PART I Your Role in the Conflict

This first step of the YES Method asks you to clarify your role in your conflict, especially the emotions, prejudices, and assumptions you bring to the table. Like it or not, we are almost always part of the problem in any conflict…and we’re also the only part of the problem we can control. Without fully understanding our role in a conflict, our ability to recalibrate the relationship dynamics is limited, and we may well miss out on opportunities for personal and interpersonal growth. This first step of the YES Method will help you to establish the receptive mental state that will enable you to do the next step: start listening and accessing neutrality.

This pivotal opening section will teach you to identify how your words and actions are contributing to the conflict in your life, how to get clear on your goals for each of your difficult relationships, and how to recognize how your habits (that is, your habitual thoughts, attitudes, and actions) may be contributing to the conflict in your life. When we identify and understand these habits, we gain the ability to shape the responses we elicit from others, kickstarting meaningful changes in our relationships. Only by first noticing our part in the conflict can true communication unfold.