I want to briefly share a conversation with Jay, an older African American man in his 40’s who we met at LOVE park, a popular photo op for tourists, and a notorious gathering place for those pushed to margins - the homeless, skater boys/girls, and LGBT youth. I’m hoping to highlight one of the ways we have learned how to answer that common assumption about street harassment, and inspire men to become allies in the process. Our conversation sounded something like this: Me: “Even if you think women don’t have respect for themselves when they come out the house in a g-string, why do you think it’s okay to use abusive language?” Jay: “You can’t ask for what you don’t give.” Me: “But she ain’t disrespecting anybody else. Shouldn’t we expect more respect from our men, shouldn’t we have higher standards as human beings?” Jay: “Yea, but these young bulls don’t even have respect for themselves. They quick to shoot nowadays, they were just shooting around my way last week ” Me: “So how else can we change that if we don’t talk about respect, for everybody, not matter what you are are wearing or look like. Shouldn’t that be a basic code for the street? How can we expect these young boys to show respect when grown men don’t expect them to have any? Shouldn’t the men be teaching our boys better?” Jay: “You right about that, they won’t listen to you, just because you a woman.” Me: “Now that’s a problem in and of itself, but they would listen to you. And that’s your power in all this, they would listen to you.” He looked off and nodded, and I knew I touched a part of him that hadn’t been touched in a long time; some stranger woman, was believing in his power for good. This short exchange only captures the 30 minute back and forth that we had, but throughout it I kept pushing him to see his role in changing the problem, by acknowledging it as a problem, and agreeing to talk about it with others. We made connections between police harassment and gender harassment, community accountability and gun violence, the school to prison pipeline and our hopes for future generations. By the end of the conversation, Jay began to talk about how youth need programs and better resources to keep them off the streets. He made it very clear to say, “We can’t just talk about these problems, we have to give the youth something.” Women of color and her allies couldn’t agree more. Building allies is difficult but necessary work in the movement to end street harassment, especially when men don’t recognize street harassment as a problem or see the purpose in becoming an ally. We know that a lot of the push back and disagreement is based on faulty gender politics, and it’s in that struggle and tension that allow for breakthrough moments. As women of color organizers, we understand that apart of taking back these streets is being in them and changing what those politics look like. We believe we can take back the code of respect and rid the streets of all violence- for women and men, and for our future. #EndSHWeek 2013
123