QNotes Feb. 1-14, 2013 by QnotesCarolinas

Feb. 1-14 . 2013

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Feb. 1-14 . 2013

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Feb. 1-14, 2013 Vol 27 No 20

arts. entertainment. news. views.

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contributors this issue Paige Braddock, Rosendo Brown, Matt Comer, Jon Hoppel, Charlene Lichtenstein, Jessica Milicevic, Lainey Millen, David Stout, Trinity

front page Models: Gary Carpenter & Bobby Kerschner Design: Lainey Millen & Matt Comer Illustration: fuzzimo.com

news & features 5 6 9

Campus Pride Youth Panel News Notes: Regional Briefs HIV, Part II: Health staffers target gay community

a&e / life&style 10 Love & Lust: In a different time 13 Playing the Field 14 ‘Foreigner’ won’t overstay welcome 15 Out in the Stars 16 Tell Trinity 18 Fabulance 18 Jane’s World 19 20 Questions 19 Q events calendar

opinions & views 4 Editor’s Note 4 Community Voices 11 QPoll

Material in qnotes is copyrighted by Pride Publishing & Typesetting © 2013 and may not be reproduced in any manner without written consent of the editor or publisher. Advertisers assume full responsibility — and therefore, all liability — for securing reprint permission for copyrighted text, photographs and illustrations or trademarks published in their ads. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers, cartoonists we publish is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or photographs does not indicate the subject’s sexual orientation. qnotes nor its publisher assumes liability for typographical error or omission, beyond offering to run a correction. Official editorial positions are expressed in staff editorials and editorial notations and are determined by editorial staff. The opinions of contributing writers and guest columnists do not necessarily represent the opinions of qnotes or its staff. qnotes accepts unsolicited editorial, but cannot take responsibility for its return. Editor reserves the right to accept and reject material as well as edit for clarity, brevity.

only online Exclusive online features only at goqnotes.com

This issue’s special coverage, Love & Lust, The Annual Sex Issue, continues online. Read exclusive commentary on the 1980s AIDS Crisis. Also, a special “From the Archives” reprint of a 1991 feature on North Charlotte’s gay hustlers and a retrospective piece 22 years later from its author. Read more at goqnotes. com/sex2013/.

Plus: Coverage of the Creating Change conference recently held in Atlanta at the end of January, a special Q&A with Roxy C. Moorecox and further online exclusive coverage in our series, “Gay Youth’s New Burden,” at goqnotes.com/newburden/. Pride Publishing & Typesetting, Inc. P.O. Box 221841, Charlotte, NC 28222 ph 704.531.9988 fx 704.531.1361 Publisher: Jim Yarbrough Sales: x207 adsales@goqnotes.com Nat’l Sales: Rivendell Media 212.242.6863

Editor: Matt Comer x202 editor@goqnotes.com Assoc. Ed.: David Stout editor2@goqnotes.com Production: Lainey Millen x205 production@goqnotes.com Printed on recycled paper.

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editor’s note by Matt Comer matt@goqnotes.com

Gay sex and crime, history and the future This issue, qnotes publishes its fifth annual “Love and Lust” Sex Issue. Our cover story explores gay love and sex, focusing mostly on gay male culture, in the 1960s and 1970s — before the beginning of the AIDS Crisis. Online, we also have reprinted an archived November 1991 story on young male hustlers, originally written by associate editor David Stout. Throughout the 1970s, the world changed, mostly for the better. The decadent decade of disco brought some LGBT legal victories in some places. In 1973, homosexuality was delisted as a mental illness. But, throughout the 1980s and early 1990s, many gay and bisexual men found themselves deeply closeted and living in a society and world they thought could never accept them. In a world such as this, as recounted in Stout’s archived article, many turned to sexual encounters with hustlers. Others, as additional material from qnotes’ archives details, turned to anonymous sexual encounters in gay porn stores, rest areas, public bathrooms and parks.

Imagine it is the 1980s. No gay folks on network sitcoms. No significant forward movement on issues like marriage equality or employment non-discrimination. Several gay bars scattered about, but none with the nonchalant mainstream acceptance most receive today. And, did I mention, there’s no internet. Now imagine you’re a closeted gay man. Perhaps you’re married. Perhaps not. You have a good job and no one there knows you are gay. You’re in your 20s, 30s or 40s, or older. Either way, you were alive when being gay was a bona fide sickness, a diagnosable, treatable mental illness — a crime. You’re scared to death someone might find out you’re gay. If they ever do, you risk losing your family. You risk losing your job. So, you’d never go to a gay bar. What if an employee saw you there? What if someone noticed your car in the parking lot? What do you do? How do you find a connection with someone like you? How do you find an outlet to express yourself?

The crippling fear that kept some closeted men from experiencing the comfort of community in local gay bars or in volunteer work with community organizations ultimately put them at a much greater risk of HIV or STD infection and criminal prosecution. “ENTICING — Vice Officers Waging War at Bookstores, Parks,” reads a March 1987 headline. “Charlotte Police Cracking Down on Park Cruisers,” reads another from October 1988. Don King, qnotes’ first editor who is interviewed for our cover story this issue, was serving in his role at the time. At the paper, King did more than document the arrests, as questions of entrapment and other public sex controversies unfolded in the late 1980s. In the fall of 1987, he formed a support and information task force for gay men arrested on charges of solicitation, crime against nature or assault. “I contend that the police are deliberately arresting not only people who break the law, but also people who have committed no crime but are too scared to pursue their case,” King said in an article about the group in September 1987. “We must stop that.” Men were arrested for simply walking and talking with undercover cops in public parks or for asking an undercover cop to go back home with them. Some were arrested for simply talking about sex, but never really taking any action to initiate it. Some were

charged with assault for innocently touching an undercover cop’s shoulder or arm and others were charged with indecent exposure when there had been none. And, after arrest, men’s families or employers called in an effort to embarrass or intimidate the accused. The list goes on and on. Issue after issue of late-1980s-era editions of the newspaper are filled with similar news reports. By the late 1990s and the birth of the internet, things moved slowly toward change. The LGBT community became more and more accepted and affirmed. The need for anonymous sexual encounters in public spaces declined. No doubt, some men are still faced with the same types of fears that once kept many men’s only experiences in the gay “community” relegated to parks and adult stores. But, much of that fear today is rare. Histories like the stories of these arrested men and others like those included in our cover story this issue are stark reminders of where we’ve come from and where we’re going. The obstacles faced in the past are crumbling more quickly with each passing day. The headlines we write today will one day be archived. A new generation will look back with wonderment when that world we’ve sought — where no LGBT person lives in fear of themselves or others — has come into being. : :

young adults as a component to your outreach efforts and diversity? Campus Pride believes that an organization does not need to be a young adult organization in order to actively involve young adults. On the contrary, community organizations that wish to have a vibrant membership with longevity should be actively engaging young adults at all levels of the organization. Young adults have acute perception, unique insights and immense capabilities. For any organization, young adults are an investment to help build sustainability and vigor for the future. Focusing on how to engage young adults is just plain common sense and should be part of every organizational strategic plan. On Tuesday, Feb. 12, Campus Pride is organizing the first Charlotte community forum and panel discussion to explore the meaningful involvement of young adults within Charlotte LGBT organizations. The event will feature young adults from the Charlotte area and purposefully allow each of them to share their personal stories and interests. There are many misperceptions about young adults that the panel will explore along with the bad habits of how older adults treat younger people. The goal is to learn how your LGBT and ally organization can more effectively outreach to young adult communities in the Charlotte area. The event starts at 7:30 p.m. at the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte, 2508 N. Davidson St. Every day Campus Pride invests in young adult leaders in Charlotte and across the country. Our volunteer-driven network is “for” and “by” student leaders and we have a growing, active Charlotte network of young adult leaders. The fact of the matter is that all

Charlotte organizations should have active young people who reflect our diverse community as part of their leadership, membership and decision-making processes. All Charlotte LGBT organizations, who believe that LGBTQ young adults matter, should be in attendance at the community forum and panel. Campus Pride hopes to begin dialogue on this topic in an effort to educate about LGBTQ youth as well as to help other Charlotte organizations attract LGBTQ young people into their membership. Together let us show that young adults do matter to local Charlotte organizations. : :

community voices by Shane L. Windmeyer

Do young adults matter to your Charlotte LGBTQ organization? For over 17 years I have had the privilege of being an advocate for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) youth. Having been an LGBTQ leader as a young adult in college, I recall how difficult it was to find meaningful involvement in the local community beyond my campus group. Most community organizations would call on youth when it came to stuffing mailings, doing door-to-door canvassing or when they wanted us to attend various skills trainings. These are all good volunteer opportunities, but it often ended there. What I quickly learned is that the youth involvement was by and large disingenuous. When it came to leadership roles,

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board positions and other meaningful involvement opportunities, young adults were often over-looked and neglected by these community organizations. The same is true today in Charlotte — and I believe it can be changed. Take a moment and think how your organization does outreach to young adults. Ask if your Charlotte organization has active young adult members between the ages of 18-24 years-old. Do you have any young adults in leadership roles? Do you have a board member who is a young adult leader? Then ask, why not? Many of our Charlotte organizations strive to have vibrant membership and diversity. Does your organization prioritize

— Shane L. Windmeyer, M.S., Ed., is a leading author on gay campus issues, national leader in gay and lesbian civil rights and a champion for LGBTQ issues on college campuses. He is cofounder and executive director of the Charlotte-based non-profit Campus Pride, the leading national organization for student leaders and campus organizations working to create a safer college environment for LGBTQ students. The organization coordinates the nation’s largest student-driven network focused on developing campus policies, practices and programs to support LGBTQ and ally students across the United States. Learn more about Campus Pride at campuspride.org. info: Our “Community Voices” column is open to all community leaders, activists and community members who wish to share information about their organizations, activities, philosophies or news on recent events or happenings. Each column should be 600 words or less and can be submitted via email to editor@ goqnotes.com with the subject “Community Voices submission.”

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Young leaders speak out Feb. 12 panel discussion will highlight youth voices by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

[Ed. Note – This writer will be a guest moderator at the panel and forum discussed in this article. This writer also worked briefly with Campus Pride as communications manager in the spring of 2012.] CHARLOTTE — Young adults in the LGBT community say they are ready, willing and able to take leadership roles, create change and move the community forward. Yet, some say options are sometimes limited when it

comes to meaningful involvement opportunities at established community organizations. “I would love to help out, but there’s not really a role for me at the age of 22,” said Jess McDonald, communications manager for Campus Pride, the Charlotte-based national non-profit that works with LGBT young people and college student leaders. McDonald’s experience since moving to Charlotte last year has given her personal insight. McDonald often feels stuck in a middle ground between being too old and experienced for some youth-oriented programs while simultaneously being perceived as too young and inexperienced for other organizations. McDonald hopes her organization’s upcoming Feb. 12 forum and panel discussion with several young adult leaders will help to bridge the gap between community organizations and a community of young people yearning for action. “I know how important it is from a personal experience to get opportunities [to lead],” says Jess McDonald, Campus Pride’s communications and programs manager. “I was fortunate at Elon to find funding to go to conferences or summer camps like Camp Pride. They really shaped me as a person and as an activist.” McDonald says she grew From left, UNC-Charlotte student Anthony Dondero, Campus Pride up in a small town in North Communications and Programs Manager Jess McDonald and Carolina. Opportunities to Winthrop University student Victoria Davis at the 2013 Creating Change conference held in late January in Atlanta. File Photo.

see Youth on 8

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news notes: carolinas. nation. world.

Gayest. Inauguration. Ever.

compiled by Lainey Millen | David Stout | Matt Comer

Charlotte Stop Hate training slated

CHARLOTTE — A three-day comprehensive “train the trainers” program, Stop the Hate, will be held by Campus Pride at The Lesbian and Gay Community Center of Charlotte, 2508 N. Davidson St., from March 18-20. The training is designed for student leaders, faculty members, administrators, campus police/safety officers and staff. Participants become Stop The Hate trainers and are equipped with tools and materials to educate others on bias incident and hate crime prevention strategies. “The news of shootings and other acts of violence on school campuses continues to fill our national headlines,” says Campus Pride, a Charlotte-based national non-profit organization working with LGBT student leaders. “While the motivation for these horrific acts of violence varies, the common denominator is hate. According to recent FBI statistics, school campuses are still the third most likely place for a hate crime to occur. Of all the places in our country that should be safe for our students, it must be our college and university campuses. One of the most effective ways of combating hate crimes on campus is through education, prevention and an on-going commitment to creating a safe place for students to learn and for staff to work.” Registration is $495 and includes a 250-plus-page curriculum manual and program materials. Scholarships are available for Charlotte-area faculty, staff and students. info: campuspride.org/stop-the-hate — L.M.

Triangle Climate studied at NCSU

RALEIGH — North Carolina State University’s (NCSU) GLBT Center is conducting a survey to determine how welcoming the school is toward their faculty, staff and students who are from the LGBT community. The online survey will help to gauge the campus climate for all sexual orientations,

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gender identities and gender expressions, reported the Bulletin, NCSU’s faculty and staff newsletter. Deadline to participate is Feb. 14 and the survey only takes about 20 minutes to complete. Principal investigators are Justine Hollingshead, center director, and Dr. Bekah Jaeger, center assistant director. The climate survey of members of the LGBT community at NCSU will provide new and updated information on the feelings and experiences of members of the LGBT community on campus. This information is essential for providing appropriate services to members of the LGBT community at the school. This study is completely anonymous and no identifying information will be collected. To join in the study, visit go.ncsu.edu/ GLBTclimatesurvey. For more information, contact Hollinghead at jrhollin@ncsu.edu or Jaegar at rajaeger@ncsu.edu. — L.M.

Western Steinberg in concert

HENDERSONVILLE — A limited-seating concert with Amy Steinberg will be held on March 8, 7 p.m., at MCC Sacred Journey, 135 Sugarloaf Rd., 2nd Floor. Steinberg, a singer, songwriter and storyteller brings a show to audiences that is uplifting, enlightening and humorous with a bit of sass. The main thrust of her work comes from marrying the sacred and profane and fusing the dreamlike nature of spirit with the rooted realness of sexuality and humor. She plays the piano and guitar with her own swingy rhythmic bounce, injecting shades of jazz, rock, hip hop and poetry, all with a theatrical flair. When not touring, Steinberg serves as musical director at the Spiritual Living Center of Charlotte, which meets on Sundays at the Actor’s Theatre of Charlotte, 650 E. Stonewall St. She also leads the One Love Choir there. Only 100 seats are available for the evening’s concert, so early purchases are

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President Barack Obama is sworn in by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts at the inauguration ceremony on Jan. 21 at the U.S. Capitol.

Photo Credit: Official White House Photo by Slonya N. Herbert

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama’s second inauguration was historic for a variety of reasons, but for many the Jan. 22 events will be remembered for the unprecedented inclusion of the LGBT community. The Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson, moderator and international leader of the Metropolitan Community Churches, read the Bible at the traditional Interfaith Prayer Service at the National Cathedral. Wilson is a lesbian and MCC’s primary outreach is to the LGBT and allied community. After taking the oath of office, the president gave his inaugural address. In it, he included Stonewall among the historic events in American history that have contributed to equality. He also declared that same-sex couples must have the right to marry for the country to live up to its ideals. The Human Rights Campaign (HRC) President Chad Griffin observed: “President Barack Obama made history today by connecting the lives of committed and loving lesbian and gay couples fighting The Rev. Dr. Nancy Wilson read the for marriage equality to this nation’s proud tradition Bible at the Interfaith Prayer Service of equal rights for all. Moments after swearing to at the National Cathedral. uphold the Constitution for all Americans on Bibles Photo Credit: MCC VIdeo Footage owned by Abraham Lincoln and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., President Obama declared passionately that our national journey towards a more perfect union cannot be finished until equal protection under the law extends to each and every American regardless of who they are or whom they love. — D.S.

encouraged. Tickets are $15 and may be obtained for cash at the church or through Stella’s Place online at stellasplace.weebly. com/amy-steinberg.html. info: mccsacredjourney@yahoo.com — L.M.

Testing site added

ASHEVILLE — The Western North Carolina AIDS Project (WNCAP), 554 Fairview Rd., has announced that it is now offering free, confidential HIV testing using the OraQuick Advance® Rapid HIV-1/2 Antibody Test with results available in 20 minutes. Appointments are required and may be obtained by calling 828-252-7489. Another center in the WNCAP family is located in Hendersonville, 210 Ehringhaus St., 800-346-3731. Visit the website to get a full list of Western North Carolina sites that offer free HIV/STD testing, as well as other important HIV/AIDS/STD resources. An over-the-counter version is also available at pharmacies for $40. info: wncap.org, orasure.com — L.M.

National Stick a fork in ’em

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to HRC, we are witnessing “the fall of the empire opposed to same-sex marriage. Widespread losses, sagging poll numbers, and poor

investments make it difficult to see how national groups like the so-called National Organization for Marriage remain viable.” “The mission of groups like NOM is to stop marriage equality,” said Kevin Nix, HRC spokesperson. “That hasn’t happened. In fact, support for marriage equality has spread like wildfire the past couple of years and there’s no turning back. With no momentum and no money, they’ve lost the marriage debate.” National and statewide polling consistently shows majorities — including AfricanAmericans, Latinos, millennials, Democrats and Independents — back marriage equality. In addition, opponents’ financing is drying up. They were outspent almost three-to-one last year by pro-equality groups. — D.S.

Campaign pushing Harvey Milk airport

SAN FRANCISCO, Calif. — San Francisco supervisors are advancing legislation aimed at commemorating LGBT civil rights leader Harvey Milk by renaming the city’s airport in his honor. HRC President Chad Griffin released the following statement in support: “Harvey Milk made it his life’s mission to ensure that everyone — regardless of their sexual orientation, gender identity, gender, or socioeconomic status — was treated with the dignity and respect that all human beings deserve. Harvey Milk-San Francisco International Airport would serve as a powerful testament to the importance of Harvey’s pioneering work and selfless dedication to advancing equality for all.

“Harvey Milk fought tirelessly to raise the visibility of LGBT people, and placing his name on San Francisco’s airport would bring awareness of his work to the 40 million travelers from around the world who pass through SFO annually. Harvey Milk’s legacy is what guides our work as we continue the fight for full equality, and HRC is proud to support this effort to honor his memory.” — D.S.

Couple raising funds for museum

WASHINGTON, D.C. — A former Smithsonian researcher, Tim Gold, and his husband Mitchell Gold, a North Carolina furniture manufacturer, were recently featured in The Washington Post, for Tim’s project, the Velvet Foundation, and the couple’s quest to create a national LGBT history museum in Washington, D.C. The project will “tell the stories of LGBT Americans at a time when gay rights were frequently a matter of political and cultural debate,” the newspaper reported. In 2008, Tim founded the Velvet Foundation and began to collect donations. Today, nearly 5,000 pieces are being stored in a climate-controlled facility in Maryland. Mitchell is assisting in the project and the couple have begun the process of hiring an attorney to help with fundraising, a museum design professional to plan for exhibits and a real estate broker to acquire a locale for a 100,000-square-foot facility. The project will not open its doors any-

time soon, as there is much to do in finding suitable donors who can give the museum the fuel it needs to get off the ground. The Arcus Foundation has signed on. And, more is needed to reach an estimated $50 million $100 million dollars to operate and open the museum. The building is envisioned as a mixed-use project, comprising the museum and commercial partners. To read the full profile from The Washington Post, visit goqnotes.com/velvet/. info: nationallgbtmuseum.org — L.M.

Defense nominee changes his stance

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Nebraska Sen. Chuck Hagel is President Barack Obama’s nominee for Secretary of Defense, a pick that has rankled many in the LGBT community due to Hagel’s anti-gay past. Now, however, he claims to have turned a corner in his thinking. In a recent letter to Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-CA), he voiced support for gay and lesbian military families, writing: “I fully support the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Repeal Act of 2010 and value the service of all those who fight for our country. I know firsthand the profound sacrifice our service members and their families make, and if confirmed as Secretary of Defense, I will do everything possible to the extent permissible under current law to provide equal benefits to the families of all our service members.” — D.S.

Charlotte Business Guild Monthly Dinner/Town Hall Now is the time to speak your mind! In true Town Hall style, tell us: How can CBG better serve you? All are invited! Attendance is FREE! Fabulous food/beer/wine available for purchase. Date: Tuesday, February 19 Time: Cocktails/Dinner begin 5:30 pm/Program begins 6:30 pm Place: Check out the NEW NoDa-located LGBT Community Center, 2508 N. Davidson Street February Social: Wednesday, February 13, 5:30 pm-8:00 pm Petra’s Piano Bar, 1919 Commonwealth Avenue Call CBG at 704-565-5075 for more details!

www.charlottebusinessguild.org Feb. 1-14 . 2013

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Youth leaders speak out continued from page 5

meet other LGBT people and to be involved in LGBT organizing were few. “You really have to go out of your way to meet other queers and have conversation about becoming an LGBT leader,” she says. It’s valuable for community development that young people find spaces where they can be involved at all levels of local organizing. “Our vision for the LGBT community is trying to find leadership opportunities for young adults, not just with Campus Pride, but with local organizations and to teach local organizations how to attract LGBT and ally young adults in all levels, from leadership to volunteering,” says Campus Pride Executive Director Shane Windmeyer. McDonald hopes the upcoming panel discussion will open doors for young adults and for those who are older and already in organizational leadership positions. “I think…people really stay in the bubbles where they are comfortable,” McDonald says. “If you’re in a group with people ages 35 and up, that’s your bubble. You’re not very familiar with young adults.”

The same is true for young people and recent college graduates she said. For young people, there has to be a willingness to reach out and, from older adults, an awareness and willingness to listen and create space. “I hear about organizations like the Charlotte Business Guild,” McDonald says. “As a 22-year-old who graduated with degrees in history and sociology, I have no idea what the Business Guild could offer me, but I’m interested in knowing.” Students Anthony Dondero, a senior at the University of North Carolina-Charlotte, and Victoria Davis, a junior at Winthrop University, will be among the young people participating in the panel. Both agree that opportunities for involvement are available if young people search them out. “The positions are definitely there and they need to be filled,” said Dondero, who has been a leading student proponent of transgender-inclusive policy changes on UNC-Charlotte’s campus. “We just don’t have enough young people coming out and finding them.”

Part of the problem, the two said, is time management. “College students’ lives are crazy,” Davis, a leader on campus and with Winthrop University’s GLoBAL LGBT and ally student group, said. “You’ve got 10 different things going on and to add another thing where you have to really commit yourself and be serious about it puts a lot of stress on you. I know there have been times I’ve been overwhelmed.” Given the unique challenges students face, Windmeyer has said organizations and leaders can create spaces for young adults. It just takes being aware of their needs, especially for young adults without access to higher education. “Many of the young adults who aren’t able to go to college or don’t have access…they are the ones stuck in between going to bars, working full-time or parttime trying to pay bills,” Windmeyer said. “Campus Pride has realized we need to make sure the community is a place where young adults can serve [in leadership roles] and not just college students.”

Marketplace Charlotte

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McDonald and Windmeyer have been reaching out to as many community leaders and organizations as they possibly can. Both hope the panel discussion will have a lasting effect. “I’m really happy we can give this opportunity [to speak] other students,” said McDonald. “We (young adults) are not kids anymore. We have good ideas and we’re interested in helping out and we definitely have something to offer… [This] exchange of ideas will benefit everyone in the room.” : : more: Read more about students Anthony Dondero and Victoria Davis, as well as profiles of other young leaders, online at goqnotes.com. Meaningful Involvement of Young Adults in Charlotte Feb. 12, 7:30 p.m., free LGBT Community Center of Charlotte 2508 N. Davidson St. More information: campuspride.org

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Mecklenburg health staffers target gay community for HIV outreach Gay Youth’s New Burden, Part II: HIV/AIDS epidemic’s resurgence among gay and bisexual youth by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

[Ed. Note — This is the second in a three-part series exploring new data on HIV infection rates and the work of local activists and prevention experts working to address HIV/ AIDS issues on the local level. In the first part, published Jan. 4, we explored new national data from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and some efforts by local organizations to address rising infection rates among young people. In part two, we discuss local infection rates and the efforts of staffers at the Mecklenburg County Health Department. This issue’s online exclusive, available at goqnotes.com/newburden/, explores prevention and sex education efforts in Charlotte-Mecklenburg Schools. Part three, to be published on Feb. 15, will discuss the experiences of HIV-positive youth living in Charlotte and the Carolinas.] CHARLOTTE — In December, new national data from The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) showed a marked increase in the rate of HIV infection among gay and bisexual men and, in particular, gay and bisexual young men ages 13-24. Advocates for HIV prevention and treatment have taken notice of the data in their ever-vigilant quest to educate. In Mecklenburg County, local health officials say they are reaching out specifically to at-risk groups like men who have sex with men (MSM). “What I think is so great about the efforts here at the health department is that all of our staff work really hard on being inclusive and recognizing diversity,” said Solita Jefferies, syphilis elimination coordinator at the Mecklenburg County Health Department’s HIV/STD Community Services Department. Jefferies, who previously worked for the Regional AIDS Interfaith Network (RAIN) as a National AIDS Fund Americorps Member, said she and her other colleagues realize just how important sensitivity to LGBT issues is to their work. “One of things I’ve experienced as a counselor is that my clients really appreciate that I know some of the jargon that is used in the MSM community,” she said. “It helps them feel more comfortable and helps them better understand some of the behaviors and practices that may or may not be the most safe practices for them.” Specific outreach to the LGBT community takes a high priority among county health officials, said Mecklenburg HIV/STD Community Services Department Manager Linda Flanagan. “One of the things we’ve been primarily concerned about is just to identify the populations most at risk,” Flanagan said. “We know which populations are most at risk

and we really fashion our testing strategies so that we can reach those people who we think are most at risk. It is a fact that there is a higher rate of HIV and syphilis among MSM. That, for example, is one population group we make sure we are reaching and bringing services to.” Higher rates among MSM, Mecklenburg County Flanagan’s assertions are reflected in the hard data. While the raw numbers have been dropping, from a spike of 208 in 2008 down to 160 in 2010, the proportion of new infections among gays, bisexuals and MSM has been rising. In 2006, just 36 percent of new cases were among MSM. That figure jumped to 44 percent the next year, declined slightly to 42 percent in 2008 and then rose to 45 percent in 2009 before jumping to 51 percent in 2010. Among young people, the CDC reported that about 18 percent of all new infections in 2010 were among young gay and bisexual men ages 13-24. In Mecklenburg County, young people of all sexual orientations are taking a hit as well. Local 2010 data reveals six percent of new 2010 infections were among youth ages 13-19. The most, at 38 percent, were among individuals ages 20-29. And, on the whole, Mecklenburg County’s HIV infection rate is among the three highestranking counties in the state. “It’s not surprising we’d have one of the higher rates in the state,” said Flanagan. “This is a large area. People come here, not just from South Carolina, but also from other parts of North Carolina. There’s a lot of traffic in and out of Mecklenburg County. There are just more people here. We are also on the interstate corridors and that can have some impact on the number of people coming in and out of the county.” Targeted outreach Flanagan and Jefferies said their department has undertaken specific strategies to reach MSM, including holding testing and awareness events at gay bars like the Nickel Bar and The Woodshed, though bar outreach hasn’t been the most effective. “We’ve made efforts to do it, but, quite frankly, that’s not been a very successful way of reaching people for testing,” Flanagan said. “There are some clubs in town that are not really very interested in us coming and bringing testing services. There are others who have offered that to us, but we don’t get much response from the patrons.”

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In a different time Gay life, love and sex in the 1970s LOVE & LUST, THE ANNUAL SEX ISSUE

Models: Gary Carpenter and Bobby Kerschner Photo Credit: Matt Comer Design: Lainey Millen

by Matt Comer :: matt@goqnotes.com

The 1980s AIDS Crisis changed everything — politics and activism, culture and community, sex and love. For those who lived before it, through it and after it, the AIDS Crisis marked a decidedly earth-shaking turning point — as an old world passed away, along with a whole generation of LGBT leaders and young people with it, and a new one was born. For older community members, many memories of life, love and sex during the 1970s and how the community changed as a result of the Crisis’ onset are still fresh and powerful. “God, what a decade,” says Don King, 70, of the decade that brought us The Village People, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” and Donna Summer.. There were complications and hardships, too, like coming to terms with one’s own sexuality, coming out to others or meeting other LGBT people and finding community. Until 1973, gay and lesbian people risked being diagnosed as mentally ill. Ultimately, it wouldn’t be until 2003 when private, consensual gay sex was decriminalized. Coming to terms For King, coming out came gradually. In 1967, he was married and eventually separated in 1971 at the age of 29. “At the time, I was living in Durham,” he says. “My first occasion to go to a gay bar was with a man who worked in a wig shop just a block across the street from the newspaper in Durham that I worked at the time. I knew this wig shop because of one my fellow sports writers, his wife worked there.” King says he and the man became close after he attended a party at King’s home. “He was invited over to a party I had at my house that included primarily straight folks, but he came with the wife of this other sports writer,” he recounts. “I took him back home and we must have sat in front of his house and talked for two hours. He was the first gay man I ever really had a decent conversation with.” Eventually, he and the man visited a gay bar in Chapel Hill, King’s first outing to such a bar. “It was such a fine experience,” King says. “And, in the meantime, he and I had had sex. He was the first guy I’d ever had real sex with. Once my wife and I separated and I had sex with this guy, I realized where I truly belonged.” Despite King’s newfound sense of acceptance, fears still abounded. “At the newspaper, I never came out to anybody,” King says, noting most of his friends at the time were never out, either. “Being openly gay was rare, in my experience, especially in mainstream employment.” An insular social scene At the time, the gay community was insular, but friendly — centered mostly around small, underground gay bars, close friends and private parties. “I started getting more and more aware that there seemed to be a fairly large number of gay people and that they made accommodations for their own social lives,” says King. “Of course, that had been going on for years, but I was just becoming aware of it.” Not long after meeting his wig shop friend, King found himself in Charlotte, a move prompted after a co-worker noticed his car parked at the home of the wig shop employee. The move, King says, was out of self-preservation. In Charlotte, King found a more open community, though gay bars still played a central role. “Oleens, was already open and was thriving,” King says. “The Brass Rail was downtown. My life in the early ‘70s revolved primarily around gay bars.” Dave Webb, 57, was 20 years old when he began college

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at the University of North CarolinaCharlotte in 1975. He, too, remembers the sense of community in the gay bars. “The first time I went to Scorpios was in 1974,” Webb says. “It was amazing. It was affirming. It was exciting.” Yet, like King, Webb still lived in silence among his straight peers. “I wasn’t open and out to my roommates,” says Webb. “It was still one of those things, not like today with Lady Gaga and ‘Born This Way,’ that just because of the social norms there was still very much a sense, I don’t know, of doing something bad. I used to know guys who would go to Scorpios and back their cars into the parking space so no one would happen to notice their license plates.” On campus, Webb and other gay acquaintances treaded lightly. “I remember one of my roommate’s friends came over,” Dave says. “I didn’t know it, but he had seen me at Scorpios and kept asking in a roundabout way, ‘Did I see you in a club sometime? Maybe a club over on Freedom Dr.?’ It was very much coded. You were very careful.” King, meanwhile, in his 30s at the time, says he had the good fortune of living in Charlotte with a first cousin. “We came out to each other,” he says. “He and I would go out and look for husbands with each other — or dates, rather. Of course, we didn’t think about that cute little phrase, ‘going out and looking for husbands.’ We were just going out and looking for sexual partners and I was always jealous because he ended up with the best-looking guys in the bars.” Sex without fear Despite the fear of social rejection or, in worst-case scenarios, public or legal condemnation, King and Webb both recount a sense of comfort, ease and freedom in gay men’s sexual culture. “Condoms were never used,” says Webb. “You didn’t need to use condoms. Yeah, you might get some STD, but it was usually something you could take a little pill and it would be gone in 10 days.” Sex was ubiquitous and worry-free in the absence of significant health threats like HIV. Sexual freedom or promiscuity wasn’t seen as “dirty.” “There was a freedom and there wasn’t a worry; definitely not the way it is now,” Webb says. “There was so little concern,” King says. “The four things you did have concern over was crab lice, which you could get rid of with the stuff they sell at the drug stores, gonorrhea, which you can get rid of with a shot, syphilis, which if you caught it early enough you could get rid of with a shot, and the bad one at the time was herpes.” Though herpes didn’t have a cure, King says society seemed to have treated it differently. “You were not afraid of it,

with great reason. Herpes won’t kill you. People don’t want to get herpes from you, but it certainly wasn’t the deadly situation that came up with AIDS later.” King adds, “It was a fun time. You could go out…and just have a ball. … If you found someone attractive, you didn’t worry about disease.” But, King and Webb were the lucky ones. They felt comfortable going to the gay bars and clubs. Others didn’t, resorting to sexual encounters in public parks and restrooms.

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goqnotes.com/to/life course, if I wanted to pick someone up, I’d go to a bar because I felt free enough to go to the bars, but there’s that’s other segment of society that has never felt comfortable going to gay bars and they still exist in some respect today and oddly enough there are probably a good number of people like that…who had no gay friends because they didn’t know how to make gay friends.”

Though Webb felt comfortable at bars, he says there was still “something oddly erotic about public sex” at the time. “Some guys got into a whole hell of a lot more than I did,” he says. “I was comfortable. The bars were there. Bottom line, I didn’t want to get arrested either.” Other men weren’t as willing to be seen in gay bars. King knew of many men who would be arrested in public parks or restrooms. The men, he says, never could bring themselves to go to a gay bar, though he tried to convince them it was safer. “I had friends who were frequent patrons of those kinds of places,” says King. “Of

A great time Webb and King both have fond memories of the 1970s. King, an adult well into his career at the time, eventually became one of the city’s most outspoken and recognizable activists. In the 1980s, he was instrumental in organizing and fundraising and building public awareness. Webb graduated from UNC-Charlotte in 1979, eventually moving to work in Atlanta before recently moving back to Charlotte. Looking back, Webb says he’s grateful.

“I came out when, thank God, gay bars were coming about,” he says. “I was young enough and open enough to go to the bars. I’m lucky I came of [age] during that age.” Despite the later hardships of the 1980s, King wishes young people today could have lived during the 1970s. “One of the things I regret is that today’s young people don’t have the same sexual freedom we did,” King says. “I lived in a great part of these years on this planet.” “It was a whole lot of fun to go out in

Charlotte in the 1970s,” he adds. “You could go out and let your hair down. You didn’t have to worry about a thing.” : : more: This issue’s special coverage, Love & Lust, The Annual Sex Issue, continues online. Read exclusive commentary on the 1980s AIDS Crisis. Also, a special “From the Archives” reprint of a 1991 feature on North Charlotte’s gay hustlers and a retrospective piece 22 years later from its author. Read more at goqnotes. com/sex2013/.

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SPORTS

Playing the field Match-ups from across the Carolinas: Leagues announce season kick-offs by Jon Hoppel :: qnotes contributor

Welcome to a new year of great sports, events and competition. Most area sports are just getting started up this time of year, so it is the perfect time to go check one out, get involved and, finally, follow through with that New Years’ resolution to get more active! Here is a rundown of all the spring sports the Queen City has to offer. Keep in mind, some schedules may change throughout the season and we will try to provide updated information as needed. Rugby The Royals are looking to build on a successful fall season with a big, meaty schedule that kicks off Feb. 16 and runs through the end of May, which includes two tournaments. It is an ambitious undertaking, one which will be as rewarding as it is daunting. An introduction (Rugby 101) to the game of rugby is given at the beginning of every season for any persons interested in playing or just to learn more about the sport. Charlotte Royals Schedule Spring 2013 Feb. 2 Rugby 101 at Cordelia Park Feb. 16 Gastonia Gargoyles (Home) March 9 Atlanta Bucks (Home) March 23 Columbia Grey (Home) April 13 Gastonia Gargoyles (Away) April 27 Nashville Grizzlies Tournament May 11 Charleston (Home) Prom Dress Match May 25 Chicago Dragons Tournament Roller Derby The world of Roller Derby welcomed a new team to its ranks with the formation of the G*Force Gastonia Roller Derby Club this year. Team founder Kristen Litvak announced a nine-game schedule which spans from March until November, so spectators will have plenty of opportunities to catch them in action. All home bouts this season will be at Kate’s Skating Rink in Gastonia, N.C. March 16 Smoky Mountain Roller Girls (Away) April 27 Ring City Roller Girls (Away) May 12 Smoky Mountain Roller Girls (Home) June 29 Spartanburg Deadly Dolls (Away) July 13 Rogue Roller Girls (Away) July 27 Spartanburg Deadly Dolls (Home) Aug. 24 Marietta Deadly Darlins (Away) Oct. 6 Eastern Carolina Brawling Betties (Home) Nov. 17 Rogue Roller Girls (Home) The Charlotte Roller Girls schedule was slated to be announced in January, but was not available at press time. To learn more about the team or to see their schedule, visit charlotterollergirls.com.

new season on March 24 at a brand new location. This year, CSA has moved to Revolution Park off of Remount Rd. in southwest Charlotte. Games will still be played on Sunday afternoons and the league welcomes all ages and skill levels. For more information about joining and playing, go to their website at carolinasoftball.org. Bowling The Charlotte Rainbowlers bowling league resumed in January, just before the midway point of their season. The league rolls almost every Monday evening at AMF Centenial Lanes on South Blvd. at 7:30 p.m. If you are interested in a less physicallydemanding, beer-enhanced sport, then check them out at the lanes, or hit them up on Facebook under Charlotte Rainbowlers at facebook.com/groups/26087579212/. And, finally, a quick NFL recap and Super Bowl prediction. It is really amazing what advanced medicine and training techniques are capable these days. Twenty years ago players like Adrian Peterson and Peyton Manning would not have nearly the same effect on the field as they did this year. Both deserve the NFL MVP, but I have to give it to Peterson for taking a below average team on his back and getting them to the playoffs. And, I thought that even before Peyton got knocked out of the playoffs by Ray Lewis and his farewell tour. In the Super Bowl, the San Francisco 49ers will be facing off against the Baltimore Ravens on Feb. 3 at the New Orleans Superdome. Both teams come in red hot and it looks to be a hotly contested game. The Ravens’ defense put a wallop on the Patriots in the AFC Championship and they will be looking to do the same against the 49ers second year QB Colin Kaepernick to stop their high powered offensive attack. I do not think they will and the 49ers should take home their first Super Bowl since 1994. : :

Softball The Carolina Softball Alliance (CSA) starts their

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‘Foreigner’ won’t overstay welcome Review: Theatre Charlotte’s ‘The Foreigner’ by Jessica Milicevic :: qnotes contributor

We’ve all encountered one or two ting for the audience. I could expect to walk “foreigners” in our time; a man or woman into any small, local southern inn and find whose English isn’t perfect, traditions that are the same décor. The lighting was executed different and whose culture may seem, to you particularly well and helped the audience and I, elusive. imagine scenes which took place outside the In Larry Shue’s comedy, “The Foreigner,” inn, just beyond the front door. some down-home Georgia natives come faceClearly, the star of the show was Philip to-face with such a man, Charlie Baker. But, Robertson, who played the leading role of as we learn in the opening scene, Baker is not Charlie Baker. Charlie is a timid man, to say a foreigner at all, but an Englishman whose the least, and has trouble speaking to even social anxieties make it impossible for him to his oldest friend, Froggy LaSueur, played by converse easily with others. He pretends to Vito Abate. Robertson does an outstanding be from a foreign country and not speak or job of conveying the absolute terror Charlie understand English, and as one can imagine, feels when encountered with social interachilarity ensues. tion; his entire body trembles, even down Theatre Charlotte is the to the quivering of his lip and perfect setting for such a play. voice, and speaks with such Its intimate space of 221 seats ‘The Foreigner’ uncertainty that the audience allows the audience to truly immediately feels empathy for Theatre Charlotte become a part of this play’s small him. But, Robertson really lets 501 Queens Rd. world, which takes place in one his acting chops shine when Jan. 25-Feb. 10 room of Betty Meeks’ Fishing he steps into his comedic role. Tickets: $25 Lodge Resort. Its rich history and As Charlie the Englishman, he theatrecharlotte.org rustic charm add to the southern is a nervous and shy man; but 704-372-1000 ambiance one would expect from as Charlie the foreigner, he is an old, backwoods inn. able to let loose and “acquire Directed by theatre veteran Paige a personality” in the most outlandish ways. Johnston Thomas, “The Foreigner” was Robertson’s execution of Charlie’s invented paced well and carried out its comedic timing language is brilliant; the gibberish sounds perfectly. Through her direction, the play was like an actual language. For a man who able to convey a light-hearted mood with a speaks little English throughout the play, his sense of urgency, as if something big was just performance resonated with the audience. around the corner. Betty Meeks, played by Polly Adkins, was Technically, the show was simple, but so adorable I wanted to take her home and effective. Its subtle tribute to the South and its have her be my grandmother. Adkins emlove of taxidermy, over-stuffed furniture and bodied this character wholly and realistically old-fashioned Coke created an authentic setand was so convincing, I half expected her to

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From left to right (standing) Patrick Smith, Vito Abate, Lee Thomas; left to right (seated) Matt Mitchell, Polly Adkins, Philip Robertson, Laura-Nelle Parnell. Photo Credit: Chris Timmons

really have the slow, southern drawl of Betty. She was the perfect hostess, both charming and efficient, just the way a traditional southern woman would be. As owner of the inn, Betty interacted with every character in the show; Adkins had chemistry with each one, as if she had known them her entire life. I was taken aback with the comedic performance of Matt Mitchell, who played a young boy named Ellard Simms. Ellard is a naíve boy with limited knowledge of the world and finds the foreigner fascinating, which Mitchell portrayed well. The comedic scene between Mitchell and Robertson at the breakfast table was so full of chemistry that it seemed like improv; natural and unrehearsed in the best sense. Mitchell has impeccable comedic timing that brought laughter enough to fill the theatre. The Georgian and British accents rolled of the tongues of the actors quite well. Stand-outs were the British accent of Vito Abate and the southern accent of Polly Adkins. Although, I thought the execution

of the redneck southern accent of Owen Musser, played by Patrick Smith, could have had a little more twang. But, he played the antagonist well; I really disliked Owen and found him to be annoying and immoral, which is the point of such a character. Catherine Simms, played by LauraNelle Parnell, and Rev. David Marshall Lee, played by Lee Thomas, did well together as a betrothed couple who didn’t really love each other. Parnell and Thomas did well in creating a relationship that felt forced and distant. You could feel their awkward tension in the audience. Thomas did particularly well in portraying a two-faced Reverend, using his religion as a cover for his misdeeds. The audience audibly gasped when he was revealed, a tribute to the actor’s portrayal of his character. The play, which is two hours long, flew by so quickly that I nearly lost track of time. Overall, I found the play to be hilarious and well worth the trip to Theatre Charlotte. : :

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out in the stars by Charlene Lichtenstein :: qnotes contributor

February 1-14 There is magic in the air when three personal planets — Mercury, Venus and Mars — all change signs. Prepare for a cool sip of serendipity delivered with a jolt of caffeine. Just be sure to capitalize on every frothy dream and whip it up into a frenzy. AQUARIUS (01.21-02.19) If you put your money where your mouth is, expect to swallow it. The fates encourage you to spend, spend, spend on junk. Aqueerians don’t always focus on the hidden costs and this may be an extravagantly wasteful time. When it is all over, you may be left with a handful of dust, a hangover and some treadmarks. Oh, but what wonderful memories! PISCES (02.20-03.20) Guppies are mystical and revel in their otherworldliness. It gets you what you want. And, you are sure to surpass your usual quota of mellowness and intuition. But, if you need to focus and concentrate or are angling for anything that is important to long-term growth, wait to act until later, if possible. Try to go with the cosmic flow for now and avoid spillage. ARIES (03.21-04.20) Your intuition is running on overdrive. Polish your crystal ball. What is that you see in this fog and mist? You may surprise yourself with all your great insights, proud Ram. Don’t waste time second guessing and procrastinating. This is the time to overachieve on your karma. Put all your best intentions to good works. It pays off in the spring. TAURUS (04.21-05.21) There are some friends who love to waste your time, but why should you care?

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Life needs its pleasant, nonsensical diversions especially now. Let off some steam and defer your more serious life goals. These pals are loads of fun and provide intangible happiness. This is your reason for living now, queer Bull. So, live a little and stop looking for hidden agendas. GEMINI (05.22-06.21) Pink Twins feel great pressure to succeed at all costs. Why is it then that things now get in the way? As you rumble down the cosmic superhighway hoping to make up for lost time, there is some annoyingly slow traffic lumbering in the fast lane. It could be a few randy pals who happily spread tacks on your primrose path to slow you down. So, stop and smell the roses. CANCER (06.22-07.23) Your juices are brought to a boil when life hands you a choice. Business or pleasure? Gay Crabs think that they can escape all emergencies at work by travelling, but, ha! There is no hiding from your responsibilities. However, you may find that you have inspiring solutions to intractable old problems. Then again, maybe you are just inspiring yourself. LEO (07.24-08.23) While proud Lions are tempted to take a certain relationship to the next steamy level, hold off and cool down right now. There may be stars in your eyes. See if who you want is what you want. Or, maybe acting out on your sexy impulses work well on those who you know less well. At least it will be easier to avoid them when the bloom is off your rose-colored glasses. VIRGO (08.24-09.23) Queer Virgins want their recognition…right now! But, as the fates begin to mix up your magic, you find that you would do better to blend into the background and wait for your next best professional move. There are those who are close to you who are more concerned with their self interests than with your self actualization. Forgive and forget. Well, at least, forgive. LIBRA (09.24-10.23) If you feel pulled in several directions at once, don’t get bent out of shape. Take a breath. Pouring on the work can create domestic discord and tempt you with possible escape and escapades. Relationships vie for your attention with demanding bosses. You can run, but you can’t hide, gay Libra! Face the music and dance. Uh, is gangnam still in style? SCORPIO (10.24-11.22) Increase the level of intensity in your everyday life and allow yourself to be led into temptation. But, try not to overdo, especially with exercise. Silly, preventable accidents can occur. On the other hand, creative and fun activities can take on a life of their own and leave you feeling exhausted and dissipated by the end of the week. Lucky Scorp. SAGITTARIUS (11.23-12.22) Your home may not be the most relaxing place to be, but you can handle anything from leaky pipes to family tussles. Bring it on so you can cross it off your list. Needy relatives may vie for your attention and partners may have to intervene or referee. Everybody wants a piece of you now, gay Archer. What piece will you give? How about your mind. CAPRICORN (12.23-01.20) Get back to work and finish some long-standing projects, pink Cap. This can be a very productive time where, if you concentrate, you may even scratch your way up to the next rung. Yet, you can be sidetracked with a variety of less important things. Will you be tempted? Try to stick to your game and keep your eye on the ball. No names please. : : © 2013 Madam Lichtenstein, LLC. All Rights Reserved. Entertainment. info: Visit TheStarryEye.com for e-greetings, horoscopes and Pride jewelry. My book “HerScopes: A Guide To Astrology For Lesbians” from Simon & Schuster is available at bookstores and major booksites.

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tell trinity by Trinity :: qnotes contributor :: trinity@telltrinity.com

Loving and living with a slob Dearest Trinity, My new live-in girlfriend is everything I ever dreamed of except she’s a slob. I’m not giving up, but I’m not giving in. Help! The Clean One, Austin, TX Dearest The Clean One, I know a similar couple that rented an apartment with a second bedroom, which they called, “the closet.” In it laid piles of clothes, magazines and everything non-biodegradable. When things where left lying around, it got thrown into “the closet.” Every month they’d hire someone to clean it. Even more practical is the use of paper products. So, darling, think housekeeper, think creative solutions and think compromise or think of separate apartments! Good luck. Dear Trinity, I came out late in life and am finally comfortable with being openly gay. The only roadblock left is with my repressive blue-collar profession. Any advice

for people in jobs that keep them closeted? Man in Blue, Peoria, IL Dear Man in Blue, To be perfectly blunt, no one really gives a crap whether you’re gay or not. They have bills to pay, kids to feed and not a lot of time to worry about your sexuality. Well, maybe some repressed homo or uneducated redneck may flinch for a moment, but, eventually, he’ll get over it. So, pumpkin, if you come out at work you may find out that everyone knew already or saved someone’s life who was closeted and suicidal, until you opened their pearly gates. Being gay is a gift, start acting like it! Now, would you please part the damn sea already so our people can get to the promise land! (My coming out was full of glitter and glitz as shown in my cartoon.) Hello Trinity, Not to sound cynical, but it really bothers me when I see happy, loving, affectionate

couples expressing themselves in public. Straight or gay, I still have problems with it. What can I do to stop them or myself from throwing up? Cynical, Nashville, TN Hello Cynical, First of all, never spend April in Paris and second, stop being so jealous. They’re not doing it for or against you. They’re in love, in a dream state and overflowing with their desires. It’s what poets write about, painters paint about and Hollywood directors make so much money about. Honey, it’s time you try falling in love or start falling in love with people in love. Hey Trinity, My boyfriend’s childhood friend recently died. When I tried to uplift his spirits, he got very upset with me and insisted I stop trying to make “everything okay!” Trinity, what should someone do when they are helping someone deal with a loss? Only Trying To Help, Reno, NV Hey Only Trying To Help, When it comes to death, there are a few basic dos and don’ts that we are never taught in any school. So, sweetie here is, Trinity’s Gentle Do’s And Don’t For Helping Someone Deal With Death 1. Don’t try to make it “alright.” It’s not all right! Someone died.

2. Don’t keep asking, “How are you?” Nothing’s worse then being continually asked this question. 3. Don’t push them into laughing or being happy. They’ll re-experience happiness in due time. 4. Don’t’ try to make them “get over it.” Denying someone their feelings is unkind and selfish. 5. Don’t redirect their troubles by telling them your troubles. They are processing, not you! 6. Do allow them to tell you about this person, even when they are repeating themselves. 7. Do be very present and patient, which sometimes means sitting quietly for hours saying nothing. 8. Do cook and clean for them, making their process as comfortable as possible. 9. Do take care of yourself and your own needs, which may mean leaving them alone for a while. 10. Do support them in making a ritual or alter to pay homage to the person who died. This should help! : : info:With a Masters of Divinity, Reverend Trinity hosted “Spiritually Speaking” a weekly radio drama performed globally and is now minister of sponsor, WIG: Wild Inspirational Gatherings, wigministries. org. Learn more at telltrinity.com.

Feb. 1-14 . 2013

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Health staffers target gay community continued from page 9

Flanagan said the department has better luck with awareness building and passing out brochures with information on testing locations. Yet, Flanagan’s and her team’s biggest difficulty today is online outreach. “One of the bigger challenges for us that we haven’t been able to solve yet is really coming to grips with how we can best have outreach on social media,” she said. “That’s where an awful lot of people are hooking up, quite frankly, is on social media. We’re working on that, on how to best have a presence on social media that will bring our services to more people.” Flanagan said the county has had success reaching gay and bisexual men in places most wouldn’t consider traditional LGBT locations. The county, for example, holds testing and outreach events at the county jail every week. They also visit homeless shelters and substance abuse centers. “While those services may not be focused on the LGBT community, the reality is we often

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have clients that identify themselves to us as MSM in those sites,” Flanagan said. Community partners Flanagan said the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte has been the county’s primary partner in targeted LGBT outreach. Center Operations Manager O’Neale Atkinson said his group works hard to ensure community members have access to the weekly testing events and other information. “We have had community forums and discussions talking about healthy relationships and safer sex,” said Atkinson, who also briefly served as this newspaper’s editor in spring 2012. “We try to implement things like that when we can and providing a space for testing at the Center is definitely our most ongoing outreach.” Each week, as many as a dozen or more people attend the testing events. In 2012, the Center saw a total of 208 people who utilized the free service. The Center also provides free safer-sex

materials like condoms, dental dams and personal lubricants, as well as instructional information on how to properly use them. Still, Atkinson and other Center staffers want to do more. “We have actually talked about other things we want to do in the future,” he said, “including some community HIV outreach specifically targeting the Latin American community in Charlotte. We want to reach populations that maybe we haven’t historically targeted and want to try to be more inclusive in our outreach.”

Non-profit staffers like Atkinson depend on the help of the county in providing some services like testing. Atkinson said he’d like to see more people aware of the services. “I don’t think enough people take advantage of the resource,” he said. “I know there are more LGBT people and just people in general who could come get tested but aren’t.” At the end of the day, Atkinson said, simply providing the service, for whomever and however many, is a step in the right direction. “I’m just glad to see we have people coming in and using the resource,” he said. : :

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20 Questions Gregg Beard, Charlotte by David Stout :: david@goqnotes.com

Gregg Beard is originally from Lenoir, N.C. As a teen and young adult he was a champion ice skater who held several titles during his career. A subsequent marriage produced a girl, Ashley, and a boy, Brad. For many years he owned and operated Park 51 Salon in Charlotte. He says the stress of having 20 women in his life every day eventually drove him to sell the salon. With his children grown, he realized that simplifying life was his first priority. Today, Gregg finds great pleasure working as a single stylist at Mosaic Salon. Last summer, he moved to a new home with his partner, David, and they have since added a tiny, furry addition to the family — Julian, the American Eskimo pup. How often do you eat ice cream in the winter? Almost never. I love the stuff, but it doesn’t love me — explanation enough? If you were a tie, would kind would you be? String tie. A little conservative, but substantial enough to get the job done. When was the last time you had a client with a mullet? Too recently to admit. I tried to talk them out of it, I swear! What is your favorite musical group with a female lead singer? Hmmm, Jon Bon Jovi if he counts. Have you ever touched a tarantula? Seriously? Ugh! How do these films rank based on the number of times you’ve seen them: “American Pie,” “Fast Times At Ridgemont High,” “Porky’s,” “Superbad”? I hate to admit it, but “American Pie” is the only one I’ve ever seen. But, I love it and would watch it again — maybe tonight. LOL! What food do you always eat with cornbread? Beans of any kind are always better with cornbread. Do you know how to roller skate backward? Doesn’t everyone? Which breakfast cereal is your favorite? Honey Bunches of Oats. I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and supper. What’s the last full album you bought or downloaded? I recently snagged the entire discography of Christina Aguilera. I love to look at Adam Levine, but Christina has the pipes. Would you rather play a game of horseshoes or cornhole? Cornhole. That comes off badly as a gay man, doesn’t it? On a scale of 1-10, how scared of the dark are you? 19. But It’s not the dark, it’s the crazy people in the dark that scare me. LOL! Can you recite the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution from memory? Every word. Wait a minute, does that make me a Republican? God, I hope not. Have you ever had a female client ask you to shave her head? Yes, many times, due to cancer. It’s probably one of the worst parts of my job. Who is your all-time favorite TV detective (the character, not the actor)? It has to be Columbo. Green bean casserole, macaroni casserole or sweet potato casserole? Sweet potato casserole because it reminds me of the holidays…and, of course, it’s sweet. Do you put your clothes on in any particular order? Always. I’m a creature of habit and I do things very methodically. Which is/was the ideal decade to be a teenager in America? The ’70s for a gay male. HIV wasn’t around yet. Nuff said… What word or phrase do you exclaim to show frustration? You can’t print it here, but it begins with “mother.” Do you cut your own hair? All but my neck. No one else seems to want to deal with me. Does that make me seem a bit picky? Hmmm. : :

Charlotte’s young adult leaders to share experiences Feb. 12 • Charlotte Panel: Young Adult Leadership Campus Pride hosts a local forum and panel discussion on the topic, “Meaningful Involvement of Young Adults in Charlotte LGBT Organizations.” Come and hear from young adults how they feel about leadership and learn how your organization can have meaningful outreach and involvement for young adults. Matt Comer, qnotes editor, will guest moderate. LGBT Community Center of Charlotte, 2508 N. Davidson St. 7:30 p.m. 704-333-0144. campuspride.org. gaycharlotte.com.

Feb. 2 • Charlotte Reality TV show casting Marigny hosts an open casting call for a new reality TV show. Casters looking for drag queens, transgender people, body builders, go go boys and others. Free admission from 6-10 p.m. $10 admission for after party following. Must be 21+ for casting call. 18 and up for entry. Marigny Dance Club, 1440 S. Tryon St., Suite 110. Feb. 2 • Charlotte Pretty Things Peep Show Take a peek into the past when you see The Pretty Things Peepshow performing their vintage vaudeville extravaganza. Sideshow stunts, classic burlesque, circus acts and live music by the Pretty Things houseband, The Peeping Toms, make this an unforgettable night of glitz and glamour. You won’t want to miss a single one of their 22 thrilling acts including sword swallowing, juggling, glass walking, contortion, hula hoops, whip cracking, comedy, magic, beautiful dancing girls and more! The Chop Shop in NoDa, 399 E. 35th St. 8 p.m. $10/ advance. $12/door. More information at prettythingsproductions.com and chopshopnoda.com, by email at prettythingspeepshow@gmail.com and by phone at 704-765-CHOP (704-765-2466).

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Assembly for march begins at 9:30 p.m. at Shaw University, 118 E. South St. Feb. 9 • Winston-Salem MasquerAIDS A Paris-themed masquerade ball to raise money and awareness for AIDS Care Service, this unforgettable evening will feature food, dancing, live entertainment, a decorative mask contest, cash bar, and more! Community Arts Cafe, 411 W. 4th St. 8-11 p.m. $25. Tickets and information aidscareservice.org. Feb. 13 • Charlotte HRC Diner Buff Faye hosts the HRC Diner, an evening fundraiser and comical spinoff to the annual Human Rights Campaign Carolina Gala. Diner, Drag and DJ, all for $25. Hartigan’s Irish Pub, 601 S. Cedar St. Two shows at 7 p.m. and 9 p.m. hrc.org/charlottediner. hrccarolina.org. Feb. 14 Valentine’s Day Don’t forget to get a sweet thing for your sweetheart. Plus, be sure to check in with goqnotes.com as this special day nears for news on Valentine’s Day events across the Queen City.

Feb. 3 • Charlotte Super Bowl Party and Chili Cook-off Sidelines hosts its fifth annual Super Bowl Party and Chili Cook-off benefiting House of Mercy. 4544 South Blvd. 5:30 p.m. 704-525-2608. thesidelinesbar.com.

Feb. 22 • Charlotte Kickoff to HRC Gala Takeover kicks off weekend festivities for the Human Rights Campaign Carolina Gala at The Westin, 601 S. College St. 7-11 p.m. hrccarolina.org.

Feb. 3 • Raleigh Super Bowl fundraise Crape Myrtle Festival hosts a Super Bowl party at Spy Bar, 330 W. Davie St. 5:30 p.m. $10 donation at the door, free food, drink specials, games, prizes and more. crapemyrtlefest.org.

Feb. 23 • Charlotte HRC Gala The Human Rights Campaign presents its annual North Carolina Gala. Charlotte Convention Center, 501 S. College St. Tickets and more information at hrccarolina.org.

Feb. 6 • Charlotte National GSA Day Time Out Youth recognizes National GSA (GayStraight Alliance) Day. For more information on local efforts organized around National GSA Day, contact Micah Johnson, mjohnson@timeoutyouth.org.

Feb. 23 • Charlotte HRC after parties Several official after parties following the Human Rights Campaign Carolina Gala will be held at a variety of locations in Charlotte. For more information, visit goqnotes.com/calendar/ and hrccarolina.org.

Feb. 9 • Raleigh HKonJ Equality North Carolina will join the annual HKonJ (Historic Thousands on Jones Street) civil rights march in downtown Raleigh. Equality NC strongly supports the efforts and actions of the North Carolina chapter of the NAACP and their focus to bring social justice for all residents of North Carolina. “Forward together, Not one step back.” For more information on the march, directions and other info for participants, visit hjonj.com.

Feb. 24 • Charlotte Center potluck The organizers of Charlotte Bear Dinner team up with the LGBT Community Center of Charlotte to host a community potluck benefitting the Center. Pork BBQ, beans and broccoli slaw to be served. Community members encouraged to bring other dishes. A donation box will be available to benefit the Center. LGBT Community Center of Charlotte, 2508 N. Davidson St. 704-333-0144. gaycharlotte.com.

Submit your event to our calendar! You can submit your event online at goqnotes.com/eventsubmit/ and get a three-for-one entry. All Charlotte-area events will appear on each of the three calendars at qnotes (goqnotes.com), the LGBT Center (gaycharlotte.com) and Visit Gay Charlotte (visitgaycharlotte.com).

Feb. 1-14 . 2013

qnotes

Feb. 1-14 . 2013