10: Money

of

m

o

I’m

n

ey

The student magazine of Victoria University, Wellington volume

74

issue

10

may

16

2011

ma

de

salient.org.nz

2

Salient Vol. 74

contents The Regular Bits Editorial 3 Ngāi Tauira 6

er! n Twitt We’re o agazine! tm @salien

News 7 LOL News 12 The Week That Wasn’t

13

Overheard @ Vic

13

Notices 43 Letters 44 Puzzles 46 Comics 47

The Features Aotearoa: Peaceful or Privileged?

15

Easing the Burden 18 The State of Welfare

22

VUWSA Head-to-Head: The Welfare State?

24

Life as they know it 26 Seats for Sale 28 The Other Student Debt 30 Living on a Budget

31

The Columns VUWSA President 4 Local Politics: Kate Follows Celia

14

Politics with Paul

16

Laying Down The Law

32

Healthy Minds on Campus

33

I Am Offended Because...

34

Peas & Queues

34

Ask Constance 35 Beer Will Be Beer

42

Lovin' From The Oven

42

The Arts Theatre 36 Visual Arts 37 Books 38 Games 39 lient on Like Sa k! 1579 o o b Face can’t be people wrong!

Film 40 Music 41

3

Issue 10 Money

Editors: Uther Dean and Elle Hunt editor@salient.org.nz Designer: Dan Hutchinson designer@salient.org.nz News Editor: Hannah Warren news@salient.org.nz Chief Reporter: Natalie Powlesland natalie@salient.org.nz Feature Writer: Selina Powell selina@salient.org.nz

editorial

The Team

onli

Feature Writer: Zoe Reid zoe@salient.org.nz Chief Sub-Editor: Carlo Salizzo carlo@salient.org.nz Online Editor: James Hurndell james@salient.org.nz Arts Editors: Louise Burston and Blair Everson arts@salient.org.nz

Contributors

Hayley Adams, Sally Anderson, Patrick Barnes, Jesse Benge, Shilpa Bhim, Stella Blake-Kelly, Izzy Boncimino, Alex Braae, Seamus Brady, Ally Buchanan, Simon Bunckenburg, Laurel Carmichael, Paul Comrie-Thompson, Johnny Crawford, Constance Cravings, Donnie Cuzens, Martin Doyle, Lara East, Asher Emanuel, Judah Finnigan, Ally Garrett, Renee Gerlich, Astrid Gjerde, Jason Govenlock, John Gregson, Ben Hague, Ryan Hammond, Charlie Hopkins, Ryan Johnson, Russ Kale, Robyn Kenealey, Thomas Kliem, Lori Leigh, Sarita Lewis, William Lower, Michael Love, Renee Lyons, Brendon Mackenzie, Vida McCord, Callum McDougal, Cherie McMeekin, Gabrielle Mentjox, Katie Minett, Robert Mitchell, Kate Pike, Piwaiwaka of Te Kahui Manu, Tracy Poole, Adam Poulopoulos, Conrad Reyners, Manda Roche, Fairooz Samy, Auntie Sharon, Romany Tasker-Poland, Lauren Taylor, Ian Walsh, Edward Warren, Flogo Stick Wilson, Daniel Wilson and Lewis van den Berg-Shaw.

Contributor of the week:

Stella Blake-Kelly for going the extra mile and coming to visit us in the office, and for being an ace news writer. Go for that scholarship!

About Us

Salient is produced by independent student journalists, employed by, but editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA). Salient is a member of, syndicated and supported by the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). It is printed by APN Print of Tauranga. Opinions expressed are not necessarily representative of those of ASPA, VUWSA, Printcorp or people who leave their phones at home, but we of Salient are proud of our beliefs and take full responsibility for them.

Contact

VUWSA Student Media Centre Level 3, Student Union Building Victoria University PO Box 600, Wellington Phone: 04 463 6766 Email: editor@salient.org.nz

Advertising

Contact: Howard Pauling Phone: 04 463 6982 Email: sales@vuwsa.org.nz

Other

Subscriptions: Too lazy to walk to uni to pick up a copy of your favourite mag? We can post them out to you for a nominal fee. $40 for Vic student, $55 for everyone else. Please send an email containing your contact details with ‘subscription’ in the subject line to editor@salient.org.nz This issue is dedicated to shameless self-promotion.

Go see Uther’s play, Death and the Dreamlife of Elephants.

n

e thi Revie s we ws of e k!

Beast album wars’ , the C d ebut u b fundr a for C aiser, hristc and Fa hurch Love p st Five oints ! Mich out th ael isn’t fo at NZ r mus On Air Fanta icians stic, re , anyw gularly ay! on spo updat rt and ed blo scienc gs e! Che salien ck out t.org.n z!

Money

d the value of hard work an of ce an rt po quick’ scheme ow the im ised me to kn tential ‘get rich po ra a s ts is n sm re di pa My ick. e never to also taught m get you rich, qu up an money. They it won’t in fact otel; starting at m th a ng ng ni ni ai rt ow ce of as s the st ea ng id fir t di withou y floated the UK; fin have variousl blecloths from the ta in ic s br aw fa Mum and Dad ac ed m plastic-cover ery-breeding g tt in ba rt d po her an r im ; it; fo emu farm big bucks aland with offered Mum ring” New Ze ne ou eo “t m d so an if t oa m last joking—bu , they’re half? ee money’, sleepout. Sure laughing then be ’d ho as a love of ‘fr w x ork, ifested in me an m ork, annual ta s encaustic artw w ha at e lf ud sing attit me-and-a-ha i Ti iw d.

K t oa kl an st or Their enterpri w In not t on it, imises income, than you spen account— where one max e Me for more ad t to your TAB Tr os on bo 0 ng $2 hi l et na m io so ot ng sent a om lli I pr se y, back, latives, a Just toda bank account. as cash from re e m th st , owed ri to .14 t Ch 58 os s, $3 bo in if e w vt.nz to see but welcom go ed d. ct ir pe rules s@ ex ie un on ca all are an can I say— sh unclaimed.m E Hunt. What er’s licence to is iv th dr y to m ed of ow copy unt, is nue to one E H unities, as

by Inland Reve e. r such opport m ound at I look out fo th l an a Media el everything ar th w ly as w st lo at, it’s ju thing more e on e th sposable e Having said th m ss l beco iderably le di h next year, I’l . I’ll have cons te back a ua ng ad yi gr halfway throug pa s ie of the prospect a Media Stud t: ith en w d ud st g potential ce s in fa ie Stud ised my earn w, and I’ll be im no t ax gh m ri ly do ib I ns will recognise having oste income than my employer at eover, despite th or e M te . at all. an an lo ar 0 $20,00 I have no gu -minted degree qualification, y of my newly lds ry th ho ia or rt er w te th b a U jo . a ith w e to secure for any of us s ag ck an m bu I y, is ss e ra at th ves that this—if, th ing bright-b genuinely belie e ture’s not shin eatre, and he In fact, the fu Th ’s going to mak he in rs ey ou on m on t H os ith m e w s th rt is d A lient ore focuse a Bachelor of for editing Sa udents with m nt we receive h better for st uc m competitive a t as no nominal amou st ’s ju ok ployment in nd the outlo A em e. g in im et ek lif se s be in hi te will —a law gradua gree to get a qualifications . or aj m y dollars on a de ph so of s ilo nd ph t’s sa a ou as t th marke spend e Governmen of a Catch-22: r the degree. Th fo ame y bl pa to to g lly It’s something in ia are no jobs go is at least part e g er in th nd d fu fin to n b, io are forced decent jo rtiary educat ns most of us approach to te cost of uni mea ng ucation, we’re short-sighted si ed ea er cr gh in e hi e’re in. Th By pursuing e. liv to qualification r de for this hole w at arantee th a gu l as study in or no el w ith as w t b jo bu a juggle g into debt, elves to gettin cus on resigning ours b market. jo e e most of it. Fo th leg-up in got to make th e d yourself e’v w fin t ht bu will give us a ig , m sition you of situations po st r be ve e te th t ities to ha no w tiv s It’ rricular ac nefit you in other extra-cu s that could be d d be on an an , BC V es e iti th learning skill w opportun ubs, Salient, ne cl to in en g. ed op lv be vo hu in. Get in keep on stlin . Be flexible, x returns, and employability ta e ur os yo th e g is in im fil max Keep on r free money. the lookout fo

Elle HUnt

nds,

bo Diversify your Elle

salient.org.nz

Salient Vol. 74

PREZ COL

undecim

president@vuwsa.org.nz vuwsa.org.nz facebook.com/vuwsa

Column

4

Seamus Brady

You would have read in last week’s Salient that the University is conducting a massive review into its undergraduate (UG) education.

The review aims to further improve the University’s undergraduate programmes and our learning experiences, as well as ensuring they compare favourably internationally.

Since then, the Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic) has released a paper outlining the issues in UG Education. She now wants to know what you, the students of Victoria, think about UG Education here at the University. I urge you all to engage in this consultation process—whether you are an undergrad, postgrad, or even a graduate. This is an exciting opportunity, as a review of this nature has not happened before at Victoria, and its findings will significantly alter the way undergraduate education is structured at Victoria. It is our chance to transform the undergraduate experience.

VUWSA wants to make sure there’s as much student engagement and input into the review as possible. That is why we are initiating a number of activities to ensure you’re aware of what’s happening and how you can have your say.

You can visit our website and follow the link to both the paper itself and a survey based on the questions it poses.

The feedback from this survey will help form a combined VUWSA student submission that addressing all the questions of the paper. The survey takes no longer than 10 minutes and there are 10 $20 vicbooks vouchers up for grabs if you fill it out.

In addition we are hosting a forum this Thursday at 12pm for students who want to know about the review.

Our Education Organiser Dr Fiona Beals, Vice-President (Education) Bridie Hood and I will be on hand to run through the current thinking, where it has come from and what is trying to be achieved. You will also have the chance to ask any questions you might have.

Next week, we’ll be celebrating Class Reps with our first Class Reps Scholarships function. VUWSA will be recognising seven Reps who have performed to exceptionally high standard, as well as well as thanking all Class Reps for their work in trimester one. This year Class Reps have truly stepped up to further enhance our student experience by proactively working with their course coordinators, their classmates and VUWSA.

Behind the scenes, your Class Reps have provided VUWSA with perspectives on the review of Technology and Education, the review of assessment policies and, currently the review of Undergraduate Education. Thanks to Class Reps you can be sure that your representatives on Faculty Boards have a solid understanding of student needs and that the other VUWSA representatives on University-wide boards and committees carry your voice to the top.

Finally, a huge congratulations to all of you who are graduating this week. This is a great achievement and testament to your hard work and dedication over many years. On behalf of VUWSA, I wish you all the best for your future, and look forward to see you all at one of the five ceremonies and two parades over the next few days!

Twerk it.

Seamus Brady

*

Issue 10 Money

5

6

Salient Vol. 74

Ngāi Tauira

Paper, Paper, Money, Money Pīwaiwaka of Te Kāhui Manu What to write about money? The most obvious thing to do is to comment that as students, many of us are regularly short of this commodity. It’s something that we need to survive, but when it comes to studies and those ‘extracurricular’ activities, it comes in at a very late third. Not for lack of trying though. Money pays the rent. It pays the bills. And any leftover goes towards food. When you’re in need, you damn well scram to get the funds to live.

So, putting on our helpful hat, here are some ideas that you can try to get some pūtea in your pūkoro:

• Get a job. The simplest yet most cumbersome thing you can do. The best jobs are those that are flexible enough that you can still attend classes and have some time to study. Hard to do in those minimum paid jobs.

And those high-paying jobs? Hard to get when people are looking for qualified people.

It’s kind of fitting that our tipuna who said this has his face on the $50 note—this is the money issue after all—but $50 in this sense goes beyond its currency value. Apirana Ngata gives some good advice to follow because money aside, we’re all here to climb that poutama, to get to that taumata, where that paper called ‘a degree’ is waving. But we always gotta keep in mind where we’ve come from. We’ve all come a long way. Striving to fill our kete with mātauranga; it’s a hard road for the most part but rest assured you’re not alone. For fear of sounding like a cheesy High School Musical rerun, I’m loath to say it this way, but we’re all in this together. And not only will this benefit ourselves, but also our whānau, hapū and iwi.

Kia kaha tauira mā, e tipu e rea. The money will follow.

Whakarongo ake au ki te tangi a te mahi nei, a te tuhi! Tuhi, tuhi, tuhituhia!

Koekoe mai e ngā tūī, ketekete mai e ngā kākā, kūkū mai e ngā kererū

• Student loan. Self-explanatory. You’re a student. It’s a loan.

Whāki mai o whakaaro kia puta ki te whaiao, ki Te Ao Mārama!

• Course-related costs. Check it out. This is a HUGE help with those things you need for classes that you don’t have the funds for. That are course-related. Of course.

He karanga tēnei ki ngā manu kōrero, ngā manu kai miro

• Scholarships and grants. There are a lot out there.

Google to find out what’s available to you. Get in touch with your iwi organisation or check out the Māori Education Trust for a good list of scholarships to apply for.

• Financial support and advice. Here’s where you go for better advice than what is being presented here.

Seriously. Even if you’re not in dire straits, go and see them for budgeting advice.

Failing all of this, here’s something in an attempt to make you feel better:

Inā he hiahia nōu ki te tuhituhi mō Te Ao Mārama, tēnā, tukuna mai he paku tuhinga hei whakaatu mai i ō pukenga, i te taumata o tō reo hoki.

Kōrihi mai!

Te roanga o te tuhinga: 300-400 kupu Te kaupapa: Kei a koe mō te kaupapa Te wā aukati: 5pm, 5 Pipiri/Hune, 2011 Whakapā mai: Mariana Whareaitu mariana.whareaitu@vuw.ac.nz.

E tipu, e rea mō ngā ra o tau ao; Ko to ringa ki ngā rakau a te Pākehā Hei ara mō to tinana, Ko to ngākau ki ngā taonga a o tipuna Maori Hei tikitiki mō to mahunga, A, ko to wairua ki to Atua, Nana nei ngā mea katoa.

- Sir Apirana Ngata

Writers needed for the upcoming Māori language issue of Salient, Te Ao Mārama.

Send in a 300-400 word example to the above email address. Check above for further details. Spread the word!

7

Issue 10 Money

the news

Edited by Hannah Warren

EYE on Exec 09/05/11 Elle Hunt The ninth general meeting of the 2011 VUWSA exec began with apologies from Vice-President (Administration) Daniel Wilson and Environmental Officer Haley Mortimer. And with that, we were off with a bang.

VUWSA President Seamus Brady briefly reviewed the exec’s work reports. Many members, including Vice-President (Welfare) Asher Emanuel and Vice-President (Education) Bridie Hood, had failed to make up the hours they owed, but promised to make amends over the next fortnight. Welfare Officer Ta’ase Vaoga had forgotten to include the writing of her Salient column in her work report, but joked that even this was not enough to get on top of her deficit.

}

Daniel, Education Officer Jennifer Fellows, Clubs Officer Jeremy Peters, and Activities Officer Campbell Herbert shared their experiences at Uni Games. Seamus spent some time listing the O Week attracted a successful teams and combined attendance athletes, and moved of over 12,100 people, that the exec should congratulate them. with the Toga Party Jeremy suggested and MGMT the most that VUWSA’s Clubs & Events Manager popular events and Melissa Barnard should First Bass and High be thanked for her Five the least efforts, and the motion was passed unanimously. It is not known whether these sentiments will be passed onto the relevant individuals, or were merely symbolic.

Association Manager Mark Maguire was then granted speaking rights to present figures on VUWSA services for the first quarter of 2011. He said most are “going well”, especially advocacy, locker hire at Kelburn and Pipitea, the free bread service, the food bank, and the class representative system. Maguire said this year’s O Week attracted a combined attendance of over 12,100 people, with the Toga Party and MGMT the most popular events and First Bass and High Five the least.

Maguire then proposed to the exec that VUWSA write off $4,737.50 in aged debts, unpaid by Coyote, the

Greater Wellington Regional Council and Wellington City Council. Maguire said there was “no chance at all of getting this” back, and the motion was passed. The exec then approved a revised Memorandum of Understanding with Ngāi Tauira.

I was granted speaking rights to question Campbell about the “general comments” made in his work report.

Campbell is leaving the exec on 1 August in order to travel to Germany on exchange, and recommended that the position of Activities Officer “be abolished” on his departure as “any work [he does] is entirely superfluous to that which [Melissa Barnard] does”. He stood by this statement, saying that a part-time position of 20 hours a week could not offer substantial help to Barnard, who “has contacts” and more time to devote to organising VUWSA activities.

And, with that, the meeting was brought to a close.

While I doubt that Campbell’s position will be abolished, it was refreshing to see an exec member critically reflect on his role and duties—especially as VUWSA prepares to operate under voluntary student membership.

YOUR STUDENTS’

ASSOCIATION

VUWSA currently has a number of clubs who have historic grants authorised prior to 2010. After a reasonable period, VUWSA reserves the right to withdraw these grants. If you are a club that had been granted money during this period and would like to use your grant – please contact the Vice-President (Administration) to resolve this matter.

Daniel Wilson – avp@vuwsa.org.nz | www.vuwsa.org.nz

salient.org.nz

8

Salient Vol. 74

Old School Teacher Heads to a New School Astrid Gjerde

Victoria University is proud to see a respected alumnus take up one of the world’s top jobs in his field.

Professor James Belich has been appointed to the Beit Professorship of Commonwealth and Imperial History at Oxford University, and will begin work in the United Kingdom in October this year.

The former Victoria student who is currently Professor of History at the University’s Stout Research Centre for New Zealand Studies, is the seventh recipient of the Professorship since it was established in 1905. The position is awarded to a historian of outstanding local and global reputation.

Victoria University Vice-Chancellor Professor Pat Walsh says Professor Belich is worthy of the position thanks to his status as a world-class scholar in both New Zealand and global history.

“The appointment is richly deserved and is evidence that New Zealand history and perspectives are being taken seriously in a global context.”

Professor Belich has penned several prize-winning publications including the critically acclaimed Replenishing the Earth, as well as The New Zealand Wars, which was later turned into a prominent TV documentary series, and the two-volume history of New Zealand, Making Peoples and Paradise Reforged.

Much of Belich’s work concentrates on New Zealand history, but he describes his research interests as “increasingly global”. He looks forward to his academic endeavors in Oxford.

9

Issue 10 Money

OUSA and Planet Media: By their powers combined?

Stella Blake-Kelly As Voluntary Student Membership edges closer, the Otago University Students’ Association has looked to student media for help coping with its expected loss of revenue.

Budget Set to Cause a Jolt Natalie Powlesland

Disagreements have already begun in anticipation of the government’s 2011 Budget which will be announced this week.

An OUSA panel has reviewed Planet Media Dunedin Limited, a subsidary of OUSA that holds student magazine Critic and Radio One, giving recommendations as to how they can support OUSA in a VSM environment.

Finance Minister Bill English will announce the Government’s spending plan for the year on Thursday.

The idea that “PMDL should work proactively with OUSA to create a culture where OUSA membership is seen as desirable and natural” formed the basis of the recommendations.

English says the Budget will focus on three areas: building faster economic growth around higher national savings; setting a path back to surplus and repaying debt; and rebuilding Christchurch.

Critic editor Julia Hollingsworth acknowledged the value of some of the recommendations, but thought others “propose big changes and should not be taken lightly.”

This year’s Budget has been labelled the ‘zero Budget’ after the Government announced no new money would be spent. Instead, ministers were being asked to find ways to cut $600-$800 million. This money will be re-allocated to education, health and justice.

“I am particularly concerned that the recommendations appear to focus more on internal communication with OUSA… rather than creating a publication that is relevant and engaging to students.”

Issues around editorial freedom have caused some unease.

Proposed recommendations would see a mentor appointed to the Critic editor to guide them on content and balanced reporting.

Critic, like Salient, has a charter ensuring editorial freedom.

OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan claimed that should PMDL come under immediate ownership of OUSA, as was recommended, editorial independence would remain.

Salient co-editor Elle Hunt said she had reviewed the panel’s recommendations “with concern”.

“It’s crucial that student media retains editorial independence; otherwise its ability to ensure accountability and transparency in students’ associations is compromised.”

It is not yet known whether proposed changes will come into effect, as OUSA has opened the matter up to feedback from students. This comes at a particularly troublesome time for OUSA, which has been riddled with constitutional upheaval, the latest being the resignation of Geoghegan last week.

With Victoria University and VUWSA waiting for the VSM bill to be passed, they are yet to release details as to how and if Salient and the VBC will adjust in a voluntary environment.

A number of announcements have already been made regarding the contents of the Budget.

Prime Minister John Key has signalled that programmes including student loans, KiwiSaver and Working for Families will face changes.

“The changes we are making in the Budget will make all of these programmes more affordable and ensure they survive into the future,” Key said.

Key has stated there will be some changes to the student loan scheme but loans will remain interest-free.

He has also announced changes to the KiwiSaver programme. Government contributions, through tax credits, will decrease and individuals and employers will be expected to contribute more to the scheme.

The $1000 ‘kick-start’ for each new KiwiSaver member will not be changed.

Working for Families will also change to be better targeted toward lower-income families and less generous to higherincome families.

Labour Party leader Phil Goff has criticised the government’s plans, saying they hurt lower and middle income earners and do not address key economic issues.

“These cuts will hurt hardworking Kiwis but they won’t address the economic problems created by National where we’re borrowing $380 million a week and are now facing our largest-ever deficit,” he said. salient.org.nz

10

Salient Vol. 74

Winston Peters Wants to Pay Back Your Loan

A new kind of Student Party

Natalie Powlesland

A new political party Student Party NZ has just been founded.

Led by the University of Waikato’s Malcolm Matthews, they hope to give students a voice in Parliament this November.

Winston Peters is attempting to branch out from his usual grey-haired support base and woo the student population in the lead-up to the 2011 General Election.

In a speech to the Grey Power AGM in Hamilton last week, Peters announced New Zealand First wants to match student loan repayments dollar for dollar.

“We will introduce a scheme where government will make a matching dollar-for-dollar payment on student debt,” said Peters.

“So, if a student living in New Zealand has a student loan of say $30,000 (a not unlikely sum) and paid back $15,000, government would match that sum to extinguish the debt.”

Peters believes this would remove the incentives for students to look for greener pastures overseas.

He stated the programme would be self-sufficient because once students were in the workforce their taxes would cover the costs.

New Zealand First believes student debt is a problem that needs to be solved.

“The piling up of student debt into the billions has got to end,” said Peters.

“We will face up to it before it inflicts more damage on yet another generation of young New Zealanders.”

True to form, Peters’ speech also included benefits for SuperGold card holders, such as discounted power bills.

Ben Hague

Matthews believes over 450,000 tertiary students in New Zealand have been “grossly misrepresented” in Parliament.

“Our policies aim to improve living standards and education for all New Zealanders. We are the voice of students.”

Their main policies include keeping the interest off student loans and universal student allowance. They oppose changes to the drinking age and the recent Copyright (Infringing File Sharing) Amendment Act. ACT on Campus President Peter McCaffrey doubts they will have much of an impact on the election.

“I think that a lot of people underestimate just how much work goes in to setting up a new party. Every election all sorts of people and individuals seem to just decide on the spur of the moment that they want to start a party.

“If they manage to register in time for the election then good for them…but I don’t see it being very likely to happen” Students asked about Student Party NZ had varied opinions.

Victoria University student William Guzzo said they were forgetting the Government has no money.

“The Government will have the biggest-ever deficit… most of their policies involve spending lots of money.”

Otago University student Phil Brown said they didn’t have his vote, but that the party has potential.

“They need to expand on their policies, make them more in-depth and realistic.

“They need to drop some stuff like legalising cannabis so that they are taken a little bit more seriously.”

The Student Party are currently trying to reach 500 foundation members in order to be eligible for the elections in November.

For more information go to studentpartynz.org

Issue 10 Money

Vic Catches Clemenger

11

Hannah Warren Victoria University alumni were four of the ten graduates offered six-month placements for the Clemenger Programme this year, more than any other university in New Zealand.

“(Don’t VUW) Forget About Te... Aro, Aro, Aro, Aro” Ian Walsh Design and Architecture students now have all the convenience of being an Arts or Science student after VUWSA launched a weekly mobile reception to bring a bit of Kelburn to Te Aro this week.

All the services the regular Kelburn revellers have come to expect, including access to free bus tickets, the food bank and Campus Angels, are now on offer at the kiosk.

When asked about VUWSA’s new kiosk, an anonymous Te Aro Campus student said he had “never heard of them”.

VUWSA President Seamus Brady hopes that this will change.

“VUWSA is committed to making sure that students at Te Aro are involved with what we do and can access the services and information currently provided at other campuses. It’s always a challenge being spread across four campuses, but we are confident we can make this a success.

I look forward to seeing VUWSA’s presence at Te Aro grow throughout this year.”

The kiosk will be open on Tuesdays from 12.30-2.30pm.

Pass me a cupcake...

Izzy Boncimino In honor of International No Diet Day (INDD), Vic students noshed on free sausages, hash browns, cakes, cookies, chocolate and cupcakes on Friday 6 May. In a world in which fat is discriminated against, INDD celebrates body diversity and fights to remedy the unhealthy relationship many people have with food.

“INDD remains necessary because the media, the medical community, family, friends, and society in general constantly send out the message that fat is ugly, unhealthy and something to lose at all costs,” said National Women’s Rights Officer for the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations Caitlin Dunham.

INDD is a day where we can remember that there are more important things than body image and diets,” shes said.

Students fought back against the world’s weight obsession by symbolically destroying it. Armed with fencing foils and righteous anger, students beat a bathroom scale-shaped piñata.

Eating disorders affect 9 per cent of female university students at some time during their course of study.

20-year-old BCA graduate Bethany Omeri is excited about the industry insight and vital network connections accepted candidates receive.

“It is the best way to be introduced to the industry, you get to not only see what happens in all different parts of the business but you also get to try and do all of it,” said Omeri in an email.

“You have an opportunity to build a network in the industry for the future.”

Accepted candidates also receive more one-on-one attention than the typical university classroom or the job market.

“I know other people who have stumbled into a job after university and it hasn't been quite right for them,” says Omeri.

“When you're in the program they make time for you—they want you to become good at your job, they take the time to sit down and get to know you let you ask them questions, look at your work and give you feedback.”

The Clemenger Programme rotates successful candidates through several advertising and public relations Clemenger Group companies. At the end of the program, each candidate is given a six-month paid position with the opportunity for full-time positions in the Clemenger Group.

CEO of the Clemenger Group Jim Moser sees the graduates as “the folk who will succeed in a future where lines between historic communications disciplines are blurred or non-existent”.

DOUBLE DOWN TAKES OVER Adam Poulopoulos Last Tuesday marked the release of KFC’s highly-anticipated ‘Double Down’ burger.

The burger—bacon and cheese between two pieces of KFC’s signature chicken—triggered a cross-media frenzy of strong positive and negative opinions.

Many hungry students have ignored nutritional warnings and are flooding the stores to get their hands on one.

ACT on Campus sent representatives to KFCs in each of the country’s main centres to offer free burgers to the first five who approached them.

"Everyone should be free to buy food they enjoy. Equally, everyone should take responsibility for their own health and exercise,” ACT on Campus President Peter McCaffrey said.

There were even reports of students in Dunedin camping out to make sure they were first in the queue.

"We did have a guy and a girl camping out here because they wanted to be the first to try them. But, it got a bit cold for them and they went home after a couple of hours," KFC Dunedin North manager Wendy Ellis confirmed.

Dubbed “a crime to food” in some circles, the burger actually has fewer calories than the Burger King Whopper. salient.org.nz

12

Salient Vol. 74

Bust up over fares Natalie Powlesland Confused commuters were forced to cough up more for their bus fare to university last Thursday.

On the 8.45am bus from the Railway Station to Victoria University's Kelburn campus, passengers paying with cash were charged $3.50 instead of the usual $2. Snapper fares were unaffected.

Commuters contested the higher charge with the driver who refused to listen to passengers, stating the computer said the fare zone ended at the bottom of Salamanca Road.

The driver's claims contradict the signs at the bus stops and the Metlink website which both state the fare zone ends at Victoria’s Kelburn Campus.

The driver said the problem had occurred once before and he was told by the company to follow the computer.

Victoria University staff member Di Dickson was on the bus at the time and lodged complaints with Metlink and GO Wellington. Metlink said they passed complaints onto GO Wellington but the complaints process was about four weeks behind.

Dickson finds this unacceptable.

“The processes at the bus companies aren't able to deal with the fact there could have been a mistake,” she says.

Dickson was not affected by the problem, as she paid with her Snapper card, but believed the situation was unfair.

“I've been a student and lived on a budget and it's hard.

Having to pay an unexpected extra cost like this means you can't afford something else,” she says.

Law Students Work for Workers Lewis van den Berg-Shaw Fourth- and fifth-year Victoria University Law students participated in the first of two training sessions for a community-driven Worker’s Rights Advocacy Service last weekend.

As well as receiving presentations on specific areas of the law, new advocates were trained by representatives from the Department of Labour, including their mediation services, and the National Distribution Union.

The free drop-in service is intended to provide advice and support for low-income workers with employment concerns.

The service supplies information on employment rights and legislation, and helps with unfair dismissals and redundancies. Volunteers are available as support people, or as representatives during employment negotiations and mediation. Written resources such as legislation and fact sheets are available, including information about unions.

The Advocacy Service operates Monday to Wednesday from 5.30-7.30pm upstairs at Compassion House, Lukes Lane (off Manners and Taranaki Streets).

Edward Warren

Mexico Has a Laugh A theme park in Hidalgo state, Mexico, has been set up which hosts night-hikes up in the mountains, emulating the experience of sneaking across the border. The park’s employees act as United States Border Control officers and hunt down guests to the park. This unique type of tourism offers a fun and exciting twist to your average nature hike, while also raising consciousness about the migrant experience. It also sort of helps Mexican people learn the best ways to sneak over the border.

In Further Illegal Mexican Border Crossing Related News Apple has rejected Massachusetts technology company Owlchemy Labs’ plans for an iPhone app entitled ‘Smuggle Truck’. The game simulated driving a pickup truck full of illegal immigrants through rocky terrain across the US/ Mexico border. Challenges included trying to prevent too many ‘illegals’ bouncing out, and dealing with pregnant women giving birth en-route. Owlchemy have since begun changes to the game, making it one where animals escape from a forest, so if you ever find yourself playing that game, you know what sort of people you’re really supporting.

Nasty, Dirty, Kinky Sex Ed. Northwestern University has recently cancelled a sexuality class that caused uproar when about 100 of the 600 enrolled students attended an optional, after-class seminar on kinks and fetishes. During the discussion, a woman got naked, was penetrated by a modified reciprocating saw (sort of like a jigsaw, for all you non-handypeople out there) and brought to orgasm. Research would indicate that the saw bit was removed and replaced by a dildo of some description.

The woman and man who performed the affronting acts are engaged and very much in love.

Once Bittern, Twice Spy Last week Russian authorities reporting finding a kiwi in the port town of Sochi, more than 16,000km from home.

Experts speculated that the bird must have snuck aboard a cruise ship while in New Zealand, but it turned out to be a bittern, not a kiwi. The migratory bird appears to have hurt its wing, which would have rendered it flightless.

This shared ineptitude might be part of the reason that it was mistaken for a kiwi. The Department of Conservation were apparently not surprised that it was a case of misidentification, but sources allege that they were just being nice: it was in fact a ridiculous mistake.

13

Issue 10 Money

c

y

Bla Bla Bla

Chris Being Total D-Bag, “Doesn’t Even Deserve” Ella Chris defends himself—oh my god, that is so typical of Chris Edward Warren Reports confirmed this week that Chris is an “absolute shit boyfriend” and that “Ella is way too good for his raggedy-ass”.

Salient spoke to Ella Middleton’s representation, Jess Hornby and Lauren Miller, at the back of a first-year International Relations lecture, who were able to confidently assert that Chris Lillibang is being a “total d-bag” and “just, honestly, such a dick”, in regards to his two-month long relationship with Middleton.

“He totally cheats on her! We think so, at least. And probably with real skanks, like the really, really gross skanks—you know the type. God, he is such an ass.

And he dresses like suuuch a loser. It is unbelievable,” claimed Hornby.

“Ew, yes. He has this gross hat, and I just want to be like, what? Why? Seriously, Chris, what are you even up to.

We definitely think he cheats on her... he probably does, just look at him. Yuck. Yuuuuuck,” concurred Miller.

Prior investigation has yielded mixed opinions on the matter. One poll, which surveyed 200 Te Puni Village residents, found that 27 per cent felt that Chris was a massive sleazeball. 21 per cent weren’t sure but thought that Chris might have copped a feel, either in town or while hanging out in someone’s room; 18 per cent thought that Chris was a creep but Ella’s a total slut so it doesn’t really matter; 16 per cent were certain that Chris had copped a feel, either in town or while hanging out in someone’s room; and an astonishing 13 per cent didn’t know who either Chris or Ella were. Only 1 per cent thought that Chris was a really sweet guy who treated Ella like a princess.

Chris responded to these allegations with an official statement: “Look, Ella’s a nice girl, but we aren’t going out. I don’t want to be tied down; I’m a first-year student at Te Puni, I’m just here to get as much action as I can.

“I like Ella but there are so many girls out there just waiting to be hit on by a dude like me.”

Since releasing his statement, Chris has been asked by two of Ella’s friends to stop touching their arses at Hope Bros. He has also been overheard referring to Ella, on numerous occasions, as his girlfriend.

Email snippets of life at Vic to overheard@salient.org.nz, or find Overheard @ Vic on Facebook

the week that wasn’t

ACCY 111 Lecturer: “If Massey University went to Wanganui, then Wanganui would be more prosperous, and Palmerston North... would still be Palmerston North.”

Cherie McMeekin

MATH Lecturer: “We need all of the weird people to hang out with normal people. That way, they disperse the weirdness.”

Jason Govenlock

MATH 151 Lecturer: “Three children are throwing a ball around. Frank always throws the ball to George, and George always throws the ball to Harriet, but Harriet likes to keep the boys guessing.”

Patrick Barnes

CLAS 207 Lecturer: “Since we bored you with a week of ancient Roman economics last week, we are rewarding you with a week of sex...”

Lauren Taylor

MARK 101 Lecturer: “I’m guessing we’ll find that the nuclear meltdown in Japan was not caused by a tsunami or earthquake, but because the remote control was too damn difficult to use.”

Jesse Benge

Overheard between rows on the fifth floor library: “I thought you were on the pill...”

Charlie Hopkins

ARTH 218 Lecturer: “If you’ve never read the Book of Revelations... it’s like The Matrix times ten.”

Katie Minett

ANTH 101 Lecturer: “In Samoan meeting houses, sometimes the people would burst into tears over disputes of rank, but not wimpy tears... rage tears...”

Tracy Poole

Overheard near the tuataras: “Trust me, my nana’s hot, man... for a nana.”

Lara East

ENGL 214 Lecturer: “The dwarf only gets half a stanza because it is only half a person.”

Manda Roche

MDIA 101 Lecturer: “We could all go back to the ’60s and be flower children. That would be great. We’ll do that next week.”

Ally Buchanan

SOSC 111 Lecturer: “It’s no longer okay to crap out your window.”

William Lower

PHIL 307 Lecturer: “I try to retain common sense as much as possible.”

Simon Bunckenburg

salient.org.nz

Column

14

Salient Vol. 74

Another Super City?

Kate Pike

The proposal of amalgamating the Wellington region’s councils has been floating around for a few years now.

In 2009, a study was conducted to look into the possibilities of council restructuring. While it considered many options, from keeping with the status quo to total amalgamation, it made no recommendation as to what option we should take.

Instead, we were given the vague “carrying on as we are is not sustainable in the long run”, which makes me wonder why we spend $150,000 on things like this. The potential amalgamation of our region’s city and even district councils is still being discussed today, because the central government wants an answer, and I think it’s something that we should be aware of. (Apathy kills.)

The most commonly cited reason for amalgamation is that it would save bureaucracy costs, but I don’t think this would actually work out nearly as well as it is touted. Sure, it would bring in economies of scale and avoid doubling up of some costs, but I’m cynical that this money saved would be returned directly to the ratepayers through lower rates, or even spent constructively. Instead, it would only be spent by the council in other nonsensical ways that people such as I would continue to complain about.

Moreover, the start-up costs of a new super council would be unavoidably bigger than allocated.

Another argument that is commonly put forward in favour of amalgamation is that there are severe discontinuities between Wellington councils in regards to economic development, transport, water, wastewater and stormwater services, and co-ordination of regional planning. One: is it really that bad? Two: could the existing structure of the GWRC improve this? Three: do we need to go to the extreme of amalgamating councils, or are there less severe steps that should be seriously considered?

Proponents of amalgamation include much of the business community, for reasons such as simpler building consent processes and less bureaucracy.

Greater Wellington Regional Council chairperson Fran Wilde also seems quite keen on the idea. (A side note about Fran Wilde: she was recently harassed online for being a feminist in a position of power.)

The Wellington Region is said by some to have very few people for the number of councils, to the extent that it’s excessive—but I think there’s such diversity among the people that this is warranted.

Having smaller districts is part of the nature of New Zealand local government, and what makes it beneficial. We need to keep our current apparently numerous and small councils, to ensure better representation of the constituents, and more accountability of those elected.

Celia is very notably not in favour of council amalgamation, but, as is seeming more and more often to be the case, her councillors do not share her views on the matter. Is this an organised coup, to disagree with every stance Celia takes?

In any case, any plans to amalgamate, if it comes to that, will be taken to referendum.

*

Feature

Issue 10 Money

Aotearoa: Peaceful or Privileged?

Renee Gerlich

Almost daily, I’m getting prompts in my inbox to sign e-petitions. Stop corrective rape, take down Qaddafi, save the bees; I could spend all day passionately signing them— but I don’t get it.

Would the antichrist really drop everything and beg for mercy at the sight of one? Do e-petitions influence the environmental, economic, social and political dynamics that result in large-scale crises?

Actually, there is a bigger underlying question for me, which relates to the circumstances in which we Kiwis object to violence and oppression elsewhere. Is Aotearoa actually peaceful, or simply privileged?

}

How can we build and use peace in Aotearoa as a powerful global influence now?

}

15

We often refer to ourselves as a ‘young country’. We mean historically young, but the connotations—and I’m not sure we can use the term so readily anymore after the Christchurch quakes—are that we are also sheltered and naïve. Protected

by Mother Nature’s oceanic moat, we share no borders, and much of our population feels ignorant of large-scale violence and hardship. We are peaceful incidentally—or is ‘privileged’ a better term?

In March 26’s Dominion Post, Malcolm Burgess’ ‘Resetting the Moral Compass’ summarised a nationwide sentiment.

Burgess stated that “disaster has a flip-side—it can make us feel good”, because it allows us to witness and practice human resilience and compassion, to experience the satisfaction that comes from the opportunity to “help others”. Amidst recent catastrophe, there have been many heartwarming stories of outreach. However, must we wait for large scale disaster—or e-petition requests—to satisfy our harboured desires to assist others?

Two turns of the page and a Westpac advertisement stated: “On average, New Zealanders spend $16.1 million a day on impulse purchases like chips and chocolate bars”.

I find Burgess’ article and the Westpac advertisement an interesting juxtaposition. The statistic seems to indicate that as a nation, we underestimate the significance of our daily consumer decisions; thus the opportunity Aotearoa represents as a peaceful country within Disaster has a global network.

The ‘quick fix’ purchase is an a flip-side— incredibly loaded notion. One such it can make purchase can carry with it the stress of us feel good modern living—exhaustion, isolation and need for comfort; as well as the guilt of contributing to human rights breaches, resource competition, poor personal health and environmental damage. This can be so overwhelming that the purchase becomes trivial: we may be helpless to change large-scale realities, but we can create a moment of joy for ourselves.

However, we know that a ‘quick fix’ purchase often does not solve a moment of unrest, but avoids it. Somewhere people and environments need to provide for our demands. What if choosing to maintain our own peace of mind using our own efforts and social networks, rather than poor consumer choices was as valuable and empowering to ourselves and others as helping a quake victim, or signing a petition?

Is peace simply non-violence and goodwill in crisis—or could it be a powerful resource? Something substantial that individuals can actively cultivate and send through personal, local, national and global networks, through attitude and everyday choices? We consolidated our notions of peace to create our anti-nuclear stance in the ’70s and ’80s, for the 1981 Springboks protest, for Whina Cooper’s 1975 hikoi—and at Parihaka in 1878. How can we build and use peace in Aotearoa as a powerful global influence now?

Aotearoa: let’s talk about peace. If we think we are merely privileged, let us as individuals experience the satisfaction that comes from understanding what it means to be peaceful instead, why it matters, and how it is achieved.

If we understand Aotearoa as being peaceful, we can make a dramatic impact—without having to wait for one to hit us first.

*

salient.org.nz

16

Salient Vol. 74

} The Week of the

‘Zero Budget’ Paul comrie-thomson that is

Hone Harawira has successfully grabbed the political headlines once again with the longawaited announcement of his resignation, and discussion of the consequent by-election for his Tai Tokerau seat.

All the while, Goff and the Labour Party have focused their efforts on centring media attention on hypocrisy in Key’s spending—think BMWs and bodyguards, which a New Zealand Herald editorial referred to as “the trappings of office”. Agree or disagree, in effect this constitutes a miniscule proportion of Government spending. As a result, one might be forgiven for having missed any pre-Budget discussion (up until now), and it really is astounding that the Opposition has not focused on the bigger picture.

Of course, there has been much Budget-related rhetoric making the rounds for months now, most visibly by Don Brash before the race card found its way back to the top of the pack. To be sure, across the entire spectrum, there have been concerns raised over the $250 million, then $300 million, and now $380 million the Government is borrowing every week, with the blame being assigned to different parties depending on who is vocalising concern at any particular time.

Largely owing to the two Canterbury earthquakes New Zealand is facing the prospect of a ‘zero-budget’, with just $800 million in reprioritised funding to go primarily to front-line healthcare and education services.

This Government has a huge operating deficit, totalling $10.16 billion in the nine months ending March 31

This Government has a huge operating deficit, totalling $10.16 billion in the nine months ending March 31. This is significantly worse than the deficit forecast in December, and while this is largely due to earthquake-related costs, it also indicates a failure in predicting the country’s economic recovery.

There were the short-lived fears that Bill English’s third Budget could match that of Ruth Richardson’s 1991 Mother-of-all-Budgets, although these were quickly put to rest; Key again assuring in a pre-Budget speech at a Fujitsu-Business New Zealand luncheon last week, that this will not be a ‘slash and burn’ Budget.

So, what is up for cuts?

By all accounts, it appears the predominant focus of this week’s Budget will be on cutting spending to three of Labour’s crowning achievements: KiwiSaver, Working For Families and the interest-free student loan scheme.

Key has argued that these three schemes are totally unaffordable at a combined cost to the country of almost $5 billion a year. Notably, he also made sure to put in a knee into Labour, outlining how the programmes were introduced, and were only ever viable as a result of “a debt and consumption-driven bubble.”

Of these three schemes, undoubtedly the changes to KiwiSaver and of course the student loan scheme are of most concern to students.

KiwiSaver has been incredibly successful. With 1.67 million people signed up, the scheme has exceeded all initial expectations. Unfortunately, the success of the program could be the cause of its downfall. While the $1000 kick-start for new KiwiSaver members will remain in place, the Member Tax Credit (MTC) is on the chopping block. Key has indicated that the MTC—a brilliant incentive for long-term savings worth $1042 annually to members—will be subject to a significant cut.

With the reduction or removal of this incentive, responsible for much of the popularity of the scheme, it logically follows that many will now refuse to join KiwiSaver, and signed-up members may choose to opt out of the scheme. In the long term this is going to primarily affect low and middle-income earners who don’t necessarily have the capacity to save independently, creating real problems down the track when those people hit retirement.

Furthermore, reducing or removing KiwiSaver incentives potentially puts the first nail in the scheme’s coffin, meaning that Key’s assertion that the changes are to “ensure (its) survival”, is laughable.

Another way of looking at this, as the New Zealand Herald’s David Chaplin writes, is that the National Government is simply implementing an under-handing “tax increase”. More transparent adjustments to the tax system are most likely completely off the table this year however; and this is what will probably be the biggest deficiency in the upcoming Budget.

Column

Issue 10 Money

Some might remember, in last year’s Budget, the Government’s stated intentions were to incentivise savings and investment by introducing a fiscally neutral tax-switch that would give Kiwis more in their pockets whilst simultaneously discouraging consumption.

Of course, while New Zealand could do with a fair whack of increased business investment, the Government’s failure to implement a capital gains tax, recommended both by the Tax Working Group and the International Monetary Fund (IMF), has done little more than encourage speculative investment in housing, which has little societal benefit. At the same time, those stuck on the country’s lower economic rungs have in reality faced a significantly larger increase in their weekly food bill relatively to their tax-cuts.

On the student loan front, current students and graduates can breathe a sigh of relief that the interest-free element of the student-loan scheme is safe for now. Like Budget 2010, cuts are likely to be seen around the edges, primarily through further restrictions of access to student loans.

From the 2010 Budget, requirements were instituted requiring students to pass more than 50 per cent of full-time course over a two-year period, in order to be allowed to continue borrowing.

Moreover, the government placed a ‘lifetime limit’ on access to student loans—a limit of seven years for an undergraduate degree. Most controversially, the fees around borrowing increased in an attempt to pull more money out of the scheme without removing with the politically dangerous ‘interest free’ element—a move the Greens’ Gareth Hughes referred to at the time as “charging interest by stealth”.

As Tertiary Education Minister, Steven Joyce has indicated, Budget 2011 is likely to institute further restrictions, most notably making it more difficult for over-55s to get a student loan. The Government’s approach is understandable, but at the same time is fairly problematic. While the incentives around

}

Current students and graduates can breathe a sigh of relief that the interest-free element of the student-loan scheme is safe for now

17

success instituted in the 2010 Budget justly targeted those taking advantage of and consequently undermining the scheme, restricting the older workforce from up-skilling just as we enter a period in which the average retirement age is likely to rise significantly is a puzzlingly short-term solution to combating student debt.

In addition to this, Joyce has indicated that the Government intends to take a more aggressive approach to ensuring debt is repaid by graduates living overseas. As Key pointed out in his pre-Budget address, for every hundred dollars invested in the student loan scheme, taxpayers can expect to only get $55 back.

Overseas graduates are responsible for a significant portion of the remaining $45. Victoria’s own Professor Sir Paul Callaghan has taken an interesting approach with this, tugging at the nationalist heartstrings of expat graduates to repay their student loan debt to help pay for the earthquake recovery. Whether the Government or Sir Callaghan’s approach will actually work, remains to be seen.

KiwiSaver and student loans, are just two of the schemes that will find themselves in the crosshairs of the Budget this year, and it’s clear there is more than a little controversy on the table. This is what makes Labour’s lack of This is what any real criticism to the likely makes Labour’s contents of the Budget so disconcerting. lack of any real Sure, it could be argued criticism to the that Key is doing Labour’s likely contents work for them. Cuts should be of the Budget so damaging to any government, almost by definition, and our disconcerting Teflon-coated Prime Minister is taking a huge punt in attacking these programmes.

However, if the polls are anything to go by, Key has got significant room to manoeuvre, and to his credit, it appears that none of these cuts will take effect unless National is re-elected in November.

On the opposition benches, Labour should be actively highlighting that along with the Government’s plans to partially privatise state assets, these cuts to important social spending programmes are a short-term fix with very long-term consequences that could significantly undermine many New Zealanders’ futures.

Further to this, and perhaps more importantly, Labour needs to focus attention on the inequalities caused, and inefficacious nature of Key’s incomplete tax switch. The bulk of New Zealand voters face a significantly higher cost of living than they did a year ago, without a corresponding increase in quality of life.

If Labour can’t make this a central argument leading up to the election, they don’t deserve to be returned to Government.

}

*

salient.org.nz

Feature

18

Salient Vol. 74

+urden B e h t g n Easi Selina Powell

In a television interview last on month, John Key expressed his view that Labour’s decision to remove interest from student loans in 2006 was poor economic policy. Tertiary Education Minister Stephen Joyce noted in a Q+A discussion with Paul Holmes in April that for every dollar lent under the scheme, the Government loses 45 cents.

A–

question that arises from these statements is why the Government continues with an interest-free policy that it seems to believe is haemorrhaging public money. As Holmes queried with the conviction characteristic of an interviewer backed by incensed taxpayers across the couches of New Zealand, how can the Government “justify handing out free money that you won’t get back for years?”

It seems that for the Government, as with much of the political jousting around student loans, the answer comes back to numbers. The approaching Budget announcement presents a prime opportunity for the Government to put interest back on student loans, eliminating in Key’s words the “message it sends to young people to go out there and borrow”, as well as increasing revenue in these cash strapped and disaster stricken times.

However, 580,000 people have student loans and a significant portion of these debtors will vote in the November election. Putting interest on student loans could lose National the election. As well as being a political lemon, it might not be as economically fruitful as its supporters would contend. Interest on loans is likely to result in longer repayment times and could result in a higher proportion of students travelling overseas to work—if interest accrues regardless of location, then it is only sensible to work where you are paid the highest salary.

With National conceding what Joyce calls “the political consensus on interest-free student loans,” the Budget is not likely to pose an unwelcome surprise for students in this respect. But other changes to the student loan scheme have been foreshadowed by the Government, including restricting access to some student loan borrowers and targeting overseas debtors. The prominence given to the loan debate in the lead up to the Budget and under Sir Paul Callaghan’s HEKE campaign has caused many to ponder alternatives to the way student debt is currently managed in New Zealand.

19

Issue 10 Money

owing

Gr Debt

According to the Ministry of Education annual report, in 2010 New Zealand was home to $11.145 billion dollars of student debt with the average student loan held by Inland Revenue totalling $16,731.

For those staying in New Zealand, the median predicted repayment time in 2006 was 4.5 years.

A 2010 survey by the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations has found that only 12 per cent of students in 2010 were debt-free by the end of their qualification and the average student debt has risen 31 per cent since 2001.

Maria Goncalves-Rorke, Manager of the Victoria Financial Support and Advice service, observes that debt can be a common source of stress for students and might have an impact on a student’s ability to study and general wellbeing. The broader effects of debt are also supported by the New Zealand Union of Student Associations’ survey that indicated that 58 per cent of students feel stressed about their financial situation. More than half of students with loans perceived debt as a factor when making future decisions about travelling overseas, saving for the future and buying a house. 37 per cent of those with a loan said that debt would influence their decisions about whether and when to have children.

Far from treating loans like a grown up version of Monopoly money, these statistics indicate that loans are a serious and often worrying consideration for students in determining future plans.

}

According to the Ministry of Education annual report, in 2010 New Zealand was home to $11.145 billion dollars of student debt

C+ hanges to the Student Loan Scheme

Last year the Government developed several reforms aimed at curbing the public cost of the student loan scheme. A voluntary repayment bonus scheme was introduced as well as performance requirements and a time limit to loan scheme access.

The performance requirement introduced by National was a particularly controversial restriction.

Effective from January this year, the policy means that after approximately two years of study a student must have passed at least half of their courses to continue to be eligible for the student loan.

Grant Robertson, Labour’s Tertiary Education spokesperson at the time, was highly critical of the fact that this policy change had A student must retrospective effects. Robertson contended that it was unfair to have passed hold students studying in 2009 to a at least half of performance requirement when they their courses to were operating under a different policy continue to be and set of expectations.

In a statement published on the eligible for the Labour website, Robertson notes “the student loan classic situation here will be a student who enrolled in a university in 2009, found that they could not cope and failed their courses. They may well be at a polytechnic this year and doing much better, but if they fail just one paper they will lose their eligibility for student loans”.

Fast forward to this year’s Budget announcement and the Government is again considering significant penny-pinching changes to the student loan scheme.

These include rejecting student loan applications where a student is already behind with repayments, reducing loan entitlements for trainee pilots and students over 55, and measures aimed at collecting overseas debt.

Overseas debt is a significant issue with a total of 85,000 loan debtors abroad. On average those with student loans living overseas have slower repayment rates and are much more likely to be behind in their repayments compared with those who reside in New Zealand. While people living in New Zealand have loan repayments automatically deducted through the taxation system, loan repayments overseas are voluntary in practice due to a lack of enforcement mechanisms.

The spotlight has already been focussed on overseas student loan debtors this year with Sir Paul Callaghan’s campaign encouraging New Zealanders overseas to become ‘Heroic Educated Kiwi Expatriates’ by making repayments on their loan as a contribution following the Christchurch earthquake.

The appeal has resulted in a $2.5 million increase in repayments to Inland Revenue when compared to the same period last year which is, as Callaghan put it in a speech to Lincoln University, “better than a cake stall”.

The Government is also increasing efforts to recoup the $2 billion student loan debt owing overseas. The three-year loan repayment holiday for those living overseas is likely to be reduced to one year and debt collectors will be used to retrieve loans in Australia and Britain.

}

salient.org.nz

Feature

20

Salient Vol. 74

In the lead-up to the Budget, National has suggested reducing the loan entitlement of groups with a poor repayment record. According to Joyce, the Government loans $30 million a year to trainee pilots but only receives 40 per cent of this sum back as many aviation students do not go on to be employed as pilots. Students over 55 are also targeted by cuts with this group potentially losing the ability to claim living costs. Joyce says that because these students are closer to the end of their working lives, around 70 per cent of the loan investment in this group is not returned.

Labour’s Tertiary Education spokesperson David Shearer has expressed opposition to the reduction of loan entitlement for older students. In a statement on Labour’s website, Shearer notes that the adult education sector has already been reduced by cuts to continuing education programs and extramural numbers. Shearer believes that restricting the ability of older students to retrain and upskill is not an appropriate Government response considering New Zealand’s aging population and a rapidly changing work environment.

The proposal also has the potential to be challenged on the basis of the Human Rights Act which limits age discrimination.

A Better Way?

Wisdom

Outweighs Any Wealth

Viewing student loans as a tax sinkhole, with politicians shouting estimates from the sidelines every so often, has the tendency to distract attention from what student loans facilitate—and that fine pillar of society called education.

John Key was correct in predicting that removing interest from the student loan scheme would create an increase in the level of borrowing. The number of student loan borrowers increased 25 per cent after loans were made interest free. Although the level of student debt increased, more New Zealanders were able to gain a tertiary education with the significant personal and community benefits that this entails.

In 2010, half of the New Zealand population held a tertiary qualification according to Ministry of Education statistics. A Ministry of Education Report highlights research indicating that people with tertiary qualifications have lower rates of unemployment, higher incomes and increased levels of wellbeing. The OECD Education at a Glance report for 2010 found that in New Zealand for every dollar invested in tertiary education, there is a return of $8.30 for every male graduate and $5.90 for every female graduate.

Goncalves-Rorke says that in the experience of the Student Finance team, students do not see the loan “as free money, more an opportunity to get a qualification and a better future”. As restrictions are placed on student loans, fewer people will realise this better future for themselves, for their community, for those who have passed before them and for those who will follow. In assembling the Budget, the Government needs to tread the fine line of limiting student debt without restricting access to education.

More radical changes to the student loan scheme have been also been suggested by advocates outside of Government. Fidelity Life Chief Executive Milton Jennings has said that one way of alleviating debt would be to allow KiwiSaver members to use their accumulated funds to pay off student debt. Fidelity Life currently has 70,000 members in its KiwiSaver scheme.

In a speech to Grey Power this month, New Zealand First leader Winston Peters advocated a loan scheme where Government contributes a dollar for each dollar of student loan repayment. A student with a $30,000 student loan would therefore be debt free after paying back $15,000. Peters believes that this initiative would result in the return of the student loan scheme’s “economic exiles”—a group that would then compensate the Government for its initial contribution by paying taxes once they re-enter the New Zealand workforce.

The Greens also support a policy of student debt write-off.

Under the scheme listed on the Greens’ website, a year’s worth of debt would be eliminated for each year that a person stays in New Zealand contributing through full-time paid or unpaid work. The Greens back a universal student allowance, which would mean that fewer students would require the student loan for living costs while studying.

The ACT Party’s Finance spokesperson Sir Roger Douglas has said that a low level of interest should be placed on student loans.

In a press release last year, Douglas said that the interest-free scheme was “Robin Hood in reverse”, with people from generally wealthy backgrounds going on to tertiary education while those who go straight to work from school subsidise them through their taxes.

}

*

For every dollar invested in tertiary education, there is a return of $8.30 for every male graduate and $5.90 for every female graduate

21

Issue 10 Money

Wild about books?

Bring your sack to the...

vicbooks SALE

Monster May

l a i r o m e M e in th e Foyer Theatr

...and fill it up with lots of goodies. .

Stock up on discounted fiction, politics, current affairs, history & sciences, art & architecture. University Press, text books & other academic books, quality hardbacks and paperbacks, children’s books and more.

Scarilnyted! discou

fiercely

: n o e l a S 18th May – esday

Wedn iday 20th May Fr M

0 sk $3

pm 5 – m 9a aily d

r i c e s s ta r t a t 5 0 c e n t s . p , s s e l or

tre Foyer, of the A l Thea trium oria , Stu m e den M t Un he t ion n i Bu e c ildi a l ng p s , Ke e k lbu ta rn e l Ca a S m pu s

o so t b

o

salient.org.nz

Feature

22

Salient Vol. 74

The State of Welfare Zoe Reid

Welfare has existed in New Zealand since the beginning of the 20th century. Old age pensions were provided from as early as 1898, and provision has been made to assist the unemployed since 1930. So it’s understandable that some New Zealanders see welfare as a way of life—it’s all some people know.

The Department of Social Welfare (now the Ministry of Social Development) was founded in 1972 with the aim of improving “people’s wellbeing, and of enabling communities to determine how they can achieve wellbeing for themselves”. The Welfare Working Group (WWG) has recently completed an exhaustive assessment of the welfare system in New Zealand, charged with making “practical recommendations on how to reduce long-term welfare dependency for people of working age” in April 2010. Through my personal experience in the welfare system, I will be evaluating some of the WWG’s overall recommendations against the system as it currently stands.

In New Zealand, anyone who needs help to “participate in the social and economic life of their communities” may receive assistance. Most healthcare is free, giving the sick help (such as in the form of a Community Services card) to get better.

Education for children and teens is free, with the aim of giving all young adults a level playing field when they leave home. Tertiary education is made more accessible with generous financial loans or allowances from Studylink. There is assistance to write a CV, buy work clothes, and find a job while the Government helps you live until you find one.

There are free services to help workers deal with any employment issues which may arise. It is very easy to be angry at the welfare system as it now stands, because despite the extensive assistance programs which are supposedly in place, most people rarely

}

receive help in any other form than a dollar amount.

Currently, applicants are classified according to their position or situation—for example, student, single parent, pensioner, unemployed, sick or disabled. Based on this classification, you are entitled to a certain range of weekly financial assistance. You may be entitled to additional support based on circumstance—for instance, if you have encountered hardship (Temporary Additional Support), or have a low income for your location (Accommodation supplement). This is all capped with maximum potential amounts, and Work and Income New Zealand (WINZ) reserves the right to change your payments at any time. Any NZ citizen is able to receive a food grant of up to $100 twice in a six-month period if they provide proof their bank account is empty, but if one is unable to support themselves weekly, $400 a year suddenly seems a lot less useful. Unless you put up your hand and ask for training or other assistance, you are a number and a dollar value—not a person in need of help. Friends on the unemployment benefit have received phone calls and been sent to interviews, but this is the extent of the assistance they have received; as a recipient of the sickness benefit and single parent domestic purposes, I have never been told of or recommended any further assistance, even when receiving TAS for extremely high rent: quoth my case worker, “Well, it’s not like you can’t change where you live.”

As WINZ’s calculations for your entitlement depends on such a large range of factors, it is seemingly impossible to work out exactly how much you will get should you apply. WINZ and Studylink have recently overhauled their websites in an effort to Any NZ citizen is ensure beneficiaries are better placed to able to receive a know which benefits, and supplements, food grant up to to apply for. The end result? Everyone to fill in the same mind-bogglingly $150 up to three has vast amounts of information, in a times a year, if process which takes even the most tech savvy at least 30 minutes, and spits out they provide proof their bank a list of benefits one might be entitled to If you Google ‘Work and Income account is empty receive.

Manuals and Procedures’, you will be able to work out how much money you are entitled to, and why.

Short of a miracle, this is the only way.

It would be great if the call service were able to train and retain staff so as to ensure a human accessible to the public actually knew this information. It’s worth buying a beneficiary a beer so they can tell you tales which all sound remarkably like a Monty Python sketch, generally involving very angry staff who tell you contradicting things and often end conversations abruptly with the words “I. DON’T. KNOW”. The only way to get what you need from WINZ is to be prepared for every eventuality before it occurs.

So where are the problems in this system? The Welfare Working Group, I feel, has hit the nail on the head. No one is empowered to make a change. The process of asking for help and filling in forms with no idea of the outcome is the first blow to one’s self esteem.

Rarely, if ever, when speaking to a case manager or call centre, will one be given anything remotely resembling a choice or explanation of how to empower oneself out of their current situation. Currently, the system is geared to get the ‘right’ amount of money into your bank account. Instead, the WWG has recommended the entire welfare system focus on actively supporting all welfare recipients into paid work, by asking what recipients need to do in order to become more able to work. For example, instead of receiving a

23

Issue 10 Money

medical slip stating an individual is unable to work, the medical slip would state what the individual is able to do, within what limits, and how they could be supported in better improving their ability to work.

This is a matter close to my heart, as in order to revisit any of my previous professions, I need to remain industry-savvy and continue to train and learn. If these changes come into play, I will be actively encouraged to remain work-ready. Another great quote from a friend: “I’m having another baby instead. I can’t go back to work, it’s too different from what I’m used to now.” She is a doctor, who had her child 13 months ago. If being out of the loop for 13 months makes one feel unable to return to a profession they have been a part of for 13 years, I can only imagine how a lesser-skilled mother would feel if they waited until their child hit six years (when they are currently required to find a part time job).

Where I feel the WWG will fail, however, is in its inability to convince the Government to invest in a better functioning system. Focus needs to be on empowering the departments who deal with the public to ensure that case managers actually have the time and training to be able to provide in-depth assistance and support to all clients. The system as it stands may in fact be a worthwhile one, should those employed within it be given the tools required to actually do a good job! No streamlining or change to the structures of our welfare system will help if we do not provide enough funding to allow the system to work.

It should be made abundantly clear that everyone working for the Ministry of Social Development, from managers to call centers to case managers, is overrun with work. This leads not only to errors in approving benefits (consider the amount of benefit fraud we see in the papers), but longer time spent processing and more time required with renewed appointments which would be unnecessary if the benefit were adequately processed the first time! This is not their fault. This is entirely due to the constant funding cuts from one Government to the next. Here is why I have no faith whatsoever in any changes to the welfare system: New Zealand Governments are hardly famed for taking a long-term view, and it’s to our detriment.

I suppose one of the best things about this problem is every single welfare recipient can help make New Zealand a better place. Research possible training or assistance and ask to receive it, remain empowered to change your life for the better, and stop wasting the Government’s time. Nothing is more frustrating than sitting on the phone for hours to be told that your benefit still hasn’t been processed, so don’t be the reason for holdups. Many applicants will provide insufficient information on their application, or insufficient evidence, and WINZ is simply too underfunded to

}

chase applicants for this information. The moment that you apply, you are expected to do everything in your power to get the benefit approved. You have to provide documents as soon as possible, and chase WINZ at every turn in order to be entitled to any backpay.

It is hard to see a benefit as a lifestyle choice when the standard of living one can afford is so low, but if one becomes accustomed to having little constructive to do during the day, one will likely remain in such a position. Aim to be as productive as possible, whether this involves working for money or not. While there seem to be a number of programs to help people into paid work, these schemes’ successes pale in comparison to their failures. The WWG’s concerns centre around the “few incentives and little support for too many welfare dependent people to move into paid work”, with concern for the large numbers of individuals on welfare who seem unable to fill job vacancies at all skill levels in New Zealand as a whole. You have to support yourself, and if you can’t do so, address why whenever possible, and ask for help.

A large concern for me in this respect is the issue of cultural barriers. While some feel ‘cultural difference’ is a meaningless concept regularly thrown around, the figures for reliance on welfare relative to ethnicity are disturbingly disproportionate. Government statistics indicate 31 per cent of Maori are on some type of benefit, despite making up about 14 per cent of the population. 44 per cent of Domestic Purposes beneficiaries (beneficiaries with a child or children, looking after disabled or elderly family) are Maori.

The WWG has recommended a complete overhaul of Governmental support for Maori-focused incentives to ensure that Maori are supported and empowered to work productively in any industry. The welfare and schooling system seems unable to curb long-term dependency on benefits in Maori communities. As a result, disproportionate numbers of Maori children are not only growing up in poverty, but also seeing benefit dependency as the norm, maintaining an intergenerational reliance. The future of Maori success, again, unfortunately lies with funding the programs recommended by the WWG. If programmes supporting Maori to be productive members of society are not put in place, the standard of living for Maori as an entire ethnicity will be far below the rest of society, and the cycle of poverty will continue for Maori children.

The WWG only released its final report in February 2011, with a conclusion which recommended a complete overhaul of the entire welfare system. The exhaustive report is yet to be actioned, although John Key has indicated that many recommendations will be taken on board. We need to watch this space to hold our Government accountable for helping the most vulnerable members of society instead of simply cutting their assistance to make room in the budget. Nothing inadequately funded will work and perhaps this is the lesson we will learn, should we expensively overhaul the welfare system then leave it to stagnate.

}

“I’m having another baby instead. I can’t go back to work, it’s too different from what I’m used to now”

While there seem to be a number of programs to help people into paid work, these schemes’ successes pale in comparison to their failures

*

salient.org.nz

24

Salient Vol. 74

o-Head: t d a e H A WS VU

e r a f l e W e h T State? e it,

there exist myriad ways to be unequal, there are good reasons to redistribute wealth rather than beauty, intelligence, or other such manifestations of luck.

Meritocracy is an idea that celebrates the ingenuity of the human spirit: it suggests that perseverance and courage can elevate and reward the individual. Unfortunately, we do not live in a meritocracy. Monstrous accumulations of wealth and an entrenched nepotistic class structure prevent many from ever achieving according to the quality of their character. This is one way that inequality transcends the figures on one’s bank statement.

Zealand Inequitable access to resources prevent us from th century, the New ed rly 20 ose who ne Since the ea finding and rewarding genuine talent and dedication. fety net’ for th ‘sa a ed id e ov th s pr y? And is it om on Government ha We demand that people ‘pull themselves up by their ec r ou g bers of this affectin ked two mem as it—but how is bootstraps’, all the while blind to the reality that nt lie Sa e s? th r resource o-head over best use of ou so many don’t even have bootstraps to begin with. ec to go head-t ex l e ra th ne ys ge SA Emanuel sa er sh the 2011 VUW We deceive ourselves if we believe meritocracy can A ) re fa g l to makin esident (Wel and is essentia issue. Vice-Pr flourish without access. It is in this regard that the y, lit ua eq s l se increa ion) Danie welfare state redistribution of money can be reconciled with the t (Administrat en id es ly ib Pr ss eic po ;V ed, and is im w society better concept of individual achievement. If we expect fla lly ta en s fundam ting for?

Wilson says it’ you regret vo people to pursue prosperity, we should reduce any ill w ho W . is eve th placed to achi arbitrary barriers to their doing so.

When we speak of fundamental rights (an idea that’s kind of in fashion these days), the discussion is invariably predicated on the assumption that rights are worthy of equal vindication for Asher Emanuel all people, simply by dint of their Vice-President (Welfare), NZ humanity. Excessive inequality subverts this idea. Let us consider Champion Debater, Enjoys Bathing freedom of speech. Is it acceptable that superior economic resources e ought to aspire to create a community allow some individuals to have a where all have the opportunity to be more substantive right to freedom of happy and prosperous: a community speech, when both are fundamentally that shares in its successes as it does in its failings. human? Wealth disparities have the Not simply because collective wellbeing provides same effect on so many other rights. tangible benefits to us as individuals, but because A more equal distribution of wealth we owe one another a fundamental duty of care, one allows for such rights to be truly that arises from the opportunities and dedication we universal. have received from other people since the moment This is, by necessity, a question of our birth. To be human is to be connected with of degree. Do not misread me. others. That is a simple idea, but an important one.

Communism and its ilk are as inimical It is our relationships with others that define and to the human spirit as the excesses of unbridled capitalism. inform our characters, determine the courses of our Redistribution should seek to achieve fairness and equity, not rigid lives, and provide us with our emotional wellbeing. equality. Some degree of difference in wealth is healthy. It promotes To be human is to be a part of a compassionate a competitive and vital community. It fuels progress, acknowledges community. Excessive inequality in terms of income effort, and demands that we constantly strive to do better. But is anathema to such a vision. when the gap becomes so great that it cannot be bridged, we lose all Inequality is ineradicable. That much I must those qualities of a healthy community. In a society without class concede. There are many ways in which people mobility, hopelessness prevails. Envy displaces respect, and there can be unequal. Some are born more intelligent, can be no unity. some more beautiful, and others more wealthy.

The human spirit is sullied by oppressive inequality. This is not The different resources and characteristics we are an issue about which I can pretend to be coldly detached. It makes imbued with as individuals will, to some degree, me so fucking sad sometimes. People are not numbers: numbers be determinative of our happiness and prosperity should not define our lives. Money should work for all, rather in life. There are so many different resources of than for the few. Wealth in unequal concentrations will always this nature that it would be impossible to achieve tend towards oppression. It makes callous those who have it, and absolute equality. Indeed, it would be undesirable to excludes those that do not. Yet money distributed equitably has the achieve such a state even if it were feasible. Yet while

people hav Money: some r those who o F . ’t n o d le p o some pe lfare system. e w e th ’s e r e don’t, th

W W

Feature

Issue 10 Money

power to liberate. It affords people self-determination and voice. If we consider for a moment the true power of money, we might be slightly closer to achieving that compassionate community. Let us not pretend such goals are easily attained. If this kind of freedom were easy, we would all be free. This purpose demands more of us than that. We must do for others what has always been done for us: provide opportunity. We might then be worthy of calling ourselves human.

*

Daniel Wilson Vice-President (Administration), NZ Champion Public Speaker, Likes Google Reader

I

think most people would agree that the intentions of the welfare state are generally positive. People want to provide opportunities to others in society through the redistribution of funds from the well-off to those with low incomes.

The problem is the outcomes of this course of action are fundamentally harmful both to the people who pay high level of taxes, and those who are the beneficiaries of this money. The welfare state experiment has been running for 70 years. It is about time someone read the score on this. I want to explore why it is actually impossible to get the good outcomes that are promised to us by government policy.

There are two reasons why the welfare state is doomed to failure—one relates to the means it employs to get money, and the other relates to the incentives acting on those who administer it.

On the first level, the welfare state requires the state to do ‘good’ with other people’s money. But if the state needs other people’s money, it must first take it away from them. Supporting the welfare state is fundamentally supporting the notion that it is acceptable to commit acts of violence in order to take other people’s resources away from them. If you don’t believe that taxation is a coercive act, then realise that if you don’t pay it, you’ll go to jail. Equally, if you regard it as voluntary, ask yourself why you don’t voluntarily pay more tax than the state asks for.

Some of you will accept the moral argument made above, but many others of you are so used to forced extractions of your wealth that you won’t regard tax as requiring state violence and coercion. Regardless, you should be concerned with the practical consequences of the welfare state.

The second problem with the welfare state is that the incentives acting on politicians and bureaucrats undermine any moral goodness of the welfare state.

There are only four different ways to spend money.

You can spend your money on yourself. When you do

25

this, you’re very careful with what you spend it on, and you make sure that you get the most for your dollar. Think of your decision to buy a car or buy a house—you most certainly weigh up the costs and benefits of the decision.

You can spend your money on someone else, like giving a gift or taking people to dinner. You are careful that you don’t spend too much, but you don’t worry so much about what the other person is getting. Consider buying a gift for someone’s 21st. You tend to get a group of friends together to buy a bottle of spirits (not only do I give good gifts, but I’m also a great guy to have around at parties).

You don’t spend nearly as much attention on what you buy for other people compared with what you spend on yourself.

You can spend someone else’s money on yourself, like going out to lunch on an expense account with work, or a trophy wife (or husband) deciding if she (or he) needs more jewellery. You’re very careful to get good things for money, but you’re not worried about the cost.

Finally, you can spend someone else’s money on someone else, like what the government does. This form of spending combines the two most perverse incentives acting on people: you have little concern for the cost, as there is no direct cost on yourself. You have no need to try and get the best value for money because if you don’t, there’s no cost to you. Likewise, you won’t be anything like as careful as when you’re spending on yourself, as you don’t directly beneft—this means the goods or services provided won’t be the best they could be.

So the next time you look at a Not only do policy initiative of the state, see just how far away the outcomes are to the original intention of the authors.

I give good gifts, but I’m I struggle to think of a single example where even one year after the policy has been enacted the outcomes also a great haven’t been demonstrably harmful to the very guy to have people it’s trying to help. The reason for the failure is simple: the bureaucrats who are implementing around at these ideas are people, just like you and me. They parties fall into the same patterns we all do when spending.

Incentives matter, and there simply are not enough of the right incentives in play when the state spends your money; and so, policies fail.

This is the root cause of persistent Government failure. This explains why the Government spends money on trying to win sports events rather than helping the needy; it explains why when they try to help the needy, they end up trapping them in a set of incentives—high effective marginal tax rates—that keeps them poor. A lot of people think the Government has flaws, but assume that it is easy to change. It isn’t, because the incentives are all wrong.

And that’s why we should pretty much get rid of the welfare state.

}

*

salient.org.nz

Feature

26

Salient Vol. 74

Life as they know i Shilpa Bhim

As university students, we know how it feels to have to forego luxuries. Living on noodles and toast are the epitome of the ‘student lifestyle’. We often complain that we have too much month left at the end of our money. But imagine having just $2.25 a day for food.

Live Below the Line, an initiative of The Global Poverty Project, aims to show people what it really means to have to live on the bare necessities— something which 1.4 billion people around the world have to experience every day.

The Global Poverty Project (GPP) is an organisation that “seeks to invigorate the global movement to take effective concerted action on poverty”. The organisation aims to educate people through the 90-minute presentation 1.4 Billion Reasons, which looks at extreme poverty and how we can help to alleviate these circumstances. One of GPP’s most popular initiatives is Live Below The Line, which challenges people in developed countries to live on $2.25 of food per day, which is the threshold for extreme poverty, for five days. Live Below the Line is a chance for people to experience how 1.4 billion people around the world have to live for most, if not all, of their lives. The initiative also allows for participants to fundraise, with the proceeds going towards helping those living in extreme poverty. This year, during the week of August 22-26, Live Below the Line will take place in New Zealand for the first time ever.

The realities of life Below The Line • The Global Poverty Project is holding Live Below The Line in New Zealand from 22–26 August.

Sign up at www.globalpovertyproject.com/ pages/livebelowtheline • Participants will be challenged to feed themselves with just $2.25 NZD per day for five days, which is the equivalent of the extreme poverty line • For overseas participants, the amount varies ($1.50 USD, $2.00 AUD, £1 GBP) to reflect not only differences in currency, but also the cost of food in each country • The daily allowance only gives an impression of what it’s like to live below the extreme poverty line; those who do have the equivalent of $2.25 NZD per day to cover not only food, but also housing and transport • Think of Live Below The Line as a more critical version of the 40-Hour Famine: it’s about reducing your options, not going without food altogether • Participating in Live Below The Line will alter the way you think about food: instead of feeling guilty after a ‘treat’, or counting the calories of every meal, you’ll be focused on finding food that’s as filling, nutritious and tasty as you can afford • Accept that you’re going to be hungry, even if you’re budgeting for three meals plus snacks per day • Do Live Below The Line as part of a group and you can buy food in bulk: $22.50 will feed two people for five days much better than $11.25 will feed one • Don’t neglect your nutritional needs: just living on carbs might be cheap, but they won’t sustain you properly for five days • Look for cheap purchases such as onions that will add flavour to what are otherwise going to be pretty plain meals • Try going without meat for five days: eating vegetarian is much cheaper, and you’ll be able to afford better quality produce. Lentils are cheap and nutritious, especially when bought dry and in bulk, and take advantage of the fruit and vegetable markets held every Sunday on the corner of Vivian and Victoria Streets

27

Issue 10 Money

Having only $2.25 a day for food sounds extremely daunting, especially when it can cost 80 cents for an apple at the supermarket. But, with a positive attitude and some prior research, it is possible. d’Arcy Lunn, a presenter for GPP in Australia, is taking on the challenge for a month this year. “I’ve spent a lot of time in developing countries and appreciated the experience so much! Last year I could only do it for five days, but my compromise for only doing it for five days was to live on $1 AUD a day—as opposed to $2.25 a day.” d’Arcy believes that the longer you do Live Below the Line, the more you understand what those in developing countries have to go through. “It’s a fantastic tool that [you] can use in advocating and trying to get a perspective on people who live in extreme poverty.”

Like d’Arcy, the Australian Operations Manager Albert Benjamin is also participating in Live Below the Line for a month. He decided that doing it for a month would allow for a greater understanding of the challenges faced by 1.4 billion people around the world.

Live Below the Line also has a personal significance on Albert: “I’m half German, half Filipino. German side aside, the Philippines for me is a really great place to visit, but it’s also a place with a lot of poverty. It’s never been something that I’ve been able to connect with even though I’ve visited the Philippines. So for me this is a really good chance to try to connect with the situation, for me it’s much closer to home.”

While Live Below the Line is a challenge, both men recommend careful planning before actually participating. Albert believes that mental and physical preparation is the key to a smooth run. “I had to make sure I felt really comfortable taking the challenge, that I wasn’t coerced into it ... [Last year] I didn’t prepare myself physically, but I probably should have stopped eating as much 3 or 4 days prior.” d’Arcy made sure he did a big shop beforehand: “ I managed to shop very well at the markets, I bought up big and cooked up a massive pot ... I try to have the same meals as much as possible though, because that is the way that people eat in developing countries.”

An issue that comes up often in regards to Live Below the Line is the effect it can have on one’s health. “If

}

If anything, it puts me on a better diet than my usual one because I eat a lot of leftover bakery products … it has provided me with a bit of a cleanse

}

anything, it puts me on a better diet than my usual one because I eat a lot of leftover bakery products … it has provided me with a bit of a cleanse,” says d’Arcy. “I will have to do less riding and running though because I will lose weight.”

Albert also lost some weight, but both men assert that Live Below the Line is an experience and a challenge, not a diet! “I lost 8kg in that month, which is to be expected, if you’re still being as active as usual,” says Albert. “Because of the conditions, I wasn’t eating enough to maintain my weight. I wouldn’t recommend it as a weight loss technique; I lost a lot of muscle mass.

I wasn’t healing up as well, I’d get small cuts and they weren’t healing. I could tell that there is a health impact while you’re doing the challenge, especially when you do it for a month. But nothing that stuck with me afterwards.”

Besides a little bit of weight loss, neither d’Arcy nor Albert faced any ‘problems’ while participating in Live Below the Line. They agree that when participating, one has to try to not let the challenge impact on his/ her lifestyle too much. Doing the challenge with friends or family makes it less daunting, according to Albert. “Form a team of friends or family. As an individual it can be quite isolating being in a social setting and not having someone beside you who’s also doing it.”

It is also best to do a bulk shop before taking on the challenge in order to be able to purchase a variety of ingredients; “I wouldn’t recommend taking the challenge day by day—$2.25 a day is not much, you could buy maybe two or three ingredients. You won’t have much variety; if you buy for the week you can at least plan it out and buy more, and sort out nutrition.”

Having said that, it can make for a more interesting challenge if you do rough out day by day. d’Arcy is looking forward to challenging himself further this year by literally living on $2.25 a day. “I’ll be on the road while I’m participating and I can’t take food with me over the border so I will have to walk into a supermarket and just see what I can scrounge with my coins.”

Live Below the Line is a way to challenge yourself and experience how 1.4 billion people around the world have to live every day. It is not only a fundraiser, it is also a way to raise awareness and inspire others to do the same. Both d’Arcy and Albert found that when they told others about the challenge people would want to help out, either with donations or by taking on the challenge themselves. “For anyone who is to undertake this, it will not only help to change their perspective on life, but they will be a catalyst for everyone around them.”

Doing the challenge with friends or family makes it less daunting

*

If you are interested in participating in Live Below the Line, this year go to globalpovertyproject.com to register your interest. salient.org.nz

Feature

28

Salient Vol. 74

Seats for Sale Alex Braae

How much does a seat in Parliament cost?

It’s an important question, as a decent chunk of the money spent is tax money allocated to parties in election year. Funnily enough, the answer seems to have a lot to do with the political landscape in the given year. Take a look at these tables, compiled of data from elections.org.nz; they have all the numbers you need.

Total Election Spending ($) Party

1996

1999

2002

2005

2008

ACT

1,653,169

657,889

1,625,558

1,375,743

1,375,558

Alliance

558,059

Green Labour

843,480

744,711

115,234

46,911

31,798

235,918

598,105

834,616

1,748,887

1,038,506

1,474,797

4,633,162

3,989,761

Maori

372,032

518,325

National

1,426,067

2,139,989

1,052,396

3,027,980

4,059,702

NZ First

858,255

108,316

301,044

623,834

1,165,939

271,307

318,297

296,084

49,120

53,039

93,556

311,203

294,301

Party

1996

1999

2002

2005

2008

ACT

8

9

9

2

5

Alliance

13

10

0

0

0

7

9

6

9

37

49

52

50

43

4

5

National

44

39

27

48

58

NZ First

17

5

13

7

0

2

1

1

8

3

1

Progressive United

Seats Won

Green Labour Maori

Progressive United

1

1

Cost per seat ($) (Brackets denotes no seats won) Party ACT Alliance

1996

1999

2002

2005

2008

206,646

73,098

180,617

687,871

275,111

42,927

Green Labour

22,553

74,471

(115,234)

(46,911)

(31,798)

33,702

66,456

139,102

194,320

21,194

28,361

Maori

92,663

92,785

93,008

103,665

National

32410

54,871

38,997

63,082

69,994

NZ First

50,485

21,663

23,157

89,119

(1,165,939)

135,653

318,297

296,084

49,120

53,039

11,694

103,734

294,301

Progressive United

So what are we seeing here?

Firstly, Labour and National are on average spending the least per seat, but no surprises there—as the major parties, they harvest votes based on the fact that one of them will be in Government. But looking closer, a trend emerges—whilst the party that gets seats cheaper doesn’t always become government, they will often emerge as long-term political winners.

}

Think back to ’96, when Labour was resurrected from the defections and irrelevancy of the early ’90s. Winston Peters kept everyone waiting for weeks trying to decide which party to enter into a coalition with. He picked National, they became the government, and what a mess that was. The coalition collapsed after a New Zealand First schism, and National barely hung on after the Jenny Shipley leadership coup.

In 1999 and 2002, Labour were wildly popular by comparison, and the cheapness of their seats reflected this. Also, National’s total spending dropped off considerably, suggesting the corporate backers were hesitant to back such a doomed ship. This wasn’t the case in 2005, when Brash was in charge of National; he made Labour pay dearly for their win, with both parties tripling their total spending.

The writing was on the wall for Labour though— they had to swallow the dead rat this time and get Winston into their government. They became so unpopular on their own that all All John Key John Key had to do was grin lots had to do was to win in 2008, which is again reflected in the numbers. grin lots to The trends shown by the win in 2008, minor parties are much harder which is again to pin down, in part because of the wide range of electoral aims reflected in the numbers and cash to spend. For a party that trumpets spending cuts and efficiency as primary goals, ACT spends a ludicrous amount per seat, and this is unlikely to change now that big-money Brash is back.

The costs of winning a seat also tend to blow out completely when a party becomes a one-man band, in the case of the Progressives or United. The Maori Party can get away with not spending much as they have so far only been competitive in the Maori electorates; they are barely even campaigning for a party vote. The Greens, meanwhile, have never really been able to translate spending more into more seats, possibly because of the somewhat niche nature of green politics.

Lastly, NZ First have had good years and bad years, with ’99 and ’02 being especially lean campaigns.

A possible reason for this is leader Winston Peters’ preferred style of electioneering, which is much more based around speaking to crowds than running expensive media campaigns. It will be interesting to see if Hone Harawira’s new Mana Party picks up this mantle, as they are unlikely to find many wealthy backers.

So what does it all mean? Clearly, winning an election is about more than simply outspending your rivals—though there are examples of this tactic working, such as when the Progressives beat the Alliance on the left wing in 2002. However, there are a lot more factors at play. Had Labour outspent National in 2008 they’d probably still have lost, and in 2002 no amount of money could have salvaged National’s chances. So, to answer the original question, how much does a seat cost? It depends, but if your seats cost less than your rivals, you must be doing something right.

*

Feature

30

Salient Vol. 74

Robert Mitchell

The Other Student Debt

Credit cards, hire purchase, and personal loans. These types of debt have become more commonplace and acceptable in the last 20 years.

Stuff.co.nz reported in 2010 that Kiwis owe more than $12.7 billion in personal debt: $5.2 billion in credit card debt, $3.8 billion in hire purchase schemes and store cards, and $3.6 billion in other types of loans. This averages out at $4,400 per Kiwi adult—not including mortgages or student loans.

Why is it so acceptable to borrow money? One reason is because your debt benefits banks, credit card companies, and loan providers: it’s in their best interests to normalise debt. We are part of a generation that thinks it’s normal to come out of university owing thousands of dollars. Furthermore, the increase in online shopping has meant that credit cards are being used more and more. People are impatient: we want the latest version of the iPad, iPhone, etc., but we can’t afford it, and so we turn to our old friend debt.

Most of us find it difficult to stick to the strict budget needed to pay off a loan or a credit card. The best thing to do is to avoid getting into debt in the first place. Don’t mistake a want for a need, and try saving up for big purchases. If you really can’t avoid getting into debt, here’s some info on how to deal with it.

Credit cards

Credit cards are cards that allow you to buy stuff with money you don’t have with the promise that you will pay the money back. If you don’t pay your credit card debt back at the end of the interest-free period, you will incur fees and start paying a very high rate of interest on your debt. If you don’t think that this is a big deal consider this: Stuff.co.nz reported in 2009 that New Zealanders owed just under $3.5 billion in interest-bearing debt on our credit cards. If this amount remained stable, credit card companies would have collected $700 million for that year.

Spending

If you don’t think you can pay off your credit card at the end of every month, or you’re a compulsive spender, don’t get into credit card debt as you will start paying interest. If you have to buy something, use one of the online credit card calculators to work out the interest you will have to pay.

Overseas purchase costs

Looking at taking an OE? Gonna wow some foreigners with your sexy Kiwi accent? Well, if you’re looking to use your credit card, consider the fees involved: the currency conversion fee (which you will probably have to pay if you go to a money exchanger anyway), and the fee charged by MasterCard, Visa or American Express.

Avoid temptation

If you’re going to hit the town tonight, leave your card at home. Enough said.

Hire purchase

Hire purchase is a situation where you buy something, say, a TV, with a loan using the TV as security for the loan. You’ll usually make a deposit on the loan, and it will start receiving interest. Some loans will not require deposits, and may have an interest-free period, but make sure you have a plan to pay the debt off. Once you have purchased your TV, you will get a ‘conditional purchase agreement’. Unless you want to get screwed by the fine print, read it before you sign it.

Personal Finance

If you need a loan, try your bank first. If they are not willing to lend to you, perhaps you shouldn’t be borrowing. You can get free debt counselling from your local Budget Advice Service, or check out Student Hardship if you’re borrowing money for household basics.

Personal finance loans usually have high interest rates. If you really need the cash make sure you calculate the total amount you will be paying back over time, rather than the weekly amount—the total usually ends up being very high. Make sure you check out insurance costs, fees, and charges when signing up, as failure to pay in time may result in further fees. Shop around for a good interest rate: make sure it is fixed and not subject to sudden change. Be aware of when your payments are due, and make sure you have the money to cover them.

Know the risks of borrowing from lenders who take security in all your personal property. If you get behind in payments, they could claim the right to take all of your household goods. Try not to borrow more to refinance a debt. Talk to your lender instead about ways of reducing the interest on your existing loans. Finally, avoid acting as a guarantor for other people’s loans, as if they don’t pay, you will have to.

Help

*

If this isn’t enough you can check out the following places for advice and information: Consumer.org.nz Familybudgeting.org.nz Sorted.orgThe Stuff.co.nz blog ‘Lady in the Red’ The Wellington Citizens Advice Bureau offices on Victoria Street, Aro Street and Karori Road The Ministry of Consumer Affairs’ website has a section on credit card debt

Living on a Budget.

It’s Tough.

Vida McCord

Despite my best efforts at being sensible with money, I do a damn good job at buying everything from X to Y and sometimes even Z. All of you casual spenders out there—I feel your agony, so I’m going to share a few tips that are easy enough for anyone to get in the habit of doing. Why not give these a go?

Feature

Issue 10 Money

31

• Each week, withdraw in cash the amount of money you’ll need. Stick to this budget. It’s way too easy to swipe the EFTPOS card and forget what you’re wasting your money on. By having cash in your wallet each week, you can see what you have to limit yourself to.

• Alcohol. Keep it cheap, whether it be DouBros, Cindy’s or Brenner. It’s there; it’s cheap. For those of you who consider yourself a little above dirt-cheap drinks, try brewing your own beer at home [Eds’ note: check out salient.org.nz /columns/brewingbeer-at-home for a brew that will cost you about $2.40 per litre!]. Don’t like beer? Make cider! And there is such a thing as an $8 sav.

Avoid drinks in town or at restaurants. These places make a killing off alcohol. Alternatively, just take enough cash for one drink. It’s always a good idea at the time to blow your taxi money on a round of shouts—until you realise you’ve got a 40-minute walk home in the dark.

• Trying to eat off 80 cents? Two words: Mi Goreng. You can also live pretty cheaply off eggs, bread, pasta and rice.

• Kick the bottled water habit—it’s a waste of money. The water we have in New Zealand is perfectly fine to drink. Instead of buying a new Mizone every day (guilty), take a bottle that you can fill up at uni. And as for those of you who “must have three coffees a day to survive”, you’re only addicted to caffeine because you feed your addiction. There is a brighter path!

• Avoid shopping trips: they’re one of the toughest bridges to cross. And if you can’t avoid them, listen to the sensible voice inside your head (probably that of your mother): “Do you need this, or do you just want it?” Enough said.

• Avoid taking your car places, and you’ll save on petrol and parking fees. And if your destination is within walking distance, avoid public transport and save your pennies. Walk, run, skate, rollerblade and get some fresh air instead! The hills of Wellington are nasty to think of, but you always feel great after conquering them.

Kiwibank’s free personal finance management service heaps.co.nz pulls together your transactions from across your bank accounts, no matter who you bank with, and helps you sort them into categories. You can then set realistic spending targets, and identify and manage goals!

Kiwibank’s Tertiary Pack offers a Visa Debit card which allows you to buy things online, over the phone or overseas—and unlike a credit card, it uses your own money, meaning you have less risk of getting into debt. For more information, check out kiwibank.co.nz or call 0800 226 453!

• Save your change! Don’t tip, don’t use vending machines, don’t gamble. Don’t spend your coins just because they’re there— instead, put them in a jar. I’ve saved $300 this way!

• Avoid overseas websites for buying clothing. Shipping is a bitch (Topshop ships to New Zealand at a flat rate of $18.80), and the clothes are often way overpriced. Browsing online for clothes when bored is a bad habit to get into. Yes, there’s a slight pressure to keep up with the fashionable set of Wellington, but don’t impulse buy online, even on Trade Me. You don’t even know if those $150 pants will fit properly!

• Don’t buy snacks. You might lose weight, but you won’t lose money!

• As my Mum always told me, “Make the most of free stuff”, be it the sample food given at supermarkets or all the free stuff that VUWSA has on offer. Check out their website—they’ve got free bread, club memberships, free bus passes, food banks and flu shots. Make the most of it! salient.org.nz

32

Salient Vol. 74

Surviving Socrates Conrad Reyners

The hardest I’ve ever studied was for my first-year law exams.

Case and statute law—those two crucial courses—really tested my studious limits. Thankfully, the mental exertion paid off, and I was lucky enough to further discover the mysteries of law school, but the entire experience was a fairly traumatic one.

In fact, it’s one of the most stressful things you can study.

Medical students at Otago grumble about late-night study sessions, but at least they get to try morphine (seriously, a friend of mine spaced out during her residency). Law school stress is more readily known about, and more obvious.

In fact, it’s attracted a considerable amount of academic comment.

A study published in the Willamette Law Review found that within months of entering law school, some students had begun to display symptoms of extreme stress, such as sleep deprivation, self-harm, depression, anxiety, obsessive self-doubt, and feelings about losses of personal and emotional control. The study was primarily concerned with overseas law schools, but the style of legal education practiced there does not markedly differ from our own. And that’s worrying.

Let’s be clear: this column is not a bitch-fest about how hard law students have to work, or how environmentally unfriendly the average reading list is. We did, after all,

sign up for this. Instead, it’s a discussion about why law is so stressful. What is it about legal education that causes so many aspiring lawyers to work hard and stress harder?

Perhaps an answer can be found in the way law is taught.

Rumours abound about the humiliation and suffering wrought by lecturers on students using the Socratic Method. In reality, the technique is more awkward than it is agonising. I’m generally a supporter of the Socratic Method, but more out of custom than by any serious reflection on how appropriate the approach is for the teaching of complicated ideas. Communication is vital to legal learning, but the best classes I’ve ever taken were the ones where debate and discussion was spontaneous, not forced. While the method is sure to make some students do their readings and offer opinions, it’s also been known to make people hide under their desks. It undoubtedly contributes to students’ stress and is anecdotally one of the largest determinants of anxiety in many of the academic articles that comment on this issue.

This by itself is a good enough reason to inquire as to whether or not the Socratic Method should be used to teach law school subjects. Graduating with an LLB and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder isn’t going to make employment interviews any easier. Furthermore, continued cohorts of legal professionals who have been forced to run the stressinducing gauntlet of law school will not be particularly useful in modernising the industry or pushing it forward in creative, innovative directions.

Maybe it’s time for law faculties around the country to ponder this issue. The Socratic Method is not set in stone; some famous law schools shy away from it. Other approaches such as the Gutenberg Method offer alternatives that should be considered. But the broader issue of how law school institutionally deals with (or inadvertently promotes) stressful learning experiences is a topic worthy of more investigation.

It should not be forgotten that law is a trade. It’s a professional disciple. Lawyers in practice need to rely as much on the strength of their relationships as they do on the strength of their knowledge. Perhaps it’s time for legal education to be more aware of that fact.

st e b � s d ' n a l a e Z New�

job! holiday� summer�

Do you love a challenge, workk hard and want to make the most of an amazing Theen selling Christmas Cookies is for you! summer job opportunity? Then

Learn about running your own ow wn business, have fantastic earning potential,, and be well rewarded! Positions are available in towns and cities across New Zealand for the seven weeks leading up to Christmas.

*

come� and�vi sit�us the�c �at areer s�fair � : Thurs day�i9� M 2pm�on ay,�ii am �The� �-� O v e rbridg Kelbur e,� n�Camp us.� For� more� info,� to�sj head� s�or� c heck� www. o ut: cookie time.c o.nz

Columns

Issue 10 Money

How to Boost Your Mood John Gregson In an article two weeks ago I wrote about understanding our moods. This time I will discuss strategies to boost mood.

Using these strategies can have a whole host of benefits, including greater enjoyment, energy and enthusiasm, better concentration, and less tension and sadness.

These strategies aren’t a panacea, and may not be enough by themselves if you have some major life difficulties or significant mental illness going on. Sometimes you may need some other help too, but even then keeping these strategies going will make getting out of a tough place easier.

Many of these ideas seem obvious, and may have been suggested to you by friends, family or professionals. That’s because they work; the trick is to do them often enough.

Healthy diet

Diet is complicated, so I’m going to devote a whole column to it later in the year. To briefly summarise: regularly eating good food improves mental health.

Exercise

It’s true: exercise is good for you. Any type of exercise: it doesn’t have to be very energetic; you don’t need to join a gym. Aerobic exercise seems even better than anaerobic, but if pushing weights is your thing, you’ll still be boosting your mental health.

Good sleep

Obvious, boring and true. Missing sleep matters. Even sleeping at a different time to that your body is used to can affect your mood and learning ability. Keep the late nights to a minimum, and give your body catch up time (early nights work better than sleeping in). There are tips on getting good sleep on the Counselling Service’s website.

Limit alcohol/drugs

Alcohol is a depressant! It and many other drugs make us feel better in the shortterm, but have adverse long-term effects. There are pressures on students to drink far more than is healthy. For most people, drinking “moderately” isn’t a big deal.

Unfortunately “moderately” is much less than many students consume. The Alcohol Advisory Council suggests a maximum of 21 standard drinks (for men) and 14 standard drinks (for women) a week. It also advises alcohol-free days and no more than six (for men) and four (for women) standard drinks per drinking occasion.

Social time

Humans are social animals. Keep contact with the people you care about and enjoy time with when you’re unhappy. Talking about what’s troubling you with the right people can help you work out solutions, and feel connected and understood when there aren’t solutions to be found.

Pleasure scheduling

Have things to look forward to. You need small breaks from study, but it’s important life doesn’t feel like a grind. Plan something to look forward to each day, week and vacation.

Sunshine

This is particularly important as winter approaches: many of us are susceptible to getting down in the darker months. Try to spend time outside, especially on nice days in the morning and middle of the day.

You can combine these strategies as you like. How about planning to walk and chat with a good friend while eating a healthy sandwich?

*

Student Counselling Service 463 5310

R E E R A C GREAT AY P T A E R G L O R T N TAKE CO Trainee Air Traffic Controllers

For great money and a great life text SALIENT to 515 or visit

www.airways.co.nz/atccareers

Not sure what you’re going to be once Uni’s all over? Don’t start out with some boring job… get straight into a career as an Air Traffic Controller! Training only takes around 12 months, and once you’re qualified you’ll be earning over seventy grand a year! You’ll get heaps of leave… and have a qualification that’s internationally recognized and a professional career in one of the world’s fastest growing industries!

to see if you’ve got what it takes.

AWVU2011

33

Columns

34

Salient Vol. 74

Cheesed Off: The Dixon Street Deli Edition ally garrett Photo by Pauline Autet

with counter food. I barely had to wait in line, despite coming at corporate feeding hour. Ladies and gentlemen, I think the cheese gods may have smiled down upon us. From the get go, this salad had my unfeta’ed attention.

The Suspect: Dixon Street Deli Greek

Salad

Oh look! It’s that time again. Time for me to talk about cheese!

Cost: $10.50 for a medium portion. ($7.50 for small, $13 for large)

Regular readers know the drill: I buy a salad, I eat it and then I write about it. For the uninitiated, let me just say that I really love cheese. My favourite actress is Nicolby Kidman. My favourite play is Cheddar Gabler. My favourite rapper is the Notorious Brie-I-G. My favourite feminist theorist is Germaine Gruyere.

My favourite band is definitely the Kings of Brieon. Or maybe the Bee Cheese? Or even the Gruyere Yeah Yeahs? Hrm, no it’s ricotta be The Beatles for their rousing sing-along Let It Brie. There are some things though, that I can’t just let brie.

One of those things is a feta salad without enough feta, a common problem amongst Wellington’s many food outlets. Thus, the Feta Salad Comparative Study continues.

I eat the shitty, sub-par(mesan) salads so you don’t have to.

This week the search takes me to Dixon Street Deli which, surprisingly, is on Dixon Street. Don’t let its location beside Le Casa Pasta fool you—Dixon Street Deli is a classy place. I popped in on Monday lunchtime and various well-dressed children were sprawling over the glossy wooden chairs with their equally well-dressed parents. If the BNZ Food Court is helloumi, this place must be the Pearly Goats (Cheese). The staff were friendly. The cabinet was well stocked

298g

The Feta Weighs: 42g The Rest of the Salad Weighs: Prosecution: I don’t really have

much to say, your honour. This is the most expensive salad that I have looked at so far, but it’s also the heaviest. And the nicest. Also, um, I don’t like green capsicums?

Defence: This is a Greek salad that

Alexander the Great could be proud of.

Hell, I’m sure that well into my future career as Alexandra the Grate: Cheese Reviewer Extraordinaire, I will still think wistfully back on my Dixon Street Deli experience as a real bar-setter. This salad is so good that it is turning me into a food writer: Great doorstops of feta nestle beside juicy round cherry tomatoes, crisp wedges of cucumber and plump, tangy olives. The dish has bags of flavour: fresh, soft basil leaves complement the dried oregano in the rich but simple olive oil dressing. I would have licked the plate, had I had one. Instead I just awkwardly ran my finger round the plastic container, thinking to myself ‘I gouda get another one of these’.

Verdict: Not even slightly guilty. This salad is delicious. With salads this good, Dixon Street Deli should be laughing all the way to the bank. Hahahavarti.

*

Lending Money to Friends Auntie Sharon

When I was just a wee thing of 17, I took out my first student loan. They were the golden days when all you had to do was dial a number, tell them how much you needed, and it would be promptly delivered to your bank account no questions asked.

There was a dude. Let’s call him Richard. That was his name. I had a ridiculous crush on him, so when he asked to borrow some money, I just said: “Sure, how much?”. I drew down $300 on my student loan and forked it over to said crush. He made a cursory effort to pay me back, once handing me $20 with that boyish grin of his and promising I’d see the rest next dole day. That never happened, of course.

And I know for a fact the money went on cigarettes, weed, porn and ‘art supplies’.

The moral of the story is not that you shouldn’t lend friends money.

People say that, but I don’t think it’s as simple as that. I think the advice should really be: Feel free to lend friends money, just don’t expect to see

35

Issue 10 Money

constance cravings it again. It’s not the money that’s the problem, but the expectation it will be paid back, and then the disappointment when it’s not, and then the resulting resentment that impacts on the friendship.

That’s not to say you should have a lend-to-any-friend, no-questions-asked policy—that would just be foolish. But you can make some smart decisions about who to give to. There are some friends you see buying everyone rounds on pay day

}

Feel free to lend friends money, just don’t expect to see it again and new books/clothes/music before they’ve paid rent, and who would happily ask anyone, even acquaintances, for a spare $20 because they’ve run out of money again. They’re the ones to avoid lending money to. But the friends you have known a long time, are pretty sensible with money, and who wouldn’t be asking unless they were desperate, are okay to lend to. Think of it like Christmas—do you buy that friend a Christmas present? No? Then why would you give them $60?

Give money as a gift, not a loan. If you get it back, awesome; if you don’t, hopefully you’ll feel like you’ve done a good friend a kindness.

*

Got a sex question? Want to ask anonymously and see it in Salient? Go to askconstance.com for your hard-earned 15 minutes of faceless, pantsless fame.

I’m a 20-year-old girl and when I masturbate I sometimes fantasise about getting with an older man, say in his 40s, and I love getting off to “older man with a younger girl” porn. I like the idea of him being really stoked to be sleeping with me because I’m that much younger.

The guys in the porn usually aren’t even attractive in the slightest— and when I see men who look like them in real life, I’m repulsed at the thought of sleeping with them. In fact, I’m never interested in getting with a guy in real life if he looks older than 25! What’s with that?

Is it normal to be turned on by something in my imagination that the thought of actually acting out repulses me?

Yeah, it’s totally normal. Fantasies can be really fucked up (though this isn’t), and a lot of people know deep down that they’d never really want to act on them in real life.

In my humble opinion, I think that fantasies are usually representations of a desire for something more complex than on the surface. For instance, at face value your fantasy is for older dudes. But if you dig a bit deeper, what you really get off on is that the ugly older dudes love how young and hot you are and they’re really turned on by being with you.

And that’s what you like the most. The fact that they’re ugly older dudes is just because it’s an effective representation of people who’d be really stoked to fuck you, and make you feel young and pretty.

Subconscious win.

Getting off on feeling like you’re God’s gift to someone and they’re super fucking into it, is a really harmless fantasy. Don’t be grossed out when

you try and imagine it happening with a real-life older dude, because trying to apply something which is your personal, safe, sexy, controlled-entirely-by-you scenario to Guy Next To You On The Bus, is never going to turn you on.

In real life, of course you find certain people attractive, and that’s totally separate from the fantasy you’ve concocted (which perfectly embodies your desire to be desired).

Some unattractive older dude you see in real life doesn’t embody that. He embodies an unattractive older dude. So of course you’re repulsed.

I think (non-problematic) fantasies in all forms can sometimes be realised in real life, but that shouldn’t be a goal. The beauty of fantasies is that they’re all yours, malleable, and totally safe. If you were to find a silver fox 45-year-old who was really fucking keen on you, you might go for it. Or, you might think that actually, you’re not as into it as you thought you were, and it’s better in your brain.

Another example is the one woman with two dudes fantasy. It’s sexy, there’s two guys into you at once so you have double the desire, and you also get to be an exhibitionist and have one dude watch while you do your thang with the other. However, in real life, let’s be honest:

• The likelihood of it being less sexy and about you, and more about the dudes feeling like they’re featuring in Stifler Goes Wild: American Pie 139—high.

• The likelihood a spitroast is really hard to navigate, and the person thrusting from the back totally fucks up your rhythm with the blowjob—high.

• Potential for overwhelmed-one-more-

penis-than-I’m-used-to feelings—high.

• Risk that one party will feel left out

because unless you’ve done your research threesome positions don’t always lend themselves to everyone being included at all times—also high.

So sometimes scenario fantasies are best left as fantasies. No doubt there will be readers out there with totally successful MMF threesome encounters, but you get my real-life-hesitancy drift.

Sometimes fantasies can happen in real life, be really sexy, and provide the best ever ‘never have I ever’ story for drinking games.

Other times that dirty-talk fantasy turned out to be a disaster because you laughed your ass off at your girlfriend when she tried it.

Because turns out things work differently in real life sometimes. And that’s why they can be better to stay in your head.

*

salient.org.nz

36

Salient Vol. 74

Theatre

It’s Only MakeBelieve

You Ain’t Seen Nothing Yeti Lori Leigh

When I remember the Claymation Christmas television specials of my youth, there is one that clearly stands out: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

Louise Burston

Have you been seeing elephants lately? You know, little origami ones in cafes, on posters around town and maybe you’ve spotted people walking around wearing elephant masks? What does it all mean?

Oh, nothing much. Just that Death and the Dreamlife of Elephants, part dream, part reality, part magicrealism, part film-noir and wholly multi-award winning, is back and already happening all around you. This production enchanted audiences at BATS in 2010 and promises to deliver an equally compelling experience during its season at Downstage. You can explore the world of the play by heading to deathandthedreamlifeofelephants.com and befriending the characters on Facebook. Death and the Dreamlife of Elephants is “a story, a fiction, a lie created for your entertainment... but it’s all true” and explores the boundaries between reality and make-believe with incredible innovation.

*

e and th Death f Elephants life o Dream g

d Do Isolate lightly S A y B heatre stage T n w o D At ne – 04 Ju 13 May Tuesday – m (6.30p nesday, day) Wed – Satur ursday h T m 8p ts

n

r stude

$25 fo

}

This is not because of the cuddly little flying reindeer with the shiny flashing nose, but because this was my introduction to the gigantic white furry creature known as the Abominable Snowman, or in indigenous terms, the Yeti. It is this folkloric animal which is conjured by Natalie Medlock to become the protagonist in her self-written (along with Dan Musgrove and Thomas Sainsbury) piece Dan is Dead / I am a Yeti, as part of the New Zealand International Comedy Festival.

Yeti, as the character is called throughout, is a creative writer who flats in a bedsit with newlyweds Tom (Thomas Sainsbury) and Yvette (Yvette Parsons). Depressive Tom, an unsuccessful scriptwriter, Yeti sells her works at JB Hi-Fi “lowering the entire store’s morale”, as his screenplay to Warner Brothers supervisor puts it. Yvette, his perky wife, is employed at the Film Commission theme park Rainbow’s End and New Zealand, considers Yeti her best friend.

When the story begins, Yeti is plunging Tom unemployed, spending her days even deeper in her nest fortress (a cardboard into his world of box), shitting on the furniture depression and and floor, eating jellymeat out of a can, and of course, writing fanatical Star the screenplay of her life. When Wars watching Tom forces Yeti to get a job in one day, Yeti sells her screenplay to Warner Brothers Film Commission New Zealand, plunging Tom even deeper into his world of depression and fanatical Star Wars watching. Yeti, on the other hand, is in love and lust with Tom, and uses her favourite movie, Fatal Attraction, to scheme.

If this sounds absolutely preposterous, it is; but it is this very absurdity and ridiculousness that makes the show a comedic success. This show has something for everyone. It is packed with wit: endless puns and malapropisms (“I’ve hit sock bottom” and “A hairy tale come true”) and physical comedy: Yvette giving Tom an intense facial massage distorting his features in every way possible springs to mind, topical and local humour, dark humour, topless flashing, exceedingly tight yellow pants, and if none of these things tickle you then surely a woman dressed in a big white fuzzy

rts

Visual A

The Arts

Issue 10 Money

37

The Art of Science The New Zealand Portrait Gallery 31 March to 22 May Sally Anderson animal suit with a unibrow making Chewbacca-like mating calls will. Above all, exceptional character-driven comedy reigns in the piece. Natalie Medlock brilliantly remains Yeti throughout, but her supporting cast of Thomas Sainsbury and Yvette Parsons seamlessly switch between an array of characters ranging from Sir Edmund Hillary to Dave Dobbyn to Chairman Mao. Hillaryous.

The piece could probably use some editing as at almost an hour long it perhaps stretches the material a bit thin, especially in the middle sections. This tightening would generally help with timing and tempo—key factors in comedy.

Also at moments, the show resorts to ‘inside jokes’ about such things as the Auckland theatre scene or the actors’ offstage lives (thus the enigmatic co-title Dan is Dead), which seems a bit selfish and restrictive towards a general public Wellington audience. Theatre should be about sharing, not exclusivity.

Despite these criticisms, I really enjoyed Dan is Dead / I am a Yeti and found myself roaring with laughter throughout.

Silliness aside, I think the show does strike a chord of serious meaning. Maybe it is that we all probably feel like we’re a mythic animal sometimes. We may or may not exist, sometimes far from home and misunderstood, yearning for someone to love us, or maybe just let us shit where we please.

If you were inspired by last week’s exploration of science by the Salient team then the New Zealand Portrait Gallery has an exhibition that will fascinate you, right down to your DNA. The Art of Science calls upon the stores of the Royal Society of New Zealand to present an exhibition that shows some of New Zealand’s most important scientific figures. The collection is largely made up of leaders of the Royal Society but also includes other portraits of notable scientists. Some of these works are by noted New Zealand artists, such as Bill Sutton, Garth Tapper and Valerie Beere. This is also a great opportunity to There is something widen the profile of the Royal Society to a larger public audience. quite charming My favourite piece in the collection has about seeing a a strong link with Victoria University. The Nobel prize winner portrait of Alan MacDiarmid, by Marianne wearing a bright, Muggeridge, 2002, is one full of character and life. There is something quite charming about patterned shirt seeing a Nobel prize winner wearing a bright, patterned shirt. Alongside the work are replicas of his Nobel prizes and an actual science schoolbook that the belonged to the young MacDiarmid in 1939.

Above all else, a great reason to see this exhibition is to see the portrayal of Sir Peter Gluckman. Here the idea of a portrait is taken a step further where the viewer is presented with a view of Gluckman’s DNA, reproduced as art. It is one of the first of its kind to be showed in New Zealand and it is certainly a fascinating take on the traditional portrait.

So try to get along to this exhibition at the New Zealand Portrait Gallery in Shed 11 on the waterfront. Even if you do not normally have a great appreciation for art, the collection is an important part of our history and not to be missed.

}

*

*

Dan is D ead / I am a Y eti

By Nata li

e Medlo

May 10 – 14 at BATS

ck

salient.org.nz

38

Salient Vol. 74

Books

Money Fairooz Samy

e..th.e 1990s and m e t o ’t qu oster child of al: “If you

Doy Rnobbins, selfa-bhoemlpinp able Shaullcoawn.”H Ton st yo r the you mu vice fo plot de must, and if ou can’t y

Self-help books are about making money. For the scammers authors, that is.

As a tribute to the worst motivational and get-richquick wastes of trees, we took to Twitter and scouted out...

5 Top

Self-help books never made

@Juniperjenny: Make Yourself Ironic!: From Redneck to Hipster in Five Easy Steps @alexandradonald: He’s Just Way Too into You: Learning to Love Your Stalker @TPRJones: Don’t Buy This Book!: How to Kick the Self-Help Habit @carpediem1991: Eat, Pray, Love, Eat, Pray, Love, Eat, Pray, Love: How to Overcome an OCD. @MelissaEcker: Talking to Jews: Mel Gibson’s Guide to Interfaith Dialogue

Thanks a lot, Oprah: In recognition of her complicity in the ‘swindle ‘em dry’ business, Salient takes a quick look at the two worst self-help book brands popularised by the queen of mass media.

Anything by Dr Phil:

Smarmy, balding, and alleged workplace pervert, Dr Phil eschewed a life of professional football to become a daytime talk show host, who also happens to have a psychology degree and questionable product-endorsement judgement (case in point: ‘Shape it Up, Woo Woo!’ a Dr Phil weight loss product). In between failed Britney Spears interventions and getting sued, Dr Phil managed to put out thirteen fairly gratuitous self-help books, focusing mainly on relationships and weight. Or rather, he repackaged one book thirteen different ways.

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne:

Coming in after Dr Phil, The Secret is reason number two to hate Oprah. Catapulted to stardom after rave reviews on her eponymous show, it advocates for the power of positive thinking and visualisation. This is a nice enough sentiment, until readers are hit with ‘scientifically proven’ insights like, “Our physiology creates disease to give us feedback, to let us know we have an imbalanced perspective, and we’re not loving and we’re not grateful.” Quick, someone tell CanTeen! With over three million books and DVDs sold, it’s a wonder that starving Africans haven’t thought themselves out of hunger yet.

*

Quilters Bookshop

Good books bought and sold.

The Trend that Wouldn’t Die: The recently released Zombie Economics, by Rick Emerson and Lisa Desjardins, combines two topics that have outstayed their welcome—the global cash crisis and the undead fad. Essentially a personal finance guide, the book was written by a couple of journalists who use the zombie metaphor to describe money woes, ostensibly rationalising that their fellow Americans won’t keep up with more serious content. Though it’s no ‘Yo’ Mamma’, there is some sound advice behind the farce. In “Setting Fire to the House”, a chapter about bankruptcy and how to avoid it, they recommend paying food, power, and rent bills immediately.

The “Shooting Dad in the Head” section gives tips on how to sever ties with “financially infected” friends and whanau. We could go on, but the book sort of speaks for itself here.

*

Gabrielle Mentjox When there are more books than shelves to place them on, it is a good sign you’ve walked into a great book shop. Quilters Bookshop at 35 Ghuznee Street has been trading in secondhand books for more than thirty years and is the oldest of its kind in Wellington. It has moved about the city, starting at the bottom of Plimmer steps, then moving down Lambton Quay, and is now nestled between two hip cafés just around the corner from Te Aro campus.

Quilters specialises in rare and historic books. It seems as though the Quilters book catalogue exists in owner John Quilter’s head. If you’re inquiring about a book, no matter how tiny and obscure, he’ll go rummaging around the store helping you to find it.

He is friendly and very helpful, which makes any trip to Quilters a much more enjoyable one. This also explains why Quilters has many loyal regulars. A weekly email about rare and out of print books for sale helps to keep the regulars updated with what is in store.

What is great about this bookshop is that the prices are very reasonable and the poetry section is full of little gems to be discovered by nerdy literary buffs.

*

For more information, email: quilters@clear.net.nz

The Arts

Issue 10 Money

Games

39

Anomalous Materials:

Finance in Games Donnie Cuzens

In any industry that bandies about six-figure digits on a daily basis, finance is a hugely decisive part of how things are produced, marketed and distributed.

Like the vast majority of blockbuster films, modern top-selling games now take millions of dollars and thousands of hours to ensure that they clear the bar of today’s expected standards.

Ensuring a game has appropriate art design, graphical fidelity, sound design and marketing is an intense and demanding process, and it is only increasing as the industry and its technology expand year by year thanks to increasing sales and ever-growing cultural relevancy. Technologies like motion-capture animation and professional voice acting are becoming commonplace in modern titles, all of which add significantly to the cost of production. But as well as cost, videogames have more than quadrupled in profitability since their firm establishment as an entertainment medium the 1970s, and continue to rise into the 21st century.

When it comes to the allocation of budgets and deadlines, the people shelling out to fund the game still have the final say, just as Hollywood studios have the final word on how their movies are produced. In the video game industry, distributors like Activision and Electronic Arts are analogous to studios like Fox Studios and New Line Cinemas. These are multinational conglomerates that incorporate sometimes dozens of individual development studios into the fold, funding and publishing the games that they produce. However, the relationship between developers, distributors and, most importantly, gamers, is where the film analogy falls short. More accurate would be a comparison with today’s music industry, where the last word on creative control over a product does not always fall to the moneymen.

Instead, game developers have much more opportunity to explore the potential of their ideas, time and money being much more negotiable resources and even, in some cases, to be completely outlined by the developers alone.

This is where companies like Blizzard come in. Regardless of how profitable or well-received a big-budget film is, future production of sequels or related media is almost always at the mercy of its respective studio when all is said and done. With games however,

}

the strength of the interaction between developers and their audience can mean that consistent quality (and sales, don’t forget) means the developer can have much more control over what resources it deems necessary to make the best experience possible. Blizzard, the herald of doom for social lives and bank accounts everywhere after the release of World of Warcraft, has been so successful as a development company with franchise after franchise that even after their acquisition by distribution juggernaut Activision, they set virtually all their own development schedules and budgets.

Straying further from the production/distribution dichotomy are industry darlings Valve, whose tireless dedication to their art and their audience, as well as their resoundingly successful digital distribution client Steam, have ensured them the resources necessary to facilitate both the Distributors are often hesitant to production and distribution of all their own titles. Granted, without the success grant extended of Steam, the company would most budgets or likely have had to submit to the financial assistance of a distribution company. deadlines, But their continued independence only keen to get the to the potential and innovation product out and speaks that can be found in this new and on the shelves as budding playing field of an industry. soon as possible These companies are still the exception to the rule though. There are dozens of developers that flourish, struggle or just stagnate under the executive of their publishers.

Unreasonable expectations with regard to deadlines and budget constraints can cut short a game in so many ways, and unlike in the editing room of a film studio, it is much harder to cut corners in videogame development without serious detriment to the end product. Ever-increasing production costs are resulting in the growing disparity between fully-funded and independent development of games, and tightening economic demands can be felt in even the most prestigious of titles. Distributors are often hesitant to grant extended budgets or deadlines, keen to get the product out and on the shelves as soon as possible.

There are a myriad of things in the next decade that will decide where the future of videogame economics will go. The contention between traditional boxed retail games and the reduced production values of digital distribution, more breakaway developers like Valve and the accessibility of next-gen gaming platforms to smaller developers will be deciding factors that shape our virtual experiences in ways we can’t yet imagine.

*

salient.org.nz

40

Salient Vol. 74

Film

THOR

SOURCE CODE Judah Finnigan Here is more proof to suggest maybe I should stop judging upcoming films solely on their trailers, because Duncan Jones’s concept thriller Source Code is a little bit more than the weak sci-fi Groundhog Day or poor man’s Déjà Vu I initially labeled it as. You can probably understand my early disdain when you realize exactly how much I loved Moon—Jones’ ambient, gripping debut, which favoured brooding mood Source Code over plot—because this film replaces the felt like it might achieve the cold corporate total opposite.

But while Source body of ‘Lunar Code does have different Industries’ with ambitions altogether, Jones U.S military thankfully doesn’t let a new direction drown out politics directorial voice. There is distinct tonal and thematic residue from his debut on Source Code, even against a plot which demands a different beast entirely to the languid ’70s pacing of Moon.

Jones owes more to Hitchcock than Tarkovsky or Kubrick here, but it’s an atmospheric shift with which he finds a rather dynamic range.

But aside from being so sci-fi, Source Code still shares a fair deal with its precursor, especially thematically.

Both films are of men-on-a-mission, but objectives with a very human cost. Source Code replaces the cold corporate body of ‘Lunar Industries’ with US military politics and grapples with similar ideas of everyman exploitation, isolation and dehumanization—behind each thrill is a subtle philosophical question mark.

Yet there is an emotional undercurrent here too, which Jones refuses to neglect, and these scenes occasionally are guilty of lending themselves to clunky dialogue and unneeded cliché. It’ll still connect but in a way that never manages to feel as earned as it could.

However, Jones is clearly at home in the vein of propulsive action here; meshing brains, thrills and unexpected humour. I’m still convinced there aren’t many others of Jake Gyllenhaal’s thespian generation to rival him in dramatic and comedic aptitude—he’s been through a bunch of roles and it’s rare he ever fails to convince or be likable. It’s through him and Jones’ intelligent craft that Source Code manages to make meat out of a gimmick and emerge as entertaining as it is.

}

*

Johnny Crawford Marvel Studios’ films have been a mixed bag so far. While the first Iron Man film was a pleasant surprise, its sequel and The Incredible Hulk were less successful. Although neither were bad enough to derail proceedings, it is nonetheless with bated breath that fanboys have been waiting to see whether 2011’s double offering from Marvel suggests we should be excited about next year’s ambitious ensemble The Avengers. It is with great relief that I proclaim that the first of the two final pieces of the Marvel puzzle (the next being Captain America) succeeds.

Thor follows the titular Norse god as he gets exiled to earth for his vanity, learns humanity and redeems himself by smashing shit with his hammer and protecting his newly-beloved mortal companions. This is all shallow stuff but the talent of everyone involved means that this film is promoted from dumb action fare into well-acted, great-looking dumb action fare.

Aussie hunk Chris Hemsworth (you know, Kim from Home and Away?) stars and surprisingly holds his own against a cast including Anthony Hopkins, Natalie Portman and Tom Hiddleston. While Hopkins as Thor’s father Odin and Portman as his love interest Jane take this project seriously enough, their screen time is rather limited compared to Hemsworth who convincingly and effortlessly shifts between a comic fish-out-of-water, a lover and a warrior. As Thor’s brother Loki and the film’s primary antagonist, Hiddleston is the best thing about this film. His character arc mirrors Hemsworth’s and like his diegetic brother he displays an impressive range, ambiguously sympathetic until his true intentions surface.

With Shakespearean director Kenneth Branagh at the helm, this is the best looking of Marvel’s films so far.

A starry, colourful, sci-fi-inspired Asgard provides a gorgeous juxtaposition with the much more restrained New Mexico town where Thor lands. The latter provides a reprieve from the former and stops it from becoming overwhelming but it is nonetheless equally pretty with empty desert landscapes and lens flares aplenty. Like Iron Man, this is hardly the most action-packed film of its ilk but the fight scenes are clear, well choreographed and shot with the grandeur they deserve—no shaky-cam.

Of course, the film throws in some token references to The Avengers and while some feel awkward, it is still its own film and never becomes the Avengers-prequel that Iron Man 2 was. If the post-credit teaser does not have you excited for next year’s team-up then nothing will.

*

The Arts

Issue 10 Money

Music

Spotlight on

Online this week

Flo Wilson

Laurel Carmichael

Recently, I have found myself really, really disliking the acoustic guitar. This is probably the after-effects of out-living the West Auckland party circuit. Despite my default Scrooge-ish attitude I have now found cause to be excited about the acoustic guitar in our very own fair city. Wellington-based guitarist Jack Hooker is an example of why the guitar is not another piece of musical equipment made redundant by ever-growing technology...

Read more online!

On Saturday night virtuoso guitarist John Butler and his new band treated a sold-out crowd to an energy-laden performance at The Front Room. With all the usual musical mastery, the charismatic frontman led the audience on a two-hour plus musical ‘journey’. It’s undeniable this band have great chemistry. Best of all, they seemed to be having a genuinely great time...

Jack Hooker

*

Cut Copy

John Butler Trio Saturday 7 May The Front Room

*

NZ On Air Isn’t For Musicians Anyway Michael Love

CUT C

at San F OPY ran Bath H cisco ouse May 25 th at 8pm Tickets are $45 book a t sfbh.c + BF, o.nz

Louise Burston

You know an expression I’ve been hearing a lot of lately?

“That’s so ’80s.”

This phrase is innocent enough but I fear that the individuals spouting it are doing so in a derogatory sense.

I was born in the twilight years of fluoro, scrunchies and Back to the Future and feel a deep nostalgia for it without ever really having had the opportunity to indulge in leg warmers, without intending the effect to be ironic.

Thankfully the Melbournian synthpop band Cut Copy have made the essence of that long-lost decade accessible, in a devilishly delectable way, through their 80s new wave influence and funky post-punk.

I pricked up my ears at their release of In Ghost Colours in 2008 but Cut Copy’s third album Zonoscope has completely won me over. Their newest work takes you through sounds both dreamy and jubilant, with a sense of cohesion which makes the journey effortlessly enjoyable.

You’d better dust off your back-flap cap and any other much-loved ’80s stereotype because Cut Copy are playing at the San Francisco Bath House on Wednesday 25 May and expectations are high for an intensely fun, dancefuelled spectacle of synth.

*

41

I’ve been playing in bands for years now, from the teenage-sweat-filled Smokefree RockQuest to Camp A Low Hum. Like many musicians I don’t know exactly what NZ On Air is meant to be doing. But my understanding of it is based on who gets the money is that NZ On Air funds bands that show commercial potential. NZ On Air and NZ Music Month aren’t about helping artists to make something good. It’s about producing commercially successful NZ music...

This week in music

*

• Sophie Burbery and Little Bark play Mighty Mighty on Friday 20 May. • Supergroup The Adults are set to release their self-titled debut on the 20 June.

• Saturday 28 May is National Recording Studios Open Day, organised by NZ Musician magazine as part of NZ Music Month. It’s meant to be a chance for people to see the benefits of recording professionally. STL Audio is participating in Wellington.

• Sport + music = best friends forever? REAL NZ Music On Screens is a project that will show compliations of NZ music videos at Rugby World Cup events.

• Auckland two-piece Onesie have released their debut album.

• Tiny Ruins is setting up for the release of the debut album Some Were Meant For Sea, and there’ll be a nationwide tour in June.

salient.org.nz

Columns

42

Salient Vol. 74

Top Four Ways to Speak Like a

will be

Beer Geek Brendon Mackenzie

Tired of getting disapproving looks from beer geeks? Don’t know your esters from phenols? Don’t fear... in this column, we will demystify four key areas of beer to help you impress at the pub.

4. Esters

Ahhhh... the memories of fourth-form Science class. The roar of the Bunsen burner. The smell of fake banana and pineapple esters. Yes, all beers have naturally occurring levels of esters. An ester is a fruity-sweet volatile compound made from an organic acid and an alcohol, formed by enzymes in the yeast during fermentation. Esters are important flavour contributors to beer. Ester ‘notes’ may be as exotic as banana, pear, orange, and bubblegum.

The detection of esters is dictated by a couple of things—the amount of ester generated by the yeast during fermentation and the flavour threshold of the drinker. Over 50 different esters have been detected in beer but the main contributors to flavour are isoamyl-acetate (banana), ethyl-acetate (solvent, plastic) and ethyl-hexanoate (red apple tending to a hint of aniseed).

3. Bitterness Units

Cheap n tasty Hayley Adams

I avoid buying any type of muesli from the supermarket; they are overpriced and most often filled with heaps of cheeky fats’n’sugars. It is so easy to make your own muesli at home, you can make the ingredients suit your price range and cater it especially for your own taste, be it nuts, fruit, toasted or untoasted.

Here’s my foolproof muesli recipe that you can whip up at home.

Hayley’s Honey & Cinnamon Toasted Muesli • 4 cups rolled oats • 1 tsp cinnamon

One of the five basic senses of the tongue is bitterness. If your tongue was a 4-4-2 football formation (with the strikers being the taste-buds on tip of your tongue) then bitterness would be the sensation from the fullbacks and centrebacks. Beer chemists like to determine bitterness levels in the laboratory by using solvents to extract isomerised acids from the beer and then measuring their levels using a spectrophotometer. When the malty beer mix is boiling, hops are added. The hops have acid compounds that get isomerised into more bitter compounds during the boil. The thing is that measuring bitterness units is only half the story. The perception of bitterness is also related to the malt that is evident in a beer. A glass of Steinlager may be perceived as more bitter than a glass of mike’s Premium Organic Ale even though they are both about the same number of bitterness units.

2. Phenols Question: Are phenols a good or bad thing in beer? Answer: It depends.

Phenols are characterised by clove, pepper, Band Aid and medicine cabinet flavours, produced by yeast during fermentation. Sometimes the brewer’s yeast strain is expected to produce balanced proportions of these flavours. For instance, the clove note of a German Hefeweizen or peppery character to a Belgian Ale. The not-so-good variety of phenols can come from ‘wild yeast’— the naturally occurring yeast from the surrounding environments that can infect the beer and lead to sharp medicinal qualities. Wild yeast can produce a sharp band-aid flavour that is reminiscent of drinking a mix of Dettol and mouthwash. When you taste phenols in a beer, ask yourself: has the brewer tried to achieve this flavour using a Belgian or Hefeweizen ale strand or is it likely due to a contamination?

1. Terroir Terroir can be described as the special characteristics that the geography and climate of an area contribute to the crops it produces. In beer, this can be easily seen in the hops from around the world. Hops only grow successfully in very limited geographies in the world. When hops are compared from different regions, common flavour notes are determinable from those geographies. English hops have a spicy, earthy quality. German hops have been described as refined with elements of sandalwood and furniture polish.

American hops tend to emphasize a pine and citrus. New Zealand hops have strong elements of grassiness, tropical fruit and an interesting gooseberrylime quality. Some agricultural experts put New Zealand’s terroir down to the increased levels of ultra violet light. It’s interesting to make comparisons between New Zealand’s hops and grapes: the classic description of NZ Sauvignon Blanc being “cat’s pee on a gooseberry bush” could be similarly applied to a number of New Zealand’s hops.

*

• A good handful of each sliced almonds, sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds • A big tablespoon of honey • ¼ cup hot water • A handful of each dried apricots and dates, sliced thinly • A handful of raisins and/or dried cranberries Set your oven to bake and preheat at 200°C. Put the oats into a large mixing bowl. Add nuts and seeds to oats and mix. Combine hot water and honey in a mug and stir until the honey is dissolved. While stirring the oats and seeds mix, pour honey mixture in slowly. This will just dampen the oats a little, you don’t want them to bet soggy and clumping together. Line a tray/dish with tinfoil (it’s best if it has sides on it, to stop losing bits of oaty mix all through the oven), pop your oat mix on top of the tray/in the dish and spread out as much as possible. Sprinkle the cinnamon over the top and pop in the middle of the oven. It will probably take about 20 minutes to toast nicely and brown up a little. Give it a wee stir every 3-5 minutes to achieve an even toasting.

Take it out when it reaches desired toastiness and let cool. Stir through dried fruit and keep in an air tight container. It will keep well for 2-3 weeks.

You can swap the nuts, seeds or fruit for any variation that you like; it’s also delicious if you add some wheat germ for a little extra nutritional value. Or, if you have a sweet tooth, add a tablespoon of brown sugar to the oats before you add the honey mixture. Serve with yoghurt and fruit, or just a bit of milk.

*

43

Issue 10 Money

Notices Sci-Fi Club Meeting, Week 9 This week’s meeting will be in SU 217 on Thursday night, starting at 4pm. Pizza orders in before 6pm.

This week we will be showing: Babylon 5 - Season 1 episode 10 Battlestar Galactica - season 1 episode 1 Firefly - episode 4 Middleman - episode 4 Stargate Universe - episode 5 Doctor Who - season 6 episode 2

Political leadership and local politics

Vic OE – Vic Student Exchange Programme

AIESEC is holding an evening on Monday 23 May from 6.00pm to 8.30pm in the Memorial Theatre for all undergraduate students. Get to meet Wellington City Councilors and members of parliament. Hear them talk about what their jobs involve and get advice first hand.

Why not study overseas as part of your degree?!

Earn Vic credit, get Studylink & grants, explore the world!

Deadline for Trimester 1, 2012 exchange applications closes July 16th (June 30th for University of California)

The meeting is open to all, not just those studying law and international relations. So come along and enjoy this fantastic night.

Weekly seminars on Wednesdays during term time, Level 2, Easterfield Building, 12.55pm - 1.05pm

Wednesdays, 12-1pm, Room 218, Student Union Building

RSVP is required. Just look us up on Facebook for more info and register there.

Website: victoria.ac.nz /exchange

Because communication isn’t optional, Toastmasters is a club dedicated to helping people practice public speaking in a fun and supportive environment.

Careers and Jobs

Everyone—no matter what your current public speaking ability—is welcome.

Come along and see what Toastmasters is all about.

Applications Closing Soon (details on careerhub.victoria.ac.nz):

Hope to see you there!

Toastmasters

For this Wednesday only, chocolate is available for those who show up.

Visit us online at vicuni.freetoasthost. info

Greens@Vic Quiz Night

2011/12 Internships and 2012 Graduate Jobs:

16/5 – Curtis McLean 22/5 – GHD 25/5 – Contact Energy 26/5 – ANZ 27/5 – Tonkin Taylor 31/5 – PKF Martin Jarvie; Halliburton – Australasia; NZ Institute of Economic Research (NZIER); Wynn Williams & Co

Greens@Vic are hosting a quiz night!

Come along to the Hunter Lounge at 7pm on May 19th for a fantastic night hosted

by Green MP Catherine Delahunty. $6 entry includes pizza!

Careers Expos

Movie Series

- wide range of job opportunities - 30+ organisations under one roof - Hot Tips and Exciting Displays!

- Face to face contact with hiring teams and recent graduates - Opportunity to handover your CV personally (put a face to your application)!

- Free careers handouts and advice to help with your application and sort out your career!

- Overseas Career opportunities

VUWSA in association with the Victoria University Film Society and the Hunter Lounge presents The Movie Series Come along this Wednesday the 18th of May and watch a film provided for free

by VUWSA and the Film Society while you enjoy our awesome campus bar.

The movie starts at 6:30pm. This week it is John Cameron Mitchell’s cult classic Hedwig and the Angry Inch, a superbly fun musical comedy about a transsexual East German rock star.

Wednesday Communion at Anglican Chaplaincy Centre your busy week with prayer and a mid-week communion. A quiet service based on the Anglican Prayer Book is held every Wednesday, in the Chapel at 8 Kelburn Pde 12:10 to 12:45. All are welcome.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints We have an A.G.M Meeting for LDS Students, Staff and Friends at Victoria University of Wellington On: Tuesday 24th May 2011 Time: 5.00-7.00pm Where: Memorial Theater Foyer For more information please feel free to e-mail the president for more details at lds_students_and_staff@hotmail.co.nz

19/5 - Campus Careers Expo - Alan MacDiarmid - 11am – 2pm 20/5 - ICT Careers Expo - Alan MacDiarmid – 12pm – 2pm Free Entry! You HAVE to be there!

Film Society: The perfect way to spend a Thursday night.

Do you want a chance to watch a vast range of weekly movies with fellow students?

Email: exchangestudents@vuw.ac.nz Visit us: Level 2, Easterfield Building Drop-in hours: Mon & Tues 9-12, Wed-Fri 10-12

VicIDS Speaker event: “West Papua: Hidden Pacific Conflict” Marie Leadbeater, a prominent human rights activist and spokesperson of the Indonesia Human Rights Committee, will inform us about the ongoing conflict in West Papua. Speaking about her recent visit to West Papua, Marie will discuss the continuing omnipresence of the Indonesian military and police, and the resultant marginalisation of the Papuan people. She will also detail New Zealand’s role in the conflict and offer some ideas of how we can contribute to a just and peaceful solution in West Papua.

Wellington Law Revue 2011: Auditions Bell Gully and the Wellington branch of the New Zealand Law Society present auditions for this year’s Law Revue.

The Law Revue, of course, is a musical comedy and skit show run by law students and young professionals. We perform our delighfully offensive brand of humour to sell-out crowds at the Memorial Theatre each year. Sign up for auditions by emailing wlrevue@ gmail.com. For more information about us, see our Facebook page atfacebook.com/pages/Wellington-LawRevue/118093358273959. We’ve released a promotional video too: youtube.com/ watch?v=MvlX_ertrlE.

Do you want to eat homemade popcorn while doing so?

Do you want to pay dirt cheap prices for it?

If the answer to these questions is ‘yes’ then come along to Film Society.

6.30pm, Thursday Nights Memorial Theatre in the Student Union Building This week, pay only $15 for a year’s worth of films or $2 for a single non-membership screening and watch an ornithological double feature: Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds and James Nguyen’s Birdemic: Shock and Terror

Salient provides a free notice service for all Victoria University of Wellington students, VUWSAaffiliated clubs and not-for-profit organisations. Notices should be received by 5pm Tuesday the week before publication. Notices should be fewer than 100 words. Forprofit organisations will be charged $10 per notice. Send notices to editor@salient.org.nz, with ‘Notice’ in the subject line.

salient.org.nz

44

Salient Vol. 74

Letters

to download but I’d sell my soul direct to the people who make and distribute the shows if I could organise watching it an hour after it airs but they seem to come by boat to our screens.

Regards, A Time Pirate.

PS The level of pretentiousness going into the video game article each week is impressive, keep it up guys!

Say John Key 30 times, fast Soz attack!

Dear Broctor Dash Apologies for any confusion - I was referring to the length of time it took for Rodney Hide’s leadership of the ACT Party to end, not the length of his leadership of the ACT Party. Sorry for the angst.

Seamus Brady President Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association

Are you sure punching doesn’t work?

Dear Salient, We are glad to hear Uther is trying to stop smoking.

Well done Uther the only place smoking is going to take you is on a nasty journey to illness and misery.

We don’t want Uther or any other student at Victoria University to have their health ruined by cigarettes.

The doctors and nurses at the Student Health Service are available to provide you with advice, support and encouragement to quit smoking. There will be no punching involved.

We are also able to provide prescriptions for patches, gums, lozenges and in some instances tablets to help people quit smoking.

Call 463 5308 and make an appointment today.

Good luck Uther From the Student Health Service

Yo ho ho Dear Darrrling Salient, On the matter of the Skynet Amendment.

As far as I’m concerned there are two reasons to pirate, time and money.

I fall on the time side of things, a side hardly ever discussed. I spend my time on the internet, I don’t want to have to avoid my favourite places to discuss TV shows until they stop airing. Would you want to know what happened in the latest Doctor Who before you could watch it for yourself? When Doctor Who starts airing on prime on the 19th (from here http://nzdwfc.tetrap.com/ screenings/ I have no idea if it’s right) we will be 25 days behind the US and UK. Staying off the internet until it’s done here is not an option, I can’t stop talking to my English and American based friends because they can’t keep their mouths shut about spoilers.

The amendment is aimed at money but I buy box sets when they come out. I even try to wait to buy them from NZ retailers rather than importing to get them cheaper and sooner. Yes, it’s illegal

Dear Postgrad who can hear every word said on Cotton Level 2 office corridor, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. However much like I recently realised how simple it is to remind people on ‘quiet’ library floors that they’re on such a floor, why not tell us undergrads that it’s noisy as hell. Or put up a sign near the hand-in boxes? Because personally, I am super flippin excited that I’m getting my essay/assignment/lab in on time, and I don’t care who knows it. The more the merrier huh. But I would be willing to consider your needs of quietness (much like mine in the library) IF I KNEW ABOUT THEM. Could we please not have a fiction section in Salient? (@Mister Gerry) Tinfoil Hat Girl, could you please stop asking silly questions in class? 300level (should)= know how to read a bar graph. p.s. hope this is the right person..

So that John Key’s a bit of a shonky donkey eh?

Groovy Dear Salient, 2nd yr male seeks someone to watch Army of Darkness with. prefer a good looking lady but watevs’.

Film is rated M Oh and must be over 17 Any takers txt or call 0273435803 AKA: 027 DID5803 (Stars Bruce Campbell as hero Ash, the handsome, shotgun toting, chainsaw armed department store clerk from S-mart. Story involves demonic time-warping forces, romance and humour) Chur, CAL

We did ask for a letter A. Love from AM.

Someone had too much sugar...

Hi there team Salient!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been reading your magazine all year and so far I am loving it! The books page is my favourite part, because it has all these delicious little tidbits for me to enjoy. Yum! Winter is coming.

Facebook is worrying me, because I’m scared that it’ll leak all of my private information. Then again, I realise that it’s all information that anyone can see if they’re friends with me! I really should delete some of my friends, but I always feel terrible. Why can’t I just please everyone?

Dinocop is a fantastic comic! You should host some kind of Dinocop-themed event! I would go.

Also, I feel like Salient would be a wonderful place to explain some of the slang that people use around Wellington. I am not from here and sometimes I feel left out when I don’t know what it all means.

Hopefully I get a really funny and witty title for this letter!!!!

Love, Friendship

Crinkle-cuts have more fat Dear Salient Why is it that the various cafe’s around the Kelburn campus insist on only serving crinkle cut fries, instead of straight cut fries. Everyone knows that straight-cut fries are so much better, hence the reason that they are one half of the best meal ever: fish and (straight cut) chips. My hunger today urged for fatty, greasy, straight cut chips, and all that I could buy was shitty crinkle cut chips.

These places should take some advice from Matt Mulholland, and Sort their Shit Out. Sincerly not impressed.

I for one welcome our anonymous robot overlords Dear Salient, Stop telling me to write you letters. I never have anything interesting to say and you’re just making me more aware of this fact. I’m only friends with you on Facebook because I like to pretend I’m involved in things when really I’m just lurking other people’s walls and treating my life as if it’s a bizarrely mundane newsfeed. I haven’t left the house in weeks, except to get more Coke and Mi Goreng. Reddit told me I have a problem but what do anonymous robots know.

Regards, Not Even A Student.

Too many people on the ‘Book Salient, what does it take to get a reliable fucking innernette connection around here?

Sounds like a phony Money issue. Its budget week this week. Should be good times. Filthy tories gonna slash and burn at our entitlements. Never mind that we are borrowing over $300m a week. the government should totally be using that borrowed money to help people kiwisave...Makes perfect sense to borrow money to give away for free. So Im going to be pissed if they cut that.

Also they might start to get tough on student loans. Paul Callaghan is a dickhead saying that kiwis overseas paying their students loans are heroes.

Fuck off. Its what they are supposed to do anyway. You are not a hero if you pay back what you owe, you are just an arsehole if you don’t pay it back.

And who cares if 49% of a couple of power companies are sold...If people complain about how much they love them and dont want them sold they should just put their money where their mouth is and buy some shares in said SOE. The government shouldn’t have to provide power for the citizenry despite some pinkos thinking cheap power is an entitlement. Maybe power isn’t actually cheap! ffs some people are dumb.

Yours in angst and rage, H Caulfield.

Aren’t we all? Deep down?

Dear Salient Personals, I’m looking for a girl, doll, damsel, chick, lady, woman, gall, lassie, filly, dame, frau, miss, honey, skirt, womyn, sheila, babe or other female to fuck, bang, screw, make love to, engage in acrobatic coitus with, wreck, nail, hammer, fornicate with, penetrate, hump, have a go at, sleep with, be intimate towards, revel in carnal delights with, roll in hay with, bonk, lie with, invade the bay of pigs of, infiltrate, bond with, probe, bone, dance in the sheets with, exchange bodily fluids with, lay, clean the pipes of, bone, ram, engage in the naughty with, roger, get into the pants of, drill, know in the Biblical sense, ensure the future of our species with, root, boff, gild the lily of, horizontalise, exhaust, mount, or otherwise have sex with.

Must enjoy dictionaries, variety.

J. Joyce.

Similar nutritional value?

I trudge up that god damn hill with my laptop so I don’t have to wait around while people who have no concept of what a line is try to sneak past and grab a computer, only to find that the network is slow and crap and that it disconnects me every 5 minutes for no good fucking reason.

Dear Salient,

What if uni canceled that $5 trillion investment into the quad that no-one used or will use and invest it into the network infrastructure instead?

Love, Candy Badger

At least then it might pay off in the long run.

Your disgruntledly, Tairy Greene p.s. Great Job on the magazine.

I’m torn between vegetarianism and eating a Double Down. I recently discovered the no-pattie McCheeseburger but I’m not sure there’s the same solution with a Double Down.

It’s been suggested I just eat the box.

Help me!!

Give it up, Smeagol I lost my black onyx oval ring in the Cotton women’s toilets on Tuesday May 10 at about 5.00pm. If you have it could you please return it to lost and found at the VUWSA office, no questions asked.

PLEASE please please, it has sentimental value I would be eternally grateful.

Thanks Emma

45

Issue 10 Money

Jesus is coming... look angry Dear Salient, Why is it that when I’m sitting in a corner reading a newspaper, with my headphones in with my music up real loud, and with a don’t-come-the-fucknear-me look on my face (don’t judge me, that’s my normal face), that I get disturbed not once, but twice, by people clutching bibles?! I get that you want to spread your ‘good news’, but I don’t want to hear it! Please, you want people to meet God or whatever, just put up posters like every other organisation at the uni. You’re not all that special, you know?

Do I need a sign off name? Fine.

Skalfhiodane

Tom Hunt retires to the thinking chair to ponder the ultimate zinger, the burn of burns, the dunk of dunks...

Dear Salient I was most disappointed to hear you have a Tom Hunt wall of shame, as Tom is a very good friend of mine.

He was genuinely upset and confused when I informed of this. I asked him what he thought about the matter.

After some time he suggested we start a Salient wall of shame, fantastic! I have taken this program with enthusiasm!

But unfortunately I’ve run out of wall, Living room walls, kitchen walls, bathroom walls, toilet walls, long drop walls...

I get the feeling you maybe able to spare some space on your editors back-side?

Please let me know when and how much space is available, keep in mind we need a lot!

Kind regards Sam

Sounds like someone’s offended...

Reading Ally Garrett’s articles one gets a clear sense of why ‘old-time’ feminists hate our generation. Garrett’s anti-feminism come’s through strongly in her previous article (v. 74) ‘Eff You Nature’.

She talks about how she is ‘offended by gender inequality’ when looking at nature. What she means by this is that ‘male animals look so better than female animals’. She presents numerous examples, but what is important is the underlying message of these examples: female animals are biologically inferior to male animals.

It could be argued that she is not talking about humans, only animals. However, it is made clear this is not the case when she states ‘I’m anthropomorphising’.

In other words, she is placing human characteristics onto animals. So, this can be read as: female humans are biologically inferior to male humans.

This view of inferiority is strengthened when she writes ‘Mother nature, you cold hearted bitch. You’re letting the side down!’

What kind of solution to this inequality would she propose? Well, it is probably something similar to what she thinks the lady peacock should do if it were able: ‘go to Amcal for a pair of false

eyelashes’. In other words, for females to overcome their biological inferiority they need to change themselves. What chance do women have as they are?

After all, according to Garrett, they are naturally inferior to men.

and staff only cafe. There’s such a thing as moving forward. You might know about it. E.g.horse-drawn carriage as the popular mode of transport in the 1900s to cars that go from 0 to 60 in a few seconds nowadays;

In fairness, the article was quite funny. I especially liked when she attacked anti-feminists, but I’ve always appreciated irony.

2) If you require time AWAY from students, you can either utilize your mini-office door locks or just go back to your house and once again, utilize your bedrom locks. If you do not have locks available, I am sure spending a few hundred dollars to install locks on your door is much cheaper than spending a few hundred thousand dollars on a cafe so that you can have ‘time away from students’.

[insert arch pseudonym here] Dear Offendient, I am offended by your apparent lack of taste or good humour. Allowing an indvidual by the name of Ally to defecate all over your sacred walls is both disgusting and unsanitary.

Thankfully the surrounding columns seem to have avoided pink-eye, and have retained their usual quality (namely Ask Constance and Peas & Queues). Ally is probably lovely, but I would rather contract chlamydia than read about her personal inadequacies.

If Ms Garrett enjoys finding things to be offended by, I invite Chuck Norris to roundhouse-kick some sense into her. Her power level is not over 9000, therefore she deserves no such place in the most sensual of Salients.

Sincerely, [insert witty pseudonym here]

Not the faculty office?

Hey Salient (I’m kinda digging using you guys as a personal blog) Being a first year student, I’m still often doe eyed and can be naive sometimes.

Hey, it’s part of learning right? So It comes as no surprise to me that I’m entertaining the idea of changing to a different major next semester. The thing is, I’m clueless as to how to do this! Every avenue I take seems to end up with me back the enrollment office and I’m almost certain I don’t need to be there. I guess what it comes back down to is either; A) I’m stupid, or B) that whole lack of (or mis)communication between student services and students.

Also, the Double Down is out today, (last tuesday when this goes public) and my god does it look gorgeous. 540 calories of pure tasty chicken, bacon and cheese. I think I just came.

And it’s NZ Music Month this month.

And this is the first year I’ve not been subjected to the atrocities that is the NZ music scene. What’s up with that? Did NZ music finally give up the gun and submit to the rest of the world? God I hope so. I mean, does NZ music suck that much that it needs o be given a leg up and devoted an entire month to it?

Talk about special treatment and giving yourself a pat on the back.

With Love, Rup

3) You wanted an elitist cafe JUST for postgrad and staff only, so Victoria gave you one. It’s a privilege, not a right. So if you’re a male, grow some balls and stop whinging like a 5 year old. I’ve seen some 5 year olds whinge less than you. If you’re a female, well, see above re 5 year olds whinge less than you.

4) It’s not about the total cafe count.

It’s about what it stands for, what people like you think about this whole ‘elite-like’ idea of a cafe. If Vicbooks is definitely a rank higher than Milk and Honey, maybe you should also start petitioning for all individuals to be allowed into Milk and Honey.

Because if the the minority stops going to Milk and Honey... they might shut down your beloved cafe... Regarding your workload, it is clear it sounds like you are not able to handle your current workload. I am sure you were made aware of your workload when you applied for postgrad study. If you aren’t coping or weren’t made aware of the heavy workload, please see your supervisor instead of wasting your time writing in with a letter full of whining...

I’m pretty certain part of the undergrad fees went towards building this cafe. So why should the undergrads be barred from something they helped paid for? I think Milk and Honey should accept all customers OR make it a staff only so that your supervisor can have time AWAY from you.

Yours sincerely, Jackh [Abridged.]

Salient arts and crafts Salient, I made you into a lightshade to protect my eyes from the horror that is indoor lighting. Please don’t catch fire and burn down my room.

Some pipecleaners were also involved. I hope that doesn’t offend you.

(No, I wasn’t aware of that. Does that make Salient SRS BSNS or something?)

D: ~YYYYYYY

Milk & Honey feud continues

Science works because it said so!

Dear The-Postgrad-Who-Can-HearEvery-Word-You-Say-In-The-CottonLevel-2

Hello pomo-crap-lient

Here are a couple of things that you should know for your next rebuttal: 1) Just because there has ‘always been’ a postgrad and staff only cafe doesn’t mean there should always be a postgrad

There is a reason science is the dominant global knowledge system. It works. Most other ‘knowledge systems’ consist of pulling shit out of your arse.

The reason for the indifference towards indigenous practices is that most of them DON’T WORK. How do we know

Salient Letters Policy 2011 Salient welcomes, encourages and thrives on public debate—be it serious or otherwise—through the letters pages. Write about what inspires you, enrages you, makes you laugh, makes you cry. Send us feedback, send us abuse. Anything.

Letters must be received before 5pm Tuesday, for publication the following week.

Letters must be no more than 250 words. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number. These will not be printed.

Please note that letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar.

The Editors reserve the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters without explanation.

Letters can be sent to letters@ salient.org.nz, posted to Salient, c/- Victoria University, PO Box 600, Wellington or dropped into the Salient office on the third floor of the Student Union Building.

m to ~

Send ‘e

.nz nt.org @salie letters t c/ Salien ity nivers U ia r Victo x 600 PO Bo on

gt Wellin

they don’t work? Science! Asking for evidence for a belief is not oppressive.

Its good sense. As for the point about drug manufacture, its like the difference between eating fish and eating a square mile of ocean. There may be oils etc that are beneficial to health (though many are bullshit natural medicines), but taking out the important ingredient and putting it in a pill is both easier and better for you. Though I realise that pills are meant to be bad now.

In summary, science: it works, bitches.

Word Nazi

I always feel like a doork Dear Sal-I’m-so-fucking-bored-ient This letter has no point but you’re always begging for them on facey.

Belatedly I would like to say (probably other people already have) that the easter egg hunt was incredibly awesome. Kudos to whoever thought of it. Also don’t you hate that awkward situation when you’re going through a door and notice someone behind you, but they’re quite a way away. If you don’t hold it open, you’re a dick. But if you do they feel obligated to rush to recieve said door. It’s just awful.

salient.org.nz

46

Asterisky Business S

C

S

K

C

U

B

*

B

I

T

T

I

V

S

*

U

N

T

T

A

D

U

I

S

*

G

A

R

A

A

*

S

C

O

E

E

N

O

I

T

*

T

O

R

K

D

E

S

A

N

C

V

N

T

R

H

T

H

Y

C

P

A

E

O

D

Y

R

E

A

*

S

S

L

R

A

I

B

*

U

L

E

*

Y

N

W T

D

A

*

L

E

D

I

I

D

O

S

K

E

I

*

T

R

O

B

E

I

S

O

S

A

C

I

D

A

N

I

G

G

S

S

G

M S

R

B

V

*

D

A

C

G

E

N

A

*

E

A

O

E

O

K

H

*

H

F

*

I

T

A

A

K

V

E

R

N

C

R

O

T

A

*

M R

S

G

U

E

*

T

I

S

T

N

U

R

B

Y

T

O

E

R

E

R

D

E

A

S

*

E

D

O

L

C

H

M N

F

O

T

R

B

P

E

N

J

A

N

M

I

O

E

M U

*

D

G

A

S

M A

Y

S

N

1

2

3

4

A STAR IS BORN AS BLACK AS TAR BASTARDISED BUENOS TARDES CUSTARD PIE DICK DASTARDLY EVENING STAR FAUST ARP GUEST ARTIST LARGEST ARMY LODESTARS

5

6

7 8 9 11

10

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

20

19

21

22

23

25

26

24

27

28

29 30 31 32

ACROSS:

DOWN:

1. A curved sword (8)

1. A twig (5)

5. An honour (5)

2. To deserve (5)

7. Fear (5)

3. Old-fashioned (7)

8. To disconcert (6)

4. Banquet (5)

9. Dwelling (5)

5. A favorable position (9)

11. Ugly (9)

6. Dilapidated (8)

13. To hang (5)

7. To progress (7)

14. Vintage (7)

10. Prayer (6)

15. Crazy (7)

12. Imperial (5)

18. A beauty contest (7)

16. Referee (6)

22. To substitute (7)

17. Landslide (9)

24. The range (5)

19. A theme (5)

26. Matter (9)

20. To abbreviate (8)

29. Hygienic (5)

21. A chase (7)

30. To mean (6)

23. A crustacean (7)

31. An organ (5)

25. A raid (5)

32. Flee to marry (5)

27. To baffle (5)

33. To cross (8)

28. To shirk (5)

33

CRYPTIC ACROSS:

CRYPTIC DOWN:

1. Mist a car sword (8)

1. A branch of most primavera (5)

5. Prize the war in a commercial (5)]

2. Value timer (5)

7. Fright-locks (5)

3. A relic is quaint before the electronics begin (7)

8. Alter chai to jangle (6) 9. Do back in Grandpa Simpson residence (5) 11. German quotes are monstrous (9) 13. Let your noose choke hard (5)

4. Devour the Far East (5) 5. Benefit from the age after the small caravan in some twisted tadpole (9) 6. Dare a licked in ruins (8)

14. The ageless lesson sounds unwell (7)

7. Build up a devil operation (7)

15. Mad toilet starts needing always thourough internal cleaning (7)

10. Owen patters out hasty pleas (6) 12. Put down or be majestic (5)

18. Parade a leaf and bug (7)

16. To adjudicate, you replace the head of the empire (6)

22. Fecal perspective switch (7) 24. The extent of the disc opening (5) 26. Below posture material (9) 29. See lane to being sanitary (5) 30. The penguin tenderly will have in mind (6)

MEGASTAR MODERNIST ART MUSTARD GAS NORTHSTAR/COLOSSUS ONE-STAR REVIEWS RINGO STARR STARBUCKS STAR TREK TESTAROSSA TONY STARK VAST ARRAYS

answers

Salient Vol. 74

17. Halve a can of natural disaster (9) 19. To choose a subject (5) 20. Shorten the body of the tree you digested (8) 21. Search handbag spades (7)

31. Subject him and painting to the core (5)

23. Throw and mix a shellfish (7)

32. Run away with Penelope (5)

27. Perplex a familiar father half left (5)

33. Sever art to pass through (8)

28. Dodge the dire sides by the back avenue (5)

25. Attack from enemy by sting-gun (5)

ACROSS: 3. PROOF 7. AGREE 9. AISLE 11. ETHER 13. RIGID 14. TAPER 15. PERPLEX 18. ANNEX 21. TABOO 22. VINEGAR 25. PURLOIN 27. QUILL 28. GHOST 30. FATIGUE 33. READY 35. SALSA 36. FIEND 37. ENDOW 38. CHAIR 39. LARGE

DOWN: 1. FABRICATE 2. MEND 3. PEEVE 4. FORGE 5. WAIT 6. WEARISOME 8. REGION 10. SUPERB 12. HAPPEN 16. EXAMPLE 17. STRANGE 19. EVERY 20. AGONY 23. BLIZZARD 24. FLOTILLA 26. OBLIGE 27. QUARTER 29. THEATRE 31. AWFUL 32. UNDUE 34. YAWN 35. SACK

Solution to Puzzle 9, ‘Pangram’: “There must be more to life than having everything.”

- Maurice Sendak

Issue 10 Money

47

salient.org.nz

EscaPE

to a better Tertiary Pack No monthly account or transaction fees Visa Debit card annual fee waived for the 1st year an interest free overdraft of up to $2,000

Now’s the time to make the break and get a better deal with Kiwibank. Student life can be a challenge so we’re doing everything we can to make your money go as far as possible. Find out more by visiting www.kiwibank.co.nz.

To be eligible for the Tertiary Pack, you must be studying full or part-time at a New Zealand University, Polytech or NZQA approved place of study for a minimum of one year. To be eligible for a Kiwibank interest free overdraft, you need to be aged 18 or over, be a permanent New Zealand resident, have a good credit history and have any income paid into your Kiwibank account. The Visa Debit Card is not available on all accounts. Kiwibank Limited’s Disclosure Statement is available at your local Kiwibank or at www.kiwibank.co.nz.