The
Valentine’s Day Issue
On love, romantic mishaps and more
Staff EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Alex Tey MANAGING EDITOR Trace Miller DEPUTY Arnav Binaykia Asha Ramachandran Sabrina Choudhary COPY CHIEF Gillian Blum Max Tiefer DEPUTY Ariana Wahab Sam Spray UNDER THE ARCH Publishing Editor Caitlin Hsu, Sydney Barragan Senior Editor Ivy Zhu Staff Editor Jules Roscoe Sunny Sequeira Profiles Editor Kiersten Dugan Exposures Editor Julian Hammond Santander Voices Editor Aleksandra Goldberg
MULTIMEDIA Multimedia Editor Manasa Gudavalli, Ryan Walker Photo Editor Camila Ceballos Sam Tu Social Media Editor Luca Richman Video Director Edward Franco Audio Director Vaishnavi Naidu DESIGN Creative Director Charitssa Stone Susan Behrends Valenzuela Illustration Editor Aaliya Luthra Illustration Staff Bridget Harshman Jae Jin Natalia Palacino
Contents 1
Letter from the editors
2
Amore abroad
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Spread love and share opinions: What NYU students love on Valentine’s Day
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The case for the <3 emoticon
5
Dating horror stories
6–7 From classmates to friends to lovers
Letter from the editors Revamping Under the Arch has been on our minds since the beginning of this academic year. We wanted to take on new projects, like putting out a mini special issue we’ve never done before. So here we are. Valentine’s Day, in its essence, is an occasion to embrace, celebrate and share love, whether you’re spending it with that special someone or celebrating on your own. Rather than cynically critiquing the flower displays and oversized teddy bears, we decided to embrace the light hearted fun this holiday brings in the midst of a dreary winter. This issue features stories about love from across the Mediterranean at NYU’s campuses abroad to right here in New York from editors in our newsroom. We wanted our readers to be as involved as we were for this issue, so we gathered their opinions about the whimsical attributes of Valentine’s Day. And we wanted our own UTA staff to share their stories too, which we did in the form of dating app mishaps and other awkward romantic endeavors.
Everyone came together so spectacularly for this issue — our contributing writer Mellak Abduelal, our Identity & Equity Editor Mayee Yeh and our Editor-in-Chief Alex Tey, as well as all of our spectacular Under the Arch editors. Special shoutout to our new editors — Aleksandra Goldberg, Jules Roscoe and Sunny Sequeira — for their excellent work on their very first special issue. As usual, our Creative Directors — Susan Behrends Valenzuela and Charitssa Stone — and their team of illustrators created beautiful artwork that you’ll see throughout the issue. And as usual, we can’t thank them enough. We also want to give a special shoutout to our web director Ryan Kawahara and web staffers — Jane He, Adelaide Miller and Megan Kim — for their amazing work on the web layout. If you’ve taken a close look at the front cover of this issue, you’re probably wondering: Is love dead? We certainly won’t answer that question for you, but we hope this issue helps you reach your own conclusion.
Caitlin Hsu
Sydney Barragan
Under the Arch Publishing Editor
Under the Arch Publishing Editor
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Amore Abroad
By Mellak Abduelal Contributing Writer
dating culture. For instance, Italians are very affectionate, even during first meetings. While Americans might be startled if someone leans in for a kiss on the cheek on the first date, it’s just customary to Italians. Some students participating in study away have chosen to date within the NYU community, whereas others have ventured out to the city where they’ve learned about Italian culture, language and even barriers between the two groups. Dates in Italy are magical, and going with a native from the city allows for visitors to have a real European experience with someone who knows the best restaurants, events and shops. Savannah Garza, a first-year Liberal Studies student who has dated locals in Florence, shared some characteristics she noticed. “Italians enjoy intimacy,” Garza said. “They don’t really enjoy going to bars for dates as Americans do in the United States. It’s typical for an Italian to take you to a park or a piazza to enjoy a glass of wine or an aperitivo.” Garza, like many others who have gone on dates with Florentines, Natalia Palacino Camargo had met a local on a dating app. After some texting and calling, the two decided to meet in Piazza della Libertà. First, they went to a cafe and enjoyed an intimate cup of coffee while they got to know each other. Later, they grabbed some aperitivo to-go and took a romantic stroll in the park where they watched the sunset. “We talked about university life, and how I’m always busy doing homework,” Garza said. “He was surprised. He told me [that] at an Italian university, they don’t get any homework — they just study asynchronously for their midterms and finals.” Meeting people our age in other countries is a learning experience as we are exposed to different backgrounds and lifestyles. Exhilarating experiences can come out of dating locals in another country, such as learning a new language and trying new foods. As students, those are two things we look forward to when studying abroad. Practicing Italian becomes second nature when meeting locals — strong competition for Duolingo. Another perk is finding the best authentic restaurants. As guests in the country, we can be dragged into familiar food chains and stereotypical tourist eateries. It isn’t until we explore and try new things that we adapt and merge with the culture — an opportunity that dating affords us. As young adults in college, we are constantly learning about ourselves and exploring what we want out of life, including romantic relationships. Valentine’s Day for study abroad students is truly special this year because it will be celebrated in so many different ways. Whether it’s a candlelight dinner over FaceTime with a loved one back in your hometown or a gondola ride in the canals of Venice, romance is in the air for everyone. Although the pandemic has altered the way in which we celebrate holidays, the community at NYU has learned how to create magic and good memories out of the cards we were dealt.
If the candy aisle at CVS Pharmacy isn’t an obvious hint, Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. For students attending NYU’s Florence study-away site, this corner may be a long walk down the block, or via, as the Italians call it. Across the world, love tiptoes through the villas of Italy as people prepare for La Festa di San Valentino. With its rustic pastel buildings and sun-bathed hills, Florence is a city of romance. On campus, relationships have already begun to flourish in this beautiful city. Paula Dammert Dueñas, an LS first-year from New York City, is in an on-campus relationship with her boyfriend, Martin Braverman. The two began to talk over social media in December after being accepted through early decision and finally met in person the Saturday before move-in day at NYU Florence. Since arriving in Italy, they’ve spent a lot of their time exploring together. The two enjoy walking around the city, having a cup of coffee in front of the Duomo and attending Florentine soccer matches. Before meeting Braverman in Florence, Dueñas admitted that she strongly disliked Valentine’s Day, but she sings a different tune now that she’s been struck by Cupid’s arrow. “I hated it! But I now see it as a chance to have a fun time this year with Martin,” Dammert Dueñas said. “We plan to take a trip to Verona, also known as the home of Romeo and Juliet.” When asked for her advice, Dammert Dueñas said, “In long-distance or even on-campus [relationships], communication is important. That sounds corny. I never thought I’d say that. I hated long-distance.” Dammert Dueñas and Braverman’s relationship is just one of the many that have blossomed on the campus grounds. There seems to be love everywhere, between students and even beyond. Many students have gone on dates with Italians in town and are fascinated by the differences they find between American and Italian Contact Mellak Abduelal at underthearch@nyunews.com.
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Spread love and share opinions: What NYU students love on Valentine’s Day By Sydney Barragan Under the Arch Publishing Editor Chocolate or flowers? Chocolate: 48.4% Flowers: 51.6% Good news for the local florists in the Village — NYU students are in the market for flowers this year. It’s estimated that Americans will spend more than $2 billion on flowers for Valentine’s Day. The options are endless, ranging from the traditional bouquet of a dozen roses to forever flowers that refuse to wilt and will last until next February. Conversation Hearts — yay or nay? Yay: 59.4% Nay: 40.6% Maybe you didn’t know what they were called, but everyone’s seen the chalky candy hearts imprinted with flirtatious phrases like “Be Mine” and “Cutie Pie.” Conversation hearts were actually invented by a Boston pharmacist in 1847 who was looking for a substitute to lozenges that were more efficient to produce. The idea to print messages on the candy developed afterwards, and thus a new Valentine’s Day staple was created.
Which flowers are you picking? Roses, of course: 77.8% I’m more of a tulips kind of person: 22.2% Roses are red, and the Violets seem to prefer them. More than 75% chose roses over tulips. Why are roses associated with romance, you may ask? It stems from roses’ association with the goddesses of love, Aphrodite in Greek mythology and Venus in Roman mythology. The Society of American Florists say that over 250 million pounds of roses are produced each year. Let’s hope you don’t have allergies.
Single on V-day — what’s the move? Make the most of it! Hang out with friends, do some skincare, whatever I want: 50.0% Send myself flowers and buy discounted chocolate. Maybe a rom-com or two: 19.4% It’s just another Monday. I’ve got homework: 30.6% The day of love includes platonic love too — so celebrate it. Fifty percent of you see Valentine’s Day as a chance to get some friends together and share the love. We are, of course, a university of scholars, so it makes sense that 30% are more concerned with Gifts — what’s more important? their Texts and Ideas homework than doing It’s the thought that counts — price face masks. I see you too, the other 19.4% means nothing: 96.8% — and so does Hugh Grant, who leaves us Diamonds say something, and so does with no shortage of rom-coms to enjoy with the price tag: 3.2% our fresh flowers and half-priced chocolate. We’re a sentimental university. Nearly 97% Not that I don’t love Mr. Grant, but may I also responded that the thought counts more suggest Will Smith’s “Hitch”? than the amount of zeros on the price tag. Feel free to save a few bucks and Contact Sydney Barragan handwrite your Valentine’s card. But for at sbarragan@nyunews.com. the students whose valentine is in the other 3%, you’d better get your wallets out.
Which date are you choosing? Get fancy — go have dinner and see a movie: 68.8% Let’s stay in — Netflix and Doordash: 31.3% Save your sweatpants for later, because NYU wants a night out on the town — or the city. Almost three-fourths voted in favor of dinner and a movie to celebrate on the 14th. Just in case COVID-19 has your people skills a bit rusty, here’s a how-to on behaving on a movie date. Oh, and an etiquette refresher to peek at too.
Pet names — what do you think? I am NOT calling anyone babe: 19% The mushier, the better — call me whatever you want, sweetcheeks: 30.2% I couldn’t care less: 50.8% About half are ambivalent when it comes to using pet names. 30% are on board with the mushiest of pet names, though. In the market for a new name for your significant other? Here’s a list of plenty of options such as “Lamb Chop” or “Captain of Love.” But 19% still aren’t too keen on calling anyone babe, so it’s best to just check beforehand.
Assume you have a significant other — do they still need to formally ask you to be their valentine? No, it’s a given: 43.9% Uh, duh. Of course they do: 57.1% Being comfortable in a relationship is good, so long as you don’t get so comfortable that you forget to pop the question. More than half of respondents say that significant others still need to ask their loved one to be their valentine, even if they already know the answer. Best for everyone to ask their beau just in case, lest you end up spending the 14th listening to Adele’s entire discography.
Thoughts on PDA: Showing your love is great. What’s wrong with some kisses in public?: 6.3% Ew. Save it for when you’re alone: 1.6% It’s fine in doses. Hold hands, but maybe don’t French kiss in Washington Square Park?: 92.2% It appears that NYU students don’t mind a little smooching in public — but they don’t want to see something that usually requires a private browser. Remember those leaked pictures of our beloved alum Timothée Chalamet? Yeah, don’t do that.
Bridget Harshman
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The case for the <3 emoticon By Alex Tey Editor-In-Chief
Susan Behrends Valenzuela
“Instead of saying ‘I love you,’ I’ll just use a heart,” a New York college student told The New York Times in late 2011, as emoji were beginning to take off in the United States. The appeal of emoji has always been their ability to convey meaning with a single colorful pictograph. They’re faster than writing out words and they’re more visually appealing than emoticons. Most of the people reading this article won’t remember a time when you couldn’t send a heart emoji. Emoji were conceived in 1999, before many current NYU undergrads were. When emoji were added to iOS in October 2011, we were all still in elementary school. But before , we had <3. These days, with so many shiny digital hearts to choose from, an emoticon like <3 — humanity’s first attempt to translate a heart into textable pixels — seems obsolete, even primitive. For me, though, it’s deeply real. It harkens back to a time when there was no easy, vivid way to depict a heart. There was a gap between the emotion we wanted to convey and the tools we had to display it, and <3 was our effort to bridge that gap. That origin is what makes <3 beautiful to me. It isn’t a precisely shaped full-color heart. It isn’t regulated by an international consortium, and its exact appearance isn’t engineered by graphic designers at the multinational
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corporation that produced your device. is the abstract concept of love, but <3 is a reminder of what a privilege it is to live and grow with the person you love. is “love,” <3 is loving. Despite its digital endemism, <3 is deeply organic. It’s not a perfect image of a heart, but it’s something better: two halves coming together to make something whole. Real love is made of imperfect pieces, after all. Love isn’t an object but a process, one where trust and understanding come together to overcome all imperfections and obstacles. Because of those so-called imperfections, that process is more real than any of the idealized relationships you see in movies. The right people can build a love that isn’t just perfect, but genuine. After nearly three years of genuine love with my girlfriend — “less than three,” you could say — the heart emoji is too polished for me. It’s what you expected your first relationship to be like before you found out that falling in love isn’t enough to make love work. What does make love work is, well, work. “happy valentine’s day <3,” I’ll text her today. We won’t be going out to eat tonight. We’ll be in the kitchen together, cooking dinner. Contact Alex Tey at atey@nyunews.com.
Dating horror stories I had been dating a guy for around three months. We had snuck into my room and were hooking up and as we switched positions, he winced really hard. I asked him what was wrong. His thumb was absolutely swollen and turning blue. Turns out he sprained it because he sat on it, and I had to take him to the ER. —Jules Roscoe, UTA Staff Editor
In my junior year of high school, my then-boyfriend’s super conservative Mormon parents found our sexts on his phone. They drove across town to my house at 8 p.m. to talk to my family about “the nature of our relationship,” a conversation that included such gems as “don’t you want to wear white on your wedding day?” And “don’t you want to tell your husband that you stayed pure for him?” Moral of the story: Always use I matched with a guy on Bumble at the beginning of fall Snapchat. 2021. He seemed alright, but we didn’t have a particularly strong —Caitlin Hsu, UTA Publishing Editor connection, so we stopped talking after a while. Fast forward a couple months, and one of my WSN coworkers ends up cat-sitting It’s high school, junior year. This was the first somewhat for him. These two things happened completely independently. legit relationship I had been in, and this guy and I were dating —Caitlin Hsu, UTA Publishing Editor for around four months at this point. We went to a boarding school, so it was hard to find places to hang out as a couple. But I matched with a guy on Tinder just a day after downloading my dorm room had this music practice room in the basement it for the first time. We started talking a bit and it was going well, that was soundproof, so you can imagine what went on in there. until he informed me he had swiped right because he thought my One time, we decided to go in and fool around. Just as we were friend in one of my pictures was hot. Needless to say, I unmatched getting ready, the door swings open, and it’s another girl and with him right after that. her hookup, who’s maybe four years older than her. We just —Sydney Barragan, UTA Publishing Editor stared at each other for 20 seconds. Then they laughed at us and left. She apparently snitched on me, too — I had to talk to In freshman year, my date and I had to be walked home the adviser of student affairs about it. from a Welcome Week event after he fainted in line for the student —Jules Roscoe, UTA Staff Editor comedy show because he got too high and hadn’t eaten or drank While I was in high school there was an album release any water all day. He was about seven inches taller than I was and party for a band I was really into. I was invited, so I brought I had to catch him. Everyone watched me struggle trying to carry along the girl I was kind of seeing at the time and a few friends. this man, and the Welcome Week leaders said they had to walk us We arrive, the record starts and it’s really good. My friends and back to Founders “for safety.” It was my first date ever. I were really into the music, standing close to a speaker and —Aleksandra Goldberg, UTA Voices Editor quietly enjoying the scene. The girl who I came with — we’ll call her Iman — was not so into it. In her boredom, Iman noticed some One time there was a random pair of women’s underwear friends she had made at another band’s show, a band I am not in my boyfriend’s family home, and I got a text from his mom asking really into. Suddenly, the record was overtaken by noise, and if it was mine. It wasn’t mine and we all spent a solid hour debating the rest of the room, and I turned to find screaming coming from whether this meant his dad was cheating. It turned out to belong to Iman and her friends. It turned out the friends were groupies for an extended family member that had stayed there a few months this other band and were sharing stories of romantic escapades. before, and the family dog had stolen it and kept it. The underwear No one else was amused, and it was a tense and quiet drive was really ugly, so I’m offended they even thought it was mine. home afterwards. —Staff Member —Julian Hammond Santander, UTA Exposures Editor
Jae Jin
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From classmates to friends to lovers By Mayee Yeh Identity and Equity Editor
Natalia Palacino Camargo
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My boyfriend and I like to constantly ask one another how we ended up as we did: dating right before finals were in full swing, with what is currently half of our relationship occurring over winter break. But as the linguists we are, I think it would be best to track it through words. Friend He and I are in the same, tiny, 100-person major, so it’s unsurprising that we ended up in two classes together last semester. I saw him four out of five days of the week, even though he preferred to sit at the back of the class and talk to as few people as possible. In the first class, we sat on opposite sides of the room. In the second class, we ended up sitting next to each other and stayed that way through the semester, in accordance with the unspoken seating chart every class seems to have. The first day I sat next to him, he jumped. But after I kept engaging him in our paired class work and reassured him that being confused about the International Phonetic Alphabet was normal, he warmed up to me. I was never one to question his habit of playing Pokémon or Genshin during class. If we ever spoke, I simply asked him what he was doing. Sometimes, I saw him doing Chinese homework
and would attempt to read the characters, which elicited a laugh at how wrong I was. I gave him Haw Flakes — these round, sweet discs of Chinese hawthorn candy, which seemed to completely confuse him. I questioned whether he was eating properly, and always asked him if he needed help with the homework. We didn’t acknowledge that there was possibly something between us that was more than the classic extrovert-adoptsintrovert dynamic until his roommate added an unexpected degree of relation. The roommate and I were also in the same first-year seminar for my other major. We formed the kind of bond that doesn’t necessitate constant communication with each other, but was fortified by a mutual acknowledgement of respect and all-too-similar energy. One day, as he was texting me, his roommate saw my name on his phone. They both relayed their knowledge of me to each other, and with the excitement made from this newfound and unexpected connection, I was quickly being texted from both sources about the discovery. I’d been surprised too, but the only thing I could really think of to text was, “I absolutely adore him.”
And I truly meant it. “He needs someone to bring the best out of him,” they replied. I hadn’t realized it yet, but a level of fondness for him had begun to develop. Our conversations upgraded from GroupMe to text after I asked him for his phone number. Nerd The next day, he asked if I wanted to study with him. That Saturday, we sat on the seventh floor of Bobst for a few very unproductive hours, thanks to many tangents, pleasant conversations, and an unexpected phone call from my brother, who probably charmed and entertained my boyfriend more than I ever could. No work was done, and before we knew it, we were leaving the building. But I didn’t want to go home. Going home meant pacing around my apartment for an hour while I figured out what to do with myself. So I asked him, “Can I come back to your apartment with you?” Those five words stopped him in his tracks. His eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t look as confused as I’d expected. He nodded, and I was soon following him home — a route I now know all too well. After a lot of overthinking about where to stop to get boba, we finally arrived, where his other roommate — the second of four — was summoned out of their room to meet me. All too quickly, the roommate and I bonded, shouting comfortably in each others’ faces. He was completely exasperated, fearing the combined chaos he’d brought upon himself. I ended up staying past midnight, crashing their “Arcane” watch party and meeting the other two roommates. Next Tuesday in class, I put my things down, traversed to his side of the room, and sat next to his usual spot. His face fell, all too aware of what I was going to say. The night before, his roommate told me of their penchant to cause him psychic damage, be it through saying, “good morning” at all hours of the day, or “I can take you in a fight” for no reason, suggesting dropping out at any tiny inconvenience or frequently interrupting him to call him petty insults. Out of names like loser, jerk, and idiot, I knew which one reigned most effective. “Nerd,” I exclaimed with a smile. “I would like to note that Mayee was entirely too excited for this,” says my boyfriend as I write this. “I’m 90% sure I remember feet kicking at my chair incessantly during this minute interaction.” While he was visibly irritated, there was never a genuine request to stop. Dude During the following week, I’d go out of my way to find him and bother him any way I could. On the way to lunch with some of my friends, I passed by the linguistics department building where he was sitting with his laptop open. I waddled up to the window and knocked on the glass a few times. His head shot up. He matched my gaze as steadily as he could before I walked away. Honestly, I should have known he liked me right then and there. Who in their right mind wouldn’t be weirded out by some rando who greeted them with a stare and nothing else? My friends asked me who he was. I didn’t give an answer. Not to be mysterious, but because, at that point, I genuinely didn’t know. That Friday, I followed him home again, and he let
me. Even with an assignment due in a few hours preventing me from interacting with them, all of his roommates let me in with open arms. With a Truly in one hand and Google Docs open on my laptop, I found myself trying to compile a seven-page document while definitely a bit tipsy. He’d gone to an event with one of his roommates, leaving me with the other two — who were also tipsy, and very much wondering what was going on. After warming up to me, and reading the room significantly better than I ever could, one roommate told me that my classmate-turned-friend had plans of returning to dating apps in the spring — which didn’t sit the best with me. So I told them that I was probably just fixated on him and nothing more. We later figured out that we somehow split his apartment in half in terms of information. I ended up staying over that night — the first of a few sleepovers to come — and crashing on their couch. The next day, I freshened up at home and was immediately back at his apartment to finish the second half of Arcane. We were trying to be subtle, but were very obviously being touchy and cuddly with each other on his couch because we were too dense to actually say anything about it. Plus, we couldn’t interrupt the show. Later, we ended up holding hands. I was jittery afterwards, knowing that I either had to tell him that night or hold onto these feelings over break. We were sitting in the kitchen, and I was eating some leftover candy while he cleaned — which I now know he does to distract himself. Not wanting to put myself through the emotional turmoil of holding onto my feelings for him until after break, I caught him off guard at 1 a.m. while he was washing some dishes. “Dude,” I said, “I don’t think I’m being ambiguous, but I do like you.”’ He froze, finished cleaning his plate, and then turned around with wide eyes. “Ah.” I went on to give excessive descriptions about the situation and why I wanted to tell him and that I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to date but that I was interested in him. After listening to that nonsense, he replied, “Okay. Me too.” Buddy Winter break hit. We were three days into our newfound relationship. Neither of us had dated for over two years. We weren’t interested in anyone else and decided, why not? For most of the break, we called each other a lot and played well over 300 games of GamePigeon pool. “Okay, buddy,” I said whenever he would win a round, or if he said something very sweet about me that I stubbornly rejected. Was it the most productive way to spend my break? Probably not. However, I don’t think I would have had it any other way. Bubby And now we’re here. I was sappy and picked him up from the airport, where I practically launched myself into his arms. I’m not sure how it came to be, but whenever I see him, I can’t help but look up at him, arms outstretched, and say, “Hi bubby.” And he smiles back, equally as fond. “Hi.” Contact Mayee Yeh at myeh@nyunews.com.
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Aaliya Luthra
