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E
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Boy Bands Aren’t Saying...
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Doctor Strangelove Or...
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Contributors: What I...
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Hannah Montana
28
Fever Dream or Just Me?
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The Little Rascals (1994)
28
Team Jacob V. Team...
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Bro'Town
29
Where Are They Now...
13
Tony Hawk's...
29
Retro Toy Reviews
13
Single Sentence Reviews
29
Which 2000’s star are you? 14
Playlist
19
Top 10
16
On This Day...
26
Don’t Quote Me
16
Snapped
34
Clickbait Moodboard
16
Horoscopes
35
Nexus Five
17
Puzzled
36
Hot or Not
17
WSU Elections
24
Slightly Stoned Chef
31
Darts and Crafts
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Troy Anderson Oliver Dunn Alex Nebesky Luka Love Quinn Mckay Renée Boyer Sarah Hyde Lushomo Thebe Kyla Campbell-Kamariera Areta Ranginui-Charlton Caitlin Walkers-Freke
@nexusmag facebook.com/nexusnz Nexus Media Experience
NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 23
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Twilight is one of those films that changed the trajectory of my life. Not because of the killer soundtracks or brooding scenes dimly lit in dreary Washington State. But casting a pale, 5’11” Robert Pattison as the blood sucking (yes daddy, I see you) Edward Cullen… pre-teen Jak was swooning. I remember the first time I watched Twilight and got the everfeared wave of guilt as I fell deeply in love with the polarising flick. I wanted to be a vampire and that had everything to do with Edward and his fine ass. Whether or not you were on Team Jacob or Team Edward shouldn’t disparage you as a person, but if you’re the former than you’re into bestiality. There’s no arguments there. You’re into dogs. Sure there’s definitely a like-minded argument of fucking a corpse but hey, at least they’re still human.
The Twilight Saga provides a hell of a love triangle as well as supernatural creatures, battles, teenage angst, and so on. The love triangle between Bella, Edward, and Jacob was certainly one of the biggest draws in the series. So, how do you choose between an immortal teenage vampire who will never age past seventeen whose stalker tendencies are mistaken for romantic gestures and a muscley motorcycle-riding werewolf who will keep you warm in the middle of a snowstorm but could rip off your face because he’s so full of passionate anger? Easy - you pick Jacob, the muscly, fun-loving werewolf. Side note: Picking Edward over Jacob is the equivalent of picking cats over dogs. It’s just not fuckin’ right.
I get that he abandoned Bella in New Moon, the spinning shot of her sinking depression is anecdotal evidence, but he came back. It’s a piss poor argument. My psych would probably equate my willingness to forgive abandonment as a direct result of daddy issues, but it doesn’t diminish any of my allure towards that cold, chiseled man of stone. I like to think that Edward was helping Bella form boundaries and grow. Like come on homegirl, ever heard of co-indepence? This is for Edward directly. My love language ain’t quality time, physical touch or acts of service papi.
I’m not falling for Edward‘s wimpy, sad-eyed immortality. Edward is a 100-plus-year-old man hooking-up with a high school junior and he has this shitty habit of showing up all the time. Edward’s control over Bella extends to every facet of her life. Um, major red flag! Plus, he decides how far they go physically, because if she pushes him too far he could “lose control” and “hurt her”. Or in simpler terms, he could ‘sex her to death’. Certainly not the worst way to go out. Edward even strong-arms Bella into marrying him before they have sex and turning her into a vampire. Oh hell no.
On that note, Jacob is the epitome of “clingy boyfriend who is kinda, lowkey abusive”. Not to mention that he gaslights Bella with the sole intention of winning her over. My pale papi would never. Edward’s goal was always, and will always be, keep Bella safe. Jacob’s? Lemme pipe. And Edward’s dick game is bomb for sure. Brother fully plowed her through the wall. Sheesh.
Moreover, Jacob is everything Bella needs. He makes her laugh and even supports her through a major depressive episode. You know, the one when Edward fully ghosts her and leaves her to completely unwind and sleep in a forest for a bit. Jacob is loyal, passionate and did I mention he’s alive? He’s got that actually-a-human-being thing going for him, and he wants what’s best for Bella. That is, keeping her alive - not letting her spend a “perfect” eternity with her undead crush.
Ultimately there’s positives and negatives to both sides. Jacob may very well be a tanned, ethinic king. But Edward can give me something that Jacob can’t. Personal space. Jacob also fell in love with an infant… eek. Okay Jeffrey Epstein.
And how could you turn down the line, “Bella where the hell have you been, loca?”
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u’re at 1. It’s Friday night, yo ’s film 00 ich Wh . eo United Vid are you choosing? A. Mean Girls B. The Notebook C. Twilight D. Devil Wears Prad
4. Not everyone can be that popular bitch that was unusually good at English in high school. What was your favourite subject? A. Art B. Music C. Drama D. Bio
2. Which Disne y leading man would yo u ride? A. Flynn Rider B. Milo Thatch C. Gaston D. Shang
t and your 5. It’s date nigh g you up in crush is pickin Skyline (hoh, their lowered g s only one thin e’ daddy). Ther ’s 90 a ck do. Pi left for you to y. or ss acce A. Choker B. Crop top C. Mom jeans D. Jelly shoes
3. All your friends are together to celebrate an enga gement and now it’s your tu rn to sing at karaoke. Which ba llad are you belting? A. Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey B. Hurt by Christina Aguilera C. No One by Alicia Ke ys D. White Flag by Did o
6. How would your flatmates describe you? A. Stoner type vibe B. Good bitch C. Don’t argue with her D. Who?
9. Right now we’re manda ted to wear masks . What kind of mask are you spor ting?
7. What was your dream job as a kid? A. Astronaut B. Farmer C. Fro-yo employee D. Doctor
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8. What are you dressing up as for Halloween? A. PPE gear B. A bottle of Mellow Yellow C. Grim reaper D. Slutty nurse
A. Silk Cotto n-On leopar d moment B. Handmad e mask with a painted patt ern C. Ethically-s ourced D. Medical m ask given to you by the security guy at Count down
10. You’re given the task of choosing snacks for the movie night in the flat. What are you choosing? A. Some of those $2 corn chips B. Whittakers Chocolate C. Gummy snakes D. All the ingredients to make guac but no avo for whatever reason
first date, 11. While on a out your ab u they ask yo . What are taste in music you saying? 40 A. Strictly top nk pu op -p st B. Po cs si C. RnB clas rground DnB D. Some unde
12. Finally, where do you want to go when international travel is allowed? A. United Kingdom B. Paris C. USA D. Australia
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Foods we weren’t allowed as kids and can’t have as adults. Fuck you cruel world - give us back Sparkles.
10.
Go-Gurt How good was a tubeful of warm yoghurt for lunch?
9.
Purplo’s
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Push Pops
“But mum, they’re purple!”
“Push up to enjoy the delicious fruit flavor, push down to save the pop for later.” Which one of you psychopaths didn’t eat a Push Pop in one sitting?
7.
Dunkaroos
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SKOF crisps
5.
Sparkles
Le Snak’s hotter, older sibling.
3D Doritos walked so SKOF could run.
Pascall really said Barley Sugars but make ‘em cute.
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Snifters If you look hard enough, there’s probably still a bag of these in the back of your grandmother’s cupboards.
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Tangy Fruits A trip to the cinema to see The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl wouldn’t have been complete without Tangy Fruits.
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Roll-Ups The things I would’ve done to be the kid who got sent to school with a Roll-Up and a packet of Raro and Maggi Chicken Noodles.
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LOL Energy Before there were Kyle’s drinking Monster, there were Maddie’s drinking LOL from the
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school canteen.
Animated characters we relate to now, more than ever.
Issue 15 1981
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Jamie Strange MP for Hamilton East
07 839 6803 jamie.strange@parliament.govt.nz
David Bennett List MP based in Hamilton East 510 Grey Street, Hamilton East 3216 davidbennettmp@parliament.govt.nz davidbennett.national.org.nz 07 834 3407
Authorised by David Bennett MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington.
Authorised by Jamie Strange MP, Parliament Buildings, Wellington
PUORO / 娱乐
You are listening... About This is like one of those TikToks that says “Only 90s kids will know all 10”.
Throwin’ It Back - Bronwyn Laundry
Discover Weekly
Discover Weekly
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/mjforwsupresident2022 mjwsupresident2022
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mahiatemahi
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+3 +2 Chicken Run (2000) Fuck you Mrs Tweedy.
0 Littlest Pet Shop
Honestly, so cute. But set unrealistic pet standards - who knew I wouldn’t actually be allowed a pet panda.
+5
+3 Ring Toss Water Game
Teaching boys that if they hit a button hard enough, something might happen.
-5 YouTube to MP3 convertor
Kids today will never know the struggle of downloading a song only to skip the first 30 seconds of the music video each time it played. NEXUS MAGAZINE / ISSUE 23
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DON’T FORGET
TO TAG ON AND TAG OFF
New fare capping means that you can travel by bus as much as you like in Hamilton for just $18 a week! Visit busit.co.nz or call 0800 205 305 to find out more.
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Straight-up premium burgers in your neighbourhood ~ simple & fast. Come say hello 372 Grey Street, Hamilton East
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Name:
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Created with TheTeachersCorner.net Word Search Maker
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SPONGEBOBSQUAREPANTS RUGRATS JOHNNYBRAVO SpongeBob SquarePants Popeye Courage the Cowardly Dog Futurama THEFAIRLYODDPARENTS ARTHUR POPEYE Rugrats Phineas and Ferb The Powerpuff Girls PHINEASANDFERB KINGOFTHEHILL SOUTHPARK Recess Johnny Bravo King of the Hill Samurai Jack Codename Kids Next Door THEANGRYBEAVERS COURAGETHECOWARDLYDOG THEPOWERPUFFGIRLS The Fairly OddParents SouthparkROCKYANDBULLWINKLE Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends Rocket Power SAMURAIJACK FUTURAMA Arthur The AngryCODENAMEKIDSNEXTDOOR Beavers Rocky and Bullwinkle RECESS ROCKETPOWER Totally Spies TOTALLYSPIES
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NO MATTER WHAT YOU'RE INTO, UNIREC'S GOT YOU COVERED
INNOVATE AT UNIVERSITY TODAY, DISRUPT THE WORLD TOMORROW WHAT IS RED BULL BASEMENT?
WHAT DO WE WIN IF OUR IDEA IS SELECTED?
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The team selected will enter a week long incubator programme with Flume Agency, where they’ll refine and commercialise your idea, develop your brand and create digital prototypes.
WHAT TYPES OF IDEAS?
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Return trip to Turkey to attend the Red Bull Basement Global Workshop*
•
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A Logitech Ultimate Productivity Pack
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Access to a shared space to work on your idea, or if you’ve already got a space, we’ll upgrade it
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Nexus_RB Basement(210x270_5mm_bleed).indd 1
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