whose native language was not English. Exasperated, I finally said, “No you don’t understand, the government wants 3.5 percent equity in the deal.” He said loudly, “No … I don’t want the government to own any part of my house.” Aside from the language barrier, I love helping people from third world countries buying their first home. In many countries, like Peru for example, there is no FHA, Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac. If you want a home, it is 50 percent down, or purchase it in cash. Only RICH people can buy real estate. Coming from a country like that, for a normal person to buy a house one day is just a far off miracle.
Once I took a loan application for a young lady in her home. She met me at the door in a bikini. She said she was sunbathing in the back and forgot all about the appointment. I asked if she wanted me to come back or wait for her to get dressed. She said, “That’s okay.” We did the entire application with her in a bikini. When I got home, my wife asked how the application went. “The usual,” I replied. That is where I got the uncouth line, “Scantily clad women get HIGH interest at our company.” Once, I got a call from someone who wanted to meet me at a beauty salon. As I drove there, I soon realized that this was in a very scary part of town.
When I walked in, I noticed all the “hairdressers” were wearing lingerie and sexy outfits. Everyone wanted to do a loan. Unfortunate, all their downpayments and earnings were in cash. This was the exception that disproved my uncouth line. When I first started my company, I had to hire some clerical help. I found this one lady who was perfect for the job. But her last name was the same as a bully who tormented me to no end when I was in school. I asked her if there was any relation. “That’s my husband,” she said with a long face. I am sure she figured that was it, but I hired continued on page 46
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a bit crowded. Thank goodness there were no NMLS numbers back then. I was just starting out and my home number was my main business line. With four small kids, the rule to them was “NEVER pick up the home phone.” It might be a real estate agent calling for daddy. One day when I was in the bathroom, my 11-year-old daughter thought she would help. I heard the phone ring, she picked it up, there was a pause and then I hear her say, “No, I am sorry, my father is in the bathroom taking a poo-poo right now.” I raced out of the bathroom with toilet paper trailing, but not in time. I never did find out who called. After that episode, as she got older, I told her that if she had to answer the phone, to at least get a return phone number. One day, she came up to me proud and told me someone had called for me. She didn’t get a name, but she took a number. On the paper was the message “234 Cottage.” I never did find out who that was or what it meant either. When I first got into the mortgage industry, I read several books on how to sell. I think my favorite was Zig Ziglar’s Secrets of Closing the Sale. One thing he teaches when selling is to just say your spiel and then shut up. The next person who talks loses. Very true. I remember one of my first applications just starting out was for a drill salesman who worked at Mobil. We were at the kitchen table with his wife. I gave my spiel and then just shut up. And then, he didn’t speak. And I didn’t speak. We must have sat their two minutes saying nothing. Finally, his wife spoke up and said, “Will somebody please say something.” I said, “Zig Ziglar?” and he said “Secrets of Closing the Sale?” And then we both laughed. I never did get that deal. One of my most embarrassing memories in the mortgage industry was a Peruvian couple buying their first home. I took the loan application at their small apartment kitchen table. I had a very upset stomach that day. I politely excused myself, calmly walked to their bathroom, and had a horrible case of diarrhea. When I was done, I went to the mirror, arranged myself and coolly walked out of the bathroom like nothing had happen. Just then, I spied their 16-year-old daughter. She must have been in her bedroom. Unsuspectingly, she walks into the bathroom, goes in, and then immediately walks out. To her credit, she never said anything and just went back into her bedroom. The great thing about this job is that you meet all sorts of people. From CEOs of major companies, to immigrants right off the boat, I have seen them all. One elderly “high-class lady” complained to her referring real estate agent that I did not wear a tie to the application (and that remains the ONLY time anyone ever complained about that). Another time, I was trying to explain about the 3.5 percent downpayment required on an FHA loan to someone