plastique pop no. 6

PERPETUATING NEO CULTURE ONE NON SENSICAL WHIMSY AFTER THE NEXT

PLASTIQUE POP IN THIS ISSUE: CRAPPY DRACULA TOUR JOURNAL GARBOS DAUGHTER THE SUEDE UPPERs HALFTONE DESIGN BARE WIRES THE HUSSY ALSO:

test patterns the reckless hearts

Welcome Asshole

Here it is on a gloomy sunday night. As I write this, I’m eating white bread and american cheese on a futon in my friends attic. I’ve been living up here for the past six months because I can’t afford anything better. Life has been pretty topsyturvey lately, but I press on through the muck knowing that one day, all my little dreams of world domination will come true. Man, I got a soul of fire and no deterant or obstacle is going to stand in my way. In many ways this zine is a testament to all the hard work that I’ve been submerged in and all the projects that I’ve got going. Although sometimes a financial burden, I keep on keeping on. But I’m not going to bore you with all the nuances that make up my hard times. Instead, I’m gonna hype you up to the out-of-sight rock n’ roll that these next few pages are bursting with. This issue was exceptionally fun to put together. I always try to outdo myself with each passing installment, and this one is screaming with cutting edge thinking and execution. As you flip through the pages, you’ll see that the overall design is a little more refined. We’ve reconfigured a few things here and there to accommodate the ever evolving styles and fashions that are constantly being pushed to the forefront in this little xerox wonderment. Reinvention, baby!

Secondly, we’ve been mega blessed with the roster of bands and artists that have been coming our way. Shit man, before you know, the fucking rolling stones will be crammed somewhere within the depths of these pages. Oh, me and keith? Yeah, we’re real tight. In all seriousness though, I think it would be safe to say that plastique pop is finally starting to catch on to the rest of the world. I mean, this whole thing was started for the sole purpose of getting closer to the bands and artists that we admire. Reach out and touch someone. But after penetrating the degenerate subculture market, this little art form has jumped leaps and bounds in it’s little short time. Our favorite fan moment has to be when we got an email from a customer who got hip to us after seeing a plastique pop sticker on a urinal in Las Cruces , New Mexico. How the hell did that get there? What a random and miscalculated series of events! Anyway, we’ll always continue to bring you the hottest in cutting edge trends. You just keep sending us your pennies and this relationship will blossom for years to come. Oh, and as a side note, our urinal marketing campaign has really worked wonders!

adam weird editor in thief

Back issues still available.

Find out how it all began!

ISSUE #1 Boys Club Plexi 3 Tour Journal Double Dynamite The Insomniacs Wee Rock Records

halftone design...........3

garbo’s daughter............9 ISSUE #2 Midwest Beat Boom Chick Records Stumblurfest ‘08 The Mans The Mechanics of Romance Modchicago The Gruesomes

ISSUE #3 Nobunny The Pets Pat Boones Farm Coldcock Jones and The Shithawks Derek Lyn Plastic The Ugly beats Neopop Studios

ISSUE #4 Human Eye The Empty Faces The Blind Eyes International Date Lines The Chemistry Set The Girls Sam Gambino

the hussy...........15

the suede uppers............19

listen to this!...........23

bare wires........27

crappy dracula tour.......31

Salutations Jerkweed ISSUE #5 Mod Fun The readies Karl Backman The Spurts 2009 NYE journal The Yolks

For back issues, please send $2.00 PPD to the address below. ....or just write to say hi!

PLASTIQUE POP 1723 S. 1st Street Upper Milwaukee WI 53204 www.myspace.com/plastiquepop www.plastiquepop.blogspot.com plastiquepop@hotmail.com

This issue wouldn’t have been possible without the help of the bands: Garbo’s Daughter, The Suede Uppers, The Hussy, Bare Wires, and Crappy Dracula.

Also a big thanks to Nate Manny and his halftone design empire for sharing some wisdom. Additional shout-outs go to Ryan and Wendy for letting me sleep in their attic. Thomas for good times, Joel and Nate for bringing the Jet Set reunion into light, The Pinnacle XL crew, all the kids who made the plexi 3 summer tour worthwhile, dan for driving us everywhere and for just being “dan”, zine world for giving us some great exposure, other zines and publications that gave us the time of day, anne and the milwaukee magazine gang, the library parking lot for excellent free wi-fi, the bombshelter bar for having 2 dollar black labels, franks power plant, bachelor records, chocolate covered records, and you. Why you? Why not!

Graphic design and rock n’ roll has always walked hand in hand with each other. I mean, it makes the most sense. Both are cutting edge forms of media that is ever evolving. Both push boundaries in search of reactions. And honestly, most of everyone I know in bands has enough artistic sense to turn this into a viable career. Take for instance, Nate Manny and his halftone design empire. You may know Nate as a member from the ever popular Murder City Devils. Since their untimely demise in the early 2000’s, he has turned every bit of energy that was born out of the devils and transformed it into creating nothing short of visual magic.

And it was through the devils that I got my first taste of what he was capable of.

Just take a look at the album art for “in name and blood” and you’ll see some bonafide top notch design in action.

We here at plastique pop are insanely revved about this interview. Nate and his halftone design identity has been a major force in our own way of thinking and much of his work has been extremely influential. Take notes,kids.

didn’t realize that design was it’s whole own profession. Starting in high school I would design logos and t-shirts for friends bands, make stuff for my own bands, paint skateboard decks and put together little zines, posters and comics. From there, as I got more into the music scene, I did a lot of posters, t-shirts and record covers for bands. As a kid, I was the one who could draw, and as I got older I was the guy who made logos and designed things. It’s just kind of the way it’s always been.

PP: I think that how a lot of people get into it. I know it was for me. Did you go to school for design?

PP: First off, introduce yourself and your presence with halftone design.

My name is Nate Manny. I’m the owner/ principal of Halftone Design.

PP: So, how did halftone design come about? What was your initial reasoning behind forming this design entity?

Halftone was a natural evolution for me from music into design. I had spent a long time touring in The Murder City Devils and doing some design work between tours when I could. After the Devils stopped playing, my interest in design moved more to the front of my mind and music began to take a back seat I decided to focus on design full time. Before the band I was running an independent screen printing shop called Halftone Screen Printing, where I printed shirts and posters for bands and venues.

I was also doing design work but only for the posters that I was printing and some small projects here and there ... I hadn’t really considered going into business as a full time designer. Eventually things started to take off and I made the transition over to Halftone Design.

PP: Nice. What was the evolution in getting you involved with design in the first place. Like, were there any particular projects that sparked the fire?

In one way or another, I’ve always been doing design work, although for a long time I had no idea what Graphic Design was. I just thought people were artists, I

I went to the Evergreen State College in Olympia WA for school although I didn’t study design there. It’s a liberal arts college and while I was there I was working towards being a fine artist ... at least that’s what my degree is for. Most of my work revolved around combining type and images. I was doing a lot of screen printing and making pieces that in retrospect were basically design pieces but it never crossed my mind that I was doing design, and nobody at school brought it up. I went through my entire college experience without ever really knowing that design was something that I could do. It seems crazy to me that it happened that way but it did, I don’t know if I wasn’t paying attention or if nobody around me saw the connection or knew about design and could give me the heads up. I wish more than anything somebody had come along and said, “Hey man, you should really check out this guy Jan Tschichold or El Lissitzky.” It would have blown my mind. So school was great for me in that I learned a lot about how to think about things, how to see, and how to articulate what I was thinking visually, but it was what I was doing outside of school that was actually more related to design.

I was doing a zine called “Hellbound” with my friends, playing in bands, putting on shows and making posters. Through all these activities I was essentially creating a demand for my own work. Everything we were doing needed images and materials. Shirts and stickers for the bands, record

artwork, all that stuff, and the more of that I did the more other people started asking me to do things for them. As time went on my projects became more sophisticated and started to branch out from music.

The work that I was doing for The Murder City Devils was a mile stone for me in that it was in many ways my first exploration into branding on a large scale. I was very consciously building that identity to create a certain impact and reaction and to tell a specific story. I think that was what made everything click for me ... It was when I started to understand how to translate what I had been working on in my fine art schooling and how to apply it in a way that really resonated with me and gave me purpose. It was then that I started to understand the power of design, it’s ability to communicate both directly and abstractly, and began to see the potential for it’s depth.

Design became more than a cool poster or record cover, beyond decoration and illustration and turned into the communication and articulation of big ideas.

PP: Yeah, I dig that. I don’t people give it enough credit. It’s not just pictures and words. It’s an entire visual empire built from scratch.

This was very exciting for me, and I knew from then on what I wanted to do, but I still didn’t know how to start to learn about it. I was well out of school and no one around me was interested in design, and

I didn’t really know any other designers. I was kind of stranded on a desert island.

When I realized how much there was to know and how much I had to learn that dropped everything else and focused on design full time. Since then I’ve been reading as much as I can get my hands on, cross referencing and studying constantly. I think that because I was a relative late comer, I was kind of annoyed with myself for not realizing what was in front of me all along and now I have an almost obsessive, intense drive to learn as much as possible to make up for lost time.

PP: Are their any particular artists or designers that you’ve come across that shaped your way thinking?

I admire and am influenced by a lot of different artists and designers, for a lot of different reasons ... There are certain people who consistently surprise me, or continue to push whatever they’re doing in new directions, and I’m inspired by that. I like certain designers because they are really great at using type, or at creating a certain atmosphere and I like others that make really striking or bold images.

Then there are the people who’s contribution to design is great in other ways, like to design theory and literature. The designers who have gone on to articulate and define ideas about design theory, branding, typography, identity systems and design principals have been a big inspiration for me.

On a personal level one of the best things that could of happened to me from being on Sub Pop was getting to meet and work with Jeff Kleinsmith.

When I first met him, the band wasn’t signed yet, but I was doing posters for an all ages venue that was organized by someone who worked at Sub Pop. She introduced me to Jeff.

He had seen one of my posters and commented that he had liked the type treatment I had done and he talked about how he approached display type with me. It made me think about the power of typography and of the word as an image in a whole new way. Later as he was helping me put together the stuff for the Devils, he gave me different tips and pointers about what I was doing, showed me how he made things and talked about how I could approach different details. He also was a great resource for

me as I was learning about design in a more serious way, he was really helpful about a lot of the different technical aspects of preparing files for press and different print processes. Meeting Jeff also had a huge impact on me because he was the first real designer I had met, and it did a lot to make me understand what a designer actually did and what graphic design was.

PP: Damn! Jeff kleinsmith is not a bad guy to get pointers from. Who else in the art world strikes your fancy?

Here’s a quick list of people and things I think are inspiring: Chip Kidd, Paul Renner, Jan Tchichold, Peter Saville, Vaughn Oliver, Jeff Kliensmith, Art Chantry, Saul Bass, Michael Beirut, Aesthetic Apparatus, Josef M’fcllerBrockmann, Adrian Frutiger, Robert Bringhurst, Anton Stankowski, Alexander Rodchenko, Max Huber, Otl Aicher, Paul Rand, Andy Warhol, Alexander Calder, Picasso, Paul Klee, Joseph Cornell, Mark Rothko, Barnett Newman, Robert Irwin, Wes Anderson, Akira Kirasawa, Orson Welles, and The Criterion Collection.

PP: Ok, so you were a main member in The Murder City Devils, which has done a great deal of touring.

How did you juggle the band with your design path?

For most of the time I was touring I didn’t really do very much design work professionally. Most of my projects were relatively small and I was working without a computer, so everything was cut and paste ... photocopies, xactos, tape and big posters. Not the easiest thing to deal with in a van, but I did a lot of sketching and reading. When the Devils stopped playing I starting focusing on design full time. It was the band after that, Dead Low Tide, where I was actually doing work on tour, and it wasn’t easy, almost impossible. I did have a laptop by then, and was able to work at the clubs and hotels, but it was really difficult to concentrate and work on anything serious. At first I thought I would be able to do it, work on tour, but it didn’t take long before I realized that wasn’t going to happen. Dead Low Tide had a long break between our last tour and when we finished our record and in that time, my business grew and

the nature of my work changed in a way that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to do both things. That was when I decided to stop playing music.

PP: Did being in a prominent band help you gain exposure as an artist and designer?

It definitely did. Through the band I met a lot of people, bands, label owners, club owners, promoters, and booking agents, all people that need design work done for a ton of different kinds of things. The band also was a great portfolio piece in that a lot of people knew of the band and it’s identity. People would get in touch with me based on the artwork I had done for the Murder City Devils to do work for their bands. For the first couple years of doing design full time, about 80% of my work was music related and came out of those initial relationships.

In a way it’s a chicken or the egg type of situation in that it was design that got me more into music, and through design that I started a lot of the conversations I had with the other band members ...

It’s always been intertwined for me, but coming out of MCD definitely gave me a lot more exposure than if I hadn’t been in the band, it just put me into the public eye in a different way. I was very fortunate in that way PP: Yeah, I kind of feel like I’m in the same boat. So when Dead Low Tide slowed down and halftone started taking over, what were some of the projects that you got involved with?

Over the last couple of years I’ve been moving more and more in the direction of branding and identity and taking on bigger projects that have a lot of interconnected pieces. I’m very interested in the idea of creating an experience and representing the characteristics of a brand within a physical space. I recently worked on a project developing the brand for a tequila bar here in Seattle called, “The Saint.” I worked very closely with the owner to define the brand and how it would inform every aspect of the

restaurant. I contributed to the interior design, paint color choices, custom wall paper, cash register screens, menus, posters, signage, coasters, and designed the website. The owner of The Saint also owns a bar called Havana, that I designed the brand and identity for. He and I have begun to concept new places together, and the projects are becoming more and more sophisticated and in-depth. It’s a great situation in that we work together as partners and can create the places we want to make, our own fantasy bars.

The Devils just played a short run of shows in February and I designed a box set for the rerelease of all the vinyl a poster and a new t-shirt for the tour. It was great to revisit that theme and to evolve it to a new level.

The box set was a big single die cut piece that folded around the records and closed with a tab and slot and a button and string fastener. Inside each set was an envelope of unique photos and pieces of artwork from my archives.

A lot of outtake photos from the album shoots and original mechanicals from the artwork. I was really happy with how they turned out and how they felt in hand.

PP: Oh yeah. I saw some photos of that from that online somewhere. That’s a crazy amount of work.

Some of the last album artwork I’ve done was for the Schoolyard Heroes, “Abominations” record.

That was a fun project to do because it was a very quick turn around and I had to come up with the concept and run with it really quick. I did a day long photo shoot with the band and captured a lot of great images that I put together to build the world of the artwork. I’ve been starting to do a lot more of my own photography, so that was a chance to try some new things.

My next thing that I want to put together is a magazine. I’m fascinated by the capabilities of online on-demand printing, and I think there’s a lot of potential there to do some really cool stuff. It brings me back to my zine days, but with a “What I know now” perspective. I’m really excited about putting that together.

PP: Speaking from an outsiders view, Seattle seems like a very healthy design town. You had mentioned crossing paths with Jeff Kliensmith. But what about firms or agencies? Are their any big names in town?

I think that Seattle is a good town for design.

There are a lot of independent designers here that do great work like Jeff Kliensmith and Art Chantry, as well as Modern Dog, Heads of State, Invisible Creature, and Sleep-Op. As far as bigger firms there’s Hornall Anderson which I think does a lot of really great work, Publicis West, Cole Weber, Girvin, HL2 and Urban Influence are doing some cool stuff too.

There is a thriving freelance community here and of course a ton of bands, clubs, and independent record labels. I think Seattle’s design scene is a lot like everything else about Seattle, there’s a lot of great stuff here, a lot of it world class, but it seems some how isolated or understated. It seems like it’s lacking some of the glamour and clout of the bigger design cities like New York, San Francisco and LA. Like the Mariners, we have a great team and we can get really close to the big time, but we never quite get to the world series, but I think it’s just in our nature, it’s a part of our culture.

PP: See, I think Milwaukee is in sort of same situation but we keep getting overshadowed

by Chicago. You know, like were’ right on that cusp of being recognized as a really valid design center, but because of the proximity to Chicago, everything we try to perpetuate gets swallowed up. Lastly, What advice would you give a young novice coming into the industry?

READ! The internet is great, but you can’t beat books for quality information. It’s very rare that web sites have the credible, in-depth coverage of the topics that books do, or the same caliber of writing.

Blogs can be great places to find out about designers, or movements in design but the real meat of it is in books. Pick up anything that looks interesting and read it. It’s easy to get design books and just look at the pictures, and there’s definitely a lot of value in that, but you’ll quickly find out that a lot of the same images get used over and over. Read the copy to see why these images are important in the context of each book. It seems obvious but I can’t emphasize it enough.

Read everything, from cover to cover, look at the publishers page at the beginning, see if they list the typefaces they used in the layout, read all the footnotes in context, read all the captions and all the essays and most importantly the bibliography to find out about more books. Read books on grids, typography, photography, painting, printing, architecture, book design, color theory, everything and anything, even if you think you’re not interested in it. Reading a wide variety of subjects will give you perspective and depth. Eventually information will start to repeat itself and overlap. You’ll be able to start cross referencing things, and notice consistencies and contradictions. Form your own opinions based on what you read, and apply them to your own work.

This will lead you down your own path.

Just looking at the pictures is a great way to get inspiration, but the key is to understand the ideas, principals, and theories behind the example as much as possible. This is what will help you to make informed decisions while you’re working and lead you in new directions.

Become obsessed with typography, type and words. The importance of typography can not be overstated, it is essential to good design, and it’s impossible to know it all. Typography is layered in complexity, and I keep discovering new levels of depth and details to pay attention to. Don’t be distracted the thousands of typefaces available, pick a few and really get to know them. Learn how to use them in different ways to accomplish different things. Stick with the classics, and choose families with a good variety of

weights. Pay attention to rhythm, contrast and composition. Think about letters like physical objects, like how they used to be, imagine moving them around like individual blocks and think of the word as an image.

Don’t wait for a client to give you good projects, push yourself, and the job, to be better. Look for the opportunity to push a project beyond the clients expectations, and to go beyond the minimum.

That will build the trust that will allow you to begin to assert more influence with your client and to develop average jobs into great projects and great work.

Make the work that you want to make. If you’ve got great ideas, show it, put them together, and get it done. Even if it’s just for yourself. Look at everything always, and look at it critically, take things apart, rebuild them strive to understand how things work. Above all, always ask “Why?” PP: Right on. Thanks so much for taking the time to chat!

Get on your internet machines right now and go check out more of Nate’s work. He can be found at halftonedesign.com. What are you waiting for? Don’t you want your mind’s blown even further?

1. Movies Of Mass Destruction Poster Silk Screen 13” X 20” 2/3. Viceroy Lounge Postcard Front and Back 4”x 6” 4. Murder City Devils Covers/Poster Various Media 5. Chop Suey Event Poster Silk Screen 20” X 30” 6. . Movies Of Mass Destruction Poster Silk Screen 13” X 20” 7. The Rebar DJ Event Poster 11” X 17” Postcard 4”x 6”

I had the pleasure of witnessing these gals in live attack over the summer when I was in Orlando for the World’s Gone Wiggly Fest. Despite having to go on first to a few minor technological setbacks, they managed to squeeze every bit of their pop energy into the little time they had. And thus, left a heaping rubble of destructo girl punk for the rest of performers to clean up. I’m not even sure what I was exposed to in the aftermath, but I do know that I discovered a new favorite band. Dig? PP: Alright, let’s get this party started. Why don’t you give a little run down on how this all came about.

Mandy: I actually have a journal entry from years and years ago where I wrote about my dream to have a fun rock & roll band called Garbo’s Daughter and it would be like Redd Kross meets The Carrie Nations. I just wanted to be in the Bay City Rollers! I held on to the thought and when Jaime and I met in the summer of 2007, we pretty much instantly said, “Let’s start a band!” And I said, “Oooh, I’ve been holding on to the name Garbo’s Daughter for ages, let’s go for it!” We started writing songs and practicing in my living room. We recorded a few demos called “Oh No She Didn’t,” “Waiting Games,” and “Ricky” (which Kristin actually sang back-ups on before she joined the band!) with my brother Freddy and our buddy Whit.

When we started getting offers to do shows, we knew the guys had a lot on their plates already band-wise, so we knew we needed to find a drummer. We had met Kristin at the beginning of 2008, shortly after becoming online buddies and she was the first person I thought of to ask! I remember Jaime and I going to see Kristin’s band Hot Hands the night before our first practice together and as soon as she started playing, we both looked at one another and were like, “WHOA!” (Joey Lawrence-style!).

Kristin is not only an exciting drummer to hear, she’s also super thrilling to watch!!

We practiced together for just over a month before our first show in June of 2008.

Kristin: Don’t forget! Our first show was supposed to be with Plexi 3 but they had a lot of car troubles on tour. But they came back almost exactly a year later.

PP: Oh yeah. Our van’s transmission called it quits in front of the Drunken Unicorn in Atlanta. We were stuck there for eleven days. We missed more than half of our shows. Atlanta’s a good town though. Tell us about some of your other early shows and how you developed your initial style.

Mandy: I was just watching the Youtube videos from the first show a few days ago and it doesn’t sound at all as bad as I remember. Haha! You can tell we were timid, but it sounds really good.

Jaime: Our audiences have enjoyed us from the beginning, and we’ve definitely become tighter and more comfortable. Every show brings new blood, and we have a core group of friends who are always there. Their enthusiasm is awesome, and we definitely feed off of it. More often than not, arrangements simply come together for us. Sometimes we’ll have to fine-tune with one another and work out kinks, but there’s not much calculation going on overall.

Kristin: Mandy and Jaime were both pretty nervous about our first few shows since Mandy hadn’t played a show in a long time, maybe at least few years on her solo project with her friend Jason who’s gone on to join Nobunny, and before that her first band, Bang Bang Bang Society who have some really awesome recordings. Too bad I wasn’t in Orlando at that time to see them live. Jaime hadn’t really had much live band experience as far as I know, just a lover of music like all of us so this was a fairly new experience for her. I’ve been playing shows since I was in high school, so I was more excited than nervous about having a new project to play out with and especially one that’s unique in comparison to all my past bands; I’d say so far Garbo is the best composite of everything I love about music and pop culture PP: Were there any especially good or bad moments that your especially remember?

Mandy: Bad moment: 4th of July show in bazillion degree weather! Favorite shows: Nobunny, Crooked Bayou when we played a great show and also DJ’ed with Jeannie, Quintron, Box Elders, and all of the birthday and wedding parties we’ve played. Kris

tin and I just played a quick set at our friend Danny Savage’s house party/birthday bash and it was so much fun! During “He Makes My Heart Go Pop,” members of Slippery Slopes, Jacuzzi Boys, and Davila 666 sang the “pop, pop, pop” backup vocals and that was a total thrill!

Kristin: Oh 4th of July wasn’t that bad! I played twice in a row! My other band, Hot Hands played right after us. Hehe. Garbo’s Daughter had our fair share of ups and downs in just the year and half that we’ve been a band. Sometimes there’s that unfortunate prejudice about girls playing in a self contained band and other times that minor detail will work in our favor. As mentioned, we’ve had some really great shows in such a short amount of time. I’d definitely attribute a good portion of that to our friend Rich who’s booked us on a lot of really fantastic shows. Although, shows are always just totally unpredictable in general so there’s usually some minor mishap.

PP: Yeah, I totally know what your saying about that prejudice with girls in bands.

You’d think that by 2009, people would just chill out. Weird.

Jaime: When something is beyond our control at a show, whether it’s equipment issues or a tough crowd, the best course of action is to forget about it and try to have a good time anyway. As Danny Tanner might say, “When life gives you dilemmas, make dilemonade!” When we played Crooked Bayou for World Gone Wiggly, we got all set up only to find out there were no microphones or stands! Our set was cut short because of the delay, but I actually had a blast playing that night. At one point while we were waiting, we tried using the bar’s cordless mics with Jeannie and Alice acting as human stands, and we had that crazy DVD of explicit cult movie trailers playing on the big screen behind us. It was scandalous! Also, it’s never a bad idea to move around a bit onstage.

PP: Oh man, that was awful night for me. I had allergies really fucking bad and had to play in 100-degree weather. I just took four Benadryl and passed out in the van. What are some of the influences that you draw upon when writing for this band?

Mandy: I like to write about boys, haha! As far as influences go, it’s all just a mish-mash of all of the things we love: girl groups, power pop, The Ramones, garage, bubblegum, glam, teen idols, TV shows, movies, old 16 magazines, you name it! I’m also a big fan of in-jokes.

Jaime: Our sound really is a pastiche of everything we like. Our personal record collections form a sort of Venn Diagram with a lot of common ground, and we’re always introducing each other to stuff from all of the little niches we get dorky about. I think that really comes across in our music. We’re hyper-analytical super fans, the kind who listen for the details and constantly say things like “I love the effect on those backup vocals!” and “that riff is incredible!”. Being that tuned in assures that just about everything we’re into combines and shines through at some point or another, sometimes deliberately but it seems, more often subconsciously.

Kristin: We also do a lot of covers, which I think is important because we’re all so nerdy about records and have a bunch of songs we’ve always wanted to cover. We usually have 2 or 3 in our set list, mostly unusual ones but also ones everyone knows like Shangri-Las and the Chris Montez cover.

PP: Orlando seems like a place where more and more activity is taking place… Or Florida for that matter. Why do you think that all of a sudden, Florida is starting to be recognized as a valid scene?

Mandy: There are definitely a handful of great Florida bands right now that seem to be getting some attention, and that’s great!

Orlando and Miami especially seem to have a lot of neat things going on. But I think

there have always been great bands here, just like every part of the country. Things always come in waves, and it seems things are hopping right now, and it’s neat to feel like we’re a part of it. Rich Evans of Florida’s Dying always tries to get great bands to tour here, too, and that’s gotta help spread the word! Plus, the Internet makes the world seem a lot smaller and it’s easier to get to know bands from all over.

Jaime: The Internet is insane. People write to our MySpace from all over the world, and every once in awhile we’ll get fan mail from artists we look up to. I also think that the dedication and talent Rich has for promoting events and making big things happen is essential to why this area has gained notoriety. Also, his band Slippery Slopes are a must-see! The Miami So Raw crowd also seem really into what they do, and we love to catch bands like Jacuzzi Boys and Brian’s Dirty Business when they come through town.

Kristin: Florida is a strange state. I’ve lived here for 23 years now and have been in the music scene for a little over 10. I even do a podcast with my fiancé, Jeffrey about Florida bands from the past and present. I’m actually not sure if there really is this outward opinion of Orlando supposedly blowing up. I haven’t heard much personally about it.

I used to joke when I was younger, growing up in Coral Springs about how “geographically unhip” Florida was as a whole.

According to this one Daily Swarm article Jeffrey showed me recently, it lists Miami and Orlando as the only two cities with a thriving scene in Florida. When I hear about things like that, I just want to stick my head out my window, look both ways and say “where?”.

Orlando is such a self-hating town. Everybody is against one another, we’re all in our high school cliques and nobody’s fighting the “faculty” (local government) who actually has a say in whether or not they should blow another couple of million on more rich,

white yuppie strip malls. The reason why Orlando and Florida is generating noise is because there are so many bored kids out here wanting to get out and see the rest of the world.

PP: What do you think the future will hold for Orlando and the Florida punk rock underground?

Kristin: It’s hard to say, bands seem to fall off the map pretty frequently, but thankfully others pop up where they fell.

Right now there’s a small group of bands making the rounds.

Some share the same members, so it’s kind of incestuous at times, but it’s never the same band twice. I’m currently in two bands and have been consistently since 2005, even though the bands have changed since.

PP: Right on. You’ve recently had a tape put out by Burger Records. Can you tell us a little bit about how that came about and your involvement with the label?

Mandy: We recorded 4 songs with our friend Jenny Feedback for a self-released tape that we were planning on sending out to some labels and selling at our shows. Literally days after we posted the songs on our MySpace page, Sean and Lee from Burger contacted us about putting out a tape for us. We totally lucked out and couldn’t have asked for a better bunch of guys to be in cahoots with. They’ve been amazing! We’re super stoked about it!

Kristin: Like Mandy said, it was out of nowhere. We started trying to promote ourselves a bit more via MySpace, sending out friend requests and I was trying to revamp the look of the page etc, just trying to get the word our about us locally and far away as well. I’m not sure exactly how those guys stumbled upon us, but they dug our songs and the cover art that I drew for cassette and wanted to release it.

Besides the “Florida’s Dying Party Platter” comp LP that should be released before the year is up, this is the first recording I’ve had on a non-local label.

Jaime: *sings Nick Lowe’s “I Love My Label”* I really do! It’s an honor to be on Burger. Those boys are so sweet, true-blue pop fans after our own hearts, and the music they make and champion is some of the best stuff out there.

PP: Are there any plans on releasing a full length or 7” any time soon?

Mandy: Hopefully! We have some neat ideas for split 45s! It’s secret right now! Sssh!

Kristin: We were just asked by Vex Vextone from Croatia to be on a Seeds tribute comp, too! We’re doing “Pictures and Designs.”

PP: Whoa, awesome!

Jaime: We’ll be making our vinyl debut with “Nice Girls Don’t Explode”. It’s one of 12 dance tracks on the Florida’s Dying Party Platter compilation that’s in the works.

PP: Describe your dream tour. If you could tour with any three current bands, who would they be and where would you go?

Mandy: We would really love to go out to California and play! There are so many great bands that we would love to play with like Thee Makeout Party, The Rantouls, Nobunny (again!), Hunx & his Punx…or we could just tour with the Jonas Brothers and only play junior high school cafeterias.

PP: No way, do the mall circuit like Tiffany did in the 80’s. You could get paid in forver21 coupons!

Kristin I love playing at weird places, like in the past I’ve played at Fun Spot, the bowling alley and even the now defunct Skull Kingdom – right in front of the skull! I would love to go all over the place – East Coast, West Coast, overseas. We would be really big in Japan! I love touring probably because I hate working! I always since that Todd Rundgren song “Bang The Drum All Day” before I go to work at the butt crack of dawn.

PP: Alright, now dig this. If Garbo’s Daughter could have their own sitcom show, what would it be about? I’d personally think that something akin to Charlie’s Angels would be good!

Mandy: My friend Travis has always said, “You guys need to make a bubblegum sitcom.” It could totally be like the Monkees, but with skits and ridiculous absurd injokes. I have my “French-fry bit” all planned out: I put a French fry in each nostril and the camera will cut to me and I’ll say, “Hey, do you guys smell fries?” and then the camera will cut away. I can see it now that it would be awesome! There’s also my Chunk from Goonies joke…

PP: Haha! Actually just do a bunch of LSD and re-make the Monkees ‘Head.’ Frame by frame!

Jaime: Yes! After we say something funny or something hilarious happens to us, we’re always like “That’s going in the bubblegum sitcom!” Maybe if “Bitchin’ Ass” and “JONAS” had triplets and Mary and Rhoda babysat them, with special appearances from Donny Osmond’s disturbing alter ego… yeah, that’s probably somewhere in the ball-park.

Mandy: Don’t bring up Donny’s alter ego, that’s a secret! And I hear Cheryl Dickman is currently taking babysitting jobs.

Kristin: We should just carry a laugh track around with us, along with the commercial break tune from Love American Style. That would fit in nicely with our constant references that only the three of us seem to get. We’d probably need subtitles for the late person, kinda like in “Freaked” when Alex Winter starts reciting Shakespeare with translations like “I’m really ugly and horny” typed underneath.

If your a fan of the syrupy sweet sounds of bubblegum punk played with oozing intensity, then I’d track these gals down on your internet machine and take a quick listen. Actually, You know what? Fuck it!

Just get their “Garbos’ Daughter Goes Pop” tape from Burger Records. C’mon.

You’ve got some extra bucks laying around somewhere. You won’t regret it. www.myspace.com/garbosdaughter www.myspace.com/burgerrecords

Riddle me this: What do you get when you cross two kids from the midwest who love trashy fucked up rock n’ roll, a crowded basement show, a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon (tall cans), and an insational urge to destroy bougious culture? Give up? The Hussy of course! What?! You mean you ain’t hip to The Hussy. Well, let me spell it out for you. This two piece rock n’ roll monster from Madison WI is in the midst of taking over the world with their brand of high voltage white punk blues. Anyone standing in the way can count on getting flattened. Open up your mind and read all about magic that these kids are making. Pay attention. You might learn something.

What’s up guys? Why don’t we start by introducing yourselves to our dear readers.

B: I’m Bobby, I play guitar and sorta sing more like talking. Kinda akin to Lou Reed or Iggy.

playing in bands and it was more about you and a few friends LISTENING (and not playing/making music) to good records and talking about how great it would be to be half as good as them.

That’s what it’s like and that’s definitely a huge inspiration.

H: I’m Heather and I play the drums and sing.

PP: I like that. Sort of like taking it all back to it’s origin.

PP: So, how in the hell did this destructo unit form and why am I just NOW catching the fever?! Give us a little synopsis on how this whole thing came together.

H: Music from friends’ bands inspire me.... and smoking pot helps.

B: Well this band formed out of the ashes of about 3 other bands. Originally we were going to do a more Blues/Punk thing, but my voice definitely doesn’t translate well to that.

We’ve always liked loud, fast punk/garage and it just seemed natural with our abilities that we could make that work and still feel a strong passion toward it. If it’s got a groove and it’s in your face, I’m definitely going to have a passion for it, and that’s what I think the Hussy is all about; loud guitars, poundin’ drums, drinking beer in a basement and hanging out with pals.

In one word: Fun. H: We formed when our old band broke up. We were just the rhythm section for it.

We like the same music and we just write stuff we’d wanna hear and we’re glad other people like it.

PP: Right on. What would you target as being an inspiration to the song writing or overall vibe that your trying to extrude?

B: There’s a million good garage bands out there that we love to listen to, Cheap Time, Black Time, The Midwest Beat. Remember when you first started

PP: So like what records have you been digging on as of lately?

B: I just got some Catholic Boys singles from Jon and Paul I hadn’t heard, and they’re pretty great. One is on Sweet Rot and the other Trick Knee put out. Other than that I’ve been digging Sonic Chicken 4, and pretty much any single /LP Douchemaster puts out (especially the Hex Dispensers single and the Black and Whites LP).

H: I’m really diggin the new midwest beat record, at the gates. the dead ghosts/smith westerns split. tuff bananas 45’s. johnny vomit and the dry heaves.

PP: Plexi 3 listened to that Hex Dispensers LP throughout our whole tour. Great stuff!

Speaking of great stuff, I can’t stop listening to ‘Head Set’. What’s that tune about?

B: Well, I don’t know, I guess I could throw some lyrics down and you guys can try to pull it apart, but the Hussy is one of those bands that just throws the jumbled mess of words out there hoping that someone will latch on and create their own Lego building block of lyrics. Most of our lyrics are about simple things, since we’re not the most complex people you’ll meet. We like the same things that all our friends like, so why wouldn’t our friends want to

hear songs about that shit, right? We’ve also got humor on our side. We like to do things tongue in cheek but still with some gravity. There’s a line in ‘Head Set’ where I say, “These words I say don’t mean a thing, they’re just behind you pulling strings” I think that pretty much sums that one up. Ha ha!

H: Glad you like the song, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to record it. We just started shouting stuff out over the main riff in practice and it stuck.

PP: Tell us a little about the new EP that you guys recently put out. Who did it and how did the whole thing come about?

B: Kyle Motor did Side A, Ricky Riemer of Science of Sound Records did Side B. Justin Perkins mastered and will master anything we release. He does a really great job of taking the raw recordings and making them pop/scream like how we sound live. We sent our first 9 song demo out to a handful of labels and we made sure to send one to A Fistful of Records in the Netherlands since they put out a bunch of great bands earlier singles like Jeff Novak, Black Time, The Hipshakes. That label is great and likes to focus on up and coming bands that are young and willing to put the time and effort in that it takes to try to get a band recognized on a regional and national level.

to sit through more than 22 minutes of the Hussy. haha!

H: Yeah, not sure about a full length yet.

As for labels, I like fat possum and alive.

In the red too.

B: Any label? In the Red hands down.

Or are we talking any label, like unrealistic. Shit, then Matador, Alive, Sub Pop, Merge, Fat Possum. Those all sound great to me.

Matador are you listening?

PP: Well, it’s kind of funny because the music industry is in the shitter, all these indie labels are becoming the majors. I could totally see The Hussy doing well on In The Red. I also notice that your getting ready to hit the road in June. Where are you playing and where do you look forward to playing the most?

B: We’re basically running down to Memphis and back. I know I’m looking forward to taking a break from work Heather?

H: We just got back and Nashville was awesome! Hit it up.

PP: Are there any plans of getting full length out anytime soon? If you could choose any label, who would you want to put it out?

PP: Really? Man, I’ve had the worst time in Nashville. Wrong shows I guess. I’ve also sort of noticed that Madison and Milwaukee have been exploding with great new bands and talents within the last couple of years. Do you think that this ‘scene’ could ever operate on a national level? What do you think that it is that separates us from the rest of the musical nation?

B: We’ve mulled around with the idea, and Zabby from Big Action Records suggested the idea of a full LP, but I’m not sold on that idea just yet. That seems like a stretch. I have a hard time believing that anyone would be willing

B: I think the Milwaukee scene could easily operate on a national level, but I’m not too sure about Madison being grouped into that scene. Madison is a weird group of musicians, you’d think there would be all these smart college

kids making great music in dorms and apartments, but there aren’t. And students really seem to turn their backs on the local scene there. When I go to shows it’s like the who’s who of the Madison music scene. I usually don’t catch faces of people I don’t know or even faces of people NOT in bands. In the past year or so it’s seem to pick up a bit, but man the years before the last were really the dark ages. I think the Milwaukee scene has a good thing going, a lot of great pop coming out of there, as well as good hardcore, which really isn’t something I normally get into, but I definitely dig what Holy Shit and Quest For Fire are doing right now. And there’s never a shortage of good punk bands either. It’s really got it all, whereas Madison kinda has a lot of shitty prog metal, alt metal, fauxhawk metal, pretty much any form of metal you can find. And it’s usually not good. The rest of the bands in town are either too boring, or their show wears thin pretty quick.

H: No way madison could be part of a national scene. It’s like pulling teeth to get kids out to shows here. Most kids aren’t that interested in music here cause the majority of it sucks I think. Milwaukee could operate on a national level I think.

Everyone there is so involved and willing to help out. The basement scene is alive and there are plenty of kids who want to see shows. And the bands are fucking great.

PP: Yeah, I agree. I Sort of feel that Milwaukee has a lot of potential for national merit, but just isn’t willing to cross that line yet. Plus, it feels like this is our little secret scene that only a few select are aware about. I guess that about as good as it could ever get before getting completely watered down with media

bullshit. Whoa, that was deep. Let’s wrap this up before this turns into a philosophy session. What does the future hold for The Hussy?

B: At the end of summer we’re doing a split 7 inch with the Zygoteens on the Minneapolis Label, Big Action Records.

And right now we’re shopping around some songs we just recorded. Really we’re just trying to expand out and put out more and more 7 inches.

This is definitely a band that could continue to thrive on the 7 inch. It’s a format that works wonders for us.

H: Like bobby said...

Writing and recording.

Playing shows. Smoking turkey.

The Hussy are making big waves with their stripped down garage punk white noise. By the time you read this, they’ve already established a pretty impressive touring roster. You might have a good chance in seeing them when they roll into your town. But in the meantime, to satisfy your urge for high energy no non sense rock n’ roll, order any one of their EPS from these fine labels.

Science of Sound myspace.com/scienceofsoundrecords Big Action Records www.bigactionrecords.net A Fist Full of Records www.afistfulofrecords.nl ...or check them out directly here... myspace.com/thehussyknowsall

hen Plastique Pop started as a mere idea, the main focus was to cover mod and mod related spectrums only. You know, like there just aren’t enough resources out there for the soultastic sounds of modern action. We were going to be the premiere zine for mods and soulboys everywhere. Obviously, this concept was transformed into what you see today. Hey! We do whatever we want!

Anyway, were still very interested in any bands or artists carrying the mod torch.

We stumbled upon Austin TX’s Suede Uppers and just had to get the inside scoop.

They’re myspace tunes have been flooding our office walls pretty hardcore lately. Don your loafers and four button suits kids. Plug it in.

Turn it up!

PP: Ok, so makes up this unit of mod men and what do they play?

Suede Uppers are Joel the back beat machine on procussion who’s crucial drumming makes the Uppers sound and he knows exactly what to do on every song, Justin with his pulse on the mellow groves of the bass, and me Zak singer/song-writer, and guitar man.

PP: Tell us a little about how this band came together?

We’re there any other bands that you guys were I that lead to the formation of the suede uppers?

The band needed to be a vessel to convey our Champagne Lifestyle. I couldn’t go anywhere to get my live Mod fix outside of going dancing to DJ’s spinning soul and R&B nights, so I started to compose songs that could represent this Ambrosia that was going on in my mind of sharkskin, Lambrettas, and excess. Joel and Justin previously were in garage outfit The Original Blackouts, and Joel still continues to play out with popular local Austin rockers The Sweethearts. I had previously been in Complete Control and then R&B precursor to Suede Uppers “Ready Steady BLOW!” (Another subversive band name reference), my passion lay in Modernism and then started writing Mod tunes in the past couple of years and decided just to go for it and get a group together to get these songs out there.

PP: Cool But where’d that name come from?

It’s a delicious pun, I wanted to create a combination based on one part fashion, ‘Suede’, and one part amphetamine ‘Uppers’ popped so effortlessly by the Sheppard’s Bush mods to help keep the party going at the all-nighters at The Goldhawk social club in early 60’s West London. For a logo, I stylized a delightful piece of Pop Art that symbolically represents what the band is about, pills delicately wrapped in hug

gable ingestible suede. Then there are other academics that might suggest the name is a play on Rubber Soul by the Beatles and the rubbery bouncy “Air Cushioned Soul” of the Dr. Martin boot. Mod footwear is dominated by the suede upper and it just felt natural that a band should represent that aspect of the wardrobe. Plus it’s a sexy image and selling sex is what we are all about.

PP: Yeah, I saw the logo. I like that when bands treat their name in a more visual fashion. You know, like it’s a stamp or a brand. What would you say is the biggest influence in developing the suede uppers sound?

Image the sound created by Jimmy Cliff during the final gunfight on the beach in the 1972 cult classic “The Harder They Come”. In a final gasp of defiance, Jimmy’s character ‘Ivan’ asks the approaching frontal assault of Jamaican cops to “Bring out your bad man, Give me one bad man!” “Now, Draw!” and BANG, that’s our sound. Uppers song “Call Me Action” directly describes our dedication to said Gunslinger imagery.

Suede Uppers sound is timelessly Pop Art, a light-hearted tasteful blend of vaudeville, nostalgia, glam, and camp. We cover all aspects of modernism from 1963-68, soul & northern soul, maximum R&B, big beats, psychedelic, Brit pop, elements of modern jazz and revival. I’ll try to name our influences without trying to sound cliché: Bo Did-

dly, Otis Reading, Percy Sledge, Small Faces, The Kinks, The Who, 70’s mod revival bands like The Chords and Secret Affair, fellow Austinite Roky Erickson & the Psychedelic Sounds of the 13 Floor Elevators, and also the first Mod and fellow Texan Buddy Holly.

PP: Right on. I like that even through your sound is rooted in the mod thing, there are all kinds of other intricacies in rock n’ roll that play into it.

But what about just in general? What about the culture hits harder with you? The style? The attitude?

Great question, I wanted to write a song to convey the attitude of the scene, and in the Uppers song “Here comes the Now!” where it’s essentially a call to arms for Smoothies, Soulies, Sorts, Herberts, Nazz Boys, Suedeheads to come together and that our collective sound is ‘Now!’ As for the style & attitude I’ll use this analogy, It’s the Champagne Lifestyle, we want to feel like T-Rex on the downs and party like Slade when we are up.

PP: Ha! Ha! Nice! Austin is obviously known as a big music town.

Is the mod culture a prevalent thing around there?

Many mods duel in Austin, and around Texas. Many of the Uppers fan base are crossover audience of Mods and Suedeheads sharing affinities for music, futbol, rocksteady and soul. Dj’s are big source for local mod fun. Actually our first gig was us being the featured band backing the Dj’s of a mod night, it was great.

All nighters and soul nights are put on

by Austin’s Heart & Soul Soundsystem, Austin’s Double Barrel Soundsystem, San Antonio’s Alamo City Rhythm & Soul Society, San Antonio’s Hit the Floor Sound System, and Dallas’s The Smoke.

Scooter Rallies are in big in Houston, Austin, SA-town, and Dallas as well. So hopefully everyone can be turned on to Suede Uppers and we can play all these events, contribute to the atmosphere, and bring the good times.

PP: You know, that just seems to be the major niche for the contemporary mod scene. It definitely feels more DJ focused with bands on the side. The big Modchicago event every spring is like that. Do you have any records out?

We just recently recorded our new EP “Up The Suede!” and we hope to get it pressed to vinyl too for our DJ friends to play during their sets. We have 24 complete original compositions at the moment that we need to get into the studio and lay down. I like to record acoustic demos of the songs first to present the band the new material and the latest acoustic collection “Cabernet Sessions” will have to be put through the studio with the rest of the Uppers. So I’m happy to say that our fans will be satisfied with a constant intravenous injection of new material. London mod

based outfit Detour Records have expressed interests in carrying the EP. So we’ll keep our fingers crossed.

PP: Oh shit! Man, Detour is hot. That Modstock ‘94 comp is one of my all time faves! So, what does the future hold for the suede uppers? Any chance to taking this thing on the road?

Suede Uppers are still relatively young and we’re looking for big things to happen this year. It’s hard to believe we’ve only been together for 6 months, so we’re looking forward to setting up an East and West coast US tour and hope to come through your neck of the woods in the Midwest and play for your guys. Also we want to do a “Little-Britain” tour (no pun intended in regards to the popular BBC comedy) but we want to have fly over and do a string of dates over Britannia and then to Berlin. So we encourage all you dedicated Plastique Pop readers to visit our sight www.myspace.com/ suedeuppers for tour information and new releases. Thanks again everyone, and we hope to visit your city soon. Keep the Faith!

The next time you get all suited up for a long Saturday night of dancing, put on some Suede Uppers before leaving the house. It’s guaranteed to put you in just the right mood. Expect these guys to blow up in the coming months. Just get on your internet machine and google this shit.

You’ll find it. You heard it here first!

Shake, shake, shake!!

]

RECORDS TESTED BY THE PLASTIQUE POP Laboratories TO ENSURE SUBSTANTIAL LISTENING pleasure.

LISTEN TO THIS! ]]]]]]]]]]]] THE RECKLESS HEARTS GET UP AND RUN CD OFF THE HIP RECORDS/2009

Reckless Hearts are one of my all time favorite local acts to pop out of Milwaukee. This could even go for the rest of the country for that matter. Lucky for me, they’re right here in my own backyard, so the live performances are plenty for the picking.

Well, this little 13 song package is filled to the brim with mod pop catchiness and revved up rock n’ roll energy. There isn’t really a stinker in the bunch. Even the last track entitled “Outro” with it’s stripped down piano jam riffery is a super sonic joy ride. Being that studio genius and bassist, Ian Lund, was behind the mixing board for this record, it’s safe to say that the overall sound throughout is pristine and well executed. Shit, if you would’ve told me that this came out of some high priced L.A. studio, I would’ve believed it. It’s slick, which isn’t something that I really get a lot of.

I’m a total sucker for smashed up shit fed through broken speakers

but sometimes it a nice change of pace to hear something done intentionally well. Also, these songs are way too intricate with melodies and technicolor textures to bury them with distorted cheapness. They’ve utilized all the right tricks and it really pays off.

The record kicks off with “Personal Property”. The best way to describe it is that to imagine all the best stuff that The Rolling Stones were doing in the early 70’s. It’s kind of got that ‘jumpin jack flash’ vibe about it. I think I even hear a slight Little Richard type piano blaring in the background.

“Yr a Blur” gets things rolling with the second track. This could easily be a long lost Who track with it’s hard hitting bar chords blasting right along with Keith Moon styled drum playing. The tune is rocking enough, but there are all these little melodies intertwining with the vocals and guitars that makes it sound ten times better than most sub par Who stuff. Can I say that? We’ll I just did. I dig the Who. Don’t get me wrong, but

I’m super particular about what I like. My favorite song out the whole bunch, “Reckless Heart’ comes up third. I think this track alone pretty much sums up what these guys are about. The lyrics for this one resonate loud and clear.

My favorite line in this is “I had to learn to give up on playing safe.

Regardless of what some people would say. They’re ashamed. Because they don’t know what it is to be brave.” Damn! You just gotta put this on and crank it up.

The album moves at a pretty consistent pace throughout. ‘Memory Lane” continues on with a hard hitting power pop crunch as the vocals carry a highly infectious ‘ooh la-la’ line in the verses. But if you think this song is catchiest of the lot, then the song after “Don’t Wander (Far From Me)”, will make you re-think your decision. My favorite part in this is the middle guitar solo. It’s completely Beatleed out with it’s 12 string Rickenbacker blow out. For anyone who digs the sun-shiney west coast psychedelic folk vibes, then this is the absolute future for this genre.

Byrds-y, but with more punch.

“Faces in the Pages” keep the 12 sting Ric sound in tact but pushes it to the brink. Whenever I hop on a scooter all suited up for a wild Saturday night, I want this song to be the soundtrack. This one is probably the most mod sounding out of all the songs. You know, like I would totally put this whole record in that category, but this one particular tune defines it to a T. Another favorite of mine is “Kick Down the Doors”. It’s got kind of a Motown R&B edge to it. The song

even starts out with handclaps pounding away with the drums.

When the guitars come crashing in, oh buddy, your really in for it.

All I gotta say is you better have your dancing shoes on and laced up. If Motown ever set foot in the punk rock market, this song would be a prime example of what it might sound like. Whoa, there’s a concept. The last couple of songs wind the party down by getting a bit moodier. Although still retaining that initial energy set in motion from the beginning, the record ends on a mellower vibe. Hey, you can’t just go from sixty to zero in a heartbeat.

If this whole scene we call rock n’ roll wasn’t so plagued with so many hang-ups and cliques, then these guys would be on everyones hit list. But fuck it. They don’t care. And honestly, that’s what I love about them so much. It’s the fact that they’re in it for themselves and no one else. Isn’t that what punk is all about? Just keep plugging away. Even if everyone wants you to stop. You don’t give up for nothing.

]]]]]]]]]]]

]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

TEST PATTERNS blackout 12” TIC TAC TOTALLY/2009

Oh man. The only thing I can think of listening to this record is driving really fast behind the wheel of junked 1979 dodge van at 3 in morning completely unglued from seven red bulls. What?! Anyway, for better lack of terms, this slab of plastic is incredibly blown up. Every song is pushed to the brink of insanity with overdriven attitude and style. It’s melodic enough to stick in your cranium, but really sped up and frantic.

Which makes for winning combination if you ask me. Think of it as a metallic tinged marked men or a poppier teengenerate. The male/female vocals are a bonus too. It kind of breaks of the monotony of bashy-bashy bang your head against the wall noise.

But fuck it! All I wanna do is turn this up, pound a bunch of booze, and get stupid.

“Back to you” gets the party started with it’s herky-jerky revved up fuck jam. The duel vocals really play up the high energy fashion

and the middle guitar breakdown reminds me a weird nintendo soundtrack. You know, like it’s kind of got a little new wave in it, but it’s hidden just beneath the surface. “Crazy over you” comes up next and gets a little more melodic in it’s vocal delivery.

And who can resist some Japanese girl wailing? I sure can’t! By far, my favorite track is the third one, “High tension.” Holy fuck!

It’s pretty simplistic in it’s overall sound, but there is this synthesizer blaring away in the background that totally makes this song a solid gold hit. Again, the girl vocals are prominent and are highly infectious. It might even be the fastest tune on this thing, although it’s all pretty energetic. Who can tell? I found myself just listening to this track over and over. Each time, pumping my fist in the air harder and harder. It’ll do that. Be prepared to lose your shit when you drop this on. This track clocks in under the two minute mark and by the time you’ve recovered

from the knock out intensity of it, it’s already over. Play it again! It’s kind of funny, after this song hits it’s last note, the next one doesn’t waste any time in getting started.

It’s seriously like an aural machine gun drive-by. “Missing reasons” continues on and delivers a one two punch of melodically messy rhythms. I love how they just don’t waste any time on getting the point across. It’s like they’re saying. “Look, we got shit to do and we gotta get this done.” BAM BAM BAM! “Get it? Good, now go home!” The next tune slows things down a bit, but don’t think that they’ve gone soft. This one is a little on the rockin’ side with it’s palmed guitar slingage. The chorus is also a heavy dose of highly infectious pop goodness. Then when you thought that the record was winding down, the title track, “Blackout” comes in like a fiery blast of punk rock dynamite.

This one like the first track has that angular new wave feel. But it’s far too chaotic to simply corner it into that fashion. That’s probably my favorite thing about this band.

Even through all the kinetic turbulence, it’s a still a memorable listen which burrows deep into the recesses of your mind. Trust me, you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to get these songs out of you head.

I’ve tried. Just let it run it’s course.

The last track, “Summer days” follows a slight more sentimental mood. The guitars seem a little cleaner and sparklier. Is that a real word? Whateves. Total in your face pop magic.

The big thing that I like about this record is that it’s real tough, but not in a macho way. And in all fairness, even though it sort of comes off as a one-trick kind of sound, there are a lot of little nuances buried beneath the noise that really sets it apart from the thousands of bullshit bands that we are exposed to everyday. Live, they take no prisoners and exhibit a true spirit in how a band can take a stage and command it. This record is a great documentation of what they’re capable of. I also have to comment on the cover art. It’s nice when the overall design and look of a band mimics they’re brand and sound. The test patterns are great example of this.

This thing comes with a plethora of inserts too including an info sheet and poster. Absolutely fab!

]]]]]]]]]]]

I can’t believe that it’s 2009. I can’t believe that rock n’ roll is still as relevant as it was in 1959. Maybe it’s not as explosive as it once was. That just comes with the perils of time forcing it into blandness and obscurity. Hey, I don’t make the rules. I just try and grab anything that is even remotely close to sheer reckless abandonment. The best hope this culture has is just letting it all burn ablaze. With no remorse or conscience. You know those moments when your completely honked out on Old Thompson in some basement spazzing out on the floor to some rambunctious group not giving a fuck about the kind of scene your making? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about! Sometimes we’re reminded of it by a band or entity coming from left field.

This is where the bare wires come in. See, they make their own rules in which they live by. Sure, there are foundations build beneath them, but for the most part they follow their own north star which burns brighter than any bong fire you’ll ever see. Kids, It’s time to get in touch with your stupid side.

all collectively draw to. Is there one particular sound or artist that is a definitive mile marker for you?

PP: Ok, first off why don’t give us a little run down on how this group came to be. Like, what forces in the cosmos made this work?

Well, I first started things up in Memphis with Alicja Trout and played a couple shows as a duo with her on drums. Then I moved it out to oakland, and teamed up with Erin from the Time Flys until we replaced her with Heather who is from another time and perhaps the depths of outer space.

PP: I’m always dig the nuances that make up a bands first show.

Where was it and was there any particular feelings about it that stick in your mind?

Our first show was awful, it was at Thee Parkside in San Francisco and everyone there hated us and some dude knocked over my microphone and heckled us. Look it up on you tube!!! It was pretty awesome.

PP: Tell us about some of the inspirations that you

Sparks. We put on sparks records and then drink a bunch of sparks and feel awesome about it. And the Quick, early Slade, and UFO !

PP: What about Oakland in general? Man, that place has been blowing up in the last few years.

How would you say you fit in to all that?

Oakland is cool. Its like Brooklyn in 1991. Cheap rent, high crime, soul food, house parties, and new bands making music. I record bands in my house in oakland on an old Tascam 388 reel to reel tape machine, cool stuff is happening out here - Nectarine Pie, Shannon and the Clams, Hunx and his Punx to name a few...

PP: I’ve toyed around with the idea of transplanting myself out there in the coming years. Where would a bum like me find an adequate living neighborhood. Any notable exciting places that you guys get down with out there?

Downtown and temescal hoods are the best zone. Anywhere between 20th and 51st st. Theres a bunch of weird places to check out , Kims Backyard is a crappy dive bar where a korean pirate grandma serves you drinks.

Elvies Soul Food or 24hr Giant Burger are the food spots for a greasy fish sandwich or burger. Thrift stores... Walking around and looking at abandoned buildings is the best.

PP: You’re about to hit the road on an extensive summer tour. Is this your first time on a trip this long? What are you hoping to gain out of this outing? ...Or where are you looking forward to playing the most?

We just bought this giant black van and are looking forward to hanging out in it with crazy people from all over the place. Looking forward to Memphis the most! Home sweet home. . .

PP: Ok, now let’s get on with your recordings. There is a very specific way your recordings sound. How do you achieve this?

So far, all of our material was recorded in my bedroom on our Tascam 388 tape machine - nothing digital - all analog. I few weird old microphones that add to the sound too.

PP: What about your recent LP coming out.

How’d you get involved with Tic Tac Totally?

Tic Tac Totally first put out 2 releases for my other act SNAKE FLOWER 2.

The Artificial Clouds LP sounds pretty tight. We got it mastered in Memphis by Jay Reatard and that helped knock it on home.

We really didn’t spend much time on it, just came in, plugged in, and blasted it out - not a lot of fooling around...

PP: I’ve also noticed that you’ve got VHS tape out as well. Very Interesting.

Can you give us a little insight on concept behind that.

Well we thought it would be funny to release a VHS tape because most people don’t even have VHS players anymore and releasing something useless is kind of hilarious. Its pretty retarded but also funny at times.

PP: In conjunction with the VHS idea, do you think it is important for bands and artists to historicize themselves for future reference? You know, like there are so many re-releases of long lost bands via killed by death, bloodstains, etc..... All of a sudden there is a market for this obscure stuff and most of it has been lost to time. Do you think today’s bands are picking up on this and trying to document as much of themselves as possible?

I think its cool that so many smaller labels are popping up and putting out cool stuff on vinyl theres a lot of rad records coming out these days. Time is on our side!!

PP: Woah, that was deep.

Alright, let’s wrap this up.

What does the future hold for bare wires upon returning from tour? Any new singles or recording in the works?

We are recording like crazy these days, theres some good songs to come. We are planning to do a joint tour with our garage-psych oakland neighbors - Nectarine Pie for spring 2010.

I

honestly have not been this excited about a band in ages. Bare Wires are preaching everything right with rock n’ roll.

The ethics, the attitude, and sheer uncensored intensity. I wouldn’t be surprised if these were on everyones tongues in the near future.

Get on board now before it’s late and they’re splattered all over the front cover of of SPIN magazine. www.myspace.com/ thebarewires

Milwaukee’s CRAPPY DRACULA is Aaron (drums), Dug (bass and vocals) and Justin (guitar and vocals). The “Flail, Flop and Freak” tour comes on the heels of the release of our split 7” with fellow locals FARMS IN TROUBLE. Most of these cities are new to our brand of live silliness, and this is our longest tour as a band so far. Only minor spelling and grammar changes have been made from the diary written by Justin while we were on the road. Thanks to Adam for the space and for everyone who helped make this happen.

THURSDAY, April 30 - 2:15 p.m.

Every tour or trip I’ve ever been on contains these times: minutes or hours of little delays and sudden chores.

So, we’re already a few hours late in leaving for a show tonight in Kalamazoo because of a faulty wiper motor Dug found this morning on the van he

recently bought. Better than finding it doesn’t work in a rainstorm while going 85 mph on the Edens Expressway at night, I suppose. Plus, maybe I can get the guys at the car garage to install that hot tub I ordered into Dug’s van’s back seat.

To assuage my anxious bones, I poured myself a glass of Sparks, one of the last from the batches with caffeine. Immediately, this was a bad idea. I’m very excited and my lowlevel A.D.D. is kicking in, so this boozy cough syrup of a beer ain’t doing much I the way of settling me down.

I’ve been stoked for months to go on this tour, always seeking an excuse to get up and go. Hell, tour -- in both punker and hippie worlds -- is one of the few American rites of passage. But what does that rite mean if it happens over and over at an array of otherwise neglected Rust Belt and Midwest cities? It’s just the Sparks talking ... I’ll stare at my phone for Dug’s call and flip the Hella record I put on. Really, though, how many people can legitimately say they’ve been pumped to go to Kalamazoo? There must be some pure charm in all of this? “Forward” as our state motto promises ...

4:35 p.m. (ON INTERSTATE 94) Early entries in the “Name the Van for Tour” contest have come in. So far, it’s between BOOGER BALLS and THE S.S. FLAGSHIP SMOOTH CRIMINAL, TOO. The latter sounds too artsy, but the first suggestion is a little too close to my mother’s maiden name. We’ll see ... crossing into Illinois and bracing for the royal knobshine that is Chicago traffic.

FRIDAY, May 1 - Noon (KALAMAZOO) Last night’s show was at a newer coffee house, as evident by the bright lights and clean bar. Regardless, the sound was clear and the crowd was a great mix of Michigan people who are all about the fun side of giving up. People liked it. A sassy Hispanic girl did subtle booty dances to our songs and those by the local closers, THE MENTHOLS. Our stage banter was taken fairly witty mostly because they haven’t heard it a dozen times already like our handful of friends in Milwaukee. Actually, I think our set was tight, which almost concerns me.

See, justin has the right idea here. Chicks are total suckers for viking helmets. Road hag sex o’ plenty! Get in there, my son!

The Menthols dudes and their crew all had us over to a house rager on a quiet street after the show. There, I was dared to pee in some beer cans and help a guy leave them on someone’s porch. One of the girls who lived there said I shouldn’t, but didn’t seem to mind the pee splashed all over her sidewalk. There seemed to be a good reason to leave the peed-in beer cans on the porch, but a day later I’m unsure what that reason was. So I’m 28 and still whizzing on strangers’ sidewalks ... the word pride doesn’t necessarily spring to mind.

A guy also named Justin in The Menthols told me stories his ex shared with him about partying with G.G. Allin in Muskegon, which Justin described as the most desperate city alive..

This morning, I had a cheeseburger for breakfast.

Another Menthol, our rad host named Sean, whom we’ll call The Root Beer Prince from this point on for no reason at all, is taking Dug to fix some car stuff and later, we’re all going to some guy’s musty basement to look at records.

Aaron might poop the van glove compartment with joy. Onward to Detroit ...

SATURDAY, May 2 - 5,000 o’clock (DUNKIRK, N.Y.) We’re at my dad’s house, half-crazy from an allnight drive from Hamtramck.

The people of the Detroit area are surely sick of hearing outsiders discuss how lowdown their “Paris of the Midwest” is nowadays.

However, I haven’t been there in seven years -- about the same for Aaron but longer for Dug -- and holy fuck has that declining Mecca continued to rot. Abandoned factories have been further forgotten; there was a house missing part of its roof that was clearly being lived in.

And, inexplicably, there were ice cream trucks on every street. Hamtramck was buried among this, a last outpost of rockers and Pollacks (I come from Grupas and Bialaszewskis, I’m allowed that slur). The dudes at The Painted Lady were surly and watching hockey when we arrived early. I like when new people pull no punches and expect the same on first impressions.

Damn, Dug! Don’t bogart all the watermelon boones farm. How the hell are we gonna disinfect our crotches later?!

It’s so much more refreshing than the banal parade of crap you get from “normal people.”

Tony hooked us up with the show and was the saltiest heckler I’ve experienced; I’m still unsure if he loved us or hated us or loved us because he hated us, but he and his lady friend were wearing our shirts later, for what it’s worth. The heckling kept us on our toes. The rest of the crowd was nonchalant but seemed to enjoy themselves.

Another-Friday-night-out feeling from them. The opening band sounded like they will one day pen the opening tune for a sitcom about fun, affluent white people. Later, Dug said he overheard them talking about getting lawyers and high-money producers. Sadly, they’ll probably “make it” instead of other genius stuff like The Homostupids or Midwest Beat. I continued to drink and listen to good, whale-related jokes from the bartender.

THE DIAL TONES played a solid set of garage

and we were followed by a nice change of pace with a Tom Waits-type trio.

When the money breakdown came, Tony mysteriously led Aaron into the basement.

A bunch of us followed curiously, or maybe seeking weed. The night before, a guy gave Dug about $50 from the door in a paper bag stapled shut. The many odd rituals and matters of trust ...

Sage Touring Advice: If it’s brown, drink it down.

If it’s black send it back.

If it’s yellow, no way fellow!

And then we drove for hours, through detours and empty Ohio roads. I was drunk and Aaron was drunker, so we both entertained Dug, who napped for part of the show (not while we played). “Coast to Coast” was on to guide our little retarded satellite. At some point, I (was pretty sure I) had sobered up and took over at the wheel near Cleveland. Truckers’ brains must be melted globs, with the repetitive road having reduced their thoughts to those of big beds and Flying J shower room tug jobs.

Today is my beloved Buffalo, as well as the Kentucky Derby. The favored horse is named Dunkirk, like my beat up hometown, and I’m eager to get to the Grant Street OTB with friends to cheer along during the best blur in sports this side of the Preakness. Horse gamblin’ punxxx ‘09. (Also, I promise to be more funny and less LiveJournal next entry) SUNDAY, May 3 - 1:03 p.m.

(ON INTERSTATE 90) “Ah, America,” Aaron said from the comfortable death trap that is the back seat of this increasingly stinky vehicle.

We’re driving away from Buffalo now after a great show surrounded by friends and acquaintances whom I’m obscenely gracious to have support me. I’m very glad all their moms let some guy cum in them all those years ago.

The show was at an art space, one of the many attempts by folks in that depressed city to make something happen. And they liked our song “Art Explained,” about how too many artist types are too high falutin’.

There are many stories when you’re surrounded by that many of your people whom you haven’t seen in months. It was a cast of local bands that shows Buffalo is seeing another punk rock resurgence. SONOROUS GALE crushed again through some of their frustratingly good songs on the new album, and PLATES put on another nasty punk set.. I missed most of

the set of BONUS PLUS, but judging by the fact they had more people dressed as characters for the performance than band members, it was likely more of the zany same. Zany, I say.

We started out with an intentionally long delay, and I think I might have hogged the mic from Dug. I asked him about it this morning and he said he didn’t mind. My guitar sounded like a bunch of glass smashed over a reverb tank, exactly how I like it. Aaron sang along and at the end piled up his drums like a pile of trash again.

SANTA CLAUS joined the washed up folk artist I manage, CARL, for a surprise set of his hits to close out the musical portion of the evening.

Then, beers and, um, other stuff (read: white stuff and Thunderbird) at an impromptu house driveway party. We were sober before the show for possibly the first time ever as a band, so there was a nervousness in seeing everything through those new eyes. But we took care of that dry spell at the party, where all the lovely people were in really good moods (or at least did an excellent job of faking it).. At the risk of gushing about a party that you, the reader, were likely not at, I’ll just finish with a few topics of discussion and/or action: financing a gay porno called “The Jubilee Meat Room”; recalling my first acid trip; Aaron and the bike punk chefs; the Bills; “New Wave Country” (again and again); Dug’s love of pets.

Endless oi.

MONDAY, May 4 - 3 p.m.

(EN ROUTE TO PROVIDENCE) Connecticut, in Four Movements “Tired Town” Fun kept at bay with blue laws, old hardcore limits Sunday, quiet Sunday “Advice from Beef Eater” Good boots are in Cheyenne and try the Applebee’s. Small pole seeks tiny hole “Morning at Noon” Essentials -- Coffee, talk with Finnish host, doing the best he can (the working man) “Old City Moves at the Speed of Young Professionals” Yale town made for walking Ample dog shit Princess checks e-mail, sips latte WEDNESDAY, May 6 - morning-esque (PROVIDENCE) A planned day off and canceled show gave us two days of bumming around Providence.

Dug and I invaded a townie bar open mic with an acoustic set. It was all douche Jack Johnson wannabes and done-up female American Idol tryout rejects. Our two-day guide and my

dear friend Ben explained that it was a sports bar attempting to promote some type of music scene while completely unaware of the bands and happenings already in town. So, with Aaron opting to just drink and witness and a few new acquaintances in on the joke, Dug and I played three songs under the handle “Sperming”. Dug told strangers that he was nervous because he had never played guitar in front of people before (and, later, that he had never played guitar period).

The clueless rock guy host -Jim Power, who has his own tunes, of course, bad rock/ new wave on an electric guitar plugged right into the PA -- repeatedly invited “Sperming” and “Spermed” onto the small stage to the confusion of the locals. We started with our own track, the usual set closer “All People Are Bad”, and then I played and sang “Blackbird” by The Beatles while Dug made no attempt to jam along correctly, instead strumming and cackling wildly. For our final act, we played a sevenminute, two-chord song called “Freebird” that had nothing to do with Skynyrd. The people who didn’t know us were not amused, though Jim Power at one point played tambourine to the rhythm. A chotch in a Red Sox hat who was next was furious and damn-near ran on stage when we stopped to ensure that we were finished. The strangers Dug lied to earlier were incredibly and sincerely supportive of his performance. Performance was right ...

Lots of tourist-y stuff Tuesday, but for the sake of fun let’s say we instead threw a sex party and won money on a bunch of scratch off tickets.

Now, we make our slow march back to the Midwest, including a late-addition show in Missouri. This car ride will be great if not for the great music finds from the impeccable Armageddon Shop: Happy Flowers, Oi Rarities Vol. 4, Hendrix, Krigshot and two, count ‘em, TWO, Jerky Boys discs. If I ever complain about anything to you, remind me that I’m a spoiled fucking brat.

When touring through NYC, one must be cautious of the police.

And be sure not to piss off any C.H.U.D.S. THURSDAY, May 7 - 4 p.m.

(PHILADELPHIA) By the time we took the stage -- well, the tiled corner of the bar that qualified as such -- we and most of the 20 other people at the show were half-running on Schmidts and the rest on delirium from the smoke machine plumes continually pumped out by the fun-lovin’ goombah bartender. We were sloppy, that’s for sure, but when you’re on a Mission of Whatever and have willing disciples for the night, there are no worries. Our

dipshit dialogue was superiorly complimented by the punker taunts (including the weirdly funny, “Karen’s waiting!”). People did sloppy dances that would hardly qualify as moshing.

My only previous Philly experience was a decade ago for a protest, where the cops hated us as much as our security, the Nation of Islam. I couldn’t wait to fucking leave then. But this time, the small group of ragers in Philly grouped with the killer food on South Street and the East Coast speediness of it all made me smile and eager to soak it all up.

The first two bands were pro, Fat Wreck Chords-style bands, a good change of pace. After us was my favorite band of the tour so far, DOCTOR SCIENTIST, a retard’s stew of electronics and punk ... They’ll either be chronically misunderstood or score a hit on the British charts. Playing for their people, it was all goodtime hump dancing and choruses about Robocop.

Don’t let the van hornies get the best of you. Take care of that shit before you hit the road. In your host’s shower of course.

Our adventures were somewhat split up: I dealt with drama from friends who came to visit and were drunkenly stubborn; Dug made friends with our host and their cats and “Alf” DVDs; Aaron saw an old friend and got to know weed again.

Today, Eric from Doctor Scientist, Dug and I met up with the aforementioned friends for an “adult” lunch and stroll through the sweaty city streets. We visited what I hope is the busiest occult shop this side of hell (they sold oils for the ability to “hold a job”) and we ruminated on Favre’s current soap opera with the Vikings. Also, there must be a beauty quotient in that city; at least two-thirds of all humans downtown and on the South Side were incredibly good looking.

Part of it was good weather, to be sure. And maybe I’ve got what the Plexi 3 homies refer to as “the hornies.”

As we left, Eric go great news about a band he’s worked with having signed to a big label.

Leonard Cohen isn’t always right, sometimes the good guys do win.

My stubborn ass takes back the bad juju I’ve said about Philly (especially since LeClair left the Flyers). Would play again. Do want. Pix or it didn’t happen.

5:15 p.m.

Traffic jam song idea: “I Think This Science Textbook is Broken” ... a list of a bunch of wildly incorrect scientific facts, like frogs cause rainbows, and the more shiny a rock is, the most dinosaur cum it contains. And the music goes BADABBAADDADABADDABA-BA-FA-BA-FA! FRIDAY, May 8, 4029 A.D. (WASHINGTON, D.C.) “A Band In D.C.” We played the Charm City Art Space in Baltimore, which is nearing 1,000 shows, as per the kindly thrasher who organized our show yesterday.

I played there at least three times prior, and this one had a similar feel: laid back with low attendance (no doubt more indicative of my musical offerings than the space’s abilities). Again, those in attendance had fun, danced the madeup dances of lovable idiots and were nothing but gracious. The closer was a very tight, talented rock/Lookout-type band that I can’t remember the name of. Far better than the piss-poor grind bands that my old hardcore band shared that dank basement with years ago. An old drinking buddy of mine who now works at a gun range in Virginia showed up with his kind ladyfriend, and Dug and I joined them for beers at the gay dive next door (they were celebrating 35 years of business and had free cake ... I jacked off Dug to fit in). Essentially, we played sober again, which allowed me to notice a few flubs by all three of us in the set. Some made me wince, some made me smile, but ultimately it made me understand why we generally get along with rowdy bar crowds the best (a seemingly sober kid at the show said we were a great “no wave band,” so maybe we just fucking suck). The Flipper cover is going over well, even if a lot of folks don’t recognize it. Tonight, I think we’re doing a somewhat improvised Crass-style song for a woman whose birthday is being celebrated at the Columbus show.

Oh, and for our “Letters to Penthouse Forum” section of the tour diary: We stayed the night with my cousin, Kate, and her fiancee, Joe, in D.C. after the Baltimore show.

He’s going to Georgetown and was happy to have visitors take his mind off finals. The roof of their building overlooks the university and the Capitol building.. It also has a pool and hot tub (jacuzzi?). We were sharing some beers and nice tales of this tour with Joe on the roof -- he used to be in bands before real life took over -- when two gorgeous women of indeterminate European nationality

dipped into the hot tub. Then, they started to eat tangerines.. Us three scumfucks, long since our last loving touch from an outsider (aside from the h.j. I gave Dug at the gay bar), tried not to stare like sex offenders chaperoning a high school prom.

We soon after stripped down to our boxers and got in the hot tub. And that was it. A little while later, they took a dip in the pool and then left, and not too long after we did the same. The set up just seemed like the start of one of those classy pornos you have to pay for at the hotels. But more than that, it was nice to be surrounded by such beauty, friendship and history. I constantly get the feeling that my friends and I are able to deceive the world with these bands and projects, and that it leads to these minor adventures and victories.

Sage Touring Advice: When it comes to those late night drives, cocaine makes a great coffee substitute.

6 p.m. (ON THE INTERSTATE IN WEST VIRGINIA) The trusty Blazer shuttles toward Ohio via West Virginia, which from the highway appears to consist entirely of trees with the occasional Waffle House road sign. Dug’s got a hot date tonight and I’m hoping for Robert Pollard to show up and buy us a beer as partial payback for the $42.30 it cost us to put the GBV cover on our new record.

SATURDAY, May 9 -- ??? p.m. (COLUMBUS) Tornados. That’s what it has officially taken to derail this excursion. Thanks to a very thoughtful text from Mr. Milwaukee, Eric “Apnea”, we were tipped off to the tornados and flooding in the Carbondale region. Ray Suburbia’s Alamo-of-punk-houses, The Lost Cross, is soaked. But it sounds like everyone is safe, at least. So we’re cutting our losses and heading home instead of the impractical drive to Missouri for the late addition Sunday night show. All punker show types are now satisfied: canceled, awesome, cozy, party, empty and ditched.

We were a hurried mess last night. I’ll get into it again later after a stoned nap and contemplation of what the lyrics would be for a song called, “When I Get The Dookies”.

4 p.m. (ON THE INTERSTATE IN INDIANA) Things kicked off late (in Columbus), and Aaron and I and the dudes from The Menthols filled the downtime before the show with Pabst tall boys

from the club. I owe the band $100 at this point, due to some shitty planning (but it looks like we’ve broken even otherwise). By the time the four-band show started at 11 p.m., I was already on my way and bouncing between conversations with locals, The Menthols, and Dug and his homegirl, Theresa. I enjoyed the boys from Kalamazoo much more after getting to know their respective smart asses. We had to cut our set to accommodate the schedule and to ensure we could still banter about pubic hair and boat ownership (separate jokes). Theresa danced like she was in a Cindy Lauper video and the reaction otherwise varied between groans and rowdy applause.

GUINEA WORMS closed with a fantastic set of Television-type stuff. An old scenester joined them on stage and a lot of babes sang along.

The Milwaukee/Kalamazoo contingency meandered to an after-party. Aaron passed out on the porch twice and told someone mid-conversation that he couldn’t “participate” any longer. I loudly explained the importance of booty rap -- it is one of the rare genres wherein you can just talk about butts and boobs -- to a lady who quickly lost interest. A nice local dude explained the background of a band from Columbus with a shady name. A few of us decided that punk rawk is the new frat music. Two cops came by and kindly asked us to be quieter.

At some point, it was 5 a.m. Then, I awoke a few hours later and couldn’t figure out how to work the doors at the house for a while.

paid with a $20 for his small, cheap meal, took no change, and then put a dollar bill on the counter. He walked out the door, turned around, and shouted gibberish for a minute at a sticker with credit card logos on it. Our own minitornado, filled with greasy hash browns and causing pause to all reality in his path.

After this, for the first time in more than a week, we were heading back to our daily realities after a wonderfully stupid musical vacation.

So, take it from your ‘ol pal dick. Touring is like a whimsical adventure into a magical fantasy. Except that you’ll more than likely come off of it with a liver that looks like swiss cheese. But isn’t that the great things about our nation’s highways?

Fear and Loathing, kids. Fear and Loathing.

Now, pass some of those late night Doritos’ will you?

4/29-Milwaukee, WI @ The Riverhorse w/ Uh-Oh 4/30-Kalamazoo, MI @ The Strutt w/ The Menthols, The Dial Tones

If you have a van with two gas tanks, just fill one of them with beer. This way, you’ll always be prepared. Just be sure not to siphon the wrong one.

5/1-Hamtramck, MI @ The Painted Lady w/ The Dial Tones, Dutch Pink, one other

Shot the shit with Sean and Jeff until Dug scooped Aaron and I up to go to Waffle House. There, a clean-cut man dressed similar to Rodney Dangerfield in “Caddyshack” was ranting loudly but to no one in particular about war maneuvers. The wait staff was only partially amused, as he had been there once before a few hours earlier with the same crazy bullshit. I was fascinated by the seemingly normal dude whose mouth just spilled nonsense in the form of an angry conversation. I imagined him as a family man, working as a salesman possibly, who, one weekend a month, drives to the outskirts of Columbus to horrify and amuse the patrons and employees of this particular Waffle House. Through this insanity, he keeps his normal life together. BTK without the strangling and strict zoning enforcement. He

5/3-Wallingford, CT @ Red Scroll Records w/ Medication

5/2-Buffalo, NY @ Sugar City w/ Sonorous Gale, Plates, Bonus Plus, Ailments

5/4-Providence, RI @ The Penalty Box (acoustic set as Sperming) 5/5-Providence, RI (canceled due to cancelation) 5/6-Philadelphia, PA @ Jr’s w/ Doctor Scientist, Bednarik, The Aweful Aweful Truth 5/7-Baltimore, MD @ Charm City w/ Pfisters, The Trites 5/8-Columbus, OH @ Cafe Bourbon Street w/ Guinea Worms, The Menthols, Fey Gods 5/9-Carbondale, IL (canceled due to tornados) 5/10-Columbia, MO (abandoned)