Skirt magazine May 2019 by skirt.com

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Sunshine You Are My

Enjoy Carefree Days Forget all the Expectations You Are Mom You Are Enough 05

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EXECUTIVE EDITOR Shelley Hill Young shelley@skirt.com ART DIRECTOR Laura Staiano laura@skirt.com INTEGRATED ACCOUNT MANAGER Susan Norfleet susan@skirt.com Whitney Brenkus whitney@skirt.com PHOTOGRAPHERS Callie Cranford, Caroline Knopf, Abby Murphy, Erin Turner CONTRIBUTORS Holly Fisher, Caroline Fossi, Percival Haas, Lorna Hollifield, Patricia Williams Lessane, Helen Mitternight, Lauren Ravalico, Allyson Sutton, Liza Vilnits EDITORIAL INTERN Savannah Crocker savannah@skirt.com BUSINESS MANAGER Cassaundra Tebben cass@skirt.com DISTRIBUTION C&R Marketing, Tina Tartaglia ADVERTISING sales: 843.958.0028 sales@skirt.com EDITORIAL AND SALES OFFICES P.O. Box 579, Charleston, South Carolina 29402 843.958.0028 sales@skirt.com, skirt.com PRESIDENT, PUBLISHER Thomas J. Giovanniello, Jr. thomas@holycitypublishing.com

Skirt is published monthly and distributed free throughout the greater Charleston area. Subscriptions are available through www.skirt.com. Subscription rates are $19.95 for 12 issues. Back issues may be obtained by contacting the Skirt offices. Back issues are $5.99. All contents of this magazine, including without limitation the design, advertisements, art, photos and editorial content as well as the selection, coordination and arrangement thereof, is Copyright© Holy City Publishing, LLC. All rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. Postage paid at Charleston, S.C., and additional mailing offices. Skirt is a registered trademark of Holy City Publishing, LLC. Skirt and skirt.com are licensed under the authority of Morris Media Network. Printed in the United States. Vol. 25 Issue 5 ISSN 2637-3815 (Print) ISSN 2637-3831(Online)

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MAY | 2019

30 17

contents IN EVERY ISSUE

F E AT U R E S 8

Mugs for Moms A Firefighter First

Spring Fashion

Spring Clean your Skin Care Routine

Explore Your Potential 20 Lessons Learned from a Fearless Mother

By Liza Vilnits Mighty Black Mothers By Patricia Williams Lessane

Forward! By Percival Haas

Skirt Wellness: Wash with Water

Skirt Community: Lowcountry Orphan Relief

Skirt Books: “The Last Romatics”

Skirt Table: Semilla

Skirt Calendar

Praying for Surrender 24 By Lauren Ravalico

on the cover PHOTOGRAPHY BY CAROLINE KNOPF Retouching by Camera Works, Inc. Styled by Alexandra Munzel Photo assistants: Mason Brown and Trista Hernandez Models: Katarina Pavic and her son, Tommy Pavic, from Directions USA Makeup by Lisa Burson Hair by Shawnee Heltsley On Katarina: Hat Attack hat, “Jane” jumpsuit, $198; heavy weave beach blanket, $66, Pink Chicken On Tommy: Chambray shorts, $29.50, J. Crew; “Wylie” Blue Rooster shirt, $48, Pink Chicken

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skirt . | may 2019 5

editor’s letter Dear Readers, When I tell fellow moms how old my children are (5 and 3), they give me a look of empathy (or is it pity?) and tell me that I’m in the thick of it.” I’m never sure how this comment is supposed to make me feel—relieved that at some point I won’t be in the thick of it, or comforted that it’s OK that I sometimes feel like I’m falling short on the parenting front because I’m in the thick of it. What I’ve learned so far as a working parent is that it’s not easy and it rarely looks as perfect as it might seem on Instagram, and that’s OK. You have to do the right thing for you and your family, and that might not look like the right thing for your friends or your sister or the way your mother raised you. The most important thing is that your children are surrounded by people who love them and that you are making the time to take care of yourself every now and then. And the best thing we can do for other moms is to support them, too—to tell them we’re all in the thick of it, to give them permission to not be perfect and to still feel worthy of the role of mom anyway. So in our May issue, we lift up the mothers—we honor our own mothers and the mother figures in our lives and celebrate all the ups and downs along the journey of motherhood. We were honored to have many of you want to share with us your reflections on your relationships with your mothers. They are powerful stories of mothers’ unconditional love. We also introduce Skirt Locals, a special advertising section designed to highlight small, local, women-run businesses. It’s one way we put women supporting women into action. It’s the last month before summer, and we have a packed month of events we’re hosting or sponsoring to honor mothers, to provide opportunities for you to practice self-care, and to empower you to be your best self. We’re sponsoring events to raise money and awareness for Florence Crittenton programs, Postpartum Support Charleston, the YWCA and the American Heart Association—yet another way Skirt celebrates and supports women. Sign up for our newsletter at skirt.com and follow us on Instagram and Facebook for the latest information about all of our upcoming events. Hope you have a very happy Mother’s Day! Sincerely,

Shelley Hill Young

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YOU’RE NOT ALONE By Savannah Crocker

aria White says she had a pretty easy pregnancy, but soon after giving birth to her son, she realized something wasn’t right. With the support of her husband, she sought help and was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety as well as postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder, which developed into depression. “It was pretty terrifying, it was definitely the darkest point in my life,” says Maria, “but I was very fortunate to have the care and help to come out of it.” Maria says she did not hear much about the possible aftermath of childbirth from doctors or friends. “Nobody talked to me about [maternal mental health] during any of my appointments leading up to giving birth, so I wasn’t prepared for it,” Maria says. Maria is one of many mothers who experience maternal mental health issues, but many women don’t speak about it due to fear of judgement. Ac-

Support Charleston. Maria volunteered with PPSC and was asked to join the board. Postpartum Support Charleston offers free support through its Moving Into Motherhood online support community, in person support groups as well as access to Mom Mentors who are trained as peer supporters to moms in the community. In 2019, it is estimated that as many as 2,000 moms will suffer from postpartum depression and anxiety in the Charleston Tri County area. Postpartum Support Charleston hopes to reach over 200 moms this year and have 12 trained Mom Mentors. Maria was so inspired by the work the organization does for women in the community, she founded Mugs for Moms. Mugs for Moms follows a similar format to Empty Bowls, an international campaign in which potters make bowls for fundraisers in an effort fight hunger in their own communities. “I shared my idea of Mugs for Moms with Postpartum Support Charleston, and they loved it,” says Maria. “I fortunately had the help of my fellow ceramic artists at Cone 10 Studios, colleagues and former students to create over 100 mugs for this event, and 100% of the proceeds went to benefit PPSC.” The inaugural brunch event, which included a silent auction, raised more than $6,000. On May 11, Postpartum Support Charleston hosts its Moms’ Run fundraiser at 8 a.m. at MUSC Health Stadium on Daniel Island. Tickets are $35 for adults or $40 for adults with strollers. Maria wants mothers dealing with maternal mental health issues to know they aren’t bad mothers for struggling with perinatal disorders, and they deserve help in every way. “Just remember that no one chooses this, and there is support for you out there,” Maria says. “My hope is that for my children, that if they become parents one day, there will no longer be stigma surrounding this and that everyone can get the help they need.”

MARIA WITH HER CHILDREN, JACK AND CHRISTINA

cording to Postpartum Support International, it is estimated that approximately 15-21% of mothers experience perinatal mood and anxiety disorders. Maria overcame postpartum anxiety with help from a positive support group and resources from her community. She realized she wasn’t alone. Now, she is paving the way for an open conversation surrounding the subject. Maria speaks about her experiences to help raise awareness for survivors and connect them to resources like Postpartum Support Charleston. “I began to be very curious about the topic of maternal mental health and I started to ask questions and diving deeper into what is going on, why I got it, and if I could get it again,” says Maria. When her daughter was born two years after her son, Maria realized she was not suffering from the same perinatal anxiety and OCD that she had with her first child, but her interest in the topic grew. “I started to become angry because there was such a stigma around the conversation,” Maria says. “I was frustrated to realize many women don’t want to talk about it due to the fear of their children being taken away, being ostracized or judgment from others about being an unfit mother.” She realized the more she spoke out about her experience, the more courageous she became and the more other mothers dealing with similar situations reached out to her and to share their stories. “I just started to post more about it, sharing any research that came my way and getting involved with local nonprofits to volunteer.” says Maria, who is a potter and a filmmaker. “I started filming a documentary about maternal mental health during my third trimester with my daughter, and interviewed survivors, psychiatrists, obstetricians, anyone that I could find so I could learn more about what’s being done to help moms.” When Maria attended a conference in Atlanta about maternal mental health, she met Elaine DeaKyne, the executive director of Postpartum

ELAINE DEAKYNE AND MARIA WHITE AT THE MUGS FOR MOMS EVENT

MEGHAN ROWE PHOTOGRAPHY

Mugs for Moms helps women dealing with postpartum depression and anxiety

skirt . | may 2019

thankful her father survived, though his quality of life has changed significantly because the stroke affected his ability to speak. Quinn, who is 30, says she led a healthy lifestyle, but after her father’s stroke, she reaffirmed her commitment to eating healthy and being active. “The older I’ve gotten and the heavier into my career in I’ve gotten, I can see how easy that is to slip,” Quinn says. “It’s so easy for that portion of your life to become the lowest part of the totem. I will never allow that part of my life to be last.” So when Quinn has to go to the grocery store and to the gym, she rides her bike to get in the extra activity. “Those extra steps that we can take to keep moving every day and stay active are really important,” Quinn says. She encourages others to consider what small choices and changes they can make each week rather than

setting large, unrealistic goals that might be scary. Just because you’re young, you’re not immune, Quinn says. Know your familial risks and make lifestyle changes now. “Once you figure it out, it might be too late. You don’t want to be on that medication,” Quinn says. “You want to make those life-changing choices now.”

ABOUT GO RED FOR WOMEN

Go Red for Women is the American Heart Association’s movement to end heart disease and stroke in women and encourage women to take charge of their health. According to the Heart Association, cardiovascular diseases kill more women than all forms of cancer combined, but 80% of cardiac events in women may be prevented if women made the right choices by eating healthy, getting exercise and not smoking.

AHA AMBASSADOR QUINN GAINES

DO YOU KNOW YOUR NUMBERS? The five numbers every woman should know to determine their risk for heart disease: 1. Total cholesterol 2. HDL (good) cholesterol 3. Blood pressure 4. Blood sugar 5. Body Mass Index

IF YOU GO: Charleston’s Go Red For Women Luncheon is at 11 a.m. May 23 at the Hotel Bennett. Tickets are $100 To purchase tickets, visit CharlestonGoRedLuncheon.heart.org.

KATIE WAITES

When Quinn Gaines’ father had a massive stroke seven years ago, she says it was a wake-up call for her entire family. “It’s affected us 10-fold in the way that we carried out our lives ever since,” she says. Quinn serves as an ambassador for the Charleston chapter of the American Heart Association and encourages others to make healthy choices to help reduce their risk for heart disease and stroke. She is being recognized for her work this month at the Heart Association’s Go Red for Women luncheon. She says her father worked long hours in an industrial job. “After so many years, it becomes second nature to stop taking care of yourself and start going with the flow,” Quinn says. She says her family is lucky that her mother recognized the signs that her father was having a stroke and called 911 immediately. They are

By Shelley Hill Young

MEGHAN ROWE PHOTOGRAPHY

Protect Your Heart

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skirt . | may 2019 9

forward!

Leading with

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE How a coming out gave a mother and child a second chance By Percival Haas • Photography by Abby Murphy

ven though my mother has visited me countless times since I began school at College of Charleston, this is the first time she’s driven to Charleston without the slightest clue why. “I have something to tell you, and it would be better in person,” was all I had told her. And so, after a few panicked questions ensuring I wasn’t in immediate danger, she packed up her car and drove from Winston-Salem, North Carolina, to the Holy City. It’s early evening and the sun is just beginning to set over the swaying reeds that surround the small waterside restaurant. Now that she’s here with me looking out over the water, all of the smooth phrases and self-assured explanations I’ve practiced have abandoned me. I have no idea how much the woman across the table from me has pieced together through motherly intuition and how much of what I’m about to tell her will take her by surprise. And though I’ve known her for 21 years, in this moment, we feel like strangers. She lets us sit in silence, picking half-heartedly at our food, for as long as it takes me to work up the courage to start. When I open my mouth, I surprise myself with the way I begin. “Have you been watching the latest season of ‘Survivor?’” Puzzled as anyone would be – because who in their right mind would drive six hours out of their way to talk about a reality show hosted by Jeff Probst?

skirt . | may 2019

– she says, “Yes,” and asks me why. “Well,” I say, “You know Zeke, one of the players on the show this season? He’s like me.” When she understands what I’m trying to say, she cries. I tell her the new name I’ve chosen for myself, and she hurts me deeply when she laughs. She asks questions that only worsen that ache, but I answer them as patiently and as honestly as I can. I’m proud of myself that I give her the time she needs to process. Eventually, she tells me that she’ll always love me, a simple sentence with enough weight to knock you flat if you don’t brace yourself. A simple sentence that so many of my transgender siblings never get to hear. Now that it’s been two years since my mother and I sat across from each other eating peel ‘n’ eat shrimp and crying together (shrimp seasoning and tears shouldn’t mix!), I can reflect on the ways we’ve grown and the ways my transition has allowed us to rebuild and strengthen our relationship. My mom has said many times since that night she feels like my transition gave her the opportunity to have a second chance at being there for me, and she has used every opportunity that second chance has afforded her to show up for me in ways I never thought she could. When I came to Charleston for college, one of the first things I did was seek out a therapist. This decision was one of the smartest I’ve ever made. Through the painful and uncomfortable work of digging through my past in therapy,

and with the help of the new, independent life I was creating for myself, I began rate from the happiness of her husband and her children. These days, she wears paint-speckled denim and funky glasses. She seems happier, the embodiment to see my relationship with my mom as it truly was. We were inseparably close when I was little. I reflected her in every way, of all of the best memories I have of her growing up – dusty purple gardening down to the color of my hair and the shape of my smile, and our relationship gloves, twinkling silver necklaces and summertime Dixie Chicks sing-a-longs suffered greatly for it. With my dad constantly traveling for work and logging in the car with the top down. The woman I caught glimpses of as a child, the long hours in the office, my mom did the hard work of parenting, more or free-spirited artist with so much joy to give, now has the joy of being able to less on her own. She’s admitted that she felt for a long time that she wasn’t make up for her past mistakes and being there to support her son. “Overalls “cut out” for being a mother, that she wasn’t ready for the responsibility when I was born “I’m proud of myself that I give her the time she needs and didn’t feel ready for a long time after. In the nine years between my birth and the time to process. Eventually, she tells me that she’ll always love my brother entered our lives, she took out the me, a simple sentence with enough weight to knock you worst of those insecurities and fears on me. There were moments when this reflective flat if you don’t brace yourself. A simple sentence that so work in therapy was cathartic and reparative, many of my transgender siblings never get to hear.” and moments when I was sure the only solution was to cut her out of my life completely. I couldn’t be more grateful to myself for instead gently but firmly establishing Beth,” as I call this new version of her, has freed herself from the fear of failing as boundaries with her, but never severing ties. I left the door cracked, with just a mother, finally understanding that even though she makes mistakes, leading enough room for us to try again. When we were ready, I reasoned, we would with unconditional love means we can weather anything together. This Mother’s Day, I find myself humbled by and grateful for my mom and start the healing process together. When I came out to her, I think we knew it was our second chance. To my the ways she has grown with me through my transition. I’m so proud of us for surprise and overwhelming joy, she has taken every opportunity to be there for refusing to give up on one another. While transitioning is a largely self-involved me in a way she never was when I was younger. She has advocated for me, gone activity, I am thankful she also has taken this opportunity to transform herself. to battle for me, cared for me through surgery recovery. She has begun in ear- From a woman consumed with self-doubt and anger to one who leads with nest the tough work of bettering herself, of cultivating her own happiness sepa- love and openness, my mother’s transition has been as remarkable as my own.

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Sail Away! Photography by Caroline Knopf â&#x20AC;˘ Styled by Alexandra Munzel

Retouching by Camera Works, Inc.; Photo assistants: Mason Brown and Trista Hernandez; Models: Katarina Pavic, Tommy Pavic, Carrington Wright and Bela Kirk from Directions USA; Makeup by Lisa Burson; Hair by Shawnee Heltsley

14â&#x20AC;&#x192;

skirt . | may 2019

This Mother’s Day, relax and enjoy the moment. Don’t worry if it’s not perfect. Do what works for you and your family. The love and the memories will last a lifetime.

On Katarina: Replika layered dress, $575; Johnny Farah belt, $238, Havens

Life’s an Adventure This spring, we love an easy breezy palette of sun-washed pastels and neutrals in relaxed and playful silhouettes that are versatile enough for a play date, a picnic or a walk on the beach—wherever your journey takes you.

On Katarina: Hat Attack hat, “Jane” jumpsuit, $198, and heavy weave beach blanket, $66, Pink Chicken On Carrington: Yellow stripe Garden dress, $72, Pink Chicken

skirt . | may 2019

Ahoy, Matey!

On Bela: Monroe gray stripe dress, $76, Pink Chicken

SPRING CLEAN

YOUR SKIN CARE ROUTINE Bare Beauty’s Jessica Morse shares tips for making the switch to nontoxic products By Shelley Hill Young Photography by Erin Turner When Jessica was trying to get pregnant, her naturopathic doctor recommended that in addition to eating organic foods, Jessica needed to reduce the use of chemicals in other parts of her life, including in her personal products. At the time, the self-professed product junkie didn’t find a lot of resources about how to eliminate chemicals from her beauty routine, so she started doing her own research. “I talked about it all the time, and my friends were like, ‘You need to document this,’ so Jessica started the Bare Beauty blog. Soon after she launched the blog, her co-worker Laura Pelzer went to the grand opening of tenoverten nontoxic nail salon in New York. The two decided they wanted to open a nontoxic nail salon in Charleston, but their schedules never synced up. “We never let go of the idea,” Jessica says. Then about two years ago, the two started working on The Water Room, which opened in The Cigar Factory in January. The salon is named after a glassed-in area in the center of the space, intended to show the transparency of the cleaning and preparation of the products used. “We have nothing to hide,” Jessica says. “You see the action and the ritual of it.” We recently stopped by The Water Room to ask Jessica about her skin care routine and what she recommends to women who want to make the switch to natural skin care products.

Jessica suggests switching out the following skin care products for more clean, nontoxic versions first:

Body lotion: This is the first product

Jessica suggests that you switch out

because you use it to cover your en-

tire body, you don’t remove it, and

it’s absorbed into your skin. Jessica avoids

body lotions that contain parabens, which

washes:

Jessica

says

many conventional body wash-

es contain the same harsh

cleansers

found

industri-

al-grade cleaning products. She avoids

sodium laureth sulfate and sodium lau-

may disrupt hormones; silicones, which may

ryl sulfate, which can disrupt hormones

not break down easily; and propylene glycol,

and irritate your skin.

which could cause skin irritations. She also avoids synthetic fragrances and color. Her favorite organic brand? Grown Alchemist.

Body

skirt . | may 2019

Deodorant: Deodorant is tricky

because it’s so personal and your

body usually needs time to adjust,

Jessica says. She advises against

making this switch during the summer.

Conventional deodorants often contain

antiperspirants, usually aluminum salts, which block the sweat glands and can be carcinogenic. Favorite natural deodorants to try include Schmidt’s and Vapour Organic AER Next-level deodorant.

JESSICA’S SECRETS FOR MOMS WHO WANT TO LOOK BRIGHT AND AWAKE AND NOT TIRED: 1. Clove + Hallow concealer: “It has good staying power.” 2. RMS Beauty’s Living Luminizer and RMS Beauty’s Living Luminizer Powder: Apply it to the inner corner of your eyes, along your brow bones and in the center of your eyelid to diffuse light. Also use it on your cheekbones. “It’s dewy, not frosty.”

4 5

Shampoo and conditioner: Swap-

Davids Premium Natural Toothpaste, which

ping out hair products is import-

does not have sulfates or fluoride.

ant because hair is so porous, Jessica says. She likes Rahua Am-

azon Beauty shampoos and conditioners,

which can be found at Aillea. Toothpaste: Conventional toothpastes

can

contain

artificial

flavors, harsh abrasives and chem-

Lip balm: We often lick our lips and ingest lip products when we eat and drink. Many lip products contain petroleum, parabens, and

artificial colors and flavors. Jessica likes

Burt's Bees and Kari Gran Lip Whip, which

she sells at The Water Room.

ical foaming agents. Jessica likes

DON’T SKIP THE SUNSCREEN Jessica recommends Suntegrity’s Natural Moisturizing Face Sunscreen & Primer. “It’s a great double-duty product. You can wear it alone or under your makeup,” she says. Suntegrity also makes a great self-tanner, Jessica says. Look for sunscreens that contain titanium dioxide or zinc oxide.

3. Use a brow pencil or powder to define your eyebrows. “Focusing on your eyebrows frames the face and draws the viewer’s eye up so they are not focusing on any undereye circles. Defining your eyes creates the appearance of bone structure. Jessica recommends Ecobrow Defining Brow Wax. 4. Also use a blush and bronzer. Jessica recommends Kosas Color & Light in Longitude Zero and Lily Lolo Honolulu bronzer.

COLLABORATION The Water Room is offering a curated selection of True Botanical products as a pop-up shop from the San Francisco-based skin care line as well as a limited-edition True Botanicals manicure or pedicure.

Explore Your POTENTIAL Children’s museum director expands access and outreach Nonetheless, she joined the school band as a saxophone player, an experience that fostered a lifelong love of music and learning. After college, she became a youth band director and later took her experience as an educator into the museum world. Because of music and the support of her music teachers, “I got to do things I never would have gotten to do,” says Nichole, now 43 and executive director of the Children’s Museum of the Lowcountry. Opened in 2003, the nonprofit attraction offers a variety of hands-on play areas, from an art center to a pirate ship, as well as educational programming both on- and off-site. Since coming on board in 2015, Nichole’s own enthusiasm and energy have spurred a period of change and growth for the museum. For starters, CML joined Museums for All, a nationwide initiative that allows undersourced families (those receiving food assistance) to visit member

A chance encounter in the school cafeteria set the stage for Nichole Myles’ future career path. The local children’s museum leader recalls that day in sixth grade in her Midwestern hometown: She had arrived early at elementary school with her mom, the school nurse. With time to kill, Nichole wandered into the cafeteria, where morning band practice was underway. There, she came across band director Chuck Comella conducting a “ragtag” group of budding musicians. The music may have been mediocre, but Comella’s passion and enthusiasm were contagious. At one point, the director jumped up on the cafeteria table to energize his students. “I need to be part of this,” thought Nichole, then a shy tomboy who enjoyed competitive softball and swimming. Other than piano lessons, which she “hated with a fiery passion,” she had little exposure to the arts.

LEIGH WEBBER

By Caroline Fossi

museums for reduced admission. At the Children’s Museum, qualified families pay $1 for one-day admission for up to six people or $9.50 for an annual family membership. Regular admission is $10 to $12 per person, while regular family memberships cost $95. Charleston County residents can also visit the museum for free by checking out one of 36 CML passes from local library branches. The passes offer unlimited admission for up to six people in the same household for one week. They’ve become so popular that there’s usually a waiting list. Under Nichole’s leadership, CML has also beefed up its outreach programs, such as bringing science, technology, engineering, arts and math (STEAM) activities to local Head Start classrooms. “We want to make sure everyone in the community is able to get access to us,” Nichole says. She’s quick to credit her staff and volunteers for keeping the museum’s momentum rolling. “I have a terrific team,” she says. “They love serving children and families.” The team effort is paying off. Over the past four years, museum attendance has shot up 44 percent, from 90,000 to 130,000 visitors a year. To support this growth, and the wear and tear it brings, the museum building is going through its own evolution. Housed in a historic train shed, the structure at 25 Ann St. recently underwent a $550,000 remodeling project. Work included bathroom and ceiling upgrades, new heating and cooling systems, and the removal of a shed behind the museum. The result, Nichole says, is a “brighter, cleaner” space. A second phase of renovations will involve re-

vamping all of the museum’s exhibit rooms and its backyard area. Plans include an indoor-outdoor play pavilion; activities inspired by Charleston’s port industry; an earth and space area; an early childhood “maker space” featuring 21st-century technology like 3D printers; a studio paying homage to Charleston’s Spoleto arts festival; and a “don’t touch the floor” exhibit, challenging kids to use props to traverse the room without touching

Reflections on motherhood “Your Way is Enough” Nichole, a mother of three, shares her thoughts on parenting and motherhood: I’m trying to raise my children to be unapologetically themselves and to give more than they take. I want them to be kind and to contribute to the world in a positive way—but it needs to be THEIR way. … My girls are young adults now, and I can truly say I am amazed at their capacity to carve their own path. People talk a lot about gen “Z,” but I immediately think of how self-possessed and powerful these young women are...We’re in good hands. For my son, the best gift I can give him is making sure I don’t stifle him and that he is given every chance to be the funny, curious, energetic and fully capable young man he is. Whatever he ultimately chooses to do, using his gifts for good is the lesson I want him to learn. To the rest of the working moms out there —especially the single, working moms—just keep getting up every day. You are enough. Your best is enough. Your way is enough. It can

be especially hard to feel that when you seem to be surrounded by those living a different life than you are. I’d also say: “Come see us at CML. Come as you are. We have our good days and bad days, but we love our children every day and you are always welcome here.” Finally, I’d say to all of us: “We have to stop judging other moms. Parenting is hard enough and whether we are working or at home, married or single, solo or surrounded by family and friends, we need to give and get so much more empathy than I see. Motherhood is one of the most rewarding but challenging things anyone can take on, and you probably don’t know that family’s story.” So I challenge each of us: The next time you’re in the grocery store and see a child running down the aisles...or you witness a full meltdown in the middle of the museum —that you smile, lend a hand if you can, and resist the urge to do anything other than view that parent as the warrior they are.

the faux lava below. The $5.6 million renovation project is still in the fundraising stage, but Nichole hopes work can get underway in the next 12 to 18 months. Going forward, the museum will continue its primary mission of learning through play—offering activities and programs to help kids bolster their skills, gain confidence and explore their potential. Perhaps they’ll even find their future calling, as Nichole did that day back in grade school. “I am perpetually intrigued by how we learn,” she says. “You don’t know where that spark is going to come from.”

UPCOMING CHILDREN’S MUSEUM EVENTS: •M ay 2: Night at the Brewseum-A "Star Wars"-themed, adults-only event with food, local brews and games. 6-9 p.m. Tickets are $25. • May 12: CML Celebrates Mother’s Day- Moms get in free from noon-5 p.m. • May 27: Normally closed Mondays, the museum will be open from 9 a.m.-5 p.m. on Memorial Day. • May 29-Aug. 16: CML summer camps • June 16: CML Celebrates Father’s Day – Dads get in free from noon-5 p.m. Learn more: explorecml.org

LEIGH WEBBER

“I am perpetually intrigued by how we learn,” Nichole says. “You don’t know where that spark is going to come from.”

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LIZA AND HER MOTHER PLAY MINI GOLF, A FAMILY TRADITION

Lessons from a

FEARLESS MOTHER By Liza Vilnits

business investing. Today, she has settled into a job that brings her the most joy of all: being a nanny to an adorable baby boy. When my mother, a Jewish immigrant, began her life here in America, the odds for success were stacked against her, but she never let any of that stop her or even slow her down. In fact, she wore those traits on her sleeves as badges of honor, pushing her to stand taller and stronger. She never strayed away from her true character, and in moments of adversity, she used every single discriminatory and sexist comment she remembered from her past

“When my mother, a Jewish immigrant, began her life here in America, the odds for success were stacked against her, but she never let any of that stop her or even slow her down. In fact, she wore those traits on her sleeves as badges of honor, pushing her to stand taller and stronger.” as fuel for her fire. In doing so, she taug ht me to never back down from a challenge or be ashamed of who you are. The American Dream was a real pursuit for my parents, and their fight to succeed was a way of showing others, and maybe themselves, that they deserved to be here. Living under Soviet rule meant my parents experienced LIZA AND HER MOTHER EXPLORE THE BEACHES OF DUBAI

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political, economic and social hardships and also had to live in a way where a piece of them—being Jewish—was best swept under the rug. The challenges my parents experienced forced them to truly consider what they wanted for their lives. They knew there was more for them out there, and they wanted a piece of it, so in 1989, they left with a few suitcases, a baby and a few hundred dollars. I heard my mother tell the story of my parents’ immigration when my best friend interviewed her for a school project. The assignment was to talk to an immigrant about their experiences coming to America. At the end of the interview, my friend posed her final question: “You’ve achieved so much in your life, but if you had to choose, what would you say is your greatest accomplishment?” My mother responded without hesitation, “My children.” To my fearless mother: Thank you for taking a chance on yourself (and on me). Thank you for being strong, sassy, courageous and driven, and for being a mother who inspires me every day. I am who I am because of you, and for that, I’m eternally grateful.

PROVIDED BY LIZA VILNITS

t some point in my teens I found out from my mother that I was a “mistake,” or at least that’s how I interpreted it. What I remember about that moment was being shocked and heartbroken. My mother—a loving mama but also a Russian spitfire— put me in my place, though, with some necessary tough love: “Lizochka, you are the light of my life, but do you think that your father and I had planned to have another child upon immigrating to America? We had no jobs and no money; we were unable to speak English and our hands were already full with your 1-year old brother. To say that it wasn’t the right time is an understatement!” While it didn’t occur to me that day—after all, I was still an immature teenager—I eventually came to understand that if there is one thing motherhood represents, it is sacrifice. To me, my mother’s brave decision to bring me into this world knowing the uphill battle she faced was the ultimate sacrifice. With that being said, one thing I’ve never seen my mom, Anna, stray away from is a challenge. And so she approached motherhood just as she did any other situation – strategically and with vigor. She thought about the now (“How do we quickly make more money to make it through the day-to-day?”) and the future (“What types of careers would set us up for success in the long run?”). She started cleaning more houses to make fast cash and began taking English language classes and computer courses to build a foundation for her career in America. It was no walk in the park, but in the end, it paid off. She became an expert in quality assurance testing, making sure IT software and systems functioned properly. She worked for both small and large companies, often alongside colleagues—and even supervisors—who made comments about her difficult-to-understand accent and her lack of background in the field, but she kept pushing and eventually became an invaluable resource to the companies who employed her. Still, she wanted a new challenge and went on to obtain her Realtor’s license, as she had always been fascinated with the industry and had a mind for

HOW MOTHERS AND MOTHER-FIGURES FORTIFY OUR LIVES By Patricia Williams Lessane

PATRICIA’S MOTHER IN HER MID-60S

M PROVIDED BY PATRICIA WILLIAMS LESSANE

PROVIDED BY LIZA VILNITS

MIGHTY BLACK MOTHERS

other’s Day is bittersweet for me. On the one hand, I relish in the fact that I am counted in that number of millions of women around the world who have biological, adoptive, foster or “spiritual” children; yet I am also deeply sad that my own mother is no longer with me. She died in 2003 after a four-month battle with Stage 4 non-small lung cancer, when I was nine months pregnant with my second child. I was a grad student, trying to write my dissertation, teach two classes, work a full-time job, parent a rambunctious toddler while my artsy husband decided he wanted to be a “healer” and started massage therapy school. It felt like the worst time of my life. In hindsight, it was one of the best and most important times of my life. Sounds strange, right? Though I was racked with so much pain watching my mother—my rock—the consummate mother, cook, comedienne storyteller, faith walker and miracle worker—wither away, it was some of the most precious time I spent with her. And I was not alone. Girlfriends, neighbors, childhood friends and classmates who knew and loved my mother, my co-workers and hers, relatives, doctors, nurses and strangers I met during

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those devastating months rallied around my siblings and me. A lot of men came through and called to support us, but it was the women who stood, sat, cried with us and rocked me and my older sister, whom we call Bubba, late in the evening and into the wee hours of the morning. They fortified us and calmed my mother’s spirit as she dwelled between this world and the spirit realm. That was not by happenstance. Annie Ruth Williams was the quintessential girlfriend. She had older girlfriends, younger ones, and contemporaries, American ones, Cuban ones, Puerto Rican ones, rich ones, poor ones, highly educated ones, and the drylongso like her. She was an exhorter of the Word whether it came from the Bible or the School of Hard Knocks. She was Madea before Tyler Perry took his fictional “big momma” to the stage. She was many things to many people and as amazing as she was, she wasn’t an anomaly. She was a Black mother. My mother was one woman in a long line of Black women who have nurtured their children and other people’s children even when they had no choice. I saw a flyer for a Charleston Symphony Orchestra concert three years ago, for a performance entitled “Just Like Family,” and it featured an enslaved woman with two white babies on her lap. My friends and I were all deeply appalled by the flyer. Not because of the image but because of the tag line, “Just Like Family,” which insinuated that even with all of the love and care she devoted to the slave master’s children, she would never be family. Only like family. The irony is this woman surely knew this and yet she poured love into the white children under her ward nevertheless. I have met countless Black mothers just like her around the world, but many who I have fallen in love with reside right here in Charleston. Some of them have biological children, but some of them do not. But what connects them—us—is an unconditional love for the children and people in our lives and the willingness to see past “race” and blood to the hearts of others. My Gullah mother, Henrietta Snype, is one prime example. I met her when I started working at Avery Research Center. After one of our public programs ended, she saw me rushing off to tend to my children. Seeing how scattered I was, she offered to help me whenever I needed some assistance. From then on, she became Grammy Snype,

picking up my kids when I was running late, feeding them and me, giving me advice as I contemplated divorce, and most recently supporting my decision to leave Charleston for a better opportunity. And she has a family of her own for whom she plays the same role! I probably wouldn’t have made it here in Charleston without her love and wisdom. And then there’s Ms. Cinny McCottry Smith, 90-plus years and just as spry as she wants to be! From Ms. Cinny, I am reminded of my mother’s faith and wit. Cinny always has a positive word to share, along with a piece of chocolate, Diet Coke, or a trinket she picked up with the recipient in mind. I adore her! I have also been shaped by the white mothers in my life—the sisterhood of mothers at Ashley Hall and Porter-Gaud—from all socio-economic classes and walks of life who volunteer at bake sales, attend sports activities, who pray for and with one another. I have learned from them and been inspired by them to do what I need to do to make sure my kids have a competitive edge in this world. I won’t be spending this Mother’s Day with my children or surrounded by my friends and adoptive mothers. I will be in a new city starting a new chapter. Although I will be a bit lonely without my tribe of church womenfolk, my sorority sisters or brunch buddies, I know I will be all right. I was raised by a mighty Black mother who taught me to embrace the world with open arms. And I have been sustained and supported by mothers of all kinds who have embraced me with those same open arms.

PATRICIA AS A BABY WITH HER MOTHER

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Praying for Surrender A mother discovers deep connection in her son’s traumatic beginning

y husband told me the Greeks believed that a newborn’s first breath was a sign of lifelong vitality. He told me they would have thrown our son to the sea. When I was pregnant, I read a book by a famous midwife who explains that although contractions feel like great damage is being done to the body, actually they are beautiful and good. Her advice to surrender to the pain comforted me as I awaited the looming marathon of birth. But the midwife’s words are not always true. Sometimes contractions are harbingers of death. I have had both kinds. They feel exactly the same. My newborn son was laid upon my chest. He was a little dolphin, slippery and fascinating and gray. And then, as quickly as he was there, he was on a table, surrounded by women trying to revive him. I watched him there, unmoving and quiet as stone. Time began to accumulate. I wondered if he was dead. It was a reasonable thought given the circumstances, yet it hung in the air somewhere far away, like the news of a shooting. An untimely death suddenly fathomed. I didn’t know that dolphin on the table. I didn’t love him. They took the baby to another room, and we were alone, my husband, my mother and me. The room was noiseless and stale. The baby’s absence was obscene. A nurse came in to take my blood pressure. Someone took my placenta away to be analyzed. A custodian cleaned the bathroom. Sweep up the popcorn. Get ready for the next show. A neonatologist entered the room. At last. She took a seat and informed us that our son was not dead. With alarming sadness in her voice and a look of pity I will never forget, this young doctor introduced us to his diagnosis, “hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy.” HIE: a traumatic birth event in which the baby suffers from asphyxiation and a stroke that damage the brain. And so before we ever met our son, we began a relationship with his catastrophe. Rather than wrap our arms around a newborn, we were forced to wrap our minds around a new life of illness and probable disability: intubation, acidosis, hypotonia, seizures, paralysis, cerebral palsy. Why this happened to our son was not clear. He had the cord wrapped around his neck at birth, but it was easily unspooled. It is likely, though inconclusive, that something was going wrong with him while he lived inside of me. This dark suspicion quickly inhabited the vacated residence in my belly, and there it lingers, keeping me forever pregnant with an irremediable sort of heartburn. Five hours after giving birth I stood alone in the delivery room, awkwardly trying to dress myself before discharging my empty elephant body from East Cooper Hospital. My husband returned from putting our toddler daughter to

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bed, and we drove wordlessly downtown to MUSC where our son had been transferred to the Level III NICU. It was a beautiful summer evening and we drove with the windows down. We entered the NICU for the first time trailing behind a woman so newly delivered of her child that she dripped blood on the floor beneath her hospital gown. I recognized myself in her leakiness. The first time we went there to meet our son, I walked right past his bed. I thought he would be in an incubator, like all the preemies around him. But there he was, in plain sight, “Ravalico, Baby Boy.” Underneath his non-name was his first failing grade, a 0 APGAR score. His eyes were squeezed shut and his tiny body was crunched up tight within a “cooling blanket,” an icy device keeping him in a state of hypothermia for 72 hours to protect his brain from further cell death. That frozen blanket embraced my baby in her perverse clutch for days before I finally could. She was his first mother. I was the lady with afterbirth contractions watching from the sidelines. Nonetheless, I tried to give him something of the non-machine maternal. I stroked his arm until my own became indented blue from reaching over the plastic wall of his puny hospital bed. A vomitous surge of bottomless responsibility engulfed me. Love. My son, prostrate on an “isolette,” but not alone. My husband and I went home to the hollow place that looked like our old life. I stayed up all night offering my first milk to the open mouths of plastic pumping bottles in a fog of grief and dizzy with dread. On my son’s third night of life and in his final hours of hypothermic cooling, my daughter, not even 2 years old, chose “On the Night You Were Born” for her bedtime story: “On the night you were born, the moon smiled with such wonder that the stars peeked in to see you and the night wind whispered, ‘Life will never be the same.’” The words were unbearable. My little girl surrendered her body to my embrace as I cried in her hair. When we arrived in the NICU the following morning, our son had been re-warmed. His nurse was upbeat because he didn’t have any seizures during this risky process. He looked like a sweet, sick baby instead of a science experiment. I got to hold him for the first time. Oh God, it felt so luxurious to bear his weight. Hanging out in the NICU later in the day, I read an email from a close friend of mine who had become a minister. She wrote to me that she was praying for surrender. This initially puzzled me. I already felt defeated into surrender by our misfortune and had ceded all control to medical professionals and machines. But I don’t think it is exactly that kind of surrender for which my friend was praying. The surrender that is worth praying for is crying into my daughter’s hair or holding my son’s body for the first time.

PROVIDED BY LAUREN RAVALICO

By Lauren Ravalico

ANTONIO AGE 3, SHEM CREEK PARK

“ I cling to those moments, even now, years later, because they were the most powerful experiences of pure emotion and deep connection to the unfolding present I have ever known. I surrendered to parental love, and with it, the profound contingency of being. In its terror and pain, it was beautiful and good.”

give my attention to him and his sister, to surrender to their immaturity. But mostly, the light of both my children has, little by little, helped to warm the dank mineshafts of my guilt-streaked soul. I still think of the Greek mothers who surrendered their slippery little dolphins to the sea. Antonio almost slipped away, but he rallied instead to give me the gift of being his mom. Lauren Ravalico is a professor of French studies and a faculty affiliate in Women’s and Gender Studies at College of Charleston. She has a 5-year-old daughter, Noemi, and a 3-year-old son, Antonio. She wrote the first draft of this essay while pumping milk for Antonio during his first year of life and has rewritten it many times since. Antonio lost an adrenal gland to a hemorrhage at birth, but otherwise, at least so far, shows no other signs of his birth trauma.

PROVIDED BY LAUREN RAVALICO

I cling to those moments, even now, years later, because they were the most powerful experiences of pure emotion and deep connection to the unfolding present I have ever known. I surrendered to parental love, and with it, the profound contingency of being. In its terror and pain, it was beautiful and good. When we brought our son home from the NICU, I was stuck in an obsessive mindset of blame and sadness about my body’s suspicious role in his birth injury. I tried so hard to surrender to the present with him—to enjoy the simple stuff of normal newborn life—but I felt like the moment I let my guard down HIE would creep in and seek vendetta for our good fortune. The hypervigilance has abated over the past three-and-a-half years of my son’s blessedly ordinary development. Sometimes I even have to will myself to

NOEMI, AGE 5, ANTONIO AGE 3

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STEPHANIE PASCARELLA IN VERMONT WITH HER THREE CHILDREN (FROM L-R) VONN, VALENTINA, AND VIOLET

Splish SPLASH How Stephanie Pascarella slowed down and created a better bath time for families By Allyson Sutton

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to connect with her baby, Violet, during her busy work schedule. Inspired by her trip, she decided to start working on developing soaps for her daughter. Over the course of the next two years (while still in her corporate job), Stephanie found a leading skin care mentor, secured lab space in Vermont and spent all her spare time learning the ins and outs of soap and natural ingredients. “I knew I couldn’t just do this as a hobby,” says Stephanie. “I had a vision that Wash with Water would build a true, sustainable community so I wanted to ensure that I was creating the safest, most effective products that parents could trust.” As she worked on her first lineup of bath products (a collection named Sweet Pea & Me

elty-free, natural ingredients and are small-batch crafted on John’s Island. “I wanted to create a footprint that we could be really proud of,” she says. “It’s important to be responsible and thoughtful so we can create bathtime for the next generation.” Each collection has been inspired by her children (Violet, 12, Valentina, 6, and Vonn, 3) and their ever-evolving journey as a family. This summer, she’ll launch the brand’s first tween line focused on selflove, body positivity and inner beauty. Stephanie and her small team also recently launched a baby skin care line with CBD hemp oil. It’s been non-stop work to get to this point; Stephanie didn’t take maternity leave with her last

“ It seemed a bit excessive to have all these products, but we couldn’t share in bathtime. I wanted to create products that would allow parents to use bath time to not only care for their child, but also care for themselves. after her first daughter’s nickname), Stephanie realized she needed to do things differently than other baby brands. “There was no line drawn from my time with my child and myself during those early years, yet we had different soaps and skin care,” she says. “It seemed a bit excessive to have all these products, but we couldn’t share in bath time. I wanted to create products that would allow parents to use bath time to not only care for their child, but also care for themselves.” That personal experience sparked the idea to create hybrid products, using ingredients like Moroccan argan oil to bring an anti-aging twist to baby skin care. “It’s one of these unique ingredients that is incredibly gentle. It’s edible and safe for babies, but it also has anti-inflammatory properties and vitamins that are great for anti-aging,” explains Stephanie. Five years since launching, all Wash with Water products are still made with 100% vegan, cru-

two babies and recalls dropping off orders at the post office while in labor with her third child. But she wouldn’t trade the hustle for anything. “From the very beginning, this was my oxygen. It didn’t feel like work,” she says. “Creating these products has been so joyful. It’s allowed me to draw outside the lines and to be truly creative.” As she moves into the next phase of her journey, Stephanie credits her community – a global collective of families who lovingly call themselves “Washies”—or her brand’s momentum. She regularly gets letters, emails and social media messages from parents around the world, sharing how Wash With Water has provided comfort and connection in times of joy, loss and life transition. “These moments that we share made me realize I’m truly touching the world,” says Stephanie. “It’s a reminder that everything has the ability to impact someone in a really positive, life-changing way. Even something as little as soap can be significant in someone’s life.”

ERICA ALLEN PHOTOGRAPHY

ove from celebrities like Joanna Gaines and Tori Spelling. Massive retail attention from Target and Whole Foods. Collaborations with luxury hotels like The Dewberry. A “Best of Beauty” award from Tatler Magazine. And a loyal (and growing) cult following around the world. With all its accolades, you’d never guess that plant-based skin care brand Wash with Water is an indie business run by a mom of three right here in Charleston. It’s a success story fueled by intuition, hustle and a woman’s personal journey to create a better bath time for baby and mama alike. After a decade working in the pharmaceutical industry, Wash With Water founder Stephanie Pascarella experienced what she calls “early 30-something burnout.” “I was embodying the American dream, climbing the corporate ladder,” recalls Stephanie. “But I was also often the only woman in the room and the only one who had a baby. It was very isolating. I had to hide who I was if I wanted to be at the top.” That all started to change during a fateful weekend in Pennsylvania. Stephanie, her partner and their then 2-year-old daughter wound up exploring a local Amish town before catching their flight back to Charleston. They happened across a family who made soap with local ingredients and milk from the goats on their farm. “It was so different from anything I’d experienced,” remembers Stephanie. “I was living such a fast-paced life; it was remarkable to slow down and watch their really intentional, connected process.” Stephanie returned home with 19 bars of soap —and a desire to do something more. “I felt really emotional getting on the plane,” she says. “I had worked so hard and checked all the boxes in my career but realized after that day that something was missing.” After seeing how much joy the Amish soap-making experience brought her, Stephanie’s partner, Nihar, encouraged her to start making soap as a hobby. Bath time had always been sentimental for Stephanie and was a cherished time

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ERICA ALLEN PHOTOGRAPHY

NEW ONLINE STORE COMING SOON!

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community

Packing Hope Lowcountry Orphan Relief Gives Foster Children Something to Call Their Own By Helen Mitternight

hen the situation at home gets bad enough that the state steps in, it’s really bad. Parents are often abusive, addicted or absent and the need to get children and young people out of that situation is dire. Unfortunately, that can preclude a stop back at home to pack up beloved toys or favorite jeans. That’s where Lowcountry Orphan Relief plays a role. Founded in 2003, LOR became an independent nonprofit in 2006 and works to give these children something of their own to keep through what could be several placements (the word officials use for what is in essence being put into foster homes or group homes that are safer than where they’ve been). Lowcountry Orphan Relief provides care kits with at least two weeks’ worth of clothing and toiletries as well as comfort items such as books and stuffed animals. The kits are meant to last until the kids grow out of the clothes or seasons change; they can receive kits up to four times a year. “I really feel very strongly that these kids are in a situation where, through no fault of their own, they’re in this system where it’s almost like they’re set up not to have success,” says Meagan Labriola, LOR’s executive director. “The incarceration rate is 40%; teenage pregnancy is 40%. I want to be a part of helping them succeed and [having] all the opportunities and resources any other child would have. It’s just not fair that based on where they were born or how they were born, they don’t have access to the same resources.” Meagan says the group’s large distribution center in North Charleston “looks like a small T.J. Maxx” with its stacks of gently used clothing. She emphasizes that the group keeps “only the best” because the kids deserve that – this isn’t the place to dump your grease-stained T-shirt. “We have an awesome donor who donates big laundry bags,” Meagan says. “They are really durable and they last forever. We needed something big because we give them a lot of stuff, and we also attach a backpack full of school supplies.” Lowcountry Orphan Relief can outfit babies, children and young adults up to 21 years old, and Meagan says they get an average of 20 to 50 referrals a day from caseworkers. Last year, the group gave out almost 4,000 kits and, since 2006, has distributed almost 30,000 kits. Clothing also goes to “Just in Case Closets” at Title 1 schools where adults can grab an extra outfit for a student who has an accident or who seems to come to school every day in the same clothes.

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In addition to distributing care kits, Lowcountry Orphan Relief hosts two large children’s events each year. One is a beach day at Folly Beach. “We have all kinds of food and surf lessons, boogie boards and sand toys, a whole area for babies, lifeguards,” Meagan says. “We get 130 kids participating. A lot of the kids who come have never been to the beach. They have a blast. And then in November, we have a carnival on our property with rides and magicians and dance performances and a jumpy castle. About 150 kids come to that.” It’s not all jump castles and games, though. Lowcountry Orphan Relief also hosts YEP, a summer youth empowerment program at Trident Technical College’s Palmer Campus for teenagers 14 and older. The program offers workshops and mentoring on skills of independent living, job skills and college readiness. The program includes a scholarship to Trident Tech Teen University program for a week, a key component in exposing these young people to the idea of college. “The outcomes for kids who age out of foster care is bad for employment, bad for high school graduation,” Meagan says. “College is almost not on the radar at all.” YEP, which is fairly new, served 70 last year, and Meagan says the program is going to be much bigger this year and continue year-round. Meagan says Lowcountry Orphan Relief draws volunteers who want to stay once they see what the group is doing. The care kits are about so much more than clothing. “You’re hoping that you’re providing them with some sort of security and comfort,” Meagan says. “You’re packing a bag of hope.”

HOW YOU CAN HELP If you want to volunteer or make a donation of money or clothing, visit the website at lowcountryorphanrelief.org. Meagan encourages donors to take the time to pre-sort their clothing donations. “We’re not in the business of giving these kids anything faded or dirty or with holes,” she says

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books

“THE LAST ROMANTICS” Finding silver linings and rainbows BY LORNA HOLLIFIELD

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derneath a very original microscope. It isn’t futuristic in a dystopian way but in a way that lets us examine our lives as if in retrospect. That makes the story haunting like a period piece, yet relatable to today. I love it. As a writer I wish I’d thought of it. Now for the best news. This novel did indeed make several comments on motherhood that I think we can appreciate. I wasn’t a huge fan of the mother in the book. A three-year deep depression in her life after the death of her husband not only changed the course of all of her children’s lives but changed her into a fatalistic and harsh personality interested in only survival. I hoped that eventually time would open this woman up to the possibility of love and laughter again, but that wasn’t the case. However, at the end of the day, she tried to love her kids the best she could from the broken heart she had. That’s when I thought about this: Most of our mothers are far from perfect. Not all of them are the June Cleavers of the

SAMANTHA FUENTES

’m going to start with the criticism this time because I’d prefer to end on the silver lining. After all, don’t we all like a little bit of sunshine after the clouds? I know that after one of those famous late-spring Charleston thunderstorms comes through—the kind that get so dark so fast that all the church steeples disappear from the skyline and you start praying to God from the shoulder of 526— that I can’t wait for that first rainbow to appear over the crest of whatever bridge I might be on. I’m going to pound on this book a little bit first … hail, lightning and all, but there is going to be some color at the end. You have my word. I chose the book “The Last Romantics” by Tara Conklin because it is a family epic that examines love and life, as well as the complexities of family dynamics after a major loss. I knew that it would give me some great thoughts of motherhood for the glorious month of May. Unfortunately, I found a book that sort of word-vomited onto me, with entire decades of life being spilled out over the course of 10 pages. A lot of the novel was told like a recap instead of shown through dialogue and relationships, which turned me off a bit and made it hard to connect with the characters at times. Moreover, the way our strong feminist characters were celebrated put a damper on my mood. They often were only portrayed as “tough” once they’d become so jaded that they’d completely hardened their hearts or had torn apart every relationship in their lives. I’m the first to admit (from experience) that sometimes the discovery of self comes after disappointment or the disintegration of relationships. But it isn’t that way every time, for every woman, which this book demands. Moreover, in the end I hope that the hardening fades and that there is room for love again, which this book also fails to point out. It feels a bit pessimistic to a fault. Now for the good news. This novel is written in a unique structure that I find riveting. The story is told from 2079, written about the past that is actually largely focused on the reader’s modern day. It is a way of examining current times un-

“ Most of our mothers are far from perfect. Not all of them are the June Cleavers of the neighborhood. Some of them are the Noni Skinners (from this novel). But almost all of them have done a couple of things right. They gave us life; they gave us the voice in our heads that has kept us safe; and they gave us their fandom. Regardless of their triumphs or missteps, they want better for us than they had.” neighborhood. Some of them are the Noni Skinners (from this novel). But almost all of them have done a couple of things right. They gave us life; they gave us the voice in are heads that has kept us safe; and they gave us their fandom. Regardless of their triumphs or missteps, they want better for us than they had. Sometimes that shows by being our biggest fans and sometimes by being our harshest critics. But I leave you with this: Our mothers begin the epic that becomes our lives. They are often responsible for the good and bad. It is up to us to focus on which part matters the most—just like I am choosing to put the rainbow at the end of this review—instead of letting the bad parts splash in as they like, you can choose to put your host of lights wherever you want them in your life. You have the ability to write in that rainbow so that you finish strong.

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LITERARY EVENTS: May 14: Jennifer Palmieri, former communications director for Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, discusses her best-selling book “Dear Madam President: An Open Letter to the Women Who Will Run the World.” Free. Blue Bicycle Books’ courtyard, 420 King St. Visit bluebicyclebooks.com for more information.

June 7: “The Lost Queen” by Signe Pike paperback release party. Free. 7 to 9 p.m. Holy City Brewing, 4155 Dorchester Road, North Charleston. For more information, visit buxtonbooks.com.

May 30: Mary Laura Philpott discusses her new collection of essays, “I Miss You When I Blink.” 6 p.m. Blue Bicycle Books, 420 King St. More information at bluebicyclebooks.com.

June 9: Buxton Books and Skirt magazine host a Summer Series event to celebrate the launch of Mary Alice Monroe’s latest novel, “The Summer Guests.” Tickets are $47 and include a book. 3 to 5 p.m. Dockery’s, 880 Island Park Drive, Daniel Island. Visit buxtonbooks.com.

June 5: Wine and conversation with Patti Callahan Henry for the release of her new novel, “The Favorite Daughter.” ickets are $20. 5:30-7 p.m., Buxton Books, 160 King St.. Visit buxtonbooks.com.

June 18: Buxton Books and Skirt magazine host a Summer Series event to celebrate the release of “The Batik Art of Mary Edna Fraser” with author Cecelia Dailey and Mary Edna Fraser. Tickets are $10. 5:30 p.m. ,154 Cannon St.

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Family Business

For Jillian Schenzel, balancing work and family is controlled chaos and that’s OK BY HELEN MITTERNIGHT

skirt . | may 2019

“ Having kids doesn’t disqualify you from achieving professional goals. It puts you in a better position. I’m running a very complex business at home.” they have to be everything to everyone. They don’t. They (the children) have a father; they have a grandparent. They have a lot of love coming to them from a lot of different places. I don’t adhere to the idea that kids uproot our life. Children have to adapt to you and not the other way around. This is the way we live our lives, and our kids are very independent as a result. They are doing just fine.” Some weeks are chaos without the control. “I have to give myself a break because I’m showing them what hard work looks like, and that’s important. It’s OK to want to be more than a mom.” Good thing she has the chaos mostly under control. Jillian launched a mobile business at the High Water Festival in April and is launching another business with her husband. And she has one more project underway: In October, she’s expecting another set of twins.

COURTESY OF SEMILLA

It all works, she says, because she accepts controlled chaos as the state of her life right now. Jillian was not thrilled with her job in digital technology and marketing in San Francisco in 2013, when her older brother asked her to help open a restaurant in Charleston. He’d fallen in love with the city. The siblings found a place on St. Philip Street, but the building’s owner ran out of money after negotiating with the Board of Architectural Review for more than two years. In January 2017, Jillian and Macready detoured into a food truck named Semilla, which means “seed,” with the hope that it would grow into big things. “Losing that first project was really painful,” Jillian recalls. “I was shocked that my brother was willing to do a food truck concept. His background is fine dining, and that first restaurant was going to be a fine-dining concept.” But handling controlled chaos must be a family trait. The Semilla food truck offered Mexican street food and was successful within three months, although Jillian says it wasn’t because they knew what they were doing right away.

“We had no guidebook, no education on it,” Jillian recalls “We didn’t know what kind of licenses we needed, where we could park, who to contact. It was a huge learning curve. In the first three months, it was all about building connections, getting contracts in place, remembering to lock your coolers while you drive somewhere so everything doesn’t fall out—which did happen once.” After about six months, the duo started looking again for a brick-and-mortar site. In November 2017, they signed the lease for what would become the restaurant Semilla, which opened recently and features more upscale Mexican food. Despite the stress of opening two businesses, the siblings work well together. Jillian handles the business end of things and Macready cooks. “My brother is three years older,” Jillian says. “It works for us. We’ve always been really close. We have very different personalities and very different roles. He is a chef, a brilliant chef. I’m not. That works because we trust each other to do our thing and do it the right way.” That balance helps in other areas of her personal life, Jillian says. Macready got to know Charleston because of his good friend, Nicholas Dowling, now one of the owners of Daps Breakfast and Imbibe. On Jillian’s first day in Charleston, she met Nicholas’ friend and later Daps partner, Jeremiah Schenzel. “It was fast and furious,” she says. “We fell in love; I got pregnant really early with twins; we had the twins; we got married three months after the twins were born; I started the business and three years later had another child.” They have 4-year-old twin girls and a 16-monthold daughter. For anyone else, those transitions would be head-spinning. But Jillian says, “Having kids doesn’t disqualify you from achieving professional goals. It puts you in a better position. I’m running a very complex business at home. People wouldn’t expect you to run a business alone, so don’t expect the business of home to be run alone. I have a lot of help. I have their father; we have each other; we have grandparents and friends and neighbors.” She adds, “We run our own businesses, so it’s crazy and a lot of hours, but it’s also different hours. We have breakfast every morning. One of us is at dinner every single night. Women have a lot of guilt and they have this expectation that

XXXX

usiness gurus shake their heads and warn against working with family—the nurturing of parent-child relationships can smother a business; the intensity of sibling rivalry can explode a corporation. But Jillian Schenzel—who owns Semilla (both the food truck and the restaurant) with her brother, Macready Downer—is used to balancing work and family. She met her husband on her first day in Charleston and soon gave birth to twins.

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NEWS OPENINGS AND CLOSINGS

Say it ain’t so!! Hominy Grill, frequent winner of the best shrimp-and-grits contests and iconic peninsula restaurant, closed April 28. Robert Stehling, owner of the 2008 James Beard Award-winning restaurant, said in a statement that he was ready for a break after 24 years in the business.

The team that brought you Saltwater Cowboys on Shem Creek has opened Hooked Seafood at 24 N. Market Street in Charleston. Hooked has local seafood and a big open bay door to capture peninsula breezes. Bluerose Café in West Ashley closed, but Spanglish is taking over the space and will open soon. Parson Jack’s Café in West Ashley has closed after more than 12 years. The Baker & The Farmer on Johns Island closed it doors.

LEFT TO RIGHT: LAURA CARSON; OBVIOUSLEE MARKETING

HOOKED SEAFOOD

Not enough food and bev staff in Charleston. That’s the reason cited for the shuttering of Kitchen 208 on King Street. Ristorante Juliet on upper King Street closed after introducing the peninsula to fabulous thin-crusted pizza. The Noisy Oyster deep in the heart of the tourist district on the peninsula quietly closed its doors. Watch for a new concept restaurant soon.

Popbar, a national chain of gelato and sorbetto concept stores, is coming soon to Charleston. The store will offer unique flavors and an array of chocolates and toppings to top your pop. Look for the hot chocolate on a stick.

CHEF AND STAFF MOVES

McCrady’s executive chef Jim Stein is out. No word on his replacement.

EVENTS

Cinco de Mayo is actually on May 4 at Mex 1 Coastal Cantina. The West Ashley restaurant (817 St. Andrews Blvd) will be holding its annual block party with live music, drink specials and even performances from flamethrowers, axe throwers, martial artists and

samba dancers. Tickets are $15 in advance and $20 at the door. The Taste of Hutson Alley is back May 9 from 6 – 9 p.m. The six restaurants in the alley between John and Hutson Streets join to feature chef stations and dessert samplings. Participating are Victor’s Social Club; 39 Rue de Jean; Coast Bar and Grill; Michael’s on the Alley; Vincent Chicco’s; Virginia’s on King; and Good Food Catering. Tickets are $65, and all attendees must be 21 or older. For additional information and to purchase tickets, visit holycityhospitality.com. Tradd’s is hosting a James Beard Foundation Celebrity Chef Tour dinner on May 15. Chefs include Brandon Buck (Tradd’s), Kevin Johnson (The Grocery), Kelly Franz (Magnolia’s), Bob Cook (Edmunds Oast), Travis Grimes (Husk), Ken Vendrinksi (Trattoria Lucca), Michael Toscano (Le Farfalle), Michael Sichel (Gabrielle) and visiting chef, Michael Ginor (Hudson Valley Foie Gras). Beverage pairings will be by Munkle Brewing, Advintage, Winebow and Curated Selections. Tickets are $200 and available on jamesbeard.org.

MENU AND VENUE CHANGES

Ms. Rose’s Fine Food and Cocktails of West Ashley is now serving breakfast. Menu items include chicken and waffles, a smoked brisket breakfast sandwich and avocado toast.

MEX 1

KUDOS

The James Beard Foundation Awards have announced their finalists, and Charleston still has some contenders! Finalists include FIG for Outstanding Restaurant; and Scott Blackwell and Ann Marshall of High Wire Distilling Company for Outstanding Wine, Beer or Spirits Professional. The winners will be announced at a gala in Chicago on May 6. Charleston’s own Lee Brothers are known for their cookbooks and cooking prowess, but now they’ve published a different kind of a book that they say is a “page-turner:” “Hotbox: Inside Catering, the Food World’s Riskiest Business.” The brothers are doing a book launch tour and will be in at the Charleston Library Society on May 7. You may not score tickets to that, but you can still find the book at the usual bookstores—support these local authors at a local bookstore!

CHEF-DRIVEN MODERN FRENCH WINE BAR. SEASONALLY INSPIRED DINNER MENU. THOUGHTFULLY CURATED WINE AND COCKTAILS. Hours: 4:30-10:00pm Mon-Wed | 4:30-11:00pm Thurs-Sat | Closed Sun Happy Hour: 4:30-6:30Pm Mon-Fri 64 Spring Street | Charleston, SC 29403 tel : 843.974.4105 | email: hello@josephinewinebar.com josephinewinebar.com | @josephinewinebar

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calendar

events M AY

Invite your mom or your favorite mom friends to get together at one of these festive spring events in Charleston. Enjoy fashion and shopping at the Get Down Momma Fashion Show at Woodhouse Day Spa and support Florence support Postpartum Support Charleston.

05.04

nolia Plantation, 3550 Ashley River Road. Visit www.magnoliaplantation.com.

Motown in the Moonlight

Dance the night away to the funky sounds of live Motown music by Bobby Alvarez and the Supernaturals while enjoying a gorgeous view of the Charleston Harbor. Tickets are $8. 7 to 11 p.m. Mount Pleasant Pier, 71 Harry M. Hallman Jr. Blvd, Mount Pleasant. Visit charlestoncountyparks.org.

05.13 Summer Sing Along: “Rent”

Belt along to your favorite songs from the Broadway musical “Rent” during Charleston Music Hall’s Summer Sing Along series. The series continues through the summer with “Hairspray” and “Mamma Mia.” Tickets are $8. 7 p.m. Charleston Music Hall, 37 John St. Visit charlestonmusichall.com.

05.06 Driving to End Domestic Violence Golf Tournament

Play a round at the beauty Ocean Winds Course at Seabrook Island, compete in a hole-in-one contest, enjoy an awards luncheon and bid in a silent auction, all to raise money for the women and children living in the emergency shelter run by My Sisters’ House, which works to end domestic violence. $1,000 for a team of four, 8 a.m., The Ocean Winds Course, 3772 Seabrook Island Road. Register at mysistershouse.org/2019mshgolftourn.

05.08 Garden Concert Series at The Gibbes

The Garden Concert Series at The Gibbes features the popular Women & Series. This time, local female musicians including Hazel Ketchum, Lindsay Holler and Zandrina Dunning will offer their own interpretations of songs by songwriter and civil rights activist Sam Cooke. Tickets are $25 for non-members. 5:30 p.m. The Gibbes Museum of Art, 135 Meeting St.

05.09 Hops and Vines

Enjoy natural beauty in a historical setting with a glass of wine in your hand at the McLeod Plantation. Live music, wine, beer and food trucks galore will grant perfect company to touring the historic location. Tickets are $15. 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. McLeod Plantation, 325 Country Club Drive, James Island. Visit charlestoncountyparks.org.

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HOPS AND VINES

05.17-18 Get Down with Momma Fashion Show and Soiree

Who doesn’t love a tasty cocktail and a fashion show? Celebrate moms with the spring fashions, light bites and shopping from Morph Designs, JT Style and Little Fish Boateak. Tickets are $20 and proceeds benefit Florence Crittenton. 5:30 to 8 p.m. Woodhouse Day Spa, 725 Johnnie Dodds Blvd., Mount Pleasant. Visit Skirt’s Facebook page for more information and to purchase tickets.

05.10-12

Meet the Makers at The Community

Skirt and The Community celebrates the female makers behind the stylish small shops and indie brands found in its collaborative space. Free. 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. The Community, The Cigar Factory, 701 East Bay St. Visit communitychs.com.

05.10-07.06 Jennifer Wen Ma, Cry Joy Park—Gardens of Dark and Light

The art exhibit features two gardens – one

of light and one of dark – to represent the contrast between utopias and dystopias inspired by the history of Charleston. Free. Hours vary. Halsey Institute of Contemporary Art, 161 Calhoun St. Visit halsey.cofc.edu.

05.18 Power-filled Woman Conference

Join women from the community at this day-long conference designed to empower women in their careers. Anita Zucker, CEO of The InterTech Group, and Kenya Dunn, founder of the conference, lead a lineup of speakers who will discuss their journeys and how they found their power. Tickets vary. 9 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. conference followed by 6:30 to 10 p.m. gala. Trident Technical College, 7000 Rivers Ave, North Charleston. Visit kenyadunn.com.

Girls On the Run 5K

Help young girls in third through eighth grades reach their potential with this 5K. Runners will be paired with a buddy on this fun-filled race around the beautiful Park Circle in North Charleston. Registration is $25. 8 a.m. North Charleston High School, 1087 E. Montague Ave., North Charleston. Visit gotrcharleston.org.

Greek Festival

Food, performances, and history, oh my! Experience the Greek culture with tons of fun-packed dance performances, live music and delicious eats. Tickets are $5. Times vary. Greek Orthodox Church of the Holy Trinity, 30 Race St., Charleston. Visit charlestongreekfestival.com.

05.12 Mother’s Day at Magnolia Plantation Enjoy a picnic lunch and hear live music in the tropical conservatory at Magnolia Plantation & Gardens on Mother’s Day. Free admission for mothers with one paid admission. Order your picnic lunch by May 8. 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., Mag-

05.11 Moms’ Run for Postpartum Support Charleston Support mothers who suffer from perinatal mood and anxiety disorders for a family fun run 5K to benefit Postpartum Support Charleston. Postpartum Support Charleston provides support for local moms and works to erase the stigma surrounding postpartum disorders. Registration is $30. 8 to 11 a.m. MUSC Stadium, 1990 Daniel Island Road. Visit ppdsupport.org.

TOP TO BOTTOM: COURTESY OF CHARLESTON COUNTY PARKS; JW PHOTOGRAPHY

Crittenton or join fellow mothers at the Mom’s Day Run to

05.19 Wishes in Bloom for Make-a-Wish Foundation

Help raise awareness for the Make-a-Wish Foundation at this delightful garden party. The Make-a-Wish Foundation is a nonprofit organization that helps to grant wishes for children suffering from critical illnesses. Tickets are $150. 6 to 9:30 p.m. Magnolia Plantation and Gardens, 3550 Ashley River Road, West Ashley. Visit sc.wish.org.

05.21 YWCA What Women Bring

Bring girlfriends and sisters, this power lunch is not one to miss! Featuring women in leadership across 10 different industries, the conversation will be genuine and informative.Tickets are $55. 11 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. North Charleston Convention Center, 5000 Coliseum Drive. Visit ywcagc.org.

05.23 PAUL B. GOODE

Go Red for Women Luncheon

The American Heart Association Charleston is hosting a luncheon to raise awareness for heart disease among women. Car-

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diovascular disease is the No. 1 cause of death for women in America. This event will provide crucial information about heart disease, how to prevent it and other helpful healthy living tips. Tickets are $100. 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. Hotel Bennett, 404 King St. Visit goredforwomen.org.

Skirt Girls’ Night Out

Join Skirt at Dermatology & Laser Center of Charleston to mingle, enjoy refreshments and special promotions. You can see a demonstration of EMSCULPT and enter to win giveaways. RSVP is required. Call 843.556.8886, ext. 1101. 6 p.m., 2180 Henry Tecklenburg Drive.

05.24-06.09 Piccolo Spoleto

The festival featuring local and regional artists kicks off with the Sunset Serenade followed by Family Day at Marion Square. Other popular events include the outdoor arts exhibition and the craft exhibition. This year’s festival includes theatrical performances at the new Cannon Street Arts Center. The festival closes with a tribute to Aretha Franklin at Hampton Park. Tickets, times and locations vary. Visit piccolospoleto.com.

BILL T JONES/ARNIE ZANE COMPANY

05.24-06.09 Spoleto Festival

This year’s festival includes an opening weekend performance by vocalist Esperanza Spalding, making her Spoleto debut. There’s an eclectic lineup of theatre productions, including the opera “Salome;” “Pay No Attention to the Girl” about Islamic tales of conflict, love and peace; “What Girls are Made of” based on a diary of a Cora Bissett’s journey from rock-star to the woman she wanted to be; and the Shakespeare’s Globe company performing several of the bard’s

plays. Ticket prices, times and venues vary. Visit spoletousa.org.

05.30-06.03 US Women’s Open Golf Tournament

Golf lovers, rejoice! The 74th U.S. Women’s Open will be held in our very own city. Along with the matches, attendees can enjoy performances and interactive golf experiences. Times and tickets vary. Country Club of Charleston, 1 Country Club Drive. Visit usga.org.

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Skirt magazine May 2019

Articles inside

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