Wednesday, January 30, 2013 - North Shore News - A23
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Developing a Positive Approach to Discipline
It is very interesting that the word discipline means to teach. The root meaning is“the capacity to learn, the process of learning”and is based on the word“disciple”. And so when considering how you may want to approach your child when it comes to discipline, taking on this real meaning may bring positive changes. Firstly, as a parent you want to look and listen to yourself, even noting your responses over a period of time or talking with your own parents may help. What you observe….what you hear may surprise you. Keeping a diary over a period of two weeks may shed light on behaviours you did not realize you were implementing or expecting. Letting go of responses you have in place from your childhood may be just the adjustment that is needed. What the child requires is love, respect, an ear (listening honestly with eye contact), appropriate amounts of sleep, and nutritious food, including eating meals together. All are essential elements to successful partnerships and communities alike. And a home community is no different…some even say it is sacred, something to be cherished. Once you have become more aware of your responses, this is the time to set down guidelines with your partner and children when appropriate, remembering that few are best. These can be written down and even displayed in a common area. They can include: Respect all, each family member is expected to take part in keeping the home running smoothly (When you use something put it back in its place and clean up
any mess you’ve made etc.), always tell the truth and do not be afraid to admit you made a mistake. When determining these guidelines, try to predict the consequences of your reactions when they are not followed.
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Watch your use of the word “no” by giving choices, like how to say no politely….
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The guidelines can be explained in a positive manner. Avoid the“don’t” word by using the“do”word. Model the expected behaviour yourself, and acknowledge behaviours that are in the right direction. Redirecting to a more appropriate choice rather than scolding is best. Ask the question,“was that the best choice”and then remind the child of the guidelines. The adults can role play a sequence of events to demonstrate a response or approach to a situation. If you are not too upset you can re-teach the lesson, but you may want to wait until the time is right. Above all, be consistent and fair.
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The goal is to shift the emphasis from control by the adult to collaboration, which in turn causes the child to see the adult as an ally. Watch your use of the word“no”by giving choices, like how to say no politely…”Mum, I really do not want to do that right now”. Be sure that you and your partner are kind and courteous to each other. Allow for your child to establish meaningful levels of independence and responsibility and save the word“no” for the times it is really needed like when there is a safety issue. Teach as opposed to punish. Punishments may work in the moment but they do not create long lasting results. Punishment focuses on behaviour rather than internal development and discourages problem solving. The child needs to develop self-regulating responses. Asking unanswerable questions like “How many times do I have to tell you”? may only escalate frustration levels . Avoid using rewards, as they do not promote self-awareness of behaviours. Each of these suggestions will hopefully help parents find new ways to accomplish positive discipline foundations. It is a process that takes time and patience, both wonderful aspects of life that seem to be slipping away in our busy world today. Remember though, if we want to change things for the better, we must always start with the children. Gatehouse Montessori 1305 Taylor Way, West Vancouver 604-925-1437 www.gatehousemontessori.com
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