, New Hampshire, and Vermont followed suit. Same sex marriage licenses
"The institution of marriage has been under great scrutiny."
TWO), but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” Other biblical references on marriage are Genesis 2:24, Mark 10:8-9, and Ephesians 5:31. The Bible (King James Version) mentions variations of the term “marriage” forty times; this is a strong indication that the institution of marriage was a significant cultural practice and should remain a serious covenant in which Christians should demonstrate in their lives today. While many Americans would consider marriage obsolete, physician studies prove that married individuals are among the healthiest, happiest, and emotionally balanced people in society.
can also be obtained in Washington, D.C. and the Coquille Indian Tribe in Oregon. Currently same sex marriages are prohibited in forty out of fifty states of the United States of America. The movement to obtain equal rights and benefits for same sex couples is not a new phenomenon, but has received a considerable amount of attention in the recent decade. The institution of marriage has been under great scrutiny within the last few years. Recent polls have revealed that same sex marriage support is well over 50%. What does this mean for the body of Christ? Scriptures support that marriage should be defined as a relationship, a covenant, between a man and a woman; and that this relationship should be highly respected, valued, and preserved. Marriage is stated to be the just cause for a man to leave his home (that of his mother and father) and it should never be destroyed at the hand of another human because it has been orchestrated by God. According to the Gospel of Matthew 19:5-6, “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain (NEVER AGAIN
So what does this mean for clergy? The body of Christ must uphold the standards that are spelled out in the Bible. The Church has been an anomaly to society since its birthing. Christian practices have not always fit in with cultural norms. Like many things that we see and experience in society, same sex marriages may be legal, but not lawful, within our faith tradition. Although we live in a nation that seeks to separate Church and State, one cannot separate their faith and convictions from their proclamation and practices. Share your views with Dominique at RevDominiqueRobinson@gmail.com FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 29
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Bishop George & Lady Mary Searight
Is
Marriage
O
bsolete?
Absolutely
Not!
This was a big discussion last year when TIME magazine asked the question, "With so many people getting divorce or opting out of marriage all together, is marriage obsolete? I wanted to have my own discussion so who better to call than my Spiritual Mom and Dad, Bishop George C. Searight and Lady Mary Searight who have been my example for a successful marriage. By Teri Washington | Photo Credit Darnell Gourdine FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 31
Teri: There was an article in TIME Magazine recently that asked the question “Is marriage obsolete?” Everyone is saying that divorce takes place in the church just as much as it does anywhere else, so there is no need for marriage anymore. What do you think? Is marriage obsolete?
are still getting married I don’t care what’s being said...marriage is still active and prominent. It is still respected, even though it doesn’t get enough play time as divorce does. Now, although we still believe in it, people in the body of Christ are getting divorces and, unfortunately, it seems the number is rising, but because that is a negative thing ,it gets talked about more.
Bishop Searight & Pastor Mary in chorus:
Pastor Mary:
NO!!!
Even the gay community is trying strongly to get married. There is something to it that even they understand. I think people are saying it is obsolete, because people don’t want commitment anymore or accountability. Which is all a part of marriage? When you are with someone, you will have ups and downs, peaks and valleys, but the ultimate goal is that we made a commitment to one another and a commitment to God. This will produce children, and a godly heritage.
Bishop Searight: Absolutely not! Let’s remember what the Bible says in Romans 12:1, “I beseech ye therefore brethren, by the mercies of God that you present your body as a living sacrifice…… and be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” As long as there is male and female, as longs and there is sex, and as long as there is intimacy, as long as there is love and covenant that represents the kingdom of God, there will always be marriage. We live in two systems, a world system and the system of the kingdom of God. In the kingdom of God system, we are being transformed by the renewing of our mind. We govern our lives by the word of God. So is marriage obsolete? Absolutely not! The Bible shares with us some absolutes; marriage is one of them. In Genesis 8:22, “As long as the earth remains there will be seed time and harvest.” As long as the earth remains there will be marriage; absolutely! I don’t know what people are talking about when they say that marriage is obsolete. The only reason they can say this is: 1) they don’t know the word of God and 2)they want to be able to do whatever they want to do without any understanding of rules. There are rules in the earth, as well as, rules in the word of God. There are absolutes. The soul that sinneth shall surely die is an absolute. There are rules and there are results that come with every action. Gravity is an absolute; you go up, eventually you are coming down. We believe very strongly that marriage is not on its way out. We just did a marriage ceremony. It seems like every other weekend, we are marrying people. People 32 HARVESTMagazine.net | FEBRUARY 2012
Bishop Searight: Marriage is something that we still value. What you value, you will embrace, you'll surround, and protect. You have to do the work, so that it can grow. The people who say marriage is obsolete, no longer value it. Teri: The current divorce rate in America is estimated at 50%; so couples have a 50/50 chance of having a successful marriage. Where do you think couples are going wrong? What do you think the problem is? Pastor Mary: There is a lot of selfishness that exist in marriages. People want things their way. You can’t be selfish and have a successful marriage. You have to be patient with one another and be understanding. It’s going to require work and overtime. You have to work through your finances, you have to work through your communication, and you have to work through your intimacy and through raising your children. But you must remember, anything that you invest in, there is a great return, if you patiently wait for that return. It’s our culture to want things
quick fast and in a hurry. People want the quick return, ‘I’m married 2 years and it’s not working, so let me get out now, I don’t want to be here for 10 years.’ However, what they fail to realize is you are just building the foundation in the first 5 or 10 years. It takes time to build a house; you can’t put it up overnight. We’ve heard a lot of people say “it’s not fair”, “Why can’t I get my way?” In marriage, there will be times of negotiation, and realizing that it’s not all about you anymore. I have to be willing to see through the lens of my spouse and trust my spouse. Young people are being influenced by our culture and negative talk. They need to surround themselves with people who have gone through different things in their marriage, weathered the storms, and survived them. Bishop Searight:
Pastor Mary: Yes, and they also make the mistake in taking different paths and start having different interests - not maintain the same interests. You have to maintain the same interests and do things together. I’m not saying do something together, every minute of the hour, but the times that you do have together, enjoy it. Be willing to work through it. Teri: This year, you will be celebrating 37 years of marriage. Please share with us your secret on how you have been able to remain happily married for so long?
"We eliminated the option of divorce, so we are committed to working it out."
So we‘ve got to go back to the basics. 1 Corinthians 13:4 states, that love suffereth long and is kind, it’s not puffed up, it’s long suffering, gentle, and meek, beareth all things hopeth all things. It’s not counting and keeping record. Couples make the mistake in competing with one another. Marriage is not a competition. It does not create a good balance when you do this. So we need to go back to the basics. Which are the two kingdoms, the kingdom of God and the kingdom of the world. Depending on which kingdom you are operating in, will determine how you respond to one another in marriage. I think couples in church forget this and that is why they walk away from it. When we counsel couples, Mary always asks, “How is your relationship with God?” Because we are clear that it takes the two of you and God to make this relationship work, last long and last long in joy! Couples that have given up, I guarantee, it’s because they have stopped enjoying it. When you are enjoying something, you are not going to let it go; not if you are having fun with it. If you are not enjoying it, the next thing is to let it go.
Bishop
We are still trying to find each other out and still trying to make each other happy. After 36 years, we are still working at finding those areas of joy and pleasure of being in sync and staying connected. We are constantly evolving and changing. Thirtysix years ago, I was one way and Mary was sho’nuff another way, praise the Lord! We’re learning to transition ourselves to fit ourselves. Pastor Mary: I like that! I like that! Because, first we were young and then the dynamic of children was added into it. Then you have another stage in your life where your children leave the nest. They call it the “empty nest syndrome.” We didn’t have a problem with that; we decided that this was our time to have fun. That’s why you have to keep your marriage strong, so when the kids leave you will still have something in common. The secret of maintaining a happy marriage is a level of commitment. You have to be committed in the good or the bad. Even if I made a decision and my husband doesn’t always agree with it. We are committed to one another even if my decision doesn’t work out. We are not blaming one another. We are in it to win it. FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 33 We are in it for the long haul.
Bishop:
Bishop:
We eliminate the options. I’m not going anywhere and she’s not going anywhere. We eliminated the option of divorce, so we are committed to working it out. We are going to make it happen. That is the strength of our commitment. Each person has to work on their own personal self-development - that is something else that is lacking in many marriages. You have to work on yourself as you understand the oneness of you and your spouse. Sometimes we get so caught up in the fact that we are together, that we forget the fact that there are some things that I have to get right with me so that I can be alright with us.
I may get in trouble for saying this, but if couples aren’t sound in their relationship, I’d say don’t even do ministry, because I promise you, ministry will move you to another focus and you will lose if you are not strong enough. You will lose the focus of maintaining a good, strong, sound marriage, once
Pastor Mary: What you are saying is right baby, because The Searight Family - clockwise George C. Searight III, George Jr. and Wife Nefray, Erica and Husband John McClure Jr., Bishop George Sr. and Lady Mary sometimes we are looking for someone else to make us whole. Then you get into ministry, because ministry doesn’t just when that expectation is not met, because first of involve the two of you - it involves people. all it’s not realistic, we become disappointed and disengaged. We’ve learn that you have to work Pastor Mary: on yourself, your attitude, your temper, etc. Being happily married also means being good friends. It’s Your marriage is your first ministry. We have to one thing to love each other, but it’s more important make sure our homes are taken care of, that it is to be able to hold hands, laugh and like each other. sound and vibrant. We know that there are going to be challenges, but, please, have the foundation in Teri: place before you start in ministry together, because everything will come at you and will shake the You just celebrated 21 years as Pastors. One of the very foundation of your marriage while you are in things I’ve always loved about you, is you work so well ministry. as a team. How do you manage to do that without conflict and what can you say to other married couples who are just starting out in ministry?
Bishop: There are certain things you have to make clear as a couple in ministry. I always remind the people that I
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minister to; Pastor Mary and my family come first. So if I’m ever at a crossroad and I have to decide whether or not to answer a call while I’m in a meeting with my elders and ministers, my elders and ministers would lose! It doesn’t matter what I have to do at the church it is not more important than my family; that needs to be articulated and clear. When it is, people respect that, because marriage is honorable. Everyone needs to know what is first in your life. God is first, then marriage and then ministry. I don’t think people know that their supposed to make each other first. Pastor Mary: My husband believes that he is supposed to love his wife and feed the sheep. I think we get that twisted by thinking we are supposed to love the sheep. But Ephesians declares that a man is supposed to love his wife as Christ loved the church and be willing to give your life for it. (Eph 5:25) We are both submitted unto the Lord, but I have to also respect my husband and his role as the Bishop and not pull a trump card because I’m the wife. I have to understand my role and the hat that I need to wear when I’m at the church. You have to learn how to separate church from home and not bring the church home.
Here are some steps that we share with the married couples at our church that will assist you in creating a long lasting marriage that will grow stronger along the way.
1
Recharge batteries regularly: Reconnect. Sometimes you have to recharge every week, or sometimes after a hard day at work. You have to find time to recharge and reconnect.
2 3 4 5 6
Keep talking: Even though something seems obvious to you, you cannot assume things. Keep talking, have conversations and more conversations. Be open to counsel: Some couples are not open to counsel. The Bible says, “Pride only breeds quarrels but wisdom is found in those who take advice.” Proverbs 13:10 Stay teachable: You don’t know it all. Listen; keep an open mind. Don’t form your responses while your mate is still talking.
Keep humor alive: A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the Spirit. Proverbs 15:13
Manage tension: If you associate yourself with brokenness it will eventually consume you. You have to consume yourself with things that are strong and built on a solid foundation. The Bible says, those that built their houses on sand when the winds came it tore the house down. But those that built on a sure foundation the house remained. (Matt 7:24-27) Bishop George and Pastor Mary Searight are setting the foundation for the next generation at Abundant Life Family Worship Church in New Brunswick, NJ. Visit them for more practical teaching and an unforgettable praise and word experience http://alfwc.org. FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 35
Health + Fitness
Become a Workout Power Couple
Not every dynamic duo hits the gym together— and understandably so. Whether it’s different goals, different schedules, or different theories on audible grunting, there’s no shortage of excuses for choosing to exercise solo. But before drawing a line down the weight room floor, consider these kick-butt reasons for attacking workouts Bonnie and Clyde style. Combining QT and a quality workout is more than just a quick fix for couples on the go. Research shows that a solid sweat session produces chemicals in the brain that boost happiness and reduce stress. When shared as a couple, this post-workout “high” is said to strengthen feelings of closeness between exercise partners, and even rev up the libido— at least in women, studies show
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Still not 100 percent sold? Tandem workouts can also increase trust between partners (spotter, please!), as well as encourage communication, mutual goal sharing, commitment to well-being, and the chance to celebrate each other’s successes. Just remember that not every couple is meant to go full-throttle, so those with a fierce competitive streak may want to avoid uber-intense workouts . Try a Pilates class or couples’ stretches for a tamer testrun instead. Not in a relationship? Pair up with a friend or a family member so there’s built-in motivation for getting to the gym and sticking with a workout plan. For more fitness tips visit Jordan Shakeshaft at http:// greatist.com
Wintercise Do you enjoy exercising outdoors but dread it now that it’s winter? Are you hibernating waiting for the weather to break? It is unfortunate that the cold weather tends to discourage most people from working out. Just because it is cold it doesn’t make it an excuse not to work out. Don’t fret there are ways around the chill. There are multiple exercise options to choose from regardless of the weather. Just about everyone can exercise during the cold weather however please take precaution if you suffer from conditions such as asthma. We recommend that you always consult your physician before you work out. Your safety comes first and foremost. Here are some tips to get you ready to wintercise:
1.
Layer Up: Layers are best to generate heat, to make you feel warm. Be mindful if you begin to sweat remove a layer or two.
2. Wear appropriate head, hand and feet gear: Gloves, hats, thick socks, etc. are essential. 3. Check the weather: If it is extremely cold or raining you may need to take your exercise indoors. Extreme wind chills can make exercising dangerous even if you are dress properly.
4.
Make your presence known: At night wear reflective clothing to ensure that others can see you. After the workout is over: Sweaty workout wear gets chilly in cold Winter air, so change out of your exercise clothes as soon as you get back home. And even though you might not feel as sweaty as you do in the Summer, it's important to hydrate in the Winter — especially after workouts.
5.
Remember it is important to stay active all year round. Staying fit during the winter will help you avoid unnecessary weight gain and avoid losing strength and stamina caused by inactivity. Don’t let the winter months stop you from being physically fit. Live Healthy!!!! Get more fitness tips from Pamela Turner at http://TurneRoundFitness.com FEBRUARY 2012 | HARVESTMagazine.net 37
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