July 2012 Precision Rifleman
Pit Happens. Pits collect fouling that reduces muzzle velocity. Are your bullets in the pits?
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Ask Uncle Timmy...
A Monthly Column of Shootin’ Shenanigans
Uncle Timmy: Are there any old benchrest shooter homes as an alternative to the many assisted care facilities now available for those of us who are almost there, such as myself? Dear Geezer: You have asked a brilliant question! In the final planning stages is the NBRSA Methuselah Rest Home. It will be built with elderly benchrest shooters in mind. Each shooter will have his/her own room from a palatial suite to a padded cell depending on need and money. Instead of aluminum walkers, big gun carts will be used. The adjacent range will have wheelchair accessible benches. Instead of basket weaving and bingo there will be bullet making and reloading. Physical therapy will be available on the premises in the form of strength training (carry-
Gradient Lens Corporation - 800 536 0790 www.hawkeyeshooting.com
ing heavy boxes around), cardio (the 25 yard cart and wheelchair pea gravel run) and flexibility (bending over setting flags). Each cart and wheelchair will have a bullhorn mounted in front so the shooters can communicate with each other. The dining room will serve a variety of meals including fried foods, BBQ, steak both whole and blended in a cup and pie. Beer, wine and Xanax will be served if requested or in most cases needed. Other services such as the most requested Swedish bikini team massage staff will be considered depending on the availability of money. Speaking of money, staying here will set you back about $75,000 a year. What, you don’t have that much? Well, you can always live with your children. Uncle Timmy: Is it true that a new generation of benchrest scopes is on the horizon? Rumor has it that a new Japanese scope is coming out? Dear Rumormonger: Yes, you are correct. A new benchrest type scope is
starting production in Japan. It has been named The Badassumabitchee which loosely translates from Japanese as Formable. It uses state of the art digital electronic imaging with no optics involved. It works in all weather conditions including total darkness, fog and rain. Mirage is canceled by enclosed onboard software. It senses wind speed and direction from the muzzle to the target and an electronic reticle adjusts to compensate for any bullet drift. Right now they cost $450,000 each and they weigh 5 pounds. Projected future cost and weight reductions to bring that to competitive levels propose a market to future customer time of 30 years. Too bad you will probably be dead by then. Dear Uncle Timmy: How is your Haitian skydiving leper colony venture going? Dear Better Use An Umbrella If You Visit: The clouds are raining business. I get a piece of everything that comes through here.