fore I took the two-seat plunge, many many a time I shimmied up to the desk and calmly and politely asked the agent if there was someone seated next to me and, if so, could I be moved to another seat? Often they put a hold on the seat next to me and prevented it from being
filled unless absolutely necessary. You can also ask the attendant at your gate if there are any available first or business class seats. Yes, there is a big chance that they will look at you side-eyed and say “umm no!” But you know what? Maybe they won’t. Maybe you will find that one special person who will give you a free upgrade. You never know! As my friend’s PG39
dad says, “you don’t ask, you don’t get!” So, if you feel comfortable, just ASK. Sometimes it pays to rely on the kindness of strangers. Taking Your Seat: how to navigate the aisle, seat, and everything in-between ◦ OK firstly, those aisles are pretty narrow. And if you’ve got a carryon too? Forgetaboutit! So I’ve learned a secret tip for how to help a fatty out and avoid the bumping butt-to-face or the seat passengers diving to hit the decks when they see you coming, as if your body will somehow explode on them and possibly infect them with fatness. What’s my secret? Just ASK someone at the desk if you can go on the plane early. You don’t need to explain why, just say “I would like to pre-board.” And smile! Chances are, they will say “sure, no problem!” The worst I’ve gotten is them saying that I could not pre-board, but I could go on during Zone 1, which boards first and is only executive gold-star super important business class peeps. If they tell try to tell you no, or ask why, you don’t need to say “IT’S BECAUSE I AM FAT!” just try, “I need extra time” or “I’d feel more comfortable taking my seat when the cabin is empty.” I’d guess that 90% of the time, you’ll get waved through. ◦ Don’t you love when you’re seated on an aisle row and, low and behold, the outside armrest goes up and you can dangle your spare butt/belly in the aisle rather than onto a stranger’s lap? But it’s so annoying when you try to lift that armrest and it won’t go up. Well boy do I have some news! A fellow fat travel confidant has informed me that ALL the armrests on Boeing-type airplanes should go up (cannot confirm if this includes bulkhead and emergency exit, though), they are just often locked in place. So, while you’re doing your pre-board thing, why not ask the attendant if he or she wouldn’t mind unlocking the armrest on your aisle seat? ◦ Seat belts. Ugh. I spent far far too many years freaking out about which type of airline makes longer seat belts. On family trips
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