LO O K I N G AT L I F E
How Can
I Change for the Better?
How Can
I Change for the Better? By Goh Chin Lian
david, a university student in his final year, was busy preparing for the coming exams. One afternoon, while studying in the library, he was surprised when a girl whom he had chatted with a few times took him aside and asked him a personal question. Rundi was petite, had big eyes, and was usually seen with a sweet smile. But that day, she was not smiling. “Can you tell me how I can be a better person?” she asked. David didn’t know what to say. No one had ever asked him such a question. “I don’t know,” he said uncertainly. “What do you think you want to change?” Rundi shrugged. She didn’t elaborate, and they didn’t talk about it anymore. Over the years, David had met many like Rundi—people who wanted to change for the better. There was Dewi, who wished she could focus better on her studies. There was Aini, who had 1
trouble controlling her temper. There was Wang Chen, who was always late for appointments. Most of his friends, tired of having to wait for him, had stopped asking him out. Wang Chen was beginning to feel lonely. So was Sarawut, who wasn’t very good at making friends. Most of his workmates seemed to keep their distance. Sarawut believed that to befriend them, he needed to do something beneficial for them. “That’s the way the world operates,” he would say. David wondered if Sarawut was trying too hard. David knew that he, too, needed to change. He often felt irritated with people and experienced intense anger. Being a quiet young man, however, he rarely shared his feelings. But keeping everything inside made him feel worse. To make things even harder, David was also a worrier. He would often wake up in the middle of the night, thinking about his problems. Was it because he feared failure and conflict? Was it because he was a perfectionist with unrealistic expectations of himself? Or was it because he did not want to disappoint others? All these questions bothered him. 2
Trying Hard to Change
like david, we too may wish we could
change things about ourselves. Look prettier. Grow taller. Put on more muscles. Be more confident. Stop smoking or being late. Do better in school or at work. To make some There will of these changes, always be we may find ways some changes to become more that are hard— focused and or even disciplined. We impossible— may try to make new friends, learn to make. to express our feelings better, or learn to relax. We may work out in the gym to get fitter, or sign up for courses to learn new skills. But there will always be some changes that are hard—or even impossible—to make. That’s because they involve who we are as individuals, how we think and feel, and our beliefs about how we should live our lives. Take boredom, for example. Can we solve this problem simply by finding interesting things to do or interesting people to meet? Or does it go deeper? Do we in fact need a purpose or direction in life? Do we need something 3
to look forward to or something meaningful to do, so that we can say: “I know why I’m here”? Or consider anger. Would it help to restrain our feelings, be less judgmental of people, and be kinder towards others? Perhaps—but we may fear that we would be taken advantage How can we of, or feel that not get angry we’re giving up our right to be when there respected. Think seems to be so about how it feels much injustice when another in this world? driver cuts in front of you on the road, or when someone says an unkind word! Is it possible to answer evil with good consistently? Or to be generous all the time? How can we not get angry when there seems to be so much injustice in this world? What about anxiety? Of course, we could try to look on the bright side of life and take things as they come. But ignoring our problems won’t make them go away, would it? We need a deeper change to cope with our anxiety. What if we had security in knowing that even when things are falling apart now, they 4
will work out all right in the end? What if we have the confidence to face our problems because we know there is someone walking alongside us who cares for our every need? As for our desire to be admired or accepted, would it truly be satisfied with better clothes or even a full makeover? Or would we still fear that we are not good enough, that our good looks won’t last, or that we cannot live up to people’s expectations? What if our longing to be loved and appreciated can instead be met by someone who accepts us as we are—and yet wants to help us to become the better man or woman we were meant to be?
A Change of Heart and Mind
for many of us, our desire for change
springs from a belief that things can be better—or even perfect. There’s a sense that something is amiss or wrong in life, and that is why we’re not as good as we think we can be, and life is not as good as we think it should be. Imagine, however, how different life would be if we knew that we are priceless to someone, no matter how we look. Imagine not having to fear what will happen to us, because someone has 5
the power to hold our lives together. And imagine being able to live with a clear purpose and direction in life, knowing why we are here and where we are going. Does this sound impossible? Consider what the Bible, the book on which the Christian faith is based, says about such things. Though it was written thousands of years ago, it has much to say about human beings— who really have When God not changed much created human since then. beings, he The Bible tells called them us about a Creator a “very good” God who made creation and heaven and earth. took good He also made care of them human beings to be like him personally. in many ways, including being able to have good, loving relationships with God himself, with one another, and with all creation. When God created human beings, he called them a “very good” creation and took good care of them personally. He also shared with them the work of caring for the earth and all living things. This work was purposeful, fruitful, and 6
delightful. As a result, the first human beings found life meaningful: they knew why they were made, they lived in harmony with God and each other, and they felt an assuring sense of belonging and acceptance. This was God’s original plan for human beings—to have a good relationship with him, and to work together with him purposefully in taking care of creation. This wonderful plan, however, was affected when human beings chose to go their own way and rejected God, the giver of life. As a result, fear and anxiety became a part of their life. As they no longer had the security that came from being in a perfect relationship with God, they began to worry about not being good enough and being rejected by others. And they began to wonder what their purpose in life was. But God did not abandon them. The Bible tells us that God came into the world as a man to turn people’s hearts and minds back to him. His name is Jesus Christ. While he was on earth, Jesus showed many people how much he cared for them and wanted to help them with their troubles. But he offered them 7
much more than an improvement in character or behaviour—he offered them a new life, one that would change them permanently. On one occasion, he met a woman with a shameful past while she was drawing water from a well. Tired from a long journey, he asked her for a drink of water. He compared the water she was drawing out with the new life he was offering, and said: “Anyone who drinks this water will soon become Only God can thirsty again. change us from But those who the inside out. drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life” (John 4:13–14). Jesus’ words resonated deeply within her. Leaving her water jar behind, she rushed back excitedly to tell her family and friends about him. She had been reconnected with God and had caught a glimpse of how her life could be truly changed. Many other people who have trusted in Jesus Christ have experienced God helping them to change—not just externally but also from the inside out, 8
such that being joyful and doing good became increasingly natural to them. The Bible tells of a man called Paul who started out as Jesus’ enemy but later became a loyal follower. “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person,” he observed. “The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Only God can change us from the inside out. And he is willing and ready to do that, because it is in line with his original plan. He made us to have a perfect relationship with him, so he wants to reconnect with us and restore this relationship. “My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life,” he assures us (John 10:10). If we turn to Jesus, he can help us to change for the better. He will give us a new perspective on what we can be and how we were originally made to be. We will be able to turn to him for strength and courage to deal with the weaknesses and flaws of our human bodies—while knowing that God loves us throughout this journey of change. And while we may still have to face the challenges of life, we will have the comfort of Jesus’ presence: he will walk beside us and help us deal with our 9
fears, anxiety, and confusion. He offers us peace and a sense of purpose that will come from having a living, loving relationship with God. Having this relationship restored means that while others may or may not accept us, we will have the everlasting assurance that we are deeply loved and cherished by the most important person in the world.
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Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright Š1996, 2004, 2007. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. 10
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