The Pitch, January 5, 2012 by FW Publishing

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NICK HAINES NOT WEAK IN REVIEW. PAGE 4 | HEY, KIDS, SMACK IS BACK. PAGE 5

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C O N T E N T S VOLUME 31 • NUMBER 27 JA N UA RY 5 – 1 1 , 20 1 2

E D I T O R I A L Editor Scott Wilson Managing Editor Justin Kendall Music Editor David Hudnall Staff Writers Charles Ferruzza, Ben Palosaari Editorial Operations Manager Deborah Hirsch Proofreader Brent Shepherd Calendar Editor Berry Anderson Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer Food Blogger, Web Editor Jonathan Bender Contributing Writers Danny Alexander, Aaron Carnes, Kyle Eustice, April Fleming, Ian Hrabe, Angela Lutz, Megan Metzger, Chris Parker, Nadia Pﬂaum, M.T. Richards, Nancy Hull Rigdon, Dan Savage, Brent Shepherd, Nick Spacek, Abbie Stutzer, Kent Szlauderbach, Crystal K. Wiebe A R T Art Director Ashford Stamper Contributing Photographers Angela C. Bond, Cameron Gee, Forester Michael, Chris Mullins, Lauren Phillips, Sabrina Staires, Matthew Taylor, Brooke Vandever Interns Lauren Cook, Bethany Day, Paul Kisling

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F’D UP The Chiefs fumbled their way through another season. BY BEN PAL OSAARI | 6

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Director Mike Ryan B U S I N E S S Business Manager Michelle McDowell Systems Administrator Matt Spencer Staff Accountant Amy Gilbert Front Desk Coordinator Jessica Weaver Publisher Joel Hornbostel S O U T H C O M M Chief Executive Officer Chris Ferrell Director of Accounting Todd Patton Director of Operations Susan Torregrossa Director of Content/Online Development Patrick Rains Creative Director Heather Pierce N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G Voice Media Group 888-278-9866, voicemediagroup.com Senior Vice President Sales Susan Belair Senior Vice President Sales Operations Joe Larkin National Sales Director Ronni Gaun B A C K P A G E . C O M Vice President Sales & Marketing Carl Ferrer Business Manager Jess Adams Accountant David Roberts D I S T R I B U T I O N The Pitch distributes 45,000 copies a week and is available free throughout Greater Kansas City, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased for $5 each, payable at The Pitch’s office in advance. The Pitch may be distributed only by The Pitch’s authorized independent contractors or authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of The Pitch, take more than one copy of each week’s issue. Mail subscriptions: $22.50 for six months or $45 per year, payable in advance. Application to mail at second-class postage rates is pending at Kansas City, MO 64108. C O P Y R I G H T The contents of The Pitch are Copyright 2012 by KC Communications, LLC. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means without the express written permission of the publisher. The Pitch address: 1701 Main, Kansas City, MO 64108 For The Pitch information, call: 816-561-6061 To report a story, call: 816-218-6915 Editorial fax: 816-756-0502 For classifieds, call: 816-218-6721 For retail advertising, call: 816-218-6702

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The Pitch Questionnaire

N H

Occupation: Host and producer of KCPT Channel 19’s Kansas City Week in Review Hometown: Port Talbot, Wales, U.K. — same hometown as Richard Burton and Anthony Hopkins! Current neighborhood: Leawood Who or what is your sidekick? I’ve got ﬁve of them! My wife, Dawn, who teaches English as a second language at Johnson County Community College and is also a nutrition adviser. Then I have four mini-sidekicks: Lauren, 15; Adam, 13; Ethan, 11; and Caroline, 8.

What was the last local restaurant you patronized? Grinders West

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Where do you drink? With four kids, I don’t get to trawl the city imbibing that much. But on occasion, I have been seen at the Blue Moose in Prairie Village, and my world was recently turned upside when I entered the doors of the Flying Saucer in the Power & Light District. I need to go back there! What local phenomenon do you think is overrated? Those self-serve frozen-yogurt joints sprouting up across the metro. Where do you like to take out-of-town guests? Renaissance Festival in September, Jack Stack and the Kansas City Zoo anytime. Many of my visitors come from the U.K. where they have arts and history out the wazoo, so we tend to do a lot of quintessentially American stuff they can’t experience there … like Worlds of Fun and big shopping malls like Oak Park. Finish this sentence: “Kansas City screwed up when it ...” Failed to resolve the future role of Kemper Arena before constructing Sprint Center. Finish this sentence: “Kansas City got it right when ...” There’s more to the metro than just KC, of course. I want to extend the glow of credit to the city of Overland Park, which built a phenomenal, state-of-the-art youth-soccer complex, all without taxpayer support, that is bringing in national-level tournaments to the metro. If you’ve played at this complex or simply seen it, you’ll know what I’m talking about. It’s ﬁrst-class. pitch.com

C O U R T E SY O F KC P T

What career would you choose in an alternate reality? Game-show host

Finish this sentence: “Kansas City needs ...” To stop beating up on itself all the time. I’ve lived other places. This is an easy, amenityﬁlled city without the annoying ego of the East and West Coasts. Enjoy it! What TV show do you make sure you watch? Restaurant: Impossible on the Food Network. Of course, all the other shows I religiously watch are on KCPT. take up a lot of space in my iTunes: Bob Marley and K’naan What movie do you watch at least once a year? National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation What local tradition do you take part in every year? A Christmas Carol at the Kansas City Repertory Theatre Celebrity you’d like to ride the Mamba with at Worlds of Fun: Mmm, I’m not sure. But it would have to be a personality I don’t like because I’m going to be throwing up on them! Person or thing you ﬁnd really irritating at this moment: Waiting behind someone at Redbox while they painfully decide which movie they want! pitch.com

What subscription — print, digital, etc. — do you value most? The Week magazine Last book you read: Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath Favorite day trip: Overland Park Arboretum. Even many people in Overland Park are unaware of this free treasure in their midst, a gorgeous 300-acre wooded oasis where, even on the hottest of summer days, you can walk or run on the trails and be completely shaded by the trees. Finish this sentence: “People might be surprised to know that ...” I attend WWE wrestling events at Sprint Center with my two sons, and I am ﬁrst in line at Kansas City’s haunted houses when they open in the fall. Describe a recent triumph: Just won a second Emmy Award for coverage of mental-health issues on KCPT. The hardware on the mantelpiece isn’t as important as the chance to be able to tell these important stories when funding of services for the mentally ill is being decimated.

Nick Haines hosts Kansas City Week in Review on KCPT Channel 19 at 7:30 p.m. Fridays. M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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Uncomfortably Numb f you want to know what’s happening in Kansas City’s drug culture, just ask the narcs. The third-quarter report of the Kansas City Police Department’s Narcotics and Vice Division reads like a Zagat guide to what people around here are smoking, snorting and shooting. In 2011, more Kansas Citians were shooting heroin. And they weren’t doing it as a retro nod to the KCassociated jazz legend Charlier Parker, either. Why the dance with Mr. Brownstone? The cops say smack is back because of a crackdown on the prescription drug OxyContin. Who likes speedballs? The kids, of course. Police say young people are becoming addicted to junk in greater numbers because they can’t get Oxy. The KCPD says undercover detectives are seeing more heroin on the street (where a gram sells for $100-$150, according to the report). In 2009, undercover cops bought 38.8 grams of heroin. That increased to 94 grams in 2010. In 2011, it jumped to 334 grams, making smack the rare sureﬁre business opportunity in a bleak economy. The cops are seeing mostly black-tar heroin, though the KCPD reports having picked up some brown powder as well. The method of choice among users, the report says, is injection, though some snort, smoke or swallow. The KCPD counted three heroinoverdose deaths in 2011. Kansas City drug users are still happy to play lab rat, the report adds. Despite new laws banning “bath salts,” the trade in synthetic drugs has remained stable. Cops say the latest synthetic drug selling in convenience stores and online is the erotically named “Pump-It! Powder,” which comes in a case whose cover depicts shadowy dancing ﬁgures, apparently at a rave. (Picture the logo for So You Think You Can Dance.) It’s advertised as an “enhanced plant vitamin” and a “50 state legal substitute for bath salts,” but the packaging also says it’s “not for human consumption.” Of course, stern warnings have never stopped people from smoking, snorting or swallowing anything, and this powder is no different. Authorities aren’t sure what’s in Pump-It, but they believe the main ingredient is geranamine, which is similar in effect to amphetamines and ephedrine. What’s the high like? Kinda like meth’s. It might not be a long-lasting high, though. Legislators here and nationwide don’t waste

The tools for Kansas Citians taking the plunge.

many chances these days to grab some easy headlines by moving fast to ban synthetic drugs. KCTV Channel 5 reported in December that a package of Pump-It was selling for $30 in metro convenience stores. With a little help from Jefferson City, shopkeepers could see a spike in proﬁts just before manufacturers move on to the next questionable substance.

Each week, P Street Team cruises around to the hottest clubs, bars and concerts. You name it, we will be there. While we are out, we hand out tons of cool stuff. So look for the Street Team... We will be looking for you!

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2011 Killa City Update Last week’s Pitch cover story looked at homicides in Kansas City, Missouri, across 2011. By the time the issue went to press, the statistics in the story were already outdated. Kevin Thomason, 37, became victim No. 114 around 11:30 p.m. Tuesday, December 27. Police officers found Thomason mortally wounded in a driveway at East 68th Street and Bales. He was rushed to an area hospital, where he died a short time later. At press time this week, detectives were following up on several leads, though no suspects were in custody. The final homicide count for 2011 was 114 — the fourth highest figure of the last 10 years. Kansas City police have solved 75 of 2011’s homicides. As of press time, KCMO had yet to experience a homicide in 2012. — JUSTIN K ENDALL The latest highs at pitch.com/plog

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The Kansas City Chiefs went down hard in 2011. | By Ben Palosaari

he Kansas City Chiefs’ 42nd season in the National Football League began with a lockout and ended with the team outside the playoffs. The season is mercifully over, and only one word properly describes the 2011 campaign: cursed. This season will be remembered for torn ACLs. (Chiefs players could probably get a bulk discount on the surgical procedures. At least they won’t be lonely during rehab.) But Kansas City’s pain wasn’t just on the field. The Chiefs suffered off-the-field debacles, including front-office PR blunders, ego-fueled catfights, fan buffoonery and embarrassing lawsuits. The Chiefs managed to play spoiler to history, ending the Green Bay Packers’ bid for a perfect season. But with every victory on the way to a mediocre 7-9 record, the team played itself out of the running to draft Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck. In an effort to exorcise the 2011 season’s demons, we begin the offseason’s self-flagellation with a timeline of the season’s lowest and strangest moments. Help us, Hank Stram!

P R E S E A S O N Punch Out, Go Home July 20, 2011 It’s important when running a business to keep overhead low. Sometimes management needs to trim costly beneﬁts like health insurance and 401(k)s. But cutting an employee perk during a recession? That’s just cruel. Yet the Chiefs did just that.

For years, ticket takers, parking attendants and other seasonal, hourly employees could clock out, go inside Arrowhead and watch the games, reportedly in the standing-room section. The team discontinued the beneﬁt last season. “We’re working to develop policies and practices that provide the best possible experience for our fans; and fair and appropriate compensation and beneﬁts for our employees,” the Chiefs organization said in a statement. The Chiefs apparently believe that watching the game after sweating or freezing while helping fans is unfair and inappropriate. The move made Internet headlines, giving the Chiefs just enough bad karma before the start of training camp. It was especially miserly given rich-person magazine Forbes’ assessment that the Chiefs are the 27th most valuable prosports team in the world — in the world! — worth $965 million. The franchise was also further from the salary cap than any other team in the league, meaning that the chintzy organization was willing to go into the season with journeyman Tyler Palko and rookie Ricky Stanzi as its backup quarterbacks. Better pray that Matt Cassel doesn’t get injured. Maybe the penny-pinching will help the club climb to No. 26 in 2012.

Never Forget … to Charge Admission July 22, 2011 A local firefighter told 610 Sports’ Nick Wright that the Chiefs were charging 100 firefighters, who would be taking part in a pregame ceremony, to stay and watch the game — on September 11. The rumored price to stay: $25.

Hours after Wright tweeted the information and the news spread, Wright reported that the Chiefs called him and said the firefighters could stay for free. The baffling plan was the team’s second PR boner in two days, and the season hadn’t even started yet.

Bye-Bye, Brian Waters July 28, 2011 Releasing guard Brian Waters after 11 seasons was like putting down a beloved family pet. At age 34, Waters was on the backside of his career. Waters was a class act to the end. “This was a mutual decision between us,” Waters told The Kansas City Star of his departure. “We both felt the time was right. There’s no ill will. There’s no bad blood. I think it’s a good move for both parties.” The New England Patriots snapped him up, and he had himself a hell of a season. “He’s really worked hard, just doing everything that you would want a player to do,” Patriots coach Bill Belichick told the Providence Journal. “He’s worked hard in studying his plays and being in his notebook and watching ﬁlm and asking questions. He’s very well prepared. He’s a true professional and he really works hard at his job. He takes a lot of pride in it.” The Chiefs, a team that allowed 33 sacks and 72 hits on the quarterback, deﬁnitely couldn’t use a guy who had a Pro Bowl season (his sixth).

Rookie Fight Card August 19, 2011 The Chiefs needed a wide receiver to complement Dwayne Bowe. So the franchise

abandoned its previous strategy of drafting “good citizens” and used its first-round draft pick on Jonathan Baldwin, a wideout from the University of Pittsburgh with a troubled past, which included charges of assault and harassment. Baldwin claimed that he had matured. “I won’t be a problem,” he told the Chiefs in April. Four months later, Baldwin was brawling in a locker room with veteran running back Thomas Jones. In the scuffle, Baldwin hurt his thumb, causing him to miss the Chiefs’ final three preseason games. In a press conference following the Chiefs’ 3113 preseason loss to the Baltimore Ravens, Chiefs coach Todd Haley wouldn’t explain why Baldwin was held out of the game, saying only that it was “family business.” Instead, the tough-on-the-outside, touchy-on-theinside Haley took time out to whine about the Ravens running up the score. At least Haley shook Baltimore coach John Harbaugh’s hand. Does that count as progress?

Stark Raven Mad August 19, 2011 Chiefs-related violence wasn’t limited to the team’s locker room. After the Ravens beat up the Chiefs on the ﬁeld, a rowdy Kansas City fan tussled with a group of Ravens fans in the stadium. Outnumbered 3-to-1, the Chiefs fan started throwing punches. A cellphone video of the ﬁsticuffs showed the Chiefs fan knocking one man to the ground with a couple of thundering blows before a group of Ravens fans jumped in. It was almost as ugly as the game. With several injuries to continued on page 8

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Follies, Fumbles and Fiascoes continued from page 7

come, perhaps the Chiefs should have watched the footage to learn how to take a hit.

Tony Moeaki’s Season Ends September 1, 2011 Kansas City’s preseason ended with a 20-19 loss to the reigning Super Bowl champs, the Green Bay Packers. The loss on the field paled in comparison with losing promising secondyear tight end Tony Moeaki for the season. Moeaki, who caught 47 passes and scored three touchdowns as a rookie, tore his ACL in the second quarter. The injury cost the offense its second most prolific receiver from 2010 and was just the first injury domino to fall.

THE SEASON BEGINS An Ugly Start September 8, 2011 A cosmetic study of NFL players found that the Chiefs were the butt-ugliest of all NFL squads. The Wall Street Journal commissioned a study from Ursinus College to analyze the facial symmetry of 320 football players, and the ﬁndings only wounded the Chiefs’ pride. A couple of days after the results were released, Team Ugly lived up to its reputation with a 41-7 loss to the Buffalo Bills — the most attractive team in the NFL, according to Ursinus.

The Injury List Swells September 11, 2011 The Chiefs’ pathetic season opener — the most lopsided opening-day loss in team history — came with lasting consequences. Three plays into the game, Buffalo wide 84 TTHH EE PPII TT CC HH

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receiver Stevie Johnson dived to block Pro Bowl safety Eric Berry and ripped up ligaments in Berry’s left knee. Berry was lost for the season. Some fans grumbled that Johnson’s block was dirty. Haley tried to put on a bold face, saying the team wouldn’t let the injury “in any way, shape or form drag down our team or our ability to have a successful, exciting season.” The season turned out to be neither. Despite all of the franchise’s salarycap space, the Chiefs went with Sabby Piscitelli, leaving Chiefs fans to Google a name straight out of Grease 2. Haley immediately threw Piscitelli under the bus. “If you lose somebody, you’ve got to have somebody ready to step in and ﬁll the void,” Haley said after the game. “In some cases, as history shows, those guys that step in that you’re thinking are a stop-gap to ﬁll the void become better players. But today that didn’t occur.”

Jamaal Charles: the Unwitting Poster Boy September 18, 2011 Week two of the Chiefs’ season was a bit of déjà vu: The Chiefs were blown out (this time, losing 48-3 to the Detroit Lions), and another key player suffered a season-ending knee injury. This week’s victim: running back Jamaal Charles, who tore his ACL while lunging for a ﬁrst down. The injury to Charles, who had rushed for more than 1,400 yards in 2010, was a critical blow to an offense that had already lost Moeaki. But Charles’ injury was made worse when the NFL used a picture of a broken, grieving Charles being carted off the ﬁeld in an advertisement for fantasy football. The ad copy read: “Injury ruin your fantasy season? Start again on NFL.com. It’s not too late.” The NFL pulled the ad almost immediately and called it a mistake. But there was no season reset for the Chiefs.

Jamaal Charles tore his ACL; the NFL slapped him in an ad.

Raiding the Coffers September 19, 2011 Oakland Raiders fan Clifford Trammel went to a game at Arrowhead in 2009, got in a ﬁght with Chiefs fans and got whupped. In 2011, he came back with a lawsuit seeking $250,000 in damages to bite the Chiefs organization in the ass. That’s a bad metaphor, though, considering that Trammel claims to have lost four teeth in the ﬁght. Trammel says he was beaten by two men, fell down two rows of seats and received cuts to his face. You’d think the loss of teeth would make him even scarier in spiked shoulder pads and silver and black face paint.

Taking It From the Chin September 21, 2011 After losing its best offensive and defensive players and losing its ﬁrst two games by a total of 89-10, the Chiefs were ripe to be made into a national punch line. And Jay Leno came through. During his September 21 monologue, the host of The Tonight Show quipped: “Well, here’s something frightening. Scientists from NASA have said a research satellite the size of a bus will crash into the Earth on Friday. They say they have no idea where it will land, although they say it has better odds of landing in the end zone than the Kansas City Chiefs.” The worst part: There was no way to refute him. Maybe Haley should have focused more on installing the offense than conditioning in the offseason.

Haley and Cassel Shout It Out October 2, 2011 There was plenty of unnecessary drama and inﬁghting, even when the Chiefs won. During

the team’s week-four win over the Minnesota Vikings, Haley and quarterback Matt Cassel got in a shouting match on the sidelines. The argument was so contentious that players and coaches had to separate them. The spat came late in the second quarter after Cassel spiked the ball, forcing the team to attempt a third field goal of the half. Haley wanted Cassel to try a little harder to get the first down. The embarrassing tiff was broadcast live on Fox — and posted to sports blogs around the country as further proof that this was a team in disarray. Haley and Cassel were quick to make nice in the afterglow of the 22-17 win. “You hug, you make up, you do high-fives and you just move on to the next play,” Cassel said. He might have been on to something. The Chiefs reeled off three more victories before falling apart again.

[Insert Sponsor Name Here] at Arrowhead Stadium October 14, 2011 In mid-October, various media outlets reported that the Chiefs would soon be announcing a naming-rights deal for Arrow-

head Stadium. Fans went into a tizzy guessing the new name of Arrowhead. Google Field at Arrowhead? Sprint Stadium? H&R Block Arena of Mediocrity? Turns out, there was no deal. A team spokesperson quashed the rumors and said the team had been looking for a name sponsor since 2006. At least the Chiefs didn’t sell the name of its stadium to a reﬁnancing company subsequent to the bursting of the housing bubble (Quicken Loans Arena); a TARP recipient that took money from the federal government and wanted to charge its customers debit-card fees (Bank of America Stadium); or a company guilty of staggering corporate fraud (Enron Field). Let’s hope that sponsorready Arrowhead Stadium doesn’t catch MF Global’s eye.

Turquoise and the Hair November 6, 2011 Known for a rather disheveled look that included wearing shabby jeans and sweatshirts straight out of the Bill Belichick fall line, Haley began growing a “lucky beard” just before the Chiefs’ continued on page 10

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There was no shortage of people talking shit on the Chiefs this season, most notably former Chiefs defensive end Jared Allen. Allen, who spent four seasons in KC and is now with the Minnesota Vikings, trashed the team when he spoke with reporters before the Chiefs’ home game against the Vikings in week four. “His name was Carl Peterson,” Allen told reporters when he was asked why he wanted to leave Kansas City. “You can write that in caps. Obviously, I guess I had a problem with Clark [Hunt], too, because he chose Carl over me.” Allen didn’t stop there. After ripping the Chiefs’ front ofﬁce, he went on to praise Minnesota, where he has more than 50 sacks in four seasons. “I should probably thank [Peterson],” he told the St. Paul Pioneer Press. “He did me something awesome by not signing me back when we tried to do an extension. I’m at a great organization now. The Wilfs [owners of the Vikings] are phenomenal. The contract I was going to sign, this one is 10 times more than that one. I’m just truly blessed to be in Minnesota.” That’s a strong statement considering that Allen is “blessed” to play for a team that missed home games in 2010 due to the Metrodome’s roof collapsing under the weight of snow. Team ofﬁcials have also tried unsuccessfully to convince taxpayers to pay for a new stadium. If he’d rather play there than Arrowhead, he must really hate the Chiefs organization. — BEN PALOSAARI pitch.com J A N U A R Y 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2 pitch.com M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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The Age of Orton Begins (Sort Of) November 23, 2011

The Chiefs finally spent a whopping $2.5 designer fashion shows, beauty, bridal, decor, cake tastings, million on a quarterback. The Chiefs won cakeKyle Orton Sweepstakes, claiming Orton flowers, designer fashion shows, beauty, bridal, decor,the from waivers and keeping him from going to his desired destination: the Chicago Bears. esigner fashion shows, beauty, bridal, tastings, flowers, designer Despite Palko serving up three interceptions presents fashion a disastrous 34-3 Monday Night Football beauty, decor, cake tastings, flowers, designer firstshows, in 100 brid drubbing by the New England Patriots, Orton receive es a wouldn’t see the ﬁeld until the second quarter bridal, decor, cakee tastings, fflowers, designer designer shows, swag bfashion ag of week 13’s game. Meanwhile, Stanzi was left on the sidelines admiring his “Made in USA ecor, ca cak cake k tastings, flowers, l lowers, designer fashion beauty, bridal, decor, 1987” tattoo. eauty, bri bridal, brid d decor, d cakee tastings, fflowers, designer shows, beauty, Throw Your Hands in the Air at Union Station and Show You Don’t Care bridal, decor, cake ke k e tastings, flowers, f fashion shows, beauty, bridal show November 27, 2011 The Chiefs were driving on the Pittsburgh anuary 29th, 2012 designer esigner fashion shows, beauty, bridal, decor, ecor, cake cak ca k tastings, I Steelers. Down 13-9 in the fourth quarter  W P R with shows, beauty, bridal, al, decor, d ecor, caketime running out, the Chiefs were sitting ca flowers, ddesigner fashion K C, MO on the Steelers’ 37-yard line. Palko was in a  90       having already thrown two interceptastings, fflflowers, lowers, designer fashion shows, bbeauty, eauty, bri bridal, brid drhythm,        . tions while Stanzi was daydreaming about much he loves America. On this ﬁnal Enchanting Prizes decor, cake kkee tastings, fflowers, designer esigner fashion shows, how beauty, possession, Palko looked to the Chiefs’ top    $500          . receiver, Dwayne Bowe, and Bowe raised his tastings, flowers, designer esigner fashion shows, bridal, decor, ecor, 1ca cake        hand to call for the ball. Despite Bowe being    . surrounded by defensive backs, Palko threw beauty, eauty, bri bridal, brid d ddecor, cakee tastings, fflowers, designer esigner fashion it. Bowe didn’t even bother to raise his hands details to catch the football, which was intercepted     @  eauty, bridal, brid bri dal, decor, dal, dshow ecor, cak ca cake ke k e tastings, flowers, fl f l owers, designer shows, bbeauty,    by the Steelers’ Keenan Lewis with 29 sec ’   , onds left. “I’ve seen a lot of lame stuff in the fashion shows, beauty, eauty, bridal, briddal, bri dal, decor, decor, cak cake kkee tastings, fflowers, b    ca  NFL … ,” mused stunned NBC analyst Chris       Collinsworth. Game over. shows,  b   k beauty, eauty, bridal, brid bri d dal, al, decor, d ecor, cake cak ca ke e tastings, designer esigner fashion $    . ( flowers, ddesigner esigner fashion shows, beauty, beauty, bridal, briddal, bri dal, decor, d) ecor,Birthday cake (Law)Suit ca BOGO TICKETS AT KC.PWG.COM OR $10 AT THE DOOR December 2, 2011 the most upsetting piece of news S   fashion shows,  beauty, tastings, flowers, designer b bridal, bridPerhaps for Chiefs die-hards came in early December ’

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ADMISSION WITH PROOF OF ENTRANCE INTO THE ENGAGED BRIDAL SHOW

10 t h e p i t c h 6 THE PITCH

JANUARY 5-11, 2012 M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

A HYPOTHETICAL CONVERSATION BETWEEN CHIEFS QUARTERBACK TYLER PALKO AND HEAD COACH TODD HALEY

Broncos Storm the Cassel November 13, 2011 The bad news piled up in the Chiefs’ 17-10 loss to the Denver Broncos in week 10. Under the pile of Broncos defenders Elvis Dumerville and Von Miller, quarterback Matt Cassel suffered an injured throwing hand. After the game, Haley told reporters that he wasn’t sure how long Cassel would be out. “The length of it, we’re not sure, but there’s some optimism.” This level of spin was admirable. Cassel was put on injured reserve days later and wasn’t seen the rest of the season. The future under center belonged to either Palko or Stanzi.

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of everyone who was with [previous GM] Carl Peterson, especially anyone over the age of 40.” Sniezek’s lawsuit names other ﬁred employees by name and includes a line graph illustrating the alleged drop in ages of front-ofﬁce employees called “How the Chiefs Were Built: Going Young.” The Chiefs denied any wrongdoing. “The allegations in the lawsuit are both baseless and ridiculous,” said Mark Donovan, team president, in a statement regarding the lawsuit. “The plaintiff ’s claims are completely false, and we intend to vigorously defend ourselves.”

DAV I D E U L I T T / M C T / N E W S C O M

Run with the Nerds!

four-game winning streak began. There’s a rich history of sports streaks and hair growth, but Haley broke with tradition when he didn’t shave his hobo beard after the team was blown out at home 31-3 by the previously 0-7 Miami Dolphins. Rather than breaking out the clippers and cleaning up, Haley stubbornly kept the beard. He even missed an easy chance to fault his superstition for the loss. “My grooming habits have nothing to do with the performance of our team,” he told the Star in the week after the defeat. “That’s my own obsession, compulsive disorder, whatever they call it.” Something to remember next time he ﬁnds a coaching job: When you lose, blame the beard.

when a longtime front-ofﬁce employee ﬁled an age-discrimination lawsuit against the team. Brenda Sniezek worked for the Chiefs from 1982 to January 2011, when she was cut loose as the team’s community relations director. Sniezek, 52, was told that her position was being eliminated. But her lawsuit alleges that the Chiefs wanted to weed out those older than 40 from the team’s operations departments. The lawsuit claims in part that Chiefs General Manager Scott Pioli, who was named NFL Executive of the Year a week before Sniezek was given her walking papers, was overheard saying, “We’re going to get rid

Kyle Orton’s finger injury on his first play as a Chief epitomized the team’s season of follies. Kansas City beat the Chicago Bears in week 13, thanks to a Tyler Palko Hail Mary touchdown pass just before halftime. But what TV cameras didn’t capture was the 12 seconds leading up to Orton’s injury at the start of the second quarter. The dialogue that follows is fictional … we think. The first quarter ends, and we go to a commercial break. Haley: Hey, Tyler. Can you come over here a second? Palko (looking up from braiding third-stringer Ricky Stanzi’s hair): Just a second, coach. I’m still working on Ricky’s French braid. Haley: Tyler, it’s kind of important. Palko: You’re right, coach. If I don’t get this done before the quarter starts, he’s going to have a half-done braid on national television. Haley (looking at Romeo Crennel): Romeo, little help here? Crennel: Sorry, Todd, got my hands full here. (Looks down at his hands, which are full of Polish sausages.) Haley (looking at Kyle Orton, who has been soft-tossing a football for the entire first quarter): Carl, get in there. Orton (muttering under his breath as he slides on his helmet): It’s Kyle … or neckbeard. We’re back from the commercial break, and Orton is under center for the Chiefs — it’s second and 10 near midfield. Offensive Coordinator Bill Muir: OK, Carl. We’re gonna give the flea flicker a shot. Orton is injured on the play when the Bears’ Major Wright streaks through on a blitz, leaving the index finger on Orton’s throwing hand resembling Brian Baldinger’s pinky. Orton comes up from the play, holding that finger aloft to the sideline. Haley (inwardly cursing for getting all of one play out of Orton after yanking Palko): Hey, Tyler? How would you feel about going in, buddy? Palko: Great, coach. Look at Carl out there. He’s saying we’re No. 1. That’s awesome. By the way, check out Ricky’s braid — it’s pretty sweet. He said he’ll give me a rattail at the half. Haley: Great … just … great. Bill, he’s all yours. — JONATHAN BENDER

Orton Hears a Boo December 4, 2011 In an almost comical bit of bad luck in week 13, the Chiefs replaced one injured quarterback with another. Palko failed to get the offense into the end zone during his two starts in the weeks prior. He flamed out again in the first quarter against the Chicago Bears. Haley pulled Palko in favor of Orton. On his first snap — a flea flicker — Orton was hit by Chicago’s Major Wright and went down on his right index finger and was lost for the game. A journeyman QB, Palko had failed to catch on in the United Football League, the Canadian Football League and other NFL teams, but he returned and miraculously connected with receiver Dexter McCluster on a Hail Mary touchdown pass to close out the first half with a 7-3 lead. The Chiefs hung on for a 10-3 win. Meanwhile, Stanzi was still thinking about America over on the sidelines.

On-Time Departure December 11, 2011 After the Chiefs’ pathetic showing against the New York Jets, Haley said the first half was the worst that the team had played all season. All season? Try all time. The Chiefs produced only 4 yards of total offense in the first half and headed into the locker room down 28-3. In the second half, they weren’t much better. During the Jets’ final touchdown drive, the Chiefs gave up 81 yards on penalties, with Haley contributing 15 for unsportsmanlike conduct. The game ended with running back Jackie Battle getting gang-tackled in the Chiefs’ end zone for a safety. Final score: Jets 37, Chiefs 10. The loss also signaled the end of the Haley era.

Throw the Bum Out December 12, 2011 Owner Clark Hunt, GM Pioli and the fans had seen enough after the loss to the Jets. Haley was ﬁred. “This was a difﬁcult decision but one that we feel is best for the future of the Chiefs,” Hunt said in a statement announcing that Haley’s sweat-encrusted baseball cap had seen its last bleaching at Arrowhead. “Although there have been bright spots at different points this season, we have not made

meaningful progress and we felt that it was necessary to make a change.” Pioli added: “Todd helped this team in many valuable ways over the past three seasons, and I am thankful for his contributions.” Haley left the Chiefs with a 19-27 coaching record.

show in which football experts answer viewer questions sent via Twitter and Facebook. For his part, Pioli issued a mea culpa to Chiefs fans and took responsibility for the team’s wretched season. During a ﬁring-day press conference, Pioli sat next to Hunt, looking like a sorry dog hoping to avoid punishment. “We have a locker room that has talent. We also have a good makeup of character in that locker room, but it’s abundantly clear that we’re not in a spot we need to be with our record where it is and our team in a position it is. I need to do a better job,” Pioli said. Defensive Coordinator Romeo Crennel was named interim head coach. In four seasons as head coach of the Cleveland Browns, his record was 24-40.

Haley Finds Work; Pioli Apologizes December 13, 2011 Haley didn’t go quietly. He told the Star that he had considered quitting so that he would be able to publicly gripe about the team’s front office rather than being silenced by a severance agreement. He decided to get fired instead. The scruffy coach didn’t keep his mouth shut for long. Three days after being fired, ESPN hired Haley to be a guest analyst on Audibles, a

2011 REGULAR SEASON SCHEDULE Week 1: September 11 vs. Week 2: September 18 @ Week 3: September 25 @

Buffalo Bills L 41–7 Detroit Lions L 48–3

Minnesota Vikings W 22–17

Week 5: October 9 @

Indianapolis Colts W 28–24

Perhaps the worst thing to come out of the Chiefs’ year of being hexed is the uncertainty of the looming offseason. With a 2-1 record as the Chiefs’ head coach, will Crennel lose the “interim” tag? With proven winners like Jeff Fisher and Bill Cowher available, it would be foolish to assume that the Chiefs will promote Crennel without at least testing the A-list waters. Then again, we’ve learned this season that if the team spots a way to save money, it’ll take it. With the draft almost four months away, Pioli is no doubt already feeling his blood pressure rising. The Chiefs sucked but didn’t suck enough to play the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. So that leaves the Chiefs likely drafting 11th or 12th in the ﬁrst round. There’s also the uncertainty of how Cassel, Moeaki, Charles and Berry will return from serious injuries. And will the Chiefs sign Bowe to a contract extension? The only sure thing about next season: It has to be better than 2011. Right?

Week 6: Bye Week Week 7: October 23 @ Week 8: October 31 vs.

Oakland Raiders W 28–0 San Diego Chargers W 23–20 OT

Week 9: November 6 vs. Week 10: November 13 vs. Week 11: November 21 @ Week 12: November 27 vs.

Miami Dolphins L 31–3 Denver Broncos L 17–10 New England Patriots L 34–3 Pittsburgh Steelers L 13–9

Week 13: December 4 @

Chicago Bears W 10–3

Week 14: December 11 @

New York Jets L 37–10

Week 15: December 18 vs.

Green Bay Packers W 19–14

Week 16: December 24 vs.

Oakland Raiders L 16–13 OT

Week 17: January 1 @

Of course, in a season ﬁlled with this much bad karma, the trouble had to follow players home. On December 20, prosecutors announced that Daniel LaBlance had been charged with breaking into McCluster’s home and stealing $25,000 worth of property while the Chiefs played the Broncos on November 13. McCluster and his girlfriend returned home to find the door kicked in and electronics, clothing and jewelry missing. The bounty that LaBlance allegedly got away with included $300 Prada shoes, $350 Beats headphones, a $260 pair of Versace sunglasses, a $300 pair of True Religion jeans, and a $15,000 diamond Chiefs helmet pendant. It’s unclear where the hell the thief was planning on fencing that last piece of bling. LaBlance, who reportedly was convicted of murder as a juvenile, was charged with ﬁrstdegree burglary.

THE END

San Diego Chargers L 20–17

Week 4: October 2 vs.

Home Is Where the Bling Was December 20, 2011

Denver Broncos W 7–3

RECORD: 7–9

E-mail ben.palosaari@pitch.com or call 816-218-6783

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S AT U R D AY PAGE 14

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Hail to the King.

Rural drinks in WyCo.

Elevating your mind game.

NIGHT + DAY WEEK OF JANUARY 5–11

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Breidenthal debut Artboards, an endeavor of the bank’s Art Through Architecture project and the Charlotte Street Foundation. The large-scale, double-sided exterior billboards feature Anderson’s photographs of verdant forest scenes and Breidenthal’s painted landscape juxtaposed with a pixilated representation of the same scene. The Artboards remain up through the first Friday in April. — BERRY ANDERSON

[THEATER]

SPRINGTIME FOR STALIN

Best known for his early collaborations with director Danny Boyle and actor Ewan McGregor (Shallow Grave, Trainspotting, A Life Less Ordinary), Glaswegian screenwriter John Hodge makes his first foray into theater with the dark comedy Collaborators at the National Theatre of London. The play imagines a meeting in 1938 between Josef Stalin and Mikhail Bulgakov, a Faustian arrangement by which the latter reluctantly agrees to write a play about Stalin as a young man, and Stalin promises not to have Bulgakov’s new production shuttered and his wife detained. High jinks ensue when the dictator takes over the writing duties and delegates some of his administrative tasks to the playwright. This high-definition presentation of the National Theatre Live series screens at 7 p.m. and again Sunday at 2 p.m. at Tivoli Cinemas (4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-5222). Regular adult admission costs $15. See tivolikc.com for details. — BRENT SHEPHERD

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[NIGHTLIFE]

MOVEMENT OF JAH PEOPLE

It’s a wonder, really, that there aren’t more rap songs dedicated to Marcus Garvey, the Jamaican-born founder of the Universal Negro Improvement Association. Nearly 100 years ago, Garvey’s soapbox speeches on the streets of Harlem empowered the downtrodden. Unfortunately, being loud, black and proud in the 1920s proved too unsettling for authorities, who prosecuted Garvey for $25 worth of “mail fraud” and deported him back to Jamaica in 1927. “I feel like people in their 20s and 30s need to know about the revolutionaries of the past,” says James Saffold III, a Heet Mob-affiliated musician who also goes by Huey P. Nuisance. “I’m all about the empowerment of the people, not just black people,” he says. “It’s time to stop complaining about how terrible things have become and do something about it.” To that end, Saffold organized tonight’s tribute, “The Resurrection of Marcus Garvey,” which he describes as “a great night of local hip-hop and positive energy” featuring artist Dan Matic; crooner

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[SPORTS]

BALLIN’ FOR THE BIG GUY

Reggie B.; DJ Hylanda; and MCs Joe Carter, Brother Neves, Negro Scoe, Lester Brown and Natural Mic. It all goes down at Czar (1531 Grand, 816-421-0300). Doors open at 9 p.m., and the cover for the 21-and-older event is $5. — NADIA PFLAUM [SPOKEN WORD]

SPEAK, SHOUT, SCREAM

The poetry reading called Bold New Poets is a big, serious experiment. The event puts 19 poets onstage in the Atkins Auditorium at the NelsonAtkins Museum of Art (4525 Oak, 816-751-1278) for two long reading sessions. The organizers — the Music and More Foundation and Terance Williams — have set out to prove that the spoken word hasn’t lost its artistic cachet, so don’t expect bongos, berets, slams, battles or other poetry-reading clichés. Not that you won’t laugh. In fact, expect a full range of emotions elicited by readings that feel like stand-up comedy as well as stand-up tragedy. Free and open to the public, the sessions begin at 5:30 p.m. See themusicandmorefoundation.org. — K ENT SZLAUDERBACH

Jane Deschner’s “Polka Dot (mother & me),” at Sherry Leedy (see Friday). [ART]

FIRST-FRIDAY ROUNDUP

• Sherry Leedy Contemporary Art (2004 Baltimore, 816-221-2626). Three exhibits are running this month: Often, All That Remains by Jane Deschner (found photographs with threaded embroidery), Below the Surface by Steve Gorman (painted ceramics) and I Am an Indian First and an Artist Second by Tom Jones (photography). The opening reception is from 7 to 9 p.m. • EventPort Gallery Space (208 West 19th Street, 816-994-7311). Artist Rachel Brown makes an attempt at cathartic release with {resolutions}, her exhibit of abstract paintings. Brown hopes that by lifting herself through personal messes made in 2011, she can begin to make positive offerings to the world around her. The opening reception goes from 6 to 9 p.m. • Missouri Bank Crossroads Branch (125 Southwest Boulevard, 816-881-8280). KC-based artists Jon Scott Anderson and Derrick pitch.com pitch.com

The resumption of post-lockout NBA play on Christmas Day was promoted as a present to basketball fans, but let’s be real: The NBA season is irretrievably damaged. Whichever team emerges victorious from the finals will be stuck with a big, fat asterisk next to its title to denote the lockout-abbreviated schedule. Basketball fans who suffer from a jaded ’tude may find that the best cure is to watch the local American Basketball Association team, the Missouri Rhythm. According to its website, Missouri Rhythm “utilize(s) biblical principles to build spiritual and moral character throughout the metropolitan area.” Forward Dwayne Blakely says, “It’s an up-and-down game. It’s fast-breaking, a lot of 3s. We’re all grown men out here. The average age is probably 25 years old.” There’s no denying their skills — on December 17, the Rhythm took it to the Little Rock Lightning to the tune of 10691. Tonight, the Rhythm faces the Oklahoma Stallions at Raytown’s First Baptist Church (10500 East 350 Highway, 816-353-1994), with tipoff at 7 p.m. Tickets cost $10 at the door for adults, and $5 for kids under 18 and IDbearing military and college students. Parking is free, as are tickets for kids under 6. — NADIA PFLAUM [THEATER]

CZAR BARS

In 1964, a milkman named Tevye first announced onstage, “Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as ... as a fiddler on the roof.” Today, veteran actor John Preece (who has played the role of Tevye more than 1,700 times) utters the famous line inside Yardley Hall at continued on page 14 J A N U A R Y 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2 t h e p i t c h 13 M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X T H E P I T C H 1

[FILM]

A MUPPET OF A MAN

In all of children’s television, there is perhaps no more polarizing character than Elmo. You either love him or hate him. (Whereas we all agree that we hate Barney, right?) But it’s hard not to love the man who makes the wide-eyed, high-pitched, bright-red, eternal 3-year-old tick, because Sesame Street senior puppet coordinator Kevin Clash is living his childhood dream, while most of us surrendered our own to bitterness and whiskey years ago. Derided by other kids for “playing with dolls,” Clash never wavered from his desire to work alongside his hero, Jim Henson, and ultimately found himself manning the controls of the cultural and commercial juggernaut that is Elmo. His story is recounted in the acclaimed documentary Being Elmo: A Puppeteer’s Journey, which opened Friday for a limited release at Tivoli Cinemas (4050 Pennsylvania, 913-383-7756). For details and showtimes, see tivolikc.com or call 913-383-7756. — BRENT SHEPHERD

Elmo, aka Kevin Clash (see Sunday). continued from page 13

Johnson County Community College (12345 College Boulevard, Overland Park, 916-469-8500) alongside the rest of the Tony Award-winning cast as they perform Fiddler on the Roof. The musical makes a two-night tour stop at the theater and features Jerome Robbins’ original Broadway direction and choreography. Based on the stories of Sholom Aleichem, the musical about Jewish life in a pre-revolutionary Russian village includes such songs as “Sunrise, Sunset” and “If I Were a Rich Man.” The show begins at 8 tonight and at 7 p.m. Sunday. Tickets, available for $40 and $50, may be purchased online at jccc.edu/ TheSeries or by calling 913-469-4445. — NANCY HULL R IGDON

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HOUSEGUEST HELL

Written in three days in 1924, Noël Coward’s play Hay Fever is as relatable today as it was during the days of World War I. Watching the Bliss family — a foursome of self-involved, over-the-top personalities — and their four separately invited houseguests, feels more like an exercise in melodramatic disaster than high art. See the spin that Equity Actors’ Readers’ Theatre puts on it when nine local actors perform their script-in-hand version tonight at St. Teresa’s Academy (5601 Wyandotte, 816-501-0011). John Rensenhouse, Merle Moores, Emily Peterson and Seth Golay play David, Judith, Sorel and Simon Bliss, respectively, and the production is directed by Doug Weaver. “Some people wonder why you’d want to see a bunch of actors stand in front of music stands, reading [ SAT U R DAY 1 .7 ]

from scripts, but I must say that’s it’s pretty entertaining, and we’ve been blessed with an awesome cast,” says Kip Niven, E.A.R.Th’s project coordinator. The play begins at 7:30 p.m. in the school’s Music and Arts Building. Admission is free (but donations are accepted). — BERRY ANDERSON

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[MIND & BODY]

MASTERMIND

In 1988, Terry Martin had difficulty formulating, much less expressing, her ideas in conversation. She found it too hard to focus on her thoughts. “I wanted to learn how to concentrate better,” she says. Martin began taking classes to quiet her mind and understand her own thinking through meditation and intuition development. Today, Martin comfortably speaks in front of others as a teacher and director of the School of Metaphysics (4323 Rainbow Boulevard, Kansas City, Kansas, 913-236-9292), where folks have gone since the mid-1970s to improve the power of their minds — and their lives. Martin helps people listen better, to each other and to themselves. “Think the thoughts that will create the life you want,” she urges. What better time to start doing that than the beginning of the year? Whether you want to enhance personal relationships or your tennis game, the weekly, ongoing Mastery of Consciousness classes may help. The first class begins at 7:30 p.m. A $20 donation is requested. For more information, call the school or see som.org. — CRYSTAL K. WIEBE

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[ART]

So not Graceland.

[DRINKING]

The “RedNek Wine Glass” — a Mason jar perched atop a Libbey candleholder — is all the rage these days in DIY circles. The low-maintenance chugger brought $5 million in sales in 10 months and tops Amazon’s best-selling glassware and drinkware list, according to CNN Money. Kansas City has its own way of rebelling against prim-andproper wine traditions: the Wine Barn Winery and Vineyard (2850 North 119th Street, Kansas City, Kansas, 913-721-5577). The 16-acre property near the Kansas Speedway pairs wine-lover delights, such as a scenic vineyard and wine made on-site, with casual charm — a metal barn with a concrete-slab patio serves as the winery. “We’re a break from the snobby little wine club,” Wine Barn co-owner Celeste Mikijanis says. The threeyear-old, family-owned business has 17 wine varieties and makes each bottle one at a time. Tastings are free of charge and available during regular hours, typically 12 to 5 p.m. Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. (The winery is closed Friday, January 6.) The facility also is open by appointment. For more information, see winedottebarn.com. — NANCY HULL RIGDON

[THEATER]

THE KING, REMEMBERED

MOONSHINE CHIC

M O N D AY

n January 8 this year, Elvis Presley would have celebrated his 77th birthday. The King’s following hasn’t appeared to lose any steam in the 35 years since his death. In 2011, Italian composer and DJ Agostino “Spankox” Carollo released a collection of remixes called Elvis Re:Volution. Featuring “It’s Now or Never,” “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” and “Wooden Heart,” the album has takes on the classics reminiscent of gay-club disco tracks and peppy Euro-leisure trash. We don’t believe Elvis would have approved. This weekend, KC keeps his memory alive with four shows scheduled as part of Jim Kilroy’s annual Elvis Bash. For venues, times and ticket prices, see elvisbash.net. Performer Bobby Simkins has been doing the songs of Elvis for eight years. We caught up with him to hear his thoughts on the cultural icon. The Pitch: Why do you think that the Elvis phenomenon still lives on today? Simkins: Elvis touched so many people and not only with his singing. People admired the man and his love for his fans. They want to give back to him as much as he gave of himself. Do you have special tricks that you believe make you a better Elvis impersonator? Before I do a show, I ask both God and Elvis to let me do Elvis justice. Which period of Elvis’ life does your act best fit into? When Elvis grew into a artist and started doing songs that had meaning and reflected more of his soul. If you could have been Elvis’ business manager, what would you have done differently? I would have treated him like a human being and let the guy be a normal person sometimes. Also, I would have told him what’s really important in life. Which song is the be-all and end-all Elvis song? You know, the one that really brings down the house? “American Trilogy” and “My Way” if you sing them with the passion that Elvis sang them with. — BERRY ANDERSON pitch.com pitch.com

OTHER VOICES, OTHER ROOMS

The art on display right now at Cara and Cabezas Contemporary (1714 Holmes, 816-332-6239) aims to reach you in ways that Facebook, TV and other media can’t. This evening, the gallery hosts an artists’ talk to explain the latest exhibition, The Voice That Reaches You IV. Katherine Marie O’Hara, Shea Gordon, Graham Porter, Davin Watne and Ryan Haralson address their own works and try to answer the big questions: Why is artistic expression so important? Why create? What is the role of art in our current social and political climate? Writer-in-residence Halcombe Miller moderates the panel, which gets under way at 5:30 p.m. — K ENT SZLAUDERBACH Night + Day listings are offered as a free service to Pitch readers and are subject to space restrictions. Submissions should be addressed to Night + Day Editor Berry Anderson by e-mail (calendar@pitch.com), fax (816-756-0502) or mail (The Pitch, 1701 Main, Kansas City, MO 64108). Please include zip code with address. Continuing items must be resubmitted monthly. No submissions are taken by telephone. Items must be received two weeks prior to each issue date. Search our complete listings guide online.

ﬁlm No Country for Oldman IN TINKER TAILOR SOLDIER SPY’S CHESS GAME, EVERYONE IS A PAWN.

self-effacing highlight rising above a rather dismal field of Oscar bait, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is an expertly mounted, exquisitely old-fashioned espionage thriller that capitalizes on two meanings of the word intelligence. Adapted from the 1974 novel by John le Carré — the first book in his trilogy centered on British spy George Smiley and his nemesis, the Soviet BY superagent known only as M I C H A E L “Karla” — the movie is the third feature film (and the S I C I N S K I first in English) by Swedish director Tomas Alfredson, whose most recent effort was the original David Dencik (left) and Gary Oldman. (and superior) version of Let the Right One In. Tinker Tailor could hardly be less similar ally on the run from his own organization. in tone and subject matter — wan, hangdog With the help of a young agent (Benedict spooks in mid-’70s tweed versus wan, blood- Cumberbatch) several rungs below the men under suspicion, Smiley begins the complex sucking adolescents. Alfredson has complete command of the process of cleaning house. Oldman is without a doubt one of our material. The film proceeds deliberately but with consummate attention to movement, most underappreciated actors, most recently strategy and surprise, much like the chess relegated to sturdy utility work in tent poles game that serves as its overarching metaphor. like Harry Potter and The Dark Knight. Here, Smiley (Gary Oldman) discovers that his late he embodies Smiley as a late-modern Britboss and mentor, known only as Control ish man, dedicated to basic ideals that he sees shifting around him — (John Hurt), believed there Western individuality, honor, to be a Soviet mole in the Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy loyalty, national identity. It’s highest echelon of MI6, the Directed by not just that he has to root British Secret Intelligence Tomas Alfredson. out betrayal within his own Service. Smiley is no longer Based on the book by ranks. His sense of dignity an agent; he was summarJohn le Carré. shows cracks surrounding ily dismissed when Control Starring Gary Oldman, his unseen wife’s infidelity was forced out in a generaToby Jones, Colin Firth, (for which he largely blames Ciarán Hinds, David tional putsch. The younger Dencik, Tom Hardy and himself and his work). What’s men demonstrate a greater Benedict Cumberbatch. more, the British-Soviet douwillingness to throw small ble-dealing has American finscraps of “chicken feed” gerprints all over it. The U.K. secrets to the Russians in order to gain access to more valuable espionage, is trying to gain entree into CIA intelligence, whereas Control’s people remain staunch and the KGB is playing MI6 to gain access to same. So Smiley’s plight is one of masculine anti-Communist hardliners. At the heart of Tinker Tailor is the slip- honor and British sovereignty under late-Cold pery slope of such partial accommodation. War assault. Oldman fashions Smiley’s dilemma as one Four second-tier MI6 executives are running the show in the post-Control era — of listening, watching and reacting — indiPercy Alleline (Toby Jones), Bill Haydon vidual existence as a war of attrition. In a (Colin Firth), Roy Bland (Ciarán Hinds) and way, this is also how Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Toby Esterhase (David Dencik) — and one succeeds as a piece of cinema. It thinks ahead. is an outright double agent. In flashbacks, In this respect, it is more like the work of, say, Alfredson meticulously shows us Control’s Claude Chabrol than Alfred Hitchcock — taut off-the-books investigation, which Smiley and riveting but never flashy. It lets you know must piece together and continue on his own. how it will play the game but doesn’t show The linchpin is an operative (Tom Hardy) you how the king will be captured until the ■ who supposedly has defected but is actu- final move. pitch.com pitch.com

J A N U A R Y 5 - 1 1 , 2 0 1 2 T H E P I T C H 15 M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X T H E P I T C H 1

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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café Faux Thai IF NICOLAS CAGE OPENED A RESTAURANT, IT MIGHT FEEL LIKE LEAWOOD’S FO THAI Fo Thai 4331 West 119th Street, Leawood, 913-332-3636. Hours: 11 a.m.–11 p.m. Monday– Thursday, 11 a.m.–2 a.m. Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m.–10 p.m. Sunday. Price: $$–$$$

ANGELA C. BOND

o Thai, the new Siamese-inspired restaurant at 119th Street and Roe in Leawood, is so theatrical that even going to the bathroom is a dramatic experience. One doesn’t merely make a couple of sharp turns to find the restroom. No, the journey requires a religious pilgrimage past a giant Buddha statue bathed in colored lights, over a little BY arched bridge perched above a bubbling stream, and into a CHARLES dimly lighted hallway decoF E R R U Z Z A rated with a pretty mural of an Asian hamlet. By the time I slid open the heavy wooden door — curved because this softly illuminated chamber is round — I wasn’t sure if I was in there to pee or pray. To be safe, I did both. Fo Thai’s interior does, in fact, trump Once I’d traversed the Silk Road back to my seat, I half-expected the waitstaff — tall, executive chef Chee Meng So’s tasty food. slender non-Asians in starched white shirts That’s not for lack of So’s presentation and and topaz-colored neckties — to burst into skill, but let’s be real about this. With its “Getting to Know You,” from The King and I. sleek, metal-tipped chopsticks and charming No, wait: This dining room is so dark, particu- pagoda, Fo Thai is a palace compared with larly the booths tucked into the western side the charmless Hot Basil, a Thai restaurant of the space, that “We Kiss in the Shadows” several blocks to the west. But the menu of Hot Basil chef Lee Chai has a wider variety would be a better choice. Alas, the servers at Fo Thai don’t sing (a cou- of more flavorful (and less costly) dishes. “But Hot Basil is a traditional Thai restauple of them can barely wait tables), but there are disc jockeys spinning tunes on weekends rant,” says a friend of mine who travels frein the “swanky ultra-lounge,” as the publicist quently to Thailand. “Fo Thai doesn’t pretend to be that. The chef has said puts it. And that’s the differthat it’s a fusion of cultural ence between Fo Thai and Fo Thai influences.” every other Thai restaurant Lazy crepes .....................$8 Thailand’s best-known in the city. In this space where Green-papaya culinary exports are on the the décor hews closer to Las and mango salad ....... $10 menu — tom yum soup, pad Vegas than to Bangkok, the “Wok” Thai basil soy-glaze Thai, and green-papaya and presence of a swanky ultrashrimp ........................ $25 Crispy fish of the day ... $26 mango salad — so if the food lounge isn’t a shock. Pad Thai isn’t traditional Thai cuisine, “It doesn’t matter if the with vegetables ......... $10 what is it? I’d call it a meltfood is sensational or not,” ing pot of cultural refersaid a visual artist who ences — panethnic. Dishes dined with me at Fo Thai one night. “Sometimes it’s just a pleasure to include pizza topped with salsa and fresh tuna, a warm-goat-cheese salad, a couple of steaks eat in a visually stimulating environment.” I agree that a visually pleasing setting is an (including the $59 charred chili-rubbed Kobe important component to a great meal — one beef sirloin), and even all-American surf and important component. The Savoy Grill, for turf with prime Angus tenderloin splashed example, has one of the city’s most gorgeous with a Thai basil beef jus. Oh, and an angeldining rooms, but that still doesn’t enhance hair creation with French beans, cherry tomaits cuisine. And I hate eating in an antiseptic, toes and crispy chicken strips atop the pasta. badly lighted space no matter how fabulous If that sounds a little Applebee’s to you, well, you’re not alone. the food might be.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. On both of my dinner visits to Fo Thai, I was greeted with the “we do things a little differently here at Fo Thai” speech. I detest introductory speeches under the best of circumstances, and this one was especially long-winded. The gist: Instead of serving all the meals at one time, each dish would be delivered individually so that everyone at the table could share. This kind of timing requires very patient diners with a lot of time to eat a leisurely meal. On my ﬁrst visit, dinner was a two-hour affair, from starter to dessert. On another visit, I was waited on by a shy young man who announced that he would bring out my table’s two appetizers, salad and three entrées one at a time. It didn’t quite work out that way. First came the salad, then all the entrées at once, and then one appetizer for dessert. The second appetizer never arrived because he had forgotten to turn it in to the kitchen. On the plus side, it was a much faster meal. In retrospect, the fumbling waiter probably had the right idea. That salad — a jumble of jicama and green-papaya matchsticks with segments of tart pink grapefruit and bits of candied tamarind in a sweet-spicy chili-lime-and-trufﬂe dressing — may have been the best way to begin a meal here. The “lazy crepes” starter is more interesting as a concept than as a dish to share. A bowl of deliciously creamy curried broth, dappled with mushrooms and chicken, arrives sided with a crisp, feather-light crepe (more like an Indian dosa, really) that can be torn into pitch.com pitch.com

Big shrimp, bigger Buddha at Fo Thai.

pieces and dunked into the soupy “sauce.” But the crepe had stayed on the griddle a shade too long and was hard and crumbly — well beyond good dipping consistency. On one visit, the fish of the day was red snapper, and the preparation was extraordinary: flash-fried with a dazzlingly light crust. On a more recent visit, the fish was a Mediterranean branzino that was simply too frail and thin to have been breaded and fried. It had so little flesh on it that I thought I was eating a fishy cottage-fried spud. The pad Thai here had some heat but was otherwise indistinct (and the vegetarian version was prepared with fish sauce). The wok-fried jumbo shrimp, with a vibrant red basil-soy glaze, was wonderful, the best shrimp dish I’ve tasted in months, tossed with translucent onions and red bell peppers. I’d order it again in a minute. My friends who joined me on my second visit told me that they liked Fo Thai, but they felt that the menu lacked focus and the service was annoying. (It didn’t help when the waiter dropped a hot metal serving-dish lid onto a companion’s lap.) She didn’t like the Buddha statue, though. “He looks like Nicolas Cage.” Fo Thai being so theatrical, maybe it’s supposed to look like Nicolas Cage. Have a suggestion for a restaurant The Pitch should review? E-mail charles.ferruzza@pitch.com JMAONNUTAHR Y 5 - 1 1X, , 2200102X tThHeE pPi ItTcChH 17 X X–X 1

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THE PITCH

JANUARY 5-11, 2012

CZAR’S NEW MENU ROLLS OUT.

ome of Kansas City’s kitchens, like some rock bands, have engendered unusual collaborations, leading to unexpected dining choices at bars around the city. One example: the short-lived but fondly remembered Broadway Crepes inside the now shuttered Gusto Lounge at 3810 Broadway. So it seems fitting that music helped make a new collaboration between Czar (1531 Grand) and the Magical Meatball Tour. The meatball truck’s BY proprietors, Venus Van Horn J O N AT H A N and Ceasar Reyes, debut a new meatball menu at the BENDER Crossroads bar January 5. The menu is launching with five sandThe selection of sandwiches and appetizers will be available Thursdays, wiches. The Bleu Balls (pork and beef balls with Buffalo-style sauce, slaw and blue cheese, Fridays and Saturdays. “I’ve known Venus’ husband, Troy, for a for $9.50) and the Giuseppe (pork and beef balls long time,” says Tim Gutschenritter, who with spicy marinara and a parmesan and basil owns and operates Czar with his brother, chiffonade) will be familiar to fans of the truck, Dallas. “She needed a place to operate, and while the Matador (ground pork, beef and corn I knew she was a super-talented, really cre- tortilla balls with Spanish spices, a fire-roasted tomato sauce and Mexican cheeses) is likely to ative chef.” “Czar owners Tim and Dallas [are] kindred be embraced by Czar patrons. Vegetarians also spirits who want to provide their clientele have options: the Matador (made with sweetwith a more adventurous take on bar food. potato and black-bean balls) and Green Balls (chickpea and walnut balls with a cucumberIt’s really a perfect match,” Van Horn says. The idea for the partnership was launched yogurt dressing and an heirloom-tomato salad). during the Crossroads Music Festival last The two appetizers include a sampler of each September, when the Magical Meatball Tour magical meatball, sans bread ($10), and the used the Czar kitchen as a commissary. Over Chorizo Gusher Balls, which are for adventurthe past few months, the truck has been ous eaters. “Chorizo Gusher Balls are spicy balls with a parked in front of Czar, slinging meatballs and luring hungry downtown patrons. The Fruit Gusher candy baked inside. It’s kind of a different take on the appetizer Czar owners debated about your mom may have made turning their kitchen into a with meatballs and grape revolving pop-up restaurant The menu of the Magical Meatball Tour debuts this jelly,” Van Horn explains. featuring a rotating cast of week at Czar on Thursday, The meatball menu is just chefs, but they kept returnFriday and Saturday. part of the culinary makeing to the idea of bringing in The menu is served from over that Czar’s owners the Magical Meatball Tour 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Thursday have planned for the next to kick off a new menu. and Friday, and is available few months. “They were just kick-ass; after 4 p.m. Thursday– I n S e p t e m b e r, t h e it made sense to work toSaturday. Sandwiches cost $9.50 ($1.50 more with Gutschenritters opted to stop gether,” he says. Kettle chips), and the serving food. The brothers For Van Horn, the idea of appetizers are $10. took over Czar Bar in March getting out of the cramped of last year, rebranding it as mobile kitchen was welCzar and calling it an “upscale come because she could bring more of her meatball recipes to life. dive.” The kitchen was open six days a week, and The result is a collection of dishes that go the beer selection improved markedly, reflectway beyond the traditional hoagie drowning ing the same attention to craft brewers that has turned the brothers’ other bar, the Riot Room, in sauce and cheese. “At Czar, we will be able to expand our into a favorite of beer geeks across the city. Gutschenritter intends to have food six menu and offer more choices to our customdays a week again, using the meatball menu ers,” Van Horn says. ANGELA C. BOND

Offer expires January 15, 2011. Discounted item must be of equal or lesser value.

Weekend Ballers

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Venus Van Horn and Ceasar Reyes put their balls in the Crossroads.

to re-introduce bargoers to the idea that they can get a bite to eat at Czar. The owners are playing around with new dishes that are tasty but quickly prepared — like a salad that can be dressed and garnished by a bartender — and with the concept of a “Meatless Monday” that would feature vegan and gluten-free dishes from vegan chef Jade Gutschenritter (who is married to Dallas). One item that will return to Czar’s menu from the bar’s food served last spring: the hot wings. “They’re traditional, Buffalo-style wings,” Gutschenritter says. “They have a little bit of a sweet zing, and they were one of the flagship items that had people coming in every day to eat them.” He also has found inspiration from working with Van Horn and Reyes, seeing the meatballs as symbolic of the new direction for Czar, a philosophy that Gutschenritter sums up as “deconstructing food into one bite.” In the weeks after the meatball menu launches, Gutschenritter intends to unveil a set of cocktails. Among Czar’s developing liquor experiments is the Martini Sirin, a combination of Yellow Chartreuse, cranberry bitters, a splash of sparkling white wine and lemon. “It’s got that lemon refreshing flavor with carbonation and herbaceousness,” Gutschenritter says. “We’re going to move toward seasonal cocktails. We’re really into simple flavors and layers. We don’t want to get too complex and confuse and lose people.” Czar’s wine program is designed, in part, to reflect a change in the acts coming to the stage of this Crossroads bar, including jazz musicians. Meat friends at pitch.com/fatcity pitch.com

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music

Music Forecast 23 Concerts 24 Nightlife

Twang Activity ALT-COUNTRY FOREBEARS JASON & THE SCORCHERS MAKE ANOTHER LAP.

TO N Y M OT T R A M

efore there were Bottle Rockets and an Uncle Tupelo — let alone Mumfords and Avetts — there were the Scorchers. Going back to a moment in the 1980s when tastes of the typical underground music fan ran “anything but country,” Jason & the Scorchers were fomenting a cow-punk revolution on college radio alongside such acts as the Bad Livers and the Beat Farmers. To some extent, the University of Kansas was ground zero. BY “Our first No. 1 was on CHRIS KJHK,” says singer-guitarist Jason Ringenberg from PA R K E R his Tennessee farm. “The college-radio scene was the first place to give the band some exposure and some attention.” Three decades after the band’s formation, a look at the Billboard charts confirms that the rest of the world has caught up with the Scorchers’ aesthetic. But at the time, the bristling muscularity of their hotfooted country-billy rave-ups was trailblazing. They established a beachhead with their 1982 EP, Fervor, on which they dragged Bob Dylan’s “Absolutely Sweet Marie” toward a twangier, Sticky Fingers-era Rolling Stones sound. The group’s ’85 full-length debut, Lost & Found, moved things further along. From the holler-and-stomp cover of “Lost Highway” to Jason & the Scorchers: still on the fringes. searing rawkers (“If Money Talks,” “White “We had kind of run our circuit. By ThunLies”) to the odd honky-tonk ode to the 9-to-5 Everyman (“Still Tied”), it’s a triumphant, der and Fire, I think that we had lost some powerful album — one of the 1980s’ finest of the specialness of the band. We were tired and worn-out,” he says. “Also, the band has under-recognized gems. “Some say it’s the best we ever did. It was a always had really big ambitions. It’s hard, special record, no question. Although Fervor the constant pressure of trying to live up to those ambitions. I think the got us touring, Lost & Found high expectations did take was the one that solidified their toll.” us,” Ringenberg says. “There Jason & the Scorchers, with the Rumblejetts. In 1992, inspired by was an explosive kind of Wednesday, January 11, at original bassist Jeff Johnchemistry.” Knuckleheads Saloon. son, the Scorchers reunited, But they had trouble riding dual waves: the maintaining their initial mocommercialization of unmentum. Friction between Ringengberg and guitarist Warner Hodges, derground rock and the coalescence of the the stress of touring and the unsustainable alt-country scene. “As one of the pioneers, ferocity of their live performances conspired we certainly benefited from the emergence in the band’s 1989 breakup, shortly after the of alt-country as it became a real community release of their third, more hard-rock-oriented and a real genre in the ’90s,” Ringenberg says. “But once again, it ran out of gas — we ran LP, Thunder and Fire. 20

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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out of our record deal and out of interest and, really, energy. It went south for a long time this time, over 10 years.” Ringenberg went solo and spent much of the next decade releasing children’s albums, but he and Hodges reunited with a new rhythm section for a series of shows in 2008. The freshness and energy of playing out together got their juices flowing again. In 2009, they went into the studio, returning with their finest album in 20 years, Halcyon Times. It’s also probably their most serious album, surveying our culture’s growth engine (“Mother of Greed”), faltering fortunes (on the lively, lighthearted “Gettin’ Nowhere Fast” and the Southern-rockish forgottenvets ode, “Land of the Free”) and more innocent times (“Days of Wine and Roses,” “Golden Days”). Most of all, it cranks up the volume and crunch with an assurance, ease and skill unseen since their first releases. pitch.com

“The ﬁrst two records, there was a commonality of purpose in how this band needed to sound and be,” Ringenberg says. “Then Warren and I diverged in different directions. One of the reasons I think we came back together was because we found that commonality of purpose again with Halcyon Times. I’ll put the writing up next to Lost & Found. A lot of it [is about] kind of small people being swallowed up by much bigger things and ﬁghting through that.” Another new Scorchers album will have to wait. Ringenberg’s kids’-music alter ego — Farmer Jason — is now a major-label act with a big release planned for February. But we’ll eventually see more releases from the band, Ringenberg says. “I told the guys I’ve been singing about dead Confederates for the last 15 years. If you want to make a quiet, spooky, Southern gospel record, you’re talking to the wrong guy. I want to rock,” he continued on page 22 M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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Valentine’s Day Guide January 26th, February 2nd & 9th DEADLINE: FRIDAY, JANUARY 20th, 2012 For advertising information please call 816-218-6759 or email dawn.jordan@pitch.com.

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the pitch

JANUARY 5-11, 2012

pitch.com

A fruitful collab from Izmore and D/Will

says with a laugh. “We do seem to run in three-record cycles, so we have a couple more records in us for sure.”

pretty close friends, of course, and he’s always over at my house. He’ll play Madden, and I’ll make beats, and then he’ll stop and write some raps, and we’ll record.” The first track the duo recorded was The Big Apple “Smile,” a stand-alone single that floats on rack No. 9 on the latest album from Les a soulful chorus by Smoov Confusion and a Izmore and D/Will is just the Drake radio guest verse by singer Cordell Mallett. “Plankin hit “The Best I Ever Had” with verses added on These Hoes” is a serious beat propelled by to it that transform it into an ode to Izmore’s gritty 16s; the lyrics are a tongue-in-cheek nod to the “planking” phenomenon that has since best girl. “He always got a Granny Smith with him,” given way to even goofier iterations (ahem, says D/Will, who produced the record, fittingly Tebowing?). D/Will and Izmore’s efforts jelled the titled The Granny Smith Theorem. “During the summer, I’d drive down and pick him up quickest in the making of “The Line,” when I was done with work, and we’d stop by D/ Will recalls. “It’s probably one of my QuikTrip and he’d get a green-apple Freezoni favorite joints on there, just one of them thing — you know those Slurpees they have? joints where it all just kinda happened. I honIt was just unbelievable how he’s obsessed estly think we couldn’t make that song again. It’s just a soulful loop that I with anything Granny Smith. chopped in a couple places, That’s what would power and I didn’t add anything our studio sessions. Not like Download: dwill.bandcamp.com/ to it — no drums, nothing. Hennessey, at other studios.” album/the-grannyLes wrote the verses in the Izmore (the vocalist best smith-theorem car on the way to and from known as the frontman of my place. He recorded it in zillion-piece Afro-beat act one or two takes, just all one Hearts of Darkness) and D/ Will (Denzel Williams) released the long verse. I liked how he did it. If you really 12-song record this past Halloween. It’s a listen to that joint, it’s all really real to him. galaxy of highbrow vocab and street slang, with Each little verse of it is about a different time Izmore’s fighting words gripped firmly by in his life. “At the bare bottom of all this is, we just D/Will’s seamless production, which keeps the drums dirty and the cuts crisp, weaving get tired of everything (in today’s hip-hop) spoken sound bites with cascading piano sounding so polished, and even though we’re loops and scratchy needle noise. going to put together a record in that vein next, Working with Izmore was, D/Will says, it will still have a you can do it, too, feel to it,” “like if you put two kids in a toy store for a D/Will says. — NADIA PFLAUM while and told ’em to make something out of all the toys. That’s what happened. We’re E-mail feedback@pitch.com

THE PITCH

M O N T H X X–X X , 2 0 0 X

pitch.com

B R O O K E VA N D E V E R , A S S I S T E D B Y A N D R E W R I C H M O N D

music forecast

The Bootheel, with JabberJosh and Muscle Worship The Bootheel is a band from Springﬁeld, Missouri, that makes its own barbecue sauce. The sound is kind of minimalist, post-trip-hop, pre-dubstep. Just kidding. The group plays country-soaked classic rock and is joined at this show by two of Lawrence’s loudest acts: JabberJosh, a bass-and-drums duo whose sonic aesthetic is not unlike a helicopter landing, and Muscle Worship, a ﬁve-piece that makes thoughtful, controlled and extremely heavy rock. Wednesday, January 11, at the Riot Room (4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179)

The Cave Girls, with Interstate Astronauts Fewer people attend, but First Friday events continue in the Crossroads even in the deepest, darkest depths of winter. The best approach is to pick an event where it’s acceptable to hunker down for a couple of hours, rather than roam the streets as one might in more temperate times. Czar is offering up a solid block of entertainment

with photography from Rebecca Armstrong accompanied by live music between 5 and 9 p.m. The Cave Girls — a female trio playing fast, fundamental garage rock — share the bill with honky-tonk barroom-rock act Interstate Astronauts. The kitchen will be open, so you can really settle in. Friday, January 6, at Czar (1531 Grand, 816-421-0300)

The Dropsteppers, with the New Riddim and Z.A.P. The ’90s, as we now know, are back. So where’s the ska revival? I’m not seeing nearly enough Pietasters T-shirts at the clubs. There might be some rudeboy Doc Martens in the house, though, at this Riot Room show, where Minneapolis’ Dropsteppers play a set of rocksteady ska with soul undercurrents. Opening is local reggae group the New Riddim, whose debut album is expected to arrive sometime this spring. Friday, January 6, at the Riot Room (4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179)

Muscle Worship (left) and Aaron Lewis

Aaron Lewis Speaking of the ’90s: Remember how depressing the late ’90s were for popular music? Back when post-grunge was dominating MTV and the airwaves? Back when fucking Staind was popular? Well, guess what? The main dude in Staind is back, and … wait … wait … he’s gone country! Aaron Lewis (born in Longmeadow, one of the most afﬂuent towns in the state of Massachusetts) has studied the spreadsheets and identiﬁed the prideful, rural redneck crowd as his new target demographic. He’s enjoying success with songs like “Country Boy,” which is sung in the key of Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive” and contains a refrigerator-poetry-magnet smorgasbord of threadbare conservative declarations. I said it before but I’ll say it again/’Cause I never needed government to hold my hand. Had enough? Oh, we’re just getting started: The biggest things in life are your friends and family/And I like my jeans and my old T-shirts/And a couple extra pounds never really hurt/’Cause a country boy is all I’ll ever be. All this and more. Friday January 6, at VooDoo Lounge at Harrah’s Casino (1 Riverboat Drive, North Kansas City, 816-472-7777)

FO R ECAST K EY BY D AV I D H U D N A L L ...................................Pick of the Week

............................................ Hey, Ladies

........................................Weed-Friendly

.......................Earplugs Recommended

.......................................I Love the ’90s

....................... The Worst Song of 2011

............Downtown (Petula Clark Voice)

.............................. Checkered Patterns

............. Shameless Country Pandering

pitch.com AO NN UT AH R YX X–X 5 - 1 1X, , 22001 0 2X th e Ep P i tI T cC h H 231 pitch.com JM TH

concerts LIVE MUSIC. NO COVER

1515 WESTPORT RD. • 816-931-9417 WED 1/4 THUR 1/5 FRI 1/6

SAT 1/7

TJ’s HINDU COWBOY GOSPEL PIANO

LONNIE RAY BLUES JAM EDDIE DELAHUNT TBA

TUES 1/10 CRITTERS

TYE DYE

Nightlife listings are offered as a service to Pitch readers and are subject to space restrictions. Contact Clubs Editor Abbie Stutzer by e-mail (abbie.stutzer@pitch .com), fax (816-756-0502) or phone (816-218-6926). Continuing items must be resubmitted monthly.

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15510 State Ave, Basehor, KS 66007 • 913.662.7474 www.bleacherskc.com

The Dropsteppers, the New Riddim, Z.A.P.: 8 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. The Cave Girls, Interstate Astronauts: 7 p.m. Czar, 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. Elvis Birthday Bash featuring Bobby Simkins, Jeff Bergen, Michael D., Rich Vickers, Mario Manzini, with MC Stevie Ray: 6 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Aaron Lewis: 8 & 10:30 p.m. VooDoo Lounge, Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777.

SATURDAY, JAN. 7 Elvis Birthday Bash: Images of the King: 3 p.m. VooDoo Lounge, Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. Elvis Birthday Bash: Images of the King: 8 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Killing in the Name (Rage Against the Machine Tribute), Collapse: 7 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Rebecca Rego, Danny McGaw, the Dirt Kings, the Mad Kings: Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club, 3402 Main, 816-753-1909.

SUNDAY, JAN. 8 Silent Civilian, 3 Quarters Coma, In the Shadow, the Night He Came Home, Visions of Exile, After-party with Sir Knucklehead: 6:30 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179.

MONDAY, JAN. 9 Canasta, Dojo for Crooks: 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207.

TUESDAY, JAN. 10 The Goddamn Gallows, Them Damned Young Livers, Whiskey Breath: 9 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 1 1 The Bootheel, JabberJosh, Muscle Worship: 8 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Jason and the Scorchers: 8 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Spence: 9 p.m. Jerry’s Bait Shop, 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-525-1871.

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the pitch

lipbook

JANUARY 5-11, 2012

Ryan Adams: Wed., Feb. 1. Municipal Auditorium/ Music Hall, 301 W. 13th St. (in the Convention Center Complex), 816-513-5000. Allstar Weekend, the After Party: Sat., Jan. 14, 5:30 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. A Lull, Deleted Scenes: Thu., Jan. 12, 10 p.m. Replay Lounge, 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-7676. Anthony B., Zamunda, Delly Ranx: Sat., Jan. 28, 8 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Anthrax, Testament, Death Angel: Thu., Jan. 26. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Dave Aude: Fri., Jan. 13. Aura, 3832 Main. Emilie Autumn: Wed., Jan. 25. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. A Valentine from Bach: Pre-concert talk, 7 p.m. Bach Festival with pianist Konstantin Lifschitz and soprano Sarah Tannehill Anderson, Tue., Feb. 14, 8 p.m. Helzberg Hall, Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts, 1601 Broadway, 816-994-7200. Avicii: Thu., Jan. 12. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900.

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Awolnation, White Wives: Sun., Jan. 22, 7 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Bach Festival: Tue., Jan. 24. Folly Theater, 300 W. 12th St., 816-474-4444. Cosmo Baker, Brent Tactic: Fri., Jan. 20, 9 p.m., $5, $7. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Drake Bell: Wed., Jan. 18. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. John Berry: Thu., Jan. 19, 8 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Andrew Bird, Eugene Mirman: Fri., March 23. Uptown Theater, 3700 Broadway, 816-753-8665. Jared Blake: Thu., Feb. 2, 8 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Blind Pilot: Sat., March 3. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Boondox, Cousin Cleetus, the Drp, Mars, Wicked Wayz, Freddy Grimes, Deranged: Tue., Jan. 17. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. California Voodoo: Fri., Jan. 13, 9 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. The Chieftains: Wed., March 7. Kauffman Center for the Performing Arts, 1601 Broadway, 816-994-7200. Children of Bodom, Eluveitie, Revocation, Threat Signal: Mon., Feb. 6. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. The Civil Wars: Sold out. Tue., Jan. 17. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Cloud Nothings, Mr. Dream, O Giant Man: Mon., March 12, 8 p.m., $10. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Cursive, Ume: Fri., March 2, 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Doomtree: Thu., Jan. 19. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Dr. Dog: Thu., Feb. 2, 8:30 p.m., $15. The Granada, MANY MORE 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. D.R.U.G.S., Hit the Lights, Like Moths to Flames, Sparks the Rescue: Sun., Feb. 19. The Beaumont ONLINE AT Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, PITCH.COM 816-561-2560. Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos: Thu., Feb. 2. Sprint Center, 1407 Grand, 816-283-7300. Elephant Revival: Wed., Feb. 22. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. Estelle: Mon., Feb. 6, 8 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Every Avenue: Thu., Feb. 23. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Excision, Liquid Stranger, Lucky Date: Mon., Feb. 20. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Falling in Reverse, Oh, Sleeper, Skip the Foreplay: Sun., Feb. 5. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Craig Finn: Sat., Feb. 11, 9 p.m. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. The Fresh Beat Band: Fri., Feb. 24, 5 p.m. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Jim Gaffigan: Thu., March 22, 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Galactic: Thu., March 15. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Hail! Hornet, Zoroaster, and Slow Southern Steel (a film): Wed., Feb. 1, 7 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Hate Eternal, Goatwhore, Fallujah, Troglodyte, Gornography: Wed., Feb. 29, 6:30 p.m., $14. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. The Head & the Heart, Drew Grove & the Pastors’ Wives: Sun., March 4. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Katie Herzig: Mon., March 5. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. In Flames, Trivium, Veil of Maya, Kyng: Sat., Feb. 11. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Jack’s Mannequin, Jukebox the Ghost, Allen Stone: Fri., Jan. 20. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Junius, O’Brother: Sun., Feb. 26, 8 p.m. Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. Mat Kearney: Tue., Feb. 7. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560.

FIND

CONCERT LISTINGS

The Kills, Jeff the Brotherhood, Hunters: Sat., Jan. 21. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. The Lemonheads: Fri., Jan. 27. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. The Life and Times (album-release show), Waiting for Signal, Major Games: Wed., Jan. 18, 8 p.m., $8, $10. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. LoCash Cowboys, Burford, Lucas Cook: Fri., Feb. 17. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Hamilton Loomis: Sun., Jan. 22, 8 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Lord T & Eloise: Thu., Jan. 12, 8 p.m. The Riot Room, 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Stephen Lynch: Fri., Feb. 17. VooDoo Lounge, Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. Shelby Lynne: Fri., Jan. 13. Folly Theater, 300 W. 12th St., 816-474-4444. Mimosa: Sun., Jan. 29, 9 p.m. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Mindless Self Indulgence: Wed., March 21. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Moe: Sun., Feb. 12. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Mutemath: Thu., Feb. 16. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Needtobreathe, Ben Rector: Sun., March 11. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Nurses: Tue., Jan. 17. Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. The Old 97’s: Wed., Feb. 1. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. Brad Paisley: Thu., Jan. 19, 7:30 p.m. Sprint Center, 1407 Grand, 816-283-7300. Punch Brothers: Sat., March 3. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Puscifer: Tue., March 6. Municipal Auditorium/Music Hall, 301 W. 13th St. (in the Convention Center Complex), 816-513-5000. Radiohead: Sun., March 11. Sprint Center, 1407 Grand, 816-283-7300. Railroad Earth: Wed., Feb. 8. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Reverend Horton Heat, Larry and His Flask, the Goddamn Gallows: Sat., Feb. 25. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. Right Between the Ears: Sat., Feb. 11. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Randy Rogers Band, Kip Moore, Sam Sliva and the Good, Travis Marvin: Sat., Jan. 28, 6 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Rusko, Nmzee: Wed., Feb. 29. Liberty Hall, 644 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-749-1972. Billy Joe Shaver: Sun., Jan. 15, 8:30 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. SOJA, the Movement, Kids These Days: Thu., Feb. 23. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. J.D. Souther: Sat., Jan. 28. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. George Strait, Martina McBride: Sat., Feb. 25. Sprint Center, 1407 Grand, 816-283-7300. Supersuckers, the Spittin’ Cobras: Wed., Feb. 8. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. Symphony X, Iced Earth, Warbringer: Sun., Feb. 26. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. This Will Destroy You: Mon., Jan. 30, 9 p.m. Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. Paul Thorn and Ruthie Foster: Wed., March 28. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Tomorrows Bad Seeds, Pacific Dub: Wed., Feb. 15. The Bottleneck, 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-5483. Josh Turner: Thu., March 1, 6 p.m. Uptown Theater, 3700 Broadway, 816-753-8665. The Ultimate Doo-Wop Show: the Contours, Sylvester Potts, Jimmy Clanton, the Marcels, the Edsels, Paul & Paula, the Volumes, the Eldorados, Blue Suede Orchestra: Fri., March 2. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Ventana, As Summer Dies, Circus of Dead Squirrels, In the Shadow, High Rise Robots: Wed., Feb. 15, 6:30 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. VNV Nation, Straftanz: Thu., March 1. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Jimmy Webb, Bob Walkenhorst, Jeff Porter: Fri., Feb. 10. Knuckleheads Saloon, 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Ron White: Sat., March 10, 7 & 9:30 p.m. The Midland, 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Whitechapel, Miss May I, After the Burial, the Plot in You, Structures: Fri., March 16, 6:30 p.m. The Beaumont Club, 4050 Pennsylvania, 816-561-2560. Whitehorse: Fri., March 9. RecordBar, 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. William Elliott Whitmore, Drakkar Sauna, Horse Weapons, Me for Radness: Fri., Feb. 10, 8:30 p.m., $10 advance, $12 door. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390. Youth Lagoon: Mon., March 12. Jackpot Music Hall, 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. Zola Jesus: Fri., Feb. 24. The Granada, 1020 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-842-1390.

pitch.com

MONTH

Saturday January 7th

7300 W. 119TH ST. OVERLAND PARK, KS 66213

913.451.0444

COMING SOON!

Johnson County’s

NEWEST

MUSIC HOT SPOT {fomerly The Buzzz}

WED 1/4

LIVE MUSIC

BLUEBERRY JAM 8:30-11:30P.M. FRI 1/6

LONESOME HANK & THE HEARTACHES 8:30-11:30P.M.

{NO COVER}

MON 1/9

MONIQUE DANIELLE, RICK BACUS & ROD LINCOLN 8:30-11:30P.M. TUE 1/10

DAVE HAYES BAND 8:30-11:30P.M.

12056 W. 135th St. OPKS | 913-239-9666 pitch.com

JANUARY 5-11, 2012

THE PITCH

nightlife

Kansas City

T H U R S DAY 5

“Knuckleheads is Kansas City’s premier roots music venue of the last 30 years.” - Bill Brownlee KC Star Voted KC’s Best Live Music Venue 6 years running

ROCK/POP/INDIE RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Claire & the Crowded Stage, Whiskey of the Damned, Mikal Shapiro, 9 p.m. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Jib Jab Jones, the Boo Radley Project, Sea Legs, 9 p.m.

JANUARY 4

Samantha Fish

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Samantha Fish Blues Band. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Grand Marquis. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Brother Bagman, 8 p.m. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. Rod Fleeman and Dan Bliss, 7 p.m. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816220-1222. Levee Town.

JANUARY 5

Sky Smeed & Brother Bagman JANUARY 6

The Goodfoot & the Dan Doran Trio

Mosaic Lounge: 1331 Walnut, 816-679-0076. Mike Scott and Spinstyles. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-4923900. DJ Brad Sager.

JANUARY 7

JAZZ

Kilroy’s Elvis Birthday Bash JANUARY 11

Jason & The Scorchers JANUARY 12

King Harvest & Sky Smeed JANUARY 13

The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Matt Kane, 7 p.m. Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913642-9090. Greg Tugman, 11 a.m.; Customer Quartet, 7 p.m.

EVERY WEDNESDAY Lonnie Ray Blues Band EVERY THURSDAY Live Reggae with AZ One FRIDAY, JANUARY 6TH Groove Agency -10:00 pm SATURDAY, JANUARY 7TH Camp Harlow - 5 pm Groove Agency - 10 pm NIGHTLY SPECIALS

FOOD AND DRINK

PATIO & DECK BANQUET & PRIVATE PARTY FACILITY

Mary Bridget Davies & Dan Doran Trio

CLUB LISTINGS

Atlantic Express JANUARY 15

Live Jazz every Friday Night in the Back Room 816-483-1456 2715 Rochester KCMO Free Shuttle in the Downtown Area TICKETS NOW ON SALE AT knuckleheadsKC.COM

the pitch

JANUARY 5-11, 2012

Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Ladies’ Night. Bulldog: 1715 Main, 816-421-4799. Brodioke, 9 p.m. The Buzz Coffee and Bar: 12056 W. 135th St, Overland Park. ABCs of Improv Comedy Show, 9 p.m. Buzzard Beach: 4110 Pennsylvania, 816-753-4455. Trivia, Ladies’ Night, 7 p.m. Double Nickel Bar: 189 S. Rogers, Ste. 1614, Olathe, 913-390-0363. Texas Hold ’em. Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-5612444. “You Sing It” Live Band Karaoke. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Tony Roberts, 8 p.m. Johnny’s Tavern: 13410 W. 62nd Terr., Shawnee, 913962-5777. Live Trivia, 9 p.m. Johnny’s Tavern: 8262 Mission, Prairie Village, 913901-0322. Boogie Bingo, 8 p.m. JR’s Place: 20238 W. 151st St., Olathe, 913-254-1307. Karaoke with Mad Mike, MANY MORE 9:30 p.m. McFadden’s Sports Saloon: 1330 Grand, 816-471-1330. All In Thursdays. MoJo’s Bar & Grill: 1513 S.W. Hwy. 7, Blue Springs. ONLINE AT Pool and dart leagues; PITCH.COM happy hour, free pool, 4-6 p.m. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Trivia Clash, 7 p.m., $5. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-4923900. Ladies’ Night. Skeeter’s: 6505 Nieman Rd., Merriam, 913-912-1191. TakeOver Thursdays With Mysunderstood, 8 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-9311986. Trivia, 9 p.m.

FIND

JANUARY 14

BILLY JOE SHAVER

DRUNKEN DISTR ACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES

1/7 90 Minutes 10 P.M. COLLEGE HOOPS

MU vs. KSU 12:30 P.M. KU vs. OU 1 P.M.

BURGER DAY EVERY THURSDAY

$4.99

6330 Brookside Plaza 816.363.4070 wwww.brooksiderbarandgrill.com Voted Best Bar to Take a Shot in KC! Pizza by the slice 10pm-close, 7 days a week pitch.com

EASY LISTENING Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-894-9676. Interactive Acoustic with Jason Kayne, 9 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. Vi Tran and Katie Gilchrist’s Weekly Jam, 10 p.m. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Karaoke Open Mic, 8 p.m. The Indie on Main: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Open Mic, Low Dough Beer Night, 8 p.m. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816525-1871. Jerry’s Jam Night, 9 p.m.

SINGER-SONGWRITER The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785841-5483. Spencer Ward, Bekah Zachritz, Vi Tran. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Sky Smeed in the Retro Lounge, 8 p.m.

F R I DAY 6 ROCK/POP/INDIE Bar West: 7174 Renner Rd., Shawnee, 913-248-9378. Drew6. The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785841-5483. Abandon Kansas, Don’t Give Up the Ship, Andrew and the Dudes, the Average Black Bears. Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-7531909. Andrew Black, Red Kate, Steady States, the Brannock Device, 9 p.m. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-894-9676. The ReHabaneros. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816525-1871. Patrick Lentz Band. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Evalyn Awake, the Devil’s Marmalade, Killing the Calm, 10 p.m.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Blue Orleans. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. The Pete Carroll Group. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Lonnie Ray Blues Band. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. The Good Foot, 8 p.m. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816220-1222. The Mojo Roots.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Ashes to Immortality.

DJ Club Monaco: 334 E. 31st St., 816-753-5990. DJ Soap. Mosaic Lounge: 1331 Walnut, 816-679-0076. Mosaic Fridays: hosted by Joe Perez featuring DJ Spinstyles and DJ Mike Scott. Replay Lounge: 946 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785749-7676. First Friday with DJ G Train (inside).

HIP-HOP Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. The Resurrection of Marcus Garvey featuring Huey P. Nuisance, Dan Matic, Joe Carter, Reggie B., Brother Neves, Negro Scoe, Lester Brown, Natural Mic, DJ Hylanda, 9 p.m.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Indigo Hour featuring Gray Matter, 5:30 p.m.; Everette DeVan, 8:30 p.m. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Dan Doran Trio, 10 p.m. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. The Garrett Nordstrom Situation. Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913-948-5550. Drew Williams, 8 p.m.

DRUNKEN DISTR ACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. First Friday, kitchen open late. ComedyCity at Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-842-2744. Major League Improv, 7:30 p.m. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Ultimate DJ Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Tony Roberts, 8 & 10:30 p.m. The Indie on Main: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Ladies’ Night, Low Dough lady specials, 10 p.m. JR’s Place: 20238 W. 151st St., Olathe, 913-254-1307. Debbioke, 9:30 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. The Early Girlie Show, 8 p.m., free; Ab Fab Fridays on the main ﬂoor, 10 p.m. Power & Light District: 13th St. and Main, 816-8421045. Downtown Is Happy, $1 beers at Johnny’s Tavern, McFadden’s Sports Saloon, Pizza Bar, Tengo Sed Cantina, and Fuego, 4-6 p.m. Retro Downtown Drinks & Dance: 1518 McGee, 816421-4201. Trivia Riot, 7 p.m. Wilde’s Chateau 24: 2412 Iowa, Lawrence, 785-8561514. Dance Party.

SINGER-SONGWRITER Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913642-9090. KC Songwriters Circle, 7 p.m.

S AT U R DAY 7

AMERICANA

ROCK/POP/INDIE

Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816220-1222. The Clementines.

Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-7491387. Making Movies, $5. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-894-9676. KC Groove Therapy. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816525-1871. Switch. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Drunkard’s Dream with Joy Zimmerman, 6 p.m.; O Giant Man, Gentleman Savage, Sewer Rats, Fullbloods, 9 p.m. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. The Killian Family, Appropriate Grammar, Bombs Over Broadway, Brokenmast. Thirsty Ernie’s: 1276 W. Foxwood Dr., Raymore, 816322-2779. Bad Disposition, 9 p.m.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Mama Ray Jazz Meets Blues Jam, 2 p.m.; Four Fried Chickens and a Coke, 9 p.m. Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. The Dirt Daubers, Big Iron. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. Cadillac Flambe, 9 p.m.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816220-1222. The Nace Brothers.

DJ 77 South: 5041 W. 135th St., Leawood, 913-742-7727. DJ Andrew Northern, 9 p.m. Beer Kitchen: 435 Westport Rd., 816-389-4180. Furious Palace. The Eighth Street Taproom: 801 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785-841-6918. Saturday Soulclap with Josh Powers. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-4923900. DJ Brad Sager. VooDoo Lounge: Harrah’s Casino, 1 Riverboat Dr., North Kansas City, 816-472-7777. DJ Tina T, 10 p.m.

JAZZ The Blue Room: 1616 E. 18th St., 816-474-8463. Eclipse, 8:30 p.m. The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Brian Ruskin Trio. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-221-5299. Monique Danielle, 4:30 p.m. Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913-948-5550. The Phonologotronic, 8 p.m.

DRUNKEN DISTRACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES The Brooksider: 6330 Brookside Plz., 816-363-4070. College Hoops, MU vs. KSU at 12:30 p.m., KU vs. Oklahoma at 1 p.m. The Cashew: 2000 Grand, 816-221-5858. KU watch party: KU at Oklahoma, 1 p.m. ComedyCity at Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-842-2744. Major League Improv, 7:30 p.m.; ComedyCity After Dark, 10 p.m. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Ultimate DJ Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Tony Roberts, 7 & 10 p.m. The Indie on Main: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Karaoke with KJ David, 9:30 p.m. Johnny’s Tavern: 6765 W. 119th St., Leawood, 913-451-4542. Trivia Bingo, 9 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy on the main ﬂoor, 10 p.m. MoJo’s Bar & Grill: 1513 S.W. Hwy. 7, Blue Springs. Happy hour, free pool, 1-4 p.m. Wallaby’s Grill and Pub: 9562 Lackman, Lenexa, 913541-9255. Karaoke, 9 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-9311986. Deelightful karaoke, 9 p.m.

S U N DAY 8 BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Lee McBee and the Confessors, 9 p.m. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. Second Sunday FUNdays: Gina and Chloe McFadden, 3 p.m.

JAZZ RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Jeff Harshbarger presents an Alternative Jazz Series: the People’s Liberation Big Band, 7 p.m.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816525-1871. Scott Peery, the Neverending Fear Project.

DRUNKEN DISTR ACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES Bulldog: 1715 Main, 816-421-4799. Game night, beer pong, TV trivia, shot dice. Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Texas Hold ’em, 7 & 10 p.m. The Fox and Hound: 10428 Metcalf, Overland Park, 913-649-1700. Poker, 7 & 10 p.m. Fuel: 7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-0444. SIN. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Double Deuce Poker League, 4 p.m.; Ultimate DJ Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Tony Roberts, 7 p.m. Jake’s Place Bar and Grill: 12001 Johnson Dr., Shawnee, 913-962-5253. Free pool, 3 p.m. JR’s Place: 20238 W. 151st St., Olathe, 913-254-1307. Karaoke with Mad Mike, 9:30 p.m. McFadden’s Sports Saloon: 1330 Grand, 816-4711330. Sindustry Sundays, 8 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy on the main ﬂoor, 10 p.m.; Show Stopper Karaoke, 12:30 a.m. Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-4923900. Free pool. Wallaby’s Grill and Pub: 9562 Lackman, Lenexa, 913541-9255. Texas Hold ’em, 6 & 9 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-9311986. Texas Hold ’em, 3 & 6 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Open Blues and Funk Jam with Syncopation, 6 p.m. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Open blues jam. Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-7491387. Speakeasy Sunday, 10 p.m., $3. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Open Jam with Levee Town, 2 p.m., free. R.G.’s Lounge: 9100 E. 35th St., Independence, 816-358-5777. Jam Night hosted by Dennis Nickell, Scotty Yates, Rick Eidson, and Jan Lamb, 5 p.m. Take Five Coffee + Bar: 5336 W. 151st St., Overland Park, 913-948-5550. Jazz Jam with Nick Rowland and Sansabelt.

REGGAE Fat Fish Blue: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-3474. Jah Lion.

VARIET Y Ernie Biggs Dueling Piano Bar: 4115 Mill, 816-5612444. Local Music Sunday, DJ Dropout Boogie, 8 p.m.

M O N DAY 9 ROCK/POP/INDIE Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. The Goods.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. Millie Edwards and Michael Pagan, 7 p.m.

DJ Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-7531909. DJ Amanda and Big Brother, 9 p.m. The Riot Room: 4048 Broadway, 816-442-8179. Cinemaphonic with DJ Stevie Cruz, DJ Cyan Meeks, free.

JAZZ Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Jazzbo.

DRUNKEN DISTR ACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Rural Grit Happy Hour, 6 p.m.; Karaoke with Kelly Bleachmaxx, 10:30 p.m., free. Clarette Club: 5400 Martway, Mission, 913-384-0986. Texas Hold ’em, 7 & 10 p.m. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-8421919. Mary-oke with Chad Slater, 8 p.m. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Industry night.

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Jazzhaus: 926-1/2 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-7491387. Karaoke Idol with Tanya McNaughty. JR’s Place: 20238 W. 151st St., Olathe, 913-254-1307. Texas Hold ’em, 7:30 p.m. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. MANic Monday on the main ﬂoor, 10 p.m., free. MoJo’s Bar & Grill: 1513 S.W. Hwy. 7, Blue Springs. Pool and dart leagues; happy hour, free pool, 4-6 p.m. Nara: 1617 Main, 816-221-6272. Brodioke, 10 p.m. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Sonic Spectrum Music Trivia, 7 p.m., $5. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-9311986. KC Mutual UFO Network, 6:30 p.m., free, low-cost donation; Texas Hold ’em, 8 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Californos: 4124 Pennsylvania, 816-531-7878. Weekly music event: Open Mic Night, 7 p.m. Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. Grand Jam hosted by Supermassive Black Holes, 9 p.m.

VARIET Y Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816-220-1222. Music Showcase.

T U E S DAY 1 0 ROCK/POP/INDIE Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-7531909. Mile High Club. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-894-9676. Travelers Guild. Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. The Transients, 9 p.m.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Trampled Under Foot. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Mark Montgomery. RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Ted Hoffman, Patrick Deveny, the Clementines, Nolan Rhyne, 6 p.m., free.

DJ Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. DJ Whatshisname, service industry night, 10 p.m.

JAZZ Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. Dr. Wizard.

ROOTS/COUNTRY/BLUEGRASS RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. Jason & Polly Punkneck, the Puritans, 9 p.m.

DRUNKEN DISTR ACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES The Brick: 1727 McGee, 816-421-1634. Scrabble Club. Coda: 1744 Broadway, 816-569-1747. Coda Pursuit Team Trivia with Teague Hayes, 7 p.m. Flying Saucer: 101 E. 13th St., 816-221-1900. Trivia Bowl, 7:30 & 10 p.m., free. Improv Comedy Club and Dinner Theater: 7260 N.W. 87th St., 816-759-5233. Clash of the Comics, 7:30 p.m. Jackpot Music Hall: 943 Massachusetts, Lawrence, 785-832-1085. Karaoke. Johnny’s Tavern: 13410 W. 62nd Terr., Shawnee, 913962-5777. Bingo Boogie Nights, 9 p.m. Johnny’s Tavern: 11316 W. 135th St., Overland Park, 913-851-5165. Texas Hold ’em. JR’s Place: 20238 W. 151st St., Olathe, 913-254-1307. Buttwiser’s Bash with DJ Double D, 10 p.m., free. Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., 816-561-0625. Gayme Night upstairs, in-house tournament, Wii and NTN Trivia, 7:30-10 p.m.; karaoke on the main ﬂoor, 10 p.m. MoJo’s Bar & Grill: 1513 S.W. Hwy. 7, Blue Springs. Pool and dart leagues; happy hour, free pool, 4-6 p.m. The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-2366211. Karaoke. Tower Tavern: 401 E. 31st St., 816-931-9300. Trivia, 8 p.m. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-9311986. Chess Club, 7 p.m.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Open Mic Acoustic Jam. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. Open Jam with Everette DeVan, 7 p.m. Stanford’s Comedy Club: 1867 Village West Pkwy., Kansas City, Kan., 913-400-7500. Open Mic Night.

SINGER-SONGWRITER Harleys & Horses: 7210 N.E. 43rd St., 816-452-2660. Scott Ford Songwriter Showcase, 7 p.m.

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W E D N E S DAY 1 1 ROCK/POP/INDIE RecordBar: 1020 Westport Rd., 816-753-5207. The North Decade, the Smile High Club, 9 p.m.; Bob Walkenhorst, 7 p.m. Tomfooleries: 612 W. 47th St., 816-753-0555. The Mickey Finn Band, 9 p.m.

BLUES/FUNK/SOUL B.B.’s Lawnside BBQ: 1205 E. 85th St., 816-822-7427. Shinetop Jr. Jazz: 1823 W. 39th St., 816-531-5556. Mike Runyon and Doc Proctor. Knuckleheads Saloon: 2715 Rochester, 816-483-1456. Gospel Lounge with Carl Butler, 7:30 p.m. Trouser Mouse: 625 N.W. Mock Ave., Blue Springs, 816220-1222. The Bluz Benderz.

DJ Saints Pub + Patio: 9720 Quivira, Lenexa, 913-4923900. DJ Pure.

JAZZ The Bottleneck: 737 New Hampshire, Lawrence, 785841-5483. Barclay Martin Ensemble. Great Day Café: 7921 Santa Fe Dr., Overland Park, 913642-9090. Greg Tugman, 11 a.m. The Phoenix Jazz Club: 302 W. Eighth St., 816-2215299. A La Mode, 7 p.m.

DRUNKEN DISTR ACTIONS/COMEDY/ BAR GAMES Angels Rock Bar: 1323 Walnut, 816-896-3943. Wednesdays Reloaded: Service Industry Night. Beer Kitchen: 435 Westport Rd., 816-389-4180. Brodioke. The Cashew: 2000 Grand, 816-221-5858. KU watch party: KU at Texas Tech, 8 p.m. Danny’s Bar and Grill: 13350 College Blvd., Lenexa, 913345-9717. Trivia and karaoke with DJ Smooth, 8 p.m. Hamburger Mary’s: 101 Southwest Blvd., 816-842-1919. Charity Bingo with Valerie Versace, 8 p.m., $1 per game. Hurricane Allie’s Bar and Grill: 5541 Merriam Dr., Shawnee, 913-217-7665. Ultimate DJ Karaoke, 8:30 p.m. The Indie on Main: 1228 Main, 816-283-9900. Karaoke, 9:30 p.m. Jake’s Place Bar and Grill: 12001 Johnson Dr., MANY MORE Shawnee, 913-962-5253. Karaoke. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 302 S.W. Main, Lee’s Summit, 816-5251871. Club Jerry’s, reverse happy hour, 9 p.m.-12 a.m. ONLINE AT Missie B’s: 805 W. 39th St., PITCH.COM 816-561-0625. Dirty Dorothy on the main ﬂoor, 10 p.m. Nara: 1617 Main, 816-221-6272. Ladies’ Night. Outabounds Sports Bar & Grill: 3601 Broadway, 816214-8732. Karaoke with DJ Chad, 9 p.m. The Roxy: 7230 W. 75th St., Overland Park, 913-2366211. Karaoke. The Union of Westport: 421 Westport Rd. Pop Culture Trivia. Westport Flea Market: 817 Westport Rd., 816-9311986. Trivia, 8 p.m. Wilde’s Chateau 24: 2412 Iowa, Lawrence, 785-8561514. Pride Night, 8 p.m.

FIND

CLUB LISTINGS

EASY LISTENING Fuel: 7300 W. 119th St., Overland Park, 913-451-0444. Colby & Mole.

OPEN MIC/JAM SESSIONS Bleachers Bar & Grill: 210 S.W. Greenwich Dr., Lee’s Summit, 816-623-3410. Open Blues and Funk Jam with Syncopation, 7 p.m. The Hideout: 6948 N. Oak Tfwy., 816-468-0550. Open blues jam, 7 p.m. Jerry’s Bait Shop: 13412 Santa Fe Trail Dr., Lenexa, 913-894-9676. Jam Night, 9 p.m. Tonahill’s 3 of a Kind: 11703 E. 23rd St., Independence, 816-833-5021. Open Jam hosted by Crossthread, 7:30-11 p.m.

R O C K A B I L LY Aftershock Bar & Grill: 5240 Merriam Dr., Merriam, 913-384-5646. KC Jamboree with DJ Hepkat.

VARIET Y Czar: 1531 Grand, 816-221-2244. Indie Hit Makers, 6 p.m. Davey’s Uptown Ramblers Club: 3402 Main, 816-7531909. Amy Farrand’s Weirdo Wednesday Social Club, 7 p.m., no cover.

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Why do most people assume that all nonmonogamous relationships are destined to fail? If a three-way or an affair was a factor in a divorce or breakup, we hear all about it. But we rarely hear from happy couples who aren’t monogamous — they don’t want to be perceived as dangerous sex maniacs destined to divorce. BY To introduce the skeptics to some happily monogamish DAN couples, I invited coupled S AVA G E people who’d had successful flings, affairs, three-ways and swinging experiences to write in and share their stories. I’m turning over the rest of this week’s column to their stories. Dear Dan: My husband and I have issues like any couple, but I still smile when I see him walk into a room, and he still takes my hand when we’re walking down the street. For the past seven years, we’ve been “monogamish.” It started with a discussion: “If you ever cheat on me and it’s a one-time thing, I wouldn’t want to know.” Then when he turned 40, we had a threesome with a female friend. Our relationship is our first priority, but the possibility of a little strange now and then makes him feel like a stud. (And I reap the benefits!) I don’t care for sex without emotion and affection, so my flings have been limited. We haven’t told our families or more than a couple of friends. I don’t want to deal with the judgment of others. Dear Dan: For the first five years of my marriage, everything was great: lots of sex, both GGG, lots of love. Then my wife’s libido failed. After a year where we’d had sex twice, I reached out to someone else. I used Craigslist and was honest: I had no intention of leaving my wife and I was looking for someone in a situation like mine. It took months to find the right person, and we struck up a years-long affair. Then after nearly four years, my wife’s libido came back strong. To this day, she can’t explain why it left or why it came back. With the reason for my affair gone, I ended things with my fuck buddy. She understood; we went our separate ways. I had a four-year affair without getting caught because I never told anyone, I chose a partner who wanted what I wanted, we didn’t film ourselves, we used condoms, I kept my computer clear of any evidence, and we never called or texted each other. Dear Dan: My husband and I are monogamish but also legally married gays. We love each other, we support each other and we have amazing sex with each other — and the occasional cameo performer, who is always treated with respect. (We have a rule about not

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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inviting someone into our bedroom whom we wouldn’t be friends with.) If a hetero couple down the street are swingers, it might raise eyebrows, but it won’t impact the legitimacy of mixed-gender marriage. But if Ed and Ted invite a third into their bedroom, it would prove that gays are destroying marriage/the country/the fabric of the universe. Even other gays get judgmental. So our monogamishness is on a need-to-know basis: just our sex-positive doctor and the occasional hot third. Dear Dan: I agree with you that we rarely hear about successful marriages that are open. How do I know? I just discovered that my parents are swingers, and they’ve been married 26 years! Dear Dan: My husband, almost 10 years older than I am, confessed a cuckold fetish to me shortly before our ﬁfth anniversary. I said no, but a seed was planted: Whenever I developed a crush on another man, it occurred to me that I could sleep with him if I wanted. Five years later, my boyfriend of two years, who happens to be 10 years younger than I am, was a guest at our 10-year anniversary party. My boyfriend is a good-looking grad student who adores me and values my husband’s advice about his education and career plans. He treats my husband with the perfect blend of affection and contempt. (“Gratitude and attitude,” my boyfriend calls it.) I enjoy my boyfriend, but I love my husband more than ever. My husband is not allowed to have sex with other women (he doesn’t want to) or to have sex with me without my boyfriend’s permission (which he usually — though not always — gets). Our families would be appalled. We don’t live in a part of the country, or move in social circles, where we could be honest about this with anyone. Dear Dan: From the outside, my husband and I look like a vanilla married couple. But for nearly as long as we’ve been together (threeplus years), we’ve had a semiopen relationship. My husband is bi. He told me after a few months of dating. We worked out rules that were mutually agreeable. Now he can hook up safely with guys and come home to a loving wife with whom he can be completely honest. Dear Dan: I’m a happily married woman, and so is my girlfriend. We do this with our husbands’ blessings. (We even double-date sometimes!) Our parents, relatives, children, friends and co-workers know we’re close, but I don’t see the need to tell anyone the entire truth. I was on the fence about sending this e-mail. Then I thought if enough people send their stories, maybe one day we can go public and it won’t be a big fucking deal. That’d be awesome. Have a question for Dan Savage? E-mail him at mail@savagelove.net

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CLUBEROTICAKC.COM # 1 Lifestyle House Party FRI-SAT Party with Poker in his Limo ( call for info ) (913)238-4339 Roomate wanted poker@cluberoticakc.com 5960 Phone Entertainment $10 BEST PHONE SEX $10 Asian Nymphs; Ebony Hotties; 40+Ladies; Barely Legal Coeds; Or Fetish & Fantasy. Just call: 1-866-515-FOXY (3699) U CHOOSE THE MODEL

MEET GAY & BI LOCALS Browse & Respond FREE! 913-780-5200 FREE Code 5929, 18+

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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5960 Phone Entertainment

SEXY LOCAL SINGLES Reply To Ads FREE! 913768-1200 FREE Code 7785, 18+

5965 Adult Employment

BACCALA' STRIP CLUB NOW HIRING DANCERS Contact Frank 7pm-3am Mon-Sat 816-231-3150

Classified

5805 Licensed Massage ADAM'S DEEP TISSUE & BODYWORK NOW OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK! Pvt Studio Away From Home, St. Joe, MO Nationally Board Certified Masseur since 2004 AdamsDeepTissue.com AdamsDeepTissue@live.c om PH: 816-390-3601

Employment

FREE ONLINE ADS & PHOTOS AT KC.BACKPAGE.COM TO PLACE YOUR AD TODAY, CALL 816.218.6721

5530 Misc. Services WANTS TO purchase minerals and other oil & gas interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557, Denver, Co 80201 5536 Child Care

HOTEL OUTCALL SERVICE! The best hour (or 2!) of your week! A luxurious full body massage by female massage therapist. JUST 5 MINUTES SOUTH OF DOWNTOWN OFF I-35 Private Studio Incall Hotel Outcall 816-916-9179 6am to Midnight Daily

5420 Auto/Trucks A Classic Beauty, A Great Ride. 1 Owner...30K!!! 1970 Chevy Malibu, Excellent Condition Sapphire Blue w/ White Top $7,350 OBO 816-377-2098 or 816-753-4082

RELAXATION MASSAGE 816-896-9344 or 913-236-6733 In/Out lic#PV04-wilk

5505 Automotive Services

Winter Special Massage 913-562-8537

**************** DONATE YOUR CAR! Tax Write-off/Fast Pickup Running or not. Cancer Fund Of America. (888) 269-6482

LICENSED MASSAGE

Transmission, General Auto Repair, Diagnostics. 4 Aces Auto Repair 816-241-9030 U-PICK-IT SELF SERVICE AUTO PARTS $$ Paying Top Dollar $$ For Junk Cars & Trucks Missouri: 816-241-7548 Kansas: 913-321-1000

CASH FOR CARS Wanted / Unwanted Autos, Wrecked, Damaged or Broken. Cash Paid abcautorecycling.com 913-271-9406 CASH PAID FOR JUNK/UNWANTED VEHICLES. Call J.G.S. Auto Wrecking For Quote 913-321-2716 or Toll Free 1-877-320-2716 5525 Legal Services $99 DIVORCE $99 Simple, Uncontested + Filing Fee. Don Davis. 816-531-1330

Law Offices of David M. Lurie DWI, SOLICITATION, TRAFFIC DEFENSE, INTERNET-BASED CRIMES 816-221-5900 http://www.the-law.com U.S. Immigration Law Free consulations, reasonable fees.Service member and repeat client discounts. Law Office of Joseph W. Alfred 913-538-6720 www.lojwa.com

TEACHERS AID

NEEDED FOR WEST PLAZA PRESCHOOL Please Apply in Person Anytime 1617 W. 45th Street KCMO 64111 816-753-2973 5537 Adoptions A LOVING couple dreams of adopting your newborn. Promising secure life, forever love. Ann & Bob 800-595-0992 Expenses Paid. 5610 Musician Services

$30/HOUR STUDIO TIME Prepay Only BRAND NEW STUDIO! Credit/Debit Available Call Dan Smith 816-214-6088 BE A PROFESSIONAL Music Engineer/ Producer 2-Year Certificate Program CALL NOW For Winter Enrollment Starting January. For Information & Tour Call BRC Audio 913-621-2300 www.brcaudio.com 5625 Plug The Band

LAST CALL & THE ROCK SHOW LIVE with Very Special guest The Fall Down Drunks.

Saturday Jan. 7th Harleys & Horses (across from Worlds of Fun)

1000+ lasers GoGo Dancers Multi Award Winning Rock-N-Roll 1 night only A MUST SEE PERFORMANCE 5810 Health & Wellness: General Auto Insurance STARTING @ $40 SR22,, non-owners Life & Health Insurance MO: 816-531-1000 KS: 913-239-0900 www.KCinsurance.com

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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5815 Mind-Body-Spirit

PSYCHIC ERICA'S PSYCHIC STUDIO AstrologyCrystal-Palm-Tarot. Reunites lovers. Helps problems. Never fails. No false promises. Call 816-965-7125 Member of the BBB 5103 Auditions / Show Biz UP TO $300 A DAY NO EXPERIENCE REQUIRED ACTORS/MOVIE EXTRAS/MODELS Stand in the background for a major film. All looks needed. Speak to a live rep 1-888-428-9111 5105 Career / Training / Schools ACTIVISM

Campaign Jobs! Work to end child poverty with Grassroots Campaigns on behalf of Save the Children. Earn $1,200 to $2,000/Month. Full Time, Part Time & Career Positions Available. Call Mitch: 816-960-7296 LEARN BARTENDING!! Big fun, Big money, Two week program-Job placement assistance FT, PT, Parties, Weddings, Always in demand! International School of Professional Bartending Call 816-753-3900 TODAY !! Career Education. THE OCEAN Corp. 10840 Rockley Road, Houston, Texas 77099. Train for a new career. *Underwater Welder. Commercial Diver. *NDT/Weld Inspector. Job Placement Assistance. Financial Aid avail for those who qualify 1.800.321.0298 5130 Entertainment Jobs Talking on the job again? Are you friendly, flirty, and love to talk? Then come work for a long-standing national entertainment company that offers the highest starting pay in the industry! Hourly base pay rate of $9 - $10 with opportunity for bonuses. Dont be misled by deceptive ads and empty promises. Get paid by the hour, not by the minute or call. No trolling, no dispatch. There are day and evening shifts available for both P/T & F/T positions. www.blvdent.com (800)211-3152 5167 Restaurant / Hotel / Club Jobs BECOME A BARTENDER! Up to $300 a day. No exp. necessary. Training Course Available. 1-800-965-6520 x 270.

5172 Sales & Marketing Jobs Entry Level Sales/Marketing No Exp. needed/ Training Provided/ Opportunity to Advance to MGMT. Submit Resume at www.mp-inc.org under contact us or call 816912-2890 5177 Salon Jobs Lenexa Salon Seeks Independent Contractor For Booth Rental. Established Clinetele Needed. Call Jaime at 913-558-2242 5185 Misc. Jobs

Get Paid To Wave!

Liberty Tax Service is

Now Hiring Lady Liberty & Uncle Sams for Tax Season. 913-708-4637

Licensed Massage Therapist wanted. No Rental Fees/All Supplies Furnished. Must have 500 or more hours & transcript. 40% paid daily & Great F/T & P/T, No Sundays, flexible evening hours. Call 913-400-2540

NOW HIRING FOR KU BASKETBALL CONCERTS CONVENTIONS Event Staff, Ushers Ticket Takers Apply in person: 4050 Pennsylvania Ste.111 KCMO or apply online: www.crowdsystems.com Undercover Shoppers Get paid to shop. Retail/Dining establishments need undercover clients to judge quality/ customer service. Earn up to $150 a day. Call (800)722-6351 5190 Business Opportunities MYSTERY SHOPPERS Get Paid To Shop! Retail/Dining Establishments Need Undercover Clients To Judge Quality/Customer Service. Earn Up To $150 A Day. Call 877-737-7559

www.MoneyMakingClub.ORG $12,000+ / month attainable (913) 526-5150 www.MoneyMakingClub. ORG

$12,000+ / month attainable (913) 526-5150

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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Rentals

Real Estate

FREE ONLINE ADS & PHOTOS AT KC.BACKPAGE.COM TO PLACE YOUR AD TODAY, CALL 816.218.6721

KS-SHAWNEE $575-$595 913-671-8218 December Special. First months rent free plus $99 Deposit. 2 Bedroom, 1 Bath. Washer/Dryer in some units.

5210 Homes For Sale ALL AREAS ALL PRICES 913-381-6789 www.kcmlslistings.com Western Auto Loft, 1bed 1bath Hardwoods, granite, garden unit With large patio, 150s. Wont last long!!! Sharon Sigman 913-381-6789

MO $850 (816)756-2380 3720 Walnut Large 4 bedroom duplex, updated www.KNAACKPROPERTIES.COM

5312 Lofts For Lease MO - DOWNTOWN 816-421-4343 One-of-a-kind spaces in a variety of historic fully restored buildings throughout Downtown, Crossroads, Westside, and West Bottoms. Commercial, residential, office, loft, art studios, and live/work spaces. MO-DOWNTOWN $775-$950 816.421.5421 Best deal for cool downtown loft This building has it all: covered parking, w/d, granite, sun deck, huge windows, brick walls, views. 2 left. Call Brandon Now!

T U O ECK

HOT PROPERTIES

5315 Condos Duplexes & Townhomes MO-NKC $515 816-531-2555 512 E. 27th Ave., 1 bedroom duplex, appliances, garage

MO-SOUTH KC $425 816-756-2380 9517 Charlotte (Bannister area) MOVE IN SPECIAL!!! 2 BR, 1 BA Duplex. Hardwood/carpet, C/A.

5317 Apartments For Rent MO- INDEPENDENCE 816-252-8990 Western Independence, One & Two bedroom apartments, new carpet, ceiling fans, central air, 5 minutes to downtown, 10 minutes to UMKC, great highway access. Call today 816-252-8990

MO-DOWNTOWN $610+ 816-471-2751 The Courthouse Lofts on Grand Boulevard offers the finest in affordable apartment living in a truly urban setting. A complete historic rehabilitation of the 1939 former Federal Courthouse creates 176 new apartment lofts in the heart of downtown KC. Heated underground parking - In-unit laundry and premium finishes - Affordable downtown living from $610/month **Income restrictions apply. Please call for details. MO-GILLHAM PARK $495/MO 816-785-2875 RARE opportunity 1 unit vacancy. Beautiful Loft style Apartment on Gillham Park great views completely New everything. Exposed brick, marble floors, exposed ceilings (3rd floor units), hardwood floors, claw foot or jacuzzi tubs its all here right on Gillham Park with great sunset views. Completely new and updated with new Refrigerator, stove, Central air, furnace, garbage disposal, microwave/hood, maple cabinets and tons more. As low as $495/mo w/ lease. Big 1 bdrms in a great part of town. Onsite mgmt. Call Wes at 816-785-2875 or Dave at 913-244-4892 MO-HYDE PARK $299+ 816-960-4712 Clean, quite & safe. Historic Hyde Park Studios and 1 bedrooms. Walk to Westport. Cats welcome. Updated kitchens and baths. New carpet. Mention this ad for a $299 a month special Alps Apartments 816-960-4712 MO-KANSAS CITY STARTING AT $395 816-231-2874 Stonewall Court apartments-2500 Independence Ave. Central air, secure entry, on site laundry, on bus line, close to shopping. Nice apartments, Sec 8 welcome. $100 Deposit Office hours M-F 8-5 MO-KCAI $450 (816)756-2380 4130 Warwick. 1 bedroom apartment. www.KNAACKPROPERTIES.COM

KS-KANSAS CITY $350/MONTH 816-531-6817 Large 1 bedroom apartment near 10th & Grandview. Dining room, kitchen, appliances, ceiling fans, water paid. Application fee-credit app & deposit required.

www.pitch.com/hot-properties.

KS-KCKS $425-$525 913-299-9748 HEAT & WATER PAID... NO GAS BILL!KCK25 ACRE SETTING WITH POOL 63rd & ANN, 5 minutes West of I-635 & I-70 One bedroom $425; Two bedroom $525. No pets please. You CANNOT BEAT this value! Don't miss out on this limited-time offer! Call NOW! MUCH NICER THAN THE PRICE! KS-KU MED $695/MONTH 913-671-8218 First mo rent free. 2 Bedroom, 2 Full Baths. 1200 S.F. Fully Equipped Kitchen. Huge Walk-In Closet. Gated Parking. Swimming Pool! Call Today!

KS-KU MED

$455-$560 913-236-8038 MINUTES TO KU MED. Spacious Studios, 1 Bedroom, 2 Bedrooms & Rental Homes Minutes to KU, UMKC, Plaza & Westport. Laundry Facilities, Off Street Parking, Pool, Water & Trash Paid. Please visit www.kc-apartments.com Washita Club Apartments manager@kc-apartments.com

MO-MIDTOWN $415-$700 913-940-2047 Newly Renovated Studios,1 & 2 Bedrooms in convenient Midtown Location. Off Street Parking.

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

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MO-MIDTOWN $650 816-753-1923 Ask About Winter Move-In Special. 4440-4444 Jarboe, 2BR, 1BA apt available now! Amenities include pool, shared balconies, you pay electric utility only, and a nice West Plaza location. Also Studio available for $ 425.00. Call John A. Krugh Realty, LLC today for your appointment to view these units. MO-MIDTOWN $600 816-753-1923 Ask About Winter Move-in Special! 4630 Wornall, Monterey Apts, Third floor, 1BR, 1BA with a Plaza view. Amenties include secured entry, location right off of the Plaza, and a community patio. No pets & no smoking please! Also available is a 1st floor 1BR, 1BA, for $ 525. Call John A. Krugh Realty, LLC today to see these two units. MO-MIDTOWN $375 - $475 816-560-0715 ARMOUR FLATS APARTMENTS - Studio & 1 bedrooms available in a newly remodeled building. Great location! Gas, water, trash paid. MO-VALENTINE $400-$850 816-753-5576 CALL TODAY! Rent Studios, 1 & 2 BR Apartments & 3 Bedroom HOMES. Colliers International, EHO

MO-MIDTOWN $595 (816)756-2380 4011 Warwick. Large 2 bedroom, central air, carpet, patio. KNAACKPROPERTIES.COM

MO-39th Street $1000 816-254-7200 Historical feeling 4 bedroom house w/ 3 bathrooms, full basement, washer/dryer, toasty fireplace, 2 car garage, appliances, pets OK; rs-kc.com KC5ZU MO-47th & State Line $750 913-962-6683 Warm and inviting feeling 2 bedroom house, covered front porch, newer carpet, full basement, garage, appliances, pets OK! rs-kc.com KC5ZW

MO-MIDTOWN $625 816-756-2380 4123 Walnut. Large 2 bedroom apartment. With Hardwoods. www.knaackproperties.com

MO-SOUTH KANSAS CITY $645 816-761-2382 2 Bedroom, 2 bath house for rent. 7901 Oldham Rd. All appliances including W/D. MO-NKC $515 816-531-2555 319 E. 27th Ave. 1 bedroom, central air, appliances, garage.

MO-MIDTOWN $425 (816)756-2380 712 E. Linwood. 1 bedroom apts. Carpet. New renovation. Walking distance to Costco, Home Depot, Martini Corner. Pets ok. www.KNAACKPROPERTIES.COM

MO-NE KC $400-$450 816-472-1866 Now renting 502-520 Maple Blvd. Colonial Court Apartments w/ air conditioners. Super move in special 1/2 off 1st month rent & $200 Deposit. For more details call Kelly James Onsite Manager (816)472-1866 Home (816) 777-6965 or the San Diego Branch Office is (619) 954-2703 MO-WESTPORT/KUMED $695 816-531-3111 3942 Roanoke~ ground floor Duplex. 1 BR, lrg rooms, lots of closets. Off street parking, front porch. No pets please. MO-WESTPORT/PLAZA $500/MTH 816-561-9528 Winter Special- Large 2 Bedroom, Central Heat, Balcony, Private Parking, Garbage disposal. 3943 Roanoke and 3821 Central Call for details PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertised herein is subject to Federal Fair Housing Act, which makes it illegal to adverise, “any preferences, limitation, or discrimination because of race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status, or national origin, or intention to make any such preference, limitation, or dicriminaiton. We will not knowing accept any advertising for real estate which is in violation of the law. All persons are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised are available on a equal opportunity basis.

MO-Red Bridge Area $1100 816-254-7200 Ranch style 3 bedroom house, warm and toasty fireplace, full basement, attached 2 car garage, fenced yard, appliances, pets OK! rs-kc.com KC5ZY MO-Valentine Area $800 913-962-6683 Spacious, light filled 3 bedroom/2 bathroom house, warm and inviting living room, full basement, garage, pets OK; rs-kc.com KC5ZV MO-WALDO $850 816.531.2555 7247 Wyandotte, 3 bedroom, 2 bath, appliances, central air, basment, garage.

MO-Waldo Area $775 816-665-7200 The best of comfort living is here in this 2 bedroom house, cozy fireplace & family room, basement, fenced yard, appliances, pets OK! rs-kc.com KC5ZX 5367 Ofﬁce Space For Rent MO - DOWNTOWN 816-421-4343 One-of-a-kind spaces in a variety of historic fully restored buildings throughout Downtown, Crossroads, Westside, and West Bottoms. Commercial, residential, office, loft, art studios, and live/work spaces.

5320 Houses For Rent KS-KANSAS CITY $420/MONTH 816-531-6817 Charming 1 bedroom house near 7th & Central. Dining room, kitchen with new floor, refrigerator, ceiling fans, sun porch, full basement with w/d hook-ups, front porch & fenced yard. Credit app-application fee & deposit required. KS-KU Med Area $550 913-962-6683 Newly updated 2 bedroom house, loaded with class and charm, warm and inviting living room, garage, appliances, pets OK; rs-kc.com KC5Z0 KS-Olathe $1200 913-962-6683 Bring the pets here! 3 bed/2.5 bath house, bright & open finished basement, 2 car garage, kitchen with appliances, deck, pets welcome! rs-kc.com KC5ZZ KS-Overland Park $1000 816-254-7200 Sleek and sharp 3 bedroom & 2 bathroom house, warm and toasty fireplace, attached 2 car garage, fenced yard, pets welcome! rs-kc.com KC5ZT KS-Prairie Village $850 816-254-7200 Pets are welcome here! 3 bedroom house, stretch out and relax in the living room, 2 car garage, fenced yard, appliances, pets OK! rs-kc.com KC5ZS KS-Turner Schools $725 816-254-7200 Privately fenced 2 bedroom house, hardwood floors, stretch out in the living room, garage, fenced yard, appliances, pets OK! rs-kc.com KC5ZR

WHAT IS THE

BIG DEAL? A DEAL A DAY!

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816.218.6721

**BE A PROFESSIONAL *

* RECORDING ENGINEER/PRODUCER*

Electric Service Upgrade www.sjelectricalcontractorsllc.com Call Steve 816-217-9448

Green Smoke 816-585-6800

America's Best Selling E-Cig/Free Trials 307 S 7 Hwy Blue Springs Ward Pky Ctr 14300 E 40 Hwy Indep Flea Mart D6

2 yr. Certificate Program. Call For Winter Enrollment! Classes Begin January For info. & Tour Call BRC Audio 913-621-2300 or visit www.recordingeducation.com

U-PICK IT SELF SERVICE AUTO PARTS

$$ Paying Top Dollar $$ For Junk Cars & Trucks Missouri: 816-241-7548 Kansas: 913-321-1000

Entry Level-Sales/Marketing

No Exp. needed/ Training Provided/ Opportunity to Advance to MGMT. Submit Resume at www.mp-inc.org under contact us or call 816-912-2890 - MP Incorporated

www.MoneyMakingClub.org $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $12,000 + / month Attainable. (913) 526-5150

Law Offices of David M. Lurie

DWI, SOLICITATION, TRAFFIC DEFENSE, INTERNET-BASED CRIMES816-221-5900

http://www.the-law.com DUI/DWI, KS, MO

Real Estate & Bankruptcy Reasonable rates! Evening & Weekend appt. Susan Bratcher 816-453-2240 www.bratcherlaw.biz

Auto Insurance Starting @ $40.00 SR22-Non-owner / MO: 816-531-1000 / KS: 913-239-0900 **www.DeMastersInsurance.com**

DOWNTOWN AREA STUDIO APT $110/WEEK Min.

$100 Deposit, All Utilities Paid, Laundry Facilities. On Metro Bus Line as of 10/3/11. Holiday Apts, 115 W. Harlem Rd, KCMO 816-221-1721 Se Hable Espanol

HOME Sellers & Tired Rental Property Owners

I have pre-qualified buyers for your property. We guarantee your payment. Our lease purchase program is the sales solution for your property. 816-853-8369

Entry Level-Sales/Marketing

No Exp. needed/ Training Provided/ Opportunity to Advance to MGMT. Submit Resume at www.mp-inc.org under contact us or call 816-912-2890 - MP Incorporated

U-PICK IT SELF SERVICE AUTO PARTS

$$ Paying Top Dollar $$ For Junk Cars & Trucks Missouri: 816-241-7548 Kansas: 913-321-1000

$99 DIVORCE $99

SUNNY MASSAGE - 2500 W. 6th St. Lawrence, KS 66049. Walk-in or by appointment 785.865.1311

Simple, Uncontested + Filing Fee. Don Davis. 816-531-1330

* DWI * * CRIMINAL * * TRAFFIC *

CLUBEROTICAKC.COM #1 Lifestyle House Party

THE LAW OFFICE OF DENISE KIRBY

PARTY WITH POKER IN HIS LIMO 913-238-4339 ( Roomate wanted )

Practice emphasizing DWI defense. Experienced, knowledgeable attorney will take the time to listen and inform. Free initial phone consultation.

816-221-3691

CASH PAID FOR JUNK/UNWANTED VEHICHLES. Call J.G.S. Auto Wrecking For Quote. 913-321-2716 ot Toll free 1-877-320-2716

HOME Sellers & Tired Rental Property Owners

I have pre-qualified buyers for your property. We guarantee your payment. Our lease purchase program is the sales solution for your property. 816-853-8369

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JANUARY 5-11, 2012

Every Fri. & Sat.

Marriage & Family Visas Green Cards/Work Permits

Electric Service Upgrade www.sjelectricalcontractorsllc.com Call Steve 816-217-9448

Free consultations-Law Office of Joseph W. Alfred 913-538-6720 www.lojwa.com

Affordable Family Law Attorney

CASH FOR CARS Wanted/Unwanted Autos, Wrecked, Damaged or Broken. Cash Paid. www.abcautorecycling.com 913-271-9406

~~~HOTEL ROOMS~~~ A-1 Motel 816-765-6300 Capital Inn 816-765-4331

6101 E. 87th St./Hillcrest Rd. ,HBO,Phone, Banq. Hall $39.95 Day/ $159 Week/ $499 Month + Tax

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816-842-6700. Divorce, Child Custody and Support, Paternity. KS & MO. The choice of a

ERICA'S PSYCHIC STUDIO

lawyer is important and should not be based soley upon advertisements.

$10

CAREER EDUCATION LEARN BARTENDING!!

Big fun, Big money, Two week program-Job placement assistance FT, PT, Parties, Weddings, Always in demand! International School of Professional Bartending. Call 816-753-3900 TODAY !!!

Reunites Love- Depression-Finances Success 100% Guaranteed Results !

816-965-7125

Readings

CASH PAID FOR JUNK/UNWANTED VEHICHLES. Call J.G.S. Auto Wrecking For Quote. 913-321-2716 ot Toll free 1-877-320-2716