LOVE-AN O BAWI: NEGOTIATION DYNAMICS OF LOW, MIDDLE, AND HIGH INCOME FILIPINO FAMILIES REGARDING CHILDREN’S INVOLVEMENT IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
PAULINE ENRIQUEZ DE LEON MEGAN ORDINARIO MATIAS
Submitted to the COLLEGE OF MASS COMMUNICATION In partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of
BACHELOR OF ARTS IN COMMUNICATION RESEARCH
December 2015
ii
UNIVERSITY OF THE PHILIPPINES DILIMAN Bachelor of Arts in Communication Research Pauline Enriquez de Leon Megan Ordinario Matias Love-an o Bawi: Negotiation Dynamics of Low, Middle, and High Income Filipino Families Regarding Children’s Involvement in Romantic Relationships Thesis Adviser: Assistant Professor Christine R. Cox College of Mass Communication University of the Philippines Diliman Date of Submission: December 2015 Thesis Classification: F This thesis is available to the public. Permission is given for the following people to access this thesis: Available for general public
Yes
Available only after consultation with authors/thesis adviser
No
Available only to those bound by confidentiality agreement
No
Signature of the Students:
Signature of Thesis Adviser:
iii LOVE-AN O BAWI: NEGOTIATION DYNAMICS OF LOW, MIDDLE, AND HIGH INCOME FILIPINO FAMILIES REGARDING CHILDREN’S INVOLVEMENT IN ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIPS
by PAULINE ENRIQUEZ DE LEON MEGAN ORDINARIO MATIAS
has been accepted for the degree of BACHELOR OF ARTS IN COMMUNICATION RESEARCH
by Asst. Prof. Christine R. Cox and approved for the University of the Philippines College of Mass Communication
by Professor Elena Pernia, PhD Dean, College of Mass Communication
iv BIOGRAPHICAL DATA
PERSONAL DATA Name
Pauline E. de Leon
Permanent Address
Dalandan Road, Garden Ville, Pio Cruzcosa, Calumpit, Bulacan
Date & Place of Birth
31 October 1994, Calumpit, Bulacan
EDUCATION Secondary Level
Holy Spirit Academy of Malolos, Sta. Isabel, City of Malolos, Bulacan
Primary Level
Loyalty Awardee, Holy Spirit Academy of Malolos, Sta. Isabel, City of Malolos, Bulacan
ORGANIZATIONS
Member, UP Cineastes’ Studio Member, UP Junior Marketing Association Member, AIESEC University of the Philippines Diliman Member, UP Communication Research Society
WORK EXPERIENCE
Intern, Added Value Saffron Hill, Makati City, April-May 2014 Primary & Secondary Research Contractor, Fuld+Company, Ortigas, July 2015
ACHIEVEMENTS
College Scholar (2nd sem AY 2011-2012 & 1st sem AY 2012-2013)
v BIOGRAPHICAL DATA
PERSONAL DATA Name
Megan O. Matias
Permanent Address
Brgy. Caimito, Palayan City, Nueva Ecija
Date & Place of Birth
16 October 1993, Cabanatuan City
EDUCATION Secondary Level
Second Honorable Mention, Nueva Ecija University of Science and Technology, Cabanatuan City, Nueva Ecija
Primary Level
Salutatorian, College of the Immaculate Conception, Cabanatuan City, Nueva Ecija
ORGANIZATIONS
President (2012-2013), UP Organization of Novo Ecijanos Member, UP Communication Research Society
WORK EXPERIENCE
Intern, Added Value Saffron Hill, Makati City, April-May 2014 Administrative Officer, Businessonline, Quezon City, JuneAugust 2015
ACHIEVEMENTS
College Scholar (1st and 2nd sem, AY 2010-2011, 1st and 2nd sem, AY 2012-2013, 2nd sem AY 2013-2014)
vi ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
The completion of the following thesis was made possible by the help and aid of several people. First, we would like to extend our gratitude to our beautiful, kind, and intelligent thesis adviser, Ma’am Christine Cox, for guiding us all throughout our last semester in Comm Res. Also, we would like to thank Ma’am Violeda Umali for helping us come up with our topic and giving us ideas on how to bring out the best in our thesis proposal. In addition, to commend the help of Sir Lester Lim, head of UP Family Life and Child Development Department, for giving us insights in order to improve our instrument. Second, we owe this thesis to our loving families, Nanay Estella Enriquez, Teresita and Pedro de Leon, Justin de Leon and Remedios and Pablo Matias, Jun Paul Matias and Raine Torres for providing financial and emotional support. Third, we wish the best for our high school and college friends, for they were with us through thick and thin. To Antonio Luis Go and Jan Loiki Afan, thank you for referring informants and helping us find the right theory for our framework. Lastly, we would like to express our deepest gratitude to our informants, for the fruitful conversations and life lessons that they shared with us.
vii
DEDICATION To our parents, Mr. and Mrs. de Leon, Mr. and Mrs. Matias, For giving us a bright future
and to all the parents of Filipino young adults
viii ABSTRACT De Leon, P. & Matias, M. (2015). Love-an o Bawi: Negotiation Dynamics of Low, Middle and High Income Filipino Families Regarding Children’s Involvement in Romantic Relationships, Unpublished Undergraduate Thesis, University of the Philippines College of Mass Communication.
This thesis examines the negotiation dynamics between Filipino parents and their young adult children and compares and contrasts the approaches of low, middle and high income families regarding the children’s involvement in romantic relationships. The researchers profiled the informants according to their socio-economic status, specifically their highest educational attainment, monthly family income and current occupation. Parents were asked to describe their conversations with their children and vice versa regarding romantic relationships. Through eighteen (18) focus interviews, the researchers identified the different negotiation styles and dynamics of the families based on Baxter and Montgomery’s Relational Dialectics Theory. The researchers were able to find out the similarities and differences among the low, middle and high income families in dealing with negotiations about romantic relationships.
ix TABLE OF CONTENTS
Title Page
i
Approval Sheet
ii
Biographical Data
iv
Acknowledgments
vi
Dedication
vii
Abstract
viii
Table of Contents
ix
List of Tables
xi
List of Figures
xi
I. INTRODUCTION
1
A. Background of the Study
1
B. Statement of the Problem and Objectives
5
C. Significance of the Study
6
D. Scope and Limitation
7
II. REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
8
A. Family Communication and Negotiation
8
B. Family Situations According to Socio-Economic Status
9
C. Parental Involvement in Children’s Relationships
12
D. Trends in Young Adult Sexual and Dating Behavior
13
E. Synthesis
15
F. Research Gap
16
III. STUDY FRAMEWORK
17
x A. Theoretical Framework
17
B. Conceptual Framework
19
C. Operational Framework
21
IV. METHODOLOGY
23
A. Research Design and Methods
23
B. Research Instrument
23
C. Concepts and Indicators
24
D. Units of Analysis and Sampling
25
E. Data Gathering and Construction
25
F. Data Analysis
26
G. Limitations
26
H. Ethical Considerations
27
V. RESULTS AND DISCUSSION
28
A. Profile of Families
28
I. Low Income
30
II. Middle Income
31
III. High Income
32
B. Negotiation Styles
32
C. Negotiation Dynamics
43
D. Comparison
47
VI. SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION
50
A. Summary
50
B. Conclusion
52
xi VII. IMPLICATIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
55
A. Theoretical and Conceptual Issues
55
B. Methodological Issues
55
C. Practical Recommendations
56
BIBLIOGRAPHY
57
APPENDICES
65
A. Interview Guide
65
B. Interview Transcripts
67
LIST OF TABLES
1. Classification of Income Classes
10
2. Internal Dialectical Contradictions
18
3. Concepts and Indicators
25
4. Summary of Profile of Families
29
LIST OF FIGURES
1. Conceptual Model
20
2. Operational Model
22
1 CHAPTER I. INTRODUCTION
A. Background of the Study The Philippines, now celebrated as Asia’s new economic tiger, has experienced some economic improvements since 2010--United Nations Economic and Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific’s and the World Bank’s report of 6.2 percent gross domestic product (GDP) for 2013, stock markets breached the 7,000 mark and beyond, and Standard and Poor’s Ratings Services awarded the country with its second credit ratings upgrade. These are the fruits of the two main drivers of the recent Philippine economy: business process outsourcing and remittances from overseas Filipino workers (Heydarian, 2013). Although these are reasons to be proud of the Philippines, a National Statistics Coordination Board report suggests that poverty rates have remained unchanged since 2006. In the first half of 2012, the national poverty rate is 27.9% and in early 2013, according to the Social Weather Station, unemployment rates have risen up to 25.4% (11.1 million individuals within the working force) (Heydarian, 2013). This is the current economic climate in the Philippines: in the macro level, it seems to be booming, but it does not reflect the micro side. Only the rich families experience this boom and the middle-class and the low-income families struggle with poverty and unemployment.
2 I. Filipino Family The family is known as the basic unit of the society. The Filipino family, also known as “mag-anak” in Tagalog, basically consists of the husband, wife and unmarried natural-born/adopted children. It is typically monogamous because majority of the Filipinos are Christians. There are also polygamous family in the Philippines, but can only be found among Muslim and non-Christian Filipinos (Medina, 2001). The Filipino kinship has been described as bilateral, which means that a person gives equal importance to the relatives of his/her father and mother (Jocano, 1995) and has also been described as traditionally consanguineal in which relationships with distant relatives are considered important (Medina, 2001). It is also classified as functionally extended and residentially nuclear which means that, even though distant relatives do not share the same household, they help each other out in household responsibilities and financial needs (Castillo, Weisblat, & Villareal, 1968, as cited in Medina, 2001). Majority of the households are nuclear, meaning it is composed of the mother, father and the children, and the parents typically make joint decisions regarding their children (Elliot & Gray, 2000). Also, the family not only gives the average Filipino with a constant source of emotional security and support, but also influences its members in their decisions and choices. The Philippine social organization is being described as “familial” in nature, wherein almost all activities in the community are family-centered (Jocano, 1995). When it comes to life choices, parents have a strong influence in a decision-making of a child. Children are expected to seek parental advice and guidance (Jocano, 1995). The topics that are commonly discussed by Filipino parents and their children are studies,
3 sibling relationships, peers, physical changes, needs and school matters (Pedro, 2003, as cited in Savella, 2006). II. Family Negotiations In a family, there are times when the choices or decisions of its members do not agree with each other. In order to address that issue, family members negotiate with one another. According to the Cambridge Dictionary Online (2015), a negotiation is basically a process wherein two or more opposing parties discuss a certain topic or issue in order to reach an agreement. In the Philippines, although parent and child relations have always been seen as close and intimate, Western influences have changed the family communication as well as the youth’s values and attitudes. This modernization is one of the causes of conflicts between parents and children. Common belief in which these conflicts are intensified is the so-called generation gap--the age or attitude differences of parents and children (Savella, 2006). In dealing with conflicts, family members negotiate with one another.
III. Romantic Relationships A romantic relationship, according to psychology, is a relationship between two people that is close, intimate and has sexual attraction (Romantic Relationships-Theory & Definition, 2013). Crouter, Kan and McHale (2007) noted that there is an emerging body of research that identifies family characteristics that are connected with “adolescents’ romantic competencies and sexual relationships” and this is what the
4 researchers want to focus on. In this study, a romantic relationship will range from courtship and/or dating to having future marriage plans. There is a difference between courtship and dating, according to Owens (2007). Courtship adheres more to cultural norms. It is acknowledged as a mate selection that will lead to a long-term partnership and/or marriage (Cere, 2001 as cited in Owens, 2007). Dating, on the other hand, connotes a more casual behavior when it comes to relationships. Dating is referred to as being with one or more potential partners without any expectation of permanence and may vary from sexual to emotional relationship (Owens, 2005 as cited in Owens, 2007). Marriage has two competing views, according to Girgis, George, & Anderson (2010). In the conjugal view of marriage, it is the union of a man and a woman with a lifetime commitment to each other. It is fulfilled by having children. On the other hand, in the revisionist view, it is the union of two people, regardless of gender, with a commitment to love and care each other and to face any ups and downs of life that they may encounter. Marriage also instills to many people the feeling of identity and purpose (Gove, Style, & Hughes, 1990 as cited in Whitton, Weitbrecht, Kuryluk, & Bruner, 2013) and provides individuals the feeling of satisfaction because it gives an intimate and fulfilling relationship to have social integration (House, Umberson, & Landis, 1988 as cited in Whitton, Weitbrecht, Kuryluk, & Bruner, 2013). The trends in the dating behaviors of young Filipino adults are evidently changing as well as the social and cultural settings of the Philippines regarding romantic relationships, and one reason for that is the influx of Western liberal ideas that can be
5 easily accessed by the youth using cyberspace or migration (Conaco, Jimenez, & Billedo, 2003 as cited in Serquina-Ramiro, 2005). For this study, the researchers adapted the Young Adult Fertility and Sexuality (YAFS) study’s definition of young adults which are Filipinos aged 15-24 years old (Cabigon, 1999). The researchers chose this age group because it is during this time that the youth experiences transitions in his/her role in the family. He/she also becomes more independent-minded but still influenced by his/her parents. Most of the young adults, while in the process of acquiring a college degree, reside with their parents. Most of the young adults who reside in dorms and boarding houses are still dependent on parental support in their finances (Medina, 2001, as cited in Ramirez and Singson, 2009).
B. Statement of the Problem and Objectives Research Problem: How do Filipino families with different socio-economic status negotiate matters concerning children’s involvement in romantic relationships?
General Objective: To find out how the negotiation dynamics between Filipino parents and their young adult children regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships, differs according to the socio-economic status of the families
Specific Objectives: 1. To profile families according to their socio-demographic characteristics
6 2. To identify the negotiation styles used by parents and children when discussing matters regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships 3. To describe the negotiation dynamics between parents and their children regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships 4. To ascertain if and how the negotiation styles and dynamics of families differ according to their socio-economic status
C. Significance of the Study Aside from adding to the literature of parent-child communication, the study was worth undertaking because the Philippines has a different family context compared to the countries used in western studies. Also, the researchers were able to find a number of related studies from other countries that tackle the influence of socio-economic status on child development outcomes and marital and parent-child relationship quality but none on parent-child negotiation process and dynamics. Furthermore, Vangelisti (2003) noted that more work needs to be done before we fully understand how rules in the family are negotiated among the family members. Negotiation between parents and children is of special interest to the development of modern social power cultures and forms of social control and participation (Krüger, Büchner & Du Bois-Reymond, 1994). Also, having romantic relationships is something that almost all individuals experience, something that is relatable. The major problem areas of most concern for adolescents are alcohol and drug abuse; pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases; school failure and dropping out; and crime, delinquency, and violence (A Reference for Professionals: Developing Adolescents, 2002). The study would be beneficial for parents because they would
7 understand their young adult children better when it comes to having relationships, and they would be able to address the mentioned problems with their children. As for the children, they would also understand their parents more when it comes to their motivations of making regulations and the study may help them make good decisions when it comes to romantic relationships. On a larger scale, the study may bridge the gap between the older and younger generations and promote harmonious relationships within the Filipino family and may also provide aid in profiling the evolution of the Filipino family when it comes to its dynamics.
D. Scope and Limitations First, the study looked into the negotiation dynamics of low, middle and high income families by gathering data from a parent and his/her young adult child. The researchers decided to focus on the parent-child relationship as compared to the other relationships present in the family like siblings or other close relatives. Second, the researchers concentrated on families residing in the National Capital Region, since this is the area wherein manifestations of pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancies and different dating behavior among young adults are prevalent. Third, the researchers only tackled heterosexual romantic relationships since other types of romantic relationships are not that talked about in the household and with parents.
8 CHAPTER II. REVIEW OF RELATED LITERATURE
A. Family Communication and Negotiation According to scholars in the area of family science, communication is a vital factor in family interaction and essential in order to understand family functionability (Lloyd, 2000). Family communication is a complex process, with each member of the family, including the children, seeing how it works from their own perspective (Gottman 1979; Jenkins 1990 as cited in Lloyd, 2000). Communication, for instance, is an important element in the Circumplex Model by Olson et. al (1985). The model gives importance to the elements such as family cohesion and adaptability and defines communication as a variable which may increase, maintain, or decrease the amount of cohesion and/or adaptability within the family (Olson, McCubbin, Barnes, Larsen, Muxen, and Wilson, 1985 as cited in Lloyd, 2000). Communication is also an important factor in negotiations. Negotiation, according to Popescu and Popescu (n.d.), is an interactive inter-human communication in which two or more parties that disagree with each other aim to reach an agreement to solve a common problem or reach a common goal. Recently, with all societal changes taking place (e.g. globalization, emergence of the internet), the family, as the basic unit of society, also experience changes when it comes to its dynamics. Scholars have examined the shift toward negotiation as a culture within the family Negotiation has become the norm for all relationships, including ones between parents and children (Vandenbroeck, 2006). Since parents and their children have individual differences, conflict is bound to happen, especially concerning the children’s committed relationships. Conflict is
9 something inevitable in all interpersonal relationships (Shantz and Hartup, 1992 as cited in Reese-Weber & Bartle-Haring (1998), so negotiations take place between parents and children in order to resolve differences. This negotiation culture somehow changes the relations between adults (parents) and children, forming a situation wherein children have more autonomy than before and that they are less likely to be differentiated from their adult parents (Vandenbroeck, 2006). All types of negotiation has a common element, namely, negotiators (in this case, parents and children), which “are required to communicate positions, make demands and concessions, respond to changing signals, and arrive at outcomes� (Spector, 1977, p.1). Therefore, this study will look into these negotiation processes in the context of parent-child communication in discussing the children’s involvement in romantic relationships.
B. Family Situations According to Socio-Economic Status Socio-economic status (SES) is characterized in three variables, namely, occupation, education and income, all of which provide good coverage of SES (Bradley and Corwyn, 2002; & Conger and Donnellan, 2007, as cited in Zhang, 2012). Occupation is determined by prestige, responsibility and work exposures. Education is the key in acquiring positive psycho-social and economic skills (Winkleby, Jatulis, Frank, & Fortmann, 1992 as cited in Vlismas, Stavrinos, & Panagiotakos, 2009). Income determines the acquired material resources (Turrell, & Kavanagh, 2006 as cited in Vlismas, Stavrinos, & Panagiotakos, 2009). It is also a construct that encompasses some of the dimensions of social position, which are prestige, power and economic well-being (Conger et al,. 2010 as cited in Zhang, 2012).
10 According to Albert, Gaspar and Raymundo (2015), in the Philippines, the income classes are divided into seven, which are the poor, low income, lower middle income, middle class, upper middle income, upper income and the rich (see Table 1) Per month, the poor earns less than PHP 7,890, low income earns between PHP 7,890 to PHP 15,780, lower middle income is between PHP 15,780 to PHP 31,560, middle class earns between PHP 31,560 to PHP 78,900, upper middle income is between PHP78,900 to PHP 118,350, upper income is between PHP 118,350 to PHP 157,800 and the rich earns at least PHP 157,800 (Albert, Gaspar & Raymundo, 2015).
Income Class
Monthly Income
Poor
less than PHP 7,890
Low Income
between PHP 7,890 to PHP 15,780
Lower Middle Income
between PHP 15,780 to PHP 31,560
Middle Class
between PHP 31,560 to PHP 78,900
Upper Middle Income
PHP 78,900 to PHP 118,350
Upper Income
between PHP 118,350 to PHP 157, 800
Rich
PHP 157,800 and above
Table 1. Classification of Income Classes
Childhood circumstances that are indicated by socio-economic status and parenting quality influence children’s psychological and psychosocial qualities (Sanders, & Spencer, 2005 as cited in Kumar, Kroon, & Lalloo, 2014). In a study from Nigeria, children from families with high socio-economic status take more seriously their education than those from the low socio-economic status (Denga, 1993; Osarhenren, 2005; and Eze, 2006 as cited in Akume, Awopetu, & Nongo, 2013) which is connected
11 with the result of Fan’s (2012) study which showed that children from high socioeconomic families fared significantly better in academics than the children from low socio-economic families. Some studies also showed the differences in the quantity and quality of motherchild conversation with regard to socio-economic status (Hart and Risley, 1995; Hoff and Naigles, 2002 as cited in Robins, Ghosh, Rosales, Treiman, Taumoepeau, and Hood, 2014). A situation in the United States of America stated that parents having low socioeconomic status are more authoritative when it comes to parenting, such that low-SES parents exhibit increased controlling behaviors, harsh discipline techniques and decreased use of affection with their children (Lempers, Clark-Lempers, & Simons, 1989; Whitbeck, Simons, Conger et al. 1992; & Simons, Lorenz, Conger, 1992 as cited in Topham, Page, Hubbs-Tait, Rutledge, Kennedy, Shriver, and Harrist, 2010). A US study showed that parents from lower socio-economic status are more inclined to direct their child’s behavior and parents from higher socio-economic status talk in a way that encourages conversation from the child (Farran and Haskins, 1980; and Heath, 1983 as cited in Robins, Ghosh, Rosales, Treiman, Taumoepeau, and Hood, 2014). Another study in Nigeria showed that mothers from lower socio-economic backgrounds were seen as more dictatorial, while mothers from middle socio-economic status encouraged analytical thinking from their children when it comes to handling conflicts with them (Nwanze, 2013). Some researches on SES are guided by two theoretical paradigms, namely, the Family Stress Model (FSM) and the Investment Model (IM). On one hand, FSM predicts that economic hardship influences child development through the lives of
12 parents (Conger, Conger and Martin, 2010). On the other hand, IM proposes that families with greater economic resources are able to make significant investments in the development of their children while disadvantaged families must invest in more immediate family needs (Bradley & Corwyn, 2002; Duncan & Magnuson, 2003; Linver et al., 2002; Mayer, 1997, as cited in Conger, Conger and Martin, 2010).
C. Parental Involvement in Children’s Relationships Parents have certain influences to their children’s relationships, especially during adolescence. These influences could be: (1) children may pattern (or not pattern) their relationships according to their parents’ relationships (Trotter, 2010; Masarik et al., 2013), (2) parents may directly involve themselves in managing relationships for their children (Mounts, 2011) and (3) parents may set rules or boundaries regarding their children’s relationships (Crouter, Kan and McHale, 2008). First, when children are exposed to positive family situations, like minimal conflict between parents or constant family bonding time, it is likely that they would emulate these situations with their own group of friends or with their romantic relationships. Likewise, children who are exposed to negative family situations, like separated parents, are likely to avoid doing the same things to their friends and boyfriend/girlfriend (Trotter, 2010). Moreover, according to Crouter, Kan and McHale (2008), children’s attachment to their parents is an indicator of the ‘health’ of their romantic relationships and that children learn from what they observe from their parents’ past and present relationships. Also, children that are raised in an environment with parental discord and divorce are at risk of experiencing marriage difficulties in the future (Masarik et al., 2013).
13 Second, parents manage their children’s relationships through consulting and guiding (Park and Buriel, 2006 as cited in Mounts, 2011). Parents may consult with their children by giving them direct instruction about issues they face regarding their relationships. Also, parents involve themselves in their children’s relationships by regulating their interactions with peers. Third, parents set boundaries through different ways of parental management. These ways could be prohibition, guidance, support, monitoring or deliberate neutrality (Mounts, 2000 as cited in Crouter, Kan and McHale, 2008). Different parental practices are also looked at by previous studies such as nurturant-involved parenting and authoritative parenting (Masarik et al., 2013). Though these influences are encountered by many, it is important to note that conditions may vary according to the quality of the relationship of the parent and the child (Crouter, Kan and McHale, 2008). For example, parental warmth, control and their closeness with their child may affect the way they influence the latter’s interpersonal skills and behavior. Therefore, the study will look into the parent-child relationship quality of families so as to provide context to how negotiations between both parties take place.
D. Trends in Young Adult Sexual and Dating Behavior Currently, there is an increase in the number of people who are having premarital sex, especially those who live in urban communities (Medina, 2001; Raymundo, Xenos and Domingo, 1999; Raymundo and Cruz, 2004, as cited in Upadhyay, Hindin, & Gultiano, 2006). According to YAFS (2013), 1 out of 3 Filipino youth has had
14 premarital sex. Over the years, an increase in the prevalence of premarital sex was recorded. In 1994, only 17.8% of the youth were having premarital sex, but it rose up to 32% in 2013. The highest recorded percentage of youth that engage in premarital sex is 40.9% which is in the National Capital Region. It was also found that males engage in premarital sex more than females. The median age of people having their first sexual encounter here in the country is significantly higher than other developed and less-developed countries but is currently declining due to increase in the number of people who are having sex outside of marriage (Singh et al., 2000 as cited in Upadhyay, Hindin, & Gultiano, 2006). Filipino youth engage in sex and other intimate behaviors later than other countries, but the proportion of youth that had sex before the age of 18 is doubling. It is also seen that over time, virginity, divorce and premarital sex become less controversial and more acceptable. Marriage norms are seen to be changing because there is a larger percentage of live-in couples than formally married couples. In another survey by YAFS in 2013, they had 19,178 Filipino youth with age ranging from 15-24 years old as their respondents. One-fourth of the youth have ever been married, with 14% currently living in, while only 9% are formally married. The percentage of couples who live together has increased over the years, from 6% in 2003 to 14% in 2013. This indicates a change in the accepted values on formal marriage among the young Filipinos. The national studies in the Philippines found out the precoital behaviors of the Filipino adolescents. Most relationships in the Philippines are in ordered progression: first is experiencing crushes, then courting, having romantic relationships and then
15 having sex (Raymundo, Xenos, & Domingo, 1999 as cited in Upadhyay, 2006). In the Philippines, several years would pass after courtship and dating before having the first sexual encounter for couples. The said delay is longer in females. Strict roles in dating are also applicable to females. Flirting subtly is acceptable but bluntly seeking the affection of the opposite sex is not accepted. It is in the Filipino norms that women must be a virgin at the time of marriage (Medina, 2001, as cited in Upadhyay, 2006). For males, it is expected for them to initiate dating and sex. There is more freedom for them when it comes to sexuality. In fact, some Filipino youth find it acceptable for males to be polygamous (Medina, 2001; Santa Maria, 2002, as cited in Upadhyay, 2006). As stated above, males are expected to be more active in courtship and sex, while females are expected to not make the first move and be meek and unaggressive. But in the present, these norms are challenged because of Western liberal ideas that can be accessed by the youth using cyberspace or migration (Conaco, Jimenez, & Billedo, 2003 as cited in Serquina-Ramiro, 2005). Filipino adolescents are dating earlier not only because of greater freedom and more choices for living arrangements, dating places and choice of partners but also because of the advancements in communications and changing lifestyles (Feiring, 1996; Shulman, Laursen, Kalman, & Karpovsky, 1997 as cited in Serquina-Ramiro, 2005).
E. Synthesis The review of related literature revealed that communication is an essential factor in family functioning and that it is present in all family processes, including negotiation. Negotiation has been practiced by contemporary families so as to give voice
16 to the children, who are inclined to being passive in the past. But these negotiations may vary according to the socio-economic status of the family. Also, trends in the dating and sexual behavior of young adults in the Philippines was discussed so as to provide context on how they talk about their romantic relationships with their parents, who are key influencers in the relationships they get into.
F. Research Gap The researchers were able to find a number of related studies that tackle the influence of socio-economic status on child development outcomes and marital and parent-child relationship quality but only a few on parent-child negotiation process and dynamics itself. Almost all of the studies regarding socio-economic status on child development are from the other countries. The researchers were able to find studies on the adolescents and young adults here in the Philippines. In addition to that, most of the foreign studies tackle only the adolescent age group, not the young adults group. The Philippines have different family cultures and traditions, so it is important to know the negotiation process and communication of the Filipino parents and their young adult children. The researchers find this research gap as an opportunity to study the influence of SES on parent-child negotiation regarding romantic relationships in the Philippine context.
17 CHAPTER III. STUDY FRAMEWORK
A. Theoretical Framework The study utilized the Relational Dialectics Theory by Leslie Baxter and Barbara Montgomery (1996). Relational dialectics is concerned with opposing tensions that are considered normal and constantly changing in close relationships. The core concept of the theory, contradiction, is dynamic. Contradiction, according to Baxter and Montgomery, is the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions. It is formed when two forces become interdependent, but at the same time, negate each other. Baxter describes contradiction as evident in the personal relationships and is produced and reproduced in the joint communicative activity of the parties. Relational dialectic theory has four assumptions. First, personal ties are characterized by change. Second, change in relationships is multidirectional, unceasing, and has numerous possible meanings. Third, dialectical tensions or contradictions is related and important in relational life. Lastly, each person’s social reality is formed with the help of communication evident in negotiating relational dialectics (West & Turner, 2010, p. 204, as cited in Dumlao & Janke, 2012). Baxter and Montgomery believe that conflicts are not always detrimental to relationships, but instead, is constructive. Mikhail Bakhtin, the Russian intellectual who influenced Baxter and Montgomery, saw contradictions or dialectic tension as an opportunity instead of a threat, because it becomes an avenue for discussion, when people find ways to work things out. Dialectical tensions are tendencies that are incompatible and mutually negate one another. There are internal and external kinds of tension. The former exists between two people (e.g. couples, siblings, parent-child, etc.)
18 while the latter exists between two people and their community (e.g. married couple and their network of friends, business partners and their clients, etc). He identified three classes of dialectical tensions which affect almost all relationships--integrationseparation, stability-change and expression-privacy (Cools, 2011). The following table shows the typology of internal dialectical contradictions.
Dialectic of IntegrationSeparation Internal Dialectics
ConnectionAutonomy
Dialectic of Stability-Change
Dialectic of Expression-Privacy
Predictability-Novelty Openness-Closedness
Table 2. Internal Dialectical Contradictions
The dialectic of integration-separation refers to the tension between unity or social solidarity and separation or social separation. Dialectic of stability-change refers to the opposition of stability or being constant and flux or change and the dialectic of expression-privacy focuses on the things that are disclosed or not disclosed (Cools, 2011). Bakhtin also emphasized the importance of dialogue in a relationship. He said that meaning is created through dialogue, which denotatively means an exchange of ideas and opinions about an issue between two or more persons (Griffin, 2009). Furthermore, Bakhtin explained the meaning-making process in a dialogue as an utterance chain wherein an utterance is what a person says in a conversational turn. These utterances are then linked together in a chain where competing discourses can be seen. These competing discourses are continuous and ever-changing in a relationship, like a flux. In response to this flux, Baxter and Montgomery identified typical
19 communicative patterns or strategies: denial, disorientation, spiraling inversion, segmentation, balance, integration, recalibration and reaffirmation (Cools, 2011).
B. Conceptual Framework The study’s concepts (see figure 1) describe the negotiation dynamics between a parent and his/her child according to the Relational Dialectics theory. Situated within the negotiation dynamics between a parent and a child, a constant dialogue occurs between the two. Whenever a parent and a child, who are situated in their socio-economic status, disagree with each other, they are situated into two poles. Present between them is a constant pull of dialectical tensions which are present in their disagreement: connectionautonomy, predictability-novelty and openness-closedness. Connection refers to joint decisions made by both poles while autonomy refers to independent actions by a single pole. Predictability is concerned with doing things in a routine or familiar way while novelty is concerned with doing something new. Openness means sharing information freely while closedness means keeping information to oneself (Dumlao and Janke, 2012).
20
Figure 1. Conceptual Model
There are communicative patterns or strategies that each pole may use in certain points of their disagreement, which is a pushing force towards some form of an agreement, or lack thereof. These communicative patterns will be seen as the parent’s or the child’s negotiation style. Denial is the effort to deny contradiction by legitimizing one pole and not including the other; disorientation is believing that contradictions are negative and cannot be changed; spiraling inversion means that one pole is dominant at a given time but there is a shift to privilege the other in another time; segmentation happens when poles creates topic or activity domains for one possibility rather than another; balance is a strategy wherein poles compromise or “meet in the middle�; integration happens when both poles look at both sides in a positive way; recalibration happen poles reframe the possibilities so they are not seen as oppositional; and reaffirmation is when poles accept that tensions cannot be reconciled but celebrate the differences and tolerate the tension (Dumlao and Janke, 2012).
21 C. Operational Framework The researchers looked into the negotiation dynamics of parents and their young adult children (aged 15-24 years) regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships. Through the description and elaboration of the dialogues between parent and child, the researchers can find out the specific topics of their disagreements when it comes to having romantic relationships (e.g. courting or dating rules, marriage plans, etc). The researchers also identified the dialectical tension or tensions present in the family (connection-autonomy, predictability-novelty or openness-closedness). Then, at certain points in their negotiation, the researchers examined the negotiation styles employed by the parent and the young adult child. One or more negotiation styles may be evident from both sides in a parent-child disagreement regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships. Then, if the negotiation comes to an end (whether it the parent and young adult child had some kind of an agreement), the researchers noted which negotiator is more dominant and if the parent or the young adult child lean to a particular pole in a tension. This framework (see figure 2) will be applied to all socio-economic status of families to be studied.
22
Figure 2. Operational Framework
23 CHAPTER IV. METHODOLOGY
A. Research Design and Methods The study examined the negotiation dynamics between parents and young adult children (aged 15-24 years) regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships. The informants were nine parents and nine young adult children from different socioeconomic classes.The study employed a qualitative approach, specifically using focus interviews as the method in data gathering. The focus interviews were done with a parent (mother or father) and their young adult child. The study was generally descriptive, in a sense that it described the negotiation dynamics of parent-child. At the same time, it was comparative, since the researchers compared the said dynamics according to different socio-economic status.
B. Research Instrument The focus interview guide for the parent and the young adult were structured the same way, with little alterations. For instance, on one hand, the parents were asked what their children share with them about the latter’s love life. On the other, the children were asked about what they purposely do not tell their parents about their romantic relationship. The guide was divided into three parts. The first part was focused on the socio-demographic characteristics of the family, namely, their age, sex, city of residence, current occupation, highest educational attainment, monthly family income, and the number of children in the household and their respective ages (see Appendix A). The second part was focused on the kinds of disagreements the parent and the young adult encounter and what kinds of dialectical tension were present in their
24 relationship. The researchers were open to a wide range of topics regarding romantic relationships, as long as the parent and child admit that they have a disagreement regarding a certain issue. Regarding the dialectical tensions, for connection-autonomy, the informants were asked if given an issue, does the child consult the parent to make a decision, when and at what topics will both of them have to make a joint decision and when does the child make decisions by himself or herself without the parent’s help. For predictability-novelty, the informants were asked whether there are certain changes in their relationship upon the start of the child’s involvement in a romantic relationship and how do they adapt to these changes. For openness-closedness, the informants were asked what are the things that they choose to disclose or not disclose to one another and what are the topics that they find difficult to talk about. The third part was about the negotiation styles used by the parent and child. The researchers found out how the informants address the disagreements they have about the child’s involvement in romantic relationships, whether they avoid solving it and if they do show that they want to solve it, they were asked how. The informants were requested to cite instances and give specific examples according to their experience. Before the administering of the instrument, three pre-test interviews were conducted in order to validate it. There were some changes made after the pretest and also after a consultation with a Family Life and Child Development expert from UP.
C. Concepts and Indicators The four major concepts of the study were the dialectical tensions, negotiation styles, negotiation dynamics and socio-economic status.
25
Concept
Indicator
Dialectical tensions
The topics of disagreements of and the specific opposing views of the parent and child
Negotiation styles
The way the parent and child react to disagreements and tensions
Negotiation dynamics
The overall negotiation process of the parent and child
Socio-economic status
Parent’s education, occupation and monthly family income according to Albert, Gaspar & Raymundo (2015) which the researchers divided into three: lower class (Php 31,560 below), middle class (Php31,560 -118,350) and upper class (Php 118,350 above).
Table 3. Concepts and Indicators
D. Units of Analysis and Sampling The researchers interviewed members of families in Quezon City, Marikina City, Mandaluyong City and Antipolo City through convenience sampling. Nine parents (8 mothers and 1 father, aged 44-57 and 9 young adult children (5 males, 4 females, aged 15-24), for a total of 18 informants, were interviewed from each family belonging to a specific socio-economic status. Each socio-economic bracket (low income, middle income and high income) was represented by 3 families, with a total of 9 families. Units of analysis were families, represented by the parent-child dyad and the families were compared among their socio-economic group and across the three groups.
E. Data Gathering and Construction The informants were asked first if they have a child in the family aged 15-24. If they have, they were asked if they want to participate in the interview. Once they agree,
26 the interview was done where the informants were comfortable. The researchers interviewed the parent and the child separately and used a recording device, provided that the informants gave permission to use it. The interview guide was structured in a way that it can be easily modified depending on the flow of the interview. After the interview, the researchers thanked the informants and gave them their token. The audio files were then transcribed and were subject to data analysis.
F. Data Analysis All of the data gathered were transcribed and put into matrices for organization. The data were coded according to the objectives of the study. The researchers organized the informants’ information and answers to the interview. With this organized, the researchers described the negotiation dynamics of the parent and child from a specific family. Emerging themes from the families from a specific income bracket were noted and compared with the emerging themes from other income brackets.
G. Limitations First, the researchers only used focus interviews and did not witness the actual negotiation process happening between the informants.This may imply that the information the researchers obtained may have been biased, depending on the point of view of either the parent or the child. Witnessing the actual negotiation process between parent and child can lessen the said bias and allow the researchers to see the actual exchange of thoughts between parent and child. Second, the researchers only studied young adults that have heterosexual romantic relationships, since they believe that homosexual relationships are not that talked about yet in the family setting. This may
27 open opportunities for future researches about LGBT relationships and how they affect familial relationships. H. Ethical Considerations Every start of the interview, the researchers asked for permission from the informants to record the conversation. The informants were free to terminate the interview or not answer any question that they deem unethical or private for them. The researchers, on their part, constructed the instrument in a way that considers the privacy and feelings of the informants. The researchers also conducted a background check on each informant in order to know which of the questions is too sensitive for the informants to answer. For confidentiality purposes, the researchers will not disclose the real names of the informants in the paper.
28 CHAPTER V. RESULTS AND DISCUSSION
A. Profile of Families According to literature, socio-economic status could be indicated by three factors, namely, occupation, education and income (Bradley and Corwyn, 2002; & Conger and Donnellan, 2007, as cited in Zhang, 2012). The following provides a profile of the informants based on the said variables (see Table 4).
30
Low Income Families
Code name Age
Gender Address
Occupation
Monthly Family Income Highest Educational Attainment Number of Children + Ages
Family 1
Child 1
18
M
QC
Fast food employee
Family 1
Parent 1
45
F
QC
Laundry woman
Family 2
Child 2
17
F
QC
College Student
Family 2
Parent 2
50
F
QC
Palamig Vendor
Family 3
Child 3
24
M
QC
Construction Worker
Family 3
Parent 3
56
F
QC
Housewife
6,000
Monthly Family Income Highest Educational Attainment Number of Children + Ages
3rd year HS 3,500
HS
4 - 20, 18, 17, 15
HS 15,200
2nd year College
1 - 17
1st year HS Elementary
3 - 26, 25, 24
Middle Income Families Code name Age
Gender Address
Occupation
Family 4
Child 4
15
F
QC
HS Student
Family 4
Parent 4
35/53 F
QC
Housewife.Business
Family 5
Child 5
21
M
Marikina
College Student
Family 5
Parent 5
44
F
Marikina
Housewife.Business
Family 6
Child 6
20
F
Antipolo
Remittance Firm Employee
Family 6
Parent 6
44
F
Antipolo
Tutor
~40,000
High Income Families
Code name Age
Gender Address
Occupation
Monthly Family Income Highest Educational Attainment Number of Children + Ages
Family 7
Child 7
21
F
Mandaluyong Researcher
Family 7
Parent 7
54
M
Mandaluyong VP of RFM
Family 8
Child 8
19
M
QC
College Student
Family 8
Parent 8
57
F
QC
Online Writer
Family 9
Child 9
21
M
QC
College Student
Family 9
Parent 9
47
F
QC
Banker
Grade 10 50,000-70,000
Elementary/College Graduate
5 - 35, 32, 30, 29, 15
5th year College Not stated
College Graduate
1 - 21
College Graduate College Graduate
3 - 20, 19, 4
College Graduate 0-500,000
MA
3 - 30, 26, 21
2nd Year College 200,000
MA
7 - 34, 27, 26, 23, 22, 19
4th Year College 100,000+
College Graduate
2 - 21, 18
Table 4: Summary of profile of families 29
30 I. Low Income Parents Parent 1 is a 45 year old female and resides in Quezon City. She did not finish her secondary education, and now works as laundry woman. She reported that their monthly income is 3,500 pesos. She is a mother of four, her sons’ ages being 20, 18, 17 and 15 years old. Her husband is a driver. Parent 2 is a 50 year old female and also resides in Quezon City. She did not finish high school and now works as a palamig vendor. Her husband is a shoemaker and together, they have around 15,200 as their monthly family income. She’s a mother of an only child. Parent 3 is a 56 year old widow and resides in Quezon City. She’s a housewife who last attended elementary. She’s a mother of three boys, aged 26, 25 and 24. Her family earns about 6,000 per month. Children Child 1 is an 18 year old male fast food employee. He is the second eldest in the family and last attended school on his 3rd year in high school. Child 2 is a 17 year old female college student. She is the only child in the family. Child 3 is a 24 year old male construction worker. He last attended school as a 1st year high school student. He is the youngest in the family.
31 II. Middle Income Parents Parent 4 is a 53 year old housewife. She resides in Quezon City and is a mother of five. The ages of her children are 35, 32, 30, 29 and 15. She reported that their family earns 50,000-70,000 per month, explaining that they have a business in their province and that her husband is a tricycle driver. She did not finish her elementary studies. Parent 5 is a 44 year old single parent to a child. She did not disclose their monthly family income but described that they live comfortably in Marikina City through the support of her ex-husband. Parent 6 is also a 44 year old mother of three. Her kids’ ages are 20, 19 and 4 years old. She graduated college and works as a tutor/manager at their own tutorial center. Her husband is a former OFW. Their family’s monthly income is around 40,000. Their family now resides at Antipolo City. Children Child 4 is a 15 year old female junior high school student. She is youngest in the family. Child 5 is a 21 year old college student. He used to be the only son, but now has step-siblings on his father’s side. Child 6 is a 20 year old remittance firm employee and the eldest in the family. She graduated college recently.
32 III. High Income Parent 7 is a 54 year old father of three. His kids’ ages are 30, 26 and 21 years old. He is currently a Vice President of a company and reported that their family’s income ranges from 0-500,000 per month. He studied his master’s degree at the United States. He resides in Mandaluyong City Parent 8 is a 57 year old mother of seven. Her kids’ ages are 34, 30, 27, 26, 23, 22 and 19. She resides in Quezon City. She has a master’s degree and currently handling an online business. She reported that their monthly family income is about 200,000. Parent 9 is a 47 year old mother of two boys, with ages 21 and 18 years. She resides in Quezon City. She is a banker and her husband is a distributor of goods. Their monthly family income is around 100,000. Chidren Child 7 is a 21-year old female researcher. She is the youngest in the family. Child 8 is a 19-year old male college student. He is also the youngest in the family. Child 9 is a 21-year old male college student. He is the eldest of two brothers.
B. Negotiation Styles Upon interviewing the informants, dialectical tensions are present in all families but not all are in the context of the young adult’s romantic relationship. Low Income In Family 1, Parent 1 often reprimands Child 1 about him being in a relationship because the latter seemed to spend more time with his girlfriend than with his family.
33 Parent 1 said:“Di ko na nga makausap ‘yan eh, lagi kasama ang girlfriend eh, matutulog na lang ako sa gabi eh, sa umaga andun na naman ‘yan.” [I can’t talk to him that much because he is always with his girlfriend. I’ll sleep at night, then in the morning he’s with her again.] Though Child 1 always hear from his mom about his behavior, he still does what he wants to do, giving himself autonomy in their relationship. When asked if he still asks permission on doing things with his girlfriend, he answered “‘Di po.” [No.] When asked if Child 1 does something to make up for his behavior, he answered doing household chores, looking for sideline jobs and claiming that he does his part in the family. He said:“‘Pag nauwi ako sa bahay, konting sermon lang, ayun, maglilinis lang ako ng bahay”. [When I go home, Mom reprimands me a little then I just clean the house after.]; “naghahanap ng sideline at ng inaapplyan.” [I look for sideline jobs that I can apply in.] and “ginagawa ko naman ang tungkulin ko bilang anak. Tumutulong. " [I do my duty as a child. I help.] Child 1 manages the connection-autonomy dialectical tension, even though he does not acknowledge it, by the negotiation style called Balance. He compromises his behavior by doing favors for his mother and doing things that his mother would approve of. However, when it comes to their level of disclosure, Child 1 does talk to his mother about the relationship. When Child 1 was asked on what he shares with his mother about his girlfriend, he answered: “Sabi ko, love ko ang girlfriend ko.” [I said, I love my girlfriend.] and his mother affirmed that and described her relationship with his son like they are friends. She said:"Ganito lang naman kami, para kaming tropa dito." [We’re just like this, like friends here.]
34 Even though Parent 1 disapproves of her son having a relationship, they still consider each other as friends and this can be a Reaffirmation type of handling their tension, meaning that they acknowledge that they have different views on a certain issue and accepts it, and sometimes just joke about it. When asked on what they do after she tells her son a sermon, she said: "Lalabas lang yan, mamaya ayun na tawanan na naman kami dito, ganon lang kami." [He’ll go out for a while, and when he comes back, we’ll just laugh about it. That’s what we do.]
Like Family 1, Family 2 also describe their relationship like they are friends. Child 2 said: “Okay lang, open naman, tropa tropa lang.” [We’re okay, we’re open, just like friends.] When it comes to openness, both Parent 2 and Child 2 claimed that they tell each other everything and they do not keep secrets from each other. When asked on what they talk about, Child 2 said: “Lahat, kasi open naman ako sa kanila kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Sa school, sa friends ko, sa’ming dalawa (boyfriend). Halos lahat nagkukwento ako sa kanila kasi hindi naman ako pinalaki na may secrets.” [Everything, because I’m open with them on whatever’s happening with me at school, with my friends, with my boyfriend. I tell them almost everything because I wasn’t raised to keep secrets from them.] Consequently, the dialectical tension that arises from this kind of relationship is under predictability-novelty. Because of their level of disclosure, Parent 2’s involvement in her child’s relationship sometimes steps over the line. Child 2 shares that: “Kung nagaaway kaming dalawa (boyfriend) tapos nakita niyang (Parent 2) sobra na, nakikijoin na siya...ayaw ko kasi nung sinasabayan ‘yung galit ko. Kaya kami imbes na
35 kami (boyfriend and Child 2) lang ang magkaaway, kaaway ko rin siya (Parent 2).” [When my boyfriend and I fight and my mother sees that it’s too much, then she joins in...I don’t like it when she joins in when I’m mad. So instead of it’s just my boyfriend and I having a fight, I also have a fight with mom.] In order to deal with this tension, Child 2 and Parent 2 both let the issue pass for a while then go on with their usual openness after. Like the first family, this falls under Reaffirmation. For Family 3, like the other two families, they also mentioned that the nature of their relationship is like being friends. When asked about her son, Parent 3 said that: “Eto kasi may mga girlfriend girlfriend na rin siya. Parang balewala lang…para lang kaming magbabarkada.” [He already has a girlfriend. That’s no big deal, we’re just like friends here.”] There is no evident dialectical tension between Parent 3 and Child 3 when it comes to the latter having a relationship, but upon further examination, the main thing that Parent 3 gets upset with is the vices her son are involved in. In line with this, she mentioned that one of her son’s previous girlfriend influenced him more into these vices. She expressed her dislike, “Parang gusto kong sugurin na ano eh.” [Like I want to confront her (previous girlfriend], and even though Child 3 did his best to fight for the relationship, Parent 3 got the autonomy to make her child leave the girl. After some time, Child 3 began seeing his current girlfriend and apparently, his mother did not also like her for a while, but he fought for her even harder. He said, “Kahit anong hadlang niya, pilit pa rin ‘yung pagkikita namin...tumatakas kami, gumagawa ako ng paraan para magkita kami.” [However hard she (Parent 3) tells me to stop, we kept on seeing each
36 other(girlfriend)...we sneak out, I find ways for us to meet.” Then eventually, his mother accepted the girl, giving him the autonomy in the relationship. This kind of exchange can be under the Spiraling Inversion type of negotiation style, wherein one of the two family members is dominant or autonomous at a given time but later on shifts to the other member at another time. Middle Income Family 4 has a slightly different system or dynamic because the elder sister (ES) of Child 4 considers herself as a parent to her younger sister. The elder sister actually had more insights in the interviews than Parent 4. When it comes to the involvement in Child 4’s relationship, Parent 4 and ES are very much hands-on in the romantic relationship of their bunso. They should have a blessing on who Child 4 would be with and they have a lot of rules, considering that Child 4 is only 15 years old. Parent 4 said: "Tsaka ayokong nakikitang inaakbayan siya sa labas, nako babae ‘yun eh tapos bata pa. Ayoko talaga non, nako sasapakin ko pag nakita kong inakbayan niya si Cecil sa labas. Pinayagan ko siyang maging boyfriend ng anak ko pero wag niya ‘yung gagawin, ang pangit tingnan eh." [And I don’t want to see him putting his arms around her, she’s a girl and still young. I really don’t like that, I will hit him if I see him do that to Cecil outside. I gave him permission to be my daughter’s boyfriend but he shouldn’t do that, it’s not pleasant to look at.] At the same time, Parent 4 and ES are clearly autonomous in their relationship. ES is also protective of Child 4 and said this about curfew: "Hanggang alas otso lang dapat. ‘Pag alas nuwebe na, hindi na kami mapakali noon. Tatawag na kami. ‘Pag kasi mag-
37 kasamang ganyan eh hindi na-aanuhan eh" [Until 8pm only. If it’s 9pm already, we start to get restless and then we call. If they’re together, you never know what’s going to happen.] Despite all the rules that Parent 4 and ES have on Child 4, both parties said that they are open to each other, and they talk about everything. The tension happens because they (Parent 4 and ES) worry too much on what Child 4 might do wrong. ES shared that: "Tsaka may tiwala kami kay Child 4. Kaya lang ang masakit diyan, hindi naman sa hinihiling namin, kasi siyempre reality lang…kasi may mga pangyayaring ganon talaga, pero wag naman sana. Kasi siya lang ‘yung binubuhusan namin ng effort, kaya sana wag niyang sirain." [We trust Child 4. But what’s painful is that...no we don’t wish for it, but it’s part of reality...because there are happenings that might happen, but I hope they don’t. Because she’s the focus of our efforts, I wish she won’t ruin that.”] In response, Child 4 does not feel good about the doubting from her mother and sister. She said: “Ay kapag sinasabi ng mama ko na ‘yung pregnancy, oh baka ayan mangyari sa’yo” [When my mother mentions pregnancy and warns me that it may happen to me] and claimed that she already knows about it: “Eh kasi alam ko naman po.” In order to deal with this tension, Parent 4 and ES do things in order to please Child 4, like a reward system, and negotiate their rules that can be modified for Child 4 to not be a “rebel”. ES shared that they allow her to go out sometimes but she should ask permission: "Minsan pinayagan namin sa bertdeyan, sa mga grouping…kailangan lamang nagpaalam." [Sometimes, we allow her at birthday parties, in groupings...all she needs to do is ask permission]. And they also give her advice in a diplomatic way and also use material things to please Child 4. ES said: “Pinapangaralan namin, pero
38 karamihan eh ano…ano laging ganito, dapat…merong diplomasya, pakiusap, pangako...oh bibili tayo ng ganyan…ayun. Oo ganun.” [We lecture her...but most of the time, there’s diplomacy, asking her nicely and promising her that we would buy her something.] This system falls under the Segmentation negotiation style, in which a party creates new ways on how they and the other party would agree on. Family 5 is composed of a single mother and an only child. Child 5 describes his relationship with his mom as close but kind of changes through time. He said: "Mama’s boy daw ako, kasi yun nga, siya nag-aalaga sakin, eh si Daddy madalang ko makita. Nung bata pa ako, siyempre, okay naman lahat, mabait naman, sunod lahat, pero nung medyo tumanda na lumalabas na yung pagiging pasaway." [I’m a Mama’s boy because she was the one who took care of me, I rarely see Daddy. When I was a child, of course, everything’s okay, I’m good, I obey everything, but when I grew up, I start to break some rules] When asked if they talked about his girlfriend, he said that they never sat down on it. Child 5 said: "Siguro unspoken rule na, ganon yung idea, unspoken rule siya na may girlfriend ka na, parang assumptions nalang." [Maybe it’s an unspoken rule, that you have a girlfriend, and mom would just rely on assumptions.] When asked about negotiation, there’s somehow this overarching deal between Parent 5 and Child 5. She allows him to continue being with his girlfriend as long as keeps his academic end of the deal. Child 5 said: “As far as I know, dapat, siguro, yun grumaduate at di siya makaabala sa studies.” [As far as I know, maybe I should graduate and guarantee that she does not interfere with my studies.]
39 This deal is a manifestation of the Balance Negotiation Style, since both parties are meeting in the middle in order for them to make their relationship remain in harmony. Speaking of harmony, Family 6 is somehow harmonious, in a sense that Parent 6 and Child 6 do not appear to have evident tension between them. Their setting, however, is like Family 4, wherein the mother and the elder sister are considered a party and the other party consists of Child 6’s younger brother. According to Child 6, they encounter most of problems related to romantic relationships with her brother. She shared: “In my case, wala, pero yung sa kapatid ko medyo may conflict kasi ‘may girlfriend siya, kakagraduate lang ng girlfriend niya sa high school, pero 1st year na sa UP. Pero kasi di alam ng parents ng babae. So parang kami lang nakakaalam, tapos patago sila magkita, tapos ang problema namin, pano pag nalaman ng parent, pag may nangyari sa girl, kami rin ang accountable parang ganon, mahirap din, kasi paano pag napahamak din kapatid ko.” [In my case, none (conflict), there’s conflict with my brother because her girlfriend just graduated from high school, but now a freshman at UP. But the girl’s parents do not know (about the relationship). So we are the only ones who know about it and our problem is that if the girl’s parents find out and something happened to the girl, we are the ones accountable and it’s also hard because what if my brother also got in danger.] Child 6 is very obedient to her mother and is very open to her about everything. If ever they disagree with each other, they just accept it as something that cannot be avoided. This can fall under the Reaffirmation negotiation style. High Income
40 Family 7 is a modern type of family in a sense that they encourage freedom to voice out their thoughts and feelings through a healthy family discussion. If ever there are conflicts between them, he gives his kids a chance to explain themselves. He said: “Minsan kahit not about relationship, basta masama ‘yung, pag ano, nasabihan mo, parang you need to do this, you need to do that. Si Child 7 kahit ganon ‘yun, she’ll fight back. Ako naman, kung tama ‘yung reasoning mo, I’ll take it.” [Sometimes, even if it’s not about relationship, if you just happen to tell on them...that you need to do this or you need to do that...Child 7, even if she’s like that, she’ll fight back. For me, if your reasoning is right, then I’ll take it.] Family 7 has an interesting push and pull at the connection-autonomy dialectical tension, they constantly use the Spiraling Inversion style unlike in Family 3’s case. Aside from that, Child 7 also feels tension when her mother hints that she (mother) does not Child 7 to go to her boyfriend’s house. She shared:“Feel ko kapag nagse-spend time ako masyado sa family ni boyfriend…feel ko ayaw niyang mangyari ‘yon kasi may traditional thinking na parang dapat mas madalas ‘yung guy sa family nung girl.” [I feel like when I always spend time with my boyfriend’s family...I feel like my mom does not want that to happen because of the traditional thinking that the guy must spend more time with the girl’s family] In order to deal with this, Child 7 sometimes does not inform her parents that she will go to her boyfriend’s place specifically, in order to avoid conflict. This kind of approach can also be under Disorientation.
41 Family 8 is another modern family, in a sense that Parent 8, the mother, does not enforce the “normal” rules, like curfew and restrictions like ‘no boyfriend/girlfriend until graduation’ on all seven of her kids. Parent 8 and Child 8, as a result, have no evident reason for a dialectical tension. Maybe the littlest tension that can be observed will be both parties know that Child 8 does not share a lot about his love life. Parent 8 said:“Ano siya eh, masikreto siya eh, basta ang alam ko…sasabihin ko, oh ano nag-aaway ba kayo diyan? Sasabihin niya, secret.” [He’s secretive. I just ask him, are you guys fighting there? Then he’ll say, secret.] Parent 8 and Child 8 then practice Reaffirmation as a style to manage that littlest tension. Child 8 provides a rationale on why they do not share details on his love life that much. He shared: "Uh siguro kasi siyempre maraming anak si mommy, siguro ayaw niya ‘yung paisa-isa na parang since nangyari na doon sa isa, alam na niya kung ano ‘yung kailangang tanungin at di kailangang tanungin, ‘yung mga pwedeng pag-usapan at hindi. Feel ko ‘yung mga ganoon" [Uh maybe because, of course Mommy has a lot of kids, maybe she does not want to repeat things again since it happened to another kid already. She already knows what to ask and what to not ask, what to talk about and what to not talk about. That’s what I feel about that.]
Lastly, in Family 9, Parent 9 shared that they have an open line of communication, like in Family 7. They talk frequently and spend time together as a family. However, Parent 9 has specific qualities that she look for that is “right” for her son. She said:
42 “Somebody who can help him, who is mature enough, definitely dapat college graduate, somebody na if something happens in the family is financially independent, emotionally independent, somebody who can embrace our culture, somebody who can run in the family, who can respect us, good influence, kasi I always remind him na babae ang ilaw ng pamilya.” [Somebody who can help him, who is mature enough, definitely should be a college graduate, someone financially independent in case something happens with the family, emotionally independent, somebody who can embrace our culture, somebody who can run in the family, who can respect us, good influence, because I always remind him that the girl is the light of the house.] Because of this “criteria,” Parent 9 has somehow a high expectation on her son’s girlfriend. Unfortunately, she does not approve of his son’s girlfriend. So there is a definite tension between mother and son. She said:“Kahit di ko gusto ang girlfriend niya, kahit di ako boto sa girlfriend niya, I’ll respect him.” [Even if I don’t like his girlfriend, even if she does not get my vote, I’ll respect him.] In order to manage the tension, Parent 9 and Child 9 use Balance as one of their negotiation styles. Child 9 shared that in order for them to allow him with his girlfriend, he had to do something: “Sometimes, I do favors for them (parents), like si mommy sasamahan ko siya mag-shopping, magde-date ako with her (mother).” [Sometimes, I do favors for them, like Mommy, I would go shopping with her and I’ll go on a date with her.] Parent 9 also said that: “Pag sinabi kong ayokong pupunta sa girlfriend mo kasi di naman kayo magkakatuluyan, I believe di niya ginagawa yun. Tapos ako naman, I have to respect him, na, anniversary nila, pero Sunday is a family day, Christmas, New Year, dito ka,
43 kasi di pa naman kayo magasawa.” [When I say that don’t go to your girlfriend’s house, because you won’t end up with each other, I believe he doesn’t do that. Then for me, I have to respect him if it’s their anniversary. But Sunday is a family day and at Christmas and New Year, you stay here, because you’re not married yet.] Also, like Child 7, Child 9 is aware of what his parents think of his girlfriend, so at times, he uses Disorientation as his negotiation style and sometime omit details when asking permission. He said:“The problem din like we (he and his girlfriend) wanna do something and get in the way ‘yung parent, minsan gusto namin to go on a trip. Siyempre di ko naman mapapaalam yun” [The problem is that we want to do something and my parents get in the way, sometimes we want to go on a trip, of course I can’t ask permission for that.]
C. Negotiation Dynamics Low Income Parent 1 claimed that she never had the chance to talk to her son, Child 1 because he is always with his girlfriend. Parent 1 complained that Child 1 always prioritizes girls and she always reprimands him about it. Child 1 really puts love life above anything else, it even caused him to be kicked out of his work and not finish his studies. Child 1 said that he does something in order to get on his mom’s good side again, like searching for work, and doing his responsibilities as a son. This statement, contradicts with his other statements. Parent 2 is the one who usually initiates the conversation. She is not against the relationship of her daughter, in fact, she even teases her about her boyfriend’s erection. She said it's not creating any tension in their relationship, but there is one instance
44 wherein she got mad at her daughter and her boyfriend failed to go home in order to help with household chores. Other than that, she is very proud of her daughter. On the other hand, either parent 2 or child 2 initiates the conversation, according to Child 2. She claimed that she is very open to her mom. She's proud to say that she really tells everything her mom needs to know and that she has never done anything wrong that she would hide to her mother, although she said her mom intervenes whenever she and her boyfriend have a major fight. Parent 3 said that they are like "tropa" [close friends] in their family. Parent 3 doesn't like Child 3’s vices. She really investigates the background of her son's past and present girlfriends. According to Child 3, Parent 3 really interferes with his relationships. Parent 3 really barred Child 3 from seeing his girlfriend if she doesn’t like the girl. Because of this, he admits meeting up with his previous girlfriends without telling his mom. “Kahit anong hadlang niya, pilit pa rin ‘yung pagkikita namin...tumatakas kami, gumagawa ako ng paraan para magkita kami.” [Even though she barred me from seeing my girl, I find a way to meet up with her]. Middle Income Parent 4 and ES love Child 4 so much, that their main concern is to protect her. They agreed on Child 4 having a boyfriend but there were so many restrictions, like no public display of affection, and be home before the imposed curfew. Parent 4 and ES both have a say on Child 4’s education and love life. Child 4 claims that indeed, she has many restrictions, ES accompanies her when she goes out with her boyfriend. She knows that she’s very protected but she didn’t complain about it. There is compromise because Parent 4 and ES allowed her on other
45 things. As long as Child 4 follows their rules, Parent 4 and ES will allow her with having a boyfriend, among others. On the other hand, Parent 4 and ES reward Child 4 with material things in order for her to be motivated to follow their rules. The one thing that Parent 5 doesn’t like is when Child 5 is going home late. She admits that she is paranoid. She is okay with him having a girlfriend because in fact, she is supportive of it. She even texts the girl. The only problem really is going home late. Tensions caused by Child 5’s relationship are caused by the latter going home late because of his girlfriend. Other than that, they are fine on having the relationship Parent 5 and Child 5 don't sit down and talk about it. Parent 6 is perfectly okay with Child 6 having a boyfriend. Their children are more open to their mother than father, because the father worked overseas before. Child 6 always share whenever someone is courting her or whenever she is in a relationship. She is open to Parent 6, she even shares her relationship problems. The love life-related tension in the house is caused by their concern for how her brother treats her girlfriend. They were concerned for his girlfriend’s safety. High Income Parent 7 let's his children decide for themselves. He trusts them so much, he knows that his children knows their limitations. He thinks Child 7 is the one who always initiates the conversation regarding the latter’s relationship. Parent 7 claims that they don't interfere with his children's dilemmas but he and his wife sensed something wrong, they would give advice about it. On dealing with tensions, Parent 7 noticed that, like their other children, Child 7 will just go away, and return during mealtime like nothing happened.
46 On the other hand, Child 7 claims that she doesn't share everything to her parents. Her parents usually are the ones who initiate the conversation. Child 7 only initiates when she needs to ask for their permission. When her parents see something wrong or something that they don't like, they interfere by guilt-tripping Child 7 and saying a lot of opinions. Child 7’s mom is traditional because she doesn't like Child 7 going to her boyfriend’s house, so there are times when Child 7 doesn’t let her parents know that she's going there. Parent 8 is very proud of her children. She trusts and believes in them so much, which is the reason why she has no rules and restrictions to them. She is competent that they will never do anything bad. She is the one who always initiates the conversation. She claims Child 8 and his siblings are very open to her. Parent 8’s relationship with her husband is very civil, and even though they stay in one roof, they don’t talk that much. Child 8 said that his mom asks him about his love life, but claims that they don’t talk about it that much. In fact, Parent 8 said that Child 8 is secretive, which contradicts her statement earlier that Child 8 is very open. Parent 9 is very proud of her family. She thinks they are very respectable and have integrity. She trusts her sons so much, and she thinks that Child 9 doesn’t do anything she restricted him to do. On Child 9’s love life, Parent 9 admits not liking the girlfriend of her son. She thinks that her sons are very open to her. Their conversation concerning love life consists mainly of her reminding Child 9 the consequences of having a girlfriend. Child 9 never initiates talking about his relationship because he knows that Parent 9 prefers him to be single and focus on his priorities. He always hears Parent 9 talk about consequences
47 of having a relationship. On his activities with his girlfriend, he sometimes asks for permission but sometimes, he doesn’t see the need to do so.
D. Comparison Low Income Similarities The dynamics of the families belonging to the low income class in this study are similar in various ways. Firstly, all parents in this group claimed that they treat their son or daughter like a friend or “tropa” or “barkada.” This is somehow an indicator of what rules they impose or rather, not impose on their children. For instance, Parents 2 and 3 allow their children’s partners to stay at their house and spend the night there while Parent 1 allows her son to stay overnight outside the house, knowing that he is with his girlfriend. Secondly, they all manage tensions using the Reaffirmation negotiation style because of the nature of their relationship, they accept and admit that at times, they will be disagreeing with each other and that fact is fine with them. Thirdly, children from this group have the tendency to be autonomous in their own ways than their parents sometimes. For example, Child 1 stays outside the house even if his mother repeatedly tells him to come home, Child 2 has the audacity to also be angry with her mother even if she is just trying to help and Child 3 used to get out of the house to be with his girlfriend even if his mother does not approve of his relationship. Lastly, low income families are open to conversations about marriage and they do not prioritize the educational attainment of their children, at least for the two male informants.
48 Differences There were differences among these families that were noted by the researchers. First was the setting or the context of the family. Family 1 showed no importance to the role of their father in their lives, Family 2 seemed to be a sound nuclear family and Family 3 had older kids (in fact the oldest child in our sample) and Parent 3 is already a widow. Dynamics-wise, each child in the family utilized different negotiation styles aside from Reaffirmation which are, Balance, Disorientation and Spiraling Inversion for Children 1, 2 and 3, respectively. This may be attributed to the first point, which was that they were in different family situations. Middle Income Similarities First, all children in this group claimed that they are open to their parents about their love life, although Child 5 said that they still have not sat down to talk about it yet. Second, parents in this group relatively give their children freedom to be with their partners at a given time but also demands time for the family. Third, Families 4 and 6 have a similar dynamic when it comes to caring for a younger member of the family. Both families have this mother-eldest child tandem that looks after the young ones. Differences First, Family 5 differs among the other two because Child 5’s parents are separated and he’s an only child. Second, the families use different ways to manage tensions. Families 4, 5, and 6 use Segmentation, Balance and Reaffirmation as their negotiation styles, respectively.
49 High Income Similarities Parents from high income families tend to have a high regard for their family, especially their children. They are proud of them and they believe in them. They believe that their children know their limitations.They feel that their children are very open to them. They think that giving advice and opinion is not really interfering with their children’s lives. They want their children to priority their education, and they talk about their child’s future career paths, but not about marriage and having a family. Children from this income range claim that they don’t disclose everything to their parents, and they feel the opinion that they hear from their parents are synonymous to guilt-tripping, just like what Child 7 and 9 claimed. They also have this unspoken rule about teenage pregnancy. Differences There are differences when it comes to rules and restrictions of the parents from this income class. Parent 7 has minimal rules and restrictions, Parent 8 has none at all, and Parent 9 has a lot. One reason for this is the difference of cultures among the families. Families 7 and 8 are both Filipino and Family 9 has Chinese blood. Parent 9 deemed their culture as important. They also utilized different negotiation styles like spiraling inversion for Parent 7, disorientation for Child 7, reaffirmation for both Parent and Child 8, and denial for Child 9.
50 CHAPTER VI. SUMMARY AND CONCLUSION
A. Summary Negotiation dynamics of Filipino parents and their young adult children regarding the latter’s involvement in romantic relationships can be described through their dialogues, the tensions they encounter, how they manage the said tensions through negotiation styles and other contributing factors in or out the of family. All of the children interviewed said that they have a close relationship with their parents, or at least their mothers.This allows them to disclose certain information about their love life to their parents, only varying in levels. The level of closeness of parent and child affects what type of tension they experience. For instance, Child 2 and Parent 2 both claimed that they are really close, that they even talk about sexual topics, which some of the informants avoid. The tension that was present, therefore, in their relationship was predictability-novelty because of the over-involvement of Parent 2 to Child 2’s relationship. Another way to look at tensions is depending on the rules and restrictions imposed or implied by the parents to the children. The Philippines, being a country of “close family ties,” young adults above 18 years old are still under direct influence and care of their parents. Having said that, parents who are very strict in nature tend to encounter tensions especially if their children are feeling rebellious and/or free. The tensions present between parent and child are managed whether consciously or unconsciously by both parties through certain negotiation styles. Among the eight negotiation styles suggested by Baxter and Montgomery, only five emerged during the study. These five were Balance, Disorientation, Reaffirmation, Segmentation, and
51 Spiraling Inversion. It can be seen in the results of the study that Reaffirmation was used by 4 out of 9 families. This means that families are somehow accepting of tension inside the family and they acknowledge it. Three children out of 9 used Disorientation which means that they just accept that their parents think negatively of his/her relationship but do nothing to negotiate about it out of respect and avoidance of conflict. Balance was used in 2 families, which is good, since families also learn how to compromise. Spiraling Inversion was used by 2 families, which is double-edged, because it gives fairness to both parties, but can also spark lying to one’s parents. Segmentation was used by one family since the child is still young (15 years old). That style would not be appropriate for older young adults since they are of legal age already, so they are going to want to use that card with their parents. It can also be noted in the study the different dynamics of families depending on their socio-economic status. Across the three groups, there are certain forms of negotiation between parents and children regarding the latter’s romantic relationship involvement. The low income families do not consider themselves negotiating because they do what they want to do since the children’s parents give them freedom to do so. The negotiation in this group stems from the notion of parents that having a relationship prevents their son or daughter to provide for the family and to be bread winner to help them alleviate their economic status. If they cannot stop their children from having a relationship, then they assume that he or she will end up getting married or pregnant early, so either they involve themselves in the relationship of his/her child or they give up and just let them do what they want.
52 The middle income family was hard to characterize since the setting of the sample families are diverse, which also reflects the middle class as a whole, because it is so broad that it has to be divided into upper middle class, middle class and lower class, for some classifications. But compared with the low income families, this group values education more, since their parents are somehow made aware of the demand for proper education because they were college graduates and/or they have an ambition to rise up with regards to their social status. The high income family, having great expectations for their children, sees that having a child with a romantic relationship can be crucial to their child’s future career and/or happiness. The high income parents tend to scrutinize or examine their children’s partners for they want to see if the girlfriend or boyfriend would drag their children down, since they think of them highly. They see if they are financially stable or capable, of course they also examine the manners and also the family background. Negotiation happens often at this group because both parties are aware of the consequences and repercussions of having a relationship and the children here are capable of voicing what they think and what they feel.
B. Conclusion Filipino families in this study negotiate matters concerning children’s involvement in romantic relationships by managing dialectical tensions such as connection-autonomy, predictability-novelty and openness-closedness through negotiation styles such as Balance, Disorientation, Reaffirmation, Segmentation and Spiraling Inversion.
53 There were no negotiation styles that were specific for a certain income group. The mentioned styles used by the parents and children were dependent on the dialectical tension/s present in the family. For instance, all parents interviewed were generally autonomous. In the Philippines, children have a high regard for their parents and still seek for their advice even after they turned 18 years old. Autonomous parents are often challenged by their children not by fighting back verbally, but by secretly doing the things that he or she is not allowed to do. This kind of style can be observed across all informants. Negotiation dynamics vary depending on first, the context or setting of the family (e.g. single parent, intact family, broken family), second, the gender of the parent and child, third, the age of the child and fourth is the socio-economic status of the family. It can be observed that among the families that consists of single parents, the children are left with the care of the mother. The mothers, then, tend to be more involved in their children’s life, especially when the latter are in a romantic relationship. This situation may indicate differences in dynamics with those families that have their fathers or have more siblings. When it comes to the gender of the parent, mothers are more involved in their children’s relationship. The father usually just “listens� to them when discussing it or is just there when reprimanding a child when she comes home late. Parents are also stricter on their female children than their male children. At the same time, male children are more secretive and independent while female children share relatively more information to their parents.
54 Parents in low income families tend to be more lenient with their children when it comes to rules in having a romantic relationship. For the two families with male young adults, the parents are fine with the relationship as long as they contribute. what’s expected of them in the family (i.e. money, food) even if they do not finish their education. For those in the middle income families, there has to be an agreement that the child should graduate first before he or she get’s into a relationship. But if it cannot be helped, there are certain deals that they would fulfill. In families with high income, it is given that parents strive to scrutinize the qualities and characteristics of the partner of their children and they also want their children to take things slowly, since they have high expectations on the career and success of their children. Also, children in high income families are likely to actually negotiate with their parents, not just fight with them, since they are trained with some level of diplomacy.
55 CHAPTER VII. IMPLICATIONS AND RECOMMENDATIONS
A. Theoretical and Conceptual Issues The Relational Dialectics Theory used by the researchers was a western one. It would be better if a local theory was used because of the difference in negotiation dynamics and styles of Filipinos and Westerners. Understanding the different social classes in terms of their priorities and goals is deemed important in this study. For future studies, the researchers recommend finding theories related to different social classes.
B. Methodological Issues The researchers recommend that future researchers ensure that the interviews conducted between the parent and child are separate, in order to retrieve unbiased and reliable answers from the informants. There is a chance that an informant is not disclosing everything if the parent-child are in the same room. Other ways of gathering data are also encouraged, such as observation and focus group discussions. The study interviewed mostly mothers, thus the researchers also recommend to study and interview both the mother and the father, and to relate their answers in terms of the gender of their child and their respective roles in the family. The income range of the middle class is very wide in the study, thus the researchers recommend the comparison of not only three, but seven income classes divisions here in the Philippines, which are the poor, low income, lower middle income, middle class, upper middle income, upper income and the rich (Albert, Gaspar &
56 Raymundo, 2015). Future researchers should also consider the effects of gender, sibling number, age bracket, educational attainment, structure of the family, culture and location.
C. Practical Recommendations The study found out that most lower class parents tend to care less about their child’s future, which results to the child being having no motivation to finish their studies or earn money for their education. This is due to lack of money and prioritizing other basic needs. Lower class parents should motivate their child more in pursuing their studies, because a good educational background is the key in having stable jobs in the future, which is a big help in providing for the family and for being independent. Parents are encouraged to negotiate and talk to their child more with regards to the latter having a relationship. Children on that age range tend to become secretive if they feel that their parents have too many rules and restrictions for them. Negotiation and compromise is the key in order to have a good and close relationship with their child. Keep in mind that having a relationship is not bad, as long as it doesn’t get in the way in their child’s studies and other priorities in life. Barring the child from having a relationship is counterproductive and may cause them to become disobedient. The best thing for the parents to do is to give proper guidance to the child.
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65 APPENDICES APPENDIX A: Interview Guide
Introduction 1. Introduce self to informants. 2. Explain the topic of the study, assure them of the confidentiality of their identities and remind them that they can choose to not answer questions and/or terminate the interview. First Part - Socio-demographic characteristics
Age:
Name (optional):
Sex:
Highest Educational Attainment:
City of Residence:
Monthly Family Income and Occupation:
Number of Children in the Family and their Ages:
Second Part - Negotiation process, disagreements and dialectical tensions
Ilawaran ang relasyon sa anak/magulang at sa iba pang miyembro ng pamilya. Ano ano ang mga napapag-usapan niyo sa bahay bilang magulang at anak? Paano kayo naguusap-usap sa bahay? (Kung hindi mababanggit ang lovelife) Pinaguusapan niyo po ba ang pagnonobyo/nobya ng anak? Kung hindi, bakit hindi po pinaguusapan? Paano niyo sinisimulang pagusapan ang usapin ng pagnonobyo/nobya sa inyong mga anak/magulang? Sino ang nagsisimula? Noong nag-uusap kayo ng magulang/anak mo ukol sa pagkakaroon ng nobyo/nobya, ano ang madalas na napapagusapan niyo? Sa pagitan ng anak at magulang, pwedeng pakilarawan kung paano tumatakbo ang inyong paguusap? Paano nagtapos? Kung kayo ay may napagkasunduan, may nasusunod ba, o wala? Sino and kadalasang nasusunod? Para sa anak: Tuwing kailan kayo nagcoconsult sa magulang niyo? Tuwing kailan mo sinusunod ang sarili mo? Para sa magulang: Noong nagka-nobyo/nobya ang iyong anak, may mga pagbabago ka bang napansin sa inyong relasyon? Anu-ano ito? Gusto mo ba ang mga pagbabago na ito? Bakit? Ang usapin ng boyfriend/girlfriend ba ay nagiging dahilan ng tension sa relasyon ninyo bilang mag-ina/mag-ama? Bakit?
66
Third Part - Negotation styles
Ano ang topics (ukol sa pagkakaroon ng nobyo/nobya ng anak) ang madali pagusapan bilang magulang sa anak? Ano naman ang hindi madaling pagusapan bilang magulang sa anak? Ano sa tingin niyo ang dahilan bakit hindi kayo nagkakasundo sa topic na iyon? Pwede niyo ba ikwento ang usapin niyo tungkol sa problemang iyon? Pwede niyo ba ikwento ang usapan niyo ng anak niyo tungkol sa mga topics na napapagkasunduan niyo?
Conclusion
Para sa magulang: May nais pa po ba kayong idagdag tungkol sa mga pag-uusap, pagtatalo at iba pa tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng kasintahan ng inyong anak? Para sa anak: May nais ka pa bang idagdag tungkol sa mga pa pag-uusap o pagtatalo at iba pa tungkol sa pagkakaroon mo ng kasintahan?
67 APPENDIX B: Interview Transcripts LOW INCOME FAMILIES Family 1 Parent 1 INTERVIEWER: Ako po pala si Megan, at siya si Pau, Ang topic po ng study naming ay parent child negotiations regarding romantic relationshipsng anak nyo po. So kung gusto po kayo di sagutin ang tanong, okay lang po. Okay lang po ba sabihin ang pangalan niyo sa record INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: San po kayo nagaral? INFORMANT: High school ba o elementary? INTERVIEWER: Ah yung pinakalatest po INFORMANT: High school INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon na po kayo? INFORMANT: 45 INTERVIEWER: Um, ano po yung um trabaho niyo. INFORMANT: Labandera, mga UP students din, sa Ilang. INTERVIEWER: Magkano po yung estimate nyo po, magkano po income niyo po, kasama sa father INFORMANT: Wala na sa tatay niya (laughs). Madalang pa sa patak ng ulan magbigay ang tatay niya bahala nalang. Pero yung inaano ko lang, sa anak kong isa, tita niya, saka tita ko sa labas Monthly ko, 700 kasi monthly eh, nagpapalaba ba kayo?
68 INTERVIEWER: Dati po INFORMANT: 700 na ngayon, eh kung may hawak kang lima, yun na kita mo. 700 time 5 INTERVIEWER: Tapos ilan po anak niyo? INFORMANT: Apat, puro lalaki lahat. Ito yung panganay INTERVIEWER: Kamusta naman po kayo ni Child 1? INFORMANT: Yan? Napakakulit niyan, sa babae palang, number one nay an. (Laughs) Makakita lang ng babae eh, ayaw na lumubay. INTERVIEWER: Ano na po ang napapagusapan niyo bilang anak at magulang? INFORMANT: DI ko na nga makausap yan eh lagi kasama ang girlfriend eh, matutulog nalang ako sa gabi eh, sa umaga andun na naman yan INTERVIEWER: Um, bale po kung napapagusapan niyo po ang lovelife niyo, pano niyo po nasisimulan, o kayo po ba nagi-initiate? INFORMANT: (Laughs) wala na kong masabi. Magasawa na siya, kung ganyan din lang. INTERVIEWER: Ano po mga sinasabi niya sainyo tungkol sa lovelife? INFORMANT: Ano ba sinasabi mo sakin? Di ko na maalala eh, Pinagkakaabalahan lang niyan lovelife niya eh, tingnan mo, uuwi ng Palawan. Nag-iipon lang yan ng pera para makalipad ng Palawan INTERVIEWER: Ah. Um, So ganon po mga usapan niyo po, pag magkekwento siya, tapos‌ INFORMANT: Ay aalis yan ng umaga, dadating yan dito, magbibihis lang tapos punta sa trabaho niya. Gabi na ‘yan uuwi, tulog na ako. Ganon na naman yan sa kinabukasan. So nawawala na naman.
69 INTERVIEWER: Paano po nagtatapos ang usapin niyo po sa lovelife? INFORMANT: Walang sinasabi sakin yan, pag ganyan ka ng ganyan, magasawa ka nalang. Wag na pahabain pa ng pahabain INTERVIEWER: Yung pagkakaroon po ba niya ng girlfriend ay nagiging dahilan ng tension, nagaaway po ba kayo? INFORMANT: Inaaway ko eh pano di ko na nakikita siyempre di ko din alam kung nasaan yan. INTERVIEWER: Laging ganoon? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Anu-ano pong topic sa pagkakaroon ng girlfriend ang madali niyong mapagusapan, kunwari sa panliligaw‌ INFORMANT: Wala na akong ano diyan sa panliligaw INTERVIEWER: Di niyo po na, wala pong tips? INFORMANT: Wala, kung lalayas ka naman. INTERVIEWER: Napapagusapan niyo po ba ang, nabanggit nyo po ang kasal? INFORMANT: Bahala siya mag anong kasal niya, (laughs) INTERVIEWER: May paalala po ba kayo tungkol don? INFORMANT: Ay yung ano, paano niya papakainin yan, tulad niyan, di pa siya tapos. Di pa yan tapos ng high school eh. Paano mo pakainin. INTERVIEWER: Tungkol naman po sa teenage pregnancy, napapagusapan niyo po? Um, may mga topics po ba na di madaling pagusapan INFORMANT: Wala naman, topic sa kanya?
70 INTERVIEWER: Opo, sa pagkakaroon niya ng girlfriend, yung pag nabanggit niya, ayaw niyo pagusapan? INFORMANT: Pag nagsalita naman yan (laughs) ganyan lang naman siya eh paulit ng paulit. Pagod ka na sa trabaho, ipapahinga ko nalang yan kesa mamroblema sa kanya INTERVIEWER: Saan po kayo madalas di magkasundo? INFORMANT: Sa pagsyo-syota niya INTERVIEWER: Yung mismong pagkakaroon ng girlfriend? INFORMANT: Natatanga eh, hirap matanga (laughs) ayun, sunod ng sunod, di niya alam kung saan na, saan pupunta, saan anduon. Tanga na sa syota. (turns to son) Ay galit ka? Malamang. INTERVIEWER: May ginagawa po ba kayo para magkasundo INFORMANT: Ganito lang naman kami para kaming tropa dito INTERVIEWER: Sabi niya pinapalipas lang po, ganon po? INFORMANT: Oo, ganito lang kami dito eh, parang di naman kami magiina. INTERVIEWER: Friends friends po kayo? Best friends? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: So wala pong nangyayari na pagne-negotiate? Kunwari di magkasundo, papalipasin lang? INFORMANT: Oo yun lang INTERVIEWER: Walang ano? INFORMANT: Lalabas lang yan, mamaya ayun na tawanan na naman kami dito, ganon lang kami
71 INTERVIEWER: Um, may mga activities po ba na ayaw niyo sa payagan? INFORMANT: Yun nga yung magtatrabaho, tapos pupunta sa malayo. Pano pagbalik niyan, di mo alam kung makakabalik pa yan, ayun, inaano ko yun INTERVIEWER: Nagpapaalam po ba siya lagi? INFORMANT: Nagpapaalam naman, kaya lang, minsan, biglang nawawala. INTERVIEWER: Hmm, ano pa, may gusto pa po ba kayo idagdag, tungkol sa paguusap? INFORMANT: Kung ano lang ipasok niya dito, yun nalang ano naming, hinahayaan ko nalang sila. Tulad ng tatay niya sakit lang sa ulo. Sasabay pa sila sa sakit ng ulo. Masisiraan lang ako niyan kakaisip. INTERVIEWER: So okay lang po, chill lang kayo dito? INFORMANT: Kung ano iano niya ditto, kaya lang pag nagasawa ba kayong ganyan mapapalamon mo ba yan INTERVIEWER: Yun lagi paalala nyo sa kanya INFORMANT: Oo kasi di pa siya tapos. Ewan ko sa kanya kung magaaral pa yan INTERVIEWER: Okay po, thank you po. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 1 INTERVIEWER: So ang study naming tungkol sa negotiation ng parent at child tungkol sa pagkakaroon mo ng relationship. Kung may ayaw kang sagutin, sbaihin mo lang, okay lang. Gusto mo ba sabihin pangalan mo? Okay lang irecord? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Bale, san ka nagaral dati?
72 INFORMANT: Krus na ligas high school INTERVIEWER: Anong year? INFORMANT: 3rd year INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon ka na? INFORMANT: 18 INTERVIEWER: Gano katagal ka nagstop? INFORMANT: 2 years? INTERVIEWER: Um, dito ka nakatira? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: Alam mo ba kung magkano yung, teka ano trabaho ng parents mo? INFORMANT: Mother ko po, naglalaundry. Yung father driver po INTERVIEWER: Mayroon ka bang idea kung magkano kinikita nila per month? INFORMANT: Di ko po alam eh INTERVIEWER: Ilan kayo sa pamilya? INFORMANT: Apat po kaming magkakapatid INTERVIEWER: Ano ano mga age? INFORMANT: Isang mag-17, isang 15, ako 18, kuya ko 20 INTERVIEWER: Uy magkakalapit. Musta kayo ng nanay mo? INFORMANT: Okay lang po. INTERVIEWER: Madalas ba kayo magaway?
73 INFORMANT: Bihira lang po, puro sermon lang. INTERVIEWER: Eh kayo ng tatay mo? INFORMANT: Okay lang po, Bihira po kasi umuwi tatay ko sa college of ano siya nagtatrabaho INTERVIEWER: Ano ang napapagusapan niyo sa bahay, bilang magulang at anak? INFORMANT: Uh, ano lang po, yung tungkol sa bayarin sa bahay, trabaho. INTERVIEWER: Nagtatrabaho ka? INFORMANT: Opo, bale kakatanggal ko lang sa trabaho eh. Bale nagsideline lang ako dito. INTERVIEWER: Ano ginagawa mo dito? INFORMANT: Bale sa fast food INTERVIEWER: Um, Napapagusapan niyo ba sa bahay ang pagkakaroon ng gf? INFORMANT: Opo INTERVIEWER: Paano niyo sinisimulan? INFORMANT: Sa girlfriend ko po? INTERVIEWER: Sino nagsisimula? Nanay o tatay? INFORMANT: Ako lang po INTERVIEWER: Ano sinasabi mo? INFORMANT: Sabi ko, love ko ang girlfriend ko INTERVIEWER: Yes. Um, sila, di sila yung nagiinitiate ng usapan? INFORMANT: Hindi po.
74 INTERVIEWER: Lagi ikaw lang? INFORMANT: Ako lang INTERVIEWER: Pwede mo ba idescribe kung pano tumatakbo ang usapan? INFORMANT: Usapan namin? INTERVIEWER: Tungkol sa lovelife INFORMANT: Ano eh, pag dinedescribe ko yung tungkol sag anon, Ano eh, parang walang pakialam lang, sila INTERVIEWER: Naga-ano ba sila, nagbibigay ng tips or words of wisdom? INFORMANT: Wala, puro sermon. INTERVIEWER: Anu ano yun? INFORMANT: Lagi daw ako wala sa bahay INTERVIEWER: Nagagalit sila sayo? INFORMANT: Opo, kasi lagi ako wala sa bahay, wakla silang mauutusan INTERVIEWER: So paano naman nagtatapos ang ganong usapan? Galit ba kayo sa isa’t isa? INFORMANT: Wala po, Pag nauwi ako sa bahay, konting sermon lang, ayun, maglilinis lang ako ng bahay. INTERVIEWER: So walang conclusion parang ganon? INFORMANT: Wala po, bait si mama INTERVIEWER: So yung pagkakaroon mo ng girlfriend nagiging dahilan ng tension sainyo?
75 INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Wala? Okay lang talaga? INFORMANT: Okay lang. INTERVIEWER: Ano sa tingin mo bakit di nagcacause ng tension? INFORMANT: Ginagawa ko naman ang tungkulin ko bilang anak. Tumutulong. INTERVIEWER: So next part, ano ano naming topics ang madaling pagusapa, kunwari, sa paggigirlfriend. Naguusap ba kayo about sa panliligaw, ganon? INFORMANT: Family ko? Wala po nakakaalam eh INTERVIEWER: So alam lang nila na may girlfriend ka, di ka nila pinapaalalahanan, sa panliligaw, or sa future, pagkakaroon ng asawa? INFORMANT: Pinagsasabihan din. INTERVIEWER: Ano ano yun sinasabi? INFORMANT: Sinasabi sakin yun nga, unahin ko muna sarili ko bago sa kanya. Bago ako maggirlfriend, ready ko muna sarili ko, dapat may trabaho muna ako INTERVIEWER: Gaano katagal na kayo ng girlfriend mo? INFORMANT: Magfo-4 months na po INTERVIEWER: Nagkagirlfriend ka na ba ng iba? INFORMANT: Dami na. INTERVIEWER: Natatanggap yun palagi? Yung mga girlfriend mo? INFORMANT: Hindi. INTERVIEWER: Bakit?
76 INFORMANT: Sayang lang daw sa oras, isipin muna ang pagaaral INTERVIEWER: Um, Napaguusapan niyo ba kunwari yung teenage pregnancy INFORMANT: Oo, yung magingat daw ako. Yung pag ano, baka mabuntis ko nga, ingat daw ako. INTERVIEWER: Pwede mo ba idetalye yung napapagkwentuhan niyo kunwari sa pagkateenage pregnancy, pagdedate, padetalye pa ng napapagusapan INFORMANT: Ayun nga, yung lagi ako wala sa bahay na, eh minsan kasi anong oras na ko nakakauwi pag nagdedate kami, sesermonan niya ko kasi wala ako ginagawa sa bahay, wala nga akong trabaho ulit, natanggal ako. Unahin ko daw muna yung ano yung siyempre kaya ako natanggal dahil sa relasyon INTERVIEWER: Ah, so may ginagawa ka ba para di‌ INFORMANT: Naghahanap ng sideline at ng inaapplyan INTERVIEWER: Dun ka bumabawi? INFORMANT: Oo INTERVIEWER: May mga topics ba na di madaling pagusapan, sa pagkakaroon ng girlfriend? INFORMANT: Mahirap? Siguro ano INTERVIEWER: Yung ayaw mo mapagusapan? INFORMANT: Yung sa ano, tungkol sa sex, ganon INTERVIEWER: Ayaw mo? INFORMANT: Pero nababanggit nila yun?
77 INTERVIEWER: Oo. Sinasabi sakin, anong oras ka na naman nakakauwi umaalis ka ng madaling araw, ayan, minsan, mahirap kasi sabihin eh INFORMANT: Di ka kumportable pagusapan, kasama ang parents mo? Pero nasasabi mo naman sa friends mo? INTERVIEWER: Hindi po, kumbaga saming 2 lang ng girlfriend ko ang nakakaalam INTERVIEWER: Ayan, um, kunwari di kayo magkasundo ng parents mo, may negotiation bang nagaganap para magkasundo kayo. Dun sa sinabi mo na kunwari late ka umuwi at nagalit sila sayo, pano kayo nagaano? INFORMANT: Palipas lang INTERVIEWER: Ah, pero wala kang ginagawa? INFORMANT: Wala po, pagdating ng kinabukasan okay na ulit INTERVIEWER: Sila may ginagawa ba sila? INFORMANT: Sino po? INTERVIEWER: Parents mo? O pinapalipas din nila? INFORMANT: Opo INTERVIEWER: Hmm. May mga activities ba na di ka pinapayagan ng parents mo na gawin, tungkol sa paggirlfriend? INFORMANT: Yun nga yung di pa ako tapos, baka daw di ako matanggap ng family ng girlfriend ko INTERVIEWER: Ah, so concern din nila yon? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Pero, kunwari panunuod ng sine, pinapayagan ka naman
78 INFORMANT: Araw araw naman po, magkasama kami INTERVIEWER: Nagpapaalam ka ba? INFORMANT: Di po. Isang araw nga po galing akong airport eh, sinundo ko INTERVIEWER: Galing airport yung girlfriend mo? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: So lagi ka di nagpapaalam sa parents? Nagagalit or okay lang sa kanila? INFORMANT: Di naman po, di naman masyado. Ewan ko. INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon na ba parents mo? INFORMANT: Mama ko po 49 ata or 48 INTERVIEWER: Tatay mo ay? INFORMANT: Baka mag50 ganon, basta wala pa sila sa 50 nasa forty palang INTERVIEWER: Um, okay na ba yun? May gusto ka pa ba idagdag? Nagtatalo ba kayo? INFORMANT: Sa trabaho. INTERVIEWER: Di puro sa girlfriend o konektado ba yon INFORMANT: Ayon konektado din ang gf, kasi nabibigay ko oras ko sa girlfriend ko kesa sa pagtatrabaho INTERVIEWER: So dun sa part na yun nagagalit ang parents mo? INFORMANT: Opo yun lang po, yung time na magwowork ako, kahati ko pa rin sa oras ang gf ko INTERVIEWER: So di kayo nagne-negotiate?
79 INFORMANT: Opo INTERVIEWER: Hinahayaan nyo lang lumipas? INFORMANT: Opo yun lang INTERVIEWER: Yun na! Thank you! Mas nagagalit nanay mo sa tatay mo? INFORMANT: Mama lang po lagi nagagalit. END OF TRANSCRIPT Family 2 Parent 2 INTERVIEWER: Hello po, ako po pala si Megan at siya po si Pau. Bale po thesis partners po kami tapos ‘yung study po namin ay tungkol sa pagne-negotiate ng…paguusap po ng anak at ng magulang tungkol po doon sa pagbo-boyfriend. INFORMANT: Ah. INTERVIEWER: Ay, ayaw niyo pong maupo? INFORMANT: Sige lang, para ‘pag may bumili. INTERVIEWER: Kung meron po kayong ayaw na sagutin, okay lang po. ‘Yung pangalan niyo po, kung gusto niyo pong sabihin, okay lang din po. INFORMANT: Ako si (mentions name). Dito kami nakatira, isang compound. INTERVIEWER: Magkakamag-anak po kayo? INFORMANT: Oo. Ayan dito kami nagtitinda. INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon na po sila? INFORMANT: 50 na ako.
80 INTERVIEWER: Ay hindi po halata. Saan po kayo nag-aral last? INFORMANT: Sa Ilo-Ilo. Ilongga ako. INTERVIEWER: Ah bale po college? INFORMANT: High school. INTERVIEWER: Kailan po kayo lumipat dito, noong nag-asawa po kayo? INFORMANT: 1987 pa. INTERVIEWER: Ah matagal na po. Ilan po ‘yung anak niyo? INFORMANT: Isa lang. Ang pangalan niya Child 2, babae. INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon na po siya ulit? INFORMANT: 17 years old. INTERVIEWER: Ano pong pinagkakakitaan niyo? INFORMANT: Nagbebenta ng palamig tapos ‘yung asawa ko gumagawa ng sapatos. INTERVIEWER: Sa Marikina po ba siya gumagawa? INFORMANT: Oo, doon sa ano ni Valentino. INTERVIEWER: Umuuwi po siya lagi dito? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Mga more or less po, mga magkano po kaya ‘yung kinikita ng pamilya kada buwan? INFORMANT: Noong di pa pinasok ng baha, malaki talaga ‘yung kita. Kasi nagpagawa kami ng bahay, ng mga gamit. INTERVIEWER: Pero sa inyo na po itong bahay niyo dito?
81 INFORMANT: Pero ngayon maliit na lang ang kita. INTERVIEWER: Mga magkano po kaya? INFORMANT: Alam mo ang kita ng asawa ko sa isang linggo ay mga isang libo lang isang linggo. Minsan 700 lang. INTERVIEWER: Tapos kayo po sa pagbebenta? INFORMANT: Ano mamumuhunan ng 500 tapos kikita ako ng 400. INTERVIEWER: Per day po yun? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Araw-araw po yan? INFORMANT: Di naman, pag pasukan, nakaka-900 ako. Minsan naman 300 lang. Minsan natutunawan pa ng yelo. Tsaka ng dami namin dito. INTERVIEWER: Tsaka ‘yung mani na katabi. Sa inyo rin po yun? INFORMANT: Hindi, umuupa lang din ‘yun. Ako umuupa rin ako diyan, singkwenta isang araw. INTERVIEWER: So iyon po, start na po tayo. Kumusta po kayo ng mister niyo? ‘Yung relationship niyo po? INFORMANT: Wala namang problema. Kanya-kanya kami. Pag umuwi siya, oh siya magluluto, pag nauna ako, ako naman. ‘Yung anak namin kung anong oras siya umuwi…di naman ‘yung nagbubulakbol eh, maayos naman siya mag-aral. Simula elementary hanggang high school, honor siya eh. INTERVIEWER: Saan po siya nag-aaral? INFORMANT: PUP siya.
82 INTERVIEWER: Ah college na po. Ay may bumibili po. Ayun po, kayo naman po ng anak niyo, kumusta po ‘yung relationship niyo po? INFORMANT: Okay naman, kasi kung anong turo ng magulang ko sakin noong araw nung dalaga pa ako, yoon din ang tinuturo ko sa kanya. Di ko siya masyadong pinagbabawalan mag boyfriend. 3rd year pa lang yan may boyfriend na. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung boyfriend niya rin po ngayon, sila pa rin po? INFORMANT: Oo. Bale 3 years na sila. INTERVIEWER: Napag-uusapan niyo naman po sa bahay ‘yung lovelife po ni Child 2? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: ‘Pag po napag-uusapan niyo po ‘yung lovelife, sino po ‘yung nagsisimula? INFORMANT: Ako. INTERVIEWER: Kayo po palagi? Ano pong mga sinasabi niyo? INFORMANT: Oo, katulad noong sinasabi sa amin noong araw, kung gusto mong magasawa, mag-asawa ka. Basta ‘yung ina-ano ko sa kanya, ‘wag siya magpabuntis ng walang kasama. Pero sinasabi naman niya kung saan sila pupunta, anong gagawin nila. Kahit saan nagpupunta ‘yung dalawa na ‘yun. Sinasama na nga ng boyfriend niya sa Batangas. INTERVIEWER: Ano naman pong sinasabi ni Child 2? Ano pong nire-reply niya? INFORMANT: Pag dumating siya dito, hindi ko naman siya inuusisa na, uy, magkatabi ba kayo? Hindi, kasi ‘yung boyfriend niya born again, kumbaga tatlo silang magkakapatid, puro lalaki, parang tinuturing niyang bunsong babaeng kapatid ‘tong si Child 2. INTERVIEWER: Ano po bang religion niyo?
83 INFORMANT: Katoliko. Pero Pastor kasi ‘yung tatay niya kaya tinuturuan naman sila nun nang mabuting asal. Basta sinabi ko sa kanya na ‘yung tiwala namin, ‘wag mong sisirain. ‘Yung nanay ng lalaki, ‘yun ‘yung mas takot. Sabi ko, tiwala ka lang. INTERVIEWER: Ah so nag-uusap rin po kayo nung pamilya ng lalaki. INFORMANT: Oo. Siya ang natatakot, hindi ako. Tapos ‘yung anak ko madalang lumabas kaya ‘yung boyfriend niya ang pumupunta sa bahay. INTERVIEWER: Si Daddy po, pareho po kayo ng sinasabi sa anak niyo? INFORMANT: Nakikinig lang naman yon, hindi nagsasalita. Pag sinasabihan ko naman na magsalita siya, sasabihin niya na usapang babae yan. INTERVIEWER: Hindi naman po siya nagagalit kay Child 2? INFORMANT: Hindi. Ano ‘yun eh parang butiki, ‘pag may tao, magtatago. Basta nakikinig lang siya sa amin. INTERVIEWER: Paano po tumatakbo ‘yung usapan niyo tungkol sa lovelife? Parang kayo lang po ba ‘yung nagbibigay ng payo o may sinasabi rin po si Child 2? Paano po? INFORMANT: Ah tinatanong ko siya kung sigurado ba siya doon, sabi niya sa akin, hindi. INTERVIEWER: Ah hindi po. Bata pa po kasi. INFORMANT: Kaya minsan sinasabi ko pag nag-away sila, ay maghiwalay na nga kayo. Ganyan ganyan na naman kayo, nakakaasar kayo. INTERVIEWER: Shine-share po pala niya pag naga-away po sila… INFORMANT: Oo, pag nagaaway sila, oh anong pinag-awayan niyo? Kasi ‘yung boyfriend niya seloso. INTERVIEWER: Ah, maganda po si Child 2…
84 INFORMANT: Oo, hawig siya ni ano…ni Barbie daw sa bahay ni kuya. INTERVIEWER: Hala hindi po ako nanonood nun. INFORMANT: Pero ayaw niyang sinasabihan na kahawig niya. INTERVIEWER: So nashi-share po ni Child 2 ‘yun sa bahay po? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Sa inyo lang po o kasama po si Daddy? INFORMANT: Kasama rin, nakikinig lang. Sinasabi niya pag nakahiga rin kaming dalawa lang. INTERVIEWER: Close po talaga kayo… INFORMANT: Oo. Kaya hindi ako naghihigpit. Kasi mamaya pag hinigpitan mo, mas lalong…pumupunta kaya yang dalawa sa bar. INTERVIEWER: Sa bar po? INFORMANT: Oo, pero hindi umiinom. Kumakain lang ng pulutan kasi kasama nila ‘yung mga tito nila. Tsaka ‘yung anak ko, hindi nagbabarkada sa mga lalaki. Walang lalaking kaibigan yun. At saka ‘yung boyfriend niya kasi seloso INTERVIEWER: Eh paano po ‘yung mga barkada niyang lalaki before? INFORMANT: Ano, stop lahat. INTERVIEWER: Ah so binawalan po ni boyfriend. INFORMANT: Oo, lahat ‘yun, stop. Pwede siyang makisama sa mga lalaking kaibigan kung kasama yung boyfriend niya. Binabawalan eh. INTERVIEWER: Eh okay din po ‘yun no? Pero kayo po hindi po kayo nagbabawal?
85 INFORMANT: Ay hindi, hindi ko nga siya pinagbabawalan na magboyfriend tapos pagbabawalan ko siyang makipagkaibigan… INTERVIEWER: So pumupunta po sa bahay niyo si boyfriend? INFORMANT: Palibhasa seloso, alam niya kung kailan nasa bahay si Child 2. Sinusundo at hinahatid pa sa bahay. Tsaka gusto niya, parati silang magkasama. Minsan nga sinasara nila ‘yung bahay na silang dalawa lang. Minsan hinuhuli ko nga sila eh, pero wala naman silang ginagawa, nagsisigurado lang yung lalaki sa kapakanan ng anak ko. INTERVIEWER: Alagang-alaga po ha. INFORMANT: Kaya lang minsan, laging nakabuntot at tumatawag… INTERVIEWER: Ah, basta gusto lang po niya laging kasama. INFORMANT: Siguro kasi dahil mas matanda ‘yung lalaki. INTERVIEWER: Ah mas matanda po. INFORMANT: Oo, graduating na ‘yun dapat ng college pero lumipat sa eskwelahan ng anak ko. INTERVIEWER: Ah lumipat pa po sa PUP. INFORMANT: Oo, eh sa PUP, hindi pwedeng nagtransfer ka tapos 4th year ka pa rin. Kailangan first year ka ulit. INTERVIEWER: Mahal na mahal po talaga niya noh? Saang school po si kuya galing? INFORMANT: Sa ano…nakalimutan ko na eh, pero mas maganda ang PUP. Tinulungan siya ni Child 2. INTERVIEWER: Ano pong course nila? INFORMANT: ‘Yung boyfriend niya dati, IT, eh ngayon sa office yata siya eh. ‘Yung si Child 2 nakapasa ‘yung ng UP kaya lang sa Laguna.
86 INTERVIEWER: Ah sa Los Banos po. Matalino po siya. INFORMANT: Oo, pumasa rin yun sa La Salle. INTERVIEWER: Ah pero mahal po doon eh. INFORMANT: Oo mahal. Apat ‘yung kinuhanan niya eh, pasado lahat. PUP ang mura. INTERVIEWER: Pinakamura na nga po ang PUP. INFORMANT: Tsaka utak talaga ang ginagamit doon. INTERVIEWER: Doon po grumaduate ‘yung mommy ko eh. Tapos ‘yung mga usapan niyo po sa pagbo-boyfriend, paano po nagtatapos? INFORMANT: Noong una, sabi ko sa kanya, oh ano, magbo-boyfriend ka o mag-aaral ka? Sabi niya sa akin, Ma, wala akong pipiliin kasi kung kaya ko namang pagsabayin, bakit hindi. Tsaka parang gusto niyang ipagmalaki siya ng boyfriend niya dahil nga matalino siya…oo ganon siya, tsaka tinuturuan niya boyfriend niya sa eskwelahan. Tsaka nagka-boyfriend naman na din siya dati. Kaya lang nag-loko naman. Gusto niya rin kasi na ‘yung boyfriend niya eh nag-aaral ding mabuti. INTERVIEWER: Dahil po doon kaya po sila nag-break? INFORMANT: Oo. Basta gusto niya kung magbo-boyfriend siya, matalino rin. INTERVIEWER: Wala naman po kayong naging problema sa pagbo-boyfriend niya? Parang tension po sa inyong mag-ina, wala pong tension? INFORMANT: Wala. Ang ano ko lang doon, ay bumangon ka na, gumising ka na diyan. Pupuyat-puyat ka tapos ganyan. Kung hindi ko ‘yung gigisingin, di ‘yun magigising. INTERVIEWER: Pero ‘yung sa pagbo-boyfriend po, wala namang problema? INFORMANT: Kahit saan makarating ‘yun, basta sabihin lang nila. INTERVIEWER: Tiwala po talaga kayo sa kanila…
87 INFORMANT: Ang sinasabi ko sa kanila ano lang, wag nilang sirain ‘yung tiwala namin. ‘Yun lang. Pag umalis sila, ayos lang. Di ko tatanungin kung nagtabi ba sila o ano, di ako nangu-usisa. Kung gagawin nila ‘yon, nasa kanila na ‘yon. INTERVIEWER: Hindi na rin po minsan mapipigilan. INFORMANT: Basta ako may tiwala ako sa kanila pareho. Ako naman, naranasan ko na rin naman mag-boyfriend. Minsan nga tinatanong ko pa siya kapag magka-yakap sila, tumitigas ba. INTERVIEWER: Ay tinatanong niyo po siya ng ganon? INFORMANT: Oo. Eh kasi naranasan ko ‘yun. Sabi niya, ew! INTERVIEWER: So very open po kayong dalawa. INFORMANT: Kumbaga kasi ako, naranasan ko na ‘yon. INTERVIEWER: Ayan, nabanggit niyo po ‘yung pagyakap, ganyan…ano pa pong topics ang nadadalian kayong pag-usapan tungkol po sa pagkakaroon ng boyfriend? INFORMANT: Ah, ang sinasabi ko lang sa kanya pag naguusap kami, tulad naming mag-asawa, siguraduhin niya na wala siyang mapeperwisyong tao at dapat gusto niya ‘yung mga gagawin niya INTERVIEWER: Pero ‘yung mga ano po, kunwari po sa panliligaw, meron po ba kayong sinasabi or pinaguusapan tungkol doon? Panliligaw, pagde-date… INFORMANT: Panliligaw, una pakilala, ganito ganito. INTERVIEWER: Ah so noong nanliligaw pa lang po si boyfriend, pinakilala na po sa inyo? INFORMANT: Oo, tapos sabi ng boyfriend, ang sungit naman ng mama mo. Sabi niya, ganyan lang talaga yan, pero pag natagalan ‘yan, madakdak kaya yan.
88 INTERVIEWER: So sa una lang naman po. Tapos may mga napaguusapan po ba kayo tungkol sa paga-asawa… INFORMANT: Yung paga-asawa, hindi pa eh. INTERVIEWER: Hindi niyo po napaguusapan? INFORMANT: Wala pa akong nakikita sa kanya na parang gusto na niya eh. Easy easy lang sila. Parang laro laro lang sila. Pati rin naman ‘yung lalaki tsaka ‘yung nanay ng lalaki. Pero wala na siyang friends. INTERVIEWER: Na lalake po? INFORMANT: Kahit babae. Ayaw rin nung boyfriend niya na may kangitian siyang iba. INTERVIEWER: Ay ganun po. Paano na po yan? Paano na po yung mga kaibigan niya? INFORMANT: Wala na, lahat wala. ‘Yung mga classmate niya dati, kahit batiin siya, hindi niya pinapansin. INTERVIEWER: Grabe naman po ‘yung boyfriend. INFORMANT: Ganun siya. INTERVIEWER: Mahirap po ‘yan pag ayaw na po ng anak niyo, pag po napuno o sobrang nasakal na. Meron po ba kayong hindi nadadalian na pagusapan? May mga topics po ba na ayaw niyong pagusapan, iniiwasan niyo? INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Open po kayo. May hindi po ba kayo napagkakasunduan? INFORMANT: Yung paggising lang niya sa umaga. Pag hindi mo ginising, hindi gigising. INTERVIEWER: May time po ba na parang nagne-negotiate po kayo…
89 INFORMANT: Minsan ‘yung boyfriend niya nagpapagising sa bahay. INTERVIEWER: Ay nagpapagising po siya? INFORMANT: Oo. Sasabihin ko naman na wag mong gisingin, hayaan mo lang. Ikaw dapat ang dinadaanan dito. INTERVIEWER: Ano naman pong sinasabi ni Child 2 pag binabawalan niyo siya? INFORMANT: Pag binabawalan ko, sasabihan lang niya ako ng Ma…kumbaga ‘yung galit ko nililigaw. Hanggang sa okay na. INTERVIEWER: Ah parang nilalambing po kayo. INFORMANT: Oo, nilalambing. Kumbaga nililiko niya…kinaumagahan, iibahin niya ‘yung usapan, ma, maliligo ako, yung tubig. INTERVIEWER: So paano po kayo nagkakasundo? INFORMANT: Wala, ‘yun na yon. INTERVIEWER: Hindi po kayo nagsasagutan? INFORMANT: Nagsasagutan kami. INTERVIEWER: Paano po yung sagutan niyo? INFORMANT: Nagsasagutan kami niyan kagabi. Kasi nag-computer silang magboyfriend kagabi diyan sa may tindahan. Sabi ko, Child 2, alam mo namang may gagawin ka tungkol sa school eh. Dapat umaga pa lang, ginawa mo na. Parang wala man lang, Ma, ako na lang magbantay ng tindahan, magluto ka na lang. Nagligpit ako mag-isa tapos nagluto ako mag-isa. Bakit hindi kasi nila agad sinabi sa akin. INTERVIEWER: Ano naman pong sabi niya? INFORMANT: Nakatahimik lang siya sa tabi. Sabi ko, nakikinig ka ba? Oo nakikinig ako sa inyo
90 INTERVIEWER: Ano po yun, nagsorry po ba siya? INFORMANT: Palaban po. INTERVIEWER: Ano po mga sinasabi? INFORMANT: Nangangatwiran, nangangatwiran talaga siya. Mahilig magdebate. Di papatalo siya INTERVIEWER: Pano po nagtatapos usapan niyo pag ganon INFORMANT: Sasabihin ko sa kanya, tumigil ka na. wag ka na sumagot! Sasabihin mo pag di ako sumagot, nananahimik ka diyan. Pag ayaw magsalita INTERVIEWER: Ah opo. INFORMANT: Gumagawa talaga ng butas, oo. INTERVIEWER: Dati pa po siyang ganon or ngayon lang? INFORMANT: Bata pa lang kasi siya ganon na siya eh. Nung grade 1 sabi niya kay mam, mam pwede magCr, eh di na pwede, kasi bawal umalis kasi uwian na. Sabin g anak ko, san ako iihi sa harap mo? INTERVIEWER: (laughs) INFORMANT: Mam grade 1 dapat, 7, siya 5 lang. Sabi nung titser, sige subukan nating tatlong araw. Pag marunong siya, sige grade 1 na. INTERVIEWER: Matalino po talaga, accelerated INFORMANT: Yung teacher naman niya, sabi niya tatlong araw lang parang kaya ng bata, pasok nan g grade 1, so nakapasok siya. Yung anak niyo gusto ko sabunutan. Minsan sinita ng titser, Tagal mo naman magsulat iha, ikaw ay nahuhuli, sabi ba naman, eh kung mabagal ako magsulat eh, di maghintay ka. INTERVIEWER: Hala.
91 INFORMANT: Oo ganon talaga, dyan siya naghigh school INTERVIEWER: Ah dito sa KNL? INFORMANT: Oo kinakatakutan kaya yan. INTERVIEWER: Basta ang ano ko lang, mangatwiran siya, maano siya sa katwiran. Pag alam niya, lalaban yan, talagang mangatwiran yan. Kaya ako minsan, wag ka na mangatwiran at sumagot! INTERVIEWER: Pag ganon, tinitigil na yung away? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Kunwari sa mga ganon, may napagkasunduan kayo, may time ban a nababago yun? Kunwari parang pwede mo gawin yan, tapos parang magbabago kunwari isip niyo. INFORMANT: Sa ano lang siguro sa pagluluto lang, kasi wala siyang alam e INTERVIEWER: Ah sa mga gawaing bahay po? INFORMANT: Oo, di siya marunong maglaba, magluto, pagkagising ma, nagugutom na ako, ano ulam. Kaya nung sinabi ko na UP LB, sabi niiya, Ma, ayoko, wala ka. INTERVIEWER: May mga activities po ba siya na pinagbabawalan niyo na kasama ang boyfriend? INFORMANT: Ah oo, nung elem at hs, wala pang boyfriend yan, Yung Aladdin dati, siya yung si jasmine eh. Ginaya ko kaya yung damit ni jasmine. INTERVIEWER: Ah nanay nananahi po kayo? INFORMANT: Ah pinatahi ko to. May mga padyak padyak, ano sa mahal na araw na ano, lagi siya si veronica. Sabi nga ng teacher niya, Nico, nagging veronica ka pala. Ma’am opo. Nico, ang muka mo di pang Veronica, pang sampalin (Laughs) Kasi mataray nga siya.
92 INTERVIEWER: Pero yung mga kasama niya bf niya, may pinagbabawal? INFORMANT: Nung JS niya nung 4th year siya, yung boyfriend di pumayag INTERVIEWER: Ah yung boyfriend ang di punmayag INFORMANT: Oo INTERVIEWER: Pero kayo po? INFORMANT: Pumapayag. INTERVIEWER: Ah so sa lahat ng activities niya, pumapayag kayo? Ako pumapayag talaga ako. Walang pakialam yan eh, 4th year, naawa siguro ang bf, pinasama ng bf, pero may oras INTERVIEWER: Grabe mas strict pa ang bf INFORMANT: Ako naman tulog, ung bf eh sinundo pa siya ng kotse, parang o ganitong oras ka lang ah. INTERVIEWER: Kayo po bilang magulang, kunwari nagkagalit kayo, may ginagawa kayo paraan para magkasundo o naghihintay kayo? INFORMANT: Wala na INTERVIEWER: Wala pong galit ako sainyo INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Eh siya may ganon? Tampo tampo INFORMANT: Eh pag alam niyang galit kami, iniiba niya usapan. So di na niya itutuloy INTERVIEWER: Parang nanunuyo ganon INFORMANT: Oo.
93 INTERVIEWER: Yun lang po, may gusto pa po kayo idagdag? INFORMANT: Wala na. INTERVIEWER: Wala naman po kayong problema INFORMANT: Mas takot pa nga yung nanay ng anak ko, sabi ko di moa lam, siyempre kumbaga ako, wag ka lang uulila sa ama, pag nagasawa, makisama ka. Sa kanya INTERVIEWER: Ano po reaction niyo pag kinakausap ng ganyan INFORMANT: Wala, kaya sabi ko sa kanya, kasi di naman kami habang buhay INTERVIEWER: Yun na po, thank you po. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 2 INTERVIEWER: Gusto mo pa lang i-state ‘yung pangalan mo? Okay lang kahit hindi. INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: And ilang taon ka na? INFORMANT: 17. INTERVIEWER: Saan ka nag-aaral? INFORMANT: PUP Quezon City Branch. INTERVIEWER: Anong course mo doon? INFORMANT: Marketing Management. INTERVIEWER: So kumusta naman kayo ni Mama dito sa bahay? INFORMANT: Okay lang.
94 INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung relationship niyo, ganon. INFORMANT: Okay lang, open naman, tropa tropa lang. INTERVIEWER: Kayo naman ni Papa? INFORMANT: Ganun din, wala namang…okay lang. INTERVIEWER: So anu-anong mga napag-uusapan niyo sa bahay regarding your relationship? In general muna… INFORMANT: Lahat, kasi open naman ako sa kanila kung anong nangyayari sa akin. Sa school, sa friends ko, saming dalawa. Halos lahat nagkukwento ako sa kanila kasi hindi naman ako pinalaki na may secrets. INTERVIEWER: So nababanggit mo naman ‘yung lovelife kay Mama. INFORMANT: Oo, dito na nga natutulog ‘yan eh. INTERVIEWER: So sino ‘yung nauuna mag-initiate ng kwentuhan tungkol sa lovelife, ikaw o si Mama? INFORMANT: Kahit sino, ‘pag ano… INTERVIEWER: Pwedeng magbigay ka ng example na ikaw ‘yung nagsimula tapos si Mama. INFORMANT: Ano ba, halimbawa magkaaway kami [boyfriend], ‘pag napansin ni Mama, siya magsisimula pero kapag hindi naman, pag kinikilig lang ako, ako. INTERVIEWER: So pag positive, medyo ikaw. Paano naman nagtatapos ‘yung mga ganoong usapan? INFORMANT: Wala lang, kasi paiba-iba ng topic. Kunyari sisimulan namin sa kung bakit kami nag-away ganon sabay kung saan saan na napupunta ‘yung usapan tapos kahit saan na nagtatapos. Minsan nagtatapos pag tulog na si Mama.
95 INTERVIEWER: Ay so ‘yung relationship niyo, di naman siya nagco-cause ng tension between you and your mom? INFORMANT: Hindi naman. INTERVIEWER: Or your dad? INFORMANT: Hindi rin. INTERVIEWER: Anu-anong topics ‘yung madaling pag-usapan tungkol sa inyong dalawa? INFORMANT: Na shine-share ko kay Mama? Anything. Kahit ano lang. INTERVIEWER: Anu-ano yun? INFORMANT: Parang kung aalis kami, kung anong ginawa namin buong maghapon, kung bakit kami nag-away, kung bakit kami pumunta sa ganito, kung anong meron sa bahay nila, ganon. INTERVIEWER: Meron bang hindi madaling pag-usapan? Na ika-cut mo na agad… INFORMANT: Ano ba, pag may secret kami na pinaplano tapos ayaw naming sabihin kay mama. O kaya kunwari ano ba basta pag may tinatago kami na ayaw muna naming malaman ni Mama pero later on sinasabi naman namin. INTERVIEWER: Anu-ano to? Okay lang bang malaman? INFORMANT: Ano, kasi katulad ngayon, may pinagiipunan kami, tapos hindi pa namin sinasabi sa kanila kung ano, parang surprise ganoon. INTERVIEWER: Pero okay lang naman po sa inyo? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Parang may mga pinagbibilin ba si Mama sa’yo tungkol sa inyong dalawa?
96 INFORMANT: Wala naman, ano ba, alamin lang daw namin ‘yung limitasyon namin. ‘Yun lang. INTERVIEWER: Ano ‘yung pagkakainitindi mo doon? INFORMANT: Sexual activities. INTERVIEWER: And okay lang ding pag-usapan sa’yo or ayaw mo? INFORMANT: Oo okay lang, normal yun eh. INTERVIEWER: Eh kay Papa? INFORMANT: Okay lang, wala naman kasi diba. Kung may mali kaming ginawa, ‘yung talaga itatago namin eh since wala naman, wala naman kaming dapat itago. So ‘yun lang. INTERVIEWER: Nagka-previous relationship ka na ba? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Or wait, gaano na kayo katagal? INFORMANT: Three years and 5 months. INTERVIEWER: Yung previous relationship mo, okay lang bang itanong kung bakit siya nag-end? INFORMANT: Ano ba, iba-iba naman ‘yung reason. Ah ‘yung last bago siya? INTERVIEWER: Oo. INFORMANT: Kasi ano ba, ‘yun kasi in the first place pa lang, ano, ayoko na kasi nakita ko talaga ‘yung ugali niya pagdating sa mga girls tapos sinabayan pa na makilala ko siya tapos ayun, alam ko na mas gusto ko siya kaysa sa isang guy. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung choices mo kunwari sa boyfriend, may epekto ba doon si Mama?
97 INFORMANT: Wala naman masyado kasi hindi naman siya nangingialam sa choices ko. Basta kung ano ‘yung gusto kong gawin, katulad nung sa kanya dati, diba may conflict noon ‘yung ex ko before siya tapos sabay siya. Tapos sabi lang ni Mama, kung ano ‘yung desisyon mo, pangatawanan mo. Tapos huwag ka lang iiyak iyak diyan. Wag kang masasaktandiyan kasi dapat panindigan mo ‘yan. Ganun lang. INTERVIEWER: So sa lahat naman ng activities, pinapayagan ka ni Mommy? INFORMANT: Oo, basta nagpapaalam siyempre. Pag hindi kami nagpapaalam, nagagalit siya. Pero ‘pag alam na niya kung nasaan ako at sinong kasama ko, okay na. INTERVIEWER: May time ba na sobra kayong nagkagalit? INFORMANT: Ni? INTERVIEWER: Mama. INFORMANT: Meron. Oo meron. Kasi ayaw niya ‘yung nagaaway kaming dalawa. Kung nagaaway kaming dalawa tapos nakita niyang sobra na, nakikijoin na siya. INTERVIEWER: Paano si nakiki-join? INFORMANT: Like Miko, ano yan? Bakit nag-away na naman kayo? INTERVIEWER: So ayaw mo ng ganon? INFORMANT: Hindi, ayaw ko kasi nung sinasabayan ‘yung galit ko. Kaya kami imbes na kami lang ang magkaaway, kaaway ko rin siya. INTERVIEWER: Paano kayo nagkakaayos pagka ganon? Ni Mama? INFORMANT: Ano ba…parang mananahimik lang, parang matutulog lang tapos kinabukasan okay na. INTERVIEWER: Or sinusuyo mo ba siya ganyan? INFORMANT: Hindi. Basta pagkagising ko okay na. Ma anong ulam? Tapos okay na.
98 INTERVIEWER: Magpapalipas lang, ganyan. INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Tapos, uhm, feeling mo kunware…kasi base doon sa interview ni Mama, parang okay naman siya kay guy. Pero feeling mo kung hindi siya okay kay guy, may magiiba ba sa relationship niyo? INFORMANT: Ayaw niya ‘yung guy? INTERVIEWER: Oo pero gusto mo ‘yung guy. INFORMANT: TIngin ko magiging ano, ano ba…hindi naman sa magsi-secret ako pero parang gagawin ko muna bago ko ipaalam sa kanya. Kasi ano diba… INTERVIEWER: So secret muna. INFORMANT: Last time, nangyari naman na sa amin yon kasi nagkaroon kami ng affair habang may boyfriend ako tapos ayaw ni Mama yon kasi gusto niyang i-end ko muna ‘yung relationship ko doon sa isa. So makikipagbreak na ako sa kanya muna. Eh since ayaw makipagbreak nung guy, wala akong magawa, nakikipagkita talaga ako sa kanya nang hindi alam ni Mama. Pero hindi naman malayo, parang kasama ko yung classmate ko tapos sabay diyan sa gilid, yung ganun. Tapos noong nalaman ni Mama, tinanong lang niya kung anong nangyari pero hindi naman siya nagalit. INTERVIEWER: May mga opinion ba kayo na magkaiba kunwari, tungkol sa pagrerelasyon? INFORMANT: Wala naman. Meron ba? INTERVIEWER: Kumnwari sa way ng panliligaw kunware, mga ganyan. INFORMANT: Wala naman. Wala talaga. INTERVIEWER: Uhm last, napaguusapan niyo ba ‘yung future mo kunwari, yung pagaasawa…
99 INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: So anong nangyayari sa usapan na ‘yon? INFORMANT: Madalas namang ganun eh. Madalas pagusapan tungkol sa future kasama yung boyfriend ko. Magpa-plano ganyan. INTERVIEWER: Kayong dalawa o kayong tatlo? INFORMANT: Kasama si Mama. Ano pag nagtatrabaho na tayo, ipataas natin tong bahay, bili tayong kotse tapos yung anak natin tatlo, tapos sabi ni Mama dapat pag-aralin niyo tapos pag babae ako yung maglalande, ganyan. INTERVIEWER: So nagaagree naman kayo most of the time? INFORMANT: Oo, kung usapan tungkol sa future ko, oo. INTERVIEWER: So ang ayaw lang ni Mama ay ‘yung hindi nagpapaalam? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: And nagaaway kayong dalawa… INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: So may gusto ka bang idagdag? INFORMANT: Wala naman. INTERVIEWER: Okay. END OF TRANSCRIPT Family 3 Parent 3 INTERVIEWER: Siya po ay apo niyo po?
100 INFORMANT: Anak nung isa kong anak. INTERVIEWER: Si Child 3 po ba ‘yung anak niyo? INFORMANT: Oo, bunso. INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po bang sabihin niyo ‘yung pangalan niyo sa recording? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Nag high school po ba kayo? INFORMANT: Hindi. INTERVIEWER: Pwede po bang matanong ‘yung monthly family income niyo? INFORMANT: Ang income namin, minsan merong kita, minsan wala. Alam mo naman ang hirap ng buhay ngayon, nag-aalaga lang ako ng apo. Yung mga anak ko ang mga nage-extra extra. INTERVIEWER: Ano po ‘yung mga pinagkakakitaan po nila? INFORMANT: Construction. INTERVIEWER: So mga more or less po mga magkano? INFORMANT: Kasi ang kita naman nila ay 200 a day lang eh. INTERVIEWER: Sa buong pamilya na yon? INFORMANT: Oo, pinagkakasya ko na lang. Tapos yung papa niya nage-extra extra sa mga canteen canteen para dagdag kita. INTERVIEWER: Pwede po bang matanong ‘yung age niyo? INFORMANT: 56. INTERVIEWER: Tapos taga Bicol po talaga kayo?
101 INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Kailan po kayo lumipat dito? INFORMANT: 1982. INTERVIEWER: Bakit po pala kayo napunta dito? INFORMANT: Kasi ‘yung naging amo ko diyan, naging katulong ako dito…’yung naging amo ko parang caretaker dito sa lupa na ‘to. Noong namatay siya, ‘yung caretaker na ‘yon, naging lote na namin to. INTERVIEWER: So sa inyo na po ito. INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Ilan po ‘yung anak niyo? INFORMANT: Tatlo. INTERVIEWER: Ano po ‘yung mga age nila? INFORMANT:
26, 25, 24.
INTERVIEWER: Magkakasunod po, no? INFORMANT: Oo, taun-taon. INTERVIEWER: Si Mister po? INFORMANT: Matagal nang patay. INTERVIEWER: Ah okay po. Ngayon po, pwede niyo po bang ilawaran ‘yung relasyion niyo sa mga anak niyo? INFORMANT: Ang relasyon naming magi-ina, para kaming magkakapatid. Naghaharutan kaming mag-ina, naguusap kami na ganito na lang ba tayo, sabi nila, wala eh, pasensya ka na ma, wala eh. Lalabas ‘yun sa labas…tulad kanina walang wala kami.
102 Tapos ma, pencil ba tayo? Bakit? May gagawin ako. Tapos binigay ko ‘yung pencil…’yung pako sa construction. Ngayon, pagdating niya, may pera na siya, may pambili na kami. INTERVIEWER: Si Child 3 po ‘yun? INFORMANT: Oo, si Child 3. INTERVIEWER: Pwede po bang maitanong ‘yung mga napaguusapan niyo sa bahay? INFORMANT: ‘Yung normal na paguusap. Eto kasi may mga girlfriend girlfriend na rin siya. Parang balewala lang…para lang kaming magbabarkada. ‘Yun lang, wala naman kaming problema. ‘Yun lagi ko nga lang silang napapagalitan kasi sa bisyo, sigarilyo…’yan, doon kami nagtatalo-talo. Sabi niya, Ma, ako alam ko na ang ginagawa ko…pag napapa-shot sila diyan sa labas, sinusundo ko sila. Sumasama naman. INTERVIEWER: Alam naman po nila ‘yung limitasyon? INFORMANT: Oo, alam naman nila. INTERVIEWER: So pagdating sa page-girlfriend ng mga anak niyo, expecially kay Child 3 po, ano po yung stand niyo doon sa… INFORMANT: Wala namang problema. Kasi etong mama niya [apo] tsaka girlfriend niya [Child 3], magkapatid. Tapos sila tsaka ‘yung papa niya [apo] magkapatid din. INTERVIEWER: Ah. INFORMANT: Ganon diba. Noong una, hadlang ako doon kasi marami kasing nagsasabi na masama ‘yun. Ako naman, umuwi sa amin, nagtanong tanong ako doon sa mga lola ko kung anong ano…sabi nila wala yun, di na yan uso ngayon. Noong araw, uso. Bale, tanggap ko na siya kaya bale nandito na siya. Pumupunta na siya dito sa amin. INTERVIEWER: Si girlfriend po? INFORMANT: Oo si girlfriend niya. Wala, tama, para kaming magbarkada.
103 INTERVIEWER: So close na po kayo… INFORMANT: Hindi kami…wala kaming…away na talak talak na parinigan…nako wala. INTERVIEWER: Ika-klaro ko lang po. Noong una, medyo hindi po…hindi niyo po gusto ‘yung girlfriend kasi kapatid po nung… INFORMANT: Oo. Doon kami nagtatalong dalawa. Kaso lang, ang naging ano ko lang, kaya pumayag na rin ako. Nagtanong din ako kasi doon sila laging nagkikita sa labas. INTERVIEWER: Ah so naguusap naman po kayo anytime of the day? INFORMANT: Oo, kung saan kami abutan ng usap. Diyan, dito. INTERVIEWER: Madalas po ba pag kumakain? INFORMANT: Hindi naman, kasi hindi naman kami madalas sabay kumakain. Diyan ako, diyan naman sila. INTERVIEWER: So paano po nagsisimula ‘yung usapan niyo? Sino pong nagsisimula? INFORMANT: Minsan ako, minsan sila. INTERVIEWER: Pabigay po ng example kung kailan po kayo yung nagsisimula at kung kailan naman po sila. INFORMANT: Ako, oh ano na, ano nang buhay natin? Ganito na lang ba tayo? Oh ano, wala kayong balak sa mga buhay niyo? Ganon lang. Sila naman, wala pa Ma eh. INTERVIEWER: Pero ‘yung tungkol po sa lovelife po, paano po kayo naguusap? INFORMANT: Wala naman akong ano sa kanila eh. Basta bahala sila sa buhay nila. Bahala kayo. Basta ako, ‘pag hindi ko gusto, sasabihin ko. Huwag ‘yan, pangit ‘yan. O wag kayong gumawa ng ganon, hindi ko kayo pinalaking masama. Wala akong tinuro sa inyong ganyan. Nagtatalo sila, nagdidiskusyon…nakadepensa agad ako para…tigilan niyo na ‘yan. Ganyan agad ako.
104 INTERVIEWER: So ‘yung takbo po ng usapan… INFORMANT: Wala, bigla na lang natatapos. INTERVIEWER: Ano po ba ‘yung factor sa isang babae na ayaw niyo po para sa anak niyo? INFORMANT: Wala, parang, wala lang. Parang pag umuwi siya sa kanila, ako na dito, iniwanan na naman ako. Parang nasasaktan din ako pag halimbawa umaalis siya. Pag umuuwi sila doon, uwi muna ako, Ma. Parang pag-alis niya, masakit. Babalik pa kaya? Ganun, nasa isip ko lang naman yon. INTERVIEWER: Ano po ‘yung mga nagiging dahilan ng tension niyo sa pagitan ng anak niyo tsaka kayo na dahil po sa page-girlfriend? INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Pero saan lang po kayo medyo nagkaka… INFORMANT: Pag nasa labasan siya, yosi yosi, mga bisyo, yangpagshot shot, inom…halimbawa tatawagin ng barkada, makiki-shot. Ako naman, siyempre nakatingin sa oras. Hahanapin ko na yon, lalabas na ako doon. Lagi akong nakabuntot sa kanila. INTERVIEWER: So ano naman pong topics tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng nobya yung madali pong pagusapan? INFORMANT: Lahat naman madali lang. INTERVIEWER: Meron po bang hindi madali? Meron po bang pag nasabi na po ‘yung topic na yon eh ayaw niyo na pong pagusapan? Meron po bang ganon? INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Meron po bang time na nag-negotiate kayo nung anak niyo para lang po mapayagan siya? INFORMANT: Oo, sa paglabas labas niya sa labas.
105 INTERVIEWER: Paano po ‘yung nagyari sa negotiation? INFORMANT: Sasabihin niya, dito lang naman ako, sandali lang, babalik naman ako agad. Magagalit na ako doon. Sabi mo sandali lang, maya maya pagsundo ko, akala ko kung saan na nagpunta, ang tagal tagal na. Doon kami nagtatalo. INTERVIEWER: Paano po kayo nagkakaayos? INFORMANT: Tahimik muna. Minsan pag galit ako di na muna ako kumikibo. Siya ang unang pumapansin sa akin. INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po ba na diretso na po? INFORMANT: Oo. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 3 INTERVIEWER: So Kuya, gaano na po kayo katagal ni Ate? INFORMANT: 1 year and 6 months. INTERVIEWER: So Kuya, meron pa bang rules si mother sa pagrerelasyon? INFORMANT: Wala na. INTERVIEWER: Parang support na lang? INFORMANT: Oo, support. INTERVIEWER: Uhm sa paningin niyo naman, paano kayo nag-uusap ni mother tungkol sa pagkakaroon mo ng girlfriend? INFORMANT: Nag-uusap lang kami nang normal. INTERVIEWER: Anong mga halimbawa?
106 INFORMANT: Kinukumusta lang… INTERVIEWER: Tsaka meron ka bang naaalala na paguusap niyo na pwede mong ikwento sa amin. INFORMANT: Matagal na rin po yun. INTERVIEWER: Ah matagal na. So parang sanay na kayo…may mga bagay ba na hindi ka pinapayagan ni Mommy? INFORMANT: Wala naman. Doon lang sa pag-inom. INTERVIEWER: Ah doon naka-focus. Pero sa lahat naman ng bagay na kasama si girlfriend, pinapayagan ka ng nanay mo? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Okay lang bang itanong kung meron kang previous girlfriends? INFORMANT: Meron. INTERVIEWER: So nung sila pa, meron pa bang rules si Mommy? INFORMANT: Meron pa. INTERVIEWER: Ah so meron pa. So ano ‘yun? INFORMANT: Ayaw niya kasi ‘yung babae mismo. INTERVIEWER: Ah, so paano kayo nagiinteract noon? Parang nagkakagalit din ba kayo? INFORMANT: Ayaw niya talaga eh. INTERVIEWER: So dahil ayaw ni Mama, nakipagbreak ka sa kanya? INFORMANT: Oo.
107 INTERVIEWER: Anong meron doon sa babae na ayaw ni Mommy? INFORMANT: Mapili lang talaga siya. INTERVIEWER: Pero ano sa tingin mo na lang? Or okay lang naman kung ayaw niyong i-share. Sa ugali ni girl siguro? INFORMANT: Siyempre yung ugali. INFORMANT: Ma-bisyo din yung babae. INTERVIEWER: Ah mabisyo din. INFORMANT: Oo. Parang gusto kong sugurin na ano eh. INTERVIEWER: Yung mga away po na ganon, paano po kayo nagkakabati? INFORMANT: Wala, kinakausap ko lang siya. INTERVIEWER: Ikaw ‘yung unang makikipag-usap. Ano ‘yung mga nine-negotiate mo sa mommy mo doon sa dati mong girlfriend? INFORMANT: Kinakausap ko lang siya. INTERVIEWER: Paano mo napapapayag si mommy… INFORMANT: Hindi talaga pumapayag. INTERVIEWER: So parang tumatakas ka. INFORMANT: Oo, tumatakas. INTERVIEWER: Mga ilang taon ka noon? INFORMANT: Bata pa, mga 17…18. INTERVIEWER: Parang si girlfriend lang ba ngayon ‘yung okay kay mommy? INFORMANT: Oo, pinaglaban ko eh.
108 INTERVIEWER: So paano mo siya pinaglaban? INFORMANT: Kahit anong hadlang niya, pilit pa rin ‘yung pagkikita namin...tumatakas kami, gumagawa ako ng paraan para magkita kami. INTERVIEWER: So paano paano pag nalaman ni mommy yun? INFORMANT: Ang paalam ko, diyan lang ako sa labas. Pag nasal abas, hindi na niya alam na gumala na kaming dalawa. INTERVIEWER: Pero okay naman na kay mommy? INFORMANT: Okay naman na. INTERVIEWER: So ‘yun ‘yung way na pinaglaban mo ‘yung relationship niyo… INFORMANT: Para matanggap niya. INTERVIEWER: Nagkukwento ka rin about sa girlfriend mo na mabait, ganon? Paano mo kino-convince si mommy? INFORMANT: Sasabihin ko, mama, sobrang bait naman niya, lahat magugustuhan niya. INTERVIEWER: Para lang sa record, ilang taon ka na? INFORMANT: 24 INTERVIEWER: Tapos anong pinagkakakitaan? INFORMANT: Construction. INTERVIEWER: Ano yung highest educational attainment? INFORMANT: 1st year high school. Nagtrabaho na ako nun eh. INTERVIEWER: Anong trabaho mo noon? INFORMANT: Construction pa rin.
109 INTERVIEWER: So bakit sa tingin mo parang medyo open kayo ng nanay mo? Parang ano yung dahilan? INFORMANT: Parang close lang po. Parang barkada lang. INTERVIEWER: Dahil close kayo. Pwede bang matanong ‘yung difference ng pagiging strict ng mama mo noong bata ka tsaka ngayon? Kailan siya naging maluwag? INFORMANT: Mga 20. INTERVIEWER: Last na, ano sa tingin mo ‘yung greatest lesson na natutunan mo galing kay mommy? INFORMANT: Mga tinuro niya sa amin…mga huwag magnakaw mga ganon. INTERVIEWER: Or pagdating sa pagrerelasyon, ano yung mga bilin niya? ‘Yung future ba, hindi niyo napaguusapan? INFORMANT: Napaguusapan. Kung anong balak namin, kung kaya ko na bang mabuhay… INTERVIEWER: So pwede bang malaman ‘yung mga balak mo… INFORMANT: Trabaho, ganon, pamilya… INTERVIEWER: At okay naman sa mommy mo yun? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Baka po may gusto pa kayong idagdag… INFORMANT: Wala na… INTERVIEWER: Ayun, maraming salamat po at pasensya na. END OF TRANSCRIPT
110 MIDDLE INCOME FAMILIES Family 4 Parent 4 INTERVIEWER: So pwede niyo po bang sabihin ‘yung pangalan niyo? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Ano po ‘yung highest educational attainment niyo? INFORMANT: Nag HRM ng two years. INTERVIEWER: Eh si Mommy po? INFORMANT: Nag-elementary hanggang grade 1. Sa amin kasi pag nag high school ka dati mataas sa yun eh. Ako nga ngayong 35 lang ako natapos. 17 years ako sa Hong Kong tapos pagdating ko, nag-aral ako ng HRM. INTERVIEWER: Bakit po nagtrabaho kayo agad? INFORMANT: Panganay kasi ako eh. Kaya trabaho muna. Pero nag-aral din ako ng Computer Science dati pero di ako nakatapos, isang taon lang. Ngayon pa lang. INTERVIEWER: So pwede pong itanong kung magkano po ‘yung monthly family income niyo? INFORMANT: Ano actually ano, meron kasi kaming ano sa Bicol…nagma-mining kami. Nagfi-finance kami, naga-ano…depende sa kita. Minsan sa isang linggo, umaabot ng 30 thousand. Sabihin na nating 50-70 per month. INTERVIEWER: 50-70 po, buong family na po yun? INFORMANT: Buong family na. INTERVIEWER: Ano pong current occupation niyo?
111 INFORMANT: Sa ngayon wala, pahinga muna. Oo kasi nagta-try akong mag-anak eh, hindi ako magka-anak. INTERVIEWER: Eh si mommy po? INFORMANT: Dito lang siya, bantay. INTERVIEWER: Tapos si daddy po ay driver? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Kumusta naman po kayo bilang kapatid ni Child 4? INFORMANT: Okay naman siguro kasi ang tanda ko na pero nandito pa rin ako. Para na rin kasi akong magulang sa kanila. Pwede akong magsalita sa kanila, mag-pangaral… INTERVIEWER: Eh si Mommy po, kumusta naman po sila ni Child 4? INFORMANT: Minsan naha-highblood ‘yan kay Child 4… INTERVIEWER: Bakit po? INFORMANT: Ah kasi lagi siyang inaantok, gusto niyang laging matulog kaya hindi siya nakakatulong dito sa bahay. Pero ‘yung mga seryosong problema, hindi masyado. INTERVIEWER: Hindi ba po siya magala? INFORMANT: Hindi. Pag wala namang groupings o ano…pero ‘yan, walang ginagawa dito ‘yan. Marunong maghugas ng pinggan pero hindi siya. INTERVIEWER: Ah so ‘yung napapag-usapan niyo po…kayo nila mommy…anu-ano po yun? INFORMANT: Pag kami ‘yung nag-uusap puro ano…laging ano, kung saan siya papasok, kung magkano dapat yung allowance, kung anong bibilhin namin, mga ganon…’yung sa kanya lang ha. Basta ‘yung sa kanya, ‘yung sa future niya.
112 INTERVIEWER: Alagang alaga si Child 4… INFORMANT: Kasi gusto namin na siya ay makatapos kasi kami, hindi nakatapos. Parang gusto ko sa buhay na ay yung mga wala ko, puro siya na magkaroon. Para maranasan niya yung mga di ko naranasan nung teenager ako. Ms. Krus na Ligas nga yan dati eh, tingnan niyo yung mga picture. Tapos ito JS niya. Ayan ‘yung magpapasa siya ng korona. INTERVIEWER: Pwede po pa lang mag-artista ‘tong si Child 4 eh. INFORMANT: Ang dami nga lang tigyawat kakapuyat at kaka computer. Halos wala nang tulog, gawa lang nang gawa. Di pa nakakatulog nang maayos sa gabi. Wala na kaming ginawa…pag kaming dalawang mag-ina ‘yung magkatabi, pag-uusapan namin kung anong magandang damit, kung ano ‘yung uso…’yung mga sapatos niya rin. ‘Yang mga damit niya diyan, kami ang nagsasabi kung ganito ang design… INTERVIEWER: Very stage mother po. INFORMANT: Oo parang ganyan. Kailangan ‘yung mga sapatos niya ganito…kailangan pag gusto niya, gusto ko rin…pag ayaw ko e di hahanap kami ng iba… Yan, yan…bata pa rin yan eh. Mabait yan, maputi pa. INTERVIEWER: Sino po itong bata? INFORMANT: Pamangkin niya, apo ko yan. Wala na kaming ibang paguusapan kundi siya lang…kaya bawat mali niyang kilos, napupuna. Kaya minsan kasi naano…kasi ako wala naman akong inaalagaan. Pag nakaupo ako ditto at nakita ko siya…oh Child 4, ganyan na naman ang ano mo…ganyan na naman ang damit mo. Takpan mo yan, hindi maganda. INTERVIEWER: So parang nagiging fashionista po siya dahil sa inyo. Ilang taon na po pala si mommy? INFORMANT: Nako bata pa yan, 53. Mamaya ka na magbayad may kausap ako.
113 INTERVIEWER: Kapatid niyo rin po? INFORMANT: Ay hindi, magbabayad ‘yun. Nagpapautang kasi si Mama. Kaya minsan maraming tao dito, meron sa talyer, mga manggagawa…magbabayad ‘yon. INTERVIEWER: Ah, tanong ko lang po kung paano niyo po nasisimulan ‘yung paguusap niyo po tungkol sa lovelife si Child 4? INFORMANT: Ano…minsan ‘pag nagkakainan, ganon ganon. Eh di kakain kami tapos sasabihin ko ‘yung si Child 4 ay ganyan ganyan…si Child 4 dapat ganito. ‘Yung parang wala lang, minsan naiisip ko lang, dapat ganito si Child 4, dapat hindi ganito si Child 4, sa oras ng ganito, di dapat laging magkasama. Minsan manood kami ng TV ni Mama, may mga scene sa TV…eh di makikita mo, parang ganun ah. Pagdating niya saka ko babanatan. Parang ano lang, bigla bigla. INTERVIEWER: Sino po usually ‘yung nagsisimula? INFORMANT: Ako ‘yung nagsisimula. INTERVIEWER: May time po ba na si Child 4 ‘yung nagsimula? INFORMANT: Oo, nagsasabi naman ‘yan. Lalo na kapag nakahiga, magkatabi kasi kami. INTERVIEWER: Ano pong mga sinasabi niya? INFORMANT: Minsan nagkukwento siya kung saan sila pupunta ng boyfriend niya…minsan naman pinadadalhan ko pa ng pagkain ‘yung boyfriend niya. Tsaka pag nandito siya, nilulutuan ko pa siya. INTERVIEWER: So sobrang okay po kayo kay boyfriend? INFORMANT: Oo, kasi mabait naman. INTERVIEWER: Pero pwede po bang matanong, paano kung hindi po kayo okay sa boyfriend?
114 INFORMANT: Ah, you mean, ayaw namin? INTERVIEWER: Opo. Paano po ‘yung magiging approach niyo? INFORMANT: Ah. INTERVIEWER: First boyfriend po ba ni Child 4? INFORMANT: Pangalawa na. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung dati po… INFORMANT: Ano naman ‘yun eh, wala lang… bata bata pa lang. Pero umakyat dito ng ligaw. INTERVIEWER: So ayaw niyo po sa kanya? INFORMANT: Hindi naman sa ayaw, kasi ayaw naman naming mang-ano ng tao…kaya lang mas matanda kasi. INTERVIEWER: Ah mas matanda po. INFORMANT: Oo. Kung ayaw naming, eh kailangan talagang medyo kausapin. INTERVIEWER: Kakausapin niyo po ‘yung lalaki? INFORMANT: Hindi, si Child 4. Kasi siya ‘yung magdedesisyon kung ayaw niya. Kung ayaw naming, eh di siya ‘yung magdesisyon. Kaysa nung ayaw naming nung boyfriend eh sa kanya kami didiretso. INTERVIEWER: So si Child 4 muna po ‘yung kakausapin niyo? INFORMANT: Oo kasi mahirap tayong mang-ano ng tao. Basta kung ano lang ‘yung nakikita naming, sasabihin naming. Pero siya naman…kung ano naman yung ayaw naming, kailangang gawin niya yun. Kasi ang ano namin, galing na kami diyan, alam na naming yan. Kilos pa lang ng tao…kilos pa lang ng ano eh alam na. Tsaka wala siyang choice pag…
115 INTERVIEWER: Paano po kayo nagsisimula ng conversation, bigla niyo na lang pong sasabihin? INFORMANT: Ay hindi, minsan…mahilig kasi akong magkuto-kuto. Minsan pag kinukutuhan ko..pag may gusto akong sabihin, sinasabi ko. Pero hindi naman yung tipong nagsasagutan kami tungkol sa boyfriend niya. INTERVIEWER: So mahinahon lang po? INFORMANT: Oo. Kasi mahirap naman sa ganyang edad na sobrang strikto…baka magrebelde. INTERVIEWER: So hindi naman po kayo sinasagot ni Child 4? INFORMANT: Nako hindi. INTERVIEWER: Sobrang close niyo po talaga ng kapatid niyo. INFORMANT: Oo, hindi naman ‘yan na-sagot. INTERVIEWER: Si mommy naman po, kailan naman po siya nagagalit kay Child 4? INFORMANT: Ayan si Mama nagagalit lang ‘yan ‘pag minsan tamad, minsan sasabihin niya na ayan magboboyfriend ka pero di ka naman marunong mag-ganito…pero hindi naman dahil against kami…hindi. ‘Yung siya mismo ang sinasabihan naming…magboboyfriend ka, di ka marunong mag ganito. Dapat ang nagbo-boyfriend, marunong magganito. Parang sinasabi naming na sa edad mo na ‘yan, hindi pa dapat talaga, kasi wala pa siyang alam. Kaya lang nandyan na eh, nakita naman naming na mabait ‘yung lalaki. INTERVIEWER: Ah basta po nakikita niyo ‘yung lalaki? INFORMANT: Oo…tsaka dapat laging may chaperone. INTERVIEWER: Eh si daddy po, paano naman po siya? INFORMANT: Ay hindi naman nakikialam ‘yon eh. Basta’t pag gabi na, doon ‘yun magagalit.
116 INTERVIEWER: Ah pag ginagabi po. INFORMANT: Oo sa groupings. Hindi niya naiintindihan ‘yung groupings. Ang alam niya, pag lumabas ng gabi, lakwatsa. Kaya minsan, magkakampi kaming tatlo laban kay papa. Kaya siya, sinasabihan namin ng wag siyang gagawa ng ikapapahamak niya kasi ang sisisihin ni Papa, kaming dalawa ni Mama. Eh kasi lagi siyang nagsasabi na, oh gabi na. Sasabihin naman namin, eh nasa groupings pa nga siya. Tapos magsasagutan pa kami pero na-sige naman na ‘yon…bahala kayo, sige. Ganon. INTERVIEWER: So nagiging dahilan po ba ng tension sa inyo ‘yung pagkakaroon po niya ng boyfriend? INFORMANT: Hindi naman. INTERVIEWER: Open naman po kayo? INFORMANT: Oo, tsaka may tiwala kami kay Child 4. Kaya lang ang masakit diyan, hindi naman sa hinihiling namin, kasi siyempre reality lang…kasi may mga pangyayaring ganon talaga, pero wag naman sana. Kasi siya lang ‘yung binubuhusan namin ng effort, kaya sana wag niyang sirain. INTERVIEWER: Anu-anong topics po sa pagka-karoon ng boyfriend ang madali niyong pagusapan? INFORMANT: Minsan ay nagbibiruan kami, ganyan ganyan… INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung kinikilig-kilig po? INFORMANT: Oo. Minsan, oh kakain na naman tayo sa labas, mga ganon. Minsan, dadalaw dito, magkasama sila ng boyfriend, tapos magseselfie…lagi sila diyan. INTERVIEWER: Maginhawa po? INFORMANT: Oo. Matipid ‘yung lalaki tsaka sa kanto diyan, diyan sa Maginhawa…silang dalawa.
117 INTERVIEWER: Eh ano naman po ‘yung hindi madaling pag-usapan? ‘Yung nagkecreate ng konting tension…’yung hindi kayo kalmado… INFORMANT: Ay ano, pag minsan…pero wala namang ano kasi sumusunod naman talaga siya. Kaya lang minsan ang tagal niya bago dumating. INTERVIEWER: Ah, ‘yun din talaga po? INFORMANT: Oo. Nagkain sila diyan sa labas tapos nagyayaya na si Mama…ayun, sesermunan na siya. Pero siya naman, di naman nasagot kaya tapos agad. Kaya parang nakinig siya dito tapos ilalabas niya dito tapos matutulog na lang siya. ‘Yun… INTERVIEWER: At least hindi naman po sumasagot. INFORMANT: ‘Pag sumagot ka nako lagot ka. Forever siyang di magkaka-boyfriend. INTERVIEWER: Ano po kaya ‘yung tingin niyong dahilan kung bakit hindi kayo nagkakasundo sa ganon? INFORMANT: Eh kasi ‘yon talaga ang ayaw namin, ‘yung ginagabi. Pero ‘yung ganitong araw, edi okay. ‘Pag gabi na talaga eh napakahirap eh. Pigtas kami doon sa Papa namin pag diyan eh kung anong nangyari. INTERVIEWER: So paano po kayo nagnenegotiate sa mga things na hindi po kayo nagkakasundo? INFORMANT: Ay minsan din ay ano…minsan ay hindi maiwasan magkaroon ng tension. Minsan lagi kaming nagkakasagutan. Pero pagkatapos noon, tapos na. INTERVIEWER: May ginagawa po ba kayo para maayos or… INFORMANT: Ano ‘pag tapos na, ‘yung kalmado na eh wala lang, matatapos na. INTERVIEWER: Kung kalmado na po kayo, nareresolve naman po ‘yun? INFORMANT: Oo, kasi hindi naman ano…kapag kalmado na, hindi na napag-usapan ‘yun. Ako lagi kasi ‘yung tensyonado.
118 INTERVIEWER: Si Mommy po kalmado? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Anu-ano pong activities ‘yung pinapayagan si Child 4 with her boyfriend? INFORMANT: Minsan pinayagan namin sa bertdeyan, sa mga grouping…kailangan lamang nagpaalam. INTERVIEWER: Eh sa mga date po? INFORMANT: Ay ayoko non. ‘Pag siya’y tapos na saka siya makipagdate. Pero ngayon, ayoko muna, mahirap na. Alam niyo naman ang kabataan ngayon. Tulad ngayon, may bibilhin daw sila, oh magkasama sila. INTERVIEWER: Ah imi-meet niya po ngayon? INFORMANT: Oo, may bibilhin daw sila sa Mercury Drug, diyan lang. Madali lang umuwi. INTERVIEWER: Hanggang what time po siya pwede? INFORMANT: Hanggang alas otso lang dapat. ‘Pag alas nuwebe na, hindi na kami mapakali noon. Tatawag na kami. ‘Pag kasi magkasamang ganyan eh hindi naaanuhan eh… INTERVIEWER: Ano po ‘yung ginagawa niyo ni Mommy para po sumunod siya sa inyo? INFORMANT: Pinapangaralan namin, pero karamihan eh ano…ano laging ganito, dapat…merong diplomasya, pakiusap, pangako. Oh bibili tayo ng ganyan…ayun. Oo ganun. INTERVIEWER: Effective po ba ‘yon?
119 INFORMANT: Tsaka sinasabihan namin na ‘pag nag-asawa ka ng maaga, wala kang trabaho. Pag nakatapos ka, lahat ng gusto mo, pwede mong makuha. Siya, hindi sya nagde-date. Tsaka minsan din may project pa kami na binili na magazine. Nakagastos kami ng halos 1,500 kaka-taxi para sa project niya. Napunta pa kami sa Ever para sa magazine na pwede naman palang luma, eh gusto niya bago. Galit nag alit ako noon eh. INTERVIEWER: Meron pong National sa Katipunan… INFORMANT: Sa Mercury Drug meron nga eh. Ang binili lang naman ay ‘yung kay Willie Revillame na YES! Nag-taxi kami papuntang Ever, 120 tapos galing doon nagtaxi ulit kami papuntang SM North. INTERVIEWER: Sa SM North pa po kayo nakabili… INFORMANT: Oo. Gigil na gigil ako noon eh Panginoon. INFORMANT: ‘Yung boyfriend niya mabait naman. Nanligaw dito ‘yun eh. INTERVIEWER: Nagpaalam daw po sa inyo? INFORMANT: Oo, nagpaalam kaya okay naman. INTERVIEWER: Pero kunwari po hindi po kayo okay sa boyfriend… INFORMANT: Nako dapat okay sa akin. Noong nakaraan may lumigaw sa kanya na mas matanda. Pumunta dito. Tapos noong nakita ko ‘yung lalaki, sabi ko pagkatapos sa kanya, nako iwan mo na ‘yan. Kung kayo talaga, hintayin mo siyang matapos. INTERVIEWER: Sumunod naman po? INFORMANT: Oo, eh nandito siya sa bahay namin eh. Sabi ko talaga, ‘wag mong anuhin yan sa pag-aaral kasi pagtatapusin muna namin siya. Nung tinatanong ko si Child 4 kung nilalapitan pa siya, sabi niya, hindi na Ma. INFORMANT: Tsaka hindi naman permanente sila eh. ‘Yang boyfriend niya na ‘yan, magka-college, makakakilala ng iba, si Child 4 din. Bata pa sila eh. Tsaka ayokong
120 nakikitang inaakbayan siya sa labas, nako babae yun eh tapos bata pa. Ayoko talaga non, nako sasapakin ko pag nakita kong inakbayan niya si Child 4 sa labas. Pinayagan ko siyang maging boyfriend ng anak ko pero wag niya ‘yung gagawin, ang pangit tingnan eh. INFORMANT: Pero mabait ‘yung bata. Tsaka kilala namin ‘yung nanay. Religious ‘yung pamilya nila. Pastor nga ‘yung tatay eh. Basta lagi kong sinasabi sa kanya na magtapos ka tapos saka siya magboyfriend nang seryoso. Kahit ayaw ko pa ‘yung lalaki basta natapos siya, okay na ‘yun. Basta makita ko lang na graduate ka. INFORMANT: Tsaka dapat huwag siyang magtago sa amin. Sabi ko nga, di siya makakatapos kung di siya magtatapos. Kahit wala kami, pipilitin namin. INFORMANT: Hindi naman siya matalinong matalino…average lang. Di naman ako naghahangad ng mataas na grades basta wag lang siyang bumagsak. INTERVIEWER: Nangyari na po ba ‘yung kunwari po mataas ‘yung grades niya tapos papayagan niyo ba siya kasama yung boyfriend? Kapalit po nung mataas niyang grade. INFORMANT: Ay hindi naman tumataas grade nito eh. Cellphone lang nang cellphone. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 4 INTERVIEWER: So anong year ka na ngayon? INFORMANT: Grade 10 po. INTERVIEWER: Age? INFORMANT: 15 years old INTERVIEWER: Ilan kayong magkakapatid sa family? INFORMANT: 5 po.
121 INTERVIEWER: Pwede mo bang sabihin yung mga age? INFORMANT: 35 tapos sunod 32, 30 po tapos 29 tapos 15. INTERVIEWER: Ang layo ng agwat. Alam mo ba ‘yung monthlyfamily income? INFORMANT: Ay hindi ko po alam. INTERVIEWER: Sige mamaya na lang kay mommy. Anong occupation ni mommy? INFORMANT: Housewife lang po pero may pinagkukunan po kami ng pera sa probinsya po namin. INTERVIEWER: Saan yung probinsya niyo? INFORMANT: Bicol po. INTERVIEWER: Eh si daddy? INFORMANT: Tricycle driver po. INTERVIEWER: Dito? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: So kumusta ka naman sa bahay niyo? INFORMANT: Okay lang naman po. INTERVIEWER: Kumusta kayo ng mga kapatid mo? INFORMANT: Okay lang din. INTERVIEWER: Eh ‘yung relationship mo naman with your parents? INFORMANT: Okay lang din po. INTERVIEWER: Hindi naman kayo madalas mag-away?
122 INFORMANT: Minsan lang naman po. INTERVIEWER: Pwede rin bang matanong kung anu-ano ‘yung mga napaguusapan niyo sa bahay bilang anak sa magulang? INFORMANT: Sa school, kung kumusta yung pag-aaral… INTERVIEWER: Yun lang? Diba may lovelife ka? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: Hindi ba siya nababanggit sa mga pag-uusap? INFORMANT: Minsan po, pero bawal po talaga ako pero kilala po kasi ng mama ko eh di pumayag na rin po ako. Alam naman po ng mama ko na mabait ‘yung, family friend po kasi. INTERVIEWER: Taga-dito rin? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: Saan mo na-meet? INFORMANT: Kaklase ko po siya noong Grade 7. INTERVIEWER: Gaano na kayo katagal? INFORMANT: 8 months po. INTERVIEWER: So paano niyo sinisimulan yung mga paguusap tungkol sa lovelife? INFORMANT: Minsan po kapag nagagalit po yung mama ko kasi ano, wala daw po akong alam sa gawaing bahay pero may boyfriend ako. INTERVIEWER: Ah nababanggit pag sinesermonan ka. So ang lagi bang nagsisimua ay si mommy? INFORMANT: Opo.
123 INTERVIEWER: Eh si daddy? INFORMANT: Wala, nangaasar lang po yun. INTERVIEWER: So pwede mo bang i-describe ‘yung usapan niyo, ganon? Intense ba o kalmado? INFORMANT: Kalmado po. INTERVIEWER: Mag-recall ka ng isang usapan niyo tapos pakwento… INFORMANT: Pag po galit ‘yung mama ko sa akin, siyempre intense, parang nagsasabi siya na baka hindi ako makatapos, ganyan ganyan. Pero minsan naman po, kalmado lang. Sasabihin niya na alam mo na yang ginagawa mo, may tiwala kami sayo, ganon. INTERVIEWER: So may times ba na nagiging dahil yung mga usapang ganon ng tension sa pagitan niyo? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: So ano pang reasons bukod doon sa sinabi mo kanina? INFORMANT: Wala na po. INTERVIEWER: So anong topics tungkol sa pagnonobyo mo ‘yung madaling pagusapan? ‘Yung madali mong masabi sa parents… INFORMANT: Maagang pagbubuntis. Kasi po sinasabi nila na pag nagboyfriend ka ganon… INTERVIEWER: Pero okay lang naman sa’yong pag-usapan? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: Madali lang para sa’yo? INFORMANT: Eh kasi alam ko naman po.
124 INTERVIEWER: Pero anu-ano ‘yung hindi madali? INFORMANT: Wait lang… INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung pag kunwari ayan na ‘yung topic, gusto mo nang tumigil o iniiwasan mo na. INFORMANT: Ay kapag sinasabi ng mama ko na ‘yung pregnancy, oh baka ayan mangyari sa’yo. INTERVIEWER: Ano sa tingin mo ‘yung dahilan kung bakit nagkaka-tension doon? INFORMANT: Kasi may pangarap po si mommy para sa akin INTERVIEWER: Anong pangarap niya? INFORMANT: Yun nga po makapagtapos ako siyempre, malayo po yung marating ko. INTERVIEWER: So may ginagawa ka ba or kayo ng mommy mo para magkasundo? INFORMANT: Nagkukwentuhan kami, lagi lang kaming magkasama. INTERVIEWER: Shine-share mo yung nangyayari sa lovelife mo? INFORMANT: Opo. Pumupunta po ‘yun dito pag may assignment kami, pag may gagawin kaming project na by pair. INTERVIEWER: Doon sa times na hindi kayo nagkakasundo ni mommy, paano kayo nagnenegotiate o gumagawa ng paraan para magkasundo? INFORMANT: Wala po, dadaan daan lang kami. INTERVIEWER: Ano ‘yan, hindi kayo naguusap? INFORMANT: Hindi muna po kami maguusap sandali tapos maya maya, okay na. Konting oras lang po kami pag nagaaway. Maya maya okay na rin po sa akin, ganun din si mama.
125 INTERVIEWER: May times ba na nababago ‘yung mge pwede mong gawin with your boyfriend? INFORMANT: Ayaw lang po ni mommy na ginagabi ng uwi. INTERVIEWER: So parang very open…nasasabi mo lahat sa mommy mo? INFORMANT: Opo. INTERVIEWER: So meron ka bang certain activities na pinapayagan ka ng magulang mo na kasama mo ‘yung boyfriend mo? INFORMANT: Ay marami pong bawal eh. INTERVIEWER: Anu-ano ‘yung mga bawal? INFORMANT: Ayaw ng mama ko na inaakbayan po ako, tapos lagi akong pinapayuhan ni mama na ayaw niyang lagi raw kaming magkasama sa labas… INTERVIEWER: Eh ‘yung manood ng sine? INFORMANT: Pinagbabawalan din po ako. Kung minsan…kung maaari daw po dito na lang. INTERVIEWER: So madalas ba siyang nandito? INFORMANT: Opo kapag may assignment o dapat may importanteng gawin. INTERVIEWER: So doon ka lang pinapayagan? INFORMANT: Opo, pag nakikita niya po. INTERVIEWER: So pag nakikita ni mommy, doon siya okay. Ayun, may gusto ka pa bang idagdag? INFORMANT: Wala naman na po. INTERVIEWER: Anu-ano pa lang mga rules ni Mommy? Nanligaw ba siya sa’yo?
126 INFORMANT: Opo. Bago naman po siya manligaw, nagpaalam muna po siya kay Mama. Una niyang tinext text ang mama ko tapos nagsabi yun na pwede bang manligaw so ang una niyang niligawan ay si mama. INTERVIEWER: Okay pala eh. INFORMANT: Tsaka mabait naman po talaga. INTERVIEWER: Gaano katagal ‘yung panliligaw sa’yo? INFORMANT: 5 months po ‘yung sa akin tapos kaso siguro mga 3 months na siyang nanliligaw bago niya pinaalam kay mama. Simula po kasi Grade 7, gusto na ako noon. Yun po. INTERVIEWER: May mga pangaral ba si mommy tungkol sa future, kunwari pagaasawa ganyan. INFORMANT: Opo, thirty years old daw po ako maga-asawa. Basta may tiwala daw sila sa akin. Minsan po kung ano ‘yung gusto ko, aayawan nila parang patigasan po, para daw madisiplina rin ako. Pero ka-close na rin naman po nila mama ‘yung family po ng boyfriend ko tsaka ayaw po nila ng mas matanda raw po sa akin kasi mas mahirap. Tapos pag lalabas po kami, laging kasama po si ate. INTERVIEWER: Ah okay may chaperone. INFORMANT: Pag hindi po si Ate na panganay, mga kaibigan ko po. END OF TRANSCRIPT Family 5 Parent 5 INTERVIEWER: Si mommy naman. Tutuloy ko nalang po. Gusto niyo po ba state yung name niyo? INFORMANT: I’m (mentions name)
127 INTERVIEWER: Ano po ung highest educational attainment nyo? INFORMANT: College INTERVIEWER: Ano po occupation nila ngayon? INFORMANT: Before ay we distribute French perfumes, yung may Armani, cosmetics, shu eumura, lancome, dun sa office nila, after that, nag OFW din ako, sa cruise ship for 1 year contract lang. Bali naassign ako dun sa parang duty free. INTERVIEWER: Ngayon po? INFORMANT: Ngayon wala na parag I just watch close to him kasi sabi ng dad niya, siguro pahinga ka na, kasi mahirap na si Child 5 nasa college, ganon. Siguro, ang winoworry niya ay wala muna akong work kasi pag nasa abroad din ako di ako makakampante so yun ang napagusapan ng dad niya na have close watch on him muna, pag nakagraduate, actually, I’m starting to apply again kasi pagraduate na siya. May mga offers na rin, tinitingnan ko rin habang nagaano na siya, patapos na siya INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po ba malaman ang monthly family income? INFORMANT: Um, ngayon, to be honest, wala akong income. We’re being supported by his dad. Sa ano anuman ang kailangan. INTERVIEWER: Pwede po kahit yung range? INFORMANT: Kailangan pa bay an? Okay lang ban a di sagutin? INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po. Ayun po, in your point of view naman po, pwede nyo po ba idescribe ang relationship niyo with your son? INFORMANT: Kami ni Child 5, kami yung tipo ng mag ina nawe’re not a typical mother daughter na, para kaming friends, friends na nagaaway, pero may mga instance din na pinaparamdam ko sa kanya na, nanay. Pero pag di ko na kaya, umaano ako sa daddy niya. Yung sa relationship, okay lang naman. Yung ayaw ko lang kay Child 5, napansin ko, I don’t know no offense ah, parang sobrang yung kanyang freedom of, sobrang lumawak
128 na, sabagay college na eh, nung high school madali pa mapasunod, pero ngayong college, 1st year kasama pa ako niyan gumagawa ng kung ano ano sa org, ako pa nagdadala sa school ng costume niya. Nung 2nd year nawala na. Yjng sabi ng dad niya, ganyan naman talaga, sabi niya, andito lang ako aalalay, hayaan mo lang hayaan mo lang siya magexplore. So hayaan ko na. INTERVIEWER: So okay lang po ba magkwento kayo sa mga napapagusapan niyo sa bahay? INFORMANT: Kasi ako, whenever I do something, inaano ko sakanya, kinukwento ko. Kaya lang minsan, may conflict of interest parang I noticed na minsan di siya ganon ka interesado. Like yung may nangyari sakin, yung ano kasi inaano ko nalang yung generation gap, masyadong malayo kasi eh anon a rin siya, so sabi ko, sakay nalang siya, kung ano interest niya, minsan I don’t know anything, pero mostly yung pinaguusapan eh yung food, yung ang hilig naming eh, trying restaurants, mahilig kami kumain (laughs). Ang madalas naming interest na together ay ano ay pag may nakita siyang bagong recipe. “Ma, maglinis ka nga, try natin to. Yun lagi naming ginagawa, ma try natin to madali lang to, ma halika ditto tingnan mo to kung pano gawin. AT yung pinakarecent naman eh yung magtatanim ng herbs. INTERVIEWER: Oh nice INFORMANT: Yung sa merkado, ako taga bili natutuwa naman ako kasi aside sa ano, may iba siyang ano, kumbaga nadidivert niya yung mga napupunta sa girlfriend niya (laughs) INTERVIEWER: Ayun nabanggit nyo nap o yung girlfriend, parang meron po ba kayong rule regarding pagkakaroon niya ng relationship ganyan? INFORMANT: Rules, Di ba parang kasi 21 na siya, sabi nga ng dad niya sakin, hayaan mo na, alalayan nalang natin, yung akin lang naman, yung bang as a parent yung gusto naming eh makagraduate ka, nang walang hassle along the way kumbaga magawa nyo pareho, actuallyyung girlfriend niya, katext ko, pero once ko palang nameet nung first time kami nung camping nila, first time magmeet in person, pero we talk naman sa text,
129 nagtetext siya sakin, nagtetext ako sa kanya. Kasi ito, may ugali ito na pag tinetext mo, sa normal thing, pag alam mong nagagalit na ko kasi late na, dedeadmahin ka niya. Kesa may masabi siya na di maganda. Alam ko naman yan eh pasalubungin ang galit ko kasi di ako sanay na madilim na, wala pa sabahay. Kasi everyday hinihintay ko siya magdinner kasi dalawa nalang kami eh. I see to it na kahitgutom na gutom na ko, maghaharap kami pareho sa dinner naiinis ako na di nagsasabi, parang may text, meron kaming landline. yun lang, yun lang ayoko na parang sasabihin niya nagseselos ako sakanya. Parang nung naggirlfriend nakalimutan mo na. Magparamdam, yun lang naman eh, ang hinihingi ko lang sa kanya eh ay 2, makagraduate, unahin munayun, silang dalawa, kasi sa magulang, pakasarap ng nakaupo ka lang diyan, alam mo kung nasaan ang anak mo. Safe and sound, hindi yung tinetext mo, tinatawagan mo, wlaang sumasagot ano naiisip nung parent, ano nangyayari sa anak mo. Alam mo sobrang ano ako, ano tawag dun, paranoid. Kasi nangyayari yun natatakot ako na may nangyayaring masama sa kanya at nakaupo lang ako dun at walang magawa. Yun lang lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya, napakahirap sa isang magulang, tapos sayo inentrust nung tatay niya, tiwala namababantayan ko. Mahirap kasi yung pakiramdam na, yung anak mo pinapahirapan na, pero kung nagsabi siya kung nasan siya, alam ko kung saan magsisimulang hanapin siya, pero if you leave me hanging alone, mahirap eh, dun ako nagaano, yung ayoko na, yun lang sabi ko na, kasi napakalaking bagay ng peace of mind yung kapanatagan ng loob INTERVIEWER: Text ko si mommy joke (laughs) INFORMANT: Lagi ko sinasabi sa kanya, someday, you’ll be a parent like me dahil mararamdaman mo kung ano pakiramdam ng magulang. Ako, when I was your age di ko naiintindihan yun basta sakin, good time kasama ang friends, kasama ang boyfriend. Ngayon eh naramdaman ko na kung ano ang pakiramdam ng parent ko noon. Yung wala ka pa, buti nga ngayon, yung time niyo ngayon, tec hnology, may text na, nung time naming wala. Ngayon may social media. Kayo marami forms of communication, yung mga kabataan ngayon, I don’t know siguro parang takot magsinungaling, di nalang sasagutin. Dapat nagiinform ka. Ang daldal ko no?
130 INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po kailangan po naming yan (laughs) So yung ganon po, ganon po ba kadalasan nagstem ang sagutan niyo, ganon sa mga di pagreply or di pagsagot ng cellphone INFORMANT: Oo saka yung late niyang paguwi kasi pag sinabi niya na 7, 7 nakaupo pa yun, di pa pala umaalis dun sa lugar. Pag sinabi niya 7 andyan na ko, alam ko naman na traffic. Yun talaga yung ano namin, dun ako sobrang laging kong sinasabi sa kanya na hay nako, wala rin naman akong data. problem ko parepareho tayong ano. Di ko naman siya pinagbabawalan sa relationship kasi pinagdaanan ko din yan. Yung akin lang eh, magkaroon ng limitasyon. Wag agad agad, pagaaral muna. Wag yung parang wala nang bukas, may bukas pa. INTERVIEWER: Um, so nameet nyo nap o sigirl INFORMANT: Yun nga yung camping nga. Hinatid naming siya ditto sa petron, tama bay un? Kasi yung girl ay hinatid ata ni Child 5, nameet ko siya, I was standing there, di ako lumapit, pinapanuod ko lang sila I was waiting for my son to introduce her to me pero hindi. First time ko mameet in person. Good for the girl na may initiative na lumapit sakin. Kasi kayo, pag first time mo mameet yung mommy ng boyfriend mo, parang ano ka lang INTERVIEWER: Uy pakilala mo ko mga ganon? INFORMANT: Pag babae diba, dun ko siya nakita lumapit sakin, nagbeso kami, natuwa naman ako sa kanya kasi kahit di ko siya nakikita, the way I treat him, the way I address my son, anak, ganon, anak kamusta na kayo diyan? Anak, yung first camping alam ko magkasama sila nun. Anak sabi ko kamusta naman kayo ni Child 5. Tinetext ko siya tinetext niay ko. Pero yung nakakatuwa na lumapit siya nun. Pero di pa kami yung parang ganito na, nirequest nga ng dad niya pakilala mo naman sakin, siguro one of this days, gusto ko din siya makaharap na, matagal na kwentuhan. INTERVIEWER: Gano na ba kayo katagal ni girl INFORMANT: 1 year and a half
131 INTERVIEWER: First girlfriend mob a siya? INFORMANT: Second INTERVIEWER: Yung previous po ba, nagkaissue po ba nung previous girlfriend niya? INFORMANT: Hindi parang ahead siya ng one year, bale 4th year high school siya, siya 1st year college. Parang siguro yun yung girl eh di ganon kalaya sa time niya, yun din hatid sundo, pero di tulad ng college na, mas Malaya kasi kayo pag college eh madaming pinupuntahan. Pag high school sinusundo lang yan eh, pero nameet ko yun. Nameet ko yun, nakakatext ko rin yun, nung prom nila, nakatext ko siya habang hinihintay ko to. Yung prom niya andun ako sa labas ng hotel. Naghihintay ako hanggang matapos siya. Nameet ko yun pinaghatid mo pa nga ako ng ano e, stuffed toy na teddy bear, ako pa naghatid, pinapunta mo ko. Pinadala mo sakin yung malaking teddy bear, ako pa nag ano. INTERVIEWER: So supportive naman po kayo sa mga ano INFORMANT: Oo, ganon talaga akoparang naiintindihan ko ang ganyan INTERVIEWER: Kayo naman po, meron po ba kayong nahihirapan pagusapan with Child 5 na topic po INFORMANT: Wala (laughs) ay di pwedeng wala, meron yan, like INFORMANT: Thesis ko INFORMANT: Ay oo nga, pwede ko bang sabihin INFORMANT: Go lang gagraduate na naman ako eh INFORMANT: O sige, um, nahihirapan ako na magopen up siya pag kinakamusta ko yung grades, di tulad nung high school may report card, parent conference, ako tumatanggap ng card. Ngayon hindi, di ko mapasok yung site, di ko alam kung pano, ayaw naman ako turuan. Sabi ko minsan punta nga ako sa office niyo sa admin, tatanong ko kung pano, gusto ko kasi ano, kayo nga matanong ko kayo, kayo ininterview eh, nagoopen ba kayo sa parents nyo sa grades, pinapakita nyo?
132 INTERVIEWER: Nung una po nung mataas pa po. INFORMANT: Iniisip ko din, kasi nung high school nakukuha yung card, exclusive school siya nun sa Marist, lahat nakikita ko, ngayon hindi, siguro pag pumunta ako sa UP pagtatawanan ako ng professor bente uno na andun parin magulang. So I was expecting na siya magpapakita kaya lang pansin ko parang di nagcoconceal siya ng ganong bagay bagay sakin, ayun lang INTERVIEWER: About sa girlfriend niya, ano pong topics yung nahihirapan kayo INFORMANT: Sa paggigirlfriend, yung nahihirapan ako kay Child 5 yun nga yung paguwi ng late, dahil sa girlfriend, hatinggabi. Sana he worries about his girlfriend, magworry din siya sa nanay niya di ko sinasabi na matimbang,pero considerate ba sana kung sensitive ka sa feelings ng girlfriend mo, sana sa nanay mo din, panindigan mo na nagmamahal sayo, nagwoworry sayo. Kumbaga lagyan ng limitation, wag lahat kasi mamaya ang ayoko lang, yung si Child 5 ganon sobrang magmahal. Minsan nga kasama na niya hanggang gabi, paguwi nagmamadali pa sa computer, INTERVIEWER: Nagchachat pa INFORMANT: Siguro sasabihin nasa bahay na ko, tingnan mo anak ko, ako di sinasagot kung asan siya pero ito nagmamadali para sabihin nasa bahay na sila. Nahihirapan ako kay Child 5. Nangigigil ka na ba, mild lang yan anak di ko pa binibigay ang lahat. INTERVIEWER: Ano pa ba? Um, para po sainyo, nagnenegotiate po ba kayong dalawa regarding sa pagkakaroon niya ng girlfriend? INFORMANT: Reminder, basta ako yung makulit na nanay eh, minsan kahit nanunuod ako ng tv, kamusta na yung ano mo, basta pag may nagpop sa mind ko INTERVIEWER: Kayo po talaga nagstart ng conversation INFORMANT: Oo, may deadlines k aba, makikita ko kachat niya yung, o baka naman, ganon ako parang di eh, ganon talaga eh, parang maupo ka muna, ilang oras ka na diyan, nagawa mo na ba ang dapat mo isubmit. Ganon, ganon ako. Makulit ako, di ganon talaga
133 eh. Nireremind ko lang, pero walang negotiation. Basta lagi ko lang sinasabi sa kanya na, promise mo, pag graduate ka di ka muna makaka, lagging yung di makakagawa ng bagay na pagsisihan mo kasi nagawa mo ng wrong time, timing eh. Di ko naman sinasabi na kumbaga akin lang sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, bago mo gawin isang bagay, kailangan ready ka, yun lang sinasabi ko sakanya INTERVIEWER: Last nap o, may gusto po ba kayo idagdag? INFORMANT: Wala na,ano pa ba, wala na ba kayong tabnong? Ah, Yung tungkol sa dad niya, di kami separated kami, pero in fair sa dad niya, mga special events andun siya, kailangan andun siya kailangan kasama siya, even ngayon oh, malalaman niya, naguusap kami ng dad niya, para tulungan di ako advisan siya. Sanay na sila sa di kami yung parang friend ba, di dahil single parent ako, wala yung dad niya. Andyan siya anytime. Compared sa dad niya, minsan lang sila magkausap, magkasama. Yun lang. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 5 INTERVIEWER: Ire-record po namin yung conversation. Um, kung meron po kayo ayaw sagutin, okay lang po. O kung gusto niyo ipa-terminate na, okay lang naman. At sino pala gusto mauna? INFORMANT: Ako na INTERVIEWER: Gusto mo ba state yung name mo? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Age? INFORMANT: 21. INTERVIEWER: Saan nag-aaral? INFORMANT: UP Diliman.
134 INTERVIEWER: Saan nakatira? INFORMANT: Marikina. INTERVIEWER: Gaano na kayo katagal sa Marikina? INFORMANT: Since 1974. INTERVIEWER: So may province po kayo? INFORMANT: Ako my mother side (…) Sa father ko (…), so pure Ilocano ako. INTERVIEWER: North po? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: Ah so ilan kayo magkakapatid? INFORMANT: Only child lang ako, pero father’s side panganay sa tatlo, o dalawa? INFORMANT: Sa father’s side mo? I think you have three. Pero siya yung eldest. INTERVIEWER: Ah okay. INFORMANT: So ayon. INTERVIEWER: Okay lang ba i-describe mo ang relationship mo with your mom? INFORMANT: Ano ba, um, yun nga marami na, Mama’s boy daw ako, kasi yun nga, siya nag-aalaga sakin, eh si Daddy madalang ko makita. Nung bata pa ako, siyempre, okay naman lahat, mabait naman, sunod lahat, pero nung medyo tumanda na lumalabas na yung pagiging pasaway. INFORMANT: Nino? INFORMANT: Ako. INFORMANT: Linawin mo.
135 (Everybody laughs) INFORMANT: Ayun naging pasaway ako, tapos nagiging cause ng away namin pero ayon, ayos naman, generally. INTERVIEWER: Mga anong age ka nagstart maging pasaway? INFORMANT: College. Ay hindi. Second year college. INTERVIEWER: Tapos ano pala ibig sabihin mo ng pasaway? INFORMANT: Ano, um, medyo, well nagsimula kasi yan sa org, tapos parang dati nung pinapaalam ko pa na late ako makakauwi, ganyan. Tapos recently parang sinasabi ko, di na ako nagpapaalam like tuwing ano, ganon nangyayari. INTERVIEWER: Ay ano pala course mo? INFORMANT: Math. INTERVIEWER: Um, anu ano naman ang mga napapagusapan niyo sa bahay, bilang magulang at anak? INFORMANT: Mga kamag-anak namin kasi medyo distant kami sa kanila, tapos from time to time, thesis. Thesis it. INTERVIEWER: Nanunuod kayo together? INFORMANT: Yes. INTERVIEWER: Anu ano? INFORMANT: More of ano, well di kasi kami usually magkapareho pero yung shows na sabay kami nanuod ay yung Legend of Korra at How to Get Away with Murder. INTERVIEWER: Um, pinaguusapan niyo ba ang pagkakaroon mo ng lovelife?
136 INFORMANT: Well namention ko, “Okay mommy may nililigawan ako”, namention ko din na ano, pero yung sit down and talk about it, parang never pa. INTERVIEWER: So bakit sa tingin mo? INFORMANT: Mmm, ano ba? Siguro unspoken rule na, ganon yung idea, unspoken rule siya na may girlfriend ka na, parang assumptions nalang. INTERVIEWER: Um, so yung pagkakaroon mo ng lovelife, nagiging cause ba siya ng tension? INFORMANT: Yes, um kasi there are times na parang ano for example, recently, I need to naghihintay ako sa girlfriend ko, kasi nga di niya kaya tumawid. So parang I’m waiting para masamahan siya makatawid. Eh minsan kasi di ako nakakapagpaalam si mommy na late ako makakauwi, so madalas, nagagalit si mommy. INTERVIEWER: So yung galit, nagsasagutan ba kayo? INFORMANT: There are times na, madalas napapagalitan lang ako, like okay. INTERVIEWER: Okay lang ba ipakwento nung time na nagsagutan kayo? INFORMANT: Parang ano lang, tinawagan ako ni mommy tapos sabi bakit na ako umuwi, kasi sobrang late na non, so for camping ng gabi, so sobrang late na kami nakauwi non, eh di kami nakapagsabi, kala ko magiging mabilis lang. Tapos sabi ko, tapos ayun nga pinapagalitan ako ni mommy na di ako nagpaparamdam, eh di ko din hawak ang phone ko non, di ko nakita na tumatawag na pala si mommy, nagalit na siya sabi ko nga siguro dahil sa dala ko, sabi ko para sa camping, yung mga ganon INTERVIEWER: Yung mga ganon, pano siya nagtatapos? Pano siya nareresolve kung nareresolve man siya? INFORMANT: Yung away? Ano ba? Wala the next day, okay na. Usually ganon na. INTERVIEWER: Pero di naman totally ayaw ng mommy mo dun sa girl or yung fact na nagkaroon ka ng girlfriend?
137 INFORMANT: Ayaw niya sa ginagawa na nangyayari na I still need to make her wait pero as a person INTERVIEWER: Tanungin natin mamaya (Laughs). Um, anong topics yung madaling mapagusapan INFORMANT: Ano ba, siguro yung kasi work living kasi so constantly napapagusapan yung bakit ganito yung mga ito, ganyan INTERVIEWER: Ano yung mga di madaling pagusapan, o kaya dapat secret? INFORMANT: Well, For me yung parang any topic naman open ako makipagusap. Ayon. Siguro okay pa naman ako, siguro di ko namemention yung regarding sa kung ano anon a like dinidiscuss ko lang pag pataapos na, ganyan INTERVIEWER: Pagdating naman sa lovelife mo, meron ka bang ayaw pagusapan? INFORMANT: Wala naman INTERVIEWER: With your mom? INFORMANT: Wala naman, pag tinanong naman kami ni mommy kung nasaan kami, sinasabi ko naman. Like yung nung nagvikings kami, out of nowhere, tinanong kami ni mommy bakit kayo nandyan, wala lang. Anything under the sun pwede ko pagusapan kay mommy for me basta tinanong ako. INTERVIEWER: Ah so di ikaw yung nagiinitiate? INFORMANT: Oo INTERVIEWER: Um, Meron pa ba ako nakalimutan? INTERVIEWER: Meron bang negotiation na nangyayari regarding sa pagkakaroon mo ng lovelife, with your mom? INFORMANT: As far as I know, dapat, siguro, yun grumaduate at di siya makaabala sa studies
138 INTERVIEWER: Mayroon bang parang pag mataas ang grades mo, mayroon bang incentive ba yon? INFORMANT: Um wala, wala naman. DI rin naman ganon kaganda pero yup, I’m keeping up naman. Kaya lang ako nadelay , kasi di ko tinapos agad. Nagkasabay sabay kasi INTERVIEWER: Um, anon a. Bilang conclusion, ano ang parang lesson na naimpart sayo ni mom pagdating sa pagkakaroon mo ng lovelife? INFORMANT: Um, mahirap maging single parent, parang nakikita ko na pag nagloko ang isang family member, ang hirap for the kid, at yung parent na nagtetake care dun sa bata, financially speaking, tumutulong nga yung other, pero yung idea pa rin na magisa, ayun, mahirap talaga INTERVIEWER: Napapagusapan niyo ba yung kunwari sa future niyo, pagkakaroon niyo ng family. INFORMANT: Hindi pa, pero yung like job, like yung parents ng girlfriend ko, both actuarial, eh yun ang highest dream ng math major na maging actuarial. Nung namention ko na yung parents ng girlfriend ko ay actuarial, tapos gusto ko din maging actuarial, ganito, maganda ang benefits niya END OF TRANSCRIPT Family 6 Parent 6 INTERVIEWER: Ah irerecord po naming yung conversation Ako po si Pau, tapos si Megan po. Ay wait lang po. Yung topic po naming is about parent child negotiation regarding romantic relationshipsTapos po iaassure po naming na, okay lang po naman kung di kayo magsagot ng ibang questions ganyan, na nakakaoffend. Eto po. Pwede nyo po sabihin name niyo. Optional po siya. Ano po name niyo?
139 INFORMANT: Okay lang INTERVIEWER: Ano po ulit? INFORMANT: Okay lang. INTERVIEWER: Sige po ano po name niyo? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Highest educational attainment po? INFORMANT: Ano, Business Education. INTERVIEWER: Saan po? INFORMANT: Sa ano, sa kolehiyo ng lungsod‌ INTERVIEWER: Age po nila? INFORMANT: 44 INTERVIEWER: Tiga antipolo na po ba kayo ever since? INFORMANT: Ako from Batangas, San Juan Batangas. Father niya from Sto. Domingo. INTERVIEWER: Pwede po matanong yung monthly family income? INFORMANT: Monthly family income ay more or less 30 pataas. Sa father niya. AKo kasi may tutorial ako. More or less 40. Depende. INTERVIEWER: Pwede nyo po ilarawan yung relationship niyo and yung asawa nyo, sa mga anak niyo po. INFORMANT: Um pano naming siya tinatrato? INTERVIEWER: Opo.
140 INFORMANT: Mabait sila siyempre pinalaki naming ganon, kaso medyo malaki na, di na sila ganon ka open kasi lumaki naman na open. Ano, si Child 6, and then yung brother niya, nung malilit sila close talaga sila pero habang lumalaki, nagabroad kasi papa nila so mas close talaga sila sakin. Kasi kami, yung father niya bumalik nung 4th year high school si Child 6, 2nd year yung brother niya, so pag ganon kasi, unti unti lumalayo ang loob ng mga bata, sa father. Kasi lalo na pag babae, tapos yung father, once a year lang nila makita, nung maliliit, niyayakap yakap nila, pag lumalaki, nawawala, ayun yung nagging ano nila, even yung father nila, napansin niya na lumalayo yung loob nung mga bata, eh nung baby itong si Hannah, inaalagaan niya. Sa family naman, kami ni Child 6, pag may problem siya, sinasbai naman niya kasi nagkakaintindihan kami, Mas nagsasabi siya sakin kesa sa papa niya. INTERVIEWER: So um pwede po ba malaman yung mga napapagusapan niyo sa bahay? INFORMANT: Um, mga ano lang naman tungkol sa school ganon, ayan katulad ni Child 6 nung nagboyfriend, open siya, yung mga ganon INTERVIEWER: Nagoopen po talaga si Child 6 sainyo sa pagboboyfriend INFORMANT: Pinapaalam naman niya, like mama okay lang po ba sainyo na ganito, ganyan, basta mabait at okay naman. Di naman siya yung tipong pag may boyfriend, nililihim niya INTERVIEWER: So yung nagsisimula po lagi, eh yung anak niyo po? INFORMANT: Ako kasi pag napansin ko sila, anak may problema ka ba, ganon, lalapit na oh ano problema. Tapos OA daw ako INTERVIEWER: Bakit daw po? INFORMANT: Kasi minsan wala lang daw yun, minsan yung magkapatid magsasagutan sasabat na agad ako. Ganyan lang talaga INTERVIEWER: So um, pano po tumatakbo ang usapan between your children, regarding lovelife?
141 INFORMANT: Hmm, kami pag ano naman, nagpapaalam siya, ma magdidinner kami, ma lalabas kami, ma, pa lalabas ako, ganon saan punta nyo, dapat ganitong oras andito ka na, pag wala pa yan, itetext ko nay an INTERVIEWER: Meron po bang restrictions? INFORMANT: Di naman ganon kahigpit., ano naman kami, open minded naman, pero siyampre andun parin kami as parent INTERVIEWER: So meron po ba na nagiging dahilan ng tension ang pagkakaroon ng lovelife? INFORMANT: Wala naman. INTERVIEWER: Ano po ang topic na madaling pagusapan, regarding sa pagkakaroon ng lovelife? INFORMANT: Basta ganon lang, ma lalabas kami ni ganito, ganon lang. Kumbaga, papalam sila INTERVIEWER: Meron po bang di madaling pagusapan, o di naoopen up sa inyo? INFORMANT: Wala naman, madali naman sila kausapin INTERVIEWER: So wala naman pong tinatago. INFORMANT: Wala INTERVIEWER: May time po ban a kailangan makipagnegotiate sa anak niyo, o wala naman? INFORMANT: Wala naman INTERVIEWER: Yung anak niyo po diba parehong may relationship, may difference po bas a pakikitungo sa kanila? INFORMANT: DI naman ako nakikialam sa kanila, basta alam nila ang limitasyon.
142 INTERVIEWER: Pero po nareremind niyo naman po yung dalawa, ano po sinasabi niyo? INFORMANT: Yung brother niya, pag minsan di okay, pinupuna ko na Basta alam niya kung hanggang saan ang limitasyon. INTERVIEWER: Okay na po. Salamat po END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 6 INTERVIEWER: Um, Irerecord namin. So, pwede malaman ang name mo? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Highest educational attainment? INFORMANT: College graduate INTERVIEWER: Sa? INFORMANT: UP INTERVIEWER: Anong course? INFORMANT: Business ad INTERVIEWER: Age? INFORMANT: 20 INTERVIEWER: Ilan kaong magkakapatid INFORMANT: Tatlo INTERVIEWER: Ikaw yung? INFORMANT: Panganay
143 INTERVIEWER: Ano yung age nung iba? INFORMANT: Ah yung sumunod sakin, 19, tapos 4 years old yung bunso INTERVIEWER: Ang layo pala. Pwede matanong kung ano bracket mo sa UP? INFORMANT: Nung nagaaral ako bracket C INTERVIEWER: So, pano mo madedescribe yung relationship mo with your mom and dad? INFORMANT: Magkaiba siya, with my mom mas close ako, mas nagkekwento ako, yung sa dad ko kasi, nag OFW siya, so medyo distant, pero okay naman? INTERVIEWER: Eh sa mga kapatid? INFORMANT: Siyempre di sila magkaedad, so iba trato ko sa kanikla pero kasi yung isa kong kapatid parang barkada, nagkekwentuhan lagi, tapos yung bunso, ayon, sobrang alaga, nakikipagkulitan? INTERVIEWER: So ano mga napapagusapan niyo sa bahay? INFORMANT: Kami, usually mga nangyari samin sa araw nay un, tapos minsan, tulad nung nagaaral ako, tapos yung isang kapatid ko sa UP din, so pinaguusapan naming yung mga klase naming, ganyan. Kapag si mama naman nagsheshare siya ng experiences niya nung college ayun, tapos minsan naguusap kami about sa bahay INTERVIEWER: Napapagusapan ba ang lovelife sa bahay? INFORMANT: Lovelife, um di siya yung nabibring up lang lagi. Halimbawa pag may nanliligaw ganon, nakekwento naman,di kami yung lagi na kapag yung parang sa barkada, pero di naman kami nagtatago sa kanila pag may karelasyon INTERVIEWER: So agad mong sinasabi? INFORMANT: Oo, kahit yung kapatid ko naman
144 INTERVIEWER: So meron bang restrictions ang parents sa paglolovelife. INFORMANT: Actually wala siyang restrictions, well nung high school ako, saka nung college, mas prefer nila na wala munang boyfriend, pero di naman yung totally sobrang pinagbawalan na kailangan ko pa itago. Pag may nanliligaw sinasabihan ko naman sila, at yun nga nagaadvice sila na kilalanin ko daw muna ganyan INTERVIEWER: So may mga pagaaway bas a family with your parents na related sa pagboboyfriend? INFORMANT: In my case, wala, pero yung sa kapatid ko medyo may conflict kasi may girlfriend niya, kakagraduate lang ng girlfriend niya sa high school, pero 1st year na sa UP. Pero kasi di alam ng parents ng babae. So parang kami lang nakakaalam, tapospatago sila magkita, tapos ang problema naming, pano pag nalaman ng parent, pag may nangyari sa girl kami rin ang accountable parang ganon, mahirap din, kasi pano pag napahamak din kapatid ko INTERVIEWER: SO gusto ng parents mo legal sa both sides? INFORMANT: Oo as much as possible, kasi yun nga, pag nagkakaproblema din sila nung girlfriend niya, ano parang di nabibigyan ng tamang advice. Yung concern ni mama eh yung babae parang di nabibigyan ng tamang advice kasi di nga alam ng parent INTERVIEWER: So yung parents mo nagiinteract with the family ng boyfriend mo? INFORMANT: Boyfriend ko, bago palang kasi kami ng boyfriend ko, nagiinteract naman sila ng boyfriend ko pero yung family, since bago palang, di pa, sa family ng boyfriend INTERVIEWER: Gano na kayo katagal pala? INFORMANT: 4 months INTERVIEWER: So um, yung wala naming nagiging dahilan ng tension with regards sa pagboboyfriend mo?
145 INFORMANT: Wala INTERVIEWER: Yung sa kapatid mo lang? INFORMANT: Tapos parang may point pa na arang pag nagaaway sila, medyo matindi ata sila magaway ng girlfriend niya, parang konting ano lang. INTERVIEWER: Si di niyo sila pinagbabawalan INFORMANT: Di naman INTERVIEWER: So pano kayo nagnenegotiate sa parents nyo regarding lovelife INFORMANT: Panong negotiate? INTERVIEWER: Kunwari siya, yung kapatid mo kasi, iffy yung parents mo sag f ng kapatid mo. May ginagawa ba siya na way para payagan siya? INFORMANT: Ahh, mga ganon. Para kasing nakikipagusap lang kami ng maayos pero dun sa kapatid ko, bibigyan minsan pinapangaral lang siya ni mama, na dapat di mo yan ginagawa sa girlfriend mo. Mga ganon, words of advice, sinasabi nag anon. INTERVIEWER: SO one way lang na reminders lang? Di nagkakasagutan INFORMANT: Hmm, yung kapatid ko kasi at si mama INTERVIEWER: Pano nangyayari? INFORMANT: Ano kasi, yung kapatid ko kasi, may tendency siya na awayin talaga yung girlfriend niya, sigawan gf niya. kami aware kami sa ugali niya nay un, kami sanay na kami dun, pero yung concern naming, yung girl, kasi baka mamaya, parang masaktan niya or anything, maano yung girl masyado, matrauma sa kanya, di kausapin, baka di maayos kausapin, kaya kami kinakausap naming siya na wag mo yan gagawin sa girl, lalo na’t di alam ng parents niya parang sinasabi sa kanya ni mama, kung ako yung parent ng babae, di kita pagboboyfriend, di kita papayagan na makirelasyon yung kapatid ko, ganon. Tapos yung nangyayari kasi, sinasabi ng kapatid ko na relationship naman daw
146 niya yun, parang di naman naming kilala ang babae, so parang ano pa siya, di pa niya masyado, di siya ganon kaopen sa mga sinasabi naming sa kanya INTERVIEWER: So sayo wala talagang problem, sa brother mo lang? INFORMANT: Oo, sakin naman wala naman, kasi halimbawa, ang medyo ngayon, kasi nagwowork na, tapos5 days lang, so kailangan mo talaga magallot ng time sa family at saka sa boyfriend, so kinausap ko nalang si mama nawag magtatampo, halimbawa every Sunday lumalabas ako,ganon. So minsan nalang magkita INTERVIEWER: SO every week mo nalang Makita si boyfriend ngayon? Pero since uwian ka naman, lagi mo nakikita ang parents mo? INFORMANT: Oo INTERVIEWER: Ano naman yung madaling pagusapan sa family mo sa pagkakaroon ng lovelife INFORMANT: Madaling pagusapan? Ah ako nagkwekwento ako usually yung background ng family ng boyfriend ko halimbawa, yung family niya, parang nakekwento ko sa nanay ko yung activities naming, ganyan na member siya ng ganitong org, ganon open naman INTERVIEWER: Taga UP din si guy at nagwowork na? INFORMANT: Student pa, Civil Engineering INTERVIEWER: ANo naman yung di madaling pagusapan INFORMANT: Yung di madali, e pag may problem, well in my experience, kasi nung nagkaboyfriend, meron din akong ka-MU non, sa UP. Although nagpupunta punta siya sa bahay, di ako ganon kaopen kay mama na may problema pala kami nung lalaki. So nung nagend na yung relationship, at matindi din yung nangyari non, dun ko lang nakwento sa mama ko. Inabot pa ko ng one week bago ko nasabi sa kanya yung problema ko INTERVIEWER: Naresolve naman yun?
147 INFORMANT: Naresolve naman siya, so siyamepre parents sila, so kahit ano naman daw mangyari, andyan lang sila, ganyan. INTERVIEWER: So meron ba kayong usapan ng parents mo na nagkakasundo kayo sa certain topic about lovelife INFORMANT: Hmm, wait lang. Certain topic, panong topic INTERVIEWER: Kunwari, same kayo ng views INFORMANT: Ahh, Medyo traditional at conventional sila mama, like kunwari pumupunta yung guy ditto sa bahay, na parang maayos, ganon, kaya actually parang kinakausap talaga ang kapatid ko na dapat di ganyan treat ment mo sa babae ganyan, sinasabi din nila sakin na kapag magboboyfriend ka, or papasok ka sa relationship, matino dapat ang kasama mo. AT binibigyan din ako ng advice nila mama na as much as possible, sobrang bait dapat ng boyfriend ko kasi may pagka ano ang personality ko, medyo sensitive saka maramdamin kasi ako so INTERVIEWER: Meron pa bang ibang advice ang parents mo regarding sa pagrerelasyon INFORMANT: Lagi naman nila sinasabi na okay lang magkarelationship, pero tulad nung nagaaral ako, priority dapat yung pagaaral, saka pag nagtatrabaho, prioritize ko magipon kasi di madaling magtayo ng pamilya ganyan. INTERVIEWER: So napapagusapan din ang future INFORMANT: Oo, ay dun sa pageestablish ng family puro ano lang ipon lang ng pera, ganyan INTERVIEWER: Tanong ko lang, daddy mo naman kasi parang mommy mo yung nababanggit, ano view niya? INFORMANT: Yung sa actually kasi di kami ganon kaopen ni papa, so parang pagdating sa ganyan, di ko alam kung pano siya iaapproach, so parang ideal diba yung daughter
148 nagoopen up sa daddy, pero di kasi ganon ang relationship naming ng daddy ko parang ano lang kami, ah ditto ako nagtatrabaho, pero pagdating sa bf, nung pinakilala ko, ganyan, di ko naman tinanong kung ano ang opinion niya, pero medyo sensitive naman ako na inoobserve ko nalang kung kamusta, ganyan, pero wala naman silang sinasabi na against, okay lang naman sakanya, sasabihin naman nila kung meron pero yun nga kinausap ko pa din mommy ko at dibaevery week nga ako umaalis, eh napapansin ko yung papa ko eh, uy aalis ka na naman ganyan ganyan kaya pinaintindi ko nalang sakanila, ayoko naman na magtampo sila na nawawalan ako ng time sa kanila. INTERVIEWER: May dadagdag ka pa ba? INFORMANT: Wala naman INTERVIEWER: Thank you. END OF TRANSCRIPT HIGH INCOME FAMILIES Family 7 Parent 7 INFORMANT: I’m 54 years old and a father of three children. INTERVIEWER: Bale ilang taon na po sila? INFORMANT: ‘Yung isa ay 30 years old, 26 years old and 21 years old. INTERVIEWER: Si Aina po ‘yung bunso? INFORMANT: Bunso. Si Aina ‘yung 21. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung 26 po? INFORMANT: ‘Yung kuya niya. Boy. Then girl ‘yung elder, siya ‘yung 30.
149 INTERVIEWER: Pwede pong malaman ‘yung highest educational attainment niyo? INFORMANT: Masters in Economics. Development Economics. INTERVIEWER: In UP rin po? INFORMANT: Sa States. ‘Yung tinatawag na William College of Massachusetts. Long time ago, 1988. INTERVIEWER: Pwede pong malaman ‘yung monthly family income. INFORMANT: Ay hindi ko pwedeng sabihin ang monthly family income. Confidential. Pero sabihin mo nang comfortable. INTERVIEWER: Kahit range lang po? INFORMANT: Ah range…from 0-500,000, ayan. INTERVIEWER: Per month po? INFORMANT: Per month. INTERVIEWER: Pero anong pong occupation nila ngayon? INFORMANT: I’m the Head of Golden Planning, Vice President of RFM Operations. And also, I’m the head of Go Negosyo, it’s a foundation about entrepreneurship… INTERVIEWER: May libro po ‘yun diba? INFORMANT: Yes, maraming libro ‘yun, sampu na ‘yung libro namin tsaka nagcoconduct kami ng mga seminars… INTERVIEWER: Saan po kayo nakatira? INFORMANT: Pioneer Highlands. Tower, tower. Condominium siya. INTERVIEWER: Okay po. Pwede niyo po bang idescribe ‘yung relationship niyo with your kids?
150 INFORMANT: With my children? Ah, I’m very fun, open, loving and we’re open. Ganoong kind kami, we’re open. We’re the type…who are independent. We exercise a certain degree of control lang, at least to guide them. Otherwise, we want them to make decisions. And we believe over the years, we passed on certain values, core values, do’s and don’ts, and parang alam naman namin na maganda na ‘yung basis nila ng decisionmaking…so that’s why as much as possible, we try to make them decide on everything basically. However, we also ask them na in any instance that they need advice from career or lovelife or whatever, our relationship can be friends, can be family members. Open communication. Walang taguan, walang nahihiya. ‘Yun ‘yung ano namin over the years puro ganun ang...kaya as a family, we really talk: lively, animated, with passion. Siguro na-train din namin silang full of opinions. Siguro kilala niyo naman ‘yung anak ko. Vocal siya na mahiyain pero she speaks her mind, her heart out. Sometimes emotional…trained silang mag-ano ng opinion or fact. Siyempre maganda based sa facts, kung hindi naman, giving opinion. Everybody’s encouraged in the family discussion. Opinions or analysis…as simple as bakit kaunting tao sa mall? Siguro dahil ganyan, kasi holiday or di sweldo. Minsan naman, o bakit maraming tao dito? So mga ganon, especially analysis ang pinaguusapan namin. May konting idea sharing. Parang sinasabi nila na parang kapatid lang, pero may line pa rin naman ‘yung ganon eh. You don’t want to be really chummy chummy eh. Merong usapan na sila-silang magkakapatid ang…which we don’t know. Kasi sila-sila ang nagco-communicate doon. INTERVIEWER: So same lang po kayo ng pakikitungo sa mga anak ninyo… INFORMANT: Pati ‘yung asawa ko? Oo, parang same naman siya eh, although may degree din of closeness ‘pag babae…’pag mother to girl or me with my son. May konti…konti lang na difference. ‘Yung kumbaga sa maguusap kami ng son ko, kami lang o ‘pag babae naman, sila lang. But aside from that, we know everything that’s happening, kahit girl-related. Maaaring ang unang makakaalam lang ay ‘yung mother, pero we discuss everything. INTERVIEWER: So napag-uusapan niyo po sa family everything, like updated po kayo sa life nila?
151 INFORMANT: Oh yeah. Day-to-day rants. Alam mo naman si Aina mahilig magkwento. Nako, pag-uwi… INTERVIEWER: Nagkukwento po ba siya about kay Monzi? INFORMANT: Oo. Oh yes, very much. Their…siguro discussions…mga pinag-uusapan nila ni Monzi, Monzi’s family, good things and trials, challenging…relationship din hindi lang sa boyfriend kung hindi sa mother, sa father because she has to deal with them eh. Kanina lang iyon ang topic namin over lunch. Everyday, as necessary siyempre, di naman kailangang lagi. And then ‘pag napapag-usapan na ‘yon, she seeks our advice for that matter. Kapag napag-uusapan ‘yung pakikitungo, so how to deal with mother…mother of the boyfriend, kasi iba-iba ang ugali siyempre, no? At iba rin ang ugali ng mother niya at mother ng boyfriend niya. Minsan, ‘pag kwento, minsan di niya naintindihan siguro what the mother of the boyfriend thinks so kami pa mage-explain. We don’t side with anyone kasi mother niya ‘yung eh, anak niya, anak niya pa rin, ganon. INTERVIEWER: Medyo protective po ba ‘yung mother? INFORMANT: Ano, sabihin na nating ‘yung boyfriend kasi, di pa ganoon masyadong independent, nag-aaral pa kasi. Although 20 or 21 years old, malapit na ‘yon. ‘Pag grumaduate na ‘yon, I’m sure magiging independent na rin ‘yon. Pero sa ngayon, may konti ring…di naman sa pakikialam, kasi mother ‘yun eh to the son. Parang kinocompare pa nga namin sa anak namin na ito, 21 years old. For example, planning for a birthday party or ganon, go kami. Pero kung sasabihin ng boyfriend niya na may plano silang mag-party, sige mag-party kayo ngayon, kaya lang another day kami. Parang may mga ganoong dynamic. Nasagot ko ba ‘yung tanong? INTERVIEWER: Opo. So paano po nagsa-start ‘yung usapan niyo? INFORMANT: About? INTERVIEWER: About relationship po… INFORMANT: Kunwari…
152 INTERVIEWER: Kunwari po ‘yung kanina sa lunch… INFORMANT: Ah of course si Aina magsisimula. Magku-kwento na ‘yan tapos opinion na kami lahat. INTERVIEWER: So whole family? INFORMANT: Whole family. Lahat may…’yun nga eh, lahat sanay mag-ano…the funny word is, lahat sanay makialam. Parang makialam na hindi namin pinipilit ‘yung ideas namin pero ibibigay namin ‘yung opinion namin. So whether makinig siya o hindi, sa kanya na ‘yon. Pero given that narinig niya ‘yung opinions, pros and cons…and in the end titimplahin niya kung anong gagawin niyang decision. Ganoon ‘yung ano…that’s how it goes, many times. INTERVIEWER: Pero kayo po tsaka po ‘yung asawa niyo, nagsa-start din po kayo ng… INFORMANT: Mag-start ng? Ah ‘yung magtanong? Kami naman eh, oh kumusta si ganyan, we can start the discussion. Mado-draw out na kung ano man ang problema. If everything’s good, ibig sabihin walang ikukwento. May tanong o may issue…otherwise, kung may issue ‘yon, siguro ‘pag tinanong, oh, kumusta na si ano? Bakit di kayo nagkikita? O kaya sanay na kami na ‘pag may dinner, konting gathering, oh isama mo si ganyan. Pati nga manood ng play eh, sama mo. Mamaya we will have a dinner, oh pinapasama rin namin. Open naman kami sa ganoon. Hindi ‘yung ah…siguro ‘yung sa old style, bawal, hindi pa kayo mag-asawa, mga ganoon. Okay kami doon, basta mabait ‘yung bata, mabait ‘yung kabila. Kung medyo sa tingin ko ay medyo naba-bad influence or hindi maganda, hindi bagay sa kanya, siyempre ‘pag ganoon, makakarinig din siya ng comment sa akin, ng opinion namin. Alam mo parang hindi yata maganda ‘yung pakikitungo nung other party. Kaya nga very open line of communication. And it happened to one of our kids before. Pinabayaan lang muna namin, noh? Tapos napapansin namin na masyado namang, hindi yata nire-respect ba or parang…kunwari ganito, si Ace, ‘yung lalaki, very close naman sila nung dati niyang girlfriend. Dati, hindi ‘yung ngayon. Ayun, hinahatid niya parati sa bahay, he’s doing a lot of service na rin noh. Okay lang ‘yon. Kami naman, ‘yung treatment namin sa girlfriend niya, parang
153 pamilya na rin, no? Kasi nga boyfriend and girlfriend. Iniimbita namin ‘pag lilibot, ‘pag may party. Eto naman, hindi siya nagsumbong pero nakukwento lang ni Ace. Minsan kakamustahin ko ‘yung parents ng girl, sasabihin niya okay lang pero maya-maya ‘pag medyo may issue, magkukwento na ‘yan. Parang ang relationship, hindi…hindi open. Kasi ‘yung iba…’pag ibang tao, parang iba ‘yung pakitungo eh. So the father tends to be…is the guy na strikto, aloof, parang ‘pag nandyan kayo sa bahay…pumupunta naman si Ace sa bahay nila. ‘Pag nasa bahay parang di nakikipagkwentuhan. ‘Pag ano, sige upo kayo diyan tapos kumakain naman sa kabila. Pero okay lang, personality ganoon eh. Pero ano na ba nangyari doon. Parang nararamdaman namin na hindi ka pa welcome. Up to the point na…one time, ikakasal ‘yung kapatid, nagulat kami, hindi invited. Oh, bakit di ka inimbita? Sabi namin, akala ko ba close kayo niyan? So ganon. Akala niya normal ‘yon. Kasi maganda naman ‘yung pakitungo namin sa kanya pero bakit ‘yung pakitungo sa’yo ganon? Siguro na-BV na siya, weird na ‘yung term. Ayun, siya na ‘yung nagdecide. Wala kaming sinabi na makipag-break siya parang nag-advice lang kami nab aka nalalamangan ka…pero bahala ka, kung mahal na mahal mo ‘yun, gustuhin niya ‘yon. Siguro after non, nag cool off muna hanggang sa wala na rin. So example ‘yun ng regular consultation. Nagshe-share talaga kami ng opinions, eh UP tayo eh, nakikialam tayo eh. Kung hindi tayo, sino? Kung hindi ngayon, kailan? INTERVIEWER: So parang nagbibigay lang po kayo ng opinion, pero bahala pa rin sila sa gagawin nila. INFORMANT: Yes, ganon except pag kailangan talaga ‘yung advice na anong dapat gawin? So meron kaming ganon na…you know Aina, medyo emotional, nahihirapan din siya sa mga relationship, pati sa mga kaibigan. Kasi hindi naman lahat ng friends ay matino. Narinig niyo na ‘yung word na narcissistic? Ganon, may mga ganon. ‘Yang si Aina, gusto niya lagi lang happy. Pero kahit ganyan ‘yung tao, kahit kayo ganyan, minsan makakahanap kayo ng…minsan di siya maka-cope sa mga ganon, lagi niyang dinidibdib ‘yon. Bakit may mga ganong tao? Bottomline, pagka ganong nahihirapan na ‘yung anak namin, maga-advise na kami kung anong dapat gawin. Hindi namin sasabihin na layuan mo, parang kung ako sa’yo, eto dapat ang mindset ko. Accept na you have the right to be happy. Kung hindi ka happy doon, lumayo ka. Ayon, maga-advise na kami ng ganon.
154 Kasi kung ‘yung bata ‘yung type na hindi maka-decide sa ganon, naïve o mabait…minsan tuturuan mo ng ganon, until ngayon nakakaencounter na siya ng problem on her own, ganon. INTERVIEWER: Alam na niya kung paano i-handle. INFORMANT: Oo, alam na niya kung paano I handle. That’s the reality. That’s the real world. Akala niya dati everything in the world was nice like in Disneyland pero diba hindi naman. So ‘yun ‘yugn reality. INTERVIEWER: So nagkakaroon po ba kayo ng tension ni Aina when it comes to talking about relationship? INFORMANT: Often hindi. Hindi naman. Tinatanggap niya ‘yung mga decision, mga ganon. ‘Yun naman, depende kasi sa mood din. Minsan kahit not about relationship, basta masama ‘yung, pag ano, nasabihan mo, parang you need to do this, you need to do that. Si Aina kahit ganon ‘yung, she’ll fight back. Ako naman, kung tama ‘yung reasoning mo, I’ll take it. Otherwise, nagkakaroon talaga ng ganon, whether dahil sa relationship or outside of the relationship. In dealing with other people, sasabihin niya, eh mabait naman ‘yung e, ganyan ganyan. Kami naman, bakit parang ginaganon ka? May times na she will take it, may times na sasabihin niya na basta ako nang bahala. Kami naman, kung ikaw ang bahala, eh di sige. Basta dynamic ‘yan, that’s how we handle it. INTERVIEWER: So paano niyo po nare-resolve ‘yung mga tension? INFORMANT: Ah ‘yung mga ganoon? Ah wala lang, it will pass. Kunwari napikon siya, lalayo siya. Hindi namin hahabulin na, hoy ano ‘yang ginawa mo, tinalikuran mo ako, hindi ganon. I’ve done that maybe siguro noong bata pa sila, pero noong lumalaki na, normal na ‘yun eh, ‘yung mga angst ng mga bata, kayo mga bata, may mga angst din kayo. Pero mamaya ‘pag kumakain na, lalabas naman, tapos kakain na, tapos wala na. INTERVIEWER: Parang may space lang po? INFORMANT: Oo may space lang, tama ‘yon, may space.
155 INTERVIEWER: So lahat naman po basically madaling mapag-usapan? INFORMANT: Oh yah, we believe in that eh. Siguro parang sabi nga nila I’m an adjudicator, parang madaldal ako, ‘yung mommy niya medyo tahimik. She talks well of course, but we are all open-minded. ‘Yun ang importante, we grew up that way, sa kanila din, the way we treat them. Bata pa lang, we treat them like adults. ‘Yung pakikipagusap, di namin sila binaby. Kaya ‘pag nakikita kami ng mga maingay na bata sa simbahan, hindi sila tulad ng ganon, nasa isang lugar lang sila, behaved, ganon. So ganon. INTERVIEWER: So, matanong ko lang po, ‘yung ideal guy niyo po for your kid, ano po ‘yun? INFORMANT: Tulad ngayon, kaya wala naman kaming reklamo, siguro basta mapasaya niya ‘yung anak namin. They’re happy, basta mabait siya, siya ‘yung madaling makitungo sa iba, mabait. Importante na mabait. Kasama na ‘yung ‘pag sila ‘yung nagkatuluyan, ‘yung hindi siya sasaktan. Basta happy siya, happier si Aina. Which means…anong pwedeng ibig sabihin noon? Dapat ‘yung lalaki mas mahal ‘yung babae. Ganoon ‘yung diba? ‘Pag ‘yung babae ang naghabol doon sa lalaki, o mas mahal niya ‘yung lalaki, di ko alam kung baka mamaya lokohin siya noong lalaki. So you must be in a situation, pati kayo na kailangan mas mahal kayo nung guy kaysa mahal niyo ‘yung guy para talagang alam mong you will have a happier relationship. Dapat matino ‘yung guy. Another qualification would be dapat hindi playboy. Alam mong may integrity. Basta qualifications, qualities ng pagkatao, character…integrity, siyempre honesty, tapos competence, at least alam mong may alam din, maganda din ‘yung may ambisyon din. Okay din ‘yung economic well-being, ‘yung alam mo na you will have a comfortable life. Hindi ko sinasabi na kumuha ka ng Ayala o kumuha ka ng mayaman, basta you should live a comfortable life. Sinabi ko na ‘yan before, kasi lahat naman nagumpisa sa fresh grad, mababa ang income and kung very magaling ‘yung tao at may tamang ambisyon, tamang values, alam mong magtatagumpay ‘yan. And tagumpay doesn’t mean mayaman, at least comfortable and happy.
156 INTERVIEWER: May instance na po ba na ayaw niyo ng boyfriend or girlfriend ng one of your kids? INFORMANT: Yah, for example ‘yung kanina kay Ace, o kaya ‘yung hindi naman ayaw, kundi…si Ace parati ‘yung ganoon, maraming history si Ace. May girlfriend, kasundo niya pero ang issue naman ay religion. Basta masyadong Christian na Christian naman ‘yung ano, ‘yung treatment sa kanya, kung hindi ka Christian, you shouldn’t be in our family. So sabi ko, Ace, parang unfair naman ‘yan. Ilang beses siya na ganoon eh. Parang sabi ko, pwede bang sa susunod, tanungin mo muna ‘yung religion before you enter a relationship? Niloloko naming ganoon, tawanan na lang. ‘Pag mga ganoong situation, ina-advise na lang namin sila. INTERVIEWER: Tanong ko lang po kung ano po ‘yung general rule niyo sa kanila? Meron po bang ganon? May set of rules po ba? INFORMANT: Like what kaya? INTERVIEWER: Parang kahit curfew, mga ganyan. INFORMANT: Ah, general rule, wala eh. It depends on them eh. First of all values are there na, honesty, ‘yung sinabi natin kanina…openness…general rule, kami pa ‘yung…kasi ine-encourage namin silang pumunta sa bahay, kasi ngayon independent na sila lalo na ‘yung mga nagwo-work…sabagay lahat sila nagwo-work na. So practically ‘pag weekends magkasama kami. I encourage them to go to our place kasi nakahiwalay na ‘yung dalawang…di ko naman sila pipilitin na pumunta sa amin pero sasabihan ko sila na oh may breakfast dito. So pupunta naman sila sa unit namin, pero pag may lakad sila, okay lang naman. Kunware oh out of town…Pero most of the time, pag family gathering, kunwari ayan, birthday party ng relative, kapatid ko or immediate relative, they find time. Hindi sila gumagawa ng ibang lakad. Kaya pag may birthday party ng lola, pinsan, kamag-anak, basta ganon, family gathering, sumasama sila. Hindi namin sila pinipilit. Except na lang talaga pag nakaschedule ‘yung shoot, di na nila ma-move…pero kung mamu-move nila, sasama sila. Siguro implicitly parang may rule na parang ‘pag wala
157 silang lakad, sumama sila, pero kami, hindi namin sinabi ‘yon. Basta they always find time kahit alam mong busyng busy sila. INTERVIEWER: So nagsasarili na po ‘yung dalawa niyong anak. INFORMANT: Yah, oo, on their own sila. In terms of their unit… INTERVIEWER: Financially? INFORMANT: Oo, financially, yah. Pero tuloy pa rin ‘yung tradition na diba every year lalabas kayo as a family. Parang once or twice a year, we will go on a vacation, wala silang gagastusin, basta sumama lang sila, parang incentive na ‘yon. Sasama naman sila. Pero on top of that, may gusto silang puntahan, kanya kanya tayo…kaya na nila yon. ‘Yung isa naman dahil sa work, madalas talagang out of the country, siyempre hindi naman kami makikialam doon. Magbabalita na lang siya kung kailang babalik… INTERVIEWER: At what age po sila nagsarili? INFORMANT: ‘Yung una, ‘yung panganay, maaga, maybe 24. Noon nasa Quezon City pa kami. 24…kasi nga nagwowork na siya as freelance videographer so ‘yung schedule very irregular. Alam niyo mga shoot ng ganyan, hanggang umaga. For example, banda ‘yung kakausapin o ivi-video…’pag may gig, mga 11pm diba? So gabi nang umuwi so on her own, nagtanong siya kung pwede na siyang magsarili so kumuha siya ng sariling apartment gamit ‘yung sarili niyang pera. Naalala ko yan eh kasi nagulat din ako diyan. So pinupuntahan namin every week, minsan weekends, tapos ihahatid namin siya after. Tapos until I bought na a unit here at Pioneer, ‘yun na ‘yung condo unit namin para malapit sa lahat, middle ground, talagang very convenient. INTERVIEWER: So doon pa rin siya nakatira? INFORMANT: Yes, sa 24th floor ng building namin. So ‘yun ang nauna. At time to time, doon ako magoovernight dahil malapit sa office kasi malayo na ‘yung Quezon City. Then dumating na naman ‘yung opportunity to get another unit na bigger para lumipat na kami doon. So in a way, independent pa rin siya, hiwalay na unit pero malapit lang kami.
158 INTERVIEWER: An elevator ride away. INFORMANT: Oo, parang umakyat ka lang ng 2nd floor ng bahay. Parang ibang kuwarto lang. Oh breakfast, oh less than a minute nandyan na siya. So independent na close pa rin. Literally close and figuratively close. Then dumating na rin ‘yung panahon na Ace would stay in that unit kasi 2 bedroom ‘yun eh, so silang dalawa ‘yung nandoon. Eh eto namang lalaki, gusto ng another unit so kumuha na naman ng isang unit. So hiwalay pa sila ngayon. So anyway, ‘yung lalaki ko… INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon po siya noong binili niya po ‘yung unit? INFORMANT: Maybe 23…24. Siguro maganda ang income so naka-ipon siya…mas maaga siya actually humiwalay kasi noong lumipat na kami dito, 23 siya noon eh. Noond lumipat kami, hindi na namin siya kasama sa unit namin, doon siya sa kapatid niya. So talagang si Aina lang ang sa amin, ‘yung youngest now. So minsan naririndi si Aina, gusto na rin niyang lumipat. Ikaw, hindi ka namin papayagan. Kasi bakit pa? Eh independent naman siya eh, kahit anong oras umuwi pinapayagan. Siguro na-realize niya rin ‘yon. May benefit naman talaga ‘yung uuwi ka nalang, noh? Wala ka pang gagastusin. So tinuturuan ko rin siyang mag-ipon, mag stock market, para may investment habang bata. So ang question doon ay bakit ‘yung dalawa pinayagan niyo? Hindi ko naman siya pinagbabawalan, kung pumilit siya na humiwalay, wala kaming magagawa. Hindi rin namin pipigilan. Pero siguro mas kukumbinsihin namin siyanga mag-stay kasi bakit pa? Wala ka naman nang pakikisamahan pa dito. And if ever, somewhere near na rin. It doesn’t make any sense lang eh. ‘Yung dalawang nauna, siguro gusto talaga nila ng independence. Bunso ka ba? INTERVIEWER: Ako po, bunso. INFORMANT: Ayon, depende sa gusto niyo. Siguro ako, kahit di pa siya mag-asawa eh but if you want to live alone…27, 28, ayan pwede na siyang mag-decide na ganon. INTERVIEWER: Ayon, nabanggit niyo po ang paga-asawa. Parang napaguusapan niyo rin po ba ‘yun?
159 INFORMANT: Sa ngayon, hindi pa kasi parang too early in their relationship and ‘yun nga eldest 30 years old na, wala pa kaming naririnig na plano about kasal, so siguro si Aina rin. ‘Yon may konting moral swaying ‘pag parent, parang, oh ayan mag-ipon ka muna, ayan magtrabaho ka muna. Ayos ‘yung habang bata pa lang ay tinuturuan na ng concept ng ipon, hindi ‘yung pag nagtrabaho, lahat labas. So tinuro namin sa kanila ‘yung ganon para makaipon talaga, para ‘pag nag-asawa ay comfortable living. Hopefully the guy is more comfortable, kasama ‘yung sa pagpili niyo eh. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung mga activities po ni Aina with her boyfriend, ano po ‘yung mga okay sa inyo? INFORMANT: Alam naman namin eh, whether they eat out, watch movies, ‘yung ganoon, the usual. Kayo ba may mga boyfriend na? Di naman namin malalaman lahat eh, basta ang sa amin lang, trust lang talaga. ‘Yung tinuro sa inyo, ayan na eh. Minsan pumupunta siya doon sa kanila kung inimbita ng parents. INTERVIEWER: Noong nagsa-start pa lang po sila, may panliligaw po ba? INFORMANT: Panliligaw? Wala naman. Parang magkasama lang sila bilang friends. Medyo common na, medyo parati nang kasama. INTERVIEWER: Ano po sa tingin niyo ‘yung pinamana niyo na something sa kanya pagdating sa pagkakaroon ng relationship? INFORMANT: Pinamana, parang core values din ‘yan eh. ‘Yung fairness: in a relationship, walang lamangan. Hindi siya aapihin, hindi rin siya mang-aapi. Honesty, right treatment, tamang pakikitungo sa ibang tao. INTERVIEWER: Thank you po. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 7 INTERVIEWER: So alam naman natin ang name…
160 INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Highest educational attainment? INFORMANT: College. INTERVIEWER: Alam mo ba ‘yung monthly family income niyo? INFORMANT: Hindi eh. Kung ano na lang ‘yung sinabi ni Daddy. INTERVIEWER: Age? INFORMANT: Twenty-one. INTERVIEWER: Magtu-twenty two ka ba this year? INFORMANT: Hindi, sa March. INTERVIEWER: Okay, punta na tayo sa second part. So pwede mo bang i-describe ‘yung pag-uusap niyo or ‘yung relationship niyo ng parents at mga kapatid mo? INFORMANT: Sige. Tatlo kaming magkakapatid tapos bunso ako. Tapos…kung paano kami mag-usap, parang normal, chill, kwento-kwento. INTERVIEWER: Paanong normal? INFORMANT: Eh kasi, personality-wise, introverts kami lahat tapos dad ko ‘yung extrovert so parang siya ‘yung madaldal, tapos lahat kami tahimik lang. Pero ‘pag samasama kami, medyo marami rin kaming ano, marami rin kaming opinions. Madalas kami mag-usap pero sa iba na kasi nakatira ‘yung kuya and ‘yung sister ko, pero same unit. Pero on weekdays di namin sila nakikita, pero weekends, umaakyat sila for dinner. Tapos ‘pag dinner, okay naman. Close naman ako sa mga kapatid ko and medyo open naman kami. INTERVIEWER: Napapag-usapan niyo ba ‘yung lovelife sa family niyo?
161 INFORMANT: Feeling ko akala nila, oo, pero hindi lahat. Hindi ko shine-share lahat pero alam lang nila to a certain extent. Tapos sa family in general…minsan…paano ba ‘yun, kahit hindi sa akin? INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung lovelife mo. INFORMANT: So ‘yun nga, parang to a certain extent. Kilala nila ‘pag nagvi-visit sa house, ganon. Pero hindi everything. INTERVIEWER: Pwede bang sabihin mo ‘yung things na nasasabi mo sa kanila tsaka ‘yung mga hindi? INFORMANT: ‘Yung mga nasasabi ko, ‘yun nga, kunwari nagpupunta…nagpapaalam ako to go somewhere kasama siya. Or minsan nga kahit hindi specific somewhere eh. Sasabihin ko lang na: “susunduin ako ni (boyfriend’s name)” or “may kailangang daanan” o parang “wala ako that day kasi may pupuntahan kami ni (boyfriend’s name).” ‘Yun ‘yung mga nasasabi ko. ‘Yung mga hindi ko nasasabi siyempre ‘yung mga ano…minsan siyempre ‘pag nag-aaway, ganon. Or ‘pag ‘yung opposite ng nagaaway. [giggles] INTERVIEWER: Paano tumatakbo ‘yung usapan niyo regarding lovelife? INFORMANT: Siguro kapag nagku-kwento, hindi ‘yung paalam. Iba kasi ‘yung ‘pag walang ginagawa tapos pag-uusapan versus ‘yung pagpaalam. ‘Pag ganoon, ako ‘yung nagi-initiate kasi siyempre tatanungin nila, “asan ka na?” Sasabihin ko naman na “ihahatid ako ni (boyfriend’s name) pauwi.” Pero ‘yung kwento, minsan ako, minsan sila. ‘Pag kwentuhan, minsan ako…or minsan ‘yung mom ko marami siyang ina-ask na lang bigla na parang, “yung family ba ni (boyfriend’s name) ganito?” Like, ma-questions sila. Ako naman, sasabihin ko naman pero may limit lang. INTERVIEWER: So hindi lahat? May difference ba ‘yung si Mommy tsaka si Daddy? INFORMANT: Oo, parang mas interested malaman ng mom ko ‘yung mga things about (boyfriend’s name)’s life kesa si Daddy na parang, “ano uling pangalan niya?” Parang si Daddy ‘pag naga-ask siya about lovelife usually dahil ‘pag late ako umuuwi. Parang,
162 “don’t be late!” ‘pag may date, ganon. Si Mommy ‘yung mas interested sa…paano ba si (boyfriend’s name) sa school… INTERVIEWER: So ano ‘yung mga nagko-cause ng tension sa pag-uusap niyo about lovelife? INFORMANT: Sa dad ko, wala naman pero sa mom ko ‘yung may issue…kasi feel ko…confidential naman ‘to di ba? Feel ko kapag nagse-spend tine ako masyado sa family ni (boyfriend’s name)…feel ko ayaw niyang mangyari ‘yon kasi may traditional thinking na parang dapat mas madalas ‘yung guy sa family nung girl. So parang ‘yun siguro ‘yung tension…na minsan nahihiya ako…kunwari may dinner sa house nila, hindi ko ipapaalam…hindi ko lang specifically sasabihin na sa house niya kasi alam kong may sasabihin ‘yung mom ko na parang… INTERVIEWER: Nare-resolve ba siya or never siyang na-resolve? INFORMANT: Hindi, right now. Siguro na-resolve in a way na ano…minsan, kapag talagang may occasion sa house ni (boyfriend’s name), ipagpapaalam ko. Pero kung…‘pag walang occasion, nahihiya akong magpaalam kasi nga ayokong magkaproblema… INTERVIEWER: Tanong ko lang, paano tumatakbo ‘yung usapan niyo? INFORMANT: Nino? INTERVIEWER: Ni Mommy about that. Diba ‘yung Dad mo wala namang problem? INFORMANT: Oo. ‘Yung dad ko mostly…sinasabi niya rin ‘yun actually, na parang…ano ‘yon…sorry hindi…’yung Mom ko ‘yung mas nagsasabi na parang kasi dapat mas madalas siya sa atin kaysa ikaw sa kanila, ganyan. Pero…kasi nga minsan, hindi ko na napapaalam so medyo lenient naman sila in a way na basta may susi naman ako sa house. So parang basta umuwi ako at night, okay lang. Pero…hindi siya napaguusapan eh, so implied lang. Kaya nahihirapan akong i-answer. Parang nase-sense ko lang na ayaw nila ‘pag nandoon ako. Parang maraming unsaid things.
163 INTERVIEWER: Nagne-negotiate ba kayo sa mga ganung instance? INFORMANT: Oo naman, like sinasabi ko na…kasi ‘yung thing with my parents, parang hindi naman nila ako sasabihan na “bawal ka pumunta doon,” lagi lang may reminder na ano… “sige punta ka doon pero ganito ha.” Minsan guilt-tripping ganon. Palagi nila akong ina-allow pero marami lang silang comments na dapat ganito, dapat ganyan. So uhm, kung ganoon, parang negotiation siya in the sense na tina-try nila na ako ‘yung magdecide sa sarili ko kung ano ang gagawin pero hindi siya ‘yung back and forth na… INTERVIEWER: Ano ‘yung mga things na pinapayagan ka ng parents mo? INFORMANT: With (boyfriend’s name)? INTERVIEWER: Yes. INFORMANT: Pinapayagan nila ako na lumabas, siyempre, a lot kasi hinahatid…alam naman nila na parang with (boyfriend’s name), parang safe ako kasi ihahatid naman niya ako pauwi so mga dinner, ganon. Hindi ako papayagan ‘pag trip somewhere na kaming dalawa lang. INTERVIEWER: Like, out of town? INFORMANT: Oo, laging with friends dapat or day trip lang. I doubt kasi…di ko pa natry actually magpaalam…. INTERVIEWER: Pero na-try niyo na ‘yon? INFORMANT: No, with friends din. Di pa namin na-try na kaming dalawa lang. INTERVIEWER: Okay, so pinapayagan ka sa lahat except sa mga ‘yon. Uhm, meron bang hindi madaling pag-usapan with your parents regarding lovelife? INFORMANT: Siguro ‘yung kanina, ‘yung magpapaalam ako na alam kong marami silang opinion about it. Nahihirapan ako doon. And…tsaka siyempre ‘yung mga hindi naman nila kailangang malaman…’yung mga physical stuff, mga ganon. Kasi may mga bagay na private between you two lang. Halimbawa umiiyak ka because of a fight, so
164 mapapansin nila na namamaga ‘yung mata mo. Parang I don’t want to talk to them about it. Parang ayoko nang ibigay yung details. INTERVIEWER: So walang rules ‘yung parents mo…walang parang overarching rule sa bahay? INFORMANT: Siyempre ‘yung unspoken, ‘yung di ka pwedeng mabuntis. INTERVIEWER: Pero hindi nila sinasabi ‘yon? INFORMANT: Hindi naman. INTERVIEWER: So hindi niyo napag-uusapan ‘yon? INFORMANT: Hindi napag-uusapan pero implied. Parang kung gaano sila ka-grabe doon palang sa hindi ako masyado pwedeng pumunta sa house nila, parang ano…kung doon pa lang ang dami na nilang opinion, paano pa kaya sa mga ganon na serious…Tapos ano, ‘yung rule, ‘yun nga, basta umuwi ako at night. INTERVIEWER: So bawal ang overnight na kayong dalawa lang? INFORMANT: Wala, wala. Hindi pa nangyayari yun. Minsan lang…kasi strict din ‘yung parents niya. Oo nga no, kasi strict din ‘yung kanya. Feel ko mas siya ‘yung kailangang umuwi ng gabi. Eh ako kasi wala akong curfew sa bahay so umuuwi ako ng late. Pero ‘yung mom niya sinasabi na bring her home by 1, ganyan ganyan. Minsan parang ako pa ‘yung guy kasi parang siya pa ‘yung maraming kailangan…ay nako may ikukwento ako. Nakarecord pa ba? INTERVIEWER: Di na ba related? INFORMANT: Hindi na yata. INTERVIEWER: Sige, stop ko na ha. END OF TRANSCRIPT Family 8
165 Parent 8 INTERVIEWER: So ako po ulit si Megan and siya si Pau. ‘Yung thesis po namin ay tungkol sa parent-child negotiation kung meron pong romantic relationship ‘yung anak. So ‘yun, okay lang po bang i-state niyo po ‘yung name niyo? INFORMANT: I’m (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: And age po? INFORMANT: 57. INTERVIEWER: And dito po kayo originally nakatira po? INFORMANT: Dito? Three years ago dito tapos nag-move kami sa townhouse namin sa Kamias tapos balik kami dito. INTERVIEWER: Pero wala po kayong province, ganyan? INFORMANT: Ako, sa Tarlac pero sila, dito sila lahat lumaki. INTERVIEWER: And ilan po ang chidren sa family? INFORMANT: 4 boys and 3 girls. INTERVIEWER: And ‘yung mga age po nila? INFORMANT: Uhm 34, 27, 26, 23, 22, 19 tsaka… INTERVIEWER: And saan po sila last nag-aral? Masters po? INFORMANT: MBA. INTERVIEWER: And okay lang po bang malaman ‘yuhng monthly family income? ‘Yung kahit range lang po… INFORMANT: Uhm ‘yung ano gross?
166 INTERVIEWER: Uhm gross po. INFORMANT: 200,000. INTERVIEWER: Ah, ano po palang occupation nila? INFORMANT: Ako? Retired na ako sa ADB, pero meron akong online business, online writing business. INTERVIEWER: Si husband po? INFORMANT: Uhm project development manager. INTERVIEWER: Uhm okay po. Ready na po ba tayo? So okay ang po bang i-describe niyo po sa amin ‘yung relationship niyo po sa mga anak niyo po? INFORMANT: Uhm okay. INTERVIEWER: In what way po? INFORMANT: Okay sila sa akin siyempre about everything. Kung may gusto silang sabihin, kung meron silang gustong i-share…tapos walang bawal. Ano lang, alam naman nila kung ano ‘yung makakabuti at makakasama sa kanila. INTERVIEWER: Eh with your husband po? INFORMANT: Pau? Tulog na ba si Pau? Kailangan pa ba ‘yan? INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po kahit hindi. INFORMANT: Ano...wala, civil. Dito nga ako nakatira eh, tapos si Pau doon. INTERVIEWER: And si husband naman po sa mga anak? INFORMANT: Wala. Hindi ko alam. INTERVIEWER: Kahit in your point of view lang po.
167 INFORMANT: In my point of view, parang ano lang…kasi nandyan. Pero ‘yung sabihin mong tutok or what… INTERVIEWER: So parang mas hands-on po kayo? INFORMANT: Yes, in everything. INTERVIEWER: Eh specifically naman po kay Child 8, paano po kayong dalawa? INFORMANT: Kami ni Child 8? Ano mommy tsaka anak. Uhm kung meron siyang gusto sasabihin niya, kung meron akong gusto, sasabihin ko. Open kami sa isa’t isa. Si Child 8 kasi may sariling isip ‘yan eh, minsan stubborn. ‘Pag ginusto niya, sige. Pero ano naman, mabait naman siya, di naman siy gumagawa ng anything na negative. ‘Yun nga lang ‘pag may gusto siya…’pag sinabi niyang pupunta siyang Antipolo, ibig sabihin pupunta siya, pero mommy pwede po ba akong magpunta? Ganon. Alam naman niyang papayagan ko eh. INTERVIEWER: Nagpapaalam pa rin po. INFORMANT: Oo, nagpapaalam. INTERVIEWER: So anu-ano naman po ‘yung mga napaguusapan niyo sa bahay? Kayo po ni Child 8? INFORMANT: Kung anong kakainin, kung anong…ano bang pinaguusapan namin…oh ‘yung mga computer, mga games, mga kung anu-ano. INTERVIEWER: Uhm, pinaguusapan niyo po ba ang lovelife niya? INFORMANT: Ano siya eh, masikreto siya eh, basta ang alam ko…sasabihin ko, oh ano nag-aaway ba kayo diyan? Sasabihin niya, secret. Minsan ganoon. Pero open siya sa relationship nila. INTERVIEWER: Nagkukwento naman po siya about sa relationship nila?
168 INFORMANT: Ano lang, ‘pag pupunta sa party, ganon, pero hindi ‘yung kung anu-ano ‘yung ginagawa nila. Pero alam kong pupunta sila sa movie or whatever pero hindi ‘yung details. INTERVIEWER: So ‘pag ganoon po, sa pagpapaalam, lagi pong siya ‘yung nagsisimula ng usapan? INFORMANT: Oo. Sasabihin niya, mommy, pwede pong ganon? INTERVIEWER: So lagi pong may paalam? INFORMANT: Oo. Mommy, pwede pong manood ng basketball? Sige, magkano kailangan mong pera? Anong oras kayo uuwi? Wag kayong gagabihin. INTERVIEWER: May times po ba na kayo naman po ‘yung nagiinitiate ng conversation? INFORMANT: Oo naman. ‘Pag minsan, pupunta ako doon sa kanya. INTERVIEWER: Ano naman po ‘yung mga napaguusapan ninyo? INFORMANT: Ano lang, magkasama lang kami doon tapos kung ano lang gusto naming gawin. Ganun lang, kasi wala namang ano…paano ‘yung chemistry. INTERVIEWER: Pero ‘yung sa kanila po ng ka-relationship niya, nagtatanong po kayo tungkol doon? INFORMANT: Oo, parang naging crush mo ba, sinong nangligaw, ikaw ba o siya. Mga ganon, paulit ulit na mga tanong tapos ano, ano to, anong ginawa niyo sa house, anong kinain niyo… INTERVIEWER: Na-meet niyo na po si… INFORMANT: Si Cham? Laging nandito ‘yun INTERVIEWER: Ah okay.
169 INFORMANT:
Kahit na kunwari nanonood sila nandito sa bed, okay lang sa akin.
Pero hindi pa nagsleep over dito si Cham. INTERVIEWER: ‘Pag ganun po, hindi po kayo papayag? INFORMANT: Papayag, okay lang. Sasabihin ko na dito ka na matulog. Ayaw daw ng mom niya. Ipagpaalam ko raw siya. INTERVIEWER: Ah pero okay naman po kayo ng parents ni Cham? INFORMANT: Okay naman kami. INTERVIEWER: Gaano na po ba sila katagal? INFORMANT: Nag-anniversary na yata sila eh. INTERVIEWER: Meron po ba kayong gustong type ng babae para po sa anak niyo? INFORMANT: Hmm, nasa kanila naman ‘yun eh, mas natitiyempuhan lang nila ‘yung matitinong partners…wag lang ‘yung bibigyan sila ng heartbreak. Kasi mababait ‘yung mga anak ko. Si Cham mukhang mabait eh. INTERVIEWER: Schoolmates po ba sila sa… INFORMANT: Hindi, nag-meet lang sila sa isang…di ko alam kung party or whatever. INTERVIEWER: Ah so magkaiba po sila… INFORMANT: Oo kasi si Cham sa UST, siya sa Ateneo. Diba ang layo noon. Pag minsan si Cham pupunta dito, minsan si Child 8 pupunta doon. INTERVIEWER: So pinapayagan niyo naman po yung mga ganon? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung mga usapan niyo po ni Child 8, paano naman po nagtatapos? Tungkol po sa lovelife niya…
170 INFORMANT: Minsan makakatulog na lang ako. Minsan pagod na rin ‘yang si Andrew. Ah okay, nasaan si Cham? Hindi ba kayo magkikita ngayon? O kaya sasabihin ko, hindi ba nagtatampo si Cham kasi hindi mo pinuntahan, mga ganon. Sasabihin niya, hindi naman po siguro. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung usapin po ng loveife ganyan, meron po bang tansion na nagcocause sa relationship niyo? INFORMANT: Wala, wala. INTERVIEWER: Bakit po sa tingin niyo na wala? INFORMANT: Kasi ano naman, hindi naman…’yung lovelife naman hindi naman nagko-cause ng masisira ‘yung kanyang pag-aaral or distracted siya. Tsaka wala naman siyang bisyo. Tapos si Cham din, mabait, ganon. Parang mommy na rin niya ako so walang tension, at all. INTERVIEWER: So as long as wala pong nadidisrupt na…kunwari ‘yung acads, okay po sa inyo? INFORMANT: Oo naman. Kahit pa madisrupt, joke lang. Responsible naman kasi siya eh alam naman niya ‘yun. INTERVIEWER: Uhm meron po bang topic na hindi kayo nadadaliang pag-usapan ni Child 8? INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Wala po ‘yung pag na-open ‘yung topic eh iiwas ‘yung isa sa inyo? INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: Wala po talaga.
171 INFORMANT: Ano, topic on technology. Eh mommy sinabi ko na po sa inyo ‘yan, ikaw ang gumawa para alam mo. Pero on other things, wala naman. O kaya ‘pag kinukulit ako about slow internet, ganon. INTERVIEWER: So meron po bang times na hindi po kayo nagkakasundo? INFORMANT: Wala. Sagutan? INTERVIEWER: Mga ganyan po… INFORMANT: Wala. INTERVIEWER: So, kung kunwari…meron po bang other relationships si Child 8 before? INFORMANT: Wala yata eh. Well baka si Cham lang talaga ‘yung pumupunta dito. INTERVIEWER: So kung sabihin po natin na ayaw niyo po doon sa girl, parang meron po ba kayong gagawin na something? INFORMANT: Aayaw lang naman siguro ako sa girl kung known siya nagtu-two time ganon, pero otherwise, okay lang. Tsaka makikita mo naman kasi sa relationship ng dalawang tao kung positive or negative eh. So makikita mo naman na masaya yung relationship nila. INTERVIEWER: So supportive naman po kayo. INFORMANT: Yes. In the case din ng nanay ni Cham, supportive naman din sa kanila. INTERVIEWER: Ah so alam din po ng parents ni Cham. INFORMANT: Yes. INTERVIEWER: So ano pa ba? Bilang conclusion, ano na lang po sa tingin niyo ‘yung parang naipamana niyong lesson kay Child 8 as a parent?
172 INFORMANT: Ano, to be responsible people. Responsible kung magka-family man siya, sa kanyang anak, sa kanyang asawa. Tsaka alam naman nila na not to be like [their father]. Lahat sila yun ang ano, they’re striving na hindi sila like him. INTERVIEWER: So napaguusapan niyo rin po ‘yung pagaasawa, kayo po ni Child 8? INFORMANT: Tungkol sa married life? INTERVIEWER: Opo. INFORMANT: I think it’s too early pa kasi 19 pa lang naman sila eh. INTERVIEWER: So napaguusapan niyo po ba ‘yung dating, panliligaw, ganyan. INFORMANT: Ako parang given na nagdedate sila, na nagligawan sila so hindi na pinaguusapan ‘yon. Tsaka ano na, pampito na kasi siya. Marami nang mga experience, marami na siyang nakikita. INTERVIEWER: So learn from the brothers and sisters. INFORMANT: Tsaka meron siyang sariling isip eh. Nandyan na yata siya, nanood siya ng basketball eh. INTERVIEWER: So meron pa po ba kayong gustong idagdag? INFORMANT: Ano kasi, iba kasi ‘yung family namin. Napaka-supportive ko sa kanila tapos hindi ako mahigpit kaya siguro ganyan sila. Lahat sila open. Tsaka wala akong ano sa kanila, ‘yung maraming bawal… INTERVIEWER: ‘Yung mga curfew… INFORMANT: Wala kasi ‘yung mga genes ata nila genes ng mga mababait. Lahat sila ano, lahat sila achievers. Sabi ko nga saan sila nakahanap ng mga anak mo either Ateneo or UP tapos si Chato sa UE nagme-medicine. Mga ganon, as a nanay, I’m proud of my children. ‘Yun lang, parang all of my life talagang nagwo-work ako for them.
173 INTERVIEWER: Sobrang successful na po nila, parang konti na lang…si Child 8 na lang ‘yung undergrad. INFORMANT: Yes, ‘yung isa naglo-law, ‘yung isa nagme-medicine, si Pau tapos si bunso, tapos ‘yung isa lawyer na, ‘yung isa may family na, economist naman. Kaya wala akong sakit ng ulo sa kanila. Tsaka si Pau mga kaibigan naman niya mababait naman. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yun lang po, thank you po. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 8 INTERVIEWER: Hi, ako pala si Megan and siya si Pau and ‘yung thesis namin tungkol sa parent-child negotiation ‘pag may boyfriend or girlfriend ‘yung child. Okay lang istate mo ‘yung name mo? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: Age? INFORMANT: 19. INTERVIEWER: Saan ka nag-aaral ngayon? INFORMANT: Sa Ateneo. INTERVIEWER: Anong year na? INFORMANT: Second year. INTERVIEWER: Okay. Pwede mo bang i-describe ‘yung relationship with your mother? INFORMANT: Uh relationship with my mother…uh parang normal mother…relationship. INTERVIEWER: Paanong normal?
174 INFORMANT: Uh lumalabas, kasama sa bahay. Parang normal. Di ko alam kung paano… INTERVIEWER: Sige ano na lang, sa siblings mo. INFORMANT: Sa siblings…uh…kasi since marami kami diba. Kapag naga-ask ng help, maraming tutulong. INTERVIEWER: Ah so close naman kayo. INFORMANT: Oo naman. INTERVIEWER: Ah with your father naman? INFORMANT: Hindi kami close. INTERVIEWER: So anu-ano ‘yung mga napag-uusapan niyo with mother? INFORMANT: Ano ‘yon? INTERVIEWER: Ano ‘yung mga napag-uusapan niyo ni mommy sa bahay? INFORMANT: Iba-iba. Kunwari ‘yung school, minsan politics din, minsan traffic, ganon. Kung ano na lang talaga ‘yung pwede naming pag-usapan. INTERVIEWER: So napapag-usapan niyo ba ang lovelife mo? INFORMANT: Hindi. INTERVIEWER: Hindi talaga? Bakit kaya? INFORMANT: Uh kasi uh di ko rin naman alam kung anong ikukwento ko about lovelife. INTERVIEWER: Pinaguusapan niyo ba siya? INFORMANT: Hindi rin.
175 INTERVIEWER: Kung hindi niyo siya pinaguusapan, nagko-cause ba siya ng tension between you? INFORMANT: Si mommy? INTERVIEWER: Nagko-cause ba ‘yung pagkakaroon mo ng lovelife sa relationship mo ng mommy mo? INFORMANT: Nagco-cause ng tension? Hindi naman. INTERVIEWER: Basta tanggap niyo lang na ayaw niyo siyang pag-usapan, parang ganon? INFORMANT: Oo. INTERVIEWER: As in kaunting topics about it? INFORMANT: Meron naman, pero hindi sobrang tagal. Parang magtatanong lang siya tapos sasagutin ko tapos ‘yung na. INTERVIEWER: Tungkol saan ‘yun? INFORMANT: Kunwari, kung kinakamusta ni mommy ‘yung girlfriend ko ‘pag malakas ‘yung ulan, so kakamustahin niya tapos ‘yun na. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yun na talaga. INFORMANT: Wala naman ‘yung masyadong personal na… INTERVIEWER: Uhm meron ka bang topic na sobrang off limits? INFORMANT: Parang wala naman. Hindi rin naman naga-ask ‘yung mom ko. INTERVIEWER: Uhm, ano sa tingin mo ‘yung reason kung bakit ganun ‘yung setting niyo pagdating doon?
176 INFORMANT: Uh siguro kasi siyempre maraming anak si mommy, siguro ayaw niya ‘yung paisa-isa na parang since nangyari na doon sa isa, alam na niya kung ano ‘yung kailangang tanungin at di kailangang tanungin, ‘yung mga pwedeng pag-usapan at hindi. Feel ko ‘yung mga ganoon. INTERVIEWER: Okay. Ano naman ‘yung greatest lesson or something na feeling mo nature sa’yo ng mom mo tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng relationship? INFORMANT: Uh wait, iisip pa ako. Uh siguro ‘yung dapat sa relationship pareho kayong happy, na parang di kunwari away lang nang away. Siguro ‘ganun ‘yung naiisip ko ngayon. INTERVIEWER: May gusto ka pa bang idagdag? INFORMANT: Wala na. INTERVIEWER: ‘Yun lang, thank you. END OF TRANSCRIPT Family 9 Parent 9 INTERVIEWER: So um okay lang po state nyo name niyo? INFORMANT: I’m (mentions name), you can call me Gina, I’m the mother of Child 9 INTERVIEWER: At ilang taon na po sila? INFORMANT: Um, 47 years old INTERVIEWER: And san po nakatira? INFORMANT: Xavierville, do you need the complete address? INTERVIEWER: Gano katagal na po kayo dito
177 INFORMANT: We used to live in san Juan but we moved here this year INTERVIEWER: Um, san po sila huling nagaral INFORMANT: PSBA Manila INTERVIEWER: And ilan po children sa family? INFORMANT:
I have 2 boys.
INTERVIEWER: Ano po age nila? INFORMANT: Child 9’s 21 and his younger brother, 18 INTERVIEWER: And ano po occupation nila? INFORMANT: Banker INTERVIEWER: Ano po monthly family income? INFORMANT: 100,000 and up INTERVIEWER: Okay dun na tayo sa next part. Um, okay lang po ba idescribe nyo ang relationship niyo with your family? INFORMANT: Child 9 in particular? Ah my 2 boys? I have an open communication with them. They can discuss with me anything under the sun. We have a very close relationship and we respect each other. INTERVIEWER: Um how about yung napapansin niyo sa husband yung relationship niyo with boys INFORMANT: It’s okay naman, he’s the dad. We’re both chinese so we’re the not the type na showy, but our love language is more on service. We have a very close family relationship INTERVIEWER: Ano ano pong mga topics…
178 INFORMANT: Gusto mo tagalog ba? INTERVIEWER: Okay lang po kahit ano. Ano po napapagusapan niyo sa bahay madalas? INFORMANT: Depende, usually kasi, because they’re in college already, we’re not together ng breakfast and lunch, but we want as much as possible to eat dinner together. And then, Saturday, we go out, watch movie, eat out, then Sunday, family day, we attend service together because we’re Christians. And we discuss a lot of things, tuwing dinner, we ask them how’s school, their concerns, and the dad and I share our daily struggles, most especially we tell them the issues in the office, events. INTERVIEWER: Um, do you ever discuss po about lovelife? INFORMANT: Ah, love life, yes, we have though informal, because I cannot stop them having a relationship, but as much as possible I want them to delay to get into a relationship. I always remind them, that at this point in time. You’re students, then I believe that in every stage of life, you should know your priorities. Since he can’t help it, he’s 21, his dad and I are always there to guide them. And since, um, they know for a fact that, we prefer them marrying Chinese. Yun lang, pero I always tell them just in case culture ng Chinese at Filipino, somehow different, lalo na si Child 9, already 21, so medyo talagang nagpipick na kami sa marriage, ganon INTERVIEWER: Nadidiscuss niyo ang future? INFORMANT: Of course. INTERVIEWER: Um okay lang po ba magsite kayo ng instance sa paguusap niyo about lovelife, ni Child 9. INFORMANT: We respect each other, pahapyaw lang. Mayroon siyang relationship before, I don’t know if sila pa, basta paalala ko lang sa kaniya, right now student siya, as much as possible I want him to take Law, so sana last priority mo yan. Yun lang, conservative type pa rin ako. As much as possible I don’t like him bringing his girlfriend
179 here pwede mga classmates but not gf, so alam niya yun. Klaro rin sa kanya at sa brither niya. INTERVIEWER: Pero yung sinasabi nyong previous relationship, nameet niyo na po ba siya? INFORMANT: Informal, oo, sinundo naming sila, kasama niya, siyempre alanganamang di naming ihatid yung girl, so ayun nameet na namin INTERVIEWER: Meron po ba kayong specific qualities na hinahanap sa girlfriend? INFORMANT: Um, you know Child 9’s a smart guy, and I know um, when the time comes for him to choose a partner, he should pick somebody who would bring out the best in him, not exactly like his mom, di naman, but somebody who can help him, who is mature enough, definitely dapat college graduate, somebody na if something happens in the family is financially independent, emotionally independent, somebody who can embrace our culture, somebody who can run in the family, who can respect us, good influence, kasi I always remind him na babae ang ilaw ng pamilya, it reflect your success in life. The partner that you choose in life will make or break you INTERVIEWER: So paano nagtatapos ang usapan? INFORMANT: Usually kasi, like dinner, okay naman. We will share our experiences with them, and we usually end up with reminders, moral lesson and story. Kasi ever since they were young, I help them with their studies. So they can approach me anytime and discuss anything under the sun INTERVIEWER: Yung pagkakaroon niya po ng girlfriend, ay nagcacause po ban g tension minsan between you and Child 9 INFORMANT: Somehow, especially if he’ll be coming home late, and he’ll not advise me in advance, I’ll be angry, but di naman yung ganong fight. Kasi um, for me, Child 9’s a very nice guy, he never gave me headache. He’s nice not a friend naman, pero I really think that for him, at his age, 21 na siya, service problem, na there are times na 2-3 beses siyempre, siguro parang naano siya na I’m old enough, minsan makulit like anak ah
180 makabuntis ka, anak ah, ayoko makabuntis I will not tolerate that. Minsan nakukulitan siya sakin sa sinasabi ko. Pag ginawa mo yan, make sure kaya mong panindigan yan. I will not tolerate that. Yun lang pinagaawayan naming. INTERVIEWER: So, next part naman po. Ano pong topics yung sa pagkakaroon ng girlfriend ang madali niyong mapagusapan ni Child 9. INFORMANT: Nothing. Kasi ano eh, Alam niya na I don’t want him with the thought of having a girlfriend, so di kami naguusap about it. Although, sabihin niya, mom kasi birthday ni ganon, ah okay, basta sabihin ko sakanya, san kayo pupunta. Kahit di ko gusto ang girlfriend niya, kahit di ako boto sa girlfriend niya, I’ll respect him. Kung meron siya nakita dun na di ko nakita, basta at the end of the day, magaral kayo mabuti, yung ang priority niya. INTERVIEWER: Okay po, so meron po ban a di madaling pagusapan? INFORMANT: Lahat naman kasi napapagusapan naming mag ina. INTERVIEWER: So very open po talaga INFORMANT: Yes, but Child 9 is unlike other guys na you’ll not get into details, we don’t discuss the minor eh, more on pag may major issues kami, we discuss it INTERVIEWER: Nasasabi niyo ba na nagnenegoitiate kayo ni Child 9 with regards to the activities with his girlfriend. INFORMANT: Ah yes, pag sinabi kong ayokong pupunta sa girlfriend mo kasi di naman kayo magkakatuluyan, I believe di niya ginagawa yun. Tapos ako naman, I have to respect him, na, anniversary nila, pero Sunday is a family day, Christmas, New Year, dito ka, kasi di pa naman kayo magasawa. May ganon INTERVIEWER: May compromise po INFORMANT: We agree.
181 INTERVIEWER: Bilang conclusion po, ano po yung greatest lesson na naimpart nyo sa son niyo regarding romantic relationship? INFORMANT: Well, um I always pray for him, remind him that having a relationship comes with a responsibility. Not because everyone’s doing it, I will never tolerate, advantage that the girl does to the other party, just because, so we are clear on that. Alam niya ang responsibilities. And alam niya na in our family, integrity and honesty are non negotiable. And the trust I gave him, he should not break that. The values of the family. Hopefully, makarating kami sa dulo na, siyempre may misunderstanding, because we love each other, we always find ways to mend it by compromise. END OF TRANSCRIPT Child 9 INTERVIEWER: Okay lang ba sayo na i-record INFORMANT: Oo INTERVIEWER: Okay, hello okay lang bang state mo ang name mo? INFORMANT: (mentions name) INTERVIEWER: And ilang taon ka na Child 9? INFORMANT: Sorry INTERVIEWER: Ilang taon ka na? INFORMANT: 21, turning 22 this December INTERVIEWER: Saan ka nagaaral? INFORMANT: UP Diliman INTERVIEWER: Ano ang year and course
182 INFORMANT: 3rd year standing sa Communication Research undergrad INTERVIEWER: And saan ka nakatira INFORMANT: Sa xavierville Quezon City INTERVIEWER: Ilan kayong magkakapatid sa pamilya INFORMANT: Dalawa including me INTERVIEWER: Ano ang age ng isa INFORMANT: 3 years younger siya so 18 INTERVIEWER: Girl or boy? INFORMANT: Boy INTERVIEWER: Okay, so dun tayo sa 2nd part INFORMANT: Okay INTERVIEWER: Pwede mob a idescribe ang relationship mo with your parents INFORMANT: We’re close naman, I talk to my mom regularly, we hang out as a family often naman every weekend INTERVIEWER: Yung sa brother mo kamusta naman siya INFORMANT: Same lang siya kasama din naman siya sa family outings INTERVIEWER: Ano ano ang mga napapagusapan niyo sa bahay INFORMANT: Um, huh, mostly kung more of kamustahan, how’s your day, and like kung may balita, we talk about it? INTERVIEWER: Balita na sa life mo?
183 INFORMANT: Oo, more of sa nangyayari sa let’s say sa office ni mommy, sa work ni dad. INTERVIEWER: Ano pala work ng parents mo? INFORMANT: Dad ko is into factory,packaging and delivers, parang distributor. And mommy ko is bank manager INTERVIEWER: So, napapagusapan niyo ba ang pagkakaroon ng lovelife INFORMANT: Yes, oo INTERVIEWER: So pano nagsstart ang usapan na yon? INFORMANT: Well, uh, Kasi, sometimes kumakain kami outside ano, parang sporadic INTERVIEWER: Anong klaseng usapan? INFORMANT: More of di ko din madescribe, um, sorry INTERVIEWER: Go lang INFORMANT: Well, usually, kapag parang pagsasabihan ka, usually yun na ang opening nila INTERVIEWER: Yun agad? INFORMANT: Um, usually parang may trigger. Siguro kapag may incident na nabuntis sa tv or something. Or ayan, magtapos ka muna, something like that INTERVIEWER: Mom mob a yan INFORMANT: Mom ko usually INTERVIEWER: Yung dad mo din? Minsan INFORMANT: Vary rarely, oo.
184 INTERVIEWER: May time ba na ikaw yung nagstart ng conversation INFORMANT: No, never unless magpapaalam. INTERVIEWER: Ah so ganon naman? Lagi ka naman nagpapaalam? INFORMANT: Yeah. Uh, (laughs) Nagpapaalam pero minsan di ko explicitly sinasabi na kasama ko girlfriend ko. INTERVIEWER: Meron bang activity na parang sasadyain mo na di magpaalam na gagawin mo nalang siya? INFORMANT: Meron din, if feeling ko if di nila mahahalata na mawawala ako, for that period, so sometimes di na ako nagpapaalam Siguro after school ganon. INTERVIEWER: Um pano naman nagtatapos ang mga usapan niyo about lovelife INFORMANT: Usually pag nagstart sila di nalang ako kumikibo, umo-oo nalang ako INTERVIEWER: SO walang explained INFORMANT: More of nodding, oo ganon INTERVIEWER: Okay, pero minsan ba ang mga usapang ganon, nagcacause ng tension sa relationship ng parents niyo? INFORMANT: Yeah oo somehow nagcocontribute? INTERVIEWER: How? INFORMANT: Kasi I talk to my girlfriend about it, tapos minsan, how do I say it, the problem din like we wanna do something and get in the way yung parent, minsan gusto namin to go on a trip. Siyempre di ko naman mapapaalam yun, it’s hard na mapapayag sila na walang like official business na school or field trip siya. Yun lang, for that way. Ano rin, pag ano, say meeting the parents. Siyempre on her part, nahihiya din siya, so ano, that way, get in the way.
185 INTERVIEWER: Um may time na ba na nagaway kayo ng legit parang ganon ng parents mo dahil sa lovelife mo INFORMANT: Ha, INTERVIEWER: Or kahit tension lang INFORMANT: Yes, meron din, di naman siya exchange na verbal, pero more of like say I’m in a bad mood, approach niya kong ganon, pagsasabihan na naman niya ako. Sometimes I nagmemake face nalang ako, nasesense din niya yun, so medyo maiirritate din siya, so parang ganon lang INTERVIEWER: Nareresolve naman agad yon INFORMANT: Yeah INTERVIEWER: Magsosorry ka ba or hahayaan mo lang? INFORMANT: Hahayaan lang naming tapos later on okay na ulit INTERVIEWER: So oka, ano ano naming topics sa paggigirlfriend ang madaling pagusapan. INFORMANT: Well, from me to her, I don’t really like talking to her about it pero siguro yung most frequent is yung consequences INTERVIEWER: ANo mga restrictions ng parents mo INFORMANT: Restrictions? Hmm, by default naman kasi si mommy ayaw niya ko maggirlfriend pero kasi yung pinakarestriction niya ay wag dadalin ang girl sa bahay, and not to sleepover, or go somewhere on a trip with the girl INTERVIEWER: Eh yung mga things na pinapayagan ka INFORMANT: Well they allow me to go on the dates naman INTERVIEWER: May time ba na kailangan magnegotiate para payagan ka?
186 INFORMANT: Hmm, not really negotiate siguro, magtatanong lang ng details like sino kasama mo, how long what we’ll we do, saan pupunta, and reluctantly papaya naman sila, as long as di sa restrictions INTERVIEWER: May ginagawa ka bang measure para payagan ka. INFORMANT: Umm, sometimes, I do favors for them, like si mommy sasamahan ko siya magshopping, magdedate ako with her INTERVIEWER: Okay, so ano naman nag topic na ayaw mo pagusapan talaga INFORMANT: Topics na related sa? INTERVIEWER: Lovelife INFORMANT: Um, actually, ayaw ko kasi alam ko na frequent notions niya, saka she keeps repeating it naman so ayoko pagusapan with her INTERVIEWER: May ginagawa ka bang ways or sinasabi sa kanya para mapersuade mo siya na magbago isip niya? INFORMANT: Well the usual, I tell her na I’m 21, I’m old ebough already. DI naman ako makakabuntis, assurance lang. INTERVIEWER: Effective naman yon INFORMANT: Hindi, inuulit pa rin niya INTERVIEWER: Meron ba kayong napapagkasunduan na topic tungkol sa lovelife, kunwari sa, panliligaw, ganyan, may napapagkasunduan ba? INFORMANT: Wala INTERVIEWER: Eh pano ba tingin niya, traditional ba? INFORMANT: The ligaw process? Huh, medyo traditional, I guess, like yung guy dapat maginitiate, um, di naming masyado, um, tapos she doesn’t like gift giving masyado
187 INTERVIEWER: Like yung ikaw nakakatanggap or ikaw nagbibigay. INFORMANT: Yung ako nagbibigay pero ayaw niya to get gifts from girlfriend. Nagbibigay naman siya money when I ask for it, yun lang INTERVIEWER: So, conclusion, ano ba yung greatest lesson na naimpart ng parents mo sa pagkakaroon ng relationship INFORMANT: I guess it’s pretty clear na, take things slower, and think about my future more, yun lang naman gusto niya for me. INTERVIEWER: Okay thanks! END OF TRANSCRIPT