Metro, Volume 1 - Issue 9

August 19 – September 1 Volume 1 ■ Issue 9

The Battle Begins Anti-gay groups form for marriage amendment

A.G. Candidates Side With Gays Shurtleff doesn’t want ‘right-wing wacko’ vote

‘I am a Gay American’ N.J. Governor comes out, promptly resigns

Gay Rodeo Special pull-out section Ruby Ridge Mavis teaches Ruby to finger her home keys

A&E Xenia Cherkaev’s final review: ‘Twilight Samurai’

Sports Goodtimes Bowling League announces final standings

Lagoon Day Sunday, Aug. 29 — Wear a red shirt

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AUGUST 19, 2004

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www.womyn4women.com 801.268.6487

A monthly magazine for lesbians and their friends in Utah and beyond!

Womyn 4 Women is a localized and empowering publication written from a lesbian perspective for women of all sexual identities. W4W’s articles cover: • women’s stories • art • travel • relationships • community events and many other timely issues.

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News WORLD AND NATIONAL BRIEFS

Scandal-Plagued NJ Gov. Comes Out, Resigns new jersey — In an Aug. 12 speech, New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevy came out of the closet, identifying himself as a gay man — and announced his resignation, effective Nov. 15. “I am a gay American,” said McGreevy, who is reportedly being sued by a former male aide for sexual harassment.

The harassment lawsuit appears to have been the last straw for McGreevy’s New Jersey Governor scandal-ridden, Jim McGreevy two-and-ahalf year administration. Voter approval of McGreevy plummeted after members of his staff were charged with criminal activities, including one who was charged with trying to extort $40,000 from a dairy farmer, and another who reportedly hired a female New York City prostitute in order to blackmail a witness testifying against him in a grand jury case involving illegal fund-raising activities.

— BB

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AUGUST 19, 2004

Same-Sex Benefits Talk Provokes Controversy illinois — Talk of extending medical benefits to the gay and lesbian partners of Southern Illinois University Carbondale employees has sparked heated protest throughout the entire state.

“Either they don’t agree with it from a moral standpoint, or they ask why some are getting the benefits a heterosexual couple couldn’t get unless they were married,” said Rep. Mike Bost, R. Murphysboro, in an August 12 Southern Illinoisian article.

Bost’s office and those of several other representatives on both sides of the aisles have received calls from upset constituents who don’t want their money funding domestic partner benefits.

Legislators from the southern part of the state have expressed their disagreement not only with the concept of gay marriage, but even with fair treatment of gay and lesbian couples, including Rep. Gary Forby. “I think it should all be between a man and a woman when it comes to the benefits,” Forby said, adding that many of his constituents are

concerned that providing benefits for employees’ domestic partners would end up costing them huge sums of money.

However, according to a statement provided by the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association, surveys typically show that providing domestic partner benefits “costs employers next to nothing.”

SIUC is the region’s largest employer. — JV

Coors Triumphant in Colorado Primary colorado — Pete Coors, the great-grandson of beer baron Adolph Coors, beat former representative Bob Schaffer at the state’s Republican senate primary in a campaign marked by intense debate over gay marriage and benefits for same-sex partners [“Coors Targeted by Radical Right Mailer,” Salt Lake Metro, August 5}.

Throughout Coors’ campaign, opponents took out advertisements attempting to link the first time political contender with gay causes, due in part to his company’s history of offering benefits to same-sex partners in 1995. Coors accused these ads of being “soft money” contributions to Schaffer’s campaign, as the group Colorado Conservative Voters funded them. Though Schaffer denied the accusation, he did not dissociate himself from the advertisements’ Pete Coors allegations.

Although Coors has aggressively marketed its products to gays and lesbians since a 1978 boycott against the company lead by Harvey Milk, Coors supports the Federal Marriage Amendment. During his campaign, his company was quick to dissociate itself from its former chairman’s views. In an August 11 Planet Out story, company CEO Leo Kiely was quoted as saying that the company does not “support discrimination against the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community, via legislation or otherwise.”

After winning 61 percent of his party’s approval, Coors will face off against Democratic attorney general Ken Salazar this November.

Coors Brewing Co. has been the target of boycotts by the gay and lesbian community since it came to light that the Coors family funds racist and anti-gay organizations, most notably the right-wing Heritage Foundation. Pete Coors is the vice president of the Castle Rock Foundation, which has funded Utah’s anti-gay Sutherland Institute. — JV

LOCAL NEWS

Attorney General Candidates Oppose Amendment 3

by JoSelle Vanderhooft

Editor Brandon Burt Events Editor Greg Harrison Sports Editor David Nelson Contributing Writers Scott Abbott, Brandie Balken, Lee Beckstead, Xenia Cherkaev, Janice Eberhardt, Jace Garfield, Beau Jarvis, Lynette Malmstrom, Laurie Mecham, LaDonna Moore, Rob Orton, William T. Park, Scott Perry, Nicholas Rupp, Mandy Q. Racer, Ruby Ridge, Joel Shoemaker, Jim Struve, Darren Tucker, JoSelle Vanderhooft, Ben Williams Photographers Lucy Juarez, William H. Munk, Shauna Sanchez Proofreader Nicholas Rupp Art Director Michael Aaron Graphic Designer Kris Kramer Marketing and Public Relations Director Chad Keller Sales Director and Office Manager Steven Peterson Sales Executives 801-323-9500 | 877-870-0727 Jill Brooks | jill@slmetro.com Sebastian Cruz | sebastian@slmetro.com Distribution Chad Keller, Director Courtney Moser, Northern Utah Copyright © 2004 Salt Lake Metro.

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homes without a warrant. What I do in my home is none of your business. If you’re in the government, leave me alone. That’s what we fought the Revolution for.

“What [the legislature] seems to be attempting to do here is cut back on contractual powers. People form partnerships all the time for common good and they may own property together, or have common goals and so on. If they add into that partnership agreement that they love each other and want the world to know, I’m hard pressed to explain what harm society is done by it.”

While Skordas says that he has no problem “philosophically” with defining marriage as the union between a man and a woman, he does take issue at changing the state constitution, particularly as Utah already has “a statute that forbids gay marriage.”

“I just don’t think this is a constitutional issue,” he said.

“Every time we pass some new law or amendment it gives us lots of issues to resolve or argue, but this one is going to be a waste of tax dollars down the road.

In the next 20 years, if the amendment Greg Skordas passes, we will spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to decide what it means and having the Supreme Court define and outline. There’s no reason to do that. There are so many things we can do with our tax dollars besides that.”

Although he would not amend the constitution, Skordas said that he was “not in favor of gay marriage.” However, he does support a type of civil union that would give gay and lesbian couples “rights of survivorship, rights to inheritance and [rights] to care for one another during sick times.”

“I guess I think that some sort of civil union is certainly appropriate, whether we call that marriage or not, I don’t know. It seems to me that religion and society has defined marriage as the union between a man and a woman, and I don’t have any problem with that,” Skordas said.

Shurtleff addressed his concerns about Amendment 3 in a separate statement which can be found on the Don’t Amend Alliance’s website. In this statement, the Attorney General said he opposes same-sex marriage and supports an “amendment which forever defines marriage as only between one man and one woman”. However, in his opinion, Amendment 3 is “bad law” that “goes too far” because it could “forever deny to a group of citizens the right to approach its legislature to seek benefits and protections.”

“One of the basic rights we have as citizens regardless of sex orientation, nationality, sex or anything else is the right to participate in the political process by going to the legislature,” said Shurtleff in a Salt Lake Metro interview. “It basically disenfranchises everybody, not just gays and lesbians, but also hetero-

Publisher Michael Aaron

AUGUST 19, 2004

While their political stances may differ drastically, Utah’s three attorney general candidates agree on one thing: The constitutional amendment to ban same-sex marriage in Utah goes too far.

In a statement issued Aug. 6, Republican Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, and challengers Greg Skordas (Democrat) and Andrew McCullough (Libertarian) said they opposed Amendment 3’s second sentence, which reads, “No other domestic union [besides that between a man and a woman], however denominated, may be recognized as a marriage or given the same or substantially equivalent legal effect.”

The statement, which the Don’t Amend campaign helped draft after learning each candidate objected to the Amendment’s second part, called the sentence’s language “overly broad.” Additionally, it noted the amendment would prevent the government “from ever extending even the most basic partnership rights to an unmarried couple” including rights to hospital visitation, emergency medical decision-making, and inheritance. It also said the amendment’s second part could lead private employers in the state to question the legality of their desire to extend certain benefits such as healthcare to unmarried partners of employees.

“When you have Mr. Shurtleff and Mr. Skordas and I all agreeing that this has gone too far then you’ve got a broad view from the legal community,” said McCullough, a lobbyist for the adult entertainment industry, who added that their combined opposition surprised and delighted him.

A heterosexual who doesn’t “have any problem” with gay marriage, McCullough said that Amendment 3 personally offends Andrew McCullough him because it seeks to favor one religious definition of marriage over another.

“It seems to me that if the dominant religion doesn’t want to perform ceremonies they shouldn’t do it, and everybody should agree that’s within their boundaries of religious freedom and support that,” he said.

“But there are more liberal denominations that will. And it seems to me that somewhere along the line the conservative religious people in this community are saying that liberal churches don’t have the same kind of religious freedom they do, and that really offends me.”

“As a Libertarian, I just don’t understand efforts to put the government into our personal lives no matter what,” he continued.

“First, there’s the war on drugs, then it’s the war on terrorists, so to speak. There’s always an excuse to cut back on civil liberties. There’s always an excuse to allow police into your

sexual couples who are living in common-law marriages and other forms of non-traditional marriage. The bottom line is we’ve got to say, but we believe in allowing people the right to go to the legislature and participate.”

Additionally, Shurtleff said he was concerned that the Amendment could be used to take away “many fundamental rights for parents and their children in common-law marriages and other relationships” including such things as power of attorney, inheritance rights, hospital visitation and “health insurance benefits from private employers.”

He also said he was concerned that the proposed amendment would limit the ability of unmarried couples and partners to seek legal protection in situations involving domestic violence.

“Going down the list of the things that Don’t Amend has listed, one that I focus on because I’m the chief law enforcement officer is the cohabitant abuse act,” Shurtleff continued. “I believe part two will basically take away the right of same-sex partners and heterosexual couples living together outside marriage to ever get Mark Shurtleff a protective order if their partner becomes abusive. There again it doesn’t matter how you feel or what you’re personal or religious beliefs are about homosexuality or about people living together outside of wedlock. We need to protect and give people the tools to protect themselves.”

Although Shurtleff said that some of his advisors cautioned against speaking out about the amendment due to the potential damage such a statement could do with his voter base, Shurtleff said he thought this issue was too important to back down. Indeed, since issuing his statement Eagle Forum president Gayle Ruzicka and other Amendment 3 supporters have “demanded that I debate them” — a demand that Shurtleff has declined.

“I’ve even heard some Republicans say people should vote for Skordas or McCullough because they say, ‘see, Shurtleff pretends to be a conservative Republican but he’s really a wolf in sheep’s clothing. So, better to vote for somebody who doesn’t pretend to be something he’s not.’” Shurtleff said. “But I expected that, frankly. That’s why my political advisor said there’s only a downside to this. They think the GLBT community will vote for Skordas or McCullough because they’ve said they don’t want any amendment and I’m going to lose votes because of the right-wing wackos.”

“And that’s fine,” he continued. “I don’t want their vote anyway. I feel a little chagrined at that but it’s the right thing to do. I flat-out told my political advisors that I don’t want to be attorney general by making decisions based on whether or not I lose votes.

I’m going to do what’s right, and this is right, so let’s go with it.”

“Hopefully, my position as a Republican will help the cause,” he added. “Because it really needs to be defeated and go through the proper procedures and debate in the constitutional revision commission which they bypassed. I want to have the voters of Utah vote for something they support, like traditional marriage, and not vote against something, which is what they’re doing now.

If we’re going to amend our constitution let’s not do it because we’re voting against some practice or somebody, let’s do it because we want to vote for something we believe in, and do it right so we don’t create any of these additional problems for members of our community.”

LOCAL NEWS

Ruzicka, Wilkins Start Battle for Anti-Gay Amendment

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AUGUST 19, 2004

Take off the gloves and prepare to get nasty — the political battle of the decade is heating up in Utah.

The prize? Same-sex couples being allowed to marry, or at least to form civil unions and make decisions regarding each other’s lives.

At stake? It depends on whom you ask. Opponents of same-sex unions fear the downfall of one of society’s oldest and most respected institutions. Proponents say freedom and the same rights claimed by heterosexual couples are all they after, and that the amendment is not only unnecessary, but it goes too far.

Until recently, only one side of the battle has had a voice: the Don’t Amend Alliance.

Headed by Scott McCoy, the Alliance is actively recruiting members and raising funds for the fight that is sure to come.

But now, McCoy’s opposition has come out of the closet and is planning its campaign in favor of an amendment to Utah’s constitution banning same-sex marriages.

Leading the charge are several Utah political heavyweights. None of them are strangers to the anti-gay marriage fight, but the organizations they have formed are both new.

Richard G. Wilkins, a BYU law professor and the founder of Defend Marriage, a group organized to promote adding an anti-gay amendment to the U.S. Constitution, formed another group called Yes for Marriage. The group’s vice president, Sheldon Kinsel, said Yes for Marriage is inspired by Defend Marriage, but the two groups are different entities.

“Our support [of the amendment] is based entirely on the same approach,” Kinsel said.

“Social science, history, legal research and common sense.”

The Constitution Defense of Marriage Alliance is headed by perennial Utah right-wing political lobbyist Gayle Ruzicka. Sen. Chris Buttars, R-West Jordan, and Rep. LaVar Christensen, R-Draper — the two legislators who sponsored the amendment during this year’s legislative session — are Ruzicka’s co-chairs.

Ruzicka had not returned phone calls by press time, but in an Aug. 11 Deseret Morning News article, Ruzicka was quoted as saying

that the two organizations would take different approaches to promoting the anti-gay amendment: While Yes for Marriage plans to base its arguments on what its organizers consider to be “scientific” rationale, Ruzicka’s own group would focus more on moral issues.

She also said she considers same-sex marriage to be a state, not a federal, issue.

Whatever their position regarding the amendment, McCoy says he is not surprised by the formation of the groups, or by who is leading them.

“We always knew there would be proamendment groups. The only question was when,” he said. “It’s the usual suspects.

We’re not going to do anything different just because Gayle Ruzicka is involved.”

Not doing anything different includes possible television, radio and print ad

The Players — and What They’re Saying GAYLE RUZICKA, perennial political lobbyist and co-chair of Constitution Defense of Marriage Alliance: “This is all just bogus.

Without the second part of the amendment, the first part would be compromised. You have to make sure we don’t have any sort of same-sex marriage.” [Deseret Morning News, August 10, 2004] REP. LAVAR CHRISTENSEN, R-Draper, author of Amendment 3 and co-chair of the Constitution Defense of Marriage Alliance: “The morality of a people should be reflected in their laws. What do we stand for? You can have

AL HARTMANN/THE SALT LAKE TRIBUNE

by Darren Tucker

campaigns, McCoy said. It’s all a question of fund-raising.

Kinsel said funding will also determine whether his group does television ads as well. But, he said, “We’ll spend everything we raise.”

Yes for Marriage plans to launch its pro-amendment campaign sometime after Labor Day. Kinsel said the group is not quite prepared for the publicity it is getting. The website is not ready and no brochures have been printed.

Constitution Defense plans to start much earlier, he said — possibly as soon as this week.

Kinsel said he sees support of the amendment important, even though most people would think a conservative state like Utah would pass the amendment without any

trouble.

“Nothing is a slam-dunk, even in Utah,” Kinsel said. “It’s pretty obvious considerable education needs to be done with the voters.”

He said he hopes all 50 states will consider an amendment banning gay marriage because that would make the case for a national amendment even stronger.

He also said he hopes his group and other can form a sort of “loose alliance” to promote passage of the amendment.

McCoy, on the other hand, has a sort of loose alliance of his own. He is quick to point out the three candidates for Attorney General in Utah have all come out against the amendment.

“Who are you going to believe,” McCoy asks: “Gayle Ruzicka or the Attorney General’s office?”

great compassion and empathy without lowering your standards.” [Deseret Morning News, February 19, 2004]

“Procreation requires the coupling between a man and woman. Here, if not in constitutional law, not all sexual relationships are equal … These simple facts, as true today as they were thousands of years ago, provide more than ample grounds for the specialized treatment — and social benefits — conferred upon marital unions.”

[United Families International web site]

SEN. CHRIS BUTTARS R-West Jordan, co-sponsor of Amendment 3 and co-chair of the constitution Defense of Marriage Alliance: (In regard to three Utah Attorney General Candidates opposing the amendment) “They’re going to give the homosexual community some help causing confusion, but Utahns still will vote in favor of the amendment.” [The Salt Lake Tribune, August 7, 2004] “God created man and woman, not two men and then figure out a way for them to adopt. This is not discrimination. These people have chosen to live outside the law.” [Deseret News, February 6, 2004] RICHARD G. WILKINS, founder of Defend Marriage and Yes for Marriage: “Legalizing same sex marriage would change forever the role that marriage plays in our society, undermining it and the family.” [Defend Marriage web site]

SCOTT MCCOY, head of The Don’t Amend Alliance: “Our Arguments don’t change. We’ll continue to educate voters about the fact that the amendment is flawed. It hurts families and it hurts Utah. … We’re on the side of righteousness.”

[Deseret Morning News, August 11, 2004] “Who are you going to believe — Gayle Ruzicka or the Attorney General’s Office?” [Salt Lake Metro, August 12, 2004] — DT

Know Thy Enemy: The ‘National Same-Sex Marriage Self Test’ Yes for Marriage has published the following “self test” on its website which cites so-called “scientific studies” about homosexual relationships. The referenced material is largely culled from other anti-gay organizations.

The following questions and answers are excerpted from yesformarriage.org.

“I am a gay American.”

—New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey, the nation’s first openly gay governor, during the same speech in which he announced his resignation from office amidst allegations of sexual harassment.

“I think right now our law says that we don’t accept same-sex marriage. ... If the people change their minds, then so be it. If the courts change their mind, then so be it. Then we will follow those laws.”

— California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, regarding proposed legislation that would legalize same-sex marriage in that state.

“It basically disenfranchises everybody, not just gays and lesbians, but also heterosexual couples who are living in common-law marriages and other forms of nontraditional marriage.”

— Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff, describing the second part of Utah’s anti-gay Amendment 3, and why he opposes it.

“This is all just bogus. … Without the second part of the amendment, the first part would be compromised. You have to make sure we don’t have any sort of same-sex marriage.”

— Lobbyist Gayle Ruzicka on why the second part of the amendment is necessary and not as bad as Shurtleff and both his challengers think.

“Who are you going to believe: Gayle Ruzicka or the Attorney General’s office?”

—Scott McCoy, director of Don’t Amend Alliance.

Community Briefs PWACU Announces 2004 River Trip

Don’t Amend Alliance Seeks Volunteers

The People With AIDS Coalition of Utah is sponsoring its 2004 River Trip Aug. 21-22.

Participants will raft through Kodachrome Alley and Professor Valley at Fisher Towers near Moab, featuring the Class II Onion Creek, Cloudburst and White’s Rapids. The trip is rated for beginning and intermediate rafters.

Cost of the trip is $25 for PWACU clients; $100 for family and friends. Those who wish to participate should contact Toni Johnson, director of PWACU, at 484-2205 for more information.

The Don’t Amend Alliance is looking for volunteers to help spread the word about how unnecessary and harmful Amendment 3 is to Utah families. Volunteers are typically needed to staff booths at publiclyattended events, to canvass voters at hightraffic areas, and to operate phone banks.

Opportunities to help defeat the amendment will be constantly available through the November election.

Those interested in helping preserve the Utah State Constitution and to protect Utah’s nontraditional families may contact Teinamarrie Nelson, volunteer coordinator, at 746-1314 ext. 11, or Ruth Hackford-Peer, director of community involvement, at 746-1314 ext. 12.

sWerve to Host Garden Party

Art Auction to Help Defeat Amendment

SPONSOR

PrIdaho EXCLUSIVE MEDIA SPONSOR Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays DONATION Sabbathon MEDIA SPONSOR Utah Pride Day IN-KIND SPONSOR People With AIDS Coalition DONATION Aqua Aid Media DONATION Human Rights Campaign DONATION Don’t Amend Alliance DONATION Utah Arts Festival MEDIA SPONSOR Downtown Living Tour SPONSOR Our House Collective Christmas in July EXCLUSIVE MEDIA SPONSOR Food for Hope SPONSOR Grand Marshal Reception SPONSOR Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire CP Ball SPONSOR Wednesday Farmers Market SPONSOR Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire Snowball SPONSOR Rainbow Ride Across America EXCLUSIVE LOCAL SPONSOR

Breast Cancer Walk SPONSOR KCPW DONATION Equality Utah MEDIA SPONSOR Dyke March MEDIA DONATION National HIV Testing Day MEDIA SPONSOR

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The Don’t Amend Alliance will hold an art auction to raise funds to defeat Amendment 3. Called “Art Against Amendment 3,” the event will feature work by local artists including Trevor Southey, Steven Sheffield, Sandee Parsons, Karen Brinkerhoff, JoNell Evans, Shelleigh Stott, Christina Schmidt and Greg Ragland.

The event will take place 6:00-9:00 p.m.

Aug. 20 at the Karrick Building, first floor, located at 236 S. Main Street. A $10 contribution at the door will help protect Utah’s nontraditional families and preserve the Utah State Constitution.

For more information, call Mike at 746-1314.

Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Utah REMODEL VOLUNTEERS Downtown Farmer’s Market SPONSOR Salt Lake Men’s Choir SPONSOR Plan B Theatre Company SPONSOR Utah Gay Rodeo MEDIA SPONSOR GLBT Public Safety Liaison Committee SPONSOR Royal Court of the Golden Spike Empire Coronation SPONSOR Utah Pride Day MEDIA SPONSOR Dine-O-Round SPONSOR Wasatch Leathermen Association Blue Alley Fair EXCLUSIVE MEDIA SPONSOR Downtown Alliance SPONSOR Tooth and Nail Theatre SPONSOR City of Hope SPONSOR Seagull Fest SPONSOR Lola Childers Cancer Fund MEDIA

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Food, beer, wine, margaritas and live music by the band Honey will be on offer as sWerve hosts its garden party at Cactus & Tropicals. Members and friends of sWerve are invited to attend wearing their favorite “cruise attire.” Money raised will go toward establishing a scholarship fund to provide post-high-school educational opportunities for Utah women.

Attendees will receive complimentary raffle tickets for a chance to win a fournight Bahamas cruise Jan. 29-Feb. 2, to be provided by Olivia, a travel agency for lesbians (www.olivia.com). Other prizes and giveaways are also slated.

The garden party will take place Aug. 21 at 7:00 p.m. Cactus & Tropicals is located at 2735 S. 2000 East. Tickets to the event cost $15. www.sWerveUtah.com.

Supports the Community

AUGUST 19, 2004

1. Scientific surveys generally find that about what percentage of Americans identify themselves as “homosexual?”

Answer is 2%. Studies generally agree that only about 2% of the population identifies as “homosexual,” just under 3% of males and about 1.4% of females. See Michael, Gagnon, Laumann and Kolata, “Sex in America: A Definitive Guide.”

2. True or false: An individual is not “born” homosexual but rather homosexuality is a behavior that it is possible to change with therapy.

Answer is “True.” While not all the causes of homosexuality are fully understood, studies of identical twins (who are genetically identical) prove that no one is “born” homosexual. The highest incidence in any study of both identical twins being homosexual is only 50%. Other studies have found only a 25% incidence. If individuals were “born” homosexual, the incidence of homosexuality among identical twins would be 100%. The fact that homosexual behavior can be changed with therapy is well documented. Throckmorton, “Initial empirical and clinical findings concerning the change process for ex-gays.”

3. According to the latest Census figures, about what percentage of U.S. households are both headed by same sex couples and have children in the household?

Answer is about 0.2%.

4. True or False: Children raised in same sex households exhibit significantly different behavioral and developmental characteristics than children raised in traditional heterosexual parent families.

Answer is “True.” These children exhibit significant behavioral differences, including a higher probability of homosexual behavior themselves.

See Stacey and Biblarz, “Does Sexual Orientation of Parents Matter?” American Sociological Review, American Sociological Association, 2001, 66:2.

5. True or False: Marriage is only about love and any two people who love each other should be allowed to marry.

Answer is “False.” We love many people we cannot marry, such as parents, siblings, minors, etc. Societies establish marriage and regulate it to promote natural families which have been proven throughout history and across cultures to be the best environment in which to bear and rear children.

6. True or false: Legalizing same sex marriage would directly impact future generations because it would change forever the way our society views and values marriage and the family.

Answer is “True.” It would have a profound impact by altering the current view of our society of marriage being recognized as the best legal institution within which to form families. Instead, it would reduce it to something that is little more than a legal recognition of any two people’s professed affection for each other. Marriage would be less valued and history shows that when this happens, marriage as an institution declines.

7. True or false: Even though public opinion polls consistently find that an overwhelming majority of Americans oppose legalizing same sex marriage, it could still be forced on all states by the courts.

Answer is “True.” Just as four unelected judges in Massachusetts forced same sex marriage on that state, many legal scholars expect that within just a few years the federal judiciary will force same sex marriage on all the states. A constitutional amendment to define marriage as only the union of a man and a woman is the only certain way to prevent this from happening.

Notable Quotes

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Utah Newspapers Oppose Amendment 3

by JoSelle Vanderhooft Citing Republican Attorney General Mark Shurtleff’s opposition as “sufficient reason to put on the brakes and think this through,” the Provo Daily Herald recently joined a growing number of Utah newspapers in opposing Amendment 3, going so far as to call for the proposed amendment to be “withdrawn from the ballot” while noting that Nebraska alone had equally harsh anti-gay marriage legislation under consideration.

“The amendment clearly goes beyond the original goal of preserving the institution of traditional marriage,” the editorial read. “It adds restrictions to contract law that would apply to unmarried heterosexual couples just as much as same-sex couples. As long as a contract does not involve criminal activity, and the parties making it are mentally sound and capable of entering into binding agreements, there should be no reason to prevent an unmarried couple from making a contract, say, for health care and other benefits most of us take for granted.”

Additionally, the editorial expressed concerns that the “seriously flawed” amendment could also prevent private businesses from offering domestic partner benefits.

In the months following the legislature’s decision to include the amendment on the November ballot, other newspapers have voiced their opposition to the legislation.

In a repetition of the paper’s position last March, an August 12 editorial in the Ogden Standard-Examiner called the amendment a “redundant killshot” and “ill-considered

strategy” that “should be defeated” because Utah law already prohibits gay marriage.

Further, the editorial accused the amendment as serving “only the agenda of moralists who want to score an unnecessary victory against gay marriage, disallow the possibility of civil unions between same-sex couples, and who want to punish unmarried heterosexuals who live together — regardless of the legal, social and financial costs.”

On August 10, a Salt Lake Tribune editorial criticized amendment sponsors Rep. LaVar Christensen and Sen. Chris Buttars for calling the three attorneys-general candidates’ position against Amendment 3 “alarmist.” “One wonders how the backers know that,” read the editorial, “given that the amendment was rushed through the closing hours of the last legislative session without any expert review whatsoever.”

The independent City Weekly has also written several editorials against Amendment 3.

However, not all Utah newspapers have opposed the amendment. Although the paper has always been “reluctant” to support proposed constitutional amendments, a February Deseret News editorial supported “President Bush’s call for a constitutional amendment” to define marriage on a federal level as the union between a man and a woman.

In defense of its opinion, the paper cited support for “rule of law” and dismay over San Francisco mayor Newsom’s “illegal … misuse of power” in ordering clerks to give gay and lesbian couples marriage licenses in February and March.

Referrals to Lewd Offenders Program Plummet WVC Police Switch to Former LDS Church Therapist

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by Rob Orton In 2004, there has been a sharp decrease in the number of court-ordered referrals to a program for rehabilitating first-time lewdconduct offenders, officials say. According to Salt Lake City Police Captain Kyle Jones, this drop in referrals is due to recent changes in police administration and vice personnel.

The Healthy Self Expressions (HSE) is a program offenders are referred to when initially cited for lewd conduct in the parks or other public places. According to therapist Jerry Buie, director of the program, West Valley Police Department is now referring offenders to a different therapist — one who used to be part of LDS Social Services — because they feel that non-gay-identified offenders will benefit.

According to Buie, “The [HSE] program is not really gay-oriented. It’s about value clarification and creating consistency and congruency in life with regard to these values. However, some people who identify as heterosexual or bisexual at the beginning of the program finally come to terms with their true sexual orientation by the end.”

The Healthy Self Expressions program began in 2001 at the behest of the Public Safety Liaison Committee. Police realized offenders are, for the most part, not part of the “out” gay and lesbian community, but

closeted gay and bisexual men who otherwise sustained a heterosexual lifestyle.

According to Jones, “The Healthy Self Expressions program gives first-time offenders a chance to keep their lives intact and to rehabilitate their activities, becoming more responsible citizens.”

Since its inception, Healthy Self Expressions has been overwhelmingly successful in rehabilitating those who are referred to the program. According to Buie, out of 300 offenders referred to the program since its origin, only five have re-offended.

Prior to the Healthy Self Expressions program, offenders were heavily fined and sent to an 18-month sex-offender program.

Thirty percent of these offenders ended up being arrested multiple times, said Buie.

“Utah wants to pathologize sex and sexuality and they don’t want to talk about it, so a lot of men teach themselves sexuality,” said Buie. “A lot of guys discover their sexuality in the parks. Our educational system doesn’t do a very good job talking about heterosexuality, let alone homosexuality — and forget it if you’re transgender.”

Buie points out how the incredible support from Rocky Anderson, Sim Gill, and Kyle Jones has helped to provide an invaluable service to the community and helped deal with this problem in a respectful manner.

PSLC to Hold Workshop Series

by Rob Orton The Public Safety Liaison Committee (PSLC) is formed of police, attorneys, community leaders, health officials, and others who have joined together to deal with issues that overlap law enforcement and the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community in the Salt Lake area.

In 2000, the committee formed to provide intervention and advocacy between the gay community and the police department in Salt Lake. Composed of police officials, professionals, and community leaders, it serves to protect and educate the community and the police on an equal and neutral platform.

According to co-chair Don Steward, the PSLC is not a political group: “It is a group of professionals from sectors that are most affected by these issues. The committee is one of a kind and has set a model for the nation to find solutions instead of fighting battles.”

According to Salt Lake Police Captain Kyle Jones, a founding member, by increasing interaction between the gay community

and law enforcement, the PSLC has helped the community feel more involved with preserving its own safety.

When a Salt Lake watering hole called Club Blue was closed amidst allegations of violations of DABC regulations, the PSLC organized a compliance workshop with police and fire marshals for club owners. Jones says it was the first time Salt Lake police sat down with gay club owners and helped them to understand what was expected.

According to Jones, owners are now more prepared to handle emergency situations, are more compliant and aware of the laws, and the clubs are safer and more accessible for everyone. Club owners are now more comfortable with their relationship to vice officers. The committee intends to repeat this workshop on an annual basis.

Upcoming PSLC workshops include Same Sex Domestic Violence, Harassment and Safety in Schools, DUI Education for Club Owners, and Cyber Safety.

Same-Sex Relationships Not Immune to Domestic Violence

by Rob Orton

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The Public Safety Liaison Committee, in conjunction with the Salt Lake and South Salt Lake police departments will hold a domestic violence workshop 7:00 p.m. Friday, Aug. 20 at the Pioneer Precinct, 1040 W. 700 South.

AUGUST 19, 2004

“I was just out of high school and got involved with an abusive partner. After eight years of being together and enduring his intimidation and control over every aspect of my life, I finally made a stand for myself.

That’s when the physical violence started.

“He beat the crap out of me for any reason he could find. Our neighbors never called the police because we were just ‘that gay couple fighting again’. Even after being knocked unconscious on the front lawn, nobody called the police.

“Because it was never discussed in school or in my family, I felt I deserved the treatment I got. I was always taught that the man was the batterer and the woman was the victim, so I never saw this as domestic violence. If someone had told me that a gay relationship could be functional and peaceful, I would have done something about it long before it became violent.”

This is a real-life account by Michael Drake (not his real name), who underwent several years of abuse by his partner. Unfortunately, Michael’s experience is not unique.

The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs and Lambda Legal reports an estimated 25-33 percent of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people experience some form of domestic violence at some point in their lives — making domestic violence as prevalent among queers as among heterosexuals.

According to Diana Goodlife, a counselor at Salt Lake Police Department’s Domestic Violence Victim Advocacy program, almost all relationships that result in domestic assaults undergo a similar progression of events. Very rarely is domestic violence the first occurrence of abuse in the relationship.

It may start as psychological and emotional abuse, threats, and intimidation, leading to sexual and physical abuse later.

Some relationships may go for years before violence enters in.

Quite often, victims of domestic violence have a difficult time reporting it to the police. According to Goodlife, it is a common

misconception among victims of domestic violence that because they are gay, nobody will believe them.

After being subjected to so much abuse, Drake elaborated, victims perceive themselves in the eyes of law enforcement personnel to be inferior to prostitutes and drug addicts: “We’re just another mess they have to clean up.” Additionally, gay victims fear that police will not take their complaints seriously.

The Public Safety Liaison Committee will be holding domestic violence workshops in conjunction with the Salt Lake and South Salt Lake police departments. In addition, the departments are conducting training programs to help sensitize police about the nature of same-sex relationships and domestic assaults.

According to Salt Lake Police Captain Kyle Jones, “There are distinct differences between ‘straight’ fights and same-sex domestic violence because there are romantic issues involved. The dynamics of the relationship are very different and there are generally more complications.”

“If the identification is made that there are romantic issues involved, there is more we can do to protect the victim,” added Jones.

Goodlife said that even when dealing with the most sympathetic officer, it is up to the victim to divulge the nature of his or her relationship. Otherwise, the court may dismiss the resulting case because of incongruities appearing in the police report.

Salt Lake Police and many national advocates agree that domestic violence is grossly underestimated and underreported. According to the Victim Advocacy Office, an estimated 50,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people in Utah have been affected by domestic violence at some point, but reported incidents do not reflect these occurrences.

Opinion

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Surprise, Surprise Scott McCoy was at the peak of his game the day he got the attorney general and his two challengers to come out against Amendment 3. This act of political coalition-building knocked the wind out of the amendment’s supporters’ sails and left those of us on the other side of the debate breathless. The campaign manager for the Don’t Amend Alliance surprised us all, and we applaud his handling of the matter.

Less surprising, however, is the way in which each candidate handled his own statement.

Republican Attorney General Mark Shurtleff managed to defend his opposition to same-sex marriage even while roundly criticizing the amendment. Still, his reluctance to deny an entire class of its citizens access to the legislature is conservative in the traditional sense of the word, and his disdain for the “right-wing wackos” in his party is practically heroic. If more Utah Republicans were like Shurtleff, they and we both would be much better off.

Also unsurprisingly, Libertarian candidate Andrew McCullough based his objection to the amendment on grounds that the government should butt out of churches’ business. Sure, many churches forbid gays and lesbians from marrying — perhaps even from belonging in the first place — but many others welcome gay and lesbian members, marriages and all, with open arms. All are within their rights. For McCullough, as far as government is concerned, less is more, and for the state to prefer one set of religious tenets over another is too heavy-handed.

Least surprising of all was Democratic candidate Greg Skordas’ take on the matter: He didn’t like the amendment one bit, but in true Utah Democrat fashion, he just couldn’t come right out and say gay marriage is a good thing, instead voicing half-hearted support for civil unions — at least in theory. Like many in his party, when it comes to taking hard stands on controversial topics, he seems to prefer straddling the fence.

This leaves us in our usual position: We fervently wish and pray for regime change here in Utah — or at least a move toward a two-party system like the rest of the U.S. — and yet if the Democrats actually managed to take power here, what

exactly would it look like? If they won’t tell us what they stand for, how can we tell what they would do? Do they even know?

Perhaps Utah Democrats have a secret plan for governing the state, but are simply reluctant to let people know what, exactly, that plan is. After all, if they started leaking that kind of information, sooner or later it would get into the hands of the Republicans, and we all know what would happen then — well, maybe we don’t, but whatever it was, it might not be very good at all.

On the other hand, their secret plan may not be so secret after all. A lot of Democrats here spend their energy trying to look like the GOP. Maybe that’s not a ruse — maybe that’s their whole strategy. By becoming Republican clones, the Democrats will sort of absorb power by osmosis.

As theories go, this one is not unprecedented. Many aboriginal peoples believe in the principle of sympathetic magic. The theory goes something like this: By adopting the appearance of something, you can take on its characteristics.

So, much like a tribesman might paint himself as a gazelle in order to gain swiftness, the Democrats paint themselves as Republicans in order to gain votes.

Unfortunately, the strategy apparently doesn’t work as well for Democrats as it works for tribesmen. Time and again, Democrats lose at the polls, and the number of Democratic seats in the legislature has steadily dwindled since the party developed the Republicrat strategy.

What else are they to do, then? Everybody knows that real Democrats — strident feminists and (eek!) insufferable liberals that they are — can never win an election in Utah. That is, unless they’re Rocky Anderson, Jackie Biskupski, Patrice Arent, or any of the other unapologetic Democrats who manage not only to get elected but reelected.

Somehow the strategy of actually being a Democrat only works for Democrats who want to win elections. It’s a pity that no matter how many times this lesson is repeated, for Greg Skordas, Jim Matheson, and the rest of the Republicrats it always seems to come as a big surprise.

Is Mark Hacking Gay?

by Brandon Burt It’s almost inevitable. As soon as the media begins obsessing about some celebrity, some villain or some nobody who, through some series of events, finds him or herself propelled into the spotlight, the discussions start around our homo water coolers: “Is he gay?” “Is she gay?”

We can dissect every aspect of a politician’s behavior, appearance, speech, dress.

We can form elaborate theories about a criminal’s background and upbringing, or a starlet’s current social arrangements.

It’s all about us, isn’t it? Maybe it’s got something to do with the fact that, as a community, we’re a bit paranoid. Granted, it may not be paranoia when there are hateful little gnomes like Chris Buttars who actually are out to get us, but still — when it seems, as it often does, that we’re fighting for our lives, it’s easy for us to forget that there are a lot of things in life that don’t have much to do with being gay.

There are sunsets, for instance (although some of the brightly colored ones can be too fabulous for words). And there are other things, too: lots of them, even if none spring immediately to mind. Things like, er … well, never mind — there must be tons and tons of them.

Occasionally our myopia and self-absorption, however slight, might seem bewildering to our straight friends. After all, they don’t go around wondering whether everyone they see is heterosexual — for the most part, they just politely assume everybody is. This politeness drives us nuts, of course, because we’re rarely given the luxury of making such assumptions. Anyway, the idea that the Heterosexual Assumption is considered “polite” grates on our nerves.

To counteract this, it might be possible to go through life privately assuming that, through some wild statistical fluke, everybody you encountered was completely, ragingly queer.

Sooner or later though, if acted upon, such an assumption would be bound to cause a few raised eyebrows.

This is just another source of friction between the communities. Fortunately, it’s one that is easily overcome with a bit of compassion on both sides.

When the image of Mark Hacking began appearing before us on an hourly basis, the homo water cooler discussions started right up. With that shaved head and goatee, didn’t he look like a guy who would go to a leather bar? Granted, when half the gay male population in Salt Lake City sports the regulation clone look, anybody with that appearance is bound to seem a little familiar.

But still — when a local news station visited the Trapp asking patrons if they’d ever seen him there, the rumors really started flying.

The story seemed plausible enough. After all, we’ve all known gay men who, because of pressure from their churches, their families, or their own internal demons, entered into doomed marriages with hapless women. Could Hacking have been one of those men? Could the anxiety caused by living such a double life have built up in his mind until finally, he simply snapped?

The trouble with this sort of thing is that once new evidence comes to light, it becomes so easy to fit it into the theory: Mark really was living a double life? No doubt. The Hackings had a troubled relationship? No wonder.

Our publisher became intrigued by the idea after a story broke that a photo of Hacking with an unidentified man was found in his workplace locker, along with the strange, rather homoerotic handwritten phrase “sturdy hard men need help with sex.” Soon afterward, a news station called our offices and asked us to check our back issues for personal ads containing similar wording.

Of course we couldn’t find any, but we began to wonder: What would happen if we could find evidence that Hacking was gay? Journalistically, it would undoubtedly be a coup.

One of our researchers began combing through online profiles trying to find Hacking’s photo. After all, if anybody were to break that story, shouldn’t it be Salt Lake’s gay paper?

It is this sort of story — salacious, attention-grabbing, based on unsubstantiated rumor — that gives tabloids a bad name.

No matter how many newspapers or television ads it can sell, the Hacking story isn’t exciting or sexy. It’s just tragic.

Many lives have been shattered, and the pain both families must be going through is impossible to comprehend.

There is no evidence that Hacking is gay. This is a very good time for all of us to make the Heterosexual Assumption.

Letters

How Many Deaths Editor: First off, congratulations on eight on-time and beautiful issues. Your paper puts the other local tabloids to shame.

Thumbs up to Nicholas Rupp for his article on meth in the gay community [“PnP,” Aug. 5, 2004]. It was quite an eye-opener for me, as I’m sure it was for others.

It amazes me that our organizations and local health department aren’t doing more to address this issue. It reminds me of back in the ’80s when AIDS was known as “Gay Related Immune Deficiency Syndrome” and promptly dismissed as unimportant.

How many will have to die this time before someone takes the charge?

Scott Peterson Salt Lake City

Meth Destroyed My Relationship Editor: Congratulations on the decision to run what could be considered a very controversial story for a local publication [“PnP,” Aug. 5, 2004, Nicholas Rupp]. What a breath of fresh air that we now have a newspaper for our community with the balls to do such a thing.

Meth destroyed my relationship of six years when my lover began experimenting with the drug and became involved in the PnP scene. I saw firsthand how a oncedynamic, intelligent and cheerful person became a stranger to me and the people around him. He left me for the “glitz and glamour” of weekend-long sex with hot guys and a high he told me he couldn’t explain — I would just have to try it. Thanks anyway.

He is HIV-positive now and I thank him for the gift of ending our relationship before meth would destroy my life as well.

You see, we had an agreement that if we played with others, it was always to be safe.

Apparently that agreement had been broken.

Thank you to Nicholas Rupp for writing an important story. I’m sure it was not the easiest story to write. I hope the local AIDS organizations will further address this problem that is swallowing our community whole.

Keep up the good work with the hardhitting news in your paper. It is very much needed in this community.

Brandon Jensen Holladay

Wants Pharaoh Editor: What a great story about the cologne maker with the hunky models in the sand [“Local Cologne Maker Arouses the Senses,” Aug 5, 2004, Joel Shoemaker]. Where can I get a bottle for my man?

Natalie Raymond Sandy According to John Robert Holbrook’s web site (johnrobertholbrook.com), you can get that bottle of Pharaoh for your lucky man at the following Salt Lake locations: Moda Italia, C.T. Brock & Co., and D. Grant, Ltd. It is also available at various other locations across the country. — Editor

Letters to the Editor Salt Lake Metro welcomes letters from our readers. Rants, gushes, thoughtful diatribes, pats on the backs, incredulous expressions, rabble-rousing raves and maudlin sob stories are all welcome!

Write us at: Metro Publishing, Inc. 352 S. Denver Street, Suite 350 Salt Lake City, UT 84111 or email letters@slmetro.com or fax 801-323-9986 Salt Lake Metro reserves the right to edit for clarity and brevity. Letters under 300 words are given preference. True, full name, address and phone number must be included for verification purposes.

Walter!

Star of Carnival Cabaret, Tahoe’s longest running show ... ever presents

An Adult Rocky Horror-Meets-Toto

AUGUST 19, 2004 ■

SALT LAKE METRO ■

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Starring Walter! as Dorothy, Ruby Slippers as the Wicked Witch, Siren Vaughan as the Tin Man and Fluffy as Toto.

Friday, August 20 8pm Charleys in Pocatello Tickets $10 in advance at Charleys.

Limited seating.

Join Salt Lake Metro after for the Rainbow Party

Preaching to the Choir

by William Todd Park

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Believe it or not, one of the most challenging things about writing for Salt Lake Metro is the audience. A gay man writing to a predominantly gay audience is analogous to an itinerant preacher man speaking out at a good old-fashioned southern revival. There’s nothing like preaching to the choir! There is, though, peril among us that is akin to the backsliding saint — complacency — hence the need for revivals in the holy rollin’ churches.

You can spot us backsliding sinners pretty easily. Sometimes we’re the ones who have that flag of a bumper sticker.

You know the one. It’s a royal blue color with two brilliant yellow lines that might be mistaken for a zodiac symbol to the uninformed. Surprisingly, there are a large number of us who don’t know that the symbol is the trademark for the Human Rights Campaign, a potent Washington-based political action group that fights for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender rights.

An “equal” sign has got to be one of the most simple and recognized, yet powerful statements around, yet for some of us, it has been reduced to just another way to find a hook-up.

For too many of us, being gay is merely a label, so we slap that equal sign, that “Don’t Amend” sticker, the diversity rainbow, or other gay icon on our T-shirt for our own revival (read: Pride Day) or our car the same way Christians bandy about their church or ichthus fish decals. We all have our little pigeonholes to fit into, don’t we?

That’s fair enough, I suppose, but this preacher and accidental activist of a col-

2004 River Trip Aug. 21–22 Kodachrome Alley and Professor Valley at Fisher Towers near Moab $25 for PWACU clients $100 for family and friends Those who wish to participate should contact Toni Johnson, director of PWACU, at 484-2205 for more information.

umnist is making an altar call. That’s right, brothers and sisters. You see, we have an evil among us that will paralyze you if you let it. That’s what backslidin’ does, after all.

Let me give you an example of that paralysis. Amendment 3 will appear on the November ballot. That amendment will not only be the embodiment of clear and codified discrimination, but it will invalidate any well-planned and responsible estate planning you and your partner have legally executed — regardless of whether your partner is the same or opposite sex.

That’s right. If this amendment is enacted into law, you stand to lose everything you and your partner have worked a lifetime to build together, regardless of what legal paperwork you so carefully crafted to circumvent existing discriminatory laws. It also directly impacts common-law marriages, hospital visitation, domestic partner benefits offered by non Utah-based companies, and a whole lot more. Imagine what would happen to the local economy if companies like American Express or Sky

West Airlines decided to relocate their Salt Lake operations centers elsewhere because of a hostile community that restricts the company’s benefit structure.

That’s not a story out of the people’s revolution in some Communist country, it’s Utah. Joke about it, get angry and rail on about how unfair it is, but it’s happening in your own back yard. In an age where enlightenment and human rights are championed, people all around us are clearly taking steps backward.

The three Utah attorney general candidates have unanimously opposed the amendment, but that doesn’t guarantee that a rash of automatons will go to the voting booths and vote as they’ve been instructed by so-called moral leaders.

Missouri voters overwhelmingly said “no” to gay marriage recently in spite of grass roots organization, but that doesn’t mean the war is lost. Rather than succumbing to a fatalistic attitude or allowing someone else to tell us what kind of morals are best for us, we each have to stand up for what is

right and just.

That means it’s time to get involved where you can. More importantly, we have to recognize that it will not be an overnight battle.

There will always be those watching for the vulnerable spots and the right time to introduce legislation to legally discriminate. The wording of Utah’s proposed Amendment 3, demonstrates without doubt that existing rights and liberties mean nothing to the authors of hatred and bigotry.

I don’t know how many of you are moved by the spirit to come on down the aisle to the altar right now, but perhaps you might be moved to get off the sofa and call or write your lawmakers. You see, there’s that possibility that if you don’t get off the sofa, you may find that in your partner’s untimely demise, your partner’s family may decide they’d like the sofa and everything else you both paid for. The unfortunate and patently unfair part about that scenario is that the law will not lift a finger to stop them.

Now do I hear an “amen,” brother?

earned legitimacy.

My therapist disagreed. He said he’s trying to find a way to have “accurate empathy” for those people who are so afraid.

(Accurate empathy? Don’t you just hate your therapist sometimes?) He thinks that the problem is not that someone will say that we are okay, but that they will have to acknowledge that we are. We exist, and moreover, so do our families. The image of “family” has to be reexamined, and for some, looking too closely at such a powerful notion is frightening indeed.

Have you seen this cartoon? There’s a big auditorium with about three people sitting among 500 seats. A banner overhead says, “Welcome, Children of Functional Families!”

You know it’s true. You don’t get to pick your parents, or your siblings or other blood relatives, for that matter. But if you look at it another way, we all get to “pick” our families.

For some of us, once we come out of the closet, it is the only way we can have a family. Lord knows that gays have been putting families together with love and U-Hauls, remodeling and joint tenancy agreements, wine-tastings and adoptions and casseroles and schmaltzy vows for longer than athletes have been pretending to be afraid to drop the soap in the shower.

I have pondered our notions of “family.”

Here’s what I find ironic. You get some kind of Hallmark Hall of Fame after-school special where Old Mr. Hutchins is alone and gruff and antisocial and miserable. Then he befriends a troubled orphan and they end up talking to the earnest young minister at the soup kitchen and when the story is over, Old Mr. Hutchins has a “family” that includes the orphan and the minister and the nice young couple on the corner and the Widower Spivey, and the television audience is embarrassedly weeping at the sweetness of it all.

But if Mr. Hutchins tries to make a family family with the Widower Spivey and they want to provide a home for the orphan and his little sister and have the minister and the nice young couple over to dinner once in awhile, some “Christian” or legislator or

both suddenly stops short in the middle of his soap-dropping shower fantasy and hurriedly drafts some kind of Orwellian, you’ve-got-to-be-freaking-kidding-me legislation, never mind the checks and balances because we’re having the Constitution redone anyway!

I’m having trouble finding some accurate fucking empathy.

My therapist went on vacation, if you can believe it. I asked him how he could just waltz off and do self-care and rest somewhere while I’m grappling with my Contextual Orientation, my Homeland Affinity, my very identity as an American. He said, “You have friends.”

Thank God he was right about that, too.

My straight coworkers are great when I spam them with e-mails to write to their congressional representatives. My buddy Chris even gave me a little hug when I was having a particularly bad day. And I got an email from my incredibly smart, witty and stylish friend Lisa. She sent a letter to her Nashville congregation recently and encouraged them, since they have some gay members, to come out as an LGBT-affirming church. She wrote (to me, at least, and by the way, you should read this with a little twang), “I mean, what the hell would Jesus do?”

I sent her an email entitled “Massachusetts Blues” where I lamented having a little breakdown-in-the-ladies-room-at-work after becoming frightened that the August trip that my sweetheart and I had already booked might leave us with vacation photos but no marriage certificate.

She replied, “This is one of several horror shows now playing in the great multiplex of our current government. I love you, honey, and I have no doubt your marriage is as real as the best of them. And eventually it will be ‘legal,’ too.

“Another way to look at it, disturbing, yes, but hopefully perhaps also just a bit validating, is this: If our current president was legally elected, then you’re definitely legally married.”

AberRant Civil Rights, Anyone?

No Thanks, Already Had Some

by Laurie Mecham Great galloping hell, what next?

Seems that some Republican legislators, including our very own huggable good guys Rob Bishop, R, and Jim Matheson, D?, have been thinking — for lack of a better term — and it goes something like this: If we can’t change the Constitution this minute to stop samesex (gag, shudder) marriage, then let’s go the other way around! Remove the jurisdiction of the federal courts and the appellate jurisdiction of the Supreme Court over this one law! Dag-nab-it, Grammaw, I think we got us a prize-winning sow!

Upon hearing of this latest shot from the sweaty, greasy, pock-marked, celluliteridden white hip of the Amoral Minority, I asked some of my straight friends this question: Have you ever had a day where your dog was stolen, then your house got hit by a runaway train, then you were on the bad end of a car wreck, after which you got mugged, whereupon someone at the hospital set your hair on fire? Because that’s kind of how I’m feeling.

Who do you have to screw to get some civil rights around here, anyway? (Please don’t answer that.)

I mean, Lord love a duck, the economy’s as weak as a Deseret News Readers’ Forum argument, we have this little issue I like to call Iraq, Social Security is going the way of full-service gas stations, and 46 percent of lowincome American households have to choose between food and medical care. Do our legislators really have nothing better to do?

I told my therapist that I was feeling lower than the ethical standards of the Salt Lake County Mayor’s office. Why are people getting so crazy about the specter of samesex marriage? I figured that if we “get” the right to marry, then people will feel that it gives queers some kind of godless, un-

Laurie Mecham could use a lovely cocktail right about now.

Ruby Ridge Living Type This!

by Ruby Ridge Dearest readers, you have no idea what an ordeal this issue’s column has been for moi. It’s been a nightmare, darlings — a nightmare, I tell you!

What’s the matter, Ruby? Writer’s block? Carpal tunnel syndrome? Blurred vision?

No, petals: nothing that mundane, but thanks for asking.

In a rare moment of self-improvement, I broke down and bought the Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing CD. Worst of all, peaches, I have been using it!

I have been diligently trying to break my bad typing habits by practicing for an hour a day. Unfortunately, in the process my self-confidence has been destroyed, my pinky fingers ache and suddenly I have the motor coordination of Stephen Hawking (minus his typing speed).

Now, people, I can hack and peck at a keyboard with almost Tina Turner-like ferocity, but to call my former technique “typing” would be far, far too kind. It would be like calling Nancy Workman “sincere.”

And, speaking of Stephen Hawking, I wish he would get off his ass and do some home improvement. I am so sick of seeing about a zillion handicapped parking spaces sitting empty in front of Home Depot and Lowe’s. Seriously, they are never ever used!

If there were any justice in the world and I had my way, those would be Lesbian Only spots. Erase the little painted wheelie character and stencil in a butch sister with sturdy shoes and a wolf hybrid dog. Quarterly sales would skyrocket! But I digress.

Sadly, my little gayter tots, I began my

quest for typing proficiency from a dark place of betrayal, anger and grief. After years of faithful service, my behemoth desktop computer became slower than counter service at Arby’s — which, ironically, is where the computer technician at Comp USA who “repaired” it should be working. On the milkshake machine, mind you, not on anything dangerous like the fat fryer or (God forbid) the meat slicer.

Bitter, Ruby? Oh, a tad, pumpkins.

After paying extra for express repair service at Comp USA, my computer was imprisoned for longer than most Pakistanis spend in Guantanamo Bay. Eventually, the technical mavens installed some new anti-virus software, a new video card, and performed some sort of digital exorcism.

Several hundred bucks later it was returned to me — and guess what? It still didn’t work.

I was livid. In fact, I was so miffed I went to another store and plonked down three thousand bucks for a new laptop. This may sound horribly impulsive, kittens, but the clerk at K-Mart, sensing my emotional turmoil, insisted on a waiting period before I could buy a Mossberg shotgun.

What else could I do? I simply had to channel my anger somewhere. The masochism and self-flagellation of learning to type with a keyboard the size of a smothered burrito seemed to be just the ticket.

The good news is that, despite all of my frustration and cramping, my typing is improving and my new laptop is so much like me it’s spooky. It’s thin, very good looking, and versatile.

Oh wait — that’s my fake profile on gay. com.

Oops; my bad.

Ruby Ridge is one of the more opinionated members of the Utah Cyber Sluts, a camp drag group of performers who raise funds and support local charities. Her opinions are her own and fluctuate wildly due to rising oil prices and seasonal allergies.

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AUGUST 19, 2004

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If you're looking for

Honesty, Integrity & Reliability in your Mortgage Lender, Think DIVERSITY 1ST!

Sane Advice Developing Self-Esteem May Take Time, Energy

by Lee Beckstead & Jim Struve

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www.diversity1st.com

110 WEST BROADWAY (300 SOUTH) • SALT LAKE CITY • 801-519-8515

This week’s column is on the broad topic of developing self-esteem. Simply put, this process is another form of “coming out.” It can involve a lifetime of discovering your true self and changing your relationships to be more in line with what you need. Part of this process of self-discovery is evaluating if what we have learned to believe about ourselves is actually true.

Here’s an example: Let’s suppose you grew up feeling quite different from others, never really fitting in or living up to social standards, and you learned to feel bad about this. You may have heard messages that your romantic or sexual feelings were wrong, sinful, and unnatural or you were told you were too sissy or too butch.

Along with your sexuality and gender being devalued, your family and peers may have neglected you or treated you poorly.

You may have heard people say that your body or ethnicity wasn’t “good enough” or that your ideas and feelings didn’t matter.

Through these experiences, you may now believe — inaccurately — that there is something wrong with you and that you are of little value. Intense obstacles may have been in your way as you were growing up and you may have learned to feel helpless, alone, and powerless in getting what you needed. You may also believe the lies that a “gay lifestyle” only involves a lifetime of loneliness, drugs, promiscuity, selfishness, and disease.

Such restrictive messages and rejecting experiences may have left lasting emotional wounds (some call this “baggage”) that you carry with you everywhere, influencing how you feel about yourself and relate to others. These wounds may undermine your capacity to feel loveable and competent.

Some of us were protected from this wounding by the good fortune of having life-affirming experiences or having contact with loving people or positive role models.

However, the rest of us had to scramble and search for other ways to buffer ourselves from feeling inferior. Some of us may have chosen ineffective survival strategies, such as isolating from self and others, being overly critical to self and others, overachieving and overcompensating, and escaping through substance abuse or sexual addiction.

Such coping responses create more problems and will ultimately lower selfworth. In contrast, resilient coping involves the active rejection of inaccurate self-beliefs and the adoption of attitudes and behaviors that promote well-being and fit who you truly are.

A variety of ways exist for developing self-worth and a positive self-identity. The following list offers some ideas. Be open to the possibility that these suggestions may not “just happen” but instead may require an intentional investment of time and energy. Approaching the list in this manner may make it seem less overwhelming. If you decide to try out some of these sugges-

tions, focus on only one or two before you move on to others.

Be clear about what your interests, values, and ethics are, and then live by these selfchosen, but realistic, standards. Doing so may help you feel good about your life and let others know what kind of person you are.

Here are some questions that may help you understand what’s important to you: “What type of person do I want to be and not want to be?”

“What type of gay person do I want to be and not want to be?”

“What types of relationships do I want and not want?”

“What influences these decisions?”

“What are the short- and long-term consequences of these choices?”

“What do I need to accomplish such choices?”

Choose various ways of expressing your ideas, feelings, needs, and experiences.

Such self-expression can involve journaling or writing, engaging in conversations, listening or creating music, or doing other healthy activities that fit for you.

Accept and validate “the whole package” of yourself. This affirmation involves being comfortable with all your “flaws” while claiming all your strengths. This also means knowing and appreciating your uniqueness.

Meet others like yourself and connect with supportive, “kindred spirits.” If you want to expand your self-identity, then explore a variety of new lifestyles and interests. Ask yourself what feels most comfortable to you at your current stage of life and then incorporate these norms into your life.

What have you learned in your life that helps you like yourself? We’d like to learn from you and hear what you consider important for you and our community’s wellbeing. E-mail us at saneadvice@slmetro. com with your “sane advice” and we’ll share it in this column. Also, if you’re struggling with a particular issue or question, consider dropping us a line and we’ll discuss it and our viewpoint in future columns.

Lee Beckstead, PhD, and Jim Struve, LCSW are private practice psychotherapists in Salt Lake.

Department of Corrections In a recent story [“Educators Respond to ‘Safe Schools’ Findings,” Aug. 5, by Rob Orton], the following quote was incorrectly attributed to Salt Lake City School District public relations director Jason Olsen: “We assumed that everyone had an understanding of what rights and needs people with disabilities have, but in 1991, when congress enacted the Americans with Disabilities Act, we saw exactly what rights had been denied. It took an official document over an inch thick to make the nation look closely at these rights and needs and make adequate provisions — needs and rights that some contend to date are just common sense.”

Salt Lake Metro regrets the error.

AUGUST 19, 2004

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UGRA Rodeo 2004 Schedule Of Events Thursday, August 26, 2004 7:00PM

Grand Marshal Reception Paper Moon

Friday, August 27, 2004 6:00PM – 9:00PM 9:30AM –1:30PM

Contestant Registration (Sheraton City Center) Rodeo Bar Crawl $5 (Free To Contestants With Badge)

Saturday, August 28, 2004 8:00AM 12:00 NOON 1:00PM 8:00PM

Rodeo Ticket Office Opens Rodeo Slack Begins Grand Entry Entertainment and Rodeo Saloon Night At The Trapp And Trapp Door $5 (Free to contestants with badges)

Sunday, August 29, 2004 8:00AM 12:00 Noon 1:00PM* 7:00PM* 8:00PM*

Rodeo Ticket Office Opens, Rodeo Slack Begins Grand Entry Entertainment and Rodeo Cocktail Party at the Trapp Door Awards Ceremony

*Times are subject to change with appropriate notice and posting.

SHUTTLE BUS SERVICE WILL RUN TO AND FROM THE SHERATON AND RODEO GROUNDS THOUGH OUT THE DAY ON BOTH SATURDAY AND SUNDAY. YOU MAY CONTACT THE HOTEL FOR TIME SCHEDULES.

RODEO Events There are 13 events that are run in an IGRA-sanctioned rodeo. Each event is run for both men and women, with some events being combined. Buckles and ribbons are awarded to the top winners in each event. Events include:

Calf Roping on Foot This is the second step in a roper’s career. Most beginning ropers practice on fence posts or other stationary objects and then move in to the arena with a live animal.

The contestant stands in the roping box and when the calf is released, attempts to throw the loop over the calf’s head. Once the loop passes over the calf’s head, the contestant must pull up the slack in the rope.

Break-Away Roping The roper is mounted on horseback with one end of his or her rope tied to the saddle horn by a piece of string. When the calf is released from the chute, the roper will be in hot pursuit with lasso swirling above his or her head. When the loop is thrown, it must pass completely over the calf’s head. As the calf pulls away from the rider and horse, the rope grows taut and will break away from the saddle horn.

Team Roping

AUGUST 19, 2004

Hours of hard work go into the training for this event. This event is loaded with hazards, such as collisions, entanglements, and worst of all, possible loss of fingers. The team consists of two ropers and two well-trained horses. One roper is called the “header” and his or her responsibility is to catch the steer by the horns while the teammate, called the “heeler,” has the responsibility of catching the steer’s back legs, or heels. When the header makes the catch, he or she must wind the rope around the saddle horn, called “dallying off,” and turning the steer away from himself, cause the steer’s heels to fly in the air for the heeler’s loop to catch.

When both ropers have been successful in their tasks, they must turn their horses to face the steer and pull their ropes taut.

Goat Dressing

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This two-person event was created specially for gay rodeo. The team stands 50 feet from the point where the goat is tethered. One of the team members has a pair of jockey-style underwear worn over their forearms. When the whistle sounds, the team runs to the goat. The team member without the underwear picks up the goat’s rear hooves, grabs the underwear from around the other member’s arms, and pulls it up the legs of the goat. Both team members must then race back to the start/finish line and cross the line to stop the time. The underwear must stay over the goat’s tail bone until the timer is tagged by both members.

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Chute Dogging ®

This event is designed to give even the novice a chance to compete in rough stock events. The steer and the contestant both start in the bucking chute and face a 60second time limit. When the chute gate opens, the contestant must bring the steer out

to a 10-foot line in front of the chute, and then attempt to wrestle, or “dog” the steer to the ground. The contestant will turn the steer’s head up and toward the steer’s shoulder, hoping the steer will fall over on its other shoulder, causing all four feet to point in the same direction as the head was turned. If the steer is contrary and falls the other way, it is termed a “dog fall” and the contestant can either attempt to turn the head the same direction or let the steer up and start over. In this event either the contestant “dogs” or gets “dogged.”

Bareback Bronc Riding A specially designed system of leather and cinches used for this event is called a “bareback riggin.” Compared to the bull rope, this one is really tied on to the animal and has a built-in hand hold. Another difference is that the rider must start the ride with both of his or her feet extended forward over the horse’s shoulders and on the first leap out of the chute, “rake” backwards toward the horse’s rump. If the rider misses this, called “marking out,” it does not matter how great the rest of the ride is. He or she will receive a DQ. If the rider is lucky enough to make the six seconds, he or she may be plucked to safety as the two “pick-up men” move in and attempt to rescue the rider from his or her bucking mount. Contestants may elect to ride twohanded from start to finish, but will also receive a lower score.

Barrel Racing

Contestants vie for the fastest time in running a triangular, cloverleaf pattern around three barrels. The horse and rider are allowed a running start and time begins and ends upon crossing a visible starting line. A five-second penalty is assessed for knocking over a barrel. The pattern can be started either from the left or right, and contestants that go off the prescribed course are disqualified.

Steer Decorating

This event requires a two-person team. One member stands 10 feet from the chute gate holding the end of a 25 foot rope, which is looped around the steer’s horns.

The other team member stands 40 feet from the chute and has a 24-inch-long ribbon. When the chute gate opens, the team must bring the steer out and across the 10-foot line. One team member tries to tie the ribbon on the steer’s tail while the other team member tries to remove the rope from the steer’s horns. When the ribbon is on the tail and the loop is off the horns, the ribbon-tier must tag the timer.

Pole Bending In this event, horse and rider compete for fastest time working a linear pattern through six equally spaced poles. The poles must be at least six feet in height and spaced 21 feet apart. A running start is allowed and a five-second penalty will be assessed for knocking a pole down, and disqualification will take place if the team goes off course.

Steer Riding This is a good beginner’s event, but not as easy as it looks. The rider has a “bull rope” wound around the steer just behind the front legs and then around his or her hand; no knots allowed. This handhold and the riders legs, locked like scissors on the steer, are all the rider can count on to stay on top. A rider who is able to spur, or move their legs back and forth on the steer’s sides, will receive a higher score.

Flag Racing

A triangular pattern similar to that of the barrel race is used, with the substitution of a pole in place of barrel number three. The two other barrels will have a bucket, 3/4 full of rabbit pellets, placed on top of it, and a flag in one of these buckets. The rider may choose to run to the right or left. As they pass the first barrel, they pick up the flag, race past the pole, back to the second barrel, and attempt to place the flag in the second bucket. If the rider knocks over the first bucket or the pole, a five-second penalty will be assessed. If the rider does not pick up the flag or misses the second bucket, no time will be given. If the second bucket or barrel are knocked over, the rider is disqualified. Looks easy, but try this at 30-plus miles per hour!

Wild Drag Race

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The Wild Drag Race is an audience favorite all across the IGRA rodeo circuit.

Even though the competition is serious and the payoff sizable, a large number of competitors also believe this to be a very entertaining event for the audience. The drag costumes come from Goodwill stores, from second-hand stores, and many from raiding mom’s closet.

A team is made up of one male, one female, one “drag” (either male or female), and one wild steer. The steer, with a halter and a 25-foot lead rope, is in a bucking chute at the beginning of the event. The cowgirl holds the rope while the cowboy and drag stand 40 feet from the chute. When the chute gate opens, the team tries to direct (or harass) the steer toward the finish line, which is 70 feet from the chute. They must get the steer across the finish line, mount the drag and then ride back across the finish line. The “drag” must be mounted on the steer before the steer starts back across the finish line and must stay on the steer until all four feet of the steer have crossed back across the finish line. Sounds easy, but the drag may get bucked off several times before the event is ever completed!

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The ultimate event of the rodeo, Bull Riding is an advanced version of Steer Riding, but with a half ton more beef to contend with and the added danger that many bulls turn back on the rider and attempt to get even for having their routine disrupted.

Guaranteed, once you are on the bull and the gate opens, few riders ever leave this event without being slammed to the ground and scurrying for cover, as the Bull Fighter moves in to save the cowboy or cowgirl.

SALT LAKE METRO

Bull Riding

Ceremony of the Riderless Horse

IS PROUD TO SPONSOR THE UGRA 2004 RODEO

The Ceremony of the Riderless Horse symbolizes the end of the relationship between horse and rider. Originally a tradition in the U.S. Cavalry, it is a farewell to fallen comrades. The UGRA, in keeping with traditions of the IGRA and other member associations, has chosen to adopt the ceremony as a way of honoring all those members who have been taken from us before their time. With saddened hearts once again UGRA hosts another rodeo with the loss of one of its own members.

With great pride and honor we wish to share with you the spirit of Clair Wade. Clair was the cowboy of the community and began his roots with gay rodeo back in the beginning at the Reno National Gay Rodeo. He was the first recipient of the break-away calf roping buckle at that rodeo and went on to continue winning numerous buckles as an accomplished roper. His love for the western life style and support of rodeo in any manner was evident in his life. He served as president of the UGRA, committee chairperson for past rodeos, was a judge for the IGRA royalty competitions, an active rodeo contestant, and strong supporter of the high school rodeo royalty program. He had a love for what he did and for his family. In honoring Clair, we honor his family as well and thank them for their support of gay rodeo and our dreams to make rodeo a success in this community.

His quick whit, shit-eating grin and always-starched shirt and wranglers were his signature trade mark. At this years rodeo, Clair’s horse Sheila will be presented in memoriam of him and a special award will be presented to his family as UGRA honors the life of Clair A. Wade. He will be missed and always loved and we thank him for sharing so much with us.

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UGRA Rodeo Committee President Vice-President Secretary Treasurer Trustee and Rodeo Director Volunteer Chair Entertainment Chair Vendor Chair Arena Director Chute Coordinator Rodeo Secretary Score Keeper Judges Announcer Auditor Rodeo Contractors

Paul Cucunato Steve Finch Don Willis Jay Dennis Clark Monk Doyle Clayburn Miss UGRA Tracie Aviary Lee Silva Al Wright Panda Champion Michael Kaplin Bruce Roby Frank Elam Jr, Will Hutchingson, Jack Morgan Lewis Sanders Jeff Shaw Danny Clegg, Bad Lands Rodeo Co., and Randy Wade and Family

Special Thanks Thank you to our buckle, ribbon and chute sponsors: Scott Stites Toni Fitzgerald/Paper Moon John Apel Steve Finch and Tim Knight Tony Fantis Leland Flinders and Scott Smith Linda Peterson Wells Fargo Bank Orlando’s Hair Salon Apple Fitness The Country Store Logo Promotions MANY THANKS TO THE VARIOUS SUPPORTERS AND SPONSORS OF UGRA RODEO 2004 & WILD WEST FESTIVAL.

Same-Sex Temple Sealings

Did the Early LDS Church Embrace Homosexual Relationships?

by Ben Williams

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n the mutability of the ever-transforming theology of the Latter Day Saints, a disregarded practice of early Mormonism was the sealing of men to men. Called the “Law of Adoption,” this sacred temple ceremony has been relegated to the dustbin of LDS history, along with the “Oath to Avenge the Blood of the Prophet,” the doctrine of blood atonement, the United Order, plural marriage, slavery, certain skin colorations being considered a curse, Adam being God the Father, and ZCMI. Brigham Young, in a talk given February 16th 1868, proclaimed, “The ordinance of sealing must be performed here man to man, and woman to man, and children to parents, etc., until the chain of generation is made perfect in the sealing ordinances back to father Adam … until the earth is sanctified and prepared for the residence of God and angels.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol.12, p.165).

The sealing of men to men was not an early, LDS version of gay marriage in the 19th Century, however.

It was a means for men to “increase their kingdom” through adoption, in the same way that being sealed to women was a means to increase a man’s kingdom through sexual reproduction. The sealing of men to men was a non-sexual way for men in the early Mormon Church to multiply and increase in status — here on earth as well as in the hereafter.

AUGUST 19, 2004

Nineteenth-Century LDS temple rituals included the practice of “sealing” men to men. While modern church authorities have nearly eradicated all evidence of this arcane practice, some historians cite it as evidence that the early church embraced homosexual relationships — but are they right?

The practice of sealing men to men was instituted by Joseph Smith before the Mormons left Nauvoo to come to Utah. An article concerning the Law of Adoption appeared in the Mormon Church’s publication The LatterDay Saints’ Millennial Star in June 1843. LDS historian Gordon Irving stated that while “no consensus exists with regard to the date when the first adoptions were performed ... it is certainly possible, perhaps probable, that Joseph Smith did initiate certain trusted leaders into the adoptionary order as early as 1842.” (Brigham Young University Studies, Spring 1974, p. 295).

Mormon historian Michael Quinn believes that Joseph Smith was not hostile to male-to-male intimacy as are the LDS General Authorities of today. In an article entitled “Male-Male Intimacy Among Nineteenth-Century Mormons: A Case Study” published in Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Quinn suggested that during Smith’s 1843 funeral address for Lorenzo D. Barns, the Mormon prophet hinted at a special relationship between male friends in the eternal hereafter: “It is pleasing for friends to lie down together, locked in the arms of love, to sleep and wake in each other’s embrace.” (Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Winter 1995, p. 110).

Antonio Feliz, one of the founders of the Restoration Church of Jesus Christ and author of Out of the Bishop’s Closet, stated in a pamphlet titled “Jonathan Loved David” that this funereal address amounted to a coded endorsement of homosexuality among the Saints.

However, in context, the statement as recorded by Smith reads as follows: “It has always been considered a great calamity not to obtain an honorable burial. ... If tomorrow I shall be called to lie in yonder tomb, in the morning of the resurrection let me strike hands with my father, and cry, ‘My father.’ ... When we lie down we contemplate how we may rise in the morning; and it is pleasing for friends to lie down together, locked in the arms of love, to sleep and wake in each other’s embrace. … When the voice calls for the dead to arise, suppose I am laid by the side of my father, what would be the first joy of my heart? To meet my father, my mother, my brother, my sister; and when they are by my side, I embrace them and they me.” (History of the Church, Vol. 5, p. 361).

Mormon apologist George L. Mitton, horrified that Quinn interpreted this passage as having anything to do with homosexuality, wrote a letter to the editor of Dialogue, claiming that “the ‘arms of love’ is a scriptural allusion — the imagery of godly love as the Lord extends it at the resurrection and otherwise.” (Dialogue: A Journal of Mormon Thought, Winter 1996, pp. v-ix).

Some church historians claim that embarrassing anachronisms from Mormon history, such as the doctrine of blood atonement practiced during the Mormon Reformation, were only literary devises. Not so — the early, blood-and-guts Mormons were straightforward and said what they meant, leaving it to their nambypamby descendants to whitewash their words. However, it would be a stretch to consider the “friends … locked in the arms of love” passage as an endorsement of any sexual orientation outside the heterosexual norm.

Still, it is often cited by optimistic, latter-day homosexuals as proof of Smith’s intention to sanctify a union for homosexuals — if only he had lived longer.

There is little support for this view, except for the anachronistic Law of Adoption — the early church practice of sealing men to men. And there is no evidence that the sealing of men to men was a backdoor attempt to sanctify homosexuality.

However, in an April 1997 Salt Lake City Messenger article, Jerald and Sandra Tanner wrote, “The practice certainly could have opened a door for those predisposed to homosexual temptations.” Their argument was that “men who were sealed to one another were likely to

FEATURE have closer contact with one another than those who did not enter into the practice,” and therefore more open to an intimate relationship — much like “some missionaries, who ... constantly in close contact with their companions [have] yielded to homosexual activities.”

What then was the purpose of sealing men to men? The noted Mormon historian Juanita Brooks wrote, “If the prophet Joseph were to become a God over a minor planet, he must not only have a large posterity but able assistants of practical skills. Brigham Young had been ‘sealed’ to Joseph under this law; now he in turn had some 38 young men sealed to him.”

(John D. Lee: Zealot, Pioneer Builder, Scapegoat, p. 73).

Brigham Young’s grandson Kimball Young, as chairman of the sociology department at Northwestern University, wrote of male-to-male dynamics in Brigham Young’s time: “To understand the role and status and the accompanying selfimages of men and women in polygamy, we must recall that Mormondom was a male-dominated society. The priesthood — which only men could hold — was in complete control, and celestial marriage, either monogamous or polygamous, exemplified the higher status of men. Women were viewed as of lesser worth, to be saved through men holding the priesthood.”

In a patriarchal society it is necessary to develop a form of male bonding to show status, rank, and privilege. Early Mormon males competed not only for women but also for men.

Concerning the Law of Adoption, western historian Hubert Howe Bancroft wrote this: “The father may be either younger or older than the son, but in any case assumes the character of guardian, with full control of the labor and estate of the adopted son. Many young men give themselves over to the leaders as ‘eternal sons’ in the hope of sharing the honor of their adopted parents.” (History of Utah, p. 361).

It is interesting that adopted sons in the sealing ceremony of men to men were sometimes older than the men who adopted them. Gordon Irving revealed a case in which two men “could not agree on a sealing ceremony because they both wanted to be the father.” Albert K.

Thurber’s autobiography mentioned that in 1850, Mormon patriarch Benjamin F. Johnson approached him and, “in a roundabout way, proposed for me to be adopted to him.”

Thurber told the presumptuous Johnson, “I thought it would be as well for him to be adopted by me.” (Brigham Young University Studies, Spring 1974, p. 304). The word “proposed” as used by Thurber conjures up many interesting scenarios of submission and dominance.

On April 6, 1862, Brigham Young claimed that the practice of sealing men to men was “a great and glorious doctrine,” but that many men were being sealed for the wrong reasons: “By this power, men will be sealed to men back to Adam, completing and making perfect the chain of the Priesthood from this day to the winding-up scene.

I have known men that I positively think would fellowship the Devil, if he would agree to be sealed to them. ‘Oh, be sealed to me, brother; I care not what you do. You may lie and steal, or anything else, I can put up with all your meanness, if you will only be sealed to me.’

Now this is not so much weakness as it is selfishness. It is a great and glorious doctrine, but the reason I have not preached it in the midst of this people, is I could not do it without turnaing so many of them to the Devil.

Some would go to hell for the sake of getting the Devil sealed to them.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 9, p. 269).

The sealing of men to men actually was a more sacred principle than Celestial Marriage, according to Brigham Young. In a discourse Young gave on September 4, 1873, he said, “We can seal women to men, but not men to men without a Temple.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 16, p. 186).

A sermon by Brigham Young, reported

by John Read, in a letter to one of his wives, revealed that Young referred to some future time “when men would be sealed to men in the priesthood in a more solemn ordinance than that by which women were sealed to men, and in a room over that in which women were sealed to man in the temple of the Lord.”

Wilford Woodruff, the fourth president of the LDS church, wrote in his journal that he “officiated in adopting 96 men to men.” (Wilford Woodruffs’ Journal, edited

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“The sealing of men to men actually was a more sacred principle than Celestial Marriage, according to Brigham Young. ‘We can seal women to men, but not men to men without a Temple.’”

but only one at a time on earth. The

by Scott G. Kenney, 1985, Vol. 9, p. 408). practice of sealing men to men was also Kimball Young stated that the sealing modified to the sealing of descendants to of men to men was evidence “of deep, ancestors, and was eventually dropped psychological Brüderschaft (brotherhood)” characterized by “obviously latent altogether. The great genealogical movement within the LDS Church accelerated homosexual features.” He compares “the rapidly after this change.

Mormon system, with all its ecclesiastiThe practice of sealing of men to men cal trappings and military controls” to is also lost within the myriad Mormon similar organizations which had “strong fundamentalist churches that maintain homosexual components.” that they are the guardians of the original According to Kimball Young, “This is true of armies; it is true of priestly orders in teachings of Joseph Smith. Some rigorously uphold the ceremony of bedding female all religions; and certainly in many aspects child brides and continue to form societies of the occupational guilds of the Middle based upon religious communism, but Ages.” (Isn’t One Wife Enough? The Story of none have retained the Law of Adoption.

Mormon Polygamy, 1954, pp. 278-280).

Today the LDS Brigham Young Church has even had many wives. “modified” passages No one knows of The Journal of for sure the exact Discourses, eliminatcount, but 27 ing most references seems to be the to the sealing of men official number. to men. One such However, he did passage has been not respect or enjoy changed to read: their company and “The ordinance of society. “There are sealing must be perprobably but few formed here [son] to men in the world [father], and woman who care about the to man” instead of private society of “man to man.” Modwomen less than ern church authoriI do.” (Journal of ties obviously would Discourses, Vol. not want Brigham 5, p. 99). He had Young’s comments numerous offconcerning men bespring, but had ing sealed to men to little interaction be perceived even as with their growth or —Joseph Smith a mild endorsement development, seeof same-sex unions. ing them more as Another example an extension of his is found in the pasproperty in an Old sage where Brigham Young stated: “Then Testament manner. man will be sealed to man until the chain Young had no great fondness for men is made perfect.” (Journal of Discourses, either — using them or abusing them Vol. 15, p. 139). It now reads, “Then [chilalways for the building up of the Kingdren] will be sealed to [parents] until the dom of God, of which he was the chief chain is made perfect.” benefactor. He had 38 men sealed to The temples are used exclusively for him, including John D. Lee who was actindividual sacred ceremonies known as ing on Young’s behalf as an adopted son “endowments,” as well as baptisms for, at Mountain Meadows in 1857. and “sealings” to, the dead. The temples In fact, the only person with whom are kept active by the gathering of exYoung seemed to have developed a deep emotional attachment was Joseph Smith. tensive genealogies, where proven legal documentation of a familial relationship Brigham Young recorded several visions must exist before a sealing will ever be or dreams he had of the slain Smith, performed between men. wherein Young would throw his arms The temples are also matrimonial around his mentor, embrace him and factories churning out thousands of cover him in “kisses and tears.” heterosexual weddings daily in which Young’s last words on his deathbed women are sealed to men for time were neither for his wives nor children and all eternity (but never vice-versa.) but for his beloved Joseph, his adopted Children not “born under the covenant” father from whom he maintained he are also sealed to them for eternity in received the “keys” to become lord and temple rituals. king on earth as well as in heaven.

The ceremony known as the Law of When Wilford Woodruff became presiAdoption, whereby a man could have dent of the LDS Church, many former any number of men adopted to him as practices found in temples were abaneternal sons has been completely abandoned or modified. Churchmen could doned. More’s the pity. still have more than one wife in heaven,

“... it is pleasing for friends to lie down together, locked in the arms of love, to sleep and wake in each other’s embrace.”

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6pm, Kerrick Building, 236 S. Main. $10 donation requested at the door. Mike, 746-1314.

THE GAY AGENDA Thursday, August 19

issue that will be addressed in this first seminar. See the news story on page six of this issue.

SING OUT. Are some of your best perfor7pm, Pioneer Precinct, 1040 W. 700 South. mances in your shower or car? Sing with Free. a fabulous group of guys HOMO MOVIES. by joining the Break out the Salt Lake Men’s popcorn laden Choir, one of with enough Utah’s largest saturated fat to and longest make a blood running memvessel burst, the ber-supported youth activarts organizaity center at the Salt Lake Men’s Choir at the Gay Games in Sydney, Australia. tions in the Center is preThe Choir is open to new members August 19 and 26. state. The senting the YAC Choir performs Film Festival — home movies made by in four major concerts per year and various queer youth. The audience will vote on other events that support the community. awardsfor the best scary, comedy, drama, Having performed in the Sydney Opera documentry, mystery, coming out and House, the Choir is setting its sites for Gay first experience.

Games or Rendezvous in 2006.

7:30pm, The Center, 355 N. 300 West. ‘bob’ 6:45pm, All Saints Episcopal Church 1700 S. Foothill Drive.

Friday, August 20

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AUGUST 19, 2004

LOVE A MAN IN UNIFORM. The Public Safety Liaison Committee is beginning their series of public safety workshops geared specifically for our community. Samesex domestic violence is an important

538-8800 x14.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO A SILENT AUCTION. Art Against Amendment 3 will exhibit and auction artwork from local artists Trevor Southey, Steven Sheffield, Sandee Parsons, Karen Brinkerhoff, JoNell Evans, Shelleigh Stott, Christina Schmidt and Greg Ragland. Proceeds from the event will benefit the Don’t Amend campaign.

ROCKY HORROR MEETS TOTO IN POCATELLO. Walter! — the man with an exclamation point in his name — and star of the longest running show in Tahoe, Carnival Cabaret, presents an updated production of Oz ... the Twisted in Pocatello, Idaho. S/he’s just a world-renowned artist, isn’t s/he? Walter! The Rube, See Sabbathon, August 22 plays the angelic DoroYOU GOT TO PLEASE YOURSELF. Lesbians thy (a stretch) and Ruby Slippers is the Wicked Witch, Siren Vaughan the Tin Man and margaritas mix at the sWerve Garden Party as the band Honey drips their and Fluffy is Toto. Don’t ask. Don’t tell. dulcet tones all over the prickly pears 8pm, Charleys, 331 E. Center Street, Pocatelof Cactus and Tropicals. Wear your best lo, Idaho. Tickets $10 in advance. Seating is sarong or beach towel and cross your limited. www.prIdaho.org. fingers that you get the raffle ticket that wins the Olivia Bahamas Cruise. Proceeds will help set up a scholarship fund POKE A FELLOW. The fourth annual for local women.

PrIdaho — Southeastern Idaho’s pride 7pm, Cactus and Tropicals, 2735 S. 2000 East. Tickets $15. www.sWerveUtah.com. festival — is just two hours north on I-15 in Pocatello, Idaho. Many Salt Lake City performers will join the locals in an afternoon of frivolity and an evening of DAY OF HEADBANGING. SLUG Magazine’s dance with the potato-fed boys and girls Sabbathon raises funds for various chariof the area. ties each year. This Noon–11pm, year, proceeds go to across from CharMusic for America, an leys, 331 E. Center organization attemptStreet, Pocatello ing to rally a million Idaho. prIdaho.org. voters to the polls for this year’s election. 14 A LOFT FOR YOUR bands will perform LOAFERS. The from 2 in the afteroon Downtown Allito the wee hours of the ance hosts an opmorning — which in portunity to look Salt Lake means 1am. into the medicine Cherem, Her Candane, cabinets of all Le Force, Morlocks, the most fab Pushing Up Daisies, downtown lofts, LB1 Kanobe and Michelle Malone. See Friday, August 27.

Redemption, Rope Or condos and apartBullets, The Rubes, ments as part of the Downtown Living Smashy Smashy, Spanky Van Dyke, Tour. A free bus hauls you from Farmer’s Starmy, Thunderfist , Unlucky Boys. Salt Market at Pioneer Park to all the cribs Lake Metro is helping sponsor this event. your heart desires. Salt Lake Metro teams 2pm–1am, In the Venue, a private club for up for a ‘special’ bus — no, not the short members, 579 W. 200 South. Tickets $5. bus — at 4pm. Come join us as we show www.slugmag.com downtown Salt Lakers some Queer Eye. MEN IN SUITS. Queer Utah Aquatic Club 10am–4pm, Pioneer Park. Free. brings back Aqua AID, joined this year downtownslc.org. Metro bus at 4pm. by the Salt Lake Men’s Choir, for an afternoon poolside with boys in Speedos

Saturday, August 21

Sunday, August 22

3–6pm at the home of Joe Pitti and Mark Chambers, 325 N. Quince Street (150 West). $40 donation to the Utah AIDS Foundation.

RSVP to 487-2323.

Tuesday, August 24

PANINI PARTY FOR PRECIOUS RIGHTS. OUT Against Amendment 3 brings their party to Panini for their fabulous food to raise funds to defeat the anti-gay marriage amendment. A goal of $55,000 by the end of the month was just announced to help buy television ads and other ways of getting out the message.

7-9pm, Panini, 299 S. Main Street. $5 donation is requested at the door.

Friday, August 27 MOANIN’ MALONE — BUT NOT THE ONE WITH HUGE HANDS. Reviewed as “Patsy Cline meets The Georgia Satellites - part smoldering angel, part devil-may-care scorcher, but all Moanin’ Malone,” Michelle Malone is about to celebrate the year anniversary of her latest CD, Stompin’ Grounds.

HARP Magazine called the CD, “2003’s handsdown best Americana release from a female singer-songwriter.” She’ll croon for the crowd at MoDigg’s along with LB1 Kanobe.

9pm, MoDiggity’s, a private club for members, 3424 S. State Street. Tickets $10–12, MoDiggitys.com or 832-9000.

Saturday, August 28

Sunday, August 29 SALUD. The Utah AIDS Foundation will sponsor Invenio Latino — a health summit for Latino gay men. Participants will have the opportunity to discuss healthy lifestyle issues specifically from the standpoint of gay Latinos.

2–4pm, Centro de la Familia, 3780 S. West Temple. Juan Lopez, 577-5927 or Tyler, 4872323. utahaids.org.

GAGGLES OF GAYS OVERRUN LAGOON. Eat enough amusement park hot dogs and drink enough beer so you spray puke all over the people in line during your thirtieth whirl on the Rocko-Planes. Ahhh, those were the days. Relive them surounded by your queer peers as Salt Lake Metro hosts Gay Day at Lagoon. Wear a red t-shirt so everyone in the park will ask what family reunion you are part of.

Join us for a group photo in the plaza outside Dracula’s Castle at 4pm. Save $6.50 with discount coupons.

10am–7pm, Lagoon Amusement Park, Farmington Utah.

Discount coupons available at many bars, the Center and the Salt Lake Metro offices.

Monday, August 30 MORE DATES IN A NIGHT THAN A TRUE HOOKER. Salt Lake Metro and Club Panini’s Speed Dating returns for a second round.

Meet several people for 7 minutes apiece for a quick ‘date.’ Mark the form which people you want to meet again sometime, and if they chose you as well, you will each be given contact info for that next step in the dating game — a real live honest-to-goodness longer-than-a-quickie date. Call beforehand to register.

7pm, Club Panini, a private club for members, 299 S. Main Street. 535-4300.

Upcoming SEPTEMBER 9–12 Gay Wendover Weekend. slmetro.com/wendover SEPTEMBER 5, Labor Day Weekend Luau.

SEPTEMBER 10, Student Safety seminar, 7pm, Pioneer Precinct.

SEPTEMBER 18, Taste of the Titanic, Panini, slmetro.com/titanic

Artist David Ruhlman standing in front of his piece, “Children Have Small Ghosts”

Local Artists Transcend Ordinary Experience

by Bill DeLoach

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“Transcendence” runs through September 19 at the Salt Lake Art Center Main Gallery, 20 S. West Temple, 328-4201, www.SLArtCenter.org. Contact Lincoln Lysager at moulage@hotmail.com or David Ruhlman at ddayvidd@hotmail.com.

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“Transcendence” is the quality or state of being transcendent — exceeding usual limits; extending or lying beyond the limits of ordinary experience. Adopted as the title for the current exposition at the Salt Lake Art Center Main Gallery, Transcendence features five local artists: Lewis Francis, Lincoln Lysager, David Ruhlman, Anne Watson and Maryann Webster.

The premise for this exhibition, says Jim Edwards, curator of exhibitions at the Salt Lake Art Center, began with the desire to feature contemporary Salt Lake City-based artists working in diverse media as well as forms of expression. But as he and Ric Collier, the Salt Lake Art Center Director, began their curatorial task of selecting artists and works for the exhibit, they became aware of a recurring theme of symbolic renewal that was being addressed by all five of the artists.

It is this sense of renewal that, by its alchemical and apocalyptic themes, weaves through and binds together works that otherwise may be only marginally related. In spite of the diversity of media, expression and personal styles, the art tends to reflect states of transcendence, representations of experience beyond ordinary thought and belief.

From Marianne Webster’s tattooed ceramic dolls, to Louis Francis’ haunting photographs of salt-encrusted pylons, to Anne Watson’s moving “painted journal” chronicling the passing of her mother, to Lincoln Lysager and David Ruhlman’s imaginatively cryptic, mixed-media panels, a sense of otherworldliness is strongly implied throughout this exhibit.

Born in Denver, Lysager’s roots are in

Utah. He began artistic expression very early and was stimulated by his grandmother — the creative part of him has always been there, and in his teen years he began working with other artists on collaborative works.

Ruhlman, on the other hand, was born in Stuttgart, Germany. David too, began at an early age. Most of his immediate family was involved in creating art in some manner.

The fact that he and Lysager have been “doing this all their lives without any outside art people getting involved or being forced into creating some ‘art thing’” is one reason for them being at Transcendence: “Art is a part of my life, and it’s what I do.”

Asking them where they get their inspiration brought a plethora of responses: emotions, atmospheres, landscapes, music, soundscapes, places. However, you never know when the feeling will hit and, by the same token, when you will encounter a brick wall. According to Lysager, “It’s a very personal thing sometimes.”

“I get inspired by things I see and books I read,” said Ruhlman. Together, they may create a series of works from just one inspiration or the feeling may only produce one design.

Both work in a variety of media: collage, acrylics, oil pastels, colored pencils. One of their favorite techniques is to work in a darkened room. After the work has been created, they bring it into the light to see the completed piece.

AUGUST 19, 2004

WRANGLER BUTTS DRIVE ME NUTS. Dig out your cowboy boots and tightest Wranglers and drive the fifteen minutes north to the Davis County Fairgrounds for the first climate-controlled gay rodeo in Utah. Contestants from all over the United States will be in town to wrangle bulls, cross-dress goats and hook their fingers on their belt buckles.

Also, join the guys and gals at Saloon Night on Saturday night and the Awards Ceremnoy on Sunday night at the Trapp.

Noon Saturday and Sunday. Davis County Fairgrounds, Farmington Utah. ugra.net.

8pm Saloon Night at the Trapp, a private club for members, 102 S. 600 West.

KYRBIR IS-P-

to benefit the Utah AIDS Foundation.

QUAC will perform their now-famous water ballet as you munch on hors d’oeuvres and slurp your favorite gindrenched drink.

Now Playing A CINDERELLA STORY Sam (Hilary Duff) is this fairy tale’s Cinderella, a San Fernando Valley girl being raised by a cruel stepmother (Jennifer Coolidge) and denied the usual middle-class teen amenities like hot clothes and the chance to attend the homecoming dance where her secret admirer/Prince Charming (Chad Michael Murray) awaits. That her outfits, funky attic room, and vintage baby-blue Mustang convertible are still nicer than what most kids her age have is lost on the filmmakers, whose Hollywood version of deprivation is warped beyond recognition.

In fact, also lost on the creators of this dull retelling of the classic story is any sense of humor, wit, or romance. Even one of those qualities could have saved it from becoming another barrel-bottomscraping exercise in teen marketing, but none are in evidence, and it’ll be the wise 15 year-old girl who demands her ticket money back.

Grade: D / Kinsey Scale: 1 (There are gay-ish moments, like the nameless and effeminate synchronized swim coach who appears in a scene with the bumbling stepsisters. Worse, there’s a somewhat bothersome moment when Murray questions the gender of his asyet-unseen beloved via cell-phone instant message, promising to “kick [his] butt” if Duff turns out to be male — Prince Charming, indeed. Gay favorite Coolidge played a lesbian in Best in Show.)

A HOME AT THE END OF THE WORLD High-school friends Bobby (Colin Farrell) and Jonathan (Dallas Roberts) reunite in Manhattan five years after the intensity of a brief sexual relationship between them drove them apart. When bisexual Bobby falls in love with their roommate, Clare (Robin Wright Penn), the trio’s sexual

tension threatens to create a new rift, but the orphaned Bobby is determined to keep his self-created family together.

Written by The Hours novelist Michael Cunningham, this moving drama focuses on character and emotional resonance over action, gaining an epic sweep from its time frame set between 1967 and the AIDS-ravaged early ’80s. The slow pace pays off as director Michael Mayer allows the moments to stretch, deepening this portrait of a relationship and adding a layer of suspense.

Grade: A- / Kinsey Scale: 4 (The movie is frank but discreet in limning the affair between Bobby and Jonathan, and Farrell’s full-frontal nude scene has been cut. Both Cunningham and Mayer are gay.

Roberts played queer in an off-Broadway revival of Lanford Wilson’s Burn This, while co-star Wendy Crewson appeared in The Matthew Shepard Story.)

THE BOURNE SUPREMACY Jason Bourne (Matt Damon) thought he’d left his old life as a skilled assassin behind. But then he’s found by Russian criminals, framed with a crime he didn’t commit, and forced back into action. Add to his headache a CIA chief (Joan Allen) one step behind him and nightmares of memories he can’t quite piece together from a life he no longer remembers.

There’s plenty of globetrotting location scenery to enjoy and the even more enjoyable sight of a grim, anxious Damon forgetting that he’s a movie star for a moment and really investing himself in Bourne, a hunted man who becomes the hunter himself. This still-chilly bit of postCold War espionage is made fresh with violent, seizure-inducing camera work and a death-defying car chase that will leave audiences breathless. It’s that rare summer thing: a sequel that matches its original, and an action-thriller that doesn’t

Kinsey Scale: 0 – not gay at all 6 – gay as a bunny

leave viewers feeling empty.

Grade: A / Kinsey Scale: 1 (There’s no gay content, but some cast members have been in gay-themed films and/or films by gay directors. Damon starred in Gus Van Sant’s Good Will Hunting and as the sexually ambiguous title character in The Talented Mr. Ripley. Co-star Brian Cox played a gay pedophile in the indie film L.I.E., while co-star Gabriel Mann had small roles in I Shot Andy Warhol and Stonewall.)

CATWOMAN Cosmetics magnate Laurel Hedare (Sharon Stone) orders employee Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) sent to a watery grave after Patience uncovers damaging information about Hedare’s latest product.

A friendly feline resurrects the drowned woman with the power of its kitty breath, transforming the formerly mousy artist into a whip-wielding, morally ambiguous superhero with nonhuman agility and a newfound interest in dominatrix wear.

The emphasis is on special effects and editing over plot, character, motivation, or suspense in this brain-dead actioner.

The camera never stops moving, as if to distract from a story that is so pointless that the actors might as well be a tabby’s rubber mice. Whenever actual cats are on the screen, the movie turns lively and funny, but those moments are sadly few.

Grade: C / Kinsey Scale: 1 (The movie never bothers to explore the obvious homoerotic possibilities of the leatherclad Berry battling sleek Stone. Stone’s breakthrough role was as a bisexual serial killer in Basic Instinct, while co-star Benjamin Bratt received kudos for playing the bisexual Pinero. Co-star Frances Conroy is a regular on Six Feet Under and also appeared in Die, Mommie, Die!)

COLLATERAL Mild-mannered L.A. cab driver Max (Jamie Foxx) picks up slickly dressed, gray-haired Vincent (Tom Cruise) in his cab and winds up being kidnapped by the contract killer and forced to drive from hit to hit in this tense, elegantly directed thriller from Michael Mann (The Insider, Heat). While there’s nothing new happening here, Mann uses the catand-mouse formula well by shrinking its physical scope (imagine the cat swatting that doomed mouse inside a car for two hours) and playing his actors against type. The normally funny Foxx is deadly serious and conflicted, while the often irritatingly heroic Cruise gets to be an evil, murderous machine. The audience gets a nearly flawless, nerve-wracked bit of escapist fun.

Grade: A / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Neither Foxx nor Cruise have played gay, but supporting cast member Jada PinkettSmith starred in the lesbian-inclusive crime drama Set It Off; co-star Irma P. Hall appeared in Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil; and co-star Javier Bardem played gay in Before Night Falls, as well as appearing in Pedro Almodovar’s Live Flesh and High Heels.)

FAHRENHEIT 9/11 Filmmaking provocateur Michael Moore takes aim at the Bush administration with this passionate documentary that begins with the contested 2000 presidential election, jumps to the September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, and then examines the aftermath of those events — from curtailment of civil liberties under the Patriot Act, to our current occupation of Iraq. Moore gathers excerpts from the administration’s own sound bites, man-on-the-street interviews, network news clips, and devastating footage from the Iraqi war zone to build his case for American regime change.

He paints a devastating portrait of a rogue government — in the pocket of corporate interests — that has taken full advantage of the post-9/11 climate of fear. Moore gives us the very definition of the “ugly American” with this discomforting and unforgettable film.

Grade: A / Kinsey Scale: 0 (There is no sexual content of any kind, but the subject matter is vital to every American regardless of orientation.)

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AUGUST 19, 2004

I, ROBOT

Sunday, August 22 @ In the Venue (formarlly Brick's) 579 West 200 South

2pm-1am • $5 • All proceeds benefit MusicForAmerica.org

In 2035 Chicago, luddite detective Del Spooner (Will Smith) harbors a paranoid fear of the robots everyone else has come to depend on. When he suspects that one of them murdered scientist Alfred Lanning (James Cromwell), his superiors consider the theory a fantasy until marauding machines threaten the city. With the volatile cop battling robots at every opportunity, this thriller — loosely based on Isaac Asimov stories — emphasizes action over sci-fi. Purists may scoff at that, while everyone else will be shocked by truly wretched special effects that reduce Smith’s muscular antics to cartoon mayhem, destroy any semblance of suspense, and create unintentional laughs by rendering the supposedly fearsome robots so poorly that they are about as formidable as Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Grade: C- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Though there is no pressing reason for Smith to get naked, he shows off his buff body in an early shower scene. Additionally, the actor played gay in Six Degrees of Separation. Cromwell appeared in HBO’s Angels in America.)

LITTLE BLACK BOOK Stacy (Brittany Murphy), an associate producer on an exploitation-reality show, has doubts about boyfriend Derek’s (Ron Livingston) level of commitment.

Searching through his Palm Pilot she uncovers, to her surprise, old relationships with strings still attached. Complicating matters is her own tendency toward deception, a trait aggravated by her coworker Barb (Holly Hunter), until her lies spin out of control. Also out of control is the script, which doesn’t know if it wants to be a crowd-pleasing romantic comedy or a somewhat comedic drama about

betrayal and stooping to conquer. Good performances from Murphy and Hunter make for interesting watching, but in the end they’re both trapped, trying to save a movie from a disastrous momentum they didn’t create and can’t stop.

Grade: C- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Murphy played a lesbian in Freeway and the TV movie Common Ground. Hunter played Billie Jean King in the TV movie When Billie Beat Bobby, and her characters in Living Out Loud and Crash flirted with lesbianism. Co-star Kathy Bates was also in Fried Green Tomatoes, and Ron Livingston was a regular on the gayadjacent Sex and the City. )

THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE Nightmares of bizarre wartime mindcontrol experiments plague Gulf War veteran Bennett Marco (Denzel Washington), who becomes increasingly convinced the dreams are real. When fellow vet Raymond Shaw (Liev Schreiber), an amiable congressman under the thumb of his powerful mother (Meryl Streep), becomes a vice-presidential nominee, Marco races to prove his suspicions before the brainwashed candidate can assume his position a heartbeat away from the presidency. Based on a Cold War-era novel (which was also made into a 1962 movie), this paranoid thriller adds to today’s political discourse as it transforms the villains from Communists into Halliburton-like corporate titans.

Director Jonathan Demme ignores gaping holes in the plot as he effectively ratchets the level of suspense, but the talented cast is wasted on characters that operate as little more than pieces on a chessboard.

Grade: B- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Washington previously worked with Demme on the AIDS drama Philadelphia, while both Streep and co-star Jeffrey Wright appeared in HBO’s Angels in America.)

THE NOTEBOOK Octogenarian Noah Calhoun (James Garner) spends his days trying to reach out to his dementia-afflicted wife, Allie (Gena Rowlands), by repeatedly telling her the story of their early life together.

That WWII-era romance unfolds as a Romeo-and-Juliet-style tale, as upperclass young Allie’s (Rachel McAdams) uptight mother (Joan Allen) tries to keep her daughter away from blue-collar Noah (Ryan Gosling). Garner’s moving performance is the best thing about this weepie based on Nicholas Sparks’ bestseller, but he’s acting in a vacuum opposite Rowlands, whose confusion never registers as authentic. The flashbacks to the couple’s youth also come across as false. McAdams and Gosling never connect emotionally; the blandly pretty McAdams offers a petulant, onenote performance, and Gosling’s shaggy, anachronistic appearance evokes not the 1940s but the 1960s.

Grade: C- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Twenty years ago Garner played sexual panic for laughs when he portrayed a straight mobster who falls for what he thinks is a drag queen in Victor/Victoria.)

THE PRINCESS DIARIES 2 The sequel to the popular 2001 family comedy begins with the elevation of Princess Mia (Anne Hathaway) to Genovia’s queen being thwarted by an obscure law that decrees only a married woman can rule. Given 30 days to find a husband, Mia settles for an arranged marriage with Andrew (Callum Blue), only to realize that she’s falling in love with dishy Sir Nicholas (Chris Pine) — the man who would usurp her throne.

This empty-headed, predictable romantic comedy is plumped like a sausage with pointless filler — an all-princess slumber party, for example — in director Garry Marshall’s desperate attempt to bolster a wafer-thin story. The production is handsome and so is the bland, personality-free cast, but pretty pictures and people do little to alleviate the tedium of this royal bore.

Grade: D / Kinsey Scale: 1 (One of Mia’s rejected suitors is gay, as is her hairdresser, played in stereotypically

flaming fashion by Larry Miller. Co-stars Julie Andrews, Heather Matarazzo, and Kathleen Marshall have all appeared in queer-themed projects.)

SHE HATE ME

Jack Armstrong (Anthony Mackie) has a plateful of trouble. He’s a corporate whistle-blower who’s just been fired and is being hounded by the Feds; his parents never stop fighting; and his lesbian ex-girlfriend, Fatima (Kerry Washington), and her partner both want him to impregnate them. Soon afterward, Fatima begins a side business in which Jack acts as sperm donor to a group of upwardly mobile lesbians at $10,000 a pop. Like Jack, director Spike Lee has trouble, too — only his is of the filmmaking variety. Lee is a scattershot director, juggling storylines and writing ranting, polemical dialogue that could only work in his own heavily stylized movies. And when his chaos works, as in Do the Right Thing, it can be brilliant. But when it doesn’t, as in this film, it’s a big, if well-intentioned, mess.

Grade: C+ / Kinsey Scale: 5 (There’s pervasive lesbian content, but lesbian viewers may find it problematic that every lesbian character in the film feels the need to actually engage in passionate sex with Jack in order to conceive a baby. Turkey basters are mentioned but not taken seriously. Otherwise, it’s clear that Lee is trying to fuse the straight male perception of hot, lipstick lesbians with a more feminist perspective. It works occasionally. Mackie also appears in the upcoming gay-themed film Brother to Brother.)

SPIDER-MAN 2

Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) has mixed feelings about being Spider-Man. He also has a full plate of trouble. His erstwhile girlfriend (Kirsten Dunst) may marry a man she doesn’t love; his best friend (James Franco) wants to kill Spider-Man to avenge his own father’s death; his beloved aunt is bankrupt; and, worst of all, Doctor Octopus (Alfred Molina) wants to destroy New York. Director Sam Raimi balances these stories and keeps breathing life and humor into a sequelready franchise that could, in less caring hands, simply become an assembly line of big-budget blockbusters, all sensation and no emotional weight. This Spider-Man, however, is a complicated superhero, a beleaguered, sometimes weak Everyman who happens to be able to save the lives of people in outof-control speeding trains with his superstrong sticky web. And he’s just what the summer movie schedule needs.

Grade: A- / Kinsey Scale: 1 (Molina starred as Joe Orton’s lover in Prick Up Your Ears, while Franco played James Dean in the TV biopic of the same name.

Queer as Folk’s Hal Sparks — comicbook nerd Michael Novotny — appears in a cameo role.)

THE VILLAGE For the inhabitants of a rural village surrounded by woods, living in fear of the monstrous forest creatures that lurk all around them is a daily fact of life.

And when it seems that the creatures are tired of an established “truce,” and a young blind girl (Bryce Dallas Howard) enters those woods to save another villager’s life, fear threatens to shatter their collective idyllic existence.

To give away more details of this film’s plot would, similarly, destroy readers’ enjoyment of the carefully constructed mystery. But know that writer/director M. Night Shyamalan has created yet another odd cinematic world in which nothing is quite what it seems, surprises live around every corner, and things that go bump in the night may be harmless — or, then again, may destroy you.

Grade: B+ / Kinsey Scale: (No queer content. Cast members include William Hurt, who won an Oscar for playing gay in Kiss of the Spider Woman, out lesbian actor Cherry Jones, Michael Pitt from Hedwig and the Angry Inch, and lesbian fave Sigourney Weaver, who appeared in Jeffrey.)

Where to Find the Metro LOGAN

Samurai Accountant The Twilight Samurai Director: Yoji Yamada 4/5 stars

by Xenia Cherkaev

Plays Aug.27-Sept. 3 at the Broadway Centre Theatres, 111 E. 300 South.

Hey, pantywaists:

Bookshelf 2432 Wash. Blvd.

Brass Rail 103 E 27th St Capricorns Lair 2450 Wash. Blvd David Eccles Conf 2415 Wash. Blvd Golds Gym 550 25th St Grounds For Coffee 3005 S Harrison Grounds For Coffee 111 25th St Roosters 253 25th St Union Grill 2501 Wall Ave Unitarian Church 2261 Adams Ave Wiseguy’s Comedy 269 25th St Glory to God Community Church 375 Harrison Blvd United Church of Christ 3350 S Harrison Golds Gym 270 12th

ROY Golds Gym 1935 W 5700 S Jessie Jean’s Coffee Beans 5128 S 1900 W

CLEARFIELD Dee Dee’s Donuts 129 S State St Grounds For Coffee 375 S State

Salt Lake Library 455 F St Second Ave Laundry 1030 E Second Ave Wired Espresso Bar 155 N 400 W 4th E. Coin Laundry 1714 S. 400 E. Bakers de Normandie 2075 S 700 E Beans & Brews 906 S 500 E Cahoots 878 E 900 S Daily Grind 1675 E 1300 S Gypsy Moon 1011 E 900 S Juhl House Market 1336 Foothill Dr King’s English 1511 S 1500 E KOI Piercing 1301 S 900 E L’avenue Bistro 2100 S 1355 E Liberty Heights 1300 S 1100 E PWACU 1390 S 1100 E Salon RZ 1307 S 900 E Salt Lake Community College 1575 South State Susie M’s Gallery of Fine Tattooing 1361 S State St Two Cats Tatts 1576 S State St Utah AIDS Foundation 1408 S 1100 E Westminster Library, Student Ctr 1840 S 1300 E Bangkok Thai 1400 Foothill Dr Piñon Market 2095 E 1300 S Red Butte Cafe 1412 S Foothill Dr Ruth’s Diner 2100 Emigration Salt Lake Public Library 1135 S 2100 E A.S.I. Tattoo 1136 S State Apple Fitness 324 S State Bob’s Magazine 360 S State St Borders 50 S Main St Bourbon Street Bar 372 S State Street

Club 90 9065 S 150 W Lifestyles 2000 9224 S 700 E Body Masters 8679 S Highland Dr

Beans & Brews 5373 S 3600 W Jordan Valley Athletic Club 5350 S 3600 W

WEST VALLEY A A Callisters 3615 S Redwood Beans & Brews 2698 S Redwood Century Laundry 1730 W 4160 S Jeweled Maidens 1765 W 4160 S Wise Guys 3500 S 2200 W Century Laundry 4271 W 3500 S Golds Gym 3952 W 3500 S Keyhole 4330 W 3500 S Dos Serranos 5419 S Redwood Salt Lake Community College Main Library, Student Life

PARK CITY Corner Cafe 1800 Park Ave Old Town Gallery 444 Main St P Sage Grill 6300 N Sagewood

AMERICAN FORK Golds Gym 634 E State Rd

OREM Golds Gym 44 E 800 N Golds Gym 1640 S State Jamba Juice 117 North State Provo Community United Church 175 N University Lifestyles 2000 340 E 800 S Utah State University 51 S University Ave

PROVO 24 Hour Fitness 2121 N 500 W Borders 4801 N University Golds Gym 460 N 900 E Golds Gym 460 N 900 E

SPANISH FORK Golds Gym 795 E 800 N

The French Lady Boutique 4832 S State St

S JORDAN

HOLLADAY

TAYLORSVILLE 364 N Bluff

21 21 Coffee 2105 E 2100 S

24 Hour Fitness 5766 S 1900 W

Beans & Brews 10384 S Redwod

ST. GEORGE Golds Gym Golds Gym Pintura 1605 W Regency

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SALT LAKE METRO ■

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Yeah, you in that darling little beret. Sure, you like movies. You wear those jodhpurs with flair, and you know the difference between Akira Kurusawa and Katsuhiro Ôtomo. But can you follow a grueling regimen of producing six to eight well thought-out film reviews each and every month?

Suck it up, sunshine: Salt Lake Metro is looking for a film critic with a discerning eye and an engaging wit to cover screenings of everything from morose little art films to splashy, sell-out Hollywood features.

Think you can handle it? Send a writing sample with cover letter to editor@slmetro.com.

Be prepared to watch movies until your eyes bleed.

OGDEN

St Peter’s Episcopal Tony Caputo’s 1204 E 1450 S 308 W 300 S Trapp, Trapp Door LAYTON Grounds For Coffee 102 S 600 W 1480 N US Hwy 89 Virgin Mega Stores Barnes and Noble The Gateway Mall 1780 N Woodland Vortex 404 S West Temple Golds Gym 70 S Fairifeld Rd Xiao Li 307 W 200 S Hastings 411 W 1500 North ROSE PARK House of Brews 14th Street Gym 1986 N Hill Field 1414 W 200 S Firehouse Floral BOUNTIFUL Barnes and Noble 1321 W California 340 S 500 W Salt Lake Library 577 S 900 West Coffee House 557 W 2600 S Sorenson Center 855 W California Spanky’s Deli 567 W 2600 S Red Iguana 736 W No. Temple SALT LAKE Salt Lake Library DOWNTOWN 1575 W 1000 N A Cup of Joe 353 W 200 S SALT LAKE Area-51 Air Waves Cafe 451 S 400 W 515 S 700 E Bambara Al Forno’s 202 S Main St Ristorante Barnes and Noble 239 S 500 E The Gateway Mall Bagelry 905 E 400 S Big City Soup 235 S 400 W Blade Work Hair Big Deluxe Tattoos Studio 1340 E 2nd S 68 W 400 S Blue Boutique Coffee Garden 165 S West Temple 898 S 900 E Brewvies Cinema Desert Edge 677 S 200 W Brewery Trolley Square Cafe Trang 818 S Main St First Unitarian 569 S 1300 E Club Axis 108 S 500 W Green Street 610 Trolley Square Club Naked 326 S West Temple MCC-Sacred Light 823 S 600 E Club Sound 579 W 200 S Mr. Z’s Cucina Italiana Club Try-Angles 111 E Broadway 251 W 900 S Oasis Cafe Elemente 353 W Pierpont Ave 151 S 500 E Odyssey House Equality Utah 68 S 600 E 175 W 200 S Pie Pizzeria Lost Art Tattoo 1320 E 200 S 348 S State St Rose Laundry Mischievous 900 E 300 S 559 S 300 W Squirrel Brothers Orbit Cafe 605 E 400 S 540 W 200 S Stonewash Rio Grande Cafe 270 S Rio Grande 247 S 500 E Sam Weller’s Books Wild Oats 645 E 400 S 254 S Main St Center Street Mkt Squatters Pub 271 N Center 147 W Broadway Cucina Third & Main 1026 E Second Ave 299 S Main St GLBT Comm Ctr Todds Bar & Grill 355 N 300 W Fl 1 1051 S 300 W

Cupper’s Coffee 7978 S 1300 E 24 Hour Fitness 10365 S 1300 E 24 Hour Fitness 1121 E Ashtton Ave

AUGUST 19, 2004

The Twilight Samurai is set in 1860s Japan, at a time when the way of the samurai was in fast decline. “Twilight” is also a disparaging nickname given to Seibei, a low ranking samurai whose job description is more office clerk than sword fighter, by his coworkers because he continually refuses their invitations to drink and carouse after work.

Seibei spends his days as an accountant and his evenings with his senile mother and two young children, whom he supports with supplemental piecework. Since the illness and death of his wife, he has been overstressed, unkempt, and smelly. When the visiting lord comments on his smell, Seibei’s furious uncle threatens that only a generation ago this disgrace would have called for hara-kiri.

Seibei is dedicated to his clan and the social order, even as it seems to be becoming obsolete. When his clan calls on him to fight to the death with the renegade samurai Yogo, who is thought crazy because he has declined the order to kill himself, Seibei drudgingly goes.

Despite all the office snickering about his behavior and appearance, and talk about him having hawked his sword, Seibei is an excellent swordsman. He is the quiet, humble, family man who does not go looking for trouble but can nevertheless skillfully fight when he needs to. The fight scenes are few but extremely rewarding, and shot with a subtle vulnerability completely missing from cartoonish kung-fu films like Kill Bill. Seibei does not fly through the air or kill hundreds of people ganging up on him Batman style. His fights are always one-on-one and smooth — like dancing with swords.

Twilight is narrated by Iko, Seibei’s youngest daughter, who as an old woman reminisces about life when she was five years old. Seibei’s life is shown filtered through an old woman’s loving memory, and is idealized, especially with relation to his family, which seems to be an example of perfect parenting.

Fascinating in this samurai portrait, however, is the human vulnerability that shines through Iko’s memories.

Seibei is never idealized as the strong, brave, or silent type; instead he is loving, open, and insecure. He is just another lower-middle class bureaucrat scraping out an existence and trying to live up to his responsibilities. Our western society 150 years later is full of people exactly like him.

Just imagine if large corporations made their white collar employees sword fight to the death.

Formosa Resturant 890 N Main Hastings 70 E 400 North Jamba Juice 130 E 400 N MCC Bridgerland 1315 E 700 N Persian Peacock 47 N Main Straw Ibis 52 Federal Ave Utah State University Chase Fine Art, Milton Merrill Library, Political Science, Taggart Student Center Cache Valley Unitarian 200 N 100 E Borders 1050 North Main St Village Inn 1633 N Main

Bally’s Total Fitness 2505 E Parleys Wy Holladay Music 2191 E 3300 S Java Jim’s Coffee 4700 S Holladay SUGARHOUSE Nick & Willie’s Pizza 24 Hour Fitness 4536 S Highland 1021 E 3300 S Barnes and Noble Silver Star 1104 E 2100 South Hardware 2327 E 3300 S Beans & Brews 2707 S Highland Dr MIDVALE All For Love Blue Boutique 3072 S Main St 1080 E 2100 S Bagelry Fiddler’s Elbow 2233 S State St 1063 E 2100 S Sugarhouse Coffee Cafe Med 420 E 3300 S 2106 S 1100 E Century Laundry Wild Oats 1131 E Wilmingtion 202 E 3300 S Wizards & Dreams Grounds for Coffee 26 W 2100 S 1057 E 2100 S Hyatts Magazine S SALT LAKE 1350 S State St Aunt Fannie’s La Puente Bloomers 3434 S State St 834 E 3300 S Mo Diggity’s Jamba Juice 3424 S State 3294 S 1300 E Paper Moon Lifestyles 2000 3737 S State St 1033 E 2100 S Millcreek Coffee SANDY 1045 E 2100 S Beans & Brews 2335 E 7000 S Myotherapy College of Utah South Valley 1174 E 2700 S Unitarian 6876 S Highland Dr Mystic Dragon 2132 S Highland Dr XCEL Fitness 6151 S Highland Dr Salt Lake Library 2131 S 1100 E Bubba’s BBQ 4291 S 900 E She & Company 1172 Brickyard Rd Lifestyles 2000 Fitness Signs & Such 1414 S West Temple 5600 S Van Winkle Expwy Singing Cricket 673 E 2240 S WEST JORDAN Barnes and Noble Tanning Spot 7157 Plaza Center 1122 E 3300 S Jamba Juice Tres Hombres 3298 S Highland Dr 3778 W Centerview La Puente MURRAY 3754 W Centerview 24 Hour Fitness XCEL Fitness 5692 S 900 E 3820 W Centerview Act One Hair Brew Monkey 6526 S State St Coffee House Apple Fitness 1785 W 7800 S MIDVALE 3949 S 700 E Bally’s Total Fitness Barnes and Noble Golds Gym 7856 S Redwood 7020 S Union Park 5249 S State St Lifestyles 2000 Barnes and Noble Beans & Brews 7959 S Redwood 7119 S 1300 East 5900 S State St Hooters Restaurant Borders MAGNA 7157 S State 132 E Winchester Brew Monkey Coffee Hs Barnes and Noble Rhino Grille 3542 S 8300 W 10180 S State St 155 E 6100 S

Cafe Sha Sha 175 E 400 S Cannella’s 204 E 500 S Cinegrill 344 S 300 E Cocoa Caffé 282 900 S Downtown Alliance 175 E 400 S Especially for You 209 E Broadway Havanna Brothers 217 E Broadway Jagged Edge 375 South Main Jeanies Smoke 156 S State KPCW 210 S 400 E Lamb’s Grill Cafe 169 S Main St Mainly Art 50 S Main Millcreek Coffee 657 S Main St Musumeci’s 251 S State St Radio City 147 S State St Salt Lake Library 210 E 400 S SL Coffee Break 430 E 400 S Broadway Centre 300 S 111 E Tower Theatre 876 E 900 S Salt Lake Metro 352 S Denver St StoneGround 249 E 400 S Swiggs 300 S 111 E Tavernacle 201 E Broadway Tribaldelic Tattoo 1103 S State St Urban Bistro 216 E 500 S University of Utah LGBT Resource Ctr, Marriott Library, Woman’s Resource Center

Red,White & Bubbly Wine Review Stylings

by Beau Jarvis The other day I received September’s issue of Unnamed National Wine Publication. Unlike other magazines, I don’t rip the plastic open and immediately leaf through its pages.

Why is that? Well, the content for nearly all wine magazines is unbearably, mindnumbingly predictable. There is always a feature article, which consists of syrupy, sentimental quotes by a winemaker accompanied by the requisite photograph of said winemaker holding a glass of wine and standing in front of a few grape vines.

But wait, there’s more! The content gets ever more boring.

There are page after page of wine reviews. Each review is written in the same format. (I refuse to use the word “style,” as this really isn’t what most would consider a true writing style.) Of course, I understand that these reviews are supposed to convey a particular wine’s personality: the scents, flavors and textures of the wine.

Unfortunately, most reviews succeed only in putting me in a rather catty mood by the repetitive use of phrases such as “textured and framed,” “endless tiers of fruit flavor,” “cherry-berry-mocha fruit” and the ever-popular “plump cherry and blackberry flavors.”

Now, there are only so many adjectives one can use to describe wine. When I write my own wine reviews, I notice (to my own consternation) that I overuse terms like “crisp,” “subtle” and “food-friendly.” The wine review is a mightily constricting, creativity-quashing format.

What if a wine critic decided to chuck the old review format and trot out some alternative forms of the wine review? One would think that after tasting, say, five or 11 wines, numerous, creatively crafted reviews might flow freely from a critic’s pen.

It happened to me last night. The creativity bug bit me. I’m currently experimenting with three new wine review styles: the Limerick, the Haiku and the Old School Rhymin’.

Compare the reviews below, written in the traditional format, to rewrites in one of these new and improved styles:

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Original review #1: A-Mano Primitivo, 2002 ($11) — This deep, inky, plum-colored wine is a slightly softer version of the big red Zinfandel. A-Mano

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has intense cherry scents with subtle woody pepper aromas. Its flavor is of bright red berries, followed by black pepper and a lightly tannic finish. This wine is bold and simple.

Try it with pizza, panini or fried calamari.

Review rewritten as a Limerick: Consider an inky red wine named Primitivo: Smell its fruity, peppery scent; then shout, “Wow it’s Neat-O!” It tastes of red berries, Perhaps also cherries, Bold, yes indeed, like a brand new pink Speedo.

Original review #2: Lustau Papirusa Light Manzanilla Sherry, non-vintage ($8) — Lustau Papirusa is a delicate, dry wine that makes an ideal aperitif. This light, straw-colored Sherry contains subtle hues of brown and almost shimmers in the glass. Unique, “non-wine” scents of almond, bread dough and salt will pique your curiosity. Papirusa is very lightbodied and has a tangy taste, followed by roasted nut flavors and a long, woody finish. An extremely well-made wine at a low price. Try it with shellfish, roasted almonds or Serrano ham.

Review rewritten as a Haiku: Delicate Sherry, Light straw — shimmering sea spray, Mouth waters with zest.

Original review #3: Martini & Rossi Asti, non-vintage ($12) — A good, simple, unassuming wine. Asti is very pale gold in color with active bubbles.

It has a scent that can best be described as “grapey.” There are also aromas of canned peach and apricot. While Asti is fine as an aperitif and it works very well with Sunday brunch — particularly egg dishes.

Review rewritten using Old School Rhymin’: Fuck tha’ Kristal! / I need bubbly for my posse at a price that’s minimal / I’m cynical / I be sniffin’ / Takin a whiffin’/ My nose twitchin’ like a whacked out kitten. / This glass ain’t frontin’ / Sweet peach, apricot ’n’ grapes sure be sayin’ somthin’. / Asti is dope / It’s creamy / Yeah boy / Feelin’ oh so dreamy. / Sweet but not heavy / Ya’ll ready? Gimme eggs. Gimme bread. Gimme fruit. / Man, this shit is mad-tasty to boot.

You see, wine reviews need not be dull and boring. With a little style adjustment, reading about wine can be phat. Cheers.

Beau Jarvis is a sommelier and wine educator.

He operates basicjuice.com, an independent wine review and information website. He also manages basicjuice.blogs.com, a weblog of entertainment and culture.

Q

Queeriscaping Beautiful on the Inside

by Brandie Balken

Brandie Balken is a horticulturist in Salt Lake City and can be seen at Cactus & Tropicals.

AUGUST 19, 2004

Well, darlings, it’s finally happened. I knew it was coming, as it happens every year. I’ve reached my limit, it is now simply too hot for me to be outside in the daylight.

There are many things I love about Utah, but the abundance of 85-plus degree days is not one of them. It is at this point every year that I must move indoors and seek the shelter of an artificially cooled space, only venturing out after the sun has fallen.

Needless to say I am not very active in the garden at this time; I can barely get my weeding done. But what’s a girl to do to get her gardening fix?

By now it is has probably become obvious that I am a person who must have living beauty around me, and when I can’t get my fix outside, I find ways to get it inside. This article is dedicated to those living jewels, those exotic beauties, those incredible specimens known as the orchids. These plants have gotten me through all sorts of difficult times: heat waves, dinner parties, family visits — the list goes on and on. Orchids can fill almost any bare spot in your home. They take very little care, can tolerate a wide variety of environments, and they’re fabulous!

I’d like to begin by silencing your inner alarms. Orchids are not fussy, impossible plants that can only be kept if misted daily in a temperature and humidity-controlled chamber. They are not prohibitively expensive, although they look as if they are. They are not beyond your capabilities!

I would also like for you to know a few basics about orchids: how to choose a healthy one, how to care for it, and where to find it.

When you’re shopping for orchids, look for plants that have one or two open blooms, and the rest in “puffy bud” stage. You do not want a plant that is in full bloom, because it won’t last as long.

Avoid plants that have buds that appeared yellowed — these will most likely abort, and are a sign that the plant is suffering transport stress. You want the foliage to feel firm and turgid; avoid foliage with a yellowish cast, or abundant brown spots.

If there are exposed roots, they should be relatively breakage-free, and feel smooth and firm to the touch.

Orchid care is less intense than you would expect. As a standard, orchids do

not like to be wet. They are epiphytic plants that perch in the branches of trees, and receive their water and nutrients when the rainwater flows over them. Very few orchids grow in the soil, so their roots are not tolerant of consistent moisture. In average light, an orchid will require water every seven to 10 days, and only require enough to moisten the planting medium. Do not allow an orchid to sit in water — this will cause its blooms to abort prematurely and will make the plant susceptible to fungal and bacterial infections.

Your orchid can tolerate intermediate to bright indirect light. If you place it in low light, it may not be able to bloom to its full potential, and if it’s in direct light it’s apt to burn.

Please do not buy your orchids from big box stores. You will not get the same quality of product, and you will not get the information that you need to be successful with your new purchase. There are at least four locally owned and operated nurseries/greenhouses that sell superior quality products, and will give you honest, accurate information. You should check out Artichokes and Co., Cactus & Tropicals, the Orchid Dynasty, and Ward and Child.

My first recommendation in the world of orchids is the Moth or Butterfly orchid Phalaenopsis spp. These plants are aptly named as they have large open-faced flowers ranging from pure white to butter yellow to deep fuchsia. They generally produce six to 10 blooms per stalk, and will hold these blooms as long as four months. They are quite tall, reaching 36 inches in some cases, and can perfectly accentuate a bath ledge, a coffee table or and architectural window.

They are also easy — very, very easy — to care for. These are what I would term a “beginner” orchid. They start at about $13.

My second recommendation (my personal favorite) is the Ladyslipper orchid Paphiopedalum spp. These orchids are so sexy and sultry that my verbal description simply can’t do them justice. Their blooms just look delicious. They range in color from white with chartreuse stripes and speckles to purple black with cream patterning. They are not very large, reaching a maximum height of 16 inches, but have so much inherent drama that they can carry a kitchen counter, an entry table or a nightstand. They start at about $8.

If you decide to purchase an orchid, it can be an incredibly fun and stimulating experience. Shopping for them is half the fun — the other half is sitting in your blissfully cool home enjoying your gorgeous bit of indoor garden.

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Sports AIDS Survivor Runs S.F. ‘Chrony’ Marathon san francisco Approximately 8,000 runners and walkers marked the 27th anniversary of the San Francisco Chronicle Marathon on Aug. 1. Race day featured a 26.2-mile marathon footrace, two separate 13.1-mile half marathons, a four-person marathon relay, and a five-kilometer run-walk.

Among the runners, Richard Apodaca, a 61-year-old AIDS survivor who has been living with HIV-AIDS for the last 20 years, and who, only a few years ago, was near death, ran in the marathon — his 14th.

Apodaca garnered attention for his run even before it started. Mayor Gavin Newsom honored him in July with a proclamation which declared the day of the marathon “Richard Apodaca Day.” Only four years ago, Apodaca was unable to walk as a result of HIV-related nerve problems, and his prospects for survival were growing slimmer each day as the medicines available to him were no longer working.

“I’ve had full-blown AIDS for 20 years,” Apodaca said to the Louisville CourierJournal earlier this year. He was taking 60

pills a day when inflamed nerve endings in his feet made it almost impossible to walk.

“It was like somebody broke glass and needles, and put them in my shoes,” he said. “I couldn’t even put socks on.”

Throughout the last two decades, Apodaca has faced death many times. Failed drug combinations, near-fatal allergic reactions to medications and other complications have put him near death nearly a dozen times. But through it all, he never lost the will to live — and conquered each obstacle as it came.

Now, years after developing AIDS, a remarkable turnaround in Apodaca’s health as a result of newer AIDS treatments including the drug Fuzeon, has allowed him to participate in marathons throughout the world.

Apodaca’s involvement in the Chronicle Marathon marks the beginning of a rigorous, year-long, training schedule that will lead him to marathons all over the United States.

As a long-term survivor of HIV-AIDS, Apodaca is representative of an increasing number of people with HIV-AIDS who

have overcome incredible odds to continue leading full and productive lives. He’d exhausted most of his treatment options and was beginning to lose hope before enrolling in the drug’s clinical trial more than three years ago.

“Four years ago, HIV had decimated my immune system,” Apodaca said. “After beginning treatment with Fuzeon and other anti-HIV drugs, my viral load became undetectable, and my CD4 count increased dramatically.”

Today, Apodaca is leading a full and healthy life. He is an HIV-AIDS advocate who is involved with the Names Project and collects HIV medications for patients in developing countries. He has also adopted two African children living with AIDS. He’s an avid runner who has participated in 13 marathons throughout the world, including those in New York, Prague and Hawaii, all while continuing to adhere to his drug regimen.

Chronicle Marathon organizers said that runners like Apodaca continue to flock to long-distance races. Building off its recent success, the registration count for the marathon and companion races has increased once again this year by 20 percent. In 2003, participation in the event also increased 20 percent.

“Our goal was to top the event’s all-time record for finishers,” said the marathon’s race producer Peter Nantell of West End Management, referring to the 7,231 finishers in the 1983 San Francisco Marathon.

According to a “state-of-the-sport report” released in July by the USA Track & Field Road Running Information Center, overall participation in U.S. marathon races in 2003 increased two percent, and

Richard Apodacaa

four percent in half-marathon races — so the Chronicle Marathon is growing at a pace well beyond recent trends.

Last year, there were an estimated 400,000 finishers in U.S. marathon races, and 465,000 finishers in half-marathon races.

Monk: UGRA’s Animals Treated Humanely

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by JoSelle Vanderhooft Although animal rights groups have protested the Utah Gfay Rodeo Association’s Rodeo and Wild West Festival in past years, Clark Monk, a UGRA participant, said that his organization and the International Gay Rodeo Association it is part of, do not endorse animal cruelty.

The IGRA’s website, which includes several safety tips for rodeo participants and animals, says that the organization promotes “the humane, responsible treatment of animals in their housing, feeding, training, exercising, and competition.”

“We shall strive to ensure that our events are purposefully tailored and executed to provide animal and human participants the safest environment possible and shall act to immediately disqualify or reprimand any contestant, official, or contracted personnel found to be treating animals in an inhumane manner,” the statement continued.

Monk agrees with this position, saying that UGRA is “actually very animal-rights conscious.”

“The animals at the rodeo are treated probably better than most people are treated,” he said. “They are well-fed, wellwatered, and taken care of. They’re not crammed into tight quarters, they’re kept out of the heat. And when they’re not at rodeos they’re taken care of by their owners.”

Further, according to him, UGRA also sets weight limits and use limits for animals.

Also, the event employs an animal rights chairperson and a veterinarian who stays “on grounds at all times.” Monk noted that in his experience, animal injuries come few and far between.

“In all the years I have been rodeoing

which has been ten years on the gay circuit, I’ve probably seen maybe five animals actually get injured while at a rodeo. And at Utah’s rodeos we only had one incident where an animal got injured about three years ago.” At this time, an animal caught its foot in one of the railings and received a cut.

Further, as an amateur-based event, UGRA also runs some of its events differently than they are run on the professional circuit. “In the roping events, the one thing that is different in gay rodeo versus regular rodeo is we do not do regular calf roping where we rope the calf, throw him to the ground and tie him up,” Monk said. “We do what’s called breakaway roping where they throw the rope, and as soon as the tension is on the calf, the rope breaks free of the rider and the calf runs free. So there’s no jerking of their necks or anything like that.”

“There are a lot of animal activists and people within the gay rodeo circuit and they just chose to do breakaway roping because they feel it’s more humane,” Monk added.

Monk also noted that UGRA doesn’t do bull-dogging, where riders flip calves over.

However, UGRA does list “chute dogging” as one of its events. In this event, “the person is actually on the ground with the animal, so the animal has more of an advantage then the person does, because there’s not that momentum of coming off the horse and the steer running away.”

“We consider ourselves to be the ‘kinder, gentler’ rodeo,” he added.

The Utah Animal Rights Coalition, which has protested rodeos in the past, could not be reached by phone and had not returned e-mails requesting an interview by this article’s deadline.

Bowlers Cheer Pinfalls; Plan 2005 Season

by David Nelson

Salt Lake Goodtimes Bowling League leaders named its top teams and players for their nowcompleted 2004 season.

Trophies were awarded to the first-placed “We Don’t Go That Way” team 5 of Kevin Bernard, Becky Linkoff, Leslie Oldfield and Steve Oldfield, and the second-placed “La Fan Dancers” Team 1 of Craig Brimmer, Todd Brinkerhoff, Glenn Jerome and Scott Millar.

Team 2 players of Dale Berryman, Robert Burgess, Robert Linton and Tom Ryan won the league High Team Handicap Game trophy with 955 pinfalls, while team 5 players picked up the High Team Handicap Series trophy with 2,649 pinfalls.

Team 4 players of Jeff Enle, Greg Hodson and David Pett shared the league High Team Scratch Game trophy with the “Pinheads” team 6 of Eric Jones, Elfie Guymon, Vicki Leeman and Chris Pullos for their tied 606 pinfalls.

Team 1 took the league High Team Scratch Series trophy with 2,070 pinfalls.

Individuals who are interested in joining the league for its upcoming 2005 season are invited to attend its Fourth Annual Preseason Picnic, said Millar, who also serves as league president.

The picnic will offer food and soft drinks on Aug. 28 from noon to 2:00 p.m. at Sugar House Park West Hill Terrace at 1330 E. 2100 South.

“Come out and join the fun,” said Millar.

“Meet new and returning bowlers. Teams consist of four bowlers. Single? We’ll build a team for you. No previous bowling experience

ADAM AND ANDY by James Asal

is necessary.”

The new season will start on Sept. 12 at 6:30 p.m. and continue every Sunday at 7:00 p.m.

As usual, Bonwood Bowl is home to the league at 2500 S. Main Street in South Salt Lake. An annual American Bowling Congress ($16) or Women’s International Bowling Congress ($15) membership, and nightly league fee ($10) is required. Bonwood offers bowling-shoes rental and balls free. The funds that are collected by the league support local charities, league advertising and events.

Salt Lake Goodtimes Bowling League Team Trophey Winners • First Place, We Don’t Go That Way • Second Place, La Fan Dancers • First Place High Handicap, Team 2 • Second Place, Pinheads Individual-score leaders • Women’s High Average, Leslie Oldfield/148 • Men’s High Average, Scott Millar/213 • Women’s Most Improved, Leslie Oldfield/+2 • Men’s Most Improved, Dale Berryman/11 • Women’s Handicap Series, Leslie Oldfield/690 • Men’s Handicap Series, Dale Berryman/746, Kevin Bernard/735 • Women’s Handicap Game, Elfie Guymon/257 • Men’s Handicap Game, Steve Oldfield/288, Greg Hodson/271 • Women’s Scratch Series, Becky Linkof/423 • Men’s Scratch Series, Scott Millar/697, Jeff Enle/573 • Women’s Scratch Game, Vicki Leeman/120 • Men’s Scratch Game, Robert Burgess/259, Tom Ryan/198 Game and Series Leaders Scott Millar/268; Robert Burgess/259; Kevin Bernard/255; Steve Oldfield/254; Jeff Enle/215; Dale Berryman/211; Scott Millar/697; Kevin Bernard/648; Robert Burgess/647; Steve Oldfield/613; Jeff Enle/573; Tom Ryan/512; and Craig Brimmer/504.

HELP WANTED SALT LAKE CITY Delivery driver to help with the distribution of Salt Lake Metro.

Must have own vehicle and be available every other Wednesday and Thursday.

Will pay hourly rate plus mileage. Call or email Steven for details at (801) 323-9500 or steven@slmetro.com OGDEN DRIVER WANTED for Salt Lake Metro’s Ogden Route. Must have own vehicle and be available every other Wednesday or Thursday. Will pay hourly rate plus mileage.

Call or email Steven for details at (801) 323-9500 or steven@slmetro.com

REAL ESTATE FRIENDLY INTENTION Community Cohousing, 16-26 private homes share 5 acres 10 minutes from downtown, SLC. 3BR, Loft, High Ceilings, 2Bath, Exceptional shared facilities, FSBO, $154,000.

Orchard, Wild Space, Play Areas, Garage, Neighbors act as extended family. 972-2894 www.econ.utah.edu.coho FAILED SALE—Sold in 2 weeks. 1992 Multi with private park like yard. Immaculate 3 bed, 2 bath, 2 car. Central Air, vaults. Show fussy buyers. $165,000.

1782 W. Apls Way. Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 801-979-3558 AVENUES INVESTMENT— Hardwood flrs, fplc, 3 bed, 2 bath, 1 car gar w/wkshp.

Walk-out, stainless steel appliances. One yr. lease in place. $209,000. Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 801-979-3558

URBAN CONDO at the Dakota lofts-1 BR $124,900.

See tours at urbanutah.com.

Babs De Lay, Broker cell: 201-UTAH

ROOMMATES

U OF U three bedroom home to share. Large bedroom. Quiet Street. $375 includes all utilities. AvailSUGARHOUSE HIDEAWAY Incredible kitchen remodel, able mid-August. Call for wood fplc, hardwood, granite more information: 801-674counters, wine chiller, 9349. 801-359-4967. functional mother-in-law, deck, surround sound, 2 car SHARE A CUTE house downtown with 2 gay men. w/opener, wkshp, extras. $225,000. Dawn Colbert, Sig- Cozy attic room in dormer, small. Rent includes all nature Group RE, 979-3558 utilities except phone. Rent NEW LISTING—Perfect 2 $250/month 641-3362. bed, 1 bath starter. Stream runs behind. Walkout patio w/park-like backyard. Quiet location, mature trees surrounding make it an ideal NEW OFFICE CONDO’S, place for someone who has Redwood Rd. exposure a night job. Great daytime in S. Jordan. Starting at sleeping. $98,000 Dawn $125,000. 980–5,733 sf Colbert, Signature Group RE, available. Cambridge office 801-979-3558 complex. Dawn Colbert, Signature Group RE, 801DOWNTOWN TWIN HOME 979-3558 – model unit $138,650.

3BR/2BA, only one left. 586 No. 800W. See tour at urbanutah.com. Babs De Lay, Broker, cell: 201-UTAH

COMMERCIAL REAL ESTATE

FOR SALE JEEP GRAND WAGONEER 1985, SUV, 4WD, 6-cyl 4.2 liter engine, 4 door, power everything, CD, Allow Wheels, Rook Rack Silver & Gray. New tires, Showing its age but no major repairs needed. $2,000 OBO. Call Steven at (801) 323-0727.

FORD TEMPO 1990 4-door, Runs. Selling as is. $600.

Call (801) 359-9089 and ask for Gina.

MISC IF YOU SEE NEWS happening that Salt Lake Metro should cover, please call us at 323-9500 or email editor@slmetro.com CLASSIFIEDS ARE JUST $5. Call 323-9500 or go to slmetro.com today!

GAY STREET. 1936 Tudor, 4 Bd, 2 bath in the West Capitol Hill neighborhood, several gay households.

242 W. Reed Ave (740 North) $149,000. John P Poulos 801-641-8998 poujoh@wfrmls.com URBAN FARM! (almost!)

Downtown mansion on .29 AC w huge garage + shop. 4 BR/4BA $234,900 See tour at urbanutah.com Babs De Lay, Broker, cell: 201-UTAH

FOR RENT 1 BR APARTMENT. 264 W Ardmore (350 N). $425/mo includes gas. 298-2774 or 867-3093 3 BR DUPLEX, $700/mo, $250 deposit. 356 N. 300 W. 298-2774 or 867-3093

SERVICE DIRECTORY ACCOUNTING ACCOUNTING & MORE, Inc. Toni Johnson, Bookkeeping, Tax Preparation. 801-4120600. 1800 S 900 E #4, SLC. a.a.more@earthlink.net

ATTORNEY

AUDIO VIDEO

CUSTOM DESIGN JEWELRY. Relaxed atmosphere. All types of stone settings. Commitment rings, wedding rings, earrings, pendants. Repairs welcome.

Charley Hafen Jewelers. Trolley Square. 521-7711

MASSAGE BIG HANDS Make A Big Difference 6’3” LMT downtown In/Out call. You should get the deep relaxation you pay for.

Call Ben @913-1803 LMT #5606773-4701

MAN’S TOUCH. Stimulate your senses, or feel deep peace with a relaxing full body massage. Call Therron for an appointment 801-8793583 for $5 off mention this ad. LMT#5608006

NEON NEON. Personal, Business, Art, Repairs. Fast reliable service. Rod 801-558-4912 rodwaters@hotmail.com

PHOTO

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FIX YOUR PHOTOS. Restore JOIN THE Salt Lake Metro JEALOUS??? Male massage and/or colorize old photos.

Yahoo group and get remind- therapist to the stars! Full Retouch or alter in any way. ers and notices about what is body salt scrub/massage. happening in town. groups.

Downtown Salt Lake City (801) Call 856-5780 or email 205 1755 staysik@hotmail.com yahoo.com/group/slmetro.

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DAN FAHNDRICH PRODUCTIONS. Creation in multi-media. Choreography of still or video images with music onto DVD. 801-487-2593. dan. fahndrich@earthlink.net

GAY WINE CLUB. Join qVinum at qvinum.com for monthly wine tastings and events.

JEWELERS

SALT LAKE METRO

SERVICE DIRECTORY listings in Salt Lake Metro are a great value at just $25. Call today at 323-9500 or slmetro.com

GROUPS UTAH MALE NATURISTS A nonsexual group who likes to enjoy life au naturel. Naked lunches, campouts, beach outings. groups.yahoo.com/ group/utahmalenaturists

ADVANTAGE CLEANING Systems – Cleaning, Painting, Carpet cleaning, landscaping, hauling. You name it, we’ll do it! (Well... if it’s legal) 502-6071.

BEST THERAPISTS, Best Price, Best Place, Best Hours. Call for appointment 486-5500. Pride Massage.

1800 South West Temple, Suite A224.

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ADVERTISING

JANE MARQUARDT & DOUG FADEL Attorneys at Law, providing comprehensive estate planning services, custom designed to your unique family situation, including trusts, wills, partnership agreements, estate administration.

801-294-7777

HANDYMEN

AUGUST 19, 2004

MARLIN G. CRIDDLE, P.C. Serving Utah’s gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered communities. Estate Planning, Probate, Criminal Law, Bankruptcy, Corporations/Business.

474-2299. marlincriddle.com

ESTATE PLANNING

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AUGUST 19, 2004

PROFESSIONAL with no time to date. Looking for short-term companionship with nice guy(s). Prefer smaller, smooth. Latin a plus.

PERSONALS MISSED CONNECTIONS DEER VALLEY Amphitheater during the Aug. 14 performance of H.M.S. Pinafore.

We smiled at each other in the refreshment line during intermission. Can I call you my Little Buttercup?

REPLY TO BOX 82, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

MGD AND TOXIC WASTE. Aug. 7 near Tesoro oil refinery in North Salt Lake. You: on late-model Harley wearing leather chaps. Me: in hazmat gear cleaning up a chemical spill. On my break, we shared a 40-oz bottle of MGD in a gas station parking lot. I can’t get you out of my mind.

I WAS AT the Gateway and you were dancing in the fountain. Shirtless, tan , and in cutoffs. I was sitting on the rocks staring and you began dancing for me. Was that your girlfriend or friend.

REPLY TO BOX 85, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

LAGOON TICKETS. I saw you getting coupons for Lagoon Day at the Center.

You had black spiked hair with blue highlights. I had a cardigan on. Can we do the Terrorride together?

REPLY TO BOX 81, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

SUNSTONE SYMPOSIUM. You were shy when I smiled at you but you looked back.

I saw no wedding ring. You were at Michael Quinn’s session. I wore white shirt and red tie. Let’s get to know each other. Meet me in front of JS Memorial building Sunday at noon August 22.

REPLY TO BOX 83, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

YOU WERE IN the rented car in Oxbow Park reading book, “Hey Dude Who Stole My Country.” I was in white REPLY TO BOX 81, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM Rabbitt. Said hi. You looked FIND YOUR MATCH in the at me and said hi and left. I Salt Lake Metro classifieds. like Michael Moore too. Let’s 323-9500 or visit slmetro. go see F911 together.

com.

REPLY TO BOX 21, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

REPLY TO BOX 84, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

MEN FOR MEN YES SIR, OFFICER! Goodlooking, professional GWM, mid-30s, seeks dominant law-enforcement professional, 35-55. I’m healthy, clean, discreet and eager to please. Wild times, no strings.

REPLY TO BOX 86, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

LIFE’S TOO SHORT to be alone GWM, 38 yrs old seeks LTR with a great guy. I’m outgoing and fun and a little kinky. You should be 30-40 yrs old with same goals. Smoke and drug-free a must.

REPLY TO BOX 16, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

GWM SEEKING BEAR for friendship or more. No smokers. No partyers. Must be employed. Mid 40’s, furry, beard a plus. Must like massage, long walks, and home cooking.

PERSONALS ARE STILL just a buck. Call 323-9500 or go to slmetro.com and get yours now!

WOMEN FOR WOMEN WF, 38, busy and a little

shy,looking for friend or more, esp other classy smart professional women.

Wild side likes to romp and shop during stolen afternoons but can behave, too.

REPLY TO BOX 3, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

NEW IN TOWN, or interested in meeting new friends?

Come to sWerve monthlies, 3rd Saturday of each month, GLBT Center. Info 539-8800 ext. 25 or www.swerveutah. com (join email list!)

DWF,59,Warm,kind,fun, feminine, attractive professional seeks same. LDS/given up on men. Seek emotionally commited, stable relationship.

Love music, conversa., the out of doors, Young/active

FIND YOUR MATCH in the Salt Lake Metro classifieds. 323-9500 or slmetro.com

REPLY TO BOX 87, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

SPEED DATING Club Panini private club for members.

Mon. 9/26, 7pm. 535-4300

REPLY TO BOX 86, PERSONALS@SLMETRO.COM

SPEED DATING If you have tried all the other ways to meet that special someone, try Speed Dating sponsored

by Salt Lake Metro at Club Panini, a private club for members. Monday, August 26, 7pm. Details 535-4300 QUESTIONING? Ex-gay?

Reporter would like to talk to you for upcoming Metro story on people who have tried to alter their sexual orientation. I will honor your choices and respect your privacy. 323-9500 FIND YOUR MATCH in the Salt Lake Metro classifieds.

323-9500 or visit slmetro. com.

BITTER GIRL by Joan Hilty

AUGUST 19, 2004 ■

SALT LAKE METRO ■

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AUGUST 19, 2004