Proudly Proclaiming My Age

By Elizabeth Roper Marcus Proudly Proclaiming My Age

We all want to live long lives, so why should those who have reached older age be demeaned?

I force myself to be scrupulously honest in my writing — pushing beyond comfort, if need be — but for years I've avoided revealing my age to readers. I worry that false stereotypes about aging will keep them from identifying with me. Recently, though, I've been thinking of coming clean. When I brought up this possibility with a group of older writers, they responded with a unanimous, "Don't do it!" I would, they warned, lose all readers younger than myself. Several described the hostile ageism they've encountered, and their arguments were persuasive. The worst stories were told by a particularly active woman in her 80s. One incident took place in a restaurant. The waiter ignored my friend and asked the young woman she was with what her grandmother would like for dinner. Another occurred on a group ski trip. For three days, my friend skied compatibly with a woman with similar downhill skills; later, when the woman learned my friend's age, she responded with visible shock at the near 20-year difference between them and avoided my friend from then on.

There's no denying that the mere mention of a numerical age can summon up a stream of negative clichés. Everyone over 50? 60? 70? — or whenever stereotypers think "old" begins — is feeble, forgetful and cranky, not to mention helpless and irrelevant. Some of these issues may afflict some of us in time, of course; the problem is the assumption that we are all afflicted with all of them as soon as we cross the magic start line of old age. It's absurd and enraging. Even stereotypes that might seem

positive at first glance are actually often just patronizing. This first struck me at a Buena Vista Social Club concert, 20 years ago. The older Cuban musicians had recently been rediscovered and the band reassembled. The final thundering applause was in appreciation for their music — but also for their age-positive, latelife success story. As the audience Stereotypers make the aged "the other" when eventually it is exactly who they will become rose to their feet, if they're lucky to live long enough. | Credit: Photo by Moe Magners the woman next to me squealed, "Oh, aren't they adorable!" I was stunned by this weird expression of affection, which reduced masterful musicians at the height of their abilities to being childlike. True, people tend to lose height with age, but why in many minds do they also lose the personal stature of authority and status? True, older people with dementia can be infantile, but these musicians were clearly not impaired — just the opposite. And yet they aroused in my neighbor a feeling suited to puppies or babies.

If you stop to think about this for a minute, isn't it odd that people would demean a stage of life they hope to attain? Stereotypers make the aged "the other" when eventually it is exactly who they will become if they're lucky

to live long enough. So, what is behind the infantilizing and disparaging of older adults?

I assume it's a fear of aging and death. Reducing older adults to small, weak folk keeps them, and their closer proximity to death, at a remove. Demeaning older adults is as bad for the belittlers as for the belittled. People don't become any less mortal by denying death. In fact, if they knew more about aging they'd learn there is less to fear.

They'd learn that the notion that aging is just a matter of loss upon loss is false. Not only can the weakening of the body be slowed or thwarted by exercise and healthy living, but the perspective gained from a lifetime of experience can bring a more positive outlook on life itself. With the right mindset, we can learn how to make the most of the years ahead.

AARP's recent survey among Americans confirmed earlier research showing that older adults are the happiest age group all over the world. With age, most learn to take the good with the bad. For many, death becomes less frightening.

Furthermore, one of the basic findings about later life is that whatever we expect to happen is most likely to happen. Research continues to substantiate the famous 2002 longevity study by Becca Levy, author of "Breaking the Age Code," which showed that people with the most positive beliefs about aging lived 7.5 years longer than those with the least positive beliefs. The more optimistic our expectations of the aging process, the more likely we are to experience less stress from aging, to make changes that will improve our health and to organize our time and finances so as to make our final years more deeply gratifying.

If older adults are kept at arms' length, how can younger people get free of the false notions about aging that keep them fearful? Ideally, they should have more contact with older people, of course, but ideally, we elders should also push back. We should be proud to reach advanced age but wishing won't make it so. We have to insist on it and support that ideal for one another.

Showing up in places where we're not "expected" to be can help. After sitting down with some friends at a communal table in a super-hip pizzeria in Brooklyn, I said to my young neighbor on the right, "We must be thirty years older than everyone here," to which he shot back, "If you're eating here, you're not old!"

It will help if we make a point of asserting our individuality. I strongly believe that my age and that of my cohorts is not the most important thing about us. I picture the human lifespan like a train ride, with each station offering a new set of challenges and opportunities. But we are each whoever we are throughout the trip. We stay ourselves. We need to be seen as the individuals we are.

I've come to feel that hedging about my age is, well, dishonest, and that I've been capitulating to a prejudice I'd rather disprove. I'm lucky to be in good health and, in many ways, at a particularly satisfying and productive time in my life. And I want to write about the pleasant surprises I'm encountering as I age.

So I'm willing to pay the price. That said, each person's decision to tell or not to tell will depend on their circumstances and on their risk-to-gain calculus. "Coming out" is more costly for some than for others.

I don't know what will come from declaring my age. But I can say that the very act of stepping out of the age closet feels empowering and liberating. I am 77, fully enjoying what is unique about this chapter of my life and looking ahead with curiosity and equanimity.

Elizabeth Roper Marcus is the author of Don’t Say a Word!: A Daughter’s Two Cents, a humorous memoir about her parents’ madcap end-of-life, and essays in the NY Times, Boston Globe, and on Psychology Today. Find more on eLizWrites.com. Source: www.nextavenue.org

Getting professional help for dealing with your persistent fears and anxieties is the single most important step in your recovery. Many people are reluctant to get the assistance they need for various reasons.

Making excuses for not getting treatment for your fear related issues will not help the situation. With this in mind, here are seven reasons why getting help for your mental health problems is so important.

health issues: Getting professional help can lead to additional insights and suggestions to your stress and anxiety problems. A professional counselor can give you many ideas on how you can successfully manage your fears and anxieties. This is important in getting your life back on track.

Most counselors and psychologists know of ways to get rid of your fears. They can recommend certain treatments that will improve your situation. The only way you can get access to these treatments is if you talk to a counselor. Ask your primary care physician if he or she knows anyone that can be of assistance.

by yourself: Your fears, anxieties, and depression can be difficult to manage and more than likely you will need some direction. Many people think that they can overcome their mental health problems on their own. This is a mistake. A person should seek assistance to start the recovery process.

4. You will improve: As you work with a professional, you will improve on your skill sets in managing your fears. You will be able to overcome your anxieties over time which will benefit you later on in your life. Knowing how to boost your mental health will get your life back on track and will make you much happier.

5. You will get better a lot faster: Getting some guidance from a counselor will save you a lot of suffering in the long run. You will get the answers you are looking for which will help reduce your fears and anxieties. You will get better a lot faster by talking to a therapist and you will feel much better about yourself which is important when it comes to dealing with your mental health.

6. It is your life: Remember that you are the person who is suffering and not your friends and family. Don’t let the opinions of your peers prevent you from getting the relief that you deserve. Maintaining your anxieties should be your number one priority. Always do what is best for you and do not get into the habit of trying to please everybody else.

You will have people in your corner who will be able to help improve your mental health issues. You won’t feel as alone when attempting to get rid of your fears. It is best to be with others who are supportive and who will understand your situation. This will help make things easier when it comes to your fears and anxieties.

BIOGRAPHY Stan Popovich is the author of the popular managing fear book, “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear”. For more information about Stan’s book and to get some more free mental health advice, please visit Stan’s website at

Alabama River Region Ballet and its Founder and Artistic Director, Priscilla Crommelin Ball, are proud to announce the 7th Annual production of “The Nutcracker” at the historic Davis Theatre in downtown Montgomery. Performances will be Friday, December 2nd at 7:00pm, Saturday, December 3rd at 2:00pm and 7:00pm and Sunday, December 4th at 2:00pm.

“The Nutcracker” set to the music of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky and choreographed by Stevan Grebel will thrill the audience with the prodigious dancing of the Youth Ballet Company and students from the school. With spectacular backdrops, scenery and a growing Christmas tree, this ballet is a truly magical experience and a classic holiday favorite for the whole family!

Based on the original storybook written in 1816 by German author, E.T.A.Hoffmann, Act I of “The Nutcracker” opens with “The Party Scene,” taking place on Christmas Eve in the home of Mr. and Mrs. Stahlbaum. Many guests are in attendance but none like the mysterious Drosselmeyer, who brings exciting and magical gifts for the children, the most magical gift being The Nutcracker doll for his niece, Clara. The Alabama River Region Ballet’s “The Nutcracker'' gets better every year and has become an annual tradition and holiday favorite for the whole family. This year will surely be the best yet! Tickets are on sale now and can be purchased online at www.alabamariverregionballet.com or by contacting the ARRB office at 334-356-5460.

A 10% discount is offered for military, seniors, and children 12 and under. Saturday night is designated as Military Appreciation Night where all members of the military and first hand responders and their families can attend for 50% off! Free BOOM! Digital Subscriptions Sign Up Today! ��