CLOCKWISE FROM ABOVE: Tracy and Todd Ross with their children, Will, 11, and Andrew, 7. Andrew Ross. Tracy says Andrew, pictured playing in his Chelsea home, is more active, while Will, shown reading, is more laidback.
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“Andrew needs to be hugged when he’s having a bad day, and Will doesn’t like to be touched.” But there is one thing they both need: a strict schedule. “If we get off of the routine – maybe to pick up medicine or run an errand – we have to explain why we need to stop and exactly what we are going to do,” Tracy says. “It throws them off. It’s a time thing. If we know we’ll be out late, we have to plan those times in the beginning of the day with them.” Regular tasks can also be an issue for the brothers, Todd says. “We basically have to reprogram what they need to do just to get out of the house,” he says. “We have to tell them, ‘Go to the bathroom, brush your hair, wash your hands and brush your teeth,’ every day.” Another challenge is the lack of conversation
between the parents and children, he says. “Most kids will talk your ears off,” Todd says. “With ours, it’s like pulling teeth to get some sort of comment or what they’re thinking out of them.” Having autistic children can put strain on a marriage, but it can also bring the couple closer. Staying on guard at all times is also important, he says. “One of the biggest things with autistic children is that there’s no situation you can take for granted,” Todd says. But issues caused from the autism aren’t confined to their household. “Some people believe autism isn’t a condition,” Tracy says. “I’ve heard that all my kids need is a good spanking. It isn’t that they aren’t getting their way; it’s that they’re trying to process things. Their brain doesn’t connect like it does for other people.”