25 CONTINUED FROM PAGE 12 did twice, but there are only six classes and I think they keep going because they can't believe that all the classes will be equally bad. This freedom to quit if they want to has given our kids the cour age to try several things they would never have attempted if they had felt they would be forced to finish some thing that may be beyond their skills or just too scary for one reason or another. It might be anything from trying to read a book to jumping off a diving board. Just last weekend we wanted to attend an outdoor concert that Clare was, for some reason, uncomfortable about and so didn't want to go. Since we couldn't go with out her, I told her we would leave whenever she wanted to and explained to the rest of the family that Clare would be in charge of our leaving and that this way we would at least get to see part of the concert. During the course of the evening Clare asked several times if we would really leave when she wanted to and after I reassured her that we would, she hap pily turned her attention back to the stage. We stayed for the entire show . ... When we lived in Connecticut we had a small pond in our backyard, where Emily smoothed out the ice skating skills she had learned else where, Christian learned how to get around quite well, and Clare, only 3 then, spent most of her time standing up on her skates and then falling down or else laughing at Tom and me as we attempted to look at ease on our skates . In other words, their initial learning experience was very relaxed and Tom and I were involved, not just watching . Last winter, a park near us offered free ice skating lessons, and our kids all wanted to sign up. At the first lesson, Emily and Christian went off to the advanced class and Clare went off with the beginners' group. Another friend of hers, who had never been on the ice before, was not at all as confident as she was, but was ~illing to give it a try. (His mother reassured him that he could come off the ice whenever he wanted to . ) At the gate of the rink, a mother had enlisted the aid of an older son to drag a small boy, about 8 years old, onto the ice. The boy, with a look of terror on his face, kept trying to grab any stationary object they passed, while the mother kept grabbing his hands and saying, "This year you are going to learn to skate." She called over one of the teachers and demanded that he take her son out on the ice. The boy, obvi ously uncomfortable with the strange teacher, gave up trying to get away and became stonelike. Meanwhile our young friend had gone out on the ice, keeping an eye on this little group at the gate . He tried out his skates as he held onto che wall and lined up with the rest of the class to s~ate a·t ross the rink. He did this a couple of times and then came back to his mother who was watching at the wall and said, "I want to leave now." His mother con gratulated him for trying something difficult and suggested he might like to go skating with his father some time. And he left with no really bad feelings about skating. He knew stay ing up on those thin blades on that slippery ice was not easy and he had done as much as he wanted that day. When I was describing this little scenario to my husband, he man aged to pop my self-righteous balloon with the comment, "It sure is easy to
GROWING WITHOUT SCHOOLING 147
be relaxed about the kids learning something that we don't feel is vital to their education." Obviously if a child never learns to ice skate, her future possibilities will not be restricted at all seriously and that's what makes that poor mother's violent attempts so ridiculous. But how many times have I said to my children by my actions if not in actual words, "This year (or week or day), you are going to learn to read" (or add or do decimals or whatever)' And with results equal to the other child . The kids stonily go through the motions of learning, but it never touches their spirit; the learning is superficial and not very usable . This is, or course, what John has been say ing for years, but somehow I need jolts like this to put me back on the right track ...
the process John went through in re evaluating his life's goals (GWS #43). I went through a similar pro cess two years ago when our newborn daughter died. It suddenly occurred to me that I'd spent most of my life letting other people decide what I should do with my time ... I no longer say ~ automatically to eve ry re quest ... I started out by answering unreasonable requests with a gentle, polite, "No, I don't really think I could do that for you just now, I'm sort of busy, and, uh ... " But people couldn't seem to realize that was a refusal . So now I just say, "Are you kidding ? I'd have to be crsz y to ---" ( This method leaves no d o u t in their minds' ) . ..
WHEN A HUSBAND DISAGREES From Pennsylvania:
AT HOME IN INDIANA From Leslie Westrum (IN): . .. We have registered as a not-for-profit organization with the state, for the purpose of teaching children (no age limit). So we're now ZION FREE SCHOOL, INC . My parents and brother are on our board of directors - they're very pro-homeschool. Incorporating seems to have been a good idea . Someone out there thinks we're a school, 'cause the Highway Dept. has sent us safety information (about traffic, seatbelts, etc.) ... Madeline is 4~, so we've got 2~ years before she's "school age ." We're plan ning to be well established by then. Found a good (great') source of school supplies, BECKLEY-CARDY (7500 Old Oak Blvd, Cleveland OH 44130). They carry everything from desks, lockers, and office furniture, to pen cils, paper, and chalk. The furniture and most of the big equipment wouldn't suit homeschoolers' needs but the supplies cost about half of retail here, and for those of us out in the sticks it's great to have it delivered to your door. I'm enclosing a sample of their construction paper - the colors are nice and bright and the paper is very flexible and easy to work with. James (3~) has always wanted to have lessons like Ming, but didn't want to learn anything new - he just wanted the time and attention (very frustrating for me, at first). My solution was to get him workbooks about colors, animals, shapes things he already knew - and to have him work at those. It has helped a lot' ... Now, six months later, he's starting to feel ready to learn new things ... When people ask the "secret" to our schooling "success," I tell them my secret is total inconsistenc We don't have "lessons " somet~mesor days at a time - we read a lot, because we like to, but we only work when the mood strikes us. So Min-g-- never learned to think of reading as some terrible hard thing she must do to please someone or to be accepted. It's just a fun thing that we all like to do . We've been writing a lot of books lately. The kids draw pictures, then James tells me what words he wants and I print them for him. Ming tells me what she wants to write, and I spell the words for her so she can write them herself. It's lots of fun. The kids like to surprise their fath er with new bedtime stories they've written themselves ... I was especially interested in
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April 13: ... My husband doesn't agree w~th me about schools. He thinks I have given myself a bad atti tude toward them by reading John's books. I told him what really gave me a bad attitude toward schools was the stories friends told me. Onc e I said to my husband, "I know you don't agree that we could do a better job teaching Adam at home." He surprised me by saying, "Yes, I do agree. But I know I don't have the time to teach him and neither will you next year." My husband believes that students need schools to make them learn things they otherwise would neglect . He told me that he never would have learned geometry if he hadn't had to take the course . I answered that he would, too, have learned geometry because he wanted to go to college, and geometry was a requi=ement. He remains unconvinced that Adam would learn what he needs to know without school in spite of all the learning Adam has already done . . . [ DR:] In my reply, I said: . .. I've heard so many stories by now of husbands changing their minds, I don't think you have to worry too much . People need time to get used to the idea, mull it over, bring up their past memories, start observing their children in a new light. If your husband is not willing to read any of John's books or GWS, you can at least read parts out loud to him, or retell them in your own words. Have patience; I'm sure your husband wants what is best for Adam, and if he sees problems and changes occuring after Adam starts school, he may well agree that home would be better ... In May, the mother wrote: .. . In the few weeks since I last wrote, my husband has changed his ideas about school (as you predicted he might). I was amazed . One day I blurted out, "I wish Adam would never go to school'" and he said, "Really?"
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