N.18 / V.46
nexus magazine
EDITOR RACHAEL ELLIOTT
CONTENTS
EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ DESIGN HAYLIE GRAY MANAGING EDITOR JAMES RAFFAN CONTRIBUTORS
— _03
Editorial
_04
Lettuce to the Editor
_05
News
_08
News from the University
_09
Sport
_10
Ridiculist & Vox Pops
_11
Reviews
_14
Honest Matt
_15
Horoscopes & Playlist
_16
Auteur
_17
Arts and Stuff
_18
Book versus Film: Battle
of Nerdiness
_21
Film Festival Picks - Get
SPORTS GUY DR RICHARD SWAINSON HP BEATS BY J PETER DORNAUF AUNTY SLUT ZAC LYON MELISA MARTIN ALIX HIGBY JESSICA WILSON AMBER CARDALE RYAN WOOD KARL GUETHERT LOUISE HUTT SWEET PAINTED LADY LAUREN BARNARD LAURENCE MCLEAN AARON LETCHER DARCIE TEE SHIP MATT HICKS SARA LEMME CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER JANINE BETTS CARL UNTERNAHRER OLIVER DUNN COVER ARTWORK ANI AOAKE-MCKINNON FACEBOOK.COM/PAGES/YEAH-BITCH-I-DRAW
Cultured
PHOTOGRAPHY LOUISE HUTT
_22 ?
BECKI MOSS PHILLIP WONG CAM ROBINSON ADVERTISING ADS@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ OFFICES
_25
Keeping it Classy: An
Exploration of when Art turns
into Exploitation
_28 Columns
GROUND FLOOR STUDENT UNION BUILDING GATE ONE, UNIVERSITY OF WAIKATO
_38
The House Blind Date
_39
Advice
KNIGHTON ROAD, HAMILTON ONLINE NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ FACEBOOK.COM/NEXUSNZ
_41 Recipe
@NEXUSMAG SPOTIFY: NEXUSMAGAZINE
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_42 Puzzles
PHOTOGRAPH: BECKI MOSS
nexus magazine
EDITORIAL RACHAEL ELLIOTT
—
U
nless you’ve been living under a rock with the prehistoric
Someone implied that I might not know who Nelson Mandela is
looking spider found last week, you’ll be aware that politically
this week, and I counter his rude and condescending assertion with
things are a pretty fraught right now. Israelis and Palestinians
one of my own. Hey fucktard, remember Ghandi? He kept his dignity
are bombing the shit out of each other, John Key is selling off any part
throughout way worse injustices than someone calling you a bitch,
of NZ he can get his hands on, and the WSU elections are heating up,
someone making fun of your neck beard or someone telling you your
with candidates ripping each other’s posters down, slandering each
mate’s writing is shit, and he never resorted to name calling, bad-
other on facebook and chalking up a storm.
gering, or other forms of ass-hat behaviour. He believed in peaceful
Now some people love a shit fight, but I don’t. If I had my way I’d tell Israel to sit the fuck down, try to remember that oppressing
resistance. So take your shit fight out of my face.
people is not cool and come back to their humanity; I’d nut punch
Use the passion that you have for these issues for good, not for evil.
John Key for being a short sighted, money grabbing, Chinese arse-
Speak calmly so people don’t think you’re a vigilante nutter with an
licker; and while I could tell you what I’d do in the case of the WSU
Oedipus complex. If you disagree with someone, perhaps ask them
election, discretion might be the better form of valour.
WHY before getting up in their face with accusatory wankery. Try to
Luckily it’s not up to me- and there’s a bloody good reason for it.
remember that you don’t know everything. Maybe there are things
The thing that the above situations all have in common is that
going on behind the scenes that colour decision making. Maybe
everyone involved thinks that they’re in the right. Everyone. Even
people’s hands are tied professionally, regardless if their personal
the people who are so obviously wrong it’s laughable.
opinion. Or maybe you’re just a cocksucker, but I don’t know, that’s
Injustice makes people ragey, I get it. It’s frustrating when you feel
just conjecture.
you’re not being heard, or if you feel that the wrong crowd are being
My point is- don’t be wanker. Speak nicely to others. Be the change
given a voice. But know that when you ask someone to do something
you want to see in the world, don’t perpetuate the things you say
for them, insulting them is not a good way to curry their favour, or to
you’re standing against.
make them think you’re right. Bullying is not the way to go- no matter how right you think you are.
And for the love of our fine institution, please vote in the WSU elections this week. Make a difference.
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LETTUCE
nexus magazine
Dear Body Shaming Asshole FATTIES EVERYWHERE
grow the fuck up. That's right, I overheard you talking to your mate in the lecture about how you were sure that the sikh gentleman sitting in front of us was "probably a terrorist". You are what is wrong with the world. Grow the fuck up, shut the fuck up and try to open your mind to the fact that sometimes people look different, and it doesn't
While you're sitting there with your snapback, ugly shirt, and tons of "swag" judging people who take the elevator, I just finished working my ass off at the gym, and after the gym, I don't want to take the stairs cause my legs are fucking sore. And invisible disabilities exist, you have no idea whether that person actually needs to take the elevator or not. Please stop being such a judgmental asshole.
fucking matter. That gentleman has a hell of a lot more humanity than you- because I'm pretty sure he heard your disgusting display, and he managed to restrain himself from kicking you in the balls. If I hear you do it again, I might not be so polite. We are all people- or at least, the Sikh gentleman and I are. Not so sure about you at this point. Racism isn't cool, or funny, it's fucking terrible and you are terrible if you're doing it.
Shut down SUMMER
Cheers to the teacher who shut down on the know it all in my tut. I nearly cried in delight. She sat the fuck down and shut the fuck up for the remaining 3 mins of class. Her silence was golden.
Hey Fuckhead SIR ROAD RAGE
It’s time we got real about speedbumps in Hamilton. If you want better flowing traffic don’t put a fucking speedbump on a roundabout. Knighton’s a shambles (that isn’t even a roundabout, it’s a fucking peanut), Dey st’s not finished and I’ll never understand why they fucked
Dear Aunty Slut
Victoria street up so royally. Also, tell the pedestrians to stop crossing the roundabout- next one I see I’m ramming, Grand Theft Style.
CONCERNED DUDE
Hey aunty just thought I would put it out that in your last article you mentioned two condoms as a way of lasting longer, doing this will cause the condoms to break and probs lead to a lot of unwanted pregnancy. Just thought you should but a disclaimer to let people know not to
DISCLAIMER:
do it haha
Letters published contain the opinion of the writer and the writer alone. Nexus publications take no responsibility for the content or opinions so expressed. By submitting your letter you give consent to its publication in Nexus and subsequent public scrutiny. Letters are the authors own work and Nexus will not edit to compen-
Racist Motherfucker YOU MAKE ME EMBARRASSED TO BE WHITE
sate for lack of intelligence or coherency. Nexus reserves the right to edit or refuse to publish any letter which breaches any
Dear Racist Motherfucker in my Lecture,
law, is defamatory to any person, or con-
The fact that you're at university makes me think that
tains threats of violence or hate speech.
all hope is not lost, and you might have the potential to
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Got something to say? Email editor@nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
NEWS VISION QUEST: THE WSU DEBATES CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER
— The WSU Candidate Debates last week weren’t just politics as usual.
consultation and inclusivity are key. He thinks the job is about rep-
Normally student body politics provides your typical snore fest of
resenting the values of students, rather than just giving them stuff.
tired cliches and promises of bakeries and bars. All of that was still
Q and A
there but there was also something else. Watching the debates you
In the next phase of the event candidates were lined up next to
got a sense that this election would serve as a referenda on the WSU
each other and made to answer some write-in questions from stu-
itself and the direction of student politics on this campus as a whole.
dents. Their answers to these mostly echoed their opening messages.
It was clear from the start there were three different visions on
Candidates were asked how they would support mature and
display. There were the incumbents (Roy Maz and Shannon Stewart)
post-grad students who are no longer eligible for financial support.
who were keen to highlight the WSU’s achievements under their ten-
Pape suggested a good first step would be to put together a board
ure and the need for consistency, The Fresh Starters (Zanian Steele)
of mature students to provide suggestions to the WSU about their
who, although he is an incumbent, was seeking to bring liberal bal-
needs (there's probably a joke in there somewhere). Zanian lamented
ance and social activism and then the new faces (Tau Marsden, Pape
that mature students are often mistaken for staff. "There is funding
Barrett, Taha Tangitu Huata) who mostly talked about a need for a
out there, but we're not sourcing it" said Tau. Shannon mentioned
new style of leadership and deeper communication between the WSU
that mature students had also complained to her of lack of access to
and the student body.
thesis managers who ditch them for European holidays.
Candidate Speeches First up was Tau Marsden. The start of his speech was mostly bio-
In response to a question about how he would engage with his constituency, Taha said he thinks the position of Maori VP should
graphical. He talked about his Dargaville childhood, his work ethic
work with all groups on campus to make the board "inclusive instead
and, at 29, life experience. He feels the university is less cohesive than
of exclusive - or elusive!" He also reaffirmed his commitment to con-
it was when he first arrived and wants to get it "humming" again. By contrast Shannon Stewart who has been VP for 7 months talked
sultation saying there's no point in him making decisions on behalf of Maori students without it.
about how this year "the WSU made a decision to stop looking out-
When asked about the fun issue of NZUSA membership the can-
ward" and focus instead on providing more services for Waikato
didates were divided in their approach, Tau said yes to rejoining,
students. She listed a bunch of achievements of the current board
fearing the networking opportunities Waikato might be missing out
including the food bank, after hour access to labs, extended library
on, though admitted his understanding of the dispute between the
hours and the van. Looking forward she said she wants to reduce
WSU and NZUSA could be better. Shannon's response to the question
the cost of food on campus and make the WSU more approachable.
was a pretty scathing critique of NZUSA performance, saying when
Zanian Steele's pitch for the position of Vice President started with
WSU was a member they "provided absolutely nothing", although she
a more empathetic angle saying it's "tough time to be a student". He
had to be prompted by a member of the audience before committing
wants a more activist union and threw out some potential initiatives
to the nay position. She pointed out that there were other avenues
like workshops on employee and tenant rights. He sees his potential
for networking between student unions.
as bringing balance to a "conservative-dominated board". He says he's "always been outspoken about his support for the NZUSA."
Lastly the candidates were given an opportunity to make a closing comment. Taha and Pape's final statements can pretty much be
Roy Maz seemed intent on assuring everyone his campaign is "not
condensed to "vote!" Interestingly, Roy's statement was actually a
a piss-take". He talked about some of the same initiatives of the cur-
question for Tau, about what "influenced him to run" in the elec-
rent board that Shannon mentioned. Then asked everyone to look out
tion. Tau said he saw an opportunity for change. Zanian repeated
the window at an under-construction sculpture which he used as an
that he would bring balance to the board and threatened the "little
example of poor funding allocation and told us that he wants to keep
pricks" who pulled down his flyers. For his second closing remarks
focusing on providing things students actually want.
Tau got quite a bit of the room to engage in a call-and-response pep
Pape Barrett gave the shortest speech of all the candidates. He
chant thing. Finally, Shannon wants to see more liaising to promote
said the reason he wants to stand is because of what he sees as a
services and stressed improving accessibility to what is already on
lack of transparency in decision making, citing the SGM. He also
offer as her priority.
mentioned that he has grown up with politics through the influence of his mother. As is often the case the candidate with the least to lose is often
Again, it's fair to say there's a pretty clear divide. On the one hand the people who want to keep things heading in the same direction vis-à-vis what they see as pragmatic services and prudent spending
the most impressive and standing unopposed for VP Maori Taha was
and abstaining from the NZUSA. On the other, the (mostly new to
definitely the most entertaining candidate. His intro included the
WSU politics) people want to move towards what they see as deeper
memorable phrase "don't judge a book by it's cover - this book's
consultation with the student body and a more activist WSU, almost
contents are hotter than 50 Shades of Grey". Taha said he believes
certainly back in the NZUSA. That should help you pick.
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nexus magazine
FOOD FIGHTS CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER
— Russia and Ukraine have agreed to a joint Red Cross-lead aid mission to encircled rebel strongholds in Eastern Ukraine. Previously Ukraine and the EU had objected to Russian aid, fearing it would be used as a pretext to bring Russian troops and military equipment across the border. The Red Cross has stipulated in its conditions that security for its staff and convoys must be guaranteed by all sides in the conflict. They also require Russia to provide a list of what it will be delivering and outline any transport or storage requirements. A spokesman for Russian President Putin said the Russian military will not be involved in the aid mission. The new aid deal comes in the wake of Russia's response to Western sanctions and official criticism. Imports of fruit, veg-
A SOLUTION FOR THOSE WITHOUT FRIENDS IN EVERY PAPER
“...UKRAINE AND THE EU HAD OBJECTED TO RUSSIAN AID, FEARING IT WOULD BE USED AS A PRETEXT TO BRING RUSSIAN TROOPS AND MILITARY EQUIPMENT ACROSS THE BORDER.”
SARA LEMME
—
etables, meat, fish and dairy products from the 28 countries of the EU, the US, Canada, Norway, and Australia have been
Nexus Notes, a business that acts as a virtual middle man for the paid exchange of notes from a range of university courses in Australia, is deciding to expand to New Zealand. Nexus Notes is based around a website that has about 800 sets of notes used and made by students from 16 of Australia’s universities. The notes are looked over by a small team, and there is also an extra measure in place to ensure that you don’t end up with notes written by the kid that sits on tumblr at home the entire class. That measure is a requirement for uploaders to prove they received a 75% or higher grade. The uploader gets a 50% cut of the $35 price attached to a set of notes with some students in Australia managing to rake in over $1500. "We want to get into all of the main universities and there's no reason why we can't expand into the polytechs and things like that," said Nexus Notes spokesperson and co-founder Xavier Collins. Spokespersons/spokespeople for both the University of Auckland and Otago have given the scheme the cold shoulder, indicating that there is no guarantee of the quality of the notes and whether or not they are up to date. University of Auckland spokesperson added that “simply reading and regurgitating someone else's notes will not ensure success at university; students need to learn, understand and apply what they have learned." Mr Collins believes that the notes are only to aid in study, "our advice to everyone would be, 'you should go to all the lectures, buy the textbook and get a set of notes and use all those tools'."
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banned for one year. The move is expected to mostly hurt the European agricultural sector and Russian consumers unless both groups can find new markets. It may also put Russia on the wrong side of World Trade Organisation rules. New Zealand, which is not included in the list of countries whose products have been banned, is expected to make up some of Russia's shortfall with increased dairy exports.
nexus magazine
DON’T DRINK TO DEATH. DRINK THEN DIE SHORT NEWS
— A 63 year old Pittsburgh man facing a long jail sentence for excessive drinking has died. John Saunders was ordered to stand trial on charges that he had drunk more than $100,000 dollars worth of special blend whiskey. Apparently Saunders was working as a security guard at a bed and breakfast mansion and was tasked with looking after a 108 bottle collection of 120 year old whiskey. Police later found Saunders passed out next to 52 empty bottles and DNA tests later confirmed he had drunk each of them. Saunders died of natural causes six months later, just a few weeks out from his trial. There is a good chance that he just won at life.
WORST WEIGHT LOSS SCHEME EVER SHORT NEWS
— Our second weird death story of the week is the tale of a 50 year old British Man who died from severe abdominal injuries. Normally this wouldn’t be news except the man had a vibrating sex toy lodged in
IRAQ IN FLUX CHRISTOPHER YOUSEF-KADER
—
his rectum for five days causing the damage. Nexus news isn’t clairvoyant but if you are anything like us you have read this story and are
The U.S. has welcomed the appointment
now wondering which day you would seek help. We figure it would
of Haider al-Abadi as Iraq's Prime Minister-
are marooned on Mount Sinjar as they flee the
be by day three. If you have been vibrating for more than a business
designate as they continue to strike Islamic
Islamic State advance into their territories en
weekend you should go see a doctor. That should be the rule now.
State targets.
EBOLA FOR LUNCH?
ethnic group, approximately 40,000 of which
masse along with other minorities. Unfortunately
Al-Abadi is seen as a less divisive figure than
Red Crescent officials estimate that 40 to 50 per
current PM Nouri al-Maliki, although both men
cent of the supplies dropped by the Americans
are Shia and share a background in the Dawa
have been effectively destroyed on impact. The
SHORT NEWS
— The University of Waikato’s Pita Pit has become national news after
“...CURRENT PM MALIKI HAS LABELLED THE APPOINTMENT "UNCONSTITUTIONAL" AND HE AND HIS ALLIES HAVE VOWED NOT TO GO WITHOUT A FIGHT.”
it asked prospective employee Abbey Fisher to submit hard evidence that she did not contract the ebola virus while working as a volunteer in East Africa. Miss Fisher wasn’t sure if she should go and get a medical certificate or just reassure them that she was actually alive. Should Miss Fisher prove unsuccessful in her application we are sure there are a number of other establishments on campus where ebola may actually improve the quality of the food.
party which fought an armed insurgency against
Iraqi air force is mostly using its newly acquired
the Saddam regime.
Russian hardware to provide air cover for tempo-
Experts believe it is unlikely al-Abadi's
rarily allied Kurdish Peshmerga forces.
appointment by Iraq's Kurdish president Faud
Although it is currently little consolation to
Masum would not have gone through if it did
Iraqi Christians, Yezidis, Turkmen and Shabaks
not have the support of both the Americans and
in Northern Iraq, the Islamic State/ISIS/ISIL/
Iranians. In any case, current PM Maliki has
Daash seems to have more enemies than ever in
labelled the appointment "unconstitutional" and
Iraq with the entry of Western air power, Iraqi air
he and his allies have vowed not to go without
assets backing the battle-hardened Peshmerga
a fight.
and the entry of increasingly competent Iranian-
Meanwhile, along with bombs, the U.S. is dropping aid for the Kurdish-speaking Yazidi
trained Shia militias who they previously faced in Syria.
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NEWS FROM THE UNIVERSITY
TEACHING EXCELLENCE AWARDS — Do you know of a great lecturer or tutor who deserves some recognition? Nominations for the Teaching, Research Postgraduate Supervision and eLearning Awards are now open. Find out more and nominate online at www. waikato.ac.nz/pod/nomination – it only takes a couple of minutes. Nominations close Friday 5 September.
THE TRON: CITY OF THE FUTURE? — The final lectures in the Winter Lecture Series will look at the futures of entertainment and Hamilton city. People get information anywhere, anytime, and in any format. This, combined with the rise of celebrity culture, has completely changed the entertainment landscape. On Wednesday 20 August join University alumnus and TV presenter Jesse Mulligan as he hosts a panel of entertainment experts to discuss the future of entertainment viewing.
COLLECTION FOR DAFFODIL DAY – WEDNESDAY 20 AUGUST — Collectors from the Cancer Society will be roaming the University campus with fresh and fabric daffodils available for a gold coin donation. Please give generously.
And on Wednesday 27 August, find out if we can learn anything about building a better city from our Canadian namesake, Hamilton, Ontario – Canada’s No. 1 city to invest in. Hear from Neil Everson, the Planning and Economic Dept Acting GM for the City of Hamilton, Ontario, who joins us via Skype. The Winter Lecture Series runs each Wednesday evening in August, from 6-7pm in the Academy. All lectures are free and open to the public.
ELECTION OF THE STUDENT MEMBER OF COUNCIL – COMING SOON — Nominations open on 8 September for the 2015 student member of the University Council. All enrolled students are eligible to nominate and be nominated. Interested? Find out about what’s involved at www.waikato.ac.nz/about/ corporate/student-member/
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SUMMER RESEARCH SCHOLARSHIPS – APPLICATIONS KINGITANGA DAY CLOSING SOON 18 SEPTEMBER — —
The Summer Research Scholarships provide promisKingitanga Day is a free public event that celebrates the
ing undergraduate, final-year honours and first-year
University’s relationships with the Kingitanga and iwi from
masters degree students with the opportunity to experience
across the nation. A wide range of seminars and workshops
research under the supervision of an established academic.
are happening across campus, including keynote speaker
The scholarships support a 10-week period of full-time
Dr Lance O’Sullivan – 2014 Kiwibank New Zealander of the
research during the summer study break. Applications close
Year. Kingitanga Day events kick-off at 9am on Thursday
31 August – apply online www.waikato.ac.nz/research/
18 September and there are no other classes held that day.
scholarships/SRSStudentOnlineForm.shtml or contact
For more information and to download a programme, visit
the Scholarships Office at scholarships@waikato.ac.nz or on
www.waikato.ac.nz/events/kingitanga
07 858 5136.
nexus magazine
WHY THE TIMBERWOLVES WIN BIG IN PROPOSED KEVIN LOVE TRADE SPORTS GUY - OPINION
— News around the NBA sphere is that a trade between the Cleveland Cavaliers and Minnesota Timberwolves involving Kevin Love has been made and will be accepted later this month. The trade will see Cleveland sending the last two first round draft
SCOUTING REPORT FOR FANTASY PREMIER LEAGUE
picks, Anthony Bennett and Andrew Wiggins, along with a future first round draft pick in exchange for the 3 time All-Star. Here’s why the Timberwolves win this trade in my own personal opinion. 1 – Kevin Love’s injury history and mediocre defence. It’s not news that Kevin Love has a history of injury. In his 6 year career,
SPORTS GUY
— With the English Premier League having just kicked off, I’ve looked into a couple of viable options for your fantasy team. Alexis Sanchez – Arsenal - $10.5 Although a hefty price tag, Sanchez should be an option for every team. With
Love has never played in every game of the season. He was one off in his rookie season, but since then he has not reached the 80 game mark (season games played: 60, 73, 55, 18, 77). Although he is a former NBA rebounding leader and can stretch the floor with his long range ability, Love is not a great defender. Not once in his career has he averaged 1 block or steal per game over a season. 2 – Andrew Wiggins.
the inconsistency of Giroud, Sanchez may see a chunk of minutes playing upfront. Listed as a midfielder on fantasy EPL, Sanchez playing upfront
Andrew Wiggins was the most promising player in the 2014 NBA draft,
will invite goals and assists, which midfielders are given more points for
being taken with the first pick by the Cavs. He can shoot from all over
than strikers.
the floor; he can rebound, pass and is ridiculously athletic. He needs
Rio Ferdinand – Queens Park Rangers - $4.5
minutes at NBA level to improve, grow and learn how the game is
Ferdinand is a seasoned veteran of the league. In his first season with
played at this level and, being on the Cavaliers, he will be competing
Queens Park Rangers, he will be their anchor in defence. A $4.5 price is
for minutes with LeBron James (SF) and Dion Waiters (SG). LeBron will
generous for a quality striker who should be seeing weekly 80 performances.
obviously start at the 3 and, with LeBron saying he wants to play along-
Luke Shaw – Manchester United - $6.0
side Waiters, he’ll start at SG. In Andrew Wiggins, the Timberwolves get
Shaw will see a boost in points from clean sheets playing for a better club
a wildly talented young player who will grow into their franchise piece.
this season. It’s as simple as that. Robert Snodgrass – Hull - $6.0 Snodgrass is an asset to have because he scores and racks up assists. I, personally, like the partnership he could form alongside Shane Long, Jake Livermore and Nikica Jelavic. If Hull are to be a decent team this year, Snodgrass will have a big role to play in that.
3 – Anthony Bennett. Yes, he had a subpar rookie season but has done a lot of work and looked great in Summer League. The Philadelphia 76ers want his and will trade their star player Thaddeus Young for him. This will mean the Timberwolves will replace Love with a consistent all-around player. However – the NBA might be able to veto the trade so keep your eyes out for that. If allowed, the trade will go down on August 24 when Wiggins is able to be traded. Good luck out there, kids, and if you are having a punt, do so responsibly.
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RIDICULIST
VOX POPS
Terribly Butchered Book-to-Film Adaptations
Vox populi is a Latin phrase that literally means voice of the people.
1 Batman and Robin (1997) Despite some delightfully bad Mr. Freeze puns from
Ryan, Science. Favourite film of all time? The Avengers. Who would play you in a film of your life? Orlando Bloom. What's a current obsession of yours? Baking. No, not bacon, baking.
Arnie, on the whole this film was snow good.
2 Bicentennial Man (1999) A case study on how to turn a genuinely moving story into sentimental garbage.
Paige, Politics. Favourite film of all time? Dear John. Who would play you in a film of your life? Jennifer Lawrence. What's a current obsession of yours? It's real gay, but current events.
3 How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000) Jim Carrey helps transform the beloved children's book into a creepy crap-fest.
Mitch, Science. Favourite film of all time? 21 Jump Street. Who would play you in a film of your life? Leonardo Dicaprio. What's a current obsession of yours?
4
Table tennis.
The Time Machine (2002) If only I could invent a time-machine so I could go back and warn myself not to watch this film.
5 Daredevil (2003)
David, Science. Favourite film of all time? Lord of the Rings. Who would play you in a film of your life? Hugh Jackman. What's a current obsession of yours? A band. The Drax Project.
You could say that they 'lost sight' of the source material when making this.
6 The Cat in the Hat (2003) Poor Dr. Seuss. After Grinch knocks him down, the
Genivieve, Management. Favourite film of all time? Borat. Who would play you in a film of your life? Blake Lively. Me and Blake could be twins. What's a current obsession of yours? T2 green tea. I'm not saying fries.
makers of Cat in the Hat come along and kick him in the teeth by making another awful adaptation of his work. And this time it's EVEN WORSE.
7 Catwoman (2004) Someone needs to put this cat back in the bag‌
Kayla, Sport and Leisure. Favourite film of all time? Frozen. Who would play you in a film of your life? Emma Roberts. What's a current obsession of yours? Eating out, like cafĂŠs and things.
And then toss it off a bridge.
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Shayne, Communications.
Eragon (2006)
Favourite film of all time? Catch me if you can. Who would play you in
Despite a lack of originality, the novel was still an
a film of your life? Jennifer Lawrence. What's a current obsession of
entertaining page-turner that lent itself toward screen adaptation. The film-makers managed to fuck it up regardless.
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yours? Coffee. Cos I drink a lot of it.
nexus magazine
Monty Python Live (Mostly)
Guardians of the Galaxy
FILM REVIEW BY DR RICHARD SWAINSON
FILM REVIEW BY DARCIE
Not a film as such, rather a recording of a live performance from
Guardians of the Galaxy is apparently the Marvel movie everyone has
July 20th, Monty Python Live (Mostly) will without doubt stand as
been waiting for. Directed by James Gunn, it gives us a different air to
the last ever collective show by the legendary British satirical group.
the regular Marvel. Offering up a pretty awesome main cast of Chris
Despite being between the ages of 73 and 75, the five surviving
Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, Vin Diesel, Bradley Cooper and Lee
Pythons demonstrate their and their material's class. The three hour
Pace, this movie has quite a bit going for it really.
production combines performances of many of the classic television
The story centres Peter Quill (or Starlord); a smart-arse but lovely
skits along with songs from the group's records and movies, includ-
adventurer who was abducted from Earth as a child. He -with his
ing Terry Gilliam's proto-postmodern animations and old film footage
Walkman of awesome music- steals a mysterious Orb that he finds
that was first seen in the original Python stage shows in the 1970s.
out too late is desired by powerful villain Ronan who, unsurprisingly,
Holding it all together is a small amount of freshly written gags and
wants to use it to destroy. Quill finds himself working with a crazy
dance numbers that clearly draw on Eric Idle's more recent experi- team of awesomeness to prevent this and to save the galaxy! ence writing Broadway shows. Given how good the new material is, it is tempting to criticise the septuagenarians for leaning so heavily on the past. However, they
Despite my love of superhero movies, I didn’t go into Guardians with sky-high expectations, (even with the great reviews so far,) so luckily I wasn’t disappointed when I came out.
perhaps rightly feel that that is what their hardcore, at times obses-
The movie starts off quite jumpy, though it balances itself out pretty
sive fan base expect of them. John Cleese doesn't quite have the
quickly. Not all the jokes were funny, which is often the case any-
vocal chops or physical dexterity to execute the more manic schtick
way, and many of them I actually missed, so a second viewing will
but neither he nor his fellow Pythons have lost their comic timing.
likely reveal a lot more. I didn’t find the villains particularly appealing,
Michael Palin is ever affable, Idle in superb voice and Gilliam unex-
despite my interest in the actors playing them. However, there is a
pectedly hilarious in his mugging, if a little more one note than the
great cast, a good soundtrack, it has lots of gags, nothing too deep,
others. Some moments test the patience or make you regret the
and is mostly just light-hearted fun. Plus, you cannot deny the humor-
absence of favourite jokes but overall this show is welcome and long
ous banter throughout.
overdue if bittersweet in that it doubles as a farewell.
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nexus magazine
Um
Bob Dylan
ALBUM REVIEW BY HP
GIG REVIEW BY HP
Adelaide based Jazz trio, Yeahyeahabsolutelynoway have just released
Ladies and Gentlemen, the polarising Bob Dylan.
their first record on NZ indie label Rattle and for want of a better name
People have talked about Dylan’s voice ad infinitum. His opening
they’ve titled it, Um. Dual guitarists, Sam Cagney and James Brown
number had them talking again. Croaky would be a compliment. He
(no relation) bring elements of scalding 70’s rock to their twist on jazz.
dredged out his lyrics still covered in the decay of years of coffee and
Their blustering and improvising could just as easily be the hammering
cigarettes. But the words were there; hidden sure, but still burning
solos of guitar greats of other genres, but here, the pair move through
under a coating of age and constant work. When the lower lights
rock and jazz and into a new space of the unexpected. With the rhythmic drumming of Stephen Neville building the foun-
behind him lit, you could almost see the wily face of the young man hidden under his older counterpart and what could have been a dusty
dations, Cagney and Brown dress it in ambient and darting guitar on
grey Panama hat. The song piqued the interest of many. An older
opener, Howl. That idea of building really resonates on the track Ouff.
couple sitting down from us left.
It’s slow to begin, but soon layers start being poured like concrete. It’s
The set list borrowed heavily from his new album Tempest, with
like watching the walls go up and by the end the rhythms are rocking
his renditions reflecting the record and its slower tempo. Lines from
and the roof goes on. One of the other highlights of this album is On
verses intermingled with upright bass and swishing drum fills. Did he
Your Marx, Get Set. It dips and dives with long wails and deft little
miss some lines? It was too hard to tell.
bursts. The guitars here sound like there isn’t much they can’t do.
The row in front of me emptied during the interval I guess. Near
The tone of the album is fairly resolute and some more variance in
the end, a flame sparked something in Dylan’s face. He nods to the
effects and tone could assist. The long tracks sometimes seem to get
rhythm his band has been laying down expertly all night. Someone
lost in themselves, so even though they start sparking, occasionally
nearby yells “Wake up Bob!” They don’t stay for the encore.
they end up hidden behind a wall of virtuosity. It creates a feeling of awe but not always an action of pushing the repeat button.
Walking out, an older woman says the show was fantastic but chuckles that Dylan should give up singing. She is a fan. She’s my mum and one of the two people instrumental in my love of Dylan. She loved the evening as did I. Many didn’t.
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nexus magazine
The Storyteller
Borderlands 2
BOOK REVIEW BY RACHAEL ELLIOTT
GAME REVIEW BY KARL GUETHERT
I’m a fan of Jodi Picoult, and I feel kind of bad about this review as
With Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel hitting our shelves in October, I
a result. I genuinely enjoy her fiction- when I’m looking for some- figured I'd give Borderlands 2 another whirl. Oddly, it seems that thing mindless to carry me away. But I’m starting to get sceptical.
Gearbox have taken lessons from Valve and can no longer count to 3...
Not because the characters aren’t compelling, or the stories aren’t
Anyways, anyone not familiar with this First Person Shooter RPG
interesting or believable, but simply because her formula is getting
should do themselves a favour and look into the series.It has every-
old. The thing about Picoult is that she’s sentimental and drawn to
thing you'd expect from both types of genres with plenty of guns (an
sweeping tragedies- but she treats them the same way every time.
INFINITE configuration of randomly generated ones at that), plenty
Formulaic isn’t necessarily a bad thing but the problem is once you’ve
of enemies, and plenty of missions and experience. You can level up
figured it out, the books (that come out yearly, like clockwork) all
your characters in scores of different ways too.
seem to bleed together into one long emo-rollercoaster.
The main antagonist is a fellow named Handsome Jack - a man so
The Storyteller, like so many of her novels, sets the scene for a
deformed he has to wear a mask. He actually thinks he's the hero of
huge moral conundrum. Sage Singer befriends a lovely old man in
the story, and treats the player as the villain. This comes across quite
her community. Imagine her surprise when he asks her to kill him, in
well, made me almost wonder about my own actions for a while. That
some kind of atonement for being a Nazi SS guard. Then- the shock-
is, until he said something completely douchey and reminded me
ing twist- Sage’s Grandmother is a holocaust survivor! I’d be surprised
who the real bad guy was. Still, at least he thinks he’s the good guy…
if it wasn’t exactly what happens in EVERY other Picoult book ever
The star, however, has to be Tiny Tina. This psychotic adolescent has
written. Moral conundrum happens to nice character- what’s the right
some of the greatest dialogue in the game. Gems such as "Get outta
thing to do!? Discuss for 300 pages.
my shop or I'll punch yo butt. That's how Tiny Tina roll" are just the tip
Picoult’s sold more books than I probably ever will, so she’s clearly onto a winner. If you like her work you’ll like this, but if, like
of the iceberg. The missions she sends you on are a little tough, but the little cut-scenes afterwards are well worth the effort.
me, you’re getting a bit bored with the same drama being enacted through different circumstances, then maybe don’t bother picking The Storyteller up.
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HØNEST MATT MEETS THIS PALE FIRE Honest Matt Matt Hicks
Who is This Pale Fire? My name is Corban Koschak and This Pale Fire is
the wolf Hati who is chasing the moon, and the world tree Yggdrasil. And of
the name I’ve decided to put all of my music under. I was born in Wellington
course there’s the usual stuff about relationships. How would you describe
and moved up to Auckland at a very young age, I’ve been living in Auckland
your sound to someone not in the know? (i.e. your/or someone else’s
ever since. I’ve always enjoyed tinkering in music but I started playing guitar
grandma) I would say it is a Soft Indie Rock sound, some of the songs
properly around 10 years ago when I was about 14 years old. I just played
borrow elements from different genres like folk and heavier rock. I reckon
tabs of songs and eventually started writing my own material. Since I never
Grandma would love it, did I mention there are falsettos? What's the best/
studied music I took a simple approach to creating it, I’ve always been inter-
worst thing about making music in little old Aotearoa? Getting it out
ested in poetry so I put a lot of thought into the lyrics. I’m learning piano
there is a bit challenging, I’m funding all of the recording process myself and
at the moment and attempting to learn more about production. Music is a
as New Zealand is quite small, without a budget it’s tough to reach people
hobby that is slowly consuming my life, and I love it! This Pale Fire is an
that would appreciate this type of music. That being said we have some great
interesting name- how did you come up with it? As a fair skinned, red
local talent, and there’s no shortage of passionate kiwis out there willing to
haired child I got my share of grief growing up, but life is all about how you
support and help out in any way that they can.
let things effect you. I decided to own it and my musical name is a reflection
(Check out the Facebook page for updates facebook.com/thispalefire or
of that, to me This Pale Fire means pasty redhead. I wanted to create some-
the website www.thispalefire.com) Any final words/shout outs? I’d like to
thing that was deep, but also has a very light hearted side to it, just like me.
throw a shout out to all the people that have supported me so far, you know
What artist’s/bands/things inspire/influence This Pale Fire? I’ve tried to
who you are. I think the thing I’ve learnt most from my musical journey is
make these songs without borrowing too heavily from other peoples sounds.
to just give it a go, you never know what could happen and there’s nothing
But bands like Coldplay, Death Cab for Cutie, Bon Iver and Radical Face have
to lose.
definitely helped inspire my sound. My song ‘The Night’ which I have put up online is influenced by Norse mythology, the lyrics have references to
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More at sounzgood.co.nz
Pisces (February 19 - March 20) Things really aren’t that bad, you know. Sure, you have a below average personality, you don’t get people’s jokes, and you have a hard time being taken seriously by your peers. But don’t let that get you down. You’re beautiful for all the superficial reasons instead. Here’s a 20, don’t tell my wife.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21) You’re a creep, you’re a weirdo. At least that’s what you’ve been repeatedly told by the group of friends privy to your after-hours entertainment. It’s no surprise; you’ve now officially been blocked on several social media platforms. Maybe it’s time to get a new hobby.
Yes that shirt is disgusting, and no it won’t look better if you tuck it in. You’re at university now; you won’t make friends with the popular kids just to use their parents pool in summer if you’re dressed like a late 80s Warehouse mailer.
You’re extremely likeable this week. The stars have aligned in such a peculiar way that almost any behaviour of yours will garner mutual respect and comradeship. Don’t question it - appreciate it. Kick back and be a real cunt. It’s best to take advantage now, cos next week Karma is coming.
It’s half way through the semester so you may think that you need to get serious about your study. Wrong. It’s the mid-semester break, dick - 16 days of partying and at least one $70 visit to A&E after hours for alcohol poisoning. The bar has been set.
There’s still time. She may have shot you down last week, all grabby and slurry at the Law Ball, but this time you really have a chance. Just pick up your ego, throw on a collared shirt, and leave the ex-girlfriend’s name at home in your web-history where it belongs.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
If in doubt this week, don’t touch it. This could be in reference to anything. ANYTHING. Maybe a glass vase that’s been in the family since WWI, or an unread Facebook message from a mate’s hot sibling. In either scenario retreat quietly and pretend you never saw it.
Call your mum, this week you’ll get news you’re going to want to share. Big, life changing news you won’t be able to keep to yourself no matter how hard you try. Unless you’re not into kids or criminal records. Okay, let’s rephrase this; it really isn’t your week.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Voting in the WSU election? Your answer better be yes, and you better have a sound argument for your choices including a concise list of pros and cons. “Hot”, “not hot”, “hot” is reasonably concise, but not exactly what we’re looking for. Try again.
The sun will come out tomorrow, and so will the truth. You can brace yourself and wait for accusations or fess up and pray they see it your way. You’re just not a cat person, and if Mr. Fluffy Pants didn’t go, then you would’ve.
This is the week where all your dreams will come true. But just like every Disney movie ever created, you will be backstabbed or poisoned before you reach that point. Rest assured, eventually you will find friends who don’t make you feel like shit in a bathing suit.
Things not going so great? Assignments getting away on you? Don’t know why you bother? Neither does the Zodiac. Stop looking to horoscopes for celestial meaning behind your failures and credit yourself with some old fashioned human agency. It’s not our fault you suck, it’s yours.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
HOROSCOPES
nexus magazine
Film Musik Playlist BEATS BY J
Carmen Twillie / Lebo M / The Lion King
Circle of Life
Charli XCX / The Fault in Our Stars
Boom Clap
My Heart Will Go On Céline Dion / Titanic
Cherish / Yung Doc
Killa
E-40 / My Ghetto Report Card
Go Hard or Go Home
Sum 41 / All Killer, No Filler Fat Lip
J-Kwon / This Is The End Tipsy
The Barden Bellas / Pitch Perfect Soundtrack Riff Off
Twista / Faith Evans / The First Lady Hope
Eminem / 8 Mile Lose Yourself
Don Omar / The Fast & The Furious
Conteo
Christina Perri / The Twilight Saga
A Thousand Years
N.E.R.D / Blue Crush
Rock Star
Follow nexusmagazine on Spotifiy.
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AUTEUR PRESENTS HAMMER HORRORS Auteur Janine Betts
UK film production company Hammer films was founded in 1934, but
The Gorgon (1964) Medusa’s sis turns people to stone with just one look.
became famous for their “Hammer Horror” films of the mid-1950s – The fakest rubber snakes available and weird makeup uglify the usually gor1970s which dominated the horror market. Actors Peter Cushing and
The Nanny (1965) Boy says Nanny killed baby sis. Nanny says the boy did.
films that Lee quipped that people probably thought they lived together in
Who’s telling the truth? Bette Davis being her usual great self. A must watch.
a cave somewhere. Known for their “blood and bosoms”, Hammer films
Dracula Prince of Darkness (1966) Four travellers are told to stay away from
are perfect for wusses like me who can’t handle anything scarier than
creepy castle, so of course they stop in for the night. Buffy herself would be
Scooby Doo. Here are my top ten favourite Hammer Horrors stocked by
proud of the climax. Heaving cleavage alert.
Auteur House. The Revenge of Frankenstein (1958) The second of Hammer’s 7
Quatermass and the Pit (1967) Weird prehistoric supernatural space bugs. Nuff said.
Frankenstein films. The Baron escapes execution by having a priest beheaded
The Devil Rides Out (1968) Bored playboy joins Satanic cult led by Hammer
in his place and sets up a pauper’s hospital where if you have an itchy arm
Super Ham, Charles Grey (RHPS’s Narrator). Friends must bail him out. Cool
the prescription is amputation.
scene where the devil rides IN on an angry looking horse.
The Mummy (1959) Heavily bandaged Christopher Lee is mummified
Taste the Blood of Dracula (1970) Three old farts get bored with visit-
alive, brought back to life 2000 years later, shipped to England, dropped in
ing brothels so decide to take up an offer to resurrect Dracula. As you do.
a swamp by 2 drunken fools, fished out and told to kill… but is a romantic
Heaving cleavage alert.
at heart. Cleavage alert.
Vampire Lovers (1970) Lesbian vampires. Boobs galore. Bad acting. No
Taste of Fear (1961) My top Hammer film. Wheelchair bound girl has lost
visible storyline until a new character is introduced for the sole purpose of
Mummy and BFF, comes home to Daddy’s house to be told by Step-mom
explaining what the hell has been going on. “Packed with blood, breasts and
that Daddy’s “away”. Starts seeing Daddy’s corpse popping up in unexpected
beheadings.” Truly awful, but a fun watch. The first in the Karnstein Trilogy.
places. Stylish and with a good twist. Also Mr Lee’s fav from his Hammer film career.
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geous Hammer Honey Barbara Shelley. Silly, but fun.
Christopher Lee were Hammer’s head boys starring together in so many
nexusmag.co.nz
nexus magazine
ART AND WAR Arts & Stuff Peter Dornauf
It’s one hundred years since somebody shot a Duke that triggered a war
collections going at it like rabid animals in the most brutal and uncivilized
to end wars. It didn’t take much. One man is killed and sixteen million and
manner one could imagine. It was both barbarous and the height of hypoc-
counting have to follow suit. The world was a bit cracked back then.
risy. It brought into question the whole history of Western culture, along with
The death of Franz Ferdinand was, of course, just an excuse. Europe had
all claim to political and rational development.
been itching for a scrap for ages. Sabre rattling had been going on for a while and not just sabres. The machine age had helped produce new weapons of mass slaughter and you can’t leave new toys un-played with in the playpen. Commemorations have already started here, up and down the country – last posts played, gun salutes, speeches made, wreaths placed, “we will remember them” intoned. I’m not exactly sure what it is we’re supposed to remember. What I
“THE MACHINE AGE HAD HELPED PRODUCE NEW WEAPONS OF MASS SLAUGHTER AND YOU CAN’T LEAVE NEW TOYS UN-PLAYED WITH IN THE PLAYPEN.”
remember is a bunch of brainless jingoistic types setting off to war to have a gung-ho jolly good dust-up and then be home before teatime. Jolly good show and all that. King and country and all that tripe. Farcical. The best description I’ve heard of the war is, “murder wrapped in flags”. It’s certainly how the Dadaists viewed it, a seminal art movement that emerged in 1915 in protest at the mindless carnage. They were some of the
So the Dadaists set out to mock and ridicule the complete art enterprise by creating anti-art. They staged art shows in neutral Switzerland, in a cabaret significantly named Voltaire, after the great French satirist, and proceeded to exhibit rubbish or ordinary household items as art as a gesture of revolt.
few who weren’t taken in by the tub-thumping rhetoric and the hairy-chested
The most infamous example of such “art” was a urinal, signed and dated
pomposity that went with recruitment and the propaganda machine. They
by the French Dadaist Marcel Duchamp. The signature he placed on the piece
saw through it immediately, realised the evil that it was, the human stupidity,
was not his own but the name of the German manufacturers. And the title he
and refused both to enlist and to create museum style conventional art. How
gave it was “Fountain”, an obviously comic reference to the utilitarian function
could one in all conscience continue to do so, to create images of beauty in
of the bowl itself but also a mocking reference to all fountains found in civic
the face of such horrendous absurdity?
gardens with attractive water displays. You’re a bunch of piss-heads, is what
Art was viewed then as a civilizing and refining force, a measure of one’s
he was saying in a sly, black -humoured way. Your constructions of beauty
humanity and culture. But here were nations with grand museums and art
count as excretion in the face of such meaningless and mechanical butchery.
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nexus magazine
Book versus Film: Battle of Nerdiness CARL UNTERNAHRER
Declaring himself "all up in" a feature about book to film adaptations, Carl shows us the times when people didn't completely fuck up a book to film adaption. It sure is great being so much smarter than every-
it: Morgan Freeman could probably narrate us through
squid-monster in the film version of Watchmen. Or
one of his bowel movements and we’d all still gobble
moan because The Golden Compass took a dump all
it up (figuratively speaking).
over my memory of The Northern Lights, one of my
Next we’ll take a look at one of those rare films that
favourite childhood novels. Clearly films are always infe-
clearly surpasses the book it’s based on. Here, I’m talk-
rior to the books that they're based on. That's what I
ing about Starship Troopers. Both the book and the film
like to tell people. I also like to watch films alone at
follow the military career of a young man as humanity
home on the internet. For some strange reason nobody
fights an interstellar war against a destructive race of
ever invites me to go to the movies with them… But sometimes even an erudite individual like me is
insectoid aliens. The author of the original novel was Robert Heinlein. One of the three greats from the
incorrect in the assumption that 'the book is always
golden era of science fiction (the other two are Isaac
better than the film'. That’s why in this feature we’re
Asimov and Arthur C. Clark, in case you were wonder-
going to take a look at a few films that flip the bird at
ing), Heinlein was a genre-defining writer. But for all
snobbish douchebags like myself and show that the
his talent, the man held some pretty fucked up social
Book is not always the Best.
18
closer to home than the book manages. Also, let’s face
one else. I get to bitch about how there's no giant
and political ideas. His 1959 novel Starship Troopers
Let’s start with an easy one. For those of you who
was essentially a paper soap-box for Heinlein to rant
have been living under a rock for the past twenty
about his ideal of a militaristic meritocracy government.
years; The Shawshank Redemption tells the tale of an
But then in 1997, director Paul Verhoeven comes
accountant's wrongful imprisonment, how he endures
along and takes Heinlein's concept, injecting it with
decades in prison, and how he develops a methodi-
an overdose of testosterone and hyperbole to create a
cally genius plot to escape. All of which is narrated
chest-beating, camp, over-the-top action/splatter film.
by God Morgan Freeman. As you may have guessed
But the best part is that it uses this ridiculousness
by now, The Shawshank Redemption is based on a
to brilliantly satirise the pro-military sentiment of the
book. Namely, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank
original novel.
Redemption, a novella by horror novelist Stephen King.
In another instance of a film going in a very differ-
Now Rita Hayworth is good, no doubt about that, but
ent direction than the book it was based on, we have
despite the film departing very little from the book in
Children of Men. Both the book and the film are set
terms of plot, it still manages to highlight the emotive
in a dystopian future where the last human child was
impact of the various hardships and triumphs that the
born about twenty years prior. Both also contain a pro-
protagonist faces in a manner that hits just a little bit
tagonist that at some stage tries to shelter a pregnant
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nexus magazine
woman from a despotic government. That, however, is
collaboration was a film and a novel that complement
about where the similarities end.
each other as they tell an epic tale spanning from the
The book is heavily character driven, focussing on the
dawn of humanity's sapience through to its apotheo-
protagonist as he joins a group of political dissidents
sis. Similarly to the case of Children of Men, here the
intending to appeal to their country's dictator for more
novel provides more depth to the setting and a more
political freedoms. It's only after this plan fails halfway
detailed discussion of the themes. The film, however,
through that the pregnant woman is revealed and the
is stronger in instilling a sense of cinematic wonder
plot really starts to pick up. Conversely, in the film the
and awe in the viewer.
protagonist is recruited early on in the events to help
From our investigation into what can make a film
an activist group escort a refugee (who later turns out
better than the book it's based on, we've learned that
to be pregnant) out of the country – all while evading
the camera has several means by which it can triumph
anarchic rioters and the goons of the police-state gov-
over the pen. Sometimes it can do so by taking its
“MORGAN FREEMAN COULD PROBABLY NARRATE US THROUGH ONE OF HIS BOWEL MOVEMENTS AND WE’D ALL STILL GOBBLE IT UP (FIGURATIVELY SPEAKING).”
ernment. The pace is that of an intense action-thriller
source material and re-imagining it in new and creative
(which, I suppose, it is).
ways. Other times a film can be much more faithful to
In this instance I'm not arguing that the film is objec-
its source material but utilise the dynamic nature of
tively 'better' than the book, it's just a different kind of
the screen medium to present the story with greater
good. The novel devotes itself to deep discussion and
emotional impact.
introspection regarding hope versus existential despair.
Of course, this doesn't mean I'm going to abandon
In the film these themes are still there, but it elects to
my library any time soon. Now, if you will excuse me,
'show' them through setting and the situations that the
I'm going to go put on my Gandalf the Grey cosplay
characters face, rather than detracting from the grip-
and beat off while reading the 143 pages of appendices
ping pace by devoting time to lengthy debates.
at the end of Return of the King.
Finally, let’s look at a special case. When Stanley
You may be wondering at the noticeable lack of Twilight
Kubrick wrote the screenplay for 2001: A Space
films from this list. That's because the books were bad
Odyssey, he did so in conjunction with Arthur C.
enough to start with. They were like a half-rotten bird
Clark (one of the legendary science fiction authors
carcass that your dog sniffs out and then eats. The films
I mentioned earlier). At the same time as the pair
were your dog vomiting that dead bird back up and then
were working on the screenplay, Clark was also writ-
proceeding to eat it again.
ing a novelised version of 2001. The result of this
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nexus magazine
Film Festival Picks - Get Cultured RACHAEL ELLIOTT
Staying in Hamilton over the teaching recess and wondering what you're gonna do? The New Zealand International Film Festival is happening from mid next week till the end of the first week back. Sorted. The Hamilton Film Festival is here! With student tickets
Under the Skin
at only $12.50, it’s well worth a look into the Lido to
Tuesday 2nd September 4pm & Friday 5th September
see some cinematic genius. You know, the kind that
8.30pm
has more than just a big budget. Like, an actual plot?
Scarlett Johansson plays a crazy sexy alien, on the
Actually, I can’t back that up, I’ve been living under a
prowl for Scottish men. See? Even an alien can’t go
thesis rock for a year. The last film I saw at the cinema
past a man in a kilt.
might have been the retro screening Metro did of Dirty Dancing. I mean, that film is pretty rad, but it doesn’t exactly scream “knowledgeable cinema type”. Regardless, everyone knows that film festival movies are so much better than box office hits. Or something. So bearing all of the above in mind, here are my top recommendations for the film fest. Housebound Friday 22nd August 8.30pm. Comedy. Mystery. Crime. Supernatural shit. Awesome NZ film. Go support it.
The Mule Sunday 31st August 8.45pm & Thursday 4th September 4.15pm Based on a true story, Ray agrees to be a drug mule after his mate pressures him into it. Naturally he finds himself detained by the police with a belly full of heroin packed condoms. Nexus can’t go past a guy with a gut full of heroin. It Follows Monday September 8th 4.15pm & Friday 12th September 8.30pm After rooting her new boyfriend, Jay finds herself constantly pursued by a murderous presence. While it’s
Two Days, One Night
easily outrun, it never stops coming and the only way
Tuesday 2nd Sept 6.15pm & Wednesday 3rd Sept 2pm
to get rid of it is to pass it to someone else via sex.
Sandra discovers that her bosses intend to fire her and give her colleagues a bonus for working harder. Sandra has to convince her colleagues that this is a bad idea. It’s like sudden death, but without the death. The Noble Family
The Armstrong Lie Friday 5th September 4pm & Monday 8th September 8.15pm What started out as filming a feel good documentary took a dark turn when everything Armstrong was hid-
Sat 30th August 2.15pm, Friday 12th Sept 11.45am &
ing came out in the wash. I felt like I had to include a
Sunday 14th September 6pm
documentary in here for balance, and this film seems
Mexican film about three snobby entitled rich kids who
to also be a good chance to hate on Armstrong for
get their comeuppance. May or may not make you feel
being a lying bastard.
better about your own shitty existence.
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Popcorn & A Cone OLIVER DUNN
Nexus cone-a-spondent Oliver Dunn put his life on the line and went undercover with Hamilton's most notorious pot fiends to ask them the $20 question: what are the best movies to watch when you're high? Disclaimer: this is a contentious issue, and this is but
cops bum around looking for anything to kill the time,
a selection of picks from Hamilton's premier stoner
whether it's selling drugs or picking on teenagers. It's
community. These are the hard workers who strive to
the randomness that makes this an instant classic and
find the best movies to watch after a blunt and a half
a perfect fit for your smoky home theatre. If Marilyn
tray of Tim Tams. If we know nothing else it is that with
Manson playing a gawky teenager or a cop slicing
a pinch of swisher sweet dreams sitting comfy in the
techno beats sounds like your cup of tea then pour it
bong (sponsored by that one pump bottle you haven't
out and drink some chocolate milk, because tea sucks.
cleaned out in a month) that it would be a waste to
It's a comedy that makes you say "what the..?" before
watch an old blockbuster throwback where that guy
losing your shit, as well as a mouthful of primo.
“IF MARILYN MANSON PLAYING A GAWKY TEENAGER OR A COP SLICING TECHNO BEATS SOUNDS LIKE YOUR CUP OF TEA THEN POUR IT OUT AND DRINK SOME CHOCOLATE MILK, BECAUSE TEA SUCKS.�
blows up some shit to save his wife/daughter/dentist. 'Elysium' Create your own combos of munchies then send us
22
Optimal cones: As many as it takes to feel straight
$20 and your suggestions.
intergalactic.
'Wrong Cops'
Recommended munchies: Popcorn with a bucket of
Optimal cones: 2-4.
chicken nuggets.
Recommended munchies: Box of Pizza Shapes.
When expanding your mind it's only fair to expand your
Weird shit. It has its place on any good list, but truly
universe. Buzzy is the name of the game, and nothing
feels at home on a stoner's greatest hits. When you
gets buzzier than sci-fi trips into the future. 'Elysium'
add the ingredient of cops doing weird shit, you're
depicts a future where the gap between rich and poor
onto a winner. 'Wrong Cops' is a cheeky indie gem
is 6,538 kilometres wide with an orbiting habitat keep-
that you've probably never seen, but need to. It takes
ing the wealthy safe, leaving the rest of the population
place in a city where crime is no longer a problem and
on Earth to live in slums. If the CGI isn't enough to
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make you double take, then the storyline will have you
deep philosophical conversations mixed with trippy
tripping balls. It's recommended that you go into this
mind-fuck animations means getting high with this joint
one on some, "this could happen" type buzz. A little
blows up the mental for some mind melting realisa-
smoke and you'll lose yourself in the world of robot ass
tions. A solid pick for the stoner with a Twisties stained
kicking and technological warfare. Think 'District 9' with
shirt and a short attention span.
less cockroaches and more Matt Damon.
'X-Men First Class'
'Spirited Away'
Optimal cones: 3-4.
Optimal brownies: 1-4
Recommended munchies: 2-3 boxes of pizza with a
Recommended munchies: Ice cold Mountain Dew with
complimentary 1.5 litre Lift.
a side of Doritos (Cheese Supreme of course).
Superheros and stoners go together like ugg boots and
When it comes to animated films one does not sim-
basic bitches, it just works. After the right amount of
ply settle for Disney or DreamWorks. That’s not to say
herb even a lava lamp can make you drool, so imagine
they don't have their place, but with great dack comes
watching Magneto curl steel in full 1080p. 'X-Men First
great responsibility. You must treat your senses with
Class' offers up the authentic Marvel experience along
something more refined, a masterpiece of vivid colour
with an origin story, ticking all the boxes for a dope
“IT'S SIMPLE: GET HIGH AS FUCK SO YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK, BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE NOT HIGH, YOU GIVE A FUCK.”
and movement that's more art than movie. Hayao
no brainer and is a solid investment for those not want-
are delivered at an almost spiritual level. With the right
ing to venture outside the realms of warped reality.
amount of edibles you'll be transported to a fantasy
'Pineapple Express'
world and if you can't keep up with the story then just
Optimal buckies: 4
sit back and enjoy the eye candy.
Recommended munchies: Hells pizza.
'Waking Life'
It's simple: Get high as fuck so you don't give a fuck,
Optimal cones: Enough to not want to get up once
because when you're not high, you give a fuck. Once
you sit down.
you have achieved this state you are ready to watch
Recommended munchies: Chips and lollies (anything
what could be the greatest 'stoner movie' since
eaten with simple hand-to-mouth movements).
'Friday'. 'Pineapple Express' is a combo of two of the
This is the heavy hitter. The button you press to put
best in the biz at smoking and cracking jokes with
your brain through a psychological vortex. 'Waking Life'
Rogan and Franco in their element for this classic kush
is not for the faint hearted with overlaid visuals that
comedy. Watching this is as much a tutorial for rookies
look like what drugs feel like. It's more like a series
as it is a throwback for the veterans out there.
of dreams rather than one film. Dreams consisting of
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superhero movie. Mutants fighting other mutants is a
Miyazaki's 'Spirited Away' fits the bill with visuals that
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Keeping it Classy: An Exploration of When Art Turns into Exploitation CARL UNTERNAHRER
How do you know when you've taken your creative genius too far? It was the closing night of the 2009 New Zealand
ejaculated blood onto her hands and shirt. She then
International Film Festival. I was seated alongside a
used a hand drill to bore a hole through his ankle, fin-
crowd of fellow cinema-goers amidst the neo-classical
gered the wound and jammed a metal rod through it
architecture of Wellington's Embassy Theatre. The
in order to hobble him to a grindstone. About half of
majority of the audience members were well dressed,
the remaining audience left throughout this scene. But
upper-middle class types. But scattered amongst them
it wasn't over yet.
were a smattering of greasy students, several retired
Eventually we were treated to a scene of Gainsbourg
couples and a few clumps of critics sipping their red
masturbating, culminating with a close-up shot of her
wine and discussing the upcoming film's impact at
using a pair of scissors to cut off her own clitoris as
Cannes earlier in the year. And the film in question? Antichrist, brain-child of the self-professed 'best film director in the world', Lars von Trier. The film opened with a gorgeously shot love scene featuring characters played by Willem Dafoe and
she climaxed. Surprisingly few people left at this point. Presumably because the grindstone scene had driven off all but the most perverted/sadistic viewers. Ahem. The film eventually concluded with another lovely
Charlotte Gainsbourg. Black and white colouring. A
black and white sequence, complete with classical
classical operatic score. Slow motion cascades of
music and heavy-handed symbolism.
snow flakes and water drops sailing through the air.
Classy.
It was the sort of cinematography that makes a per-
Five years later, my memory of that evening – a
son think, 'This film is classy'. And it was classy. It
memory that, for better or worse, you are now privy to
was classy right up until the extreme close-up shot – has got me wondering: Why did all of those people of Gainsbourg's holiest-of-holies getting slammed by
get up and leave the theatre? The answer seems obvi-
Dafoe's pride and joy. At that point several people left
ous at first; because scenes of gratuitous violence, sex
the theatre. But that was only the beginning.
and/or genital mutilation are offensive. But that answer now has me thinking about how prevalent sex and vio-
The next round of disgusted withdrawals occurred
lence seem to be throughout cinema in general. Yet
when Dafoe came across a half rotten zombie-fox
in so many other films people don't seem to consider
that took a quick break from eating itself to announce,
them provocative at all. And this in turn has triggered
“Chaos reigns!” in a deep demonic voice. The biggest exodus occurred during a scene in which Gainsbourg crushed Dafoe's testicles with a block of wood before proceeding to beat him off until he
another, slightly trickier question… When does the violence in a film become too violent? Or when does a sex scene turn into porn? I'm not wondering about the guidelines for official
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censorship though. They are clearly defined. Antichrist
a giant imaginary set of scales to describe something
was R18 but (obviously) still legal in New Zealand. I'm
as complex as peoples'-differing-attitudes-towards-
not questioning the law, but rather about the limits of
the-bounds-of-good-taste-in-regards-to-the-depiction-
what one might term 'good taste'.
of-sex-and-violence-in-cinema.”
Maybe it comes down to a matter of degree. There
So if we can't draw a line in the proverbial sand (dif-
seems to be a difference between, say, Bruce Willis
ferent metaphor) without being arbitrary, then I guess
popping a few caps up some terrorists' asses and
it's up to everyone to decide for themselves whether
Dafoe getting his testicles smooshed into the floor.
a zombie-demon-cannibal-fox is disgraceful or hilari-
Likewise, an extreme close up of hardcore penetration
ous. And we should all respect everyone else's choice
is a far cry from a brief scene of a couple getting a little
to stay in the theatre or to walk out at any time they
bit frisky before a sudden cut to the pair contentedly
please. Right?
lounging under some strategically-placed sheets, such
Well … This solution isn't without flaws either. Let's
as we see in ***INSERT TITLE OF EVERY GENERIC
say we allow anyone to watch whatever films they
ROM-COM EVER***. In both of the above com-
want. You wanna watch a stupid demon-fox? Go ahead.
parisons, one example is clearly offensive while the
Witness Charlotte Gainsburg cutting off her own clit?
other is obviously not. Thus, whether the sex/violence
Whatever floats your boat man, so long as I don't have
“THERE SEEMS TO BE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN, SAY, BRUCE WILLIS POPPING A FEW CAPS UP SOME TERRORISTS' ASSES AND DAFOE GETTING HIS TESTICLES SMOOSHED INTO THE FLOOR.”
depicted in a film should be considered offensive or not
to watch it too.
must come down to a matter of degree. Somewhere
But what happens when a snuff film pops up? Or
along the line we simply have to pull our finger out
something to do with necrophilia? Or child porn? Surely
of the hole in Dafoe's ankle and say, 'This is too far.'
we want to be able to point our fingers and say, “No
Right?
way, that is not okay.” Except without drawing one of
Well … not really.
those pesky arbitrary lines somewhere, we can't do
Because this solution is entirely arbitrary. Different
this.
people have different ideas about what is offensive
Returning now to my original question, (i.e. inquiring
and what isn't. And when one person tries to put a
as to when a film become too violent/pornographic/
mark on the Objective Offensiveness ScaleTM and
offensive-in-general) it seems that both possible
say, “Anything beyond THIS point is offensive,” then
answers are in some way flawed. Just like Antichrist,
they're simply setting themselves up for someone else
this feature is going to have an unsatisfying ending.
to come along and say, “Well I think the point should
What was supposed to be a charming anecdote about
be HERE, not THERE.” Or maybe, “The magic point is
a film packed with gratuitous violence and torture-porn
only just separating these two things, it seems silly
seems to have degenerated into an amateurish discus-
that one should be deemed offensive and the other
sion of moral objectivism versus moral relativism.
inoffensive when they are both so very similar.” Or
So much for keeping it classy.
even, “I think you should use a better metaphor than
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VOTE OR DIE Politics Ryan Wood
We are all different; we are unique individuals, each with our own special talents. Perhaps you are a star on the rugby pitch, or a deft hand on the old karaoke machine. Maybe you’re a master mine crafter, or a longboard skater supreme. No matter who you are, or where you come from, there is one thing that unites us: the right to vote. Yes, that’s right. Every three years, those of us who are deemed to have come of age are invited to vote for individuals and political parties to represent us in parliament. Sometimes, in the intervals between general elections, there are referenda on various issues, which we can also vote in. It is a special privilege, passed down from generation to generation, older than time itself. Why bother to vote? Well, the answer’s simple. You see, the affairs of others are not really their own. Someone might be sitting in the sun beside the lake, enjoying a cigarette, and believe that it is no one’s business but their own. Democracy, however, shows us that
“ALL OF THIS IS POSSIBLE THROUGH THE BEAUTY OF DEMOCRACY, AND THE MAGIC MAJORITY.”
this is not the case. Your opinion counts; if you don’t like the idea of someone smoking, you can band together with other like-minded individuals and vote to ban smoking on university grounds, if not outright. In a democracy, the majority makes all the decisions. It’s a beautiful thing, and what’s more, it can be applied to a variety of issues, not just smoking. Same-sex marriage, abortion, voluntary euthanasia and the death penalty are all sensitive issues that may not affect you personally. However, under Democracy, not only are you able to have an opinion, but, more often than not, you are able to force that opinion on others who really are affected by the issue. For example, straight people can have a say on whether same-sex couples can be married or not. Men can have a say on what a woman does with her body. All of this is possible through the beauty of Democracy, and the magic majority. But even if you’re not in the majority, you can still force your views onto others. Under MMP, every vote counts (as long as your party gets an electorate or 5% of the party vote). This often leads to various ‘kingmakers’ emerging – such as NZ First – who can then hold the country to ransom with their demands. In the case of Winston’s party, they might make it a bottom line to ban all gangs (with political parties exempt, of course). No doubt such a policy would receive widespread of our democratic system. So on September 20, get out and vote. If you don’t interfere in the lives of others, who will?
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PHOTOGRAPH: BECKI MOSS
support, but even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t matter a jot. Such is beauty
nexus magazine
THE ROAD LESS TRAVELLED Aunty Slut
Dear Aunty Slut,
cunnilingus with one finger in the vagina and one in the anus, or buy a (small)
I'm a girl who’s always been a little bit curious about anal sex but afraid it's
butt plug or vibrator to wear while having vaginal sex. Then if you enjoy it,
going to hurt. What's the best position to go for to make it more comfortable
when you do try anal penetration you can use a vibrator in your vagina (the
for a first timer?
ones with clit ticklers feel rad) for extra stimulation.
Sincerely, Anonymous
When it comes to trying actual penile penetration make sure you’re in control. The best positions for this are woman on top, or in a spoon lying
Dear Anonymous, Until recently, anal sex was not on my list of mutually pleasurable activities
sideways on the bed. The other option is to have your man sit up, and you sit on top of him. In all cases it enables you to control how much, how far and
I wanted to pursue. The reigning social bollocks of “guys want it because
how fast things are going, which means that if it hurts you can stop at any
it’s tighter and they saw it on porn” and “girls bow to the pressure but don’t
time. The lining of your anus is very sensitive (which is why it feels good) but
actually enjoy it” coupled with the douchey boyfriend I had in first year didn’t
it does mean that you need to be careful of it.
help. But anal sex is pleasurable, if you do it right. Everyone has erogenous
Remember- don’t go from anus to vagina without washing or changing
zones in their anus- no matter your gender. So ladies, if your man is pressur-
condoms- UTIs are nasty. But don’t feel like you need to use an anal douche
ing you to 'give it up,' pop a finger up his backside next time you're sucking
or have an enema to have anal sex. While basic hygiene is important (like
his cock. See what kind of a reaction you get. If he's not so keen on that,
washing your hands after going to the toilet), anal sex isn’t dirty or shameful
then he has no right demanding it of you! Will it hurt? Maybe. But so can sex, if you go too fast, too soon, or too hard- right? The key is to talk about it and go slow.
or wrong. It just feels good, in an intense ‘holy-fucking-hell’ kind of way. If you’re worried about hygiene, run a bath or play in the shower- problem solved!
If you’re nervous, start with some oral to get you in the mood, then move
All the above said- some people don’t enjoy anal sex. If you try it, and
to a little anal play. Remember that the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrica-
don’t like it, that’s fine! And remember that this doesn’t need to all happen
tion like the vagina, so you’ll need lots of water based lube. Get your partner
at once. You have all the time in the world, and anal sex is something best
to stroke you there, and if you enjoy it, get him to (gently) push a finger
not rushed into.
inside. (Wait for the anus to pucker over it and relax before moving any
Talk, breathe, relax and come. Over and over and over…
further.) There are shared nerve endings between the vagina and the anus, which is why it can feel amazing to be stimulated in both areas. Start with
Send your sexy sex questions to auntyslut@nexusmag.co.nz
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PHOTOGRAPH: PHILLIP WONG
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D-DAY Fitness Bro Lauren Barnard
My heart pounds harder than usual, but for once the pain
albeit a sweaty, smelly, and soon-to-be very muddy one.
isn't exercise-induced. Instead, a bizarre kind of nostalgia
People who would never have spoken to each other are
thrums through my chest, mingling roughly with anxious
chatting amiably as they run shuttles side-by-side. Partners
anticipation. This is the last Thursday morning training session;
work together to flip an enormous tyre down the length of
Saturday will bring the reckoning.
the UniRec Sports Hall. Ross and I pushup, high five, pushup, high five again and when we heave ourselves up he doesn't make fun of the sweaty handprints I leave on the lino. I'll miss
“I FEEL ACUTELY RIDICULOUS FOR MY TENDER FEELINGS TOWARD WHAT IS, ESSENTIALLY, A BOOT-CAMP.”
this rag-tag bunch. Everyone's come here for their own reasons. Chai and Nick are looking to improve their fitness. Tiffany figured she should squeeze in at least one training session before the race. Richard is challenging himself. Tod is in it to help us reach our
Ross, a support worker with the IDEA foundation, seems
goals. Ross is more straightforward: “It's something to do.”
unfazed. Emotional over-attachment is something of an occu- And all of us were blindsided by the sheer fun of the thing. pational hazard in his line of work, but he has a thick skin.
The count-down app on my phone plods away silently as
“I've never had that problem,” he shrugs between stations. I
I jog amongst the crew; '1 day, 20 hours, 15 minutes, 33
feel acutely ridiculous for my tender feelings toward what is,
seconds remaining'. For the past six weeks, my homepage
essentially, a boot-camp.
has been dominated by a wide green ticker, tocking down the
But it's grown to be more than that. Over the course of six weeks, strangers have bonded into teammates; acquaintances have become friends; individuals have made a family,
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moments 'til D-Day. Somehow, I never expected it to end. '1 day, 19 hours, 10 minutes, 14 seconds remaining'.
PHOTOGRAPH: CAM ROBINSON
nexus magazine
EM-PATHETIC. Give a Shit Tee Ship
I’m just going to go right ahead and assume that you missed me. It’s
In a study done by Sarah H. Konrath at the University of Michigan at Ann
okay to admit that since last semester you have been craving your weekly
Arbor, results showed that since 1980 the self-reported empathy levels of
guilt-trip courtesy of your friendly neighbourhood Tee Ship. Well I’m back,
university students had dropped significantly. Konrath’s data was gathered
for a good time, not a long time. Maybe long time, shit I don’t know. Alls I
using the Interpersonal Reactivity Index developed in 1979. The Interpersonal
know is that I’m here, peer-pressured by a pushy little ginger Pixie, so let’s
Reactivity Index measures participants’ empathy by collating responses to
get on with it. For many a year now I have been wondering whether or not I’m growing
statements such as “I often have tender, concerned feelings for people less fortunate than me” and “I try to look at everybody’s side of a disagreement
into a grumpy old prick or if young people are legitimately turning into asshole
before I make a decision.” After having gathered Interpersonal Reactivity
spoilt little fucks that don’t give a shit about anything apart from their stupid
Index data for around 14,000 students, Konrath used a technique known
ass cellphone and the God damned Kardashian devil spawn. I’m definitely a
as cross-temporal meta-analysis to see whether or not empathy levels had
little bit of a grumpy old prick, but alas there is a study to back up my growing
changed over the years. According to the study, students rate themselves
disdain for the world’s youth. We as a species are (arguably) set apart from
75% less empathetic than 30 years ago. The reason for a decline of such
animals and machines through the existence of our consciousness. Our con-
magnitude, social context. And you know what, I think I can probably specu-
sciousness allows us to interpret this reality in a very special way, creating
late as to the aspects of western social context causing a dip in empathy
lasting emotional connections with other conscious beings. The cornerstone
levels; Bieber, Kardashian, West, celebrity culture, social media alienating us
of this, our consciousness, is our ability to empathise. Our sense of empathy
from interpersonal contact, food colouring, fluoride, the Freemasons, Jay Z,
is at the heart of just about every meaningful moment that we can experi-
the Illuminati, 2012 Mayan apocalypse, Obama the Antichrist.
ence in this conscious reality. Sadly, in what is becoming painfully obvious
Is that clear enough for you god-damned hippies?
to cynical bastards like me, is with every passing decade, it would seem the
I think I got sidetracked…
young are becoming less and less empathetic.
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DINING ON THE CHEAP Cash Hacks Alix Higby
I am extra tight on cash this week due to an expensive pair of
Just eat cheap. Asian and Mexican restaurants are renowned for
Ralph Lauren frames for my tired eyes (yawn). But I don’t want
cheap eats. You can get dinner for around $17 at Sichuan Style on
this splurge to impact on my regular stress-relieving dining habits! If
Collingwood Street, and Mexico on Victoria has plenty of options
you are a regular diner you also might have noticed that a lot of new
around the $10 mark. If you’re thinking really cheap, how about $3
places have put more emphasis on sharing plates and tapa size dishes
pizza at Shenanigans on Wednesday nights? Late night McFlurry
over full-sized meals. This is a trend that suits the student budget –
dates are also super cute if you make it into a midnight picnic.
you can get a dish for around $10 and still act fancy. But if you need
Stick to the water. Do you really want to pay $4 for a glass of coke
other cheats for saving cash and still living the life, then read ahead.
when you get 3x1.5L for $6? No. You don’t really want to pay $10 for
Check the menu beforehand. If you’re tight on your budget this
a glass of average white wine either. Stick to the water and your bill
week but can’t bear to miss a dinner date with friends you don’t see
will remain reasonable. If you must, splash out on cocktails that you can’t make at home, otherwise it’s just not worth it. Take advantage of deals. Most places offer deals that can save you
“THINK 2-FOR-1, CHEAP DAILY SPECIALS,
some sweet cash. Think 2-for-1, cheap daily specials, or a happy hour
OR A HAPPY HOUR WHERE CERTAIN
where certain things are discounted. Next time you’re out, check out
THINGS ARE DISCOUNTED.”
signage around restaurants to see if they are advertising a special deal on a Monday or Tuesday etc. Usually there is some incentive to go out on a weeknight, or to get in before rush hour. Use it! There is no shame in a Monday night date night, it just means things will be a
due to a shitty class schedule, do a scout around online. Most places
It’s who you know. If you have friends in the hospitality industry
and make sure you’re not left feeling ridiculously guilty over a $9 bowl
(chances are you do, students gotta eat) then get them to show
of fries because you couldn’t afford a $35 chicken breast.
you the cheat ways for ordering effectively from their menu. They’ll
Get a couple of dishes and share. This only works if you’re friends
know portion sizes and can recommend which dishes have the most
aren’t Joey Tribbiani. They need to be open to sharing their food. If
value. Use their knowledge while you can - aka before they get a
there are four of you, you can get away with 3 dishes and share them
real law job.
as portion sizes in restaurants are typically out of control anyway. If it’s just you and one other pal, pick a big dish and one or two sides – it’ll usually work out cheaper that way and you’ll get more variety.
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little more quiet – and quiet = private. Swish.
post their menu on their website and you can pre-budget your meal
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That’s all for this week – be wise with your spending, because I sure can’t.
nexus magazine
PRACTICAL PARTY DRESSING A Fashionable Lifestyle Jessica Wilson
The first time I went to a party I wore wedge boots and a pair of “cheeky” shorts. There was metal playing, which I quickly changed to Craig David, causing an innocent girl to get punched in the face. I was never invited to party with those people again. After a few intensive
a sheer bodysuit with a high-waisted skirt. Yas girl you look so good. No Dangling Navel Rings. Looks like a snail trail at night-time. More power to you if you’re into that, except you’re probably not. No Fingerless Gloves. How are people going to imagine you caress-
nights of analysing party attire (at home on Facebook), I have gathered a definitive list of things you should and shouldn’t wear to parties. Black Underwear Under Skirts and Dresses. Knowing you, you’ll probably get to a point where no consideration is placed upon hiding the merchandise, but don’t fret: wear black underwear. If you start
“...EITHER A) THEY DIDN’T SEE ANYTHING, OR B) YOU HAVE AN ENDLESS DARK VOID FOR A VAGINA.”
flashing the pervs will think either a) they didn’t see anything, or b) you have an endless dark void for a vagina. Either way they will stop bothering you, probably. No Sunglasses. I wonder about a lot of things, like, can you get
ing their body when you have meth-addict gloves on? Any gloves are better than fingerless gloves, even smartphone gloves (gasp).
phantom pain for amputated nipples? Is 2% milk less than whole
Trying too Hard to Show Tattoos. Dude, no one gives a shit about
milk? Why don’t I have friends? Why do I always type ‘hotmail’ as
your tattoos. Undoing the top 5 buttons of your shirt to reveal your
‘hotmale’? But more often, I simply wonder why people wear sun-
ink makes you look more Ricky Martin than edgy, and this is coming
glasses at night.
from someone who has tattoos. It’s almost as bad as sticking your
Underwear as Outerwear. Wearing lingerie in public is babin’. You don’t have to be too provocative, try wearing a mesh shirt over a lace bra, visible suspenders, an elaborate bra as a top, or even try wearing
pierced tongue out in photos. Almost. Wear a Jacket. Baby it’s cold outside. You may think otherwise, but a jacket will not hinder your sexiness, I promise.
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GOOD SCHOLARSHIP HUNTING
BANISH THAT BLEMISH! Sweet Tips Sweet Painted Lady
Louise Vs The World Louise Hutt
Woken in the morning with an angry spot hovering like a second By the time August rolls around, my summer savings have dwindled to nothing and the realisation I will need to eat sometime between now and November has dawned on me; so the hunt for scholarships begins. While scholarship applications are hardly on par with dealing with Studylink, the process of "I'm really great, look at all the ways I'm great, please give me money" is still exhausting. I always think about it like trying to convince someone they should date you; you've gotta play it cool, because scholarship committees, like prospective partners, can sense pathetic a mile off. Starting your applications like "Yes, I have done cool things!" rather than, "Oh god please, this thing is kinda relevant, and maybe this other thing I did in high school" is much more convincing that you deserve their nice cheque. Once you've done
moon in orbit? Well resist the urge to pick, squeeze and torture it, instead conceal it like a pro! You will need: a green based concealer, your regular concealer, foundation and powder. Give the spot a gentle cleanse and pat dry, avoid moisturising and picking as your product will not stick to moisture. Grab your green concealer and dap it directly on top of the spot. Green is the opposite on the colour wheel so will counteract the redness. Lightly dab your regular concealer on top and around the spot and then gently blend any noticeable lines. Apply your foundation over the top; avoid a brushing motion with your brush as this will move all your hard work. Apply your powder over the top to set the product and even out
“MAYBE IT'S JUST FROM DEALING WITH STUDYLINK FOR SO LONG, WHO MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE THE MONEY YOU'RE ENTITLED TO ISN'T WORTH THE EXHAUSTING HASSLE.”
your skin tone. Squeezing does more damage to your pores and may leave a scar, so if you need to release the pressure apply a hot flannel on top to draw it out and give it a gently squeeze with some clean q tips. Remember to resist the urge to pick as it is much harder to conceal when it is wet and inflamed, that night try popping some toothpaste (yes it works) on top to dry it out. sweetpaintedladynz.com
the general scrounging for brownie points, it's just onto box ticking. "Yes, I am a New Zealand citizen. Yes, I will be studying in 2015 ...wait do they mean full time or part time? Post grad or under-grad?" Thankfully I am well equated with people who possess the amazing skills of being able to decipher the indecipherable; the lovely ladies in the scholarship office. The scholarship office takes most of the hard work out of finding scholarships, sending them all out in a monthly newsletter, due dates marked in red; theoretically idiot proof. Nonetheless, even with everything laid out for me, the process of actually doing it, actually convincing myself "yeah, I'm good enough for this" takes longer than a Peter Jackson trilogy. Maybe it's a self-esteem thing or maybe it's just from dealing with Studylink for so long, who make you feel like the money you're entitled to isn't worth the exhausting hassle. However, having an application means you’re at least in the running, because unfortunately it's extremely rare to be just given money out of the blue, excluding, of course, those damn Nigerian princes. Every time I fill out an application, ignoring all my nerves, that is an accomplishment in itself. The process is terrifying and you're going to be judged by a group of strangers, but sometimes simply valuing yourself enough to put yourself out there is an achievement in itself.
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nexus magazine
SIGMA DOGG Carnage Jules Craft
I cannot explain to you the absolute level of froth that is beating
Cassette 9: I’ve only ever ventured into 101 and Platform when
through my veins at the moment. Thanks to the lovely birthday boys
I manage to make the trip up to Aucks. Cassette 9 held the after
Callum Hughes and one Mr R Hodder, I’ve just arrived home from one
party for Sigma and the place was pumping. It’s a club a floor above
of the sickest Auckland adventures I’ve ever had. The special event
the road and has an epic stage and seating arrangement. You can
for the night was Sigma, (he’s the man responsible for that remix of
sit down on a comfy as couch seat while still talking to your mates
Nobody to Love). This is where my knowledge of him ends though,
who are shredding on the d-floor. They were doing a strange thing
I literally just got roped in because everyone else was going hahaha.
with the outside deck area though, one in, one out but you weren’t
The whole night was a wondrous blur of d-floor magic so instead of
allowed the fresh air area unless you were smoking. What a beautiful
going for a play by play ill just do the top 4 things that made the night:
juxtaposition.
Waicat’s turning up in numbers: We managed to get a convoy of 4
Scoring a roof over our heads: Going up most the boys weren’t entirely sure where they were saying but thanks to a wit charm and good looks we were allowed to over pack a few mate’s flats.
“IT WAS A PLEASURE TO GO BACK TO MY GISBORNE ROOTS AND TASTE THE DRINK OF MY EAST COAST ANCESTORS.”
Auckland’s a scary cold place at night, completely different to our loveable 4am Victoria Street- I’m glad some beautiful gorgeous amazing souls took us in. Redbull and Purple G’s: Honestly- such a lovely mix of nectar liquid. The Guarana and caffeine had me frothing all night long. It was a pleasure to go back to my Gisborne roots and taste the drink of my
car loads of young Waikato students to go up for a charge. It’s always
East Coast ancestors. The energy was needed to keep up with the
sick having a fellow Hamiltonian to get down and dirty with and there
tunes Sigma was throwing down. Even though I’d never heard of him
were so many of us the club just felt like home. I honestly reckon we
beforehand his selection of drum and bass was so insane everyone
need a university club that just does trips to different cities. Travel
was charging all night.
broadens the mind.
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Snap nexusmag your shenanigans! The best snap each week (printed with the Burgerfuel logo on it), wins a voucher from our mates. Claim it from the Nexus office at SUB.
nexus magazine
Blind Datďż˝
BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BANK AND 97.8 THE EDGE. EACH WEEK NEXUS ATTEMPTS TO MAKE A LOVE/ SEXUAL CONNECTION. IF YOU'RE KEEN FOR A DATE ON US, EMAIL EDITOR@NEXUSMAG.CO.NZ
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XY
THE LADY'S EXPERIENCE
THE GENTLEMAN'S EXPERIENCE
Began the night by having a nervous drink while getting
What started out as a busy afternoon soon intensified
ready with one of the girls, then walked into the bank
after receiving the call. Straight home to the bottle
seeing a rather attractive fella sitting alone. Hoping he
of vodka waiting for these sorts of occasions. A few
was my date, I walked to the bar and got myself a drink
Rieslings deep before she decided to join me, and
and got told to go sit with him. Discovered we had
boy was it worth the wait. Quality yarns about mutual
mutual friends, one of which may have found his way
friends soon turned in to the whole life story but I was
into my mouth. Rather interesting conversation ensued.
itching to know more. After constantly talking about her
Had a wicked feed, being all ladylike eating a salad and
'amazing' hello kitty pencil case, which incidentally was
shit, along with much more alcohol, including the most
back at her flat, I soon knew where this was going. The
expensive cocktail on the menu, just to treat ourselves.
drinks were flowing until the tab ran out then back for
Conversation flowed, and almost everything under the
what seemed like a prostitute's gobby, soon followed
sun was covered. Finished the tab and shared the last
by my fair share of cardio. Oh what a night. However
drink, left the bar together, was a really fun night‌ ;)
I keep looking back over the night trying to remember how many Rieslings were had because I swear I went to bed with a completely different girl to the one I woke up with? Anyway off home with a grin on my face reminiscing the gobby that was, man do I love bad bitches. #boysontour
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nexus magazine
STRESSFUL SHIT! AMBER CARDALE & LAURENCE MCLEAN
—
EMPLOYMENT AGREEMENT NEED-TO-KNOWS MELISA MARTIN FROM YWRC
—
Every week our column presents to you some serious shit that us student support advocates are able to help you with. This week’s fast facts are all about stress! Get out those stress balls, squeeze them tight, and use these tips to bring the blood pressure down. Can you tell which one of these stress related facts is a lie? •
Use your WSU wall planner! It wasn’t just something we gave away in O-week, it actually helps. Write down all the deadlines, assignments and tests that are coming up!
The first thing you need to know is that it’s against the law not to have seen, or signed an employment
•
agreement before starting any job.
There are some great support services here on campus to help you in those stressful periods including Student Learning, student librarians, referencing
In case you’re not sure, an employment agreement
workshop, councillors, the WSU advocates, Maori Mentors, the Chaplin –
is the contract between employer and employee, cov-
just to name a few. They are FREE, CONFIDENTIAL and provide fantastic
ering things like your duties, hours of work, and rates
SUPPORT.
of pay. It’s legally binding, so if one of the parties doesn’t
•
Stress can be brought on by a number of different things at university. It might
fulfil their end of the deal, the other guy can have
be the number of papers you are doing, all your assignments might happen
the agreement enforced by getting scary people (the
to fall on the same day, or you might have missed something and are strug-
Labour Department) involved.
gling to catch up. It might also be something outside of university. Prioritse
There are mandatory conditions every contract
your time wisely.
has to adhere to. They’re called Minimum Legal Requirements that are still binding even if they aren’t
•
You can make a study group with your friends or other students in the same
stated in your contract. These mean every employee
subject. Do you know a couple of people in your paper reasonably well? Ask
must be paid at least minimum wage, be receiving
them if they’re keen to meet once a week to go over some topics you are all
minimum breaks, at least four weeks’ annual leave,
unsure of – it’s pretty much a boss as win-win situation really #somanywins
and be treated fairly. Regardless of whether your contract is full-time, part-
•
All lecturers have office hours for you to go and visit them (or you can arrange
time, or casual there still needs to be an agreement in
an appointment by email). They can provide clarification on a particular point
place signed by both you and your boss that will act
you are unsure of, chur!
as a reference point, should anything go tits up during your employment.
•
On the positive side stress has been proven to be the number one way to
Once you’ve signed your contract, your boss will
burn calories, so don’t feel guilty about driving all the way to the supermarket
keep a copy and has to give you a copy also. If a labour
just to buy chocolate. And we’re not talking about one bar. One kg blocks are
inspector finds that an employer hasn’t provided their
the most accurate amount to purchase, as stated on your course outline and
workers with contracts, they’ll give the employer
advised by your student advocate. Everyone likes a bit of jiggle right?
seven days to cough up. If they don’t they could be looking at a $10,000 fine, or $20,000 if the employer
To make an appointment email or call the WSU Advocacy Service on advocacy@
is a corporation.
wsu.org.nz or on 027 206 5011
Contact: 0800 AT YWRC, ywrc@xtra.co.nz.
Contact: advocacy@wsu.org.nz or 027 2065 011. Or make an appointment at wsu.org.nz.
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PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HUTT
nexus magazine
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE HILLY WAIKATO STUDENTS' UNION PRESIDENT AARON LETCHER
— If any other bar offered $3 pints on a Friday afternoon students
perhaps it’s because I didn’t really think you looked like you could
the case for your sub-par establishment – you can’t even entice
read anyway? If the latter is the case, I guess that renders this little
students with cheap piss, how sad is that? You are located in the
rant useless.
centre of what could only be described as a student slum, yet no
Pointer Number Two: Students generally don’t, and never will, play
students venture through your doors. Surely you must be wondering
the pokies. We’re problem drinkers, not problem gamblers. Studylink
why? I understand that you probably can’t afford a marketing team,
only gives us a limited amount of cash to misuse each week and if
but perhaps you will be willing to take some advice from somebody
we’re going to waste it on anything it’s going to be alcohol. The only
who has been a student far longer than he cares to admit. Pointer Number One: If there’s one thing that male students love
machine we will be ‘investing’ in is the piss consuming machine that we all believe we are.
it’s female students, and if there’s one thing female students hate it’s
If we feel like a bit of a gamble we’ll sleep with somebody from
being harassed by what I’d describe as an odd collection of problem
Student Village without a condom and take our chances there instead.
gamblers, middle-aged tradesmen, and what I can only assume was
Pointer Number Three: Students want to watch rugby, basketball
an overweight sickness beneficiary in a fluoro-vest. While these cli-
and “mainstream” sports on TV. Please, please, PLEASE stop playing
ents remain, students are going to stay at home.
Trackside – and if you must play it, at least mute it. Thank you.
Just to remove any confusion, yes I am talking to you – The fat man
When I nostalgically look back to what The Hilly once was, I feel
in the fluoro-vest that thought he knew everything about me because
sad that it has slowly deteriorated from a student pub to what now
he “read Nexus”. I’m not sure why I don’t believe you. Perhaps it’s
resembles a homeless shelter.
because you don’t exactly look like Nexus’ target demographic,
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perhaps it’s because I don’t actually think anyone reads Nexus, or
would be swarming like moths to a flame but this simply isn’t
nexusmag.co.nz
At the end of the day I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
nexus magazine
FISH CAKES Cooking for Students Zac Lyon
You guys are reading this now and I’m not even in the country, let alone the hemisphere. I’m most probably beginning my walk across the Greenland ice cap – www.4caps.kiwi- check it out. Anyway I must apologise for one of my previous columns, I had actually doubled up on the recipe. My apologies, I couldn’t remember if I had done it or not – my bad. Anyhow sticking with the theme of money saving: fish cakes. Potato, fresh or canned fish, bread crumbs, salad and you have got a meal to blow some socks off. If you’re not wearing socks, better keep hold of your undies… you have been warned. Ingredients 6 medium potatoes for mashing 1 Tbs butter 450g smoked fish (kahawai) or canned smoked tuna 1 large handful of parsley – liberated from the next door neighbour Zest of 1 lemon 1 fresh chilli 3 Tbs flour Salt and pepper 1 egg Fresh breadcrumbs Directions 01_ Peel, chop and toss the potatoes into some boiling salted water. 02_ In a large bowl combine fish (check for bones if using fish
fillets – nobody wants a trip to A’n’E with a fishbone in their
throat gasping for breath, parsley, zest and juice of lemon, chilli
and salt and pepper. Let sit.
03_ Once the potatoes are boiled through, strain them and let
them cool so your little fingers aren’t burnt off when mixing it
with rest of ingredients.
04_ Mash the potatoes with the butter and then combine into the
large fish bowl. Add in egg and flour, mix until well combined.
05_ Form a small handful of the mixture into a small patty (it
should be quite firm and dry) quickly dip into beaten egg and
then toss liberally in breadcrumbs.
06_ Repeat the process until you have as many fishy cakes as
you want.
07_ You can either bake or fry these suckers, if baking, throw them
on some baking paper on a tray and bake for about 5 mins each
side. If frying, add a wee bit of oil to a hot pan and again, fry for
about 5 mins (or until golden and crispy) each side.
08_ Serve with a nice salad.
If you get stuck, head to Cooking4Students on Youtube. 41
nexus magazine
Codewords
Each letter in this puzzle is represented by a number 1-26. Crack the code to solve the crossword.
KenKen
Sequence
The bolded groups of squares are called “cages.” In the
What shape comes next?
upper-left corner of each cage, there is a “target number” and a math operation. Fill in each square of a cage with a number between 1-9. The numbers in a cage must combine—in any order, using only that cage’s math operation—to form that cage’s target number. You may not repeat a number in any row or column but you can repeat a number within a cage. Example: Your target number is 5, your operation is addition, you’re using the numbers 1–9, and the cage is made up of two squares. You could fill in 2 and 3 (because 2 + 3 = 5) or 1 and 4 (1 + 4 = 5)
Syllabic
1. The last syllable of a word: 2. Applicable everywhere:
From the following syllables and clues, form ten words of a least two syllables.
3. Institution for learning: 4. Having considerable monetary worth:
a - a ble - ble - fy - ge - i - lar - ma - man - nac
5. To prove the truth:
- ner - ni - ni - o - og - phy - ra - ry - sal - si - ti - to - ty - u - u - u - u - ul - val - ver - ver - ver - ver - vic - vul - yeo - zo
6. Native or indigenous language: 7. A triumph: 8. Susceptible: 9. A petty officer: Draw answer here.
10. Geographical distribution of animals: Enter numbers into the blank spaces so that each row,
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HARD
MEDUIM
column and 3x3 box contains the numbers 1-9.
EASY
Sudoku
nexus magazine
Target How many four (or more) letter words can you make from the letters in the square without using proper nouns? Each word must contain the centre letter.
9 letter words isolators 8 letter words isolator 7 letter words sailors soloist tailors 6 letter words assoil rialto sailor stools tailor tolars trails trials 5 letter words altos arils lairs laris lasso lasts liars liras lists litas loots loris olios orals rails rials roils sails salts silos silts sisal slats slits slots soils solar solos stool tails toils tolar tools trail trial 4 letter words ails alit also alto alts aril lair lari lass last lati lats liar lira list loos loot loss lost lota loti lots oils olio oral rail rial roil rotl sail sals salt silo silt slat slit slot soil sola soli solo sols
Crossword
tail tali toil tola tool
Solve the clues and fill in the words. Answers for this crossword are in the online magazine at nexusmag.co.nz.
Across
41. Young nocturnal bird (5)
75. Self-generated (11)
23. Confused (7)
60. 4th letter of the
1. Sumptuous (7)
42. Presentation (13)
76. Diplomatic building (7)
24. Crude (9)
Greek alphabet (5)
4. Put together again (11)
44. Book of maps (5)
26. Strident (7)
61. Lamp (7)
8. Fatigued (5)
45. Inscrutable (7)
Down
27. Nation (7)
63. Throw out (5)
11. Sapient (9)
46. Illustration (7)
1. Notice (7)
30. Young tree (7)
64. Aromatic herb (7)
13. Difficult to catch (7)
47. Buccaneers (7)
2. Unprotected (9)
32. Pamphlet (7)
67. Zest (5)
16. Disperse (7)
48. Ocean trips (7)
3. Part of a gear (5)
33. Tableland (7)
68. Topic (5)
18. Prepared (5)
51. Period of time (4)
4. Woody bramble (9)
35. Unfortunate (7)
70. Unguent (4)
19. Environment (7)
53. Molecule (4)
5. Highly skilled (5)
36. Apery (7)
20. Forgeries (10)
55. Type of rock (7)
6. Amble (7)
37. Datum (9)
22. Percussionist (7)
57. Fusillade (5)
7. Threw away (9)
39. Humiliation (7)
24. Not connected (9)
59. Operated by water (9)
9. Aerial (7)
40. Helps (7)
25. Animal (5)
62. Methods (7)
10. Tale (4)
43. Bibs (7)
26. Abreviated (7)
65. Hoodwinked (10)
12. South American rodent
48. Immense (4)
28. Unit of length (4)
66. Disregard (7)
(5)
49. Farewell (7)
29. Vipers (4)
69. Mistake (5)
14. Frozen spears of
50. Large beer glasses (9)
31. Lived (7)
71. Accomplish (7)
water (7)
52. Bestowed (7)
34. Uncommon (7)
72. Speech (7)
15. Decree (5)
54. Enigmas (9)
36. Stifles (7)
73. Exactly alike (9)
17. Affable (7)
56. Impedes (9)
38. Cure-all (7)
74. Accolade (5)
21. Rivet (4)
58. Detested (7)
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nexus magazine
IMPORTANT NOTICE ANNUAL GENERAL MEETING Pursuant to rule 9.1 of the constitution of the Waikato Students’ Union Incorporated, notice is hereby given that the Annual General Meeting of members shall be held on:
Wednesday 24th September 2014 at 1pm Business to be conducted includes: •
Presentation of the annual report
•
Presentation of the audited accounts
•
Presentation of the annual plan and budget
•
Approval of membership fees and directors honoraria
•
Appointment of the auditor and the solicitor
•
Ratification of the ballot carried out at the recent SGM
Any member wishing to have a matter considered for inclusion on the agenda should submit it to the WSU no later than 4.00pm on Tuesday 26th August 2014.
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