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Volume 20 Issue 48 July 21, 2014
For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions, and change.
Columns
This Week...
Everybody in Outer Space
Letter From the Editor
Publisher/Managing Editor
by Amy Olson
amy@synthesis.net
Where the hell are our marbles? I keep thinking I see them, but then I realize it’s just planets and junk and they look really small from far away. You might be wondering why everybody’s in outer space in the first place, but that’s not important—without marbles, space is pointless, and we’ve lost them. What am I even talking about?
PAGE 4
Creative Director
Comical Ruminations
Tanner Ulsh graphics@synthesis.net
by Zooey Mae
zooey@synthesis.net
PAGE 5
Productivity Wasted by Eli Schwartz
Contributing Writers
Madbob@madbob.com
PAGE 7
Supertime!
logankruidenier.tumblr.com
PAGE 16
Ben Kirby
PAGE 17
Director of Operations Karen Potter
Owner
Review
Bill Fishkin bill@synthesis.net
Icko Sicko
PAGE 19
Scene Report
Io Torus, Fighting The Villain, Save Us From The Archon...
PAGE 19
The Frugal Terran by TripHazard
PAGE 20
Unsolicited Advice by Anonymous
PAGE 21 COVER PHOTO Carolina Rios
Nerd
Accounting
howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com
PAGE 18
Jessica Sid Vincent Latham
Dain Sandoval dain@synthesis.net
Howl
by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff
Arielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Jayme Washburn, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams
Photography
by Logan Kruidenier
Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA
Liz Watters, Mike Valdez graphics@synthesis.net Joey Murphy, Jennifer Foti
by Bob Howard
Take an Exotic Adventure into the world of getting choked to the brink of unconsciousness and make some great friends along the way! Find out what kind of people are drawn to the world of Mixed Martial Arts, what they love about it, and what happens if you randomly decide to attack one of them!
Alex Light Alex@synthesis.net SynthesisWeekly.com/submit-yourevent/
Deliveries
Immaculate Infection
StandAlone MMA
Entertainment Editor
Designers
PAGE 6
PAGE 8
Amy Olson amy@synthesis.net
The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8 Productions and the Synthesis. The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email letters@ synthesis.net. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your submission for content and space.
210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928 530.899.7708 editorial@synthesis.net
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PET OF THE WEEK
The Boxes The Boxes—THE Boxes, the ones I’ve carried from move to move without unpacking them—have started to become sentient.
Do p pl e Dopple may not be immediately visible when you first peer into her cage in our kitten room, but as soon as you see her you won’t be able to get her out of your mind! She is a shy kitten, but loving, and once you’ve taken her from her cage and cuddled her to your shoulder she will purr and purr and purr. Dopple will need a lot of TLC from her new family to come out of her shell, but once you’ve gained her trust you
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Now Hear This SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST Madlib
Tanner
Madlib - “Mystic Bounce”
Liz
Yuna - “Lullabies”
Mike
Disclosure - “Latch”
Tara
Jason Mraz - “Love Someone”
Dinah
Weird Al Yancovic - “Word Crimes”
Andrea
Jack White - “Lazaretto”
Becca
Bad Girls - “M.I.A.”
Alex
Fallujah - “Levitation”
4
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
They’ve learned to communicate telepathically, to employ defense mechanisms. One tactic involves a sort of psychic invisibility shield; I see them as stones or features of the landscape to be stepped around or on or over. Their presence is given, solid, immovable. Sometimes I become mentally stronger and see them for what they are, but then their silvery tongues set to work: “Remember when you bought this Turkish coffee set? You loved it so much. This book was a gift, a gift from someone who DIED. You might NEED these scraps of fabric, what if you take up quilting?” There are the Maybe Somedays: the potential projects or just-in-case spare parts. Things to fall back on if I hit hard times again, mystery bits in case I discover what broken thing they belong to. There are how-to books and craft kits and specialty tools still in their boxes; zip lock bags with screws and beads and ribbons and sample packs of dental floss. There are relics from my days designing costumes: mannequins and components and finished pieces and patterns upon patterns. There are the Still Valuables: the kitchen gear and appliances we have in triplicate, the books I read, the DVDs I used to watch or the video games I used to play all the time, the lovely decorations that have no place in my new home. There are things that could never have some 10 cent sticker slapped on them at a yard sale—they’re WORTH something, someone should have them who would appreciate them the way I once did. Most insidious of all, the Reminders of Old Dreams: The things I saved because I planned to give them to my children, the imagined meaning it would hold for them to have this connection to my wayward youth. When I set that thing aside, it was with reverence. I anticipated having a sense of distance from my offspring in their teenage years, then
reconnecting with them as I shared stories that revealed my humanity, gave them these parts of my past that they could relate to and wear and touch and imbue with their own stories. Children I don’t have, times I no longer revere... but killing the dreams I had back then… seems almost cruel. The Boxes were born from anxieties, or hopes, or a naive surety about the future and about what the past would always mean to me. Now I have steady resources, pragmatic plans, and a far less romantic view of the era I enshrined here. What keeps me from clearing it all away? Would I ever really miss them? Wouldn’t my journals be enough? Wouldn’t a clean garage and a clean slate be a wonderful relief? I strike a silent bargain with The Boxes. I’ll give them time to accept their changing fate, but soon they’ll be sold or donated to charity, given new meanings, new opportunities to be used and appreciated. A part of me asks if I’m lying, or if they’ve tricked me into putting off this choice indefinitely. I think I know the answer.
Letter From the Editor by Amy Olson
amy@synthesis.net
Send in the Killer Clowns
Sometimes I think it must be a sign that the world is ending when I hear about truly awful and depraved things happening. Other times I think it’s simply the onrush of information, ever-hastened by our desire for instant access to every corner of the Earth and its unique (yet still strangely familiar and synchronistic) happenings. Oh Internet, I wonder what Tim Berners-Lee thinks of the positivity of your instant accessibility now… The specific depraved act which prompted this thought was a humble news story reported by our own KRCR about a teenager in Corning who tried to BBQ the family dog. Apparently he choked it, placed it on an unlit BBQ and was attempting to light it when someone intervened. (The dog is “fine.”) I don’t understand what would drive someone to want to torture and kill a dog in such a terrible way. Although, Meth was found in the pockets of the offending teen, so I guess that should be self-explanatory. In more uplifting, albeit stranger news, a Japanese woman has created a kayak which is a blown up replica of her ladyparts. The artist, Rokudenashiko, has explained that she wishes to end the taboo surrounding the vagina by creating all sorts of vagina-shaped objects (a house, plane, bed, etc). First of all, I’m not sure objectifying a vagina by literally creating vagina objects sends a pro-pussy message. I mean, I can’t imagine fashioning a house that’s a giant anatomically-correct model of a vagina would inspire more respect for ladybits. If anything, you’d just be that weird asshole with a giant pussy house. Every neighborhood has one (a weird asshole, not
a giant pussy house). The one who lived in my childhood neighborhood was called (by us, in hushed whispers) “Crazy Bob,” and all he did to earn his moniker was run a Russian Orthodox Church out of his garage and grow a startling number of cacti on his property. I can’t imagine what we’d have called him if he’d been the self-appointed emperor of his own pussy palace. Lastly, if there’s a child in your life (or anyone really), who you hate, who also hates clowns, you’re in luck! Dominic Deville is a selfdescribed “evil clown” who will stalk your child (or the person of your choosing), for a fee. Deville will harass the lucky so-and-so with phone calls, texts, leave notes for them to find which describe how they’re in danger, are being watched, will soon be attacked, yada, yada, yada. At the end of the week, if your child hasn’t suffered a mental breakdown, Deville (in full evil clown regalia), will smash a cake into their face. Deville swears that if it’s too much he’ll back off, but to me it all just smacks of a ready-made horror movie. Plus, if you’re the type of parent that thinks having an evil clown stalk your child is all in good fun, you’ll probably want to save your money for when your kid grows up and needs many years of intense therapy. On a totally unrelated note, are any of you deathly afraid of clowns? No reason, you guys. I’m just curious. Promise.
Comical Ruminations by Zooey Mae
zooey@synthesis.net
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Consortium METAGAMING AT 30,000 FEET Venerated developer Sid Meier once said “A game is a series of meaningful choices.” Perhaps the genre that exemplifies this the most is the RPG, where the role one plays, whether it is made up of communicative choices, personal learning and skill retention, or abstract game mechanics, or all of the above, is the game.
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Interdimensional Game’s Consortium has the ambition of letting the player do as they please, and building a story out of player agency, not fatalistic storytelling. Yet, like many developers before them, their attempts at creating a perfectly player-made narrative with broad freedom are held back by realistic concerns like voice acting, time, and the wily nemesis of all developers: code. Consortium has an unusual setting and a stranger premise; a contemporary gamer sits at a console hooked up to a Canadian satellite somehow capable of possessing individuals across space, time, and dimensions. The real player character, this anonymous (but far from blank slate) gamer, plays a military officer in an alternate reality’s future, in his first day aboard a high-tech plane. The gamer has no idea who they are possessing, where their target is, or what’s really happening; to say anything more risks spoiling the experience of sheer bewilderment and information acquisition. Playing someone playing someone can be strange; it is the officer’s body you control, but the gamer’s mind. The dialogue options are limited to different ways the gamer would respond, and this leaves you with essentially two fourth walls, and there’s a lot of information and secrets buried between them. As the military officer, you’ll fight off
mercenaries, solve a murder mystery, and try not to get fired by your commanding officer. Dialogue is well written and well-acted, but after a scripted conversation is done, most characters won’t have anything more to do with you until you progress farther in the game. You do get to know some of these characters quite well, but it’s tough to say you care deeply about any of them, and that’s not for lack of writing. Rather, it’s for lack of time and experience. The whole game is about four or five hours long, and that’s all in real time— meaning that while you may have earned some of these people’s respect or gratitude, it’s tough to call any of them friends. The true and worst obstacle to the game, however, are the seriously jarring glitches. I played this game in its 1.0 release, and despite running into some smaller glitches, never found one that outright ruined the game for me until I was about seven minutes from the end of the game, at which it unexpectedly and irreparably crashed at a single, specific moment, and continued to do so through every save iteration. I waited it out, and replayed the game in its newest version, and found a glitch that prevented me from completing an optional objective I was entirely capable of, forcing me to let a crewmember die. Talk about breaking suspension of disbelief. After everything is said and done, my two problems with this game were: a) it wasn’t long enough, and b) it was terribly buggy, both of which could be solved by the fact that Consortium is only the first of a trilogy. I’ll be getting to see more of these characters and form more bonds, and Interdimensional Games will be getting another chance to code the game right. Frustrations aside, I look forward to the next installment.
Productivity Wasted by Eli Schwartz
If I Were the President Progress on the Death or Glory Beams have been set in the construction of the Death or Glory. So far I’ve managed to hoist four twelve-foot-long four-by-twelve pieces into place, and fasten them with roughly fabricated brackets and galvanized lag bolts. All said and done, nine beams will span the ceiling, and the roofing joists will rest on top of them to form a gently sloping rooftop. I’ve also tacked up the first of the sheathing boards, so that now when you sit down inside of it, at least you can visualize an actual room. Wine Blasted I was on a heck of a bender there for a few months. It took a solid drunk off a bottle of homemade plum, and then a bottle of elderberry wine to finally coerce my body into telling my head “enough is enough.” Both the wines were what winemakers would call “young,” meaning they really hadn’t been aged long enough to taste right, but they certainly seemed to be potent enough. Luckily that’s the end of the “leftovers,” the residual
wines that wouldn’t fit into the various fermenting jugs and carboys. Of course there will always be more coming along as the process calls for transferring a particular wine from one vessel into the next. Right now I’ve got a range of wines aging including a peach/plum combination, a load of elderberry, a beautifully colored rose petal wine, and a gallon of tea-colored wine flavored with young oak leaves and citrus rind. In winemaking, the fruits, flowers, and leaves impart color, scent, and flavor to the wine—the alcohol itself is generated when the yeasts introduced react with the sugar. With traditional grape wines, winemakers do not use anything apart from the grapes themselves, and the yeast—but with the “country wines” I make, the recipes require the addition of a fair amount of refined sugar. Overseas Israel and Palestine are at it again. I’m particularly confused by Palestine’s “strategy” in this seemingly eternal conflict. They are so far outmatched by Israel’s military technology.
The “Iron Dome” system has intercepted every single Palestinian rocket that comes anywhere near Israeli citizens—but every time they fire another salvo it gives Israel a reason to fire much more accurate and powerful munitions into the Palestinian territory. If I had to guess, I’d say the Palestinian “strategy” is designed to create casualties within their own territory, and to foment outrage towards Israel. But to what end? This is where my thought train breaks down. At Home
primarily from Central America. It’s hard for me to even imagine how bad things must be for parents to send their unaccompanied children north, with little more than a prayer and a hope for something better. If I were the President, I’d let them all in, and their families too, and declare some kind of mass amnesty. My understanding is that we’ve got population decline here in America anyway, so we could use the new citizens.
Immaculate Infection by Bob Howard Madbob@madbob.com
We’ve got tens of thousands of children amassed at our border. They are coming
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AN UNCLE DAD’S PRODUCTION WORDS BY ALEX LIGHT PHOTOS BY CAROLINA RIOS
The Intro: I Spent February In Outer Space The previous show, Everybody In Outer Space Stayed In Room 213, was the strangest Valentine’s Day date I’d ever taken a girl on. It was awesome! There were amazing dance numbers, and amazing dancers with amazing… legs… But a girl died gruesomely, every scene. Then Death would come onstage and give an extended monologue on what he loved about the next dancer, and how he was hoping to kill her. I still thought Room 213 was one of the coolest things I’d witnessed all year. The live music was superb, 8
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
the dances were superb; everything else was a big pile of superb-ness. I laughed, and ogled, and sighed in awe. This last weekend saw the premiere of the third fulllength Everybody In Outer Space production: Everybody In Outer Space Lost Their Marbles. Everything about this show is bigger. Better? Hopefully. I like to think so. It’ll be at Chico Women’s Club, instead of 1078 Gallery. A live band will be performing original music for every dance number. They’re taking on brand new crew talents: a set manager, a costume designer, a stage manager. And you can guess from the title that it’s a good bit stranger: This dance show revolves
around a certain London-ite named Thomas Livingston, whose dreary, gray, British life is shocked awake by visions of beautiful women performing elaborate dance numbers. Are they real?! Is our dear Thomas hallucinating?! If they are, can he bring himself to care?! I recently met with the brainchild/ director of this theatre-dance-showperformance-art-burlesque-rockshow, the gorgeous Eva Blanshei (next page, dancer in the center). The rest of this story consists of her words from our interview. I want you to pretend you’re sitting at a streetside cafe in dreary, gray London, and Eva is sitting across from you, looking deeply into your eyes. Listen very closely—she’s going to help you understand why everyone lost their marbles. Eva Creates Thomas Livingston, Schizophrenic I was laying in bed, listening to The
Turtles. I got this idea about this guy in London on a street corner; it’s really gray and dull; and all of a sudden these dancers come out and they start doing the can-can and going crazy [laughs]. And he’s thinking, “What the fuck are all these people doing dancing on the street?” So this character was hallucinating giant dance numbers. I didn’t realize at the time how much that reflected my ideas. Why do we diagnose insane people as being sick, even when their hallucinations are beautiful and innocent, and more beautiful than reality? We’ve been socialized to think that anything other than reality is taboo; you should diagnose it. So the story eventually took a dark turn; became a tragedy… with a really sweet message: Whatever shade of green you see is beautiful, no matter what anyone tells you. Believe yourself and follow what makes you happy, even if it’s not reality.
From left to right: Kassandra Horn, Kelsi Fossum-Trousch, Eva Blanshei, Annika Lindstrom, Courtney Osteen
Who doesn’t like to daydream about the future, where they’re successful, and doing well? Who doesn’t like to do that? Who’s to tell you that you have to live in the now? I have the ability to think about the future, and feel…things in my gut… because of it, and it makes me happy. The fact that my brain can do that for me… why is that so bad? My brain can make me feel stuff in my gut! That’s two different beasts, you know? So Ben Ruttenberg and Aubrey Debauchery and I got in a room, and we started to write an outline. Ben took it from there and wrote an amazing script. Thomas Livingston’s inner monologues are poetic, existential, almost Shakespearean; full of flower petals. But then his day-to-day dialogues with his wife, and with his friends, are just so cold and gray. Then he gets back in his head again. It’s like, “Wow, you can think about all these things!” And it’s all inside of your head… Why does it have to be so private? People have told you all your life to hide your true colors. It
all seems silly to me. Three Shows In Outer Space, And Things Will Change After the first show, I was so excited. I thought that I didn’t need to do another Everybody In Outer Space show again. “Yay! All done.” And then I looked back at the videos of it and I thought, “That looked nothing like it did in my head.” So then I developed Everybody In Outer Space Stayed In Room 213, with Uncle Dad’s Art Collective. It was bigger; bigger cast, fuller choreography, and a full band with vocals, and an amazing crew… and it was… Well… I can’t really remember what it was like. Oh! [snaps] That’s right! I know exactly how I feel! [Laughs] Okay, so there’s this thing in a woman’s brain that’s released after she has a child, so that she forgets exactly how painful it was. It’s like that. I was really upset three weeks ago. I was doing this whole
thing: “Woe is me, this show is going to be the hardest thing I ever do! Nothing’s coming together! I’m gonna die! And everything’s bad!” My parents heard all this and said, “You were like this for the past two shows, you know.” And I was like, “What? What’re you talking about?” “You’re always like this,” they said. “You’re always like a little whiny bitch, and then you put on the show, and you’re like, ‘My friends and I are so awesome!’” I forgot I was so stressed out. I couldn’t talk to people. I’d hide my phone from myself for days. Anyway, the plots of the stories are becoming more and more personal to me. I’m not as afraid to be vulnerable in the stories… and I’m so confident in the people that I cast that I put a lot more of a challenge in front of them. I don’t really know what I’m doing… I’m not a director;
I’d never done a dance show before these; I haven’t been in a play since I was a baby. But I thought, “Why not,” you know? Everybody In Outer Space started as burlesque, and gradually became a thematic dance troupe. We don’t need burlesque anymore, because these girls are now so talented, and so strong. We can do any dance! It’s really epic! This performance is darker. The dancing is more contemporary… it’s less about the female form, and more about telling the story.
I’m not gonna eat that!” and you reply, “This is a delicacy! This is the finest product of the world!” But it’s still only meant for people who appreciate that kind of thing.
Art For The Few And The Proud
Everybody In Outer Space Is A Genius
You can work so hard, and come up with something you’re so proud of. People are going to love it, or hate it, or be indifferent. It doesn’t mean that what you created is any less beautiful than something else, it just means that it only pulls on certain people’s heart-strings. It’s like, people really like mashed potatoes, but all you want to do is make caviar. People would say, “That’s fucking fish eggs, dude!
With any piece of art, it’s only gonna affect those people who are in a similar place. But those people you do bring in are those people that are listening to every single note, watching every single color and every single piece, and they’re asking, “Did anyone else see that?!”
I seriously do have the most talented group of people. Twenty of us are working on this show right now. I’m standing there looking at everyone, and they’re stretching, or doing vocal warm-ups, or tuning up their drum kit, and I’m thinking, “Holy shit. I’m the luckiest girl in the world to know all these supertalented people.” That’s how I feel every single day. continued on pg. 10 >> FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 9
Everybody In Outer Space Lost Their Marbles stars Chad Lewis as Thomas Livingston. There’s a full cast of six actors… there’s five dancers… there’s a four piece band: Gavin Fitzgerald, Michael Bone, Alex coffin, and Josh Hegg. They made all original music, which I think is the coolest thing. There’s the light and sound team… Lighting is the most interesting thing; just how it affects the show and the mood. A show without lighting, even with the biggest budget, would look really naked and stupid. This is my third time working on lights with Matt Franklin, and this time Brandon Hilty’s working with him as well. They make it look beautiful. Ben Ruttenberg wrote the script… The costume designer is Josh Roach. I can’t describe to you how insane these costumes are! I’m so proud I get to wear them. Josh is the best costume designer in town, for sure. He does all the Butte College productions. He’s a collector of stories; every piece he owns has this amazing story of how he got it. It’s not about how someone looks to him, it’s about this giant picture. He’s focused on the entire story when he makes these costumes. The set designer is Amelia Bransky, and she’s the most brilliant chick I’ve ever met. She’ll say, “Hey, I’m thinking your set is going to be ten doors.” I’m like, “What?” Then she says, “Look at this picture.” She shows me what she’s imagining, and I’m like, “Holy shit.” Who makes a set out of ten doors? It’s brilliant. And she’s drawing a skyline on it, and doing ink blots, and it looks as if it’s raining. It turned out beautiful; it’s really 10
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
impressionistic. We’ve never had a set designer before, we’re stepping up! The stage manager is Diana Hite-Smith… it’s an Uncle Dad’s production… There’ll be air conditioning (laughs). It’s an original script, original choreography, original music… it’s this big crazy mush-pot of super-talented people. Kelsi Fossum-Trousch and Courtney Osteen are dancers returning from the previous show. Annika Lindstrom and Kassandra Horn are new dancers this time around. So this last week before opening day, we’re collecting all the props and putting up the set, a little bit every night. We set up a curtain for a big shadow-play number… We’re building a blinder… a blinder’s a kind of lighting: When all of a sudden the lights come on behind the performer, and the performer becomes a black silhouette. It makes everything on stage look really, really sexy. Eva’s Dreams Last summer, around this time, I was whining. “I wish someone would put on a dance show, so I could audition for it, and maybe get cast in it!” Then I said, “Don’t be that human! Put on your own dance show, and be in it!” I realized then that the thing I wanted to do more than anything in my life was dance. That’s all I wanna do. I’m not putting on these shows just so I can dance though; there’s so much more to it. These stories
are important. If these stories have any effect, I hope someone can see how happy I am, watching all my friends come together and put on a beautiful show. Maybe it can make someone think to themselves, “I wanna do what I want to do and only that, because it will make me happy. I should only be doing that; I don’t know why I thought I should be doing something else.” Everybody In Outer Space Lost Their Marbles has 4 shows left, this Thursday-Sunday, at Chico Women’s Club. Doors open at 7:30pm. Tickets are $15 at the door; $12 in advance through www.chicotix.com.
Hey, you. Wanna tell someone what’s what? Wanna tell everyone what’s what? We’re accepting submissions of 500 words for Unsolicited Advice.
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•Familiar, popular, world music •Athletically charged dance routines •Great for all levels You will forget that you are burning MORE calories and building lean muscle mass. Come try it today!
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Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Pints
Friday
Full Bar in Back Room
Bartender Specials $314oz. Slushies $4 20oz. Slushies
Open at llAM $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Pep par Bloody Marys Noon- 6PM $8 / $9 SN Dom Pitchers $5.50 DBL Bacardi
Rock Out atThe DL!
Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub,
Weds, Fri & Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
and 109'foottables Open@llam All ages untill lOpm
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM
Rock Out atThe DL!
Weekend Blast Off!! 8-close $5 Blasters
Tacotruck.biz and Beers on the Patio!
Chico Jazz Collective 8-midnight Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra & Dom
Summertime Special
6pm
We open at 12:00pm.
$2 PB Rs $2 Tacos! Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom $1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans Pool Rates Cut in 1/2!
Patio! Happy Hour 4-6:
Happy Hour from 4-6.
Two Dollar Tuesdays!
$2.50 Wells & Sierra
Wa nder Food Truck on the Patio
Join us for Beers on our Patio Bar!
Saturday
Summertime Special
Cocktails
Come see our beautiful
Open Mic Comedy Night Every Other Week! Happy Hour2-6pm M-F $1.00 off Sierra and Dom
Summertime Special
Menu cocktails $1 off. Sierra
Wednesday
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Pints 6PM - close $1 Off Pitchers
Come see our beautiful
Tuesday
Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-4PM $3 Sierra & Domestic
Full Bar in Back Room Weds, Fri &Sat Nights! PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Enjoy Live Music, Great Grub, and 10 9' foottables Open@llam All ages untill lOpm
$6.99 Pulled pork sand w/
fries or salad 25 cent wings from halftime 'til they're gone! MONSTER MONDAY SPECIALS 6PM-CLOSE BEER $3.50/4.50/5.50/6.50 FREE Pool after lOPM Chicken Strip Sand only $6.99 before 6 PM TWO BUCK TUESDAY 6-llpm $2 Rolling Rock, Olympia & Single Wells $2.50 PBR, Coors and Double we lls
Reuben Sand
w/ fries or
salad $6.99 5pm-Close 1/2 off kids
items Spm-Close Pitcher Specials $6.50/$9.50/$13 FREE Pool after lOPM
Baby Back Ribs $11.99 Philly Cheesesteak $7.99 6pm-Close $4.50 Grad teas $3.50 All beer pints FREE Pool after lOPM
10 oz. Tri-Tip Steak w/ Fries or Salad & Garlic Bread $8.99 8pm-Close $4 Jager $5.50 DBL Vodka Red Bull $2.50 Kamikaze shots FREE Pool after lOPM
Baby Back Ribs w/Sa lad , Fries & garlic bread $11.99 8pm-Close $4 Single/$6 Double
Jack or Captain $3 Sierra Nevada Pints FREE Pool after lOPM
Cocktails
Sunday
WE OPEN AT 12:00PM MIMOSAS WITH FRESH SQUEEZED OJ FOR $5 UNTIL5PM.
CLOSED
lOAM -2PM $5 Bottles of Champagne
with entree $4.50 Bloody Mary $5.50 Absolut Pep par Bloody Marys
Daily Happy Hour from 4-7PM PBR $2.25 Everyday!
Free Pool with Purchase! 1.00 off Sierra and Dom Pitchers
Summertime Special
$1.00 off PBR and Olympia Cans
$2.50 Wells & Sierra
Nevada Drafts during Giants &A's Games!
25rn ANNIVERSARY SATURDAY 9/27 /2014
SEND US PHOTOS/VIDEOS OF YOUR FAVORITE MEMORABLE MOMENTS AT DUFFY'S! DUFFYSMEMORIES@GMAIL.COM 12
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$5.49 Grad/Garden/ Turkey Burger w/fries
or salad Bloodies $3 Well, $4 Call, $5 Top, $6 Goose Mimosas $2/flute, $5/pint $6 CHEAP Beer Pitchers FREE Pool after lOPM
~ cf ~) ~:f't?f'.9 ~~!I
Lounge V1pu1tra
C HI CO CA
Go Downlo
Closed
BEAR-E-OKE
Happy Hour 11-GPM select bottles & drafts $3
CLOSED
BURGER MADNESS!
2 FOR 1 BURGERS ALL DAY!! MINORS WELCOME!
Closed
Happy Hour4- 7pm
Closed
CLOSED
RE-OPENING
Bear Burger w ith fries
or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.
Go Downlo
Closed
BEAR WEAR! 1/2 off w hile wea ring Bear Wear. MUG CLUB 4-lOPM
$2.50 Select Sierra Neva da or Dom Drafts $2 Ka mis-any flavor All Day
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-Spm 10-Close: $2 Bartender Shot Specials $3 SkyyVodka Cocktails $5 Dbl Bacardi or SoCo
Closed
$3 50 SOCCER MOMS $6 'oeL ROARING VODKA
$1.50 sliders and other
cheap eats!
Cocktails Closed
Go Downlo
TRIKE RACES! Post time@ !Opm. Win T-shirts and Bear
All 16 oz Teas or AMF $3 All Day
MUG CLUB 4-lOPM
Happy Hour4-8pm Ladies Night!
Early Bird Special 9-lOPM l /2off wells
$5 Pabst pitchers $2 shot board $4 Moscow Mules $3 Jamo and Ginger
BURGER MADNESS! Bear Burger w ith fries
or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.
1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM
1/2 OFF EVERYTHING!!!
Buck Night 8-Close
Happy Hour 11-GPM $3 select bottles & drafts $2.50 16oz Wells All Day
9pm-Close $212ozTeas $3 20ozTeas $2 Well, Dom Bottles & bartender Specials $5 Vodka Red Bu II
Closed
$1 well cocktails, Sierra
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials Happy Hour 4-Spm
Bucks.
BB pm-CLOSE
$3.50 SkyyyVodka
Cocktails
Nevada Pale Ale, Rolling Rock, dom draft $3 Black Butte $4 Vodka Red bull
Happy Hour4- 7pm
Spm-Close $4151 Party punch 22oz.
c!lffJ/11111 c!lf~ THURSDAY &FRIDAY 12-4PM
Closed
$1.50 sliders and other 8-9pm $1 Pale Ale and Dom. Draft Up $0.25 per hour until
cheap eats!!
134 BROADWAY ST, CHICO, CA I 530.893.5253
close
Buck Hour 10:30 -11:30 Happy Hour4-8pm
Early Bird Special 9-lOPM l /2offwells
FIREBALL FRIDAYS!!! SPM -Close $3 Fireball Shots $4 Big Teas $3 Coronas
LATE NIGHT EATS!
Select Pints $3
kitchen open until 1 AM
$3.50 Tea of the Day Bartender Specials
Happy Hour-4-7pm $5 Fridays 4-Spm Most food items and pitchers
Happy Hour 4-Spm
of beer a re $5
LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM
Opening at Spm for BO's NIGHT!! B pm-CLOSE
Early Bird Special 9-lOPM l /2off wells
Open at lOPM BOTTLE SERVICE Now Ava Hable! Call for reservation
898-9898 Large selection of wines, sangrias and Martinis.
LATE NIGHT EATS! kitchen open until 1 AM
$4 Sa uza Margaritas
$3 Ka mis $3 Shocktop & VIP pint
Power Hour B - 9pm
1/2 Off Liquor & Drafts (excludes pitchers) 9PM -Close $3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers
LIVE MUSIC 1/2 OFF COVER before lOPM
$4 Sex On The Beach $4 Sierra Nevada Knightro ON TAP $1 Jello Shots 7-lOPM $3 Fireball
$3.50 Tea of the Day
Hot "Dawgs" ALL DAY!
Bartender Specials
Happy Hour 4-Spm
Mon. - Sat. 3PM - 6PM $1 Dom. draft, $2 SN Draft, $2 Wells
Call for reservation
Powe r Hour B - 9PM
898-9898
$3 Pale Ale Drafts $9.75 Pitchers
Open at lOPM
BOTTLE SERVICE Now Ava Hable!
Large selection of w ines, sangrias and Martinis.
KARAOKE "INDUSTRY NIGHT"
Call To Rent For Private
HALF OFF ALMOST EVERYTHING!(Except Red Bull and Premium Liquors) Specials All Day!
BURGER MADNESS!
Party
Bear Burger with fries
Go Downlo
or salad for $5.49. llam-lOpm.
B PM-CLOSE
$4 World Famous Bloody Joe $5 Premium bloodys
Champagne Brunch
your choice of vodka
entree
llam-2pm $3 Champagne with
CLOSED
CLOSED
Champagne Brunch
and SPORTS!
s~
Champag\l Brunch llam-2pm Every Sunday $3 Champagne with purchase of an entree
117 E 2nd St, Chico (530) 895-8817
117 E 2ND ST• DOWNTOWN CHICO FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO
13
This Week Only... BEST BETS IN ENTERTAINMENT
Wednesday, July 23rd
STRAIGHT LINE STITCH DEAD HORSE TRAUMA LA SALLES
Thursday, July 24th
Friday, July 25th
BURIED AT BIRTH (SAN JOSE) BADGER MONSTROS PIZZA
Two different nights to see chicks screaming for metal bands in one week?! Shit’s real. Buried At Birth (pictured) from San Jose sounds like dying at the hands of a monstrous something-or-other... How about a Yeti. Badger is a local three-piece band with bassist Rache Riot screaming furiously the entire time. The entire time. Also featuring Chemical Burn and Khaos Assault. They’ll be screaming too. $5, 8pm. SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
Wednesday, July 23rd
LAKES SURROGATE 1078 GALLERY
We’re being treated to a really unique experience with the touring band Lakes (pictured). Slow, steady, soulful indie-rock is what it is. Their track “Back In Your Head” was the first thing I heard, with a piano-led rock band framing sweetly sincere lyrics. Surrogate’s playing too—probably the first all-ages show they’ve played since like 1992. Also featuring Redding’s Wesley Jensen. $5, 7:30pm.
14
SUBMIT YOUR EVENTS TO CALENDAR@SYNTHESIS.NET
Straight Line Stitch (pictured) is lady-fronted metal. Lots of double-bass, down-tuned guitars, screaming, AND some really catchy choruses. Hopefully the singer will be rocking those awesome black-lady braids from her music video “Remission.” Fellow touring band Dead Horse Trauma brings that Z-Rock flavor to the night. The coolest band here IMO is SMAK CITY, featuring the singer of Aberrance. Also featuring Into The Awakening and Vultarus. 8pm.
BETA TAKEOVER AT BASSMINT PEKING
BETA’s back! If you don’t remember… there was a certain year when dubstep became a thing, and by the time it became cool in Chico, BETA had been mixing dubstep at Lost On Main for days. I’m saying they were into bass music before it was cool. MIKE Z, Simple Science, and Top Dolla will take over Peking this Friday, starting at 9:30pm. The cover tends to be really cheap in the first hour—from $1-$3.
New & Exciting: Ongoing Events: 23 Wednesday
1078 Gallery: Surrogate, Lakes (SLO), Wesley Jensen. $5, 7:30pm LaSalles: Straight Line Stitch, Dead Horse Trauma, SMAK CITY, Into The Awakening, Vultarus. $5, 8pm
24 Thursday
Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 Adults, $12 Children, 7:30pm LaSalles: Happy Hour with Retrotones. 4-8pm Lost On Main: ZuhG, Lisa Valentine & The Unloveables, Carpet Kickeres. $8, 9pm Monstros: Buried At Birth, Badger, Chemical Burn, Khaos Assault. $5, 8pm
25 Friday
1078 Gallery: The LoLos, Tom & Jerry, Lish Bills & Erin Lizardo. $5, 7:30pm Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” opening reception. 5-8pm Peking: BETA Takeover at BassMint. MIKE Z, Simple Science, Top Dolla. 9:30pm Blue Room: I Am Legend. $10, 7:30pm Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 Adults, $12 Children, 7:30pm DownLo: Don Parrish, Rick Barnett, Black Star Safari LaSalles: Turndown Porgue presents B. Lee & Brad Bridges. 10pm Maltese: Wanderers & Wolves, Bull Moose Party, The Muddy Sours, Urchins Of Rotterdam. $5, 9pm
26 Saturday
1078 Gallery: Black Fong. $5, 7:30pm Blue Room: I Am Legend. $10, 7:30pm Chico Theatre Company: Singin’ In The Rain. $20 Adults, $12 Children, 7:30pm Empire Coffee: N.J. Hanson Book Signing. 1-3pm LaSalles: Scorchers Fundraiser, ft. Rat Jerky. 4-8pm Lost On Main: GThizz. Maltese: Bacc, Himp C, Big Slim, Hap Hathaway, Noctilucent, Weezy Brown, Grahve. $5, 9pm
27 Sunday
Cafe Coda: Troi Atkinson CD Release show, ft. Fisch Tank. $5, 6-9pm Duffy’s: Donald Beaman & The Spirit Molecules, The Airplanes. $3, 8:30pm
21 Monday
The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pm Chico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pm DownLo: Comedy Night. Free. Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until 10pm Maltese: Open Mic Comedy or Music, alternates every week. Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pm The Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes. Free, 7-9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Yoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano. Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.
22 Tuesday
100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pm Open Mic plus showcase by local musicians. 7pm Chico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. 7:30-8:30pm Crazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+ DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+ Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-Close Studio Inn Lounge: Karaoke. 8:30pm-1am The Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm Woodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm
23 Wednesday
The Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pm Chico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pm Duffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Jesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30am The Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1am The Tackle Box: Line Dance classes. Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Laurie Dana. 7-9pm Woodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm
24 Thursday
The Beach: DJ Mack Morris. 10:30pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm DownLo: Chico Jazz Collective. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Has Beans Downtown: Open Mic Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pm Holiday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-close Panamas: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pm
EAT. DRINK. PLAY. Find Out How you Can Play Pool for Only $1/Day!
Quackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-1am University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm VIP Ultra Lounge: Acoustic performance with Bradley Relf. 7-9pm. No Cover. Woodstocks: Open Mic Night Yoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:309:30pm
25 Friday
Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pm The Beach: DJ2k & Mack Morris. 9pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pm Cafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. 11am Chico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays, the best country, rock, oldies, 80s & top 40. Country dance lessons 9-10:30pm DownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pm Duffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnight LaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pm Maltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pm Panamas: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pm Peeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $3. 9:30pm Quackers: Live DJ. 9pm Sultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pm
University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
26 Saturday
Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pm The Beach: DJ Mah. 9pm The Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pm Chico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pm Crazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pm The Graduate: Free Pool after 10pm Holiday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnight LaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-close Panamas: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pm University Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm
27 Sunday
Chico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pm Dorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pm DownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with every $8 purchase. All ages until 10pm LaSalles: Karaoke. 9pm Maltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pm Tackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm
LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS! GREAT FOOD! LIVE MUSIC! 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473 FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 15
by logan kruidenier logankruidenier.tumblr.com
On The Town 16
PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
In The Throne Room Again ART BY NIK BURMAN (NIKBURMAN.STORENVY.COM)
A bright light hit his closed eyelids, and they slowly opened. When the boy saw where he was, a groan escaped his lips. Howl had been summoned here times beyond number, and the meetings were nearly always unpleasant. He had fallen asleep in his room an hour past, and now he stood in a vast hallway that ended some hundreds of feet in front of him. The floor was paved with a pale marble, and yellow-tinted pillars rose to either side along the hall’s length. Howl sighed and began his walk to the room’s far end: Steps rose to a throne of polished oak. A little girl sat there, smiling at him. An emerald the size of a fist was set in the throne above her head. The girl broke the silence with a tinkling laugh. “Why so grumpy, Howl? Upset that I’ve brought you out of your life again?” “No! Not at all,” he replied. “You know I’ll always come whenever I’m needed.” “As if you had a choice!” the little girl said. Laughter still twinkled in her eyes. “You swore an oath to follow your highest truth in all things, but you didn’t know that truth was already alive in your mind… You didn’t know you were swearing to me. And now, your life is no longer your own.” Don’t I know it, Howl thought.
time for business. So! I’ve been watching your 1070 AD self, and she needs to get A LOT better at planting potatoes if she wants to be comfortable this winter. So tomorrow, you’re going to wake up and ask your sister to teach you to jump rope, and you’ll do this for one hour. Now that won’t be so hard, will it?” “But WHY?” The boy blurted out. “Jumping rope has nothing to do with potatoes! Nor do I even like jumping rope. I’ve never even MET this farmer lady you say that I am.” The twinkle of humor in the little girl’s eyes was gone, replaced by a steely glare. When she spoke now, it vibrated through Howl’s entire body. There was no room in his mind for any thought, or any sensation; there was only the stern little girl and her voice. “Seeing as how I am the very CENTER of you, the most pure representation of your SOUL, I would THINK that you’d trust my word. This farmer in the Middle Ages is alive NOW, and she is YOU, and she needs help. You will help by jumping rope. I will do the rest. Do you understand?” Howl lowered his eyes and nodded meekly.
Howl howlmovesmountains.tumblr.com
“Now, now, that’s enough with the backhanded thoughts!” the girl giggled. “It’s
PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAM FACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY
On The Town
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 17
Boxing Shadows GETTING CHOKED (ALMOST) OUT AT STANDALONE MMA ACADEMY Never before have I gone in to report for a story in which I’m so completely aware that, if I make fun of the subjects, I could totally get my ass kicked later. At first, as I arrive at StandAlone MMA Academy, I’m worried. There are buff bros. There’s the sort of nu-metal playing that asks such rhetorical questions as “Are you down with the sickness?” Oh no, I think, I’m totally going to have to make fun of this and then I’m going to get asphyxiated on the streets on a weekly basis for the rest of my life. Damn. I’m going to have to move. Where should I move? StandAlone is in a nondescript building in the industrial area out toward the train tracks. Inside, it’s one large room, with a boxing ring in the back, a row of heavy bags, and an expanse of blue and grey padded floor. There are posters with pictures of shirtless dudes and words like “extreme” and “cage” on them. There are flyers laid out for tanning salons and chiropractors and belly-flattening products. People are bouncing around, warming up. The class I’m in is Muay Thai Kickboxing. We start jumping rope. I am chubby. I am old. I jiggle in a not-attractive way as I jump. After 30 seconds I feel like I have chlamydia of the lungs. It burns. Then we are told to do 30 push-ups, leg-lifts, and squats. “So, like ten each?” I ask, prayerfully. No. No, not ten each. Shadow boxing goes better. I’m fucking some shadows up! Doing all sorts of flying moves and shit. I take out like at least a half-dozen shadows before the buzzer goes off. I’m some sort of prodigy. Then it’s pad work time. I’m paired off with another elderly and out of shape newbie (we’re both in our mid-30s). His name is Andy Hunter. We punch and kick each other’s pads and wheeze and perspire and take dramatic rests where we just sort of hang from the waist, wincing and looking pained. The instructor’s name is Cedric Schwyzer. He’s ridiculously yoked-out. He’s also pretty much the nicest guy ever. Cedric generously explains moves in these elaborate metaphors that verge on the poetic. “Picture you’re a medieval knight,” he says, trying to get me to see how some attacks are like spears, others like swords, and still others like daggers. I picture it. I look ridiculous. 18
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
that’s why. We lock horns, we thump our chests. That is what we do.
When the class is over I talk to a few students. 24-year-old Nico Flores has been training for two and a half years. He’s wearing this skintight black shirt that looks like a wetsuit top. It’s a “compression shirt,” Nico tells me. It’s for sweat. Nico has been sparring almost every day for the past six months. He hopes to do some real amateur fights soon. “I wanna see what I got,” Nico says, in a gentle voice, not an ounce of bravado or aggression. That’s what a lot of this is about, I think. A journey of self-discovery. Testing yourself, finding your courage, your limits. 23-year-old Kelsey is the only female fighter in the class. She has long vivid red hair with bangs, long good-for-kicking legs, and long pale lashes around mischievous bright eyes. “At first it’s just punching people that’s fun,” Kelsey, a Chico State Anthropology student, tells me. “But then you realize you like getting punched, too. Getting hit becomes fun. You realize that and then you’re like, ‘There’s something fucked up about me,’” she says, laughing. “But there’s something satisfying about it. I just like that kinda thing. I like beating shit up. It’s pretty simple, really. It’s fun.” Yes. Why do we fight? Stupid question. It’s like asking why we fuck. Because we are animals,
I ask Kelsey if, like, when she’s using the bathroom or whatever, she fantasizes about some girl stepping to her and then laying the chick out with a crazy head kick or something. “Yeah,” she says. “But, actually, it’s dudes’ asses I fantasize about kicking.” Kelsey explains that MMA is a great sport for women. “The first thing they teach you is you’re on your back and someone is in your guard [“guard” is a jiu-jitsu euphemism for missionary position, basically] and you learn how to break their arm or choke them out. In jiu-jitsu having someone between your legs is an offensive position,” Kelsey says. 27-year-old Brandon “Kiba” Ricetti is one of the jiu-jitsu instructors. He’s also an undefeated pro-fighter, with a pro record of 7-0. He’s finished all of his fights by TKO or submission within the first two rounds. With his bushy brown beard and nose made prominent by being broken seven times, he looks a little like a smaller Abraham Lincoln (by which, of course, I mean like Daniel DayLewis playing Lincoln). “For a while I had that Owen Wilson thing going on,” Brandon says, of his nose. “But it’s kinda smoothed out since then.” Brandon is the nicest guy ever, too. Apparently, being able to kick ass makes one exceptionally nice. I’m realizing that this place is super cool and that I’m not going
to have to make fun of it and consequently spend the rest of my days getting wedgied and asphyxiated. I’m saved! Which is good because getting asphyxiated really sucks, as I soon find out. “OK,” I tell Brandon. “I’m just going to try and kill you, and then we’ll see what happens.” Brandon smiles, disguising his fear with impressive acting skills. I lunge at him. Try to take him off guard. Instantaneously, I’m human-pretzeled. I tap-out to a series of joint locks and then, finally, Brandon wraps onto my back. “This is how I get most of my opponents,” Brandon says, his arm anaconda’d around my neck as I pointlessly writhe. He points out the series of championship belts that are displayed over the door. Four of them are his. “Go ahead,” I say, my fingers pulling with all my might at his arm. He squeezes. I start to see the tunnel of white light. With my last wisp of consciousness, I tap. We shake. Brandon is lucky I’m hungry for dinner, otherwise I’d lunge at him again, and I’m pretty sure this time I’d take him. I take a chiropractor flyer. I leave.
Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA
by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff
Icko Sicko - Icko Sicko
Joyful Chaos
ALBUM REVIEW BY JON WILLIAMS
IO TORUS, FIGHTING THE VILLAIN, SAVE US FROM THE ARCHON, AND UFO VS. NASA 1078 GALLERY - JULY 12TH BY CROWN The crowd numbers were pretty sparse tonight with at least two other shows happening, but I’m glad I chose 1078. Our local riffmachines Io Torus were headlining, and the show was made especially interesting by the two touring acts on the bill: Saving Us From The Archon and Fighting The Villain. I arrived as the first band—a twopiece called UFO vs. NASA—was breaking down. They consist of drummer Cameron Lammers, and Derek King, a vocalist who switches between a synth and guitar. After going home and checking out live videos and some DIY recordings, I was sad to have missed them. Soulful, trippy prog-rock with some great melodies and electronic elements. Check them out.
It was some weeks ago that I saw Icko Sicko blow up Monstros Pizza with a particularly furious set, charming me into picking up their self-titled demo tape (yes, a cassette tape), and it’s convinced me that this local hardcore punk four-piece might be everything that makes DIY hardcore punk a beautiful thing. That’s because Icko Sicko, like many of their ilk in the local punk unit “Jefferson Crew,” is nothing if not authentic in their stubborn adherence to DIY ethos and the old school of punk rock. The quartet drenches their performance in reverb and noisy feedback, alternating between diesel-powered hardcore punk stock and midtempo stomping without warning, abusing their instruments as much as they play them. Cuts like “Burnt Out” and “Mental Prison” are particularly vitriolic thanks to an unhinged vocal performance courtesy of frontman Danny Canchola, tearing into themes of suburban alienation, blue collar banality and righteous indignance towards a world gone mad. Even the packaging of the tape itself—a black and white cassette with a xeroxed lyric sheet printed in typewriter font— is gloriously ramshackle. It’s all completely and totally unoriginal, but proudly so—Icko Sicko wear hardcore punk clichés with such
confidence, conviction and loving reverence of the genre in its purest form that it becomes hard to complain. It even runs at a concise 11 minutes; hardly giving itself a chance to wear out its welcome. Icko Sicko are not going to win over anyone that’s already unmoved by incendiary lo-fi hardcore punk, but something tells me that these punk rock Puritans would prefer it that way. For those who appreciate furiously earnest punk rock purism, though, it would be wise to listen up.
Next up was Save Us From The Archon, all the way from Pennsylvania. It was like joyful, erratic, math-y, instrumental chaos. (Perhaps like the sounds of trying to escape an Archon?) The drummer held it all together— perfectly, I might add, and with an oddly calm composure. Guitarist Andrew Cresto (pictured) definitely held down the performance appeal for the band, translating erratic time changes and explosions of riffage into eccentriccontorting body movements and eyes-rolledback-into-the-head. I gotta hand it to them! It was captivating, and they all played well. It felt very genuine, at least from Cresto, who really owned the volatile musical explosions he was setting off every few seconds. The third band was my personal favorite of the night—Fighting The Villain. They are fronted by a cute, petite woman, and they were totally awesome. This awkward-in-a-cute-way singer hit every note perfectly and passionately, and has some talent for writing great melodic lines. I couldn’t not go up and offer her praise afterwards. Did I mention that she was really cute? This band gave me just what I wanted that night. They exhibited the most real human emotion throughout the night, and they were catchy as hell. Oh, and of course, there was drummer Danny Brown, who took that
catchiness and painted that shit gold. He can shred, but is incredibly tasteful with it. Thank goodness. FTV do this post-hardcore/progressive-rock thing and they do it well. They write great, passionate and creatively-catchy songs. Since the show I’ve been having fun with their latest EP, From Wakefulness To Sleep. Check out the track “Apparitions.” Io Torus was the evening’s closing statement, and they ended it with a big, fat mindfuck of a period. If you haven’t seen these guys yet, you should know: 1. They will musically stretch your mind through long adventures of songs and frequent changes of musical ideas. 2. Vocalist Austin Sorrenti is really fucking good. 3. The bassist Nick Farrar likes to rock black face-paint/eyeliner,wacky hair, and bearddo’s. (Beard-do’s are fun ways of doing up your beard, like shaping it into 4 braids.) My favorite song of the night was their last, which had its debut performance that night and is the fourth and last track on their upcoming EP (be on the lookout). It felt more focused than usual, and it had more room for Sorrenti’s vocal wonders to be appreciated, which made me happy.
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 19
Your Place in the Money Game
To begin a discussion of money and its role in your life, it’s wise to examine where you are from a standard of net worth. Not that net worth is the end all, be all of discussions, but it provides a useful framework for thinking about your money choices. It’s pithy, but you need to control your money instead of it controlling you. In case you’ve never heard of “net worth,” it’s just a term that means “the total amount of money/assets you have minus the total amount of money you owe, aka debt.” Almost everyone starts around Level One: Negative Net Worth. (Unless you’re born into wealth. If that applies to you, recognize your gift for what it is: Level Four.) We have more debt than we have savings. Student loans? Level One. To move beyond this level, you have two options: either increase your savings beyond your debt, or pay down your debt until it’s gone. Paying down the debt is almost always the best plan. (The only exception is if your debt has a lower interest rate than you can earn with your savings.)
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PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
Congratulations! You’ve paid down your debt and/or increased your savings to reach Level Two: Zero Net Worth. If Level One is climbing out of a pit, Level Two is the reaching the top and taking a look at the open world before you. To avoid falling back into the pit, it’s time to build an emergency fund and move away from the edge. Some advisors recommend an emergency fund of $1,000, while others recommend 2-3 months of expenses. Remember, an emergency fund is
not for buying sweet new kicks or the latest iPhone. (Go ahead and save some money for those things, but think of two separate piles of savings money.) When you’ve built up your emergency fund, welcome to Level Three: Baby’s First Positive Net Worth. Not only are you out of the pit, but you’re also not in danger of falling back into it. It’s now time to start some savings goals. These goals are a mix of short and long-term plans. Want to take a backpacking trip to Africa next year? Start saving for it. Want to buy a car, get a new apartment, retire some day? Start saving for them. At Level Three, you’ll start taking advantage of retirement accounts to help those savings piles grow. (There’ll be plenty more about retirement accounts in future columns.) After many years building savings at Level Three, you’ll arrive at Level Four: Financial Independence (FI). FI is the point where you have sufficient savings/income that you don’t need to work to cover your expenses. That’s the peak—you can do the things you want to do, and don’t need to worry about paying the bills ever again. Your assignment for the next two weeks, dear reader, is to figure out what level you’re on, and think about how you’ll get to the next one.
The Frugal Terran by TripHazard
Unsolicited Advice: Chemtrails Welcome to Unsolicited Advice, an open column space for anyone who wants to tell someone, or everyone, what’s what. Submit your 500 words to editorial@synthesis.net Dear. God. I just read that Shasta County’s Board of Supervisors let a bunch of yahoos come in and convince them to “investigate” the “Chemtrails.” I don’t even know where to start with how stupid this is, so I’ll just randomly throw poop at all of it. Let’s pretend for a minute that it isn’t super cold in the upper atmosphere (after all, it’s not colder on mountain tops than valleys), and there’s no possibility that condensation vapor forms when the heat of jet engines hits that cold air, either dissipating or freezing into clouds of varying density depending on the fluctuating temperatures and atmospheric conditions in which the planes fly. Let’s pretend jet engines run on magic instead of heat, and all air is the same temperature at every elevation—it’s easy to see now that there’s no reason for there to be a condensation trail behind the plane. It has to be a purposeful spray of chemicals instead. In fact, I think all condensation is bullshit; when my windshield fogs up in the winter, it’s probably Chem-windshield. Let’s also pretend that the scientists who study this stuff are actually liars who are more interested in money than science (because scientists are notoriously well-to-do and not interested in facts). Let’s pretend all members of every government are super smart and they all share this nebulous evil agenda no matter who is in office. And the airlines and pilots and plane engineers and mechanics, they’re all in on it. “It” being a conspiracy to either control our minds (which is obviously not working
very well if people can figure out the plot) or the weather (which is obviously not working very well unless the goal is to cause the exact kind of instability that happened before they started spraying), or give some lady kidney failure when it rains (which apparently worked, but AT WHAT COST?). What I can’t really wrap my head around is why, if all those things are true, “they” would do it this way? If you wanted to poison the population with chemicals, you’d get it done cheaper, better, and more secretly by putting them directly in the water, not spraying tiny amounts of them wayyyyy up in the sky hoping they’ll drift down on the populace rather than floating away on the breeze and falling in the middle of nowhere. In fact, you could target the exact people you wanted to mess with by doing just the foods they eat or just the wells on their property. If you were trying to control the weather, why would you keep dumping money into doing it the same way for decades after it was proven ineffective?
PHOTOS BY JESSICA SID
On The Town
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My unsolicited advice is this: If you want to have a conspiracy theory that you base your life around, why not try one that isn’t so obviously ridiculous and easily disproven? How about focusing on the Reptilian Hologram people and their plot to start World War III by taking that Malaysian flight that supposedly “disappeared” back in March and now suddenly it’s been “shot down” near the Russian border? WHAT ARE YOU SETTING US UP FOR, OBAMA?
Unsolicited Advice by Anonymous
FACEBOOK.COM/SYNTHESISCHICO 21
JULY 21, 2014 BY KOZ MCKEV
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Curious shifts continue to happen. The biggest one for you is Mars moving into your eighth house on Friday. It’s like being suspended in midair after a jump and getting ready to land. What you owe others and what others owe you will be in question. You are more attracted to astrology, the occult and psychology. The sun moving into your fifth house brings renewed interest in the creative arts. Saturday’s new moon is about honoring your playful side. Pay attention to children and creative projects. Enjoy love more.
You are happy to take care of personal passions. You enjoy working with your hands more. Your environment becomes a primary focus. You’re able to weave a good story. Poetry and songwriting fare well under this sky. The sun moves into your fourth house. Family history, parents, and where you live all become more important. The new moon Saturday has you dealing with memory and how to be more conscious about how the past affects the present and the future. Mars moves into your seventh house giving you more energy to pursue justice.
Wake up to knowing who you really are. The moon goes into Gemini Monday morning at 9:36am PDT. People are talkative about the events of last weekend. As the sun slips into your third house you get the desire to ramble, travel, investigate and write a story about it. Music and cooking become great passions with Venus and Mercury transiting your second house. The new moon gets you in contact with old friends and siblings. The weekend looks good for neighborhood parties, colorful language, and the arts that involve working with your hands.
Monday through the early afternoon Tuesday is the end of Cancers annual reign. The pressure is off and you can relax more and focus on family, Economic burdens will be lifted as more income begins to flow. The moon will be in Cancer Wednesday night through Saturday early morning. This is when your influence affirms values. The new moon and sun in your second house helps you to make money, enjoy good meals and to enjoy singing and or vocalizing. Work toward a sustainable kind of increase in your life.
The worst is about to be over and the best is yet to come. On Tuesday at 2:41am PDT the sun enters Leo. Consider this the beginning of a new start for yourself. Jupiter in your first house makes you aware of how much you have to be thankful for. Growing pains are the only things that make you uncomfortable. The new moon helps you to develop a new plan of action. Be concerned with having a higher love. When we do the right thing we make it easier for others to do the right thing as well.
The party eventually ends and it becomes time to pick up the bits and pieces that were left over from the celebration. This is a good time for you to go on a retreat. Lay low and have a stay at home vacation otherwise. Make good karma by visiting people in prisons, hospitals and rest homes. The new moon deals with isolation, spiritual retreats, and the pleasures of bed and sleep. Begin each day with prayers and meditation, honor the night with a candle. The new moon encourages you to seek enlightenment.
Libra
Scorpio
Saggitarius
Capricorn
Aquarius
Pisces
Some of the responsibility that has been heavy on your shoulders will begin to be lifted from you. You’re still seen as clever with art and intellect, however you’ll be granted more goof-off time. Good friends show up and you’ll be able to move forward in your social life. Take some time to prepare for the future. Mars moves out of your sign into the second house. You’ll need the right tools and talismans to get the job done. The new moon helps you to be intelligent about future planning and allows you to make the kind of party worth going to.
You’ll need to rise up this week in order to make the things happen that you want to be happening. Get out your best talents and skills. The gifts you have are needed. Career opportunities can come to you. You will show a sense of determination and leadership. Mars enters your first house Friday evening giving you a sense of adventure and risk taking. The moon, sun and jupiter will all be in your tenth house this weekend, helping you to find a place to shine with your highest aspirations. You are serious about meeting challenges head on.
Overcome fear with love. Get over trepidation with reasonable curiosity. Life is about to become one big adventure for you. You are luckier than you’ve been in the recent past. You are willing to take the high road. The new moon Saturday afternoon rules philosophy, travel, understanding foreign cultures and educating yourself further. Look at people and places with the intention of finding something to love about them. Joy will come, but at times you’ll need to work on it. Be at peace with not knowing certain things.
Taking your love to a deeper place is what this next shift is all about for you. The sun moves from the seventh house of relationships to the eighth house of mysteries, birth, sex, death, and other people’s property. Keep your cool while other people are being obnoxious. The new moon will allow you to let go of what is not working for you. Venus and Mercury in your seventh house give you the ability to negotiate well. Mars moving into your eleventh house with Saturn makes you serious about your social commitments.
Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horoscopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail kozmickev@sunset.net
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SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 21 2014
What matters in your heart is important to you this week. Relationships take center stage of your life. You’re ready to get out and enjoy the great outdoors more often. Take time to get relief from being burnt out. Romance should flourish, especially on Monday, Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday. Your leadership ability is being strengthened. Don’t back down from what you know is right. The new moon brings romance and a sense of justice. Love what you do and do what you love this week. Move with grace and fluidity.
Good times can lead to good opportunities. The last few weeks we’ve been concerned with the matters of the heart. Our creative senses have been tingling. Now it’s time to focus on work and organization so we can take each other further. Good health means being charitable to ourselves and to others. The new moon rules health issues, charitable causes and service-oriented projects. You may find yourself concerned with small pets, aunts and uncles, and the little details that can make this life all the more complicated.