the two people in conflict always come back the next day as if nothing ever happened. Public Dating PDA (public displays of affection) in Rwanda are PUBLIC extremely rare and DATING culturally inappropriate. Love is highly valued among the people, however it is closely associated with sex and is considered to be very private. PDA includes kissing, hugging, and even holding hands with someone of the opposite sex. The only time you will ever see two people holding hands is if they are of the same sex. In this situation it's okay, as the hand holding symbolizes a very close relationship between the two individuals. Another reason (typically unspoken) the people do not date publicly is because Rwandans are no strangers to dating more than one person at a time. (Sound familiar?) A man who is dating several women, but decides to settle down with one, breaks up with his other "girlfriends" by sending them an invitation to his wedding. Ouch! Now that's got to hurt! Selfishness It's rare to ask for something in Rwanda and SELFISH have your request turned ATTITUDE down with a thoughtless and selfish "no." Because the people residing in the same village tend to be like a close-knit extended family, if your neighbor has something that you need, even if it's their last, they will ungrudgingly hand it over to you. But be wary of walking around with your hand out. When you receive a "gift" from someone, it is expected that you will one day repay the giver with something of equal or greater value. I have yet to witness a single act of selfishness here; however, I have also yet to see a "gift" be given with no strings attached. Think pay it forward--except the receiver of the gift must eventually pay it backward.
"I Love You" The three little words I LOVE that we all love to hear are far and few in YOU Rwanda; but only with regard to loved ones. It's perfectly okay to say I love you to a stranger (take me for instance, I've heard those three words enough times to declare myself the most loved person in the world)! However, when dealing with people you genuinely love, these three magic words are typically saved for a rainy day when they'll count the most. One day when I was getting off of the phone with my mom, one of my coworkers was sitting nearby; just after I said I love you and goodbye, I hadn't even pushed end before my coworker started in on me, "Why must you remind your mother that you love her? What did you do wrong?" This baffled me a bit, as I thought it was a worldwide tradition to remind your loved ones how much you love them every chance you get. However in the midst of my confusion, I responded "It is our culture to say I love you when we end a phone call with family or close friends. Because if something bad happens, you will be sad if you did not get the chance to say it." He then explained to me that in Rwanda, to say I love you is to, in a sense, apologize for something you did wrong. Or it means that something very bad has happened. This is one tradition that Rwanda can definitely have for themselves. Thank you America for instilling in us the value of those three little Until next words...the only three time! words that can make a bad day good, and a good day better (: Have a blessed and beautiful black history month! Small girl in Kamonyi, Rwanda. 2012.
Utinyuka, Keza Dametreea
dametreea23@yahoo.com http://www.730daysinafrica.blogspot.com
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