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SYNTHSTATION 25
Is William a misunderstood romantic—or a lying cheat? The envelope, please... t long last, I bring you the voting results from the “Is William Lying or Simply Misunderstood?â€? poll. It didn’t take three months to count the ballots, but I got busy doing some of my favorite things. Like rereading the latest John Gray book and celebrating the 12 days of Christmas. Anyway, since it’s been a while, I’ll refresh your memory about the events leading up to the vote. I wrote about my attractive friend Kim quitting Match.com after a poopy date with a man who accused her of breaking his toilet. After the column ran, a reader, William, sent an email claiming he’s a great guy and requesting that I introduce him to Kim. He included a link to his Match.com proďŹ le. She liked what she saw and promptly plunked down $60 to rejoin the dating site, believing she should provide William the opportunity to view her proďŹ le and photos. With my prodding, she sent him a message through the site’s system. A few days passed with no response from William. Kim was hurt, thinking he found her unattractive. (Trust me, she’s not.) I emailed him to ask what happened. Apparently, William found the woman of his dreams and committed to her. Twenty-four hours prior, he was listed on Match. Now, he’s practically married. I let William know that I didn’t believe him. He continued emailing to assure me he was one of the good guys. Doubting that, I asked friends to weigh in. Women thought he was lying, but men stuck up for him. So I brought the question to you, asking that you peel back the layers, analyze the issues and determine whether William is a lying loser or a misunderstood man. Thank you to all who cast a ballot. I know you’re eager to learn the results, but ďŹ rst I’d like to share a few of the responses I received. Mike H. poked through both chads, so his vote didn’t count. Still, I thought he got half of it right: William is BOTH a lying loser AND a misunderstood man. William probably read your column about Kim’s misfortune. Dangled in front of his eyes was this beautiful, intelligent woman who had only one fault—no man! William responded to your article much like someone might respond to a late night TV ad for some indispensable kitchen tool. That is why I feel he is a misunderstood man. But, he is also a liar. He probably has a productive social life with abundant attention from the other sex, but like all other red-blooded horn dogs, he sniffs around. Well, Mike, that dog don’t hunt. We’re not canines and we possess the ability to exercise
self-control. William ought to keep his sniffer where it belongs. If I could, I’d neuter him. An enlightened reader, Bobby F., wrote: William is a liar because at ďŹ rst he presents himself as an adult capable of a deep and lasting connection when he can’t even make a date. William is a liar because he insists he is one of the “goodâ€? ones, considerate of women’s feelings, yet he wasn’t truly available to date Kim and, in essence, was cheating on someone else. Kim is lucky because William showed right at the beginning he lacks an essential ingredient for a long-term relationship. You’re right, Bobby. Kim dodged a bullet. I feel bad though, because I handed William the gun when I agreed to facilitate an introduction. Paul G. successfully whittled down this messy situation to its core issue: While the web opens up all kinds of options for meeting that special someone, you still can’t predict chemistry over a computer or even the phone. How many of us would have met our spouses, partners, lovers, if we’d only had the experience of “meetingâ€? them online? It’s easy to dismiss someone if they don’t perfectly match your home version of The Dating Game and there’s always someone new to peruse and pursue. Internet dating has its fans. My cousin met his lovely wife through an online service. Yet Paul, married for more than 20 years, makes a vital point. Like a kid in a candy store, our antagonist ďŹ nds the dating site’s inventory overwhelming. Grow up, William. Jane F., a 63-year-old, writes that William is a player. She should know, because she’s used Internet dating services for a few years now. Admitting she’s picky, she struggles to ďŹ nd the right man. “Most single guys my age are nearly dead, one way or another,â€? Jane says. Another Jane, Jane N., gets my vote for the best response: I think it should be obvious that William is a made-up person who works for Match.com. After Kim canceled her membership, they discovered through you that they could get Kim to cough up $60. I’m an old geezer and I would never trust anyone that’s out there on the web. OK, I’ll no longer leave you in suspense. With the results carefully tabulated and certiďŹ ed by the gals on the hill, I give you the consensus: William is a misunderstood liar who is actually a nonexistent man conceived by a ruthless corporation to steal Kim’s money. P.S. The truth is that almost everyone, male and female, thought that William lied. I love being right. ✚ Email: nikki_silverstein@yahoo.com
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