›› BEHiND THE SUN
From the Sun vaults, December 27 - January 2, 2001
Singles going unsteady SW Marinites ISO romance, housing, hospice care... by Jason Walsh
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Marin singles just unfair—there’s no law against Dodge didn’t seem to have Dakotas or dodgy demeanors. However, their lonely hearts in it there are laws against pedophilia—a 10 years ago this week. crucial fact that somehow escaped the Perhaps they were still man whose ad, “Morning Mrs. Brown,” years ago reeling from the bungled asked unequivocally: “May your lovely presidential election, or were grieving daughter come out to play?” And even over the recent death of beloved actor more troubling than his fondness for Walter Matthau. But not even Will Smith’s Marin’s daughters (and apparently turn as an inspiring caddy in “The Leg- Peter Noon) was the ad’s promise to end of Bagger Vance” could rouse them “hold her hand at the scary corner, to put a little effort into their Pacific Sun include her in games, kiss her cheek if personals ads. she allows and bring “What we do her home until she in life echoes in wants to play again.” eternity,” Roman Yet as depraved slave Maximus deas “Morning Mrs. clared that year in Brown” sounded, he the Oscar-winning may still have been “Gladiator.” But a better option than Maximus must the 39-year-old guy have been too busy seeking a “Live-in fending off vicious Lover/Housekeeper” tigers in the Colto provide romance, osseum to keep up love, a little elbow on the drivel that grease—and to help passed for seduccare for his “ailing tion in that week’s mother.” At 6 feet 6, personals—which I come with “great wouldn’t echo so benefits,” vowed the much into eter- Maximus would’ve been appalled by Marin singles. doting son, before nity, as reverberate inexplicably adding, a few years later as fodder for “Behind “Must like large animals.” the Sun.” But if providing end-of-life-care for We’ll start with the writer of the ad a new beau’s rapidly deteriorating par“Hello, Where Are You,” a man who ent wasn’t exactly the romantic liaison would have been well advised to menturn-of-the-century Marin singles tion something about “walks on the had in mind, it was still a better deal beach” or “snuggling by the fire” before than what was offered by one amorous getting down to brass tacks about what angler who’d penned what was easily it was he was really after—a place to the least appealing personal ad of the crash. “Homeless in two weeks and week—perhaps, dare we say, of all time. nowhere to go,” began Hello’s 39“Lonely, broke, decrepit old fisherword plea for romance and free room man,” began the Hemingway-esque and board. “I’m house trained—give wooing of a “beautiful, loving woman me a call!” Whether Hello’s candidwho loves to sew, cook and clean fish.” ness about his abject lack of prospects But this scalawag was looking for landed him new roomie or not, we’ll more than any ol’ woman with a talent never know, but at least he sounded for gutting cod—she “must have a boat somewhat driven (though most likely and a motor,” he qualified. in someone else’s car). Sadly, the same Yes, as Jan. 1 approached and Marin couldn’t be said for the fellow behind a singles stared down the prospects of “missed opportunities” ad cryptically another year alone, their personals ads titled “12/6” that longingly recounted would make crystal clear exactly what the brief eye contact he’d made with they were looking for in a relationship. a “gorgeous blonde driving a BMW” Or, as the aforementioned Old Salt on Dec. 6 at the Miller Avenue Liquor put it: “Please send photo,” he concludStore. “Me: Burgundy pickup, big smile, ed, “of boat and motor.”✹ not so gorgeous,” he wrote, reminding Get personal with Jason at jwalsh@ the connection just exactly what she pacificsun.com. was missing—an unsightly, grinning redneck on the bottle. Blast into Marin’s past with more But perhaps we’re being somewhat Behind the Sun at ›› pacificsun.com 8 PACIFIC SUN DECEMBER 31, 2010 - JANUARY 6, 2011
›› TRiViA CAFÉ
by Howard Rachelson
Well, friends, we seem to have survived another year. Here are some highlights of 2010. How many do you remember? 1. The long-suffering country of Haiti was dealt a devastating blow in January when struck by what? Women at the Academy Awards, March 8, 2010 2a. What director, of what movie, became the first female Best Director? 2b. Eight days after her triumphant Best Actress Oscar, she learned of a cheating husband. 2c. This voluptuous African-American actress was nominated for a 2010 Oscar for her role in the film Precious. Sports 3a. On Feb. 7 what NFL team won their first-ever Super Bowl victory, and against whom? 3b. In April, what men’s and women’s teams won the NCAA basketball championship games? 4.Pictured, below: This natural event caused chaos in worldwide air travel— several thousand flights were canceled.
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5. Give the name of the BP oil rig that exploded in the Gulf of Mexico in April, sending millions of gallons of oil into the pristine gulf waters. 6. April 23, what Arizona governor signed into law a controversial immigration bill, designed to identify and deport illegal immigrants? 7. Pictured, below: At a Christie’s auction in May, the 1932 painting,“Nude, Green Leaves and Bust,” depicting the painter’s mistress, sold for a recordsetting $106 million. Name the artist.
8. Israel came under international criticism in May after attacking a flotilla of cargo ships in the Mediterranean that were trying to do what? 9. In August the Senate confirmed President Obama’s nominee,a scholar and lawyer and the first female dean of Harvard Law School, to a seat on the US Supreme Court. 10. With an amazing business turnaround over the past decade, which company, in May, passed Microsoft (leader the past 20 years) as the world’s top technology company (based on market capitalization)? 11. This musician with a heavenly name burst onto the music scene with the hits,“Just the Way You Are,”“Billionaire” and “Nothin’ on You,” and gained seven Grammy nominations 12. In June the United States announced the discovery of more than $1 trillion in untapped mineral resources such as iron, copper, gold and lithium in the mountains of what country? More Sports Within 9 days in June... 13a. What hockey team won the Stanley Cup for the first time in 49 years? 13b. What NBA team won their second consecutive league championship, and the 16th in their history? 13c. On the July 4 weekend, what American athlete won her 13th Grand Slam title at Wimbledon and which Euro star took the men’s championship? In July, the world watched the World Cup 14a. What country hosted? 14b. What two teams played in the final game on July 11, and who won, by what score? 15. What country’s economy passed Japan’s, becoming the second largest in the world?
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16. Pictured, above: In September, this hiker, imprisoned in Iran for over a year on charges of espionage (for crossing the border illegally), was released on $500,000 bail, while two of her friends remained in jail.