Philadelphia City Paper, November 21st, 2013 by Philadelphia City Paper

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cpstaff We made this

Publisher Nancy Stuski Editor in Chief Lillian Swanson Senior Editor Patrick Rapa Arts Editor/Copy Chief Emily Guendelsberger Digital Media Editor/Movies Editor Paulina Reso Food Editor/Listings Editor Caroline Russock Senior Staff Writer Daniel Denvir Staff Writer Ryan Briggs Copy Editor Carolyn Wyman Associate Web Producer Carly Szkaradnik Contributors Sam Adams, Dotun Akintoye, A.D. Amorosi, Rodney Anonymous, Mary Armstrong, Meg Augustin, Bryan Bierman, Shaun Brady, Peter Burwasser, Mark Cofta, Alison Dell, Adam Erace, David Anthony Fox, Caitlin Goodman, K. Ross Hoffman, Deni Kasrel, Alli Katz, Gary M. Kramer, Drew Lazor, Gair â&#x20AC;&#x153;Dev 79â&#x20AC;? Marking, Robert McCormick, Andrew Milner, Annette Monnier, John Morrison, Michael Pelusi, Sameer Rao, Elliott Sharp, Marc Snitzer, Tom Tomorrow, John Vettese, Nikki Volpicelli, Brian Wilensky Editorial Interns John Corrigan, Taylor Farnsworth, Melvin Hayes, Sara Patterson, Brooks Phelps, Julie Zeglen Production Director Michael Polimeno Editorial Art Director Reseca Peskin Senior Designer Evan M. Lopez Editorial Designers Brenna Adams, Jenni Betz Staff Photographer Neal Santos Contributing Photographers Jessica Kourkounis, Mark Stehle Contributing Illustrators Ryan Casey, Don Haring Jr., Joel Kimmel, Cameron K. Lewis, Thomas Pitilli, Matthew Smith Human Resources Ron Scully (ext. 210) Circulation Director Mark Burkert (ext. 239) Sales & Marketing Manager Katherine Siravo (ext. 251) Account Managers Colette Alexandre (ext. 250), Nick Cavanaugh (ext. 260), Amanda Gambier (ext. 228), Sharon MacWilliams (ext. 262), Megan Musser (ext. 215), Stephan Sitzai (ext. 258) Office Coordinator/Adult Advertising Sales Alexis Pierce (ext. 234) Founder & Editor Emeritus Bruce Schimmel citypaper.net 30 South 15th Street, Fourteenth Floor, Phila., PA 19102. 215-735-8444, Tip Line 215-735-8444 ext. 241, Listings Fax 215-875-1800, Advertising Fax 215-735-8535, Subscriptions 215-735-8444 ext. 235 Philadelphia City Paper is published and distributed every Thursday in Philadelphia, Montgomery, Chester, Bucks & Delaware Counties, in South Jersey and in Northern Delaware. Philadelphia City Paper is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies may be purchased from our main office at $1 per copy. No person may, without prior written permission from Philadelphia City Paper, take more than one copy of each issue. Pennsylvania law prohibits any person from inserting printed material of any kind into any newspaper without the consent of the owner or publisher. Contents copyright ÂŠ 2013, Philadelphia City Paper. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. Philadelphia City Paper assumes no obligation (other than cancellation of charges for actual space occupied) for accidental errors in advertising, but will be glad to furnish a signed letter to the buying public.

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contents Picking the right gift.

Naked City ...................................................................................7 A&E................................................................................................ 34 Movies ......................................................................................... 39 Agenda........................................................................................41 Food ..............................................................................................47 COVER PHOTOGRAPH BY NEAL SANTOS COVER MODEL: CHICHURRON DESIGN BY RESECA PESKIN

CHRISTOPHER HUGGINS TRIBUTE DEC 6 • 7:30 DEC 7 • 2:30 & 7:30 DEC 8 • 2:30 PERELMAN THEATER

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naked

the

city

thebellcurve CP’s Quality-o-Life-o-Meter

[ 0]

The Philadelphia Eagles and Marvel Comics team up to create a one-off comic about the origin of Swoop, the team mascot. Long story short: His dad banged a radioactive eagle.

[ +1 ]

TV’s Dr. Oz is among several passersby who stop to help a woman in a car accident in Bucks County. “I did what any normal citizen would do,” said Dr. Oz. “I boosted her self-esteem, gave her tips for achieving a shapelier butt and pronounced her dead on the scene.”

[ +3 ]

The Drexel professor who used Cira Center’s lights to make a giant game of Pong is awarded the Guinness World Record for largest architectural video-game display. OK, dude. Now do Rampage.

[ +1 ]

The city will begin its $11 million plan to decorate North Broad Street with 50-foottall light-up poles in December. “Good call,” say the schoolchildren of Philadelphia. “Money well spent.”

[ +1 ]

PETA gives Philadelphia the Most Vegetarian-Friendly City for Sports Fans Award. You know what, PETA? A lot of people think you’re all a bunch of privileged, fingerpointing ideologues who like to get nude and do other stupid shit for attention, but we think you’re pretty much OK. The city installs sensors that trigger red lights on Kelly Drive when cars are speeding. Because the one thing that’s safer than speeding cars is making those cars slam on their brakes.

[ +1 ]

Anderson Cooper poses for a photo wearing a dashiki adorned with Wolf Blitzer’s face, modeled after the one Honus Honus of Man Man wears. Not to be outdone, Piers Morgan puts on a Siltbreeze shirt and devotes a full hour to Strapping Fieldhands tour stories.

[ -2 ]

A new poll finds that most fast-food customers in Philly ignore calorie counts on menus. Wait. Those aren’t points?

This week’s total: 6 | Last week’s total: -10

MULTI-PURPOSE: The Mantua Community Improvement Committee operates from this building, which also houses its founder’s private recording studio and is headquarters of his development company. MARK STEHLE

[ development ]

A DOUBLE ROLE The leader of a Mantua civic group that is pushing a new supermarket project is also a principal developer of the site. By Ryan Briggs he city’s Mantua neighborhood long has been described as a “food desert,” a distinction that would end with the construction of a new supermarket known as “Westview Plaza.” Recently, the proposal to redevelop two city blocks near 36th Street and Haverford Avenue has drawn fire from some neighbors who oppose the city’s forcible buyout of dozens of lots needed for the store’s construction, via eminent domain. Behind the conflict sits Rick Young, a man who has, unusually, positioned himself as both a supportive civic-association president and a savvy private developer with a stake in the supermarket. Young incorporated the nonprofit Mantua Community Improvement Committee (MCIC) in 2000 and serves as its president. The civic group has lobbied politicians for nearly a decade for millions of dollars in public money to aid in the construction of the plaza. But in addition to being a “voice” for the neighborhood’s interests, Young is also one of the principal investors in a company that will develop Westview Plaza. Further, he purchased property in the seizure zone just months before the eminent-domain deal, then was compensated by the city for nearly seven times what he paid for it.

The saga goes back at least a decade. Young may very well have been the first person to officially propose building a supermarket in the neighborhood, saying he knew that the site at 36th and Haverford would be its ultimate location “since 2001 or 2002.” “This is something the community wanted, and they haven’t had in the last 25 to 30 years,” he said last week in a phone interview. But wishing for a supermarket isn’t enough in a neighborhood like Mantua, which has long suffered from poverty and unemployment. Young lobbied local Councilwoman Jannie Blackwell and, in 2005, the city began including recommendations for the supermarket in planning documents. Ultimately, a city redevelopment fund called the Neighborhood Transformation Initiative directed $2.8 million, with Blackwell’s approval, in part to acquire the land for the plaza. Blackwell, who records show accepted a campaign donation from Young, also arranged a funding agreement for MCIC with nearby Drexel University. The $300,000-a-year deal was described by sources as emerging from “a handshake agreement” — one that the institution rarely officially acknowledged. As MCIC’s profile expanded, Young’s role as president of the group became a lucrative paid position. But that wasn’t his only job. “I’m also a developer,” Young says. Around a decade ago, Young became involved with a private real-

MCIC has lobbied for millions of public dollars.

>>> continued on page 12

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[ the naked city ]

CANDLELIGHT VIGIL: Despite the rain, a crowd gathers outside the Philadelphia School District headquarters on Oct. 17 to honor the memory of Laporshia Massey. NEAL SANTOS

[ ongoing probe ]

A FATHER’S NEGLECT? Sources say a city investigation of Laporshia Massey’s death, after the 12-year-old became ill at a school without a nurse, shows evidence of a parent’s negligence. By Daniel Denvir he father of a 12-year-old girl, who died after becoming sick at a Philadelphia school where no nurse was on duty, neglected to provide proper medical care for his daughter, according to two people apprised of a city investigation of the death. Daniel Burch took his daughter to the hospital later than he had previously stated, the sources said, and had recently failed to fill an asthma-related prescription for her. A lawyer for Burch disputed both claims. Laporshia Massey’s death on Sept. 25 galvanized critics of the deep budget cuts that have been imposed on Philadelphia public schools. Today, there are 179 District nurses working in public, private and parochial schools in the city, down from 289 in 2011. Bryant Elementary School, where Laporshia was a sixth-grader, is served by a school nurse two days a week. It is unclear when the West Philadelphia school last had a full-time nurse — or if it ever did. The new allegations mark a painful turn in a deeply sad story, injecting the possibility of a parent’s wrongdoing into an angry debate over the failure of public institutions. And the question of whether having a school nurse on duty could have saved Laporshia remains unanswered. After Laporshia’s death, Burch told City Paper that he drove her to the hospital soon after a school staffer dropped off his daughter at home about 3:15 p.m. But an investigation involving multiple city agencies has allegedly found that he did not head to the hospital with Laporshia until at least two hours after she returned home from school. Burch’s partner, Sherri Mitchell, reached last week by phone, now says that Laporshia was taken to the hospital sometime between “4:30 and 5 o’clock,” adding that she couldn’t “remember offhand what time she came” home from school. But, Mitchell says, she believes it was later than normal.

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Burch and Mitchell both said they had received calls from Bryant Elementary informing them that Laporshia was feeling ill. Burch told City Paper that he had been groggy at the time of the call, recovering from a sleepless night dealing with his own asthma difficulties. Mitchell said that she had received a call saying that Laporshia was unable to walk home on her own, and was told that she was having trouble breathing. Mitchell says that she gave a school staffer permission to drive the child home. Perhaps more troubling, investigators have allegedly discovered that Burch failed to fill a prescription for Laporshia, after she had been hospitalized with asthma problems the week prior. Mercy Hospital confirmed that Laporshia was admitted at 12:15 a.m. on Sept. 16, and released at 1:22 a.m. Burch had told City Paper that on Sept. 25 he had sent his son to fetch prednisone (a steroid that can be used to treat asthma) from a pharmacy while his daughter was treating herself on a nebulizer, and that she then took the medicine. City Paper has not been able to confirm whether this was the prescription that Burch had allegedly failed to fill. Burch’s lawyer, Ronald Pollack, told the paper that the allegations were false. First, he says, there were drugs for Laporshia left over, and so the family had not yet needed to fill the new prescription. Second, he says that the allegation that Burch waited two hours before taking Laporshia to the hospital is likely based on the arrival time recorded at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia — not when Burch flagged down an ambulance in the middle of the street to seek help for his daughter.

The allegations mark a painful turn in a deeply sad story.

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“They worked on her in the field when he cut off that ambulance for maybe an hour or so,” Pollack said. According to a source, a nurse also told investigators that if a colleague were on duty at the school, the medical professional could have detected the severity of Laporshia’s condition. Peg Devine, a Philadelphia school nurse, agrees. “Having a nurse in the building would have improved the odds” of Laporshia surviving, Devine said. “The nurse would not have allowed the parent to delay. The nurse would have said, ‘I’m calling fire and rescue, and you’re going to have to go the hospital because this child’s in distress.’” Devine says that Philadelphia’s widespread poverty, and the associated negligence and medical ignorance, make school nurses all the more critical. School nurses play a key role in the medical safety net for poor children, and Devine says that Philadelphia’s cutbacks cause harm beyond medical emergencies. Nurses throughout the district, Devine says, have fallen far behind on the everyday work that keeps children safe — including doggedly following up with parents to ensure that necessary medical care is provided. “You may not have the time to do it, or you’re involved in putting out fires or dealing with the day-to-day emergencies. You can’t do any proactive or preventative stuff because you’re taking care of the emergencies of the day. Or you’re trying to get other things done because you haven’t been there for a week,” she said. In May, the Education Law Center released a report on the nursing shortage that shows “children with chronic health conditions requiring daily maintenance are the most significantly impacted group, followed by children whose families do not have health insurance, children with multiple disabilities, children whose parents are unable to go to school to administer medications, and children whose families lack financial resources.” Burch and Laporshia’s mother, Loretta Massey, had three children together, and Burch was later granted custody of them. He has made numerous allegations to City Paper that Massey was not fit to care for the children. Laporshia’s mother, meanwhile, has told City Paper that in the past she has had to send her daughter’s medicine to Burch’s house. (daniel.denvir@citypaper.net)

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✚ A Double Role

[ the naked city ]

<<< continued from page 7

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estate company called Strong Investments, LLC, which owns dozens of properties in Mantua — including two that will eventually be seized for the supermarket. Although that company’s managing partner, Mark Trachtenberg, says Young “stepped back” from an active role in the group a few years ago, Strong Investments has long owned the building that serves as MCIC’s current headquarters, and continues to receive $50,000 annually in rent from the nonprofit. That building also houses Young’s private recording studio, The Beat Factory, and is the headquarters of a new development company he founded shortly after “stepping back.” That company, called Westview Development Partners, was registered by Young in 2010 — the same year that the state authorized a $2.75 million redevelopment grant for Westview Plaza. Young paired up with veteran developer Len Poncia of Aquinas Realty Partners and the two began attending Philadelphia Redevelopment Authority meetings to press for the initiation of the eminent-domain process. At these meetings, Young identified himself as a representative of Westview Development and, in one instance, as a member of Aquinas Realty Partners. Young declined to talk about his role in Westview Development. The PRA held a decisive meeting in September 2012, approving the taking of 65 parcels for Westview Plaza. But just months before, Young had bought a dilapidated rowhome for a remarkably low price — in the heart of the redevelopment zone. Records show that although this vacant house had sold for $15,500 in 2010, Young paid just $2,500 for it two years later. The previous owner was a real-estate company tied to Scott Mazo, an affordable-housing developer and fellow Blackwell contributor. Mazo said he and Young were “friends” and that deeding the property over was designed to “make a statement of support” for MCIC’s supermarket plan. He says he didn’t realize the land was about to be bought out by the city. But Mazo couldn’t explain why he deeded the property to Young directly, instead of to his nonprofit — saying only, “from our standpoint, we didn’t see them as different.” For his part, Young says he never intended to profit from the deal, but declined to say how much the PRA had given him in compensation. PRA records indicate he was given $17,325 for the property. To be fair, Young wasn’t the only person who bought land in advance of the government payout. Point Breeze developer Ori Feibush’s OCF Realty picked up two lots at a March 2012 auction for $72,500; he says has not yet been compensated, but will “probably get $125,000 for the pair.” And relatives of Councilman Wilson Goode Jr. have owned land on the development site since 2005; they received $128,975 for six properties that had been valued at $52,235. Meanwhile, just as Young’s plans as a devel-

oper were falling into place — Walmart was briefly interested as an anchor tenant — his life as head of MCIC was coming apart. Last month, Drexel announced it had elected to cut off its annual grant to MCIC. It’s easy to see why the university might have been leery: MCIC refuses to disclose its board members or sources of revenue, both on its financial-disclosure forms and when asked directly by this reporter, and failed to register with the state’s Bureau of Charitable Organizations. Because MCIC isn’t a registered charitable organization, it is not technically allowed to accept individual donations. Nonetheless, faced with the loss of its primary source of revenue, MCIC hosted a $250- to $3,000-a-head fundraiser in late September, with Blackwell and Councilman Curtis Jones Jr. billed as guests. Westview Plaza may also be

Walmart was briefly interested as a tenant. the key to solving MCIC’s financial problems for good. The PRA said that Aquinas and Westview Development had selected MCIC as a “community partner” for the multimillion-dollar development. Asked for an explanation, Young stressed that “partnership” was simply an acknowledgement of MCIC’s role in supporting the supermarket. But the PRA said that other “community partners” in similar projects have ended up getting a financial stake in the development itself. Mantua will likely get its supermarket — sources say City Hall’s distaste for Young is overshadowed by the desire to develop the hardscrabble area. From the city’s perspective, it seems, dealing with MCIC is just the cost of doing business. (ryan.briggs@citypaper.net)

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icepack By A.D. Amorosi

➤ YOU KNOW THAT I know that South Street

was once the bomb — a locus of music, art, fashion, theater and booze. And it can be the bomb again: Between Sixth and 10th, there’s a slowboiling movement to turn things around, with the opening of restaubars such as Supper, Brauhaus Schmitz, Percy Street Barbecue and Serpico. But do me a favor: Stand on the corner of Jim’s and Eyes Gallery and look to your left and immediately across the street. Five spaces are vacant. The corners of Third and South are open, too, as is Abbott Square and Laff House down by Second. All of this on one of the city’s most crucial corridors. My point? Five or six years ago, South Street realtors got together to lure big-name businesses and smaller arts entrepreneurs with good deals. Maybe it’s time to hurry up and do that again. I hear that some help is on the way. Here’s hoping. ➤ The adults of Baby Loves Disco smartly moved their acclaimed and successful cool-kiddie dance party to World Café Live when Shampoo shuttered; so far, everything’s been grand except, according to co-founder Andy Hurwitz, BLD’s fan base “hasn’t necessarily made the jump with us.” Fickle fucking kids! So BLD is putting on its big-kid pants and throwing a massive Pajama Party for children and parents alike on Nov. 23 at 11 a.m. with the Liberty Me Dancers and Young Rembrandts crews showing off their best. Man, am I glad I have a greyhound. ➤ Back in August, I wrote about a conversation I had with one-time PAFA-studentturned-auteur David Lynch about a pit stop he’d made in Philly a few months prior. The pivotal quote? “The primary reason I was in Philadelphia was to talk to the Pennsylvania Academy of the Fine Arts about an upcoming show of paintings,” said Lynch. Well, the dates of that exhibition were just announced: It’ll be up Sept. 5, 2014, through January 2015 in PAFA’s Frank Furness building. Expect to see plenty of Lynch. ➤ Another Icepack update: I previously wrote that Alex Plotkin of Chops fame was possibly going to take over Table 31’s space in the Comcast Building: That’s finally happened. Plotkin will have help in his new Center City Chops from the legendary Joe Wolf, late of the great Striped Bass. ➤ When Jersey Boys makes its third go-round this December at The Forrest Theatre, look for the Philly area’s own Brandon Andrus to portray the dressiest of the Four Seasons, “Nick Massi.” ➤ More ice? See citypaper.net/nakedcity. (a_amorosi@citypaper.net) 34 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

POETRY AND NOTIONS: The holiday theater season includes Lantern’s puppet-heavy adaptation of Dylan Thomas’ A Child’s Christmas in Wales (left) and the Walnut’s mainstage production of Elf with Christopher Sutton and Kate Fahrner. SEBASTIENNE MUNDHEIM (LEFT), MARK GARVIN (RIGHT)

[ theater ]

DASHING TO THE SHOWS What’s on stage for the holidays? We’ve got it covered. By Mark Cofta he “War on Christmas” decried by Sarah Palin and Bill O’Reilly isn’t evident in Philadelphia theater, which is producing a rich variety of appropriately jolly and family-friendly shows for the holiday season. Since there’s so many and they’re just starting to open right about now, here’s a brief guide to who’s decking the halls of local stages. Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol is produced annually by the Hedgerow Theatre (Dec. 6-31, hedgerowtheatre.org) in Nagle Jackson’s elegant adaptation, and at Walnut Street Theatre (Nov. 30-Dec. 22, walnutstreettheatre.org) as an hourlong musical for kids. Sharing the Walnut’s main stage is the musical Elf (through Jan. 5), based on the 2003 Will Ferrell film (which was written by Philadelphia native David Berenbaum). Lantern Theater Company’s got A Child’s Christmas in Wales (Dec 5-Jan. 5, lanterntheater.org), Dylan Thomas’ beloved poem as staged by artistic director Charles McMahon and interdisciplinary artist Sebastienne Mundheim. UPenn’s Annenberg Center hosts a family story set to ’80s music, Snowball (Dec. 4-15, annenbergcenter.org), by FringeArts-favorite dance troupe Brian Sanders’ JUNK.

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Act II Playhouse brings back Will Dennis as the title character in Bill D’Agostino’s Murray the Elf and the Case of the Terrifying Tinsel (Dec. 21-28, act2.org), along with an adult comedy, Ginna Hoben’s The Twelve Dates of Christmas (Dec. 1029), starring charmer Maggie Lakis as a hapless single searching for a Christmas miracle. The season even inspires farce, with Josh Piven’s new play No Reservations (Nov. 26-Dec. 15, brownpapertickets.com), a contemporary Nativity story by the author of The Worst-Case Scenario Survival Handbook series that satirizes our celebrity-obsessed, media-saturated culture. Family theater not referencing the season is also a popular option during the holidays. The

The “War on Christmas” isn’t evident in theaters.

Arden Theatre Company

revives John Olive’s adaptation of Louis Sachar’s wacky Sideways Stories from Wayside School (Dec. 4-Feb. 15, ardentheatre.org), a big 2003 hit. Another revival for families, Cinderella: A Musical Panto (Nov. 20-Jan. 12, peopleslight.org), returns to Malvern’s People’s Light and Theatre Company after winning multiple 2008-09 Barrymore Awards. (It’s a must-see.) Quintessence Theatre Group in Mt. Airy presents Alan Bennett’s wry adaptation of Kenneth Grahame’s beloved classic The Wind in the Willows (Dec. 11-Jan. 6, quintessencetheatre.org). Enchantment Theatre Company shares Aladdin and Other >>> continued on page 36

[ vertiginous enjambments ] soundadvice

[ disc-o-scope ]

➤ funk/african

➤ hip-hop

Who Is William Onyeabor? asks the newest chapter in Luaka

As a reprise of once-seminal shtick, The Marshall Mathers LP 2 (Interscope/ Shady/Aftermath) isn’t half bad. Eminem begins with a late-career triumph (“Bad Guy”), stunts on old enemies (Dad), apologizes to others (Mom), sticks it to bitches specific and general, drops maybe his worst ever (“Stronger Than I Was”), proceeds throughout with word-bending slant rhymes, free-associative internal rhymes, flatout rhyme-rhymes, vertiginous enjambments, flows without end and concludes with a Ken Kaniff skit. —Dotun Akintoye

➤ bass/techno The players behind Livity Sound, a vast two-disc compilation from the eponymous boutique imprint, are U.K.-based bass/postdubstep producers Asusu, Kowton and label head/ringleader Peverelist. But the sounds it contains — skeletal, hypnotic, spooky, addictively syncopated, hybridizing minimal techno and dub reggae in unremittingly sparse but continually surprising ways — seem elemental and otherworldly. —K. Ross Hoffman

flickpick

By Dotun Akintoye

Bop Records’ occasional “World Psychedelic Classics” series. Good question. These days, reportedly, he’s a born-again-Christian flourmill operator and civic leader in his native Nigeria who wants nothing to do with his musical past. But these nine generous cuts, culled from his 1977-’85 string of self-released LPs, document an era when he was an analog-synth-inclined counterpart to Fela Kuti, offering his own brand of righteous politicking and moralizing atop deeply funky Afrobeat, disco and electro-funk grooves. —K. Ross Hoffman

➤ rock/pop The Fates have spun the bottle and… Voila! Alternative Nation refugees Juliana Hatfield and Matthew Caws (of Nada Surf) are now obliged to hook up. So they do, on new Get There (Barsuk), the debut record from their peppy little pop project, Minor Alps (which plays World Café Live on Saturday). The pair’s softer rock sweet spots are on full display on quick, catchy, Blake Babies-ish tunes, with Hatfield’s voice on —Patrick Rapa top, of course. Spin it round again.

[ movie review ]

NEBRASKA [ B ] AFTER TREKKING TO California’s wine country for Sideways and Hawaii for

The Descendants, Alexander Payne returns to his home turf for his latest, the fatherson road trip Nebraska. And like any homecoming, it’s a combination of nostalgia and resentment. The Omaha native renders the film’s Midwestern landscapes in a stark black and white reminiscent of Depression-era photographs, capturing a bleak emptiness in both harsh and poetic imagery. Against this backdrop, Payne sets the withered features of Bruce Dern as Woody Grant, an aged alcoholic who is determined to walk from Montana to Lincoln, Neb., to claim a million dollars supposedly won in a mail-order scam. His aimless son David (Will Forte) eventually agrees to shepherd him on his fool’s errand, hoping they’ll form that elusive bond. The pair detours from their quest for a reunion with Woody’s extended family in his hometown, where secrets from his past begin to come to light. Dern, an actor given to playing eccentrics and sleazeballs, seizes his first opportunity in recent memory to sink his teeth into a sizable role. Forte, known mostly for his stint on Saturday Night Live, is an intriguing choice for the lead, with his sad eyes and pinched look giving him a put-upon, long-suffering quality. The film’s uneasy divide between heartfelt drama and broad comedy so perfectly fits with Payne’s oeuvre that it’s surprising to learn that he didn’t write the screenplay. But that balance is particularly precarious here as Payne depicts small-minded, small-town folks with both condescension and intimate understanding. Woody’s grasping clan and forgotten hopes are meant to form a bridge between a lost past and his embittered old age, but Payne never quite manages to make that connection palpable. —Shaun Brady

Secrets from the past come to light.

ROUGH NIGHT?: Bruce Dern gives a memorable performance as Woody Grant, a crotchety alcoholic convinced he’s won a million dollars.

DANCE DANCE GLOBALIZATION

➤ IT’S HARD TO HEAR the music on Omar Souleyman’s new Wenu Wenu (Ribbon) over the hype and ethnomusicological hand-wringing, not to mention the slaughter in his native Syria. Is this ex-wedding-singer’s synth-skewed mongrel-folk electro dabke a prank on world music? Souleyman’s rough melisma won’t inspire rapture, but you can’t ignore its insistence that you move. Even when Wenu Wenu slows down on “Mawal Jamar,” it still stomps. So if the scales on the keyboard solo of “Ya Yumma” are kitsch fanfare for the common man, then Rizan Sa’id plays like he hopes they can hear him in the effete citadels of high culture. The buzz around John Wizards’ world-sourced Afro-pop is much less fraught and its skin-deep instappeal in South Africa and beyond is obvious. Souleyman’s eclecticism is a result of growing up in the cultural crossroads of Jazira. Emmanuel Nzaramba, the vocal half of John Wizards, is a child of genocide who fled Rwanda for Cape Town and stumbled one day into John Withers, an ad man and laptop musician. Nzaramba’s displacements turn into inspiration; he sings in English, Swahili and his native Kinyarwanda, while Withers composes like a Web traveler. John Wizards (Planet Mu) emerges in fragments of song, breezing through miracles like “Lusaka by Night,” touching on Shangaan electro, reggae, highlife, dreampop, jingles and more. Both albums have been received in the blogosphere as if they were sonic forerunners of the cyber-utopia to come — though it never will. Which isn’t to say I’m for limp-dick cynicism. Truth is, I listen to Souleyman and can’t shake the romantic hope that somewhere in Syria is a wedding where people have joined hands and are dancing. “Fuck the war,” they chant. “We’re in love.” (editorial@citypaper.net)

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[ arts & entertainment ]

â&#x153;&#x161; Dashing to the Shows <<< continued from page 34

A modern, gender-bending Shakespeare adaptation. Enchanting Tales (Dec. 17-30, enchant-

menttheatre.org) with dance, music, and puppets. Fishtownâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Walking Fish Theatre premieres American Fairy Tales (Dec. 18-31, walkingfishtheatre. com), an audience-participation adaptation of three L. Frank Baum (of The Wizard of Oz) stories. And, last, some theaters are avoiding the expected seasonal fare altogether. New City Stage Company offers Frost/Nixon (Dec. 5-Jan. 5, newcitystage.org), Peter Morganâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s historical drama about the disgraced president (Dan Olmstead) and the British yakker (Russ Widdall). The Philadelphia Theatre Company presents an improved version of its 2007 Barrymore Award-winning musical Nerds (Nov. 29-Dec. 29, philadelphiatheatrecompany.org), about Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and the rise of computers. The Media Theatre reprises Andrew Lloyd Webberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

(Nov. 20-Jan. 5, mediatheatre.org), a popinfused Old Testament tale. Comedy specialists 1812 Productions reunite Jennifer Childs, Scott Greer, Dave Jadico and Tony Braithwaite in a celebration of classic slapstick, The Big Time: New Vaudeville for the

Holidays (Nov. 29-Dec. 31, 1812pro-

ductions.org), and Josh McIlvainâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s SmokeyScout concludes its Mt. Airy

fall performing arts series with Nice

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Stupid Twelfth Night Gay Fantasia

(Dec. 2-Jan. 7, curiotheatre.org), a modern, gender-bending adaptation. (m_cofta@citypaper.net)

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movie

shorts

FILMS ARE GRADED BY CITY PAPER CRITICS A-F.

Mother of George

✚ NEW THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE | BWhat a difference a director makes. When we last caught up with Katniss Everdeen, she was reluctantly killing kids in Seabiscuit director Gary Ross’ aesthetically ugly, sloppily staged, cheapo adaptation of Suzanne Collins’ YA mega-seller. One year and a few hundred million dollars later, the series has fallen into the hands of filmmaker Francis Lawrence (of I Am Legend and the underrated Constantine). Lawrence has an eye for striking visuals, but has never found a script to match his talent. He doesn’t find one here either, but Catching Fire is still a huge improvement over its predecessor in nearly every way. Jennifer Lawrence’s Katniss is back, shouldering the burden of martyrdom in a dystopian future where the rich enlist the poor to kill each other in televised spectacles. Donald Sutherland and Philip Seymour Hoffman go to town with the moustache-twirling villainy, attempting to quell rebellion by pitting dear Katniss in another tournament against her fellow survivors. Pulpy melodrama continues apace, but this time with lush, burnished images and a budget to match the ambition. Woody Harrelson returns as the cheerfully blotto mentor, supervising Katniss’ phony love story that conned a blighted nation, while the rest of the supporting roles are filled out with delightfully hambone turns from Jeffrey Wright, Amanda Plummer and an all-grown-up Jena Malone. It’s quite engrossing until the movie abruptly stops mid-scene, teasing another sequel coming soon to a theater near you. Sigh, the perils of franchise maintenance. —Sean Burns (Wide release)

MOTHER OF GEORGE | ADirector Andrew Dosunmu’s vivid Mother of George opens with the wedding of a Nigerian couple living in Brooklyn. Although Ayodele (Isaach De Bankolé) and Adenike (Danai Gurira) are given blessings for fertility and prosperity, 18 months later, they are still childless. After Ayodele refuses to see a fertility doctor, Adenike, feeling pressure to deliver a grandson named George to her mother-inlaw, seeks a risky solution to their problems. Dosunmu captures the escalating drama artfully, shifting the film’s buoyant African rhythms to a bluesier soundtrack and dulling the rich colors of Adenike’s bold dresses to more muted tones. The visual cues are made even more distinct by Bradford Young’s phenomenal cinematography. Mother of George unfolds in a world that is rarely seen in American cinema, and this, along with Gurira’s miraculous, immensely expressive and sympathetic performance, is what makes this film so absorbing. —Gary M. Kramer (Ritz at the Bourse)

NEBRASKA | B See Shaun Brady’s review on p. 35. (Ritz Five)

✚ CONTINUING 12 YEARS A SLAVE | B+ The most painful portrait in Steve McQueen’s 12 Years a Slave, based on the true story of a criminally enslaved freeman, is one of its stillest. Noosed to a low-hanging tree branch after scrapping with cruel overseer Tibeats (Paul

IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE

THURSDAY NOVEMBER 21 AT 8PM

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Dano), Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor) struggles to breathe, his muddug tiptoes the only force preventing his trachea from being crushed. All the while, McQueen’s staid wide shot reveals Northup’s fellow slaves in the background, aware of their friend’s plight, but too fettered to do anything about it. It’s these difficult observations of powerless people that give McQueen’s third feature such teeth. John Ridley’s screenplay, largely faithful to the 1853 source material, follows Northup’s journey, from blissful family man to Louisiana field hand, at a pace that seems to disregard the rudimentary passage of time. While both his captors (Benedict Cumberbatch, Michael Fassender) and companions (standout Lupita Nyong’o) prove fragile and impressionable, the steadiness of Northup’s humanity is almost superhuman. McQueen is not a perfect filmmaker, but he’s succeeded in building an unflinching visualization of America at its most shameful. —Drew Lazor (Ritz Five)

BLUE IS THE WARMEST COLOR | AFirst love’s seismic qualities have seldom been captured with such abandon as in Abdellatif Kechiche’s Palme D’Or winner, a 179-minute sprawl of heartbreak that scarcely strays more than 6 inches from a young woman’s face. Adapted from Julie Maroh’s graphic novel, Blue is the Warmest Color charts the ardent sexual awakening and eventual crushing despair of Adèle (Adèle Excarchopoulos). She’s a book-smart teenager who can already tell things aren’t clicking with her boyfriend when one day she’s gobsmacked by the sight

of butch, blue-haired Emma (Léa Seydoux). What follows is a rapturous exploration of love, rendered in giddy, almost impossibly shallow-focus closeups that make the rest of the world go away, plus a few super-heroic sex scenes. Excarchopoulos’ performance is something of a miracle, with every raw, unfiltered feeling rippling across that yearning, endlessly expressive face. Kechiche’s camera never flinches, filming a fairly familiar coming-of-age tale as if through a microscope, the proximity pumping up emotions so everything feels like it’s happening for the very first time. —Sean Burns (Ritz at the Bourse)

THE BOOK THIEF | BConsidering that Markus Zusak’s World War II-era bestseller is narrated by Death, it seems almost too demanding to hope for subtlety in Brian Percival’s adaptation. But as hard as this version tries, its individual performances save the ship from a schmaltzy demise. Death, here voiced by British character actor Roger Allam (of course Death is British!), takes a particular shine to young Liesel (Sophie Nélisse), the daughter of a Communist on the run in Nazi Germany. Taken in by blue-collar foster parents Hans and Rosa (Geoffrey Rush and Emily Watson), she proves to be mischievous and academically curious, her appetite for words encouraged by Hans, the mayor’s lonely wife (Barbara Auer) and Max (Ben Schnetzer), the Jew concealed in Liesel’s basement. As war and violence touch each character in varying degrees, Liesel becomes more dependent on reading and writing, though here the language-arts focus

is underplayed in comparison to the source material. It’s Nélisse, in her first major role, who distracts from such cinematic shortcuts. More likable than pitiable, she raises the game of veterans like Rush and Watson, who understand how to craft a brand of love complicated by time and circumstance. —Drew Lazor (Ritz Five)

DALLAS BUYERS CLUB | B+ In the most miraculous career resurrection not precipitated by Quentin Tarantino, Matthew McConaughey has abruptly transformed himself from half-forgotten rom-com himbo to an electrifying screen presence. These days, he’s exuding an infectiously naughty sense of self-delight, one that serves him well in director Jean-Marc Vallee’s tad-too-crowd-pleasing take on the early days of the AIDS crisis. McConaughey, starved to an alarming fraction of his body weight, stars as Ron Woodruff, a hard-partying rodeo fixture diagnosed with HIV and given 30 days to live. Never one to follow protocol, Ron starts out buying stolen AZT from crooked hospital orderlies, and eventually ends up smuggling unapproved drugs across all sorts of borders. Scamming his way around the FDA, turning a quick buck and staying alive in the process, Woodruff gamed a broken system for as long as he could. Yes, this subject was covered in much greater depth in last year’s essential documentary How to Survive a Plague — and of course, when Hollywood told the story, they had to pick the time it happened to a straight guy — but Dallas Buyers Club still knows how to work a crowd. —Sean Burns (Ritz East)

INVITE YOU AND A GUEST TO SEE HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO TO PROTECT YOUR HOME? Send responses to Philly@43Kix.com to enter for a chance to win run of engagement passes and HOMEFRONT by Chuck Logan, the novel that inspired the ﬁlm. THIS FILM IS RATED R. No purchase necessary. While supplies last. Winners will be notified by email. Passes are valid Monday-Thursday, excluding holidays, through the run of the engagement at selected theaters. This pass is not for resale!

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KILL YOUR DARLINGS | BMomentous performances can’t trump momentum problems in first-time director John Krokidas’ exploration of the Beats as babies. Escaping a troubled home life by enrolling in Columbia, young Allen Ginsberg (Daniel Radcliffe) falls in fast with charismatic classmate Lucien Carr (Dane DeHaan), who introduces him to Jack Kerouac (Jack Huston), William Burroughs (Ben Foster) and the liberated creative life. Spending their days rebelling against academic doctrine and their nights drinking and drugging, the clique and its selfmythologized “new vision” appear ripe for the harvest — but progress is complicated by David Kammerer (Michael C. Hall), whose relationship with Carr is an intellectual and romantic anchor. Even casual Beat Generation observers know how this story goes, but Krokidas’ decision to steer emphasis away from “the work” allows his young cast to lay out meaty personal investments in their portrayals. The problem lies in pace. At a certain point, the narrative splinters so dramatically that it’s difficult to observe the characters’ choices with anything more than a glance. —Drew Lazor (Ritz at the Bourse)

[ movie shorts ]

of Alfred Hitchcock’s thriller about a small town terrorized by birds. Fri., Nov. 22, 7 p.m., $9. Kes (1969, U.K., 110 min.): Keeping with this week’s birdwatching theme, here’s the story of a teenage boy whose relationship with a falcon provides an escape from his working-class life. Sat., Nov. 23, 5 p.m., $9. Free Angela and All Political Prisoners (2012, U.S./France, 102 min.): A doc on radical activist and political icon Angela Davis. Director Shola Lynch in attendance for a Q&A post-screening. Tue., Nov. 26, 7:30 p.m., $10.

PHILAMOCA 531 N. 12th St., 267-519-9651, philamoca.org. Enter the Game of Death (1978, Hong Kong, 88 min.) and The Return of Bruce (1978, Hong Kong, 79 min.): A 16mm kungfu double feature starring “Bruce Le” made to cash in on the legacy of, well, Bruce Lee. Fri., Nov. 29, 8 p.m., $10.

✚ REPERTORY FILM INTERNATIONAL HOUSE 3701 Chestnut St., 215-387-5125, ihousephilly.org. The Birdpeople (2004, U.S., 61 min.): A look at ornithologists across America. Thu., Nov. 21, 7 p.m., $9. The Birds (1963, U.S., 119 min.): It’s the 50th anniversary

More on:

citypaper.net

—Gair “Dev79” Marking Sat., Nov. 23, 10 p.m., $5, with Theo Marshall, Dolphin Tavern, 1539 S. Broad St., 215-278-7950, dolphinphilly.com.

✚ FOR COMPREHENSIVE EVENT LISTINGS, VISIT C I T Y PA P E R . N E T / L I S T I N G S .

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f&d

foodanddrink

amusebouche By Adam Erace

LIFE OF PIE ➤ WITH HER NEAT apron, twinkly eyes and

silver-threaded brown hair knotted behind a handkerchief, Holly Ricciardi looks like she should be smiling at you from a box of cake mix. Not that the graphic-designer-turned-pie-regent of South Street would want you to use that storebought junk. Last week, during the first in a series of upcoming pie classes at her charming Magpie bakeshop, Ricciardi recoiled cartoonishly when students (myself included) admitted to using pre-made crusts of the Pillsbury sort. Lined up along the flourdusted marble counter, we freshmen rolled rounds of Magpie dough, moving swiftly in one direction with our pins, giving them quarter-turns, rolling again, adding flour, turning them, over and over. “This looks nothing like the stuff you get at the store,” declared the student to my left. It didn’t. While pre-made crusts are uniform in color and texture, Ricciardi’s looked like a mosaic fresco, flecks of cold butter speckled throughout. “That’s what you want,” Ricciardi replied. “All that butter is going to make the crust super flaky.” A bit of Crisco, with its higher smoking point, assists. After draping our bottom crusts into pie tins, we piled in the Honecycrisp, Gala and Granny Smith apples we’d peeled, sliced and tossed in cinnamon, sugar, lemon and Clear Jel, a powdered thickener with industry cache. A second crust went down, and Ricciardi and her assistant, Cynthia Jordan, moved down the line teaching their fold-and-crimp technique. After an egg wash and dusting of raw sugar, they moved our pies to the kitchen.. Over the next 45 minutes, the aroma of spices, baking crust and apples filled Magpie’s cozy interior. The staff served us coffee and pie — I had the silky lemon on a gingersnap crust charged with black pepper — and Ricciardi talked about her favorite flavors (sour cherry), the ghost that inhabits the shop’s vintage Chesterfield loveseat, her forthcoming book and the generations of female bakers in her family. It was her mother’s advice that stuck with me most the next morning when I slid a knife into my golden, double-crusted, tripleapple beauty: Pie is great for breakfast. Magpie is offering pie classes ($65) once a month and can also be rented for private pie-education parties. December is already sold out. Call the shop at 267-519-2904 to sign up. (adam.erace@citypaper.net)

BASEMENT BAP: Bento Tokyo dishes out serious Korean and Japanese fare in Suburban Station. NEAL SANTOS

[ underground eats ]

THE BELLY OF THE BEAST Exploring the depths of the subterranean food court at Suburban Station. By Caroline Russock panning the underground blocks between Arch and Commerce Streets, from City Hall to 18th Street, the subterranean corridors that make up Suburban Station (2 Penn Center) certainly do not live up to the grandeur of the building’s impressive Art Deco facade. Erected in 1930, this commuter hub connects SEPTA’s regional rail, Market-Frankford El, Broad Street Subway and trolley lines. Thousands of commuters pound its flickering, fluorescent-lit hallways every morning, noon and evening. The vibes in the station are nothing short of Brazil-esque, with hallways that seem to lead to More on: nowhere, seasonal-affective-disorder-inducing lighting and a post office that one could imagine deals exclusively with dead letters. But within this sprawling complex there are no fewer than 16 eateries ready to serve the commuters who begin and end their workdays at the station. Always in search of a hidden dining gem, we ventured into the belly of the beast, looking for a few unexpected winners in what appears to be a sea of monotony. First off, it’s worth a mention that Suburban Station is home to

citypaper.net

not one but three Dunkin’ Donuts, plus another one a block away at 15th and Chestnut. Understandable — who doesn’t need the occasional (or maybe daily) red-velvet latte plus a Boston Kreme rush before heading into the office? Less understandably, the Philly Soft Pretzel Factory also has multiple locations in the station — while the demand for morning coffee and donuts is a given, are there really that many folks stocking up on cheesesteakand buffalo-chicken-filled soft pretzels and cream-cheese dipping sauce in the morning? (Other giant-fast-food-chain options: Taco Bell, Au Bon Pain, Church’s Chicken, the prerequisite Subway, a Rita’s that operates seasonally and a McDonald’s.) Slices in Suburban come by way of Yunique, a tragically named pizza shop that only redeems itself by serving some topping combos that are, well, unique. How unique? Think slices topped with General Tso’s chicken. Far more enjoyable (and totally novel in a futuristic way) is the serve-yourself, fro-yo-meets-robot-rolledMORE FOOD AND sushi spot Yoshi (get it?). Individually DRINK COVERAGE wrapped pieces of nigiri are on offer in AT C I T Y P A P E R . N E T / varieties that include tuna, salmon, M E A LT I C K E T. shrimp and tamago (Japanese omelet) as well as cellophaned duos of spicy tuna and crab-salad maki. Also on the grab-and-go menu are the handheld, seaweed-wrapped triangular rice cakes known as onigiri, some of which are stuffed with a sweet, spicy and pleasantly fishy combo of caramelized kimchi and cooked tuna. Everything’s shockingly affordable, with >>> continued on page 48

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[ food & drink ]

✚ The Belly of the Beast <<< continued from page 47

Slices come by way of Yunique, a tragically named pizza shop.

HAPP Y THANKSGIVING!

3 COURSE LUNCH & DINNER SPECIALS AVAILABLE BYOB • Dine in • Take out • Free Delivery (limited area)

123 S. 23rd Street. 215-567-2542 See our website for special promotions: www.erawanphilly.com

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individual pieces and rolls going for $1.19 to $2.59. And there’s the novelty factor: You can watch your sushi lunch being tamped into perfect little molds by the SVR-BRX, an automated sushi robot on display in the store’s side window. Plus, there’s the bonus of rounding out your lunch with a cup of sea salt-caramel yogurt topped with everything from Cookie Crisp to chewy Japanese mochi. After making our way through many of these underground eateries, we have to say that Bento Tokyo has got them all beat by miles. The warm dining room (yes, there’s a dining room) is paneled with light wood and Japanese curtains. The staff is friendly and the menu is a well-executed amalgamation of Japanese and Korean favorites like bibimbap (sesame-seasoned mixed vegetables over rice), soon doo boo (a soft-tofu-kimchi stew), soba (buckwheat noodles) served warm or cold, katsu (breaded cutlets served with rice and miso soup) and some killer lunch specials that max out at $7. In a sea of fast-food chains, there are a few more healthful respites in the concourse. The first is Enerjuicer, a smoothie counter that buzzes up green juices and protein-spiked shakes. But the more exciting and commuterfriendly innovation at the station happens on Thursdays from noon to 6:30 p.m., when the Rineer Family Farm of Pequea, Pa., sets up tables brimming with locally grown fruits, vegetables, grass-fed beef, free-range chicken, pork and rainbow trout. Along with gorgeous stalks of Brussels sprouts, green curly kale, red beets and parsnips, the family also sells jars of pickles and preserves canned by owner Darryl Rineer’s mother. They range from salsa and applesauces to sweet and dill pickles and a kale-and-cabbage sauerkraut. Emily Rohrer of Rineer told us that during warmer months, their Saturday stands at outdoor locations like Rittenhouse and Chestnut Hill are plenty busy, but when the weather turns cool, their underground farm stand does a much more brisk business. Along with a solid following of commuter regulars, Rohrer explains, “The rain helps us out a lot. And when it’s cold outside, people prefer to do their shopping indoors.” Of course, there’s something to be said about picking up a haul of locally grown produce, good for the week, minutes before hopping on your nightly train home. Thanksgiving shoppers take note: Rineer will be open on Wednesday, Nov. 27, for all of your holiday vegetable needs. Oh, and if browsing bunches of dinosaur kale and small-production honey isn’t your preferred way of passing time before getting on the Lansdale/Doylestown train, it’s worth a mention that PC’s Restaurant has a pretty decent selection of beers (think Troeg’s Mad Elf, Victory Storm King and Dogfish Head 60 Minute) available to take out or sip in-house till 6 p.m. (caroline@citypaper.net)

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EOZ\cb Ab`SSb Â&#x2019; # !& &!! C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | N O V E M B E R 2 1 - N O V E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 3 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

merchandise market

33&45 RECORDS HIGHER $ Really Paid

**Bob610-532-9408***

apartment marketplace

33 & 45 Records Absolute Higher $ BRAZILIAN FLOORING 3/4", beautiful, $2.75 sf (215) 365-5826 CABINETS KITCHEN SOLID WOOD Brand new soft close/dovetail drawers, Full Overlay, Incl. Crown, Never Installed! Cost $5,300. Sell $1,590. 610-952-0033 DIABETIC TEST STRIPS NEEDED. Pay up to $30/box. Most brands. 610.453.2525

***215-200-0902*** Coins, Currency, Slot Cars, Trains

QUEEN VILLAGE 2br/1ba $1100 Recently Renovated, 215-574-9223

Wynnewood Rd 2BR $650/mo 3 mo & credit check. (215)871-0512

20xx Brandywine 1BR $900 3rd flr, avl now, smk free. 610.908.9330

Balwynne Park 2BR $860+utils W/D, C/A, W/W. Call 215-219-6409

Call Local Higher Buyer - 7 Days/Wk

Dr. Sonnheim 856-981-3397 I Buy Anything Old...Except People! Military, toys, dolls etc Al 215.698.0787 JUNK CARS WANTED We buy Junk Cars. Up to $300 215-888-8662

Har Nebo - 2 cemetery plots side by side asking $1,050 for both, 215.327.1002

2xx S 57th St. 1 or 2 BR $700-$800 + util. $2000 to move in. 215-476-5885 S 28th St. 1BR/1BA $650 1st flr, Newly remodeled, 267-588-5403 S PHILA 2BR/ 1BA $845 Heat incl. No pets. 856-858-4830.

Bed brand new Q pillowtop matt set $175; 5pc bdrm set $399 215-355-3878 Samsung Refrigerator, stainless steel side by side. Best offer. 215-726-8817

2013 Hot Tub/Spa. Brand New! 6 person w/lounger, color lights, waterfall, Cover, 110V or 220V, Never installed. Cost $7K Ask $2990. Can deliver 610-952-0033

To learn more or to find the right person for your job, visit your local partner at philly.com/monster

everything pets

26xx Island Ave 2br $780+utils renov, w/w, w/d, storage, 1 car garage & off st prkg, 2+1, Sec 8, 267.259.8449

Please be aware Possession of exotic/wild animals may be restricted in some areas.

German Shepherd Pups AKC, Familyraised, $800-1000 BLK/Tan & Sables 215529-7935

German Shepherd Pups-AKC, OSA, DNA, Champ pedigree, lrg boned, sec quality Call 609.351.3205 Golden Retriever, 6 weeks,

1, 2, 3, 4 BEDROOM

40TH/FAIRMOUNT AVE 1BR $540 2nd flr, refrig, own gas/elec 1+1 mo rent. 267-258-6924 & 215-222-2403

4617 NORTH BROAD ST 2br $765 Renov 215-324-9592, 215-229-2433 50XX N 10th St. 2BR $635 1st/last/sec $1760 move in 267.259.8759

52nd & Master 1br $575+utils new reno, No pets, 1+1, 215.747.8150

1447 Sparks 2BR/1BA $750+utils Duplex, reno 215.416.2757/ 267.271.6601

53rd and Chestnut 2BR $625 + 2 mnths + utils. 1st flr. 610-220-2324

59th & Christian 2BR $785 1 mo rent, 1 mo security. 610.416.0026

Beautiful large boned, broad head, 5m, 5f, shots & wormed, vet checked, excellent health. Sire & Dam on premises. Country raised, well socialized. $1,200.00 (215) 234-4425 Dni19450@verizon.net

Nr Cobbs Creek Pk Duplex: Sm br $450+utls, lg br $560+utls., Xcln, like new, hw flrs, cl to trans 215-880-0612

RAGDOLL KITTENS: Beautiful, melt in your arms, homeraised, 1st shots. Call 610.731.0907

LAB PUPS 100% GUAR. READY NOW MUST COME SEE!!! 215-768-4344

West Philadelphia 1BR/2BR $650 + up Newly Renovated. Call 215-284-7944 W. Phila. Apts for 62 & older, brand new eff, 1 & 2BR units. Call 215.386.4791

2xx Berkley 2BR $700+utils. New renov, furn and/or unfurn. Sect 8 & other programs ok. 215-713-9002 5220 Wayne Ave Studio & 1BR on site lndry, 215-525-5800 Lic# 507568 Corner of Wissahicken & Chelten Av 1br & 2br Sec 8 appvd 215-843-4481 GREENE & HARVEY-Fall Special LUXURY GARDEN TYPE 1BR’S Newly decor’d, w/w, g/d, a/c, laundry & cable on premises, off st prkg. Nr transp. 215-275-1457/233-3322

Johnson St. 1 & 2 BR $675-$845 Spacious, on site laundry, heat incl, PHA Vouchers Accepted, 215.966.9371 MT. AIRY 2BR/1BA $1250+ in restored mansion w/ fp, modern kit, c/a, w/d, off st. parking, 215-849-4343

Penn Valley-Tower at Oak Hill 1BR/1BA $1050/mo. All ammenties & utils, on site exercise rm. Avail 11/15. 610-296-5766

10xx Oaklane - Private entrance, clean kitchen, $420/mo. 215-287-2424 19th & Erie $90/week, private bath, SSI ok. No Drugs. Call 215-920-6394

21st & Allegheny - Large rooms starting at $350/month. Call 215-834-4445 1201 W. Chelten Ave. 1BR $635 + utils Lg, 2mo. sec., avail now. 215.287.1303 21xx Eastburn Ave. 1BR $595+util. Ref. $1800 move in. 215.424.1363 6172 LIMEKILN PIKE 2BR $750 Renov. 215-324-9592, 215-229-2433 71xx N 20th St. 2BR $730+Utils 1st floor Duplex, 2+1. Call 215-410-6907 Broad Oaks 1BR & 2BR Lndry rm. Special Discount! 215-681-1723

2435 W. Jefferson St. Rooms: $350/mo. Move in fee: $525. Call 215-913-8659 33rd & Ridge Ave. $100-125/week. Large renovated furnished rooms near Fairmount Park & bus depot. (267) 712-9893

4508 N. Broad St. Rooms: $400/mo. Move in fee: $600. Call 215-913-8659 53xx N. Broad St. furn, Room & Apt. fridge, 27" TV, A/C. 480.822.7472 Erie Ave. Nice, furn, fridge, micro, quiet, $90 wk., $270 sec. dep. (609) 703-4266

4645 Penn St. Lg 1BR $650. gas/wtr inc. 215-781-8072 4840 Oxford Ave Studio, 1BR, 2BR. Ldry, 24/7 cam lic#214340 215.525.5800 Harrison St. 1BR $550 Studio $475. 917.837.6316/215.983.1026

42xx Levick St 1BR/1BA $$650/mth + util. Near trans, shopping $1950 move-in (267) 496-6637

45xx Bodine St. 2BR/1BA $650/mo. large yard, good parking 215-519-5437 5957 Malta St 3br/1ba $875 Row home, Sec 8 OK. 267-991-2825 Fox Chase/Chandler 2BR $850-$900 1st/2nd flr W/D hkup, bsmt, 215.785.0819 LAWNDALE 1BR/1BA $635 +utils, balcony, A/C. Call 609-408-9298

Frankford area from $100 & up/week per person Util. incl. 215-432-5637 FRANKFORD , Newly renov, nicely furnished, A/C, W/D, cable, clean, safe & secure. Call (267) 253-7764

Germantown Area: NICE, cozy rooms. Private entry. No drugs. (267)988-5890 Hunting Park Area $110/wk. Large room, share kitchen & bath. 215-668-6826 Logan: $75 - $125/week Everything included. 215-500-6789 Mt Airy 61xx Chew Ave, W. Phila 42xx Girard Ave. $85-$125/wk. 215.242.9124

NICETOWN Large clean room w/cable, Micro & fridge, $110/wk. 215-225-5680 N. Phila. $75 & up. SSI & Vets + ok, drug free. Avail immed. 215-763-5565 N. Phila. Temple Hosp. renov., kitchen, cable, $105/week, 267-972-6716

GERMANshepherdPUPS8wks$600 UNREGISTEREDfamilyraisedSHOTSdewor md.chippdSWEET(610)-335-6709

Labrador Retriever Pups, AKC, field trial bred, health guarantee. Ready for Xmas. Shots & Wormed 609.374.1055 Pekingese Puppies (1) 6mo, $249. (4) 8 wks $395. Gorgeous. Call 215-579-1922 Rednose Pitbull Terrier Puppies - $200 12 weeks, Call 267.584.3282 SCOTTY PUPS, AKC, Black, Mrs Beasley bloodline, fam raised 8 wks 610.705.3322 Yorkie Puppies AKC Ready now. Call 717-278-0932

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ENGLISH BULLDOG PUPPIES 4 month, papers, $1100. 215-696-5832

30th & Dauphin vic, Effic New reno, 3rd flr, 267.975.4602, 32xx W Huntingdon 2BR $850+utils lg 2nd flr, HDWD Flrs, 2+1, 215.463.2403 Broad & Allegheny 2BR/2BA quiet secure building. 267.258.2635

FURNISHED APTS Laundry-Parking 215-223-7000

Kittens: Cute, Adorable, Mixed indoor breed, $50 each. 267.977.3793 No Txt

Cocker Spaniel puppies ACA reg. $295 each 717-862-3140 photos at www.LancasterPuppies.com

2XXX W. Oakdale St 3BR/1BA $900.00 Sec 8 ok Must see (215) 771-2068

Island Ave & Lindbergh Blvd. 2BR $800 +Utils LR, DR, KItchen. 610.586.3725

42xx Mantua Ave. 3BR/1BA $750/mo. w/d hook up, porch, yard 215-519-5437

pets/livestock

18xx Venango 2br $650 + utils 2nd flr, near Temp Hosp. 267-339-1662

78XX Fayette St 2nd Fl 1BR/1BA $650.00 carpet,yard,must see. (215) 771-2068

Glenolden 1BR / 1BA $700 heat & H20 incl, nr train. 917.406.2868 42xx Wallace 1BR $725 +Utils New Reno, 2+1, sec sys, 267.528.4121

Apartment Homes $650-$895 www.perutoproperties.com 215.740.4900

DOMINO LN 1 & 2BR $750-$895 Renov., parking, d/w, near shopping & dining, 1ST MONTH FREE! 215-500-7808

63xx Gardenia St., 1BR/1BA, $700+utils w/w, drug free, near trans, 215.266.1034

South Phila., 1200 S. 26th: newly renov, spacious, prvt. kitchen. 215-966-2765 Wallingford 1BR $900+utils Luxury Crum Creek Valley condo, den, A/C, W/D, pool, tennis, no pets, sec. sys. credit check. 610.399.8491

S. PHILA - $100/week. Immediately avail. Call 267.688.7802 SW $250-$390/mo. Utilities incl. SSI ok. 267-266-4904

apartment marketplace

Delphine St. 4BR/1.5BA newly renov., Section 8 ok 215.681.7690

7262 N. 20th St 3BR/1.5BA Corner lot, hdwd flrs, mirror in LR. Call 856-740-9417 or 215-924-4459 SW Phila: Large room in pvt house, free parking, no pets, security, references, $165/wk, SHARE NOTHING, med $150 small $130. Shared bath, 215.724.4567 SW Phila - Newly renov, close to transp. $100/wk. 1st wk FREE!! 267-628-7454

Upper Darby Dplx (2) BR $479 + 1/3 util. Avail. Kit, W/D, C/A, 610-734-1857 WEST OAKLANE $110/wk. Furn, a/c, pvt entrance. Call 215-205-2437 W Phila & G-town: Newly ren, Spacious clean & peaceful, SSI ok, 267.255.8665

Ford F- 350 1977 $3500 Dump truck, Low boy, New pumps for dump & Master Cylinder, 610.329.3152

homes for rent

4XX Fitzgerald St. 2BR/1BA $1100 New: Kitchen, Appl., Granite, C/Air, Hardwood, Back Yard, Porch. (267) 210-5810

Dodge Grand Caravan 2003 $1400/bo Sport, 187K, May trade, Minor body work, 8 pass, 267-975-4483

D Street, Large 3BR, $695/mo. Also incl large lot, Sec 8 ok. 215.681.8018

Ford Explorer Luxury 4 door 2004 Fully equipped, A/C, too nice to trade in, sac less than book value $4975, 215.922.2165

KENSINGTON 3bd/1.5 ba $700 Newly renovated 215-836-1960 KENSINGTON 3br/1ba $750 Entirely renov, Sec 8 ok. 215-852-8543

2BR 3BR Houses Sec. 8 Welcome Beautifully renovated Call (267)981-2718

4xx S. 57th St. 4BR/1BA Newly renov throughout, C/A, D/W, W/D, Section 8 ok. 215-605-8747

24xx Master St 5br 1.5ba $1000/mo+ util new paint, new flrs, bsmt, rear yard Sec. 8 ok 215-888-8662

Darby / Collingdale area TH. 2BR/1BA close to trans & shopping. Sect 8 may apply. 1 mo free if sign by 12/1. 267.275.7891 johnsonestate1@gmail.com SHARON HILL 2BR Ranch fin bsmt, new ren, sec 8 ok 610.864.6033

Collegeville 3BR/2.5BA $1700/mo New, LR/DR/FR, avl 12/1. 917.971.7384 LANSDALE 3BR/2BA $1150/mo+ LR, DR, FR, Avail 12/1, 917-971-7384

BMW 2008 M3 Convertible. Black w/ Tan int, 30k mi, $34,000. 610.705-3322 Cadillac DTS 2006 $14,000 48K mi, mint condition. 610-642-6734

Hyundai Tucson 2012 $20,999 Mint cond, loaded, 29K, 484.681.1287 Mercedes 2005 SLK Convertible. Silver, gar kept, 30K mi, $21,995. 610.705-3322 Porsche Cayenne 2006, Twin Turbo S, excellent condition. 520 HP, only 1 of 600 sent to U.S., 57,935 miles, $38,500 with 1 year warranty. Call 609-670-8107

International DT 4700 1998 $5000 Reefer $6000, Manuel W/air brakes, Good condition. Call 856.426.8172

Ford T-bird 1965 $19,500 Red, Convert, PB/PS, Runs Great, gar kept, Downsizing 609.500.8330

TEMPLE UNIVERSITY 1637 Edgley St. 3BR, $1350/mo. W/D, backyard, bsmnt, PHA ok. Call 267-767-8972

Temp Hosp area 3/4BR Sngl Fam Avail Now. Move in Special 215-386-4792 We Buy Junk Cars! Top Paid! $500 & Up! Call Now!!! (215) 783-6919

49xx N Fairhill 2BR/1BA Near trans, Sec 8 ok, 610.337.2244 5929 N 3rd St, Northeast, 3BR/1BA Beau cond, new paint, hardwood floors, no pets, $850 plus, Jimmy (215) 920-8397

GMC 1500 1995 $1750 Pick up, Auto, 4x4, Ext cab, 215.620.9383

MAZDA Protege ’95 runs gd, great price, ex mpg $1500. 215-491-9961 OLDSMOBILE SILHOUETTE 2002 $2750 Minivan. Call 610-667-3863

West Phila 1br- 6br $800+ Sec. 8 housing. w/w, h/w, w/d, Call 267-773-8265

214 N Simpson, 3BR/1BA, $775+utils Credit Check, 215.464.9371

Ford Windstar SE 2000 $1850 Auto, New Insp, Runs new, 215-620-9383

Hyundai 2003 Luxury Sante Fe 4 Door SUV, W/sunroof, AAA carfax, certified few original miles, to nice to trade in, quick private sale, $3975, 215-627-1814 46xx Worth 2BR 1BA $750+Utils Pvt yard, New reno, Sec 8, 267-614-1663

A1 PRICES FOR JUNK CARS FREE TOW ING , Call (215) 726-9053

➤

market place

Chevy Trailblazer EXT 2004 $3,975 3rd row lthr, roof & clean, 267-592-0448.

8XX E.Westmoreland 4BR/1.5BA $800 Freshly painted. Porch, backyard, hardwood, nice location (267) 210-5810

automotive 14xx S. 56th St. 3BR House $900/mo New reno w/ garage, 215-476-9081 66xx Guyer 3Br / 1Ba $800+Utils Encl front porch, Best street in SW "Landlord that Cares" Mark 610.764.9739/Keisha 215.207.5544 South West Phila 2BR /3BR House "Modern." Elmwood Area. 215.726.8817

Cad Convert 1969 $2,400 New top, rugs, etc. 215-920-0929

Dodge Durango SLT 1998 $1850 All Pwrs, 4x,4 3rd Seat, 215-620-9383

UPPER DARBY 3BR $1275 Call 610-642-5655 17xx S. Orianna 3BR/1.5BA $1250+Utils Granite counter tops, HDWD Flrs, C/A, Bsmnt, Quiet Area, 2+1, 215.870.5134

low cost cars & trucks

Pontiac Grand Am 2000 $2350 Auto, AC, 131K, CD, insp. 215-917-2945 Pontiac Grand Prix GTP 1998 $1850 All Pwrs, 114k, Runs New, 215-620-9383 SAAB 9-3 SE Convert. 2002 $3,150 gar. kept, excl. cond. 856-858-8899 Saturn Ion 2007 $1750 4 door, auto, loaded, clean, 215.280.4825 Volkswagen luxury 4 door Passat station wagon 2003 Too good to trade in. Owner sac. TODAY $3985. 215-922-6113 Volkswagen Passat 2003 Too good to trade in. Owner sac. TODAY $3985. 215-922-6113 Volkswagen Super Beetle 2002 Too good to trade in. Owner sacrafice. TODAY $4975. 215-922-6113 Anytime.

Volvo S70 1998 $1850 All pwrs, 121K, new Insp, 215-620-9383 Volvo XC70 Cross Country ’04 $4,200 Wht, turbo, roof, lthr, cln, 267-592-0448.

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jobs

ADOPTION

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ADOPTION: Childless, loving couple pray to adopt. Stay at home mom, successful dad, great dogs & devoted grandparents. Legally alowed expenses paid. Bill & Debbie 800-311-6090.

Help Wanted – General

Talk with caring agency specializing in matching Birthmothers with Families Nationwide. LIVING EXPENSES PAID. Call 24/7 Abby’s One True Gift Adoptions. 866413-6293. Void in Illinois/New Mexico/Indiana

GORDON TRUCKING

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C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | N O V E M B E R 2 1 - N O V E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 3 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

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[ comic ]

✚ ACROSS 1 6 9 12 13 14 16 18 19 20 21 22 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 35 36 37 38 39 42 43 44 46

“___ luego” Rule opposed by Gandhi Raptor pack? Crop-eating pest Rain-___ (gumball brand) The Alfred P. ___ Foundation (nonprofit institution) “Shame, that” Beer with a blue ribbon logo Comeback hit of 1988 “___ like caviar...” (Marilyn Monroe quote) Long beginning? In an outmoded sense “___ for ‘yak’” Sign of family leadership, maybe “___ Beso” (1962 hit) High-capacity vehicle? Penn in NYC, e.g. One of 140 characters, often Recipe amount Like most dishware Article in Acapulco Wrapped up “Deck the Halls” contraction Many of St. Benedict’s monks Walgreen’s competitor Less tacky Shakers founder “Let’s build something together” retailer

47 Item where the middle is auto matically marked 50 “It’s ___ Unusual Day” 51 First name in Ugandan dictatorship 52 Theo of Sons of Anarchy 53 Existed 54 Bono ___ (U2 lead, early on) 55 City of the Ruhr River Valley

✚ DOWN 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 14 15 17 20 23 24 25 29 32

Iowa City squad Pithy writer Closes, as a deal Michael’s brother “Battlestar Galactica” role Possible result of a sacrifice PC key She once sat with Barbara and Whoopi Prizes awarded since 1901 “Fawlty Towers” character Full of fidgets Like “the house of tomorrow” Blazing Saddles villain Hedley City claiming the world’s smallest park Private economy spending gap Frustrated with “Jump!” response Andy’s TV relative Violin attachment Ditch

33 All there is 34 Submitted, as completed homework 35 Worry after a bite 37 Way to count quicker 39 Show with episodes “Petticoat Injunction” and “His Suit is Hirsute” 40 Enticing smell 41 Make noise at night 45 Cpls., e.g. 47 Last name in color schemes? 48 Words before a kiss 49 Turn down

LAST WEEK’S SOLUTION

N O V E M B E R 2 1 - N O V E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 3 | C I T Y PA P E R . N E T

Show us your Philly. Submit snapshots of the City of Brotherly Love, however you see it, at: citypaper.net/photostream

[ i love you, i hate you ] To place your FREE ad (100 word limit) ➤ email lovehate@citypaper.net BOOT LICKERS1 Shut the fuck up already...you talk too fucking much! Why the fuck are you boot licking again, who gives a flying fucking for-real, for-real. I hate hearing your voice! Why must your mouth keep running 3 miles an hour and you’re not even saying shit. I hate you just because of your mouth! Can you eat a dick or a pussy any more than what you are doing right now! Do us all a favor, get a fucking life and shut up already!

face, gives you West Nile Virus, and you die a slow death, you filthy pig. May your pathetic life give you years of emptiness.

LEAVE ALREADY It’s been a year and a half since I found out what you did...and I think that you still ain’t right and that I am probably dragging out something that going to end eventually anyway. I have never known the type of selfishness and bulltshit from people who claim to love me as I have since I have been dedicated to my

bag was left: 1. We had a meeting and was told not to pick up bags, 2. Bag is damp at bottom and might burst, 3. Bag is tied and we don’t know what’s it (I tied it to keep people from placing their trash in bag). So, you’re telling me that you open every green plastic trash bag during pickups, and examine contents. Do you leave green plastic bags with holes left by stray cats and dogs, because you fear they might burst? Your reasonings for not picking up bags wouldn’t hold in court, because during summer months you clean lots overloading brown bags with feces, glass, leaves, garbage, tree limbs etc. WHAT,

I LOVED YOU... I thought about you and me together and I couldn’t help to try to remember what it was that we really had! I couldn’t believe what you did and I think that I will never get over the fact that you did what what you did. I remember how I felt when you went away... the pictures of you with the other girl. But then I look at my children and I try to let your shit go! I have to let it go because you are no longer a part of my life. I am glad that you finally took the hint and stopped calling. I am happy at the life I have now.

I WAS LOOKIN’ This goes to the cute-ass guy on Thursday that I saw in the front of my building while at work! I looked at you and you said hi and I said hi! You’re a delivery guy or driver or something! You said you knew me and my brother..I said yeah...I am sorry I didn’t give you my card..cause I kept smiling..I hope I see you again. You’re complexion and my complexion looks so fucking hot together mixed! I wish that I had my card on me so that I could give it to you...I hope I see you again! Damn! My bad.

INSIDE ASSHOLE To the filty pig who spit on the floor inside the Convention Center. It wasn’t bad enough you had to spit your virus-infested phelgm on the floor, it was worse that a Convention Center employee saw you, said something to you. Instead of apologizing to him, you kept walking and actually had the nerve to say “Fuck You.” I know you don’t read this, in fact I’m sure you can’t read, but I hope that some bird shits on your

I know you have wondered why no woman has ever stayed with you. It is because you have created havoc on these woman and their/your children. No other explanation is needed but for the fact that you have no feelings for mankind. Deny it to your grave..then no other woman will fall victim to your schemes, be it for their money, their sanity, their children, your children..for you are evil. How you became this way is not a mystery. Perhaps something in your early past has made you this way? Continue on with your quest. I will never believe you. So sad, you could have had a wonderful, exciting, and mind-blowing life. You never knew me. You blew it away with woman who truly loved you. Puff

SCHOOL LUST

I MISS YOU miss you so much! You used to live in 1008 where I worked. I was your maintenance man. You had me do work on the side for you. I thought you were so beautiful,I would have done it all for free. I hate that I froze when you dropped your towel and stood naked before me, I wish I could go back and pull you tightly into my arms and make love to you any and every way you like it. Of all my years I have never felt so strong for someone, not even my wife. We were friends, but I wanted more. I was just scared to take that leap, and I regret it. You are 13 years my senior, but you look so young and healthy. I love that you were a yoga instructor, I bet the sex would have been amazing and downright crazy. It’s been a few years since you moved, and I still think about you everyday. Whenever the clock hits 10:08 I instinctively look at the time and think of you. I wish I could see you, and hear your voice again. Until then, I’ll see you in my dreams...

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621 SOUTH 4TH ST. 215 922 7384 IN THE MIDDLE OF TATTOO ROW, AND STILL 1 family. You make me feel like I’ve wasted my time and that love, like in the movies, only exist in the movies. I wish I was brave enough to end it when I found out, but I know now that I don’t “need” you like I did before...you don’t really want to be here anyway, so it’d probably be best if you just left - nobody will fault either of us at this point for not staying.

PLAIN MINDLESS So, when was your lame Sorry Sanitation of Street Department going to inform taxpayers that you’re not picking up brown lawn bags? My bag was labeled TRASH, neatly packed, and less than 30 pounds. Your workers had numerous Shitty excuses on why

YOU HIRE A LEPRECHAUN TO SEPARATE LEAVES FROM TRASH? I don’t think so. So one minute you want me to save the earth, another minute you want me to use plastic and ruin it. The following day on the 500 block of North 15th Street I spotted three brown Lowe bags left by homeowners, but not picked up sanitation workers. Bags were neither wet nor tied shut, however one bag was overloaded by citizen that decided to unload trash from car, and then make a quick getaway. Next time Meeting of the Mindless make a decision please post in newspaper, on radio, and on news. Inform us like you do when you want us to vote for your sorry asses during election time.

I get to show you off. This is an article in the series about my affections for my professor. Here I am, a year later, still lusting for this older man. But things are different from my previous writing. Now, I am no longer a student, no longer attached, and no longer responsible for causing my idol any problem. I waited for a year and a half for you. My feelings lasted through boyfriends and one night stands. It’s only now I can put the last year of hints and secret messages into order. My obsession was not onesided. I fantasize for professor and he for me! And now we can be together. And we are. At least once a day! I thought the most I could get was a few lays but you’ve blown me away, taking me out, spending nights-and days-together. I don’t know where this is going, but I’m glad we’ve finally gotten our chance. When I fuck you, I picture you teaching class. Here’s to unspeakable passion.

SICK TO MY STOMACH The thought of you is nauseating, your name leaves a volatile taste in my mouth. I thought one day I’d have a second chance but I realized you’ve never even given me a first. All you were ever concerned about was getting laid, despite both of our significant others and my resistance. Every time I tried to talk about how I feel you just kept trying to seduce me. I wish I could tie you to a chair, duct tape your mouth shut, and tell you how I feel now. You’re a pompous, self projecting, selfish little prick. Did all of those hurtful things you said to me make you feel better about yourself? I can’t believe I wasted even a heartbeat on you. The only thing I have to thank you for is helping me realize how much of a great guy I have and how ashamed I am of what we did, I’m haunted by it daily. Tell me, did you care about your girlfriend that you complained about constantly when you were fucking me? Because you sure did care when she dumped you. Real men settle down, little boys play around. Stop bragging about how you can make a lesbian cum and grow up little boy.

✚ ADS ALSO APPEAR AT CITYPAPER.NET/lovehate. City Paper has the right to re-publish “I Love You, I Hate You”™ ads at the publisher’s discretion. This includes re-purposing the ads for online publication, or for any other ancillary publishing projects.

C I T Y PA P E R . N E T | N O V E M B E R 2 1 - N O V E M B E R 2 7 , 2 0 1 3 | P H I L A D E L P H I A C I T Y PA P E R |

[ C I T Y PA P E R ]

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