High-Rising Costs

EGREGIOUS ENVIRONMENTALISM

In looking at forgeries, it really comes down to the fingerprinting, the chemistry behind it.

BYRON GATES // SFU PROFESSOR

The situation in this country is a disaster that will have devastating economic consequences [ . . . ] jobs will be lost, and we will be economic losers in the 21st century.

RADOSLAV

DIMITROV

SFU ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR

THE NEXT PANDEMIC?

“This show stayed in my mind for six years… It’s just magical, it’s spiritual, it’s uplifting, it’s endearing.”

“It is breathtaking! I am walking away deeply inspired and profoundly moved!”

“Reclaiming the divinely inspired cultural heritage of China… I encourage everyone to see and all of us to learn from.”

“Really out of this world!

The words to describe it might be ‘divine,’ ‘reborn,’ and ‘hope.’ See it to believe it!”

“Spiritually uplifting. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience and you must not miss it!”

“The 8th wonder of the world! Go see it to believe it.”

Quebec Grand Theatre in Quebec, Canada | Jan 31, 2023

Théâtre de Beaulieu in Lausanne, Switzerland | Jan 14, 2023

Shinjuku Bunka Center in Tokyo, Japan | Jan 24, 2023

Jones Hall in Houston, US | Dec 30,2022

—Donna Karan, fashion designer

—Joe Heard, former White House photographer

—Christine Walevska, “Goddess of the Cello”

—Kalpana Pandit, actress

—Coral Drouyn, theatre critic —Rita Cosby, Emmy Award-winning journalist

REGIONAL ASSEMBLY OF TEXT

3934 Main St., Vancouver

Monday–Saturday 11:00 a.m.–6:00 p.m.

Sunday 12:00 p.m.–5:00 p.m.

This is an adorable stationery store and a must-visit if you’re a fan of stationery. The store may be small, but it’s packed with all sorts of unique stationery, which can also be bought from their online shop. From hand-bound notebooks to quirky greeting cards, there’s something for every pen and paper lover. As many of the products are made by regional designers and artists, every purchase you make helps to support Vancouver’s creative scene. The store is also a refuge for writers; you can let your imagination run free in the pleasant writing room located in the back of the shop. The Regional Assembly of Text is an ideal location to get away from city life and work on your writing. Trust me, you’ll leave feeling inspired and creatively rejuvenated.

KIN KAO COMMERCIAL DR.

903 Commercial Dr., Vancouver

Monday–Sunday 5:00 p.m.–10:00 p.m.

Appetizers $8–15, entrées $15–25, sharing plates up to $30

Kin Kao is a quaint eatery tucked away in the bustle of Commercial Drive, and it’s quickly becoming a local favourite. Their authentic, delectable dishes will take your taste buds to Thailand. From traditional dishes like pad thai to crispy pork belly, the menu offers a variety of dishes to satisfy whatever you’re craving. I highly recommend trying the Thai tea oldfashioned. It incorporates the traditional ingredients of an old-fashioned cocktail — whisky, bitters, and sugar — with the distinctive and subtly sweet flavour of Thai tea. The restaurant is compact so it can get busy during prime times, but it’s worth the wait to experience the amazing food and cozy atmosphere. They also offer takeout options.

THE ARBOR

3941 Main St., Vancouver

Thursday–Monday 11:30 a.m.–10:00 p.m.

Small plates $8–20, entrées $14–26

If you’re on the lookout for some delicious vegetarian and vegan cuisine, you definitely need to check out this charming restaurant. Their menu features a variety of options, ranging from fresh salads and sandwiches to hearty mains like vegan mac and cheese and mushroom risotto. The Arbor is an ideal place for a romantic date night or a casual supper with friends because of its warm, laid-back atmosphere. The staff makes you feel at home as soon as you enter by always being warm and accommodating. Prices at the restaurant are close to what most Vancouver’s casual dining places typically charge. You can place orders for pickup over the phone or through the restaurant’s website or you can order through food-delivery apps like DoorDash and SkipTheDishes.

VINTAGE POSTCARD WRITING WORKSHOP

BOYIZM | IN MY BODY: A DANCE EXPLORATION OF AGING

PARADISE OR THE IMPERMANENCE OF ICE CREAM

Without the history, the rivalry can die really quick.

I enjoyed too many sports to be the type of person to put their whole life into a single sport.

VICTOR RADOCAJ SFU MEN’S BASKETBALL PLAYER

Botch was a true storyteller. You didn’t have to watch a single Canucks game in your life to read Botch’s work and feel confident that you knew the full story.

AWAY GAMES

MAR 7–11

SWIMMING at the National Collegiate Athletic Association Championships (NCAA)

» All of the six qualifying swimmers were unable to compete due to SFU’s failure to comply with a “participation bylaw”

» Men’s and women’s teams placed 14th and eighth, respectively last year

MAR 10–11

TRACK AND FIELD at NCAA Indoor Championships (all day)

» Men’s and women’s teams placed 12th last year

MAR 10–11

SAT MAR 11

MEN’S WRESTLING at NCAA Division II Wrestling Championships (all day)

» Wrestler Taniela FelicianoTakafua will be the sole representative for SFU after his third-place finish at regionals

SOFTBALL vs Western Washington at 12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m.

» Third and fourth consecutive game against Western Washington

SUN MAR 12

SOFTBALL vs Western Washington at 12:00 p.m. and 2:00 p.m.

» On the road against Western Oregon for the next four games

Duo-ble Trouble

The reflection pond is going to waste

SFU koi have something to say

WRITTEN BY NERCYA KALINO

Duo disaster with Canvas

Dear SFU,

One would think that the reflection pond has a sense of purpose, considering its name. I have never come across such oblivious humans in this concrete confinement I’m obliged to call home. As the oldest fish in this pond, I find it baffling — almost jaw dropping — at how the students in this university seem to be unaware of the purpose of the reflection pond. It’s in the name!

I don’t get that many visitors, you know. No one wants to talk about how they feel, or even just come out and sit in silence looking back at the reflection of their images casted on the serene, still water. I will say this: as I’m getting closer to kicking the bucket, I find that my skills as a master of self-reflection are quite redundant. I didn’t ask for this, you know. I just wanted to be like the rest of the fish with no worries — except for plastics in our waters — but no! I was given this job to listen to a person’s thoughts . . . and when the moon is full, I ought to pray to it as a way of helping. I am special! But what is it good for if none of you brave opening up to me?

And don’t get me started on why the Avocado is a waste of space! Just the most useless statue among the rest. It is ludicrous that everyone is in love with the Avocado. People have reflected more on its existence than they have pondered my glorious presence. I used to wonder what the fuss was all about. One day, out of curiosity, I leapt out of the water and landed on the pavement. Yes, I risked my life to unveil this mystery. I stared hard at the Avocado and thought to myself, “I don’t understand these people — this is pathetic.” Before I knew it, raccoons thought I was dinner and scrambled towards me! Luckily, my old friend, Crow the Might, pushed me back into the water. I was bedridden for weeks before I could comfortably swim again. How I loathe the Avocado. Yet, you would rather stare at that thing and ask each other the least philosophical questions.

Let me tell you who among you is the most perceptive. The daycare children! Every once in a while we hold a festival for them as they walk on by. We gather at the pathway and cheer at the bumbling creatures. The children smile and applaud at our performance! They gather at the edges of the water. Some of them receive insightful foundations of self-consciousness. You can see the glimmer in their eyes when they find themselves within the reflection of the water. We call them the beholden ones. They are my favourite, because they appreciate my existence. You students, on the other hand, leave me speechless. You would think that maybe the professors are not the same. This is true, but not in the way you think. They gossip, I can tell by their laughs. They cackle and snort as they walk around the pond during their breaks. They call it, “Getting some fresh air!” Ha. Here in the pond, we call them chatterboxes. Like a radio, you simply have it on for background noise.

As for you students, we do not have a definite name for you yet. Sometimes, we call you “zombies” because of your eye bags, to others we call, “happy litterers” but that’s a smaller demographic. On good days, we call you strangers because never have we seen you look back at yourself from the pond. Maybe you ought to give it a try. Screw this place.

Diving back into the ocean floor,

An Angry Koi

ILLUSTRATION: Raissa Sourabh / The Peak

SFU’s latest Canvas update has students and profs fighting for their lives. The new feature brings the worst of popular language app Duolingo to motivate the way students study and get their work done. Casey Aoibheann Doyle, a third year Criminology student, can’t take it anymore. If you ask me, her story is not a hoot . . .

Upon opening her laptop, Casey is prompted to say “hello” to Duo, the iconic and notoriously chaotic green Duolingo owl. Duo’s job is to make sure Casey stays on track with her school work. Duo will live on her computer to provide short messages of encouragement and remind her what she has left to do. Casey accepts the terms and conditions of installing the Duolingo x Canvas update and closes her laptop. “Finally, something useful SFU’s decided to spend their money on,” Casey remarks.

The next day, Casey is writing an essay when she decides to take a break and watch videos on YouTube for a few minutes. Little Duo pops up at the corner of her screen blaring “Don’t Start Now” by Dua Lipa, catching Casey off guard. The word “start” is replaced with “stop,” so she jokingly thinks Dua Lipa is reprimanding her for taking a break from the paper. Casey does not care for Duo’s tastes for Dua, really, but wants to be polite. Of course, she is also impatient.

Duo gets halfway through the song before Casey finds a way to cut the music off. She doesn’t particularly care for the song, and Duo looks offended. “Duo is sad . . . but not as sad as Casey will be if she turns off Dua Lipa again! Dua Lipa is Duo’s favourite. Don’t make Duo mad.”

Just like that, Duo disappears into the ether. Casey brushes off the snide comment as a stereotypical reflection of Duo’s love of Dua Lipa. It would be more accurate to say that Duo is obsessed with Dua Lipa. Casey remembers this from TikTok. She makes a mental note to expect more Dua Lipa than she’s ever heard before, so long as Duo’s around.

Casey goes back to her essay and takes another break, this time to scroll through Instagram for a while. A reel from Duolingo’s account comes across her feed featuring Duo dancing to a mashup of Dua Lipa songs. Text that says “Duo is Watching” appears at the end of the reel just before Casey scrolls past it. Duo pops up in the corner of her screen and starts screeching “Prisoner” by Miley Cyrus and Dua Lipa as her phone turns to static. “You’ve barely written anything! Two hours wasted flipping between apps . . . and you don’t even follow Dua Lipa. Duo is watching you . . .”

As quickly as Duo appeared, Casey’s screen went black and Dua Lipa’s version of “Cold Heart” started playing at maximum volume from her laptop. She’s spooked once again by the vague and mysterious presence haunting her. Casey turns the song off and mutes the entire laptop. Casey decides to uninstall the Duolingo x Canvas update because she’s over it and doesn’t like the idea of a cryptic bird stalking her every move.

But before she can hit the “uninstall” button, a low and hazy fog begins to roll into her bedroom. She hears a mishmash of Dua Lipa songs faintly playing in the background. One by one, “One Kiss,” “New Rules,” and “Levitating” all consume and surround Casey in a soundscape of Dua! She searches her room for a way to make it stop. Casey is crouched over with her hands covering her ears and her eyes squeezed shut as a grizzly bear-sized Duo comes crashing into her room, flapping massive green wings at her.

“YOU DISOBEYED DUO! DUO TOLD YOU TO NEVER TURN OFF DUA LIPA AGAIN! DUO WILL MAKE YOU PAY!!”

The volume of the music intensifies as Duo flies through the window in Casey’s room, smashing it to pieces. Casey’s laptop bursts into flames. Now she knows: more important than her assignments is a cultivated love for Dua Lipa (not sponsored.) She will never disobey Duo ever again.

Written by Hannah Kazemi

THE COLLAB NOBODY NEEDED Illustrated by Amanda Eng

The

Your Weekly Horoscopes

The Stars feel like giving out mixed signals this week.

ARIES — Mar 21–Apr 19

You decided to take the day off today, ‘cause you’re young, wild, and free! You need to go to Whistler to ski; you’re trying to beat that weekend rush. Your boss called you in the middle of shredding the gnar, because he doesn’t know what worklife balance means. Do you care, though? That sounds like a HIM problem.

TAURUS — Apr 20–May 20

You’re really doing it all this week, Taurus. You’ve been hustling to make bank and your hard work is paying off. The Stars think you should treat yourself to celebrate your accomplishments. A Little Treat™️ is exactly what you need!

GEMINI

— May 21–Jun 20

It’s Slay Queen Season and your Slay Queen attitude is lacking. Go for a hot girl walk and listen to Doja Cat to remind yourself that you’re iconic and deserve to slay every day.

CANCER — Jun 21–Jul 22

It was Sangria Saturday last weekend, so obviously you drank enough Sangria to make your liver burst into flames. You woke up the next morning feeling like one of SFU’s chonkiest raccoons slept on your face, but you rallied and went to brunch with the girlies anyways. We love that for you, but hope it doesn’t happen again. The Stars see water and electrolytes in your future.

LEO — Jul 23–Aug 22

You tried to manifest a sick social life but accidentally manifested chaos. You’re behind on everything yet still choose to play Sims 4 instead of actually listening to your prof’s lecture. You’re, like, totally buggin’ this week, Leo. The Stars need you to get it together.

VIRGO — Aug 23–Sept 22

You decided to try being motivated this week and it’s worked out swimmingly. Your to-do lists have never been shorter and you’re sleeping better than ever. Why haven’t you been doing this the whole time?!?

March 6–10

Hannah Kazemi Staff Writer and Knower of Everything

LIBRA — Sept 23–Oct 22

The Stars don’t know where to start with you, Libra, so you don’t get a horoscope this week. There’s too many issues to address.

SCORPIO — Oct 23–Nov 21

Dear Scorpio: no notes this week. We know you’re putting your best foot forward, and you don’t need us to tell you that! You’re doing great. Mwah. Sincerely, the Stars <33

SAGITTARIUS — Nov 22–Dec 21

The Stars need you to chill the fuck out, Sagitarius. You procrastinated that essay for too long and now it’s due in two days, which means that you’re in turbo stress mode. Eat a nanaimo bar or something to experience actual happiness because WOWWW we’re tense this week!!

CAPRICORN — Dec 22–Jan 19

I know you’re feeling tired, burnt out, writer’s block, blah blah blah. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and maybe do something about it instead of wallowing in self-pity. Everyone’s tired of hearing you complain! The Stars can’t take this shit anymore!!!

AQUARIUS — Jan 20–Feb 18

“Aquarius” sounds like “aquarium,” and that’s the best we’ve got for you this week. Look into the SFU koi’s eyes and you may derive some ancient wisdom. Do with that information what you will.

PISCES — Feb 19–Mar 20

Pisces is the fish sign, right? Idk, maybe get some sushi or something this week to make yourself feel better about the fact that you’re last on our list of horoscopes. By the time we get to your sign, a whole week has passed and still nothing notable has happened. Don’t be forgettable, Pisces. Embody chaotic Michael Scott energy and be like Beyoncé, always.