April2023WebEdition

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

MOBILE COMPUTER REPAIR AND SERVICE - Quality work performed in-shop, in office or in-home. Dependable, affordable! Over 17+ Years Experience. Proudly serving Carson Valley and Surrounding Communities. Call Nick at Technologic Computer Repair (775)450-7570

WANTED! FOLEY BELSAW SHARPENER FOR HAND SAWS (775)781-3941

HOME IN NEED OF IMPROVEMENT? ADDITIONS, remodels, garages, we do it all! Free estimates, 25+ years experience, Carson Valley Construction Company LLC, NV#0074855 (775)291-1453

TAKE CARE OF YOUR LOVED ONES. WILLS and Trusts. Day R. Williams, Attorney at Law, 1601 Fairview Drive, Suite C, Carson City, NV. Call Day today! (775)8858398

1960 WALL RECTANGULAR WALL MIRROR, beveled, frameless, 2½’X4’, Call James (510)828-8632

GARAGE SALE! APRIL 29TH-30TH AND MAY 67TH7TH, 9am-3pm - variety of powers tools, carpentry: carpentry, mechanic, cement, garden, also camping gear, 659 Carmel Way, Gardnerville Ranchos

ROOF! WE DO ROOFS FOR A LIVING, NOT FOR a hobby! High quality, economical price, call Ed (775)2972320

MICROWAVE OVER RANGE OVEN HOOD COMBINATION, 1.9CF, stainless steel, new, paid $800, sell for $200, still in box (775)790-2251

USA DRYWALL LLC, REMODELS AND REPAIRS, Hanging, Taping, any texture, Additions, No Job too small, Insured and Bonded, NV#8894 (775)247-2539

“YOUR HOMETOWN JUNK HAULER SINCE 1996!” Junk and Trash, etc, Carson Valley/Carson City, $249 a load plus dump fee, J.R.’s Hauling (775)265-6813

PORSCHES WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE! OLD Porsches

1950 to 1973, looking for a Porsche 356, 911 or 912, running or not, with or without engine or transmission, also interested in parts. Will pay cash! Have trailer will travel (775)291-6827

St. Gall Annual Spring Rummage Sale

Friday, April 21st 7am-3pm and Saturday, April 22nd 7am3pm, Outside by Rummage Building behind the Church, All items priced to sell. We are overloaded in inventory – You name it we have it! (775)782-2852

Crumpled up

I had been thinking about coloring my hair. One day while going through a magazine, I came across an ad for a hair-coloring product featuring a beautiful young model with hair a shade that I liked. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband, “How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles?”

He looked at the picture, crumpled it up, straightened it out and studied it again. “Just great, hon.”

WANTED! COMIC BOOKS AND/OR SPORTS CARDS, I can come to you (562)706-4224

PUBLISHER’S NOTICE: All real estate advertising in this paper is subject to the Fair Housing Act which makes it illegal to advertise “any preference, limitations or discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, handicap, familial status or national origin, or an intention to make any such preference, limitation or discrimination.” This magazine will not knowingly accept any advertisement for real estate which is a violation of the law; our readers are hereby informed that all dwellings advertised in this publication are available on an equal opportunity basis. To complain of discrimination call HUD toll-free.

Sometimes we forget to enjoy the life we’re living instead of just living the life we’ve got.

M&M Poem for Kids: The SWEET Truth of Easter

These candies tell a story~ the best news you’ll ever hear. ~ It’s about Jesus dying on the cross so that we could be brought near.

So hold them and turn them and you will see… the “M” becomes a “W” an “E” and then a “3”.

The “E” stands for… Easter…. God’s everlasting love and His eternal plan. It reminds us of the cross and the way God rescued sinful man

The “3” represents the 3 days Jesus spent in the grave…. By His death, His children He did save.

The “M” reminds us of the mercy the Messiah showed as He died in our place and the miracle of the resurrection so we can see Him face to face.

The “W” reminds us… that He alone is worthy of our worship and praise and calls upon us to be His witnesses around the world for all of our days. (Author unknown)

STEINWAY PIANO 1940, MODEL K, UPRIGHT Ebony, in very good condition, can be seen at private residence in Virginia City, asking $7,500 OBO, photos available (775)772-4672

MONUMENTS UNLIMITED, EADSTONES, curbing, granite and concrete, all colors available, quality work (775)720-1627

FOR SALE 2008 HARLEY FAT BOY, 2014 HARLEY Switch Back, both must go, many extras (77)835-3875

4 VELUX FIXED SKYLIGHTS, FSC06 24X48” $375 each OBO (916)990-3764

Douglas County Republican Women (DCRW) is proud to announce their 2023 Membership event, “Pitfalls of Home Ownership & the Dirty Jobs that Go with It”, to be held from 6 to 8pm Wednesday, April 26th at the Aspen Mobile Home Community Center with one entrance at 1350 Centerville Lane (across from Methodist Church) and another entrance at 1380 Centerville Lane (across from St. Gall Catholic Church. Speakers will be from various industries helpful to the homeowner. There will be light refreshments. Tickets are $5 per person & funds raised with go to the Gardnerville City of Refuge. Firm RSVPS may be made to Elinor Lacy: elinoralacy3@comcast.net or 415-985-5432.

TIRED OF BEING DULL? I SHARPEN CHEFS knives, scissors of all types, TJ’S Sharpening (775)841-1079

CASH PAID FOR VINTAGE COSTUME JEWELRY. All Types Including: Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Rings, Silver, Copper, Pot Metal, Rhinestones, Lockets, Charm Bracelets, Men’s Jewelry, Old Watches, Military Jewelry, Old Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry. Larger Quantities Preferred. Please leave phone number and clear message on my phone. I return all calls. Call or text Joanne at (775)4302352

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

WANTED: LICENSE PLATES, OLD MOTORCYCLE Helmets, Old Pre-1970’s Levi’s, Musical instruments, Old Watches and Old Lighters, John (775)315-4930

What kind of car was he driving?

A man was annoyed when his wife told him that a car had backed into her, damaging a fender, and that she hadn’t gotten the license number. “What kind of car was he driving?” the husband asked.”I don’t know,” she said. “I never can tell one car from another.”

At that, the man decided the time had come for a learning course, and for the next few days, whenever they were driving, he made her name each car they passed until he was satisfied that she could recognize every make.

It worked. About a week later she bounded in with a pleased expression on her face. “Darling,” she said. “I hit a Buick!”

BLIND AND WINDOW CLEANING SERVICES, residential and commercial, multi story specialist, mobile blind cleaning, pressure washing, awning cleaning, snow removal, Call Unlimited for a clear view! (775)883-6629

AIRGUNS: BENJAMIN 392 PUMP .22, 4X32 SCOPE, two CO2 repeating BB pistols, all like new $200; reloading supplies - 1000 large magnum rifle primers, 2lbs powder, .375 H&H brass, bullets RCBS dies, extras $200, text/msg (77)781-7243

How many wives?

Two little boys were at a wedding when one leaned over to the other and asked, “How many wives can a man have?” His friend answered, “Sixteen... four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.”

WANTED: BACKHOE 580 CASE OR SIMILAR, pay up to $30,000, cash paid and immediate removal, Gary (775)782-3070

NEW ZEALAND SHEEPSKIN RUG $60; SET OF 12 gold plated dinnerware, still in the case $40 (775)265-1670

Working with God

A farmer purchases an old, run-down, abandoned farm with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields are grown over with weeds, the farmhouse is falling apart, and the fences are collapsing all around.

During his first day of work, the town preacher stops by to bless the man’s work, saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!”A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it’s like a completely different place--the farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there are plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in wellfenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. “Amazing!” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have accomplished together!”” Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!”

“ALWAYS ON DUTY” STURDY HANDRAILS, flat or stepped areas, all metal, free standing, custom built to fit your needs, installation available, maintain independence & a healthy well being! (775)790-6445

TWIN POP UP TRUNDLE DAY BED, WOOD TRIM converts to king size bed, includes two twin size mattresses $175, Carson City (760)616-1514

April 1st - April Fool’s Day

Whatsamatta University’s seminars for men, Spring catalogue

Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting Stupidity 2. You Too Can Do Housework

3. Resistance to Beer 4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray 5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards) 6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming HomDrunk At 4:00am

7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called “Don’t Wash My Silks”) 9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook 10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong 11. SpellingEven You Can Get It Right 12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence 13. You, The Weaker Sex 14. Reasons To Give Flowers 15. Garbage - Getting It To The Curb 16. You Cannot Always Wear Whatever You Please 17. How To Put Down A Toilet Seat 18. Give Me A Break - Why We Know Your Excuses Are Lies 19. How To Go Shopping With Your Mate Without Getting Lost

20. The Remote Control - Overcoming Your Dependency

21. Helpful Posture Hints For Couch Potatoes 22. Mother-inLaws Are People Too 23. The Weekend And Sports Are Not Synonymous 24. How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children

25. You Too Can Be A Designated Driver 26. Male Bonding: Leave Your Friends At Home 27. Attainable Goal - Omitting Foul Expletives From Vocabulary 28. You Don’t Really Need That Porsche

ABC WINDOW CLEANERS, SERVING GARDNERVILLE and Minden areas, 35 years experience, NV20161064184, Rick (530)544-0590

ALLERGIES AND DUST A PROBLEM? WHOLE house air duct cleaning special $599, all vents, returns, heater and ac cleaned and sanitized, dryer vent cleaning $129, call Peake Air, NV#260831 (775)392-0994

PLUMBING, LEAKY PIPES, SERVICE AND REPAIR, remodels, new construction, residential and commercial, since 1997, bonded and insured, guaranteed, NV#47214, CA#513872, Call Robert (775)690-1441

$200 OFF ANY COMPLETE ROOFING JOB, NEW roof, re-roof, repairs, 10% off for repairs, $100 maximum, must present ad for discount, over 25 years experience, Licensed, Bonded and Insured, Tom Goldston Roofing, “Where Quality is Remembered Long After the Price is Forgotten” NV Lic#58203 (775)790-2461

Long winded

A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”

A voice from the back of the room replied, “There’s a calendar behind you...”

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

HOME REPAIR PRO, MR. FIX IT, ANY OUTSIDE/INSIDE repairs, big or small, flat rate $40 per hour (775)6915119

Walk on water

All of his life Len from Cape Breton, Canada had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they’d walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink.

So when Len’s 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Len stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned!

Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Len went to see his grandmother. “Grandma, it’s my 21st birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake, like my father, his father, and his father before him?”

Granny looked Len straight in the eyes, and said, “Because, you numbskull, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in July.”

2006 CHEVROLET C3500 WORK TRUCK 6.0 GAS engine, Automatic Transmission, Standard Cab, Construction Body, $14,000 Yerington (916)215-2214

TRUCKING, DUMP TRUCK, BOBCAT/LOADER, Excavation and Water Truck Services, call Wade Draper - EMS Transport at (775)690-1671

WANTED! 20’X30’X8’ TRAVEL TRAILER; 10’X40’ Mobilehomes, beaters or will pay cash if in better condition, Gary (775)782-3070

Grandpa and God

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?”

I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you have.

How to avoid a bear attack

Here’s what you should do instead, according to the National Park Service:

Identify yourself as a human and not a prey animal by talking calmly, and stay put. Slowly wave your arms. The bear might come closer or stand up on its back legs to get a better look or to smell you, which is usually a sign of curiosity and not aggression.

Don’t scream or make any loud or high-pitched noises, since the bear might think it’s the sound of a prey animal. Pick up smaller children, and make yourself look as big as possible, including moving to higher ground if you can.

“Stay calm and remember that most bears do not want to attack you; they usually just want to be left alone,” the guidance says. However, they might bluff to avoid an encounter by charging and turning away at the last second.

Don’t try climbing a tree. Black bears and grizzlies can both climb trees.

WANTED: PVC, PB OR ALUMINUM PIPE, 2” TO 4” X 4000’; used band saw mill, cash paid and immediate removal, Gary (775)782-3070

WANTED! FIRST GENERATION DODGE CUMMINS diesel project 1989-1993, looking for a project to build with son, preferably 4x4 but will look at 2wd, nothing perfect, running or not (775)233-1585

Custodian Job Opening

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for Custodian at George Whittell High (40 hours per week) Starting Salary: $17.51/hr. or up to 5 years of experience; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave, vacation & holidays. NV PERS retirement.

For more information, please contact Bill Blumenthal, Facilities Supervisor at wblument@dcsd.k12.nv. us or visit our website at dcsd.k12.nv.us/employment to complete an application.

PIONEER GLASS PLUS, RESIDENTIAL, COMMERCIAL, emergency services, fair prices, dependable quick service, quality work, 45 years experience, Frank Boudreau, owner NV#7876 (775)720-2373

SWIMMING POOL SERVICE, WEEKLY or Bi-Monthly, Mountain Pool & Spa Licensed and Insured Tahoepoolboy@gmail.com or (530)318-1698

Personal Tracking Device

After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time, only to be faced with the daunting task of finding our cars in the crowded parking lot. Just then my car horn beeped, and I was able to locate my vehicle easily.

“Wow,” the woman said. “I sure could use a gadget like that to help me find my car.”

“Actually,” I replied, “that’s my husband.”

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Husband 1.0

Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it’s a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.

She is now noticing that Husband 1.0 is also spawning Child Processors which are further consuming valuable resources. No mention of this particular phenomena was included in the product brochure or the documentation, though other users have informed her that this is to be expected due to the nature of the application.

Not only that, Husband 1.0 installs itself such, that it is always launched at system initialization, where it can monitor all other system activity. She’s finding that some applications such as SpendingSpree 2.4, GirlsNight 3.5 and CocktailNight 7.0 are no longer able to run in the system at all, crashing the system when selected (even though they always worked fine before).

During installation, Husband 1.0 provides no option as to the installation of undesired Plug-ins such as MotherInLaw 5.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release. Also, system performance seems to diminish with each passing day.

Some features she’d like to see in the upcoming Husband 2.0 include: 1. A “Yes I’ll cook, clean etc.” button. 2. An install shield feature that allows Husband 2.0 be installed with the option to uninstall at anytime without the loss of cache and other system resources.

I myself decided to avoid the headache associated with Husband 1.0 by sticking with BoyFriend 2.0. Even here, however, I found many problems.

Can you tell the difference between Dole and Chiquita bananas?

Dole and Chiquita are two of the biggest banana producers and importers in the world. Chiquita Brands International also acquired the Irish company Fyffes. Along with Del Monte, they control 40% of the banana trade.

However, it’s unlikely that most people can even tell the difference between the two top brands of bananas. Both producers use the standard, commercial strain of banana known as the Cavendish. However, Chiquita grows a specific variety of it known as Grand Nain. These are said to be slightly larger than Dole bananas.

It is rumored that Chiquita has genetically modified their bananas, but there is no substantial evidence of this. And in fact, all Cavendish bananas are genetically identical. In effect, they are all clones. The only factors that could make a difference to the taste are the weather and the composition of the soil.

Bananas are actually grown in over 150 countries, predominantly in Latin America. 43 million tons of bananas are sold worldwide every year. No wonder it’s the most popular fruit in the world!

PAINTING BY ART - STAINING AND PAINTING done at affordable rates, personal service with 20 years experience, call for free estimate, Gardnerville (775)392-3997

TIRES WANTED! 8.25X 20 AND 10X20. ALSO NEED tire machine (775)901-0717

Apparently you cannot install BoyFriend 2.0 on top of BoyFriend 1.0; each program begins damaging the other. You must uninstall BoyFriend 1.0 first. Other users say this is a long standing bug that I should have known about. You’d think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now! To make matters worse, the uninstall program for BoyFriend 1.0 doesn’t work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system.

Another thing--all versions of BoyFriend 1.0 continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Husband 1.0.

Bug Warning - Husband 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Lover 1.1 before uninstalling Husband 1.0, Husband 1.0 will delete MS Clothing allowance files, before doing the uninstall himself.

More applications that won’t run with Husband 1.0 include Chippendale 2.0, Netballwatching 3.5, Suremoreshoes 6.0, and Cleanup 4.3.

Applications that run very well with Husband 1.0, however, include Bummingaround 1.0, Pubnight 2.3, Golfing 2.7, Pokernight 5.3, and Wanderingeyes 4.9.

HANDYMAN SERVICES RENOVENTURES, LLC, Serving Carson Valley and beyond - No job too small, Emergency and Weekend work, Licensed & Insured (410)365-8268

BEAUTIFUL MINI/MEDIUM F1B LABRADOODLES, parents have been genetically tested through Embark, call or text (775)294-2286

“The

New-Fangled Ideas

An elderly priest was speaking to a younger priest. “You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm! The front of the church always fills first now.”As the young priest nodded, the old priest continued, “You also told me to assign a little more beat to the music because it would bring young people back to church. So, I supported you when you bought in that rock ‘n’ roll Gospel choir. Now, our services are consistently packed.““Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. “I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth.””All of these ideas have been well and good,” said the elderly priest. “But, I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru confessional.” “But Father,” protested the young priest. “My confessions and donations have nearly doubled since I began that!””Yes,” replied, the elderly priest. “I appreciate that, but the flashing neon sign, ‘Toot ‘n’ Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the church roof!”

SPECIALIZING IN GARAGES, ADDITIONS, REMODELS, decks, patio covers, free estimates, NV#0080432, Redline Construction Inc. (775)781-3955

Writing the Editor - We welcome all articles, letters, jokes and comments on Sierra Scoop, local issues, community news and free private party ads, published as space provides. These articles, letters, comments do not necessarily reflect our opinion. All public input is welcome. sierrascoop@charter.net, (775)782-4520

The check-up...

A four year old was at the pediatrician for a checkup. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, “Do you think I’ll find Big Bird in here?” The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, “Do you think I’ll find the Cookie Monster down there?” Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, “Do you think I’ll hear Barney in there?” “Oh, no!” the little girl replied. “Jesus is in my heart. Barney’s on my underpants!

For my sister Denise on her Birthday!

Hey sis, I searched for just the right poem (by D. Barnett) to share with you on your April 3rd birthday.

Time Will Never Change The Love We Share - Time has changed our secrets and the pigtails in our hair.

It has changed the silly arguments and the giggles that we shared. It has changed our childish happiness to grown-up make-believe – And leaving us with little else it has slowly changed our dreams.

Time has come along and changed the essence of our world – Then finally and silently it has changed the little girls.

But having taken away some dreams and the simple things we shared before. Time has led us to the lasting things we need each other for.

Memories of moments that were made for us to share – The crazy laughter that’s somehow always there.

The hidden corners of our lives only we will ever know –And the love that becomes deeper and sweeter as it grows.

Time changes many things and some dreams come apart – But nothing can reach or change the love for you that lives within my heart.

I love you “sissy” and hope you have a wonderful birthday filled with love and laughter! Lisa

NEW ZEALAND SHEEPSKIN RUG $60; SET OF 12 gold plated dinnerware, still in the case $40 (775)265-1670

All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.

MANUELS LANDSCAPING - PAVERS, ROCK, landscaping, retaining walls, fire pits, outdoor water feature designs, fences, turf, sod, all for a great price, you’ll be happy, Call (775)291-7499

CHÉ WHITE BOOKKEEPING & PAYROLL Services, Specializing in Small Business, Corporation, Not-for-Profit, and Personal Finance. Located in Carson Valley, 25+ years experience. CheWhiteBooks@gmail.com or (844)343-0343

LAWN CARE SERVICE! AERATING, THATCHING, Mowing, Trimming, Pruning, Sprinklers/Repair, General Yard Clean Up, Free Estimates, 10+ Years Experience, Ruben (775)430-3585

VFW ATTENTION

VFW Breakfast for 2023 - Jan. to Oct. - 8:00AM to 9:30AM

Topaz VFW Post 3630 is again hosting a monthly breakfast at the TRE Community Center 3939 Carter Way on the 4th Saturday of each month. The breakfast is to rally support for TRE Veterans by bringing together families and friends for a fun event.

The VFW Post 3630 has a regular meeting at 4:00PM on the 3rd Wednesday every month. New members are always welcome.

April 6th - Passover

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

THOMAS J. BARTELS, HOROLOGIST, CLOCKS old and new repaired and restored. Authorized agent for Howard Miller, Ridgeway, and Sleigh, all work guaranteed! tomjbartels@gmail.com or (775)265-5541 or (775)901-1848

G & J LANDSCAPING MAINTENANCE, TRIM, prune, fertilize, aerate, sprinklers, General clean-up, Free Estimates, Victor (775)291-1672

DIXIE-NORFOLK COCACOLA VENDING MACHINE

Model 180 manufactured 1996 works well $1,000 (775)9010717

SEMI RETIRED PAINTER, INTERIOR, EXTERIOR and cabinets, no two story houses, based in Minden area, call John (831)801-0003

Apple does it again!

Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.

The iCUP will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup size, speaker size, and storage capacity.

This is considered a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

PART TIME EMPLOYMENT, NON-PROFIT AGENCY; flexible hours working with seniors. Positions available in Topaz, Coleville, Walker and Bridgeport, California. Call for more information

(530)495-2700

Might kill him

A small tourist hotel was all a buzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman.

But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel.

The clerk looked really concerned, “Whatever happened to you, madam? You look like you’ve been wrestling an alligator!” The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, “Ohhh God! when he told me he’d been saving up for 75 years... I thought he meant his money!”

STEINWAY PIANO 1940, MODEL K, UPRIGHT Ebony, in very good condition, can be seen at private residence in Virginia City, asking $7,500 OBO, photos available (775)772-4672

What is now in the past was once in the future.

Cooking Terms …

Recipes: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don’t own, to make a dish the dog won’t eat. Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow. Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry. Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment. Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food. Yogurt: is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid. Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words “Putrid,” “hORRId,” and “sluDGE.” Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned not only when the food is removed, but when it is put in the oven.

MATTRESS NEW QUEEN FIRM + BOX spring. Never used! My mistake, your gain. Retail over $1,500, SALE for $650, you pick up Gardnerville (775)224-3365

KENNY AND COLLEEN’S STUMP GRINDING services, K&C stump grinding services, Call (917)362-3181 or (410)739-4052

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Interesting facts about April Fool’s Day

The all fools day, i.e., the April fool’s day is the most lighthearted day of the year. How could it not be, it is all about making a fool of the people we love and making them look stupid with practical jokes. The best part is nobody is offended. It certainly celebrates foolishness. But when, where and how it all started? Let’s hunt some interesting facts about this funny day:

As much as we love to celebrate Fools day, we don’t know when and how it got started! There are several theories, but none of them is a perfect or confirmed one. If the human were that perfect, we would not have a fool’s day right?

The most famous of all the theories is that it got into our lives when Pope changed the calendar in France according to the Roman one. The people who knew nothing about the change continued celebrating New Year’s start on April 1st, and the ones who knew about it started calling them fools and thus started April Fool’s Day! So, if the ancient days had strong communication system like us and if Pope announced the change in a news channel, maybe we wouldn’t be able to fool our friends today!

Other beliefs say that it came as a day of laughter and celebrating life by throwing away evil thoughts!

The most famous prank by the French, the originators of Fool’s day is to stick a paper fish on someone’s body without their knowledge and to shout “April Fish.” Sounds so childish and exciting and fun right?? These French people know how to make people look stupid!

When do you think the first Fool’s day got celebrated? Well,

the record of the first Fool’s day was found out to be in 1392, which means that the celebrations might have started then or before that.

According to Scotland history, they used to call the April fool’s Day as ‘Hunt the Gowk Day.’ Gawk means a fool. A person is sent to deliver a message to another by someone who wants to fool the messenger. The message used to convey the receiver to send another similar message to someone else by the foolish messenger. The game used to continue until the messenger realized that he is being fooled. (ohfact.com)

April 9th - Easter

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Reasonable doubt...

Scene: A court room in Oklahoma where a person is on trial for murder.

There is strong evidence indicating guilt; however, there is no corpse. In the defense’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client is guilty and that it looks like he’ll probably be convicted, resorts to a clever trick. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all,” the lawyer says as he looks at his watch. “Within 1 minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this court room,” he says and he looks toward the courtroom door.

The jury, somewhat stunned, all look on eagerly. A minute passes. Nothing happens. Finally the lawyer says: ‘Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I, therefore, put it to you that there is reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty.”

The jury, clearly confused, retires to deliberate. A very few minutes later, the jury returns and a representative pronounces a verdict of guilty.

“But how?” inquires the lawyer. “You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door.” Answers the representative: “Oh, we did look. But your client didn’t.”

BATH TUBS REPAIRED, RESURFACED, AND re-colored, Acrylic, Fiberglass and Porcelain, Call The Tub Doctor (775)233- 5297

D R LANDSCAPING, DEFENSIBLE SPACE, TREE work and yard cleanups, sprinkler repairs and weed abatement, house and garage clean ups, Dave (775)671-0808

RENT ME FOR SPRING CLEANING, PUT A roll-off dumpster at your home, you load or, we remove, ask us about out loading assistance available (775)297-2320

Economics of the Free Market

A car company can move its factories to Mexico and claim it’s a free market. A toy company can out-source to a Chinese sub-contractor and claim it’s a free market. A major bank can incorporate in Bermuda to avoid taxes and claim it’s a free market. BUT, heaven help the elderly who dare to want to buy their prescription drugs from a Canadian pharmacy. How UnAmerican!

WANTED!! OLD PARK BENCHES, ANY SHAPE or style, Carson City (408)270-4028

1998 27½’ NASH 5TH WHEEL, SET OF TOUR EDGE women’s gold clubs $250, Gardnerville (775)560-6496

WEBER I GRILL, BLUETOOTH CONNECTED thermometer, know when food is ready from your mobile device, never opened, Gardnerville (775)350-1473

Earth Day - April 22nd

Playboy special

Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married. Every month the centerfold is the exact same woman.

TIMBER TIME FARMWOOD FURNITURE DESIGNS, On location milling, Timber frame gazebos, Live edge slabs & tables, Picnic tables, Window boxes, Above ground planters, Wedding alter rental- we set up you decorate and we tear down. Custom anything you need even a cat tree! www. timbertimeshop.com. Lance ‘Shorty’ Lopes (775)901-2982

TOPAZ LAKE LONG TERM RV SITES AVAILABLE. Water, septic and garbage included. Propane and electricity not included - $550-$600 a month. Contact Pat at (775)781-2273

“A MOVING EXPERIENCE” - MOVE ASSISTANCE, 25+ years experience, Senior Discounts! KenJeter, kenjeter65@gmail.com or (775)530-8932

COMPLETE LANDSCAPING, RESIDENTIAL and commercial, weekly maintenance, tree trimming, emergency repairs, sprinklers/drip, pavers, patios, retaining walls, Davenport Landscape and Design, NV Lic.#0074827, davenportlandscape.com or (775)265-1491 or (775)721-8439

C-THRU WINDOW CLEANING, “WINDOW CLEANING at its finest”, Call Casey (775)350-8021

The definition of a BBQ

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: 1. The woman goes to the shops. 2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables and dessert. 3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, beer in hand. 4. The man places the meat on the grill. 5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables. 6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer whilst he deals with the situation. 7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman. 8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table. 9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. 10. Everyone praises man and thanks him for his cooking efforts. 11. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed her night off, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some.

PLASTIC STORAGE HALFBOXES WITH LIDS $6 each; glass top metal coffee table and 2 end tables, make offer; 5 drawer file cabinet, make offer; husky tie downs 2” wide by 26’ long $10 each; ACE Hardware Style Popcorn Machine with popcorn $550 (408)270-4028

CUSTOM POOL TABLE, MANUFACTURED BY Bauman Billiards, 4’x8’, includes cover, balls, rack, five cue sticks, crutch, powder, 2 bar stools (775)267-9345

COLEMAN 7500 WATT VERTICAL GENERATOR

14.5HP Briggs and Stratton Gentek with electric start plus Emergen manual/residential power switch $1,450 cash or Zelle, Ed (775)230-3800

BUDWEISER CLYDESDALE HOLIDAY BEER STEINS, 1981-2022, 40 unused-undamaged, a new holiday design for each year, 10 more miscellaneous Anheuser Busch Beer Steins, $400 for all or trade, Gardnerville (510)828-8632

HELP! I AM IN SEARCH OF SPECIALS FROM 195060’s American and/or European powered cars. Maybe steel, aluminum, fiberglass or combination. Cars created by enthusiast for pleasure or racing, contact (775)291-6827

COMPUTER PROBLEMS? DO YOU NEED help connecting your gadgets? On-site computer repair and network configurations, Honest and Affordable, justin.nelson@ goowy.com (775)450-3735

CUJO’S HOG HOUSE! V-TWIN Motorcycle repair, Maintenance and accessories, also sales and service of Frankenstein Trike conversions, Factory Trained PHD and ASE Certified, 1430 Industrial Way, Unit C (in the back) (775)782-6051

Don’t worry about those who may talk behind your back, they’re behind you for a reason.

PET CARE SERVICE! JODY WADDING, OWNER since 1991, references available, boarding offered or visit your home; horses, dogs, cats, reptiles, birds, fish… JWPetCare@aol.com (775)782-1212 or (775)781-1065

Bodie 601 Boys

By Terri Geissinger - The End

The Coroner’s Jury listened to some very interesting testimony about the shooting death of Thomas Treloar.

Mrs. Joanna Treloar admitted that she had met Joseph DeRoche 16 years previous and they had been close friends while staying in San Francisco with her sister. She reminded the jury that she was not married at the time and felt she had done nothing wrong. She admitted that she was informed that DeRoche was a married man with a family in Chicago. When he left the area, they had lost contact with each other and it was mere coincidence that they would both end up in Bodie. She did not deny the fact that she was the beneficiary for her husband’s $1000 life insurance policy. She added that her husband insisted on the insurance due to his previous near-death experience. She spoke clearly and unemotionally when she told the jury that her husband could be jealous and at times, would hit her when he was under the influence of spirits. She quickly added that although they endured ups and downs in their marriage, she loved him with all her heart and was greatly saddened by his untimely death.

Co-workers from the Standard Mill testified that Thomas Treloar was a good man and did his job with no complaint. It was noted that he had suffered a head injury the year previous, from a mining accident in Virginia City. His words sometimes got mixed up, he couldn’t always think clearly and although he probably drank too much, they all felt he was harmless. Two men testified that Thomas had expressed frustration in his marriage and asked for advice on how to stop his wife from accepting gentlemen visitors when he was not home. Thomas had also mentioned, on three separate occasions, that he was suspicious that Joseph DeRoche was trying to romance his wife. The jury openly showed disapproval toward Joanna.

The Doorkeeper, who stood at the entrance of the Union Hall, added testimony that shed important light on the entire event. He stated that when Mr. and Mrs. Treloar arrived at the Hall earlier in the evening, it was evident that Mr. Treloar would not be attending the dance for he was dressed in work clothes. He kissed his wife at the doorway and said, quite adamantly, “You stay off the dance floor and away from that little Frenchman.” He turned and left the premises and she went inside. Hours later, Mr. Treloar returned. He was very upset and having difficulty forming words. It became clear that he was demanding to be allowed to enter the dance so that he could “teach that little Frenchman a lesson once and for all.” Just then, Mr. DeRoche, dancing closely with Mrs. Treloar, came into view. To the Doorman’s horror, Mr. Treloar pushed his way through and grabbed Joseph DeRoche by the collar and demanded that he step outside to settle this once and for all. DeRoche grabbed his coat off the peg, bowed toward Mrs. Treloar excusing himself for a moment or two. He then stepped out onto the boardwalk where Mr. Treloar openly used threatening profanity and accused him of trying to steal his wife. A few muffled words

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

came from DeRoche and they turned and started to walk toward Lowe Street. The Doorman testified that he did not think that Mr. Treloar was under the influence of alcohol and felt that his unsteadiness was due to the icy conditions.

Approximately 26 hours after Joseph DeRoche made his daring escape, he was captured 8 miles from Bodie on the Goat Ranch Road. He was hiding in an abandon rock cabin and did not resist arrest. The Posse proudly road back into town with the captured villain, delivering him to the jailhouse. Almost immediately, DeRoche complained that he was very cold and hungry and was soon satisfied with warm meal and dry clothes. In the meantime, the 601 Committee was in the middle of a very important meeting.

Just 72 hours after the murder of Thomas Treloar, DeRoche was sleeping comfortably in his cell. The young guard was sleeping on the desk when the loud knock came from the outside door. DeRoche sat up on his cot, listening to the heated conversation between the guard and the unknown. The door slammed shut. DeRoche stood at the cell door and asked the young man if everything was all right. He only said, “I am sorry, but I can’t die today.” With that said, he opened the desk drawer and brought out the cell key.

The jailor avoided eye contact when the prisoner quietly asked for his jacket. Joseph DeRoche fought the fear welling up from the depths of his soul and stepped outside into the eerie silence. Over 400 men, most of them masking their identities, stood motionless in the bright moonlight. They waited patiently for the order to move forward. Once DeRoche was secure

among them, marching in unison, they headed down Main Street six blocks until they arrived at the scene of the crime. Not one word was uttered from the Committee or from the onlookers who stood motionless on the boardwalk. The haunting memory of the distinct sound of ice collapsing under the steps of the death march would remain in conversations for generations.

The night was crystal clear, cold and heavy. The light of the moon poured over the snow-covered hills casting uneasy shadows. The order was given to bring forth the wagon hoist and to set it over the blood stain that remained visible in the ice. Eight men struggled with the hoist and completed the task. A

rope was set and ready. The committee leader asked DeRoche if he wanted to be cloaked; he did not. He was asked if he had anything to say. His last words, “Oh God.”

On a full moon night, January 17, 1881, Joseph DeRoche was hung by the neck to his death for the murder of Thomas Treloar. It is written that he met his death quietly. His lifeless body swung until dawn with a note pinned to his coat. It read: “All others take warning; Let no one cut him down -Bodie 601, Justice Swift and Sure.”

This is the only known lynching in Bodie. After this episode, the wild days of Bodie tamed considerably, the undesirables moved on to less tame mining camps. The Bodie 601 slowly disbanded. Joanna Treloar left town immediately, disappearing into the shadows of history.

‘601’ stands for: SIX FEET DEEP – ZERO TRIAL – ONE ROPE. Terri Lynn Geissinger is an Author and Bodie Historian

KNIFE AND CUTLERY SHARPENING, $1 PER cutting inch, Inside Injured Ink Tattoos, 2049 California Suite #2, Carson City, NV (775)781-0649

HARLEY DAVIDSON ENGINE REBUILDING, 30+ years experience, quick turn-around! Free pick–up and delivery, parts in one day! californiafritz.com or (530)694-2521

1984 FORESTRY CREW BUS INTERNATIONAL 6.9

Diesel 90,000 miles runs great 11x22.5 front tires 10x22.5 rears $8,000 (775)901-0717

Kitchen Refinishing Services

BY ‘CABINET GUARD’ PRODUCTS (pat. pending) DON’T RE-FACE OR REPLACE YOUR CABINETS UNTIL YOU EVALUATE OUR REFURBISHING / SERVICES! (WE ARE 80% LESS COSTLY) We utilize exclusive Products & Processes by ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) w/ 40 + years of development by founder & master craftsman Dana Ayler: “I will wind back the clock on your Cabinets”.

We blend over, ‘Refurbishing’ your original cabinet finish, so there is no stripping or sanding mess! We are completely dustless! Starting w/ a thorough cleaning, then rejuvenate & reluster the wood’s grain for its contribution and light color (tint) to block yellowing from the original finish, w/ 100% UV protection all with exclusive ‘CABINET GUARD’ (pat. pending) products. Final topcoat/s, very durable, strong enough for hardwood flooring, superior ware, extreme moisture resistance, 100 % UV-Protected. * Easier to clean & maintain * Spray-less & EPA –Non -Toxic * No need to empty out Cabinets * You do not lose daily function of your kitchen * Good for environment, no tree cutting * Door Sampling * Written local Client Testimonials & References * Up to 20% in discounts, inquire.

Workdays: 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. Returning your kitchen back to you until 9:00 a.m. the next morning! I Dana, perform all work on job site.

Questions: www.danadesignnv@hotmail.com or call: Dana, Cabinets Etc. @ (775)781-7462 or Kathy @ (775)782-7821 or visit our new website cabinetguard.net NV. Lic. #18331, CA. Lic. #310071.

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

HYDRAULIC CYLINDER REPAIR AND REBUILD, All makes models and year, Commercial Equipment, Tractors, Fork Lifts, Log splitters, Farm equipment, Dump Trucks and Trailers, Boats and RVs, Welding and Machining, Ramco Fabrication, shawn@ramcofab.com or (775)2677358

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring

Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself. (by

D. Koepke)

GARAGE DOOR SERVICE WITH 50 YEARS experience, offering Doors by CHI, Liftmaster garage door openers, spring or rollers replacement, service to most residential Doors senior, military and cash discounts. Jim Dyer Overhead Door (775)883-7740, para espanol (775)445-9446

Communication in today’s generation

Daughter to Dad Texting: Daddy, I am coming home to get married soon. Get out your checkbook, LOL. I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in Scotland. We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on WhatsApp, he proposed to me on Twitter and now we’ve had two months of a relationship through Zoom. My beloved and favorite Dad, I need your blessing, good wishes and a really big wedding. Lots of love and thanks, Your favorite daughter, Lilly

Dads reply…. Also by texting: My dear Lilly, like WOW! Really? Cool!

Whatever… I suggest you two get married on Twitter, have fun on Facebook, buy your kids on Amazon and pay for it all through PayPal.

And when you get fed up with this new husband, sell him on eBay. L.O.L. (lots of love) Daddy

THE CHICKS HAVE ARRIVED AT BENSON FEED; we also carry wood stove pellets, cleanest burning, highest heat output, out performs all others, ½ cord almond firewood, bensonfeed.com, Carson City (775)882-3999

The publisher does not assume any responsibility for the contents of any advertising herein, and all representation or warranties made in such advertising are those of the advertisers and not the publishers.

Aries

An Aries is anyone born between March 21 and April 19. Although the start date doesn’t sync up with our calendar year, Aries is the first of the 12 astrological signs in the zodiac. Of the four natural elements that represent the zodiac symbols (air, earth, fire and water), Aries is a fire sign and its astrological symbol is represented by the ram constellation. Those born under the sign of the ram are known to be energetic, adventurous, dynamic, and impulsive.

With a zodiac sign ruled by Mars, the god of war, it’s little surprise that Rams are known for being brave and tenacious. Aries signs are pioneers—they’re the ones you call on to boldly go where none have gone before. Their fearlessness and courageousness make them the ideal people for trying new experiences, taking big risks, and breaking new ground.

Aries’ fire element is responsible for their energetic nature, passion, and creativity. Being first in the zodiac means that people born under this sign aren’t tied down with concerns about the past. An Aries is full of optimism and unbridled hope, making them highly generous and eager to help those in need, just so they can put a smile on people’s faces.

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4 VELUX STEP FLASHING KITS C01/C04/C06 $100 each OBO (916)990-3764

Daddy’s Rules for Dating

Your dad’s rules for your boyfriend (or for you if you’re a guy)

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, ‘getting it on” without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can cause bodily harm. Let me elaborate, when it comes to “getting it on”, I am the barrier, and I can cause bodily harm.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only informa-

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

tion I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka – zipped up to her throat. Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better.

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow,

potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car

with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Boys – you had better read up! Dads – be sure to use this information! (Author M.

Sheehan 2008)

AERATING & DETHATCHING $300 MOST Yards, Sprinkler Repair, Tree & Juniper Removal, Excavating, Earth, Turf & Timber Landscape Maintenance (775)4501955

BROWNING BPS 20 GAUGE PUMP SHOTGUN, 28” barrel, excellent condition with original manual, 3” chamber with vented rib $750 (775)690-3458

HOT TUB SERVICE, WEEKLY AND BI WEEKLY service, reasonable rates, private homes and vacation rentals, hot tub cover sales, call Tahoe Sierra Hot Tubs (775)2672490

PLAYBOY MAGAZINES IN GREAT CONDITION, 1970’s-2000’s 40th and 50th Year Anniversary Special Editions too, for collectors only, make offer, Carson City (408)507-5782

CASH PAID FOR OLD COSTUME JEWELRY: Rhinestones, Mexican and Indian Tourist Jewelry, Rings, Bracelets, Necklaces, Pins, Men’s Jewelry, Old Plastics, Silver, Copper, Glass Beads, Men’s and Women’s Old Wind Up Watches, Charm Bracelets, Lockets etc. Larger quantities preferred. I drive to you. Call or text Joanne at (775)4302352

AMISH GAZEBO FOR SALE, IN STORAGE APPROXIMATELY 13 years, still in plastic shrink wrap, 500lbs., have no pictures but it’s nice, paid $4,000, selling for $2,800 OBO, Bob/Wellington (775)781-0244

Bus Drivers & Substitute Bus Drivers Wanted

Douglas County School District is currently accepting applications for: Contracted School Bus Drivers & Substitute School Bus Drivers, Starting Salary: $17.00/hour or up to 5 years of bus driving experience. Varied Hours up to 40 hours a week. Contracted positions for permanent routes include; Full benefits; medical, dental, vision & life insurance. Paid sick leave & holidays. NV PERS retirement. Please apply online: dcsd.k12.nv.us/employment to complete an application.

POLARIS RMK144 SNOWMOBILE, 800CC, 1100 ORIGINAL miles, in storage $3,500 (775)492-8064

Life is the greatest journey you will ever be on.

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

New Exercises for Older People

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato sack in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can.

Try to reach a full minute, and then relax. Each day, you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer.

After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato sacks. Then try 50-lb potato sacks and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato sack in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. (I’m at this level) After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each of the sacks.

RUSSELL’S TREE SERVICE, #1 ARTISTRY IN TREE

Care; Shaping, Balancing, Removals, Stump Grinding, Fruit Trees, Hedges, Ornamental Pruning, Serving your area, Licensed/Insured (775)685-0528

2007-2013 TOYOTA TUNDRA LEER HARD Tonneau

Cover $300, Gardnerville (707)483-2803

DO YOU NEED TO REPLACE YOUR WORN out concrete driveway, patio, or walkway? We also install new patios, driveways, monolithic garage slabs, retaining walls, footings, and stemwalls. K&C Construction, NV LIC # 79034, 79237, 81038, 86464. To get a free quote call at (775)691-6462

Whatsamatta University’s seminars for women, Spring catalogue

Once again, the male staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for women of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.

1. Combatting The Impulse To Nag 2. You Can Change The Oil Too 4. How To Properly Fill A Beer Mug 5. We Do Not Want Ties For Christmas 6. Understanding The Female Causes Of Male Drunkenness.

7. How To Do All Your Laundry In One Load And Have More Time To Watch Football 8. Parenting - Your Husband Gave You Children So You Could Have Someone Other Than Him To Boss Around 9. How To Encourage Your Husband To Cook More And Be Able To Stomach His Slop 10. How Not To Sob Like A Sponge When Your Husband Is Right 11. Get A Life - Learn To Kill Spiders Yourself 12. Balancing A Checkbook - Even You Can Get It Right 13. Comprehending Credit Card Spending Limits And Financial Responsibility 14. You, The Whining Sex 15. Shopping - Doing It In Less Than 16 Hours 16. If You Want To Know How That Looks On You, Ask Your Mother 17. How To Close The Garage Door 18. If You Don’t Want An Excuse, Don’t Demand An Explanation 19. How To Go Fishing With Your Mate And Not Catch Pneumonia 20. Living Without Power Windows - How To Turn A Crank.

21. Romanticism - The Whole Point Of Caviar, Candles, And Conversation 22. How To Retain Your Composure While Your Husband Is Relaxing By Himself 23. Why You Don’t Need To Invite Your Mother Over Every Weekend 24. Payday And Shopping Are Not Synonymous 25. How To Act Younger Than Your Mother 26. You Too Can Carry A Backpack 27. Female Friendship - Why Your Best Friends Are Not The Women Who Complain About You The Most 28. Learning To Appreciate The Beer Belly And Lard Butt Morphologies Of Men 29. Attainable Goal - Catching A Ball Before It Stops Moving 30. How To Close The Top On The Toothpaste.

WANTED: SOMEONE WHO LOVES TO COOK AND work in my kitchen making hourly juices, organic vegetarian meals, a special soup and other preparations, MondayFriday and someone for weekends, starting March 20th, downtown Minden, call (775)782-2427

HANDYMAN PROS - RAPID RESPONSE, Professionally Designed Blue Prints, All Phases of Construction, New, Repair, Roofs, Bath, Kitchen, Painting, Custom, Carpentry, Landscaping, Electrical, Concrete, Plumbing, Tile, Granite & more (775)400-6822

Playing House

A little girl and a little boy were at daycare. The girl approached the boy and said, “Hey, Stevie, wanna play house?” He said, “Sure! What do you want me to do?” The girl replied, “I want you to communicate.” He said to her, “That word is too big. I have no idea what it means.” The little girl smirked and said, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

MIGUEL’S GARDEN SERVICE, FULL LAWN MAINTENANCE, clean up, fertilizing, dead shrubs and trees pulled out, excellent references, great rates, serving Carson Valley 27+ years! (775)265-0501

Happy April Birthdays!

May your birthday be filled with happiness and blessings surrounded by family and friends! Happy Birthday to you!

GUN BOX - HOLDS 4 RIFLES AND EQUIPMENT, exterior dimension 76½”X47½”X12”, new was $1,200, now $800, fits in SUV or pickup with cover, Frank (775)265-0941

What is a Grandparent?

(supposedly taken from papers written by a class of 7-yearolds)

Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of her own. They like other people’s. A grandfather is a man grandmother. Grandparents don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of money for us. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also why we shouldn’t step on “cracks.” They don’t say, “Hurry up.” Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. Some can take their teeth and gums out.

Grandparents don’t have to be smart. They have to answer questions like “why isn’t God married?” and “How come dogs chase cats?” When they read to us, they don’t skip. They don’t mind if we ask for the same story over again.

Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don’t have television, because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.

They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad. When a boy was asked where his grandmother lived, he said, ‘’She lives at the airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.’’

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

Memo from God

I am God. Today I will be handling all of your problems. Please remember that I do not need your help. If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it. Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to do) box. It will be addressed in My time, not yours. Once the matter is placed into the box, do not hold on to it. If you find yourself stuck in traffic, don’t despair. There are people in this world for whom driving is an unheard of privilege. Should you have a bad day at work, think of the man who has been out of work for years. Should you despair over a relationship gone bad, think of the person who has never known what it’s like to love and be loved in return.

Should you grieve the passing of another weekend, think of the woman in dire straits, working twelve hours a day, seven days a week to feed her children. Should your car break down, leaving you miles away from assistance, think of the paraplegic who would love the opportunity to take that walk. Should you notice a new gray hair in the mirror, think of the cancer patient in chemotherapy who wishes she had hair to examine. Should you find yourself at a loss and pondering what is life all about, asking “What is my purpose?” be thankful. There are those who didn’t live long enough to get the opportunity. Should you find yourself the victim of other people’s bitterness, ignorance, smallness or insecurities, remember, things could be worse. You could be them!!!

SIRE FOR HIRE - PURE BRED NEWFOUNDLAND canine for sire of pure bred puppies, please contact Cody at (641)420-4415

ELECTRIC KEYBOARD, ALESIS, MODEL Q5-57/58, PICTURES available, downsizing, sell for $350 (760)9141068

PIANO, GUITAR, COMPOSITION LESSONS. ALL LEVELS and ages. Experienced teachers with music degrees. Jim and Janet, Sunridge/Carson City (415)678-0504

FOR A NEW AND INNOVATIVE HAIR STYLE call Cathy Hallifax at Déjà vu Salon in Minden, mention this ad for $5 off any hair service (530)518-1166 or (775)782-8776

Breakfast in bed?

Two kids ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother’s Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

“As a surprise for Mother’s Day,” one explained, “we decided to cook our own breakfast.”

1996 INTERNATIONAL DT466 DUMP TRUCK, 20,000 original miles, fully loaded, air brakes, reduced to 22,500 OBO (775)720-1627

Help Wanted

2 Part time (or 1 Full time ) position(s) located in Lyon County, BUCKBOARD STATION, Friendly, motivated individuals that enjoy working with public, preparing good food & maintaining clean/healthy workplace. Rate of pay DOE. Applicants are encouraged to stop by in-person, or can call 775-465-2289, request Jon or Sarah, Position is immediately available, 2160 State Rt 208, Smith, NV

ALPINE TREE SERVICE - TRIMMING, REMOVAL, grinding and lot clearing, no job too small, Licensed, Insured and over 35+ years experience (530)721-3136

IRISH DOODLE PUPPIES - MOM IS A REGISTERED

Irish Setter, dad is a registered poodle, so adorable with sweet gentle personalities, for information text (702)2909473

If you have something to sell or something to say, put it in the Scoop today! 775-782-4520 or sierrascoop@charter.net

AFFORDABLE NEVADA CCW CLASSES $50, tac-aimfirearmsinstruction.com or (775)360-5214

WANTED! 20’X30’X8’ TRAVEL TRAILER; 10’X40’ Mobilehomes, beaters or will pay cash if in better condition, Gary (775)782-3070

Easter Children’s Prayer

God made you and God made me, He made the world for us to see. God loves you and long ago, He sent his Son to tell us so. Jesus showed us many things, To love and share and dance and sing. To learn and pray, to help and care, He promised he’d always be there. He died but then came back to life, Let’s celebrate for he’s alive! Amen.

SEMI-RETIRED FINISH CARPENTER Door install/repairs, security screens, deadbolts, shelving, moldings, barn/ wood plank-shiplap-beadboard wall covering and cabinet installation. Call Mark (775)782-6198 or (775)790-5927

STANDARD FLAG GRAVEL, R&J TRUCKING delivers, 25 years experience, call Roger (775)233-7337

CUSTOM INTERNET SERVICE! UP TO 100 MBPS (not satellite, not DSL). Great in rural areas, www.rural-internet.us or call Patrick (775)297-4777

WILLOW SPRINGS RESORT IN BRIDGEPORT CA is looking for a couple to do maintenance and housekeeping, RV space provided, call (775)781-4644

PERFECTO GARDENING SERVICES, SERVING Carson Valley over 20 Years! Tree and Bush trimming, lawn care, competitive rates and all work guaranteed (775)2657081

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”

“The Paper With A Hometown Flavor”