JOHN HOLT'S BOOK AND MUSIC STORE LTVING RESPONSIBLY CARING FOR YOI,JR OWN DEAD
cratic parts we must also face. For example, here's a sampling
by Lisa Carlson #1108 $12.95
of ways to help a friend who has had someone close die, from an appendix called, "A Good Neighbor's List For A Time of
"... Most importantly, this book can help us keep the endings as well as the beginnings in our lives family-centered and surrounded with love," GWS reader Pat McMullen wrote to me soon after she had arranged for a review copy ofCaring ForYour Own Deadto arrive on my desk. She continued, "Lisa Cadson's book empowers its readers in the same way that gmd birrh books can... [they] can cut throughjargon and confusion to help us get, and pay for, only what we wanL" I soon saw thatCaring For Your Own Deadblonged in our catalog along wi0r our other books about family, community, and self-reliance as opposed o institutional dependence. Pat McMullen probably sensed that I was open to a book about dealing with death becase of my involvement with the deaths and funeral arrangements of my dear friends John Holt and Anna Van Doren. She didn't know, however, that my decision not to enter my father's funeral business was among the major decisions I have made so far in my adult life. Caring For Your Own Deadhelpedto confirm and clarify many of my feelings about dying and about the many details of deattr. The book contains three short accounts of people who wanted to be as much a part of a friend's or relative's death as they had been a part of their life. The author adds several clear essays about fie hisory ofand legal reasons for our current funeral practices, embalming, cremation, burial, organ donation, home vs. chapel wakes, and so on. She also prints a state-bystate list of laws and regulations regarding funerals. This is an invaluable compendium since the legalities of death are much
like the legalities of homeschooling: the regulations vary widely from state to state. For instance, some states allow you to care for your own dead without much bureaucracy at all, others allow you a limited amount of involvement" and still others, like Massachusetts, won't allow you to care for your own dead at all, and mandate a funeral director's assistance. In the author's very valuable appendices she reprins useful articles, explains how to fill out the non-medical part of a death certificate, and gives advice about using the..Living Will and Durable Power of Attorney," which enables terminally ill people to specify a wish not to have their lives prolonged by extraordinary measures. Carlson manages to maintain a fine balance between the personal, emotional aspects of death and the clinical, bureau-
Death":
. One friend came in right away and cleaned my house. She knew me well enough to know where little things went and never asked a thing as she silently and efficiently put things in order or made coffee. . I will always be grateful for the money I was given. Our families were scattered all over the U.S., and my telephone bill was exorbitant for months. . My neighbon took my kids long and often. I needed that, and my children di4 too. . My friends let me talk. And they listened - in my case, for months!
I find it interesting that Lisa Carlson would have been unable to write such a complete, detailed study of American funeral practices without help from the funeral industry, and she gratefully acknowledges this help in the beginning of the book. "The idea of a family managing death was terribly new for almost all [funeral directors]," she writes. "Yet what I found in my conversations was that the vast majority in the funeral profession express caring and service-oriented views. Many listed in this book seemed far more interested in helping families in need than in protecting the 'turfl of the funeral industry." My father remembers many funerals, years ago, where the wake took place in the home of the person who had died. The moruners would climb up an apanment building's stairs and crowd into the small rooms to pay their last respecs, console and reminisce with the family. But my father hasn't ananged such a funeral in decades, and most people who come to him for his services never even mention wanting such an arrangemenL Perhaps since we have so little memory of what it was like to care for our own dead, we no longer consider it a viable option. John Boston, director of the School of Home lrarning, made a similar observation to me about homeschooling. He said one reason people have a hard time accepting or considering homeschooling is that they don't remember what life was like and how people learned before everyone was forced to attend school. We need to turn to our grandparents, and often our great-grandparents, to firnd out about life with little or no school. Likewise, the importance of Caring For Your Own Dead isn't in is ability to tell us what we should do,but in its ability to let us know what we can do. This book shows us ways to mourn and deal with the details of death outside of institutionalrzeA, standardized practices.
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Parick Farenga