12 He couldn’t turn around and look at her. That would be too hard. And no matter what had happened in these last four months, when Jessica looked at
Todd, she was still excited by that tall, gorgeous man with the silky blondish brown hair, the errant piece that kept slipping over his forehead only to be swept back in that familiar gesture she’d been watching for all those years. She remembered how she and Elizabeth used to make fun of it, but now every time she saw him do it, her stomach clenched. No question but that he still had the body of the fabulous basketball player he was in high school. A body she’d grown to know so well. And even now longed to feel against hers, to feel the warmth of him touching her, his arms tight around her, holding her, loving her. She knew he didn’t feel that way about her anymore; he was too angry. He felt he’d been tricked. She wasn’t the woman he had fallen in love with. And he was right. She had changed and grown. Why wasn’t that good? And why was it still so weird seeing him but not being with him, even though they’d been separated more than four months? They didn’t argue about why anymore. Nobody was defending his or her side, it was not as if an explanation would change anything anyway. In fact, they hardly said anything except what had to be said about Jake. Even that was uncomfortable and awkward, and loaded with lots of unsaid stuff that stuck in the throat. She didn’t ask him about his work, and he certainly didn’t ask her about hers. That was the last thing he’d ask. This guy who was always complaining in the beginning that she didn’t “do anything.” And then when she started doing so well at her job, he seemed happy until it hit him that it wasn’t just another one of her phases and that maybe it was going to be a big deal. And being a mother and a wife wasn’t going to divert her.